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1
00:00:03,290 --> 00:00:05,080
SINGER: *My eyesare gettin' weary*
2
00:00:05,130 --> 00:00:07,500
*My back is gettin' tight*
3
00:00:07,540 --> 00:00:09,380
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
4
00:00:09,420 --> 00:00:12,220
*On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
5
00:00:12,260 --> 00:00:17,800
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
6
00:00:17,850 --> 00:00:22,230
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
7
00:00:23,600 --> 00:00:25,310
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
8
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:31,190
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
9
00:00:42,540 --> 00:00:44,460
Oh!
10
00:00:44,500 --> 00:00:46,710
Is Douglas back from the
store with my eyedrops?
11
00:00:46,750 --> 00:00:47,750
No, not yet.
12
00:00:47,790 --> 00:00:49,840
If I don't have
my eyedrops,
13
00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,460
I can't put my lenses in.
14
00:00:51,500 --> 00:00:53,840
I'm blind
as a $2.00 hooker!
15
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:57,090
Didn't know $2.00 hookers
tended to be blind.
16
00:00:57,140 --> 00:00:58,800
Why do you think
they're only $2.00?
17
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:01,390
All right dad, could we just
get you glasses already?
18
00:01:01,430 --> 00:01:03,520
I swore off glasses
in 1976!
19
00:01:03,560 --> 00:01:05,140
I know the year,
20
00:01:05,190 --> 00:01:07,150
because the last time I threw
a pair at the television
21
00:01:07,190 --> 00:01:10,400
was during a particularly
offensive bicentennial minute!
22
00:01:13,440 --> 00:01:14,690
Say hello to your hero.
23
00:01:14,740 --> 00:01:17,240
-What?
-We needed toothpaste, right?
24
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,450
Well, it was on sale
for $1.09.
25
00:01:19,490 --> 00:01:22,160
Trouble is, it was only one
to a customer.
26
00:01:22,200 --> 00:01:24,450
So how did I get 5,
you ask?
27
00:01:24,500 --> 00:01:27,210
Well, Doug bought one...
28
00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:28,750
then 10 minutes later,
29
00:01:28,790 --> 00:01:32,170
[BAD ACCENT] British Doug
bought a jolly good one.
30
00:01:32,210 --> 00:01:33,340
Then...
31
00:01:33,380 --> 00:01:35,170
Did you get
my father's eyedrops?
32
00:01:35,220 --> 00:01:36,880
Excuse me. I was about to
introduce you to...
33
00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,140
clumsy shop Teacher Doug.
34
00:01:43,390 --> 00:01:46,350
So the one thing I asked you
to get, you didn't get.
35
00:01:46,390 --> 00:01:48,270
No, but 5 tubes
of toothpaste!
36
00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:49,650
We'll never need
toothpaste again!
37
00:01:49,690 --> 00:01:51,480
We win!
38
00:01:52,690 --> 00:01:54,820
Listen, I talked
to the bank today,
39
00:01:54,860 --> 00:01:57,700
and I think we should
refinance our mortgage.
40
00:01:57,740 --> 00:02:00,450
Carrie, we were lucky to
finance in the first place.
41
00:02:00,490 --> 00:02:03,370
Let's not tinker
with the support beams.
42
00:02:03,410 --> 00:02:05,620
Look, a couple of hours
of paperwork,
43
00:02:05,660 --> 00:02:08,790
and we save thousands of dollars
over the next 30 years.
44
00:02:08,830 --> 00:02:10,250
I gotta tell you,
45
00:02:10,290 --> 00:02:13,170
my vote's still leanin'
towards no.
46
00:02:13,210 --> 00:02:14,840
Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot to tell you this.
47
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:16,840
You don't have a vote.
48
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:23,510
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
49
00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,730
We have to refinance.
50
00:02:26,770 --> 00:02:28,690
Any money we save, she'll
just stick in the bank
51
00:02:28,730 --> 00:02:31,650
or use to pay bills.
52
00:02:31,690 --> 00:02:34,190
So stupid.
53
00:02:35,480 --> 00:02:37,490
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:
Heffernan.
54
00:02:38,650 --> 00:02:40,240
Yeah, Mr. O'Boyle.
55
00:02:40,280 --> 00:02:41,820
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:Kinda slowgoin' there, huh?
56
00:02:41,870 --> 00:02:43,450
How 'bout a little lessBurger King
57
00:02:43,490 --> 00:02:45,410
and a littlemore deliveries?
58
00:02:45,450 --> 00:02:47,700
Uh, I didn't stop at
Burger King today, sir.
