All language subtitles for Boston.Legal.S02E13.2005.Disney+.WEB-DL.1080p.H264.DDP-HDCTV_track6_[eng]

ALAN: Previously on Boston Legal…

-Denny got engaged.
-Who is it this time?

Beverly Bridge.

The woman Denny "craned"
in the coatroom at that charity dinner.

-DENNY: Denny Crane!
-(Beverly moans)

If Denny becomes incapacitated…

-I'm having a stroke.
-…she could bring down the firm.

-Maybe you're in love.
-I am delirious with joy.

How come you're getting involved
with a dead guy?

I, um, try not to think about it.

PAUL:
There is nothing romantic about this.

It turns you into a corpse before you die.

It is not too late to get out.

-I start chemo again tomorrow.
-Okay.

(upbeat music playing)

(ominous music playing)

(ominous music continues playing)

(cash register beeping, buzzing)

Two dollars even.

Thank you.

Hello. May I help you, ma'am?

Yes, you may, dear.

Whoa!

Take all the money out of the drawer
and put it in a bag, please.

-Yes.
-(banknotes rustle)

Oh, and… and put some of that delicious
beef jerky in there, too.

(siren hooting)

(police radio chatter)

LAWRENCE: Mr. Shore…

she said to call you.

ALAN: Thank you, Lawrence.

In a way, I suppose
this is all your fault.

Oh, dear God! How, Catherine?

How is it that you holding up
a convenience store

suddenly becomes my fault?

You said you would hire me
as your personal assistant

after the firm fired me,

and I took you at your lying word.

Bad Catherine, bad!

It was a terrible thing to forget
and I'm sorry.

But you are in a lot of trouble here.

What else was I to do?
A gal's got to eat.

And robbery isn't as bad as killing a man

and you got me off on that.

And you've done wonders
with your second chance.

Stay here.

(action music playing)

Good evening.

I understand you recently
suffered a robbery.

You a lawyer?

Actually, I'm here more as a friend
to the befuddled old woman who…

-Robbed me!
-Ah.

Do you know how many times
I have been held up this year?

Far too many for you to appreciate
her little prank, I'm sure.

May I ask if that's your car out front?

The Datsun with the dents in the side?

Yeah.

I have a friend who…

has a friend.

He's a magician with bodywork.

He'll make those dents disappear,
change the color.

He'll make that Datsun look
exactly like…

a late-model BMW.

(whimsical music playing)

Can he make the seats look like leather?

The man's a miracle worker.

(theme music playing)

We got a problem.

Another sector car called it in.

I don't have any choice.
I've got to book her.

It's late. She's elderly.

-Couldn't we at least defer the arrest?
-LAWRENCE: I don't know.

Lawrence, please.

-You owe me.
-Thank you.

You won't regret this.

Excuse me, officer?

Can I get my gun back, please?

(upbeat stinger playing)

When A.D.A. Raines gets back,
have her call me immediately.

-WOMAN: Yes, sir.
-Thank you.

Could I borrow you for a minute?

Opposing counsel has made an offer.

I'm trying to get these people to take it.

I'm hoping that you can explain to them
that this is as good as it gets.

Do I get a hint?

It involves invasion of privacy.

A woman, Jacqui Hayden,

access was gained to her
personal medical records.

Invasion of privacy,

there's an increasingly familiar tune
these days.

This is a little worse than your typical
case of someone being denied a job

-because of a preexisting condition.
-How much worse?

He never beat me. Just my mother.

I finally got out when I was 16.

A few years later, Emily's mom Jacqui
came to us at the women's shelter.

IRMA: She was a mess.

They promised my dad
would never find her there.

DENISE: For obvious reasons,

the name, phone number and location
of the shelter are kept confidential.

IRMA: We put Emily's mom

in touch with a psychiatrist
for post-traumatic stress disorder.

The cost of which was covered
under her HMO.

Unfortunately, the HMO, Well Benefits,
posted Jackie's information

including the name and address
of her psychiatrist on their website.

