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00:00:10,644 --> 00:00:14,603
Captioning sponsored by
FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
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00:00:14,648 --> 00:00:18,607
and TWENTIETH CENTURY FOX
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00:00:32,766 --> 00:00:36,225
The so-called "Father of Our
Country," George Washington,
4
00:00:36,270 --> 00:00:38,398
felt shaking hands was
beneath the president,
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00:00:38,438 --> 00:00:40,372
so he would, uh, bow.
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00:00:40,407 --> 00:00:43,104
Now let's move on
to the War of 1812.
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00:00:43,143 --> 00:00:45,407
Dolly Madison served
the first bowl of ice cream
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00:00:45,445 --> 00:00:46,571
in the White House.
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00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:47,842
True story.
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00:00:47,881 --> 00:00:49,542
( Whispers ).
What are you doing?
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00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:52,416
You really shouldn't let
your hair get so knotted,
12
00:00:52,452 --> 00:00:54,284
unless you want it to fall out.
13
00:00:54,321 --> 00:00:57,450
If you wanted it to fall out,
I'm sorry for fixing it.
14
00:00:57,491 --> 00:01:00,620
No, you can fix it.
15
00:01:00,661 --> 00:01:03,062
PROFESSOR: John Adams may
not have had Morticia and Thing,
16
00:01:03,096 --> 00:01:05,565
but his economic policy
was just as scary.
17
00:01:07,134 --> 00:01:09,364
Wow, you're a really
good hairdresser.
18
00:01:09,403 --> 00:01:10,734
LUANNE:
Thank you.
19
00:01:10,771 --> 00:01:13,797
I used to want to be one.
20
00:01:13,840 --> 00:01:15,239
( Students coughing )
21
00:01:15,275 --> 00:01:16,674
PROFESSOR
Uh, Ms. Platter,
22
00:01:16,710 --> 00:01:19,270
you in my class to learn
history, or, uh, do hair?
23
00:01:21,381 --> 00:01:22,610
Hairl!!
24
00:01:24,351 --> 00:01:27,787
The mashed potatoes aren't
as buttery as usual, Mom.
25
00:01:27,821 --> 00:01:29,311
Did we go poor?
26
00:01:29,356 --> 00:01:32,621
I learned something really
important at college today!
27
00:01:32,659 --> 00:01:34,991
I don't want to be there!
28
00:01:35,028 --> 00:01:36,325
What?!
Yeah.
29
00:01:36,363 --> 00:01:37,330
I quit!
30
00:01:37,364 --> 00:01:38,889
I'm gonna do hair.
31
00:01:38,932 --> 00:01:40,297
Well, you can't do that.
32
00:01:40,334 --> 00:01:42,564
There are bigger things
in life than hair.
33
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:46,062
You have to stay in college
and develop your mind.
34
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:47,403
Well, I don't know, Peggy.
35
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,739
She's been at that
college for 2h years,
36
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:51,505
and it's a
two-year college.
37
00:01:51,545 --> 00:01:54,344
Seems like they had a whack
at her and nothing took.
38
00:01:54,381 --> 00:01:56,611
It's true. Nothing did!
39
00:01:56,650 --> 00:01:59,244
'You know, cutting hair
might be good for her.
40
00:01:59,286 --> 00:02:01,448
My barber Jack always says,
41
00:02:01,488 --> 00:02:04,253
"Hair grows even
during a recession."
42
00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:06,953
Well, that may be true
for licensed barbers.
43
00:02:06,994 --> 00:02:08,621
But may I remind you both
44
00:02:08,662 --> 00:02:10,630
that Luanne Platter,
hairstylist,
45
00:02:10,664 --> 00:02:12,632
failed her cosmetology test.
46
00:02:12,666 --> 00:02:16,534
Luanne Platter, history student,
would have known that.
47
00:02:19,706 --> 00:02:21,868
Maybe Luanne Platter,
dinner guest,
48
00:02:21,908 --> 00:02:23,672
could send the butter this way?
49
00:02:23,710 --> 00:02:26,111
Buck Strickland
never went to college
50
00:02:26,146 --> 00:02:27,978
and he runs four businesses
51
00:02:28,015 --> 00:02:29,915
and never writes anything down.
52
00:02:29,950 --> 00:02:32,544
Yeah, college
wasn't for me.
53
00:02:32,586 --> 00:02:34,714
They made that very clear.
54
00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:37,383
Everyone's always
talking about college,
55
00:02:37,424 --> 00:02:40,325
but have any of you
ever actually seen one?
56
00:02:40,360 --> 00:02:44,024
Maybe Luanne should do what
I did and join the Army.
57
00:02:44,064 --> 00:02:45,190
No, that won't work.
