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1
00:00:08,920 --> 00:00:10,990
- Wait!
- Hi. Cup of tea, please.
2
00:00:11,040 --> 00:00:13,679
How come he can push
to the front of the queue?
3
00:00:13,720 --> 00:00:16,837
He's a police officer. He's needed
on the beat, not queuing for tea.
4
00:00:16,880 --> 00:00:19,110
He's a police community support officer.
5
00:00:19,160 --> 00:00:21,469
What's he in a rush for? Has someone
dropped a Double Decker wrapper?
6
00:00:21,520 --> 00:00:23,795
Actually, they have a higher level of
custodial power than you'd imagine.
7
00:00:23,840 --> 00:00:26,070
Oh. "They have a higher custodial
power than you would imagine."
8
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,793
Look at me. I'm the man
on the front of the Pringles tube.
9
00:00:28,840 --> 00:00:31,513
"Oh, hello, my name's
Janet Street-Porter!"
10
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,788
What are you doing?
11
00:00:32,840 --> 00:00:35,308
We're not doing impressions?
12
00:00:35,360 --> 00:00:37,715
- Were you not doing a?
- OK.
13
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:40,479
So what crimes is he actually qualified
to deal with?
14
00:00:40,520 --> 00:00:41,509
I don't know the specifics.
15
00:00:41,560 --> 00:00:43,755
Anyway, this is inane, like most things
you want to talk about.
16
00:00:43,800 --> 00:00:46,553
None of us know what police community
support officers are allowed to do.
17
00:00:46,600 --> 00:00:48,750
Why don't you ask Big Dave Bowers?
He's a copper.
18
00:00:48,800 --> 00:00:49,835
He's a butcher, Jo.
19
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:52,189
What's with the uniform, then?
20
00:00:54,320 --> 00:00:55,389
This is gonna be anarchy
when this gets out.
21
00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:59,115
No. No, it isn't, because no-one else is
wasting their life pondering nonsense.
22
00:00:59,160 --> 00:01:02,391
Oh, it's nonsense, is it? Right.
Well, when we're in the pub tonight,
23
00:01:02,440 --> 00:01:05,318
if there's any police about,
I shall help myself to beer and crisps,
24
00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:07,157
and if anyone questions me,
25
00:01:07,200 --> 00:01:09,953
I'll smack them in the goof
with a pool cue, shall I, Brian?
26
00:01:10,000 --> 00:01:12,639
Fine. Thankfully, I won't be there
to see it.
27
00:01:12,680 --> 00:01:14,750
- I'm not coming out this weekend.
- What do you mean?
28
00:01:14,800 --> 00:01:16,995
Julie's taking the girls to her mum's.
29
00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:18,917
- I've got the place to myself.
- It's Friday night, mate.
30
00:01:18,960 --> 00:01:20,791
- It's the cider quiz.
- Sorry.
31
00:01:20,840 --> 00:01:23,400
I've got a weekend of sheer bliss lined
up. Gonna have me some Brian time.
32
00:01:23,440 --> 00:01:25,954
Result! Bag of sausage.
33
00:01:26,000 --> 00:01:29,754
Hold on to your tits -
he's not coming to the cider quiz.
34
00:01:29,800 --> 00:01:31,313
- Yeah, neither am I.
- Oh, my God!
35
00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:34,875
Got the health and beauty conference.
I'm launching my new business - the PMT.
36
00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:36,911
Don't tell me. I'll worry.
37
00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,996
Don't leave me on my own all weekend!
38
00:01:39,040 --> 00:01:41,998
I don't like downtime.
I don't like Brian time!
39
00:01:44,040 --> 00:01:46,031
- Come out!
- Oi!
40
00:01:46,080 --> 00:01:48,071
I'll get Bob if you're gonna muck about!
41
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:54,279
Sir, you've got a class.
Miss Lipsey said to come and get you.
42
00:01:54,320 --> 00:01:56,276
- Bugger off, you little grass.
- Dan!
43
00:01:56,320 --> 00:01:58,470
Well...! All right, I'm coming.
44
00:02:03,680 --> 00:02:06,831
Oh, my God!
