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♪♪
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♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪
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♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
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♪ 'Tis the season to be jolly ♪
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It's a Target return! Back off!
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Target's the other way, miss.
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Oh, thank you for mansplaining that to me.
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Why don't you tell me where everything
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in this whole fucking mall is, okay?!
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God! Why do you hate lesbians?!
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Security guard: She's crazy.
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♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
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Naomi: Go away, fascist! It's me.
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She's here! [ Delilah moaning ]
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Ohh! Thank you for coming! Aah!
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I love you! [ Sneakers squeak ]
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I love you so much!
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I'm okay. I swallowed it back.
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Oh, no! I'm not okay!
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[ Vomiting ]
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Don't you fucking dare!
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I'm not going to. I'm definitely not going to.
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I just wish you hadn't made me eat that hot dog on a stick!
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Fill the tub!
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How did you not know?
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Dude, there's literally five seasons of
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"I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant."
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What woman actually gives birth in her pants?
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Arianna: But weren't you having your period?
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My period's always weird, and I thought I was gassy!
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And WebMD said it was bok choy or colon cancer,
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so I was like, "Fuck WebMD!
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It always stresses me out! I'm fine!
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In a way, it's funny, 'cause I did think you were looking kind of thick.
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-Wait. Thick in a good way?! -I mean, the tits, for sure.
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But you didn't tell me?
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I don't know whether to be mad or okay about this!
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Arianna: You're my sister. I love you.
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[ Screams and cries ]
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Is 911 for sure off the table?
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Yes!
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And your parents do seem cool.
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You definitely don't want to tell them?
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Your parents seem cool, too! Would you tell them?!
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This is not working!
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♪♪
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And no way am I paying 10 cents for these.
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Reparations!
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-Wait. -I can't! It's coming out!
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No! Who the fuck is the father? [ Screams ]
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♪ Fa la la la la, la la la la ♪
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[ Keyboard clicking, text message bloops ]
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[ Birds chirping ]
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Megan: I do not hear you practicing your toast for tonight!
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And you're welcome for the edits, by the way!
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That Russia joke would not have played,
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not with Aunt Katyushka coming.
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[ Text tone chimes ]
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Okay. Niños, vamanos.
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I have no idea what's been going on for the past two weeks,
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but from what I can gather, you are very angry
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with your brother --
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for a medical condition that was out of his control.
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His pink eye was not out of his control.
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Excuse me.
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You know what? I volunteered in a Botswanan orphanage.
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I think I know a little bit more about
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medical contagiousness than you do.
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Do you really want to hear the --
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This weekend is about your sister and her wedding!
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So whatever is happening between you, this silence,
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this little...
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"secret life of teenagers hoo-ha" --
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it ends now, okay?
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I'm serious.
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The drama is finito y terminado. Capiche?
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[ Whistle blows ]
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[ Indistinct shouting ]
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[ Camera shutter clicking ]
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Some guy from the other team keeps staring at you.
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Man: Alright, team, look at the formation.
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[ Laughs ] Yeah. We hooked up.
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But he was a jerk, so I went home
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and signed him up for the Scientology mailing list.
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Young man: Yep, Coach.
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[Laughing] Oh, my God.
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Chester is still being weird.
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Did you ask him if he was mad at me?
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No. I'm not doing that. The lockdown was stressful.
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He doesn't even remember you getting upset.
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You need to relax. You're too paranoid.
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No, I know. I'm paranoid about everything.
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But, I mean, also with reason.
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Like, Naomi was already kind of a bitch,
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and now this whole Jack thing has just crystallized her evilness.
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She's not gonna tell anyone about Jack
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or about you being bi.
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[ Whistle blowing ]
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[ Crowd cheering ]
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Whoo!
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You should go say hi.
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You go first. Come on.
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-Hey. -Hey!
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-Thanks for coming. -Thanks for having us.
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Oh. [ Laughs ] Here. Let me show you these photos I took.
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[Laughing] Oh, sick! I know, right?
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Oh, my God. I am gagged.
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Was Sam here before?
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I don't know. Here. Wait.
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Look at this.
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I love!
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It's so good.
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Teammate one: I mean, they all hate touching them, let alone sucking on them.
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Honestly, it's hard to argue.
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Do gay guys like balls?
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I mean -- [ Chuckles ] I can't really speak for all of them.
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Like, I don't.
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Cool, man.
