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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:02:10,698 --> 00:02:14,468 Pressure's all right, Gary? It's perfect. 2 00:02:17,538 --> 00:02:22,577 And the oil is not too warm? It feels nice. 3 00:02:27,782 --> 00:02:31,719 Is there any area in particular you want me to focus on today? 4 00:02:34,388 --> 00:02:35,690 Um... 5 00:02:44,632 --> 00:02:46,466 You could, um... 6 00:02:49,904 --> 00:02:51,438 You could go, uh... 7 00:02:54,174 --> 00:02:55,208 Lower? 8 00:03:34,515 --> 00:03:35,750 Oh, my God. 9 00:03:37,417 --> 00:03:39,319 I'm sorry, this music is triggering me. 10 00:03:40,788 --> 00:03:42,489 Can I change it to something less traumatic? 11 00:03:42,623 --> 00:03:45,258 Oh, um, sure. 12 00:03:45,392 --> 00:03:46,828 Kind of feels like I was getting you off 13 00:03:46,961 --> 00:03:48,261 at a funeral, you know? 14 00:03:52,499 --> 00:03:54,367 You have a dope house, by the way. 15 00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:56,369 Thank you. It's, like, sexy. 16 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:04,344 Mmm... Oh, God. 17 00:04:23,931 --> 00:04:28,401 I'm so sorry. Cory, is it? Yeah, Kory. With a K. 18 00:04:28,536 --> 00:04:31,304 Could we just keep the distractions to a minimum? 19 00:04:31,438 --> 00:04:35,375 I'm sorry. I stopped taking my Vyvanse, and I have-- 20 00:04:35,510 --> 00:04:37,745 It's okay. I'm just... 21 00:04:37,879 --> 00:04:40,248 So the music, off? Please? 22 00:04:40,380 --> 00:04:41,716 Yeah. 23 00:04:58,666 --> 00:04:59,867 I'm so, so sorry. 24 00:05:00,001 --> 00:05:02,837 Is there any way that you could not chew gum? 25 00:05:02,970 --> 00:05:04,505 Bitch, am I not allowed to breathe? 26 00:05:09,376 --> 00:05:12,213 Gum's gone. Are we good? Yeah. I'm sorry. 27 00:05:12,345 --> 00:05:15,382 It's fine. Can I proceed? Please. Thank you. 28 00:05:25,760 --> 00:05:28,896 So you have, like, a really big house. 29 00:05:31,065 --> 00:05:32,233 Who all lives here? 30 00:05:32,365 --> 00:05:34,035 Um, just... 31 00:05:36,003 --> 00:05:36,938 Just me. 32 00:05:37,071 --> 00:05:38,606 Damn! 33 00:05:38,739 --> 00:05:40,942 No husband? No wife? 34 00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:42,109 Um... 35 00:05:46,747 --> 00:05:48,749 Wife. I had a wife. 36 00:05:48,883 --> 00:05:50,918 Hm, word. I used to fuck girls too, 37 00:05:51,052 --> 00:05:53,821 and then I realized I sucked dick at eating pussy. 38 00:05:55,089 --> 00:05:57,457 She left. She took the kids, and-- 39 00:05:57,592 --> 00:05:59,527 What a bitch. Boys or girls? 40 00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,963 Boys. Well, men now, really. 41 00:06:02,096 --> 00:06:03,363 Are they hot? 42 00:06:03,496 --> 00:06:05,266 What? Your two sons, are they hot? 43 00:06:05,398 --> 00:06:06,801 I don't know. 44 00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:08,703 Come on, Gary. You're clearly a fairy. 45 00:06:08,836 --> 00:06:10,504 Or at least now you are, heh. 46 00:06:10,638 --> 00:06:13,307 They're my children! It's not perverted. 47 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:16,544 My cousins are so fucking hot. 48 00:06:16,677 --> 00:06:19,479 I mean, they're good-looking young men. 49 00:06:19,614 --> 00:06:21,148 Okay. 50 00:06:21,381 --> 00:06:22,717 Jesus! 51 00:06:26,087 --> 00:06:29,991 Gary? How many guys have you done this with? 52 00:06:31,726 --> 00:06:32,827 Um... 53 00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,632 One? One, like... 54 00:06:37,765 --> 00:06:38,766 Like, you're my first. 55 00:06:38,900 --> 00:06:41,369 I'm your first massage? 56 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:43,671 No. I mean, yes, but... 57 00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:46,641 You're the first guy that I've ever been intimate with. 58 00:06:51,979 --> 00:06:55,883 Gary, shut up. It's not a big deal. 59 00:06:56,017 --> 00:06:57,785 Gary, this is a big fucking deal. 60 00:06:57,919 --> 00:07:01,355 I need a drink. I need a drink. Come on. Come on! Holy shit. 61 00:07:01,488 --> 00:07:03,423 Where are you going? 62 00:07:03,557 --> 00:07:05,993 So you've never touched a dick before? Like, even as a kid? 63 00:07:06,127 --> 00:07:07,561 Um... 64 00:07:07,695 --> 00:07:08,729 No. 65 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,898 Oh, my God, Gary, that is so gay. 66 00:07:11,032 --> 00:07:13,634 I'm not supposed to drink, so-- That is the most repressed 67 00:07:13,768 --> 00:07:15,636 Catholic-ass bullshit I've ever heard in my life. 68 00:07:15,770 --> 00:07:18,172 I did jerk off once in a steam room at our country club. 69 00:07:18,406 --> 00:07:20,608 God, not even an Equinox? Jesus Christ, Gary. 70 00:07:20,741 --> 00:07:22,843 It was a long time ago. The world's different now. 71 00:07:22,977 --> 00:07:25,445 Bitch, please. The ancient Greeks were gay as shit. 72 00:07:25,579 --> 00:07:27,515 Zeus ate dick for breakfast, lunch, and dinner! 73 00:07:27,648 --> 00:07:28,950 That's why he was so strong. 74 00:07:29,083 --> 00:07:30,017 All the cum. 75 00:07:30,151 --> 00:07:32,452 What? 76 00:07:32,586 --> 00:07:34,789 You're a very spirited young man. 77 00:07:34,922 --> 00:07:36,223 You know what is so funny? 78 00:07:36,456 --> 00:07:38,192 People say shit like that all the time, 79 00:07:38,426 --> 00:07:39,894 and I never know what it means. 80 00:07:44,131 --> 00:07:49,469 Ahh! But this isn't about me. This is about you. 81 00:07:49,603 --> 00:07:52,506 I wanna know, why now? 82 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:54,041 I can't believe I'm telling you this. 83 00:07:54,175 --> 00:07:57,011 I got married so young, I had kids so young 84 00:07:57,144 --> 00:07:58,646 that I never gave myself an opportunity-- 85 00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,614 Holy shit! I didn't even think about that. 86 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:02,083 Your kids are so lucky. 87 00:08:02,216 --> 00:08:03,551 Why? They have a gay dad. 88 00:08:03,684 --> 00:08:04,885 What's better than that? 89 00:08:05,019 --> 00:08:07,455 Well, I doubt they see it that way, Kory. 90 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:09,023 Please, call me Cameron. 91 00:08:09,156 --> 00:08:11,525 Kory's the work name, it helps me get into character. 92 00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:13,493 But you and I are friends now. 93 00:08:14,595 --> 00:08:15,629 Okay. 94 00:08:16,964 --> 00:08:19,567 Well, Cameron, um, 95 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:22,403 my kids don't talk to me, so... What? 96 00:08:22,536 --> 00:08:25,639 Sorry, you're telling me that your family won't talk to you 97 00:08:25,773 --> 00:08:28,042 because you prefer bussy over pussy? 98 00:08:28,175 --> 00:08:30,544 What the actual fuck? Patty had her reasons. 99 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:33,547 And I think the kids-- God! Patty? Oh, Patty! 100 00:08:33,681 --> 00:08:36,650 Patty's a very, very cunty name, Gary. 101 00:08:36,784 --> 00:08:38,052 Cameron. No! 102 00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,621 I'm sorry, Gary, but that is bullshit. 103 00:08:40,755 --> 00:08:42,590 Bullshit. 104 00:08:42,723 --> 00:08:43,791 You were honest with those bitches, 105 00:08:43,924 --> 00:08:44,792 and they turn their back on you 106 00:08:44,925 --> 00:08:45,926 'cause of your sexuality? 107 00:08:46,060 --> 00:08:47,261 I'll talk to that bitch for you. 108 00:08:47,495 --> 00:08:48,796 I'm a people person. Give me your phone. 109 00:08:48,929 --> 00:08:50,064 No. You don't have to-- 110 00:08:50,197 --> 00:08:52,066 The only thing better than my dad being gay 111 00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:54,468 would have been him being like a reiki master. 112 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:57,171 I would have killed to have a dad like you. 113 00:08:59,840 --> 00:09:01,909 I'm dying. 114 00:09:02,043 --> 00:09:03,110 Oh, baby, I'm dying too. 115 00:09:03,244 --> 00:09:04,912 I mean, every night I fall asleep-- 116 00:09:05,046 --> 00:09:06,647 I'm actually dying. 117 00:09:08,517 --> 00:09:10,818 I have an inoperable brain tumor. 118 00:09:14,055 --> 00:09:15,222 Oh, shit. 119 00:09:26,233 --> 00:09:30,137 I'm sorry. I... I really don't know what to say. 120 00:09:30,271 --> 00:09:32,306 Words of affirmation is not my love language. 121 00:09:32,541 --> 00:09:33,841 It's more like... 122 00:09:35,709 --> 00:09:37,745 Okay, no. Okay, it-- 123 00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,147 You don't have to worry about not knowing how to respond. 124 00:09:40,281 --> 00:09:43,017 Nobody's reacted that well thus far, myself included. 125 00:09:43,150 --> 00:09:45,686 Oh, Gary. Are you okay? 126 00:09:45,820 --> 00:09:48,989 I mean, I know you're not okay, obviously. But I mean... 127 00:09:49,123 --> 00:09:50,991 It's like I just realized 128 00:09:51,125 --> 00:09:53,360 that I've been alive for nearly half a century 129 00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:56,330 and I haven't actually lived even a second of it. 130 00:09:58,099 --> 00:10:02,103 Okay. Okay, Gary. Gary, I'm gonna help you. 131 00:10:02,236 --> 00:10:04,772 What? Let's find someone for you. 132 00:10:04,905 --> 00:10:07,842 Someone you've always wanted who will put what you want first. 133 00:10:07,975 --> 00:10:10,978 Honestly, can't you just finish the hand job and go? 134 00:10:11,112 --> 00:10:12,581 Oh, shut up. 135 00:10:12,713 --> 00:10:15,550 Shut up, Gary. We're doing this. 136 00:10:15,683 --> 00:10:17,586 You are gonna do this. 137 00:10:17,718 --> 00:10:21,021 Now, have you heard of Plungr? 138 00:10:21,155 --> 00:10:23,390 No. It's a sex app. 139 00:10:23,624 --> 00:10:27,128 Why do I need a sex app? I literally paid for you. 140 00:10:27,261 --> 00:10:30,698 Uh, because you're not gay until you've hooked up 141 00:10:30,831 --> 00:10:32,199 with a complete stranger on an app, 142 00:10:32,333 --> 00:10:34,034 who looks nothing like their pictures. 143 00:10:34,168 --> 00:10:36,103 Okay. Okay, so crash course. 144 00:10:36,237 --> 00:10:38,105 Basically, once you set up your profile, 145 00:10:38,239 --> 00:10:39,807 then you put in your stats. 146 00:10:39,940 --> 00:10:40,941 That's the basics. 147 00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,676 Your height, your body type, 148 00:10:42,810 --> 00:10:44,411 your pronouns, your positions. 149 00:10:44,645 --> 00:10:46,247 Top, bottom. We'll figure it out later. 150 00:10:46,380 --> 00:10:48,749 Jesus. Your relationship status, 151 00:10:48,883 --> 00:10:50,718 date last tested, et cetera. 152 00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,053 And boom! You're getting your hole licked, 153 00:10:53,187 --> 00:10:54,955 your salad tossed, your carpet munched 154 00:10:55,089 --> 00:10:56,558 by your best friends' dad or closeted neighbor-- 155 00:10:56,690 --> 00:10:58,425 I'm sorry, this is a lot to take in. 156 00:10:58,659 --> 00:11:00,861 It's a lot, Gary. I wish they had a gay Duolingo. 157 00:11:04,031 --> 00:11:05,933 You know what? 158 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:09,904 Why don't you see for yourself? 159 00:11:10,037 --> 00:11:11,238 Go on. 160 00:11:22,651 --> 00:11:26,120 Oh, my God. There's so many hot guys. 161 00:11:26,253 --> 00:11:27,955 Yes, there are. 162 00:11:28,088 --> 00:11:29,823 But if you wanna talk to any of them, 163 00:11:29,957 --> 00:11:31,458 you're gonna need an avatar. 