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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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♪ ♪
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Whoo-hoo! Office vacation!
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No, office mission.
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[groans] Why are we
always doing missions?
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- Because it's our job.
- You don't even know what I do.
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- Do you?
- What?
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Look at this place...
is our mission to stop people
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from getting up crazy early
and using towels to claim
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- the best lounge chairs?
- Probably not.
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What's wrong with using a towel
to claim a chair?
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Ugh, are you really
one of those people?
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- One of what people?
- One of those people who thinks
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they own the best seats
at the pool and can ruin
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- everyone else's vacation.
- So it is a vacation!
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Not a vacation!
And not a resort.
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It's a luxury plastic surgery
facility in Costa Rica.
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Pfft, anyone can put plastic
in a body.
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I can put an entire universe
inside of you.
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Interpol received intel that
one of the world's
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foremost drug kingpins will be
a patient at the facility.
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This is your target: El Cambiante.
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Wait, these are the best photos
we have?
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They're the only photos we have.
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El Cambiante is incredibly secretive.
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- Same.
- Oh, please.
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- [cuckles] You share everything.
- Aha!
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So my true secrets remain hidden.
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You have worse secrets
than the ones we already know?
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- Wait, what kind of se...
- Nobody ask!
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No one knows what
El Cambiante looks like
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because every five years,
he changes his appearance.
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Your mission is to pose as patients,
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find El Cambiante,
and take him alive
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before he changes his face.
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Huh, their rates are actually
really reasonable.
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- Botox in, bad guy out. Got it.
- [laughs] You get Botox?
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Regular touch-ups when I'm young
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will help me avoid looking
like you when I'm older.
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Why would you want to avoid
looking... perfect?
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Aww.
You should look at a mirror...
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- and not a photo from 20 years ago.
- There wouldn't be any difference!
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- I mean, there's some difference.
- [laughs] Crow's feet.
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Say the word
and I can give you tiger feet.
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Lana, tell them I look as good,
if not better than ever.
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You don't, I won't,
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and your plane leaves in an hour.
Seriously?
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Uh, this?
This is for a different mission.
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[gasps] I call Pam's mission!
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[main title theme]
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♪ ♪
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sync & correction by f1nc0
-- MY-SUBS.com --
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♪ ♪
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So tell me what you don't like
about yourself.
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Whoa, doc, that's a tough one.
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I mean, I guess I've been told
my features are too striking.
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- I like everything about myself.
- Then why are you here?
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I don't know,
why are any of us here?
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Standard touch-up... injections
at the orbicularis oculi,
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glabella, and frontalis.
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Not too heavy. I like to glare.
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So what's the craziest thing
you've ever put inside a person?
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- I...
- Follow-up.
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What's the craziest thing you'd like
to put inside a person?
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[sighs] Why are you naked?
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I thought you were gonna
circle my problem areas.
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U-unless you want me to circle them.
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This is my first plastic surgery.
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[doctor] You want to know
the ages of all the guests?
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Well, only for sex reasons.
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Do you know what would happen
if I went full Archer
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on a 60-year-old
because I thought she was 30?
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We'd be having sex on her deathbed.
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Which is actually something I've done...
not that my penis killed her.
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Yeah, I can't in good conscience
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- recommend any surgical procedures.
- Because I'm already perfect?
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Because I wouldn't feel comfortable
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putting someone in your
condition under anesthesia.
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- What condition?
- I-I don't know where to start.
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Multiple fractures, dozens of
knife and projectile wounds.
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Your liver is hanging on by a thread.
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00:03:58,628 --> 00:04:02,365
One of your kidneys has detached
and is just floating inside of you.
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00:04:02,398 --> 00:04:05,735
And your spine is one bad blow
from total paralysis.
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Wait, you can't operate on me
because I'm too frail?
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00:04:09,372 --> 00:04:12,075
Mr. Archer, you're ten steps
past frail.
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How many concussions
have you had?
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It's not a concussion
if you remember it.
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Listen to me:
this is the body of a man
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with no more second chances.
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If you even sneeze wrong,
your heart might stop.
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- Understood?
- Yeah, uh, uh, okay.
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00:04:23,619 --> 00:04:27,575
- Uh, I-I-I-I guess I'll go.
- You should hold the handrail
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- when you go down the stairs.
- Yeah, I-I got it.
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- And if you don't have a will...
- [Archer] I got it!
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[sighs] This is it, Ray.
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This is the day the Agency
gets a fresh start.
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And didn't you say that
last week?
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- And the week before that?
- No idea! I'm too fresh to remember.
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Then how is a fresh start
different from brain damage?
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00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:46,960
You see this calendar? Hmm?
This is the calendar of someone
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00:04:46,984 --> 00:04:50,213
who has a plan: staff meetings,
budget reviews...
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And a whole bunch
of other office-y stuff
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- I already cancelled.
- What? Why?
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Uh, because it's
Blackmail Bribe Day?
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Why are you saying that like
we should know what that is?
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Well, maybe you should,
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because it's basically the reason
this office isn't blown up.
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00:05:03,559 --> 00:05:05,161
Well, one of the reasons.
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00:05:05,194 --> 00:05:08,765
Another reason is,
I have found... other outlets.
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Hotter... hotter...
