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1
00:00:03,870 --> 00:00:06,500
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
2
00:00:06,540 --> 00:00:08,840
Hello.
3
00:00:08,880 --> 00:00:10,460
A Political Poll?
4
00:00:10,510 --> 00:00:13,510
I never have before,
but go ahead, shoot.
5
00:00:14,880 --> 00:00:16,850
I don't know.
6
00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:19,010
I don't know.
7
00:00:19,060 --> 00:00:21,390
I don't even know
what that means.
8
00:00:22,520 --> 00:00:23,690
Who?
9
00:00:23,730 --> 00:00:25,770
Ohh, right.
10
00:00:25,810 --> 00:00:26,860
I don't know.
11
00:00:26,900 --> 00:00:29,770
[DIALING]
12
00:00:29,820 --> 00:00:30,980
Uh, hello?
13
00:00:31,030 --> 00:00:32,440
[DIALING]
14
00:00:32,490 --> 00:00:35,240
One moment, Douglas,
I'm making a phone call.
15
00:00:36,610 --> 00:00:38,240
Yeah. I'm already
on the phone, okay?
16
00:00:38,280 --> 00:00:39,370
I'm taking a poll.
17
00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:41,200
My apologies.
Carry on.
18
00:00:41,240 --> 00:00:44,000
Sorry about that, guy.
Go ahead.
19
00:00:44,040 --> 00:00:45,040
I don't know.
20
00:00:45,080 --> 00:00:46,370
How could you
not know that?
21
00:00:46,420 --> 00:00:48,040
Arthur, would you
just hang up, please?!
22
00:00:48,080 --> 00:00:49,170
ARTHUR: Why should I?
23
00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:51,000
The man's conducting
a political poll
24
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,210
and he has a right
to speak to someone
25
00:00:52,260 --> 00:00:54,010
who's not an ignoramus!
26
00:00:54,050 --> 00:00:55,470
Oh, yeah?
If you're so smart,
27
00:00:55,510 --> 00:00:57,220
why don't you tell him
that you live in my basement?
28
00:00:57,260 --> 00:00:59,640
Why don't you tell him
you're enormous?
29
00:00:59,680 --> 00:01:01,770
Why don't you tell him
that your total salary
30
00:01:01,810 --> 00:01:03,390
last year was $12?!
31
00:01:03,430 --> 00:01:06,230
That was after taxes!
32
00:01:06,270 --> 00:01:08,520
Arthur, just stop talking,
would you, please?
33
00:01:08,560 --> 00:01:11,150
Sorry about that, guy--
hello? Hello?
34
00:01:11,190 --> 00:01:14,570
SINGER: *My eyes aregettin' weary*
35
00:01:14,610 --> 00:01:17,240
*My back is gettin' tight*
36
00:01:17,280 --> 00:01:19,280
*I'm sittin' herein traffic*
37
00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:21,870
*On the Queensboro bridgetonight*
38
00:01:21,910 --> 00:01:27,080
*But I don't care,'cause all I want to do*
39
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:33,000
*Is cash my check and driveright home to you*
40
00:01:33,050 --> 00:01:35,090
*'Cause, baby,all my life*
41
00:01:35,130 --> 00:01:40,300
*I will be drivin' hometo you*
42
00:01:48,690 --> 00:01:49,980
Get ready to laugh.
43
00:01:50,020 --> 00:01:51,770
Hon, I'm in the middle
of something here, okay?
44
00:01:51,820 --> 00:01:53,320
I'm on my route today,
right?
45
00:01:53,360 --> 00:01:55,780
Doug? Mommy's busy.
46
00:01:55,820 --> 00:01:57,200
But this is a really
funny story.
47
00:01:57,240 --> 00:01:59,490
Okay, just because I'm doing
this project from home
48
00:01:59,530 --> 00:02:00,660
doesn't mean I'm sitting
around here
49
00:02:00,700 --> 00:02:01,830
doing nothing. Okay?
50
00:02:01,870 --> 00:02:03,620
My boss wants me
to translate
51
00:02:03,660 --> 00:02:06,710
this humongous piece
of real estate jargon crap
52
00:02:06,750 --> 00:02:10,080
into layman's terms so a
jury can understand it, okay?
53
00:02:10,130 --> 00:02:12,790
I don't have time
for your little story.
54
00:02:12,840 --> 00:02:17,550
Mm-hmm, but you did
have time forthatstory.
55
00:02:18,380 --> 00:02:21,430
Which, by the way,
was a snooze fest.
56
00:02:21,470 --> 00:02:23,180
Please?
57
00:02:23,220 --> 00:02:24,850
Fine.
58
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,690
How many times have I
asked you not to do that?
59
00:02:31,730 --> 00:02:33,730
I'm sorry. Look, I'm clearly
starved for attention.
