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00:00:32,950 --> 00:00:37,046
PEGGY: Welcome to the
Audubon Society's 43rd
2
00:00:37,087 --> 00:00:42,150
and Peggy Hill's First
Annual Backyard Bird Count.
3
00:00:42,192 --> 00:00:44,160
(gasps):
Look! The rare and beautiful
4
00:00:44,194 --> 00:00:45,161
Texas Nuthatch.
5
00:00:45,195 --> 00:00:51,259
Well, write it down,
people! Write it down!
6
00:00:51,301 --> 00:00:54,293
I have asked our Native American
friend, John Redcorn,
7
00:00:54,338 --> 00:00:57,535
to join us
as our expert bird identifier.
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00:00:57,574 --> 00:00:59,668
My people believe,
when the world was new,
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00:00:59,710 --> 00:01:01,838
the creator made all the birds.
10
00:01:01,878 --> 00:01:05,143
He colored their feathers and
told them to greet each day
11
00:01:05,182 --> 00:01:06,775
with a chorus of songs.
12
00:01:06,817 --> 00:01:09,445
Why you stop
fooling around
13
00:01:09,486 --> 00:01:11,011
with that John Redcorn?
14
00:01:11,054 --> 00:01:14,285
He is so smoking,
smoking hot.
15
00:01:14,324 --> 00:01:16,452
Hey, Dale's
hot, too...
16
00:01:16,493 --> 00:01:18,621
in his own way.
17
00:01:18,662 --> 00:01:20,357
Gribble team ready.
18
00:01:20,397 --> 00:01:22,365
I'm assuming
you'll want the heads
19
00:01:22,399 --> 00:01:24,197
for identification purposes.
20
00:01:24,234 --> 00:01:26,794
'You're supposed to count
the birds, Dale.
21
00:01:26,837 --> 00:01:29,602
Eventually,
they will be counted.
22
00:01:29,640 --> 00:01:34,874
Oh! A bird!
23
00:01:34,911 --> 00:01:40,873
It's so, so beautiful.
24
00:01:43,720 --> 00:01:48,988
( Faughing )
25
00:01:49,026 --> 00:01:52,485
(giggling )
26
00:01:52,529 --> 00:01:54,258
Ow.
27
00:01:54,298 --> 00:01:57,791
Get off.
28
00:01:57,834 --> 00:02:03,796
Get off! Get off me!
29
00:02:07,010 --> 00:02:07,977
Dang it, Dale.
30
00:02:08,011 --> 00:02:10,207
'You are a professional
exterminator.
31
00:02:10,247 --> 00:02:12,045
'You said you
could handle this.
32
00:02:12,082 --> 00:02:13,208
I'm on it.
33
00:02:13,250 --> 00:02:15,218
These birds don't
stand a chance
34
00:02:15,252 --> 00:02:18,153
against this ultrasonic
bird distress emitter.
35
00:02:18,188 --> 00:02:20,816
( Evil laughter )
36
00:02:20,857 --> 00:02:24,225
I was up all night listening to
sounds that'll drive you crazy.
37
00:02:24,261 --> 00:02:29,927
loud horn cacophony )
38
00:02:29,966 --> 00:02:31,957
( Dale laughing )
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00:02:32,002 --> 00:02:36,838
How long does this
have to go on for?!
40
00:02:36,873 --> 00:02:37,840
Forever!
41
00:02:37,874 --> 00:02:38,841
Scram. Move!
Scoot. Go.
42
00:02:38,875 --> 00:02:41,606
I can't get inside
these pigeons' heads!
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00:02:41,645 --> 00:02:44,580
Bill, you're a filthy
flocking animal.
44
00:02:44,614 --> 00:02:46,013
Would this scare you?
45
00:02:46,049 --> 00:02:47,016
Ooh.
46
00:02:47,050 --> 00:02:48,017
No.
47
00:02:48,051 --> 00:02:49,917
That's it.
48
00:02:49,953 --> 00:02:51,921
This job is too much for me.
49
00:02:51,955 --> 00:02:53,923
It's time to bring in
the big gun,
50
00:02:53,957 --> 00:02:57,018
the top-shelf pigeon
exterminator of Heimlich County,
51
00:02:57,060 --> 00:02:58,323
the pigeon god.
52
00:02:58,362 --> 00:02:59,921
Well, great. Call him up.
53
00:02:59,963 --> 00:03:02,227
She's a woman,
and are you a fool?
54
00:03:02,265 --> 00:03:03,630
The pest-control world
55
00:03:03,667 --> 00:03:06,568
isn't your fuzzy-colored,
propane candy land
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00:03:06,603 --> 00:03:09,163
where you can
just call people.
57
00:03:09,206 --> 00:03:11,698
To get the baddest
of the baddest ass,
58
00:03:11,742 --> 00:03:13,938
promises must be exchanged,
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00:03:13,977 --> 00:03:15,240
payola paid,
60
00:03:15,278 --> 00:03:17,337
reputations put
on the line.
