All language subtitles for 30 Rock s02e13 Succession.eng

Mr Geiss, I'm so sorry. I just found out that you're here.

I'd have my assistant sit on his naughty stool if he didn't love it so much.

No apologies. I was admiring your "Bulb" cover.

Thank you Sir.

Are you all right?

That's the diabetes.

I'm light-headed all the time. I can't see a damn face.

- We're all getting older, Sir.
- Tell me about it.

My baby girl is getting married.

She and her fianc� are out choosing floral arrangements right now.

Fire Island, really? I'd love to come out.

Fight the surf together, light a fire, check each other for ticks...

Kathy, I think I just found the perfect place for our honeymoon!

You're getting a fine son-in-law, Sir. Banks would do anything for the company.

I know there's no love lost between you and Devon.

You've both been competing for my job for almost a year.

Hanging in there while so many others cracked under the pressure.

- Like Bob Dawkin.
- The head of the Stress Ball division hanged himself.

Now it's come down to you and Banks.

This decision was not easy, Jack.

Banks is joining my family.

I understand, Sir.

But I'm not running a family, I'm running a business.

So I'm going with you. Congratulations! You're going to run this company.

Oh my God! Thank you!
I told myself I wasn't going to do this...

Oh happy day!

Hell, all right, Jack! Get one cry in life, you've chosen well!

When will this be made public, Sir?

I want my mother to know this before she dies, so she goes to her grave a defeated woman.

Well, only the two of us can know now. I've got to present it to the Board.

You've got to get your successor in place.

I've got a shortlist ready.

Well, word of advice: Whoever you choose has got to be someone you trust.

I guess that rules out the Federal Reserve.

30ROCK

Season 2 Episode 13:
Succession

What do you want me to do, Liz?

Ooh! You idiot with your stupid face!

You look like Gene Simmons had sex with a basset hound!

Not cool, Liz. It's your fault.

Oh! It's my fault that we pulled an all-nighter

and then you lost the entire script because you downloaded a virus on my computer?

First of all, the subject of the email was "Check this out!"

- Oh God!
- You expect me not to open that? And second of all,

it is your fault because if you hadn't created this show, we wouldn't even be here!

- Yeah, Liz sucks!
- Boo!

You think this is where I wanted to end up? I had dreams!

I was gonna live with the gorillas.

- Is it the 8 of diamonds?
- Nope.

Pay attention to me! I'm inconsolable.

Uh-oh. What happened, Tra?

- Tracy Jr left his music stick at home.
- His flute.

So I drove to his school to give it to him, and guess what I discovered.

Excuse me, I...

("Bring your dad to school day")

He didn't invite you to
"Bring your dad to school day"?

What do you do, Sir?

If I'm such a bad dad, why are we all dancing?

My own son is ashamed of his father.

That's horrible!
Everyone knows the only thing we should be ashamed of is our bodies.

They think I'm a joke 'cause I clown around for living.

I gotta do something important.

So that my children will respect me. Like be a senator. Or a wizard.

Or you could open an school in Africa, like Oprah.

Everybody calm down!

I'll think of an idea. Something that'll change the world.

- Eureka!
- What is it, Tra?

We should call Eureka! She always has good ideas.

Lemon, are you in here?

Oh, Jack! I was just doing reading about gorilla researchers for a sketch we're doing, making fun of them.

For devoting their lives to the jungle and its noble inhabitants.

Lemon, I want to share a secret with you.

I spoke with Don Geiss. A few days from now it will be officially announced

that I'm the next chairman of GE.

Oh my god!
Congratulations!

Uh... hugging... so ethnic.

Well, I still have to be approved, but that's just a formality.

Geiss has stacked the Board of Directors with the most reliable collection of sycophantic yesmen this side of an Al Franken book signing.

His golf cronies, his Army buddies, various unemployable family members, and his hunting dogs.

The Board won't be a problem.

Wow! Again, congratulations!

Why am I smelling self-tanning cream and teeth whitener?

Banks.

- Hi Jack!
- Devon.

Once they cast Clay Aiken in Spamalot,

I knew it was only a matter of time for you to show up here.

When I'm living here and running this company, I'll go see him every week.

Until Spamalot closes.

Or he leaves the show.

Oh! I almost forgot. I'm having my bachelor party tomorrow night.

- Bachelor party?
- Indeed.

The hottest girls in New York's top boob shacks removing their brassieres. And I'd kinda like to get to know my new home, so

I'm gonna have the party here, on the TGS stage.

On my stage? No way.

Oh,hey there, little guy.

What the hell? We have rehearsal.

- He can't tell me-
- No,no,no,no,no--

the most important thing is to know who
you can trust and who you can't trust,

and that man cannot be trusted.

What are you worrying
about? You have the job.

It's not over till it's
over. The game is still on...

and nobody plays it like banks.

Stay clear of him, little buddy.

Then after you carbonate
it, you drink it!

Sounds like soda pop.