45
00:02:06,880 --> 00:02:09,792
Dan's boss is tiny!
46
00:02:16,000 --> 00:02:24,000
Ripped By mstoll
47
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,150
Jesus!
48
00:02:50,920 --> 00:02:53,070
Hello? Are you all right?
49
00:02:53,120 --> 00:02:54,314
Fuck off.
50
00:02:54,360 --> 00:02:56,794
- Sorry?
- You ran me over.
51
00:02:56,840 --> 00:02:59,274
Oh, no, I didn't. You were already down.
52
00:02:59,320 --> 00:03:01,231
- Liar!
- Honestly, you were already down.
53
00:03:01,280 --> 00:03:03,157
You did knock him down! I saw it.
54
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:05,156
What the fuck?!
55
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:06,838
I'm a witness!
56
00:03:06,880 --> 00:03:10,395
You hit him.
You will rot in prison for this,
57
00:03:10,440 --> 00:03:12,431
you lanky, fat weirdo.
58
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,198
Get up, Dad. Jesus!
59
00:03:14,240 --> 00:03:16,470
Oh, villain!
60
00:03:16,520 --> 00:03:20,877
Villain! Smiling, damned villain!
61
00:03:20,920 --> 00:03:23,673
I can't wait to put you in a home!
62
00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:26,280
What a nasty boy.
63
00:03:26,320 --> 00:03:29,630
He must be punished.
64
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,793
Shit, is it your birthday?
65
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,673
Why would I be putting a banner up
for my own birthday?
66
00:03:43,720 --> 00:03:44,994
Dementia.
67
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:46,598
It's your niece's birthday.
68
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,119
She doesn't live here,
you ludicrous old goon.
69
00:03:48,160 --> 00:03:50,469
Your sister's here with Lucy.
70
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:54,479
We're having a birthday party for her
and all her little friends tomorrow.
71
00:03:54,520 --> 00:03:56,476
Oh... no!
72
00:03:56,520 --> 00:04:00,149
Not children. Not at the weekend!
No, I won't allow it.
73
00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:01,997
They won't disturb you, don't worry.
74
00:04:02,040 --> 00:04:04,235
Your dad and I have got it all organised.
75
00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,078
Do you mean the warped suicide Jester
in the road?
76
00:04:07,120 --> 00:04:08,633
No. Your dad.
77
00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:12,355
Right. Well, I'll have nothing to do with
your jamboree of screaming and piss.
78
00:04:12,400 --> 00:04:15,153
You're not invited.
79
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,077
We want the kids to have a safe party.
80
00:04:18,160 --> 00:04:19,479
I... I could help.
81
00:04:21,280 --> 00:04:23,396
No! No, thank you, sweetheart.
82
00:04:23,440 --> 00:04:27,592
Hey, I'm not offering,
but, if I wanted to, I could be of help.
83
00:04:27,640 --> 00:04:31,428
No! Oh, no!
84
00:04:36,200 --> 00:04:38,156
Uncle Dan!
85
00:04:38,200 --> 00:04:40,589
Oh, you horrible little scumbag,
I hate you.
86
00:04:40,640 --> 00:04:43,791
It's my birthday tomorrow,
we're having a party!
87
00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,115
I know. It's gonna be rubbish.
88
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:47,752
- All right, sis?
- Hello, Dan.
89
00:04:47,800 --> 00:04:49,836
- You're rubbish!
- Eh, Lucy.
90
00:04:49,880 --> 00:04:52,110
You're rubbish, mate.
You can't even drive.
91
00:04:52,160 --> 00:04:53,229
She can't.
92
00:04:53,280 --> 00:04:55,794
Can we sing the poo song?
93
00:04:55,840 --> 00:04:57,114
No, you know I don't like that song.
94
00:04:57,160 --> 00:04:59,754
- Oh.
- Oh. Uh-oh!
95
00:05:23,760 --> 00:05:24,636
Yeah, thank you very much, Dan.
96
00:05:24,680 --> 00:05:26,910
That'll do. Lucy, do you want to go
and get your pyjamas on?
