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1
00:00:03,790 --> 00:00:06,080
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
2
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,000
All right,
Friday it is.
3
00:00:09,050 --> 00:00:10,090
I'll see you then.
4
00:00:10,130 --> 00:00:11,720
Bye-bye now.
5
00:00:11,760 --> 00:00:13,010
[BEEPS]
6
00:00:13,050 --> 00:00:15,510
Ah, this sticks
on ice.
7
00:00:15,550 --> 00:00:16,510
What's going on?
8
00:00:16,550 --> 00:00:18,050
Remember that
Mrs. Buxraum character
9
00:00:18,100 --> 00:00:19,720
over at the senior center?
10
00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,020
Oh, yeah.
11
00:00:22,060 --> 00:00:23,730
She's the one who gives
me Tootsie Rolls
12
00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:25,850
and calls me
Evelyn.
13
00:00:25,900 --> 00:00:26,980
How's she doin'?
14
00:00:27,020 --> 00:00:28,480
Dead.
15
00:00:29,270 --> 00:00:31,030
So I'm guessin'
that wasn't her.
16
00:00:31,070 --> 00:00:33,490
No, it was her stupid
cousin Judy.
17
00:00:33,530 --> 00:00:35,530
She must've heard through
the grapevine I was single
18
00:00:35,570 --> 00:00:37,160
'cause she was rubbin'
up against me
19
00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:39,580
all during the funeral.
20
00:00:39,620 --> 00:00:40,700
You like
rubbing.
21
00:00:40,740 --> 00:00:41,870
What's the problem?
22
00:00:41,910 --> 00:00:44,370
She's not my type.
Too small and pushy.
23
00:00:44,410 --> 00:00:47,710
I like 'em big and scared
of their own shadows.
24
00:00:49,250 --> 00:00:50,880
So why're you goin'
out with her?
25
00:00:50,920 --> 00:00:52,460
Wanna get her
off my back.
26
00:00:52,510 --> 00:00:55,130
But I'm not spendin' a dime
on her, I'll tell you that.
27
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:59,050
I invited her here
where we can eat for free.
28
00:00:59,100 --> 00:01:01,640
Dad, the food here
ain't free.
29
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It is for me.
30
00:01:03,980 --> 00:01:05,060
CARRIE: Oh, my God.
Oh, my God!
31
00:01:05,100 --> 00:01:06,270
-What?
-A roach.
32
00:01:06,310 --> 00:01:07,480
A roach, it was near
the refrigerator.
33
00:01:07,520 --> 00:01:08,690
Oh, my God. It just
went under it.
34
00:01:08,730 --> 00:01:11,980
That's not a roach.
That's a baby frog.
35
00:01:12,030 --> 00:01:12,980
Dad, I think I know
36
00:01:13,030 --> 00:01:14,860
what a roach
looks like. Doug!
37
00:01:14,900 --> 00:01:16,110
That was a baby frog.
38
00:01:16,150 --> 00:01:17,990
I used to race 'em
down in Cajun Country.
39
00:01:18,030 --> 00:01:19,950
Would you stop it.
Doug!
40
00:01:19,990 --> 00:01:21,700
-What?
-There's a baby frog
41
00:01:21,740 --> 00:01:22,830
in the house.
42
00:01:22,870 --> 00:01:24,080
It's a roach.
43
00:01:24,120 --> 00:01:27,670
Ah, you don't know your
ass from your elbow.
44
00:01:27,710 --> 00:01:29,920
-Well, where is it?
-He was near the refrigerator.
45
00:01:29,960 --> 00:01:31,460
Oh, there he is!
Kill him. Kill him.
46
00:01:31,500 --> 00:01:33,960
-Just get some Raid.
-Okay, okay.
47
00:01:34,010 --> 00:01:36,090
-Hurry up.
-I'm looking.
48
00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,220
Come on,
I got him cornered here.
49
00:01:37,260 --> 00:01:38,260
Here, here, here.
50
00:01:38,300 --> 00:01:40,260
Okay, this is oven cleaner.
51
00:01:40,300 --> 00:01:43,100
We don't have Raid.
Just spray him.
52
00:01:43,140 --> 00:01:44,180
[HISSING]
53
00:01:44,220 --> 00:01:45,430
Eww. Is he dead?
54
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,310
I can't tell, but he's blind
and he's sizzling.
55
00:01:49,900 --> 00:01:51,060
Just pick him up.
Pick him up.
56
00:01:51,110 --> 00:01:52,270
All right. Okay.
57
00:01:52,320 --> 00:01:54,440
All right, I got him.
Oh, God. He's big.
58
00:01:54,480 --> 00:01:55,780
Ech.
59
00:01:55,820 --> 00:01:57,820
Don't. Stop it.
Stop!
60
00:01:57,860 --> 00:01:59,570
There's probably a whole village
of 'em under there,
61
00:01:59,610 --> 00:02:01,280
-and it's all your fault.
-What?
62
00:02:01,320 --> 00:02:02,780
Yeah, when you broke
the Snapple bottle.
63
00:02:02,830 --> 00:02:04,120
I told you,
you have to pull
64
00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:05,790
the refrigerator out
and clean underneath it.
65
00:02:05,830 --> 00:02:08,290
Okay, you know what?
I broke that bottle a year ago.