61
00:03:17,381 --> 00:03:18,940
Sounds kinda scary.
62
00:03:18,982 --> 00:03:21,007
Oh, it is,
and then some.
63
00:03:21,051 --> 00:03:22,883
If the pigeon god--
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00:03:22,919 --> 00:03:25,286
Or to her parents,
Sheila Ref kin, Ph.D.�-
65
00:03:25,322 --> 00:03:29,623
decides to stoop down
to help our piddly little cause,
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00:03:29,659 --> 00:03:36,964
will be as if witnessing
the beginning of time!
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00:03:38,702 --> 00:03:41,103
Three more days and I am 21.
68
00:03:41,138 --> 00:03:42,606
Whoo! This is so exciting.
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00:03:42,639 --> 00:03:46,132
I'm gonna be so much older
and maturer.
70
00:03:46,176 --> 00:03:49,510
Oh, I'm gonna get
really wasted at my party,
71
00:03:49,546 --> 00:03:52,743
so would one of you guys
be my designated driver?
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00:03:52,783 --> 00:03:53,716
I'd love to.
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00:03:53,750 --> 00:03:56,082
Wow. Thanks, Aunt Peggy.
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00:03:56,119 --> 00:03:57,484
I will make your
birthday party
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00:03:57,521 --> 00:03:58,989
so much fun, and
76
00:03:59,022 --> 00:04:01,184
I can be there to
gently remind you
77
00:04:01,224 --> 00:04:03,386
that as the daughter
of an alcoholic,
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00:04:03,427 --> 00:04:05,725
you have a genetic gun
pointed at your head,
79
00:04:05,762 --> 00:04:07,230
and with every drink
80
00:04:07,264 --> 00:04:10,097
you are adding another
bullet to the chamber.
81
00:04:10,133 --> 00:04:13,763
Would you be
my designated driver?
82
00:04:13,804 --> 00:04:16,705
No, |- don't really... No.
83
00:04:16,740 --> 00:04:18,105
It's okay, Uncle Hank.
84
00:04:18,141 --> 00:04:19,905
I'll just drive home drunk.
85
00:04:19,943 --> 00:04:23,243
There are so many great things
I can crash my car into--
86
00:04:23,280 --> 00:04:28,047
A ditch, a telephone pole,
a busload of babies!
87
00:04:28,084 --> 00:04:28,915
( Sighs)
88
00:04:28,952 --> 00:04:30,386
Fine.
89
00:04:30,420 --> 00:04:35,483
Bobby,
eat your chicken!
90
00:04:35,525 --> 00:04:38,085
I can't eat this.
91
00:04:38,128 --> 00:04:40,392
They're watching me.
92
00:04:41,097 --> 00:04:44,294
( Knocking )
93
00:04:44,334 --> 00:04:45,699
I did it.
94
00:04:45,735 --> 00:04:46,725
A meeting has
been arranged
95
00:04:46,770 --> 00:04:49,068
with the pigeon
god's assistant.
96
00:04:49,105 --> 00:04:51,199
We leave in five.
97
00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:53,642
DALE:
He's not here yet.
98
00:04:53,677 --> 00:04:54,735
It's a setup!
99
00:04:54,778 --> 00:05:00,547
Oh.
100
00:05:00,584 --> 00:05:02,552
Be cool.
101
00:05:05,322 --> 00:05:07,290
Ako mangiangan ang
102
00:05:07,324 --> 00:05:08,917
kalapati diyos.
103
00:05:08,959 --> 00:05:13,362
( Trap snaps )
104
00:05:13,396 --> 00:05:15,490
Hmm.
105
00:05:15,532 --> 00:05:21,835
Siyva nasain maary
divan bukas.
106
00:05:21,872 --> 00:05:24,603
Arlen's best exterminator
is coming to our alley.
107
00:05:24,641 --> 00:05:26,040
What should I have her sign?
108
00:05:26,076 --> 00:05:27,703
My canister? My traps?
109
00:05:27,744 --> 00:05:33,649
My face?
110
00:05:37,153 --> 00:05:38,120
Oh, my God!
111
00:05:38,154 --> 00:05:41,146
If I start acting like a fool,
take me out with this poison.
112
00:05:44,294 --> 00:05:45,261
Oh, wow.
113
00:05:45,295 --> 00:05:50,631
How y'all doing?
114
00:05:50,667 --> 00:05:53,602
Sheila Ref kin,
Heimlich County Pest Management.
115
00:05:53,637 --> 00:05:56,163
This is one impressive
infestation.
116
00:05:56,206 --> 00:05:58,174
Was this neighborhood
built on a landfill?
117
00:05:58,208 --> 00:05:59,437
Uh...
