Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
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00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:07,040
[**]
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00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:10,760
WOMAN [OVER TV]:
All of U .S. intelligence
3
00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,340
in more than 50 years--
4
00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,590
Do you mind?
I'm trying to read.
5
00:00:14,630 --> 00:00:16,590
That's yesterday's news. I need
up-to-the-minute coverage.
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00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,260
WOMAN [OVER TV]: President'ssays he's happy to have it,
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00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,520
-but has not yet--
-There you go, all right?
8
00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,690
-There.
-I can't hear.
9
00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,150
Okay, well, I can't read.
10
00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:26,860
Yeah--here, fine.
You know what? There.
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00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:30,230
Closed captioning.
You happy now?
12
00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,070
Huh, those clever Japanese
have done it again.
13
00:00:33,110 --> 00:00:35,280
"Investigators believe
a faulty hair dryer
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00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,530
was the cause
of the blaze.
15
00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,530
Speaking of bad-hair days,
16
00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:41,200
here's Curtis
with the weather. Chuckles."
17
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:42,790
You're kidding, right?
18
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:45,670
Sorry, I'm having trouble
following this.
19
00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:49,130
You can help me if you could
read the part of Sue Simmons.
20
00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:51,590
Yeah, it's not gonna happen.
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00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,130
"There is a cold front
rolling in from the north,
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00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,430
colliding with
a high-pressure symptom."
23
00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:59,890
-It's "system."
-It says "symptom."
24
00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:01,560
Okay, well, they obviously
made a mistake!
25
00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,430
Well, how can I trust
anything they say?
26
00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,390
Okay, fine, here you go!
Okay? There!
27
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,810
That loud enough?
28
00:01:06,850 --> 00:01:08,400
"On the lighter side
of the news,
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00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,110
a cat was rescued
from a well today.
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00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:12,530
When asked to comment,
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00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:17,240
the fire chief said
the mission was purr-fect."
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00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,240
SINGER: * My eyesare gettin' weary*
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00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,740
* My back is gettin' tight*
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00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,660
* I'm sittin' herein traffic*
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00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:27,750
* On the Queensboro Bridgetonight*
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* But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
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00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:38,800
* Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
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00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,550
* 'Cause, baby,all my life*
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00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,640
* I will be drivin' hometo you*
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00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:00,280
Let's go.
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00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:13,960
CARRIE: [SUCKING IN BREATH]
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00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,210
[GASPS]
43
00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:19,010
Okay.
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00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,180
Okay.
45
00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:27,140
[GRUNTS]
46
00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:33,610
Come on.
47
00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,780
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
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00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,910
Nothing fit her, huh?
49
00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:49,750
-That is not good.
-It gets worse.
50
00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:51,670
Guess what she came
down the stairs wearing?
51
00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:54,670
Sweatpants.
52
00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:56,920
So what? Lot of girls
wear sweatpants.
53
00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,880
Mysweatpants.
54
00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,130
-Ooh.
-Why don't you just tell her
55
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,720
that she needs
to lose some weight?
56
00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,100
Oh, yeah,
that's a good idea.
57
00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,760
And while I'm at it, why don't
I just write up a list
58
00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,020
of other women
I wanna have sex with?
59
00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:09,140
"Here. Hey, honey,
you know some of these.
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00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:12,230
Some are your friends.
You know 'em all."
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00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:14,400
Idiot.
62
00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,690
This is a tough one.
63
00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:16,980
I had the same situation
with Kelly.
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00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,320
Yeah, but she just lost
all that weight.
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00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,610
Yeah, only 'cause
she got food poisoning.
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00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:22,070
Hmm...
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00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:24,240
so in order
for your plan to work,
68
00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:25,950
I got to give Carrie
some undercooked chicken
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00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:27,740
-or something.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.
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00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,790
It wasn't a plan to give her
food poisoning.
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00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:32,250
I just got lucky.
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00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:33,920
Yeah, and, uh,
not for nothing, guy,
73
00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,340
but aren't you
a little out of line,
74
00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,800
you know, getting on Carrie
about her weight?