164 00:11:31,692 --> 00:11:32,826 Profile picture, Gary. 165 00:11:32,960 --> 00:11:33,928 You're gonna need a profile picture, 166 00:11:34,061 --> 00:11:35,196 or no one's gonna answer. 167 00:11:35,329 --> 00:11:37,164 Do you know what lighting in your house 168 00:11:37,298 --> 00:11:38,999 makes you the most dewy? 169 00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:40,768 Can we just use a picture of you? 170 00:11:40,901 --> 00:11:42,269 Seriously? 171 00:11:42,403 --> 00:11:45,039 Look at you. I'm not gonna get very many responses. 172 00:11:45,172 --> 00:11:47,474 Uh, yeah, not with that attitude. 173 00:11:47,708 --> 00:11:49,243 Do you know your angles? My angles? 174 00:11:49,376 --> 00:11:50,811 Oh, for fuck's sake, Gary. 175 00:11:50,945 --> 00:11:53,147 Come on, I can't just teach you everything. 176 00:11:57,251 --> 00:11:58,886 Hot? 177 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:01,255 Mm-hm. Yeah, that's very hot. 178 00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:02,723 I know. 179 00:12:02,856 --> 00:12:08,062 I'll just call us "Lad and Dad." 180 00:12:09,263 --> 00:12:11,131 Okay, um... 181 00:12:13,400 --> 00:12:14,335 Hmm. 182 00:12:15,402 --> 00:12:17,137 How about this guy? 183 00:12:17,271 --> 00:12:19,306 Two miles away. 184 00:12:19,440 --> 00:12:23,110 "Dom Top, DL, Masc4masc, I love to suck." 185 00:12:23,244 --> 00:12:25,513 What's DL? That's down-low, just like you. 186 00:12:25,746 --> 00:12:28,782 Well, I like his hat. 187 00:12:30,484 --> 00:12:32,253 Okay. 188 00:12:32,386 --> 00:12:35,657 "I like your hat, bro. You're hot." 189 00:12:38,292 --> 00:12:41,128 "You too." Wait, he already wrote back? 190 00:12:41,262 --> 00:12:45,232 Yep. "Come over and drain me." 191 00:12:45,366 --> 00:12:48,269 Okay, I'm sorry. No, Cameron, I think this might be too much. 192 00:12:48,402 --> 00:12:50,871 Oh, too late. He's on his way. Wait. What? 193 00:12:51,005 --> 00:12:52,674 I dropped a pin. You gave him my address? 194 00:12:52,806 --> 00:12:55,109 Yeah. I might not be ready for this. 195 00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:57,679 It took me a week to work up the courage to call you. 196 00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:01,516 And now you've invited some complete stranger to my home. 197 00:13:01,750 --> 00:13:03,784 Gary, Gary-- I don't even know this person. 198 00:13:03,917 --> 00:13:05,754 How am I supposed to react? Loosen up. 199 00:13:05,919 --> 00:13:07,121 How? Because you're with me. 200 00:13:07,254 --> 00:13:09,323 I'm like human poppers. I open anyone up. 201 00:13:09,456 --> 00:13:12,826 All you have to do is sit back and relax. 202 00:13:12,960 --> 00:13:14,261 Relax. 203 00:13:14,395 --> 00:13:16,430 You're gonna be okay, I prom. 204 00:13:17,498 --> 00:13:18,866 Prom? 205 00:13:18,999 --> 00:13:20,134 Half a promise. 206 00:13:20,267 --> 00:13:21,869 Did you just make that up? Oh, my God. 207 00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:23,337 It's New York, Gary. 208 00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:26,775 The reality star. Oh, you have so much to learn. 209 00:13:26,907 --> 00:13:28,375 I'm going to your kitchen. 210 00:13:39,286 --> 00:13:42,956 Gary, it's so harsh in here. You need to liven it up. 211 00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:48,730 Spoon, spoon, spoon... 212 00:13:48,862 --> 00:13:52,366 Shit. You really are dying, aren't you? 213 00:14:04,378 --> 00:14:06,313 "Gary and Patricia had a beautiful marriage, 214 00:14:06,447 --> 00:14:08,015 filled with blessing and love. 215 00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:10,217 The life they shared was harmonious and fulfilling, 216 00:14:10,351 --> 00:14:11,885 raising the boys. 217 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:13,788 However, Gary has now left the marriage 218 00:14:13,921 --> 00:14:17,157 to finally pursue his life as a gay man. 219 00:14:17,291 --> 00:14:20,127 There are no words to describe the shock and heartache 220 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:22,463 Patricia feels regarding Gary's new path." 221 00:14:23,598 --> 00:14:25,065 Yikademente. 222 00:14:26,433 --> 00:14:28,969 Gary! Oh, my God. 223 00:14:29,103 --> 00:14:31,071 Okay, can we please talk about this? 224 00:14:31,205 --> 00:14:32,973 Because what the actual fuck? 225 00:14:33,107 --> 00:14:35,142 Where did you get that? I went through your shit. 226 00:14:35,275 --> 00:14:36,578 Oh, of course. 227 00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:42,049 After the split, Patty lashed out 228 00:14:42,182 --> 00:14:44,485 in interesting and craft-based ways. 229 00:14:44,619 --> 00:14:46,987 It's on, like, weighted paper. 230 00:14:47,121 --> 00:14:48,790 You're telling me she went to Kinko's 231 00:14:48,922 --> 00:14:50,658 and printed how many copies? She sent them 232 00:14:50,891 --> 00:14:53,193 to quite a number of people in our lives. 233 00:14:53,327 --> 00:14:57,464 Gary, it's like a eulogy for straight you. Rest in peace. 234 00:14:57,599 --> 00:14:59,133 Well... 235 00:14:59,266 --> 00:15:00,968 At least you got to keep the house. 236 00:15:01,101 --> 00:15:03,404 When I came out of the closet, I lost the closet 237 00:15:03,538 --> 00:15:05,038 and the room the closet was in. 238 00:15:05,172 --> 00:15:06,974 Is that why you ended up doing this? 239 00:15:07,107 --> 00:15:09,009 The fuck do you mean by that? 240 00:15:09,143 --> 00:15:12,980 Your line of work is not exactly many people's first choice. 241 00:15:13,113 --> 00:15:15,015 A little fucking judgmental, don't you think? 242 00:15:15,149 --> 00:15:19,420 I'm just saying, kids wanna be astronauts, firemen. 243 00:15:19,554 --> 00:15:22,389 They don't pick sex worker at the job fair. 244 00:15:22,524 --> 00:15:24,191 Right. Well, they would 245 00:15:24,324 --> 00:15:26,628 if they were tossed around as an 8-year-old, like I was. 246 00:15:29,329 --> 00:15:31,331 I'm fucking joking. 247 00:15:31,465 --> 00:15:33,367 Are you serious? That's what you actually think? 248 00:15:33,501 --> 00:15:35,436 That something terrible must have happened to me 249 00:15:35,570 --> 00:15:37,938 to lead me to this? God forbid I found something 250 00:15:38,071 --> 00:15:39,473 that I'm good at, and I monetized it. 251 00:15:39,607 --> 00:15:41,041 But you can't do this forever. 252 00:15:41,175 --> 00:15:42,510 When you're my age, what will you do? 253 00:15:42,644 --> 00:15:44,211 I don't know, Gary. 254 00:15:44,344 --> 00:15:47,014 I guess I'll repress every desire that comes naturally, 255 00:15:47,147 --> 00:15:49,517 marry an unsuspecting woman, have two sons, 256 00:15:49,651 --> 00:15:51,853 live a lie until I find out I'm dying of cancer. 257 00:15:52,019 --> 00:15:53,320 Hey, whoa. No! 258 00:15:53,454 --> 00:15:55,422 No, you are on thin ice, sweetie. 259 00:15:55,557 --> 00:15:58,091 I'm sorry. I... You're right. 260 00:15:58,225 --> 00:16:01,563 I guess that that was my poor attempt 261 00:16:01,696 --> 00:16:03,698 at helping you. 262 00:16:03,932 --> 00:16:08,135 Aw. Well, write this down and remember it fondly: 263 00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,370 I don't need your fucking help. 264 00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:14,876 God! 265 00:16:26,053 --> 00:16:28,489 My God, if that was my best stab at fatherly advice, 266 00:16:28,623 --> 00:16:31,158 it's no wonder my own kids don't wanna speak to me. 267 00:16:31,291 --> 00:16:33,561 Okay, enough of this whole pity party. 268 00:16:34,629 --> 00:16:36,163 What is that? 269 00:16:37,231 --> 00:16:38,499 It's called pre-workout. 270 00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:40,367 Like meth for people with goals. 271 00:16:40,502 --> 00:16:43,036 Why are you taking it now? You didn't have Red Bull. 272 00:16:43,170 --> 00:16:44,739 Which, by the way, big mistake. 273 00:16:44,973 --> 00:16:47,107 Big. Huge. Pretty Woman. 274 00:16:47,241 --> 00:16:49,476 Finally, a fucking reference you know. 275 00:16:49,611 --> 00:16:51,746 Pretty Woman is one of my favorite films. 276 00:16:51,980 --> 00:16:54,181 That would explain your attitude towards sex work. 277 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:56,551 Well, you're the one who just quoted it. 278 00:16:56,684 --> 00:16:58,753 Touché, bitch. Yeah. 279 00:16:58,987 --> 00:17:01,623 Oh, fuck. He's here. He's here! 280 00:17:01,756 --> 00:17:03,090 Oh, my God, what do I do? 281 00:17:03,223 --> 00:17:04,626 Hey. You go upstairs, 282 00:17:04,759 --> 00:17:06,594 wear something sexy, I got this covered. 283 00:17:06,728 --> 00:17:08,696 Go! Go! Okay. 284 00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:15,168 Sexy. 285 00:17:18,540 --> 00:17:21,174 Hello. 'Sup, bro? 286 00:17:21,308 --> 00:17:23,277 Ooh! Fist me already! 287 00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,979 I'm Sammy. 288 00:17:25,112 --> 00:17:27,515 I'm Kory, with a K. The lost Kardashian. 289 00:17:27,649 --> 00:17:29,049 Mm, nice truck. 290 00:17:30,250 --> 00:17:31,586 You parked so far. 291 00:17:31,719 --> 00:17:33,021 Just wanna get in and get out. 292 00:17:33,186 --> 00:17:35,055 Oh. You can get in, all right. 293 00:17:36,758 --> 00:17:39,126 Mm, mm, mm! 294 00:17:39,259 --> 00:17:40,327 Come on. 295 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:46,366 This place is dope, man. Do you live here alone? 296 00:17:46,501 --> 00:17:51,539 Um, well, if you noticed on Plungr, I am Lad... 297 00:17:53,407 --> 00:17:56,511 and this is Dad. 298 00:17:58,478 --> 00:17:59,514 Hi. 299 00:17:59,647 --> 00:18:01,015 Who the fuck is this 300 00:18:01,148 --> 00:18:03,083 Mister Rogers-looking-ass dude? 301 00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:05,653 I thought I told you to wear something sexy. 302 00:18:05,787 --> 00:18:07,387 I feel very sexy in this. 303 00:18:07,522 --> 00:18:10,525 The profile said "Lad and Dad." 304 00:18:10,658 --> 00:18:13,293 You didn't say nothing about a threesome, so... 305 00:18:13,427 --> 00:18:15,697 And you didn't say anything about being a whiny bottom. 306 00:18:15,830 --> 00:18:18,298 But here we are. I'm no bottom! I'm all top. 307 00:18:18,432 --> 00:18:20,668 Yeah, I'm sure you are, you self-hating little bitch. 308 00:18:20,802 --> 00:18:23,037 Cameron. Shut the fuck up, please. 309 00:18:23,170 --> 00:18:25,238 We both know you're just a gaping hole, 310 00:18:25,372 --> 00:18:28,208 so pipe the fuck down and service this cock! 311 00:18:28,342 --> 00:18:30,110 Uh... 312 00:18:32,614 --> 00:18:34,247 Fuck, you're sexy. 313 00:18:34,381 --> 00:18:36,684 You know you don't deserve to suck this cock, though, right? 314 00:18:36,818 --> 00:18:38,318 I know. 315 00:18:39,687 --> 00:18:41,221 I'm sorry, sir. 316 00:18:41,355 --> 00:18:43,591 I'll suck it so good, though. 317 00:18:43,725 --> 00:18:44,759 Do it. 318 00:18:47,862 --> 00:18:50,031 Thank you, sir. Thank you. 319 00:18:57,772 --> 00:18:59,507 Oh, yeah. Fuck, yeah. 320 00:18:59,641 --> 00:19:02,677 Mm... Mmm... 321 00:19:02,810 --> 00:19:05,913 Hey, you shut your fucking mouth when you're sucking this dick. 322 00:19:06,146 --> 00:19:09,182 Please, sir, I want some more. Yeah, you do. 323 00:19:09,316 --> 00:19:13,286 Yeah, you like that dick, you little Oliver Twist-ass bitch? 