59
00:02:47,750 --> 00:02:49,870
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:
Then Arby's.
60
00:02:50,960 --> 00:02:52,750
Okay.
61
00:02:52,790 --> 00:02:54,500
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:
Listen, you got a pickup
62
00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,460
at Jewel and Kissena.
63
00:02:56,500 --> 00:02:58,380
-The high school?
-O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:Yeah.
64
00:02:58,420 --> 00:03:01,340
[LAUGHS] You kiddin' me?
I graduated from there.
65
00:03:01,380 --> 00:03:02,930
That's funny.
66
00:03:02,970 --> 00:03:04,760
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:Yeah,my sides are splitting.
67
00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:06,930
Let me get offso I can tell the guys.
68
00:03:07,970 --> 00:03:11,310
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
69
00:03:18,030 --> 00:03:19,860
Hey, coach, any chance
you could use
70
00:03:19,900 --> 00:03:22,240
a slightly out of
shape fullback?
71
00:03:24,740 --> 00:03:27,370
-Heffernan.
-DOUG: [LAUGHS]
72
00:03:27,410 --> 00:03:29,000
[LAUGHS]
73
00:03:29,040 --> 00:03:30,370
How are you?
74
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,870
Ah, great.
75
00:03:31,920 --> 00:03:33,670
Pull up a chair.
Let's catch up, huh?
76
00:03:33,710 --> 00:03:34,750
All right.
77
00:03:34,790 --> 00:03:36,380
Okay...
78
00:03:37,460 --> 00:03:38,510
-Married?
-Yep.
79
00:03:38,550 --> 00:03:39,920
-Kids?
-No.
80
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,970
We're all caught up.
81
00:03:42,010 --> 00:03:43,430
Hey, you know,
I'm thinking of going
82
00:03:43,470 --> 00:03:45,010
to Mr. Nagel's biology class
83
00:03:45,050 --> 00:03:47,060
and settin'
all the frogs free again.
84
00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,720
He can't suspend me now, right?
85
00:03:48,770 --> 00:03:50,020
No.
86
00:03:50,060 --> 00:03:51,640
He's dead.
87
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,610
Oh, my God.
I'm so sorry.
88
00:03:55,650 --> 00:03:58,570
No, that's all right,
seven years ago.
89
00:03:58,610 --> 00:04:00,860
I'm all cried out.
90
00:04:00,900 --> 00:04:02,570
I cannot
believe you said--
91
00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:05,410
Hey, Brandon, Michael! Come
here, come here, come here.
92
00:04:05,450 --> 00:04:08,700
I want ya to meet
a real...
93
00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:10,620
running back.
94
00:04:10,660 --> 00:04:11,790
Doug Heffernan.
95
00:04:11,830 --> 00:04:13,670
All-county
96
00:04:13,710 --> 00:04:14,870
2 years in a row.
97
00:04:14,920 --> 00:04:16,790
Hey, nice to
meet ya.
98
00:04:16,840 --> 00:04:20,420
-How you doing?
-Hey, all-county. Wow.
99
00:04:20,460 --> 00:04:22,340
Wanna tell 'em about
the Kennedy game?
100
00:04:22,380 --> 00:04:23,880
Come on. They don't wanna hear
the old war stories.
101
00:04:23,930 --> 00:04:25,930
Go ahead and tell them.
102
00:04:25,970 --> 00:04:28,930
We hitched our wagon
to this animal.
103
00:04:28,970 --> 00:04:32,430
186 yards.
104
00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:34,520
-You're embarrassing me.
-No, no, no.
105
00:04:34,560 --> 00:04:37,360
He ran like he was mad
at the grass.
106
00:04:38,650 --> 00:04:41,780
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
107
00:04:43,990 --> 00:04:46,360
HOLLY: Hey, Arthur.
108
00:04:46,410 --> 00:04:49,330
Have you ever seen
this Mr. Magoo program?
109
00:04:49,370 --> 00:04:51,040
It's quite insensitive.
110
00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:53,500
Oh, 'cause of that really
racist Asian character?
111
00:04:53,540 --> 00:04:55,580
Oh, no. He's hilarious.
112
00:04:55,620 --> 00:04:57,710
They should give that guy
his own show.
113
00:04:57,750 --> 00:04:59,750
See, I don't see him
as a lead.
114
00:04:59,790 --> 00:05:01,670
You couldn't be
more wrong.
115
00:05:01,710 --> 00:05:02,920
My point is,
116
00:05:02,960 --> 00:05:05,130
the blind are treated
as if we're buffoons.
117
00:05:05,180 --> 00:05:06,470
You're not blind.