66
00:02:08,330 --> 00:02:11,460
For the love of God,
move on.
67
00:02:11,500 --> 00:02:14,380
It's not funny.
We're probably infested.
68
00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:15,670
I'll do it tomorrow.
69
00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:17,590
No, I'm gonna find them
in my bed tonight.
70
00:02:17,630 --> 00:02:18,430
Do it now.
71
00:02:18,470 --> 00:02:20,300
Shh. Shh.
You're trembling.
72
00:02:20,340 --> 00:02:22,760
Cut it out. Stop it.
73
00:02:24,140 --> 00:02:26,470
What are you doing?
74
00:02:26,520 --> 00:02:28,270
What am I doing?
I'm calming you
75
00:02:28,310 --> 00:02:30,600
with my manly caresses.
76
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:33,270
Doug, if you think sex
is gonna get you out of this,
77
00:02:33,310 --> 00:02:35,610
you are very,
very wrong.
78
00:02:35,650 --> 00:02:38,280
And yet I'm gonna
go for it anyway.
79
00:02:39,280 --> 00:02:41,200
I'm very annoyed
at you, you know.
80
00:02:41,240 --> 00:02:43,780
And that only arouses me.
81
00:02:43,830 --> 00:02:45,120
And you know what else?
82
00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:46,910
I left a wet towel
on the bathroom floor.
83
00:02:46,950 --> 00:02:49,040
That's pretty
annoying, huh?
84
00:02:49,080 --> 00:02:51,290
Actually,
that really is.
85
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:57,510
Come on, carry me upstairs
and have your way with me.
86
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:01,260
Just lift with your legs.
87
00:03:01,300 --> 00:03:04,220
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
88
00:03:04,260 --> 00:03:05,850
SPENCE: Deac?
89
00:03:05,890 --> 00:03:07,520
Yeah.
90
00:03:08,560 --> 00:03:11,480
Hey, can I whip you up
a breakfast burrito?
91
00:03:12,230 --> 00:03:13,650
No, thanks.
92
00:03:13,690 --> 00:03:16,900
-Denver omelet?
-Nope, I'm good.
93
00:03:20,280 --> 00:03:22,860
-SPENCE: Blintzes?!
-Still no!
94
00:03:22,910 --> 00:03:24,530
[DOORBELL RINGS]
95
00:03:24,570 --> 00:03:26,030
Hey, how'd that
massage pillow
96
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:27,330
work out for you
last night?
97
00:03:27,370 --> 00:03:29,500
Uh, great. Um, thanks.
98
00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,410
Hey, getting tossed out
by your wife is tough enough.
99
00:03:31,460 --> 00:03:33,380
I mean, you don't want to
replace one pain in the neck
100
00:03:33,420 --> 00:03:35,630
with the other one.
Am I right, huh?
101
00:03:35,670 --> 00:03:37,340
Who's with me?
102
00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:40,550
Answer the door.
103
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:44,800
-Hey, man.
-Hey.
104
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:46,140
Hey, you got time
for some breakfast?
105
00:03:46,180 --> 00:03:48,390
Uh, no! Uh,
we gotta get to work
106
00:03:48,430 --> 00:03:50,890
or all the good trucks
are gonna be taken.
107
00:03:50,930 --> 00:03:51,940
Oh, got you.
108
00:03:51,980 --> 00:03:53,400
Oh, hey, any idea
when you'll be back?
109
00:03:53,440 --> 00:03:57,270
'Cause I was going to rent
Blues Brothers 2000.
110
00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:01,280
SPENCE:
Director's cut!
111
00:04:02,360 --> 00:04:04,490
Man, it's brutal
in there.
112
00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:05,910
Ah, come on.
He means well.
113
00:04:05,950 --> 00:04:08,740
He's smothering me.
You know what he did last night?
114
00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,870
He drew me a bath.
115
00:04:12,910 --> 00:04:15,580
Drew me a bath.
116
00:04:17,540 --> 00:04:19,630
I had sex last night.
117
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Unscheduled.
118
00:04:25,050 --> 00:04:28,640
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
119
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[SIGHS]
120
00:04:31,640 --> 00:04:32,930
Idiot.
121
00:04:35,730 --> 00:04:37,400
Ow!
122
00:04:50,290 --> 00:04:52,580
DOUG: Hey, how was work?
123
00:04:53,290 --> 00:04:55,370
[CAR CRASHES]
124
00:04:57,330 --> 00:04:59,290
That was very reckless.
125
00:04:59,340 --> 00:05:00,380
You leave
the refrigerator
126
00:05:00,420 --> 00:05:01,800
in the middle
of the kitchen?
127
00:05:01,840 --> 00:05:04,220
Excuse me, I was just doing
what you asked me to do.
128
00:05:04,260 --> 00:05:06,380
Then the phone rang,
and I got distracted.
129
00:05:06,430 --> 00:05:08,430
You got distracted
by the phone?
130
00:05:08,470 --> 00:05:10,600
Yes, I'm easily
distracted.
131
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,310
What happens when
the doorbell rings?
132
00:05:12,350 --> 00:05:14,230
You wet yourself?
133
00:05:14,270 --> 00:05:15,770
Oh, that's very clever,
Carrie,
134
00:05:15,810 --> 00:05:17,980
'cause nervous
disorders are funny.