58
00:02:45,232 --> 00:02:47,223
Luanne thinks
the Army is mean.
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00:02:47,267 --> 00:02:48,666
She just wants to cut hair,
60
00:02:48,702 --> 00:02:50,534
but she flunked out
of beauty school
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00:02:50,570 --> 00:02:51,833
and never got licensed.
62
00:02:51,872 --> 00:02:53,966
Well, if all she needs
is to pass her test,
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00:02:54,007 --> 00:02:55,304
I can help her with that.
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00:02:55,342 --> 00:02:57,811
I had to pass it
to become an Army barber.
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00:02:57,844 --> 00:02:58,936
All right, Bill!
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00:02:58,979 --> 00:03:01,539
Just don't scream
orders at her, though.
67
00:03:01,581 --> 00:03:02,707
She cries.
68
00:03:08,021 --> 00:03:10,547
Luanne, I can tell
you're nervous.
69
00:03:10,590 --> 00:03:12,080
If there's one thing
I've learned
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00:03:12,125 --> 00:03:14,822
in my 20 years
of barbering, it's this--
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00:03:14,861 --> 00:03:17,558
( Slow and deliberate ).
It will grow back.
72
00:03:17,597 --> 00:03:21,864
If you did a great job or
a bad job, it will grow back.
73
00:03:21,902 --> 00:03:25,236
Gosh. You sure know a lot
about cutting hair.
74
00:03:25,272 --> 00:03:28,298
Yeah, well, I've
been around a bit.
75
00:03:28,341 --> 00:03:30,537
I remember
when I was your age,
76
00:03:30,577 --> 00:03:32,875
life was so full
of possibilities.
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00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:36,372
Bruce Jenner's hair had fired
the imagination of a nation.
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00:03:36,416 --> 00:03:38,282
( Sighing ).
Oh...
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00:03:38,318 --> 00:03:39,547
glory days.
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00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:40,747
Mr. Dauterive,
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00:03:40,787 --> 00:03:43,188
after I pass
my State Board exam,
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00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:47,558
maybe I can live the dreams
that you're too old to live.
83
00:03:47,594 --> 00:03:49,619
You can!
84
00:04:02,209 --> 00:04:04,678
It will grow back.
85
00:04:20,660 --> 00:04:22,128
Well, look at her,
86
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:23,755
getting ready for a career.
87
00:04:23,797 --> 00:04:25,526
Next thing, she'll
be complaining
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00:04:25,565 --> 00:04:27,431
about how high her taxes are.
89
00:04:29,669 --> 00:04:31,637
Luanne, honey,
getting certified
90
00:04:31,671 --> 00:04:33,639
as a stylist
was the easy part.
91
00:04:33,673 --> 00:04:35,903
Now you have to
prepare yourself
92
00:04:35,942 --> 00:04:38,309
for the constant
rejection of the job hunt.
93
00:04:38,345 --> 00:04:39,744
WOMAN:
You're a stylist?
94
00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,111
I'm Colette Davis.
95
00:04:41,148 --> 00:04:42,081
I own Hottyz.
96
00:04:43,150 --> 00:04:45,141
That's right,
the one with the Z.
97
00:04:45,185 --> 00:04:46,414
(gasps )
98
00:04:46,453 --> 00:04:48,319
'You brought the messy ponytail
toArlen!
99
00:04:48,355 --> 00:04:51,985
And then two weeks later,
you trashed it as uncool!
100
00:04:52,025 --> 00:04:54,084
Guilty.
101
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:56,596
You know, I think
you have the "Hottyz vibe."
102
00:04:56,630 --> 00:04:57,893
And I know vibe.
103
00:04:57,931 --> 00:05:00,229
The Arfen Advocate says
I invented it.
104
00:05:00,267 --> 00:05:02,429
Chair rental is 1,400 bucks.
105
00:05:02,469 --> 00:05:04,437
Oh, and FYI...
106
00:05:04,471 --> 00:05:07,907
Vibe, vibe, no vibe,
107
00:05:07,941 --> 00:05:10,467
mmm, crazy vibe.
108
00:05:11,511 --> 00:05:14,378
Wow! You were wrong,
Aunt Peggy.
109
00:05:14,414 --> 00:05:16,644
Finding a job was easy!
110
00:05:16,683 --> 00:05:19,015
Oh, yeah? What about
the chair rental?
111
00:05:19,052 --> 00:05:20,884
How are you going
to pay for it?
112
00:05:20,921 --> 00:05:22,980
BILL: I can give you
some money, Luanne.
113
00:05:23,023 --> 00:05:27,483
I was just going to use it on,
well, you know... the Internet.
114
00:05:27,527 --> 00:05:30,326
Well, I couldn't take
your money, Mr. Dauterive.
115
00:05:30,363 --> 00:05:31,558
Huh!