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hotter...
hotter!
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[cackling]
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Cheryl, what is Blackmail Bribe Day?
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Oh, right. It turns out you
guys are not super stealthy
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on missions, and you
break, like, a lot of laws.
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00:05:26,115 --> 00:05:28,518
So one day a month, Ms. Archer
would pay off the people
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00:05:28,551 --> 00:05:29,951
who saw something
or heard something
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00:05:29,984 --> 00:05:31,664
or lost something
or got shot by something.
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Pay them off how?
With what money?
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That's the blackmail part.
There used to be a Blackmail Day
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and a Bribe Day, but honestly,
it was so confusing
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and just easier to get everyone
in and out all at once.
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Everyone?
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00:05:42,465 --> 00:05:44,801
[Ray] It's like if the DMV
was at a prison.
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[Lana] Yeah, we're not doing this.
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- Tell all those people to go.
- Are you sure about that?
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00:05:49,138 --> 00:05:51,607
Ms. Archer said Blackmail
Bribe Day is the only thing
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keeping this entire city from
descending into utter chaos.
128
00:05:54,610 --> 00:05:57,480
And Ms. Kane says
we're taking a new approach.
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00:05:57,513 --> 00:06:00,783
Ooh, okay! Is the new
approach embassy explosions
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00:06:00,816 --> 00:06:03,453
- and power grid failures?
- Just do it!
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00:06:03,486 --> 00:06:06,422
[soft tropical music]
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♪ ♪
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Ahh, this is my kind of mission.
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00:06:11,727 --> 00:06:13,527
But we should probably look
for this guy soon.
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[Zara] 12 women and 7 men
in the vicinity.
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Four men too old,
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00:06:16,499 --> 00:06:18,668
two men too young,
and one man too tall.
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00:06:18,701 --> 00:06:22,071
And none of these rich bastards
are tipping their waiters!
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Get 'em, girl. [chuckles]
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00:06:23,739 --> 00:06:26,509
- But I thought you Brits didn't tip.
- Some of us do actually care
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00:06:26,542 --> 00:06:28,244
whether workers
can feed their children.
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00:06:28,277 --> 00:06:31,047
And I notice you didn't put
anything on the waiter's tray.
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Well, at least you're
super judgey about it.
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Yeah, you're fooling everybody,
young ladies.
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00:06:36,519 --> 00:06:39,222
- Now who's judgey?
- Eh, they can do what they want.
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00:06:39,255 --> 00:06:40,790
I just worry about if they sneeze,
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- their faces might fall off.
- What happened to you?
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00:06:43,526 --> 00:06:46,362
Good news: I got calf implants!
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00:06:46,395 --> 00:06:49,198
Ugh, you got major surgery
mid-mission?
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00:06:49,231 --> 00:06:51,067
Because my calves
have always been small,
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no matter how much I exercise.
What do you think?
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What's important
is that you like them,
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so don't listen to what anybody
says behind your back.
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- Or to your front.
- Thank you?
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Is anyone working on the mission?
156
00:07:03,412 --> 00:07:05,348
[Cyril] I mean, Krieger's been
getting close with that doctor.
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I'm just saying, think back
to why you became a surgeon.
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Was it because you wanted
to help people?
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00:07:09,352 --> 00:07:12,355
Or was it because
you wanted godlike power?
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Godlike power.
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Right. Time for action.
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Oy, fucker! Your waiter provided a
service, and they deserve compensation!
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00:07:19,495 --> 00:07:21,164
Eh, maybe Archer has a lead.
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00:07:21,197 --> 00:07:25,101
Mm, not unless staring wistfully
out into the ocean is a lead.
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00:07:25,134 --> 00:07:28,471
[soft somber music]
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♪ ♪
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- Hey, bud. You okay?
- I thought so, but apparently not.
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Oh, boy. What happened?
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Life happened, Pam.
A thousand lives, all lived too fully.
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And now, according to
modern medicine, I'm nothing.
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A shell of an agent.
A shell of a man.
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[drink slurping]
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Yeah, the doctor said my skin
is too smooth for Botox.
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Right. All the patients at the facility
got invites to the mixer.
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00:08:00,269 --> 00:08:03,106
Let's split up and look
for El Cambiante.
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- [groaning softly]
- No rush.
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Oh, that's good,
because Dr. Spencer
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00:08:06,976 --> 00:08:08,545
told me to never rush again.
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00:08:08,578 --> 00:08:11,181
And I'm not supposed to run
until the swelling goes down.
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00:08:11,214 --> 00:08:13,116
And my guy here's
clearly opening a coconut
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00:08:13,149 --> 00:08:15,385
- for the first time.
- Wait. Where's Krieger?
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00:08:15,418 --> 00:08:17,687
- I can't!
- Can't?
183
00:08:17,720 --> 00:08:20,657
Could Picasso can't?
Could Kant can't?
184
00:08:20,690 --> 00:08:24,260
You are an artist, and the
human skeleton is your canvas!
185
00:08:24,293 --> 00:08:26,196
Now graft that horn!
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00:08:26,229 --> 00:08:28,431
[machinery beeping]
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[Pam] How are we supposed
to find this guy?
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Everybody here has
the exact same nose.
