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Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:14,748 --> 00:00:18,707
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
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00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,969
We are now finished
with the American history
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00:00:36,003 --> 00:00:37,767
portion of our class.
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00:00:37,804 --> 00:00:41,968
So today we begin
our unit on Texas history.
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Yes! Texas history!
I can't wait to tell my dad!
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There'll be steaks
for dinner tonight.
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My book is broken.
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00:00:51,985 --> 00:00:55,011
Well, listen more carefully.
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Tada!
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New textbooks?
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00:00:58,325 --> 00:01:00,487
They're so,
they're so beautiful.
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00:01:00,527 --> 00:01:02,393
Now don't let the science
teachers hear about this.
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00:01:02,429 --> 00:01:03,760
Their bunsen burners
have been hooked up
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00:01:03,797 --> 00:01:04,958
to nothing for years.
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00:01:04,998 --> 00:01:07,763
I never even
seen a new textbook.
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00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,361
Now I get to decide
who gets mustaches
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00:01:10,404 --> 00:01:11,963
and who gets devil horns.
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Okay, now remember
these represent
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00:01:13,874 --> 00:01:15,205
Texas and a lot of money.
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So keep your naked ladies
and your words to rock songs
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00:01:18,378 --> 00:01:19,539
out of the margins.
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You doodle in these books
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00:01:22,616 --> 00:01:26,177
and I am going
to doodle you an F.
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00:01:26,219 --> 00:01:30,213
Now that's what I call
a clean pair of glasses.
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00:01:30,257 --> 00:01:31,884
What are you looking for, Bobby?
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00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:33,859
A cover
for my new text book.
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00:01:33,894 --> 00:01:36,693
Fire up the grill, Dad,
we just started Texas history.
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00:01:36,730 --> 00:01:38,289
Texas history?
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00:01:38,332 --> 00:01:42,599
Son, today you are officially
a Texan. Congratulations.
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00:01:42,636 --> 00:01:46,368
Bobby, you can't cover
a book that important
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00:01:46,406 --> 00:01:48,204
with aluminum foil.
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00:01:48,241 --> 00:01:49,470
'You heed to use a paper bag.
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00:01:49,509 --> 00:01:50,601
Okay.
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00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,339
This one's pretty.
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00:01:52,379 --> 00:01:53,744
No!
37
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:57,375
I've got a brown
paper bag in the garage.
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00:01:57,417 --> 00:01:58,816
And your mother
only went here
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00:01:58,852 --> 00:02:00,320
to buy athletic socks.
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00:02:00,354 --> 00:02:03,984
They make a very
good athletic sock.
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00:02:05,492 --> 00:02:07,483
I'm sorry, I can't
go walking, Sug.
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00:02:07,527 --> 00:02:09,393
I have to answer this mail
that came to the station.
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00:02:09,429 --> 00:02:10,692
Well, that's okay.
44
00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,165
I'm on that
all-you-can-eat bacon diet
45
00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,258
and my time would probably
be better spent
46
00:02:14,301 --> 00:02:16,099
eating more bacon.
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00:02:16,136 --> 00:02:17,160
Listen to this.
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00:02:17,204 --> 00:02:19,195
"Because of your
inaccurate forecast,
49
00:02:19,239 --> 00:02:20,673
"my wedding was ruined,
50
00:02:20,707 --> 00:02:21,697
you ass."
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00:02:21,742 --> 00:02:22,868
Oh, my God,
look at that picture.
52
00:02:22,909 --> 00:02:24,172
She is dripping wet.
53
00:02:24,211 --> 00:02:27,943
This, Sug, is the ugly
side of meteorology.
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00:02:27,981 --> 00:02:29,380
It isn't all
free makeup samples
55
00:02:29,416 --> 00:02:30,611
and riding
in a convertible
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00:02:30,651 --> 00:02:31,675
in the Arlen Day parade.
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00:02:31,718 --> 00:02:33,117
What the hell is this?
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00:02:33,153 --> 00:02:36,418
Some kind of voodoo doll?
My nose is not that big.
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00:02:36,456 --> 00:02:37,480
That is Flat Stanley.
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00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:39,049
Teachers have
their students
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00:02:39,092 --> 00:02:40,890
send them out
to far away places.
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00:02:40,927 --> 00:02:42,486
Then you take
pictures of him,
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00:02:42,529 --> 00:02:43,519
send it back,
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00:02:43,563 --> 00:02:45,122
and the kids learn
about geography.
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00:02:45,165 --> 00:02:47,896
What do these people
want from me?
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00:02:47,934 --> 00:02:49,595
I am not God.
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00:02:49,636 --> 00:02:52,571
Although I am not
teaching at school this week,
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00:02:52,606 --> 00:02:54,768
the world
is my classroom, Nancy.
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00:02:54,808 --> 00:02:56,936
I'll take care
of Flat Stanley.
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00:02:56,977 --> 00:02:59,275
Now, I'll start with a
photo at Lake Arlen.
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00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,280
Is it going to rain today?