324 00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:17,925 Oh, God. It's like a juicy bratwurst. 325 00:19:18,158 --> 00:19:19,393 You make me... 326 00:19:19,527 --> 00:19:22,329 You make me sick, you little orphan boy. 327 00:19:22,462 --> 00:19:25,165 Mmm... I'm an orphan. 328 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:27,602 Fucking deeper, bitch. 329 00:19:27,735 --> 00:19:29,771 You little street urchin. 330 00:19:29,904 --> 00:19:33,340 You little begging bitch with your little purple-ass shorts. 331 00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:36,844 I'm your fucking street urchin, motherfucker. 332 00:19:39,479 --> 00:19:40,447 Come on, Dad. 333 00:19:41,582 --> 00:19:43,350 Come on. 334 00:19:43,483 --> 00:19:45,218 - Fuck me. - It's okay. 335 00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:50,758 Oh, yes. You gotta put it fucking deep in there. 336 00:19:55,730 --> 00:19:57,431 Wait. Why are you stopping? 337 00:19:57,565 --> 00:19:59,466 I can't do this. Can't do what? 338 00:19:59,600 --> 00:20:01,502 Suck a dick when your username's Looking2Succ? 339 00:20:01,636 --> 00:20:03,671 Not with this accountant-looking motherfucker. 340 00:20:03,805 --> 00:20:06,306 I'm sorry. Gary is a beautiful man 341 00:20:06,440 --> 00:20:08,943 who deserves anonymous blowjobs, just like the rest of us. 342 00:20:09,177 --> 00:20:11,546 He looks like shit. You look like shit, 343 00:20:11,679 --> 00:20:13,380 you little pencil dick! What? 344 00:20:13,514 --> 00:20:15,348 I'm not even fully hard, bro. 345 00:20:15,482 --> 00:20:16,951 Oh, really? 346 00:20:17,185 --> 00:20:19,520 Plus, I didn't get to showcase my personality. 347 00:20:19,654 --> 00:20:20,688 Oh, my God! 348 00:20:20,822 --> 00:20:22,123 Looking2Succ, 349 00:20:22,255 --> 00:20:23,591 I've given you plenty of time 350 00:20:23,725 --> 00:20:25,693 to showcase your personality. Fuck you. 351 00:20:25,827 --> 00:20:28,996 I'm better one-on-one. And it was just you in the picture. 352 00:20:29,229 --> 00:20:32,667 Not your Flowers in the Attic fucking sidepiece daddy. 353 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:34,468 I'm not even gay, anyway. 354 00:20:34,602 --> 00:20:37,404 You just casually referenced Flowers in the Attic. 355 00:20:37,538 --> 00:20:40,508 You are an absolute faggot! I got a wife. 356 00:20:40,641 --> 00:20:42,242 So does he! Ex-wife. 357 00:20:42,375 --> 00:20:43,978 And you'll be adding ex to the title 358 00:20:44,212 --> 00:20:46,379 when she finds out you're a bottom! 359 00:20:46,514 --> 00:20:48,549 Watch your fucking mouth, bro! Oh? 360 00:20:48,683 --> 00:20:51,018 I'm warning you, I will knock you out. 361 00:20:51,251 --> 00:20:53,888 Oh, no. He's gonna knock me out, Gary, 362 00:20:54,021 --> 00:20:56,557 he's gonna hit me with his Flowers in the Attic. 363 00:20:56,691 --> 00:20:57,558 Okay. Boys. Boys. 364 00:20:57,692 --> 00:21:01,796 You are a F-A-double G-O-T, 365 00:21:01,929 --> 00:21:04,397 faggot! This is your last warning, bro! 366 00:21:04,532 --> 00:21:06,433 You're a faggot! Fuck you! 367 00:21:53,380 --> 00:21:55,216 It was a gorgeous landing. 368 00:22:02,355 --> 00:22:05,726 Why would you do that? Do what? 369 00:22:05,860 --> 00:22:08,328 You instigated him. You riled him up. 370 00:22:08,461 --> 00:22:09,697 Hey, hold on, hold on. 371 00:22:09,831 --> 00:22:11,299 He literally charged at me 372 00:22:11,431 --> 00:22:12,499 and you pushed me out of the way. 373 00:22:12,633 --> 00:22:14,602 How is this my fault? 374 00:22:14,735 --> 00:22:16,369 If you had only shut up, 375 00:22:16,504 --> 00:22:17,772 he wouldn't have done the charging. 376 00:22:17,905 --> 00:22:20,775 Oh, of course, you're gonna take his side. 377 00:22:20,908 --> 00:22:23,711 Two repressed queers blaming their shame and misery on me, 378 00:22:23,845 --> 00:22:26,280 a secure, stable homosexual. Stable? 379 00:22:26,413 --> 00:22:28,583 Yeah. How did I let this happen? 380 00:22:28,716 --> 00:22:29,851 My God! 381 00:22:29,984 --> 00:22:31,586 Wait, this whole thing was your idea. 382 00:22:31,719 --> 00:22:33,521 The whole thing. Hey! No, no, no! 383 00:22:33,654 --> 00:22:35,823 You wanted him to come here. You practically 384 00:22:35,957 --> 00:22:37,490 forced me into this. 385 00:22:37,625 --> 00:22:39,961 Oh, I forced you to hook up with two hot dudes. 386 00:22:40,094 --> 00:22:42,864 I'm so evil, Gary. Oh, I'm so sorry. 387 00:22:49,436 --> 00:22:50,705 What are you doing? 388 00:22:50,838 --> 00:22:53,341 I'm calling 911. For what? He's dead! 389 00:22:53,473 --> 00:22:55,576 Exactly. We have to explain what happened. 390 00:22:55,710 --> 00:22:58,646 You may be okay going to jail 'cause you're dying, 391 00:22:58,779 --> 00:23:00,314 but I'm freshly made. 392 00:23:00,447 --> 00:23:02,884 I don't care. I'm calling. Gary, no. Accidents happen! 393 00:23:03,017 --> 00:23:04,518 It was your first time being gay. 394 00:23:04,652 --> 00:23:05,753 You were gonna make mistakes. 395 00:23:05,887 --> 00:23:08,356 This is more than a mistake! You're right. 396 00:23:08,488 --> 00:23:10,490 I'm so glad you're man enough to admit that. 397 00:23:10,625 --> 00:23:12,560 Admit what? You assaulted me. 398 00:23:14,394 --> 00:23:16,764 Are you fucking kidding me? You pushed me, babe. 399 00:23:16,898 --> 00:23:19,399 You pushed me and my lover is dead! 400 00:23:19,533 --> 00:23:23,137 That's what I'm gonna tell the cops. Ow! Ow. 401 00:23:23,371 --> 00:23:25,405 I can't believe that you would pin this on me 402 00:23:25,539 --> 00:23:27,008 when all I did was protect you. 403 00:23:27,141 --> 00:23:28,676 Protect me, really? 404 00:23:28,809 --> 00:23:30,144 He was gonna beat you up. 405 00:23:30,378 --> 00:23:32,313 I saved your life. Don't be so dramatic, Gary. 406 00:23:32,445 --> 00:23:34,515 You both would have flown out of that window, 407 00:23:34,649 --> 00:23:36,449 which now seems like a missed opportunity! 408 00:23:36,584 --> 00:23:39,320 Okay, so don't ever try and save my life again, then! 409 00:23:39,452 --> 00:23:41,155 I pray that I don't have the chance! 410 00:23:42,790 --> 00:23:45,326 No, Cameron, you can't walk away from this. 411 00:23:45,458 --> 00:23:47,395 It's your fault! 412 00:23:47,528 --> 00:23:52,199 You know what? You say that one more time, I swear to God! 413 00:23:52,432 --> 00:23:54,368 When you first told me about your family, 414 00:23:54,502 --> 00:23:56,203 I felt bad for you. I really did. 415 00:23:56,436 --> 00:23:57,939 But you know what? I feel bad for them, 416 00:23:58,072 --> 00:24:00,608 'cause you're that classic closet case 417 00:24:00,741 --> 00:24:03,044 that loves to look like the hero while playing the victim. 418 00:24:03,177 --> 00:24:04,912 Maybe try and accept the fact 419 00:24:05,046 --> 00:24:06,948 that you ruined more lives than you saved. 420 00:24:07,081 --> 00:24:09,984 You don't know a fucking thing about me and my family. 421 00:24:10,117 --> 00:24:11,953 Oh, thank God for that. 422 00:24:12,086 --> 00:24:15,890 It's your house, Gary. Your window. 423 00:24:16,023 --> 00:24:19,593 Every man for himself. I'm fucking out of here. 424 00:24:19,727 --> 00:24:22,495 You are a pest! You are a menace! 425 00:24:22,630 --> 00:24:24,932 You are a selfish, spoiled boy, and I have no use for you! 426 00:24:25,066 --> 00:24:26,834 I don't wanna see you or know you! 427 00:24:26,968 --> 00:24:28,602 Get out of my house! 428 00:24:28,736 --> 00:24:31,038 Is that from Dennis the Menace? Go! 429 00:24:32,773 --> 00:24:34,775 Fuck you, Gary! 430 00:25:32,233 --> 00:25:33,734 Oh, my God. 431 00:25:40,708 --> 00:25:41,776 Oh, God. 432 00:25:42,910 --> 00:25:44,111 Okay. 433 00:25:44,245 --> 00:25:45,279 Okay. 434 00:26:09,804 --> 00:26:11,038 Fuck. 435 00:26:19,080 --> 00:26:20,815 So where are we taking him? 436 00:26:22,016 --> 00:26:23,552 Why? Don't look at me like that. 437 00:26:23,684 --> 00:26:25,186 You're weak, I feel sorry for you, 438 00:26:25,319 --> 00:26:28,523 and thank you for saving my life, blah, blah, blah. 439 00:26:28,656 --> 00:26:32,626 I think he shit himself. Just grab his hands, come on. 440 00:26:34,563 --> 00:26:36,630 Fuck! 441 00:26:36,764 --> 00:26:40,134 Okay. So should we drag him to the shore, 442 00:26:40,267 --> 00:26:42,803 fill his pockets with rocks, and then throw him in the lake? 443 00:26:42,937 --> 00:26:46,006 What? Did you just come up with that? 444 00:26:46,140 --> 00:26:47,875 Yeah. Why? 445 00:26:48,008 --> 00:26:49,710 That's almost exactly what we did with Duke. 446 00:26:49,844 --> 00:26:52,680 Who the fuck is Duke? My only real friend. 447 00:26:52,813 --> 00:26:55,049 Who the fuck are you, Robert Durst? 448 00:26:55,182 --> 00:26:56,750 Jesus Christ, Cameron! 449 00:26:56,884 --> 00:26:59,720 Duke was a Weimaraner, who I loved very, very much. 450 00:26:59,854 --> 00:27:02,656 A who? A dog. Duke was a dog. 451 00:27:02,790 --> 00:27:05,159 He loved the water. It was a fitting send-off. 452 00:27:05,292 --> 00:27:07,761 But dogs don't wear pants. 453 00:27:07,895 --> 00:27:10,064 Oh, God. Cameron, pick him up. 454 00:27:11,665 --> 00:27:13,701 We're dealing with a human body, 455 00:27:13,834 --> 00:27:15,570 a human dead body. 456 00:27:15,703 --> 00:27:18,906 And he's gonna smell. He's gonna rot. 457 00:27:19,039 --> 00:27:21,876 He's got a family, a wife who probably hates him 458 00:27:22,009 --> 00:27:23,410 but doesn't want him dead. 459 00:27:23,644 --> 00:27:26,213 Are we talking about the body or you? 460 00:27:42,930 --> 00:27:44,999 I should just take the fall. 461 00:27:45,132 --> 00:27:49,103 No. I don't want Patty to have to make another calling card. 462 00:27:49,236 --> 00:27:51,606 "After a few months as a homosexual man, 463 00:27:51,739 --> 00:27:54,141 Gary decided to lead a life of crime." 464 00:27:54,275 --> 00:27:56,944 With a wilted rose as the background this time? 465 00:27:57,077 --> 00:27:58,179 Ooh, stunning. 466 00:28:12,359 --> 00:28:14,295 I'm really glad you came back. 467 00:28:16,697 --> 00:28:17,998 Me too. 468 00:28:23,672 --> 00:28:26,207 Oh, fuck! He bled through the tarp! 469 00:28:26,340 --> 00:28:28,709 That's mountain ash wood, it's really porous. 470 00:28:28,842 --> 00:28:31,613 Oh, my God, you're so gay. 471 00:28:31,745 --> 00:28:33,447 How did nobody know? 472 00:28:33,682 --> 00:28:35,849 Shut up and help me move this thing. 473 00:29:09,149 --> 00:29:11,952 Oh, my God. Did you invite somebody else over? 474 00:29:12,086 --> 00:29:14,255 You think I double-booked you? Well, did you? 475 00:29:14,388 --> 00:29:15,889 Of course I didn't. Answer it. 476 00:29:16,023 --> 00:29:17,258 I don't wanna answer it. 477 00:29:17,391 --> 00:29:18,759 We can't answer the door. 478 00:29:18,892 --> 00:29:20,995 I have no idea who it is. Yoo-hoo! 479 00:29:21,128 --> 00:29:22,229 Oh, fuck. 480 00:29:22,363 --> 00:29:25,232 Avon lady calling! 481 00:29:25,366 --> 00:29:26,333 It's Sandy. 482 00:29:26,467 --> 00:29:28,536 Who the fuck is Sandy? My neighbor. 483 00:29:28,769 --> 00:29:30,271 Oh, shit. 484 00:29:30,404 --> 00:29:31,338 Gary! 485 00:29:31,472 --> 00:29:32,906 What am I supposed to do? 486 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,677 I'm completely covered in blood. 487 00:29:35,809 --> 00:29:37,679 I know what to do. 488 00:29:37,811 --> 00:29:39,079 Where are you going? 489 00:29:39,213 --> 00:29:42,082 Gary? Is that you? 490 00:29:42,216 --> 00:29:44,084 Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. 