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1
00:00:00,994 --> 00:00:03,866
[bluesy rock music]
2
00:00:03,953 --> 00:00:07,609
? ?
3
00:00:11,700 --> 00:00:15,312
Um, I don't think
it's gonna happen, Butt-Head.
4
00:00:15,385 --> 00:00:17,692
Just be patient, Beavis.
5
00:00:17,770 --> 00:00:19,641
It'll happen.
6
00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,646
- Come on, Butt-Head.
- We've been waiting too long.
7
00:00:21,672 --> 00:00:23,630
Let's go... whoa!
Whoa, it's happening.
8
00:00:23,709 --> 00:00:25,755
It's really happening.
9
00:00:25,834 --> 00:00:28,619
I told you so, Beavis.
10
00:00:28,695 --> 00:00:31,002
That teddy bear's taking a dump.
11
00:00:31,080 --> 00:00:33,604
Worth the wait.
12
00:00:33,681 --> 00:00:35,031
Plop.
13
00:00:35,113 --> 00:00:36,505
Hey.
14
00:00:36,586 --> 00:00:37,761
Is that your dog?
15
00:00:37,844 --> 00:00:40,629
Uh, no.
16
00:00:40,706 --> 00:00:42,751
That was a dog?
17
00:00:42,830 --> 00:00:46,659
Typical, these rich jerks pay
$5,000 for a designer dog.
18
00:00:46,732 --> 00:00:48,430
Then they don't
pick up after it.
19
00:00:48,510 --> 00:00:52,340
Whoa, $5,000?
20
00:00:53,365 --> 00:00:55,498
Yeah, they crossbreed
two types of dogs.
21
00:00:55,577 --> 00:00:57,405
Then they sell the puppies
for thousands
22
00:00:57,485 --> 00:00:59,879
while regular dogs rot
in the pound.
23
00:00:59,956 --> 00:01:02,045
Beavis, did you hear that?
24
00:01:02,124 --> 00:01:04,996
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah,
he said "pound."
25
00:01:05,072 --> 00:01:07,640
No, dumbass, that guy said
if we can get a dog
26
00:01:07,717 --> 00:01:09,284
to score with another dog,
27
00:01:09,364 --> 00:01:11,932
people will give us money
for the dog babies.
28
00:01:12,009 --> 00:01:14,838
Whoa, really? That's cool.
29
00:01:14,914 --> 00:01:17,394
Beavis, we must begin breeding.
30
00:01:19,250 --> 00:01:22,819
Breeding means score.
[both chuckle]
31
00:01:24,583 --> 00:01:28,282
I saw a dog around here
yesterday.
32
00:01:28,354 --> 00:01:30,530
Was it in a tree or something?
33
00:01:30,609 --> 00:01:34,135
Whoa, there it is.
34
00:01:37,026 --> 00:01:39,855
I thought that was,
like, a bear or something.
35
00:01:39,931 --> 00:01:42,150
Well, it's a dog now.
36
00:01:42,228 --> 00:01:44,840
As long as it's got four legs
and a schlong,
37
00:01:44,917 --> 00:01:48,268
it's gonna score
until we get $5,000.
38
00:01:48,342 --> 00:01:50,866
Lucky bastard.
39
00:01:50,943 --> 00:01:52,815
Get him, Beavis.
40
00:01:54,412 --> 00:01:57,154
Hey there, doggie.
41
00:01:57,230 --> 00:01:58,579
Good boy or something.
42
00:01:58,661 --> 00:02:00,663
Who's a good... ow!
43
00:02:00,742 --> 00:02:03,092
Ahh, bad dog! Damn it!
44
00:02:03,170 --> 00:02:05,346
Son of a bitch, ahh!
Butt-Head, help me!
45
00:02:05,424 --> 00:02:06,948
Ahh, Butt-Head, help!
46
00:02:07,029 --> 00:02:08,683
Damn it, Beavis,
don't hurt its schlong.
47
00:02:08,763 --> 00:02:12,331
- I'll kick your ass!
- He needs it to score.
48
00:02:12,404 --> 00:02:15,016
Damn it, ahh!
49
00:02:17,174 --> 00:02:19,219
We got him where we want him,
Beavis.
50
00:02:19,298 --> 00:02:21,649
Now get in there.
51
00:02:21,727 --> 00:02:23,250
I don't know, Butt-Head.
52
00:02:23,331 --> 00:02:25,376
He's kind of, like,
mad or something.
53
00:02:25,455 --> 00:02:26,979
He's not mad.
54
00:02:27,060 --> 00:02:28,637
He just wants us
to take him to the park,
55
00:02:28,664 --> 00:02:31,885
so he can, like, get busy.