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00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:03,408
( Chuckles ).
Why am I asking you?
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00:03:04,885 --> 00:03:06,819
Well, Bobby sure is lucky.
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00:03:06,853 --> 00:03:08,116
He's got 30
more years
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00:03:08,155 --> 00:03:10,419
of Texas history
to learn then we did.
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00:03:10,457 --> 00:03:13,984
I defy anyone to sit
through that class
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00:03:14,027 --> 00:03:15,825
without becoming a man
of courage and conviction.
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00:03:15,862 --> 00:03:17,990
I truly believe
that if I hadn't
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00:03:18,031 --> 00:03:20,728
taken Texas history
I'd be dead by my own hand.
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00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:24,732
Dad, you've
got to help me!
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00:03:24,771 --> 00:03:26,136
My first Texas
history test
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00:03:26,173 --> 00:03:28,232
is tomorrow
and I left my textbook
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00:03:28,275 --> 00:03:29,367
at schooll
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00:03:29,409 --> 00:03:30,535
Can't use Joseph's!
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00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:31,908
Don't worry.
I still have
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00:03:31,945 --> 00:03:33,106
my old textbook.
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00:03:33,146 --> 00:03:34,671
'You can study from that.
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00:03:34,715 --> 00:03:36,308
Didn't they make
you turn it in?
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00:03:36,349 --> 00:03:37,783
The student with
the highest grade
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00:03:37,818 --> 00:03:39,343
got to keep
their textbook.
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00:03:39,386 --> 00:03:42,253
Back then they knew
how to motivate a teenager.
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00:03:44,391 --> 00:03:45,756
Thanks, Dad.
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00:03:45,792 --> 00:03:48,557
I don't want to fail
and end up in summer school.
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00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:51,326
There's no air conditioning
and half the kids are pregnant.
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00:03:51,364 --> 00:03:52,957
Well, no son of mine
is going to flunk
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00:03:52,999 --> 00:03:54,524
Texas history.
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00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:56,502
Now what does the test cover?
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00:03:56,536 --> 00:03:59,267
Texas 1830 to 1840.
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00:03:59,306 --> 00:04:00,865
That's the Texas Revolution.
100
00:04:00,907 --> 00:04:03,968
If you were only going to learn
one piece of Texas history,
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00:04:04,010 --> 00:04:05,205
that'd be the one.
102
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:08,738
New Year's Day, 1830.
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00:04:08,782 --> 00:04:11,342
The smell of fresh
chopped cottonwood
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00:04:11,384 --> 00:04:13,682
wafted across the plains.
105
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:15,279
This isn't in the book,
106
00:04:15,322 --> 00:04:17,416
I just wanted
to set the mood.
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00:04:19,359 --> 00:04:21,760
PEGGY: Now this
is the perfect place
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00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:23,490
to take a picture
of Flat Stanley.
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00:04:23,530 --> 00:04:25,589
More frozen poultry
passes through this
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00:04:25,632 --> 00:04:27,191
loading dock
than any other
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00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,565
in Heimlich County.
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00:04:28,602 --> 00:04:31,333
It is like the Ellis Island
for dead chickens.
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00:04:31,371 --> 00:04:34,898
Aunt Peggy, I have
a Flat Stanley question.
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00:04:34,941 --> 00:04:36,204
Why is he flat?
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00:04:36,243 --> 00:04:39,474
Exactly, Luanne.
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00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:41,242
And if you're asking that,
how many other
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00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:43,215
eight-year-olds
who send us Stanley,
118
00:04:43,250 --> 00:04:44,775
ask the same thing.
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00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:47,344
Why is Flat Stanley flat?
120
00:04:48,955 --> 00:04:52,653
Because he wasn't careful
and got tragically
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00:04:52,692 --> 00:04:55,024
and painfully flattened.
122
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:57,723
Flat Stanley can do more than
just teach geography.
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00:04:57,764 --> 00:04:59,129
He can save lives.
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00:04:59,166 --> 00:05:01,225
Put him under that semi.
125
00:05:01,268 --> 00:05:06,707
I will call this one
Look Both Ways Before Dying.
126
00:05:08,141 --> 00:05:10,235
Dad, I failed!
127
00:05:10,277 --> 00:05:11,369
Failed what?
128
00:05:11,411 --> 00:05:12,879
My Texas history test.
129
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,712
Looks like I'm on my way
to summer school.
130
00:05:15,749 --> 00:05:17,308
But how?
We went over everything.
131
00:05:17,350 --> 00:05:18,476
Didn't you listen?
132
00:05:18,518 --> 00:05:22,614
Yes! Steven F. Austin,
imprisoned 1833!
133
00:05:22,656 --> 00:05:24,750
Battle of Gonzalez, 1835!
134
00:05:24,791 --> 00:05:28,125
But none of that stuff
was on the test.
135
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,892
"The planting of the
first Poinsettias?"
136
00:05:30,931 --> 00:05:33,696
Is that your new book?
Let me see it.
137
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:36,168
"The Introduction
of the Accordion"?