118
00:05:59,476 --> 00:06:02,036
( high-pitched ):
Dale Gribble.
119
00:06:02,078 --> 00:06:04,206
Uh! Dale's Dead Bug!
120
00:06:04,247 --> 00:06:07,842
Did I say Dale's
Bug Dead? Idiot!
121
00:06:07,884 --> 00:06:08,851
Dale Gribble!
122
00:06:08,885 --> 00:06:09,852
( Sputtering )
123
00:06:09,886 --> 00:06:13,322
Whoa, that's some kinda
spray wand you got there.
124
00:06:13,356 --> 00:06:18,419
Bet you could blast one hell
of a gopher with that thing.
125
00:06:18,461 --> 00:06:23,262
I could blast through a
horse to get to the gopher.
126
00:06:23,300 --> 00:06:25,530
Look at the way
she applies that chemical.
127
00:06:25,569 --> 00:06:28,129
She has clearly read
the directions.
128
00:06:28,171 --> 00:06:29,366
Man, that dang
ol' Sheila,
129
00:06:29,406 --> 00:06:31,374
looking all pretty
like that, man.
130
00:06:31,408 --> 00:06:32,375
I'm talking
'bout my bedroom.
131
00:06:32,409 --> 00:06:34,377
Not talking about
ho pigeons, man.
132
00:06:34,411 --> 00:06:35,378
SHEILA:
Dale, honey!
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00:06:35,412 --> 00:06:36,379
Would you mind grabbing
134
00:06:36,413 --> 00:06:38,381
a caulking gun
and helping me out?
135
00:06:38,415 --> 00:06:39,382
Do you know
how many years
136
00:06:39,416 --> 00:06:43,375
I've wished Peggy
would ask me that?
137
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:47,790
Naah!
138
00:06:47,824 --> 00:06:49,792
I don't deserve to be
administering chemical
139
00:06:49,826 --> 00:06:51,920
next to an exterminator
of your magnitude.
140
00:06:51,962 --> 00:06:53,896
I'm also
not licensed to.
141
00:06:53,930 --> 00:06:54,897
Oh, pooh.
142
00:06:54,931 --> 00:06:57,332
You have to squeeze
the trigger gently.
143
00:06:57,367 --> 00:06:59,335
Just pretend like
you're holding
144
00:06:59,369 --> 00:07:00,336
a pretty girl's hand.
145
00:07:00,370 --> 00:07:02,998
Pigeons hate anything
sticky on their feet.
146
00:07:03,039 --> 00:07:05,007
When the gel gets
on their foot,
147
00:07:05,041 --> 00:07:06,008
they fly away because
148
00:07:06,042 --> 00:07:08,010
they can't handle
the sensation.
149
00:07:08,044 --> 00:07:09,011
Eh!
150
00:07:09,045 --> 00:07:11,013
...and then Luanne
ditches me for Hank.
151
00:07:11,047 --> 00:07:14,108
I have driven
for 20 years
152
00:07:14,150 --> 00:07:17,279
without an accident-- one
that wasn't my fault, anyway.
153
00:07:17,320 --> 00:07:19,516
Who is that woman?
154
00:07:19,556 --> 00:07:21,524
Oh, that's the new
hotshot exterminator.
155
00:07:21,558 --> 00:07:22,753
Anyway,
156
00:07:22,792 --> 00:07:25,090
so Luanne
says to me...
157
00:07:25,128 --> 00:07:27,096
She's trouble.
158
00:07:28,898 --> 00:07:30,992
But wouldn't that
be poetic justice?
159
00:07:31,034 --> 00:07:32,001
I come back to Dale,
160
00:07:32,035 --> 00:07:34,470
and then he runs off
with another woman?
161
00:07:34,504 --> 00:07:36,097
( Faughing )
162
00:07:36,139 --> 00:07:37,197
( Faughing )
163
00:07:37,240 --> 00:07:40,471
Oh... I would say it's ironic,
164
00:07:40,510 --> 00:07:44,310
but you're the one
its happening to.
165
00:07:44,347 --> 00:07:48,682
You can call it
what you want.
166
00:07:48,718 --> 00:07:50,311
( Faughs )
167
00:07:50,353 --> 00:07:51,411
( Sobs)
168
00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:52,512
Excuse me.
169
00:07:52,555 --> 00:07:54,148
Dang ol'...
170
00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,352
( clears throat loudly )
171
00:07:56,393 --> 00:07:57,360
Nancy!
172
00:07:57,394 --> 00:07:58,623
I was just
telling Boomhauer
173
00:07:58,662 --> 00:08:00,653
that Sheila's
can and your can
174
00:08:00,697 --> 00:08:02,995
share some striking
similarities.
175
00:08:03,033 --> 00:08:04,501
Show him your can, Nancy.
176
00:08:04,534 --> 00:08:05,660
I don't think so.