Emily's father found Jackie's psychiatrist
via the Well Benefits website

and tracked her down
at the psychiatrist's office.

And that's where…

he killed her.

So this is a wrongful death action.

And Well Benefits has offered
you a settlement?

Twenty thousand.
No admission of liability.

Regarding the settlement, I have to agree.

-Thank you, Alan.
-ALAN: Not with you.

With you. The offer is insulting.

These people need to be taught a lesson.

Would you excuse us one moment?

Twenty thousand?

That's a lot of money
for a 19-year-old girl.

And I brought you in to make this go away.

I won't do that.

What happened to Jackie Hayden
was a nightmare.

But to blame the HMO?
There was a supervening act.

Technically, Well Benefits
didn't break the law.

But there was a foreseeable danger.

There are consequences in this case,

dire consequences to putting someone's
most personal information on the internet.

Well benefits should have known that.

I say we clobber them
over the head with it.

This is why people
don't ask your opinion a lot.

Most likely.

(upbeat stinger playing)

Lorraine, ham and provolone on a baguette.

BEVERLY: Uh…

do you have anything without bread?

These are sandwiches.

They have bread.

Well, there's a thing called
"protein style."

Yeah, if they don't have bread,

it ain't a sandwich

and I only do sandwiches.

Do you know who I am?
I am Denny Crane's fiancée.

Yeah? So?

Hey, Mr. Chase. Roast beef and Havarti.

(thrilling stinger playing)

(clears throat)

Catherine, what are you doing here?
I just tried to reach you at your house.

I was in the neighborhood.

I wanted to see if there was
any news on my case.

There isn't. I put in a call
to the DA's office.

I have yet to hear back.

Now about your finances…

Oh, we can talk finances
and trial strategy.

Um, can we use osteoporosis as a defense?

Do you have it?

(chuckles) No.

But I have a little pillow I can put
under my shirt.

We'll keep that in our arsenal.
So, Catherine…

Do you want to talk more now?

I was going to catch up with the girls
in word processing.

Oh, okay. Why don't you do that?

But don't worry. I'll be here.

I've cleared my schedule.

This gets top priority.

As it should,
given you're facing 25 to life.

What happened to the sandwich guy?

Uh… Bev fired him.

Bev doesn't work here.

Well, then I fired him.

SHIRLEY: Denny,

I thought we agreed
you wouldn't fire anyone

after you let Vickie Dantchi go.

She wasn't pulling her weight.

She was a client.

Let me tell you something, Shirley.

You know why this firm
is going into the dumper?

Our profits were up 5% last quarter.

People are being coddled.

Bunch of layabouts. (winces)

Be careful with the cuticle, Ming.

(chuckles softly)

Denny.

It's starting.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Bev, she's following a similar pattern

to your five previous wives.

It starts with her firing the sandwich guy

and ends with her influencing
policy at this firm

and it will not be tolerated.

Now, Shirley, we both know
what this is all about.

No, we do not both know
what this is about.

It's not about me being jealous of Bev.

It's about getting the sandwich guy back!

All right, all right.

Jeez, if I'd known it was such
a big deal. I'll talk to Bev.

(percussive stinger playing)

Happy ending, Mr. Crane?

Oh, not today, Ming.

I'm engaged now.

(line ringing)

OPERATOR: Wellesley Memorial, oncology.

Room 4175.

There is a phone block on that room.

Could you help me out here?
I'm his, um… girlfriend.

OPERATOR: Hold one second, please.

LAURA: Hello, Ms. Bauer?

This is Laura Buckingham,
Mr. Post's personal assistant.

Oh, thank God! How is the chemo going?

LAURA: He's indisposed at the moment

but he wanted me to personally
assure you he is well.

And he'll phone you in a few days
following his treatment.

(mellow music playing)

Uh, could you tell Mr. Post that, um…

Tell him I, um…

-I'm thinking of him.
-LAURA: I will.

They're here.

(sighs) Let's go.

Rejected?

You've got to be kidding!

No, I'm much funnier when I'm kidding.

I thought this was worked out.

I thought so too.

After further consideration,
we decided that the offer was inadequate.