138
00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:38,467
A whole chapter on Selena?
139
00:05:38,505 --> 00:05:40,234
Where are the chapters
about the Alamo?
140
00:05:40,273 --> 00:05:41,900
Oh, here we go.
141
00:05:41,942 --> 00:05:45,879
"The Alamo was a mission
in present-day San Antonio.
142
00:05:45,912 --> 00:05:48,643
Population 1.5 million."
143
00:05:48,682 --> 00:05:50,081
That's it?
144
00:05:50,116 --> 00:05:52,414
Maybe the Alamo
just isn't that important.
145
00:05:52,452 --> 00:05:55,183
It is the most
inspiring event
146
00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,486
in all of Texas history!
147
00:05:57,524 --> 00:06:01,085
Heroes giving their lives so
that Texas could be free.
148
00:06:01,127 --> 00:06:02,390
There's got to be more in here.
149
00:06:02,429 --> 00:06:03,624
Wait, wait.
150
00:06:03,663 --> 00:06:05,995
I think I saw something else
about it.
151
00:06:07,567 --> 00:06:11,026
Oh, that's the
first Taco Bell.
152
00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:17,742
How can you call a book
Texas history
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00:06:17,777 --> 00:06:19,711
when there's barely
any history in it?
154
00:06:19,746 --> 00:06:21,373
You familiar with
a little thing
155
00:06:21,414 --> 00:06:23,212
called the
"Serenity Prayer," Hank?
156
00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:25,446
Because this is one
of those things I can't change.
157
00:06:25,485 --> 00:06:27,977
But where's the Texas history
we grew up with, Carl?
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00:06:28,021 --> 00:06:29,147
'You wore a coonskin cap
159
00:06:29,189 --> 00:06:31,248
from the eighth through
the 11th grade.
160
00:06:31,291 --> 00:06:33,385
Davy Crockett isn't even
mentioned in here.
161
00:06:33,426 --> 00:06:36,396
Sorry, Hank, but you're going to
have to take your complaint
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00:06:36,429 --> 00:06:37,453
to the school board.
163
00:06:37,497 --> 00:06:38,965
Hey, and while
you're there,
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00:06:38,999 --> 00:06:41,093
could you ask 'em
why it's taking so long
165
00:06:41,134 --> 00:06:42,226
to get some chalk?
166
00:06:42,269 --> 00:06:44,067
But don't say
I told you to ask.
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00:06:45,105 --> 00:06:46,937
( Gunfire )
168
00:06:46,973 --> 00:06:51,240
( Shouting ): Now, firearm safety
is one of the most important issues
169
00:06:51,278 --> 00:06:52,905
facing our children today.
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00:06:52,946 --> 00:06:54,243
Would it be easier
171
00:06:54,281 --> 00:06:56,750
to just have the children
not to shoot guns?
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00:06:56,783 --> 00:06:58,273
Snap out of your
dream world, Luanne!
173
00:06:59,419 --> 00:07:00,113
Fire!
174
00:07:02,622 --> 00:07:03,714
Aunt Peggy, no!
175
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:06,522
How many times does
he have to get shot?
176
00:07:06,559 --> 00:07:09,529
Until he learns his lesson.
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00:07:11,531 --> 00:07:14,330
Mr. Hill, these are several
factors we have to consider
178
00:07:14,367 --> 00:07:15,596
when ordering textbooks.
179
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:17,569
They have to be relevant
to today's kids
180
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:18,833
and hold their attention.
181
00:07:18,872 --> 00:07:20,738
We're competing against
MTV, you know.
182
00:07:20,774 --> 00:07:21,866
No, you're not.
183
00:07:21,908 --> 00:07:24,172
The fact is, some things
just have to go.
184
00:07:24,210 --> 00:07:27,510
Our lawyers are very concerned
about the weight of books.
185
00:07:27,547 --> 00:07:30,414
Do you know how long it
takes for a 60-pound kid
186
00:07:30,450 --> 00:07:33,147
with a 20-pound backpack
to destroy his back?
187
00:07:33,186 --> 00:07:34,745
2.5 years.
188
00:07:34,788 --> 00:07:37,086
We actually used that
question in the new math books.
189
00:07:37,123 --> 00:07:38,648
But the Texas Revolution,
190
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,626
how could you not include that?
191
00:07:40,660 --> 00:07:42,651
It was making a lot
of people uncomfortable.
192
00:07:42,696 --> 00:07:43,663
Who?!
193
00:07:43,697 --> 00:07:44,664
Lawyers, mostly.
194
00:07:44,698 --> 00:07:46,598
But these kids are Texans.
195
00:07:46,633 --> 00:07:48,897
They need to feel like Texans.
196
00:07:48,935 --> 00:07:51,996
Yeah! These kids aren't
learning anything!
197
00:07:52,038 --> 00:07:53,369
Well...
198
00:07:53,406 --> 00:07:54,896
( chuckles ).
...you got Tuttle's vote.