177
00:08:05,702 --> 00:08:07,796
You know I don't
like you looking
178
00:08:07,837 --> 00:08:10,101
at other ladies'... areas.
179
00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:11,801
How can I help it?
180
00:08:11,841 --> 00:08:15,072
She's got your hot
bod and my hot mind.
181
00:08:15,111 --> 00:08:17,079
It's like some
science experiment
182
00:08:17,113 --> 00:08:18,945
that's gone
horribly right.
183
00:08:18,982 --> 00:08:19,949
Dale, honey!
184
00:08:19,983 --> 00:08:20,950
Could you bring me up
185
00:08:20,984 --> 00:08:23,919
the Johnson's Pestgo
Bird Repel Gel 320ml?
186
00:08:23,953 --> 00:08:24,920
Oh, man.
187
00:08:24,954 --> 00:08:28,447
I could talk about
the Johnson's Pestgo
188
00:08:28,491 --> 00:08:31,791
Bird Repel Gel 320 mil
for the rest of my life.
189
00:08:31,828 --> 00:08:34,195
Hey, Nancy, could
you grab it for me?
190
00:08:34,230 --> 00:08:36,597
It's right behind you.
191
00:08:36,633 --> 00:08:37,657
( Faughs loudly )
192
00:08:37,701 --> 00:08:43,663
You have no idea
what that is!
193
00:08:47,377 --> 00:08:50,074
Oh, |-I shouldn't
194
00:08:50,113 --> 00:08:51,444
laugh at you.
195
00:08:51,481 --> 00:08:52,710
( Snickers )
196
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:55,719
But when you picked
up the Diazanon...
197
00:08:55,752 --> 00:09:00,383
Oh, I got to send that
in to "Bugs and Giggles."
198
00:09:11,067 --> 00:09:12,933
Yep.
199
00:09:12,969 --> 00:09:14,334
Yep.
200
00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,998
Mmm. Mmm-hmm.
201
00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:18,599
( Faughing ):
'You're so funny.
202
00:09:18,641 --> 00:09:20,871
Yup.
203
00:09:20,910 --> 00:09:22,844
Pardon us
for being excited.
204
00:09:22,879 --> 00:09:25,109
We're unleashing some
pretty supreme chemical
205
00:09:25,148 --> 00:09:26,912
in the alley
this afternoon.
206
00:09:26,950 --> 00:09:29,214
Tell them about the chemical,
will ya, huh?
207
00:09:29,252 --> 00:09:31,687
Well, as you know,
pigeons live in a flock.
208
00:09:31,721 --> 00:09:33,120
So we pick
the alpha male.
209
00:09:33,156 --> 00:09:35,887
Then we feed him a mild
hallucinogen called Avitrol.
210
00:09:35,925 --> 00:09:38,417
Which is cleverly disguised
as a kernel of corn.
211
00:09:38,461 --> 00:09:39,428
Bill, don't eat
212
00:09:39,462 --> 00:09:40,429
any corn on
your lawn.
213
00:09:40,463 --> 00:09:41,521
And then the
other pigeons
214
00:09:41,564 --> 00:09:43,692
see their alpha
male flipping out.
215
00:09:43,733 --> 00:09:46,031
They say, "Hey, we don't want
any of that mess,�
216
00:09:46,069 --> 00:09:47,696
and the flock relocates itself.
217
00:09:47,737 --> 00:09:50,297
Isn't she a
freaking genius?!
218
00:09:50,340 --> 00:09:51,307
No, wait.
219
00:09:51,341 --> 00:09:53,776
She's a god.
220
00:09:53,810 --> 00:09:54,777
Oh...
221
00:09:54,811 --> 00:09:57,109
So I'm doing
an overnight
222
00:09:57,147 --> 00:09:59,309
at the Econosuites
this weekend.
223
00:09:59,349 --> 00:10:01,545
Pigeons, rats,
silverfish.
224
00:10:01,584 --> 00:10:04,076
You feel like
coming along?
225
00:10:04,120 --> 00:10:06,145
You're asking me
to join you
226
00:10:06,189 --> 00:10:07,350
on your route?
227
00:10:07,390 --> 00:10:11,293
I'd love to.
228
00:10:11,327 --> 00:10:12,294
And tomorrow
they're going
229
00:10:12,328 --> 00:10:14,922
on an overnight
extermination job
230
00:10:14,964 --> 00:10:16,932
just like
when John Redcorn and |
231
00:10:16,966 --> 00:10:18,934
went on our "migraine cruise"
to Ensenada.
232
00:10:18,968 --> 00:10:21,300
Well, you need to tell
Dale just to back off!
233
00:10:21,337 --> 00:10:22,736
Use this if you have to.
234
00:10:22,772 --> 00:10:25,139
Oh, how can I say
anything to him?