97
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:30,077
- I want to stay and play with Uncle Dan.
- Get going.
98
00:05:30,120 --> 00:05:31,872
We can play at the party tomorrow,
you idiot.
99
00:05:31,920 --> 00:05:34,309
We can't. Mum says you're not invited.
100
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,394
- You know I hate that song.
- Hang on a minute.
101
00:05:38,440 --> 00:05:41,671
What does she mean, I'm not invited?
I thought Mum was joking.
102
00:05:41,720 --> 00:05:43,278
I wasn't.
103
00:05:43,320 --> 00:05:44,833
I'm not invited? Why not?
104
00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,393
Don't make me spell it out, Dan.
105
00:05:46,440 --> 00:05:48,954
You and a roomful of other people's kids,
106
00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,594
singing about animals
shitting in each other's mouths?
107
00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:52,868
I don't think so.
108
00:05:52,920 --> 00:05:54,319
No, thank you!
109
00:05:55,600 --> 00:05:58,398
Oh, I suppose that lunatic's invited,
though, is he?
110
00:05:58,440 --> 00:06:00,317
Dad's doing a little show for the kiddies.
111
00:06:00,360 --> 00:06:02,351
Now, what's happening with you and Naomi?
112
00:06:02,400 --> 00:06:05,597
Why do people keep asking me this?
She's gone.
113
00:06:05,640 --> 00:06:09,110
- Oh, Dan. But she's such a lovely girl.
- She's an angel.
114
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,673
Oh, reel it in, old woman!
115
00:06:10,720 --> 00:06:13,154
I worry about you, that's all.
116
00:06:13,200 --> 00:06:16,954
I mean, you're a nice enough bloke,
but I think you're gonna die alone.
117
00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:19,389
Oh, I'm a nice enough bloke, am I?
118
00:06:19,440 --> 00:06:22,238
Would a nice enough bloke do this?
119
00:06:22,280 --> 00:06:25,556
Daniel! That's Lucy's favourite dolly.
120
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:28,319
Mummy!
121
00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:31,432
You know, it's nice to be needed.
122
00:06:31,480 --> 00:06:33,436
It's a good feeling.
123
00:06:33,480 --> 00:06:35,198
That little girl trusts me absolutely.
124
00:06:36,240 --> 00:06:37,559
Who needs you, Daniel?
125
00:06:39,920 --> 00:06:41,956
This old prune, for a start.
126
00:06:44,040 --> 00:06:46,998
Ladies and gentlemen,
the Personal Makeover Tent.
127
00:06:47,040 --> 00:06:49,429
A one-off grooming solution.
128
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:52,199
Care for a free consultancy?
129
00:06:54,520 --> 00:06:56,556
Care for a free consultancy?
130
00:06:56,600 --> 00:06:58,033
Anyone?
131
00:07:07,320 --> 00:07:09,197
Hi, can I speak to Naomi, please?
132
00:07:10,320 --> 00:07:11,673
It's a friend.
133
00:07:12,920 --> 00:07:15,673
No, I won't take part
in a vetting process.
134
00:07:17,200 --> 00:07:18,633
Yes, I can prove it.
135
00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:20,955
She got a horrible mole
like a shrunken child's face
136
00:07:21,000 --> 00:07:23,275
just inside her bikini line. Yeah.
137
00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,833
Yes. Happy?
138
00:07:26,560 --> 00:07:28,198
Yeah, I'll leave a message.
139
00:07:28,240 --> 00:07:29,992
It's her dad. I've had a fall!
140
00:07:31,520 --> 00:07:33,590
Ooooh!
141
00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,798
Oh, fucking hell.
142
00:07:36,840 --> 00:07:38,831
You can't resist calling, can you?
143
00:07:38,880 --> 00:07:41,314
I was just ringing her
to ask if she thought I was trustworthy.
144
00:07:41,360 --> 00:07:44,397
- What's wrong with that?
- You could've asked her yourself.
145
00:07:44,440 --> 00:07:45,953
Tomorrow.
146
00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:47,558
What do you mean?
147
00:07:47,600 --> 00:07:50,160
Oh, he doesn't know, does he?