135
00:05:18,020 --> 00:05:19,480
All right,
now I know.
136
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:20,770
CARRIE:
And apparently...
137
00:05:20,820 --> 00:05:22,820
putting the milk away
was too much for you,
138
00:05:22,860 --> 00:05:24,490
even though the fridge
is now one inch
139
00:05:24,530 --> 00:05:26,360
from the table.
140
00:05:27,030 --> 00:05:30,330
The phone rang!
141
00:05:30,370 --> 00:05:31,870
CARRIE: You know,
I broke a nail
142
00:05:31,910 --> 00:05:33,330
putting it back.
143
00:05:33,370 --> 00:05:35,830
So? Buy another one.
144
00:05:35,870 --> 00:05:37,330
CARRIE: You know what, Doug?
You always give me
145
00:05:37,370 --> 00:05:38,420
this excuse crap,
146
00:05:38,460 --> 00:05:40,590
and it drives
me insane.
147
00:05:40,630 --> 00:05:42,880
I had to go to work,
the game was on,
148
00:05:42,920 --> 00:05:45,590
I smelled cheese.
149
00:05:45,630 --> 00:05:47,430
I mean, are you
incredibly lazy,
150
00:05:47,470 --> 00:05:49,840
or do you
just hate me?
151
00:05:49,890 --> 00:05:51,510
60-40.
152
00:05:52,430 --> 00:05:53,850
Ha ha. Jerk.
153
00:05:53,890 --> 00:05:55,520
Aw, come on.
154
00:05:55,560 --> 00:05:58,600
Would you just go
down there and finish?
155
00:05:58,650 --> 00:05:59,560
God.
156
00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:02,650
I'm exhausted.
I'm gonna go to bed.
157
00:06:04,230 --> 00:06:07,360
Come on, Car.
I'm sorry, okay?
158
00:06:07,400 --> 00:06:09,570
I'm a bad boy.
159
00:06:10,280 --> 00:06:12,870
Punish me.
160
00:06:12,910 --> 00:06:13,700
Leave me alone.
161
00:06:13,740 --> 00:06:16,540
Come on,
let's do stuff.
162
00:06:16,580 --> 00:06:19,170
Made you feel better
last night, right?
163
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:23,090
Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
164
00:06:23,130 --> 00:06:26,970
I just read an article
about exactly what we're doing.
165
00:06:27,010 --> 00:06:28,050
Really?
166
00:06:28,090 --> 00:06:30,010
Were there pictures?
167
00:06:30,050 --> 00:06:31,850
No. It was about couples
168
00:06:31,890 --> 00:06:35,220
who substitute sex
for communication.
169
00:06:35,270 --> 00:06:36,350
Uh-huh, uh-huh.
170
00:06:36,390 --> 00:06:37,810
That's what we do.
171
00:06:37,850 --> 00:06:40,060
Right, right.
172
00:06:40,100 --> 00:06:41,100
Take your pants off.
173
00:06:41,150 --> 00:06:43,190
Doug, think about it.
174
00:06:43,230 --> 00:06:44,730
Last night,
I was upset with you
175
00:06:44,770 --> 00:06:46,940
about the fridge.
And how'd it end up?
176
00:06:46,990 --> 00:06:48,110
With sex.
177
00:06:48,150 --> 00:06:49,200
And then we were
just about to do
178
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:50,530
the same thing
tonight.
179
00:06:50,570 --> 00:06:52,370
Well, it's better
than fighting, isn't it?
180
00:06:52,410 --> 00:06:54,830
Doug, it's not just
when we're fighting.
181
00:06:54,870 --> 00:06:56,700
We fall back
on sex all the time.
182
00:06:56,750 --> 00:06:58,660
When we're mad,
when we're happy.
183
00:06:58,710 --> 00:07:00,620
When there's
nothing good on TV.
184
00:07:00,670 --> 00:07:01,500
So?
185
00:07:01,540 --> 00:07:03,170
So, the article said
if couples
186
00:07:03,210 --> 00:07:05,880
do not explore other aspects
of their relationship,
187
00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:07,670
it could hurt
their marriage,
188
00:07:07,710 --> 00:07:09,260
you know, down the line.
189
00:07:09,300 --> 00:07:10,720
Carrie, believe me.
190
00:07:10,760 --> 00:07:15,260
I would never do anything
to hurt what we have. Ever.
191
00:07:15,310 --> 00:07:17,430
Now offee with the pants.
192
00:07:17,470 --> 00:07:18,520
What are you,
193
00:07:18,560 --> 00:07:20,770
Benny Hill over here?
194
00:07:20,810 --> 00:07:22,400
Can we have
a conversation
195
00:07:22,440 --> 00:07:23,860
about this, please?
196
00:07:23,900 --> 00:07:26,270
Fine. So we fall back
on sex once in a while.
197
00:07:26,320 --> 00:07:27,530
What the hell
can we do about it?
198
00:07:27,570 --> 00:07:30,110
Well, it's funny
that you should ask.
199
00:07:30,150 --> 00:07:31,570
The author
of this article,
200
00:07:31,610 --> 00:07:34,450
who is a psychologist,
by the way,
201
00:07:34,490 --> 00:07:37,290
suggests that couples
take a respite.