(scoffs) Oh, what a bunch of crap!

Young lady, I don't know
what nonsense these lawyers

have been telling you about HMOs
and their deep pockets.

Please direct your unfounded
arrogance at me.

TOM: Okay, fine.

You two are just trying to make an issue
when there is no issue!

No issue? I'm sorry.

Did this young woman's mother
suddenly spring back to life?

Her father killed her mother

and we are all upset about that,
but it was not our fault!

However, to make this go away,

we were willing to give her
a gift of $20,000.

Well, as a gift, that's very sweet of you.

We'll put it in the den
next to the armoire.

However, as compensation
that you owe Emily Hayden

because your negligence led to her mother
being brutally murdered,

your offer is offensive, even more
offensive than your tone.

We're done!

The law is on our side, Mr. Shore.

Tragedies happen every day.

Yes, and you're about
to experience one firsthand.

See you in court.

(quirky music playing)

Aren't you glad you brought me on board?

(upbeat music playing)

Mr. Hayden, is it true you stabbed
your wife to death with a kitchen knife?

-Yes.
-DENISE: You hunted her down?

-Yes.
-DENISE: You lay in wait?

-NED: Yes.
-DENISE: And finally

after you both exchanged words

you pulled the knife out and stabbed her
seven times in the chest?

Yes.

DENISE: Before you killed
Emily's mother, Jacqui,

she was living at Renew,
a battered women's shelter?

That was my understanding.

A shelter, the location
of which was kept confidential.

NED: As far as I knew.

Could you tell us how you came to learn
of Jacqui's whereabouts?

-My computer.
-Specifically?

I logged on to Well Benefits website.

Jacqui's HMO?

NED: I had her social security number
and her date of birth.

That's all I needed to access the records.

And what did you find?

Her explanation of benefits.

It had on it what she was
being treated for,

the location of her doctor
and what her co-pay was.

I noticed she was seeing
the same shrink every Monday,

so I went and waited for her
outside his office.

(tense music playing)

(gasping)

-ALAN: Emily.
-(Emily gasping)

Emily?

The good was we just made a strong
opening impression with the jury.

The bad was you just
had to listen to testimony

of how your father killed your mother.

That's something that nobody
should ever have to experience.

Here's what you should know about lawyers.

I could have sat you down and prepared you
for this testimony so as to brace you.

ALAN: I chose not to.

No tears for the plaintiff,
no tears for the jury…

less money.

But Emily, we don't have
to keep going here.

-If you feel this…
-I want to keep going.

ALAN: You're sure?

Yes.

Okay.

But if you don't care
to be in the courtroom…

I want to be there.

From this point on,
that's not entirely necessary.

I want to be there! I want you to get him.
And I want to see you get him!

(tense stinger playing)

Get who, Emily?

We're suing a company.

So I heard Lynette's Cyst didn't go away
and they're going to have to lance it.

All that and her…

Hello, Denny.

Do you still remember who I am?

Or did I leak out
your wiffle ball brain? (chuckles)

Now her, I know we fired.

-Alan, any news of the case?
-Yes.

Well, make it quick,
because I'm having lunch with Judy.

Her husband's… again.

Well, I have good news.

The grocery clerk was too
busy driving around

in his plush new ride to press charges

and the D.A. won't prosecute
without a complaining witness.

What does that mean?

Your case is dismissed.
You're free and clear.

Really?

Catherine, this is good news.

There are only two "get out of jail free"
cards in the game

and you've used them both up.

-I did, didn't I?
-ALAN: Yes, you did.

Catherine, I want you to have this.

Three thousand dollars?

I hope you're not expecting sex for this.

I am not. Consider it back pay.

-Thank you, Alan.
-We'll have dinner soon to celebrate.

(slow blues stinger playing)

You want to rehire the sandwich guy?

Well, it wasn't that big a deal.

Not a big deal?

How would you feel if he raped me?

What would you do?
Just sweep that under the rug?

Oh, come on, Bev.
I know the guy upset you.

Damn right he upset me.
He was completely rude.

