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1
00:00:25,275 --> 00:00:27,110
[cat meowing]
2
00:00:27,193 --> 00:00:30,739
Listen, I just can't thank you enough
for letting us stay here, Selina.
3
00:00:30,822 --> 00:00:35,618
Please, it's no trouble at all. The guy I'm
seeing has got this whole wing of a mansion
4
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:38,997
that's pretty much mine
now, so I'm barely home.
5
00:00:39,080 --> 00:00:42,876
I mean, I was gonna pay someone to
feed my cats, but now I don't have to.
6
00:00:42,959 --> 00:00:47,756
Great. And you know, I know we're just guests,
so I promise we will respect your stuff.
7
00:00:47,839 --> 00:00:49,632
What do you think
this is? Ahh!
8
00:00:49,716 --> 00:00:50,967
- [grunts]
- [glass breaking]
9
00:00:51,050 --> 00:00:52,552
And I guess we'll never know.
10
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:55,096
[gasps] Rembrandt's "The
Storm on the Sea of Galilee."
11
00:00:55,180 --> 00:00:58,183
Degas's "Program for the
Artistic Soirée 1 and 2."
12
00:00:58,266 --> 00:01:02,228
Dear Lord! I believe I've solved
the Isabella Stewart Gardner heist.
13
00:01:02,312 --> 00:01:05,356
It's entirely filled
with premium sushi rolls.
14
00:01:05,440 --> 00:01:07,567
[Selina] That's
for the cats only.
15
00:01:07,650 --> 00:01:09,152
They love raw fish.
16
00:01:09,235 --> 00:01:11,488
Obviously, I have cameras
all over the place.
17
00:01:11,571 --> 00:01:14,824
And do not open the room
with the green door.
18
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:18,495
Princess has been a naughty,
naughty kitty and she's in time out.
19
00:01:18,578 --> 00:01:22,916
- [Selina] All right, bye.
- Wait, wait! Before you go, girl, come on, you gotta dish.
20
00:01:22,999 --> 00:01:26,961
Like, tell me about this guy. What's
his butt like? Like, is it cool?
21
00:01:27,045 --> 00:01:29,005
He's... fine.
22
00:01:29,088 --> 00:01:31,841
Yeah. No, totally. I bet
you could do so much better.
23
00:01:31,925 --> 00:01:32,925
Mmm-hmm.
24
00:01:34,552 --> 00:01:35,595
[device beeps]
25
00:01:35,678 --> 00:01:37,347
Shall I continue?
26
00:01:37,430 --> 00:01:39,516
[sighs in exasperation]
It's not worth it.
27
00:01:43,102 --> 00:01:45,230
[opening theme music playing]
28
00:01:48,775 --> 00:01:50,944
Honey, can you hand me one
of those clean beakers?
29
00:01:52,278 --> 00:01:55,281
- [loud crash]
- Ow, my penises!
30
00:01:55,365 --> 00:01:57,283
Oh, you mean a clean, clean one.
31
00:01:57,367 --> 00:01:59,869
Sweetie, I am close to
perfecting this serum.
32
00:01:59,953 --> 00:02:03,790
All I need to do is reduce the combustion
intake by adjusting the picric acid level
33
00:02:03,873 --> 00:02:09,254
and then adding a small amount of
sodium bicarbonate to counteract it.
34
00:02:09,337 --> 00:02:12,799
- I'm gonna make it less explodey.
- Oh yeah. Good thinkin', Ive.
35
00:02:12,882 --> 00:02:14,551
So, next step, I gotta
get our hands on...
36
00:02:14,634 --> 00:02:16,719
- [Harley screams]
- What?
37
00:02:16,803 --> 00:02:20,640
I can't find the damn unsubscribe button
in this email. It just pisses me off.
38
00:02:20,723 --> 00:02:23,017
- So what we really have to do...
- [Harley screams]
39
00:02:23,101 --> 00:02:25,270
I found the button, thank
god. [sighs in relief]
40
00:02:25,353 --> 00:02:27,233
- [Harley screams]
- And they sent you the email
41
00:02:27,313 --> 00:02:29,524
- confirming you unsubscribed.
- No, no, listen to this.
42
00:02:29,607 --> 00:02:32,711
"The Academy of Evil Arts and Science, in
association with the Gotham Foreign Press,
43
00:02:32,735 --> 00:02:36,406
is honored to announce the nomination
of Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy for Best
44
00:02:36,489 --> 00:02:39,909
Couple at the 83rd Annual Supervillain
Awards!" [screams excitedly]
45
00:02:39,993 --> 00:02:44,372
Ugh, the Villys? Oh, great, another
gaudy award show for egomaniacs.
46
00:02:44,455 --> 00:02:46,791
Why would they think that we
wanna attend that circle jerk?
47
00:02:46,875 --> 00:02:48,877
Cause I always win
that circle jerk.
48
00:02:48,960 --> 00:02:51,588
Well, why keep jerkin' then?
Why do you need more awards?
49
00:02:51,671 --> 00:02:53,756
Cause all those wins
were with Joker.
