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1
00:00:02,710 --> 00:00:04,330
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:09,710 --> 00:00:11,800
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
3
00:00:14,220 --> 00:00:16,260
-Hey.
-Hey.
4
00:00:16,300 --> 00:00:18,050
Why are you all
dressed up?
5
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:20,520
Well, you told me Carrie got us
into her company skybox.
6
00:00:20,560 --> 00:00:21,770
Yeah, but it's still
a Mets game.
7
00:00:21,810 --> 00:00:23,730
Why are you going all
Cliff Huxtable on me?
8
00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:26,350
It's just I've never been in the
really fancy seats before,
9
00:00:26,400 --> 00:00:27,480
and I'm a little excited.
10
00:00:27,520 --> 00:00:28,820
Hey, if I can make
your dream come true
11
00:00:28,860 --> 00:00:30,570
and make us even for breaking
your power drill,
12
00:00:30,610 --> 00:00:31,820
then that's all
that matters.
13
00:00:31,860 --> 00:00:33,190
What? You told me you were
gonna pay for that.
14
00:00:33,240 --> 00:00:36,200
And I am. With the magic
of a day at Shea stadium.
15
00:00:36,240 --> 00:00:39,120
Man. Well, I guess it's better
than when you lost my cell phone
16
00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:40,490
and paid me back
with the magic
17
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:42,750
of a song written
personally for me.
18
00:00:42,790 --> 00:00:47,170
You didn't like "Get Your
Freak On, Dea-con"? Come on.
19
00:00:47,960 --> 00:00:49,750
CARRIE: All right.
We should get going.
20
00:00:49,790 --> 00:00:50,800
Where's Spence?
21
00:00:50,840 --> 00:00:52,840
Oh, he's, uh,
gonna meet us there.
22
00:00:52,880 --> 00:00:55,130
He's getting his mom
into a tub--or out of a tub.
23
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,140
I don't know. I shut down
pretty quick.
24
00:00:57,180 --> 00:00:58,600
And by the way, thanks
for the tickets, Carrie.
25
00:00:58,640 --> 00:01:01,220
Yeah, listen, I'm schmoozing
a very big client tonight,
26
00:01:01,260 --> 00:01:03,480
so if you wanna show
your appreciation,
27
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:05,560
you keep this one from
embarrassing me, okay?
28
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,480
Whoa. Okay, I didn't shave
the Mets logo into my chest hair
29
00:01:08,520 --> 00:01:10,110
just for you
to enjoy.
30
00:01:10,150 --> 00:01:11,110
It's for everyone.
31
00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:13,110
All right.
Come on.
32
00:01:13,150 --> 00:01:16,200
SINGER: * My eyesare gettin' weary*
33
00:01:16,240 --> 00:01:18,740
* My back is gettin' tight*
34
00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,700
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
35
00:01:20,740 --> 00:01:23,700
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
36
00:01:23,750 --> 00:01:29,380
* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
37
00:01:29,420 --> 00:01:33,630
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
38
00:01:34,590 --> 00:01:36,420
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
39
00:01:36,470 --> 00:01:40,760
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
40
00:01:46,730 --> 00:01:49,730
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
41
00:01:50,810 --> 00:01:52,150
Here you go.
42
00:01:52,190 --> 00:01:54,230
One martini,
extra dry.
43
00:01:54,280 --> 00:01:55,320
Thank you, Carrie.
44
00:01:55,360 --> 00:01:56,740
Oh, no problem,
and if you're hungry,
45
00:01:56,780 --> 00:01:57,820
they have a great
spread over there.
46
00:01:57,860 --> 00:02:00,320
They have mini-quiche,
stuffed mushrooms,
47
00:02:00,370 --> 00:02:03,990
and if you like living
on the edge, ballpark sushi.
48
00:02:04,040 --> 00:02:06,160
Carrie, I truly like
getting my ass kissed,
49
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,170
but it's a 9 inning
game, so pace yourself.
50
00:02:09,210 --> 00:02:11,170
Yeah.
51
00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:12,630
Just following orders.
52
00:02:12,670 --> 00:02:13,710
Ha ha.
53
00:02:13,750 --> 00:02:15,340
Seriously, though,
all sucking up aside,
54
00:02:15,380 --> 00:02:16,840
I just want to tell you
that I really admire
55
00:02:16,880 --> 00:02:18,220
what you've done
with your company.
56
00:02:18,260 --> 00:02:20,340
I mean, you've built some of
the most beautiful hotels
57
00:02:20,390 --> 00:02:22,760
that I can never afford
to stay in.
58
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:25,100
You know, real estate
development
59
00:02:25,140 --> 00:02:26,310
is still
a boys' club,
60
00:02:26,350 --> 00:02:28,270
but I'm always looking
for a talented woman
61
00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:29,890
to take under my wing.
62
00:02:29,940 --> 00:02:31,310
Really? That's funny,
63
00:02:31,350 --> 00:02:34,690
because I'm actually
between wings right now.
64
00:02:34,730 --> 00:02:35,690
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
65
00:02:35,730 --> 00:02:37,150
-Oh, excuse me.