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00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:41,130
You're not exactly
Mackenzie Phillips.
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00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:42,630
Really? I'm
not exactly Mac--
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00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,680
I'm not
Mackenzie Phillips?
78
00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,060
Look, she knows.
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00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,810
This is what I looked like
when I met her, okay?
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00:03:48,850 --> 00:03:50,350
This was all
in the Doug brochure
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00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:53,690
as advertised.
82
00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,110
I'm just worried about
where she's headed.
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00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:57,650
I mean, I don't
want her catching me.
84
00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,230
Well, why don't you just
start eating a lot more?
85
00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,320
You know,
stay one step ahead.
86
00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,990
I'm gonna do that anyway,
87
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:05,280
but, I don't know,
I think maybe if I can--
88
00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,990
I'm gonna stop you
right there.
89
00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:08,950
I'm your boy, and
I'm looking out for you.
90
00:04:08,990 --> 00:04:11,910
You're playing with fire.
Just let it go.
91
00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,750
Look, I know it's tricky,
but if I could actually--
92
00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:15,960
Bup bup bup!
93
00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,670
-Let it go.
-I'm just saying
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00:04:17,710 --> 00:04:20,130
-if there's a way that I can--
-Aaah!
95
00:04:22,090 --> 00:04:25,430
Let...it...go.
96
00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,140
DOUG: What
are we doin' here?
97
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,770
Doug,
they're our neighbors.
98
00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:36,980
We should be supportive
99
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:40,690
and buy one of
their pieces of crap.
100
00:04:40,730 --> 00:04:43,990
We can throw it out
when we get home.
101
00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:46,240
Why would Lou Ferrigno
need a jar opener?
102
00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:49,370
He's the strongest man
in the world.
103
00:04:49,410 --> 00:04:52,160
That's probably why
he's selling it.
104
00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,750
Oh, look, here's
something we can use.
105
00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:56,920
A deep fryer?
106
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,880
Yeah. Can make
our own French fries,
107
00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,840
some fried chicken.
108
00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,970
I don't want to waste
our money on that, though, huh?
109
00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:10,010
It's a dollar.
110
00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,720
Still, it's just, uh...
111
00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,850
hey, what about this?
112
00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:16,850
Yeah, we already have
a stationary bike--
113
00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,480
your regular bike.
114
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,900
Hey, guys.
115
00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:22,980
-Hey!
-Hey, Lou.
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00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:24,440
How's
the sale goin'?
117
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,110
-Okay, I guess.
-Oh, Lou's just cranky
118
00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:27,240
because
I'm making him sell
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00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:28,820
all of his video games.
120
00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,160
I'm telling you,
the man was addicted.
121
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:35,370
Hey, better video games
than steroids, huh?
122
00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:38,460
We don't joke
about that, Doug.
123
00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,340
Hey, so what's the story
with this bad boy?
124
00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:42,210
Oh, well, if you're
interested in this,
125
00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,170
we're selling
our home gym.
126
00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:45,510
I'll even
sweeten the pot.
127
00:05:45,550 --> 00:05:47,180
If you buy it,
128
00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:49,140
I'll train you both
for free.
129
00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:53,970
You hear that? He'll
train us...both.
130
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,390
We'll let you two
think about it.
131
00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:58,520
-Okay.
-Okay?
132
00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,400
Both!
133
00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,940
That's a pretty
sweet deal, huh?
134
00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:04,150
Yes, Doug, but you
still belong to 3 gyms
135
00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:05,320
that you never go to.
136
00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,570
Would it really
be fair to them?
137
00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:08,070
See, that's the thing,
okay?
138
00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:09,320
If you're
training with me,
139
00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,240
I'd be inspired
and stick with it.
140
00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,240
Okay. You know what?
Let's do it.
141
00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,410
I can stand to lose
a couple pounds.
142
00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:17,870
This is not about you.
It's about me, but whatever.
143
00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,870
I mean, if that happens,
it's great.
144
00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,210
This is awesome, huh?
145
00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,500
I can't picture Lou Ferrigno
playing tennis, huh?
