All language subtitles for Frasier s01e03 Shes The Boss.eng

But I need you.

I don't believe
you. Prove it to me.

Please, I can't do
this without you.

What is the word on
the street these days

about herringbone?

- Not now, Dad.
- It's all right, all right.

I've got some options in
the downstairs closet here.

I can't do this alone.

So tell me, are you
in or are you out?

Because if I walk
out that door...

Is houndstooth too whimsical?

Please, Dad.

Because if I walk out that
door and you follow me,

maybe...

we'll start a movement.

I want to love it. I do.
I-I do, we ju... I'm just...

- I'm not buying you in the role.
- What do you know? You...

You're judging me
on an acting scale

of one to Backdraft.

Backdraft is a
cinematic masterpiece.

No, Backdraft is fire porn.

Now, I know what
you two are thinking:

"here comes the Harvard
lecturer in his hackneyed tweed."

No, but I was thinking,
"How long is it gonna

take my dad to mention
he's teaching at Harvard?"

Under a minute. It's impressive.

So, just a bit longer than
you actually attended Harvard?

So, mock me if you will,
but this is the beginning

of a new academic era for me.

Frasier Crane is stepping
into a world where he can

- impart wisdom and influence young minds.
- Okay, Dad,

no one loves hearing
Frasier Crane talk about

Frasier Crane more than I do,

but Eve's got a big audition this week.

It's a play about a girl who
works at a slaughterhouse

and she convinces her
coworkers to unionize

through passion, grit
and a push-up bra.

Well, if the dialogue I
overheard was any indication,

then the cows
are the lucky ones.

Dad, could you just...

could you give us a
little peace and quiet?

I'm sorry, yes, if
only Eve had a place

where she could be on her own.

Perhaps someplace
that I've already paid for,

just directly across the hall.

Wait,

aren't you late for the
boarding school where you teach

unruly adolescents the
true meaning of poetry?

I'll have you know
tweed's sophisticated wool

and sensible elbow
patches are emblematic

of the intellect and
compassion it takes

to inspire young minds.

Are we twinsies?

I'll change.

Don't you have class right now?

I'm here to take your
father under my wing

and help him navigate
his first week at Harvard.

I'll be the Sancho
Panza to your Quixote.

All right, David.

You know, I know my
way around Harvard.

After all, I did go
to school there.

Wait, you did?
'Cause I don't think

you've ever told
us that story before.

See, now, that's good acting.

Well, if it isn't world-renowned
psychiatrist, TV personality

and newly minted Harvard
educator Dr. Frasier Crane.

Please, we're friends. Just
call me world-renowned.

And to what do I
owe the pleasure?

As I told Alan, I came here

to christen my newest ship.

And I thought that meant
there'd be champagne.

So I brought you a cappuccino.

You can imagine
my disappointment.

Welcome aboard.

It's been years since
I've had anyone here

with any passion,
excitement or even vital signs.

I-I also brought you this.

A replica "thinking
cap" from my old talk show.

How fun.

He students will go nuts
if you break it out for them.

Yes, well, you know,
I've put all that behind me.

Gone are the days
when I would dole out

ridiculous advice
to my TV audience.

Sure, sure. You-you
don't have to use it.

It's custom made,
overnight shipping.

The point is, we're
so glad you're here.

Glad? Thanks to your popularity,

hardly any students have
signed up for my class,

so I'm ecstatic.

Look around, uncle.

You are the
rosy-cheeked debutante at

this ball of the brains.

I am the strapping,
young cadet...

- Go sit down, David.
- Okay.

Welcome to a
History of Psychology.

In this semester, I will
be your Virgil, leading you

not through the circles
of Hades but through the...

Excuse me. I have a question.

Well, I can ramp back into

my Virgil speech in
a moment. Yes?

I think my boyfriend
might be cheating on me.

Should I confront him?

Well, I... I am
sorry to hear that,

but, this is not my old TV show.

I'm not giving out any
personal advice. Yes?

I have your first
call-in question.

She's from Phoenix,
Arizona. She's my mom.

She wants to know if you're
as handsome in person

as you were on TV.

That is not for me to say.

People magazine said,
"Yes, absolutely," but...

we're getting off
track. Now, now,

to our-our first lecture.

What made

Wilhelm Maximilian Wundt tick?

Our story begins

- in Mannheim, Germany.
- Uncle,

this guy's not taking
notes. He's Googling you.

Stop searching
"Frasier Crane height."

It's all right, David.

No, it's not okay.

Why does he need to
know your net worth?

A man's true value
has always be...