-Yeah.
66
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:38,740
Joyce Robbins.
67
00:02:38,780 --> 00:02:39,860
Oh, I have to take this.
68
00:02:39,900 --> 00:02:40,910
Okay. I just want
to find my husband.
69
00:02:40,950 --> 00:02:43,160
I want you to meet him.
70
00:02:43,200 --> 00:02:44,490
What?!
71
00:02:44,530 --> 00:02:47,700
No, those tenants were supposed
to be out by Monday.
72
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:48,870
What?!
73
00:02:48,910 --> 00:02:50,750
Oh, you're breaking up.
74
00:02:54,340 --> 00:02:56,050
You put mayo
on a hot dog?
75
00:02:56,090 --> 00:02:57,210
That's right,
my friend.
76
00:02:57,260 --> 00:03:00,340
And one day, so will
all of America.
77
00:03:06,220 --> 00:03:08,140
Excuse me.
78
00:03:08,180 --> 00:03:09,180
DOUG: Come on, man,
let's move.
79
00:03:09,230 --> 00:03:12,020
I can't. There's
a lot of people.
80
00:03:12,060 --> 00:03:13,060
Oh, God.
81
00:03:13,100 --> 00:03:14,060
You know what?
This ain't working.
82
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:15,190
I'm just gonna
crouch and eat.
83
00:03:15,230 --> 00:03:17,730
Whoa. Come on, man.
84
00:03:17,780 --> 00:03:19,400
You're better than this.
85
00:03:19,440 --> 00:03:21,820
Come on.
It's not that far.
86
00:03:23,820 --> 00:03:26,160
It's called turning off
the water.
87
00:03:26,200 --> 00:03:27,410
Excuse me.
88
00:03:27,450 --> 00:03:29,250
Well, read me exactly
what the court order says.
89
00:03:29,290 --> 00:03:30,870
Excuse me, miss,
I just can't, uh...
90
00:03:30,910 --> 00:03:32,330
No, I can't hear you.
91
00:03:32,370 --> 00:03:33,790
What? Wait--
92
00:03:33,830 --> 00:03:35,630
Oh!
93
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,750
Oh! Damn it.
94
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,880
Do you see what you did?
95
00:03:38,920 --> 00:03:40,720
I'm very sorry.
I couldn't get by you.
96
00:03:40,760 --> 00:03:44,680
Well, a person with manners
would have waited.
97
00:03:44,720 --> 00:03:45,760
That's a good point.
98
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:47,260
You know what another
good point is?
99
00:03:47,310 --> 00:03:48,930
[BLOWS RASPBERRY]
100
00:03:53,140 --> 00:03:54,770
Ohhhh.
Where you going?
101
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:56,820
What do you mean, where am I
going? I gotta rebuild.
102
00:03:56,860 --> 00:03:58,320
Unbelievable.
103
00:03:58,360 --> 00:04:02,650
Oh, this big oaf got mayonnaise
and relish all over me.
104
00:04:02,700 --> 00:04:06,870
I mean, who puts
mayonnaise on a hot dog?
105
00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,250
This is an $800
Giuseppe Graziano,
106
00:04:14,290 --> 00:04:15,960
and now it's ruined.
107
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,340
I could just kill
that fat idiot.
108
00:04:19,340 --> 00:04:21,380
Hey, there's the girl.
109
00:04:21,420 --> 00:04:23,340
Oh. Is this
your husband?
110
00:04:23,380 --> 00:04:24,380
Uh...
111
00:04:24,430 --> 00:04:27,220
yes!
Yes, it is!
112
00:04:27,260 --> 00:04:29,180
Hey, honey.
113
00:04:29,220 --> 00:04:30,720
[WHISPERING]
Work with me, okay?
114
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,270
Um, Doug,
this is Joyce Robbins.
115
00:04:33,310 --> 00:04:34,310
Hello.
116
00:04:34,350 --> 00:04:35,400
Very nice to meet you.
117
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:36,770
Why don't you two
get acquainted?
118
00:04:36,810 --> 00:04:38,730
I'm gonna go report that guy
to security.
119
00:04:38,770 --> 00:04:40,730
I'm gonna suggest
they taser him.
120
00:04:40,780 --> 00:04:42,110
Great.
121
00:04:45,860 --> 00:04:48,030
Is that
a Giuseppe Graziano?
122
00:04:50,370 --> 00:04:52,700
-Turn it around.
-What?
123
00:04:52,750 --> 00:04:54,120
Yeah, that's right.
That was my client!
124
00:04:54,160 --> 00:04:55,420
Who?
125
00:04:55,460 --> 00:04:57,790
The woman you got your
disgusting hot dog all over.
126
00:04:57,830 --> 00:05:00,000
How about she got herself
all over my hot dog, huh?
127
00:05:00,050 --> 00:05:02,420
That's right!
I said it!
128
00:05:02,460 --> 00:05:04,380
Doug, you are not going
in that box.
129
00:05:04,420 --> 00:05:06,090
So go watch the game
somewhere else.