146
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:27,220
Rarrr!
147
00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:31,890
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
148
00:06:31,930 --> 00:06:34,930
Douglas, look what I came across
on the game show channel.
149
00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:36,520
Glen and I wouldlike to go for...
150
00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,100
DOUG: Is that you?
151
00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:40,060
You never told me
you were on a game show.
152
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,110
I've actually told you
several dozen times.
153
00:06:42,150 --> 00:06:44,070
Thanks for listening.
154
00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:47,320
Look at you.
155
00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,280
You look so young and sane.
156
00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,290
Lee Meriwether couldn't keep
her paws off me.
157
00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,540
Get it? Paws.
158
00:06:57,580 --> 00:07:00,290
She was one
of three Catwomen.
159
00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,170
So did you win
the 10,000?
160
00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:06,210
Would I be living
in this dump if I did?
161
00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:07,840
Probably, yeah.
162
00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,380
ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]:
Contestants appearing on
163
00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:10,970
The $10,000 Pyramid
164
00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:13,510
will receive a year's supplyof Rice-A-Roni,
165
00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:16,100
the San Francisco Treat.
166
00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,560
Wait a minute!
167
00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,980
I never got
any Rice-A-Roni!
168
00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,150
Come on, 2 more.
169
00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,440
You said "2 more"
5 ago!
170
00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,490
-Do it!
-God.
171
00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:30,110
All right,
I'm just saying,
172
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,490
you suck at math,
that's all.
173
00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:34,620
There.
Okay? You happy?
174
00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:36,490
Oh, my God, Doug,
that was torture.
175
00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:40,330
First the bike and then
3 sets on every station.
176
00:07:40,370 --> 00:07:42,370
Well, you know,
the first time is never easy.
177
00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,460
Like the first time
we had to trim
178
00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:47,170
your father's nails,
right?
179
00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:48,510
Now we wait for him
to fall asleep.
180
00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:51,130
It's a lot less kicking.
That's all I'm saying.
181
00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:54,140
Let's get ready
on the bike
182
00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:55,890
and get
the blood flowing.
183
00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:59,350
All right, just don't make me
too skinny there, buddy.
184
00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:01,890
Ah.
185
00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,140
Okay, this is
very easy.
186
00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:04,600
I'm just telling you
that right now.
187
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,310
Could do this
all day.
188
00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,030
You can stop now.
189
00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:15,370
Thank you.
190
00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:16,660
Carrie
really did this?
191
00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:19,370
Yeah, but she did
the whole 10 minutes.
192
00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,460
I'm gonna write
some notes on the chart,
193
00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,120
and you give me
20 curls.
194
00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,080
Hey, how about I do the notes,
you do the curls, huh?
195
00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,170
Ha ha ha.
196
00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:29,670
Ha ha ha.
Now 30, funny man.
197
00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:34,380
Come on,
all the way up.
198
00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,430
Count them off.
199
00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:37,550
All right.
1...
200
00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,220
-Oh, wow, a Game Boy?
-Yeah.
201
00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,640
Carla made me sell mine.
You mind if I, uh...
202
00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:45,560
3...no.
203
00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,610
[GRUNTING]
4...
204
00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:52,240
[GRUNTING]
5...
205
00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,360
17...
206
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,580
Oh, 25!
207
00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,380
[GRUNTING]
208
00:09:07,420 --> 00:09:08,630
Ah, 30!
209
00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,100
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
210
00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,100
Okay, that was great,
Lou.
211
00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,440
I'll see you
Wednesday.
212
00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,650
I hope
he burns in hell.
213
00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:33,150
You ready
to hit it, Doug?
214
00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:34,610
Absolutely.
215
00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:39,120
First, I just want to save
a game I was playing before.
216
00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,450
You have PlayStation?
217
00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:43,450
No. I have
PlayStation 2.
218
00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:47,000
There. Okay,
I'm a lump of clay, Lou.
219
00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,080
Sculpt me.
220
00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,460
Is that The Getaway?
221
00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:51,800
Yes, it is.