118
00:05:06,510 --> 00:05:08,140
Why don't you just
go get glasses?
119
00:05:08,180 --> 00:05:11,810
I think you'd look really
handsome in them.
120
00:05:11,850 --> 00:05:14,730
That's the nicest thing
you ever said to me.
121
00:05:14,770 --> 00:05:17,560
Wait a second--
you're not Carrie!
122
00:05:18,860 --> 00:05:20,650
N-no, it's me, Holly.
123
00:05:20,690 --> 00:05:21,900
I'm sorry.
124
00:05:21,940 --> 00:05:23,570
I can usually recognize
your...
125
00:05:23,610 --> 00:05:25,780
gin-soaked voice.
126
00:05:25,820 --> 00:05:28,030
I must need
my eardrops.
127
00:05:28,070 --> 00:05:29,620
Listen, Arthur,
if you're not feeling well,
128
00:05:29,660 --> 00:05:32,040
we don't have to go
on our walk today.
129
00:05:33,870 --> 00:05:35,830
Wait, Arthur, no, no, no,
these aren't eardrops!
130
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:37,500
This is wart remover.
131
00:05:37,540 --> 00:05:39,880
It says for external
use only!
132
00:05:39,920 --> 00:05:42,670
Oh, my God! Are you okay?
133
00:05:42,710 --> 00:05:46,010
[MUFFLED] Arthur! Arthur,
can you hear me?
134
00:05:47,090 --> 00:05:48,890
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
135
00:05:48,930 --> 00:05:51,050
DOUG: So then I cut to my left
and the cornerback
136
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:52,810
comes in to try to
get me, right?
137
00:05:52,850 --> 00:05:54,020
So I say, "I'm gonna
cut to the right,"
138
00:05:54,060 --> 00:05:55,930
but no--I go
right through him
139
00:05:55,980 --> 00:05:57,690
and just crack
his chest plate!
140
00:05:57,730 --> 00:05:59,600
I put like a cleat in the eye--
I'm going crazy!
141
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:01,020
His eye's twitching
142
00:06:01,060 --> 00:06:04,190
and his soul is literally
spilling all over the field.
143
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:06,530
Then I just truck it
into the end zone.
144
00:06:06,570 --> 00:06:07,990
Touchdown. Playoffs.
Something like that.
145
00:06:08,030 --> 00:06:10,070
I don't remember.
It was a long time ago.
146
00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:13,410
-Awesome!
-Yeah.
147
00:06:13,450 --> 00:06:16,450
We haven't made the
playoffs since, what, '94?
148
00:06:16,500 --> 00:06:17,910
Hey, hey.
149
00:06:19,750 --> 00:06:21,540
I need this job.
150
00:06:23,920 --> 00:06:26,720
You got time to tell 'em
about the Bayside game?
151
00:06:26,760 --> 00:06:28,130
O'BOYLE [OVER RADIO]:Heffernan,where are you?
152
00:06:28,170 --> 00:06:30,680
We got an emergencyplasma pickup
153
00:06:30,720 --> 00:06:32,930
at Queens General Hospital.
154
00:06:32,970 --> 00:06:34,560
I got time.
155
00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:36,180
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
156
00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:46,030
Car, you're never gonna believe
where I had a pickup today.
157
00:06:46,070 --> 00:06:48,190
One second, honey. I'm on the
phone with the mortgage company.
158
00:06:48,240 --> 00:06:51,240
Yes, once again,
the name is Heffernan.
159
00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:53,950
They told me to talk to you
about looking into a rate?
160
00:06:53,990 --> 00:06:56,950
No, no, no, no. Customer service
sent me to you.
161
00:06:57,000 --> 00:07:00,040
Please don't send me
back there--hello? Great.
162
00:07:00,080 --> 00:07:02,960
Here comes
American Pieagain.
163
00:07:03,000 --> 00:07:05,130
My old high school.
It was unbelievable.
164
00:07:05,170 --> 00:07:06,840
My old coach calls me
in the office, right?
165
00:07:06,880 --> 00:07:08,380
We're hanging out there,
then he brings students in
166
00:07:08,420 --> 00:07:09,970
so we can tell them
some stories and then--
167
00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:11,130
Yes, Marcus.
Yes, it's me again.
168
00:07:11,180 --> 00:07:13,510
Honey, please. Yes...
169
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:15,350
Yes, the Yeller. Uh-huh.
170
00:07:15,390 --> 00:07:17,970
Listen, you and Melissa
and me,
171
00:07:18,020 --> 00:07:20,440
we all need to get
on the same page, okay?