Damn it! Why is leaving your children
a legacy that'll live forever so hard?

It's been almost half an hour.

Maybe we should take a break,mr. Jordan.

Yeah,I need to clear my thoughtcicles.

Which one of my two favorite
pastimes shall I indulge in?

Video games or pornography!

THICK THIGHS/ARMY GAME OF DEATH

That's it! Make a porn video game!

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Hey,liz. Ight?

where's your buddy jack?
Packing up his office?

I don't know anything about
jack, so you're wasting your time.

So you don't know about him
accidentally selling nbc to some germans?

- Uh,no.
- Really?

'Cause rumor has it that he's
trying to pull a death spiral:

Inflating the company's value, shorting
his own stock and then making a killing.

What--no,that's
completely not true.

Jack was nowhere near that meeting.

He wasn't even in new york 'cause he was
off with his girlfriend leaving me in charge,

so take that,liz.

Oh,god. That was so easy.

Like taking candy from one of those guys
who gives out candy at gay night clubs.

Oh,my god. Please don't say
anything. I'll give you kenneth.

Well,as enticing as that
is, I'm straight now.

I think that my future father-in-law needs
to hear about jack's little career killer.

Well,then he'll also need to know
about the security camera footage

of you cheating on his
daughter with another woman.

What?

No. No! No! No!

Oh,god!

A porn video game? It can't be done.

Look,tre, history's
greatest perverts have tried:

Walt disney,larry flynt, the japanese, but
they can't do it because of the uncanny valley.

Let me show you something.
Check out this chart.

You see, as artificial representations
of humans become more and more realistic,

they reach a point where they stop
being endearing and become creepy.

Tell it to me in star wars.

All right,we like r2d2 and c3po.

They're nice.

And up here we have a
real person like han solo.

He acts like he doesn't
care, but he does.

But down here we have a cgi storm
trooper or tom hanks in the polar express.

I'm scared! Get me out of there!

That's the problem.

You're in the valley now and
it's impossible to get out.

That's where you're wrong.

I was born to design a video game where characters
get weird with each other for golden points.

My genius will not be denied.

I'm like mozart.

You're like that guy that
was always jealous of mozart.

Salieri?

No,thank you. I already ate.

You will not deter me.

The world is gonna remember
the name tracy jordan.

Well played,lemon.

To get through it, I
pretended he was a sandwich.

It's good to have you in my corner.

Hey,you know, I've always got your back.

Lemon, where do you see
yourself in five years?

Realistically,teaching
improv on cruise ships.

Lemon,I'm promoting you to head of east coast
television and microwave oven programming.

What? When did you get microwaves back?

You're going to be my successor.

No--no,I'm not
an executive.

Executives are,like,
huh-huh-huh. And I'm,like, haa.

I mean,I'm a creative person.

Sure,there are times when
my job is frustrating,

like when lutz calls in sick with
march madness, but I mostly love it.

This is the starting salary.

Suck it,monkeys! I'm goin' corporate!

Word is the board is
meeting later this week.

Guys must be close to making a decision.

I wouldn't know anything about that.

He guys,let's change the
subject to sucking at golf,

so donaghy has something to talk about.

I'm sorry about that.
I'm a little nervous.

Don't apologize. You're a natural.

I'm feeling pretty drunk.

Well it's business drunk.
It's like rich drunk.

Either way,it's legal to drive.

all right,gentlemen,
we should do some work.

You suck,stan!

As you know, we've sunk a lot of money into
developing this new microwave start button.

It's been four years and $10 million.

I think it's time we pull the trigger.

What do you think?

I kind of like the old button.

Button classic. I love it.

Button classic? It's hip and homey.

Oh,my god,guys. We're crushing it!

Your first executive decision and you've already
saved this company $2 million in future r and D.

- But what if I'm wrong?
- There is no wrong.

Lemon,you just have to find a
subordinate you can push the blame onto.

That's why I love jorgenson here.

I think you're ready
to meet the old man.

- Jeez,jack,offer to buy a girl dinner first.
- classic lemon!

I've never seen you
like this,mr. Jordan.

This project is consuming you.

No,for the first time in
my life i know my purpose.

I'm doing this for my children.

My genius has come alive, like
toys when your back is turned.

I see the potential for
erotica in everything around me.

This cup,this table...

even you,kenneth.

Well,I am wearing a
cuffed trouser today.

Tracy,what are you doing?
They need you in wardrobe.

I'm inventing a porn video game.

Let this man work! No
one is to disturb him!

Don't hold your breath, pete.

It can't be done or else i
would've solved it a long time ago.

Yeah,I would have.

Hey,nerds!Guess who's got two
thumbs, speaks limited french,

and hasn't cried once today? This moi.

Liz.

You can't be serious about
going off with donaghy.

How can you abandon me like this?

No,I'm gonna promote you outta here.

You're gonna be an executive!

I don't want to be an executive.

This is your starting salary.

I know.

Uh,don.