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00:08:31,743 --> 00:08:33,303
Thanks for walking with me, Pam.
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00:08:33,336 --> 00:08:35,238
One bad fall,
and my hips could shatter.
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00:08:35,271 --> 00:08:37,106
According to one doctor!
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00:08:37,139 --> 00:08:39,576
And according to the X-rays
of my buckling tibias.
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00:08:39,609 --> 00:08:42,612
Screw the X-rays!
This whole place is toxic.
194
00:08:42,645 --> 00:08:45,215
These doctors only make money
if they convince you
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00:08:45,248 --> 00:08:47,350
there's something broken
that they can fix.
196
00:08:47,383 --> 00:08:49,452
Dr. Spencer actually refused
to work on me
197
00:08:49,485 --> 00:08:50,954
because I'm too broken.
198
00:08:50,987 --> 00:08:53,423
[laughs] That was
reverse psychology, dude.
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00:08:53,456 --> 00:08:55,358
- Oh. You think?
- I know!
200
00:08:55,391 --> 00:08:58,128
Look, Archer, you're not
the fresh young agent anymore,
201
00:08:58,161 --> 00:09:01,231
but you're something better:
the salty old pro
202
00:09:01,264 --> 00:09:03,299
who's seen it all
and lived to tell about it.
203
00:09:03,332 --> 00:09:05,976
- I do have a lot of things to tell.
- So go tell them!
204
00:09:06,002 --> 00:09:07,637
Oh, and I guess
look for our target.
205
00:09:07,670 --> 00:09:09,105
Are we still doing that?
206
00:09:09,138 --> 00:09:10,974
[soft percussive jazz music]
207
00:09:11,007 --> 00:09:13,376
- Still no sign of him.
- Keep looking.
208
00:09:13,409 --> 00:09:14,644
He's here somewhere.
209
00:09:14,677 --> 00:09:16,112
- [gasps]
- Huh?
210
00:09:16,145 --> 00:09:19,582
Sorry, I-I have a gasping disorder.
The doctors are stumped.
211
00:09:19,615 --> 00:09:21,618
[gasping]
212
00:09:21,651 --> 00:09:23,253
[Lana] This is unbelievable.
213
00:09:23,286 --> 00:09:25,722
Half our budget is just
labeled "miscellaneous."
214
00:09:25,755 --> 00:09:28,591
Originally we called it bribes,
but the... [chuckles]
215
00:09:28,624 --> 00:09:31,594
...then we had to bribe the IRS
to not arrest us, so.
216
00:09:31,627 --> 00:09:33,696
We spend half our budget on bribes?
217
00:09:33,729 --> 00:09:35,932
I mean, the blackmail
covers some of that.
218
00:09:35,965 --> 00:09:37,267
But Ms. Archer always said that
219
00:09:37,300 --> 00:09:39,536
there's no such thing
as free blackmail,
220
00:09:39,569 --> 00:09:42,639
which is why blackmail expenses
are labeled "et cetera."
221
00:09:42,672 --> 00:09:45,241
Yeah, we're not doing
any of this anymore.
222
00:09:45,274 --> 00:09:47,584
Well, tell that to Mr. Persistent.
223
00:09:49,445 --> 00:09:51,981
Hi. I don't wanna be rude.
Maybe you were in the bathroom.
224
00:09:52,014 --> 00:09:53,654
But this Agency doesn't
do bribes anymore.
225
00:09:53,678 --> 00:09:56,319
[chuckles]
Oh, I heard. Very noble.
226
00:09:56,352 --> 00:09:59,189
I'm Gary.
Trust me... you want to bribe me.
227
00:09:59,222 --> 00:10:01,691
Actually, Gary, I don't.
228
00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:04,527
Because this is my Agency.
A new Agency.
229
00:10:04,560 --> 00:10:07,230
So take whatever deal
you had in the past,
230
00:10:07,263 --> 00:10:10,533
crumple it up into a tiny ball,
and shove it up or down
231
00:10:10,566 --> 00:10:14,471
- or through any hole of your choosing.
- Mm, okay then.
232
00:10:14,504 --> 00:10:16,144
I'll just wait
until you change your mind.
233
00:10:16,168 --> 00:10:17,640
Well, then prepare to wait forever,
234
00:10:17,673 --> 00:10:19,342
Gary, because nothing is gonna...
235
00:10:19,375 --> 00:10:20,376
[rumbling]
[yelps]
236
00:10:20,409 --> 00:10:22,111
Was that the Costa Rican embassy?
237
00:10:22,144 --> 00:10:25,031
Yeah, we've been bribing
some cartel not to blow it up.
238
00:10:25,032 --> 00:10:27,283
- Why?
- Because if they do,
239
00:10:27,316 --> 00:10:29,719
it will make
the Panamanian Mafia furious.
240
00:10:29,752 --> 00:10:30,954
[explosion]
Wha...
241
00:10:30,987 --> 00:10:32,589
See?
[gunshot]
242
00:10:32,622 --> 00:10:35,291
- That could be a coincidence.
- [Gary chuckles] Mm-hmm, yeah.
243
00:10:35,324 --> 00:10:38,394
It's a real coincidence spree
out there.
244
00:10:38,427 --> 00:10:41,631
Wrong nose.