491 00:29:44,218 --> 00:29:46,887 Hello? Gary? 492 00:29:47,021 --> 00:29:49,123 That's Patty's apron. Not anymore. 493 00:29:49,256 --> 00:29:51,191 What are you gonna do? Answer the door. 494 00:29:51,325 --> 00:29:53,060 No, no, you can't answer the door. 495 00:29:53,193 --> 00:29:56,463 I'm gonna answer the door. There's a dead body-- 496 00:29:58,999 --> 00:30:01,101 Oh... Hi. 497 00:30:01,235 --> 00:30:02,771 You're not Gary. 498 00:30:02,903 --> 00:30:04,572 No. No, no, no. 499 00:30:04,805 --> 00:30:06,741 I'm cute, and you must be pretty. 500 00:30:06,874 --> 00:30:09,343 So together that means we're pretty cute. 501 00:30:15,416 --> 00:30:18,819 You're a hoot! I'm Sandy. 502 00:30:18,952 --> 00:30:23,558 Oh, Sandy, what brings you over here this beautiful night? 503 00:30:23,792 --> 00:30:26,460 I should be asking you the same question. 504 00:30:29,897 --> 00:30:32,232 That's so like Gary. A man of few words. 505 00:30:32,366 --> 00:30:36,738 I'm his real estate agent, Kory. Kory Haim. 506 00:30:36,870 --> 00:30:39,907 Like the actor? No, you're thinking of Feldman. 507 00:30:40,040 --> 00:30:41,776 Yeah. No, there was two Coreys. 508 00:30:41,909 --> 00:30:44,011 There was Corey Feldman and Corey Haim. 509 00:30:44,144 --> 00:30:46,280 No, think there's just one. 510 00:30:46,413 --> 00:30:48,583 Thank you for coming. Gary! 511 00:30:48,817 --> 00:30:50,785 Hey, you're-- 512 00:30:50,918 --> 00:30:54,088 You're not in that gorgeous palazzo across the way, are you? 513 00:30:54,221 --> 00:30:57,625 Where is Gary? And why are you here so late at night? 514 00:30:57,858 --> 00:31:01,362 Oh, I'm doing an inspection. Smog. 515 00:31:01,495 --> 00:31:03,397 You know, I-- I thought I heard 516 00:31:03,531 --> 00:31:06,233 the faint sounds of screaming earlier, 517 00:31:06,367 --> 00:31:07,968 and I thought, well, Gary's home, 518 00:31:08,102 --> 00:31:10,839 so naturally I thought I would come on by 519 00:31:10,971 --> 00:31:12,774 on my way to the store. 520 00:31:12,906 --> 00:31:16,443 But I gotta hit the road before the Ambien kicks in. 521 00:31:16,578 --> 00:31:20,782 I think it already kicked in. Stat! Like they say on Grey's. 522 00:31:20,914 --> 00:31:24,084 Oh! Are you a McDreamy girl? 523 00:31:24,218 --> 00:31:25,854 All the way. 524 00:31:25,986 --> 00:31:27,388 I could see it in your eyes, Sandy. 525 00:31:27,522 --> 00:31:29,591 Ooh! 526 00:31:31,024 --> 00:31:32,359 Oh! 527 00:31:32,493 --> 00:31:35,362 I just need some flour... 528 00:31:35,496 --> 00:31:38,232 to make my chocolate chip banana bread 529 00:31:38,365 --> 00:31:40,100 for my church group in the morning. 530 00:31:40,234 --> 00:31:43,638 Sure, yeah. Not keto, but very Christian. 531 00:31:43,872 --> 00:31:47,474 We just pray so hard that the carbs don't stick to our hips. 532 00:31:47,609 --> 00:31:48,576 Oh! 533 00:31:53,147 --> 00:31:56,150 You know what? I just realized something. 534 00:31:56,283 --> 00:31:57,951 I know where Gary keeps the flour. 535 00:31:58,085 --> 00:31:59,119 Wow. Yeah. 536 00:31:59,253 --> 00:32:01,989 So why don't you just wait right here? 537 00:32:02,122 --> 00:32:04,893 Right here. Sit, stay. Right there. Sit, stay. 538 00:32:05,025 --> 00:32:06,126 Sit, stay. 539 00:32:06,260 --> 00:32:07,995 Don't move. Good girl. Good girl. 540 00:32:08,128 --> 00:32:10,164 I'll be right back. Yeah, okay. 541 00:32:14,134 --> 00:32:16,003 He's wearing an apron. 542 00:32:18,172 --> 00:32:19,841 Oh... 543 00:32:19,973 --> 00:32:21,375 One more won't hurt. 544 00:32:26,413 --> 00:32:28,081 Shit, shit, shit. 545 00:32:28,215 --> 00:32:29,884 Oh, God. 546 00:32:30,017 --> 00:32:32,854 Where does he keep the flour? Fuck, fuck, fuck! 547 00:32:32,986 --> 00:32:34,254 I know. 548 00:32:34,388 --> 00:32:36,256 What? 549 00:32:36,390 --> 00:32:40,160 You don't have to hide it. I caught you red-handed. 550 00:32:40,294 --> 00:32:43,464 Okay. Look, it was a whole mistake, 551 00:32:43,598 --> 00:32:44,933 and one thing led to another-- 552 00:32:45,065 --> 00:32:48,903 The heart wants what the heart wants. 553 00:32:49,036 --> 00:32:52,372 What? I got Patty's card. 554 00:32:52,507 --> 00:32:54,709 The whole neighborhood did. Oh. 555 00:32:54,943 --> 00:32:57,277 You don't have to be ashamed of loving him. 556 00:32:57,411 --> 00:33:00,280 Gary's a wonderful man. 557 00:33:03,250 --> 00:33:04,985 I'm so close to Patty still. 558 00:33:05,118 --> 00:33:07,956 She's just sick over the whole thing. 559 00:33:08,121 --> 00:33:10,457 She feels terribly about what she did and how she reacted. 560 00:33:10,592 --> 00:33:13,093 But now he won't talk to her or the boys. 561 00:33:13,227 --> 00:33:14,729 And I know he's hurt, 562 00:33:14,963 --> 00:33:16,764 but she really worries about him, 563 00:33:16,997 --> 00:33:20,000 especially now all by himself-- I'm sorry. Patty... 564 00:33:20,133 --> 00:33:21,669 Patty wants to talk to Gary? 565 00:33:23,103 --> 00:33:26,608 Oh, more than anything. 566 00:33:26,741 --> 00:33:28,208 She's been begging him 567 00:33:28,342 --> 00:33:32,246 to at least just clear the air before he-- 568 00:33:32,379 --> 00:33:33,615 You know, just... 569 00:33:35,415 --> 00:33:38,352 Right. That's, uh... 570 00:33:38,485 --> 00:33:41,088 I didn't know that. I did not know that. 571 00:33:41,221 --> 00:33:44,759 Oh, well, must be awkward. 572 00:33:46,326 --> 00:33:47,762 For Gary. Yeah. 573 00:33:47,996 --> 00:33:52,332 He must not tell you things about the ex. 574 00:33:53,601 --> 00:33:54,936 Yeah. Yeah. 575 00:33:55,068 --> 00:33:57,471 So all that's to say, 576 00:33:57,605 --> 00:34:02,242 no more sneaking around, Mr. Estate Agent. 577 00:34:02,376 --> 00:34:06,146 I'm a cool Christian. I'm down with the gays. 578 00:34:06,280 --> 00:34:09,817 I may just not bake a cake for your wedding, ha-ha! 579 00:34:10,050 --> 00:34:12,419 Yeah, well, you already established 580 00:34:12,554 --> 00:34:15,823 you don't have any flour. Yeah! You got me there! 581 00:34:16,056 --> 00:34:20,093 Oh, where's Gary? I wanna see you two sinners in action. 582 00:34:20,227 --> 00:34:21,395 Gary! 583 00:34:21,529 --> 00:34:23,798 What the fuck? 584 00:34:27,134 --> 00:34:29,369 Gary. Sandy! 585 00:34:30,738 --> 00:34:35,475 Honey! You did not spill all those cosmos! 586 00:34:35,610 --> 00:34:37,177 Cosmos? 587 00:34:37,311 --> 00:34:38,211 Yes! 588 00:34:38,345 --> 00:34:40,048 You got the whole pitcher 589 00:34:40,180 --> 00:34:41,616 right down the front of you. 590 00:34:41,749 --> 00:34:43,518 - Cosmos? - Yes. 591 00:34:43,651 --> 00:34:47,254 Yes, we were having Sex and the City role-play night. 592 00:34:47,387 --> 00:34:48,590 Yes. 593 00:34:56,263 --> 00:34:59,232 Well, let's get another pitcher going, 594 00:34:59,366 --> 00:35:05,238 because I'm Samantha, and I love fucking. 595 00:35:08,776 --> 00:35:10,645 Yes, you do, you little scamp. 596 00:35:10,778 --> 00:35:14,147 Church girls know how to kneel. 597 00:35:15,248 --> 00:35:16,584 I'm gonna 598 00:35:16,718 --> 00:35:19,520 just make some more cosmos, then. 599 00:35:19,654 --> 00:35:21,388 You are such a fucking Charlotte. 600 00:35:21,522 --> 00:35:24,025 This is so exciting! It's been ages 601 00:35:24,157 --> 00:35:26,628 since I've had a girls' night like this. 602 00:35:26,761 --> 00:35:28,563 - Aw. - Ooh! 603 00:35:28,696 --> 00:35:30,364 Where's the bathroom again? 604 00:35:30,497 --> 00:35:35,202 I... When I get excited, I get a little loose down there. 605 00:35:35,335 --> 00:35:36,671 Oh, Jesus. Um... 606 00:35:36,804 --> 00:35:39,507 Okay, I'm gonna just cue up the second movie. 607 00:35:39,641 --> 00:35:41,208 Everyone's favorite. 608 00:35:41,341 --> 00:35:42,910 Bathroom's right to the left. 609 00:35:46,614 --> 00:35:48,650 Right to the left. 610 00:35:52,787 --> 00:35:53,921 Right to the left. 611 00:35:57,424 --> 00:35:59,226 Why are we watching Sex and the City 2? 612 00:35:59,359 --> 00:36:01,629 You are being such an Aidan. I need you to be a Mr. Big. 613 00:36:01,763 --> 00:36:03,296 I have no idea what that even means. 614 00:36:03,430 --> 00:36:05,900 At least I tell the truth, you wily bitch. 615 00:36:06,134 --> 00:36:07,101 What? Shut up! 616 00:36:07,234 --> 00:36:08,468 Right... 617 00:36:10,203 --> 00:36:12,239 to the left. 618 00:36:12,372 --> 00:36:14,174 We can dump the body after Sex and the City, 619 00:36:14,307 --> 00:36:15,475 but right now, chill. 620 00:36:18,913 --> 00:36:22,349 Oh, my God! Oh, God! Oh, God! 621 00:36:22,482 --> 00:36:23,751 Sandy, this is not what it looks like. 622 00:36:23,885 --> 00:36:26,386 It's not? No, it's not. 623 00:36:26,521 --> 00:36:29,356 O-okay. 624 00:36:29,489 --> 00:36:31,793 You're right, it's not. 625 00:36:31,926 --> 00:36:34,128 Sandy... You know what? Just... 626 00:36:34,261 --> 00:36:41,135 Um, let's just 86 the request on the flour, 627 00:36:41,268 --> 00:36:48,208 because I just remembered that I have some in my pool. 628 00:36:50,310 --> 00:36:53,380 And I would just like to add here, 629 00:36:53,514 --> 00:36:58,351 in no way do I believe that you are going to hell, 630 00:36:58,485 --> 00:37:02,557 at least not just for being gay. 631 00:37:02,690 --> 00:37:06,493 So I'm just gonna find my way to the door 632 00:37:06,627 --> 00:37:08,730 and then I'm gonna be out of here! 633 00:37:08,863 --> 00:37:11,231 Sandy, wait! You're gay. 634 00:37:11,364 --> 00:37:14,267 You're supposed to be nice! Sandy, please. 635 00:37:14,401 --> 00:37:15,368 Sandy. 636 00:37:15,503 --> 00:37:16,637 You locked me in! 637 00:37:16,771 --> 00:37:18,206 No. No, no. Sandy. 638 00:37:18,338 --> 00:37:19,841 You're trying to kill me! 639 00:37:19,974 --> 00:37:21,676 We're not. It's unlocked, actually. 640 00:37:21,809 --> 00:37:23,243 Pull, don't push, hon. 641 00:37:24,946 --> 00:37:26,814 Sandy! Sandy! 642 00:37:28,482 --> 00:37:30,450 Sandy! Sandy! 643 00:37:30,585 --> 00:37:32,352 Sandy! Sandykins! 644 00:37:32,486 --> 00:37:34,622 Sandy? 645 00:37:34,756 --> 00:37:35,757 Sandy? 646 00:37:37,859 --> 00:37:39,994 Where the--? We're not gonna hurt you, babe! 647 00:37:40,228 --> 00:37:42,462 Is she astral-projecting? Where the fuck did she go? 648 00:37:48,936 --> 00:37:49,804 Sandy? 649 00:37:49,937 --> 00:37:51,271 Sandy. 650 00:37:51,404 --> 00:37:52,673 Sandy! 651 00:37:52,807 --> 00:37:55,510 Come out, babe. Sandy! 652 00:37:55,643 --> 00:37:57,779 Hey, hey! 653 00:38:01,649 --> 00:38:02,884 Sandy! 654 00:38:06,821 --> 00:38:08,689 Gary? 655 00:38:08,823 --> 00:38:12,593 I have just taken a fistful of drugs, 656 00:38:12,727 --> 00:38:16,463 and I will be sedated or dead within minutes, 657 00:38:16,597 --> 00:38:21,569 feeling none of the sick, twisted, homosexual depravity 658 00:38:21,702 --> 00:38:26,406 you subject my Christ-like body to! 659 00:38:26,541 --> 00:38:28,308 Pills! 660 00:38:29,944 --> 00:38:31,378 Sandy! Sandy! 661 00:38:31,512 --> 00:38:32,747 Sandy! 662 00:38:42,389 --> 00:38:43,356 Sandy? 663 00:38:44,592 --> 00:38:46,326 Sandy? 664 00:38:46,459 --> 00:38:47,929 What in the Hoarders hell? 665 00:38:48,062 --> 00:38:49,530 Welcome to my old life. 666 00:38:49,664 --> 00:38:51,098 Sandy, listen. I'm really concerned 667 00:38:51,331 --> 00:38:53,100 about the amount of pills you've taken. 