172
00:07:20,480 --> 00:07:23,190
Because she said
I needed to talk to you.
173
00:07:23,230 --> 00:07:25,980
No, no, no. Don't put me
on hold again, plea--
174
00:07:26,020 --> 00:07:27,480
-I'm on hold.
-Okay, so listen,
175
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,990
so I'm telling
the story, right,
176
00:07:29,030 --> 00:07:30,570
and these kids are
literally looking at me
177
00:07:30,610 --> 00:07:32,610
like I'm one of the guys
from Menudo, you know, so...
178
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:34,070
And all of a sudden--
179
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:36,950
-I--I--I--
-Listen, listen, baby, please!
180
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,870
God, I gotta focus
on this right now.
181
00:07:38,910 --> 00:07:41,160
Do me a favor. The upstairs
toilet is acting up again.
182
00:07:41,210 --> 00:07:42,420
Please take a look at it.
183
00:07:42,460 --> 00:07:43,460
Yes!
184
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:46,880
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
185
00:07:52,220 --> 00:07:54,220
Treat her right,
and she'll treat you right.
186
00:07:54,260 --> 00:07:57,100
Doug Heffernan, class of '83.
187
00:08:02,310 --> 00:08:05,190
-This is broccoli!
-What?
188
00:08:05,230 --> 00:08:06,440
Broccoli!
189
00:08:06,480 --> 00:08:08,530
Okay. Ready for broccoli.
190
00:08:12,030 --> 00:08:13,990
Yam!
191
00:08:14,030 --> 00:08:16,160
Okay. Ready for ham.
192
00:08:16,200 --> 00:08:18,200
No, I said yam.
193
00:08:18,240 --> 00:08:20,200
Yes.
194
00:08:25,500 --> 00:08:28,380
What's the date
on this ham?
195
00:08:28,420 --> 00:08:31,670
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
196
00:08:33,630 --> 00:08:36,180
What's up?
[TOSSES KEYS]
197
00:08:42,770 --> 00:08:45,100
Hey, we got any Sunny D?
198
00:08:46,770 --> 00:08:48,190
Doug...
199
00:08:48,230 --> 00:08:49,650
where have you been?
200
00:08:49,690 --> 00:08:52,110
What are you
talking about?
201
00:08:52,150 --> 00:08:54,700
You were supposed to meet me
at the mortgage company.
202
00:08:55,740 --> 00:08:58,240
Oh, uh...
203
00:08:58,280 --> 00:08:59,330
I'm sorry. I forgot.
204
00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:01,040
You forgot.
Where were you?
205
00:09:01,080 --> 00:09:02,330
School.
206
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:06,250
You went back to your
old high school? Why?
207
00:09:06,290 --> 00:09:08,590
We have a very big
game coming up.
208
00:09:08,630 --> 00:09:11,960
Okay, I don't know what it
is you're talking about,
209
00:09:12,010 --> 00:09:13,420
but I rescheduled
the appointment
210
00:09:13,470 --> 00:09:16,010
for tomorrow at 5:00.
211
00:09:16,050 --> 00:09:19,640
Uh, yeah. 5:00's
not gonna work for me.
212
00:09:20,720 --> 00:09:22,140
And why is that?
213
00:09:22,180 --> 00:09:23,980
-Pep rally.
-Pep rally.
214
00:09:25,350 --> 00:09:27,350
Okay, you do realize
we're seconds away
215
00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:29,480
from squad cars being
on our lawn, right?
216
00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:31,320
Carrie, I like hanging out
there sometimes.
217
00:09:31,360 --> 00:09:33,030
-What's the big deal?
-What's the big deal?
218
00:09:33,070 --> 00:09:35,030
Doug, first of all,
you missed an appointment,
219
00:09:35,070 --> 00:09:36,780
and it is a little weird
that a grown man
220
00:09:36,820 --> 00:09:38,740
is hanging out
at his old high school.
221
00:09:38,780 --> 00:09:41,620
And why the hell are
you wearing a backpack?
222
00:09:41,660 --> 00:09:44,160
That's exactly why I go hang out
at my old high school,
223
00:09:44,200 --> 00:09:46,620
Okay, 'cause I go there,
I'm somebody. I get respect.
224
00:09:46,670 --> 00:09:48,580
I walk in here, all I get
is you yelling at me
225
00:09:48,630 --> 00:09:51,130
and Ray Charles
bouncing off the furniture.
226
00:09:51,170 --> 00:09:53,210
All right, how 'bout this--when
you get home from work tomorrow
227
00:09:53,250 --> 00:09:55,050
and you take your pants off
and fall asleep on the couch,
228
00:09:55,090 --> 00:09:57,180
I throw ya a parade,
huh?