But Denny, I mean,
my feelings don't matter here.

The sandwich guy didn't disrespect
Beverly Bridge.

He disrespected
the fiancée of Denny Crane.

He disrespected you.

That son of a bitch.

(action music playing)

BRAD: If you turn to page 56, Appendix B.

Uh, sorry, folks.

Talked it over with Bev.

The sandwich guy? Still out.

Okay, we need to deal with this now.

We need to deal with the sandwich guy

instead of the multimillion-dollar
Blake merger?

No, Bev's influence on Denny.

Yeah, believe me,
that's next on my agenda.

Bev fired the sandwich guy.

I went to Denny. He talked to Bev
and the sandwich guy is still fired.

(sighs)

It's Angie all over again.

-Or Marcia.
-Or Clovis.

From what I have seen,

Bev is much more formidable
than any of the previous Mrs. Cranes.

If she gets Denny to take
his name off the door

people will think the firm's in trouble.

-Clients will stampede out of here.
-I have an idea.

I realize I haven't been
partner for very long,

so let me ask you both.

How much discretion would I have
to make this Bev problem go away?

(pensive music playing)

No chopping off fingers.

No violence of any kind.

None. I promise.

Then you have as much
discretion as you need.

(action stinger playing)

ATTY. ADAM:
And so in comparison with other HMOs,

Well Benefits would rank where?

TOM: Several prominent publications

have listed us at the top of our field
in terms of customer satisfaction.

ATTY. ADAM: And in terms
of your website? Specifically security?

TOM:
It is considered user-friendly but sound.

We meet the accepted business standard
for internet security.

If Mr. Hayden uses his criminal ingenuity
to illegally obtain information,

that's horrible.
But it's what he chose to do.

ALAN: Mr. Orchard, according to my records

your company generates approximately
1.5 billion dollars in revenues each year.

-Is that right?
-Approximately.

Oh! (claps)

Forgive me, Your Honor.
Before I began my cross-examination,

I meant to congratulate Mr. Orchard.

His wife recently gave birth
to a beautiful baby daughter.

-Thank you.
-Eight pounds, 15 ounces.

Healthy? Happy?

TOM: Thank goodness, yes.

She was a bit jaundiced
when she came out, though.

Had a little fluid in her lungs
which needed to be aspirated.

-Sorry?
-No! I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to disregard
your other children

which so often happens
with the arrival of the new one.

You have a four-year-old
and a ten-year-old.

-Your Honor!
-Your Honor, I just thought Mr. Orchard

would like to know his ten-year-old
Carly likes Max Babcock.

Though Max doesn't know
if he likes her back.

At least that's what I ascertained
from the chat room.

-Objection!
-All this objecting!

Mr. Jovanka,
you seem in such a nasty mood.

Could it be the new Lexus you ordered
online from a broker has been delayed?

Gosh, I hope you're not forced to keep
driving that Sedan with the dent in it

from your recent fender-bender.

-Mr. Shore!
-Yes, your honor?

By the way, you need to renew
your car registration.

But congratulations on your colonoscopy.

-(gavel slams)
-(yells) Mr. Shore!

Too personal? It was just information
I was able to obtain from websites

which employ the accepted business
standard for internet security.

That is what you called it,
Mr. Orchard, correct?

-Correct.
-Here's what I don't understand.

You're a billion-dollar company.

You're in the business
of ensuring the health

and well-being of your clientele.

And yet, you weren't able to ensure
the safety of their records.

What you could have done,
had you spent

just a fraction of those billions
on internet security.

TOM: Mr. Shore, as we all know

health care costs
have spun out of control.

Information technology
is the single largest cost for us

and for all other Fortune 1,000 companies.

If we had upgraded to a more secure system

more people would have had
to do without health care.

And yet fewer would have been murdered.

(mellow music playing)

BEVERLY: Thank you.

To Denny Crane.

Hmm. (relaxed sigh)

Now, Brad, did you really
ask me here on business

or are you trying to do a little
move-in on Denny Crane's girl?

Uh, just business.