130
00:05:06,130 --> 00:05:07,720
Both of you, out!
131
00:05:07,760 --> 00:05:08,760
What did I do?
132
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,890
This happened
on your watch.
133
00:05:10,930 --> 00:05:12,180
Now out!
134
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,180
Oh, man!
135
00:05:14,480 --> 00:05:17,150
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
136
00:05:17,190 --> 00:05:19,060
Okay, the roast is in the oven.
137
00:05:19,110 --> 00:05:21,020
The sangria is chilling.
138
00:05:21,070 --> 00:05:22,190
Arthur, I just think
it is so cute
139
00:05:22,230 --> 00:05:23,530
that you're throwing
this dinner party.
140
00:05:23,570 --> 00:05:26,780
Then why are you
trying to ruin it?!
141
00:05:26,820 --> 00:05:28,780
-What? What did I do?
-These seating arrangements.
142
00:05:28,820 --> 00:05:30,160
What were you thinking?
143
00:05:30,200 --> 00:05:31,950
-What's wrong with them?
-Well, for one thing,
144
00:05:31,990 --> 00:05:34,040
you've got Lou Ferrigno
sitting next to his wife.
145
00:05:34,080 --> 00:05:36,920
You never sit spouses
next to each other!
146
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:39,130
Well, I told you,
I've never done this before.
147
00:05:39,170 --> 00:05:41,250
That's all right!
Don't cry again.
148
00:05:41,290 --> 00:05:44,340
See, I'll put
Mrs. Ferrigno next to...
149
00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:47,880
Roberto, the bag boy
from Waldbaum's.
150
00:05:47,930 --> 00:05:51,430
The sexual tension will be like
rocket fuel for the party.
151
00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:56,390
Well, I thought that
was what the brownies were for.
152
00:05:56,430 --> 00:05:58,350
Actually, no, I decided
against those.
153
00:05:58,400 --> 00:06:01,820
Ferrigno tends to get
pretty paranoid.
154
00:06:01,860 --> 00:06:03,820
You really put a lot of thought
into your dinner parties.
155
00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:04,820
I have to.
156
00:06:04,860 --> 00:06:07,400
I'm host. I'm chef.
I'm jester.
157
00:06:07,450 --> 00:06:09,320
Everything
depends on me.
158
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,410
Well, I'm sure it's gonna
work out just fine.
159
00:06:11,450 --> 00:06:13,030
Oh! I should take
this one away.
160
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:15,160
Dr. Feldman called
and said he can't make it.
161
00:06:15,200 --> 00:06:16,250
What?
162
00:06:16,290 --> 00:06:18,000
He said he wouldn't
feel comfortable
163
00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:22,090
coming to the party,
seeing as how you're suing him.
164
00:06:22,130 --> 00:06:23,960
That's a separate issue.
165
00:06:24,000 --> 00:06:25,840
Oh, my God.
What are we gonna do?
166
00:06:25,880 --> 00:06:29,510
An odd number of guests
is dinner party suicide.
167
00:06:29,550 --> 00:06:30,840
Well, don't you know
anyone else?
168
00:06:30,890 --> 00:06:32,390
No. Do you?
169
00:06:32,430 --> 00:06:34,140
Yeah, I know
some people.
170
00:06:34,180 --> 00:06:35,810
Then get someone.
171
00:06:35,850 --> 00:06:37,560
Preferably a urologist.
172
00:06:40,150 --> 00:06:43,110
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
173
00:06:43,150 --> 00:06:45,230
[CHEERING]
174
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:49,450
Hey, how about those two
down there?
175
00:06:49,490 --> 00:06:50,950
Those look
pretty sweet.
176
00:06:50,990 --> 00:06:52,570
Yeah, they are
pretty sweet, but...
177
00:06:52,620 --> 00:06:55,830
I'm not sure we can
get past the bacon.
178
00:06:55,870 --> 00:06:57,160
Just go.
179
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:02,460
-What's up, man?
-What's up, baby?
180
00:07:02,500 --> 00:07:05,130
You doing all right?
Ha ha ha!
181
00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:07,460
Ah. Good old
11 and 12.
182
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,550
-Ah.
-Feels good.
183
00:07:09,590 --> 00:07:11,630
Oh, yeah.
184
00:07:11,680 --> 00:07:14,640
Hey, uh, I think
you're in our seats.
185
00:07:14,680 --> 00:07:16,180
-Huh?
-Yeah.
186
00:07:16,220 --> 00:07:18,350
Oh, um...
187
00:07:18,390 --> 00:07:21,560
my God. Is this
field box "J"?
188
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,730
Oh, my God. Is this
third base?
189
00:07:22,770 --> 00:07:24,480
I am all turned around.
This is third base.
190
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,570
Oh, man. My bad.
191
00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:28,320
Sorry about that.
192
00:07:28,360 --> 00:07:29,320
It's crazy.
193
00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:31,400
I'm losing it!
Losing it! Hey!
194
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,120
All right. Let's just
go to the upper deck.