229
00:09:57,220 --> 00:10:00,140
All I'm saying is
high school was great, okay?
230
00:10:00,180 --> 00:10:02,470
And I miss having
that feeling, that's all.
231
00:10:02,510 --> 00:10:04,140
You can understand that,
right?
232
00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:07,230
No, I can't understand it
because high school sucked.
233
00:10:07,270 --> 00:10:08,560
What are you talking about?
234
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:10,690
All the obnoxious cliques,
the cheerleaders--
235
00:10:10,730 --> 00:10:13,650
[SNOTTY VOICE] "Excuse me,
that's our table."
236
00:10:13,690 --> 00:10:16,700
The only thing I enjoyed was
smoking in the girls' room.
237
00:10:18,110 --> 00:10:19,530
Ohh...oh, my God!
238
00:10:19,570 --> 00:10:21,160
I get it!
239
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,580
Oh, my God, you're--
you're jealous
240
00:10:22,620 --> 00:10:24,080
'cause I rocked
in high school
241
00:10:24,120 --> 00:10:25,370
and you didn't!
242
00:10:26,750 --> 00:10:29,670
I'm Emilio Estevez,
and you're Ally Sheedy!
243
00:10:31,750 --> 00:10:33,210
What does that mean?
244
00:10:33,250 --> 00:10:35,840
Breakfast Club?
245
00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:37,170
Never saw it.
246
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,720
You--
247
00:10:39,800 --> 00:10:42,300
youwhat?!
248
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:43,680
I never saw it.
249
00:10:43,720 --> 00:10:45,140
You never saw that movie?
250
00:10:45,180 --> 00:10:47,100
No Doug, I didn't see
it, Doug, okay,
251
00:10:47,140 --> 00:10:49,100
because while you and your
buddies were watching movies,
252
00:10:49,140 --> 00:10:50,730
-I was working.
-Oh, here we go.
253
00:10:50,770 --> 00:10:53,360
Yeah, that's right. I had to
wait tables at Friendly's
254
00:10:53,400 --> 00:10:56,150
because I had to take care of my
father because I was a grownup.
255
00:10:56,190 --> 00:10:59,150
Okay, I had to be
responsible.
256
00:10:59,200 --> 00:11:01,320
Oh, why do I even
talk to you?
257
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,370
You can't talk to me
because I'm Ferris Bueller
258
00:11:03,410 --> 00:11:05,580
and you're his very
bitter sister.
259
00:11:07,660 --> 00:11:09,870
Oh, my God.
You didn't see that either.
260
00:11:09,910 --> 00:11:13,290
Okay, all I know is high school
is over for you, okay?
261
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:15,210
Now I have to get back
to very grownup stuff here,
262
00:11:15,250 --> 00:11:16,420
-Yeah.
-So excuse me.
263
00:11:16,460 --> 00:11:18,670
Okay. You know,
all I know is
264
00:11:18,720 --> 00:11:21,840
your lack of classic movie
knowledge is terrifying!
265
00:11:33,150 --> 00:11:36,480
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
266
00:11:58,920 --> 00:12:01,090
Hey, what's up, guys?
267
00:12:01,130 --> 00:12:03,800
You guys, uh, ready
to crush Roosevelt?
268
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,100
Uh, yeah.
269
00:12:06,140 --> 00:12:08,640
All right. Now, I hope
you guys aren't on the juice.
270
00:12:08,680 --> 00:12:11,640
But if you are, you know where
to come for clean pee?
271
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,560
Great.
272
00:12:15,610 --> 00:12:17,520
So, uh...
273
00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:19,150
-you work here now or...
-Work here?
274
00:12:19,190 --> 00:12:21,860
No, no, no. I'm just here for
the talk, here to listen,
275
00:12:21,900 --> 00:12:24,990
here to guide you guys through
the crazy minefield they call...
276
00:12:25,030 --> 00:12:27,280
the teen years.
277
00:12:27,330 --> 00:12:28,700
-Great.
-Yeah.
278
00:12:28,740 --> 00:12:30,040
Yeah.
279
00:12:31,370 --> 00:12:32,790
Doug...
280
00:12:32,830 --> 00:12:34,830
what are you doing?
281
00:12:34,870 --> 00:12:36,080
I'm just hanging
with the guys.
282
00:12:36,130 --> 00:12:38,250
We're supposed to be signing
mortgage papers
283
00:12:38,290 --> 00:12:40,050
in half an hour.
