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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,420 --> 00:00:07,040 [**] 2 00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:10,760 WOMAN [OVER TV]: All of U .S. intelligence 3 00:00:10,800 --> 00:00:12,340 in more than 50 years-- 4 00:00:12,380 --> 00:00:14,590 Do you mind? I'm trying to read. 5 00:00:14,630 --> 00:00:16,590 That's yesterday's news. I need up-to-the-minute coverage. 6 00:00:16,640 --> 00:00:19,260 WOMAN [OVER TV]: President's says he's happy to have it, 7 00:00:19,310 --> 00:00:21,520 -but has not yet-- -There you go, all right? 8 00:00:21,560 --> 00:00:23,690 -There. -I can't hear. 9 00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,150 Okay, well, I can't read. 10 00:00:25,190 --> 00:00:26,860 Yeah--here, fine. You know what? There. 11 00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:30,230 Closed captioning. You happy now? 12 00:00:30,280 --> 00:00:33,070 Huh, those clever Japanese have done it again. 13 00:00:33,110 --> 00:00:35,280 "Investigators believe a faulty hair dryer 14 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:36,530 was the cause of the blaze. 15 00:00:36,570 --> 00:00:38,530 Speaking of bad-hair days, 16 00:00:38,580 --> 00:00:41,200 here's Curtis with the weather. Chuckles." 17 00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:42,790 You're kidding, right? 18 00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:45,670 Sorry, I'm having trouble following this. 19 00:00:45,710 --> 00:00:49,130 You can help me if you could read the part of Sue Simmons. 20 00:00:49,170 --> 00:00:51,590 Yeah, it's not gonna happen. 21 00:00:53,210 --> 00:00:55,130 "There is a cold front rolling in from the north, 22 00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:57,430 colliding with a high-pressure symptom." 23 00:00:57,470 --> 00:00:59,890 -It's "system." -It says "symptom." 24 00:00:59,930 --> 00:01:01,560 Okay, well, they obviously made a mistake! 25 00:01:01,600 --> 00:01:03,430 Well, how can I trust anything they say? 26 00:01:03,480 --> 00:01:05,390 Okay, fine, here you go! Okay? There! 27 00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:06,810 That loud enough? 28 00:01:06,850 --> 00:01:08,400 "On the lighter side of the news, 29 00:01:08,440 --> 00:01:11,110 a cat was rescued from a well today. 30 00:01:11,150 --> 00:01:12,530 When asked to comment, 31 00:01:12,570 --> 00:01:17,240 the fire chief said the mission was purr-fect." 32 00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:20,240 SINGER: * My eyes are gettin' weary* 33 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:22,740 * My back is gettin' tight* 34 00:01:22,790 --> 00:01:24,660 * I'm sittin' here in traffic* 35 00:01:24,700 --> 00:01:27,750 * On the Queensboro Bridge tonight* 36 00:01:27,790 --> 00:01:33,300 * But I don't care, 'cause all I want to do* 37 00:01:33,340 --> 00:01:38,800 * Is cash my check and drive right home to you* 38 00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,550 * 'Cause, baby, all my life* 39 00:01:40,600 --> 00:01:44,640 * I will be drivin' home to you* 40 00:01:58,860 --> 00:02:00,280 Let's go. 41 00:02:11,210 --> 00:02:13,960 CARRIE: [SUCKING IN BREATH] 42 00:02:14,000 --> 00:02:15,210 [GASPS] 43 00:02:17,590 --> 00:02:19,010 Okay. 44 00:02:20,890 --> 00:02:22,180 Okay. 45 00:02:25,890 --> 00:02:27,140 [GRUNTS] 46 00:02:32,020 --> 00:02:33,610 Come on. 47 00:02:40,200 --> 00:02:43,780 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 48 00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:46,910 Nothing fit her, huh? 49 00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:49,750 -That is not good. -It gets worse. 50 00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:51,670 Guess what she came down the stairs wearing? 51 00:02:51,710 --> 00:02:54,670 Sweatpants. 52 00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:56,920 So what? Lot of girls wear sweatpants. 53 00:02:56,960 --> 00:02:58,880 Mysweatpants. 54 00:02:58,920 --> 00:03:01,130 -Ooh. -Why don't you just tell her 55 00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:02,720 that she needs to lose some weight? 56 00:03:02,760 --> 00:03:04,100 Oh, yeah, that's a good idea. 57 00:03:04,140 --> 00:03:05,760 And while I'm at it, why don't I just write up a list 58 00:03:05,810 --> 00:03:07,020 of other women I wanna have sex with? 59 00:03:07,060 --> 00:03:09,140 "Here. Hey, honey, you know some of these. 