202
00:07:37,330 --> 00:07:39,450
Which means "rest"...
203
00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,540
from sex
while they explore
204
00:07:41,580 --> 00:07:43,830
other areas
of their relationship.
205
00:07:43,880 --> 00:07:45,710
Okay, fair enough.
Fair enough.
206
00:07:45,750 --> 00:07:50,010
Now, I just read
an article in Penthouse...
207
00:07:51,050 --> 00:07:52,550
by a sexologist--
208
00:07:52,590 --> 00:07:55,430
Doug, could you take
this seriously, please?
209
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,470
I'm sorry. But this
is crazy, Carrie.
210
00:07:57,510 --> 00:07:59,020
I mean, yesterday
everything was fine,
211
00:07:59,060 --> 00:08:01,390
and today you're telling me
we have too much sex.
212
00:08:01,430 --> 00:08:02,640
I mean, most people
would die
213
00:08:02,690 --> 00:08:04,690
-for that problem.
-Oh, really? Really?
214
00:08:04,730 --> 00:08:06,650
Deacon and Kelly
had sex all the time.
215
00:08:06,690 --> 00:08:07,820
And now
their marriage is a mess.
216
00:08:07,860 --> 00:08:09,150
Okay, you don't know
that too much sex
217
00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:10,320
-was the reason.
-No,
218
00:08:10,360 --> 00:08:11,320
but I know that something
219
00:08:11,360 --> 00:08:12,820
was obviously missing there.
220
00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:15,280
And now it might be
too late to fix it.
221
00:08:15,320 --> 00:08:18,120
Do you want that
to happen to us?
222
00:08:18,160 --> 00:08:19,870
Of course not.
223
00:08:21,330 --> 00:08:22,960
All right, so...
224
00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:27,540
so how long will
this no-sex thing be for?
225
00:08:27,590 --> 00:08:28,920
-2 weeks.
-2 weeks!
226
00:08:28,960 --> 00:08:30,880
That's what
the article said.
227
00:08:30,920 --> 00:08:33,010
Well, why'd you have to go
and read in the first place?
228
00:08:33,050 --> 00:08:34,590
You show-off.
229
00:08:34,630 --> 00:08:36,680
Now, come on.
It's not that bad.
230
00:08:36,720 --> 00:08:38,560
We've gone
2 weeks before.
231
00:08:38,600 --> 00:08:40,680
Maybe you have.
232
00:08:40,720 --> 00:08:41,980
Come on,
it's not that long.
233
00:08:42,020 --> 00:08:44,600
And, look, we'll channel
all that extra energy
234
00:08:44,640 --> 00:08:46,770
into making the rest of
our relationship better.
235
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:48,480
And at the end
of the 2 weeks,
236
00:08:48,520 --> 00:08:49,690
the forbidden fruit
will taste
237
00:08:49,730 --> 00:08:52,070
that much sweeter,
don't you think?
238
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,200
Uhh...
239
00:08:57,240 --> 00:08:58,780
Okay, I'm on board.
240
00:08:58,830 --> 00:09:01,700
Thank you.
I love you.
241
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:02,870
I'll tell ya,
I just wish
242
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:04,250
I would have known
about this ban
243
00:09:04,290 --> 00:09:06,370
before last night's
sex.
244
00:09:06,420 --> 00:09:08,710
I probably would've
concentrated more.
245
00:09:13,670 --> 00:09:15,010
-Doug?
-Yeah.
246
00:09:15,050 --> 00:09:16,680
Get out of there.
247
00:09:20,810 --> 00:09:23,430
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
248
00:09:30,110 --> 00:09:31,820
You have a lovely
home, Artie.
249
00:09:31,860 --> 00:09:33,110
I really like it.
250
00:09:33,150 --> 00:09:36,610
[HACKING COUGH]
251
00:09:36,650 --> 00:09:38,160
Thank you.
252
00:09:45,710 --> 00:09:48,040
That's nice.
Tell me,
253
00:09:48,080 --> 00:09:51,000
have you
had tuberculosis long?
254
00:09:51,750 --> 00:09:53,960
Oh, Artie,
you're a caution.
255
00:09:54,010 --> 00:09:56,510
Ha ha ha.
256
00:09:58,680 --> 00:09:59,970
Oh, my children
are home.
257
00:10:00,010 --> 00:10:01,050
Excuse me.
Hey kids,
258
00:10:01,100 --> 00:10:03,770
-this is Judy.
-Hi, there.
259
00:10:03,810 --> 00:10:05,680
-Nice to meet you.
-Hello.
260
00:10:07,730 --> 00:10:09,150
Douglas,
very discreetly,
261
00:10:09,190 --> 00:10:11,730
I need you to set
the drapes on fire.
262
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:16,990
Aw, things aren't
going so well, huh?
263
00:10:17,030 --> 00:10:18,820
It's torture.
She's diseased
264
00:10:18,860 --> 00:10:20,910
and incredibly boring.
265
00:10:20,950 --> 00:10:22,120
Be right
with you, dear!
266
00:10:22,160 --> 00:10:23,450
Can you help me out?
267
00:10:23,490 --> 00:10:26,040
Sorry. I've got
my own problems, guy.
268
00:10:29,750 --> 00:10:32,000
Wow, you're dad's really
in agony down there, huh?