284
00:12:40,090 --> 00:12:41,670
Uh, Doug, we're gonna...
285
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,880
go score a couple
of Red Bulls.
286
00:12:43,930 --> 00:12:46,590
See ya.
287
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,180
Okay, thanks for embarrassing
me in front of my crew.
288
00:12:50,220 --> 00:12:51,890
Your crew.
289
00:12:51,930 --> 00:12:54,730
Um, okay here's how
it's gonna go down.
290
00:12:54,770 --> 00:12:56,150
I'm gonna go
to the ladies' room,
291
00:12:56,190 --> 00:12:58,690
and you wrap up
with 'NSYNC over there, okay?
292
00:12:58,730 --> 00:13:00,320
And then we're gonna
get out of here.
293
00:13:01,900 --> 00:13:03,610
Guys--wait! Wait up!
294
00:13:05,280 --> 00:13:08,240
Hey, uh, can I
bum one of those?
295
00:13:09,280 --> 00:13:10,700
Thank you.
296
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,250
Listen, I'm not usually
a fan of hot pink,
297
00:13:16,290 --> 00:13:18,040
but you really made
that work.
298
00:13:23,260 --> 00:13:25,050
Suzie,
it's gonna be okay.
299
00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:28,090
SUZIE: It's not okay.
He's totally with Lisa now!
300
00:13:28,140 --> 00:13:29,720
Um...
301
00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,220
you're not supposed to be
smoking in here.
302
00:13:32,270 --> 00:13:34,180
Oh...really?
303
00:13:34,230 --> 00:13:36,690
Thank you
for the heads up.
304
00:13:38,650 --> 00:13:40,730
I don't even understand
what I am without him.
305
00:13:40,770 --> 00:13:42,610
Just make him promise not
to cheat on you again,
306
00:13:42,650 --> 00:13:44,900
and get him
a really nice gift.
307
00:13:45,990 --> 00:13:48,030
Wow, that's really great
advice.
308
00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:49,910
Um, who are you?
309
00:13:49,950 --> 00:13:51,700
Um, I'm the only person
in this bathroom
310
00:13:51,740 --> 00:13:53,790
who knows
anything about boys. Okay?
311
00:13:53,830 --> 00:13:55,830
Just dump the loser
and move on.
312
00:13:55,870 --> 00:13:58,330
You don't understand.
I love him.
313
00:13:58,380 --> 00:14:01,630
And I keep hearing that stupid
Christina Aguilera song.
314
00:14:01,670 --> 00:14:02,880
It's my life.
315
00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,720
*Young girl, don't cry*
316
00:14:05,760 --> 00:14:07,260
*I'll be right here*
317
00:14:07,300 --> 00:14:11,050
*When your worldstarts to fall*
318
00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,270
*Ooh, ooh*
319
00:14:14,310 --> 00:14:15,930
-Stop, stop.
-*Young girl,
320
00:14:15,980 --> 00:14:17,190
-it's all right*
-Stop it.
321
00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:18,270
Stop it, sweetie.
322
00:14:18,310 --> 00:14:21,730
Stop. Stop.
Bring it down.
323
00:14:21,770 --> 00:14:24,280
You guys are very depressing for
cheerleaders, you know that?
324
00:14:24,320 --> 00:14:25,440
Excuse me...
325
00:14:25,490 --> 00:14:27,110
but my life is over!
326
00:14:27,150 --> 00:14:29,320
Oh, come on!
327
00:14:29,360 --> 00:14:30,820
You have the world
at your feet.
328
00:14:30,870 --> 00:14:32,330
I mean, look at you.
You're pretty.
329
00:14:32,370 --> 00:14:35,830
You can probably bend in
a bunch of different ways.
330
00:14:37,120 --> 00:14:39,960
So one guy broke your
heart. You move on.
331
00:14:40,000 --> 00:14:41,880
But Brandon's perfect!
332
00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,300
Okay, let me explain something
to you about Brandon, okay?
333
00:14:44,340 --> 00:14:46,380
20 years from now,
he's gonna be 250 pounds
334
00:14:46,420 --> 00:14:49,260
and communicating to
you entirely in burps.
335
00:14:50,430 --> 00:14:52,010
Trust me.
336
00:14:52,050 --> 00:14:53,140
Wow...
337
00:14:53,180 --> 00:14:55,270
what else
can you tell us?
338
00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:57,020
Well, um...
339
00:14:58,390 --> 00:15:01,150
unless you're planning on
being in the Ice Capades,
340
00:15:01,190 --> 00:15:04,150
let's lose
the glitter makeup, okay?