60
00:02:33,770 --> 00:02:35,690
CARRIE: All right, fine.
Tell me your damn story!
61
00:02:35,730 --> 00:02:37,150
All right.
I'm in my truck, right?
62
00:02:37,190 --> 00:02:39,530
I'm making my stops.
Nothing out of the ordinary,
63
00:02:39,570 --> 00:02:41,530
when I looked down
at the address label
64
00:02:41,570 --> 00:02:42,910
on my next delivery.
65
00:02:42,950 --> 00:02:44,580
Guess what the guy's name is?
66
00:02:44,620 --> 00:02:45,910
I don't know. What?
67
00:02:45,950 --> 00:02:47,950
Bubka Penis.
68
00:02:50,670 --> 00:02:52,960
Gimme a break. That's
not the guy's real name.
69
00:02:53,000 --> 00:02:54,460
Yes, it was.
I asked him for proof.
70
00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,460
He showed me
his driver's license.
71
00:02:56,500 --> 00:03:00,630
Doug, nobody's last name
is Penis.
72
00:03:00,680 --> 00:03:04,390
Nobody fromthiscountry,
snob.
73
00:03:04,430 --> 00:03:05,810
He happens
to be from Israel.
74
00:03:05,850 --> 00:03:08,560
Apparently it's like Smith
over there.
75
00:03:08,600 --> 00:03:10,640
Okay, so is that it?
Is that your story?
76
00:03:10,690 --> 00:03:14,060
Know what? If you didn't
laugh at a Ralph Penis,
77
00:03:14,110 --> 00:03:16,070
I'd understand.
78
00:03:16,110 --> 00:03:18,150
But Bubka?
79
00:03:18,190 --> 00:03:20,030
-[DOORBELL RINGS]
-ARTHUR:Come on in, Holly!
80
00:03:20,070 --> 00:03:21,950
Hey, Arthur, you ready
for your walk?
81
00:03:21,990 --> 00:03:25,280
I've been ready since you
dropped me off on Tuesday.
82
00:03:26,870 --> 00:03:29,410
Okay, well, I guess
we should get going, then.
83
00:03:29,450 --> 00:03:30,620
What's wrong?
84
00:03:30,660 --> 00:03:33,630
Nothing. Nothing.
It's no big deal.
85
00:03:33,670 --> 00:03:36,540
Now let's go enjoy
this beautiful day!
86
00:03:36,590 --> 00:03:37,750
[CRYING]
87
00:03:37,800 --> 00:03:38,920
I can't shake
the feeling
88
00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:41,630
that something's
bothering you.
89
00:03:41,680 --> 00:03:43,970
I'm getting kicked out
of my apartment.
90
00:03:44,010 --> 00:03:44,930
Why?
91
00:03:44,970 --> 00:03:46,510
The guy I was
subletting it from,
92
00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:47,930
he was living with someone.
93
00:03:47,970 --> 00:03:50,810
Well, now he's starting to think
that maybe he's not gay.
94
00:03:50,850 --> 00:03:52,520
Ugh, it's a whole story.
95
00:03:52,560 --> 00:03:53,600
Where will you go?
96
00:03:53,650 --> 00:03:54,770
I don't know.
97
00:03:54,810 --> 00:03:56,730
Maybe my step-brother's
tool shed.
98
00:03:56,770 --> 00:03:58,190
He's gonna let me know.
99
00:03:58,230 --> 00:03:59,280
Nonsense.
100
00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:01,240
You'll stay here with me
in the basement
101
00:04:01,280 --> 00:04:02,360
till you find a new place.
102
00:04:02,400 --> 00:04:03,780
No. No, I couldn't.
103
00:04:03,820 --> 00:04:07,030
There'll be
no hanky-panky.
104
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:09,540
To be honest,
The whole dog-walker thing
105
00:04:09,580 --> 00:04:11,710
is a pretty big turn-off.
106
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,790
Let me just ask the kids.
107
00:04:17,340 --> 00:04:19,460
Holly's getting kicked out
of her apartment.
108
00:04:19,500 --> 00:04:22,010
Can she stay with us?
109
00:04:22,050 --> 00:04:25,050
CARRIE: Well, Dad, it's, uh,
kind of hard to say no
110
00:04:25,090 --> 00:04:28,470
when she's standing
three feet away from us.
111
00:04:28,510 --> 00:04:30,600
She's in a different room!
112
00:04:30,640 --> 00:04:31,980
Okay, not really
a different room
113
00:04:32,020 --> 00:04:34,310
When you can wave to
her from this one.
114
00:04:38,270 --> 00:04:40,190
I'll take that
as a yes.
115
00:04:45,030 --> 00:04:47,450
Are you coming down
for breakfast?