195
00:07:34,160 --> 00:07:35,530
Upper deck? Fine.
196
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:38,080
Now you're back to owing me
for breaking my power drill.
197
00:07:38,120 --> 00:07:39,580
Come on, man.
198
00:07:39,620 --> 00:07:40,910
All right, look, we'll find
some seats down here, okay?
199
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:42,000
What the hell
were you doing
200
00:07:42,040 --> 00:07:44,170
trying to drill through
concrete anyway?
201
00:07:44,210 --> 00:07:46,590
Okay. I had a power drill
and a few Heinekens.
202
00:07:46,630 --> 00:07:48,510
You do the math.
203
00:07:50,550 --> 00:07:52,220
Look down here.
Come on.
204
00:07:53,430 --> 00:07:56,600
Okay. Here we go.
205
00:07:58,640 --> 00:07:59,890
Oh, yeah.
206
00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:01,560
Oh, these are
really sweet.
207
00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:02,940
Whoo!
208
00:08:02,980 --> 00:08:04,100
Hey, hey, Beltran's up.
209
00:08:04,150 --> 00:08:06,190
Hey, come on,
Carlos! Hey!
210
00:08:06,230 --> 00:08:07,360
Come on, C-dog!
211
00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:10,240
C-dog, a little
big one, baby! Whoo!
212
00:08:20,250 --> 00:08:22,540
Someone's throwing
baby carrots at me.
213
00:08:26,420 --> 00:08:29,300
Okay, that's funny,
but we're done now.
214
00:08:36,390 --> 00:08:38,180
Okay, that's it.
Ma'am! Ma'am! Ma'am!
215
00:08:38,220 --> 00:08:39,220
Hold on a sec.
What is it?
216
00:08:39,260 --> 00:08:40,310
What is it?
I'll tell you what it is.
217
00:08:40,350 --> 00:08:41,980
Your son is throwing
carrots at me, okay?
218
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:43,640
-Brandon! Enough!
-Control him.
219
00:08:43,690 --> 00:08:45,480
Take a time-out
or something.
220
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,060
I'm sorry, Tina.
221
00:08:47,110 --> 00:08:50,110
Oh, Brandon is throwing
carrots at some man...
222
00:08:50,150 --> 00:08:52,240
who, by the way, could
stand to eat a few.
223
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:54,400
[GIGGLES]
224
00:08:56,240 --> 00:08:57,200
Hmm. Hmm.
225
00:08:57,240 --> 00:09:00,370
So last valentine's day,
I come home,
226
00:09:00,410 --> 00:09:03,330
Carrie's got the entire place
covered in rose petals.
227
00:09:03,370 --> 00:09:04,410
You remember that?
228
00:09:04,460 --> 00:09:06,420
Uh...I think I would.
229
00:09:06,460 --> 00:09:07,580
I did do it.
230
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,710
Mmm. And you know what
the best part was?
231
00:09:09,750 --> 00:09:10,920
They were silk petals,
232
00:09:10,960 --> 00:09:12,960
because she knows that
I'm allergic to pollen.
233
00:09:13,010 --> 00:09:14,470
Oh, yeah, he is.
234
00:09:14,510 --> 00:09:16,340
I mean, if you can imagine,
that head gets even bigger.
235
00:09:16,380 --> 00:09:18,140
[BOTH LAUGH]
236
00:09:18,180 --> 00:09:20,350
Stop! Ha ha ha!
237
00:09:22,100 --> 00:09:24,560
I have to say,
for people married 10 years,
238
00:09:24,600 --> 00:09:26,060
you seem like
newlyweds.
239
00:09:26,100 --> 00:09:28,150
Oh, this one keeps
the marriage fresh.
240
00:09:28,190 --> 00:09:29,270
You should see
what she does
241
00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:30,650
for my dark shadows
conventions.
242
00:09:30,690 --> 00:09:33,990
She does this whole
hot vampire chick thing
243
00:09:34,030 --> 00:09:37,490
with like a sequined
black bustier and...
244
00:09:37,530 --> 00:09:40,280
motorcycle boots
and...
245
00:09:40,330 --> 00:09:43,120
crimson lipstick.
246
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,580
[CELL PHONE RINGS]
excuse me.
247
00:09:44,620 --> 00:09:46,000
Joyce Robbins.
248
00:09:46,040 --> 00:09:48,040
One second.
One second.
249
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,130
All right. What's with
all this vampire talk?
250
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,170
And why do you have me
in a bustier?
251
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:55,220
I'm sorry. I went to
a very private place.
252
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:56,420
Listen,
253
00:09:56,470 --> 00:09:58,260
we only have to get
through one ball game
254
00:09:58,300 --> 00:09:59,640
as husband and wife, okay?
255
00:09:59,680 --> 00:10:03,060
So just stop talking
so much, you freak.
256
00:10:03,100 --> 00:10:04,520
This whole thing is crazy.
257
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:06,480
Yeah, well, you can blame your
friend Doug for that, okay,
258
00:10:06,520 --> 00:10:09,480
and his disgusting
love of mayonnaise.