341
00:15:04,190 --> 00:15:05,440
Yeah...
342
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,990
Okay. Well, it's time
to begin our program.
343
00:15:09,030 --> 00:15:11,070
We got a big game
coming up,
344
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,320
and we're gonna
take it to 'em, huh?
345
00:15:13,370 --> 00:15:14,950
-MAN: Yeah.
-[SCATTERED CLAPPING]
346
00:15:14,990 --> 00:15:16,330
McGREGOR:
Good. That's the spirit.
347
00:15:16,370 --> 00:15:18,250
McGregor is so weak.
348
00:15:18,290 --> 00:15:20,920
I know. How are we supposed
to get pumped up to this?
349
00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:22,790
You guys want pumped up?
350
00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:24,210
You got it.
351
00:15:26,090 --> 00:15:30,180
I've never seen anybody
run a library the way you do.
352
00:15:30,220 --> 00:15:31,800
You know, in my condo
I got books
353
00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:34,180
laying around
all over the place.
354
00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:39,100
Maybe you could come over
and help me arrange 'em.
355
00:15:42,480 --> 00:15:44,400
And after our big win,
356
00:15:44,440 --> 00:15:47,030
we're gonna bring it on home
to the state finals.
357
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:48,320
Yeah, I'll take it
from here, Mr. McG.
358
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,360
Doug Heffernan?
359
00:15:49,400 --> 00:15:51,490
Yeah, that's right.
All right...
360
00:15:51,530 --> 00:15:54,030
I got one question
for you people
361
00:15:54,070 --> 00:15:57,040
and that is,
"What's up, Commodores?"
362
00:15:57,080 --> 00:15:59,200
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
363
00:15:59,250 --> 00:16:01,370
Okay, see, now,
that doesn't work for me
364
00:16:01,410 --> 00:16:04,000
'cause back where I'm from,
we used to make a lotta noise.
365
00:16:04,040 --> 00:16:07,800
I'm gonna ask you again--
what's up, Commodores?
366
00:16:07,840 --> 00:16:11,010
-Whoo!
-Whoo!
367
00:16:11,050 --> 00:16:13,390
That's better. Now, you guys
ready to beat Roosevelt?!
368
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,510
-CROWD: Yeah!
-CROWD: Whoo!
369
00:16:18,140 --> 00:16:19,470
Yeah!
370
00:16:19,520 --> 00:16:21,890
How 'bout this half of the
room--we gonna win?
371
00:16:21,940 --> 00:16:25,400
CROWD: Yeah! Whoo!
372
00:16:25,440 --> 00:16:27,230
Now this half!
373
00:16:27,270 --> 00:16:31,360
-Whoo!
-Yay!
374
00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,150
Now just the sexy people!
375
00:16:33,200 --> 00:16:35,910
-Whoo!
-Whoo!
376
00:16:35,950 --> 00:16:37,910
Yeah! That's it!
We're gonna win this game
377
00:16:37,950 --> 00:16:39,330
and we're gonna
win every game
378
00:16:39,370 --> 00:16:42,330
till we're kissing
that championship trophy!
379
00:16:42,370 --> 00:16:46,250
CROWD:
[CHEERING]
380
00:16:46,290 --> 00:16:47,920
DOUG: And I'll tell you
something else!
381
00:16:47,960 --> 00:16:49,590
You know what Roosevelt
can kiss?
382
00:16:49,630 --> 00:16:51,260
They can kiss this!
383
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:54,180
[CHEERING]
384
00:16:54,220 --> 00:16:56,220
[CHEERING STOPS]
385
00:17:09,230 --> 00:17:11,860
For god's sakes,
Heffernan,
386
00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:14,110
pull your pants
up.
387
00:17:22,000 --> 00:17:25,170
[LOUDLY] Okay, Arthur,
I'm here.
388
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,540
It's me...
389
00:17:26,580 --> 00:17:28,290
Holly.
390
00:17:33,630 --> 00:17:36,260
"Lost my voice
from screaming.
391
00:17:36,300 --> 00:17:39,300
Also would like to go
to petting zoo."
392
00:17:45,980 --> 00:17:48,900
[LOUDLY] Do you want
a glass of water?
393
00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:56,990
No. No, Arthur,
you can do this.
394
00:17:57,030 --> 00:17:58,950
Yes, you can. You--
yes, you can!
395
00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:02,080
You absolu--Arthur, you have
to believe in yourself!
396
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:04,370
You have to believe in
yourself! You can do this!
397
00:18:04,410 --> 00:18:07,920
You can do this!
You can do this! Water!
398
00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:10,170
Water! Water!