116
00:04:47,490 --> 00:04:50,490
No. I have
too much to do.
117
00:04:50,540 --> 00:04:51,750
You got
to have breakfast.
118
00:04:51,790 --> 00:04:54,250
Honey, I'm fine.
Just go ahead.
119
00:05:04,720 --> 00:05:07,890
What's happening
here, baby?
120
00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:10,850
Well, Holly's gonna
be down there and...
121
00:05:10,890 --> 00:05:12,180
I'll have to...
122
00:05:12,220 --> 00:05:14,770
talk to her.
123
00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:17,060
So? You talk to her
all the time.
124
00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:18,690
No. I say hello
and good-bye,
125
00:05:18,730 --> 00:05:20,690
but now we'll be
just sitting there eating
126
00:05:20,730 --> 00:05:24,360
and it'll be, like, "Hey,
127
00:05:24,400 --> 00:05:26,820
what's the deal with milk?"
128
00:05:27,660 --> 00:05:29,410
So then
don't talk to her.
129
00:05:29,450 --> 00:05:30,490
That's more awkward.
130
00:05:30,530 --> 00:05:32,540
Doug, then skip
breakfast, okay?
131
00:05:32,580 --> 00:05:34,910
Oh, you'd like that,
wouldn't you?
132
00:06:18,290 --> 00:06:19,460
[BOWL CLINKS]
133
00:06:32,800 --> 00:06:36,180
[CLATTERING]
134
00:06:51,910 --> 00:06:55,240
[BAG CRINKLING]
135
00:07:04,670 --> 00:07:08,010
[CEREAL TINKLES]
136
00:07:21,270 --> 00:07:24,560
HOLLY: Arthur, I'm gonna
go grab some breakfast!
137
00:07:25,770 --> 00:07:27,400
ARTHUR: Okey-doke!
138
00:07:27,440 --> 00:07:30,360
-Morning, Doug.
-Hey.
139
00:07:30,400 --> 00:07:31,400
Hey.
140
00:07:31,450 --> 00:07:32,820
I just wanted
to say thanks again
141
00:07:32,860 --> 00:07:33,870
for taking me in.
142
00:07:33,910 --> 00:07:35,490
I really
appreciate that.
143
00:07:35,530 --> 00:07:37,120
No problem.
144
00:07:40,790 --> 00:07:41,750
Want some cereal?
145
00:07:41,790 --> 00:07:43,880
-Sure.
-Okay.
146
00:07:46,880 --> 00:07:48,380
Heh.
147
00:07:51,590 --> 00:07:54,050
There you go. Yeah.
148
00:08:21,290 --> 00:08:23,120
[SIGHS]
149
00:08:24,960 --> 00:08:26,580
Cereal.
150
00:08:28,710 --> 00:08:30,760
It's what it's all about.
151
00:08:30,800 --> 00:08:32,920
Mm-hmm. [CHUCKLES]
152
00:08:34,470 --> 00:08:35,890
Hey, Arthur!
153
00:08:35,930 --> 00:08:37,680
Come on up for breakfast,
buddy!
154
00:08:37,720 --> 00:08:42,060
You know I can't start my day
without my two scoops of Artie!
155
00:08:42,100 --> 00:08:43,560
ARTHUR:I don't knowwhat that means,
156
00:08:43,600 --> 00:08:45,600
but it sounds terrifying!
157
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,120
[SIGHS]
158
00:09:01,290 --> 00:09:04,540
Funny thing happened to me
the other day at work.
159
00:09:06,210 --> 00:09:07,830
[MOUTH FULL]
Really? What?
160
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:09,920
I delivered
a package to this guy
161
00:09:09,960 --> 00:09:11,630
named Bubka Penis.
162
00:09:17,300 --> 00:09:19,760
[CHOKING]
163
00:09:19,800 --> 00:09:21,600
Hands up!
Hands up! Hands up!
164
00:09:21,640 --> 00:09:23,220
There you go.
165
00:09:24,640 --> 00:09:26,440
Oh, man, I am sorry.
166
00:09:26,480 --> 00:09:29,110
That was just--
that was so funny.
167
00:09:29,150 --> 00:09:32,440
D-don't apologize.
It was funny.
168
00:09:32,480 --> 00:09:34,070
CARRIE: God, funny things
must happen to you
169
00:09:34,110 --> 00:09:35,490
all the time
on your job.
170
00:09:35,530 --> 00:09:37,450
Oh, they do. They do.
Here. Have some more cereal.
171
00:09:37,490 --> 00:09:38,990
Oh, thank you.
172
00:09:43,160 --> 00:09:44,790
Hey, you, uh,
coming down for breakfast?
173
00:09:44,830 --> 00:09:47,000
-Nah.
-Okay.