50
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,384
That clown kept every
Villy for himself.
51
00:02:56,467 --> 00:02:58,303
Didn't even let me on stage.
52
00:02:58,386 --> 00:03:01,222
I never got to give the big speech
and I live for the big speech.
53
00:03:01,306 --> 00:03:05,101
Hell, one time he didn't even take
me, he just took one of his goons.
54
00:03:05,184 --> 00:03:07,437
- Dean.
- Oh it was Dean?
55
00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:10,624
I wanna be on that stage with you, holding up
our Villy right in middle of that circle jerk.
56
00:03:10,648 --> 00:03:15,278
Honey, I just got my lab setup. I've got
momentum on this plan. I'm in the zone!
57
00:03:15,361 --> 00:03:18,281
And I mean like, when have I actually
even used the words "in the zone"?
58
00:03:18,364 --> 00:03:20,325
Oh, can't you step out of
the zone for one night,
59
00:03:20,408 --> 00:03:22,011
and then after pop right
back into the zone?
60
00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,786
- Please, please...
- [exhales sharply]
61
00:03:23,870 --> 00:03:27,290
- Okay, okay, screw it, let's go win this award.
- [Harley screams]
62
00:03:27,373 --> 00:03:30,209
But I'm having three Long Island
ice teas and no one's stopping me.
63
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:32,253
- No ice.
- Fuck yeah!
64
00:03:32,337 --> 00:03:36,174
First thing tomorrow, Martha, I announce
my retirement and focus on our family.
65
00:03:36,257 --> 00:03:38,426
Put little Brucie on, will ya.
66
00:03:38,509 --> 00:03:42,639
Heya, sport. I know I haven't always been
here for you, but I promise that's over now.
67
00:03:42,722 --> 00:03:46,851
Tell mother to wear her pearls cause
tonight we're going to the movies!
68
00:03:46,935 --> 00:03:49,771
And... cut! great
take. Moving on.
69
00:03:49,854 --> 00:03:52,982
Ugh, God, my back is killing me
70
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:55,526
- [chair vibrating]
- [moaning] There it is!
71
00:04:02,951 --> 00:04:04,285
Willie Rob!
72
00:04:05,328 --> 00:04:06,996
Might not recognize me.
73
00:04:07,080 --> 00:04:10,875
Lotta hair and makeup... I play
the chair. The director's chair.
74
00:04:10,959 --> 00:04:13,252
Maybe you could, say, sit on me
75
00:04:13,336 --> 00:04:15,713
in exchange for
one-on-one acting lessons?
76
00:04:15,797 --> 00:04:17,382
I don't sit.
77
00:04:17,465 --> 00:04:20,385
Ah, the Christopher Nolan school
of acting, no sitting on set.
78
00:04:20,468 --> 00:04:21,552
I don't ever sit.
79
00:04:21,636 --> 00:04:24,722
Me neither. Another
standing pooper!
80
00:04:24,806 --> 00:04:28,393
-James!
-Eatin' a Danish. Just tastes better on set.
81
00:04:28,476 --> 00:04:32,855
Look, it's just buddy, this, this dialogue.
I mean. It's not humming, ya know?
82
00:04:32,939 --> 00:04:34,732
Ugh, it hums.
83
00:04:34,816 --> 00:04:36,752
[Billy Bob] Hey, you know what?
Maybe we could meet at your place?
84
00:04:36,776 --> 00:04:38,253
- Mmm.
- You know, cook some dinner, and do a re-write?
85
00:04:38,277 --> 00:04:40,196
It's like what
Warner Bros told me
86
00:04:40,279 --> 00:04:44,534
while I was writing the "Scooby-Doo"
movie. It's all about the edit.
87
00:04:44,617 --> 00:04:51,541
[chuckles] On second thought, forget
everything I just said! And let's meet tonight.
88
00:04:51,624 --> 00:04:54,085
- [tense music plays]
- [chuckles nervously]
89
00:04:55,503 --> 00:04:57,296
Cool.
90
00:04:57,380 --> 00:05:01,551
And we say happy Villy Sunday from
Gotham City's lovely Crime Alley.
91
00:05:01,634 --> 00:05:06,055
Ooh, Riddler, Clock King. congrats
on the nom for Best Couple.
92
00:05:06,139 --> 00:05:08,391
Thanks, Tawny, It's
a big category.
93
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:10,143
Lotta great couples this year.
94
00:05:10,226 --> 00:05:13,438
Now you two were some of Gotham's
first openly gay villains.
95
00:05:13,521 --> 00:05:15,523
Must not have been easy.
96
00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:19,360
[laughs] You might say the hardest riddle
I ever solved was my own sexuality.
97
00:05:19,444 --> 00:05:22,572
Luckily, I figured
it out just in time.
98
00:05:22,655 --> 00:05:24,741
- Oh god, you turn my gears.
- Come here.
99
00:05:24,824 --> 00:05:26,927
- Oh, okay, now don't lean, that's okay.
- Oh, oops, get in there!