399
00:18:10,210 --> 00:18:11,290
Water.
400
00:18:11,340 --> 00:18:12,500
Water.
401
00:18:12,550 --> 00:18:13,880
[LAUGHS]
402
00:18:13,920 --> 00:18:15,340
Water...
403
00:18:19,140 --> 00:18:20,390
Hey.
404
00:18:20,430 --> 00:18:21,470
Hey.
405
00:18:21,510 --> 00:18:23,260
What are you
doing here?
406
00:18:23,310 --> 00:18:25,680
I was teaching little Suzie
Pinkus how to smoke
407
00:18:25,730 --> 00:18:29,020
and the little princess
threw up and got us caught.
408
00:18:29,060 --> 00:18:30,520
What are you here for?
409
00:18:30,560 --> 00:18:33,110
It'll all be
in the police report.
410
00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:39,240
Hi.
411
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:40,570
Hey.
412
00:18:40,620 --> 00:18:42,200
This your wife?
413
00:18:42,240 --> 00:18:44,410
Yeah, this is Carrie.
Carrie, this is Coach Walcott.
414
00:18:44,450 --> 00:18:46,710
-Hi.
-Hi, Carrie.
415
00:18:46,750 --> 00:18:48,540
That short for Carlene?
416
00:18:48,580 --> 00:18:49,580
No.
417
00:18:49,620 --> 00:18:51,500
That's weird.
418
00:18:55,710 --> 00:18:57,260
You know...
419
00:18:58,630 --> 00:19:01,090
you can't, uh...smoke
420
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:02,640
anywhere
on the school grounds.
421
00:19:02,680 --> 00:19:05,930
Yes, I know. It'll never
happen again.
422
00:19:05,970 --> 00:19:08,230
And as for you, Dougie,
423
00:19:08,270 --> 00:19:11,020
you pull your pants down
when you're a little kid,
424
00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:13,270
it's cute.
425
00:19:13,310 --> 00:19:15,570
When you're approaching 40,
426
00:19:15,610 --> 00:19:17,570
shaped like you...
427
00:19:20,110 --> 00:19:22,530
it's...disturbing.
428
00:19:26,580 --> 00:19:28,290
I know that now.
429
00:19:29,540 --> 00:19:32,380
Now, I've got a story
I want to share with you.
430
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:36,250
Quite a few years ago,
I was...
431
00:19:36,300 --> 00:19:38,300
quite a football hero.
432
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:46,100
You like that picture,
don't ya, Cheryl?
433
00:19:46,140 --> 00:19:47,640
Mm-hmm.
434
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:49,640
Yeah, mm-hmm! Anyway,
435
00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,600
I used to drop by my old
high school, you know.
436
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:55,270
I didn't belong there.
437
00:19:55,320 --> 00:19:57,610
Actually, you did,
'cause...
438
00:19:57,650 --> 00:20:00,570
you're a high school
football coach, you know?
439
00:20:00,610 --> 00:20:02,030
Let me tell you
a different story.
440
00:20:02,070 --> 00:20:03,780
CARRIE: No, no, coach.
I think we get it.
441
00:20:03,820 --> 00:20:06,660
He's telling us that we can't
go home again.
442
00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:10,750
Exactly. Now, if you'll
just listen to Charlene...
443
00:20:14,250 --> 00:20:15,590
I've gotta get back
right away,
444
00:20:15,630 --> 00:20:17,300
because I got a librarian
coming over,
445
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:19,510
and I gotta pick up
a bunch of books.
446
00:20:25,510 --> 00:20:28,140
I really love ya,
buddy.
447
00:20:28,180 --> 00:20:30,680
I'll see ya in...
20 years.
448
00:20:34,350 --> 00:20:36,060
So...
449
00:20:36,110 --> 00:20:38,020
are you
ready to leave?
450
00:20:41,190 --> 00:20:43,200
Yeah.
451
00:20:49,410 --> 00:20:50,660
So are you still
mad at me?
452
00:20:50,700 --> 00:20:52,160
No.
453
00:20:52,210 --> 00:20:54,210
I get the whole
high school thing now.
454
00:20:54,250 --> 00:20:56,500
-You do?
-Yeah.
455
00:20:56,540 --> 00:20:59,500
I had some fun in the bathroom
with some cheerleaders.
456
00:21:01,590 --> 00:21:03,720
I wanna hear that story.
457
00:21:14,980 --> 00:21:20,570
So tell me more
about your work with the blind.
458
00:21:23,030 --> 00:21:25,780
Um, okay.
459
00:21:28,700 --> 00:21:31,830
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
32752
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