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Young man #1: Sweet! Young man #2: Bro, I say let's get fucked up
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and watch the "Fast & Furious" movies.
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I fucking hate those movies.
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All nine of them. Come on.
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[ Indistinct conversations ]
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Don't act like you don't love them.
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Young man: Yeah, man, I don't want to, like, have that in my face.
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Let's get fucked up and, like, go on the Matterhorn.
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You down with that? Oh, you want to?
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-Yeah, I'm in. -You good?
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If Steve's going, then I'm down.
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Alright, man. Your call.
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Don't get the white ball, though, whatever you do.
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It's so played, man.
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[ Text tone chimes ]
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[ Indistinct conversations ]
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♪ Ice on the windshield ♪
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♪ You let your hair grow long ♪
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♪ Lost in a coin toss ♪ [ Text tone chimes ]
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♪ A roll of the dice ♪
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♪ isn't that the same way Ritchie Valens died? ♪
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[ Text tone chimes ]
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She's just not a pleasant person. La Reina.
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She's such a bruja to her husband.
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Could you put the phone down, please?
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Thank you. He's obviously gonna leave her,
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probably for the sister, La Loca.
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Oh, she's just so much fun.
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And the curtains in the castle -- Wow!
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iOye! Has Ana been cleaning?
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[ Speaking Spanish ]
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[ Speaking Spanish ]
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[ Speaking Spanish ]
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You shouldn't be talking like that in front of Greta.
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[ Both laugh ] [ Speaking Spanish ]
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Honestly, it's not cool. You're gonna give me a heart attack.
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-[ Text tone chimes ] -I don't think that's something
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that you should be laughing at. You should be an example, Ana.
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Um, I have to go, Mami. I have a lot of homework. Bye.
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[ Speaks Spanish ] No, no. Wait.
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What kind of hang?
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I don't know.
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Friend hang? Date hang? Hang-hang?
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It's probably nothing. I don't know.
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How do you know?
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Well, she did say "fish."
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-No! -I'm getting you ready.
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Ew! God, no! No!
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But I-I don't want it to look like I think it's something.
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It's probably nothing.
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Ah -- No. Stop. Expect nothing, get nothing.
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What is this wildflower-wallpaper shit?
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No. We are redecorating. We are giving zero fucks.
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You are dressing like you want to be seen.
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Let's go.
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[ Wind chimes tinkling ]
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[ Dog barking ]
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[ Siren wailing ]
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-Hey. -Greta!
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[ Mouthing words ]
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[ Serena Isioma's "Hard" plays ]
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♪♪
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♪ What do I do this for? ♪
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♪ Why do I move, why I do dance ♪
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♪ When I am feeling low? ♪
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♪ I am trying so hard ♪
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[ Camera shutter clicks ]
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♪ Hard ♪
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♪ To get this far ♪
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♪ Far ♪
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♪♪
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[ Music winds down ]
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[ Beep, camera shutter clicks ]
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[ Laughter ]
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Hi, Uncle Luke and Aunt Bethuel.
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Well, look at you in your matching outfits!
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Welcome to The Flying Seaman.
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Natalia and Jordan and all of us are so happy
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that you could join us for the rehearsal dinner.
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That's your mother, isn't it? Judas Priest, what a woman.
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[ Laughs ]
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I said I was sorry. Also, when it happened,
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you hadn't even touched his dick,
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so, obviously, it wasn't that serious.
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-Hello! -Hi, Aunt Katyushka!
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Welcome to The Flying Seaman.
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Natalia and Jordan and all of us
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are so happy you could join us for the rehearsal dinner.
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It is so good to see you. And it's safe to hug Nathan.
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I don't know if you heard, but that thing with his eye
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was not pink eye, so you definitely won't get infected.
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Turns out it was just an irritant.
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Not just an irritant,
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a really huge glob of an irritant.
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But boys will be boys, right?
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I'm glad you're feeling better.
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I am so excited for tonight.
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Ohh!
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Also, I have been so nice to you.
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I didn't even tell mom when you put nail-polish remover
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in my Cetaphil.
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Welcome to The Flying Seaman!
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-Whoo-whoo! -That can never happen again.
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There you are!
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-Ahh! Mwah! -Ahh!
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I mean, Wonder Woman!
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Mwah! Gal Gadot and Lynda Carter
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are feeling very threatened right now.
