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1
00:00:19,602 --> 00:00:21,354
[Harley] Previously on
Harley Quinn...
2
00:00:21,938 --> 00:00:28,194
Fu...
3
00:00:28,278 --> 00:00:29,279
[Harley] And now...
4
00:00:30,864 --> 00:00:33,950
...uck!
5
00:00:34,033 --> 00:00:37,036
[groans] Damn it, Harley!
What the hell?
6
00:00:37,120 --> 00:00:38,663
I, I'm so sorry.
7
00:00:38,747 --> 00:00:40,266
I mean, the whole thing with
the zombies and the barfin'
8
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:41,166
and the mass murder...
9
00:00:41,249 --> 00:00:43,209
I was building Edin.
10
00:00:43,293 --> 00:00:45,462
It's something I thought
you wanted, too.
11
00:00:45,545 --> 00:00:48,965
It felt incredible
and you made me stop.
12
00:00:49,048 --> 00:00:50,091
Why?
13
00:00:52,010 --> 00:00:53,136
[sighs]
14
00:00:53,219 --> 00:00:54,822
Well, you should
figure that the fuck out.
15
00:00:54,846 --> 00:00:56,347
Deuces.
16
00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,808
Wait. Ive! Please don't be
mad. Where are you going?
17
00:00:58,892 --> 00:01:01,144
Somewhere I can relax and think.
18
00:01:01,227 --> 00:01:04,189
Oh, if that means you're going to
Mor-4-Lex, we're out of toilet paper.
19
00:01:04,272 --> 00:01:05,708
- Fine.
- And make sure you get three...
20
00:01:05,732 --> 00:01:08,067
Three ply. I know.
You've got a bougie butt.
21
00:01:09,903 --> 00:01:11,988
[theme music playing]
22
00:01:13,948 --> 00:01:15,784
[people cheering]
23
00:01:15,867 --> 00:01:19,162
No, oh, no, no, no.
Please don't. Do not thank me.
24
00:01:19,245 --> 00:01:20,371
[cheering continues]
25
00:01:20,455 --> 00:01:21,915
[woman] Thank you, Harley Quinn!
26
00:01:21,998 --> 00:01:23,309
- [man] Harley, thank you!
- You saved us from Ivy!
27
00:01:23,333 --> 00:01:24,918
No, please.
Oh, God, no. Don't...
28
00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,061
- Thank you, Harley. You saved us.
- [baby coos]
29
00:01:26,085 --> 00:01:27,670
No, no... please. No.
30
00:01:27,754 --> 00:01:29,339
Uh, can we get some applause?
31
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,884
Because there is a hero
in the house.
32
00:01:32,967 --> 00:01:35,094
- Please shut up.
- Why? It's true.
33
00:01:35,178 --> 00:01:40,141
You basically sacrificed yourself
to stop Ivy and save humanity.
34
00:01:40,225 --> 00:01:42,602
Why did I do that?
I don't want to stop Ivy.
35
00:01:42,685 --> 00:01:44,020
I want to support her.
36
00:01:44,103 --> 00:01:45,372
But I also don't want everyone
in Gotham to die.
37
00:01:45,396 --> 00:01:48,399
Ooh. Sounds like
you need to talk.
38
00:01:48,483 --> 00:01:51,194
Want to crush some canned cider
and unpack all this?
39
00:01:51,277 --> 00:01:52,695
There's nothing to unpack.
40
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:55,532
Hey, so, I'm gonna need
a Batman to sign for this.
41
00:01:55,615 --> 00:01:57,534
Oh, a man?
42
00:01:57,617 --> 00:02:00,161
So a Batgirl
couldn't be competent enough...
43
00:02:00,245 --> 00:02:02,705
His name is on the registration.
44
00:02:02,789 --> 00:02:03,789
- [Batgirl] Yerp.
- Yeesh.
45
00:02:10,129 --> 00:02:11,339
I gotta say,
46
00:02:11,422 --> 00:02:13,550
I like this new swagger on you.
47
00:02:13,633 --> 00:02:15,969
You've got a certain
je ne sais quoi.
48
00:02:16,052 --> 00:02:17,470
Now, I'll put money on it.
49
00:02:17,554 --> 00:02:19,305
In the next 24 hours,
50
00:02:19,389 --> 00:02:23,059
no less than three people are
going to randomly compliment you.
51
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:24,894
You're looking that good.
52
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:27,689
Well, I'm not feeling
that good. [Sighs]
53
00:02:27,772 --> 00:02:30,900
I mean, things are weird
with Harley, and my plan failed.
54
00:02:30,984 --> 00:02:33,111
- Again.
- You're looking at this all wrong.
55
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:36,865
Ruining Jazzapajizza is some
hard core supervillain shit.
56
00:02:37,991 --> 00:02:39,826
Fuck you, Ivy!
57
00:02:39,909 --> 00:02:42,579
Whoa!
You were tapped into The Green.
58
00:02:42,662 --> 00:02:45,707
No one could stop you.
You had to stop yourself.
59
00:02:45,790 --> 00:02:47,584
Now, that's real power.
60
00:02:47,667 --> 00:02:50,753
When a villain got to stop
her own villainoire self!
61
00:02:50,837 --> 00:02:54,757
I mean, it was pretty [blows]
pretty bad ass, I guess.
62
00:02:54,841 --> 00:02:56,676
[man over tv] A Hard Wayne's
Gonna Fall.