Wrong forehead.
245
00:10:41,664 --> 00:10:44,300
Right nose, right forehead,
but a lady.
246
00:10:44,333 --> 00:10:46,169
- Señora.
- Cheers.
247
00:10:46,202 --> 00:10:48,438
- You're being rather attentive.
- [laughs]
248
00:10:48,471 --> 00:10:50,440
Only when the lady
is worth attending.
249
00:10:50,473 --> 00:10:53,209
And might I say,
your work is exquisite.
250
00:10:53,242 --> 00:10:55,545
I would love to see some
pictures of your grandchildren.
251
00:10:55,578 --> 00:10:59,682
- Grandchildren? I'm 25!
- I see, señorita. [chuckles]
252
00:10:59,715 --> 00:11:04,420
- Apologies, but you are not my type.
- Ugh. I hate this place.
253
00:11:04,453 --> 00:11:06,523
[groaning] We have a problem.
254
00:11:06,556 --> 00:11:09,308
Yeah, you're interrupting
me while I share my
255
00:11:09,309 --> 00:11:12,061
years of wisdom with these
beautiful young ladies.
256
00:11:12,094 --> 00:11:13,463
- [both laugh]
- Why is that funny?
257
00:11:13,496 --> 00:11:18,067
- You sound just like my grandson.
- Grandson? I hate this place.
258
00:11:18,100 --> 00:11:19,636
I don't think we're the only ones
259
00:11:19,669 --> 00:11:21,504
looking for El Cambiante!
[metallic clatter]
260
00:11:21,537 --> 00:11:23,273
- Ay!
- Hang on.
261
00:11:23,306 --> 00:11:26,075
Perfect nose, dimpled chin,
lifted buttocks.
262
00:11:26,108 --> 00:11:28,411
[gasps]
The waiter is El Cambiante?
263
00:11:28,444 --> 00:11:31,214
A disguise within a disguise?
I knew it!
264
00:11:31,247 --> 00:11:33,983
- After him!
- Hey! Be careful who you shove!
265
00:11:34,016 --> 00:11:35,552
Everyone here is older than they look.
266
00:11:35,585 --> 00:11:37,220
[grunts] Ha!
267
00:11:37,253 --> 00:11:39,289
Oh, no, he's whimsically getting away!
268
00:11:39,322 --> 00:11:43,493
- And he took the only harness!
- [chuckles] Oh, Zara. First zipline?
269
00:11:43,526 --> 00:11:46,396
[grunts] Hey!
What was wrong with your belt?
270
00:11:46,429 --> 00:11:48,398
[Archer] The wire is really bad
for the leather.
271
00:11:48,431 --> 00:11:50,066
[Zara grunts]
272
00:11:50,099 --> 00:11:51,399
[Pam grunts]
[Cyril groans]
273
00:11:51,400 --> 00:11:53,203
[dramatic music]
274
00:11:53,236 --> 00:11:54,370
- Gah-ha!
- [drink slurping]
275
00:11:54,403 --> 00:11:55,939
What the...
you still have your drink?
276
00:11:55,972 --> 00:11:59,976
- I'll drop it if I have to.
- Good news: I saw a sloth!
277
00:12:00,009 --> 00:12:01,729
- Where is he?
- Probably still back that way.
278
00:12:01,753 --> 00:12:04,180
- You know, he's pretty slow.
- I mean El Cambiante, you knob!
279
00:12:04,213 --> 00:12:06,649
- Oh. [chuckles] No idea.
- [groaning]
280
00:12:06,682 --> 00:12:08,618
Cyril, I know this is
basically a vacation,
281
00:12:08,651 --> 00:12:10,153
but you still have to wear pants.
282
00:12:10,186 --> 00:12:12,589
They fell off
because you took my belt!
283
00:12:12,622 --> 00:12:16,059
- Or because your pants were too loose.
- That's what the belt was for.
284
00:12:16,092 --> 00:12:18,128
A belt shouldn't be functional, Cyril!
285
00:12:18,161 --> 00:12:20,601
- It's an accent piece!
- There he is!
286
00:12:20,997 --> 00:12:22,719
Split up!
287
00:12:23,599 --> 00:12:25,134
[Cyril yelps]
288
00:12:26,035 --> 00:12:28,271
- Can anyone see him?
- Need a little help, please!
289
00:12:28,304 --> 00:12:31,174
[Pam] I gotcha!
[Cyril grunts]
290
00:12:31,207 --> 00:12:32,609
And I've got a new friend.
291
00:12:32,642 --> 00:12:35,011
I shall call you Norman, because...
292
00:12:35,044 --> 00:12:36,724
[sloth snarling]
Ow! Why are you so fast?
293
00:12:36,748 --> 00:12:38,348
There's a whole sin about it!
294
00:12:38,381 --> 00:12:40,952
[grunts, screaming]
295
00:12:42,285 --> 00:12:45,088
- [groans]
- Guys! He's up!
296
00:12:45,121 --> 00:12:46,523
I'm supposed to say that!
297
00:12:46,556 --> 00:12:48,992
Well, now I gotta
knock him out again.
298
00:12:49,025 --> 00:12:52,295
- Let's just keep him up.
- Hey, bud. Recovery mai tai?