174
00:09:49,710 --> 00:09:51,960
-Hey.
-Hey.
175
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,920
-What you doing?
-Oh, I got up early,
176
00:09:53,960 --> 00:09:55,130
so I thought
I'd make some breakfast,
177
00:09:55,170 --> 00:09:57,800
just a little thank-you
for having me.
178
00:09:57,840 --> 00:09:59,470
Would you like
some pancakes, eggs,
179
00:09:59,510 --> 00:10:00,930
and hand-cut bacon?
180
00:10:00,970 --> 00:10:02,350
Yes, yes, and...
181
00:10:02,390 --> 00:10:03,890
hell yes.
182
00:10:03,930 --> 00:10:06,390
Well, it'll be ready
in just one second.
183
00:10:13,020 --> 00:10:15,320
Oh, I'm sorry.
That's kinda gross, right?
184
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:17,780
I'll give 5 bucks
if you can finish it.
185
00:10:21,570 --> 00:10:23,620
Get out!
186
00:10:23,660 --> 00:10:26,000
Wow! You the man.
187
00:10:26,040 --> 00:10:27,830
I don't know if I
have 5 bucks on me.
188
00:10:27,870 --> 00:10:29,460
Ooh, I do have
this Arby's coupon.
189
00:10:29,500 --> 00:10:31,000
That's as good as cash
in this house.
190
00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:32,290
Great.
Well, have a seat.
191
00:10:32,340 --> 00:10:34,170
I've got a lot
of food coming up.
192
00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:36,630
I hope
you're hungry.
193
00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:39,680
-Okay.
-All right.
194
00:10:39,720 --> 00:10:40,890
Here you go.
195
00:10:40,930 --> 00:10:42,300
Oh, hey, you want me
to wheel the TV in
196
00:10:42,350 --> 00:10:44,510
so you can watch
while you eat?
197
00:10:48,140 --> 00:10:50,060
DOUG: Hey, you coming down
for dinner?
198
00:10:55,110 --> 00:10:57,780
-So--ahh.
-There you go.
199
00:11:03,370 --> 00:11:04,870
I'm so frickin'
uptight.
200
00:11:04,910 --> 00:11:06,790
I can't get
anything done.
201
00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:11,250
[RESIGNEDLY]
Let's have sex.
202
00:11:16,090 --> 00:11:17,760
Thanks, baby.
203
00:11:25,350 --> 00:11:27,430
HOLLY: Hope you
like chocolate!
204
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:46,450
JAN AND DEAN:
*2 girls for every boy*
205
00:11:46,490 --> 00:11:50,960
*I bought a '30 Ford Wagon,and we call it a Woody*
206
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:52,790
Hey. Just wanted
to let you know
207
00:11:52,830 --> 00:11:54,880
you're doin'
a great job up here.
208
00:11:55,750 --> 00:11:57,550
-Thanks, honey.
-Mmm.
209
00:11:57,590 --> 00:11:59,760
JAN AND DEAN:
*Surf city, here we come*
210
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,130
*Well, it ain't got a backseat or a rear window*
211
00:12:03,180 --> 00:12:05,720
*But it still gets mewhere I want to...*
212
00:12:05,760 --> 00:12:08,430
I just want you to know,
you down here,
213
00:12:08,470 --> 00:12:09,970
it's working out great.
214
00:12:10,020 --> 00:12:11,480
Well, thanks, Doug.
215
00:12:11,520 --> 00:12:12,600
Do you want
your morning coffee
216
00:12:12,640 --> 00:12:14,150
on the sofa today?
217
00:12:14,190 --> 00:12:15,610
Why not?
218
00:12:15,650 --> 00:12:20,440
JAN AND DEAN:
*2 girls for every boy...*
219
00:12:20,490 --> 00:12:21,990
I'm tellin' ya,
it's great.
220
00:12:22,030 --> 00:12:23,660
If I want somebody
to laugh at my stories,
221
00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,240
cook for me,
be nice to me,
222
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,450
I got Holly
on this floor.
223
00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,240
If I want someone
to have sex with,
224
00:12:29,290 --> 00:12:30,830
yell at
the phone company,
225
00:12:30,870 --> 00:12:32,330
tell me
when to take a shower,
226
00:12:32,370 --> 00:12:35,170
I got Carrie up thar.
227
00:12:35,210 --> 00:12:36,420
Upstairs wife,
228
00:12:36,460 --> 00:12:37,790
downstairs wife,
229
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:39,750
happy.
230
00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,010
You're full of it.
231
00:12:41,050 --> 00:12:43,170
You don't believe it?
Check this out.
232
00:12:43,220 --> 00:12:44,510
This came wet today.
233
00:12:44,550 --> 00:12:45,970
-So?
-So...
234
00:12:46,010 --> 00:12:47,220
Carr!