235
00:10:25,175 --> 00:10:27,200
I was Unchristian to Dale
for a long time.
236
00:10:27,243 --> 00:10:30,144
I just want
my sug back, sug.
237
00:10:30,180 --> 00:10:32,774
Maybe you should try to be
more involved in Dale's life.
238
00:10:32,816 --> 00:10:35,217
You know, be a bigger part
of his world.
239
00:10:35,251 --> 00:10:39,449
But Dale's world is so...
240
00:10:39,489 --> 00:10:40,581
I don't really want...
241
00:10:40,623 --> 00:10:41,784
No, I wouldn't either,
242
00:10:41,825 --> 00:10:44,590
but you seem to want
to save this thing.
243
00:10:52,735 --> 00:10:54,294
Yep.
244
00:10:54,337 --> 00:10:56,806
Mm-hmm.
245
00:10:59,375 --> 00:11:01,776
I totally agree
with you, Sheila.
246
00:11:01,811 --> 00:11:04,644
The second Lionel Jefferson
was much better.
247
00:11:04,681 --> 00:11:07,116
The first guy was
all 'fro, no show.
248
00:11:07,150 --> 00:11:13,419
Are we simpatico or what?
249
00:11:13,456 --> 00:11:15,618
I'm on the phone.
250
00:11:15,658 --> 00:11:16,682
Sheila, let me
call you back.
251
00:11:16,726 --> 00:11:18,922
Fine. Here's my ear�
252
00:11:18,962 --> 00:11:20,452
Touch it.
253
00:11:20,496 --> 00:11:22,464
I killed a spider
in the kitchen today.
254
00:11:22,498 --> 00:11:24,762
I cannot explain
the rush I got.
255
00:11:24,801 --> 00:11:26,291
So... I was thinking...
256
00:11:26,336 --> 00:11:31,297
there must be all kinds of
fun stuff to kill on your route.
257
00:11:31,341 --> 00:11:32,433
Mind if I tag along?
258
00:11:32,475 --> 00:11:33,965
I dunno, Nancy.
259
00:11:34,010 --> 00:11:36,877
It takes a special
kinda lady to do what I do.
260
00:11:36,913 --> 00:11:43,751
I can be a
special kinda lady.
261
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:46,312
( Explosion )
262
00:11:46,356 --> 00:11:48,051
(yells)
263
00:11:48,091 --> 00:11:51,493
Ah! Nancy! Shoot it!
264
00:11:51,527 --> 00:11:56,624
This is what you do?!
265
00:11:56,666 --> 00:11:59,431
( Dale shrieking )
266
00:11:59,469 --> 00:12:01,437
So I'll pick you up at midnight?
267
00:12:01,471 --> 00:12:02,836
Honk twice so I don't shoot ya!
268
00:12:02,872 --> 00:12:06,206
Sug. Sugar.
269
00:12:06,242 --> 00:12:07,334
Suggie, sug, sug.
270
00:12:07,377 --> 00:12:10,005
I just wanted to
come out here
271
00:12:10,046 --> 00:12:12,276
and give you a
little present
272
00:12:12,315 --> 00:12:15,307
for including Dale on
this big job tonight.
273
00:12:15,351 --> 00:12:16,910
It's a gift
certificate.
274
00:12:16,953 --> 00:12:18,921
I figured a hard-working woman
like yourself
275
00:12:18,955 --> 00:12:20,548
might enjoy a nice massage.
276
00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:24,356
"John Redcorn's
New Age Healing Center."
277
00:12:24,394 --> 00:12:25,361
Sounds relaxing.
278
00:12:25,395 --> 00:12:27,830
Make sure to ask for
the "migraine special."
279
00:12:27,864 --> 00:12:31,095
That's the "migraine special."
280
00:12:31,134 --> 00:12:32,397
Oh, look at the certificate.
281
00:12:32,435 --> 00:12:33,402
It expires in two hours.
282
00:12:33,436 --> 00:12:34,631
You should go how. Now.
283
00:12:34,671 --> 00:12:40,269
Are there any special areas
you'd like me to focus on?
284
00:12:40,310 --> 00:12:46,272
Well, Nancy Gribble said
I should ask for the...
285
00:12:54,190 --> 00:12:57,626
"migraine special"?
286
00:12:57,660 --> 00:13:00,960
I'm sure Nancy told you
about the time I cured
287
00:13:00,997 --> 00:13:03,557
four of her migraines
in one night.
288
00:13:03,599 --> 00:13:05,624
Actually, I'm really more
Dale's friend.
289
00:13:05,668 --> 00:13:06,635
It's weird.
290
00:13:06,669 --> 00:13:08,637
Dale and I have only
known each other a few days,
291
00:13:08,671 --> 00:13:12,369
but we have this, um...
almost primal connection.
292
00:13:12,408 --> 00:13:14,240
You know, like bugs do.