100
00:05:26,951 --> 00:05:28,578
- [kissing noises]
- Aw.
101
00:05:28,661 --> 00:05:30,997
And Clock King, can you
tell us who you're wearing?
102
00:05:31,080 --> 00:05:33,767
Of course, Tawny my clock tonight is by the
master, Patek Philippe, it's a chronometer...
103
00:05:33,791 --> 00:05:36,794
- You didn't tell me we had to walk the red carpet.
- But you love walking!
104
00:05:36,878 --> 00:05:38,963
[Poison Ivy groans]
105
00:05:41,007 --> 00:05:44,510
Don't forget to re-apply lipstick
before they announce your name.
106
00:05:44,594 --> 00:05:46,929
Need that bold
lip pop on camera.
107
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:50,516
It's the other dynamic duo:
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!
108
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:53,728
I can't tell ya how great it feels
to be here for another Villy,
109
00:05:53,811 --> 00:05:56,314
and with time with
the love of my life.
110
00:05:56,397 --> 00:06:00,026
Well, girl, this is the first time
you're running minus the Joker.
111
00:06:00,109 --> 00:06:01,944
Think you can do it without him?
112
00:06:02,028 --> 00:06:05,531
When we're up on that stage
everyone will forget about Mr. J.
113
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:08,451
It's all about my
sweet love Poison Ivy.
114
00:06:08,534 --> 00:06:12,538
Okay, well, Ivy, everybody's
clamoring to see those claws.
115
00:06:12,622 --> 00:06:14,791
Is there a theme to
your nails tonight?
116
00:06:14,874 --> 00:06:18,211
Uh... social anxiety, I guess?
117
00:06:18,294 --> 00:06:19,462
[Tawny] Oh...
118
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:25,301
God, they run out of those
little quiches so fast, huh, Ive?
119
00:06:25,384 --> 00:06:28,054
If I stand here no one can
ask me who I'm wearing.
120
00:06:28,137 --> 00:06:30,098
Okay, I know it's a lot,
but you're doing great.
121
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,643
- Promise, the show itself is pretty low drama.
- [sighs]
122
00:06:33,726 --> 00:06:35,812
Uh, hey, excuse me, can
you pass me the water?
123
00:06:35,895 --> 00:06:37,980
Hell... o.
124
00:06:38,064 --> 00:06:39,857
[disappointed groan]
125
00:06:39,941 --> 00:06:42,568
[female announcer] Live from
Crime Alley's Monarch Theatre,
126
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:45,446
it's the 83rd
Annual Villy Awards.
127
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:49,659
Here's your host:
the ace of knaves,
128
00:06:49,742 --> 00:06:52,745
the clown prince
of crime... Joker!
129
00:06:53,454 --> 00:06:54,455
[snarls]
130
00:06:55,581 --> 00:06:57,625
- [alarm beeps]
- Ah shit.
131
00:06:57,708 --> 00:07:02,046
I'm late for my eight o'clock.
I've got a show to host.
132
00:07:02,130 --> 00:07:04,215
[hip hop music playing]
133
00:07:07,593 --> 00:07:11,139
♪ Tonight's the night We celebrate
the bad guys We fight it out ♪
134
00:07:11,222 --> 00:07:16,185
♪ Every day for the real prize The
awards for those They demonize ♪
135
00:07:16,269 --> 00:07:18,855
[wicked laugh]
136
00:07:18,938 --> 00:07:21,607
[singing] ♪ We're here for
gold I've won my share ♪
137
00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:24,485
♪ Tonight's the one
night We play it fair ♪
138
00:07:24,569 --> 00:07:27,280
♪ From Killer
Croc, To Firefly ♪
139
00:07:27,363 --> 00:07:30,074
♪ Throw those hands
up In the sky ♪
140
00:07:30,158 --> 00:07:33,244
- ♪ Put on a smile ♪
- ♪ Like Joker do ♪
141
00:07:33,327 --> 00:07:34,912
This is beyond messed up.
142
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:38,958
You know, I should hate 'em,
but dammit the girls got moves.
143
00:07:39,041 --> 00:07:41,711
- ♪ We're throwin' acid. Yeah! ♪
- ♪ Like Joker do ♪
144
00:07:41,794 --> 00:07:44,922
- ♪ We're gettin' plastered ♪
- ♪ Like Joker do ♪
145
00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,466
♪ Grodd is here
Dressed in a tux ♪
146
00:07:47,550 --> 00:07:50,178
- ♪ And so is Bane Too bad
he sucks ♪ - [Bane] What?
147
00:07:50,261 --> 00:07:54,015
♪ Harley Quinn With her new
flame I sat them next to... ♪
148
00:07:54,098 --> 00:07:57,518
♪ Oh, what's his
name? Put on a smile ♪
149
00:07:57,602 --> 00:07:58,978
[together] ♪ Like Joker do ♪
150
00:07:59,061 --> 00:08:00,396
♪ We're gettin' wild ♪
151
00:08:00,479 --> 00:08:01,623
- [evil laugh]
- ♪ Like Joker do ♪
152
00:08:01,647 --> 00:08:04,442
So, this is awkward turtle.