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What?! No! I did nothing. It was 1-800-Party-Planner.
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[ Laughs ] I'm just so happy for Natalia.
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Have you seen her yet?
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She's a Vogue cover.
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Three people have already commented
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how much we look alike, and I said,
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"Please, you don't have to flatter me.
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The sushi's already free." [ Laughs ]
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I mean, you know, for us.
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You know, $200 per person.
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Do not say a word to Mark. [ Chuckles ]
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But, really, is she not Vogue?
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-You are literally sisters. -No, no, no!
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I'm a weathered old hag.
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[ Laughs ] I'm so happy!
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I feel like I'm getting married.
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Have you seen Jordan's shoe size?
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I have a feeling Natalia
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is going to be one very lucky girl.
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[ Laughter ]
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-Hey. -Hi.
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-This is Chester and Greta. -Hi!
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-This is Pablo. -Hi, Pablo.
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-Hi. -Hey.
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-So, how's Fairmont? -Shitty.
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I hate private-school kids. You're lucky you left.
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Well, if you want to get kicked out, it's not that hard.
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Riley: What if your butt was on your front
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and your front was on your back?
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Pablo: I think the bathroom would be really weird.
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Oh, my God. You would have to, like, lean over the toilet.
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-Imagine? -Hunch.
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Yeah. Your body doesn't even bend that way.
260
00:10:29,882 --> 00:10:32,283
Wait. Oh, my God. Am I taking your virginity?
261
00:10:32,283 --> 00:10:35,150
Chester: Really? Oh, my God!
262
00:10:35,150 --> 00:10:36,817
Yes!
263
00:10:36,817 --> 00:10:38,684
We stan a virgin queen. Pablo: There. You got it.
264
00:10:38,684 --> 00:10:40,584
-Mm-hmm! -Uh-huh. And hold it...
265
00:10:40,584 --> 00:10:42,218
-[ Coughs ] -That's okay.
266
00:10:42,218 --> 00:10:43,351
Riley: Very good.
267
00:10:43,351 --> 00:10:45,819
♪♪
268
00:10:45,819 --> 00:10:47,886
It's cool you work in an aquarium.
269
00:10:47,886 --> 00:10:51,120
Did you know that there is a fish with a penis on its chin?
270
00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:52,687
I didn't know that.
271
00:10:52,687 --> 00:10:54,654
I feel like that would be pretty convenient.
272
00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,288
♪ That's life, if we had more time ♪
273
00:10:57,288 --> 00:10:59,655
♪ We could live forever, forever ♪
274
00:10:59,655 --> 00:11:02,622
♪ Just you and I, we could be together ♪
275
00:11:02,622 --> 00:11:04,756
♪ Together, that's life ♪
276
00:11:04,756 --> 00:11:06,689
♪ If we had more time, more time ♪
277
00:11:06,689 --> 00:11:09,091
♪ We could live forever, forever ♪
278
00:11:09,091 --> 00:11:10,657
♪ Just you and I ♪
279
00:11:10,657 --> 00:11:13,391
♪ If we had more time ♪
280
00:11:13,391 --> 00:11:16,325
Did you know that 1/3 of all fish
281
00:11:16,325 --> 00:11:18,892
are just people in fish costumes?
282
00:11:18,892 --> 00:11:22,393
I'm not allowed to talk to strangers.
283
00:11:22,393 --> 00:11:25,327
But, literally, everyone knows that.
284
00:11:25,327 --> 00:11:27,461
[ Laughs ]
285
00:11:29,294 --> 00:11:31,261
[ Camera whirring ]
286
00:11:31,261 --> 00:11:33,462
[ Indistinct conversations ]
287
00:11:38,496 --> 00:11:41,263
-You okay? -Yeah.
288
00:11:48,998 --> 00:11:51,232
[ Indistinct conversations ]
289
00:11:55,899 --> 00:11:59,233
[ Water bubbling ]
290
00:12:04,935 --> 00:12:06,569
[ Exhales sharply ]
291
00:12:12,002 --> 00:12:14,037
I think I'm gonna cum.
292
00:12:14,037 --> 00:12:16,870
Open your eyes.
293
00:12:16,870 --> 00:12:18,904
Open them.
294
00:12:18,904 --> 00:12:21,938
Just look at me and keep them open, okay?
295
00:12:21,938 --> 00:12:24,738
I forgot how weird you are.