293
00:13:14,277 --> 00:13:17,406
To receive the full benefit
of my therapeutic massage,
294
00:13:17,447 --> 00:13:19,939
you must quiet your mind.
295
00:13:19,983 --> 00:13:20,950
Oh, [ can't help it.
296
00:13:20,984 --> 00:13:23,419
I'm so excited
about my job tonight.
297
00:13:23,453 --> 00:13:25,421
Dale and I have
so much fun together.
298
00:13:25,455 --> 00:13:27,423
The other day,
as a practical joke,
299
00:13:27,457 --> 00:13:29,357
he put a dead possum
in my Igloo cooler.
300
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:30,359
We laughed!
301
00:13:30,393 --> 00:13:31,360
Dale...
302
00:13:31,394 --> 00:13:32,361
( sighs)
303
00:13:32,395 --> 00:13:37,890
What am I supposed to wear
to Luanne's birthday party?
304
00:13:37,934 --> 00:13:38,992
I need something that says,
305
00:13:39,035 --> 00:13:42,005
"I am not some weird,
old guy in the bar.
306
00:13:42,038 --> 00:13:43,938
I am here against my will."
307
00:13:43,973 --> 00:13:46,874
Some kind of designated driver
you are.
308
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:49,674
Pressure's already
too much for you, huh?
309
00:13:49,712 --> 00:13:51,305
Well, God help Luanne.
310
00:13:51,347 --> 00:13:53,714
GIRL: Oh! Happy
birthday, Luanne!
311
00:13:53,750 --> 00:13:54,911
( Dejected sigh )
312
00:13:54,951 --> 00:13:57,852
Nancy, I feel I should warn you.
313
00:13:57,887 --> 00:13:58,979
Man, this is an awkward call.
314
00:13:59,022 --> 00:14:01,753
I think this woman
is interested in Dale.
315
00:14:01,791 --> 00:14:03,759
You shouldn't let him
go out tonight.
316
00:14:03,793 --> 00:14:05,761
Well, that's why I
sent her to you.
317
00:14:05,795 --> 00:14:07,923
What about the massage?
318
00:14:07,964 --> 00:14:08,760
It was just a massage.
319
00:14:08,798 --> 00:14:10,357
And she assumed
the tip was included
320
00:14:10,400 --> 00:14:12,596
in the gift certificate.
321
00:14:16,572 --> 00:14:18,131
What's up, Hefner?
322
00:14:18,174 --> 00:14:19,505
Hey, you take that back.
323
00:14:19,542 --> 00:14:21,510
I am the designated driver,
324
00:14:21,544 --> 00:14:25,538
and I'd like a wristband
that reflects that.
325
00:14:31,387 --> 00:14:33,321
That guy is
so handsome.
326
00:14:33,356 --> 00:14:35,757
And you can tell
by how hard he's laughing
327
00:14:35,792 --> 00:14:39,820
at that lady's joke, that he's
got a great sense of humor.
328
00:14:39,862 --> 00:14:42,024
He's got a great sense
of ass in those jeans.
329
00:14:42,065 --> 00:14:43,464
Hey, hey, hey.
330
00:14:43,499 --> 00:14:49,461
...don't normally
pick up chicks in bars.
331
00:14:49,972 --> 00:14:52,168
Oh, God, no, no, no.
332
00:14:52,208 --> 00:14:55,473
I can't be
here for this.
333
00:14:55,511 --> 00:14:58,071
Hey, what's your name,
beautiful?
334
00:14:58,114 --> 00:15:01,812
It's Luanne,
but you could call me beautiful.
335
00:15:01,851 --> 00:15:05,515
I'm totally flirting
in a bar!
336
00:15:05,555 --> 00:15:09,514
I have never needed a beer
so bad in my entire life.
337
00:15:09,559 --> 00:15:14,258
I don't normally pick up chicks
in bars, but you're special.
338
00:15:14,297 --> 00:15:16,789
Kind of like the sunrise...
339
00:15:16,833 --> 00:15:18,130
in Italy.
340
00:15:18,167 --> 00:15:19,259
Have you ever been?
341
00:15:19,302 --> 00:15:21,168
You would love it.
342
00:15:21,204 --> 00:15:22,797
LUANNE:
Oh, my God!
343
00:15:22,839 --> 00:15:27,003
Are you inviting me to go
to Italy with you?
344
00:15:27,043 --> 00:15:28,875
( Chuckles )
345
00:15:28,911 --> 00:15:33,747
I'm sorry, but this
is just so asinine.
346
00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:35,842
I'm going to get
another free soda.
347
00:15:35,885 --> 00:15:37,444
The sunrise...
348
00:15:37,487 --> 00:15:40,252
( faughs, moans )
349
00:15:42,992 --> 00:15:44,551
'You ready?