148
00:07:50,200 --> 00:07:53,033
- No!
- What don't I know?
149
00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,839
Naomi's coming to the party.
150
00:07:55,880 --> 00:07:57,677
Lucy's party?!
151
00:07:58,880 --> 00:08:00,996
They've invited her? I
152
00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,190
I don't fucking believe this!
153
00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:08,198
Now, I can see straightaway
some basics we can deal with
154
00:08:08,240 --> 00:08:11,596
- before we deal with the overall look.
- Well, I'm not sure I even want...
155
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:17,035
That has completely redefined
your cheekbones.
156
00:08:17,080 --> 00:08:18,399
Oh, listen, I...
157
00:08:18,440 --> 00:08:20,954
You've got a little bit
of a monobrow going on.
158
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:24,231
However, if we take a bit of weight
out of the central growth,
159
00:08:24,280 --> 00:08:26,077
- it'll help the shape of your face.
- I think I should probably...
160
00:08:26,120 --> 00:08:27,394
I've got something from Mexico.
161
00:08:27,440 --> 00:08:30,637
It's a product that'll take
the whole section out. Wait a sec.
162
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,749
Holy mother of fuck!
163
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:54,639
- Thank you so much.
- Have a good evening, madam.
164
00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:56,511
- Thank you so much.
- Thank you, madam.
165
00:08:56,560 --> 00:08:59,279
That must be nice.
166
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:01,788
- Beg your pardon, sir?
- To be trusted.
167
00:09:01,840 --> 00:09:03,273
All part of the job, sir.
168
00:09:05,120 --> 00:09:08,829
Oh. You're not a real one.
We were talking about you earlier.
169
00:09:10,160 --> 00:09:12,674
Sir, could you move along, please?
I'm trying to do my job.
170
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:14,358
Is it like, um, a hobby for you?
171
00:09:14,400 --> 00:09:17,278
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah!
172
00:09:17,320 --> 00:09:20,118
- Here we go, another joker!
- I was only asking.
173
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:22,515
No, I'm not full-time. No, I don't have
the same arrest powers, OK?
174
00:09:22,560 --> 00:09:24,676
Is that what you want?! I'm just
trying to give something back.
175
00:09:24,720 --> 00:09:25,869
I'm fucking sick of this!
176
00:09:25,920 --> 00:09:28,070
No, no, I think you do great work.
I was just wondering.
177
00:09:28,120 --> 00:09:31,635
Wondering what?! If I do this
as my social life? Yeah, I do. Happy?
178
00:09:31,680 --> 00:09:32,829
You look good.
179
00:09:32,880 --> 00:09:35,713
- You look like a real policeman.
- I fucking am a real policeman!
180
00:09:35,760 --> 00:09:39,389
What do you think that is? Scotch mist?
I'll radio the fucking station, shall I?
181
00:09:39,440 --> 00:09:42,910
Get a fucking Black Maria down here.
Then we'll see who's part-time, shall we?
182
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:45,349
Get a fucking dog team down here.
Is that what you want?!
183
00:09:45,400 --> 00:09:47,550
Get bitten by a massive fucking dog!
184
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:48,828
I'm really sorry.
185
00:09:48,880 --> 00:09:51,075
Just fuck off out of here.
I'm sick of this shit!
186
00:09:51,960 --> 00:09:53,837
- You all right, Tony?
- Leave it!
187
00:09:55,320 --> 00:09:57,993
What are you doing?
They're just eyebrows.
188
00:09:58,040 --> 00:10:00,508
I've got my cream here,
let me sort it out.
189
00:10:01,920 --> 00:10:03,638
Fucking...
190
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:13,551
Pub.
191
00:10:26,760 --> 00:10:29,638
What has happened here?
192
00:10:29,680 --> 00:10:31,671
He sleeps!
193
00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:37,953
"We are such stuff as dreams are made on,
194
00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,037
"and our little life
is rounded with a sleep."
195
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:44,751
Shall we wake him?
196
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,360
Why ever not... but how?
197
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,676
A gentle shake?