259
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:10,810
She's coming back.
260
00:10:10,860 --> 00:10:13,360
Okay. Would you mind
getting me another martini?
261
00:10:13,400 --> 00:10:14,690
I did get a limo
for the night,
262
00:10:14,730 --> 00:10:16,740
so I might as well
take advantage of it.
263
00:10:16,780 --> 00:10:17,820
Sure. No problem.
264
00:10:17,860 --> 00:10:19,070
Mmm. And, uh, sugar?
265
00:10:19,110 --> 00:10:20,490
Yeah, hon?
266
00:10:20,530 --> 00:10:22,740
Could you get me
another Sauvignon Blanc,
267
00:10:22,780 --> 00:10:24,200
maybe something
from New Zealand?
268
00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:26,330
Oh, do you think you really
should have another drink?
269
00:10:26,370 --> 00:10:28,460
Oh, it got me through
the first 10 years.
270
00:10:28,500 --> 00:10:31,330
-[LAUGHS]
-[LAUGHS]
271
00:10:31,380 --> 00:10:33,090
I must say you're
the last person
272
00:10:33,130 --> 00:10:35,710
I would ever have imagined
was a truck driver.
273
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:37,760
Needless to say,
I get that a lot.
274
00:10:37,800 --> 00:10:38,840
I mean, you know
about wine.
275
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,510
You're a revolutionary
war buff.
276
00:10:41,550 --> 00:10:45,270
I've always been drawn
to a man of varied interests.
277
00:10:51,940 --> 00:10:54,020
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
278
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:56,990
Hey, Car...
279
00:10:57,030 --> 00:10:57,990
Hey, listen, Spence,
280
00:10:58,030 --> 00:10:59,570
I'm sorry
I snapped at you.
281
00:10:59,610 --> 00:11:00,820
I really appreciate you
doing this,
282
00:11:00,860 --> 00:11:03,160
and I think she's
really liking you.
283
00:11:03,200 --> 00:11:04,490
Yeah. I think so.
284
00:11:04,530 --> 00:11:07,580
She just invited me down
to her limo to have a drink.
285
00:11:07,620 --> 00:11:09,710
What? She hit on you?
286
00:11:09,750 --> 00:11:11,500
What is she doing
hitting on my husband?
287
00:11:11,540 --> 00:11:13,080
She said I looked tense
288
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:16,760
and it seemed like I was trapped
in a loveless marriage.
289
00:11:16,800 --> 00:11:19,510
What? We're like
freaking newlyweds!
290
00:11:19,550 --> 00:11:21,510
Ha ha. We're not
actually married--
291
00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,180
-Shut up.
-Yes, dear.
292
00:11:23,220 --> 00:11:24,800
Uh, excuse me,
Miss Robbins--
293
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,060
Oh, Carrie, I want to talk
to you about something.
294
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,640
Yeah. I want to talk
to you about a little
295
00:11:28,680 --> 00:11:31,060
something-something, too.
296
00:11:31,100 --> 00:11:32,770
I have a rather big
favor to ask.
297
00:11:32,810 --> 00:11:34,650
It involves sending you
out of town.
298
00:11:34,690 --> 00:11:36,780
Oh, you wanna send me
outta town, do ya?
299
00:11:36,820 --> 00:11:38,940
Uh-huh. And it would
be right away.
300
00:11:38,990 --> 00:11:41,200
And where do you wanna
send me right away?
301
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:43,570
The Bahamas.
302
00:11:43,620 --> 00:11:45,870
-Really?
-Mmm.
303
00:11:45,910 --> 00:11:48,120
Yes. We're opening
a 5-star resort down there,
304
00:11:48,160 --> 00:11:50,290
and I'd love you to be
my eyes and ears,
305
00:11:50,330 --> 00:11:53,210
you know, check out the spa,
the restaurants, the shops.
306
00:11:53,250 --> 00:11:55,630
All expenses paid,
of course.
307
00:11:55,670 --> 00:11:57,710
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.
308
00:11:57,750 --> 00:12:00,550
Oh, Carrie, it would really
help me out a lot.
309
00:12:00,590 --> 00:12:03,090
I mean, assuming
your husband could...
310
00:12:03,130 --> 00:12:05,260
spare you.
311
00:12:05,300 --> 00:12:07,760
What husband? You know
what I'm saying?
312
00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:13,520
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
313
00:12:13,560 --> 00:12:17,570
And that's why the Dutch
both delight and repulse me.
314
00:12:18,320 --> 00:12:21,990
May I make a toast
to our host Arthur.
315
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:25,820
Thank you, Louis.
I have a toast of my own.
316
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,080
But I'll save it
317
00:12:27,120 --> 00:12:30,000
for when we gentlemen
have our cigars and brandy
318
00:12:30,040 --> 00:12:32,960
out on the driveway!
319
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:35,830
And Arthur, I just wanna
thank you for having me
320
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:37,340
and my uncle Bernard
here tonight.
321
00:12:37,380 --> 00:12:41,130
Ah, yes, Bernard. Thank you
for coming on such short notice.