I'm here to talk about you and Denny.

Well, we're very much in love.

If anything changes, though,
I'll let you know.

Well, as you know,
Denny's been married several times

and each time,
it's ended in divorce.

And each divorce has been traumatic
and ultimately costly for Denny

and Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

Don't worry about it, Brad.

I'm sure I'm going to sign any prenup
that Denny wants me to.

This isn't about a prenup.

This is about avoiding the turmoil
of marriage and divorce altogether.

You lost me.

I'll make it simple.

I'm prepared to give you $500,000
right now if you walk away

and never have any contact
with Denny Crane ever again.

(pensive music playing)

It will save us a lot of money,
time and grief.

But I want you to know
that we will aggressively fight

to keep you from exercising
any control over Denny or the firm.

I'm going to tell you two things.

First, I love Denny Crane
with all my heart,

and I will never leave him,
not for all the money in the world.

And second…

in a moment,

you're going to pour
your glass of wine all over yourself.

(mellow stinger playing)

(Brad yelps)

(guests gasping)

(groans)

Crap!

Hello.

Hi.

I always feel slightly sick to my stomach

when I work alone
in the office late at night.

I thought you liked being alone.

Oh, I love being alone.

I just prefer to be alone
when there's other people around.

So how are you doing?

Fine.

I have a rabbi friend
with a small gambling problem,

who, when he hears someone say
they're fine,

he always asks again
until they say something…

other than "fine."

So…

how are you doing?

I'm seeing someone
who's dying of lung cancer.

And while he is a very wealthy man,

he can't buy his way out
of the secondary cancers

that the treatment for the first cancers
are causing.

And here's the kicker,

he, um, Daniel…

has completely shut me out of his life.

So now, I just… wait.

(somber music playing)

Denise, I don't know you very well.

However, you don't strike me
as the type of woman who just waits…

for anything.

(mellow stinger playing)

SPORTSCASTER: Over to the right,
dribblingup on the side corner

wherea double-team awaits him.

Throwing it up to the top of the key,

he fakes a shot to get his man in the air.

He drives down the lane.

Beautiful!

(clears throat)

-May I help you?
-I'd like to buy some earplugs, please.

Two, oh three.

(cash register beeping, buzzing)

(indistinct sportscast)

(gunshot fires)

-(gasps)
-(thrilling music playing)

-(gate shuts)
-Oh, I'm in trouble now.

Yes.

-What's with me?
-Indeed.

I certainly have a lack
of… of impulse control.

I must have ADD…

or OCD or one of those
other letter things.

But I don't want you to think
I'm not aware of the hole we're in.

I get it.

That's why I want you to know
I'm willing to roll up my sleeves

and… and work with you on this.

Maybe we can set up a little
office for me at the firm.

(quirky music playing)

I'll be back.

Sir?

(gate unlocking)

Don't go anywhere.

What in the hell were you thinking?

Well, you both gave me discretion
to make her go away.

But she didn't go away!

So you made this insane offer.
Put the firm at risk for nothing?

When this gets back to Denny,

and it will, he is going to blow sky high.

Now Bev has a chip to play against us.

Bev turned down the offer that I made her.
She was very offended.

-She, um…
-(Shirley scoffs)

-set my tie on fire.
-Oh, God!

But before she turned me down,
she hesitated.

(quirky music playing)

Just a little bit!
But she hesitated.

This is going to get ugly.

How can I not testify?

You said yourself
I'm the emotion in the case.

I'm thinking too much emotion.

I… I don't understand.

Emily, I could put you on the stand.

Exhibit your anger and sadness
for the jury and they will be moved.

But then the defense has their turn

and they'll exploit
those very same emotions

taking advantage of your pain.

They'll argue that your vengeance
is truly meant for your father

and you've refocused it
toward Well Benefits,

the deepest pockets you could find.

And they'll have the jury convinced
it's a misdirected

and therefore, frivolous lawsuit.
And that's how we'll lose.

I suspect the most difficult thing
one could ask of you is trust.

But that's exactly
what I'm asking for now, Emily.

