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1
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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
1
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- How can you say that?
- Pretty easily.
2
00:00:14,151 --> 00:00:16,055
I push the air out of my throat
into words.
3
00:00:16,088 --> 00:00:17,592
Is that how talking works?
4
00:00:17,625 --> 00:00:20,097
Hello.
5
00:00:20,130 --> 00:00:22,234
Huh, it is just pushing out air!
6
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All I'm saying is,
wearing that suit looks like
7
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you're always wearing
a little costume to work.
8
00:00:26,476 --> 00:00:27,776
- Little?
- Yeah.
9
00:00:27,779 --> 00:00:29,683
Like those kids
that wear capes to school.
10
00:00:29,716 --> 00:00:32,354
- Do you know how much this costs?
- Ugh. I mean, I feel like
11
00:00:32,387 --> 00:00:33,987
I'm paying for it
with this conversation.
12
00:00:34,020 --> 00:00:35,523
Okay, you know what?
Meeting over!
13
00:00:35,556 --> 00:00:37,198
Or meeting not over,
14
00:00:37,231 --> 00:00:38,791
since the meeting
isn't even about that.
15
00:00:38,801 --> 00:00:41,306
- It is now!
- It is not.
16
00:00:41,339 --> 00:00:42,499
This is the...
17
00:00:42,508 --> 00:00:44,145
The party house
that I suggested we buy?
18
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:47,586
- Finally!
- No, and please don't guess again.
19
00:00:47,619 --> 00:00:50,157
This is the English museum
that just hired us.
20
00:00:50,190 --> 00:00:52,629
This artifact,
one of the 13 Golden Plaques,
21
00:00:52,662 --> 00:00:54,633
is being transferred
between museums.
22
00:00:54,666 --> 00:00:57,606
- We've been hired to protect it.
- From who, highwaymen?
23
00:00:57,639 --> 00:00:59,359
There have been
some museum thefts recently,
24
00:00:59,375 --> 00:01:01,614
so this is an easy chance
for us to be the good guys
25
00:01:01,647 --> 00:01:04,218
- and get paid doing it.
- And perfect timing
26
00:01:04,219 --> 00:01:06,422
to use the accent
Zara's helped me work on.
27
00:01:06,456 --> 00:01:08,629
Hold on, is that why you've
been shouting things at me
28
00:01:08,630 --> 00:01:10,665
- in a bad English accent?
- "Bad"?
29
00:01:10,698 --> 00:01:12,218
Cup of tea, guvnor!
30
00:01:12,242 --> 00:01:15,140
Bit of a sticky wicket!
Fish and chips and all that.
31
00:01:15,173 --> 00:01:17,278
Offensive.
You're lucky I like you.
32
00:01:17,311 --> 00:01:18,751
Otherwise, that would be
the last air
33
00:01:18,784 --> 00:01:21,252
- your throat ever pushed out.
- It doesn't count as offensive
34
00:01:21,285 --> 00:01:22,765
when it's from
a really white country.
35
00:01:22,789 --> 00:01:25,561
You... don't get
to decide that.
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00:01:25,594 --> 00:01:27,434
What if I talked like this
37
00:01:27,458 --> 00:01:30,103
'bout burgers and fries
on the farm with Uncle Cletus?
38
00:01:30,136 --> 00:01:31,674
Wait, you know
Pam's Uncle Cletus?
39
00:01:31,707 --> 00:01:34,646
I'm from Wisconsin.
But he does sound like that.
40
00:01:34,679 --> 00:01:36,550
Massive "anyway,"
it doesn't matter,
41
00:01:36,583 --> 00:01:39,188
- because Pam's not going.
- What? Why not?
42
00:01:39,221 --> 00:01:41,292
Because you have to stay here
to do the 3490s.
43
00:01:41,325 --> 00:01:43,396
Ha!
Pam has to clean the bathrooms.
44
00:01:43,430 --> 00:01:45,802
No, they're assessment forms.
45
00:01:45,835 --> 00:01:49,810
For the new employees.
Your HR duties?
46
00:01:49,843 --> 00:01:52,214
Because you said
you could balance both jobs?
47
00:01:52,247 --> 00:01:54,653
Damn it. I knew my own words
would be used against me.
48
00:01:54,686 --> 00:01:57,358
- So I'll be going.
- Hmm. Sure you're ready, Lana?
49
00:01:57,391 --> 00:01:59,030
You've been out of the field
for, what,
50
00:01:59,065 --> 00:02:01,734
- three whole minutes?
- Yes, and also, shut up.
51
00:02:01,767 --> 00:02:04,506
We don't need a chaperone,
and I speak for Zara too.
52
00:02:04,539 --> 00:02:06,342
Firstly, I wouldn't even
let you speak for me
53
00:02:06,375 --> 00:02:07,612
if I had a stroke and you were
54
00:02:07,645 --> 00:02:09,683
the only person who could
translate my blinks.
55
00:02:09,716 --> 00:02:12,489
Good call. He wouldn't
get your accent right.
56
00:02:12,522 --> 00:02:14,358
Secondly, I don't mind
Ms. Kane going.
57
00:02:14,391 --> 00:02:17,264
I thrive being in the field
with other strong female agents.
58
00:02:17,297 --> 00:02:18,768
Wow, that self-adulation
59
00:02:18,801 --> 00:02:20,705
just blended right in
with the sucking up, didn't it?
60
00:02:20,738 --> 00:02:22,938
Sort of how your chlamydia
blends in with your syphilis.
61
00:02:22,962 --> 00:02:24,616
Look, I'll just be coming along to show
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00:02:24,617 --> 00:02:26,271
the museum how seriously
we take this job.