63
00:02:56,759 --> 00:02:58,970
- Directed by James Gunn. In theaters...
- [tv flickers]
64
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,931
[screams] - Apologies
for the abrupt pop in.
65
00:03:02,015 --> 00:03:04,726
- Ivy, did you change your hair?
- That's one.
66
00:03:04,809 --> 00:03:06,477
I saw what you did
at Jazzapajiz...
67
00:03:06,561 --> 00:03:08,271
- Yeah, I'm not saying that.
- [coughs]
68
00:03:08,354 --> 00:03:11,357
Suffice it to say, the scale
of potential devastation
69
00:03:11,441 --> 00:03:14,944
was enough to make even me
soil my boxer briefs.
70
00:03:15,028 --> 00:03:16,821
And you don't shit your pants
for anything.
71
00:03:16,905 --> 00:03:18,114
That is correct.
72
00:03:18,197 --> 00:03:19,991
Well, was.
73
00:03:20,074 --> 00:03:21,826
Yeah, thanks.
74
00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:24,710
Now, if you'll excuse me, they're
putting out scallion pancake samples.
75
00:03:25,413 --> 00:03:26,331
[grunts] Huh?
76
00:03:26,414 --> 00:03:27,957
I'll cut to the chase.
77
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,502
I'm looking to rebuild
the Legion of Doom in Gotham.
78
00:03:31,586 --> 00:03:34,148
[Poison Ivy] Hey, Lex. How many
times are we going to do this, bud?
79
00:03:34,172 --> 00:03:36,052
'Cause I don't want to be
in the Legion of Doom.
80
00:03:36,090 --> 00:03:38,551
I know. I want you to run it.
81
00:03:38,635 --> 00:03:39,469
- I'm sorry, what?
- [gasps]
82
00:03:39,552 --> 00:03:41,638
You're a threat.
83
00:03:41,721 --> 00:03:44,807
And, frankly, I trust the threat I
pay more than the threat I don't.
84
00:03:44,891 --> 00:03:47,852
Well, I'm not interested
in being some puppet figurehead
85
00:03:47,936 --> 00:03:49,771
for your corporate tax shelter.
86
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:52,315
Plus, you'd never agree
to my terms.
87
00:03:52,398 --> 00:03:54,067
Try me.
88
00:03:54,150 --> 00:03:57,695
Well, first off, I'd need to be
paid an obscene amount of money.
89
00:03:57,779 --> 00:03:58,779
Of course.
90
00:03:58,821 --> 00:03:59,989
Get that paper.
91
00:04:00,073 --> 00:04:01,866
- Hey, I really missed you.
- I know.
92
00:04:01,950 --> 00:04:04,452
And I'd uh, I'd need
to be in complete control.
93
00:04:04,535 --> 00:04:06,496
So I run things.
94
00:04:06,579 --> 00:04:11,459
I get to do whatever I want without needing
approval from anyone, including you.
95
00:04:11,542 --> 00:04:14,295
The Legion of Doom
will be yours.
96
00:04:14,379 --> 00:04:16,255
Think about it, Ivy.
97
00:04:16,339 --> 00:04:18,675
You got so close
to permanently changing Gotham,
98
00:04:18,758 --> 00:04:22,512
and all you had was a tiny lab
and some test tubes.
99
00:04:22,595 --> 00:04:26,683
Imagine what you could do with
my vast resources at your disposal.
100
00:04:26,766 --> 00:04:29,060
You'd be unstoppable.
101
00:04:30,937 --> 00:04:32,605
I don't want
to have to babysit Bane.
102
00:04:32,689 --> 00:04:35,108
We'll move him
to our Tempe office.
103
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:36,191
Well, shit.
104
00:04:38,361 --> 00:04:42,240
So, are you done reburying
my dead zombie parents, Alfred?
105
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:43,700
Indeed, Sir. Ooh.
106
00:04:44,951 --> 00:04:46,953
Perhaps I went
a little overboard.
107
00:04:47,036 --> 00:04:49,372
I'd venture to say you did, Sir.
108
00:04:49,455 --> 00:04:51,874
My loneliness and despair
got the best of me.
109
00:04:51,958 --> 00:04:54,711
The edges of reality started
to blur for a minute there.
110
00:04:54,794 --> 00:04:58,381
I think it's time I take off
my obsidian-colored glasses.
111
00:04:58,464 --> 00:05:01,217
Stop letting the specter
of my dead parents haunt me.
112
00:05:07,724 --> 00:05:10,268
[engine roaring]
113
00:05:10,351 --> 00:05:13,354
Of course everywhere I turn,
I'm reminded of this movie.
114
00:05:13,438 --> 00:05:15,732
Well, I hesitate
to bring this up, sir,
115
00:05:15,815 --> 00:05:19,485
but the producer sent tickets
to the premiere tomorrow.
116
00:05:19,569 --> 00:05:21,821
- I'll return them at once.
- Hold up, hold up.
117
00:05:21,904 --> 00:05:24,991
If I want to stop being
tortured by this movie,
118
00:05:25,074 --> 00:05:27,535
I should confront my demons
head on at the premiere.
119
00:05:27,618 --> 00:05:29,245
No worries.
120
00:05:29,328 --> 00:05:31,724
I shall clean up at once to
accompany you through this trying...
121
00:05:31,748 --> 00:05:33,791
Oh, sorry. [Chuckles]
122
00:05:33,875 --> 00:05:35,877
I've already asked
someone else, so.