198
00:10:50,720 --> 00:10:52,631
No, no, no. No.
199
00:10:59,920 --> 00:11:02,070
What the fuck is it now?
200
00:11:03,280 --> 00:11:05,669
Morning, Daniel. Time to get up.
201
00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:33,397
Oh! Here's a sight for sore eyes.
202
00:11:33,440 --> 00:11:36,830
Hello, Jo. How was the cider quiz?
203
00:11:36,880 --> 00:11:39,633
We came last. We just bought a shitload.
204
00:11:39,680 --> 00:11:41,033
Lucy, do you remember Auntie Jo?
205
00:11:41,080 --> 00:11:43,196
No. Do you want to come to my party?
206
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:47,153
No, she doesn't. And, while we're
on the subject, who invited Naomi?
207
00:11:47,200 --> 00:11:48,474
Naomi's like family.
208
00:11:48,520 --> 00:11:51,956
I am family! She dumped me.
209
00:11:52,000 --> 00:11:53,558
Yay! Naomi!
210
00:11:53,600 --> 00:11:55,192
Judas!
211
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:57,470
I... I like your head.
212
00:11:58,400 --> 00:11:59,833
"I like your head?"
213
00:11:59,880 --> 00:12:01,359
I don't know
how to speak to them.
214
00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:03,789
It's very nice to see you two,
but you'll need to go out soon.
215
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:05,068
The kiddies will be arriving.
216
00:12:05,120 --> 00:12:08,396
So are you serious? I can't actually stay?
217
00:12:08,440 --> 00:12:10,271
- Correct.
- Oh, come on.
218
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:12,072
Let me do something. Please.
219
00:12:12,120 --> 00:12:13,838
Well...
220
00:12:13,880 --> 00:12:16,440
- We do need the cake collecting.
- No way.
221
00:12:16,480 --> 00:12:18,835
- Can I go?
- Absolutely not.
222
00:12:18,880 --> 00:12:19,915
Wait.
223
00:12:19,960 --> 00:12:22,315
Please let me get the cake.
224
00:12:22,360 --> 00:12:23,952
I really need this, Daisy.
225
00:12:27,840 --> 00:12:30,195
Go on, then.
Go and get your shoes, Lucy.
226
00:12:30,240 --> 00:12:32,629
- Yay!
- I'll go and get a booster seat.
227
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:36,075
So, um, what do you like, Lucy?
228
00:12:36,120 --> 00:12:38,918
I like ponies.
229
00:12:38,960 --> 00:12:41,679
Wicked! I used to have a horse.
230
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:44,109
What?! Did you?
231
00:12:44,160 --> 00:12:47,994
Really? A horse of your own?
Did you ride him?
232
00:12:48,040 --> 00:12:50,554
I tried, but he went mental in the winds.
233
00:12:50,600 --> 00:12:52,830
We had to knacker him for glue.
234
00:12:52,880 --> 00:12:56,236
- Jo!
- Sorry! Sorry.
235
00:12:57,560 --> 00:13:00,279
My dad had to kill him
236
00:13:00,320 --> 00:13:03,596
cos he was bad in the head.
237
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,153
No!
238
00:13:05,200 --> 00:13:08,954
Auntie Jo's joking, Lucy.
The horse is fine.
239
00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,036
I'm not. I'm not joking.
240
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:13,355
My dad had to hit him twice
before he went down.
241
00:13:13,400 --> 00:13:14,628
He bit me in the tit...
242
00:13:17,280 --> 00:13:19,589
- Good.
- Er...
243
00:13:22,920 --> 00:13:24,114
My cake!
244
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,515
Look at the size of this. It's ridiculous.
245
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:29,518
- Aw, it reminds me of Duncan.
- Duncan the horse?
246
00:13:29,560 --> 00:13:30,913
- Yeah.
- Open the back door.
247
00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:31,836
I'll have to put this on the seat.
248
00:13:31,880 --> 00:13:33,916
There's shitloads of unopened letters
in there.
249
00:13:33,960 --> 00:13:35,313
Fucking bin them. This weighs a ton.
250
00:13:35,360 --> 00:13:36,759
Oh, OK.