668 00:38:53,333 --> 00:38:56,571 And if you have more, I would absolutely buy them off of you. 669 00:38:59,607 --> 00:39:00,641 Where is she? 670 00:39:02,543 --> 00:39:04,411 She's not here. Of course she's not here. 671 00:39:04,545 --> 00:39:06,714 Why do you even have a dog cage? 672 00:39:06,848 --> 00:39:08,316 It was Duke's. 673 00:39:08,448 --> 00:39:10,818 Right, the dog you Nicole Kidman'd into the lake. 674 00:39:10,952 --> 00:39:12,854 Virginia Woolf'd, and yes. 675 00:39:12,987 --> 00:39:15,590 And you still keep his cage? To remember him by! 676 00:39:15,723 --> 00:39:17,792 You need to learn to let things go. It's not healthy. 677 00:39:17,925 --> 00:39:19,894 You're in a position to tell me what's healthy? 678 00:39:20,027 --> 00:39:23,363 Shh! You hear that? The closet. The closet! 679 00:39:34,775 --> 00:39:35,977 Sandy? 680 00:39:38,012 --> 00:39:40,681 It's jammed. Move, move, move. 681 00:39:44,552 --> 00:39:46,120 All right, it's obviously locked. 682 00:39:46,354 --> 00:39:47,788 You can't lock a closet from the inside. 683 00:39:47,922 --> 00:39:50,124 Says the expert on being in the closet. 684 00:39:50,358 --> 00:39:51,893 You know what, shut up. Whoa. 685 00:39:52,026 --> 00:39:53,493 I can let go of things. 686 00:39:53,628 --> 00:39:55,162 I prefer to have the physical evidence 687 00:39:55,395 --> 00:39:57,331 that I was actually here. Okay, I don't really know 688 00:39:57,464 --> 00:39:58,966 if a dog crate is the best example of that. 689 00:39:59,100 --> 00:40:01,636 Is everything a joke to you? That wasn't a joke. 690 00:40:01,769 --> 00:40:05,306 You ever stop to consider anybody else's feelings ever? 691 00:40:05,438 --> 00:40:07,875 You wanna talk about other people's feelings? 692 00:40:08,009 --> 00:40:10,144 Let's talk about how you don't have the balls 693 00:40:10,378 --> 00:40:11,946 to call your own family back. 694 00:40:13,581 --> 00:40:14,882 How do you know that? 695 00:40:16,884 --> 00:40:18,185 Yeah. 696 00:40:18,418 --> 00:40:19,754 She said Patty wants to talk to you, 697 00:40:19,887 --> 00:40:21,822 but you just refuse. You wouldn't understand. 698 00:40:21,956 --> 00:40:23,423 So you're gay. 699 00:40:23,557 --> 00:40:25,893 So they reacted badly. Call them back. 700 00:40:26,027 --> 00:40:28,696 Oh, okay, let me just, um, take some advice 701 00:40:28,829 --> 00:40:30,998 from a kid who gives happy endings for a living. 702 00:40:31,132 --> 00:40:35,336 Oh! The operative word there is "happy," you sad fuck. 703 00:40:35,468 --> 00:40:37,004 Oh, I'm sad? Yeah. 704 00:40:37,138 --> 00:40:38,673 Why don't you examine 705 00:40:38,806 --> 00:40:41,676 your own uneducated existence, you Jezebel! 706 00:40:43,911 --> 00:40:45,379 Jezebel? 707 00:40:45,513 --> 00:40:47,447 When I find out who Jezebel is, 708 00:40:47,581 --> 00:40:49,350 I assume I'm gonna be so mad at you! 709 00:40:49,482 --> 00:40:51,786 Don't follow me! Hey, you know what? 710 00:40:51,919 --> 00:40:53,821 Your life isn't the only one that changed 711 00:40:53,955 --> 00:40:55,389 when you decided to come out. 712 00:40:55,556 --> 00:40:57,792 I had to be someone I hated for them! 713 00:40:57,925 --> 00:41:01,595 And that's not their fault. And you think I don't know that? 714 00:41:01,729 --> 00:41:04,231 Gary. Gary, where are you going? 715 00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:06,901 Fuck! 716 00:41:33,493 --> 00:41:35,963 I always did what I was supposed to do. 717 00:41:38,165 --> 00:41:39,834 I went to church. 718 00:41:43,871 --> 00:41:45,439 I married young. 719 00:41:45,573 --> 00:41:47,775 I had kids when I was younger than you are! 720 00:41:47,908 --> 00:41:49,477 Imagine if I had a kid right now. 721 00:41:49,610 --> 00:41:50,511 That'd be so toxic. 722 00:41:50,644 --> 00:41:52,780 I followed all the rules! 723 00:41:54,882 --> 00:41:57,852 I didn't smoke. I drank in moderation. 724 00:41:59,854 --> 00:42:01,789 I cut fat out of my diet in the '90s 725 00:42:01,922 --> 00:42:05,292 and put it back in 2013 when avocados got big! 726 00:42:05,526 --> 00:42:08,095 Okay. My whole life, I've been good! 727 00:42:09,864 --> 00:42:11,265 A good husband. 728 00:42:13,801 --> 00:42:15,636 A good father. 729 00:42:15,770 --> 00:42:18,672 Okay. That was a little bit hard. 730 00:42:18,806 --> 00:42:20,107 A good man! 731 00:42:22,109 --> 00:42:25,112 I didn't enjoy any of it! 732 00:42:27,581 --> 00:42:29,583 Gary, seriously, you just hit my fucking head. 733 00:42:29,717 --> 00:42:31,719 And you know what? 734 00:42:31,852 --> 00:42:33,687 There is a part of me, 735 00:42:33,821 --> 00:42:36,157 some terrible part of me, that blames them. 736 00:42:36,290 --> 00:42:37,925 But it's my fault! 737 00:42:38,059 --> 00:42:40,728 It's all my fault! It's my fault! 738 00:42:43,097 --> 00:42:44,498 Oh, my God. 739 00:42:44,632 --> 00:42:45,733 It's my fault. 740 00:42:45,866 --> 00:42:49,003 Gary? Gary, Gary! 741 00:42:49,136 --> 00:42:51,172 Gary. Hey, just breathe. Come on. 742 00:42:51,305 --> 00:42:55,776 I can't breathe. Come on. Come on. 743 00:42:55,910 --> 00:42:57,311 You're okay. I can't breathe. 744 00:42:57,546 --> 00:42:58,913 I know. I can't breathe. 745 00:42:59,046 --> 00:43:01,550 Breathe. Breathe. I can't breathe. 746 00:43:01,682 --> 00:43:05,820 I can't breathe. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. 747 00:43:07,556 --> 00:43:10,825 I'm sorry for calling you Jezebel. 748 00:43:10,958 --> 00:43:13,127 I don't even know who Jezebel is. 749 00:43:13,260 --> 00:43:17,998 But if she's anything like me, we stan. Is she hot? 750 00:43:24,605 --> 00:43:28,175 You know, I... I actually envy you, Gary. 751 00:43:28,309 --> 00:43:31,912 Oh, please. No, seriously, I do. 752 00:43:32,046 --> 00:43:35,649 You spent your whole life lying to everyone about everything, 753 00:43:35,783 --> 00:43:38,085 but you still have a lot to show for it. 754 00:43:38,219 --> 00:43:40,054 You do. You're having a panic attack 755 00:43:40,187 --> 00:43:42,857 on your own damn tennis court, for fuck's sake! 756 00:43:52,066 --> 00:43:55,402 My dad didn't even acknowledge when I told him I was gay. 757 00:43:57,972 --> 00:43:59,940 He just said, "Not to me, you're not." 758 00:44:01,610 --> 00:44:03,777 And then he went back to watching TV 759 00:44:03,911 --> 00:44:05,246 like it never happened. 760 00:44:08,215 --> 00:44:11,152 Next day, I left a note on my bed, 761 00:44:11,285 --> 00:44:13,687 drove away, never to return. 762 00:44:16,323 --> 00:44:17,958 What did the note say? 763 00:44:20,661 --> 00:44:22,096 "Fuck you, you bigoted fat fuck. 764 00:44:22,229 --> 00:44:24,665 Your son's a sissy whore faggot who loves it in the ass." 765 00:44:24,798 --> 00:44:27,434 Or something to that effect. 766 00:44:27,668 --> 00:44:29,837 I can't really remember, but... 767 00:44:31,305 --> 00:44:33,807 He actually meant well, I think. 768 00:44:33,941 --> 00:44:37,745 In his own weird, demented way, he... 769 00:44:40,181 --> 00:44:43,017 He thought that if I was gay, he had to stop loving me. 770 00:44:44,818 --> 00:44:46,220 So he chose to ignore it 771 00:44:46,353 --> 00:44:48,322 because he wanted to keep loving his son. 772 00:44:50,324 --> 00:44:53,093 But loving someone with conditions isn't love, it's... 773 00:44:54,962 --> 00:44:56,163 prison. 774 00:45:01,435 --> 00:45:03,204 You're a good man, Cam. 775 00:45:07,308 --> 00:45:09,777 Whoo, yeah, based on tonight, 776 00:45:09,910 --> 00:45:12,681 I don't think either one of us is technically that good, 777 00:45:12,813 --> 00:45:14,215 but I appreciate that. 778 00:45:19,220 --> 00:45:21,722 Well, at least it's some relief 779 00:45:21,855 --> 00:45:23,290 knowing there are people out there 780 00:45:23,424 --> 00:45:25,326 being worse than us in the world. 781 00:45:27,161 --> 00:45:28,195 Yeah. 782 00:45:29,330 --> 00:45:30,397 Yeah. 783 00:45:32,833 --> 00:45:34,201 What did you just say? 784 00:45:36,103 --> 00:45:38,105 There are worse people in the world? 785 00:45:40,107 --> 00:45:43,010 Gary. Gary, you're a fucking genius. 786 00:45:43,143 --> 00:45:44,979 I am? Yes! Yes! 787 00:45:45,112 --> 00:45:48,482 We just have to find somebody worse than us. 788 00:45:48,717 --> 00:45:51,252 Someone that is so insane and deranged, 789 00:45:51,385 --> 00:45:53,287 they'll get us out of this whole mess. 790 00:45:53,420 --> 00:45:56,857 All we have to do is-- Get back on Plungr. 791 00:45:56,991 --> 00:45:59,393 The beginning and the end of all of life's problems. 792 00:46:01,462 --> 00:46:03,964 You have got to work on your internalized homophobia. 793 00:46:04,098 --> 00:46:05,399 It is seriously shocking. 794 00:46:07,101 --> 00:46:08,902 Let's go, Gary! 795 00:46:11,772 --> 00:46:13,107 "Let's go, Gary." 796 00:46:20,247 --> 00:46:22,916 What are you doing? The dark web, Gary. 797 00:46:24,519 --> 00:46:26,086 On Looking2Succ's phone? 798 00:46:26,220 --> 00:46:28,122 You want it traced back to yours? 799 00:46:28,255 --> 00:46:30,257 Hold this. 800 00:46:30,391 --> 00:46:32,694 Do the facial recognition! Jesus Christ. 801 00:46:32,826 --> 00:46:34,295 Do it! 802 00:46:39,768 --> 00:46:41,201 What happens now? I'm doing it, Gary. 803 00:46:41,335 --> 00:46:43,270 Doing what? The dark web. 804 00:46:47,975 --> 00:46:49,877 Is it hard to do? Honey! 805 00:46:50,010 --> 00:46:52,313 Why don't you make us some coffee or something? 806 00:46:55,182 --> 00:46:57,719 Okay. "Church organist, can play with or without pipes." 807 00:46:57,851 --> 00:47:00,755 Why would a church organist advertise on the dark web? 808 00:47:00,888 --> 00:47:03,357 It's code. For what? Sex stuff? 809 00:47:03,490 --> 00:47:05,326 Organ harvesting, duh. 810 00:47:06,927 --> 00:47:10,765 Mm. "Circus, Circus, Tigers, and Bears, Oh, Die." 811 00:47:10,898 --> 00:47:12,166 I don't think I wanna know. 812 00:47:12,299 --> 00:47:14,902 They're either into bestiality or an arms dealer. 813 00:47:15,035 --> 00:47:16,970 Those are two very different things. 814 00:47:17,104 --> 00:47:19,106 Ah, one would think. 815 00:47:21,041 --> 00:47:23,844 Okay, this one says, "Shit on my chest." 816 00:47:23,977 --> 00:47:28,783 Shit. Okay, so shit's brown. Brown is also the color of dirt. 817 00:47:28,916 --> 00:47:33,621 Um, chest, like burying a chest? Like treasure? Like pirates? 818 00:47:33,854 --> 00:47:37,024 They literally just want someone to shit on their chest, Gary. 819 00:47:37,157 --> 00:47:38,892 Oh. Right? 820 00:47:39,026 --> 00:47:42,329 It's like, "Go back to Plungr where you belong, scat queen." 821 00:47:42,463 --> 00:47:45,366 Gary. Gary, this is our guy. 822 00:47:45,499 --> 00:47:48,869 "Fleshpuppet. Collecting lifeless lamb chops for play, 823 00:47:49,002 --> 00:47:52,039 with no strings to hold me down, or attached." 824 00:47:52,172 --> 00:47:55,209 "Fleshpuppet"? Geppetto would never. 825 00:47:55,342 --> 00:47:57,812 "Collecting lifeless lamb chops for play"? 826 00:47:57,945 --> 00:47:58,979 Mm-hm. 827 00:47:59,113 --> 00:48:01,215 I don't like the sound of that. I do. 828 00:48:01,348 --> 00:48:03,984 Let him take this literal 6'2" lamb chop off our hands. 829 00:48:04,118 --> 00:48:06,220 What does he want with dead bodies? 830 00:48:06,353 --> 00:48:08,389 Fuck them, eat them, fuck them and eat them, 831 00:48:08,523 --> 00:48:10,057 fuck them while eating them, 832 00:48:10,190 --> 00:48:12,025 make a skin suit out of them, sell them for parts, 833 00:48:12,159 --> 00:48:14,428 dress them up like his mom. The list goes on and on. 834 00:48:14,562 --> 00:48:16,196 Haven't you ever seen a movie before? 835 00:48:16,330 --> 00:48:18,098 Anyway, that's none of our business, okay? 836 00:48:18,232 --> 00:48:19,466 We are just the supplier. 