56
00:02:31,959 --> 00:02:35,310
- Really?
- 'Cause he seems kind of mad.
57
00:02:35,384 --> 00:02:37,995
Let me see.
58
00:02:38,072 --> 00:02:40,205
Ow, ahh!
59
00:02:40,283 --> 00:02:43,808
Okay, Beavis, get in there
and gain his trust.
60
00:02:43,882 --> 00:02:46,189
Butthole, ahh!
61
00:02:46,267 --> 00:02:48,225
You better not be hurting
its schlong in there.
62
00:02:48,304 --> 00:02:51,046
Ahh, ahh!
63
00:02:51,122 --> 00:02:53,821
We're gonna be millionaires.
64
00:02:58,840 --> 00:03:00,886
Damn it, Beavis,
keep him under control.
65
00:03:00,965 --> 00:03:04,403
He's gonna scare off
all the hot dog chicks.
66
00:03:04,476 --> 00:03:07,871
- Quiet down, boy.
- You know what I'm saying?
67
00:03:07,945 --> 00:03:10,295
Good boy.
68
00:03:11,239 --> 00:03:15,505
Uh, hello lady dogs.
69
00:03:15,576 --> 00:03:18,013
How do we make our dog,
like, want to score?
70
00:03:18,090 --> 00:03:20,135
Our dog is cool, Beavis.
71
00:03:20,214 --> 00:03:23,348
It wants to score all the time
like a normal person.
72
00:03:23,423 --> 00:03:25,556
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, me too.
73
00:03:25,635 --> 00:03:27,506
We taught him well.
74
00:03:27,585 --> 00:03:30,806
We need to find, like,
the perfect chick dog,
75
00:03:30,881 --> 00:03:34,145
and then, like,
let nature take its course.
76
00:03:37,601 --> 00:03:40,212
So which dog should
our dog score with?
77
00:03:42,543 --> 00:03:46,286
Uh, too dirty.
78
00:03:46,359 --> 00:03:49,754
Looks like it's made
out of nut sack.
79
00:03:49,828 --> 00:03:54,876
Uh, that one will, like,
scare his boner off.
80
00:03:54,943 --> 00:03:56,423
Aw, that one seems nice.
81
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:57,897
She's got a nice face, you know.
82
00:03:57,979 --> 00:04:02,200
We want him to score with it,
not marry it.
83
00:04:02,271 --> 00:04:04,273
That one's got nice hair.
84
00:04:06,216 --> 00:04:09,915
Uh, I think she's,
like, taken or something.
85
00:04:09,988 --> 00:04:13,340
[both chuckling]
86
00:04:13,414 --> 00:04:16,373
- Whoa.
- Ooh, yeah.
87
00:04:16,448 --> 00:04:18,407
That's what I'm talking about.
88
00:04:18,486 --> 00:04:20,183
That dog is hot.
89
00:04:20,264 --> 00:04:24,137
It's like boi-oi-oi-oing!
90
00:04:24,210 --> 00:04:27,387
Come to Butt-Head's dog.
91
00:04:27,461 --> 00:04:30,159
Well, polish up your dog schlong
92
00:04:30,236 --> 00:04:33,674
because you're about to score.
93
00:04:33,747 --> 00:04:35,140
Hey, best pal-y. I'm Ali.
94
00:04:35,222 --> 00:04:37,355
And you may remember me
from such things
95
00:04:37,433 --> 00:04:39,217
as covering my car
in blue AstroTurf.
96
00:04:39,297 --> 00:04:41,473
Well, as I've been driving
my fake grass around,
97
00:04:41,552 --> 00:04:43,250
I couldn't help but think,
fake is good,
98
00:04:43,330 --> 00:04:45,506
but living is more outrageous.
99
00:04:45,584 --> 00:04:48,630
Can I turn my car
into a giant Chia Pet.
100
00:04:48,705 --> 00:04:52,318
Uh, oh, boy.
101
00:04:53,518 --> 00:04:55,477
Wow.
102
00:04:55,556 --> 00:04:59,777
You think this girl ever, like,
gets tired of herself?
103
00:04:59,848 --> 00:05:03,504
No, 'cause I think other
people being tired of her
104
00:05:03,577 --> 00:05:05,492
gives her energy.
105
00:05:05,571 --> 00:05:08,487
She, like, feeds off of it.
106
00:05:08,563 --> 00:05:10,391
This is a car-pet,
but I want to cultivate
107
00:05:10,471 --> 00:05:12,125
a lush, growing car-den.
108
00:05:12,205 --> 00:05:14,207
She's trying to, like,
be entertaining
109
00:05:14,286 --> 00:05:17,246
with every single word she says.