222
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,510
Anyway, what do you say
we hit it? Come on.
223
00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:57,300
The Getawaywas
my favorite game.
224
00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:01,180
Hey, you know,
here's a crazy idea.
225
00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,350
Why don't you, uh,
play a game
226
00:10:03,390 --> 00:10:05,020
while I do my warm-ups?
227
00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:07,640
Oh, I don't know.
Carla would kill me.
228
00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,520
I don't
see Carla here.
229
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,730
What I do see
is a state-of-the-art video game
230
00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:15,530
hooked up
to a big-screen TV.
231
00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:17,530
Mmm, no, I can't.
232
00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:18,740
I'm a trainer.
I have to do my job.
233
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,700
Okay, here's
the thing, Lou.
234
00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,540
You really want to play
that video game,
235
00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,620
and I really don't
want to get into shape.
236
00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,750
I'm with you so far.
237
00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:31,210
So I was thinking,
instead of letting
238
00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:33,170
our wives decide
what we should do,
239
00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:34,750
maybe we should use
my workout time
240
00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,170
to do
what wewant to do.
241
00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,300
Hmm?
242
00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:40,470
It'll be
our little secret.
243
00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:48,520
[EYE OF THE TIGER PLAYING]
244
00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,310
SINGER: * Risin' up*
245
00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,690
* Back on the street*
246
00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:57,320
* Did my time,took my chances*
247
00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:58,700
* Went the distance*
248
00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,610
* Now I'm backon my feet*
249
00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:05,870
* Just a man and his willto survive*
250
00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:10,330
* So many timesit happens too fast*
251
00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:14,710
* You trade your passionfor glory*
252
00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:18,340
* Don't lose your gripon the dreams of the past*
253
00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:22,510
* You must fightjust to keep them alive*
254
00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:24,800
* It's the eyeof the tiger*
255
00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,100
* It's the thrillof the fight*
256
00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:31,390
* Rising up to the challengeof our rival*
257
00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,690
* And the last known survivorstalks his prey in the night*
258
00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:40,400
* And his fortunemust always be eye*
259
00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,570
* Of the tiger*
260
00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:49,910
Hey, Dad.
261
00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:53,290
ARTHUR: Ah, darling,
could you do me a small favor?
262
00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:54,630
What?
263
00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,130
I need you to help me
get a lawyer
264
00:11:56,170 --> 00:11:59,960
so I can sue the boyish grin
off Dick Clark's face.
265
00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:05,140
Okay, once again,
he did not steal the idea
266
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:07,760
for New Year's Rockin' Eve
from you.
267
00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,930
I never claimed he stole
the "Rockin'" part.
268
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:11,890
CARRIE: All right,
what's the problem?
269
00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,560
When I was
on Pyramid,
270
00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,520
I was promised
a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni,
271
00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,230
and I never got it.
272
00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,650
Did you get that
in writing?
273
00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:20,070
They announced it
on the show.
274
00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:21,650
It's an oral agreement.
275
00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,030
Oral!
276
00:12:23,070 --> 00:12:25,820
Okay, stop
using that word.
277
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:26,990
So, can you help me?
278
00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:28,620
No, I'm sorry.
279
00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:31,790
Why do you always
take Dick Clark's side?
280
00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:35,000
Hey.
281
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,170
Hey.
282
00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:38,630
How was
your workout?
283
00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,260
Oh, just brutal
as usual.
284
00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,670
I'll tell you,
that Lou comes off
285
00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,010
like a gentle giant
in public,
286
00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:46,760
but come workout time,
he's one scary bastard.
287
00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,260
I know, I know.
He's a tough one,
288
00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,850
but you know what?
You got to stick with it.
289
00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:51,060
I mean, look at me.
290
00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:52,180
I haven't fit
in this suit in months.
291
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,640
I lost 6 pounds
already.
292
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,020
You know I don't care
about numbers.
293
00:12:55,060 --> 00:12:56,860
You know I'm just happy
that you're healthier.
294
00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,190
You getting
results, too?
295
00:12:58,230 --> 00:12:59,690
You kiddin' me?