837 00:48:19,601 --> 00:48:21,969 Do not go getting a moral compass on me again. 838 00:48:22,102 --> 00:48:24,438 We should probably clean up before he comes over. 839 00:48:24,572 --> 00:48:26,306 Does that really matter at this point? 840 00:48:26,440 --> 00:48:28,342 Gary, just because you're dying does not mean 841 00:48:28,475 --> 00:48:30,077 you shouldn't always look your best. 842 00:48:30,210 --> 00:48:31,912 I was not talking about my appearance. 843 00:48:32,045 --> 00:48:34,982 I was talking about the blood. Oh, my God, Gary, you're right. 844 00:48:35,115 --> 00:48:36,950 We need to give you a makeover! 845 00:48:37,084 --> 00:48:39,086 Cameron, no. Yes! 846 00:49:33,608 --> 00:49:36,376 Ta-da! 847 00:49:38,312 --> 00:49:40,314 Okay, um... 848 00:49:40,447 --> 00:49:42,750 I look like me, but in blue. 849 00:49:42,983 --> 00:49:44,752 Yeah. 850 00:49:44,985 --> 00:49:50,057 You are a total zaddy, Gary. 851 00:49:50,190 --> 00:49:54,161 Ooh! Okay. I am a cool... 852 00:49:54,294 --> 00:49:57,966 hot zaddy. 853 00:49:58,098 --> 00:50:01,001 Can you please not smoke inside? It's not smoke, it's vaping. 854 00:50:01,134 --> 00:50:02,302 Just don't do it inside. 855 00:50:02,436 --> 00:50:04,471 We just killed a man, but I can't vape inside? 856 00:50:04,606 --> 00:50:06,139 Accidentally killed a man. 857 00:50:06,273 --> 00:50:08,610 Isn't weed supposed to be good for you, with the cancer? 858 00:50:08,743 --> 00:50:12,346 I prefer edibles. No, too many carbs. 859 00:50:12,479 --> 00:50:13,581 Screw it. 860 00:50:15,182 --> 00:50:17,519 How do I work it? You just press the button. 861 00:50:17,652 --> 00:50:19,486 Hold it? Press it? And inhale. 862 00:50:19,621 --> 00:50:21,789 And then what? 863 00:50:22,022 --> 00:50:23,257 Fleshpuppet. 864 00:50:27,762 --> 00:50:30,230 Oh, my God. Buck. 865 00:50:31,699 --> 00:50:33,568 Um... 866 00:50:33,701 --> 00:50:35,068 I'm Gary. 867 00:50:36,136 --> 00:50:37,237 All right, Gary. 868 00:50:37,371 --> 00:50:39,507 You gonna let me in or what? Oh, yeah. 869 00:50:41,341 --> 00:50:42,577 Cool. 870 00:50:44,411 --> 00:50:46,014 Mm-hm. 871 00:50:46,146 --> 00:50:49,283 Oh, my God. 872 00:50:51,019 --> 00:50:53,287 Who are you? 873 00:50:53,420 --> 00:50:58,191 Um, Cameron, this is Buck. 874 00:50:58,325 --> 00:50:59,493 Fleshpuppet? 875 00:51:01,596 --> 00:51:02,496 Buck. 876 00:51:02,630 --> 00:51:04,832 Um, you're not... 877 00:51:05,065 --> 00:51:08,235 You're, like, hot. Yeah, I know. Life ain't fair. 878 00:51:08,368 --> 00:51:10,038 So where's the body? 879 00:51:10,170 --> 00:51:12,807 Uh, quick question before we begin. 880 00:51:13,041 --> 00:51:14,274 Are you a cop? A cop? 881 00:51:14,408 --> 00:51:17,377 Yes. What? No! Wait, are you? 882 00:51:17,512 --> 00:51:19,013 No. 883 00:51:19,146 --> 00:51:21,049 Are you? You kind of look like a cop. 884 00:51:21,181 --> 00:51:25,152 Oh, uh, thank you. That's not a compliment. 885 00:51:25,285 --> 00:51:29,089 No, I'm not a cop at all. Of course not, I'm not a cop. 886 00:51:29,222 --> 00:51:32,459 Good. 'Cause the dark web's built on trust. 887 00:51:32,594 --> 00:51:34,161 Stitch that into a pillow. 888 00:51:36,396 --> 00:51:38,198 Where are my manners, Buck? 889 00:51:38,332 --> 00:51:41,603 Um, can I offer you something to drink? 890 00:51:41,736 --> 00:51:43,705 Y'all got Red Bull? Oh, my God. I wish. 891 00:51:43,838 --> 00:51:45,840 That's the one thing I don't have. 892 00:51:46,074 --> 00:51:48,408 Fuck! Uh, I don't know 893 00:51:48,543 --> 00:51:50,243 exactly how to get this thing started, 894 00:51:50,377 --> 00:51:51,879 so why don't I just tell you a little bit 895 00:51:52,112 --> 00:51:53,715 about how we got into this pickle? 896 00:51:53,848 --> 00:51:56,851 Cameron and I invited over this gentleman-- 897 00:51:57,085 --> 00:51:58,586 Whoa, whoa, whoa. 898 00:51:58,720 --> 00:52:01,355 The body's a man? Uh, yes. 899 00:52:01,488 --> 00:52:03,024 Is that okay? 900 00:52:03,190 --> 00:52:04,626 Mm, body's a body. 901 00:52:04,759 --> 00:52:06,894 Oh, my God. Progressive. You're hot. 902 00:52:07,127 --> 00:52:10,464 Okay. Um, so we invited over this lovely gentleman. 903 00:52:10,598 --> 00:52:12,033 Well, we thought he was lovely. 904 00:52:12,165 --> 00:52:13,601 It turns out that he was really angry-- 905 00:52:13,735 --> 00:52:15,870 This closeted fuck came over and fell out the window. 906 00:52:16,104 --> 00:52:19,406 - Hmm. That sounds ambiguous. - No, no. 907 00:52:19,540 --> 00:52:23,111 We assure you that everything that happened was an accident. 908 00:52:23,243 --> 00:52:25,445 Where did you kill him? Right outside. 909 00:52:25,580 --> 00:52:27,381 You moved the body? It's in the closet. 910 00:52:27,515 --> 00:52:29,249 That makes your cleanup much trickier. 911 00:52:29,383 --> 00:52:30,718 You guys ever seen Gone Girl? 912 00:52:30,852 --> 00:52:32,654 Just the part with Ben Affleck's dick. 913 00:52:32,787 --> 00:52:34,689 Gary. What? I love Ben Affleck. 914 00:52:34,822 --> 00:52:37,725 So you have never dealt with a crime scene cleanup before. 915 00:52:37,859 --> 00:52:40,293 Um, no. No. No. 916 00:52:40,427 --> 00:52:43,263 Well, lucky for you guys, I come prepared. 917 00:52:43,397 --> 00:52:45,933 Ahem, all right. A little bit about me. 918 00:52:46,166 --> 00:52:48,936 I'm a Capricorn with Cancer rising. 919 00:52:49,169 --> 00:52:51,072 I love long-distance running, 920 00:52:51,204 --> 00:52:54,207 old science textbooks, and fucking dead bodies. 921 00:52:54,341 --> 00:52:56,410 Oh, my God. I am such a sucker for Capricorns, Gary. 922 00:52:56,544 --> 00:52:57,645 Because I'm a Christian, 923 00:52:57,779 --> 00:52:59,379 I'll walk you through the deep clean, 924 00:52:59,514 --> 00:53:01,481 but you're gonna have to do the legwork yourself. 925 00:53:01,616 --> 00:53:06,186 All I need in return is the body, no questions asked. 926 00:53:06,319 --> 00:53:09,157 I'm sorry, um, just the one question 927 00:53:09,289 --> 00:53:11,291 about, uh, "fucking dead bodies"? 928 00:53:11,425 --> 00:53:12,492 No questions asked. 929 00:53:12,627 --> 00:53:14,162 Right, but just the one question 930 00:53:14,294 --> 00:53:15,563 before no questions. No, no, no. 931 00:53:15,697 --> 00:53:17,197 That's all, that's all, that's all. 932 00:53:17,330 --> 00:53:19,801 Thank you so much, Mr. Fleshpuppet. 933 00:53:19,934 --> 00:53:21,669 I'm having second thoughts. Too late. 934 00:53:21,803 --> 00:53:23,270 What do you care what he does to the body? 935 00:53:23,403 --> 00:53:25,707 I care. You wanna keep it? 936 00:53:25,840 --> 00:53:27,542 I don't wanna keep it. Ut-shay up-yay! 937 00:53:27,675 --> 00:53:30,511 Get me out of here! Oh! 938 00:53:33,213 --> 00:53:35,750 Sounds like you got more than one problem on your hands, boys. 939 00:53:35,883 --> 00:53:37,451 No, just Sex and the City. 940 00:53:37,585 --> 00:53:39,587 No, that's Real Housewives of... 941 00:53:39,721 --> 00:53:40,822 Reno. 942 00:53:40,955 --> 00:53:42,322 Marathon. 943 00:53:42,456 --> 00:53:44,959 We're Bravoheads. 944 00:53:45,193 --> 00:53:46,393 Bravo. 945 00:53:48,261 --> 00:53:50,164 All right. Y'all got oxygen-based bleach? 946 00:53:50,297 --> 00:53:51,966 Uh... I'll go check. 947 00:53:55,335 --> 00:53:56,771 Wow. 948 00:53:58,338 --> 00:54:00,007 Banging fucking house, Gary. 949 00:54:01,709 --> 00:54:04,311 Thank you. Ooh, what's this? 950 00:54:05,646 --> 00:54:07,347 Oh, um... 951 00:54:07,481 --> 00:54:09,751 Put that down. Please. 952 00:54:11,485 --> 00:54:13,420 It's just very delicate. 953 00:54:21,361 --> 00:54:22,462 Thank you. 954 00:54:29,570 --> 00:54:32,372 You guys are making very quick work of this. 955 00:54:32,507 --> 00:54:34,909 I'm impressed. I might have to hire you guys. 956 00:54:36,744 --> 00:54:40,014 Yeah. Thank you for all of your help. 957 00:54:40,248 --> 00:54:43,483 Yeah. Who knew crime-scene cleaning could be so exhausting. 958 00:54:45,586 --> 00:54:47,522 You guys mind if I take a smoke break? 959 00:54:47,655 --> 00:54:49,190 I think we should keep working through-- 960 00:54:49,322 --> 00:54:50,792 Gary. 961 00:54:50,925 --> 00:54:52,760 Fine. Patio's just-- 962 00:54:52,894 --> 00:54:55,328 We already vaped inside. Who cares if he smokes? 963 00:54:55,462 --> 00:54:57,665 Yeah, you're the guest. 964 00:55:09,710 --> 00:55:10,978 Oh, did you want some? 965 00:55:12,046 --> 00:55:14,649 I thought you would never ask. 966 00:55:14,782 --> 00:55:17,785 Oh, sorry. Gary, did you wanna hit it first? 967 00:55:17,919 --> 00:55:21,222 Oh, yes, for the host with the most. 968 00:55:21,354 --> 00:55:22,890 Go on. No, I'm fine. 969 00:55:23,024 --> 00:55:24,725 Suit yourself, narc. 970 00:55:24,859 --> 00:55:27,862 Would you just excuse us for one second, please? 971 00:55:27,995 --> 00:55:29,831 You're trying to embarrass me? 972 00:55:35,636 --> 00:55:38,606 Get in here. Crack is where I draw the line. 973 00:55:38,739 --> 00:55:39,774 Gary-- 974 00:55:39,907 --> 00:55:43,343 Oh, my God, this powder room. Well... 975 00:55:43,476 --> 00:55:44,579 This was Patty's design. 976 00:55:44,712 --> 00:55:46,379 I would take a more minimalist approach. 977 00:55:46,514 --> 00:55:48,348 Wow, you gave her one room to decorate. 978 00:55:48,481 --> 00:55:49,416 You are an oppressor. 979 00:55:51,853 --> 00:55:54,454 Ah-cha-cha-cha! 980 00:55:54,589 --> 00:55:57,258 Okay, speaking of, can you please be cool out there? 981 00:55:57,424 --> 00:55:58,860 There is nothing cool about crack! 982 00:55:58,993 --> 00:56:01,696 Know how hard it is to get crack offered to you guilt-free? 983 00:56:01,829 --> 00:56:03,130 "Guilt-free"? Yeah. 984 00:56:03,363 --> 00:56:05,633 This isn't a fucking cauliflower-crust pizza. 985 00:56:05,766 --> 00:56:08,336 It's a Class A narcotic! Gary, do you know 986 00:56:08,468 --> 00:56:10,905 how much crack I'd be smoking if I was dying right now? 987 00:56:11,038 --> 00:56:12,807 A lot. Yes, that is correct. A lot. 988 00:56:12,940 --> 00:56:14,542 A lot of fucking crack! Shh! 989 00:56:14,675 --> 00:56:16,844 How does that song go? "Smoke crack like you're dying." 990 00:56:16,978 --> 00:56:19,412 I've never heard it, but I'm sure that's not how it goes. 991 00:56:19,547 --> 00:56:20,548 Whatever. It's a remix. 992 00:56:20,681 --> 00:56:21,849 We are gonna go out there 993 00:56:21,983 --> 00:56:23,551 and smoke a shit-ton of crack 994 00:56:23,684 --> 00:56:25,519 with the guy who's gonna get this dead body off our hands. 995 00:56:25,653 --> 00:56:26,587 And you'll be cool about it! 996 00:56:26,721 --> 00:56:27,922 Cameron. No! Yes! 997 00:56:31,692 --> 00:56:35,630 Whoa. Nicely done, old boy. 998 00:56:35,763 --> 00:56:37,531 Not too much, Cam. Get fucked. 999 00:56:37,665 --> 00:56:38,833 We just killed a man 1000 00:56:38,966 --> 00:56:40,635 and there's a sweet church lady in the closet. 1001 00:56:40,768 --> 00:56:43,304 I knew there was a lady upstairs. I love you guys. 1002 00:56:43,436 --> 00:56:44,939 I'm gonna smoke as much crack as I want, 1003 00:56:45,072 --> 00:56:47,775 because it's been a lot of firsts for me too tonight, Gary. 1004 00:56:47,909 --> 00:56:50,978 Where are you going? 1005 00:56:51,112 --> 00:56:52,780 Oh-ho-ho! 1006 00:56:57,417 --> 00:56:58,619 Holy shit. 1007 00:57:00,154 --> 00:57:01,656 Fuck! I feel... 1008 00:57:03,557 --> 00:57:04,625 I feel like... 1009 00:57:05,993 --> 00:57:07,995 I remember my first light. 