269
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:34,170
Oh. Yeah, that Judy
is a rough stretch
270
00:10:34,210 --> 00:10:36,130
of highway, huh?
271
00:10:37,170 --> 00:10:38,170
Actually, if she
wasn't his date,
272
00:10:38,220 --> 00:10:40,930
I'd be jumping her
as we speak.
273
00:10:40,970 --> 00:10:43,180
Come on, we're doing
great without sex.
274
00:10:43,220 --> 00:10:44,220
We had a nice
dinner,
275
00:10:44,260 --> 00:10:45,600
we saw
a good movie...
276
00:10:45,640 --> 00:10:47,140
It was a good movie.
277
00:10:48,640 --> 00:10:50,060
So now we're home.
278
00:10:50,100 --> 00:10:51,860
Now we're home.
279
00:10:51,900 --> 00:10:56,030
What to do, what to do...
280
00:10:56,070 --> 00:10:57,900
Hey, why don't
we just talk?
281
00:10:57,940 --> 00:10:59,030
Talk?
282
00:10:59,070 --> 00:11:00,240
Yeah, why not?
283
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:02,030
All right, let's
talk our brains out.
284
00:11:02,070 --> 00:11:03,740
All right.
285
00:11:07,450 --> 00:11:09,120
Here we go.
286
00:11:09,160 --> 00:11:10,250
Let's talk.
287
00:11:10,290 --> 00:11:12,540
Gonna do some talkin'.
288
00:11:13,130 --> 00:11:16,420
Conversation.
289
00:11:27,220 --> 00:11:30,140
You know, the faster you eat it,
the better it tastes.
290
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,650
That's their slogan
actually.
291
00:11:32,690 --> 00:11:34,060
What brand is it?
292
00:11:34,110 --> 00:11:35,940
Uh, fast cake.
293
00:11:35,980 --> 00:11:38,610
Oh, heh heh.
294
00:11:39,530 --> 00:11:41,950
[YAWNS]
295
00:11:41,990 --> 00:11:44,120
I beg your pardon.
296
00:11:44,820 --> 00:11:47,040
Oh, it's 9:30,
297
00:11:47,080 --> 00:11:48,910
the witching hour.
298
00:11:48,950 --> 00:11:50,160
Well, maybe for you.
299
00:11:50,210 --> 00:11:51,920
Me, I can stay up
all night.
300
00:11:51,960 --> 00:11:53,040
I'm used
to serving drinks
301
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:54,710
until 5:00
in the morning.
302
00:11:54,750 --> 00:11:56,090
Really?
How fascinating.
303
00:11:56,130 --> 00:11:57,920
I'll get your coat.
304
00:11:57,960 --> 00:12:00,340
Yep. You had to be
on your toes
305
00:12:00,380 --> 00:12:02,090
when you served
the big boys.
306
00:12:02,130 --> 00:12:04,010
-Sure.
-Like take Sinatra,
307
00:12:04,050 --> 00:12:05,140
for example.
308
00:12:05,180 --> 00:12:07,220
You got the drink order
wrong for him,
309
00:12:07,260 --> 00:12:09,890
next thing you knew,
you were wearing it.
310
00:12:10,810 --> 00:12:12,890
You, uh,
you served drinks
311
00:12:12,940 --> 00:12:14,730
to Frank Sinatra?
312
00:12:14,770 --> 00:12:18,150
Oh, I served him
a lot more than drinks.
313
00:12:19,230 --> 00:12:22,950
Well, good night, Artie.
Thanks for the laughs.
314
00:12:22,990 --> 00:12:25,200
Wh-wh-wh-whoa, whoa!
315
00:12:25,240 --> 00:12:27,740
We're talking about
Frank Sinatra Sr.
316
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:29,120
here, right?
317
00:12:29,160 --> 00:12:32,290
Old blue eyes himself.
318
00:12:32,330 --> 00:12:33,670
Well, then
where the hell
319
00:12:33,710 --> 00:12:35,460
are you going, baby?
320
00:12:50,930 --> 00:12:52,350
What about politics?
321
00:12:53,890 --> 00:12:55,650
We never talk about politics.
322
00:12:55,690 --> 00:12:56,810
OK.
323
00:12:57,400 --> 00:12:59,900
OK... politics.
324
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:01,940
I'll take politics
for 200, Alex.
325
00:13:08,200 --> 00:13:10,540
All right, I'll get the party
started here.
326
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:16,000
Uh, in the last election, how
did you vote on prop 17?
327
00:13:16,040 --> 00:13:19,340
-Uh, I voted no.
-Really? Why?
328
00:13:19,380 --> 00:13:23,050
Well, I vote with a system.
329
00:13:23,090 --> 00:13:26,430
No, yes, no, yes, no, yes.
330
00:13:28,550 --> 00:13:31,260
So you just... alternate?
331
00:13:31,310 --> 00:13:33,480
Yes, that's my system.
332
00:13:34,770 --> 00:13:36,230
Right.
333
00:13:41,610 --> 00:13:44,150
-How about you?
-I voted yes.
334
00:13:44,190 --> 00:13:47,740
I voted yes, yeah.
335
00:13:47,780 --> 00:13:48,950
At least I think I did.
336
00:13:48,990 --> 00:13:50,870
Unless I left a hanging chad.