251
00:13:36,800 --> 00:13:38,119
It's ridiculous.
252
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:40,441
Act of madness.
How many kids is she having to this party?
253
00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,756
Uncle Dan, there's Naomi.
254
00:13:43,800 --> 00:13:45,028
What?
255
00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,197
Oh!
256
00:13:49,880 --> 00:13:51,632
Oh, this is perfect.
257
00:13:53,320 --> 00:13:56,471
Naomi! Naomi!
258
00:13:56,520 --> 00:13:58,351
Naomi!
259
00:13:58,400 --> 00:13:59,594
Dan.
260
00:13:59,640 --> 00:14:01,756
Did you ring my office yesterday?
261
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:02,994
No.
262
00:14:03,800 --> 00:14:05,552
Look, a child.
263
00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:09,593
Yes, I can see that. Happy Birthday, Lucy!
264
00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,392
Are you coming to my party?
265
00:14:11,440 --> 00:14:13,829
They've let me come down
to pick up the cake.
266
00:14:13,880 --> 00:14:16,155
Right... Yes, I am.
267
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:18,316
Looks like I'm pretty trustworthy, eh?
268
00:14:18,360 --> 00:14:20,874
The actual birthday child.
269
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,037
We've already picked up the cake.
It's gone beautifully.
270
00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,593
See you at the party!
271
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:28,757
No, you can't!
You can't take it! You can't take it!
272
00:14:28,800 --> 00:14:29,835
No! Oh, God!
273
00:14:29,880 --> 00:14:34,874
Lucy, you just stay there, OK?
Lucy. Stay right there, OK?
274
00:14:34,920 --> 00:14:38,435
No! You can't, you can't take it!
You can't take Duncan! No!
275
00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:41,552
- Jo, what the fuck?
- Dan, they've taken Duncan!
276
00:14:47,280 --> 00:14:49,953
They've taken him to the car pound!
277
00:14:50,000 --> 00:14:52,434
I tried to tell them to stop.
I tried to get them...
278
00:14:52,480 --> 00:14:54,311
- Jo, what the fuck?
- I couldn't make them stop.
279
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:56,920
I said, "Stop! Don't do it!"
I couldn't make it stop!
280
00:14:56,960 --> 00:14:58,837
Calm down. Calm down!
281
00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,155
Breathe. Breathe. Right.
282
00:15:01,200 --> 00:15:04,351
- Why did you let them take it?!
- They said the car wasn't insured.
283
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,799
They did a random check on the computer.
284
00:15:05,840 --> 00:15:08,593
They didn't do a check on the computer!
I would have had a letter!
285
00:15:08,640 --> 00:15:12,349
- Have you lost my cake?
- What are we going to do?
286
00:15:12,400 --> 00:15:13,992
They're going to destroy him!
287
00:15:14,040 --> 00:15:16,508
- No!
- It's all right.
288
00:15:17,600 --> 00:15:20,592
Auntie Jo is confusing your cake
for a horse called Duncan.
289
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,756
We've got to get him back.
290
00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:26,395
Poor Duncan! The car pound's miles away.
291
00:15:26,440 --> 00:15:28,271
How are we going to get there?
292
00:15:28,520 --> 00:15:31,557
You couldn't do it, could you?
You couldn't just let me be for one day.
293
00:15:31,600 --> 00:15:33,591
Mate, this is an emergency.
294
00:15:33,640 --> 00:15:37,679
Caused by you. I never need your help,
do I? It's always this way round.
295
00:15:38,760 --> 00:15:42,799
How is any of this my fault?
I didn't know I wasn't insured.
296
00:15:45,560 --> 00:15:48,438
You always know! You must always know.
297
00:15:49,760 --> 00:15:51,716
You set up a direct debit
and you monitor it.
298
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,239
You get a bank statement and you check it.
299
00:15:53,280 --> 00:15:55,111
You put a note in your diary.
You cross-reference.
300
00:15:55,160 --> 00:15:57,196
You get your bank to send you
confirmation,
301
00:15:57,240 --> 00:16:00,073
which you put in a drawer. You check
that drawer on a monthly basis.