199
00:07:54,941 --> 00:07:57,239
Maybe the two of you can build
some kind of coalition
200
00:07:57,277 --> 00:08:02,738
and come back when we order our
next new textbooks... in 2032.
201
00:08:07,654 --> 00:08:08,849
Bruce Tuttle.
202
00:08:08,888 --> 00:08:10,856
I was here trying to get
some seed money
203
00:08:10,890 --> 00:08:13,552
for an educational film
of the life and times of LBJ.
204
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:15,027
They wouldn't spring for it.
205
00:08:15,061 --> 00:08:16,790
LBJ would make a great movie.
206
00:08:16,830 --> 00:08:19,094
And in this "textbook"
all they've got
207
00:08:19,132 --> 00:08:22,124
is one picture of him lifting
his dog by the ears.
208
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,192
And that was for a unit
209
00:08:23,236 --> 00:08:25,830
on active seniors.
210
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,136
Fighting those idiots
has got me starving.
211
00:08:28,174 --> 00:08:29,198
You hungry?
212
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,471
I could eat.
213
00:08:32,345 --> 00:08:34,905
There's more Texas history
on this place mat
214
00:08:34,948 --> 00:08:37,212
than in all of my son
Bobby's textbook.
215
00:08:37,250 --> 00:08:38,649
You know, down near
San Antonio
216
00:08:38,685 --> 00:08:41,450
they do a reenactment of the
Battle of Goliad every week.
217
00:08:41,488 --> 00:08:43,547
It stinks, but at least
they got their shot.
218
00:08:43,590 --> 00:08:46,218
Hey, if they can do that,
why can't we put on
219
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:47,920
a reenactment of the Alamo?
220
00:08:47,961 --> 00:08:50,328
That'd be a great way
to teach the kids.
221
00:08:50,363 --> 00:08:52,991
Sure. But there's no way the
school board would pay for it.
222
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,296
Maybe they won't have to.
223
00:08:54,334 --> 00:08:56,428
I bet Buck Strickland
will foot the bill.
224
00:08:56,469 --> 00:08:58,836
He was talking about
sponsoring a soccer team,
225
00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:01,068
but this is a much better use
of the money.
226
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,201
Is it okay if I write
and direct it?
227
00:09:03,243 --> 00:09:05,439
I write the fl yer
for the feed store
228
00:09:05,478 --> 00:09:07,503
and always wanted to branch out.
229
00:09:07,547 --> 00:09:09,015
I read that fl yer.
230
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:10,744
That's a good fl yer.
231
00:09:10,784 --> 00:09:12,081
Thanks. It's my baby.
232
00:09:12,118 --> 00:09:14,086
They don't pay me, but still,
it's a credit.
233
00:09:14,120 --> 00:09:15,349
But this reenactment...
234
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:16,685
it could
really be something
235
00:09:16,723 --> 00:09:18,657
that makes people sit up
and take notice.
236
00:09:18,691 --> 00:09:19,817
Let's do it.
237
00:09:19,859 --> 00:09:22,055
Hey, this calls for
a celebration.
238
00:09:22,095 --> 00:09:24,257
What kind of pie
says heroism?
239
00:09:24,297 --> 00:09:25,321
Strawberry.
240
00:09:25,365 --> 00:09:26,560
Of course.
241
00:09:28,401 --> 00:09:30,301
Oh, stupid Texas history.
242
00:09:30,336 --> 00:09:33,636
I can't believe I'm going
to summer school.
243
00:09:33,673 --> 00:09:35,835
They don't even
serve lunch--
244
00:09:35,875 --> 00:09:37,934
Just raisins and skim milk.
245
00:09:37,977 --> 00:09:40,412
And they only
open one bathroom.
246
00:09:40,447 --> 00:09:42,814
I am sure you won't have
to go to summer school.
247
00:09:42,849 --> 00:09:44,442
No one really wants
to teach it.
248
00:09:44,484 --> 00:09:46,077
Just try to do
some extra credit.
249
00:09:46,119 --> 00:09:47,814
I have students hold doors
for me.
250
00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,583
Now, please put
your finger here
251
00:09:49,622 --> 00:09:51,556
so I can staple his groin
together.
252
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:52,752
HANK:
Bobby, Peggy,
253
00:09:52,792 --> 00:09:54,954
I just met a man named
Bruce Tuttle,
254
00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:57,691
and we're doing
a historical reenactment
255
00:09:57,730 --> 00:09:58,754
of the Alamo.
256
00:09:58,798 --> 00:09:59,924
A reenactment?
257
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,298
Hey, that could be
my extra credit.
258
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:03,803
Can I be in it?
259
00:10:03,837 --> 00:10:06,670
Well, Bruce did say a lot
of the soldiers were teenagers.
260
00:10:06,706 --> 00:10:09,607
I bet he could use someone
like you to keep it authentic.
261
00:10:09,642 --> 00:10:12,168
That's my specialty--
keeping it real.
262
00:10:12,212 --> 00:10:14,772
Authentic, Bobby, authentic.