337
00:13:53,330 --> 00:13:56,830
-Oh, right, because of the...
-Right.
338
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,590
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
339
00:14:07,630 --> 00:14:08,510
[DOORBELL RINGS]
340
00:14:08,550 --> 00:14:10,140
DEACON: It's open.
341
00:14:11,430 --> 00:14:13,560
-Hey, man.
-Hey, man.
342
00:14:13,600 --> 00:14:15,980
-Hey, Spence. It's Doug.
-SPENCE: Hi, Doug.
343
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:17,890
Hey, I'm making Deacon
a grilled-cheese sandwich.
344
00:14:17,940 --> 00:14:20,690
-You want one?
-No, I'm--I'm good.
345
00:14:20,730 --> 00:14:22,690
Yo, bring him one of those
international beers.
346
00:14:22,730 --> 00:14:24,110
And one for me, too.
347
00:14:24,150 --> 00:14:25,320
You got it, bro.
348
00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:27,400
-You the man.
-No, youthe man.
349
00:14:28,990 --> 00:14:31,160
What the hell's
going on here?
350
00:14:32,410 --> 00:14:33,950
Why's he "the man" now?
351
00:14:33,990 --> 00:14:35,540
I don't know, man.
At a certain point
352
00:14:35,580 --> 00:14:37,040
I just said
why fight it?
353
00:14:37,080 --> 00:14:38,670
You know what?
It's fantastic!
354
00:14:38,710 --> 00:14:40,210
He cooks for me.
355
00:14:40,250 --> 00:14:42,130
He cleans up
after me.
356
00:14:42,170 --> 00:14:44,670
He's like my own
little Gilligan.
357
00:14:46,010 --> 00:14:50,300
Right. Glad one of our
relationships is clicking.
358
00:14:50,340 --> 00:14:52,220
Hey, Doug.
What's up, man?
359
00:14:52,260 --> 00:14:52,970
All right.
360
00:14:53,010 --> 00:14:55,220
Here is
your bottle
361
00:14:55,270 --> 00:14:56,770
of laymenbourd.
362
00:14:56,810 --> 00:14:58,810
-Thank you.
-And Doug,
363
00:14:58,850 --> 00:15:01,440
I brought you
a tika.
364
00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:02,810
That is a pale ale
365
00:15:02,860 --> 00:15:04,820
from French Guiana.
366
00:15:05,530 --> 00:15:07,320
Nyet schmidts?
367
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:10,320
Try it.
It's smooth.
368
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:11,490
So, what's going on, man?
369
00:15:11,530 --> 00:15:13,740
Uh, you and Carrie
having some problems?
370
00:15:13,780 --> 00:15:15,580
Aw, what's
the matter?
371
00:15:15,620 --> 00:15:16,830
Aw, man, it's brutal.
372
00:15:16,870 --> 00:15:19,290
She--she decided
she wanted to ban sex
373
00:15:19,330 --> 00:15:20,370
for 2 weeks.
374
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:23,340
With you
or with anybody?
375
00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:25,340
Oh, no, you didn't.
376
00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,880
[LAUGHTER]
377
00:15:27,920 --> 00:15:29,590
All right,
would you idiots shut up!
378
00:15:29,630 --> 00:15:31,380
I got a real problem here.
379
00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:37,020
Aw, I'm--I'm sorry, man.
So, um, she banned sex?
380
00:15:37,060 --> 00:15:39,520
A week ago. You know,
she said it keeps us
381
00:15:39,560 --> 00:15:41,140
from, quote, communicating.
382
00:15:41,190 --> 00:15:43,610
So we tried to communicate,
and, guess what?
383
00:15:43,650 --> 00:15:45,820
We got nothing. Zippo.
384
00:15:45,860 --> 00:15:47,110
-What?!
-DOUG: It's true.
385
00:15:47,150 --> 00:15:48,860
I mean, without sex,
my marriage is like
386
00:15:48,900 --> 00:15:51,150
a bad first date.
387
00:15:51,200 --> 00:15:55,990
Except this one I just can't
ditch at the diner.
388
00:15:56,030 --> 00:15:57,580
Oh, don't worry
about it, man.
389
00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,290
I mean, you gotta
work at it.
390
00:15:59,330 --> 00:16:00,290
Hey, Deac and I,
391
00:16:00,330 --> 00:16:03,080
this didn't come
together over night.
392
00:16:03,120 --> 00:16:04,170
Hey,
393
00:16:04,210 --> 00:16:06,000
-good cooking don't hurt.
-Stop it.
394
00:16:06,040 --> 00:16:07,300
DEACON: You can't stop
the truth.
395
00:16:07,340 --> 00:16:09,920
You punish that kitchen.
396
00:16:09,960 --> 00:16:12,010
A little encouragement
doesn't hurt.
397
00:16:12,050 --> 00:16:13,590
This guy, what're you going
to do with him?
398
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,140
-No, you--
-No, you.
399
00:16:15,180 --> 00:16:16,430
You're the--
400
00:16:20,350 --> 00:16:21,810
Good-bye.
401
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:26,020
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
402
00:16:30,900 --> 00:16:33,820
Oh, crap,
there's another one.
403
00:16:33,860 --> 00:16:35,660
How'd you like me
to come under the fridge
404
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:37,990
and ruin your sex life?