302
00:16:00,120 --> 00:16:02,680
You put your statements in a folder
in that drawer. You check your outgoings
303
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,837
and make sure that they are consistent.
You never presume
304
00:16:05,880 --> 00:16:08,599
that your direct debit is more important
to someone else than it is to you.
305
00:16:08,640 --> 00:16:10,517
You protect your earnings,
you check your cover,
306
00:16:10,560 --> 00:16:13,518
you never, ever, ever get caught out!
307
00:16:23,560 --> 00:16:25,073
Don't get upset.
308
00:16:26,840 --> 00:16:29,638
You're right. Pathetic.
309
00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:32,999
You're not pathetic.
310
00:16:34,880 --> 00:16:37,872
Remember at school, we were all
getting bullied by Andrew Tate.
311
00:16:37,920 --> 00:16:41,151
No-one would stand up to him,
but you had a fight with him, didn't you?
312
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:42,189
Yeah, but...
313
00:16:42,240 --> 00:16:44,117
Jo, you remember that fight
he had with Andrew Tate.
314
00:16:44,160 --> 00:16:47,835
Yeah. I remember you training for that
fight. Running up all those steps,
315
00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:50,030
eating raw eggs, punching frozen meat.
316
00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:51,718
And you kept shouting "Adrian!
317
00:16:51,760 --> 00:16:53,716
- "Adrian!"
- Get back in the car!
318
00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:59,832
No-one would stand up to him, but you did.
319
00:17:00,920 --> 00:17:02,717
Yeah. Yeah, I did.
320
00:17:04,200 --> 00:17:06,270
Then he beat the shit out of me,
didn't he, Brian?
321
00:17:06,320 --> 00:17:08,788
And then every day for a month,
322
00:17:08,840 --> 00:17:10,956
he came around and he shat
on my mum's lawn, do you remember?
323
00:17:11,000 --> 00:17:14,788
Mum had to call the police in the end,
and then they made me see a social worker.
324
00:17:14,840 --> 00:17:16,114
They said I caused it all.
325
00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:18,913
Then, of course, eventually
Andrew Tate got put into a home.
326
00:17:18,960 --> 00:17:22,032
And his mum had a breakdown.
We would see her, do you remember?
327
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:24,640
Walking around the town
with that shopping trolley full of soil,
328
00:17:24,680 --> 00:17:29,037
shouting, "Who likes my cocoa powder?
Who wants to see my cocoa powder?!"
329
00:17:30,080 --> 00:17:31,638
It was awful, Brian!
330
00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,073
It was awful.
331
00:17:38,880 --> 00:17:40,472
OK. Bad example.
332
00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:52,872
Right... Let's get going, shall we?
333
00:18:08,600 --> 00:18:09,828
Oh, it's you.
334
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,998
Yeah, it's me, sir.
The supervising officer, the last word.
335
00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,029
The buck.
336
00:18:16,360 --> 00:18:18,191
Right. What is it? £200?
337
00:18:18,240 --> 00:18:20,310
- Here you are.
- First things first, sir. ID, please.
338
00:18:20,360 --> 00:18:23,033
You know who I am.
You saw me last night.
339
00:18:23,080 --> 00:18:26,516
- I've never seen you before in my life.
- Just give him your driving licence, Dan.
340
00:18:26,560 --> 00:18:27,993
Here.
341
00:18:29,080 --> 00:18:31,640
And, er, can you confirm your address?
342
00:18:31,680 --> 00:18:34,194
- Chislehurst Crescent.
- Oh, dear.
343
00:18:34,240 --> 00:18:36,310
Looks like someone's forgot to inform us
344
00:18:36,360 --> 00:18:38,920
of their change of address,
making this invalid.
345
00:18:38,960 --> 00:18:40,791
You've been back at your mum's
for six years.
346
00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:44,276
- It's got my photograph on it!
- But not your address.
347
00:18:44,320 --> 00:18:48,233
See, it looks like my authority
isn't in doubt to-fucking-day, is it?!
348
00:18:48,280 --> 00:18:52,796
You... you don't wear a lot of make-up.