(hopeful music playing)

Let's get in there.

Mr. Shore, I wish I could get you
to come to the shelter.

So many of the women there
desperately need legal advice.

Someone who will speak to them
openly and honestly.

Are they cute?

You don't fool me.

You're a compassionate man.

(mellow music playing)

We need to get back.

ATTY. ADAM: Ned Hayden killed his wife.

He's serving a life sentence
without the possibility of parole.

Justice has been served.

Emily Hayden's loss is immeasurable.

But whatever closure she is seeking,

she must find it in her soul
or through her God,

not through suing Well Benefits.

Well Benefits could not reasonably
foresee this killing

and did nothing to encourage it.

They were in compliance with all state

and federal regulations
regarding internet security.

If you find for the plaintiff,

you are punishing my client
for playing by the rules.

And you are opening
a Pandora's box of lawsuits

not just against HMOs,
but against all internet businesses.

And who will ultimately
end up paying for that?

You know. It's you.

When I was 11 years old,

there came a time
when the temptation to explore

the more secretive recesses
of my older sister's life

became more than I could resist.

I started by poking around in her room.

I ended by reading her diary.

In my defense, she kept it right out
in the open, under her mattress.

And the little metal clasp on it

was simply no match for the paper clip
and the screwdriver.

I was eventually caught,

prompting my sister to have
a lock installed on her door.

The only consequence of the invasion
of my sister's privacy

was the temporary loss
of her confidence and trust.

The invasion of Jacqui Hayden's privacy
led to her being stabbed

and left to bleed to death in the street.

Privacy and the safety and security,

that that word has always implied,

has with time and technology,
become an illusion.

The National Security Agency has access
to all our e-mail the world over

with its ECHELON system.

Virtually every website you visit
installs a delicious cookie

onto your computer, which is, in fact,
a spy to track your every move.

There are predators out in cyberspace
collecting data on your children

while they innocently
type away in chat rooms.

And that little waiver you've signed
in the doctor's office

most likely allows physicians
to share your information on the internet,

with insurance companies, the government,
your employer and the courts.

Make no mistake,
access to your information is easy.

All you need is a person's five-digit
ZIP code, gender and date of birth

to uniquely identify 87%
of the US population.

That is how vulnerable we are,
how vulnerable you are.

Well Benefits says
they could not have possibly foreseen

the actions of an abusive spouse
intent on causing his wife harm.

Let me tell you what Jacqui Hayden
could not foresee.

That after years of cruel
and violent debasement

at the hands of her husband,

after she finally found her way
out of the shadows,

she didn't foresee

that the people she most trusted
with her health and well-being

would lead the darkness
right back to her door.

And now she's dead.

Well Benefits made it easy
for Ned Hayden to find his wife…

as easy as looking under a mattress.

(solemn music playing)

(slow music playing)

JUDGE NORA: Madame Foreperson,
you've reached a verdict?

-We have, Your Honor.
-JUDGE NORA: What say you?

We the jury find in favor of the plaintiff

and award compensatory damages
in the amount of $950,000

and punitive damages in the amount
of two million dollars.

(crowd murmuring)

Your Honor, we move for a judgment
notwithstanding the verdict.

Or in the alternative, a new trial.

JUDGE NORA: Motion denied.

Jury is dismissed.

We are adjourned.

EMILY: Thank you.

-Thank you, Mr. Shore.
-You're welcome.

IRMA:
I knew you could win this, Mr. Shore.

Well, that's usually the safe bet.

Tell me,

how does a striking Latina woman
come by the name Irma Levine?

Hmm.

Congratulations on winning your case.

Thank you.

-Great work.
-Thank you.

I have to go see the D.A. about Catherine.
Are you heading somewhere…

or just waiting?

No. I'm definitely not waiting.

Let her go?
What are you, high?

Not yet.

She already murdered a man.

For which a jury found her innocent.

And now she's on a crime spree.

Twice in the same convenience store
hardly makes a spree.

Then what would you call her?
An active senior?

(snickers) No.

I would call her a sad
and lonely old woman.