My God, uncle,
you're like a Rockefeller.

Kind of makes your Christmas
gifts seem ungenerous.

All right, all right. That's
enough, that's enough!

I'd like to make one
thing absolutely clear.

This class will have
nothing to do with my career,

my public life or
my old TV show.

I am here to lead you on a
challenging academic odyssey.

And if you are here
for any other reason...

then I invite you to leave now.

Great.

Well, we've

separated the
wheat from the chaff.

Now...

are there any serious questions?

I'm six foot, one.

Tried to finish the lecture.

As I continued
to talk, their eyes

just started to glaze over
as if they weren't even...

Alan.

Alan!

Yeah, I'm glad it
went so smoothly.

- Another triumph.
- No. No.

I failed.

I wanted them to take me
seriously as a professor,

and they rejected
me, completely.

If you would just stop trying,
I promise you will stop failing.

Dr. Crane, I just left
the registrar's office.

Eight students withdrew
from your class today.

Olivia, please.

Frasier's taking this
hard enough as it is.

Most of them then
signed up for your class.

Damn it, Frasier,
get your act together!

What happened?

I thought you'd be
natural at teaching.

You have decades of
experience in TV and radio.

But that's not teaching.
That's entertainment.

I'm not a dancing bear.

No one thinks of
you as a dancing bear.

But universities have changed
since you were a student here

for... thir... twe... for...
several decades ago.

Students today need
a little showmanship.

That's where you come in.

You make the hard
ideas go down easy.

So, I'm the cheese
wrapped around a dog's pill?

Yes, you get it.

Now, if you could just see

how enthusiastically
the students would react

to just a little
glimpse of the old you,

I know you would
change your mind.

I'm not changing my mind.

Okay, but we still
need you to succeed.

We are paying
you a lot of money.

You're paying me almost nothing.

Which is a lot of
money in academia.

It is all about the numbers.

And if you do not bring more
students into this department,

well, then the
numbers are not good.

What do you suggest?

Well, this is a
new career for you,

so maybe you would benefit
from some seasoned help.

- That sounds reasonable.
- That's perceptive. -

So, until you get your sea legs,

why don't you co-teach
your classes with Alan?

- Well, that's ridiculous.
- What is wrong with you?

My goodness.

Alan is-is lazy.

He doesn't even finish
anything he starts.

And Frasier is...

What do you say,
Alan... is it worth a try?

Well...

Please, Alan, help
me help Dr. Crane help

the next generation of people
who will help other people.

Sounds like a Ponzi
scheme of benevolence.

Are you really saying

I should take on extra
work without extra pay?

I am saying that you should
help your oldest and dearest friend.

Without extra pay.

You can bring your
cat back to the office.

Fine, I'll do it.

Anything for a dear friend.

You're talking about your cat?

Well, who do you think
I was talking about?

You in a hurry to get
home to get your cat?

No, no, that would be silly.

Frasier Crane,

meet Margaret Scratcher.

Now, if I may,

what's so offensive about
being a dancing bear?

You're a natural showman.
Why not use that talent?

I don't want to be a
showman anymore.

I want to make an impact.

Well, didn't you make an impact
on your television program?

Well, it's debatable.

But then again, you
know that. You saw it.

You did see my show, didn't you?

Of course.

B... Bits and pieces.

I may have missed it.

It was on for 14 years.

Here, let me show you.

Perhaps the real reason
you have not yet asked

your daughter to forgive you

is that you have not
yet forgiven yourself.

Well, this is all
rather insightful.

That was season one.

Here's a clip from...

season 13.

Doctor!

How about that
audience, Gilbert?

Lovely, lovely, lovely!

Welcome!

Today on our show,
I will be delving

into the mind of the
world's smartest pig,

Albert Swinestein!

Then, we'll unveil this week's

Frasier's Fra-vorite Things.

And Tom Arnold is here!

But first, let's put on...

Our thinking caps.

I see now why you may have felt

that you'd lost your way.

At one point...

I hawked a tinted moisturizer

with the tagline...

"I'm glistening."

And that's why I quit.

My show had devolved
into meaningless fluff.

My greatest nightmare is that

that will be my whole legacy.

Are you sure this isn't less
about how people will see you

and more about
how you see yourself?

Don't you diagnose
me with your projection.

It's merely a
suggestion of projection.

I have an objection to
your projection suggestion.

And I question your rejection
of my projection suggestion.

But if you're intent on
avoiding the razzle-dazzle,

then we'll have to win over
your class with substance.

And I think I know the very
substance we should start with.