123
00:05:35,960 --> 00:05:38,421
[clears throat] Anyway. [Yawns]
124
00:05:38,504 --> 00:05:42,050
Yeah, I'm probably
gonna get dressed.
125
00:05:42,133 --> 00:05:43,217
I... I'll do it myself.
126
00:05:44,218 --> 00:05:45,219
[groans]
127
00:05:50,767 --> 00:05:53,936
[groans] Why am I ugly
in everything?
128
00:05:54,020 --> 00:05:55,772
[sobs] I'm so... Forgive me.
129
00:05:55,855 --> 00:05:59,108
It appears my nerves are tender
on this premiere's eve.
130
00:05:59,192 --> 00:06:00,276
Well, calm down.
131
00:06:00,359 --> 00:06:02,236
You're just having
a diva moment.
132
00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,948
But the cool thing is, this
premiere is all about BBT's big day.
133
00:06:06,032 --> 00:06:07,592
So the pressure's off of you.
[chuckles]
134
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,119
No one, not a single soul
will know it was you
135
00:06:10,203 --> 00:06:12,914
acting like Billy Bob acting
like Thomas Wayne. [Laughs]
136
00:06:12,997 --> 00:06:14,582
No one will know?
137
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,793
[cats meow]
138
00:06:16,876 --> 00:06:18,628
Ooh, did you just get a facial?
139
00:06:18,711 --> 00:06:20,046
Uh, that's two.
140
00:06:21,631 --> 00:06:23,966
Hey, Harley.
We need to, uh, we gotta talk.
141
00:06:24,050 --> 00:06:25,968
I know, Ive.
I am still so sorry.
142
00:06:26,052 --> 00:06:27,470
Me first, me first. So.
143
00:06:27,553 --> 00:06:31,307
Lex Luthor wants me
to run the new Legion of Doom.
144
00:06:31,390 --> 00:06:34,435
Ha! I wish I could have been
there when you told him to fuck off.
145
00:06:34,519 --> 00:06:36,979
Uh, you couldn't,
because I didn't.
146
00:06:37,063 --> 00:06:38,272
Um, what?
147
00:06:38,356 --> 00:06:40,399
It's a great opportunity
for me, creatively.
148
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,985
Totally! Yeah, no. Who cares
that he's an amoral piece of shit.
149
00:06:43,069 --> 00:06:45,488
I mean, you are doing
the dang thing,
150
00:06:45,571 --> 00:06:48,199
looking all good
in the neighborhood.
151
00:06:49,408 --> 00:06:50,868
- [cat meows]
- It's all right.
152
00:06:50,952 --> 00:06:52,763
I, I didn't expect you
to be okay with me doing it.
153
00:06:52,787 --> 00:06:55,998
What? Are you kidding me?
I am so okay with you doing it.
154
00:06:56,082 --> 00:06:58,793
So okay that we're doing it.
155
00:06:58,876 --> 00:07:01,420
I... I don't,
I don't know, Harls. I...
156
00:07:01,504 --> 00:07:03,565
Look, okay. I know I took a
dump on your passion project,
157
00:07:03,589 --> 00:07:06,300
but it won't happen again.
Please, please let me prove it.
158
00:07:06,384 --> 00:07:09,804
- I... I just... I'm not sure we're on the same page.
- Listen.
159
00:07:09,887 --> 00:07:13,516
I am down to do whatever you need
me to do to make your dreams come true.
160
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,352
No questions asked.
I am your ride or die.
161
00:07:16,435 --> 00:07:17,687
Are you sure?
162
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:19,188
Because in order
to close with Lex,
163
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,566
I'm killing the Mayor
at the premiere tomorrow.
164
00:07:21,649 --> 00:07:22,567
Totally. Wait.
165
00:07:22,650 --> 00:07:24,402
Like Joker, the Mayor?
166
00:07:24,485 --> 00:07:27,822
Yeah, I mean, Lex has beef
with his new evil lair tax. [Sighs]
167
00:07:27,905 --> 00:07:29,615
Is that gonna be
a problem or...?
168
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:33,536
Ha, let's kill the fucking
joker. Oh! I love that for us.
169
00:07:33,619 --> 00:07:34,662
Whoo!
170
00:07:36,122 --> 00:07:37,415
- Oh, okay.
- Shit.
171
00:07:37,498 --> 00:07:39,250
No, honey, you know what?
172
00:07:39,333 --> 00:07:41,603
That's okay. There's, like, an entire
palette of champagne in the car.
173
00:07:41,627 --> 00:07:44,463
Sadly, no. I simply cannot
shake the feeling -[tires screech]
174
00:07:44,547 --> 00:07:46,465
that after all the work
I've put in,
175
00:07:46,549 --> 00:07:50,386
in the end, all the spoils will go
to one William Robert Thornton.
176
00:07:50,469 --> 00:07:52,555
But isn't that
every actor's dream?
177
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:55,641
To disappear into a role
so no one knows it's you?
178
00:07:55,725 --> 00:08:00,438
I will let you in on a secret not
many outside of the acting world know.
179
00:08:00,521 --> 00:08:02,398
All thespians are vain.
180
00:08:02,481 --> 00:08:03,481
[gasps] What?
181
00:08:04,233 --> 00:08:05,401
To a wild night.
182
00:08:08,196 --> 00:08:09,196
[burps loudly]
183
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:12,574
[sneezes]
184
00:08:13,075 --> 00:08:14,075
Goddamn it!