110
00:05:17,321 --> 00:05:21,281
She just never talks in
a normal voice or a normal way.
111
00:05:21,353 --> 00:05:26,924
It's like this entire video
is one long sentence.
112
00:05:26,990 --> 00:05:31,516
Yeah, life sentence, I tell ya.
113
00:05:31,585 --> 00:05:35,372
I bet she's, like,
really difficult to watch.
114
00:05:35,444 --> 00:05:40,101
Yeah, yeah, uh, we are
watching her, Butt-Head.
115
00:05:40,170 --> 00:05:43,042
- And it is difficult.
- I was right.
116
00:05:44,809 --> 00:05:47,073
And, of course,
into vans that you rent
117
00:05:47,151 --> 00:05:48,804
and drive Lyft around.
118
00:05:48,884 --> 00:05:51,365
She's quirky.
119
00:05:51,443 --> 00:05:54,316
I'm glad I'm not quirky.
120
00:05:54,391 --> 00:05:56,306
Me too.
121
00:05:56,386 --> 00:05:59,780
I have no quirks,
and I'm happy about it.
122
00:06:00,851 --> 00:06:03,724
I mean,
I still sniff glue sometimes,
123
00:06:03,799 --> 00:06:05,359
but that's not really a quirk,
you know.
124
00:06:05,403 --> 00:06:08,493
It's more like,
you know, an addiction.
125
00:06:09,392 --> 00:06:10,752
Still been too busy coming up
with dumb ideas
126
00:06:10,780 --> 00:06:12,738
and then executing them.
127
00:06:12,817 --> 00:06:15,472
I don't know how she lives
with herself, really.
128
00:06:15,549 --> 00:06:20,032
Uh, yeah, I think,
in between every shot,
129
00:06:20,101 --> 00:06:22,582
she sleeps for like 22 hours.
130
00:06:22,660 --> 00:06:24,270
Oh, yeah, yeah.
131
00:06:24,350 --> 00:06:27,048
I got 30 pounds of chia,
and I thought,
132
00:06:27,125 --> 00:06:29,605
that might be too much,
so I made it 60 pounds
133
00:06:29,682 --> 00:06:30,946
just to be sure it's too much.
134
00:06:31,028 --> 00:06:32,638
Like, your mouth works, ma'am.
135
00:06:32,718 --> 00:06:36,026
You can stop testing it.
136
00:06:36,100 --> 00:06:37,841
One thing I'll say
about this is,
137
00:06:37,921 --> 00:06:41,795
it makes me glad
that I never do projects.
138
00:06:41,867 --> 00:06:44,391
Accomplishment sucks.
139
00:06:44,468 --> 00:06:46,514
[chuckles]
140
00:06:46,593 --> 00:06:48,551
Focus on the car.
141
00:06:48,630 --> 00:06:51,982
I'm covering this car
with my need for attention.
142
00:06:52,056 --> 00:06:54,362
[chuckling]
143
00:06:54,440 --> 00:06:57,487
Is there a way to, like,
turn down her personality?
144
00:06:57,562 --> 00:07:00,173
Like on the TV, you know?
145
00:07:00,250 --> 00:07:04,254
Uh, maybe in, like,
advanced settings
146
00:07:04,325 --> 00:07:08,329
under, like, motion blur.
147
00:07:09,442 --> 00:07:11,618
It's gonna take three weeks
to get my ID,
148
00:07:11,696 --> 00:07:13,959
so subscribe and stay tuned
because I'm sure
149
00:07:14,037 --> 00:07:15,702
I'll show you how stupid I look
in the final picture
150
00:07:15,729 --> 00:07:16,860
in a future video.
151
00:07:16,942 --> 00:07:18,422
What an asshole.
152
00:07:18,503 --> 00:07:20,940
[chuckling]
153
00:07:21,018 --> 00:07:23,107
[laughing]
154
00:07:23,185 --> 00:07:27,407
Wow, I've never heard
you say that, Butt-Head.
155
00:07:27,478 --> 00:07:30,176
I've never needed
to say it before.
156
00:07:30,252 --> 00:07:32,907
And this time,
it needed to be said.
157
00:07:32,984 --> 00:07:37,380
[upbeat music]
158
00:07:37,450 --> 00:07:40,583
You know, when they say,
like, the internet is bad,
159
00:07:40,659 --> 00:07:42,791
like, bad for mankind,
160
00:07:42,869 --> 00:07:46,046
they mean this.
161
00:07:46,121 --> 00:07:48,254
You might get diar-chia.
162
00:07:49,416 --> 00:07:51,331
Ooh, yeah, yeah.