60 00:03:09,180 --> 00:03:12,230 Some are your friends. You know 'em all." 61 00:03:12,270 --> 00:03:14,400 Idiot. 62 00:03:14,440 --> 00:03:15,690 This is a tough one. 63 00:03:15,730 --> 00:03:16,980 I had the same situation with Kelly. 64 00:03:17,030 --> 00:03:18,320 Yeah, but she just lost all that weight. 65 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,610 Yeah, only 'cause she got food poisoning. 66 00:03:20,650 --> 00:03:22,070 Hmm... 67 00:03:22,110 --> 00:03:24,240 so in order for your plan to work, 68 00:03:24,280 --> 00:03:25,950 I got to give Carrie some undercooked chicken 69 00:03:25,990 --> 00:03:27,740 -or something. -Whoa, whoa, whoa. 70 00:03:27,790 --> 00:03:29,790 It wasn't a plan to give her food poisoning. 71 00:03:29,830 --> 00:03:32,250 I just got lucky. 72 00:03:32,290 --> 00:03:33,920 Yeah, and, uh, not for nothing, guy, 73 00:03:33,960 --> 00:03:35,340 but aren't you a little out of line, 74 00:03:35,380 --> 00:03:37,800 you know, getting on Carrie about her weight? 75 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:41,130 You're not exactly Mackenzie Phillips. 76 00:03:41,170 --> 00:03:42,630 Really? I'm not exactly Mac-- 77 00:03:42,680 --> 00:03:45,680 I'm not Mackenzie Phillips? 78 00:03:45,720 --> 00:03:47,060 Look, she knows. 79 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:48,810 This is what I looked like when I met her, okay? 80 00:03:48,850 --> 00:03:50,350 This was all in the Doug brochure 81 00:03:50,390 --> 00:03:53,690 as advertised. 82 00:03:53,730 --> 00:03:55,110 I'm just worried about where she's headed. 83 00:03:55,150 --> 00:03:57,650 I mean, I don't want her catching me. 84 00:03:57,690 --> 00:03:59,230 Well, why don't you just start eating a lot more? 85 00:03:59,280 --> 00:04:01,320 You know, stay one step ahead. 86 00:04:01,360 --> 00:04:02,990 I'm gonna do that anyway, 87 00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:05,280 but, I don't know, I think maybe if I can-- 88 00:04:05,320 --> 00:04:06,990 I'm gonna stop you right there. 89 00:04:07,030 --> 00:04:08,950 I'm your boy, and I'm looking out for you. 90 00:04:08,990 --> 00:04:11,910 You're playing with fire. Just let it go. 91 00:04:11,960 --> 00:04:13,750 Look, I know it's tricky, but if I could actually-- 92 00:04:13,790 --> 00:04:15,960 Bup bup bup! 93 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:17,670 -Let it go. -I'm just saying 94 00:04:17,710 --> 00:04:20,130 -if there's a way that I can-- -Aaah! 95 00:04:22,090 --> 00:04:25,430 Let...it...go. 96 00:04:33,140 --> 00:04:34,140 DOUG: What are we doin' here? 97 00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,770 Doug, they're our neighbors. 98 00:04:35,810 --> 00:04:36,980 We should be supportive 99 00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:40,690 and buy one of their pieces of crap. 100 00:04:40,730 --> 00:04:43,990 We can throw it out when we get home. 101 00:04:44,030 --> 00:04:46,240 Why would Lou Ferrigno need a jar opener? 102 00:04:46,280 --> 00:04:49,370 He's the strongest man in the world. 103 00:04:49,410 --> 00:04:52,160 That's probably why he's selling it. 104 00:04:52,200 --> 00:04:55,750 Oh, look, here's something we can use. 105 00:04:55,790 --> 00:04:56,920 A deep fryer? 106 00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:58,880 Yeah. Can make our own French fries, 107 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,840 some fried chicken. 108 00:05:04,840 --> 00:05:06,970 I don't want to waste our money on that, though, huh? 109 00:05:07,010 --> 00:05:10,010 It's a dollar. 110 00:05:10,060 --> 00:05:11,720 Still, it's just, uh... 111 00:05:11,770 --> 00:05:13,850 hey, what about this? 112 00:05:13,890 --> 00:05:16,850 Yeah, we already have a stationary bike-- 113 00:05:16,900 --> 00:05:19,480 your regular bike. 114 00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,900 Hey, guys. 115 00:05:20,940 --> 00:05:22,980 -Hey! -Hey, Lou. 116 00:05:23,030 --> 00:05:24,440 How's the sale goin'? 117 00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:26,110 -Okay, I guess. -Oh, Lou's just cranky 118 00:05:26,150 --> 00:05:27,240 because I'm making him sell 119 00:05:27,280 --> 00:05:28,820 all of his video games. 120 00:05:28,870 --> 00:05:31,160 I'm telling you, the man was addicted. 