63
00:02:26,282 --> 00:02:27,882
And because
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00:02:27,906 --> 00:02:29,268
the museum curator
is on the board
65
00:02:29,301 --> 00:02:32,161
of that fancy private school
you want AJ to get into!
66
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:33,664
Thank you, Cheryl.
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00:02:33,697 --> 00:02:36,235
You're welcome!
68
00:03:10,206 --> 00:03:13,267
sync & correction by f1nc0
-- MY-SUBS.com --
69
00:03:17,384 --> 00:03:20,357
Jesus, all of this for an
artifact I could fit into my pants?
70
00:03:20,390 --> 00:03:22,194
Why is that
your unit of measurement?
71
00:03:22,227 --> 00:03:23,664
Better than the metric system.
72
00:03:23,697 --> 00:03:26,169
The museum takes artifact
protection very seriously,
73
00:03:26,202 --> 00:03:27,772
hence us being paid to be here.
74
00:03:27,805 --> 00:03:30,377
Apparently they're losing a ton
of stuff in transit because...
75
00:03:30,410 --> 00:03:31,714
huh, it doesn't say why.
76
00:03:31,747 --> 00:03:33,183
But anyway,
that's why we're here.
77
00:03:33,216 --> 00:03:35,387
She said, not finding it
suspicious that a government-funded
78
00:03:35,388 --> 00:03:37,559
museum is keeping secrets
about the artifacts.
79
00:03:37,592 --> 00:03:41,667
I assure you this museum
transfer is all very legitimate.
80
00:03:41,700 --> 00:03:43,804
I'm Clarissa, the museum curator.
81
00:03:43,837 --> 00:03:46,633
I'll be driving the truck to
accompany you with the artifact,
82
00:03:46,643 --> 00:03:50,283
- and I'll be right with you.
- What a snob.
83
00:03:50,316 --> 00:03:51,820
Did you see the way
she spoke to me?
84
00:03:51,853 --> 00:03:53,591
She was hitting
that posh accent so hard
85
00:03:53,624 --> 00:03:55,959
- it should file charges.
- Yeah, I feel like that's not
86
00:03:55,961 --> 00:03:57,732
what just happened
in those three sentences.
87
00:03:57,765 --> 00:03:59,335
And aren't your accents the same?
88
00:03:59,368 --> 00:04:02,575
- They sound exactly the same, right?
- No, they don't!
89
00:04:02,608 --> 00:04:05,548
We shouldn't bring her.
She'll mess up everything,
90
00:04:05,581 --> 00:04:07,585
then blame it on her taxes
being too high.
91
00:04:07,618 --> 00:04:10,491
I don't know, take off her
glasses and she's a British eight,
92
00:04:10,524 --> 00:04:13,329
which is an American five
but a Canadian ten.
93
00:04:13,362 --> 00:04:15,435
She knows about the artifact,
which is an asset,
94
00:04:15,468 --> 00:04:17,539
and she'll see up close
how good we are at our jobs.
95
00:04:17,572 --> 00:04:20,711
Since parents who do well have
Abernathy kids who do even better!
96
00:04:20,744 --> 00:04:23,484
Oh, I'm grateful
for your help, Lana.
97
00:04:23,517 --> 00:04:26,389
And the Abernathy board
will love this.
98
00:04:26,422 --> 00:04:29,896
Well, that's a nice bonus but,
of course, not why we do this.
99
00:04:29,929 --> 00:04:33,754
- I don't love this side of you.
- The Golden Plaques have been
100
00:04:33,755 --> 00:04:35,608
on museum display for years.
101
00:04:35,641 --> 00:04:40,383
But this one being transported
is believed to be... cursed.
102
00:04:40,416 --> 00:04:43,289
- Curse? What kind of curse?
- Probably the dumb, made-up kind
103
00:04:43,322 --> 00:04:44,960
since curses are dumb
and made up.
104
00:04:44,993 --> 00:04:46,597
Don't make fun of a curse, Archer.
105
00:04:46,630 --> 00:04:49,335
Oh, my God,
Zara believes in curses!
106
00:04:49,368 --> 00:04:51,440
Wait, you hired us
to protect you from a curse?
107
00:04:51,473 --> 00:04:53,042
No, no.
108
00:04:53,075 --> 00:04:55,982
But the plaque is not meant
to be touched with bare hands.
109
00:04:56,015 --> 00:04:57,351
Classic curse rules.
110
00:04:57,384 --> 00:05:00,758
I can't believe you made fun
of my suits when this is way stupider.
111
00:05:00,791 --> 00:05:03,531
The plaque is being moved
to off-site storage,
112
00:05:03,564 --> 00:05:07,438
and items have been stolen
from museums recently,
113
00:05:07,471 --> 00:05:11,045
likely the work of a smuggler,
Ibadan Peters.
114
00:05:11,078 --> 00:05:14,018
So cursed or not, we want
to keep it in safe hands.
115
00:05:14,051 --> 00:05:15,855
I want it on record
I don't like curses.
116
00:05:15,888 --> 00:05:19,830
- Or ghosts. Or hoodoo.
- Oh, God, you're one of those.
117
00:05:19,863 --> 00:05:21,800
Such a Capricorn thing to say.
118
00:05:21,833 --> 00:05:25,608
Ugh, you guys are making
a great team.
119
00:05:25,641 --> 00:05:28,778
Starting the old HR duties again
is kinda getting me excited.
120
00:05:28,780 --> 00:05:30,551
You mean the head of HR job
121
00:05:30,584 --> 00:05:32,989
that you were supposed
to be doing this whole time?
122
00:05:33,022 --> 00:05:35,461
Come on, who even knows
who's supposed to do what?
123
00:05:35,494 --> 00:05:40,003
- You, as the head of HR!
- Here are the employees to assess.
124
00:05:40,036 --> 00:05:42,842
Ah, shitsnacks.