153
00:08:04,525 --> 00:08:07,403
No. Why, why would that be?
154
00:08:07,486 --> 00:08:11,157
Uh, because we had an affair while you were
dating, then you left him at the altar for me,
155
00:08:11,240 --> 00:08:13,451
and now we're all seated at
an award show where you and I
156
00:08:13,534 --> 00:08:15,203
are up for Best
Couple and lalala.
157
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:17,371
Bingo-bango.
158
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:20,875
♪ Like Joker do! ♪
[laughs wickedly]
159
00:08:20,958 --> 00:08:25,671
We've got an incredible show for you,
folks. Some great guests, Sinestro,
160
00:08:25,755 --> 00:08:30,343
Solomon Grundy, Kevin
Spacey. Stay tuned!
161
00:08:30,426 --> 00:08:31,719
Maybe we should
go? Should we go?
162
00:08:31,802 --> 00:08:33,679
No, no, no it's fine.
All in the past.
163
00:08:33,763 --> 00:08:37,683
Actually, I have completely, totally
moved on. Even brought my new boo.
164
00:08:37,767 --> 00:08:39,352
- You're dating Bane?
- What?
165
00:08:39,435 --> 00:08:41,938
I got a pretty good
gig as a seat filler.
166
00:08:42,021 --> 00:08:44,273
My girlfriend's not here yet.
167
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:46,776
She's running late. But
she's definitely real.
168
00:08:46,859 --> 00:08:48,319
I have a girlfriend who is real.
169
00:08:48,402 --> 00:08:51,072
Real hot, muy caliente.
170
00:08:51,155 --> 00:08:53,699
Ha, but no it's not, it's
not just about her looks!
171
00:08:53,783 --> 00:08:56,702
That would be shallow. I mean,
you girls would really get along!
172
00:08:56,786 --> 00:08:58,538
[forced laugh] Yeah...
173
00:08:58,621 --> 00:09:00,289
Ive, maybe we should
go mingle little.
174
00:09:00,373 --> 00:09:02,291
Mmm-hmm. You know
what, you go ahead.
175
00:09:02,375 --> 00:09:04,710
I just... I think
need some air.
176
00:09:06,879 --> 00:09:12,009
Whoa, you could cut the tension
with one of these. That's on them.
177
00:09:12,093 --> 00:09:17,723
All they have to do is give me back my pasta
maker if they don't want things to be weird.
178
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:19,809
No, no. We all think it's cool.
179
00:09:19,892 --> 00:09:23,604
Haven't heard a single person suggest
you're compensating for something.
180
00:09:26,315 --> 00:09:27,817
Riddler! Cock King!
181
00:09:27,900 --> 00:09:31,237
Ha! It's Clock King, honey.
Cock King's the other guy.
182
00:09:31,320 --> 00:09:34,532
Ha, lookin' forward to seein'
all six of those hands clapping
183
00:09:34,615 --> 00:09:37,493
while I'm up on stage with
Ivy giving the big speech.
184
00:09:37,576 --> 00:09:39,912
Oh, Harley, have you seen
our new puppy, Maurice?
185
00:09:39,996 --> 00:09:41,205
Yes, yes, show her.
186
00:09:41,289 --> 00:09:44,292
Aww. So cute! Who's
the other guy?
187
00:09:44,375 --> 00:09:48,379
Riddle me this, who's the overseas
President without a country?
188
00:09:48,462 --> 00:09:51,507
Who works in black and white,
but gives out the gold?
189
00:09:51,591 --> 00:09:53,968
Why it's the head of the
Gotham Foreign Press.
190
00:09:54,051 --> 00:09:56,762
And we gifted him
Maurice's twin sister.
191
00:09:56,846 --> 00:09:58,264
You know, to grease the wheels.
192
00:09:58,347 --> 00:10:00,224
- Grease the wheels?
- Oh, Harley.
193
00:10:00,308 --> 00:10:04,437
You of all people must know that
these awards are mostly political.
194
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,481
Joker spent half the year
campaigning for you two.
195
00:10:07,565 --> 00:10:09,859
Gotta do whatever you can
to get the upper hand.
196
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,111
Even if it's a little
underhanded, right?
197
00:10:12,194 --> 00:10:17,116
Ugh, yeah, totally, everyone knows that. I
mean, it's very common knowledge. Mm-hmm.
198
00:10:18,034 --> 00:10:20,369
[suspenseful music plays]
199
00:10:20,453 --> 00:10:22,955
Hey. You're the award
show accountant, huh?
200
00:10:23,039 --> 00:10:25,207
Cool, cool. And that
briefcase right there?
201
00:10:25,291 --> 00:10:26,751
It's got the winners in it, huh?
202
00:10:26,834 --> 00:10:29,170
Maybe you could let me
take a lil peek inside it,
203
00:10:29,253 --> 00:10:31,422
you know, make sure
I won Best Couple.
204
00:10:38,721 --> 00:10:42,350
Look, nerd. You're gonna hand over that
briefcase and give me the envelope.