Substance... you're talking
about a drink, aren't you?

You mean a book.

How about that?

I was right the first time.

Hi. How are you feeling
about your second class?

Better. Alan and I
dug deep last night

and came up with some
things I think you're really...

That's fantastic.
So I sent Alan in already

and, you know,
I hope it's okay...

I futzed with the
lighting a little bit

and I made a few
other little changes

just to help you feel more
at home. You'll barely notice.

Thank you. You're really
taking good care of me.

Anything for my
"fra-vorite" teacher.

Did you say "fra-vorite"?

No.

Just one more thing.

These doors are
broken or whatever.

If you wouldn't mind
using the, top entrance,

just going around?

Okay.

It's my greatest nightmare!

Doctor!

Dr. Crane, where are
you going? You have class.

Well, that makes one of us.

You tricked me.

No. No, no, no, no. I
tricked you and Alan.

He had no idea I
had that planned.

And I was hoping that
once you saw how excited

the students were, you
would embrace the old you.

You want the dancing
bear, don't you?

No. What I want is a
healthy learning environment

- for my...
- You want the dancing bear!

Of course I want
the dancing bear!

Why do you think I hired you...

For your negligible
teaching experience?

For the zero academic
papers that you've written?

No.

Because you are a big,
beautiful dancing bear

in a pink tutu that the students
will actually pay attention to.

That is why you are here.

So dance, bear, dance!

I refuse!

I walked out of this job once
before and I'll do it again!

No, Dr. Crane,
please, please.

I put myself on
the line for you.

The numbers are
bad. If you quit now,

well, the numbers...
They're going to get worse.

What are these numbers
you keep talking about?

They're numbers.
And they're bad.

This is Harvard!

- For God's sake, Harvard's endowment
alone - You see, the big numbers

- could power a small country
- are little and the little numbers

- for centuries!
- Should be big... Okay,

it's not about the numbers,

it's about my sister!

All my life,

she's been just a
little more popular,

a little more successful.

I don't know if-if
you've ever dealt

with a-a sibling
with whom you have

a very intense and
competitive relationship.

I am familiar with the dynamic.

I need your star power

to finally beat my sister.

She just made
provost at Yale. Yale,

- Frasier, Yale!
- Don't you "Yale" at me!

Okay, one more time.

Can we take a
break? I'm exhausted.

The last time I pushed
myself this hard,

John popped out.

You got to use it, okay?

Y-You're supposed to
be at the end of your rope

in this scene, right?
You got-you got to sound

beaten down, pathetic,

self-pitying, like no one

on the face of the
planet believes in you.

Do you have an example?

Am I...

destined to be a failure?

One by one, they've
attached strings

to my wrists and to my knees.

I've been turned into a puppet.

To dance at their behest.

And once I've
outlived my usefulness,

it's back in the box I go.

Yeah. So, that, but likable.

I don't know. I
feel like the energy

needs to be quirky and angrier.

What? What would
that even look like?

My ire is peaked.

They booby-trapped
you in your own charisma.

How dare they debase
you by forcing you to do

the very thing you did
by choice for 15 years?

I'm sorry, what is this about?

- Allow me.
- Sit down, David.

Okay.

Things aren't working
out at Harvard.

I'm thinking of leaving.

Wow.

Really?

Sorry, Dad,

just so I have this
100% crystal clear...

You're thinking
of dropping out...

of Harvard?

I... Dad,

do you think you gave
Harvard enough of a chance?

You're just so bright, Dad. I...

I'd hate to see you waste
that kind of potential.

Are you having
trouble making friends?

Tell you what... why
not take a gap year?

You know, take
a little time to...

to think things over,
'cause, you know,

I'm just worried about

how this is gonna affect

the rest of your life.

What am I supposed
to tell my friends?!

Wait a minute, wait a minute.

Are you high on drugs?

Very funny. Very droll.

You quite finished?

No, Dad, I'm just kidding.

No one gets it more than I
do. Harvard's not for everyone.

- It's-it's okay to give up.
- I'm not giving up.

- No, I'm just saying there's no shame in being a quitter.
- I'm not a quitter.

Well, you quit your radio
show, you quit your TV show.

Didn't you and Uncle
Niles once have a restaurant

you quit after, like, one day?

I'm not quitting, I just...

I can't seem to figure out

how to get my students
to take me seriously.

You know, the character
I'm auditioning for...

Nobody takes her
seriously, either.

Nobody except for Julius,

the partially-blind
night shift custodian.

And the way he talks about her

allows others to see her
for the leader that she is,

right up until he falls into
the industrial meat grinder.