299
00:12:52,328 --> 00:12:54,531
I got you this tiny fan
from the gift shop.
300
00:12:54,564 --> 00:12:57,600
They had flowers, but I thought,
"Everyone buys flowers,"
301
00:12:57,633 --> 00:13:00,303
- so... tiny fan!
- What happened?
302
00:13:00,336 --> 00:13:02,272
You fell 50 feet onto jagged rocks.
303
00:13:02,305 --> 00:13:04,507
Also, you held that asshole sloth
304
00:13:04,540 --> 00:13:06,109
to break its fall with your body.
305
00:13:06,142 --> 00:13:08,077
And, uh, it bit you
when you landed.
306
00:13:08,110 --> 00:13:11,948
- And just soaked you in piss.
- That's... amazing!
307
00:13:11,981 --> 00:13:14,951
- Uh, but is it?
- I was worried I was getting old.
308
00:13:14,984 --> 00:13:17,304
But I just survived an accident
that should have killed me.
309
00:13:17,328 --> 00:13:18,354
I might be invincible.
310
00:13:18,387 --> 00:13:20,290
[crackling]
[groaning]
311
00:13:20,323 --> 00:13:22,392
Yeah, that'd be the 30 stitches.
312
00:13:22,425 --> 00:13:25,261
Or the nanobots,
if they decided to rebel.
313
00:13:25,294 --> 00:13:28,431
[sighs] Fine, I'm probably
not invincible.
314
00:13:28,464 --> 00:13:30,366
Just lucky to the point
of being immortal.
315
00:13:30,399 --> 00:13:32,268
So where are we on the mission?
316
00:13:32,301 --> 00:13:34,003
We lost El Cambiante in the jungle,
317
00:13:34,036 --> 00:13:35,596
but now that we know
what he looks like,
318
00:13:35,629 --> 00:13:37,509
I was able to find him
in the hospital database.
319
00:13:37,533 --> 00:13:39,008
It looks like he got his surgery.
320
00:13:39,041 --> 00:13:43,079
- He's in recovery with a new face.
- Yeah. His last face.
321
00:13:43,112 --> 00:13:45,415
Ooh, scary!
322
00:13:45,448 --> 00:13:47,684
[belches] I'm drunk.
323
00:13:47,717 --> 00:13:49,419
And I have rounds with Dr. Spencer.
324
00:13:49,452 --> 00:13:52,455
We're taking plastic surgery
to new and forbidden places.
325
00:13:52,488 --> 00:13:54,290
Places we probably shouldn't go.
326
00:13:54,323 --> 00:13:56,826
Places that, deep down,
make me wonder if I've awoken
327
00:13:56,827 --> 00:13:59,329
something in this woman that
should have remained asleep.
328
00:13:59,362 --> 00:14:00,997
[foreboding music]
329
00:14:01,030 --> 00:14:02,599
Or not.
330
00:14:02,632 --> 00:14:05,368
Authorities are baffled
as violence consumes the city.
331
00:14:05,401 --> 00:14:07,637
We now go live to a fire
at the Chilean embassy...
332
00:14:07,670 --> 00:14:11,374
There is no way this is because
of us. This is a coincidence!
333
00:14:11,407 --> 00:14:14,010
Me finding a dollar on
laundry day is a coincidence.
334
00:14:14,043 --> 00:14:16,646
This is a city melting down
'cause we hit the brakes
335
00:14:16,679 --> 00:14:21,684
- on a criminal money train.
- Ugh! I tried to tell you!
336
00:14:21,717 --> 00:14:23,286
I mean, not very hard, though.
337
00:14:23,319 --> 00:14:26,289
I guess, deep down,
I wanted the city to burn.
338
00:14:26,322 --> 00:14:27,557
[phone rings]
339
00:14:27,590 --> 00:14:29,692
The Agency. Hmm, I'll check.
340
00:14:29,725 --> 00:14:32,495
Do we care if the yakuza kills
the Australian ambassador?
341
00:14:32,528 --> 00:14:34,564
[Lana] Yes!
But we'll call him back.
342
00:14:34,597 --> 00:14:36,065
Start with the toes, please.
343
00:14:36,098 --> 00:14:40,336
- Ray, what have you got?
- [sighs] A tangled web of criminal nonsense.
344
00:14:40,369 --> 00:14:42,505
We're bribing gun runners
to arm militias
345
00:14:42,538 --> 00:14:44,707
so they won't steal guns
from other militias
346
00:14:44,740 --> 00:14:47,143
who we're also bribing
to protect banks
347
00:14:47,176 --> 00:14:49,416
'cause the banks are full
of money from our other bribes.
348
00:14:49,445 --> 00:14:51,548
God, just tell me you have
a solution.
349
00:14:51,581 --> 00:14:55,051
- I do. You're gonna hate it.
- [Lana] Ugh. Seriously?
350
00:14:55,084 --> 00:14:56,519
All roads lead to Gary.
351
00:14:56,552 --> 00:14:58,655
We pay him, it buys us time
on the others.
352
00:14:58,688 --> 00:15:00,623
God damn it, fucking Gary.
353
00:15:00,656 --> 00:15:03,159
Hey, I heard my name.
Did you decide to bribe me yet?