235
00:12:47,260 --> 00:12:49,970
Paper boy threw the paper
in the sprinklers!
236
00:12:50,020 --> 00:12:51,640
CARRIE:
What?! I'm gonna kill
237
00:12:51,680 --> 00:12:53,560
that little bastard!
238
00:12:55,230 --> 00:12:57,400
Thank you, upstairs wife.
239
00:12:57,440 --> 00:12:58,650
And as far as this mess
is concerned--
240
00:12:58,690 --> 00:13:00,530
-hey, Hol?
-Yeah, Doug?
241
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:01,940
Yeah, this paper
came wet today,
242
00:13:01,990 --> 00:13:04,070
and I kind of wanted
to read the sports section.
243
00:13:04,110 --> 00:13:06,200
Well, let me blow-dry
that for you.
244
00:13:08,490 --> 00:13:11,080
Thank you, downstairs wife.
245
00:13:11,750 --> 00:13:14,330
My nipples are hard.
246
00:13:17,710 --> 00:13:18,840
This is disgusting!
247
00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,380
This is an insult
to Carrie.
248
00:13:20,420 --> 00:13:21,630
She's the woman
you vowed
249
00:13:21,670 --> 00:13:23,050
to spend the rest
of your life with.
250
00:13:23,090 --> 00:13:24,510
Look, if I had to
choose one of them,
251
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,380
I'd probably
choose her.
252
00:13:26,430 --> 00:13:27,800
You do
have to choose!
253
00:13:27,840 --> 00:13:29,850
Mmm, not
at the moment.
254
00:13:29,890 --> 00:13:30,720
Ohhh.
255
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:31,770
Why are you so lucky?
256
00:13:31,810 --> 00:13:32,930
I mean, I bust
my hump all day.
257
00:13:32,970 --> 00:13:34,770
I got 2 kids.
Do I get an extra wife?
258
00:13:34,810 --> 00:13:37,560
No. That goes
to the white man.
259
00:13:37,600 --> 00:13:39,230
This is not just good
for me, all right?
260
00:13:39,270 --> 00:13:41,150
This Sunday, the fight
on pay-per-view?
261
00:13:41,190 --> 00:13:42,780
We can all watch it here
'cause Carrie's gonna be
262
00:13:42,820 --> 00:13:44,240
upstairs in her office.
So we can smoke
263
00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:45,650
all the stogies we want.
264
00:13:45,700 --> 00:13:47,570
Plus, Holly knows a guy
who can get us Cubans.
265
00:13:47,610 --> 00:13:49,240
Okay, those
are illegal.
266
00:13:49,280 --> 00:13:50,280
I've--I've had it.
267
00:13:50,330 --> 00:13:52,160
You guys
don't respect marriage
268
00:13:52,200 --> 00:13:54,080
or trade embargoes.
269
00:13:55,120 --> 00:13:56,080
[DOOR SLAMS CLOSE]
270
00:13:56,120 --> 00:13:58,080
So, any requests
for fight night?
271
00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,580
'Cause Holly
can make anything.
272
00:13:59,630 --> 00:14:01,590
I say we go with,
like, a Taco Bar.
273
00:14:01,630 --> 00:14:03,300
Holly will probably be
circulating around here
274
00:14:03,340 --> 00:14:04,380
withhors d'oeuvres,
275
00:14:04,420 --> 00:14:05,670
so no one's gonna
go hungr--
276
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:07,930
Hey. Can I help you?
277
00:14:07,970 --> 00:14:09,680
-I finished my report.
-What?
278
00:14:09,720 --> 00:14:10,970
CARRIE: Yeah. I worked
so hard this week,
279
00:14:11,010 --> 00:14:12,350
and then
I finished early,
280
00:14:12,390 --> 00:14:13,600
so for the rest
of the weekend
281
00:14:13,640 --> 00:14:16,100
it's just you and me
on the couch, Buddy.
282
00:14:16,140 --> 00:14:18,310
Y-you mean, this couch
down--down here?
283
00:14:18,350 --> 00:14:20,560
CARRIE: Yeah. Just do me a favor
and look this over,
284
00:14:20,610 --> 00:14:22,900
make sure it's not
too complicated, okay?
285
00:14:23,980 --> 00:14:25,610
'Kay, not sure
if I like work boots
286
00:14:25,650 --> 00:14:27,280
on the coffee table,
okay?
287
00:14:27,320 --> 00:14:29,530
-Uh, sorry.
-Thank you.
288
00:14:29,570 --> 00:14:31,620
Uh, Hon,
is this supposed
289
00:14:31,660 --> 00:14:33,700
to be understandable
to regular people?
290
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:34,740
CARRIE:
Yeah. Why?