185
00:08:16,454 --> 00:08:17,622
It's show time.
186
00:08:18,456 --> 00:08:20,208
[screaming, cheering]
187
00:08:23,127 --> 00:08:24,420
[indistinct shouting]
188
00:08:24,503 --> 00:08:25,743
[male reporter] How's Angelina?
189
00:08:29,050 --> 00:08:30,760
[indistinct chatter, laughter]
190
00:08:30,843 --> 00:08:32,154
- [footsteps approaching]
- [sighs]
191
00:08:32,178 --> 00:08:33,178
Huh?
192
00:08:34,055 --> 00:08:35,973
Selina? You're looking, uh...
193
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:38,059
stunning.
I'm surprised you came.
194
00:08:38,142 --> 00:08:39,143
Ditto.
195
00:08:39,227 --> 00:08:40,394
How are you?
196
00:08:40,478 --> 00:08:42,063
Oh, fantastic.
197
00:08:42,146 --> 00:08:45,524
Zero zombie-related drama
on my end, that's, that's for sure.
198
00:08:45,608 --> 00:08:47,318
Happy to hear it.
199
00:08:47,401 --> 00:08:50,947
I assumed this entire event
would be triggering, to say the least.
200
00:08:51,030 --> 00:08:53,282
Wait, are you here
to support me?
201
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:56,535
Even though we're not dating
and I find you sad,
202
00:08:56,619 --> 00:08:59,038
it doesn't mean
I don't want to see you happy.
203
00:09:00,706 --> 00:09:01,874
Ex... excuse me.
204
00:09:01,958 --> 00:09:04,335
Probably an appetizer
got in my eye.
205
00:09:10,508 --> 00:09:12,301
[laughs]
206
00:09:12,385 --> 00:09:14,637
Great tie, Clock King.
207
00:09:14,720 --> 00:09:18,849
Nora and Swamp Thing are
an item. I love that.
208
00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:22,311
Cheryl, I see you
double fisting.
209
00:09:22,395 --> 00:09:24,397
[laughs] Like Joker do.
210
00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:26,774
[laughs] Oh, yes.
211
00:09:26,857 --> 00:09:29,443
Apparently,
I'm sitting at ZZZ69.
212
00:09:29,527 --> 00:09:33,739
Which, if I'm keeping it 100, doesn't
sound like a mayoral place to sit.
213
00:09:34,824 --> 00:09:35,824
Mmm.
214
00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:37,994
[groans]
215
00:09:38,077 --> 00:09:39,996
- [studio intro music plays]
- [grunts]
216
00:09:40,079 --> 00:09:42,331
[applause]
217
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:43,958
This can't be right.
218
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:45,583
[grunts]
219
00:09:46,752 --> 00:09:49,005
Cancel my drinks
with the mayor, Alfred.
220
00:09:49,088 --> 00:09:53,509
Tell him I'm taking my wife and
my adorable son to the movies.
221
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:54,885
Oh, right.
222
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:57,680
Tell Martha to wear
those pearls I bought her.
223
00:09:57,763 --> 00:10:03,894
To symbolize how our love can
survive anything, even bullets.
224
00:10:03,978 --> 00:10:05,855
Ugh! Two and a half hours
of this?
225
00:10:05,938 --> 00:10:08,018
- A little indulgent, if you ask me.
- [Joker groans]
226
00:10:09,150 --> 00:10:10,985
What the hell is going on?
227
00:10:11,068 --> 00:10:12,778
Oh, I'll tell you
what's going on.
228
00:10:12,862 --> 00:10:15,906
You're a super villain and
you're going to explain your plan?
229
00:10:15,990 --> 00:10:19,243
Hey, hey! Don't interrupt bae
when she's oratin'.
230
00:10:19,327 --> 00:10:22,246
What I would give to see you
wearing a headset mic.
231
00:10:22,330 --> 00:10:25,958
When the credits roll, Harley
and I are going to kill you
232
00:10:26,042 --> 00:10:31,380
and announce that we're running a
new Legion of Doom right here in Gotham.
233
00:10:31,464 --> 00:10:35,676
Wait, is Lex putting you up to
this because of the evil lair tax?
234
00:10:35,760 --> 00:10:38,054
It's half a percent
for Christ's sakes!
235
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:41,265
And it all goes towards
making Gotham College free.
236
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:42,558
Good idea.
237
00:10:42,641 --> 00:10:44,241
You know,
the barrier to higher education
238
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,562
is one of the biggest causes
of income inequality.
239
00:10:46,645 --> 00:10:50,107
Hey, Harley,
can we just, like, focus?
240
00:10:50,191 --> 00:10:52,902
Oh, shit. Ugh. Must've
left my bat in the limo.
241
00:10:52,985 --> 00:10:54,588
Okay, I'm gonna pop out,
I'm gonna grab it,
242
00:10:54,612 --> 00:10:56,506
I will be back in a jiff
to commence skull-crushing,
243
00:10:56,530 --> 00:10:58,699
and, you know,
things of that nature.
244
00:10:58,783 --> 00:10:59,783
[grunts]
245
00:11:01,494 --> 00:11:02,494
[sighs]
246
00:11:07,124 --> 00:11:10,711
You know, I've never known
Harley to be a sloppy ropes woman.
247
00:11:10,795 --> 00:11:13,089
She's tied up
hundreds of people for me.