296
00:12:59,730 --> 00:13:01,110
Feel this. Feel it.
297
00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:03,740
Huh? Huh? Huh?
298
00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:05,820
Yes. Yes, honey.
299
00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,700
You're really--
you're gettin' there.
300
00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:09,870
-Yeah.
-Yeah.
301
00:13:09,910 --> 00:13:11,660
Thank you
for noticin'.
302
00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:12,910
All right.
303
00:13:19,790 --> 00:13:21,590
Hey, why don't you get Lou
the Spider-Man 2game?
304
00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:22,960
Yeah, I'm gonna get
305
00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,050
the Incredible Hulk
a Spider-Mangame.
306
00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:27,800
Who raised you?
307
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,930
Hey, Deac,
you have ATV 3,right?
308
00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:31,310
-How is it?
-Here's a thought.
309
00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:32,850
Instead of going through
all this trouble,
310
00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:34,730
why don't you actually
let Lou train you?
311
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:37,730
Maybe that way, you won't
get winded throwing darts.
312
00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:38,770
What is
your problem?
313
00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:40,690
I just think
this is wrong.
314
00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:41,650
I'm only cheating myself.
315
00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:42,860
DANNY:
And Carrie.
316
00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:44,820
-And Carrie, right.
-And Lou.
317
00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:46,860
Got him hooked
on video games again.
318
00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,030
Right--
me, Carrie, and Lou.
319
00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:49,280
Just cheating
the three of us.
320
00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,870
So you came up with a way
321
00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:52,740
to get her to lose weight
without knowing it.
322
00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,700
I just can't believe it.
323
00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,370
Oh, my God,
you're jealous.
324
00:13:56,410 --> 00:13:57,620
That's what it is.
325
00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,040
You're damn right
I'm jealous.
326
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,630
I mean, you found a way
to beat the system, man.
327
00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:01,800
Oh, I not only
beat the system.
328
00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,420
It was
first-round K.O.!
329
00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,920
[GRUNTS]
330
00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,430
And I'm just
gettin' started.
331
00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:08,970
What do you mean?
332
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:10,720
Well, you know now
I can control Carrie
333
00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,310
-through Lou, right?
-Right.
334
00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:13,970
If she can lose 6 pounds
at the current pace,
335
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,060
imagine if I have Lou
kick it up a notch.
336
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,350
I think you're
making a mistake.
337
00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,650
Oh, I'm not
making a mistake,
338
00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,110
and I'm gonna change
other things.
339
00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,820
Look, do you know how
to cut things off when--
340
00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:22,900
Aaah!
341
00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,320
Let it go.
342
00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:32,830
Hey.
343
00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:35,080
-Hey.
-What's that?
344
00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,290
It's my dinner.
345
00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:37,410
All of a sudden,
Lou's got me
346
00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,080
on a liquid diet.
347
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,380
Really?
348
00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:43,040
Yes, and he doubled
my time on the bike,
349
00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,090
he increased my weights,
350
00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:45,260
and then he said
I should look
351
00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,090
into getting
some blond highlights.
352
00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:55,930
That's weird,
but I would just do it.
353
00:14:58,060 --> 00:15:00,940
Oh, dear God.
I can't do this.
354
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,270
-DOUG: What?
-I can't do this.
355
00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:04,440
Doug, I am achy,
I'm tired all the time,
356
00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,820
and now
I'm drinking this crap?
357
00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,110
I think I'm gonna quit.
358
00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:08,700
You can't quit.
You can't quit.
359
00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:10,070
I mean,
it's not fair to me.
360
00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,280
You can't.
361
00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,280
Doug, you can still
keep working out.
362
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,490
Not without you.
363
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:16,410
I mean, the whole drive
behind this thing
364
00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:18,000
is that we're
doing it together for me.
365
00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,120
That's--it really is.
366
00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,290
You're the wind beneath
my wings.
367
00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:23,500
Without wind,
wings are useless.
368
00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:24,840
I'm pretty sure
wings still work
369
00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,130
even when there's no wind.