116
00:05:31,598 --> 00:05:33,692
Oh, but maybe we
could share the chair!
117
00:05:33,733 --> 00:05:36,964
No. I'm just an old
Army barber, Luanne.
118
00:05:37,003 --> 00:05:39,870
I packed that life away
with my Dolphin shorts.
119
00:05:39,906 --> 00:05:42,705
Mr. Dauterive, if you
don't take a chance,
120
00:05:42,742 --> 00:05:45,473
you'll end up miserable
like Mr. Dauterive.
121
00:05:46,613 --> 00:05:49,674
I mean... just
someone else.
122
00:05:49,716 --> 00:05:53,152
Look out, Hottyz, here I come!
123
00:05:53,186 --> 00:05:55,154
We're Hottyz! Whoo!
124
00:05:55,188 --> 00:05:56,883
Oh, for God's sakes, Hank.
125
00:05:56,923 --> 00:05:58,482
She'll be fine.
126
00:05:58,525 --> 00:06:01,460
Scrunchies for everyone!
127
00:06:06,600 --> 00:06:08,466
It's gonna be so cool
when we get to Hottyz,
128
00:06:08,501 --> 00:06:10,993
and they say, "Do you
have an appointment?"
129
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:13,404
And we say,
"No, we work here,"
130
00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:14,999
and they say,
"No you don't."
131
00:06:15,041 --> 00:06:17,100
And we say, "Nuh-uh, we do!"
132
00:06:17,143 --> 00:06:19,805
And then we make up and
give them a great haircut!
133
00:06:19,846 --> 00:06:21,507
Last night,
I dreamed about hair!
134
00:06:21,548 --> 00:06:23,380
But it was a good
dream this time,
135
00:06:23,416 --> 00:06:26,010
not the one where it forms
a noose and hangs me.
136
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:28,020
(giggling )
137
00:06:28,054 --> 00:06:29,886
I'm so excited!
138
00:06:32,125 --> 00:06:33,251
Hit
139
00:06:33,293 --> 00:06:35,091
I cut hair, too!
140
00:06:35,128 --> 00:06:37,790
Isn't it so much fun?!
141
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,558
( Clattering )
142
00:06:52,779 --> 00:06:54,838
'Sup. You the new cutter?
143
00:06:54,881 --> 00:06:56,280
We both are.
144
00:06:56,316 --> 00:06:57,977
We're cutters!
145
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,315
( Faughing )
146
00:06:59,352 --> 00:07:00,478
We're cutters.
147
00:07:00,520 --> 00:07:01,453
Whatever.
148
00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:02,717
Here are your uniforms.
149
00:07:06,593 --> 00:07:08,823
I'm never gonna take this off.
150
00:07:08,862 --> 00:07:11,354
I don't know if I could.
151
00:07:12,632 --> 00:07:15,294
Shh. Your hair is
trying to tell me
152
00:07:15,335 --> 00:07:18,236
all the nasty things it
wants me to do to it.
153
00:07:18,271 --> 00:07:19,500
That's Rico.
154
00:07:19,539 --> 00:07:21,735
He's flaming hot
and flaming gay.
155
00:07:21,775 --> 00:07:23,675
He's vibe squared.
156
00:07:23,710 --> 00:07:27,078
Hey, why is your client
wearing a Hottyz T-shirt?
157
00:07:27,113 --> 00:07:28,581
Oh, Mr. Dauterive?
158
00:07:28,615 --> 00:07:30,242
He's not my client.
159
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:32,342
I couldn't afford
the chair on my own
160
00:07:32,385 --> 00:07:33,682
so we're sharing it.
161
00:07:33,720 --> 00:07:35,950
He taught me everything I know.
162
00:07:38,024 --> 00:07:41,517
Oh. Oh. No, no,
this is not going to work.
163
00:07:41,561 --> 00:07:42,687
Good-bye.
164
00:07:42,729 --> 00:07:45,596
But we already paid
a week's rent.
165
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:48,124
And I dropped out
of school for this.
166
00:07:48,168 --> 00:07:49,761
Fine.
167
00:07:49,803 --> 00:07:52,670
You can stay the week.
But you're last chair.
168
00:07:52,706 --> 00:07:54,333
Audrey. Congrats.
169
00:07:54,374 --> 00:07:56,502
Grab your ferret
and your Jane magazines.
170
00:07:56,543 --> 00:07:58,136
You're chair four.
171
00:08:01,815 --> 00:08:03,544
Rico, I have closing
arguments in an hour
172
00:08:03,583 --> 00:08:05,415
and I need to look
jury friendly.
173
00:08:05,452 --> 00:08:07,079
Sorry, sweetie,
I'm all booked up.