248
00:11:13,172 --> 00:11:16,967
Normally goes for a sheet bend
or a taut-line hitch,
249
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,595
but she used
a bowline this time,
250
00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:23,265
which, of course,
is the easiest knot to untie.
251
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,434
I'm very active
with Benecio's scout troop.
252
00:11:25,518 --> 00:11:28,813
So you become mayor and suddenly
you're, like, a totally different person?
253
00:11:28,896 --> 00:11:31,232
I'm both
a maniacal force of nature,
254
00:11:31,315 --> 00:11:33,984
and I want
free universal health care.
255
00:11:34,068 --> 00:11:36,362
People can be more
than just one thing.
256
00:11:36,445 --> 00:11:38,906
They grow and evolve.
257
00:11:38,989 --> 00:11:40,616
Take Harley, for instance.
258
00:11:40,699 --> 00:11:45,162
Is it just me, or does she seem
a little different?
259
00:11:45,246 --> 00:11:47,123
Seriously, dude?
260
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,810
I'm not gonna do that thing where we
commiserate over the person we both dated.
261
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:52,002
Of course, of course.
262
00:11:52,711 --> 00:11:53,963
Tell me this.
263
00:11:54,046 --> 00:11:56,006
Does she still put
one giant cardboard box
264
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:59,135
in the recycling bin
so that nothing else can fit?
265
00:11:59,218 --> 00:12:01,178
Oh, my God, yes,
she does do that.
266
00:12:01,262 --> 00:12:04,074
But it's, it's just, it's like, what's so
hard about breaking down a box?
267
00:12:04,098 --> 00:12:05,349
You know what I mean?
[chuckles]
268
00:12:05,433 --> 00:12:07,268
Just hit it
with your fucking bat.
269
00:12:10,062 --> 00:12:11,062
- [sighs]
- [grunts]
270
00:12:11,689 --> 00:12:12,689
Hmm.
271
00:12:16,735 --> 00:12:18,487
Okay. What is wrong with you?
272
00:12:18,571 --> 00:12:20,215
I mean, I know there is a
lot going on in that little brain,
273
00:12:20,239 --> 00:12:21,866
but what is wrong right now?
274
00:12:21,949 --> 00:12:23,242
I shouldn't have come tonight.
275
00:12:23,325 --> 00:12:25,035
Okay, bro, calm down.
276
00:12:25,119 --> 00:12:27,180
All right? Let's try one of
those exercises like last time.
277
00:12:27,204 --> 00:12:28,849
- All right, close your eyes.
- [breathing deeply]
278
00:12:28,873 --> 00:12:30,040
Deep breath in.
279
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,750
Be in your body.
280
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,770
I know what you've been through
and I know that you are strong.
281
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:35,713
I was in your head, remember?
282
00:12:35,796 --> 00:12:37,006
You know my secret.
283
00:12:37,089 --> 00:12:38,257
Did you tell anyone?
284
00:12:38,340 --> 00:12:39,925
Okay.
I'm only gonna say this once,
285
00:12:40,009 --> 00:12:41,218
so pay attention.
286
00:12:41,302 --> 00:12:42,696
Gotham needs Batman
and I get that now.
287
00:12:42,720 --> 00:12:44,555
So your little secret
is safe with me.
288
00:12:44,638 --> 00:12:47,224
That, and like, doctor-patient
confidentiality, that whole thing
289
00:12:47,308 --> 00:12:48,517
[sighs in relief]
290
00:12:48,601 --> 00:12:50,436
Thank you.
291
00:12:50,519 --> 00:12:52,372
How did Ivy take it when she found
out you're not a villain anymore?
292
00:12:52,396 --> 00:12:53,689
Who said I'm not?
293
00:12:53,772 --> 00:12:55,608
Come on. Seriously?
294
00:12:55,691 --> 00:12:59,904
We're still doing this after you
stopped her plan and saved the city?
295
00:12:59,987 --> 00:13:02,448
I used to think you were
just an agent of chaos.
296
00:13:02,531 --> 00:13:03,657
But now I see.
297
00:13:03,741 --> 00:13:04,617
- You...
- Uh, no!
298
00:13:04,700 --> 00:13:06,368
That is exactly who I am!
299
00:13:08,704 --> 00:13:09,955
[grunts]
300
00:13:10,039 --> 00:13:12,917
- God bless you, Harley Quinn.
- Eat shit, loser!
301
00:13:13,626 --> 00:13:15,211
Oh.
302
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,314
Oh, my God, has she always
been OCD about toilet paper?
303
00:13:17,338 --> 00:13:20,174
It's like nothing scares her
more than the idea of running out.
304
00:13:20,257 --> 00:13:22,551
- Am I right?
- Oh, good times.
305
00:13:22,635 --> 00:13:25,137
You know what I really loved
about her though?
306
00:13:25,221 --> 00:13:29,141
The way she went along with
whatever plan I asked her to do,
307
00:13:29,225 --> 00:13:30,893
even when I knew
she hated the idea.
308
00:13:30,976 --> 00:13:33,771
Well, you know, add that
to the shit pile of reasons
309
00:13:33,854 --> 00:13:36,106
you were a toxic partner
and a total narcissist.
310
00:13:36,190 --> 00:13:38,567
Oh, just me?
311
00:13:38,651 --> 00:13:40,194
What are you even talking about?
312
00:13:40,277 --> 00:13:43,489
What Harley and I have
is 100% different.
313
00:13:43,572 --> 00:13:45,074
We are equals.