When did we get so many?
125
00:05:42,875 --> 00:05:45,648
Again,
something you should know!
126
00:05:45,681 --> 00:05:47,519
If it helps, I did
my own personal assessment
127
00:05:47,552 --> 00:05:50,424
based on who'd be most useful
in an apocalypse.
128
00:05:50,457 --> 00:05:52,529
- They'd all be food.
- Great start!
129
00:05:52,562 --> 00:05:54,365
Everybody gets five points
for being edible.
130
00:05:54,398 --> 00:05:56,335
It's not about free points.
131
00:05:56,368 --> 00:05:59,065
All the employees deserve a chance
to improve their performance,
132
00:05:59,089 --> 00:06:01,012
so you need
to assess them honestly.
133
00:06:01,045 --> 00:06:03,116
Okay, well, Cyril gets an F.
134
00:06:03,149 --> 00:06:04,853
Oh, my God,
that's how I marked him!
135
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,458
F, for food.
136
00:06:13,369 --> 00:06:15,941
Think about it: if I said
I was done drinking, then
137
00:06:15,942 --> 00:06:18,514
started drinking a week
later, what would that make me?
138
00:06:18,547 --> 00:06:19,947
A more functioning alcoholic?
139
00:06:19,971 --> 00:06:23,524
That's right, a hypocrite.
That's what you are, Lana.
140
00:06:23,557 --> 00:06:24,859
Could you not say that
next to the woman
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00:06:24,892 --> 00:06:26,772
who could get our daughter
into one of America's
142
00:06:26,805 --> 00:06:28,275
- top prep schools?
- Fine.
143
00:06:28,308 --> 00:06:30,771
I can talk about Miss Zara
"Anything for the Mission"
144
00:06:30,804 --> 00:06:32,442
Whatever-Her-Last-Name-Is.
145
00:06:32,475 --> 00:06:34,646
Why start that kind of insult
if you don't know
146
00:06:34,679 --> 00:06:36,015
- my last name?
- I don't know.
147
00:06:36,048 --> 00:06:37,752
Why are you so afraid
of a fake curse?
148
00:06:37,785 --> 00:06:40,725
We'll see who's
laughing when you cough up blood.
149
00:06:40,758 --> 00:06:43,898
Uh, pretty sure it will still be me.
Wait, can you laugh
150
00:06:43,931 --> 00:06:45,331
and cough up blood
at the same time?
151
00:06:45,355 --> 00:06:47,538
You know,
many of the staff members
152
00:06:47,571 --> 00:06:49,442
at the museum believe in the curse.
153
00:06:49,475 --> 00:06:50,945
In the same way
this country believes
154
00:06:50,978 --> 00:06:52,882
it was part of winning
World War II?
155
00:06:52,915 --> 00:06:53,984
Archer.
156
00:06:54,017 --> 00:06:57,006
Actually, I find it
refreshing to meet someone
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00:06:57,007 --> 00:06:59,996
who isn't afraid of
superstitions and fantasies.
158
00:07:00,029 --> 00:07:02,167
Oh, I'm not afraid of much,
but that doesn't mean
159
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,706
I don't believe
in other kinds of fantasies.
160
00:07:04,739 --> 00:07:06,543
- Archer!
- I mean, truck sex isn't
161
00:07:06,576 --> 00:07:08,536
really one of them,
but if the windows are tinted,
162
00:07:08,560 --> 00:07:09,950
I don't mind, mm, you know...
163
00:07:09,983 --> 00:07:13,019
Jesus, Archer, shut up!
Someone is on the roof of the truck.
164
00:07:13,043 --> 00:07:14,759
There are highwaymen!
165
00:07:14,792 --> 00:07:17,699
No, it must be the
smuggler! But I can't stop the truck.
166
00:07:17,732 --> 00:07:19,101
We're right along the cliff's edge.
167
00:07:19,134 --> 00:07:21,405
Zara, let's get onto the truck.
168
00:07:24,479 --> 00:07:26,450
Good lord, that was incredible!
169
00:07:26,483 --> 00:07:30,090
- Did you see what they just did?
- Okay, take it easy. It was fine.
170
00:07:30,123 --> 00:07:33,464
Incredible would be climbing
out of this non-tinted window
171
00:07:33,497 --> 00:07:34,866
and onto the top of the truck.
172
00:07:34,899 --> 00:07:38,874
- So are you going to...
- Well, yeah. I guess I have to now.
173
00:07:42,715 --> 00:07:46,490
This does not belong in a museum.
174
00:07:46,523 --> 00:07:47,558
Whoa!
175
00:07:49,495 --> 00:07:51,695
Really thinking this route
might not have been worth it.
176
00:07:51,728 --> 00:07:53,288
- Oi!
- Oh. Hey there, little...
177
00:07:54,472 --> 00:07:57,945
Oh, come on. I just
climbed all the way up there.
178
00:07:57,978 --> 00:07:59,783
And how is that little kid
so strong?
179
00:07:59,816 --> 00:08:02,555
- Good job, Half-Pint.
- Quick, grab the kid!
180
00:08:02,588 --> 00:08:05,060
- Wait, we can't fight a kid.
- Then get the plaque.
181
00:08:05,093 --> 00:08:06,997
So are you agreeing or...
182
00:08:08,600 --> 00:08:10,070
Could she drive a little smoother?
183
00:08:10,103 --> 00:08:12,542
It's not her fault.
It's the wrong side of the road.
184
00:08:12,575 --> 00:08:14,479
Not for her!
185
00:08:18,954 --> 00:08:21,125
Um, yeah, not fighting him.
186
00:08:24,131 --> 00:08:25,901
Does this even count as a fight?
187
00:08:25,934 --> 00:08:28,707
Can you not remember from
your field work last month?