174
00:08:07,120 --> 00:08:08,383
If you're real desperate,
175
00:08:08,421 --> 00:08:10,082
you might try the new
cutters in the back.
176
00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,992
I'm in a rush.
And I need to look...
177
00:08:16,029 --> 00:08:17,224
Oh, my gosh!
178
00:08:17,263 --> 00:08:19,129
'You're are my first
ever client.
179
00:08:19,165 --> 00:08:20,792
Now don't be nervous.
180
00:08:20,834 --> 00:08:25,032
If I screw up,
it'll grow back.
181
00:08:25,071 --> 00:08:28,803
Let's get you shampooed.
182
00:08:28,842 --> 00:08:31,470
Hyah!
( groans )
183
00:08:31,511 --> 00:08:34,037
LUANNE: Mr. Dauterive
got kicked right in his...
184
00:08:34,080 --> 00:08:37,641
Well, I didn't see
where her foot went,
185
00:08:37,684 --> 00:08:39,812
but she said, "Bull's-eye!"
186
00:08:39,853 --> 00:08:41,252
That's the real world for you.
187
00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,585
Mr. Dauterive getting
kicked in the groin.
188
00:08:43,623 --> 00:08:45,717
Don't you wish
you'd stayed in college?
189
00:08:45,759 --> 00:08:47,022
( Sighs)
190
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,755
Luanne, I'll give
you a little tip.
191
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:50,388
If you want to succeed,
192
00:08:50,430 --> 00:08:53,832
identify the most
successful person at work
193
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,892
and do what they do.
194
00:08:55,935 --> 00:08:57,630
We'll do it.
195
00:09:01,341 --> 00:09:02,638
Hello, Luscious.
196
00:09:04,110 --> 00:09:05,407
What kind of love
are we making
197
00:09:05,445 --> 00:09:06,537
with your hair today?
198
00:09:06,579 --> 00:09:09,605
Rico is so successful.
199
00:09:09,649 --> 00:09:12,346
We have to do
what he does.
200
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:15,286
Did one of you breeders
take my flat brush?
201
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:17,346
Rico, I heard you
with your client.
202
00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:19,882
You were very sexy.
203
00:09:19,926 --> 00:09:21,291
Yes, I know.
204
00:09:21,327 --> 00:09:23,489
People want to leave here
feeling hot and sexy
205
00:09:23,530 --> 00:09:24,929
and if you can't
give it to them,
206
00:09:24,964 --> 00:09:27,763
you may as well be
barbering down at Jack's.
207
00:09:27,801 --> 00:09:29,701
Please stand away
from the mirror.
208
00:09:29,736 --> 00:09:31,636
I like to watch myself
while I cut.
209
00:09:33,573 --> 00:09:35,302
He does have vibe.
210
00:09:35,341 --> 00:09:37,105
Mm-hmm.
211
00:09:39,179 --> 00:09:42,444
How would you like
your hair cut today?
212
00:09:46,886 --> 00:09:49,685
Dear Lord, I don't want
to go back to college,
213
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:51,918
so please help me be sexy.
214
00:09:51,958 --> 00:09:53,187
Amen.
215
00:09:58,164 --> 00:10:00,963
Your hair is so sexy.
216
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:03,594
It reminds me of... sex.
217
00:10:03,636 --> 00:10:05,570
Sorry, I'm late,
everybody!
218
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:08,768
My Pilates class ran long.
219
00:10:12,946 --> 00:10:14,505
I'm here for Rico.
220
00:10:14,547 --> 00:10:17,107
Well, B-Do can help you now.
221
00:10:18,351 --> 00:10:21,150
Psst. Are you
homosexual?
222
00:10:21,187 --> 00:10:22,655
I'm just trying to
act more like Rico.
223
00:10:22,689 --> 00:10:24,157
Huh. Me, too.
224
00:10:24,190 --> 00:10:26,659
If I accidentally
start acting not sexy,
225
00:10:26,693 --> 00:10:27,785
give me a sign.
226
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,488
Go like this.
227
00:10:29,529 --> 00:10:33,762
Okay. And give me the sign
if I start acting not gay.
228
00:10:33,800 --> 00:10:38,761
You sizzle with a capital "S,"
capital "izzle."
229
00:10:38,805 --> 00:10:40,330
(giggles )
230
00:10:40,373 --> 00:10:42,569
My boyfriend's taking me
to Lake Arlen
231
00:10:42,609 --> 00:10:45,306
for dinner and dancing
and then we...
232
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:47,541
(gasps): Tell me
about your boyfriend.
233
00:10:47,580 --> 00:10:48,638
Is he cute?
234
00:10:48,681 --> 00:10:50,775
Does he have
muscular thighs?
235
00:10:50,817 --> 00:10:52,182
Thieving slut.