121 00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:35,370 Hey, better video games than steroids, huh? 122 00:05:35,410 --> 00:05:38,460 We don't joke about that, Doug. 123 00:05:38,500 --> 00:05:40,340 Hey, so what's the story with this bad boy? 124 00:05:40,380 --> 00:05:42,210 Oh, well, if you're interested in this, 125 00:05:42,250 --> 00:05:44,170 we're selling our home gym. 126 00:05:44,210 --> 00:05:45,510 I'll even sweeten the pot. 127 00:05:45,550 --> 00:05:47,180 If you buy it, 128 00:05:47,220 --> 00:05:49,140 I'll train you both for free. 129 00:05:49,180 --> 00:05:53,970 You hear that? He'll train us...both. 130 00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,390 We'll let you two think about it. 131 00:05:55,430 --> 00:05:58,520 -Okay. -Okay? 132 00:05:58,560 --> 00:06:00,400 Both! 133 00:06:00,440 --> 00:06:01,940 That's a pretty sweet deal, huh? 134 00:06:01,980 --> 00:06:04,150 Yes, Doug, but you still belong to 3 gyms 135 00:06:04,190 --> 00:06:05,320 that you never go to. 136 00:06:05,360 --> 00:06:06,570 Would it really be fair to them? 137 00:06:06,610 --> 00:06:08,070 See, that's the thing, okay? 138 00:06:08,110 --> 00:06:09,320 If you're training with me, 139 00:06:09,360 --> 00:06:11,240 I'd be inspired and stick with it. 140 00:06:11,280 --> 00:06:13,240 Okay. You know what? Let's do it. 141 00:06:13,280 --> 00:06:15,410 I can stand to lose a couple pounds. 142 00:06:15,450 --> 00:06:17,870 This is not about you. It's about me, but whatever. 143 00:06:17,910 --> 00:06:19,870 I mean, if that happens, it's great. 144 00:06:19,920 --> 00:06:21,210 This is awesome, huh? 145 00:06:21,250 --> 00:06:23,500 I can't picture Lou Ferrigno playing tennis, huh? 146 00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:27,220 Rarrr! 147 00:06:27,260 --> 00:06:31,890 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 148 00:06:31,930 --> 00:06:34,930 Douglas, look what I came across on the game show channel. 149 00:06:34,970 --> 00:06:36,520 Glen and I would like to go for... 150 00:06:36,560 --> 00:06:38,100 DOUG: Is that you? 151 00:06:38,140 --> 00:06:40,060 You never told me you were on a game show. 152 00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:42,110 I've actually told you several dozen times. 153 00:06:42,150 --> 00:06:44,070 Thanks for listening. 154 00:06:45,980 --> 00:06:47,320 Look at you. 155 00:06:47,360 --> 00:06:50,280 You look so young and sane. 156 00:06:52,120 --> 00:06:55,290 Lee Meriwether couldn't keep her paws off me. 157 00:06:55,330 --> 00:06:57,540 Get it? Paws. 158 00:06:57,580 --> 00:07:00,290 She was one of three Catwomen. 159 00:07:01,330 --> 00:07:03,170 So did you win the 10,000? 160 00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:06,210 Would I be living in this dump if I did? 161 00:07:06,250 --> 00:07:07,840 Probably, yeah. 162 00:07:07,880 --> 00:07:09,380 ANNOUNCER [OVER TV]: Contestants appearing on 163 00:07:09,420 --> 00:07:10,970 The $10,000 Pyramid 164 00:07:11,010 --> 00:07:13,510 will receive a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni, 165 00:07:13,550 --> 00:07:16,100 the San Francisco Treat. 166 00:07:17,520 --> 00:07:18,560 Wait a minute! 167 00:07:18,600 --> 00:07:20,980 I never got any Rice-A-Roni! 168 00:07:22,900 --> 00:07:24,150 Come on, 2 more. 169 00:07:24,190 --> 00:07:26,440 You said "2 more" 5 ago! 170 00:07:26,480 --> 00:07:28,490 -Do it! -God. 171 00:07:28,530 --> 00:07:30,110 All right, I'm just saying, 172 00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:32,490 you suck at math, that's all. 173 00:07:32,530 --> 00:07:34,620 There. Okay? You happy? 174 00:07:34,660 --> 00:07:36,490 Oh, my God, Doug, that was torture. 175 00:07:36,530 --> 00:07:40,330 First the bike and then 3 sets on every station. 176 00:07:40,370 --> 00:07:42,370 Well, you know, the first time is never easy. 177 00:07:42,420 --> 00:07:43,460 Like the first time we had to trim 178 00:07:43,500 --> 00:07:47,170 your father's nails, right? 179 00:07:47,210 --> 00:07:48,510 Now we wait for him to fall asleep. 180 00:07:48,550 --> 00:07:51,130 It's a lot less kicking. That's all I'm saying. 181 00:07:53,050 --> 00:07:54,140 Let's get ready on the bike 182 00:07:54,180 --> 00:07:55,890 and get the blood flowing. 183 00:07:55,930 --> 00:07:59,350 All right, just don't make me too skinny there, buddy. 184 00:07:59,390 --> 00:08:01,890 Ah. 185 00:08:01,940 --> 00:08:03,140 Okay, this is very easy. 186 00:08:03,190 --> 00:08:04,600 I'm just telling you that right now. 187 00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,310 Could do this all day. 188 00:08:11,950 --> 00:08:13,030 You can stop now. 189 00:08:13,070 --> 00:08:15,370 Thank you. 190 00:08:15,410 --> 00:08:16,660 Carrie really did this? 191 00:08:16,700 --> 00:08:19,370 Yeah, but she did the whole 10 minutes. 