188
00:08:28,740 --> 00:08:33,305
- Is now the time?!
- I don't know, Lana. It might be.
189
00:08:35,286 --> 00:08:36,790
Wait, wait, wait!
You can't touch it.
190
00:08:36,823 --> 00:08:38,259
For the last time,
curses aren't...
191
00:08:39,862 --> 00:08:41,833
Ow!
What the hell just happened?
192
00:08:41,866 --> 00:08:43,703
Was this kid crouching?
Who does that?
193
00:08:55,059 --> 00:08:57,999
I really don't think bolas
are supposed to work like that.
194
00:08:58,032 --> 00:09:00,103
What the hell
kind of smuggler was that?
195
00:09:00,136 --> 00:09:01,376
Did he dislocate your shoulder?
196
00:09:01,400 --> 00:09:03,307
- No!
- Was it the curse?
197
00:09:03,309 --> 00:09:04,779
Again, no.
198
00:09:06,081 --> 00:09:08,664
It was the child.
199
00:09:13,730 --> 00:09:15,735
Oh, this is so exciting!
200
00:09:15,768 --> 00:09:18,907
A truck fight while I was driving!
201
00:09:18,940 --> 00:09:20,778
That is one word
for what you were doing.
202
00:09:20,811 --> 00:09:22,715
I feel so powerful.
203
00:09:22,748 --> 00:09:26,288
This might be the first time
I've ever felt alive.
204
00:09:26,321 --> 00:09:29,094
Museum curation and being
on a children's school board
205
00:09:29,127 --> 00:09:30,731
isn't as glamorous
as you might think.
206
00:09:30,764 --> 00:09:34,572
Luckily, the plaque is still
in safe hands or safe pants.
207
00:09:34,605 --> 00:09:35,905
You're proud you put
208
00:09:35,908 --> 00:09:37,845
a centuries-old cursed artifact
in your pants?
209
00:09:37,878 --> 00:09:40,199
- I'm not not proud.
- About that bad guy,
210
00:09:40,200 --> 00:09:42,655
Peters doesn't seem
to fit the classic profile.
211
00:09:42,688 --> 00:09:44,124
And the kid was weird, right?
212
00:09:44,157 --> 00:09:46,328
I know!
Who has a child sidekick?
213
00:09:46,361 --> 00:09:47,661
And where can I get one?
214
00:09:47,665 --> 00:09:49,736
- AJ!
- No.
215
00:09:49,769 --> 00:09:51,873
Did I not mention all the artifacts
216
00:09:51,906 --> 00:09:54,178
Ibadan Peters wants
are from Nigeria?
217
00:09:54,211 --> 00:09:55,781
And that he takes issue
218
00:09:55,814 --> 00:09:58,887
with them not being returned
to his country?
219
00:09:58,920 --> 00:10:00,290
But you said this was all legit.
220
00:10:00,323 --> 00:10:03,764
It is.
Those artifacts belong to us now.
221
00:10:03,797 --> 00:10:06,870
For goodness' sake,
we've had them for generations.
222
00:10:06,903 --> 00:10:09,642
Ah, yes,
the law of finders keepers.
223
00:10:09,675 --> 00:10:13,750
Wait, is that the law here? Because
I just found this beer, and...
224
00:10:13,783 --> 00:10:15,921
It's warm!
225
00:10:15,954 --> 00:10:17,758
Regardless of his intent,
226
00:10:17,791 --> 00:10:20,664
Ibadan Peters was stealing
museum property,
227
00:10:20,697 --> 00:10:23,236
and you kept the plaque safe.
228
00:10:23,269 --> 00:10:27,912
And we love to see cooperation
within an Abernathy family.
229
00:10:27,945 --> 00:10:29,782
Right, right, right, right.
Of course.
230
00:10:29,815 --> 00:10:33,122
We can wait here for the
museum to send a new truck.
231
00:10:33,155 --> 00:10:36,061
And in the meantime, I'd love
to speak with you privately
232
00:10:36,094 --> 00:10:38,901
on the danger
of your exciting work.
233
00:10:38,934 --> 00:10:40,638
I mean, yeah. Sure.
234
00:10:40,671 --> 00:10:42,391
You think that's the first time
I've climbed
235
00:10:42,415 --> 00:10:44,178
out of a moving truck
and fought a child?
236
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:46,248
- Actually, it might be.
- Maybe you could take me
237
00:10:46,281 --> 00:10:48,987
to one of the rooms above
the pub and tell me more.
238
00:10:49,020 --> 00:10:52,210
- Or show me.
- Wait, you're saying there are
239
00:10:52,211 --> 00:10:53,664
rooms above bars here?
240
00:10:53,697 --> 00:10:55,337
I thought that was just a myth.
241
00:10:55,361 --> 00:10:57,872
Are Hobbits real?
242
00:10:57,905 --> 00:10:59,274
- Huh?
- I was thinking,
243
00:10:59,307 --> 00:11:02,982
it seems unfair of me to not
let you as senior employees
244
00:11:03,015 --> 00:11:04,455
also have a say
in these assessments.
245
00:11:04,479 --> 00:11:06,222
Pam! You haven't started?
246
00:11:06,255 --> 00:11:10,127
I started to start, but it's
so boring compared to fieldwork.
247
00:11:10,129 --> 00:11:11,700
Come on, Cyril, you're the one
248
00:11:11,733 --> 00:11:13,937
that's all wet
for being a good employer.
249
00:11:13,970 --> 00:11:15,808
Oh, please don't say it like that.
250
00:11:15,841 --> 00:11:19,883
- Cheryl, you love judging people.
- You would think that.
251
00:11:19,916 --> 00:11:22,889
And Krieger, I mean, what
are you even doing right now?
252
00:11:22,922 --> 00:11:25,291
Shh! Look, if I don't tell
you, then he can't hurt you.