236
00:10:52,218 --> 00:10:54,585
I bet he's the one who stole
my Yoplait from the fridge.
237
00:10:54,621 --> 00:10:56,885
( Dance music plays )
238
00:10:56,923 --> 00:11:00,757
2 will love you
239
00:11:06,099 --> 00:11:08,158
I Those days I
240
00:11:08,201 --> 00:11:12,695
I Of warm rain
come rushing back to me -
241
00:11:12,739 --> 00:11:16,232
4 Miles of windless I
242
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:19,211
I Summer nights -
243
00:11:19,245 --> 00:11:20,406
I Summer nights -
244
00:11:20,446 --> 00:11:24,076
I Secret moments shared... -...
245
00:11:25,852 --> 00:11:27,320
To Luanne and B-Do,
246
00:11:27,353 --> 00:11:30,323
the hottest
hair cutting team in town.
247
00:11:30,356 --> 00:11:32,415
Whoo-hoo!
Whoo!
248
00:11:32,458 --> 00:11:34,017
Okay, girls,
249
00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:35,186
the next round's on me.
250
00:11:35,228 --> 00:11:37,424
I can't cut hair
without a hangover.
251
00:11:37,463 --> 00:11:40,728
I could go for a beer...
252
00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,826
Or, uh, a Pink Squirrel.
253
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:45,429
Yeah, I like my drinks
the same as my men--
254
00:11:45,471 --> 00:11:48,372
Strong and sweet
and under an umbrella.
255
00:11:48,408 --> 00:11:52,868
DJ: Hey, we've got some hot
lies in the bar from Hottyz tonight.
256
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,402
This one's for them.
257
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,415
( Cheering )
258
00:11:56,449 --> 00:11:57,712
Come on, B-Do.
259
00:11:57,750 --> 00:11:59,149
Back that thang up.
260
00:11:59,185 --> 00:12:00,346
Show me the dance
261
00:12:00,386 --> 00:12:02,354
that got you kicked off
Fire Island, honey.
262
00:12:02,388 --> 00:12:03,913
Try and stop me.
263
00:12:03,957 --> 00:12:06,426
( Pulsating dance music plays )
264
00:12:06,459 --> 00:12:08,723
Ooh! Ant!
265
00:12:08,761 --> 00:12:11,696
Boy, if I weren't so dang gay...
266
00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:14,530
Aw, B-Do, I know it
must be hard for you
267
00:12:14,567 --> 00:12:15,898
in a town like this,
268
00:12:15,935 --> 00:12:19,394
with ho 24-hour gyms
or TGl Fridays.
269
00:12:19,439 --> 00:12:22,704
Hey, I think that guy's
checking you out.
270
00:12:22,742 --> 00:12:24,005
Oh.
271
00:12:35,655 --> 00:12:37,851
Oh. My first
ten dollar tip.
272
00:12:37,890 --> 00:12:38,948
Thank you.
273
00:12:38,992 --> 00:12:42,292
Okay, now meow
like a kitty.
274
00:12:42,328 --> 00:12:44,228
Meow?
275
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:46,232
B-Do will not bite.
276
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,995
I am gay.
277
00:12:48,034 --> 00:12:49,297
Luanne, B-Do,
278
00:12:49,335 --> 00:12:51,929
I am moving you
to second chair.
279
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:52,961
Congrats.
280
00:12:53,006 --> 00:12:55,202
Second chair?!
(gasps)
281
00:12:55,241 --> 00:12:57,335
That's almost as good
as first chair.
282
00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:01,537
Hello.
283
00:13:01,581 --> 00:13:04,551
Which hair gel do you
suggest for my hair type?
284
00:13:04,584 --> 00:13:06,746
Virgin or Dirty Girl?
285
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:08,481
Bobby. Truck.
286
00:13:08,521 --> 00:13:11,081
Uncle Hank,
this is so great.
287
00:13:11,124 --> 00:13:13,491
I'm succeeding
in the real world,
288
00:13:13,526 --> 00:13:15,688
one up-do at a time.
289
00:13:15,728 --> 00:13:18,060
Well, that's good
to hear, I guess...
290
00:13:18,097 --> 00:13:20,122
I figured I'd come
to support you.
291
00:13:20,166 --> 00:13:21,634
You want a haircut?
292
00:13:21,668 --> 00:13:25,229
Uh, no, I just came
to support you.
293
00:13:25,271 --> 00:13:26,796
Good job.
294
00:13:26,839 --> 00:13:28,000
Bill?
295
00:13:28,041 --> 00:13:29,202
Hank?!
296
00:13:29,242 --> 00:13:30,334
Bill?!
297
00:13:30,376 --> 00:13:31,434
Hey, Hank.