350
00:15:44,594 --> 00:15:50,727
GIRL:
Pop-per! Pop-per! Pop-per!
351
00:15:50,766 --> 00:15:51,460
( Coughs)
352
00:15:51,501 --> 00:15:53,128
No, I... I am the designated...
353
00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:55,831
Awl
354
00:15:55,872 --> 00:15:58,933
( coughing )
355
00:16:05,815 --> 00:16:07,044
Oh, I tell ya, man,
that dang ol' pigeon's
356
00:16:07,083 --> 00:16:09,142
freakin' out, man.
357
00:16:09,185 --> 00:16:10,175
It's the chemicals.
358
00:16:10,219 --> 00:16:12,881
He's tripping.
And pretty hard.
359
00:16:12,922 --> 00:16:14,481
Come on.
360
00:16:14,524 --> 00:16:20,827
We'll get you through this,
little fella.
361
00:16:20,863 --> 00:16:23,332
( Horn honks )
362
00:16:23,366 --> 00:16:25,528
I don't know why you need
to go out with her tonight,
363
00:16:25,568 --> 00:16:26,899
but I'm not going
to stop you.
364
00:16:26,936 --> 00:16:28,131
I'm so nervous.
365
00:16:28,171 --> 00:16:29,730
Can you smell
my armpit?
366
00:16:29,772 --> 00:16:30,762
( Sniffs)
367
00:16:30,806 --> 00:16:32,604
I don't think my
deodorant's working.
368
00:16:32,642 --> 00:16:33,609
( Doorbel! ringing )
369
00:16:33,643 --> 00:16:35,133
Dale, you cannot go!
370
00:16:35,178 --> 00:16:36,304
You just tell
your little friend
371
00:16:36,345 --> 00:16:37,744
to go on home.
372
00:16:37,780 --> 00:16:39,475
Well, that's not very friendly.
373
00:16:39,515 --> 00:16:43,577
I never told you to tell your
friend John Redcorn to go home.
374
00:16:43,619 --> 00:16:48,750
See you in
the morning.
375
00:16:59,135 --> 00:17:01,001
This is going to be
a long night, sug.
376
00:17:01,037 --> 00:17:02,505
Thanks for waiting with me.
377
00:17:02,538 --> 00:17:03,266
Mm-hmm.
378
00:17:03,306 --> 00:17:06,742
We will get through
this together.
379
00:17:19,655 --> 00:17:23,285
Maintain... Maintain...
380
00:17:23,326 --> 00:17:24,725
Maintain...
381
00:17:24,760 --> 00:17:27,286
'Yeah, man, you're just
home, you know, just chillin'
382
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,957
with your lady
in your ol' nest, you know.
383
00:17:28,998 --> 00:17:30,557
You got little bird
in the sky, man.
384
00:17:30,600 --> 00:17:34,059
You know, you did poop
on my car, you know,
385
00:17:34,103 --> 00:17:35,764
but we'll talk about that later,
you know.
386
00:17:35,805 --> 00:17:37,466
Don't worry about it
right now, you know.
387
00:17:37,506 --> 00:17:41,739
Ah. I just fell down,
and you know why?
388
00:17:41,777 --> 00:17:43,211
I'm drunk.
389
00:17:43,246 --> 00:17:45,078
Soam!
390
00:17:45,114 --> 00:17:46,343
But you're
our driver.
391
00:17:46,382 --> 00:17:48,043
I can't drive,
and you can't drive.
392
00:17:48,084 --> 00:17:52,419
How are we going to drive
if we can't drive?
393
00:17:52,455 --> 00:17:55,288
Yeah, I know,
it's terrible, but...
394
00:17:55,324 --> 00:17:57,952
I put this song
on. It's mine.
395
00:17:57,994 --> 00:18:01,487
You've played the same damn
song six times in a row.
396
00:18:01,530 --> 00:18:05,364
"New rule"-- you can't listen
to my song anymore.
397
00:18:05,401 --> 00:18:09,201
Oh. I'm havihg so much fun,
you guys.
398
00:18:09,238 --> 00:18:11,468
Ah, happy birthday, Luanne.
399
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:13,498
Let's do this
every Friday night.
400
00:18:18,981 --> 00:18:20,244
This is so great.
401
00:18:20,283 --> 00:18:22,411
For the first time
in my life, I feel like
402
00:18:22,451 --> 00:18:24,783
I'm really detecting rat urine.
403
00:18:24,820 --> 00:18:28,415
Dale, all we ever
talk about is work.
404
00:18:28,457 --> 00:18:31,916
Let's take a break.
405
00:18:36,065 --> 00:18:37,999
LUANNE:
This is beautiful.
406
00:18:38,034 --> 00:18:39,024
Where are we?
407
00:18:39,068 --> 00:18:40,832
It's where I park
when the world
408
00:18:40,870 --> 00:18:42,269
doesn't make
any sense to me.