1010 00:57:08,129 --> 00:57:12,800 It's like I took a flight, a pleasure in your mind. 1011 00:57:12,934 --> 00:57:14,669 It feels just right. 1012 00:57:14,802 --> 00:57:16,837 Whoa! Did that just rhyme? 1013 00:57:18,471 --> 00:57:21,742 Did you hear that? No, I didn't hear anything. 1014 00:57:21,876 --> 00:57:24,979 It's your subconscious, Gary. Guilt's creeping in. 1015 00:57:25,112 --> 00:57:27,148 Just ignore it. That's what I do. 1016 00:57:32,119 --> 00:57:33,788 Did you hear that? 1017 00:57:33,921 --> 00:57:37,391 That sound in your head, it's like a popping sound. 1018 00:57:37,558 --> 00:57:38,458 Pop! 1019 00:57:39,527 --> 00:57:43,064 Pop! Pop! Pop! Pop! 1020 00:57:43,197 --> 00:57:46,667 Totally normal. It's your mind expanding, my friends. 1021 00:57:46,801 --> 00:57:50,004 Just ignore the demons and focus on the feeling. 1022 00:57:51,105 --> 00:57:52,039 The feeling. 1023 00:57:53,140 --> 00:57:54,442 I feel... 1024 00:58:01,682 --> 00:58:03,117 I feel... 1025 00:58:05,519 --> 00:58:06,620 Good. 1026 00:59:40,981 --> 00:59:42,616 Is this what it's like? 1027 00:59:44,618 --> 00:59:45,886 What's like? 1028 00:59:52,259 --> 00:59:55,362 Yeah, this is what it's like. 1029 00:59:59,733 --> 01:00:01,202 Come on. 1030 01:01:35,429 --> 01:01:38,032 Crack is so bad for you. 1031 01:01:38,165 --> 01:01:40,734 Really, really bad. 1032 01:01:40,868 --> 01:01:44,305 Very, very, very bad. 1033 01:01:45,706 --> 01:01:46,840 For sure. 1034 01:01:50,277 --> 01:01:52,813 You guys doing anything for the Rapture? 1035 01:01:54,748 --> 01:01:57,284 What? The Rapture. 1036 01:01:57,418 --> 01:02:00,054 Doomsday. End times. 1037 01:02:01,388 --> 01:02:04,626 I just finished building my bomb shelter. 1038 01:02:04,792 --> 01:02:07,127 I got a full kit and everything. 1039 01:02:07,261 --> 01:02:09,096 I put all my regalia in there. 1040 01:02:10,264 --> 01:02:12,132 You guys are welcome to join me. 1041 01:02:13,267 --> 01:02:14,703 Thanks, Fleshpuppet. 1042 01:02:14,835 --> 01:02:16,837 What about you, narc? 1043 01:02:20,140 --> 01:02:23,110 I don't think I'll be seeing the end of the world. 1044 01:02:23,244 --> 01:02:26,080 Don't be such a pessimist. Hey. 1045 01:02:26,213 --> 01:02:27,248 He's dying. 1046 01:02:29,216 --> 01:02:32,319 That's hot. Keep it in your pants. 1047 01:02:33,954 --> 01:02:35,990 How much longer you got? Okay, that's so rude. 1048 01:02:36,123 --> 01:02:37,358 You don't ask people that. 1049 01:02:40,394 --> 01:02:42,229 Wait, how much longer do you got? 1050 01:02:43,430 --> 01:02:45,866 A month. Ooh. 1051 01:02:46,000 --> 01:02:48,902 A month? Give or take. 1052 01:02:54,475 --> 01:02:56,110 I'm gonna... 1053 01:02:56,243 --> 01:02:57,778 I'm gonna let you guys 1054 01:02:57,911 --> 01:03:00,848 Terms of Endearment it up together for a little bit. 1055 01:03:00,981 --> 01:03:04,251 Gary, I'm gonna go jack off in one of your many bathrooms. 1056 01:03:05,520 --> 01:03:09,290 Mm, that's okay. I think, um... 1057 01:03:10,991 --> 01:03:13,027 we should all go inside now. 1058 01:03:29,009 --> 01:03:30,578 Gary, I had no idea. 1059 01:03:32,913 --> 01:03:34,248 I didn't tell you, so... 1060 01:03:34,381 --> 01:03:35,883 I wish you would have. 1061 01:03:38,319 --> 01:03:39,521 Cameron. 1062 01:03:44,091 --> 01:03:45,527 Where's my egg? 1063 01:03:50,030 --> 01:03:53,735 Well, gentlemen, that was, uh... That was fun. 1064 01:03:53,867 --> 01:03:56,771 But I should probably collect my corpse 1065 01:03:56,904 --> 01:03:59,139 and skedaddle before the rest of the world wakes up. 1066 01:03:59,273 --> 01:04:02,777 You know, can't be seen dragging a dead body around 1067 01:04:02,910 --> 01:04:04,211 in broad daylight, now, can we? 1068 01:04:07,348 --> 01:04:09,149 Gary. Gary! 1069 01:04:09,283 --> 01:04:10,417 Give me my egg. 1070 01:04:10,552 --> 01:04:12,386 What the fuck are you talking about? 1071 01:04:12,520 --> 01:04:15,356 Did you put it down your pants? No, that's my dick. 1072 01:04:15,489 --> 01:04:17,759 We both saw your dick in the lake, Buck, 1073 01:04:17,925 --> 01:04:20,294 and we can all agree it doesn't look anything like that. 1074 01:04:20,427 --> 01:04:23,230 Whoa, whoa. Let's be a little empathetic to shrinkage, boys. 1075 01:04:23,364 --> 01:04:24,932 That is my great-great-grandmother's 1076 01:04:25,065 --> 01:04:27,201 fucking egg, and you better fucking give it back. 1077 01:04:31,004 --> 01:04:32,272 Or what? 1078 01:04:35,543 --> 01:04:37,846 Boys. Boys. 1079 01:04:37,978 --> 01:04:41,448 Come on, there's a better way we can work this out, right? 1080 01:04:41,583 --> 01:04:43,283 Right? 1081 01:04:43,417 --> 01:04:46,453 All right. You're right. You're right. 1082 01:04:46,588 --> 01:04:49,490 You caught me. Let's make a deal, okay? 1083 01:04:49,624 --> 01:04:52,993 I will give you your great-grandmother's egg back... 1084 01:04:54,361 --> 01:04:56,497 if I can have your body after you go. 1085 01:04:58,932 --> 01:05:02,035 Oh, my God. You sick fuck! 1086 01:05:02,169 --> 01:05:03,437 Okay, okay. You wanna trade? 1087 01:05:03,571 --> 01:05:05,472 Give him his egg back and you can get your body. 1088 01:05:05,607 --> 01:05:08,409 Oh, that body's already mine. Well, that egg is fucking mine! 1089 01:05:10,277 --> 01:05:12,379 Worms are gonna be eating your dead gay ass in a month. 1090 01:05:12,514 --> 01:05:14,915 What does it even matter? Jesus. 1091 01:05:19,286 --> 01:05:21,488 What does anything fucking matter? 1092 01:05:21,623 --> 01:05:23,090 Yeah. 1093 01:05:23,223 --> 01:05:25,259 What, did I say something insensitive? Why is he--? 1094 01:05:25,392 --> 01:05:26,861 Okay, you know what? Fuck you. 1095 01:05:26,994 --> 01:05:30,230 Oh, it's cute you care about your friend. 1096 01:05:30,364 --> 01:05:31,965 All right, fine. What do you want? 1097 01:05:33,300 --> 01:05:34,836 I get the dead guy's truck. 1098 01:05:34,968 --> 01:05:36,504 Why do you want a truck? I Uber'd here. 1099 01:05:36,638 --> 01:05:38,071 I lost everything in the divorce. 1100 01:05:38,205 --> 01:05:40,675 All right. Whatever. Sure. Deal. 1101 01:05:44,044 --> 01:05:45,212 Ah-ah! 1102 01:05:45,345 --> 01:05:47,981 My dick isn't tiny. 1103 01:05:48,115 --> 01:05:49,551 No, I need you to verbalize it for me. 1104 01:05:49,684 --> 01:05:51,686 Tell me. Seriously? 1105 01:05:51,920 --> 01:05:53,987 Okay, your dick is not tiny. Thank you. 1106 01:05:54,121 --> 01:05:58,058 Okay. All right. Now let's go get you your dead body. 1107 01:05:58,192 --> 01:06:00,394 Finally. Jesus. 1108 01:06:00,528 --> 01:06:02,196 So he has a habit of falling out, 1109 01:06:02,329 --> 01:06:03,964 so just keep that in mind. 1110 01:06:04,097 --> 01:06:07,535 This ain't my first rodeo, pal. Hey. 1111 01:06:07,669 --> 01:06:09,236 I don't want Buck to have the body. 1112 01:06:09,369 --> 01:06:11,038 Gary, it's practically rush hour. 1113 01:06:11,171 --> 01:06:14,041 No, we cannot give the body to this... 1114 01:06:14,174 --> 01:06:16,210 twisted, dark-sided psychopath. 1115 01:06:16,343 --> 01:06:18,880 Okay, I'm starting to feel judged, 1116 01:06:19,012 --> 01:06:20,949 and I'm about to get mad. 1117 01:06:21,081 --> 01:06:23,050 No, no, don't get mad. We're gonna give you your body. 1118 01:06:23,183 --> 01:06:25,887 He deserves a proper burial. Jesus Christ, I'm not an animal. 1119 01:06:26,019 --> 01:06:28,322 I'm gonna bury him after I'm done fucking him. Jesus. 1120 01:06:28,455 --> 01:06:29,990 Open the door and give me the body. 1121 01:06:30,123 --> 01:06:32,560 Don't open the door. Open the door. Open the door. 1122 01:06:32,694 --> 01:06:34,995 Do not open the door. Shut up! Open the fucking door! 1123 01:06:35,128 --> 01:06:37,064 I'm opening the fucking door! Thank you. 1124 01:06:39,968 --> 01:06:40,735 What the fuck? What the fuck? 1125 01:06:40,969 --> 01:06:42,069 What the fuck? 1126 01:06:44,338 --> 01:06:45,272 Shit. 1127 01:06:54,448 --> 01:06:55,617 What the fuck? 1128 01:06:55,750 --> 01:06:57,484 He's still alive, you fucking idiots. 1129 01:06:57,619 --> 01:06:58,953 Oh, my God! 1130 01:06:59,086 --> 01:07:00,522 We're in the clear! 1131 01:07:00,655 --> 01:07:02,256 I'm not gay! Babe, what? 1132 01:07:02,389 --> 01:07:04,391 I'm not gay! I'm not gay! 1133 01:07:04,526 --> 01:07:07,629 Now, sir, you've been seriously injured. 1134 01:07:07,762 --> 01:07:10,030 I'm afraid that if you don't get medical attention, 1135 01:07:10,163 --> 01:07:11,431 you could die. 1136 01:07:11,566 --> 01:07:13,367 I can't have my family knowing I was here. 1137 01:07:13,501 --> 01:07:17,972 Don't call the cops, please. Please, please, just let me go. 1138 01:07:18,105 --> 01:07:21,475 I swear to God I'll never suck cock again. 1139 01:07:21,609 --> 01:07:25,312 You'd rather die than have your family know you're gay? 1140 01:07:25,445 --> 01:07:28,415 I'm not fucking gay! 1141 01:07:36,758 --> 01:07:38,793 I'm not... 1142 01:07:41,428 --> 01:07:43,363 gay. 1143 01:07:49,303 --> 01:07:50,605 Got him. 1144 01:07:54,074 --> 01:07:57,845 Oh, my God, you... You fucking murdered him again! 1145 01:07:58,078 --> 01:08:01,081 Hey. It's my body. He wasn't dead! 1146 01:08:02,584 --> 01:08:04,251 He's dead now. 1147 01:08:08,288 --> 01:08:11,391 You know, I'm a little upset, guys. 1148 01:08:11,526 --> 01:08:13,761 Seeing you try to help him. 1149 01:08:15,295 --> 01:08:16,531 Thought we had a deal. 1150 01:08:16,664 --> 01:08:18,465 Put him down. 1151 01:08:24,505 --> 01:08:26,473 What are you gonna do about it? 1152 01:08:26,608 --> 01:08:28,241 Gary! 1153 01:08:32,847 --> 01:08:35,282 Gary! Gary! 1154 01:08:35,415 --> 01:08:38,620 I told you not to make me angry, narc! 1155 01:08:41,488 --> 01:08:42,724 Get off of him! 1156 01:08:49,429 --> 01:08:52,600 I can't wait to fuck the death into you. 1157 01:08:54,434 --> 01:08:57,672 That's so gross. 1158 01:09:21,328 --> 01:09:22,897 That was so hot. 1159 01:09:25,198 --> 01:09:26,299 Yeah. 1160 01:09:28,836 --> 01:09:29,904 I know. 1161 01:09:37,244 --> 01:09:38,946 Where did you get a scooter from? 1162 01:09:40,313 --> 01:09:41,749 It's my sons'. 1163 01:09:41,883 --> 01:09:42,850 Oh. 1164 01:09:47,522 --> 01:09:51,324 I know you said never to save your life again, but... 1165 01:09:53,493 --> 01:09:55,195 I'll allow it this once. 1166 01:09:59,299 --> 01:10:02,436 Remember when we only had one body to worry about? 1167 01:10:03,838 --> 01:10:06,941 Get in. I know a place. 1168 01:10:07,175 --> 01:10:08,576 Now you tell me. 1169 01:10:32,499 --> 01:10:34,736 Ever think about where you wanna be buried? 1170 01:10:37,270 --> 01:10:38,405 Sorry. 1171 01:10:38,539 --> 01:10:40,373 That's so fucked up to ask. 1172 01:10:41,876 --> 01:10:43,511 They're probably just gonna give me 1173 01:10:43,644 --> 01:10:46,681 some kind of religious burial, no matter what I want. 1174 01:10:46,814 --> 01:10:48,415 So who cares? 1175 01:10:53,253 --> 01:10:54,454 I care. 1176 01:11:00,327 --> 01:11:03,664 I don't know. Just Nicole Kidman me in a lake with my dog. 1177 01:11:06,466 --> 01:11:07,802 That's a good choice. 1178 01:11:10,403 --> 01:11:11,572 Oscar-worthy. 1179 01:12:02,924 --> 01:12:05,626 Sandy? Oh, hi. 1180 01:12:05,760 --> 01:12:07,460 Hi. Hi. 1181 01:12:07,595 --> 01:12:09,797 Oh, my. Have you been gardening? 1182 01:12:09,931 --> 01:12:12,332 Oh, um... 1183 01:12:14,467 --> 01:12:17,905 A little bit. Heh, good for you! 1184 01:12:18,039 --> 01:12:19,774 Mmm. 1185 01:12:19,907 --> 01:12:23,410 Look at me, just making myself right at home. 1186 01:12:23,544 --> 01:12:26,848 Listen, um, about last night... 