291
00:14:34,790 --> 00:14:36,080
Well, like
this part here:
292
00:14:36,120 --> 00:14:37,500
[HALTINGLY]
"The jurors should only
293
00:14:37,540 --> 00:14:39,080
consider evidence
294
00:14:39,120 --> 00:14:42,710
germane to the issues
at hand."
295
00:14:43,500 --> 00:14:44,960
[WHISPERS] What?!
296
00:14:45,010 --> 00:14:46,670
-What?
-I'm totally lost here.
297
00:14:46,720 --> 00:14:48,010
What, are you suing
Jermaine Jackson?
298
00:14:48,050 --> 00:14:49,300
Is he suing you?
What's goin' on?
299
00:14:49,340 --> 00:14:50,800
CARRIE: Oh, come on,
you gotta be kidding me.
300
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:51,930
I'm serious.
Look at this thing.
301
00:14:51,970 --> 00:14:52,970
It's full of big words.
302
00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:54,810
Look at this:
"Litigation,"
303
00:14:54,850 --> 00:14:57,640
"Facade," "Constantine."
304
00:14:57,680 --> 00:15:00,270
That's the defendant's
last name.
305
00:15:00,310 --> 00:15:02,190
-You're being an imbecile.
-All right, well,
306
00:15:02,230 --> 00:15:03,650
if you don't have any imbeciles
on your jury,
307
00:15:03,690 --> 00:15:05,570
I think
you're gonna be fine.
308
00:15:05,610 --> 00:15:08,650
Oh, the jury's gonna
be full of imbeciles.
309
00:15:08,700 --> 00:15:11,950
The smart people
get out of jury duty.
310
00:15:11,990 --> 00:15:14,490
Now I have to do this
whole report over again.
311
00:15:14,530 --> 00:15:17,700
[SIGHS] Oh, gosh.
I'll walk you upstairs, baby.
312
00:15:21,710 --> 00:15:24,540
Here we go.
There you are.
313
00:15:24,590 --> 00:15:26,000
Hey, and if you get
a little stressed out,
314
00:15:26,050 --> 00:15:28,970
you need a little
*Bow-wow, chicka-wow-wow*
315
00:15:29,010 --> 00:15:31,050
you just
give me a holler.
316
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:35,810
So, anyway, I'm sure
you're comfortable here and all,
317
00:15:35,850 --> 00:15:37,600
but, you know, if you ever need
a change of scenery,
318
00:15:37,640 --> 00:15:39,270
we got plenty of room
in our apartment.
319
00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:40,770
That's really sweet
of you. Actually--
320
00:15:40,810 --> 00:15:42,690
Uh, Hol, could you
go into the kitchen
321
00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:45,110
and see how we're doing
mini-donut-wise?
322
00:15:45,150 --> 00:15:46,860
Oh, I think we
have 2 boxes left.
323
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,690
[SING-SONG]
Thinking isn't knowing.
324
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:50,780
You're right.
325
00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:52,950
You're right.
326
00:15:52,990 --> 00:15:54,870
-What the hell are you doin'?
-Nothin'.
327
00:15:54,910 --> 00:15:56,200
You're trying to steal
my downstairs wife.
328
00:15:56,240 --> 00:15:58,290
You don't even
have a downstairs!
329
00:15:58,330 --> 00:15:59,500
So?
330
00:15:59,540 --> 00:16:01,790
Sh-she'll be futon wife.
331
00:16:01,830 --> 00:16:03,210
Look, I'm just
lookin' for someone
332
00:16:03,250 --> 00:16:05,130
to iron my shirts
without bitching about it.
333
00:16:05,170 --> 00:16:06,880
Look, I'll see you
Sunday. Come on.
334
00:16:06,920 --> 00:16:08,840
-And you, too. Let's go.
-What did I do?
335
00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:11,170
I look at you,
and I see trouble.
336
00:16:15,350 --> 00:16:16,810
ARTHUR: And if you
look over here,
337
00:16:16,850 --> 00:16:18,260
you'll see this one's
perfect for you.
338
00:16:18,310 --> 00:16:20,890
It's a lovely one-bedroom
with a kitchenette.
339
00:16:20,930 --> 00:16:22,100
-Hey!
-It looks really nice.
340
00:16:22,140 --> 00:16:23,310
What's, uh--
what's goin' on here?
341
00:16:23,350 --> 00:16:24,980
Oh, Arthur found me
some apartments.
342
00:16:25,020 --> 00:16:26,560
Oh, and
we do have 2 boxes
343
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,150
-of mini-donuts left.
-Great, great.
344
00:16:28,190 --> 00:16:29,730
Uh, could you go
into the garage
345
00:16:29,780 --> 00:16:32,150
and check out the diet
Dr. Pepper situation?