192 00:08:21,120 --> 00:08:22,460 I'm gonna write some notes on the chart, 193 00:08:22,500 --> 00:08:24,120 and you give me 20 curls. 194 00:08:24,170 --> 00:08:26,080 Hey, how about I do the notes, you do the curls, huh? 195 00:08:26,130 --> 00:08:27,170 Ha ha ha. 196 00:08:27,210 --> 00:08:29,670 Ha ha ha. Now 30, funny man. 197 00:08:32,550 --> 00:08:34,380 Come on, all the way up. 198 00:08:34,430 --> 00:08:35,430 Count them off. 199 00:08:35,470 --> 00:08:37,550 All right. 1... 200 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:40,220 -Oh, wow, a Game Boy? -Yeah. 201 00:08:40,270 --> 00:08:42,640 Carla made me sell mine. You mind if I, uh... 202 00:08:42,680 --> 00:08:45,560 3...no. 203 00:08:45,600 --> 00:08:48,610 [GRUNTING] 4... 204 00:08:48,650 --> 00:08:52,240 [GRUNTING] 5... 205 00:08:52,280 --> 00:08:55,360 17... 206 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,580 Oh, 25! 207 00:09:06,080 --> 00:09:07,380 [GRUNTING] 208 00:09:07,420 --> 00:09:08,630 Ah, 30! 209 00:09:17,760 --> 00:09:21,100 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 210 00:09:22,680 --> 00:09:25,100 Okay, that was great, Lou. 211 00:09:25,140 --> 00:09:27,440 I'll see you Wednesday. 212 00:09:27,480 --> 00:09:29,650 I hope he burns in hell. 213 00:09:31,820 --> 00:09:33,150 You ready to hit it, Doug? 214 00:09:33,190 --> 00:09:34,610 Absolutely. 215 00:09:34,650 --> 00:09:39,120 First, I just want to save a game I was playing before. 216 00:09:39,160 --> 00:09:40,450 You have PlayStation? 217 00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:43,450 No. I have PlayStation 2. 218 00:09:44,660 --> 00:09:47,000 There. Okay, I'm a lump of clay, Lou. 219 00:09:47,040 --> 00:09:49,080 Sculpt me. 220 00:09:49,130 --> 00:09:50,460 Is that The Getaway? 221 00:09:50,500 --> 00:09:51,800 Yes, it is. 222 00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:54,510 Anyway, what do you say we hit it? Come on. 223 00:09:54,550 --> 00:09:57,300 The Getawaywas my favorite game. 224 00:09:59,590 --> 00:10:01,180 Hey, you know, here's a crazy idea. 225 00:10:01,220 --> 00:10:03,350 Why don't you, uh, play a game 226 00:10:03,390 --> 00:10:05,020 while I do my warm-ups? 227 00:10:05,060 --> 00:10:07,640 Oh, I don't know. Carla would kill me. 228 00:10:07,690 --> 00:10:10,520 I don't see Carla here. 229 00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,730 What I do see is a state-of-the-art video game 230 00:10:12,770 --> 00:10:15,530 hooked up to a big-screen TV. 231 00:10:15,570 --> 00:10:17,530 Mmm, no, I can't. 232 00:10:17,570 --> 00:10:18,740 I'm a trainer. I have to do my job. 233 00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,700 Okay, here's the thing, Lou. 234 00:10:22,200 --> 00:10:24,540 You really want to play that video game, 235 00:10:24,580 --> 00:10:26,620 and I really don't want to get into shape. 236 00:10:28,210 --> 00:10:29,750 I'm with you so far. 237 00:10:29,790 --> 00:10:31,210 So I was thinking, instead of letting 238 00:10:31,250 --> 00:10:33,170 our wives decide what we should do, 239 00:10:33,210 --> 00:10:34,750 maybe we should use my workout time 240 00:10:34,800 --> 00:10:37,170 to do what wewant to do. 241 00:10:37,220 --> 00:10:38,300 Hmm? 242 00:10:38,340 --> 00:10:40,470 It'll be our little secret. 243 00:10:44,510 --> 00:10:48,520 [EYE OF THE TIGER PLAYING] 244 00:10:48,560 --> 00:10:50,310 SINGER: * Risin' up* 245 00:10:50,350 --> 00:10:52,690 * Back on the street* 246 00:10:52,730 --> 00:10:57,320 * Did my time, took my chances* 247 00:10:57,360 --> 00:10:58,700 * Went the distance* 248 00:10:58,740 --> 00:11:00,610 * Now I'm back on my feet* 249 00:11:00,660 --> 00:11:05,870 * Just a man and his will to survive* 250 00:11:05,910 --> 00:11:10,330 * So many times it happens too fast* 251 00:11:10,370 --> 00:11:14,710 * You trade your passion for glory* 252 00:11:14,750 --> 00:11:18,340 * Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past* 253 00:11:18,380 --> 00:11:22,510 * You must fight just to keep them alive* 254 00:11:22,550 --> 00:11:24,800 * It's the eye of the tiger* 255 00:11:24,850 --> 00:11:27,100 * It's the thrill of the fight* 256 00:11:27,140 --> 00:11:31,390 * Rising up to the challenge of our rival* 257 00:11:31,440 --> 00:11:35,690 * And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night* 258 00:11:35,730 --> 00:11:40,400 * And his fortune must always be eye* 259 00:11:40,450 --> 00:11:43,570 * Of the tiger* 260 00:11:48,330 --> 00:11:49,910 Hey, Dad. 261 00:11:49,950 --> 00:11:53,290 ARTHUR: Ah, darling, could you do me a small favor? 