298
00:13:31,477 --> 00:13:32,842
I can't talk now.
Little busy.
299
00:13:32,879 --> 00:13:33,869
See you at home.
300
00:13:33,913 --> 00:13:35,881
What happened to you?
What?
301
00:13:35,915 --> 00:13:37,849
'You mean last night?
302
00:13:37,884 --> 00:13:39,181
You don't own me.
303
00:13:39,218 --> 00:13:41,050
Does your wife know you're here?
304
00:13:41,087 --> 00:13:43,681
Well, no.
I'm on my lunch break.
305
00:13:43,723 --> 00:13:45,987
(cries): I can't keep
living like this, Hank!
306
00:13:46,025 --> 00:13:48,187
'You've got a wife
and a family at home
307
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:49,717
and I've got nothing.
308
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:51,423
(cries)
309
00:13:53,266 --> 00:13:56,292
I just don't understand
why everybody
310
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:59,328
is going to that nut house,
Hottyz, instead of here.
311
00:13:59,372 --> 00:14:01,306
Are you sure your
pole is working?
312
00:14:01,341 --> 00:14:03,173
Hottyz is
the future, Hank.
313
00:14:03,209 --> 00:14:04,677
Who wants a haircut from Jack,
314
00:14:04,711 --> 00:14:06,873
when some pretty girl
with all her teeth can do it?
315
00:14:06,913 --> 00:14:08,608
Yeah, but they're going
to Bill, too,
316
00:14:08,648 --> 00:14:09,911
and he's acting like...
317
00:14:09,949 --> 00:14:11,007
Hold your head still
318
00:14:11,050 --> 00:14:12,882
unless you want me
to cut that ear off.
319
00:14:12,919 --> 00:14:15,286
Pirate?
320
00:14:15,321 --> 00:14:17,312
Gondola operator?
321
00:14:17,357 --> 00:14:18,654
Waiter?
322
00:14:18,691 --> 00:14:20,216
Pirate waiter!
323
00:14:20,259 --> 00:14:22,990
( Sighs ). He's
supposed to be gay, Dale.
324
00:14:23,029 --> 00:14:24,258
Really?
325
00:14:24,297 --> 00:14:25,594
I don't see it.
326
00:14:25,631 --> 00:14:27,656
I don't know why people
are always saying
327
00:14:27,700 --> 00:14:29,065
how hard it is to be gay.
328
00:14:29,102 --> 00:14:30,365
It's wonderful, really.
329
00:14:30,403 --> 00:14:31,928
'You're not gay.
330
00:14:31,971 --> 00:14:33,268
They don't know that.
331
00:14:33,306 --> 00:14:35,240
Women who are normally
repulsed by me
332
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:37,038
are letting me brush their hair,
333
00:14:37,076 --> 00:14:40,376
massage their shoulders,
compliment their bottoms.
334
00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,939
Hank, you know who else
went to college?
335
00:14:42,982 --> 00:14:44,279
Hey, Peggy.
336
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:45,478
Let's go invite your hair
337
00:14:45,518 --> 00:14:47,316
to that party the rest
of you is throwing.
338
00:14:49,555 --> 00:14:52,286
( Faughs ):
Oh, Bill. Oh...
339
00:14:53,693 --> 00:14:56,253
Check me out
in first chair at Hottyz!
340
00:14:56,295 --> 00:14:58,525
I wanted to invite you guys
to a party tonight.
341
00:14:58,564 --> 00:15:01,124
Rumor I, the chick
they kicked off American Idol
342
00:15:01,167 --> 00:15:03,261
is going to be cage-dancing.
( chuckles )
343
00:15:03,302 --> 00:15:05,464
( All giggling and squealing )
344
00:15:06,539 --> 00:15:07,734
B-Do, Scott dumped me,
345
00:15:07,774 --> 00:15:09,868
and I need him to see
what he's missing!
346
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:11,274
Oh, honey,
347
00:15:11,310 --> 00:15:14,075
I swear on a stack of gladiators
I will take care of you.
348
00:15:14,113 --> 00:15:16,480
Hey! First chair!
349
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,814
I don't want to get hair
on my blouse.
350
00:15:18,851 --> 00:15:20,683
( Whimpers )
351
00:15:22,255 --> 00:15:24,952
( Whimpers )
352
00:15:24,991 --> 00:15:26,288
( Sighs ).
Oh...
353
00:15:26,325 --> 00:15:28,054
( stammering )
354
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:29,528
Did you say something?
355
00:15:29,562 --> 00:15:31,997
I saw your bosom move
like you said something.
356
00:15:32,031 --> 00:15:35,160
Kuttmistress said you got
dumped by your guy, too.
357
00:15:35,201 --> 00:15:37,295
( Whimpering )
I know.