346
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,160
I think we've got
about 4 case--
347
00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:36,570
Oh. Thinking
isn't knowing.
348
00:16:36,620 --> 00:16:38,910
[LAUGHS] Here,
let me go check.
349
00:16:40,910 --> 00:16:42,250
Hey, guy.
350
00:16:42,290 --> 00:16:44,000
You were the one
who wanted Holly to stay here.
351
00:16:44,040 --> 00:16:46,790
Why are you
rushin' her out?
352
00:16:46,840 --> 00:16:48,420
This roommate thing's
not for me.
353
00:16:48,460 --> 00:16:50,800
Spitting out our toothpaste
at the same time
354
00:16:50,840 --> 00:16:52,800
was only cute once.
355
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:55,180
Are you kidding me?
That sounds adorable.
356
00:16:55,220 --> 00:16:57,600
Hell, it's cute enough
just watching you do it.
357
00:16:57,640 --> 00:16:59,430
Sorry. She's history.
358
00:16:59,470 --> 00:17:00,600
Okay, you listen up
359
00:17:00,640 --> 00:17:02,230
and you listen good,
old man.
360
00:17:02,270 --> 00:17:04,100
I got a good thing goin'
with Holly down here
361
00:17:04,140 --> 00:17:05,560
and Carrie upstairs, okay?
362
00:17:05,600 --> 00:17:07,690
So you just forget about
all this apartment stuff.
363
00:17:07,730 --> 00:17:08,770
But I want Holly out.
364
00:17:08,820 --> 00:17:10,190
Yeah, well, I want
Holly to stay.
365
00:17:10,230 --> 00:17:12,030
I guess we'll just
have to agree to disagree.
366
00:17:12,070 --> 00:17:13,820
Well, why don't we agree
that I'm very big
367
00:17:13,860 --> 00:17:15,990
and you're very brittle?
368
00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:18,410
I could get on board
with that.
369
00:17:18,450 --> 00:17:19,530
Yeah.
370
00:17:19,580 --> 00:17:21,620
So here's how it's
gonna go down--whoa!
371
00:17:21,660 --> 00:17:22,830
It's a little early
for a break,
372
00:17:22,870 --> 00:17:23,960
huh, little lady?
373
00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,000
Oh, I'm just gonna
get some coffee.
374
00:17:25,040 --> 00:17:26,120
Oh, I'll make you
coffee.
375
00:17:26,170 --> 00:17:27,290
That's
what I'm here for.
376
00:17:27,330 --> 00:17:28,790
You go get back
up in that zone.
377
00:17:28,840 --> 00:17:29,880
Get in the zone, girl!
378
00:17:29,920 --> 00:17:31,300
-[LAUGHING]
-You get up there!
379
00:17:31,340 --> 00:17:33,010
Wha-cha!
380
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:39,100
Okay, I got decaf,
regular,
381
00:17:39,140 --> 00:17:41,010
a few slices of turkey,
some tampons,
382
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:43,430
and theSeabiscuitDVD
with extras.
383
00:17:43,480 --> 00:17:45,640
You're all set here.
384
00:17:45,690 --> 00:17:47,690
Um, thanks?
385
00:17:47,730 --> 00:17:49,730
Hey, thank you
for being you.
386
00:17:49,770 --> 00:17:52,150
All right,
I gotta scoot.
387
00:17:52,190 --> 00:17:53,650
What are you--
what are you doing?
388
00:17:53,690 --> 00:17:56,200
I'm just seeing if the door
can lock from the outside.
389
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:59,320
Why would the door lock
from the outside?
390
00:17:59,370 --> 00:18:00,490
I know.
It's crazy.
391
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:02,040
Okay, be productive!
392
00:18:02,950 --> 00:18:05,540
Oh, how did
those Mormons do it?
393
00:18:14,130 --> 00:18:17,050
Boy, your downstairs wife
really knows her way
394
00:18:17,090 --> 00:18:19,220
around a chimichanga.
395
00:18:19,970 --> 00:18:21,010
Tequila shots, boys!
396
00:18:21,050 --> 00:18:22,010
Ohh! [CHUCKLES]
397
00:18:22,060 --> 00:18:23,180
[INHALES] Mmm.
398
00:18:23,220 --> 00:18:24,930
I just love
the smell of cigars.
399
00:18:24,970 --> 00:18:28,190
Something about it
just makes me wanna bake.
400
00:18:28,230 --> 00:18:30,900
-Doug, great party.
-Oh, thanks, man.
401
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,690
I wanna introduce you
to my sister Melinda.
402
00:18:32,730 --> 00:18:33,940
Hi. Thanks
for having me.
403
00:18:33,980 --> 00:18:35,280
It's the least
I could do with you
404
00:18:35,320 --> 00:18:36,700
having to go through life with
this guy
405
00:18:36,740 --> 00:18:37,950
-as your brother.