314
00:13:45,157 --> 00:13:47,010
I'd never ask her to
compromise herself like you did.
315
00:13:47,034 --> 00:13:49,036
Well, maybe not on purpose.
316
00:13:49,119 --> 00:13:50,799
I'm sorry. What are you
implying right now?
317
00:13:50,829 --> 00:13:52,957
Yesterday she's stopping
your big plan,
318
00:13:53,040 --> 00:13:57,211
but today she's ready to go
hard-boiled, running the Legion of Doom?
319
00:13:57,294 --> 00:13:59,338
I mean, I'm no therapist,
320
00:13:59,421 --> 00:14:02,461
but clearly Harley's having second
thoughts about whatever you're doing here.
321
00:14:02,508 --> 00:14:05,511
And that was a lapse in
judgment, and it won't be repeated.
322
00:14:05,594 --> 00:14:07,471
Harley's into
what we're doing here.
323
00:14:07,555 --> 00:14:10,849
I didn't want to bring out
the big guns, but...
324
00:14:10,933 --> 00:14:14,186
When did you ever see Harley
forget her bat?
325
00:14:14,937 --> 00:14:15,854
Oh, fuck.
326
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,648
Let's kill the bozo!
327
00:14:17,731 --> 00:14:19,918
People don't need to see another
version of the Wayne Murders.
328
00:14:19,942 --> 00:14:21,944
This shit's like
the Titanic, baby.
329
00:14:22,027 --> 00:14:23,654
- We know how it ends.
- Hey.
330
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,614
You really want
to do this, Harley?
331
00:14:25,698 --> 00:14:26,698
Of course!
332
00:14:27,283 --> 00:14:28,283
I do.
333
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:31,161
[Thomas grunts]
334
00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:35,124
[both grunting]
335
00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:38,961
Has Martha uttered a word yet?
336
00:14:39,044 --> 00:14:41,964
That CGI moustache
cost $12 million.
337
00:14:42,047 --> 00:14:43,047
[gunshot]
338
00:14:47,052 --> 00:14:48,220
[sighs]
339
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,138
[gunshot]
340
00:14:49,221 --> 00:14:51,223
[groans, grunts]
341
00:14:51,307 --> 00:14:53,517
My big monologue! Hold my hand.
342
00:14:53,601 --> 00:14:55,936
Remember the horse
and the sparrow, son.
343
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:58,063
[groans] "If you feed
the horse enough oats,
344
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:01,775
some will pass through to the road
for the sparrows to eat and prosper."
345
00:15:01,859 --> 00:15:06,071
You are proof that anything
is possible if you're born into...
346
00:15:06,155 --> 00:15:09,325
[coughs]
347
00:15:09,408 --> 00:15:11,285
Generational wealth.
348
00:15:11,368 --> 00:15:12,368
Let my death...
349
00:15:13,245 --> 00:15:15,414
define your entire life.
350
00:15:16,123 --> 00:15:20,753
[groaning]
351
00:15:22,463 --> 00:15:23,797
[sniffles]
352
00:15:23,881 --> 00:15:26,508
I fought for that line.
353
00:15:26,592 --> 00:15:29,178
Get out of the way so I can
bash the mayor's head in.
354
00:15:29,261 --> 00:15:32,348
Hey, I have no problem with you
killing Joker right now,
355
00:15:32,431 --> 00:15:35,934
but not if you're only doing it
because it's what I want.
356
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,269
Can we hurry this up?
357
00:15:37,353 --> 00:15:38,873
[scoffs] Would you listen
to this dick?
358
00:15:38,937 --> 00:15:40,648
Why wouldn't I want to kill him?
359
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,983
You did stop my plan
to terraform Gotham.
360
00:15:43,067 --> 00:15:44,985
Because of the zombies
and the barf.
361
00:15:45,069 --> 00:15:46,570
You're friends with Batgirl.
362
00:15:46,654 --> 00:15:48,489
Uh, friendly, not friends. No.
363
00:15:48,572 --> 00:15:50,741
And... [sighs]
I hate saying this,
364
00:15:50,824 --> 00:15:52,284
but, you know,
you've been reluctant
365
00:15:52,368 --> 00:15:54,787
to kill people in a way that is,
366
00:15:54,870 --> 00:15:56,110
frankly, it's concerning to me.
367
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,207
Oh, I'll show you reluctant.
368
00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:02,711
[both grunting]
369
00:16:02,795 --> 00:16:04,546
Harley. Face it.
370
00:16:05,297 --> 00:16:06,048
You've...
371
00:16:06,131 --> 00:16:07,716
[breathes heavily]
372
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:09,218
You've evolved.
373
00:16:09,301 --> 00:16:10,928
You want to help people.
374
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,638
You're not a villain anymore.
375
00:16:12,721 --> 00:16:13,889
That is not true!
376
00:16:13,972 --> 00:16:15,641
Why won't you just admit it?
377
00:16:15,724 --> 00:16:17,768
Because I don't want
to lose you.
378
00:16:19,978 --> 00:16:22,856
Do you really think
that you would lose me?
379
00:16:22,940 --> 00:16:24,233
If we don't want the same thing,
380
00:16:24,316 --> 00:16:25,901
what does that mean for us?
381
00:16:25,984 --> 00:16:29,738
Look, if running the Legion
of Doom with me isn't for you,
382
00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,281
that's... it's okay.
383
00:16:31,365 --> 00:16:33,492
I don't want you
to compromise yourself.