262 00:11:53,330 --> 00:11:54,630 What? 263 00:11:54,670 --> 00:11:56,130 I need you to help me get a lawyer 264 00:11:56,170 --> 00:11:59,960 so I can sue the boyish grin off Dick Clark's face. 265 00:12:02,090 --> 00:12:05,140 Okay, once again, he did not steal the idea 266 00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:07,760 for New Year's Rockin' Eve from you. 267 00:12:07,810 --> 00:12:09,930 I never claimed he stole the "Rockin'" part. 268 00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:11,890 CARRIE: All right, what's the problem? 269 00:12:11,940 --> 00:12:13,560 When I was on Pyramid, 270 00:12:13,600 --> 00:12:15,520 I was promised a year's supply of Rice-A-Roni, 271 00:12:15,560 --> 00:12:17,230 and I never got it. 272 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:18,650 Did you get that in writing? 273 00:12:18,690 --> 00:12:20,070 They announced it on the show. 274 00:12:20,110 --> 00:12:21,650 It's an oral agreement. 275 00:12:21,700 --> 00:12:23,030 Oral! 276 00:12:23,070 --> 00:12:25,820 Okay, stop using that word. 277 00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:26,990 So, can you help me? 278 00:12:27,030 --> 00:12:28,620 No, I'm sorry. 279 00:12:28,660 --> 00:12:31,790 Why do you always take Dick Clark's side? 280 00:12:33,830 --> 00:12:35,000 Hey. 281 00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:37,170 Hey. 282 00:12:37,210 --> 00:12:38,630 How was your workout? 283 00:12:38,670 --> 00:12:40,260 Oh, just brutal as usual. 284 00:12:40,300 --> 00:12:41,670 I'll tell you, that Lou comes off 285 00:12:41,720 --> 00:12:43,010 like a gentle giant in public, 286 00:12:43,050 --> 00:12:46,760 but come workout time, he's one scary bastard. 287 00:12:46,800 --> 00:12:48,260 I know, I know. He's a tough one, 288 00:12:48,300 --> 00:12:49,850 but you know what? You got to stick with it. 289 00:12:49,890 --> 00:12:51,060 I mean, look at me. 290 00:12:51,100 --> 00:12:52,180 I haven't fit in this suit in months. 291 00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,640 I lost 6 pounds already. 292 00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,020 You know I don't care about numbers. 293 00:12:55,060 --> 00:12:56,860 You know I'm just happy that you're healthier. 294 00:12:56,900 --> 00:12:58,190 You getting results, too? 295 00:12:58,230 --> 00:12:59,690 You kiddin' me? 296 00:12:59,730 --> 00:13:01,110 Feel this. Feel it. 297 00:13:01,150 --> 00:13:03,740 Huh? Huh? Huh? 298 00:13:03,780 --> 00:13:05,820 Yes. Yes, honey. 299 00:13:05,860 --> 00:13:07,700 You're really-- you're gettin' there. 300 00:13:07,740 --> 00:13:09,870 -Yeah. -Yeah. 301 00:13:09,910 --> 00:13:11,660 Thank you for noticin'. 302 00:13:11,700 --> 00:13:12,910 All right. 303 00:13:19,790 --> 00:13:21,590 Hey, why don't you get Lou the Spider-Man 2game? 304 00:13:21,630 --> 00:13:22,960 Yeah, I'm gonna get 305 00:13:23,010 --> 00:13:25,050 the Incredible Hulk a Spider-Mangame. 306 00:13:25,090 --> 00:13:27,800 Who raised you? 307 00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,930 Hey, Deac, you have ATV 3,right? 308 00:13:29,970 --> 00:13:31,310 -How is it? -Here's a thought. 309 00:13:31,350 --> 00:13:32,850 Instead of going through all this trouble, 310 00:13:32,890 --> 00:13:34,730 why don't you actually let Lou train you? 311 00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:37,730 Maybe that way, you won't get winded throwing darts. 312 00:13:37,770 --> 00:13:38,770 What is your problem? 313 00:13:38,810 --> 00:13:40,690 I just think this is wrong. 314 00:13:40,730 --> 00:13:41,650 I'm only cheating myself. 315 00:13:41,690 --> 00:13:42,860 DANNY: And Carrie. 316 00:13:42,900 --> 00:13:44,820 -And Carrie, right. -And Lou. 317 00:13:44,860 --> 00:13:46,860 Got him hooked on video games again. 318 00:13:46,910 --> 00:13:48,030 Right-- me, Carrie, and Lou. 319 00:13:48,070 --> 00:13:49,280 Just cheating the three of us. 320 00:13:49,320 --> 00:13:50,870 So you came up with a way 321 00:13:50,910 --> 00:13:52,740 to get her to lose weight without knowing it. 322 00:13:52,790 --> 00:13:54,700 I just can't believe it. 323 00:13:54,750 --> 00:13:56,370 Oh, my God, you're jealous. 324 00:13:56,410 --> 00:13:57,620 That's what it is. 325 00:13:57,670 --> 00:13:59,040 You're damn right I'm jealous. 326 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,630 I mean, you found a way to beat the system, man. 327 00:14:00,670 --> 00:14:01,800 Oh, I not only beat the system. 