So...

if I could find my Julius...

One student with
whom I could engage

in an inspiring conversation

and thereby win
over the entire class.

And I bet I know
just the Julius I need.

I bet you do.

After that brief
hiccup yesterday,

I think it's time we
got back on track.

But first, does
anyone have a question?

I have a question.

Anyone? Anyone at all?

Yes, the young
lady in the back there.

Yes, I have prepared a
question for you, Dr. Crane.

Wonderful. Well,
I'm excited to hear that.

I'm your helper.

I'm... I'm your... I'm
your Sancho Panza.

It's about Hermann Ebbinghaus.

Yes, Ebbinghaus.
Very interesting.

You planned this without me.
You totally went over my head.

Yes, and as a serious academic,

could you tell me what
his whole deal was?

And, please, no
gimmicky showmanship.

Excuse me... ma'am.

Ma'am? I'm not a ma'am.

I'm a miss. I'm a
young, co-ed miss.

Well, I'm convinced.

Really? 'Cause you
look like an old mom.

If I look old, it's because
somebody made me wear

this stupid turtleneck.

Now, as Ebbinghaus once said...

Nobody is buying

- this little act.
- Yeah? Show of hands...

Who thinks I'm a student?

Well, she-she's not.

She's just a wannabe
actress who stole my moment.

Wannabe?

I have these dweebs
eating out of my hand.

You took advantage
of him, didn't you?

You took advantage of
this poor, gullible buffoon.

Or maybe I'm here because
he knew that you couldn't do it.

Well, go find your own uncle,

'cause this one's mine!

Fight, fight, fight, fight,

- fight, fight, fight,
- All right, all right.

- Fight, fight, fight...
- Everyone, calm down.

She's only here
because my uncle pays

for an apartment
for her and her baby.

All right, stop, stop!

Everyone.

I think it's time...

we put on our

- thinking caps.
- Thinking caps!

Sounds like your
class went well.

I was teaching next door
and the applause woke me up.

Yes.

I had them eating out
of the palm of my hand.

Did manage to squeeze in

20 minutes about
Hermann Ebbinghaus

because of this silly hat,

and a story I told them about

Albert Swinestein's
quiz show scandal.

So, why do you look so glum?

Because this wasn't
who I wanted to be.

Thirty years ago...

I left Boston with my
tail between my legs.

I had dreams of
returning, triumphant.

Now those dreams
just keep slipping

farther and farther away.

It's a rather fetching hat.

May I have a look?

What was that for?

For being a baby.

You're rich, you're famous,
your students love you.

For some reason, you
smell naturally of sandalwood.

What more could
you possibly want?

I wanted to make an impact.

Wanted to realize
the potential I had

when I set out on this
career path 40 years ago.

I see.

That's a rather fetching belt.
Do you mind if I have a look?

Am I being that ridiculous?

You got 18-year-olds
to listen to a lecture

about Ebbinghaus for 20 minutes,

and all it took was a silly
hat and a story about a pig.

Which, by the
way, I have to hear.

It was marvelous!

The students were
raving. You're a hit.

Yes, Frasier was just
complaining about being beloved.

Do you mind if I take
a look at this hat?

I have a little bit
of a confession.

This thinking cap
wasn't shipped overnight.

I bought it years ago when I
came to see your show live.

You were a fan of the show?

You-you didn't mention that.

It's a little bit
embarrassing, but

I even ran my local chapter
of the Frasier Crane Fan Club.

You were a Craniac?

Watching you lift up and
educate your viewers...

That's why I decided
to get my PhD.

So, my show
actually inspired you,

despite all the
meaningless fluff?

Because
of the meaningless fluff.

Well, that's what pulled
me in at first, anyway.

Thank God, because otherwise,
who knows where I would be?

Probably a head of department

at some backwater
community college.

Cornell.

You know, maybe
there's nothing wrong

with a little razzle-dazzle.

Just take that old
negative self-talk and...

hiyah!

Thank you.

Thank you both.

Mostly Olivia.

This thinking cap of yours...
Didn't I see it in your office

with a price tag
on it last week?

I may have embellished

to get a very
sincere point across.

Well done.

And,

well done also on that,

pathetic Craniac
thing you made up.

Wait, wait, wait, wait.
Why were you in my office?

Looking for
the cat. By the way,

your desktop Zen garden's
been compromised.

Captioned by Media Access
Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org

Y'all know how this goes.

Yeah, maybe. But
I got you pegged.

Back in Beantown.

What is a boy to do?

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