253
00:11:25,293 --> 00:11:27,030
I mean, it can't hurt you.
254
00:11:27,063 --> 00:11:30,620
- I mean, nothing!
- Great. Then we can split these up
255
00:11:30,621 --> 00:11:32,406
so I won't blow my brains out.
256
00:11:34,177 --> 00:11:36,716
All I wanted was to get
my daughter into a good school,
257
00:11:36,749 --> 00:11:38,720
and now Archer's upstairs
probably ruining
258
00:11:38,753 --> 00:11:40,791
the whole reason
I took this stupid job.
259
00:11:40,824 --> 00:11:43,064
I thought you took this job
for us to "be the good guys."
260
00:11:43,088 --> 00:11:45,266
Yeah, I did.
It was both.
261
00:11:45,299 --> 00:11:47,270
But now we're obviously
on the side of the...
262
00:11:47,303 --> 00:11:50,276
- Stuff-takers.
- You can say "colonizers."
263
00:11:50,309 --> 00:11:52,189
And you must've known that
when you took the job
264
00:11:52,213 --> 00:11:53,450
working for an English museum.
265
00:11:53,483 --> 00:11:55,854
We almost exclusively have
things from other countries.
266
00:11:55,887 --> 00:11:59,929
Okay, I knew but kinda
wanted to pretend I didn't.
267
00:11:59,962 --> 00:12:01,733
I mean, it's just
how the world works.
268
00:12:01,766 --> 00:12:04,404
- But does it have to?
- No, not have to, but...
269
00:12:04,438 --> 00:12:07,177
Pays you to and gives you
New York private school perks?
270
00:12:07,210 --> 00:12:09,348
- Huh.
- Can I speak frankly with you?
271
00:12:09,381 --> 00:12:11,920
- Have you not already been?
- Here's where you messed up.
272
00:12:11,953 --> 00:12:13,433
You took this job
for personal benefit
273
00:12:13,457 --> 00:12:15,728
but chose to ignore
an obvious morality issue,
274
00:12:15,761 --> 00:12:17,999
you let an unhinged rich idiot
come along
275
00:12:18,032 --> 00:12:19,792
and gave her the power
to tell us what to do,
276
00:12:19,825 --> 00:12:21,695
and we're dealing
with some kind of curse
277
00:12:21,728 --> 00:12:24,278
likely eating our insides away
as we speak.
278
00:12:24,311 --> 00:12:26,282
- Um...
- And really, this was all
279
00:12:26,315 --> 00:12:28,286
to get something you wanted.
280
00:12:28,319 --> 00:12:30,457
No, not for me.
For my daughter.
281
00:12:30,490 --> 00:12:32,495
So you're saying that despite
trying to run
282
00:12:32,528 --> 00:12:34,766
a morally good agency,
I'm morally bankrupt.
283
00:12:34,799 --> 00:12:36,770
What?
No! I'm saying I wish
284
00:12:36,803 --> 00:12:38,440
Skanky Poppins up there
would just...
285
00:12:38,473 --> 00:12:40,511
Stop! Wait.
There has to be an explanation.
286
00:12:40,544 --> 00:12:41,980
This never happens.
287
00:12:42,013 --> 00:12:44,485
- I'm sure it doesn't.
- Lana, tell her.
288
00:12:44,518 --> 00:12:46,856
Tell her I'm never not able
to perform.
289
00:12:46,889 --> 00:12:50,163
Uh, yeah, I would,
but no part of me wants to.
290
00:12:50,196 --> 00:12:51,900
You're touching the plaque
with your hands.
291
00:12:51,933 --> 00:12:53,102
- You're cursed!
- Yes!
292
00:12:53,135 --> 00:12:54,906
Oh, thank God. It's the curse.
293
00:12:54,939 --> 00:12:56,308
So I'll just get rid
of this thing,
294
00:12:56,341 --> 00:12:58,145
and we go back upstairs
and, you know...
295
00:12:59,080 --> 00:13:02,488
You idiot!
Why would you... hold on.
296
00:13:02,521 --> 00:13:05,928
Where's the museum tag? It
was attached when we packed it.
297
00:13:05,961 --> 00:13:07,330
The curse must've
burned it away.
298
00:13:07,363 --> 00:13:10,003
Oh, my God, Archer, that's
not even how curses work.
299
00:13:10,036 --> 00:13:11,356
Don't make fun of the curse, Zara!
300
00:13:11,380 --> 00:13:12,475
- It's real.
- Wait.
301
00:13:12,508 --> 00:13:14,378
The gold doesn't go
all the way through.
302
00:13:14,411 --> 00:13:17,083
- It's paint.
- And no museum tags means...
303
00:13:17,116 --> 00:13:20,156
The curse causes flaccidity
and fake gold.
304
00:13:20,189 --> 00:13:21,926
No, it means Ibadan must've
305
00:13:21,959 --> 00:13:23,439
swapped the plaque out
with a replica.
306
00:13:23,463 --> 00:13:25,834
- He's got the real one.
- Oh, God!
307
00:13:25,867 --> 00:13:29,908
But this one can still be
cursed too, right? Right?
308
00:13:33,754 --> 00:13:35,994
I can't believe
you let this happen!
309
00:13:36,018 --> 00:13:38,263
Ibadan Peters got away
with the real plaque!
310
00:13:38,296 --> 00:13:39,596
I don't understand.
311
00:13:39,699 --> 00:13:42,705
You believe in something so
much, and then it lets you down.
312
00:13:42,738 --> 00:13:44,342
Then it all feels like a lie.
313
00:13:44,375 --> 00:13:45,975
- Is he talking about...
- Not the plaque
314
00:13:45,999 --> 00:13:48,951
- and instead his un-erect dick?