A woman who spent
many years living in solitude

with nothing to occupy her
wit and intellect.

Then one day, she became my assistant,

and suddenly she was in an environment
equal to the task of entertaining

and stimulating her magnificent mind.

Then she should have taken up crocheting,
not felony robbery.

Granted.

But for Catherine, this was not
about malice nor financial gain

nor thrill seeking.

It was about…

getting my attention… and she got it.

Her reign of terror is over.

I promise.

She pleads guilty to misdemeanor
possession of a firearm.

I'll recommend probation.
No jail time.

Thank you, Ms. Raines.

One thing.

Yes?

I do this for you.
You do something for me.

I'm listening.

Get me an interview
at Crane, Poole & Schmidt.

Let's just say being a District Attorney
isn't entertaining

and stimulating my magnificent mind.

Just get me in the door.
I'll get the job myself…

and you'll get Catherine Piper back.

I'll see what I can do.

These are for you. Dill pickles.

They're supposed to alter the metallic
taste sensation from the chemotherapy

and make your regular food taste better.

Well, that is the nicest… chemo gift
I've ever gotten.

This may not be the best time
to discuss this but you're weak…

-(chuckles)
-…and I'm strong.

You don't get to set all the rules
in this relationship.

Your whole life, you have used
money to set the rules

and now you're using your illness.

I think I should be able to.

I got the bum lung.

I know. I know, but…

it… it wasn't… right…
for you to shut me out like that.

You're right.

I'm sorry.

But if you hit me or anything,
I might literally die.

(mellow music playing)

Scoot.

(both laughing)

I've been thinking
a good deal about my offer

to hire you as my personal assistant.

I've come to the conclusion, Catherine,
that I am a terrible boss.

Oh, no, dear, I don't think so.

My point is, I've found you a job,
a better job.

-I don't know.
-ALAN: The pay is comparable.

It's a start-up company

and they need someone with imagination

and experience.

A real people person.

I immediately thought of you.

Dental?

I'm sure something can be worked out.

(bright percussive music playing)

So, what would I be doing?

Pesto chicken! Veggie wraps!

Roast beef on ciabatta!

Come and get it.

I have fruit and hard-boiled eggs
and stuff, but I've got Bundt cake.

Okay, what are you having there?
That's $4 for that.

Thank you very much.
Only a sandwich?

Don't you want something sweet?
I've got sweet buns.

(laughs) Oh, no. Oh, that's silly.

All right, and what will you have?

So you're in the sandwich business now?

A silent investor.

(indistinct chatter)

There you are.

I've hardly seen you this episode.

It saddens me.

Tough case?

Yes, lack of privacy on the internet
is complicated and… overwhelming.

DENNY: Doesn't scare me.

My life's an open book.

So you wouldn't mind
if someone tapped a few keys

-and discovered you have mad cow?
-I don't care.

I tell everybody I meet,
anyway. (chuckles)

Ever looked yourself up on the internet?

I have.

Denny Crane, legal genius.

What about you?

No.

I don't want to know me.

Oh, I know you.

You're not so bad.

-So I've met this girl.
-You did?

Irma Levine.

She gives me a bit of trouble.

Take her to my wedding.

We just met.

Bev and I just met.
We're the ones getting married.

You are, aren't you?

(bright music playing)

Yes, I am.

DANIEL: Next on Boston Legal…

I thought you might want
to go to a funeral.

-Hopper's?
-No. Mine.

DENISE: Your funeral's in a bar?

Yeah, well, funeral homes close too early
and they don't have beer.

DENNY: I heard there were 400 breasts,
and you kept them all to yourself.

ALAN: This woman was arrested
as part of a political protest.

If she's convicted, she'll be forced
to register as a sex offender.

I'll never be able to guarantee
you a job but I promise…

I know you think this is about me
being mad at Crane, Poole & Schmidt,

but it isn't.

This comes straight from my boss.

Denny, you don't even know
what this case is about.

I don't have to know
what it's about in order to try it.

Denny Crane.

(theme music playing)

OLD WOMAN: You stinkah!