263
00:10:16,249 --> 00:10:19,549
Yep. If the school won't teach
my boy Texas history
264
00:10:19,586 --> 00:10:21,054
this reenactment will.
265
00:10:21,087 --> 00:10:22,179
Can I help build
the set, Hank?
266
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,781
It might make me feel better
267
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,882
about falling asleep
in the men's room
268
00:10:25,925 --> 00:10:27,415
at the Alamo Imax movie.
269
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,758
Yeah, man, count me in, man,
use my dang ol' bowie knife,
270
00:10:29,796 --> 00:10:31,059
man, falkin' 'bout
dang of...
271
00:10:31,097 --> 00:10:32,587
( deep voice ).
"Victory or death."
272
00:10:32,632 --> 00:10:33,929
You can all help.
273
00:10:33,967 --> 00:10:36,493
We'll be an all-
volunteer crew--
274
00:10:36,536 --> 00:10:38,527
Just like the real Alamo.
275
00:10:38,571 --> 00:10:40,096
Sirs, I bring news
from the front.
276
00:10:40,140 --> 00:10:43,132
'You can get two Just
a burgers for 49 cents
277
00:10:43,176 --> 00:10:45,076
at What a burger this week.
278
00:10:45,111 --> 00:10:46,306
I have 49 cents.
279
00:10:49,816 --> 00:10:51,807
The general
also sends word--
280
00:10:51,851 --> 00:10:53,945
Ladybird's water bowl
is empty.
281
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:56,684
Hank, Bobby's making me
uncomfortable again.
282
00:10:56,723 --> 00:10:57,747
Spank him.
283
00:10:57,790 --> 00:10:58,985
Shut up, Dale.
284
00:10:59,025 --> 00:11:01,392
Bobby's practicing for
the reenactment.
285
00:11:01,427 --> 00:11:03,054
Mr. Tuttle said
I can play
286
00:11:03,096 --> 00:11:05,565
James Butler Bonham,
Alamo messenger.
287
00:11:05,598 --> 00:11:08,431
And my teacher said
I can get extra credit
288
00:11:08,468 --> 00:11:09,993
to make up for my "F."
289
00:11:10,036 --> 00:11:11,401
That's great.
290
00:11:11,437 --> 00:11:13,405
'You know, the messenger is
the first one to die.
291
00:11:13,439 --> 00:11:15,066
DALE:
Messenger, bring word
292
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:18,806
to my wife-- we make
love on the 'morrow.
293
00:11:25,618 --> 00:11:26,847
Everything has to look
294
00:11:26,886 --> 00:11:28,547
as real as possible.
295
00:11:28,588 --> 00:11:29,919
We do this right,
296
00:11:29,956 --> 00:11:32,084
and more than just the eyes
of Arlen will be upon us.
297
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:33,183
That's right.
298
00:11:33,226 --> 00:11:35,058
Kids from all over
Heimlich County
299
00:11:35,094 --> 00:11:36,323
are being bussed in.
300
00:11:36,362 --> 00:11:38,228
Even Durndle
and East Rumpert.
301
00:11:38,264 --> 00:11:39,254
Ah, thanks, doll.
302
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,425
Hey, everybody meet
303
00:11:40,466 --> 00:11:42,025
my baby-sitter,
Sharia.
304
00:11:42,068 --> 00:11:43,160
Hey, y'all.
305
00:11:43,203 --> 00:11:45,399
She's helping me out
with the actors.
306
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,497
'You just missed
a hell of a rehearsal.
307
00:11:47,540 --> 00:11:48,871
Leave it to Bruce
to find
308
00:11:48,908 --> 00:11:51,400
the best hook-handed actor
in Heimlich County.
309
00:11:51,444 --> 00:11:53,435
What can I say?
I think of everything.
310
00:11:53,479 --> 00:11:55,243
So, Hank, how's
the set coming?
311
00:11:55,281 --> 00:11:57,306
Well, we've already cut
the design out
312
00:11:57,350 --> 00:11:59,114
of one-by and quarter inch
plywood.
313
00:11:59,152 --> 00:12:01,314
You sound like
a big Hollywood set designer.
314
00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,618
I guess that makes me a big
Hollywood director.
315
00:12:03,656 --> 00:12:04,623
Someday, eh?
316
00:12:04,657 --> 00:12:05,920
You know, I joke about
317
00:12:05,959 --> 00:12:08,587
running off to Hollywood
and abandoning my kids,
318
00:12:08,628 --> 00:12:11,495
but I don't think I could
really go through with it.
319
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,590
( Faughing )
320
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,499
Ah...
321
00:12:15,535 --> 00:12:18,163
I've got work to do.
322
00:12:22,308 --> 00:12:23,742
Nice and steady, guys.
323
00:12:29,849 --> 00:12:32,113
The Alamo looks
beautiful at dusk.
324
00:12:32,151 --> 00:12:33,380
Oh, yeah.
325
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,081
If it were a painting
it would be called
326
00:12:36,122 --> 00:12:38,591
"Painting of Sun
Setting on Alamo."