405
00:16:40,750 --> 00:16:43,080
Douglas, I hate to interrupt
what appears to be
406
00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:44,290
some kind
of herky jerky dance,
407
00:16:44,330 --> 00:16:46,630
but I was wondering
if you happen to have
408
00:16:46,670 --> 00:16:49,460
any oysters
on the half shell?
409
00:16:49,500 --> 00:16:50,710
Not on me, no.
410
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,090
What's going on?
411
00:16:52,130 --> 00:16:53,760
I've got my lady friend
downstairs,
412
00:16:53,800 --> 00:16:56,800
and I'm this close
to closing the deal.
413
00:16:56,850 --> 00:16:58,760
And when I do, Douglas,
414
00:16:58,810 --> 00:17:02,520
I'm goin' to do her my way.
415
00:17:04,770 --> 00:17:09,230
Okay, let me be the first
to say "brosh."
416
00:17:09,270 --> 00:17:10,690
And second of all,
What are you talking about?
417
00:17:10,730 --> 00:17:11,900
I thought
you hated her.
418
00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:13,150
That was before I found out
419
00:17:13,190 --> 00:17:15,530
she's been intimate
with Mr. Frank Sinatra.
420
00:17:15,570 --> 00:17:16,870
-So?
-So, don't you get it?
421
00:17:16,910 --> 00:17:17,950
If I get in there,
422
00:17:17,990 --> 00:17:20,490
it's like I've been
with Sinatra.
423
00:17:24,580 --> 00:17:27,080
You do realize
he's a man?
424
00:17:27,130 --> 00:17:30,920
-JUDY: Lover!
-On my way, you cuckoo broad.
425
00:17:34,510 --> 00:17:35,680
-Hey!
-Hey!
426
00:17:35,720 --> 00:17:39,850
Honey, this is the answer
to our problem.
427
00:17:41,060 --> 00:17:44,980
101 Ways To Make LoveWithout Doing It.
428
00:17:45,020 --> 00:17:47,270
I got that on campus today.
429
00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:48,860
-Yay.
-Okay.
430
00:17:48,900 --> 00:17:51,150
Here we go. You ready?
431
00:17:51,190 --> 00:17:52,280
All right.
432
00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:53,320
Number one.
433
00:17:53,360 --> 00:17:57,110
"Tell the other person
you love them."
434
00:17:57,990 --> 00:18:00,490
Doug, I love you.
435
00:18:00,530 --> 00:18:03,620
I love you, too,
Carrie.
436
00:18:03,660 --> 00:18:06,080
That was great.
I need a cigarette.
437
00:18:10,540 --> 00:18:12,880
Okay, moving on.
Number 2.
438
00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:15,920
"Give or get a hug."
439
00:18:20,930 --> 00:18:23,430
All righty.
440
00:18:23,470 --> 00:18:25,350
"Start a scrapbook."
441
00:18:29,770 --> 00:18:31,980
Okay. "Give each other
pet names."
442
00:18:32,020 --> 00:18:34,940
"Play footsie."
Oh, that might be fun.
443
00:18:34,980 --> 00:18:36,070
Let's play footsie.
444
00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:37,360
-All right.
-All right. Here we go.
445
00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,910
-Up here.
-Okay.
446
00:18:47,040 --> 00:18:49,080
Okay. I guess, uh,
footsie pretty much
447
00:18:49,120 --> 00:18:51,380
has to be
a spontaneous thing.
448
00:18:52,130 --> 00:18:55,630
Yeah, and even then,
eww.
449
00:18:55,670 --> 00:18:58,550
Okay. Number 8.
450
00:18:58,590 --> 00:18:59,550
"Kiss."
451
00:18:59,590 --> 00:19:00,890
Kiss? That's a good one.
Let's kiss.
452
00:19:00,930 --> 00:19:02,180
Okay. Yeah. It's like
we're teenagers again.
453
00:19:02,220 --> 00:19:04,060
-Yeah.
-Okay. All right.
454
00:19:04,100 --> 00:19:06,270
Shall I keep
my eyes open or closed?
455
00:19:06,310 --> 00:19:08,390
-Couldn't care less.
-Okay.
456
00:19:13,860 --> 00:19:17,530
No. Doug, come on.
457
00:19:17,570 --> 00:19:18,700
Come on!
458
00:19:18,740 --> 00:19:20,110
Are you on board
with this or not?
459
00:19:20,160 --> 00:19:22,530
Yes.
That's how I kiss.
460
00:19:23,280 --> 00:19:25,240
Fine, you know what?
I'm, uh,
461
00:19:25,290 --> 00:19:27,750
I'm not on board
with this. All right?
462
00:19:27,790 --> 00:19:28,870
I mean, I finally
figured out
463
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,040
what our problem is.
464
00:19:30,080 --> 00:19:31,830
-What?
-We had no problem.
465
00:19:31,880 --> 00:19:33,040
That's the problem.
466
00:19:33,080 --> 00:19:34,590
Our relationship
was great
467
00:19:34,630 --> 00:19:35,920
until you banned sex.
468
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:38,760
No, Doug, we were
avoiding communication.
469
00:19:38,800 --> 00:19:41,090
No, we weren't.