-Ah, watch it.
406
00:18:37,990 --> 00:18:39,110
You wanna stay
on Melinda's good side.
407
00:18:39,160 --> 00:18:40,950
She does P.R.
for Nassau Coliseum.
408
00:18:40,990 --> 00:18:42,910
Yeah. If you ever
want tickets to anything,
409
00:18:42,950 --> 00:18:44,910
just give me a call.
410
00:18:47,580 --> 00:18:49,870
Coliseum wife?
411
00:18:49,920 --> 00:18:52,170
Do I dare?
412
00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,640
CROWD: Ohh!
413
00:19:03,100 --> 00:19:04,970
-Hey, you like the seats?
-Oh, they're great!
414
00:19:05,020 --> 00:19:06,770
Any chance I can do
that Zamboni thing?
415
00:19:06,810 --> 00:19:08,440
[LAUGHS] Stop by
the locker room later,
416
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:10,520
and I'll introduce you
to some of the players.
417
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:12,020
'Kay.
418
00:19:13,650 --> 00:19:15,190
Coliseum wife,
419
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:17,610
you're my favorite.
420
00:19:20,740 --> 00:19:22,370
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
421
00:19:23,950 --> 00:19:25,410
Hello?
422
00:19:25,450 --> 00:19:27,950
Oh, hey, Doug.
423
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:29,910
No, no, no, I--
424
00:19:29,960 --> 00:19:31,250
I understand.
425
00:19:31,290 --> 00:19:32,830
Well, I mean,
if she's gonna introduce you
426
00:19:32,880 --> 00:19:33,920
to the players,
427
00:19:33,960 --> 00:19:36,130
you gotta stay.
[CHUCKLES]
428
00:19:36,170 --> 00:19:38,670
No, no, don't worry
about me.
429
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,130
Okay. Bye.
430
00:19:49,020 --> 00:19:51,390
-Hey.
-[CURTLY] Hey.
431
00:19:51,440 --> 00:19:52,600
[SLAMMING DRAWERS]
432
00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,270
-Everything okay?
-Oh, no, no, it's fine,
433
00:19:54,310 --> 00:19:56,110
except I spent all day
making Doug's favorite dishes,
434
00:19:56,150 --> 00:19:57,780
and now they're just
gonna sit here and get cold,
435
00:19:57,820 --> 00:19:59,240
but does he care? No, no!
436
00:19:59,280 --> 00:20:02,030
Because he's with some girl
at his precious hockey game!
437
00:20:04,200 --> 00:20:07,660
Shouldn't I be the one
who's upset about this?
438
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:10,000
Actually, yeah.
439
00:20:10,040 --> 00:20:11,670
What--what's
goin' on here?
440
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:16,000
Open your eyes, you fools!
The man has 3 wives!
441
00:20:23,220 --> 00:20:25,510
Hey, Hol,
something smells great!
442
00:20:25,550 --> 00:20:27,930
Carr, your lovah-man's
comin' upstairs,
443
00:20:27,970 --> 00:20:29,600
so prepare yourself
for--
444
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,020
oh.
445
00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:35,650
Hey.
446
00:20:35,690 --> 00:20:36,980
Hey.
447
00:20:37,020 --> 00:20:38,730
[WEAKLY] Hey.
448
00:20:40,030 --> 00:20:43,150
Look, I--I know emotions
449
00:20:43,200 --> 00:20:44,860
are running high right now,
450
00:20:44,910 --> 00:20:46,450
but let me just say this:
451
00:20:46,490 --> 00:20:47,830
Coliseum wife?
452
00:20:47,870 --> 00:20:49,330
She's gone.
453
00:20:49,370 --> 00:20:52,750
'Cause this here,
this is what works, huh?
454
00:20:55,330 --> 00:20:58,460
Okay, I'm gonna
go check into a hotel.
455
00:21:07,760 --> 00:21:09,560
I'm sorry I didn't show up
at the game, Melinda.
456
00:21:09,600 --> 00:21:10,930
I--I ran into a thing
here at home.
457
00:21:10,970 --> 00:21:12,390
[ANGRY SHOUTING]
458
00:21:12,430 --> 00:21:13,730
No, I know you went
to a lot of trouble
459
00:21:13,770 --> 00:21:14,890
and I appreciate that.
460
00:21:14,940 --> 00:21:16,440
Look, let me make it
up to you, okay?
461
00:21:16,480 --> 00:21:17,940
Can you get me tickets
for next Tuesday?
462
00:21:17,980 --> 00:21:19,320
[SHOUTING]
463
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,740
Oh, come on, baby, don't
be like that. I love you.
464
00:21:22,780 --> 00:21:25,070
[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]
32488
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