All language subtitles for The King of Queens (2005) - S07E17 - Wish Boned_track3_[eng]

SINGER: * My eyes
are gettin' weary*

* My back is gettin' tight*

* I'm sittin' here
in traffic*

* On the Queensboro Bridge
tonight*

* But I don't care,
'cause all I want to do*

* Is cash my check and drive
right home to you*

* 'Cause, baby,
all my life*

* I will be drivin' home
to you*

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Uhh...yeah.

[TV PLAYS BASKETBALL GAME]

ANNOUNCER: Welcome
to the final four.

The final four.
Just in time.

Hi, hon.

Hey. I thought you guys
were gonna be out all day

celebrating his birthday.

Change of plans.

I heard you were home
watching basketball,

so I told her six flags
could wait for another day.

Excuse me.
I gotta get something.

Why did you tell him
I was home watching the games?

He asked where you were.
What was I supposed to say?

I told you what to say.

Oh, yeah, that you were
reading to blind children.

I forgot.

You forgot. Now I'm stuck
with the aqua Velva man.

Doug, would you just let
him watch with you, please?

Think of it as
your birthday gift to him.

No, my birthday gift to him
is that he's not living

in the V.A. Hospital.

-Doug.
-Carrie, look, I'm serious.

I wanted to watch
these games by myself.

All right,
it's very important.

My whole office pool
rides on this.

What office pool?

What office pool?

Do you listen
to anything I say?

I'm selective, I'll admit.

The March madness pool, okay?

If both my teams win,
I get 2 tickets to St. Louis

for the championship game,
all expenses paid.

ARTHUR: Douglas! Hurry!

You're missing
the Maalox pre-game round-up!

Just let him watch with you.
For me.

-Okay, fine.
-Thank you.

Now I just
gotta run some more errands,

but I just want you to know
that I really appreciate this.

This is very sweet of you.

Well, I hate your guts.

They're doing a feature
on one of the players.

Leshandon Hawkins,
raised by his grandmother.

Did you ever?

Never.

[SIGHS]

This is
some fun, huh?

Just the boys
watching some roundball.

Mm-hmm.
Yeah, yeah.

Did I ever tell you
I used to play

for the Oneonta
Red Dragons?

Last night
and this morning.

The other players nicknamed me
"Crazy Legs Spooner."

prior to that, I was known
simply as "Legs Spooner."

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

Oh, I will get it.

[RING]

Hello?

What? I can't--

I just sat down, I'm watching
the games with my father-in-law.

All right, all right.
I'll be right there.

Jeez, bad news, Arthur.

One of our other drivers
got real sick.

I gotta go
fill in for him.

Oh, my God.
Which one?

Oh, Tom Mc...Jagger.

[BASKETBALL GAME PLAYING
ON PORTABLE TV]

ANNOUNCER: Here we go
with the opening tip.

And we're
down to 2 minutes left

in this thrilling match-up.

Hey, Dad.

Where's Doug?

Oh, he left.

He had to fill in
for McJagger.

ANNOUNCER:
Simpson, inbound pass.

Looking for someone open.

-What are you doing?
-What?

You're supposed to be watching
the game with my father.

Yeah, I tried.
It was too painful,

so I just called myself
with my cell phone

and pretended
that it was work.

The fake phone call
thing again?

You know, he's going to
figure that out eventually.

When he figures out Velcro,
I'll start worrying.

All right. Well, come inside
so we can do his cake.

DOUG: No. Carrie, I got a real
shot at winning this thing.

-Inside now!
-Okay!

ANNOUNCER: [INDISTINCT]

And the final
free throw is good!

and that ties
the score at 61.

We'll be back
with the final 55 seconds

after these words.

[TURNS OFF PORTABLE TV]

Okay, I'm home from work!
Let's go, let's go, let's go.

Okay! Dad, could you
come in here a sec?

-DOUG: * Happy birth...*
-A cake?

I need my Lactaid pills.

Oh, I got 'em.
I got 'em.

Okay, happy birth...

Okay. No, no, no.
These are regular strength.

-I need ultra.
-CARRIE: Okay.

-Just eat around the ice cream.
-ARTHUR: Okay.

BOTH: * Happy birthday
to you*

* Happy birthday
to you*

* Happy--*
[TELEPHONE RINGS]

-* --birthday dear daddy*
-Hello? What?