322
00:12:41,170 --> 00:12:42,880
Holly tells me
you're retired?
323
00:12:42,920 --> 00:12:45,010
Yes, yes. I...
324
00:12:45,050 --> 00:12:48,850
I cut hair for 45 years.
325
00:12:48,890 --> 00:12:51,890
Well, we're all going to have
to hear more about that.
326
00:12:54,730 --> 00:12:56,600
When are we gonna eat?
I gotta take my pills.
327
00:12:56,650 --> 00:12:58,860
In good time, George!
328
00:12:58,900 --> 00:13:00,690
Oh, Arthur made
a lovely roast.
329
00:13:00,730 --> 00:13:04,070
And thank you, Roberto, for
giving me the 5-finger discount
330
00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:06,070
on the potatoes.
331
00:13:06,910 --> 00:13:08,870
I never knew
you could cook, Arthur.
332
00:13:08,910 --> 00:13:12,040
Oh, yes. I remember the first
thing I ever made.
333
00:13:12,080 --> 00:13:15,870
It was a fried
baloney sandwich.
334
00:13:15,920 --> 00:13:17,880
That was Elvis's
favorite snack.
335
00:13:17,920 --> 00:13:19,090
-Oh.
-Oh...
336
00:13:19,130 --> 00:13:20,880
I'm not saying he stole
the idea from me,
337
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,090
but, uh, you do the Math.
338
00:13:24,260 --> 00:13:26,800
Actually, Elvis's
favorite snack
339
00:13:26,840 --> 00:13:30,060
was a fried peanut butter
and banana sandwich.
340
00:13:30,100 --> 00:13:31,220
Oh!
341
00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:33,140
I'm sorry,
but how would a barber
342
00:13:33,180 --> 00:13:35,940
know what Elvis's
favorite snack was?
343
00:13:36,940 --> 00:13:38,730
I used to cut his hair.
344
00:13:38,770 --> 00:13:41,070
You jiving me?
345
00:13:41,110 --> 00:13:42,690
No--no, it's true.
346
00:13:42,730 --> 00:13:45,150
He was the hairdresser on theEd Sullivan show for years.
347
00:13:45,200 --> 00:13:46,910
You mean, you really
knew Elvis?
348
00:13:46,950 --> 00:13:50,080
Oh, I knew 'em all.
Kate Smith,
349
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:51,910
Alan King,
350
00:13:51,950 --> 00:13:53,200
Elizabeth Taylor.
351
00:13:53,240 --> 00:13:56,790
She was even more
beautiful in person.
352
00:13:56,830 --> 00:13:57,960
One time I said to her,
353
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:01,960
"Liz, if I ever turn
straight, watch out!"
354
00:14:03,210 --> 00:14:06,130
anyway, that's all
well and good.
355
00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:07,680
Getting back
to the proper way
356
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,220
to make a fried
baloney sandwich--
357
00:14:10,260 --> 00:14:11,350
Did you know
the Beatles, too?
358
00:14:11,390 --> 00:14:13,930
-Oh, sure, sure.
-You knew the Beatles?
359
00:14:13,970 --> 00:14:16,350
I gotta say
my favorite was Ringo.
360
00:14:16,390 --> 00:14:18,900
He was a real sweet--
as a matter of fact,
361
00:14:18,940 --> 00:14:22,150
he gave me this
money clip.
362
00:14:22,190 --> 00:14:24,360
Ay, que bonito!
363
00:14:29,990 --> 00:14:31,240
Yeah!
364
00:14:33,330 --> 00:14:34,370
What's the matter?
365
00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:37,250
Now he's makin'
faces at me.
366
00:14:37,290 --> 00:14:38,830
You know what, you keep
making faces like that,
367
00:14:38,870 --> 00:14:40,830
your face is gonna
stay that way. Yeah.
368
00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,250
That's right. Trust me.
Happened to my cousin of mine.
369
00:14:42,290 --> 00:14:45,010
Um, sir, would you please
stop bothering my son?
370
00:14:45,050 --> 00:14:47,170
Heis bothering me.
371
00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:49,470
Are you even supposed
to be sitting there?
372
00:14:49,510 --> 00:14:52,100
I happen to know that those
are Dr. Epstein's seats.
373
00:14:52,140 --> 00:14:56,060
Uh, I think uncle Eppie is okay
with us sitting here. Yeah.
374
00:14:57,020 --> 00:14:58,390
[CRACK OF BAT]
375
00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:14,120
Ha ha ha ha ha!
It's mine now! Yeah!
376
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:17,160
What's up, four-eyes?
Yeah! Hee hee hee!
377
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,000
He took my ball!
378
00:15:20,040 --> 00:15:22,000
What is wrong
with you?
379
00:15:22,040 --> 00:15:23,290
He's just a boy.
380
00:15:23,340 --> 00:15:25,420
[EVERYONE BOOS]
381
00:15:29,380 --> 00:15:32,300
Hey, honey, how's
the big game going?
382
00:15:32,340 --> 00:15:33,800
How did it go?
Did you tell her off?