205
00:10:42,433 --> 00:10:44,193
I will look at it, maybe
cross somethin' out,
206
00:10:44,268 --> 00:10:46,312
but hopefully not.
Then you take it back,
207
00:10:46,395 --> 00:10:49,815
pretend this never happened. Otherwise,
I'm gonna kick your math-lovin' ass.
208
00:10:52,943 --> 00:10:55,571
Uh, wait, do androids piss?
209
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,448
[yelps, groans]
210
00:10:57,531 --> 00:10:58,949
[low growl]
211
00:10:59,033 --> 00:11:00,576
[ominous music plays]
212
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:06,874
[sighs in exasperation]
213
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:08,751
- [woman] Need a charger?
- Thanks.
214
00:11:08,834 --> 00:11:11,003
It's nothin'. I never
leave home without it.
215
00:11:11,087 --> 00:11:13,756
Which makes me think, maybe
I'm addicted to screens?
216
00:11:13,839 --> 00:11:15,925
[chuckles] I mean,
who isn't, right?
217
00:11:18,469 --> 00:11:19,887
Man... [exhales]
218
00:11:19,970 --> 00:11:21,806
- this night sucks.
- Oh, why's that?
219
00:11:21,889 --> 00:11:25,267
Ugh, it's just my girlfriend's
obsessed with winning this award.
220
00:11:25,351 --> 00:11:26,435
This whole thing is just,
221
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:28,270
it's not my scene.
222
00:11:28,354 --> 00:11:32,274
I wanted to spend the night at
home, working on my diabolical plan.
223
00:11:32,358 --> 00:11:37,405
[gasps] Diabolical work on a
Sunday? It's the Lord's Day.
224
00:11:37,488 --> 00:11:41,075
Joke. I know the
sabbath's on Saturday.
225
00:11:41,158 --> 00:11:42,660
This would be killing
if you knew me
226
00:11:42,743 --> 00:11:45,538
because I am not religious.
[chuckles nervously]
227
00:11:45,621 --> 00:11:47,790
No, it was a good joke.
228
00:11:47,873 --> 00:11:51,794
You know, to make matters worse, those assholes
assigned me to sit next to my ex-fiancé.
229
00:11:51,877 --> 00:11:54,755
I hear that. I couldn't
even get myself to go in.
230
00:11:54,839 --> 00:11:57,174
I'm supposed to be in there
with my new boyfriend,
231
00:11:57,258 --> 00:11:59,301
but I am way too nervous.
232
00:11:59,385 --> 00:12:03,806
- Why's that?
- Those assholes assigned us to sit next to his ex-fiancé.
233
00:12:03,889 --> 00:12:06,559
[gasps softly] You are
Kite Man's girlfriend.
234
00:12:08,394 --> 00:12:15,025
And the award for the Most Creative
Nom de Plume goes to Cock King!
235
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:19,905
Oh! He's a chicken.
[laughs] That is creative.
236
00:12:22,450 --> 00:12:23,617
[doorbell dinging]
237
00:12:25,077 --> 00:12:27,079
The muse has arrived.
238
00:12:27,163 --> 00:12:30,499
James! I brought bread.
Thought we'd break it.
239
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:32,418
Isn't your hair usually spikier?
240
00:12:32,501 --> 00:12:36,338
[awkward laugh] If I learned
anything from my seven years acting
241
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:43,679
on the Amy Sherman-Palladino dramedy
Gilmore Girls as the quirky town resident...
242
00:12:43,762 --> 00:12:46,557
I'm gonna stop you there.
James Gunn doesn't act.
243
00:12:46,640 --> 00:12:50,519
Everybody knows his brother Sean
played Kirk on Gilmore Girls!
244
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:54,273
You clicked the wrong Wikipedia,
didn't ya? You're not James Gunn.
245
00:12:56,442 --> 00:12:59,695
-You're a monster!
-No, no, no. I... I'm the chair! Remember?
246
00:12:59,778 --> 00:13:03,741
You can turn yourself into anything, but
you use your talent to become chairs?
247
00:13:03,824 --> 00:13:06,535
Well, I'm not strictly.
248
00:13:06,619 --> 00:13:08,704
At first I thought,
maybe you're a stalker.
249
00:13:08,787 --> 00:13:13,209
But I can see behind those horrific
clay eyes, you're just a hungry actor.
250
00:13:13,292 --> 00:13:15,211
Oh, how I starve!
251
00:13:15,294 --> 00:13:17,731
You know, I've been thinking, maybe
it's time for me to take on a protege.
252
00:13:17,755 --> 00:13:20,257
And Chair Guy, I
think you may be it.
253
00:13:20,341 --> 00:13:21,675
[excitedly] Huzzah!
254
00:13:21,759 --> 00:13:23,278
I gotta go take a piss,
but when I get back
255
00:13:23,302 --> 00:13:24,982
your life is gonna be
changed forever, son.
256
00:13:25,054 --> 00:13:26,934
- Where's the shitter?
- First door on the left.