354
00:15:03,192 --> 00:15:07,230
- No! And stop being so cavalier about it.
- Copy that. I'll be out here.
355
00:15:07,263 --> 00:15:09,999
Also, I opened a new oat milk.
Is that cool?
356
00:15:10,032 --> 00:15:11,267
What's the big deal?
357
00:15:11,300 --> 00:15:13,937
A bribe's just a service,
like a haircut
358
00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:16,473
- or a dog's haircut.
- The big deal is, I'm trying
359
00:15:16,506 --> 00:15:18,107
to do things aboveboard, all right?
360
00:15:18,140 --> 00:15:20,143
And I'd rather die
than betray my principles.
361
00:15:20,176 --> 00:15:22,312
[ominous music]
362
00:15:22,345 --> 00:15:24,860
[Ray] I think
that just became an option.
363
00:15:27,350 --> 00:15:29,486
Guys, I think this is him!
364
00:15:29,519 --> 00:15:32,222
- Great, shoot him and let's go.
- The mission is to capture him!
365
00:15:32,255 --> 00:15:34,591
You can't yell at me,
I just got out of the hospital.
366
00:15:34,624 --> 00:15:37,193
Uh, what's this hospital's
policy on kidnapping?
367
00:15:37,226 --> 00:15:39,462
Because those nurses
don't look thrilled.
368
00:15:39,495 --> 00:15:41,464
Hey, those are the guys I saw
at the party.
369
00:15:41,497 --> 00:15:45,602
- I think they're after El Cambiante too.
- Which makes us allies, right?
370
00:15:45,635 --> 00:15:47,036
[gunshot]
[yelps]
371
00:15:47,069 --> 00:15:49,606
[groans] I'm not
supposed to jump yet!
372
00:15:49,639 --> 00:15:52,308
My calf implants are combing
into the backs of my knees!
373
00:15:52,341 --> 00:15:55,578
- Who the hell are these guys?
- [Pam] And why do they get guns?
374
00:15:55,611 --> 00:15:58,681
- Archer? What are you doing?
- Immortal, remember?
375
00:15:58,714 --> 00:16:00,583
Maybe he is.
All the bullets are missing...
376
00:16:00,616 --> 00:16:02,619
- Ow!
- Yeah, he's not.
377
00:16:02,652 --> 00:16:04,320
[gunfire]
378
00:16:04,353 --> 00:16:06,956
[dramatic music]
379
00:16:06,989 --> 00:16:09,359
Out the back! Go!
380
00:16:09,392 --> 00:16:12,428
- Still think you're immortal?
- Obviously. Look!
381
00:16:12,461 --> 00:16:14,230
The bullet went straight through.
382
00:16:14,263 --> 00:16:17,033
I'm made of non-vital organs
and luck!
383
00:16:17,066 --> 00:16:21,057
[groans]
But I am losing a lot of blood.
384
00:16:25,007 --> 00:16:27,343
[gasps]
[dramatic music]
385
00:16:27,376 --> 00:16:28,945
- [Zara] Did we lose them?
- Lose them?
386
00:16:28,978 --> 00:16:30,180
It's a mid-sized hospital,
387
00:16:30,213 --> 00:16:31,981
not the Trastevere neighborhood
of Rome.
388
00:16:32,014 --> 00:16:34,651
What? It's an easy place
to lose people.
389
00:16:34,684 --> 00:16:36,352
Also, it seems like we lost them.
390
00:16:36,385 --> 00:16:40,056
Ooh! Not these guys, though.
[gunfire]
391
00:16:40,089 --> 00:16:43,059
Guys, the small penis hospital
is, uh, down the road.
392
00:16:43,092 --> 00:16:46,229
Can we not taunt the men with
guns while we're all so injured?
393
00:16:46,262 --> 00:16:49,098
A positive attitude is the key
to recovery, Cyril.
394
00:16:49,131 --> 00:16:52,469
Although I'm feeling pretty
negative about this dead end.
395
00:16:52,502 --> 00:16:54,337
[gunfire]
396
00:16:54,370 --> 00:16:56,306
[yelps]
397
00:16:56,339 --> 00:16:58,208
[grunts]
Do all your missions end
398
00:16:58,241 --> 00:16:59,976
with you cornered and waiting to die?
399
00:17:00,009 --> 00:17:02,178
Yeah.
Yeah, that's a lot of 'em.
400
00:17:02,211 --> 00:17:04,347
But I do have one idea.
401
00:17:04,380 --> 00:17:05,948
[grunts]
402
00:17:07,383 --> 00:17:09,385
- What the hell, Archer?
- He was too short!
403
00:17:09,418 --> 00:17:11,087
So he had to die?
404
00:17:11,120 --> 00:17:13,223
The target we chased
on the zipline was my height.
405
00:17:13,256 --> 00:17:16,025
Whoever's under those
bandages isn't the same person.
406
00:17:16,058 --> 00:17:18,328
I'm... pretty sure.
[gun cocks]
407
00:17:18,361 --> 00:17:21,897
Wait. I want this bastard
to know it was us.
408
00:17:23,399 --> 00:17:25,079
[assassin] Whoa.
This place is really good.
409
00:17:25,103 --> 00:17:27,937
[gunfire]
410
00:17:27,970 --> 00:17:31,708
- [Pam] El Cambiante?