383
00:15:33,850 --> 00:15:36,220
Uh, not exactly.
Um...
384
00:15:37,020 --> 00:15:40,190
here's what we're
gonna do, okay?
385
00:15:40,230 --> 00:15:42,100
You're gonna go down
to her limo with her
386
00:15:42,150 --> 00:15:44,730
and I'm gonna go
to the Bahamas.
387
00:15:46,400 --> 00:15:47,530
What!?
388
00:15:47,570 --> 00:15:50,030
Yeah. Apparently,
she likes you so much
389
00:15:50,070 --> 00:15:51,910
that she's willing to give
me a free vacation
390
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,490
just to get rid of me!
391
00:15:53,530 --> 00:15:55,740
Wait a minute. A second ago,
you were so insulted.
392
00:15:55,780 --> 00:15:57,200
Now you're gonna
pimp out your husband
393
00:15:57,240 --> 00:15:59,250
so you can lie in the sun.
394
00:16:01,370 --> 00:16:04,170
Yeah.
395
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:07,090
So you really want me to go down
and have sex with her?
396
00:16:07,130 --> 00:16:10,090
I'm not gonna micro manage
what you do down there.
397
00:16:12,590 --> 00:16:14,930
Isn't she a little
too old for me?
398
00:16:14,970 --> 00:16:17,390
She looks 45, tops.
399
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:20,100
I don't know.
This just doesn't feel right.
400
00:16:20,140 --> 00:16:21,430
All right, let me go
about this a different way.
401
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:23,230
Who's your favorite
character on Star Trek?
402
00:16:23,270 --> 00:16:25,360
Squire of Gothos.
403
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:29,780
I was thinking more like
the Captain Kirk guy.
404
00:16:29,820 --> 00:16:31,240
-Oh, yeah, yeah.
-Okay.
405
00:16:31,280 --> 00:16:33,240
Now, when he beams down
on a new planet
406
00:16:33,280 --> 00:16:35,120
and he meets
a half-fish green girl,
407
00:16:35,160 --> 00:16:37,240
does he say, "Oh,
this doesn't feel right"?
408
00:16:37,280 --> 00:16:39,410
No. He takes her behind a rock
and he does his business.
409
00:16:39,450 --> 00:16:41,160
Am I right?
410
00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:47,340
Technically, that would violate
the Prime Directive of--
411
00:16:47,380 --> 00:16:49,130
Spence, please.
412
00:16:49,590 --> 00:16:51,130
All right, all right.
413
00:16:55,140 --> 00:16:57,350
[PIANO PLAYS]
414
00:16:57,390 --> 00:16:58,970
* If I can*
415
00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:01,560
* Make it there*
416
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,440
* I'll make it*
417
00:17:03,480 --> 00:17:05,940
* Any-where*
418
00:17:05,980 --> 00:17:08,520
* It's up to you*
419
00:17:08,570 --> 00:17:10,860
* New York*
420
00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:14,030
* New York*
421
00:17:16,450 --> 00:17:18,870
[FINALE]
422
00:17:22,910 --> 00:17:25,370
Damn, I got goosebumps.
423
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,000
Where'd you learn
to play like that?
424
00:17:27,040 --> 00:17:28,290
Listen, when you're gay,
425
00:17:28,340 --> 00:17:29,920
you're born knowing
how to play
426
00:17:29,960 --> 00:17:32,550
at least three show tunes.
427
00:17:32,590 --> 00:17:35,130
* I wanna wake up*
428
00:17:35,180 --> 00:17:36,470
Come on, everybody.
429
00:17:36,510 --> 00:17:39,550
* In the citythat doesn't sleep*
430
00:17:41,220 --> 00:17:42,850
* To find you're*
431
00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:46,640
-* King of the hill*
-* Top of the heap*
432
00:17:46,690 --> 00:17:49,560
Arthur, what
a great party!
433
00:17:49,610 --> 00:17:50,650
If I wasn't a gentleman,
434
00:17:50,690 --> 00:17:52,900
I'd punch you
square in the mouth.
435
00:17:52,940 --> 00:17:54,030
What? What did I do?
436
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:55,150
That uncle of yours.
437
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:56,610
You pawned him off
as some dullard barber.
438
00:17:56,650 --> 00:17:59,870
Turns out he's a fascinating
homosexual!
439
00:17:59,910 --> 00:18:02,040
Arthur, everyone is having
a wonderful time.
440
00:18:02,080 --> 00:18:03,330
Yes. But not because
of me.
441
00:18:03,370 --> 00:18:05,330
Does that really
matter?
442
00:18:05,370 --> 00:18:08,000
Why do you think I got this
collection of misfits together--
443
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,540
to hear what they
had to say?
444
00:18:09,580 --> 00:18:11,880
[SINGING
CONTINUES]
445
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,510
Listen, Arthur, I'm not gonna
let you ruin this dinner party.
446
00:18:14,550 --> 00:18:16,680
Someone's playing footsies
with me under the table,
447
00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,050
and if that turns out
to be Roberto,
448
00:18:19,090 --> 00:18:21,680
I'd kinda like to
see that through.