257
00:13:28,599 --> 00:13:30,476
Or was it the first
door on the right?
258
00:13:30,559 --> 00:13:32,436
[Billy Bob] Holy
shit, is that a tiger?
259
00:13:32,520 --> 00:13:35,231
- [tiger roars]
- [Billy screams]
260
00:13:35,314 --> 00:13:36,941
- [tiger roars]
- [glass breaking]
261
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:40,819
[keypad beeping]
262
00:13:40,903 --> 00:13:43,989
- [King Shark] Hello?
- Shark? Perchance you're free?
263
00:13:50,996 --> 00:13:54,750
[sniffles] So moving.
Gone, but not forgotten.
264
00:13:54,833 --> 00:13:58,587
Next is a special award given
only to the truly deserving.
265
00:13:58,671 --> 00:14:01,382
The baddies who make
a real difference.
266
00:14:01,465 --> 00:14:07,555
This year's recipient of the Joe
Chill Honorary Award is... Catwoman!
267
00:14:07,638 --> 00:14:10,808
- [laughs boisterously]
- [audience clapping]
268
00:14:10,891 --> 00:14:14,019
Let's forget the fact that
I'm not even really a villain,
269
00:14:14,103 --> 00:14:15,604
I'm an anti-hero.
270
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:18,649
The only reason you gave me
this award is cause I'm Black.
271
00:14:20,734 --> 00:14:23,654
After eighty-plus years
you finally realize
272
00:14:23,737 --> 00:14:25,864
you haven't let a single
Black villain win.
273
00:14:25,948 --> 00:14:27,783
No matter how much
we deserve it.
274
00:14:27,866 --> 00:14:30,828
Black Manta's been out here
for years as a marquee villain,
275
00:14:30,911 --> 00:14:32,621
and you don't see
him getting an award.
276
00:14:32,705 --> 00:14:36,292
- He's black?
- And you think you can satisfy your white guilt
277
00:14:36,375 --> 00:14:38,794
with one apology
trophy named after...
278
00:14:38,877 --> 00:14:41,672
you guessed it, a white dude.
279
00:14:41,755 --> 00:14:43,215
[cell phone vibrates]
280
00:14:43,299 --> 00:14:44,717
[tiger roaring]
281
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,262
Why am I wasting my breath?
282
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:53,976
- So you're...
- Golden Glider.
283
00:14:54,059 --> 00:14:57,896
Yes... Right. You're, you're the
one who glides with your, your...
284
00:14:57,980 --> 00:15:03,027
I have these special ice skates that
let me glide in the air. Whoosh, shwing!
285
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:04,737
Woah. Look at that.
286
00:15:04,820 --> 00:15:07,740
- They're like kites for your feet.
- That's what Chuck said!
287
00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:12,494
Oh, wow. So you guys know each other's secret
identities? I mean, that's pretty serious.
288
00:15:12,578 --> 00:15:14,788
It was months before Kite
Man told me his real name.
289
00:15:14,872 --> 00:15:19,627
I mean, I know it's pretty
fast, but yeah it feels real.
290
00:15:19,710 --> 00:15:20,895
Has he made you the chili yet?
291
00:15:20,919 --> 00:15:23,589
I love the chilli.
It's incredible.
292
00:15:23,672 --> 00:15:27,676
Right? Ah, he gets so obsessive
about picking each veggie.
293
00:15:27,760 --> 00:15:29,800
It's almost like no onion
is perfect enough for him.
294
00:15:29,845 --> 00:15:33,515
Oh, actually I hate... hate, hate,
hate onions, so he stopped using them.
295
00:15:33,599 --> 00:15:36,143
Really? Gosh, but,
Kite Man loves onions.
296
00:15:36,226 --> 00:15:38,246
I mean, that's was like his
number two thing under kites.
297
00:15:38,270 --> 00:15:40,910
I guess it's like how he took out
the meat when he made it with you.
298
00:15:40,981 --> 00:15:44,026
Huh. Kite Man's a
really good guy.
299
00:15:44,109 --> 00:15:45,819
He's so good at
being supportive,
300
00:15:45,903 --> 00:15:47,613
even if it's a
sacrifice for him.
301
00:15:47,696 --> 00:15:51,367
Yeah. We're both... lucky.
302
00:15:52,660 --> 00:15:55,120
Well, you know what? Fuck me.
303
00:15:55,204 --> 00:15:58,040
I don't matter. You shouldn't
be nervous because of me.
304
00:15:58,123 --> 00:16:01,001
I mean, the only person you
should give a snowrat's ass about
305
00:16:01,085 --> 00:16:03,003
in that tacky theater is Chuck.
306
00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:05,756
I mean, you're here because of him,
and I'm here because of Harley.
307
00:16:05,839 --> 00:16:11,053
So, let's just go be in there for them because
they sure as hell would be there for us.
308
00:16:12,513 --> 00:16:13,513
Hell yeah.