1187 01:12:28,950 --> 01:12:31,118 Oh, I'm so embarrassed. 1188 01:12:31,351 --> 01:12:33,386 I don't remember a thing. 1189 01:12:33,521 --> 01:12:34,421 You don't? 1190 01:12:34,555 --> 01:12:35,823 Oh, God. 1191 01:12:35,957 --> 01:12:40,628 Uh-uh. Oh, Sandy, you did seem... 1192 01:12:40,761 --> 01:12:43,396 very inebriated. 1193 01:12:43,531 --> 01:12:44,431 Oh, Gary. 1194 01:12:44,565 --> 01:12:45,700 It was right as we-- 1195 01:12:45,833 --> 01:12:48,569 I was about to watch Sex and the City 2, 1196 01:12:48,703 --> 01:12:51,939 and something about... 1197 01:12:52,073 --> 01:12:54,609 Cynthia... Nixon. 1198 01:12:54,742 --> 01:12:57,645 Nixon really set you off. 1199 01:12:57,778 --> 01:13:00,615 Oh, she really does bother me. 1200 01:13:00,748 --> 01:13:04,118 But not as much as Charlotte. Oh, exactly. 1201 01:13:04,352 --> 01:13:06,587 Yeah. You were threatening self-harm, 1202 01:13:06,721 --> 01:13:08,823 and then you locked yourself in the closet 1203 01:13:08,956 --> 01:13:11,926 before we-- I could help you. 1204 01:13:13,527 --> 01:13:14,829 Well, I'll tell you one thing, 1205 01:13:14,962 --> 01:13:17,832 not the first time I've woken up in a closet. 1206 01:13:17,965 --> 01:13:21,569 My husband, God rest his soul, 1207 01:13:21,702 --> 01:13:23,638 he practically had to tie me to the bed 1208 01:13:23,771 --> 01:13:25,706 to keep me from jumping off the balcony 1209 01:13:25,840 --> 01:13:28,943 in the middle of Beaches, that Bette Midler trauma. 1210 01:13:29,076 --> 01:13:30,745 I'm sure that's terrible. 1211 01:13:42,657 --> 01:13:44,926 I'm so lonely. 1212 01:13:47,828 --> 01:13:50,497 Aren't you lonely too, Gary? 1213 01:13:52,066 --> 01:13:53,067 Yeah. 1214 01:13:59,674 --> 01:14:03,544 Well, I better be getting along. 1215 01:14:03,678 --> 01:14:06,047 Gotta hit the road. 1216 01:14:08,015 --> 01:14:09,083 Stat. 1217 01:14:10,685 --> 01:14:11,886 Okay. 1218 01:14:19,527 --> 01:14:23,698 You're a good man, Gary. 1219 01:14:28,169 --> 01:14:30,504 I don't care what anyone else says. 1220 01:14:31,806 --> 01:14:33,708 Okay. 1221 01:14:36,043 --> 01:14:38,212 Okay, bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. 1222 01:14:38,478 --> 01:14:40,381 Bye! Bye-bye! Bye. 1223 01:14:40,514 --> 01:14:41,849 Bye-bye! 1224 01:14:47,188 --> 01:14:49,924 Oh, my God. Gary, you nailed that. 1225 01:14:50,057 --> 01:14:51,726 Did I? Yes, bitch. 1226 01:14:51,859 --> 01:14:53,060 The Sex and the City 2 of it all? 1227 01:14:53,194 --> 01:14:55,463 You have really come into your own. 1228 01:14:55,596 --> 01:14:56,897 Am I officially gay now? 1229 01:14:57,031 --> 01:14:59,867 Being gay was inside of you all along, Scarecrow. 1230 01:15:00,001 --> 01:15:02,670 This is where I joke about other gay things I want inside of me. 1231 01:15:02,803 --> 01:15:06,107 The student becomes the teacher. Namaste. 1232 01:15:18,252 --> 01:15:20,287 You wanna know something fucked up? 1233 01:15:22,256 --> 01:15:24,158 Ever since I was a little girl. 1234 01:15:30,131 --> 01:15:33,100 Last night might be the most alive I've ever felt. 1235 01:15:36,237 --> 01:15:37,772 That is so fucked up. 1236 01:15:41,776 --> 01:15:43,844 I'm really glad I met you. 1237 01:15:45,780 --> 01:15:48,215 Even if multiple people are dead because of it. 1238 01:15:50,551 --> 01:15:53,020 That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. 1239 01:15:57,792 --> 01:15:58,993 Before I forget... 1240 01:16:04,265 --> 01:16:05,900 I put it in my pants. 1241 01:16:15,276 --> 01:16:16,811 You should keep it. 1242 01:16:21,148 --> 01:16:22,917 Something to remember me by. 1243 01:16:25,186 --> 01:16:26,821 It's yours, Gary. 1244 01:16:47,675 --> 01:16:49,643 You don't have to kiss me, Cameron. Really. 1245 01:16:49,777 --> 01:16:51,245 I'm not gonna kiss you. 1246 01:16:53,848 --> 01:16:55,683 You're gonna kiss me, Gary. 1247 01:17:49,370 --> 01:17:50,738 Wow. 1248 01:17:52,173 --> 01:17:53,941 Are you sure that was your first time? 1249 01:17:54,074 --> 01:17:56,744 I just fit right in there. 1250 01:17:56,877 --> 01:17:57,845 Oh, God. 1251 01:18:03,384 --> 01:18:05,853 Gary, I really think you should call your sons. 1252 01:18:07,922 --> 01:18:11,660 I don't love the timing of that statement. 1253 01:18:11,792 --> 01:18:14,094 Yeah. No, I get that, but... 1254 01:18:15,162 --> 01:18:16,330 you should. 1255 01:18:18,766 --> 01:18:20,401 I wouldn't know what to say. 1256 01:18:23,237 --> 01:18:24,972 After all this time. 1257 01:18:28,375 --> 01:18:29,777 You do, though. 1258 01:18:44,358 --> 01:18:47,728 Thanks for the clothes. Yeah, they look better on you. 1259 01:18:52,132 --> 01:18:53,167 Gary, I just... 1260 01:18:54,969 --> 01:18:56,237 I wanna say... 1261 01:18:59,406 --> 01:19:01,742 you're hot. 1262 01:19:01,875 --> 01:19:04,478 And in case I forget to tell you later... 1263 01:19:06,013 --> 01:19:08,148 I had a really good time tonight. 1264 01:19:11,218 --> 01:19:12,186 Pretty Woman. 1265 01:19:12,319 --> 01:19:13,787 Yeah. 1266 01:19:21,862 --> 01:19:22,997 Well, if you, um... 1267 01:19:24,164 --> 01:19:25,132 You wanna call me 1268 01:19:25,266 --> 01:19:27,167 or get together again... 1269 01:19:27,301 --> 01:19:29,003 Cameron. 1270 01:19:35,776 --> 01:19:36,844 Thank you. 1271 01:19:42,850 --> 01:19:43,951 Mm-hm. 1272 01:19:47,221 --> 01:19:48,389 Okay. 1273 01:20:33,233 --> 01:20:36,070 "Dear friends and family... 1274 01:20:36,203 --> 01:20:38,105 After recently coming out as a gay man, 1275 01:20:38,238 --> 01:20:41,041 Gary O'Connell died on Sunday, May 31st, 1276 01:20:41,175 --> 01:20:42,610 peacefully in his home." 1277 01:20:45,079 --> 01:20:46,380 Gary. 1278 01:20:46,514 --> 01:20:48,248 "Memorial service will be held 1279 01:20:48,382 --> 01:20:51,285 at Mary Magdalene Church and Cemetery, June 7th. 1280 01:20:51,418 --> 01:20:55,089 Donations in his memory may be made to the church." 1281 01:20:57,124 --> 01:20:58,926 What the fuck? 1282 01:21:11,405 --> 01:21:14,141 ...wondering what if it's been me and-- 1283 01:21:14,274 --> 01:21:16,076 I don't know, I just couldn't get over-- 1284 01:21:16,210 --> 01:21:17,478 Bullshit. 1285 01:21:19,179 --> 01:21:21,081 Hi, Patty. 1286 01:21:21,215 --> 01:21:23,450 I got your fucking invitation, you Hallmark hussy. 1287 01:21:23,585 --> 01:21:25,653 That card was beautiful and tasteful-- 1288 01:21:25,886 --> 01:21:27,622 And Gary would have hated it. 1289 01:21:27,856 --> 01:21:29,824 Listen, man. You got-- No, no, no. That's okay. 1290 01:21:29,957 --> 01:21:32,359 I'm here 'cause I cared a lot about Gary. 1291 01:21:32,493 --> 01:21:34,128 A lot. 1292 01:21:34,261 --> 01:21:36,096 And I got to know the real him. 1293 01:21:36,230 --> 01:21:39,099 The him that none of you ever got to see. 1294 01:21:39,233 --> 01:21:40,401 And that Gary... 1295 01:21:42,202 --> 01:21:43,805 that Gary would have hated this. 1296 01:21:43,937 --> 01:21:45,339 And you know that. 1297 01:21:47,141 --> 01:21:48,342 Don't you, Patty? 1298 01:21:52,946 --> 01:21:55,949 Are you finished? I don't know. Am I finished? 1299 01:22:00,555 --> 01:22:04,526 I know you think you had a good reason for coming... 1300 01:22:04,659 --> 01:22:07,161 but let me tell you this. 1301 01:22:07,294 --> 01:22:09,430 We all made our choices. 1302 01:22:09,564 --> 01:22:12,332 My husband made his choice. 1303 01:22:12,466 --> 01:22:15,269 And was it the right one for him at the time? Maybe. 1304 01:22:15,402 --> 01:22:17,705 But the truth is, if I had known, 1305 01:22:17,938 --> 01:22:20,909 maybe my choices would have been different. 1306 01:22:21,041 --> 01:22:22,844 Because this was... 1307 01:22:22,976 --> 01:22:27,549 never about me standing in the way of what Gary wanted. 1308 01:22:27,682 --> 01:22:29,183 This was about him. 1309 01:22:30,685 --> 01:22:33,688 And the both of us wasted so much of our lives 1310 01:22:33,922 --> 01:22:36,490 trying to be what the other person wanted. 1311 01:22:36,624 --> 01:22:40,294 So much trying, so many years. 1312 01:22:40,427 --> 01:22:43,063 And we never did get to be who we wanted. 1313 01:22:43,197 --> 01:22:45,098 Neither one of us. Ever. 1314 01:22:45,232 --> 01:22:47,067 Until the end. 1315 01:22:47,201 --> 01:22:50,905 He wasn't sorry. He was angry. 1316 01:22:51,038 --> 01:22:52,941 And so I got angry too. 1317 01:22:53,073 --> 01:22:57,177 And we both chose to sit in that anger for a long time. 1318 01:22:57,311 --> 01:22:58,412 Too long. 1319 01:22:58,546 --> 01:23:01,114 But then we made another choice. 1320 01:23:01,248 --> 01:23:03,417 And we had the courage to put all that aside. 1321 01:23:03,551 --> 01:23:07,454 And that is the man that I finally got to know. 1322 01:23:09,056 --> 01:23:11,158 So God help me, don't you dare stand there 1323 01:23:11,291 --> 01:23:13,528 and tell me that I didn't know who he was. 1324 01:23:16,163 --> 01:23:17,130 I'm sorry. 1325 01:23:19,333 --> 01:23:20,467 Good. 1326 01:23:24,137 --> 01:23:26,073 Father, I'm so sorry about that. 1327 01:23:36,751 --> 01:23:40,187 Hey. What the hell did you think you were doing in there? 1328 01:23:40,320 --> 01:23:42,089 Look, I'm not here to cause any trouble. 1329 01:23:42,222 --> 01:23:45,092 Well, you did call my mom a "Hallmark hussy." 1330 01:23:45,225 --> 01:23:48,462 Yeah, words just kind of fall out of my mouth sometimes and... 1331 01:23:48,596 --> 01:23:50,532 I don't know. Right. Understood. 1332 01:23:50,665 --> 01:23:52,000 Yeah. 1333 01:23:52,132 --> 01:23:54,034 My father reached out, 1334 01:23:54,167 --> 01:23:56,804 and he told us that he met a guy... 1335 01:23:57,037 --> 01:24:00,307 and that that guy said that he should call his family. 1336 01:24:00,440 --> 01:24:03,143 And I just wanted to say, because of you, 1337 01:24:03,277 --> 01:24:05,980 we got our dad back... 1338 01:24:06,113 --> 01:24:07,615 for a little while longer. 1339 01:24:07,749 --> 01:24:08,683 That's... 1340 01:24:10,117 --> 01:24:11,251 I'm glad. 1341 01:24:12,319 --> 01:24:14,087 And then this. 1342 01:24:15,723 --> 01:24:17,825 He wanted to make sure I gave it to you. 1343 01:24:21,663 --> 01:24:24,097 He said you'd know what to do with it. 1344 01:24:27,467 --> 01:24:28,503 I do. 1345 01:24:48,288 --> 01:24:49,657 Could I just...? 1346 01:25:11,311 --> 01:25:12,245 Um... 1347 01:25:13,815 --> 01:25:16,584 Can I just get a moment with him? 1348 01:25:16,718 --> 01:25:18,318 Can you turn around, please? 1349 01:25:19,386 --> 01:25:20,521 Sorry. 1350 01:25:26,094 --> 01:25:27,260 Thank you. 1351 01:25:37,639 --> 01:25:38,740 Oh, Gary... 1352 01:25:40,575 --> 01:25:41,609 my lover... 1353 01:25:43,310 --> 01:25:44,444 my friend... 1354 01:25:46,514 --> 01:25:49,316 the day I penetrated your virgin hole... 1355 01:25:49,449 --> 01:25:50,585 Oh, my God. 1356 01:25:50,718 --> 01:25:53,153 ...was the best day of my life! 1357 01:25:53,286 --> 01:25:59,192 And we may not be leaving this Earth at the same time, 1358 01:25:59,326 --> 01:26:03,230 but at least we came together! 1359 01:26:09,604 --> 01:26:11,706 What the fuck are you doing? 1360 01:26:13,473 --> 01:26:15,175 Fuck. Fuck. 1361 01:26:21,516 --> 01:26:23,316 Let's do some gay shit, Gary. 1362 01:26:25,653 --> 01:26:29,423 Stop! Yo! Where are you going? 1363 01:26:30,558 --> 01:26:31,559 Are you--? 1364 01:27:30,685 --> 01:27:32,754 He's coming for you, Duke. 1365 01:28:10,290 --> 01:28:12,660 Fuck. Unh! 1366 01:28:15,630 --> 01:28:16,864 Fuck! 97898

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