- [Cyril] He looks... the same?
411
00:17:31,741 --> 00:17:34,377
Yeah, not to antagonize
the man with a gun...
412
00:17:34,410 --> 00:17:38,381
- He said as he prepared to.
- ...but I'd get a refund on that new face.
413
00:17:38,414 --> 00:17:40,984
[chuckles] This one looks just as ugly
as the old one.
414
00:17:41,017 --> 00:17:42,377
You-you know what?
That's not fair.
415
00:17:42,385 --> 00:17:44,220
You're actually very handsome.
416
00:17:44,253 --> 00:17:47,056
I'm just going through a lot
this weekend, and... ow!
417
00:17:47,089 --> 00:17:49,959
I postponed my surgery when
I realized I was being hunted.
418
00:17:49,992 --> 00:17:53,296
It felt like a good opportunity
to eliminate potential assassins.
419
00:17:53,329 --> 00:17:55,231
Good idea.
What?
420
00:17:55,264 --> 00:17:57,300
You can't argue
with five dead assassins.
421
00:17:57,333 --> 00:18:00,603
Soon to be... [mumbling]
...uh, uh, ten.
422
00:18:00,636 --> 00:18:03,640
Technically not assassins.
We're here to capture you.
423
00:18:03,673 --> 00:18:05,575
[gunfire]
424
00:18:05,608 --> 00:18:08,211
[Russian gunner] You thought
you'd get away with it?
425
00:18:08,244 --> 00:18:09,444
I don't even know who you are.
426
00:18:09,468 --> 00:18:12,649
- He sounds Russian!
- No! He doesn't sound like anything!
427
00:18:12,682 --> 00:18:15,385
We can't place his accent
and we didn't see his face,
428
00:18:15,418 --> 00:18:16,658
and if he and his friends left,
429
00:18:16,686 --> 00:18:18,488
we'd forget
they were ever even here!
430
00:18:18,521 --> 00:18:21,191
- I mean, I wouldn't forget.
- Oh, my God, woman.
431
00:18:21,224 --> 00:18:23,359
Oh, God, it's fine, all right?
We'll pay you.
432
00:18:23,392 --> 00:18:25,929
Yes, this time. And then what?
433
00:18:25,962 --> 00:18:28,631
We have to come back again
when you don't pay next time?
434
00:18:28,664 --> 00:18:32,202
You think it's easy renting van
for all these men?
435
00:18:32,235 --> 00:18:35,438
- [groans] You die now.
- Excuse me? Hi. Gary.
436
00:18:35,471 --> 00:18:37,574
- I think maybe I can help.
- You can die.
437
00:18:37,607 --> 00:18:40,577
- I can! And then we all can.
- [whispering] Awesome.
438
00:18:40,610 --> 00:18:43,313
You're the Chechen
revolutionaries, right?
439
00:18:43,346 --> 00:18:45,615
Mm, I'll take that
stony silence as a yes.
440
00:18:45,648 --> 00:18:47,617
And I happen to know the Chechnians
441
00:18:47,650 --> 00:18:49,986
are currently in debt
to the Irish Republican Army,
442
00:18:50,019 --> 00:18:52,388
which owes a favor to the
Albanian Conservative Party,
443
00:18:52,421 --> 00:18:54,657
whose secrets are being kept
by the Boston Mafia,
444
00:18:54,690 --> 00:18:57,494
who owe a favor to me, Gary.
445
00:18:57,527 --> 00:19:00,096
Which is all to say, I think
we could clear all this up
446
00:19:00,129 --> 00:19:03,951
without any violence at all...
if I got my bribe.
447
00:19:05,468 --> 00:19:07,103
I get what you're trying to do here.
448
00:19:07,136 --> 00:19:09,372
Maybe start by cutting
one bribe a month?
449
00:19:09,405 --> 00:19:11,508
Like the janitors
at the Costa Rican embassy?
450
00:19:11,541 --> 00:19:14,377
Because they're all dead now.
See you next month.
451
00:19:14,410 --> 00:19:18,948
- Well, that's one less bribe.
- Do we think Gary's single?
452
00:19:18,981 --> 00:19:21,518
What?
He's confident and mysterious.
453
00:19:21,551 --> 00:19:23,987
Oh, please, like you wouldn't.
454
00:19:24,020 --> 00:19:25,255
[gunfire]
[yelps]
455
00:19:25,288 --> 00:19:29,225
- Does no one have a weapon?
- I've got Cyril's stupid fan.
456
00:19:29,258 --> 00:19:31,094
Hey!
I put thought into that gift.
457
00:19:31,127 --> 00:19:32,962
Yeah. The thought was bad.
[screeching]
458
00:19:32,995 --> 00:19:34,997
Does anyone else hear screeching?
459
00:19:35,765 --> 00:19:38,101
We made a mistake!
We made a terrible mistake!
460
00:19:38,134 --> 00:19:41,037
[screeching]
461
00:19:41,070 --> 00:19:45,175
[Dr. Spencer] I can feel God!
[laughs]
462
00:19:45,208 --> 00:19:48,244
[tense music]
463
00:19:48,277 --> 00:19:50,113
♪ ♪
464
00:19:50,146 --> 00:19:52,982
Ugh. Gross.