309
00:16:14,264 --> 00:16:16,266
[grunts]
310
00:16:17,893 --> 00:16:19,478
[aggressive screaming]
311
00:16:19,561 --> 00:16:20,854
[muffled scream]
312
00:16:20,938 --> 00:16:21,938
[Harley straining]
313
00:16:24,775 --> 00:16:27,778
Ugh. Fuck off, I was
perfectly blended.
314
00:16:28,487 --> 00:16:29,780
Hi-Yah!
315
00:16:34,743 --> 00:16:36,829
[ominous music plays]
316
00:16:39,707 --> 00:16:41,333
[screams, groans]
317
00:16:46,672 --> 00:16:47,672
[man clears throat]
318
00:16:50,217 --> 00:16:52,094
- [screams]
- Ahh, someone's in here!
319
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:54,179
Ugh, move it or lose
it Invisible Kid.
320
00:16:54,263 --> 00:16:57,474
- Uh, I'm Imperceptible Man.
- [door opens]
321
00:16:57,558 --> 00:16:59,685
Oh my god, he did
not wash his hands.
322
00:17:00,519 --> 00:17:01,687
[Harley grunts]
323
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:07,818
[groans, growls]
324
00:17:10,195 --> 00:17:12,406
[grunting]
325
00:17:15,367 --> 00:17:18,245
[panting, grunts]
326
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:23,125
[laughs]
327
00:17:23,208 --> 00:17:24,376
[gasps]
328
00:17:27,588 --> 00:17:29,757
Ugh, you're such a dick.
329
00:17:30,507 --> 00:17:32,050
[screeching]
330
00:17:32,134 --> 00:17:35,137
I sure hope we didn't have to
censor any of that. [laughs]
331
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:40,350
I'm kidding, I'm kidding. It was a very
touching speech about your mother's leukemia.
332
00:17:40,434 --> 00:17:44,146
Thanks, bud. Uh, BTDubs, I don't
currently have a bladder infection,
333
00:17:44,229 --> 00:17:48,192
but the best prevention is to keep
crushing these vodka cranny-cran-crans.
334
00:17:50,027 --> 00:17:51,111
Lisa!
335
00:17:51,195 --> 00:17:52,821
- Ohhh!
- [gasps]
336
00:17:52,905 --> 00:17:55,908
- That's my babe.
- I'm so sorry I'm late, Chuck.
337
00:17:55,991 --> 00:17:57,159
No problemo, mon amour.
338
00:17:57,242 --> 00:17:59,203
I'm just happy we're together.
339
00:17:59,286 --> 00:18:03,123
Although now, I do have to leave
you to use the little kite's room.
340
00:18:03,207 --> 00:18:06,168
[humming]
341
00:18:06,251 --> 00:18:07,711
[gasps, screams] Harley!
342
00:18:08,796 --> 00:18:10,172
What's going on here?
343
00:18:10,255 --> 00:18:12,883
[sighs sharply] I'm lactating?
344
00:18:14,426 --> 00:18:16,929
You know, this was my
first time at the Villys.
345
00:18:17,012 --> 00:18:19,097
Always wanted to go,
never got invited,
346
00:18:19,181 --> 00:18:22,643
until last week, I got nominated for
"Best D-Lister" at the less publicized,
347
00:18:22,726 --> 00:18:25,521
but definitely equally prestigious
Technical Villy Awards.
348
00:18:25,604 --> 00:18:27,856
- Did ya win?
- I did not.
349
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,025
Lost to a guy with
a gun for a penis.
350
00:18:30,108 --> 00:18:33,403
But sitting in that rented out
kid's dance studio, it hit me,
351
00:18:33,487 --> 00:18:36,198
the only reason I got
nominated was 'cause of Ivy.
352
00:18:36,281 --> 00:18:39,535
Dating her made me want to be a
better person, a better villain.
353
00:18:39,618 --> 00:18:44,706
Hell, when I first met her I was a
delusional, nobody himbo. Now I'm big enough
354
00:18:44,790 --> 00:18:47,042
- to lose Best D-Lister.
- But Ivy left you.
355
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:50,504
Yeah, and now I'm with
Lisa and she rules.
356
00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:52,548
Things are working out
for the ole Kite Man.
357
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:58,220
And win or lose tonight, they seem
to be working out for you too.
358
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:03,559
Now, if you will excuse me, I gotta do a
yak-attack of some vodka crans in that stall.
359
00:19:03,642 --> 00:19:06,812
- [retches]
- [vomiting]
360
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,897
[King Shark yelling]
361
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,942
It's taken care of.
362
00:19:12,025 --> 00:19:16,488
A moment of silence to honor the
talented Mr. Thornton's life.
363
00:19:16,572 --> 00:19:18,073
[cell phone vibrating]
364
00:19:18,156 --> 00:19:20,742
Well, I'm done for. It was
good knowing you, friend.
365
00:19:20,826 --> 00:19:25,247
Too bad you can't turn into Billy Bob Thornton
and live-out your dream as a movie star.
366
00:19:25,330 --> 00:19:27,583
It'd be far too much
to keep up with.
367
00:19:27,666 --> 00:19:33,297
Balancing his busy life with your own much-less
busy but probably still important life.