328 00:14:01,840 --> 00:14:03,420 It was first-round K.O.! 329 00:14:03,460 --> 00:14:05,920 [GRUNTS] 330 00:14:05,970 --> 00:14:07,430 And I'm just gettin' started. 331 00:14:07,470 --> 00:14:08,970 What do you mean? 332 00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:10,720 Well, you know now I can control Carrie 333 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:12,310 -through Lou, right? -Right. 334 00:14:12,350 --> 00:14:13,970 If she can lose 6 pounds at the current pace, 335 00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,060 imagine if I have Lou kick it up a notch. 336 00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:17,350 I think you're making a mistake. 337 00:14:17,390 --> 00:14:18,650 Oh, I'm not making a mistake, 338 00:14:18,690 --> 00:14:20,110 and I'm gonna change other things. 339 00:14:20,150 --> 00:14:21,820 Look, do you know how to cut things off when-- 340 00:14:21,860 --> 00:14:22,900 Aaah! 341 00:14:22,940 --> 00:14:24,320 Let it go. 342 00:14:31,870 --> 00:14:32,830 Hey. 343 00:14:32,870 --> 00:14:35,080 -Hey. -What's that? 344 00:14:35,120 --> 00:14:36,290 It's my dinner. 345 00:14:36,330 --> 00:14:37,410 All of a sudden, Lou's got me 346 00:14:37,460 --> 00:14:39,080 on a liquid diet. 347 00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:40,380 Really? 348 00:14:40,420 --> 00:14:43,040 Yes, and he doubled my time on the bike, 349 00:14:43,090 --> 00:14:44,090 he increased my weights, 350 00:14:44,130 --> 00:14:45,260 and then he said I should look 351 00:14:45,300 --> 00:14:47,090 into getting some blond highlights. 352 00:14:53,890 --> 00:14:55,930 That's weird, but I would just do it. 353 00:14:58,060 --> 00:15:00,940 Oh, dear God. I can't do this. 354 00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,270 -DOUG: What? -I can't do this. 355 00:15:02,310 --> 00:15:04,440 Doug, I am achy, I'm tired all the time, 356 00:15:04,480 --> 00:15:05,820 and now I'm drinking this crap? 357 00:15:05,860 --> 00:15:07,110 I think I'm gonna quit. 358 00:15:07,150 --> 00:15:08,700 You can't quit. You can't quit. 359 00:15:08,740 --> 00:15:10,070 I mean, it's not fair to me. 360 00:15:10,110 --> 00:15:11,280 You can't. 361 00:15:11,320 --> 00:15:13,280 Doug, you can still keep working out. 362 00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,490 Not without you. 363 00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:16,410 I mean, the whole drive behind this thing 364 00:15:16,450 --> 00:15:18,000 is that we're doing it together for me. 365 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,120 That's--it really is. 366 00:15:19,160 --> 00:15:21,290 You're the wind beneath my wings. 367 00:15:21,330 --> 00:15:23,500 Without wind, wings are useless. 368 00:15:23,540 --> 00:15:24,840 I'm pretty sure wings still work 369 00:15:24,880 --> 00:15:26,130 even when there's no wind. 370 00:15:26,170 --> 00:15:27,960 Okay, an Oscar-winning song is wrong. 371 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,170 All right. 372 00:15:29,220 --> 00:15:31,380 -Come on, Carrie. -Okay, honey, fine, 373 00:15:31,430 --> 00:15:33,220 I will keep going, for you. 374 00:15:33,260 --> 00:15:34,350 Thank you. For me. 375 00:15:34,390 --> 00:15:35,720 There you go. 376 00:15:35,760 --> 00:15:36,850 Gosh. 377 00:15:36,890 --> 00:15:38,180 You want to talk about brutal, 378 00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:40,440 Lou's got me on light beer. 379 00:15:47,070 --> 00:15:50,200 [UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING] 380 00:15:52,820 --> 00:15:54,070 What do you want? 381 00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:56,280 Uh, sorry to interrupt your exercise session, 382 00:15:56,330 --> 00:15:58,950 but Lou has some important documents for me 383 00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:01,250 vis-à-vis Rice-A-Roni-gate. 384 00:16:01,290 --> 00:16:03,960 Uh-huh, uh-huh. 385 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,340 Lou, you have anything for Arthur? 386 00:16:05,380 --> 00:16:07,050 In my bag. 387 00:16:08,840 --> 00:16:09,880 Say, uh, what's goin' on in here? 388 00:16:09,920 --> 00:16:11,220 What do you mean? 389 00:16:11,260 --> 00:16:13,180 -He's training me. -You're playing solitaire, 390 00:16:13,220 --> 00:16:14,840 and he's playing some sort of television game. 391 00:16:14,890 --> 00:16:16,010 What gives, huh? 392 00:16:16,050 --> 00:16:18,010 You ask too many questions, old man. 393 00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:20,140 Too many or not enough? 