You're kidding. Okay,
I'll be right there.

Work again.
Unbelievable.

ARTHUR: I hate the way
those bastards

take advantage
of his good nature.

Problem is
he's just too nice.

Yes, that's his curse.

Anyway, why don't you
just go ahead

and, uh, blow out the candles
and make a wish?

Ohh.

Okay, that was a wet one.
[CLEARS THROAT]

Anyway, what did
you wish for?

A tiger cub?

No, no, no,
not this year.

I'm 0-for-22
on that one.

-What then?
-To be honest,

I wished I could spend
more time with Douglas.

Really?

Yeah. He's such
a wonderful young man,

but it seems every time
I'm about to enjoy

the pleasure of his company,
he's whisked away to his job

or one of his charities
or he's locked in his room

stricken with fever.

[SIGHS] Oh, well.

Let's enjoy
this wonderful cake.

I won.
I won.

Douglas, I thought
you were called back to work.

No, that was
a wrong number.

I'm going to St. Louis
for the big game.

Oh, that's great.

ARTHUR: Sounds like
a marvelous adventure.

CARRIE: Um, have you decided
who you're gonna take with you?

Yeah. Deacon.

Did you not see me bulge my
eyes and point with my head?

Yeah, I assumed you were having
some sort of seizure,

so I left.

Doug, why can't you just--

No, Carrie, I'm not taking
him to St. Louis.

And, you know, it's insane
for you to even ask.

But I'm only asking
because it's his birthday.

No, no, no.
You got his birthday gift

when you made me
watch TV with him.

But you didn't
watch TV with him.

He rubbed ear stuff on me!

Okay, look, Doug, I know that
he's not a picnic to be around,

but the fact is
that he adores you.

Do you know what
he wished for tonight

when he was blowing
out his candles?

To spend more time
with you.

-How do you know that?
-Because he told me.

Oh, if he told you his wish,
it can't come true.

-It's not allowed.
-Doug!

No. I don't make
the rules, baby.

All right, you know.

Let me bottom-line
this for you, okay?

You do this for him,
and I will never ask you

to do anything with him
ever, ever again.

-Yeah, okay. Yeah, right.
-No, I am serious

about this, Doug.
You take him to St. Louis,

and you are done.

You don't have to drive him
to the senior center,

no more playing monopoly,

Chinese checkers,
thumb wrestling,

and my hand to God,

you never have
to apply ointment

to his naked back
again.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Wait a second,
you just mentioned his back.

You didn't say anything
about his front.

Has he got something
going on his front

that I don't know about?

Fine. You don't have
to do his front, either.

All right.

STEWARDESS [OVER P.A.]:
Hey there, folks.
Welcome aboard

flight 317 to St. Louis.

Please make
yourselves comfortable,

we should be
taking off shortly.

-[CLEARS THROAT]
-[SIGHS]

This was a wonderful
surprise, Douglas.

Thank you again.

My pleasure.
The fact is,

I've been itchin' to spend
more time with you.

Really?

I was just
telling Carrie

I wanted to spend
more time with you.

Wow.

Well, you know what,
let's just enjoy the time

we have together now,
you know,

in case we don't see
each other much after this.

[SIGHS]

Yeah, let the
enjoying commence.

What do you got there?

My sleeping pills.

-Nervous flier, huh?
-Oh, yes.

More than once I've stormed
the cockpit in a panic,

but these days
that's frowned upon.

PILOT [ON P.A.]: Hey, folks,
this is Captain Bender.

We seem to be having
a little problem

with the landing gear.

Hopefully we'll get it fixed
and we'll take off shortly.

Oh, God.

Oh, God.
Oh, God.

CARRIE: Oh, I'm sorry

your flight's delayed, honey,
but hang in there, okay?

You're doing a really
great thing for him.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

How's everything
going there?

Oh, it's okay, I guess.

I mean, you know I don't like
to be home by myself,

but it is one night.

I'll just try to get
through it somehow.

DOUG: All right.
I love you.

I love you, too.
Bye-bye.

[WATER SWIRLING]

[STEREO PLAYING SOFT MUSIC]

PILOT [OVER P.A.]: Folks,
this is the Captain again.