327
00:12:38,625 --> 00:12:40,855
I'm gonna practice
my line, Dad.
328
00:12:40,893 --> 00:12:42,327
Okay, son.
329
00:12:42,362 --> 00:12:45,889
Sir, Santa Anna's men
outnumber us by the thousands.
330
00:12:45,932 --> 00:12:48,299
General Houston
sends his regards
331
00:12:48,334 --> 00:12:50,200
but no additional troops.
332
00:12:51,838 --> 00:12:53,829
Well, it looks like
the Mexican army
333
00:12:53,873 --> 00:12:55,841
is flying the flag
of No Quarter.
334
00:12:55,875 --> 00:12:57,969
Gentlemen,
how should we respond?
335
00:12:58,011 --> 00:13:00,537
On your order, I shall
load the cannon.
336
00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:03,481
Yeah, man, talkin' 'bout
dang ol' kaboom, man.
337
00:13:06,019 --> 00:13:08,613
We will never surrender...
338
00:13:08,655 --> 00:13:09,952
or retreat...
339
00:13:09,989 --> 00:13:12,617
We sure won't, Dad.
340
00:13:15,128 --> 00:13:16,095
All right, then.
341
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,597
That's it for tonight, guys.
342
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:18,995
Tomorrow's the big day--
343
00:13:19,032 --> 00:13:21,296
A chance for everyone
to be at the Alamo.
344
00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:24,463
I'm so excited, I don't know
how I'm going to sleep.
345
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:25,903
Better drink up.
346
00:13:29,676 --> 00:13:32,771
Well, I guess if it's
to teach the kids.
347
00:13:37,050 --> 00:13:38,381
Do we really have
to worry
348
00:13:38,418 --> 00:13:40,682
about children wandering
into pork plants
349
00:13:40,720 --> 00:13:42,415
and climbing
onto the kill line?
350
00:13:42,455 --> 00:13:44,253
Not if I do my job.
351
00:13:49,095 --> 00:13:51,086
Hank, I just had an idea...
352
00:13:51,130 --> 00:13:53,724
well, it was more
of an inspiration.
353
00:13:53,766 --> 00:13:56,292
I want to open the play
with a speech
354
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,567
from a new character--
"The Ghost of the Alamo."
355
00:13:59,605 --> 00:14:01,300
What do you think?
356
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:02,365
Uh, ghost?
357
00:14:02,408 --> 00:14:03,967
Well, it's just a device
to set the stage
358
00:14:04,010 --> 00:14:05,637
to let people know how they
should feel
359
00:14:05,678 --> 00:14:06,873
about what they're watching.
360
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:09,177
Huh. Sounds kind
of creative,
361
00:14:09,215 --> 00:14:11,411
but okay,
you're the writer.
362
00:14:11,451 --> 00:14:12,543
And the director.
363
00:14:12,585 --> 00:14:13,848
Places.
364
00:14:13,886 --> 00:14:15,183
Finally.
365
00:14:15,221 --> 00:14:17,189
I can't wait to see it.
366
00:14:19,559 --> 00:14:22,221
I am the ghost of the Alamo.
367
00:14:22,261 --> 00:14:23,820
He's pretty spooky.
368
00:14:23,863 --> 00:14:26,560
They say to remember
the Alamo.
369
00:14:26,599 --> 00:14:28,465
Well, heed their call.
370
00:14:28,501 --> 00:14:31,960
The story is timeless,
a lesson to all.
371
00:14:32,004 --> 00:14:33,301
Where are our heroes?
372
00:14:33,339 --> 00:14:34,932
Don't look for them here.
373
00:14:34,974 --> 00:14:36,237
The world's not
so simple.
374
00:14:36,275 --> 00:14:39,609
The world's not so clear.
375
00:14:39,645 --> 00:14:41,409
Uh... I don't get it.
376
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:45,551
Davy Crockett. Thank God.
377
00:14:45,585 --> 00:14:48,452
It has become clear that
I will never make it back
378
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:49,922
to my beloved Tennessee.
379
00:14:49,956 --> 00:14:51,185
If I were
a stronger man
380
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,988
I guess I wouldn't be here.
381
00:14:53,025 --> 00:14:55,187
I would have faced up
to my demons
382
00:14:55,228 --> 00:14:57,959
instead of using dead Indians
and Mexicans
383
00:14:57,997 --> 00:15:00,466
as stepping stones back
to the Senate.
384
00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,093
MAN:
Vengeance is the Lord's
385
00:15:02,135 --> 00:15:04,695
and he has sent his army
to vanquish us
386
00:15:04,737 --> 00:15:06,262
for our transgressions.
387
00:15:06,305 --> 00:15:07,466
We're all damned.
388
00:15:07,507 --> 00:15:10,477
Don't go looking for
your opium, Davy.
389
00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,478
Travis smoked it all up.
390
00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,810
TRAVIS: I gave
half to the prostitutes.
391
00:15:14,847 --> 00:15:15,939
What?!
392
00:15:15,982 --> 00:15:17,916
That's not part
of the Alamo.