409
00:18:42,305 --> 00:18:47,209
Does this make any sense?
410
00:18:47,243 --> 00:18:49,678
HANK:
No!
411
00:18:50,479 --> 00:18:57,283
( R&B music plays )
412
00:18:59,288 --> 00:19:01,655
( Snoring )
413
00:19:02,124 --> 00:19:04,115
Look at all those
pests out there.
414
00:19:04,160 --> 00:19:06,595
I wonder if we'll ever
win this war.
415
00:19:06,629 --> 00:19:10,657
Don't you just find the mating
habits of animals fascinating?
416
00:19:10,700 --> 00:19:13,431
When a pigeon wants to
mate, it makes this noise.
417
00:19:13,469 --> 00:19:16,029
( Cooing )
418
00:19:16,072 --> 00:19:17,301
Interesting.
419
00:19:17,340 --> 00:19:19,001
When cockroaches want to mate,
420
00:19:19,041 --> 00:19:21,373
they flush all the air
out of their book lungs.
421
00:19:21,410 --> 00:19:23,845
It sounds kind of like...
422
00:19:23,879 --> 00:19:26,211
( wheezing )
423
00:19:26,248 --> 00:19:28,444
( Cooing )
424
00:19:28,484 --> 00:19:29,815
( Wheezing )
425
00:19:29,852 --> 00:19:30,819
Well, it's getting late.
426
00:19:30,853 --> 00:19:32,821
'You want to go downstairs?
427
00:19:32,855 --> 00:19:33,822
I got us a room.
428
00:19:33,856 --> 00:19:37,053
I'm warming up some brandy
in the coffee maker.
429
00:19:37,093 --> 00:19:38,288
Wait a second.
430
00:19:38,327 --> 00:19:40,591
Are you attempting to know me?
431
00:19:40,629 --> 00:19:43,030
Dale, you are one of
the sweetest, gentlest,
432
00:19:43,065 --> 00:19:44,692
funniest men I've ever met.
433
00:19:44,734 --> 00:19:45,701
True,
434
00:19:45,735 --> 00:19:47,203
but Sheila, I'm married.
435
00:19:47,236 --> 00:19:48,761
It's just us tonight.
436
00:19:48,804 --> 00:19:49,999
Oh, no, missy.
437
00:19:50,039 --> 00:19:52,133
There are three people
here tonight.
438
00:19:52,174 --> 00:19:53,141
You, me
439
00:19:53,175 --> 00:19:54,142
and my wife.
440
00:19:54,176 --> 00:19:57,237
I've taken two oaths
in my life.
441
00:19:57,279 --> 00:20:01,273
One to the NRA and the other
to Nancy Hicks-Gribble,
442
00:20:01,317 --> 00:20:03,285
nee Nancy Hicks.
443
00:20:03,319 --> 00:20:06,152
I stood in front of God
and all my friends
444
00:20:06,188 --> 00:20:09,089
swearing to be an honorable
and truthful man.
445
00:20:09,125 --> 00:20:10,422
So I'm not going to lie,
446
00:20:10,459 --> 00:20:15,158
I h-have felt a very small,
insect-like attraction for you,
447
00:20:15,197 --> 00:20:16,164
but my wife
448
00:20:16,198 --> 00:20:19,395
is the greatest woman
there ever was.
449
00:20:19,435 --> 00:20:21,403
I think you should go.
450
00:20:23,105 --> 00:20:28,066
( Cooing )
451
00:20:28,110 --> 00:20:29,009
Geez, woman,
452
00:20:29,044 --> 00:20:31,240
take a hint.
453
00:20:31,280 --> 00:20:33,374
( Cooing )
454
00:20:33,416 --> 00:20:40,914
You heard me.
I love my wife.
455
00:20:40,956 --> 00:20:42,117
Dale?
456
00:20:42,158 --> 00:20:43,284
Man, you should have seen
457
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,316
the size of this roach
I couldn't kill.
458
00:20:45,361 --> 00:20:48,422
We are never staying
at the Econosuites.
459
00:20:48,464 --> 00:20:51,456
Hey, did you know Sheila
was trying to come on to me?
460
00:20:51,500 --> 00:20:53,525
No. Really?
461
00:20:53,569 --> 00:20:56,038
Yeah, she was all over me.
462
00:20:56,071 --> 00:20:57,038
It was weird.
463
00:20:57,072 --> 00:20:58,733
She knows I'm married.
464
00:20:58,774 --> 00:21:02,301
Oh, win go,
I didn't miss my show.
465
00:21:02,344 --> 00:21:04,142
'You want to watch it with me?
466
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,275
Sure.
467
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,768
That was a hell of a night.
468
00:22:10,312 --> 00:22:16,274
( Cooing and wheezing )
469
00:22:16,324 --> 00:22:20,874
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