I'd like you to meet liz lemon.

Aren't you the gal who pioneered
the button classic campaign?

That was me!

Where the hell has
Donaghy been hiding you?

Oh,my blood sugar is dropping.

Liz,sweetie,can you run out to the
dessert table and get me something?

Oh,sure,but you should
know that I work for tips.

You got the charm and spark
of a young leona helmsley.

Is that-- is
he finished?

Not yet, but don't disturb him.

He can't keep going like this.

He was up for six hours straight.

My god. He's a genius.

Ugh,look at that loser,
sitting all alone and sad.

He's like me yesterday. I hate him.

Oh,I don't know, lemon. I'm actually
starting to feel sorry for the poor bastard.

Hoo,boy,got your period?

Business drunk! More
business juice, please!

Oh,right--geiss!

So are you enjoying the party?

Wha--how
could I not be?

Just can't wait to take this
sexual energy back to kathy.

Banks,don't do this. Don't marry kathy.

- It may not be worth it.
- Why not?

We're absolutely perfect for each other.

She loves that I work out
a lot and talk to people.

And I love how she enjoys crawling into
cabinets and vents and other enclosed spaces.

Like behind the dryer, for instance.

You don't really love this woman.

Look how miserable you are
at your own bachelor party.

That's not why I'm miserable, you idiot.

I'd marry 1,000 kathy geisses to be ceo.

I'm miserable because I know
that I'm not getting it. Yeah.

Geiss told me that it
was gonna be you,jack.

At my own sham bachelor party.

Mr. Geiss,I'm sorry it took so long.

Mr. Geiss?

Oh,blurgh!

So go ahead,donaghy. Rub it in my face.

Normally I'd say, "I bet you'd
like that," but today I won'T.

Devin, I'm the only other person who understands
what you were willing to do for this job

and how devastated you must be
that you're not going to get it.

It's like when christian won project runway
even though rami was clearly the better draper.

Oh,god. I've got to
call this wedding off.

Devin, I just want you to know...

I hate-respect you.

And I you.

I think geiss is dead.

We've got to call dr. Spaceman.

Duet becomes a trio.

A trio becomes a quartet.

And on and on. Do you have it?

You go too fast!

I've given my whole life to porn
and he does it in one day! One day!

What's wrong with him,leo?

Well,to the untrained eye, he'd appear to be
what we in the medical community call "sleeping."

But he is,in fact, in a diabetic coma, which
could've been avoided by what we call "eating."

Do whatever you can,leo.
He has to wake up.

Okay. This is the gross part.

Ew,almost done.
Almost done--

Oh,damn it. That shot
was just a placebo.

I was hoping this was psychological.

He may not be faking it for attention.

Jack,have you seen don?

Oh,boy, that doesn't look good.

Don't panic,jorgenson.
It's under control.

He just has to say one sentence.

Couldn't you just,you know, inject
something right into his heart?

Oh,I'd love to, but we have no
way of knowing where the heart is.

See,every human is different.

- Jack.
- It's okay.

Don isn't feeling well.
He's in a diabetic coma.

- But possibly faking.
- How did this happen?

It was jorgenson's fault!

Fair enough.

It's all right. I'm in charge now.

You see,yesterday i met with don and he
said I'm going to become his successor.

So I'm the ceo.

Jack,if this is a power
grab, it's in very bad taste.

No,no,he said it. He told
me to keep it a secret.

No,it's true. I heard
it secondhand from jack.

banks! Banks knows. He can back me up.

Jack...

jack,I don't know what
you're talking about.

Oh,daddy! Daddy,no! Daddy!

Is it 4-1-1
or 9-1-1?

Uh,new york. Uh,diabetes
repair, I guess.

jack,I know you're mad at me.

Lemon,I am not mad at you.

Look,tgs is really where i belong.

- I'm not cut out to be an executive.
- Nonsense.

Granted,you almost killed don geiss.

But let's not forget, button classic.

Right,button classic. I crushed that.

So we both had a mixed
day. That's business.

Today the board is meeting and
I am still their best candidate.

And after I state my case, I'm sure they will
want to fulfill don geiss's pre-coma wish.

Oh,okay,great. Because I
don't think i can return this

'cause I got business sick
all over it when I got home.

Get out of here,banks.

I have nothing to say to
you before this meeting.

Then I'll do the talking
for the both of us.

Whaddaya mean,banks?

I'll tell you,jack.
There is no meeting today.

See,I convinced the board to have
an emergency meeting last night.

I tried to call you, but not on a
phone, so you may not have heard me.

Devin,what did you do?

I did what's best for the company.

You see,I convinced them it was best to act
quickly to quell any fears among investors.

And everyone agreed that,
for the sake of continuity,

the geiss family's steady hand
should remain on the wheel.

Of course,kathy's gonna need some
guidance, but that's what her fianc? s for.

No,this can't happen.

Oh,it's happening.

Now get out of our office.

I didn't hear hand washing!

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