Apparently,
our maintenance crew

has been unable to fix
the landing gear after all.

But don't worry, we'll get you
to St. Louis tonight.

We have another flight that
connects through Pittsburgh

leaving from gate 2
in about 15 minutes.

All right, Arthur,
come on, we gotta hustle.

Arthur?

Arthur!

[BEVERAGE CART RATTLING]

Huh?

Douglas? Douglas?

Yeah, shh.

He's old.
Uh...I'm here.

-What's going on?
-Our flight got canceled.

We had to grab
a connection to Pittsburgh.

-We're in Pittsburgh?
-Yeah.

ARTHUR: I've never been
in Pittsburgh.

Come on, let's tour
the steel mills.

Let's drink
from the Monongahela.

We board
in 10 minutes.

Oh. That's just enough time

to load up
on some souvenirs.

I'll be back in a jiff.

Hey, we don't have a jiff!

[STEREO PLAYING SOFT MUSIC]

[DOORBELL RINGS]

[MUSIC STOPS]

Guess who!

Hey, Joe.
What are you doing here?

Oh, I had to go
to a buddy of mine's funeral,

but my flight back doesn't leave
for a couple of hours,

figured I'd pop in here
and surprise you.

Well, mission accomplished.

JOE: Yeah.

Where's my boy?
He upstairs?

Uh, no.

Actually he won some tickets
to a basketball game,

so he's on his way
to St. Louis with my father.

Oh. Oh, Jesus.
I'm sorry I missed him.

What's all this?
You having a seance?

Uh, no, no.

Just a little bit
of mood lighting.

Won't be needing that now.

Oh, God, you're
in the middle of dinner.

Yeah, I'm just having some
sushi. You want some?

No, the one time
I had that,

I got a tapeworm as
big as a baby's leg,

but you enjoy.

Attention all passengers
on flight 641 to St. Louis.

This is final boarding.
Final boarding for St. Louis.

Damn it, Arthur.
Come on.

Hi.
Excuse me, uh,

my father-in-law
kind of wandered off.

Can you give me, like,
5 minutes to look for him?

I got to get him
to St. Louis tonight.

I'm sorry.
If it's not an emergency,

I have to close
the door now.

Okay. You know,
it is an emergency.

Look, my wife said if I take
him to this game tonight,

I never have to spend
time with him again.

And let me tell you something,
that is huge

'cause the guy is brutal.

I mean, if a migraine headache
wore a cardigan sweater,

and chewed its soup, that
would be Arthur Spooner.

You know
what I'm saying?

Arthur.

And to think
I just bought you

an "I heart
Pittsburgh" button.

Arthur! Just give me one second,
please? Arthur!

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, I'm trying
to find a guy

who ran off in
that direction right there.

You want to help me
chase him down?

-I'll give you 10 bucks.
-Sure, hop in.

All right man.
Thank you very much.

Let her rip!

Let her rip,
let her rip.

Gun it.

Okay.

Not the best 10 bucks
I ever spent.

Thank you.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

Arthur, how'd
you get back here?

I just did a quick circle
around the chairs.

Sir, I'm closing the door now.
Are you boarding or not?

Yes.
Yes, we are.

ARTHUR: No, we're not.

I'm not flying to St. Louis
with a man who despises me.

-Never again.
-Look, I don't--I don't

I don't
despise you, okay?

I just made that stuff up
so he'd hold the gate.

I swear it.
Now, come on!

Douglas, I may be
a stupid old man,

but I'm not stupid.

You meant
what you said.

And I'm not getting
on that plane.

You know what, Arthur?

You're right.
I meant what I said.

I meant
every damn word of it.

Every time I got
something good in my life,

you come along with
your big mickey mouse hands

and scoop it away.

What did I
ever take from you?

I defy you
to name 3 things!

My basement, my privacy,

a quarter of my paycheck
every week.

I defy you
to name 3 more.

There are thousands more,
okay, Arthur?

But let's go with
the latest one, this game.

I really wanted to go
to this game tonight,

and you blew it for me.

I will not give you
the satisfaction

of lording this over me.

I will get you
to your precious game.

Oh, please. How the hell
are you gonna do that?

[SANDER WHIRRING]

How you doing there, Joe?
Getting close maybe?