- Hey, too soon, Lana.
315
00:13:48,984 --> 00:13:51,155
You have to find Ibadan Peters!
316
00:13:51,188 --> 00:13:54,127
He's likely at the nearest port
escaping with the plaque.
317
00:13:54,160 --> 00:13:58,971
- Get there now and arrest him!
- Uh, okay, we don't arrest people
318
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:01,242
because we're technically not
law enforcement.
319
00:14:01,275 --> 00:14:03,212
Or nontechnically, technically.
320
00:14:03,245 --> 00:14:05,149
Plus, we were hired
to protect the plaque.
321
00:14:05,182 --> 00:14:06,862
It seems like this guy wants
the same thing
322
00:14:06,886 --> 00:14:08,406
but just disagrees with you
on the how.
323
00:14:08,430 --> 00:14:11,948
And after this little snafu,
you apprehending Ibadan
324
00:14:11,949 --> 00:14:15,467
will look really good to the
museum and the school board.
325
00:14:15,470 --> 00:14:17,140
Do you understand what I mean?
326
00:14:17,173 --> 00:14:19,379
Well, you're pretty much
just directly saying it,
327
00:14:19,412 --> 00:14:21,148
so yes, if you catch my drift.
328
00:14:21,181 --> 00:14:22,250
- Good.
- Wait!
329
00:14:22,283 --> 00:14:24,021
You should come with us,
since you like
330
00:14:24,054 --> 00:14:26,524
all the danger and excitement.
There might be another fight.
331
00:14:26,557 --> 00:14:30,266
- A really sexy fight.
- Oh! This is so sad.
332
00:14:30,300 --> 00:14:32,460
And then you and me can just
try this whole thing again
333
00:14:32,484 --> 00:14:34,442
so you can see that it was
all just the curse.
334
00:14:34,475 --> 00:14:37,315
Definitely just the curse.
Not me.
335
00:14:37,348 --> 00:14:39,919
I'm all right.
336
00:14:39,952 --> 00:14:41,890
There's no reason
to be nervous, man.
337
00:14:41,923 --> 00:14:44,429
These assessments are just a
way to help you with your goals.
338
00:14:44,462 --> 00:14:46,065
So what exactly are your goals?
339
00:14:46,098 --> 00:14:48,169
- Oh, um...
- They could be anything.
340
00:14:48,202 --> 00:14:49,772
Not just office shit.
341
00:14:49,805 --> 00:14:51,776
Like, I used to really want
to be in the field.
342
00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:54,749
I mean, HR is great,
but when you're out there,
343
00:14:54,782 --> 00:14:56,185
something else takes over.
344
00:14:56,218 --> 00:14:58,089
And when you're wailing
on somebody,
345
00:14:58,122 --> 00:15:01,195
there's nothing quite like
bashing their head in
346
00:15:01,228 --> 00:15:05,003
and seeing parts of their brain
scatter across the floor!
347
00:15:05,036 --> 00:15:07,942
Now that's how you get
inside someone's head!
348
00:15:10,347 --> 00:15:11,907
I feel like I'm not describing it right.
349
00:15:11,931 --> 00:15:13,453
Hold on.
I'll draw you a picture.
350
00:15:13,486 --> 00:15:16,326
All your data entry here
is up-to-date.
351
00:15:16,359 --> 00:15:18,930
Ah? Get it? Date-ah?
352
00:15:18,963 --> 00:15:22,170
You'll come to know me
as the office jokester.
353
00:15:22,203 --> 00:15:24,241
This is going really well, huh?
354
00:15:24,274 --> 00:15:27,815
It is, right? 'Cause you can
say if it's not because...
355
00:15:27,848 --> 00:15:29,888
Look, I'm not saying
he'll definitely hurt everyone.
356
00:15:29,912 --> 00:15:32,925
I'm just saying that
this agency cutting my budget
357
00:15:32,958 --> 00:15:34,796
will only hurt the entire office
358
00:15:34,829 --> 00:15:36,800
in ways
you won't even comprehend
359
00:15:36,833 --> 00:15:39,439
until it's too late.
360
00:15:40,407 --> 00:15:43,513
Aww, don't be afraid.
He will smell that.
361
00:15:43,546 --> 00:15:47,087
Anyway, you're interested
in science division!
362
00:15:47,120 --> 00:15:49,257
So do you just wanna be
a lab rat,
363
00:15:49,290 --> 00:15:51,830
or do you aspire to more things?
364
00:15:51,863 --> 00:15:54,335
Do you do anything
other than answer phones,
365
00:15:54,368 --> 00:15:57,107
not exercise, and only eat
meats and cheeses?
366
00:15:57,140 --> 00:15:59,846
Then you get a D for delicious!
367
00:15:59,879 --> 00:16:02,217
All right.
We've been at it for a while.
368
00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:05,391
I mean, we've gotta be
about done, right?
369
00:16:05,424 --> 00:16:07,795
Why is this stack so big
370
00:16:07,828 --> 00:16:10,099
and the ones we've done
is so small?
371
00:16:10,132 --> 00:16:12,838
Did we only do one each?
372
00:16:12,871 --> 00:16:15,511
Technically, mine fainted,
so I'm still at zero.
373
00:16:15,544 --> 00:16:18,984
- But it's been two hours?
- How is that possible?
374
00:16:19,017 --> 00:16:22,391
Oh, my God!
Does that mean I can go home?
375
00:16:26,899 --> 00:16:28,901
- There they are.
- So are we tying them up
376
00:16:28,903 --> 00:16:31,008
- or killing them or...
- Jesus, Zara!
377
00:16:31,041 --> 00:16:33,245
Oh, now you have a moral red line.
378
00:16:33,278 --> 00:16:35,149
Working for a museum is
way different
379
00:16:35,182 --> 00:16:36,920
- than killing kids.