163
00:07:51,411 --> 00:07:53,152
That dog's got it
in all the right places.
164
00:07:53,232 --> 00:07:55,321
Yeah.
165
00:07:55,400 --> 00:07:57,402
Uh, dog?
166
00:07:57,481 --> 00:07:59,570
We have found your dog chick.
167
00:07:59,648 --> 00:08:02,085
And now you must score.
168
00:08:02,163 --> 00:08:04,470
[both chuckle]
169
00:08:04,548 --> 00:08:07,769
You know, I wish a dog
would make me score.
170
00:08:07,843 --> 00:08:09,758
That would be cool,
but then, like,
171
00:08:09,838 --> 00:08:11,579
the dog would get all the money.
172
00:08:11,659 --> 00:08:14,096
So what? I still scored.
173
00:08:14,173 --> 00:08:16,131
Everything's not always
about money, Butt-Head.
174
00:08:16,210 --> 00:08:18,038
If your job is scoring,
175
00:08:18,118 --> 00:08:20,947
you'll never work a day
in your life.
176
00:08:21,023 --> 00:08:22,503
There she is, boy.
177
00:08:22,584 --> 00:08:23,726
Now remember everything
we told you.
178
00:08:23,755 --> 00:08:25,714
This is where it all pays off.
179
00:08:25,793 --> 00:08:27,751
Go!
180
00:08:29,131 --> 00:08:31,176
Uh...
181
00:08:31,255 --> 00:08:33,214
Where'd he go?
182
00:08:33,293 --> 00:08:36,470
[raccoon chittering]
183
00:08:36,545 --> 00:08:38,416
Whoa, he's scoring.
184
00:08:38,497 --> 00:08:41,195
Yeah, yeah, look at him go.
185
00:08:41,271 --> 00:08:43,708
[dog yelping]
186
00:08:43,785 --> 00:08:46,179
Butt-Head,
are they supposed to be biting
187
00:08:46,257 --> 00:08:48,041
and scratching so much?
188
00:08:48,121 --> 00:08:50,123
It doesn't look that fun.
189
00:08:50,202 --> 00:08:52,553
Well, some people don't
enjoy scoring, Beavis.
190
00:08:52,631 --> 00:08:54,937
Maybe it's just not your thing.
191
00:08:55,015 --> 00:08:57,017
No, no, no,
I mean, it looks cool.
192
00:08:57,096 --> 00:08:58,446
I just... you know.
193
00:08:58,527 --> 00:09:00,529
No, no, it's okay, Beavis.
194
00:09:00,608 --> 00:09:02,566
Maybe you're just
not old enough.
195
00:09:02,646 --> 00:09:04,223
Don't let anyone pressure you
into something
196
00:09:04,249 --> 00:09:05,425
you're not ready for.
197
00:09:05,508 --> 00:09:06,813
Shut up, Butt-Head! Shut up.
198
00:09:06,894 --> 00:09:10,637
I'm really into it.
Yeah, get it.
199
00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:11,972
Get off of him!
200
00:09:12,054 --> 00:09:13,708
[dog yelping]
201
00:09:13,788 --> 00:09:16,356
Come on, Rufus. You poor boy.
202
00:09:16,433 --> 00:09:18,087
I'm taking you right to the vet!
203
00:09:18,167 --> 00:09:21,257
Hey, you've got, like,
half our dog babies in there.
204
00:09:21,332 --> 00:09:22,986
Yeah, our dog scored.
205
00:09:23,067 --> 00:09:25,852
And that's where dog babies
come from or something.
206
00:09:25,928 --> 00:09:27,930
Hey.
207
00:09:28,009 --> 00:09:31,491
Did I hear him say that
his dog was, like, a boy?
208
00:09:31,564 --> 00:09:36,264
Uh, oh, yeah. I think he did.
209
00:09:36,334 --> 00:09:39,815
Then who's gonna
have the puppies?
210
00:09:42,143 --> 00:09:44,929
That dumbass took the wrong dog.
211
00:09:45,005 --> 00:09:47,486
[chuckles]
212
00:09:49,558 --> 00:09:51,951
[raccoon shrieks]
213
00:09:52,029 --> 00:09:54,467
[glass shattering]
214
00:09:54,544 --> 00:09:56,110
It's dark.
215
00:09:58,330 --> 00:10:02,291
[heavy rock music]
216
00:10:02,292 --> 00:10:05,164
[bluesy rock music]
217
00:10:05,165 --> 00:10:12,042
? ?
218
00:10:23,268 --> 00:10:24,835
[chiming noises]
219
00:10:24,922 --> 00:10:26,315
Chirp.
220
00:10:26,365 --> 00:10:30,915
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