Are you going for the natural look?
349
00:18:52,840 --> 00:18:54,432
I'm not allowed make-up.
350
00:18:54,480 --> 00:18:57,472
It's your birthday.
A little makeover wouldn't hurt.
351
00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:58,839
What's a makeover?
352
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,836
What's... I'll get my stuff!
353
00:19:01,880 --> 00:19:03,199
I'm not an unreasonable man.
354
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:06,630
I'll settle for a car logbook and, um...
355
00:19:07,720 --> 00:19:09,199
...a utility bill.
356
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:13,711
A utility bill? Why would I have
a utility bill on me?
357
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:15,796
This isn't my house.
I'm not a fucking snail.
358
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:17,637
No ID, no car.
359
00:19:18,720 --> 00:19:21,598
All right. Just show me where it is
so I can get my pony cake out of it.
360
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:23,198
I'm hardly going to let a complete
stranger remove a pony cake
361
00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:26,357
- from a car that might not be his, am I?
- I really need this, mate.
362
00:19:26,400 --> 00:19:28,709
And I need order
and people obeying the law!
363
00:19:28,760 --> 00:19:30,591
If you don't mind me saying,
I think you are being a bit unreasonable.
364
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:32,039
Unreasonable?
365
00:19:32,080 --> 00:19:35,152
Do you want to fucking see unreasonable?!
366
00:19:55,840 --> 00:20:00,630
Well, it's over. Let's go back
and face the music. I've failed.
367
00:20:00,680 --> 00:20:03,752
- I've proved them right again.
- It's only a cake, Dan.
368
00:20:03,800 --> 00:20:06,837
Start looking at the big picture.
No-one's going to judge you on a cake.
369
00:20:06,880 --> 00:20:08,950
Holy mother of fuck!
370
00:20:13,600 --> 00:20:15,909
I thought it was a one-off!
They're all faulty.
371
00:20:17,560 --> 00:20:19,516
We need to get that fucking cake!
372
00:20:27,120 --> 00:20:28,109
Why?
373
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:31,709
Dan, stop that. Get in the Scenic.
You, draw her eyebrows back.
374
00:20:34,280 --> 00:20:35,554
Brian?
375
00:20:38,640 --> 00:20:40,232
Get in the Scenic.
376
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:07,312
I don't understand. Why do you want
your car in the pound?
377
00:21:07,360 --> 00:21:08,839
Where's Uncle Dan?
378
00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:11,235
Because, unlike Dan,
379
00:21:11,280 --> 00:21:13,077
I have the requisite household bill.
380
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:15,439
I always carry one...
381
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,674
...just in case.
382
00:21:18,800 --> 00:21:20,711
I don't get it.
383
00:21:20,760 --> 00:21:24,753
So, all we need, while I go and deal with
the formalities of getting my car,
384
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:28,110
is someone on the inside
to recover the cake from Dan's car.
385
00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:31,591
Behold...
386
00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:35,275
...the Trojan Horse.
387
00:21:58,560 --> 00:21:59,834
Where the hell is he?
388
00:21:59,880 --> 00:22:02,997
There's loads of cars in here.
He must be lost.
389
00:22:03,040 --> 00:22:06,271
There he is! He's got my cake.
390
00:22:38,320 --> 00:22:39,719
Seize him, Tyson!
391
00:22:41,600 --> 00:22:45,354
Oh! Oh, God!
392
00:22:45,400 --> 00:22:48,517
- Duncan!
- No!
393
00:22:48,560 --> 00:22:49,754
Argh!
394
00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:54,234
- Oh, God!
- Oh, fuck! Oh, no!
395
00:22:54,280 --> 00:22:56,430
Argh!
396
00:22:56,480 --> 00:22:58,152
The cake! The pony!
397
00:22:59,720 --> 00:23:01,199
Brian!
398
00:23:02,720 --> 00:23:06,349
Argh! Oh, shit! Shit, shit, shit!
399
00:23:06,400 --> 00:23:08,118
Oh, the head!
400
00:23:12,500 --> 00:23:20,500
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