393
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:19,179
Tell them to stop.
394
00:15:19,218 --> 00:15:20,447
No, this is right.
395
00:15:20,486 --> 00:15:22,682
Bruce moved the big
escape attempt
396
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:24,713
to after
the bearbaiting scene.
397
00:15:24,757 --> 00:15:25,724
What?
398
00:15:25,758 --> 00:15:27,157
Surrender or die?
399
00:15:27,193 --> 00:15:29,457
Why start being a hero now?
400
00:15:29,495 --> 00:15:32,089
General Santa Annal
401
00:15:32,131 --> 00:15:34,156
General Santa Annal
402
00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:35,793
I surrender.
403
00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:37,929
Oh, General!
404
00:15:41,808 --> 00:15:43,401
That was perfect!
Now once again from the top.
405
00:15:43,443 --> 00:15:46,504
We're angry, we're drunk,
we're slaveholders.
406
00:15:46,546 --> 00:15:47,513
And... action!
407
00:15:47,547 --> 00:15:48,605
No!
408
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:50,309
Not action!
409
00:15:50,349 --> 00:15:52,784
What the hell
are you doing to our Alamo?
410
00:15:52,819 --> 00:15:55,720
( Hushed ): 'You've got
William B. Travis in a dress!
411
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:58,315
Hank, it's a little late
to step in with your notes.
412
00:15:58,357 --> 00:15:59,847
The play starts in a half hour.
413
00:15:59,892 --> 00:16:02,088
You could have asked
for a script at any time.
414
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:03,926
Why would I need
to read a script
415
00:16:03,963 --> 00:16:05,226
of the Alamo?
416
00:16:05,264 --> 00:16:07,733
I know what happened
and I know what didn't happen,
417
00:16:07,767 --> 00:16:10,395
and I know William B. Travis
didn't put on a dress
418
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:11,904
and try to abandon his men.
419
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,599
And how do you know that, Hank?
420
00:16:13,639 --> 00:16:14,868
How do you know
421
00:16:14,907 --> 00:16:16,671
that when the pressures became
too great,
422
00:16:16,709 --> 00:16:19,679
William B. Travis didn't try
to find comfort and safety
423
00:16:19,712 --> 00:16:21,077
in a frilly calico dress?
424
00:16:21,113 --> 00:16:22,103
( Sighs)
425
00:16:22,148 --> 00:16:24,139
That's it.
I'm gonna kick your ass.
426
00:16:24,183 --> 00:16:26,618
Then I'm gonna re-enact
kicking your ass.
427
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:30,213
What were you expecting anyway,
the old John Wayne rehashing?
428
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:31,087
Yes!
429
00:16:32,625 --> 00:16:34,559
What makes you think
that vision of the Alamo
430
00:16:34,594 --> 00:16:36,062
is any more valid than mine?
431
00:16:36,095 --> 00:16:38,928
Historians can't even agree how
many people were at the Alamo.
432
00:16:38,965 --> 00:16:41,263
Maybe Davy Crockett wasn't
on the pipe,
433
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,291
but maybe he was.
434
00:16:43,336 --> 00:16:47,671
He was a failed politician
and a deeply troubled man.
435
00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:48,799
If Bruce is ever going
436
00:16:48,841 --> 00:16:50,206
to get his work
taken seriously
437
00:16:50,243 --> 00:16:51,642
by the people
that matter,
438
00:16:51,677 --> 00:16:54,408
he needs to show them
he's got a new perspective.
439
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:57,314
I think Oliver Stone and his
Oscars would agree with her.
440
00:16:57,350 --> 00:17:00,581
You know, people like you
and the guys at the feed store
441
00:17:00,620 --> 00:17:02,486
are always trying
to keep me down.
442
00:17:02,522 --> 00:17:04,047
Well, it's too late, baby.
443
00:17:07,293 --> 00:17:09,990
Son, turn in your outfit.
We're going home.
444
00:17:10,029 --> 00:17:13,158
Dad, I know this Alamo stuff
is important to you,
445
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:16,635
but| don't want to get an "F"
and go to summer school.
446
00:17:16,669 --> 00:17:18,330
I have to do this.
447
00:17:23,809 --> 00:17:24,901
Damn revisionists!
448
00:17:24,944 --> 00:17:27,276
Why can't they ever make
history better-�
449
00:17:27,313 --> 00:17:31,113
where we all live in Antarctica
and worship the Golden Penguin?
450
00:17:31,150 --> 00:17:33,175
That would be great.
451
00:17:33,219 --> 00:17:35,051
( Sighs)
452
00:17:35,087 --> 00:17:37,249
I surrender!
I surrender!
453
00:17:37,290 --> 00:17:38,348
I surrender!
454
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:42,919
I surrender, I surrender,
I surrender!
455
00:17:42,962 --> 00:17:44,623
Well, I can't force
the schools to teach the Alamo,
456
00:17:44,664 --> 00:17:47,690
but maybe I can still stop
this travesty.