370
00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:27,960
Okay, an Oscar-winning song
is wrong.
371
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,170
All right.
372
00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,380
-Come on, Carrie.
-Okay, honey, fine,
373
00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,220
I will keep going,
for you.
374
00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:34,350
Thank you. For me.
375
00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:35,720
There you go.
376
00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,850
Gosh.
377
00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:38,180
You want to talk
about brutal,
378
00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,440
Lou's got me
on light beer.
379
00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:50,200
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
380
00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,070
What do you want?
381
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,280
Uh, sorry to interrupt
your exercise session,
382
00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,950
but Lou has some
important documents for me
383
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,250
vis-à-vis
Rice-A-Roni-gate.
384
00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,960
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
385
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,340
Lou, you have anything
for Arthur?
386
00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,050
In my bag.
387
00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:09,880
Say, uh, what's
goin' on in here?
388
00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,220
What do you mean?
389
00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:13,180
-He's training me.
-You're playing solitaire,
390
00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:14,840
and he's playing some
sort of television game.
391
00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,010
What gives, huh?
392
00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,010
You ask too many
questions, old man.
393
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,140
Too many
or not enough?
394
00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,430
Too many.
395
00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:32,950
Now, um, Mr. Spooner,
my assistant tells me
396
00:16:32,990 --> 00:16:35,450
this is an urgent matter
for Mr. Clark.
397
00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:38,240
Yes, if you recall,
I was a contestant
398
00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,500
on The $10,000 Pyramidin 1976.
399
00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:43,370
-Actually, I don't.
-Why not?
400
00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,420
I was
in the third grade.
401
00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:47,290
Anyway, I never
got my Rice-A-Roni.
402
00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,920
Again, the show's
been off the air for years.
403
00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,300
I'm not sure they even
still make Rice-A-Roni.
404
00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:53,840
Oh, they make it,
all right,
405
00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,930
in a variety of
mouth-watering flavors.
406
00:16:56,970 --> 00:17:01,270
Okay. Well, uh,
instead of Rice-A-Roni,
407
00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:04,140
how about I, uh, give you...
408
00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,860
this book?
409
00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,940
I don't wanna read!
I wanna eat!
410
00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:11,190
But, sir--
411
00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,070
I want my year's supply
of Rice-A-Roni
412
00:17:13,110 --> 00:17:15,450
plus all the extra Rice-A-Roni
I would have accrued
413
00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:19,120
in interest over
the past 3 decades!
414
00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,160
Yeah. Uh...
415
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,830
no?
416
00:17:26,330 --> 00:17:28,000
Didn't want to use this,
417
00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,130
but you forced my hand.
418
00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:32,510
Wait a minute.
419
00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:34,340
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
420
00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,180
Hello?
421
00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:38,140
ARTHUR [OVER PHONE]: Darling,Lou has an envelope for me
422
00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:40,260
-out in the garage.
-So?
423
00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,140
ARTHUR [OVER PHONE]: I need youto fax the photo of Dick Clark
424
00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:44,430
locked in a muddy embracewith Fannie Flagg.
425
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,350
It's fromThe Battle
of the Network Stars.
426
00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:47,480
Dad, no, I can't.
427
00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,900
I'm about to get
in the shower here.
428
00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,110
ARTHUR [OVER PHONE]:
I need it!
429
00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,860
Hold on! [MUTTERING]
430
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,580
[CLANG]
431
00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:13,340
What--
432
00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:15,380
What the hell
is goin' on here?
433
00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:16,510
We're trainin'.
434
00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:18,300
You were fast asleep.
435
00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:20,890
I was resting
between sets.
436
00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,140
And you, how could you
let this happen?
437
00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:25,600
I'm weak. Please
don't tell my wife.
438
00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,890
Just get out of here.
439
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,190
Could I at least save
my game to the memory card?
440
00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,650
So weak.
441
00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,610
So this
has been goin' on
442
00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:38,320
during
your training sessions.
443
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,280
Lou plays video games
while you sleep and eat.
444
00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,540
And read!