449
00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:23,470
So dinner is served!
450
00:18:26,350 --> 00:18:30,560
yo corte el pelode Erik Estrada...
451
00:18:30,610 --> 00:18:35,240
Ricardo Montalban,
Desi Arnaz--senior and junior.
452
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:39,200
Wow. Este hombrees fantastico!
453
00:18:39,240 --> 00:18:42,580
I can't believe you can
speak Spanish, too.
454
00:18:42,620 --> 00:18:45,040
I once had a lover
who was a Spaniard.
455
00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:47,080
There you go.
Ha ha.
456
00:18:47,120 --> 00:18:48,920
So did I.
457
00:18:52,420 --> 00:18:54,670
Oh, you mean
a Spanish woman.
458
00:18:54,710 --> 00:18:56,260
No.
459
00:18:56,300 --> 00:18:59,220
You think he's the only one here
with a fabulous gay past?
460
00:18:59,260 --> 00:19:01,050
Arthur...
461
00:19:01,090 --> 00:19:03,560
Why, I have had encounters
with thousands of men--
462
00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:05,520
black men, Latin men,
463
00:19:05,560 --> 00:19:06,980
body builders!
464
00:19:10,350 --> 00:19:14,320
Now let me tell you a story
about a confused army recruit,
465
00:19:14,360 --> 00:19:19,700
a bottle of moonshine, and a
stern but loving drill sergeant.
466
00:19:19,740 --> 00:19:23,070
I was already exhausted
from the obstacle course.
467
00:19:23,120 --> 00:19:27,950
Little did I know there was one
more hurdle I had to clear.
468
00:19:31,420 --> 00:19:33,500
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
469
00:19:34,170 --> 00:19:35,170
[CROWD BOOING]
470
00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:36,550
Oh, yeah.
471
00:19:36,590 --> 00:19:39,470
We're gonna be in the skybox.
It's gonna be great!
472
00:19:39,510 --> 00:19:41,590
This sweater cost me
100 bucks.
473
00:19:41,630 --> 00:19:44,260
Serves you right for trying
to be somebody you're not.
474
00:19:45,060 --> 00:19:48,640
Okay, you know what?
That one had some soda in it!
475
00:19:48,680 --> 00:19:50,440
Just give the kid
the ball back, man!
476
00:19:50,480 --> 00:19:54,150
No! All right?
This doesn't bother me.
477
00:19:54,190 --> 00:19:55,570
I'm just enjoying
a little baseball.
478
00:19:55,610 --> 00:19:58,110
Come on, first and third,
let's see a little action!
479
00:19:58,150 --> 00:19:59,150
You're giving the kid
the ball!
480
00:19:59,190 --> 00:20:01,030
-Oh, really?
-Yeah, really!
481
00:20:01,070 --> 00:20:02,240
And how's that
gonna happen?
482
00:20:02,280 --> 00:20:04,070
Uh-huh! Uh-huh!
483
00:20:05,450 --> 00:20:08,240
Yes, hello. I am flying down
to your island next week,
484
00:20:08,290 --> 00:20:12,210
and I'm just wondering, is it
too early to book a massage?
485
00:20:12,250 --> 00:20:14,210
Who's got strong
hands?
486
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:18,550
I'll call you back.
487
00:20:18,590 --> 00:20:20,050
Hey, I was just on the
phone with the hotel,
488
00:20:20,090 --> 00:20:22,050
and I gotta tell you,
I like what I'm hearing!
489
00:20:22,090 --> 00:20:24,430
Actually, about that--
I just realized
490
00:20:24,470 --> 00:20:26,300
I'm going to be down there
in a few weeks anyways.
491
00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:30,390
So I'll just check things
out myself. But thanks.
492
00:20:34,520 --> 00:20:35,810
Did you chicken out?
493
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:37,520
No!
494
00:20:37,570 --> 00:20:40,490
What happened? You've only
been gone for a minute!
495
00:20:40,530 --> 00:20:42,740
I'd never been in a limo before.
It was...
496
00:20:42,780 --> 00:20:46,490
very exciting. And it was more
like two minutes.
497
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,830
Exciting, Spence?
She's 100 years old.
498
00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:51,660
You said she looked 45.
499
00:20:51,710 --> 00:20:54,040
Yeah. From space.
500
00:20:54,750 --> 00:20:57,170
I wanna die.
501
00:20:57,210 --> 00:20:58,340
There! There he is!
502
00:20:58,380 --> 00:21:01,050
There's the man
who ruined my suit.
503
00:21:06,590 --> 00:21:09,390
Hey, Car, isn't that
your husband?
504
00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:18,270
I'm just gonna
grab my purse and go.
505
00:21:20,230 --> 00:21:22,070
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
506
00:21:25,070 --> 00:21:27,450
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
507
00:21:30,240 --> 00:21:33,750
So, what's the verdict
on that footsie thing?
508
00:21:33,790 --> 00:21:35,460
Yea or nay?
509
00:21:41,250 --> 00:21:43,800
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