- Which part?
380
00:16:36,953 --> 00:16:39,559
- The part where you kill a kid!
- We're not killing them.
381
00:16:39,592 --> 00:16:41,396
We might need them
to break the curse
382
00:16:41,429 --> 00:16:43,400
that's been unceremoniously put on me.
383
00:16:43,433 --> 00:16:45,233
And also, neither of them are
really that bad,
384
00:16:45,257 --> 00:16:46,906
and one's a child.
385
00:16:46,939 --> 00:16:48,810
Sure. Yeah.
We've all got reasons.
386
00:16:50,614 --> 00:16:53,252
Jesus. Where was this kid trained?
387
00:16:54,555 --> 00:16:56,258
Stop. We're not doing that.
388
00:16:56,291 --> 00:16:58,261
This curse has already taken
too much.
389
00:17:00,567 --> 00:17:03,573
Voles?
Why'd it have to be voles?
390
00:17:03,606 --> 00:17:06,011
Is that something
you run into a lot?
391
00:17:06,044 --> 00:17:08,453
Museum tags and all.
I sent our location to Clarissa,
392
00:17:08,483 --> 00:17:10,052
and the police
should be here soon.
393
00:17:10,085 --> 00:17:13,025
Stop, stop, stop.
You don't understand.
394
00:17:13,058 --> 00:17:16,299
The museum will keep the plaque
locked away in storage
395
00:17:16,332 --> 00:17:18,570
rather than return it to my country.
396
00:17:18,603 --> 00:17:22,077
- I'm just doing what is right.
- Really? You clearly kidnapped
397
00:17:22,110 --> 00:17:24,315
this poor child and forced him
into a life of crime.
398
00:17:24,348 --> 00:17:26,151
I weren't kidnapped, Miss!
399
00:17:26,184 --> 00:17:28,623
Ibadan adopted me
from a life on the streets
400
00:17:28,656 --> 00:17:32,230
and taught me about the
importance of a country's culture.
401
00:17:32,263 --> 00:17:36,038
- Huh. That's kinda noble.
- So we're just skating over
402
00:17:36,071 --> 00:17:38,075
this kid constantly being
in harm's way?
403
00:17:38,108 --> 00:17:40,778
I mean, I can drop it. I just
don't know where the line is.
404
00:17:40,802 --> 00:17:42,971
- Neither do I, Zara!
- More importantly,
405
00:17:42,972 --> 00:17:45,624
you need to remove the curse
from any...
406
00:17:45,657 --> 00:17:47,227
body parts
it may have impacted.
407
00:17:47,260 --> 00:17:48,597
The curse of the plaque?
408
00:17:48,630 --> 00:17:51,068
It will be broken
when the plaque is returned
409
00:17:51,101 --> 00:17:53,473
to Nigeria, which I want to do.
410
00:17:53,506 --> 00:17:54,986
Great, so we're
letting him go, right?
411
00:17:55,010 --> 00:17:56,579
We're all agreed?
And done.
412
00:17:56,612 --> 00:17:59,381
- Whoa, hey. Wait a minute.
- Lana, this is bigger than you!
413
00:17:59,385 --> 00:18:01,221
And I've gotta say,
I don't love the idea
414
00:18:01,254 --> 00:18:03,092
of this adorable urchin
going to jail.
415
00:18:03,125 --> 00:18:05,631
I mean, yes, the plaque
should be returned to Nigeria.
416
00:18:05,664 --> 00:18:07,468
With the curse!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
417
00:18:07,501 --> 00:18:09,972
- But you did steal it.
- Oh, please.
418
00:18:10,005 --> 00:18:12,378
You know, you Americans,
you like to take your time
419
00:18:12,411 --> 00:18:14,114
sitting on the fence, don't you?
420
00:18:14,147 --> 00:18:15,747
Will you shut up?
I'm trying to help you.
421
00:18:15,771 --> 00:18:19,291
Or you are wasting time before
the cops come to arrest me.
422
00:18:19,325 --> 00:18:21,094
- Is that what you're doing?
- No!
423
00:18:21,127 --> 00:18:22,531
Hey, there's no time for this.
424
00:18:22,564 --> 00:18:25,136
He's probably the reason
our organs are shriveling away.
425
00:18:25,169 --> 00:18:27,106
- What?
- So we are killing them?
426
00:18:27,139 --> 00:18:30,380
Ugh, I can't believe I actually
miss the office right now.
427
00:18:30,413 --> 00:18:32,573
All right, team, here we go.
Everybody listen up, okay?
428
00:18:32,584 --> 00:18:33,687
Do not include me in this.
429
00:18:33,720 --> 00:18:37,026
- We realized that it's unfair of us...
- I'm not part of this.
430
00:18:37,059 --> 00:18:38,530
to judge and assess all of you.
431
00:18:38,563 --> 00:18:41,569
- It doesn't make us good bosses.
- Oh, God.
432
00:18:41,602 --> 00:18:44,274
So we all decided
the best judge is...
433
00:18:44,308 --> 00:18:47,280
yourself!
So you'll self-evaluate.
434
00:18:47,314 --> 00:18:49,519
But sign my name at the bottom
to make clear
435
00:18:49,552 --> 00:18:51,523
that you're also
your own HR rep.
436
00:18:51,556 --> 00:18:54,160
You're all your own me!
437
00:18:54,193 --> 00:18:57,635
And you're all getting raises.
438
00:18:57,668 --> 00:18:59,505
What the hell, Pam?
439
00:18:59,538 --> 00:19:02,978
Lana just gave everyone raises.
We can't afford to do it again.
440
00:19:03,011 --> 00:19:05,149
Oh, well,
it's probably someone's job
441
00:19:05,182 --> 00:19:07,020
to let everyone know
that bummer news, right?