We were--
470
00:19:41,130 --> 00:19:42,590
Carrie,
can I tell you
471
00:19:42,640 --> 00:19:43,600
a little story?
472
00:19:43,640 --> 00:19:44,600
Sure.
473
00:19:44,640 --> 00:19:46,010
It's about
a tasty beverage
474
00:19:46,060 --> 00:19:47,310
called Coca Cola,
475
00:19:47,350 --> 00:19:51,270
invented some time
in the 1600s.
476
00:19:51,310 --> 00:19:53,770
Anyway, it was sweet.
It was refreshing.
477
00:19:53,810 --> 00:19:55,610
Stores couldn't
keep it in stock.
478
00:19:55,650 --> 00:19:57,030
Kids wanted it
like Wonka Bars,
479
00:19:57,070 --> 00:19:59,190
and times were good.
480
00:19:59,240 --> 00:20:00,280
Is this your way
of telling me
481
00:20:00,320 --> 00:20:01,610
we're running out of Coke?
482
00:20:01,650 --> 00:20:02,610
No, it's not!
483
00:20:02,660 --> 00:20:03,740
Although we are
running low,
484
00:20:03,780 --> 00:20:05,240
so you might want
to get on that.
485
00:20:05,280 --> 00:20:06,910
Anyway, can I finish
my story, please?
486
00:20:06,950 --> 00:20:08,660
So one day, one--
and baloney--
487
00:20:08,700 --> 00:20:10,500
get baloney.
488
00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:15,630
One day,
one of the geniuses
489
00:20:15,670 --> 00:20:17,300
working at
the Coke factory,
490
00:20:17,340 --> 00:20:20,090
probably after
reading an article,
491
00:20:20,130 --> 00:20:21,300
said to himself,
you know what,
492
00:20:21,340 --> 00:20:22,510
I want to make Coke
better.
493
00:20:22,550 --> 00:20:24,470
And you know what
they came out with?
494
00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:26,100
"New Coke."
495
00:20:26,140 --> 00:20:27,640
or as I like
to call it,
496
00:20:27,680 --> 00:20:29,680
syrupy piss water.
497
00:20:30,980 --> 00:20:32,940
You finished
a pound of baloney?
498
00:20:32,980 --> 00:20:34,100
I just bought that.
499
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:35,810
You're not listening
to me here! Okay?
500
00:20:35,860 --> 00:20:36,820
The point is--
501
00:20:36,860 --> 00:20:38,980
it was sliced
very thin.
502
00:20:39,030 --> 00:20:40,030
But it's still a pound.
503
00:20:40,070 --> 00:20:41,860
Can I bring
my point home?!
504
00:20:41,900 --> 00:20:43,410
Yes.
505
00:20:44,320 --> 00:20:46,070
The point is,
that's what you're doing
506
00:20:46,120 --> 00:20:47,530
with our relationship.
507
00:20:47,580 --> 00:20:48,740
You're screwing around
508
00:20:48,790 --> 00:20:50,250
with the formula.
509
00:20:50,290 --> 00:20:52,290
And you--
you don't have to.
510
00:20:52,330 --> 00:20:55,040
It's--it's great
what we have.
511
00:20:56,040 --> 00:20:57,460
I don't--I just--
512
00:20:57,500 --> 00:20:59,630
I just felt like
we needed to talk more.
513
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:00,880
We talk
all the time.
514
00:21:00,920 --> 00:21:02,260
We just--
we don't talk
515
00:21:02,300 --> 00:21:04,130
about library
propositions.
516
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:06,140
We talk about food,
what's on TV.
517
00:21:06,180 --> 00:21:07,140
We make fun
of strangers,
518
00:21:07,180 --> 00:21:09,310
and damn it,
it works!
519
00:21:10,850 --> 00:21:12,310
She works.
520
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:13,690
You know what?
That's it.
521
00:21:13,730 --> 00:21:15,560
I'm not reading anymore.
522
00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:18,310
There you go.
523
00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:21,780
Okay, so is this--
is this over?
524
00:21:21,820 --> 00:21:22,820
It's over.
525
00:21:22,860 --> 00:21:24,320
[SIGHS] Thank God.
526
00:21:24,360 --> 00:21:25,700
Now we can get back
to talking like
527
00:21:25,740 --> 00:21:27,620
normal people again.
528
00:21:28,580 --> 00:21:30,330
[GROANS]
529
00:21:30,370 --> 00:21:35,250
Welcome back,
for-ni-ca-shee-on.
530
00:21:44,050 --> 00:21:45,550
-Hey, man.
-Hi.
531
00:21:45,590 --> 00:21:47,340
Aw, perfect timing.
The game just started,
532
00:21:47,390 --> 00:21:49,550
and I got
a pizza on the way.
533
00:21:50,140 --> 00:21:52,680
Right, right.
534
00:21:54,060 --> 00:21:55,310
You okay, man?
535
00:21:55,350 --> 00:21:56,810
Yeah, I'm fine.
536
00:21:56,850 --> 00:21:58,900
Fine.
537
00:21:58,940 --> 00:22:00,570
[SIGHS]
538
00:22:00,610 --> 00:22:03,230
The thing is, I read
this article today.
539
00:22:04,490 --> 00:22:06,650
Two weeks?!
540
00:22:07,610 --> 00:22:10,240
[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]
36192
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