394 00:16:20,180 --> 00:16:21,430 Too many. 395 00:16:29,940 --> 00:16:32,950 Now, um, Mr. Spooner, my assistant tells me 396 00:16:32,990 --> 00:16:35,450 this is an urgent matter for Mr. Clark. 397 00:16:35,490 --> 00:16:38,240 Yes, if you recall, I was a contestant 398 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:41,500 on The $10,000 Pyramid in 1976. 399 00:16:41,540 --> 00:16:43,370 -Actually, I don't. -Why not? 400 00:16:43,420 --> 00:16:45,420 I was in the third grade. 401 00:16:45,460 --> 00:16:47,290 Anyway, I never got my Rice-A-Roni. 402 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:50,920 Again, the show's been off the air for years. 403 00:16:50,960 --> 00:16:52,300 I'm not sure they even still make Rice-A-Roni. 404 00:16:52,340 --> 00:16:53,840 Oh, they make it, all right, 405 00:16:53,880 --> 00:16:56,930 in a variety of mouth-watering flavors. 406 00:16:56,970 --> 00:17:01,270 Okay. Well, uh, instead of Rice-A-Roni, 407 00:17:01,310 --> 00:17:04,140 how about I, uh, give you... 408 00:17:05,480 --> 00:17:06,860 this book? 409 00:17:06,900 --> 00:17:09,940 I don't wanna read! I wanna eat! 410 00:17:09,980 --> 00:17:11,190 But, sir-- 411 00:17:11,230 --> 00:17:13,070 I want my year's supply of Rice-A-Roni 412 00:17:13,110 --> 00:17:15,450 plus all the extra Rice-A-Roni I would have accrued 413 00:17:15,490 --> 00:17:19,120 in interest over the past 3 decades! 414 00:17:19,160 --> 00:17:22,160 Yeah. Uh... 415 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:23,830 no? 416 00:17:26,330 --> 00:17:28,000 Didn't want to use this, 417 00:17:28,040 --> 00:17:31,130 but you forced my hand. 418 00:17:31,170 --> 00:17:32,510 Wait a minute. 419 00:17:32,550 --> 00:17:34,340 [TELEPHONE RINGS] 420 00:17:34,380 --> 00:17:36,180 Hello? 421 00:17:36,220 --> 00:17:38,140 ARTHUR [OVER PHONE]: Darling, Lou has an envelope for me 422 00:17:38,180 --> 00:17:40,260 -out in the garage. -So? 423 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,140 ARTHUR [OVER PHONE]: I need you to fax the photo of Dick Clark 424 00:17:42,180 --> 00:17:44,430 locked in a muddy embrace with Fannie Flagg. 425 00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:46,350 It's fromThe Battle of the Network Stars. 426 00:17:46,390 --> 00:17:47,480 Dad, no, I can't. 427 00:17:47,520 --> 00:17:48,900 I'm about to get in the shower here. 428 00:17:48,940 --> 00:17:50,110 ARTHUR [OVER PHONE]: I need it! 429 00:17:50,150 --> 00:17:52,860 Hold on! [MUTTERING] 430 00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:09,580 [CLANG] 431 00:18:12,170 --> 00:18:13,340 What-- 432 00:18:13,380 --> 00:18:15,380 What the hell is goin' on here? 433 00:18:15,420 --> 00:18:16,510 We're trainin'. 434 00:18:16,550 --> 00:18:18,300 You were fast asleep. 435 00:18:18,340 --> 00:18:20,890 I was resting between sets. 436 00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,140 And you, how could you let this happen? 437 00:18:23,180 --> 00:18:25,600 I'm weak. Please don't tell my wife. 438 00:18:25,640 --> 00:18:27,890 Just get out of here. 439 00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:31,190 Could I at least save my game to the memory card? 440 00:18:31,230 --> 00:18:32,650 So weak. 441 00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,610 So this has been goin' on 442 00:18:36,650 --> 00:18:38,320 during your training sessions. 443 00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:41,280 Lou plays video games while you sleep and eat. 444 00:18:41,320 --> 00:18:43,540 And read! 445 00:18:43,580 --> 00:18:44,910 And all that crap about me 446 00:18:44,950 --> 00:18:46,450 being the wind beneath your wings. 447 00:18:46,500 --> 00:18:49,920 Did you even work out at all? 448 00:18:49,960 --> 00:18:51,960 Define "at all." 449 00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:53,290 Doug, if you didn't want to work out, 450 00:18:53,340 --> 00:18:55,210 why didn't you just let me quit when I wanted to 451 00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:56,340 and end the whole thing right there? 452 00:18:56,380 --> 00:18:58,010 Because I wanted to help you. 453 00:18:58,050 --> 00:18:59,380 You're the one who said you could stand to lose 454 00:18:59,430 --> 00:19:01,590 like 10 or 15 pounds. I just-- 455 00:19:04,260 --> 00:19:08,940 I said I could stand to lose a couple of pounds. 456 00:19:08,980 --> 00:19:10,060 Hmm? 457 00:19:10,100 --> 00:19:11,230 Yeah. 458 00:19:11,270 --> 00:19:12,560 I said a couple of pounds. 