442
00:19:07,053 --> 00:19:09,525
Yes, it's the head of HR's job.
443
00:19:09,558 --> 00:19:12,298
Oh, look! It's Beauregard.
444
00:19:12,331 --> 00:19:14,034
Hey, buddy.
You have something to say?
445
00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:16,004
Cyril's got
a tiny squid's dick.
446
00:19:17,474 --> 00:19:19,010
Beauregard!
447
00:19:19,043 --> 00:19:21,349
Sorry.
He's going through some stuff.
448
00:19:26,626 --> 00:19:31,569
- And that's for the curse!
- This is meant to be a fake fight.
449
00:19:31,602 --> 00:19:34,575
Yeah, but it has to look real.
I'm cursed, not anemic.
450
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:37,548
Oh, that was better!
451
00:19:37,581 --> 00:19:39,318
Wait, wait, wait,
that is a lot of police.
452
00:19:39,351 --> 00:19:41,154
What if they shoot?
It'll ruin the plan.
453
00:19:41,187 --> 00:19:42,487
Oh, the UK police don't carry...
454
00:19:44,227 --> 00:19:47,200
What the hell?
Well, 90% of UK police
455
00:19:47,233 --> 00:19:49,433
don't carry guns, and it looks
like there's ten of them,
456
00:19:49,457 --> 00:19:51,376
so numbers-wise,
one would have a gun.
457
00:19:51,409 --> 00:19:53,346
Oops! Uh, sorry.
458
00:19:53,379 --> 00:19:54,749
I was aiming for the bad guy.
459
00:19:54,782 --> 00:19:57,621
- Sure.
- Not the time!
460
00:19:59,625 --> 00:20:01,729
That was you
trying to knock me out?
461
00:20:01,762 --> 00:20:04,368
Come on, there's only so much
performance I can give here.
462
00:20:04,401 --> 00:20:06,739
I was not trying
to knock you out.
463
00:20:06,772 --> 00:20:09,478
I just needed you in position.
464
00:20:09,511 --> 00:20:10,714
Ow!
465
00:20:10,747 --> 00:20:12,484
Ha! He got me again.
466
00:20:12,517 --> 00:20:14,220
That kid is a damn genius.
467
00:20:17,259 --> 00:20:19,732
Oh, you can laugh and cough up
blood at the same time.
468
00:20:19,765 --> 00:20:20,765
Ow!
469
00:20:20,767 --> 00:20:22,371
I knew it.
470
00:20:27,179 --> 00:20:30,487
- Wait! I have the plaque.
- And he'll pay for stealing it!
471
00:20:30,520 --> 00:20:32,123
Arrest him!
472
00:20:36,499 --> 00:20:38,379
Wait, you're not supposed
to be the one driving.
473
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,239
You're a kid!
474
00:20:42,711 --> 00:20:44,281
Hit the gas, Half-Pint!
475
00:20:46,452 --> 00:20:49,157
No, no, no! Did he escape?
476
00:20:49,190 --> 00:20:52,398
- You should go after him!
- Looks like he's gone through, innit?
477
00:20:52,431 --> 00:20:55,671
Eh, get him next time.
Fish and chips and all that.
478
00:20:55,704 --> 00:20:57,541
I believe our job was
to keep the plaque safe,
479
00:20:57,574 --> 00:20:58,677
and now it is.
480
00:20:58,710 --> 00:21:00,112
My team and I can
go after Ibadan
481
00:21:00,145 --> 00:21:01,385
if that's what the museum wants.
482
00:21:01,409 --> 00:21:03,687
No, no, you did your job.
Thank you.
483
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:06,526
I suppose this adventure got me
a little carried away.
484
00:21:06,559 --> 00:21:08,663
There are perhaps
certain parts of this
485
00:21:08,696 --> 00:21:10,701
that could stay between us.
486
00:21:10,734 --> 00:21:13,105
Like you trying to turn this
into a capture mission
487
00:21:13,138 --> 00:21:14,988
or like you trying to bang a guy
488
00:21:15,023 --> 00:21:17,445
- who side-piped an artifact?
- Right.
489
00:21:17,447 --> 00:21:21,254
Completely unrelated,
I do look forward to welcoming AJ
490
00:21:21,287 --> 00:21:24,295
- to Abernathy in the autumn.
- Seems like a fair trade-off.
491
00:21:24,328 --> 00:21:26,833
There are very few things
America does well,
492
00:21:26,866 --> 00:21:30,874
but the Abernathy school
is one of them.
493
00:21:30,907 --> 00:21:33,546
Huh. She is patronizing.
494
00:21:35,650 --> 00:21:37,821
Good thing Ibadan had
another reproduction.
495
00:21:37,854 --> 00:21:40,727
That one gets locked away,
and the real one goes home.
496
00:21:40,760 --> 00:21:42,698
You made the right call.
The curse is broken
497
00:21:42,731 --> 00:21:45,136
thanks to two
strong female agents
498
00:21:45,169 --> 00:21:46,606
working together to overcome
499
00:21:46,639 --> 00:21:48,843
one agent's
willful moral blindness.
500
00:21:48,876 --> 00:21:51,749
- Wait a second.
- No, thank you.
501
00:21:51,782 --> 00:21:54,722
You know, thinking about it, that
guy probably made up the curse
502
00:21:54,755 --> 00:21:57,461
so he could get to the plaque,
which means I was right,
503
00:21:57,494 --> 00:22:00,701
which means curses aren't real!
Ha!
504
00:22:00,734 --> 00:22:04,503
Which means you're impotent.
505
00:22:04,775 --> 00:22:07,481
Never mind.
506
00:22:07,514 --> 00:22:12,388
sync & correction by f1nc0
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