358
00:15:37,336 --> 00:15:41,102
I do astrology, and I can
tell we're kindred souls, B-Do.
359
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:42,767
( Whimpering )
360
00:15:42,809 --> 00:15:44,436
We're too much for our men.
361
00:15:44,477 --> 00:15:46,775
Oh, your aura's so warm.
362
00:15:46,813 --> 00:15:49,441
It's a shame you're gay.
363
00:15:49,482 --> 00:15:50,950
long sigh)
364
00:15:50,983 --> 00:15:52,144
( Bill whimpers )
365
00:15:54,053 --> 00:15:56,021
I'm not gay!
366
00:15:59,192 --> 00:16:00,318
No! I'm not gay!
367
00:16:00,359 --> 00:16:02,088
We can be together,
you and me--
368
00:16:02,128 --> 00:16:04,290
Our-our kindred souls!
369
00:16:04,330 --> 00:16:06,298
'You're not gay?
Uh-uh. Hundred percent
370
00:16:06,332 --> 00:16:07,356
into ladies.
371
00:16:07,400 --> 00:16:09,459
Who wants a hug?
I-I do!
372
00:16:09,502 --> 00:16:11,527
Ew! You're disgusting!
373
00:16:11,571 --> 00:16:12,800
( Women gasping )
You liar!
374
00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:15,501
I shared a Coke
with him!
375
00:16:15,541 --> 00:16:17,509
I let him swim
in my pool!
376
00:16:17,543 --> 00:16:19,033
Yeah, but... oh.
377
00:16:19,078 --> 00:16:21,843
It's all right.
Areal gay man's here.
378
00:16:31,457 --> 00:16:32,982
Well, I take it back!
I am gay!
379
00:16:33,025 --> 00:16:34,049
Oh, you are?
380
00:16:35,394 --> 00:16:36,953
Bi?
381
00:16:36,996 --> 00:16:38,964
When you were gay,
you were intriguing,
382
00:16:38,998 --> 00:16:40,227
with an artistic bent,
383
00:16:40,266 --> 00:16:42,064
but now that
you're straight,
384
00:16:42,101 --> 00:16:44,570
you're just...
a sleazy barber.
385
00:16:44,604 --> 00:16:47,938
Pack up and go back to that beer
commercial that you came from.
386
00:16:47,974 --> 00:16:49,874
But we're first chair!
387
00:16:49,909 --> 00:16:51,502
Luanne, honey,
you're fabulous.
388
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:53,808
I mean, you've got great abs
and vibe to spare.
389
00:16:53,846 --> 00:16:55,143
I mean, if it was just you,
390
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,013
I would hire you back
in a second.
391
00:16:57,049 --> 00:16:59,780
But since you and that
are a team,
392
00:16:59,819 --> 00:17:01,583
I got to let both
of you go.
393
00:17:01,621 --> 00:17:03,055
But| belong here.
394
00:17:03,089 --> 00:17:04,955
I already failed
out of college.
395
00:17:04,991 --> 00:17:07,688
I cannot fail out
of the real world.
396
00:17:07,727 --> 00:17:10,719
There are no other
worlds for me to go to.
397
00:17:10,763 --> 00:17:13,061
We'll be all right, Luanne.
398
00:17:14,133 --> 00:17:16,158
Mr. Dauterive...
399
00:17:16,202 --> 00:17:18,534
Wow, this is really tough.
400
00:17:19,672 --> 00:17:21,367
You're fired.
401
00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:23,273
No, but we're a team.
402
00:17:23,309 --> 00:17:24,367
Sorry, B-Do�-
403
00:17:24,410 --> 00:17:26,310
if that is your real name--
404
00:17:26,345 --> 00:17:27,813
The shirt stays here.
405
00:17:30,149 --> 00:17:32,277
( Groaning quietly )
406
00:17:32,318 --> 00:17:33,479
( Grunts)
407
00:17:39,926 --> 00:17:41,860
Why can't| be gay?
408
00:17:41,894 --> 00:17:46,354
I had it all--
women, money, fancy clothes!
409
00:17:46,399 --> 00:17:49,767
Bill, don't think
you were right for that salon.
410
00:17:49,802 --> 00:17:52,328
Everyone said the same
thing, only meaner.
411
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:56,373
Right after I bought
$700 worth of shoes.
412
00:17:56,409 --> 00:17:59,037
Well, didn't Luanne
stand up for you?
413
00:17:59,078 --> 00:18:00,807
No. She threw my cottage cheese
414
00:18:00,846 --> 00:18:02,746
from the mini-fridge
in the street.
415
00:18:02,782 --> 00:18:05,114
What?! That's not right!
416
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:11,723
So, uh, are you ever
gonna put on a shirt?