459 00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:15,070 You just said 10 or 15. 460 00:19:15,110 --> 00:19:16,480 "A couple," that's a figure of speech, 461 00:19:16,530 --> 00:19:17,990 like when I say I'm going to White Castle 462 00:19:18,030 --> 00:19:20,070 and getting a couple of burgers. 463 00:19:20,110 --> 00:19:24,120 Everyone knows it's 10, 15. 464 00:19:24,160 --> 00:19:28,160 Oh, I see. So you kept up this whole charade 465 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:31,290 because you wanted me to lose weight? 466 00:19:31,330 --> 00:19:33,500 Define "charade." 467 00:19:33,540 --> 00:19:34,500 Okay, so you think I'm fat now? 468 00:19:34,540 --> 00:19:35,960 -No! -Yeah--no, 469 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,670 Obviously you do. I mean, just admit it. 470 00:19:37,710 --> 00:19:41,220 Be a man and just say it! 471 00:19:41,260 --> 00:19:42,640 This is a trap. 472 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:45,470 No, it is not a trap. 473 00:19:45,510 --> 00:19:46,970 It feels like a trap 474 00:19:47,020 --> 00:19:49,680 because I have the same bad feeling I did 475 00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:51,230 when you made me agree that you might have 476 00:19:51,270 --> 00:19:55,110 a slight, slight mustache. 477 00:19:55,150 --> 00:19:57,110 Doug, this is not a trap. 478 00:19:57,150 --> 00:19:59,110 I just wanna know my husband's honest feelings. 479 00:19:59,150 --> 00:20:01,990 That's all. 480 00:20:02,030 --> 00:20:04,160 Okay, I guess... 481 00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:06,080 it wouldn't hurt you if you lost a few pounds. 482 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:07,410 Ow! 483 00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:09,160 Look, why is it okay that you can get on me 484 00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:10,330 about my weight every day, 485 00:20:10,370 --> 00:20:11,540 but I can't say a thing to you 486 00:20:11,580 --> 00:20:13,210 if you need to drop a few? 487 00:20:13,250 --> 00:20:16,750 Because that's just the way it is. 488 00:20:16,800 --> 00:20:18,630 Look, all right, come here. 489 00:20:18,670 --> 00:20:20,470 I got carried away, all right? 490 00:20:20,510 --> 00:20:21,720 I swear to you, I don't even care 491 00:20:21,760 --> 00:20:23,010 what size you are. 492 00:20:23,050 --> 00:20:24,510 I'd love you no matter what. 493 00:20:24,550 --> 00:20:25,640 Thank you. 494 00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:27,310 I appreciate that, Doug. 495 00:20:27,350 --> 00:20:29,430 However, I still think you need to lose 496 00:20:29,470 --> 00:20:31,310 -more than 30 pounds. -What?! 497 00:20:31,350 --> 00:20:32,520 Yeah, that's right. 498 00:20:32,560 --> 00:20:34,060 -More than 30-- -That's right, buddy. 499 00:20:34,100 --> 00:20:35,150 You heard me, okay? 500 00:20:35,190 --> 00:20:36,230 And this is how we're gonna do it. 501 00:20:36,270 --> 00:20:37,320 I'm gonna keep workin' out with you 502 00:20:37,360 --> 00:20:40,150 only to be supportive of you 503 00:20:40,190 --> 00:20:42,070 because I don't need to lose weight. 504 00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:43,450 Isn't that right, Doug? 505 00:20:46,830 --> 00:20:49,330 I'm supposed to say yes here, right? 506 00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:52,620 I don't know. You can say whatever you want. 507 00:20:52,660 --> 00:20:53,710 I wanna say yes. 508 00:20:53,750 --> 00:20:55,330 Yes, that would be correct. 509 00:20:55,380 --> 00:20:57,290 Yeah. So you know what we're gonna do? 510 00:20:57,340 --> 00:20:58,500 We're gonna clean out the cupboards 511 00:20:58,550 --> 00:20:59,670 of all the junk food, 512 00:20:59,710 --> 00:21:01,170 starting with the Ring-Dings-- 513 00:21:01,210 --> 00:21:04,510 Yeah. About the Ring-Dings, um... 514 00:21:04,550 --> 00:21:07,390 You ate them during your "workouts"? 515 00:21:09,390 --> 00:21:11,140 -I wanna say yes. -Ugh. 516 00:21:16,940 --> 00:21:20,030 [DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING] 517 00:21:22,820 --> 00:21:25,030 Good. Now, let's go hit the weights. 518 00:21:34,620 --> 00:21:36,920 Hey, kids, so what do you feel like tonight? 519 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,130 Original or Cajun-chicken flavor? 520 00:21:43,760 --> 00:21:46,890 [THEME MUSIC PLAYING] 36674

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