445
00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:44,910
And all that crap
about me
446
00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:46,450
being the wind
beneath your wings.
447
00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,920
Did you even
work out at all?
448
00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,960
Define "at all."
449
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,290
Doug, if you didn't
want to work out,
450
00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,210
why didn't you just let me
quit when I wanted to
451
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,340
and end the whole thing
right there?
452
00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:58,010
Because
I wanted to help you.
453
00:18:58,050 --> 00:18:59,380
You're the one who said
you could stand to lose
454
00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,590
like 10 or 15 pounds.
I just--
455
00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:08,940
I said I could stand
to lose a couple of pounds.
456
00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,060
Hmm?
457
00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,230
Yeah.
458
00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:12,560
I said a couple of pounds.
459
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,070
You just said 10 or 15.
460
00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,480
"A couple," that's
a figure of speech,
461
00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,990
like when I say I'm
going to White Castle
462
00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,070
and getting
a couple of burgers.
463
00:19:20,110 --> 00:19:24,120
Everyone knows
it's 10, 15.
464
00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,160
Oh, I see. So you kept up
this whole charade
465
00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,290
because you wanted me
to lose weight?
466
00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:33,500
Define "charade."
467
00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,500
Okay, so you think
I'm fat now?
468
00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:35,960
-No!
-Yeah--no,
469
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,670
Obviously you do.
I mean, just admit it.
470
00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:41,220
Be a man
and just say it!
471
00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:42,640
This is a trap.
472
00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,470
No, it is not a trap.
473
00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:46,970
It feels like a trap
474
00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,680
because I have the same
bad feeling I did
475
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,230
when you made me agree
that you might have
476
00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:55,110
a slight,
slight mustache.
477
00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,110
Doug, this is not a trap.
478
00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:59,110
I just wanna know
my husband's honest feelings.
479
00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:01,990
That's all.
480
00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:04,160
Okay, I guess...
481
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,080
it wouldn't hurt you
if you lost a few pounds.
482
00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,410
Ow!
483
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:09,160
Look, why is it okay
that you can get on me
484
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,330
about my weight
every day,
485
00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:11,540
but I can't say
a thing to you
486
00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:13,210
if you need
to drop a few?
487
00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:16,750
Because that's
just the way it is.
488
00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,630
Look, all right,
come here.
489
00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:20,470
I got carried away,
all right?
490
00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:21,720
I swear to you,
I don't even care
491
00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,010
what size you are.
492
00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:24,510
I'd love you
no matter what.
493
00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:25,640
Thank you.
494
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,310
I appreciate that, Doug.
495
00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:29,430
However, I still think
you need to lose
496
00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:31,310
-more than 30 pounds.
-What?!
497
00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:32,520
Yeah,
that's right.
498
00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,060
-More than 30--
-That's right, buddy.
499
00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,150
You heard me, okay?
500
00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,230
And this is how
we're gonna do it.
501
00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:37,320
I'm gonna keep
workin' out with you
502
00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,150
only to be supportive
of you
503
00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:42,070
because I don't need
to lose weight.
504
00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:43,450
Isn't that right, Doug?
505
00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:49,330
I'm supposed to say
yes here, right?
506
00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:52,620
I don't know. You can say
whatever you want.
507
00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:53,710
I wanna say yes.
508
00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:55,330
Yes,
that would be correct.
509
00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,290
Yeah. So you know
what we're gonna do?
510
00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,500
We're gonna clean out
the cupboards
511
00:20:58,550 --> 00:20:59,670
of all the junk food,
512
00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:01,170
starting
with the Ring-Dings--
513
00:21:01,210 --> 00:21:04,510
Yeah. About the Ring-Dings,
um...
514
00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:07,390
You ate them during
your "workouts"?
515
00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:11,140
-I wanna say yes.
-Ugh.
516
00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:20,030
[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING]
517
00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:25,030
Good. Now, let's go
hit the weights.
518
00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:36,920
Hey, kids, so what
do you feel like tonight?
519
00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,130
Original or Cajun-chicken
flavor?
520
00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,890
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
36674
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