384
00:16:33,575 --> 00:16:36,245
I mean, we're equals
in this relationship,
385
00:16:36,328 --> 00:16:37,996
and that's why it's so great.
386
00:16:38,080 --> 00:16:40,749
We can fully have
different passions.
387
00:16:40,833 --> 00:16:43,919
I mean, if I didn't leave you
during your craft beer phase,
388
00:16:44,002 --> 00:16:45,587
I'm not leaving you now.
389
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:47,691
Yeah, no. I could not pull off
those cargo shorts. [Scoffs]
390
00:16:47,715 --> 00:16:50,300
Look, as long as
you're honest with me,
391
00:16:50,384 --> 00:16:53,137
I will support
whatever you want to do.
392
00:16:53,220 --> 00:16:55,931
But... what if I don't know
exactly what that is?
393
00:16:56,014 --> 00:16:57,266
Like...
394
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,993
Look, I, I know
I don't want to kill Joker,
395
00:16:59,017 --> 00:17:01,395
and I... I don't want to do
a big, evil plan, but,
396
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,981
do I want to help people? I...
Maybe. I don't know.
397
00:17:04,064 --> 00:17:06,608
I just... I haven't really
let myself think about it.
398
00:17:06,692 --> 00:17:08,527
People are saying
I'm not a villain anymore,
399
00:17:08,610 --> 00:17:10,612
which is fine, like, whatever.
Labels are lame.
400
00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:14,742
But I... I'm not ready
to identify as the other thing.
401
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:17,953
You know what? We're going
to figure it out together. Right?
402
00:17:18,037 --> 00:17:19,538
BFFGFFs?
403
00:17:19,621 --> 00:17:20,539
That's us, right?
404
00:17:20,622 --> 00:17:21,874
Right.
405
00:17:21,957 --> 00:17:23,917
- [Harley chuckles]
- Beautiful stuff.
406
00:17:24,001 --> 00:17:25,461
What time is it?
407
00:17:25,544 --> 00:17:27,129
Where the fuck
do you need to be?
408
00:17:27,212 --> 00:17:30,174
[applause] -[crowd
chanting] Billy Bob! Billy Bob!
409
00:17:30,257 --> 00:17:31,925
Billy Bob! Billy Bob!
410
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:34,303
They should be chanting my name.
411
00:17:34,386 --> 00:17:35,637
Play it cool, baby.
412
00:17:35,721 --> 00:17:37,765
You've made it this far.
Accept the applause.
413
00:17:37,848 --> 00:17:42,311
Give a faux-humble bow,
and sit your ass down.
414
00:17:42,394 --> 00:17:43,604
[grunting]
415
00:17:43,687 --> 00:17:46,440
- [applause continues]
- [man whistles]
416
00:17:46,523 --> 00:17:48,317
Oh, no.
417
00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,653
It is not Billy Bob whose performance
has moved you all this evening.
418
00:17:51,737 --> 00:17:54,156
It is I, Clayface,
419
00:17:54,239 --> 00:17:56,867
the true star
behind Thomas Wayne.
420
00:17:56,950 --> 00:18:00,871
Billy Bob is a shape shifter?
That's how he does it.
421
00:18:00,954 --> 00:18:03,165
No, I'm not Billy Bob!
422
00:18:03,248 --> 00:18:05,834
He doesn't deserve
your applause.
423
00:18:05,918 --> 00:18:06,919
I do!
424
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,797
Billy Bob is dead!
425
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:12,090
- Dead because of me!
- Look, buddy.
426
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:13,801
They're just not listening.
427
00:18:13,884 --> 00:18:18,180
Congrats to Billy Bob Thornton
on a spectacular performance.
428
00:18:18,263 --> 00:18:22,351
This movie reminds us that billionaires
like Bruce Wayne know no shame.
429
00:18:22,434 --> 00:18:25,729
The real drain
on the city is the 1%.
430
00:18:25,813 --> 00:18:28,524
But today we come
one step closer to ending
431
00:18:28,607 --> 00:18:32,361
the appalling
wealth disparity in Gotham.
432
00:18:32,444 --> 00:18:34,530
Send in the clowns!
433
00:18:35,155 --> 00:18:37,908
[engine revving]
434
00:18:43,288 --> 00:18:44,706
Oh. Uh.
435
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:46,542
This is a sting operation.
436
00:18:46,625 --> 00:18:49,878
Public humiliation has a long
history in the annals of justice.
437
00:18:49,962 --> 00:18:52,214
So we lured you into our trap.
438
00:18:52,297 --> 00:18:54,633
And now we're busting you
for tax evasion.
439
00:18:54,716 --> 00:18:58,220
Ladies and gentlemen,
and non-binary friends,
440
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:02,182
this is for you.
[laughing maniacally]
441
00:19:02,266 --> 00:19:03,892
And for me.
442
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:07,104
"Bruce Wayne, you are under
arrest for intentional omission.
443
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:12,067
Manipulation, and alteration
of accounting records."
444
00:19:12,150 --> 00:19:16,572
He's also guilty
of being a thief and a bitch.
445
00:19:16,655 --> 00:19:20,450
Wow! Huba-hub.
What's with the glow up, Ivy?
446
00:19:20,534 --> 00:19:22,077
And that's three.
447
00:19:22,160 --> 00:19:23,495
You're goddamn right it is.
448
00:19:23,579 --> 00:19:25,289
I need a fucking drink!