But lucky!
465
00:19:53,015 --> 00:19:54,951
We need to go before
their brains fully merge.
466
00:19:54,984 --> 00:19:56,685
[screeching]
[gunfire]
467
00:19:58,121 --> 00:20:00,623
After them! And don't shoot
the massage table, okay?
468
00:20:00,656 --> 00:20:02,492
I have an appointment later.
469
00:20:02,525 --> 00:20:08,425
♪ ♪
470
00:20:08,464 --> 00:20:10,099
[Pam] Hey, buddy!
471
00:20:10,132 --> 00:20:12,067
- [grunts]
- Namast-ay down.
472
00:20:14,203 --> 00:20:15,503
[El Cambiante laughs]
473
00:20:18,107 --> 00:20:19,242
[Archer shouts]
474
00:20:19,275 --> 00:20:20,575
[both scream]
475
00:20:21,978 --> 00:20:25,648
- [sneezes] My face!
- Oh, my God, her face fell off!
476
00:20:25,681 --> 00:20:29,619
- I told you!
- Oh, my God, that is grisly.
477
00:20:29,652 --> 00:20:31,988
Someone get her a bag.
And nobody step on...
478
00:20:32,021 --> 00:20:33,656
- [Cyril yelps]
- Oh, never mind.
479
00:20:33,689 --> 00:20:36,626
Oh, the implants are going up
into my thighs!
480
00:20:36,659 --> 00:20:38,161
[gun clicks]
481
00:20:38,194 --> 00:20:40,080
Or I'll just get the surgery in Brazil.
482
00:20:42,265 --> 00:20:44,300
- [grunts] Archer!
- Little busy.
483
00:20:44,333 --> 00:20:46,369
Which I know seems antithetical
to a steam room,
484
00:20:46,402 --> 00:20:48,042
- but here we are.
- [El Cambiante chuckles]
485
00:20:48,066 --> 00:20:49,606
Yes. Here we are.
486
00:20:49,639 --> 00:20:54,177
[grunts, groans] In the appendix?
That's how Houdini died.
487
00:20:54,210 --> 00:20:56,312
[El Cambiante] I looked you up,
Sterling Archer,
488
00:20:56,345 --> 00:20:58,982
after our encounter on the zipline.
489
00:20:59,015 --> 00:21:01,985
Poor, broken spy.
490
00:21:02,018 --> 00:21:04,654
An old man in a young man's game.
491
00:21:04,687 --> 00:21:08,924
Why not do the respectable
thing and die now?
492
00:21:10,526 --> 00:21:12,328
[gasps] Tiny fan!
493
00:21:12,361 --> 00:21:14,063
[fan whirring]
[both] Huh?
494
00:21:14,096 --> 00:21:17,433
[dramatic music]
495
00:21:17,466 --> 00:21:23,366
♪ ♪
496
00:21:24,807 --> 00:21:28,410
[fan whirring]
[El Cambiante laughing]
497
00:21:29,211 --> 00:21:31,080
You know, I saw it
differently in my head.
498
00:21:37,019 --> 00:21:38,621
No one tell Cyril
his gift was useful.
499
00:21:40,656 --> 00:21:43,560
- Mission accomplished.
- Why are you holding the fan?
500
00:21:43,593 --> 00:21:46,095
Because I felt like holding
something stupid.
501
00:21:46,128 --> 00:21:49,365
- But thank you for the gift.
- Three on one? Nice work.
502
00:21:49,398 --> 00:21:52,635
More like all in a day's work
for the world's greatest...
503
00:21:52,668 --> 00:21:55,104
[coughing, hacking]
504
00:21:55,137 --> 00:21:56,973
...greatest spy.
505
00:21:57,006 --> 00:21:58,174
That probably would have been
more convincing
506
00:21:58,207 --> 00:21:59,642
if I hadn't coughed up blood.
507
00:21:59,675 --> 00:22:01,511
You know, bud,
maybe this is the mission
508
00:22:01,544 --> 00:22:03,513
where you learn not to rely
so much on luck.
509
00:22:03,546 --> 00:22:06,182
Are you kidding? This was
my luckiest mission yet.
510
00:22:06,215 --> 00:22:10,119
- You got shot, like, a dozen times.
- Yeah, in a hospital.
511
00:22:10,152 --> 00:22:11,988
Whew, whoa, hey.
512
00:22:12,021 --> 00:22:13,461
See if they can
put in an extra liver
513
00:22:13,485 --> 00:22:15,328
while they're in there, okay?
514
00:22:16,125 --> 00:22:17,852
Archer out.
515
00:22:17,853 --> 00:22:19,595
[thud]
516
00:22:19,996 --> 00:22:22,098
Yeah, so should we be worried
517
00:22:22,131 --> 00:22:24,300
about whatever Dr. Spencer
turned into?
518
00:22:25,668 --> 00:22:27,536
[device beeps]
[rumbling]
519
00:22:29,205 --> 00:22:30,976
No.
520
00:22:31,674 --> 00:22:36,163
sync & correction by f1nc0
-- MY-SUBS.com --
521
00:22:36,986 --> 00:22:39,827
♪ ♪
41679
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