417
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:13,452
So you used Bill up
418
00:18:13,492 --> 00:18:14,721
and you cast him aside.
419
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,751
Do you have any idea
how hurtful that is
420
00:18:16,796 --> 00:18:18,321
every time it happens to him?
421
00:18:18,364 --> 00:18:20,093
I was just doing
what you told me
422
00:18:20,132 --> 00:18:22,362
and following the most
successful person.
423
00:18:22,401 --> 00:18:24,631
Now, that's Rico,
and he said,
424
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:27,970
"Sexy talks; bald
and straight walks."
425
00:18:28,007 --> 00:18:30,499
I never told you
to turn on your friends.
426
00:18:30,543 --> 00:18:32,511
Maybe your Aunt Peggy
was right.
427
00:18:32,545 --> 00:18:34,104
You heed to go back to college
428
00:18:34,146 --> 00:18:37,138
and take some courses
in being a decent person.
429
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:54,727
Kuttmistress, could you
stop spinning for a second?
430
00:18:54,767 --> 00:18:57,668
Mr. Dauterive is
a great hair stylist.
431
00:18:57,703 --> 00:18:58,864
Don't you see?
432
00:18:58,904 --> 00:19:01,669
Mr. Dauterive can't help
that he's straight.
433
00:19:01,707 --> 00:19:03,197
It's just the way
he was born.
434
00:19:03,242 --> 00:19:05,472
It's in his DNAs!
435
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:09,781
Now, hair does not know gay
from straight.
436
00:19:09,815 --> 00:19:12,182
It just wants to be loved.
437
00:19:12,218 --> 00:19:14,482
Shouldn't we all
be more like hair?
438
00:19:15,888 --> 00:19:17,947
I know I wish I had
been more like hair
439
00:19:17,990 --> 00:19:20,220
to my friend,
Mr. Dauterive.
440
00:19:23,562 --> 00:19:25,462
Very touching.
441
00:19:25,498 --> 00:19:26,761
You're both fired.
442
00:19:32,004 --> 00:19:34,803
It's great to stop
pretending I'm someone else
443
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:37,537
so I can go back
to pretending I'm me again.
444
00:19:37,576 --> 00:19:40,045
I'm just gonna really
miss cutting hair.
445
00:19:40,079 --> 00:19:42,070
It was so great
to be able to moonlight
446
00:19:42,114 --> 00:19:44,276
and have an outlet
for my creative Jones.
447
00:19:44,316 --> 00:19:47,479
Jack must be the
luckiest man in the world.
448
00:19:47,520 --> 00:19:50,820
He's doing what he loves and doesn't
have to worry about anything but hair.
449
00:19:50,856 --> 00:19:52,085
(angry grunt)
450
00:19:52,124 --> 00:19:54,286
JACK: I'm gonna
torch this place.
451
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:58,554
Well, maybe I can
help you all out.
452
00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,029
JACK:
Hey there, Hank.
453
00:20:05,071 --> 00:20:06,232
Want another haircut?
454
00:20:06,272 --> 00:20:07,569
'You can pay me in food.
455
00:20:07,606 --> 00:20:09,233
I'll shave you for a sandwich.
456
00:20:09,275 --> 00:20:11,266
What if I gave you
something better?
457
00:20:11,310 --> 00:20:13,779
My niece Luanne here
is a great hair cutter,
458
00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,043
and you'd be lucky
to have her services.
459
00:20:16,082 --> 00:20:19,245
Aren't you the first chair
from Hottyz?
460
00:20:19,285 --> 00:20:21,447
I was. W-We were.
461
00:20:21,487 --> 00:20:23,421
Uh, Mr. Dauterive and me.
462
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:26,653
All right!
I stole Hottyz first chair away!
463
00:20:26,692 --> 00:20:30,151
And so the scales begin
to tip for Jack.
464
00:20:30,196 --> 00:20:33,791
Hmm, maybe ['ll start paying
back the muscular dystrophy jar.
465
00:20:33,833 --> 00:20:36,598
( Giggling and singing )
466
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:48,471
You and Bill really turned
things around here, Luanne.
467
00:20:48,514 --> 00:20:50,539
Why don't you save the money
you're making how
468
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:51,812
and move back in with us?
469
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:53,876
(gasps):
You mean it?
470
00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:56,684
You don't think I need
to go back to college?
471
00:20:56,722 --> 00:20:59,555
No, I think you're
right where you should be.
472
00:20:59,592 --> 00:21:02,391
My God, you made me
look hot, huh?!
473
00:21:02,428 --> 00:21:04,624
And if your dad asks,
474
00:21:04,663 --> 00:21:07,997
just tell him
it will grow back.
475
00:21:11,737 --> 00:21:16,197
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476
00:21:16,247 --> 00:21:20,797
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