449
00:19:25,372 --> 00:19:28,250
Let's go get blackout
on bulk champagne.
450
00:19:30,419 --> 00:19:31,461
[Harley] Deep breaths.
451
00:19:31,545 --> 00:19:32,754
You will be okay.
452
00:19:32,838 --> 00:19:35,757
I know... I think?
453
00:19:35,841 --> 00:19:37,593
Maybe this is a good thing.
454
00:19:37,676 --> 00:19:40,762
I have all this trauma
I've been carrying around.
455
00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:42,347
If I can finally
go deal with it,
456
00:19:42,431 --> 00:19:44,933
I can get back
to the life I want.
457
00:19:45,017 --> 00:19:47,895
Helping people
and protecting Gotham.
458
00:19:47,978 --> 00:19:50,272
It's exciting. And scary.
459
00:19:50,355 --> 00:19:52,524
It is both of those things.
460
00:19:55,027 --> 00:19:59,323
Hey, not to add to your trauma, but I
think Selina stole your mom's pearls.
461
00:20:00,032 --> 00:20:01,617
Oh, come on.
462
00:20:01,700 --> 00:20:04,036
I'll be available for lame
zoom sessions if you need me.
463
00:20:06,330 --> 00:20:07,789
[indistinct shouting]
464
00:20:07,873 --> 00:20:10,083
Excuse me.
Coming through. Pardon me.
465
00:20:10,167 --> 00:20:11,835
Can you give us a minute, Carl?
466
00:20:11,919 --> 00:20:15,422
Black gate Penitentiary is 30
clicks off the port of Gotham.
467
00:20:15,505 --> 00:20:17,145
I'll have Night wing
gas up the BatBoat...
468
00:20:17,215 --> 00:20:19,593
Don't bother.
I intend to serve my time.
469
00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:22,054
The people of the city have
to know there are consequences,
470
00:20:22,137 --> 00:20:23,263
even for me.
471
00:20:23,347 --> 00:20:24,640
While I'm gone,
472
00:20:24,723 --> 00:20:26,308
I need you to step up,
473
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:29,478
lead the Bat-Family,
and protect Gotham.
474
00:20:29,561 --> 00:20:31,855
We can't do that without Batman.
475
00:20:31,939 --> 00:20:33,523
Of course you can.
476
00:20:33,607 --> 00:20:35,484
You've already done it.
477
00:20:35,567 --> 00:20:37,361
You stopped the Mad Hatter.
478
00:20:37,444 --> 00:20:39,655
You helped stop the zombies
when I was...
479
00:20:39,738 --> 00:20:41,406
[sighs] indisposed.
480
00:20:42,240 --> 00:20:44,576
Gotham is in good hands.
481
00:20:53,168 --> 00:20:54,168
Huh?
482
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:56,505
Mmm.
483
00:20:56,588 --> 00:20:58,840
Oh, so there were
some hiccups tonight.
484
00:20:58,924 --> 00:21:02,803
But if it helps,
you win my best actor award.
485
00:21:02,886 --> 00:21:03,886
A hug.
486
00:21:05,555 --> 00:21:06,555
It doesn't.
487
00:21:09,351 --> 00:21:12,437
So, okay, that's,
so that's what you've decided.
488
00:21:12,521 --> 00:21:14,022
It is. [Sighs]
489
00:21:14,106 --> 00:21:16,817
I was alone for so long,
carrying around all this trauma.
490
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:21,613
But then I met you and I fell in
love, which helped me get past it.
491
00:21:21,697 --> 00:21:25,117
I'm finally in a place where I can
actually think about what I want.
492
00:21:25,200 --> 00:21:26,326
It's exciting.
493
00:21:27,119 --> 00:21:28,286
And scary.
494
00:21:29,079 --> 00:21:30,580
I'm proud of you.
495
00:21:30,664 --> 00:21:33,500
So, is Lex gonna be pissed
you didn't kill Joker?
496
00:21:33,583 --> 00:21:35,263
Oh, he'll probably want me
even more now...
497
00:21:35,293 --> 00:21:37,337
Mmm. God knows I do.
498
00:21:37,421 --> 00:21:40,215
[both moan]
499
00:21:40,298 --> 00:21:41,298
[Harley chuckles]
500
00:21:48,765 --> 00:21:49,808
[Harley] Hey, assholes!
501
00:21:51,351 --> 00:21:52,352
Uh.
502
00:21:52,436 --> 00:21:54,688
Harley?
What are you doing here?
503
00:21:54,771 --> 00:21:58,126
Yeah, with Batty in the clink, I thought you
silly rodents might need a little help. Hmm.
504
00:21:58,150 --> 00:21:59,651
Don't worry, Night wing.
505
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:01,546
You still have the best
looking ass out of all of us.
506
00:22:01,570 --> 00:22:03,155
Mmm, let's give her a chance.
507
00:22:03,238 --> 00:22:04,990
You ready?
508
00:22:05,073 --> 00:22:07,010
Uh, like in general, or is there
something specific we need to do?
509
00:22:07,034 --> 00:22:09,619
- Welcome to the fam, Harley!
- [both grunting]
510
00:22:11,913 --> 00:22:12,913
Whoa!
511
00:22:17,127 --> 00:22:19,254
Thanks for waiting,
you fucking dildos!
512
00:22:20,547 --> 00:22:21,590
I'll take the stairs.
513
00:22:23,592 --> 00:22:25,677
[theme music playing]38525
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