457
00:17:47,733 --> 00:17:51,499
Are you talking
sabotage, Hank?
458
00:17:51,537 --> 00:17:55,201
'Cause if you say sabotage,
I'll say "how high?"
459
00:17:57,610 --> 00:17:58,771
Let's do it.
460
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:07,818
All right, it's ten minutes
to curtain.
461
00:18:07,853 --> 00:18:10,618
That doesn't give us much time,
but we built this set,
462
00:18:10,656 --> 00:18:12,215
so we should know how
to wreck it.
463
00:18:12,258 --> 00:18:14,556
I should've paid
more attention.
464
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:17,723
Well, my sledgehammerl
figure it out for me.
465
00:18:17,763 --> 00:18:18,730
( Dale laughing )
466
00:18:18,764 --> 00:18:20,232
This'll shut Tuttle up.
467
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:23,292
They're all trapped inside there
like the Alamo volunteers
468
00:18:23,336 --> 00:18:26,169
and we're out here ready
to take care of business
469
00:18:26,205 --> 00:18:28,640
like General Santa Annal
470
00:18:32,278 --> 00:18:36,237
It's not like we're gonna kill
people! Just ideas!
471
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:37,272
( Sighs)
472
00:18:37,316 --> 00:18:38,750
We can't shut this thing down
473
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:41,151
just because we don't like
what they're saying.
474
00:18:41,187 --> 00:18:43,918
I feel the fun slowing down.
475
00:18:46,092 --> 00:18:48,493
Hank, what are you doing
with those sledgehammers?
476
00:18:48,527 --> 00:18:49,517
Oh, I get it.
477
00:18:49,562 --> 00:18:51,656
Well, you can't censor me!
478
00:18:51,697 --> 00:18:54,132
I'm not going
to stop your show, Bruce.
479
00:18:54,166 --> 00:18:56,294
I'm just going
to "set the stage."
480
00:18:58,504 --> 00:19:00,131
( Off-key notes )
481
00:19:01,974 --> 00:19:04,807
I know there are a lot
of details in history
482
00:19:04,844 --> 00:19:06,334
that are up for grabs;
483
00:19:06,379 --> 00:19:10,282
like what Jim Bowie was thinking
about right before he died,
484
00:19:10,316 --> 00:19:12,250
or whether Davy Crockett
surrendered.
485
00:19:12,284 --> 00:19:14,582
But these are
the undisputed facts:
486
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:18,113
In March of 1836,
nearly 200 men volunteered
487
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:20,592
so that Texas could become
a republic.
488
00:19:20,626 --> 00:19:22,526
Even though they were
under-trained,
489
00:19:22,561 --> 00:19:25,223
outhumbered and completely
surrounded,
490
00:19:25,264 --> 00:19:27,756
they fought on and died
for what they believed in.
491
00:19:29,001 --> 00:19:31,470
And I've always found that
inspiring.
492
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,070
Is that a messenger
bringing news
493
00:19:41,113 --> 00:19:42,547
from General Houston?
494
00:19:42,581 --> 00:19:46,040
Sir, Santa Anna's men
outnumber us by the thousands.
495
00:19:51,757 --> 00:19:53,156
( Groans )
496
00:19:53,192 --> 00:19:56,822
If this siege continues,
I may have to surrender sober.
497
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,122
Hey, Dad,
498
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:02,726
you're gonna have
to sign this.
499
00:20:02,768 --> 00:20:04,497
I failed Texas history.
500
00:20:04,537 --> 00:20:08,167
What? After going through
with that jackass play?
501
00:20:08,207 --> 00:20:10,608
Yeah, but I wrote in my book.
502
00:20:10,643 --> 00:20:12,509
It's an automatic "F."
503
00:20:12,545 --> 00:20:14,013
Oh, Bobby.
504
00:20:14,046 --> 00:20:21,112
"The Alamo. In March of
1836, nearly 200 men..."
505
00:20:21,153 --> 00:20:22,746
I wanted to make sure
506
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:25,723
kids after me
knew about the Alamo.
507
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:29,856
'You know, since you're going
to summer school anyway,
508
00:20:29,895 --> 00:20:31,829
why don't you skip class
tomorrow?
509
00:20:31,864 --> 00:20:33,423
I'll take you to Six Flags.
510
00:20:34,834 --> 00:20:37,235
It's called Six Flags
Over Texas
511
00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:39,237
because Texas
was governed
512
00:20:39,271 --> 00:20:41,933
by six different
sovereign nations.
513
00:20:41,974 --> 00:20:45,376
There's Texas, America...
Mexico, France...
514
00:20:45,411 --> 00:20:48,472
I don't know how
France got in there.
515
00:21:01,927 --> 00:21:04,521
I think this will be
the last year
516
00:21:04,563 --> 00:21:06,088
we do Flat Stanley.
517
00:21:13,773 --> 00:21:18,233
Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org
518
00:21:52,778 --> 00:21:55,372
DALE: Hank, Bobby's making
me uncomfortable again.
519
00:21:55,422 --> 00:21:59,972
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