Few more seconds.

Okay.

Starting to get
the shakes.

All right.

Let her down gently.

Okay.

Uhh! How's that?

She still wobbling?

Didn't notice that
she was wobbling before,

but it seems fine now.

Ah, I don't know.
Let me see.

Whoa!
You don't have a level.

I don't know. Just what's
here is put in the box.

All right,
no need to panic.

I can make one
lickety-split.

All I need is a couple of
Dixie cups, a ping pong ball,

and a drop of oil.

Joe, the table's
fine now.

It's your house.

Now, the last time
I was here,

I noticed the ice
was a little milky.

Come on, help me
move the fridge out.

What? What? No!

What's the matter?

Look, Joe, I am done
moving furniture

for tonight, okay?

And that also includes
sanding and varnishing.

Oh, gee,
I'm sorry, Carrie.

I guess I kind of did barge
in and take over, huh?

Yeah, a little bit.

JOE: Listen, I think maybe I'd
better head over to the airport

and hang out there
till my flight leaves.

Again, I'm sorry if I
interrupted your evening.

It was good
seeing you, Carrie.

Oh, Joe, wait, wait.
Please.

I want you to stay,
really, I do.

Really?

Can't we just
sit and talk?

You know, have a normal visit
without power tools

and Dixie cups.

I'd like that.

Me, too.

[ALL SPEAKING HEBREW]

DOUG: [SPEAKS FAKE HEBREW]

* Zippity doo da,
zippity day*

Thank you.
Without you,

we wouldn't have
had a minyan.

Well, that's what we do.

Okay, that was ridiculous.

You're lucky I taught
pottery on a kibbutz

or I never could have
talked our way on here.

Okay, if I were lucky,

you wouldn't be
living in my basement.

And if I were lucky,
you wouldn't be so fat.

Okay, what does that
have to do with luck?

I can't hear you,
you're too fat.

Oh, God!
What was that?

I don't know.

PILOT: Gentlemen, we've hit
a bit of weather here.

It's going to be pretty bumpy
the rest of the way

to St. Louis,
so please make sure

you keep your seat belts
fastened. Thank you.

Where are my pills?

You took 'em all
in New York.

Oh, God!

[SIGHS]

All right, Arthur,
just relax, okay?

I can't relax.
I'm terrified.

I wish I'd really prayed
with these men

instead of just
making silly noises.

Aah!

Come on.

Just relax, okay?
You all right?

You okay?

I don't want to die,
Douglas.

You're not gonna die, okay?
It's just turbulence.

I mean, I don't
want to die ever.

With my luck,
you won't.

Douglas...

when my time does come,

am I headed upstairs
or downstairs?

-I think upstairs.
-I hope so.

Over the years, at least
a dozen people have said to me

you're gonna roast
in hell, Spooner.

Uh-hmm.

Even so I think you're, uh,
you're really not the hell type.

And down there they're looking
for evil. You're not evil.

You're--you're exhausted.

-Thank you, Douglas.
-Yeah.

I'm sorry, I played
the fat card before.

It's okay.
You didn't played very well.

Well, that being said, you might
wanna speak to the pilot because

I'm about to become
hysterical.

PILOT: Gentlemen, it looks like
we're going to be making

an unscheduled stop
in about five minutes.

Don't worry, the screaming man
will be getting off the plane.

JOE: So Freddy says to me,
"That's not a Lionel engine.

That's a knockoff."

But the joke
is on him because

I know it's authentic
from the smokestack.

So he sold it to me
for a song.

-You're kidding me.
-Hand to God.

-I love it.
-Oh, oh, oh.

Here's the capper.

Jump ahead three years.

I'm at a train
show in Utica

and guess who walks
over to me

with the sorriest-looking
freight car you ever saw?

I think I know who.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]
I think--oh, wait.

Hold that thought.

[RING]

Hello?

What?!

Oh, crap. All right,
I'll--I'll--I'll be right there.

Okay, bye-bye.

Crisis at the office.
I have to run.

JOE: Oh, that stinks.

Yeah, I know, but lock up
when you leave, okay?

Thanks.

[SIGHS]

Okay, so
what do you like?

The Dayton snow globe

or the Dayton
cheese board?

[GLOBE SHATTERS]

Okay, the cheese board.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]