368
00:19:33,380 --> 00:19:37,217
Screw Clayface! I
choose Thornton.
369
00:19:37,301 --> 00:19:40,095
Billy, you were right. I looked
at the script, made a few changes,
370
00:19:40,178 --> 00:19:44,474
added some incongruous songs to spice in
some humor. I think you're going to love!
371
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:48,937
Terrific. Oh, how I, Billy
Bob Thornton, alive and well,
372
00:19:49,021 --> 00:19:53,108
do love our
camaraderie, James Gunn.
373
00:19:54,693 --> 00:19:55,944
Cool.
374
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,075
Okay, bitch, wait what happened to
you. You know what? I can guess.
375
00:20:02,159 --> 00:20:07,122
Let's win this Villy, crush the acceptance
speech, and make that trophy a cuck.
376
00:20:07,205 --> 00:20:08,707
Totally! How?
377
00:20:08,790 --> 00:20:11,627
Uh, by making it watch us have
crazy sex till dawn. Duur.
378
00:20:11,710 --> 00:20:15,547
Okay, I absolutely love that
image. But Ive, I am so sorry.
379
00:20:15,631 --> 00:20:18,634
You've had real anxiety all
night, and I should've helped.
380
00:20:18,717 --> 00:20:20,802
I was so fixated on that
award when I was with Joker
381
00:20:20,886 --> 00:20:22,971
cause it was the only
validation I ever got.
382
00:20:23,055 --> 00:20:25,140
But that was a bad relationship,
383
00:20:25,223 --> 00:20:27,059
and I have grown beyond that.
384
00:20:27,142 --> 00:20:29,686
So who cares about
a dumb trophy?
385
00:20:29,770 --> 00:20:32,648
I've got the real
award right here.
386
00:20:32,731 --> 00:20:35,275
That's so sweet. But I
should've been more excited.
387
00:20:35,359 --> 00:20:37,986
I mean, this is important to
you, so it is important to me.
388
00:20:38,070 --> 00:20:40,197
- [Harley] Aw...
- [kissing noises]
389
00:20:40,280 --> 00:20:44,534
You wanna ditch this hellhole? Get some
Big Belly Burger? Tie up the employees?
390
00:20:44,618 --> 00:20:47,496
Maybe take silly photos
in our fancy dresses?
391
00:20:47,579 --> 00:20:51,083
Uh, hard yes. I'd kill for
a grilled cheese right now.
392
00:20:51,166 --> 00:20:54,670
And you know we're taking those silly photos.
It's not gonna be silly how hot we look.
393
00:20:54,753 --> 00:20:59,174
-Fuck you, Villys.
-Yeah. Fuck you Villys! And your vegan apps suck.
394
00:20:59,257 --> 00:21:02,886
Don't put a leek on a crostini
and call it an hors d'oeurve!
395
00:21:06,598 --> 00:21:12,646
Now, the moment we've all been waiting
for... The final award: Best Couple.
396
00:21:14,439 --> 00:21:16,942
And the Villy goes to...
397
00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,946
Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy!
398
00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:23,031
- What?
- Boo!
399
00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:24,825
[sobbing]
400
00:21:24,908 --> 00:21:28,537
We will never win and it's because
of my big stupid clock for a face.
401
00:21:28,620 --> 00:21:29,871
- Hey!
- Don't touch me.
402
00:21:29,955 --> 00:21:33,583
You are beautiful. And
you are loved. By me.
403
00:21:33,667 --> 00:21:35,669
I don't even know
what time it is.
404
00:21:36,753 --> 00:21:40,590
I said Harley and Ivy!
405
00:21:40,674 --> 00:21:42,551
Where is that damn seat filler?
406
00:21:42,634 --> 00:21:47,514
So, going to any of those
cool after-parties later?
407
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:52,477
Hmm, well only one thing to
do. Trophy's mine! [laughs]
408
00:21:52,561 --> 00:21:55,939
On behalf of Harley and Ivy, I'd
like to thank my loyal goons.
409
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,607
Dean, shout out.
410
00:21:57,691 --> 00:22:00,610
Laura, my co-class mom,
shouldn't be gendered.
411
00:22:00,694 --> 00:22:03,572
And of course my
better-half Bethany. Muah!
412
00:22:03,655 --> 00:22:05,365
You are my rock.
413
00:22:05,449 --> 00:22:08,243
And hey kids, you'd better
be off to bed, but if not,
414
00:22:08,326 --> 00:22:10,912
this one's for you,
Benicio and Soph-Soph.
415
00:22:10,996 --> 00:22:13,081
Good night!
[laughs maniacally]
416
00:22:13,165 --> 00:22:14,708
- I love you so much.
- Come here.
417
00:22:14,791 --> 00:22:16,144
- Okay.
- Don't put your head right into my face.
418
00:22:16,168 --> 00:22:18,253
- Oh, okay. Sorry.
- Stop Moving.
419
00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:20,047
God, we have to
work out our kisses.
420
00:22:20,130 --> 00:22:22,215
[theme music playing]35754
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