296
00:12:31,240 --> 00:12:33,373
[ Breathing quickens ]
297
00:12:37,041 --> 00:12:39,274
[ Grunts ]
298
00:12:39,274 --> 00:12:42,142
[ Breathing slows ]
299
00:12:47,443 --> 00:12:49,643
Shit. Sorry. It's okay.
300
00:12:54,344 --> 00:13:00,612
♪♪
301
00:13:00,612 --> 00:13:06,680
♪♪
302
00:13:06,680 --> 00:13:12,748
♪♪
303
00:13:12,748 --> 00:13:18,616
♪♪
304
00:13:18,616 --> 00:13:20,916
[ Music playing on headphones ]
305
00:13:20,916 --> 00:13:25,151
♪♪
306
00:13:25,151 --> 00:13:28,952
I was stung by a jellyfish once.
307
00:13:28,952 --> 00:13:31,486
Really? Mm-hmm.
308
00:13:31,486 --> 00:13:34,019
I was at the beach with my Nonna.
309
00:13:34,019 --> 00:13:36,286
Maybe I was like 8.
310
00:13:36,286 --> 00:13:38,386
I was screaming so loud.
311
00:13:38,386 --> 00:13:40,353
And this guy nearby felt bad and was like,
312
00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,920
"Oh, you're supposed to pee on it."
313
00:13:41,920 --> 00:13:44,855
And my Nonna basically was like, "Fuck that."
314
00:13:44,855 --> 00:13:48,188
And I started screaming more kind of
315
00:13:48,188 --> 00:13:51,356
'cause I just wanted to see his penis.
316
00:13:51,356 --> 00:13:54,289
And when he took it out, which at the time
317
00:13:54,289 --> 00:13:58,424
didn't seem as molester-y as it sounds now,
318
00:13:58,424 --> 00:14:00,624
it was the biggest thing I've ever seen in my life.
319
00:14:00,624 --> 00:14:04,658
Like, it was so big, I literally forgot to be in pain.
320
00:14:04,658 --> 00:14:09,259
And then there was this gushing waterfall on my leg.
321
00:14:09,259 --> 00:14:13,427
And that's also probably when I figured out that being peed on
322
00:14:13,427 --> 00:14:15,494
is not a turn-on for me...
323
00:14:15,494 --> 00:14:18,161
but a big penis is.
324
00:14:18,161 --> 00:14:21,162
I feel like that's not what you were just thinking about.
325
00:14:21,162 --> 00:14:24,362
♪♪
326
00:14:24,362 --> 00:14:28,430
I was just thinking what it would feel like
327
00:14:28,430 --> 00:14:32,397
to go through life with no brain
328
00:14:32,397 --> 00:14:35,397
and no heart...
329
00:14:35,397 --> 00:14:38,332
and just drifting.
330
00:14:38,332 --> 00:14:41,765
Ooh! She's a sad stoner.
331
00:14:41,765 --> 00:14:44,500
[ Chuckles ]
332
00:14:44,500 --> 00:14:46,533
And she feels see-through.
333
00:14:46,533 --> 00:14:50,101
Ugh. I'm so obvious.
334
00:14:50,101 --> 00:14:52,468
♪♪
335
00:14:52,468 --> 00:14:55,602
But was I talking about you or me?
336
00:14:58,569 --> 00:15:02,370
I guess we're all just jellyfishy bitches.
337
00:15:02,370 --> 00:15:04,437
♪♪
338
00:15:04,437 --> 00:15:06,338
♪ I got this feeling on the summer day ♪
339
00:15:06,338 --> 00:15:08,838
You know what my mother told me on my wedding day? What?
340
00:15:08,838 --> 00:15:12,539
She said, "Husbands are like horses.
341
00:15:12,539 --> 00:15:15,039
If you're not riding them, they're runnin' off."
342
00:15:15,039 --> 00:15:16,939
[ Both laugh ]
343
00:15:16,939 --> 00:15:19,373
Oh, you do have to admit your mother's still a head-turner.
344
00:15:19,373 --> 00:15:21,374
♪ I don't care, I love it ♪
345
00:15:21,374 --> 00:15:23,608
It's nice to see her having such a good time.
346
00:15:23,608 --> 00:15:25,574
It's hard for her, all this change --
347
00:15:25,574 --> 00:15:27,975
Natalia getting married, you and Naomi getting older.
348
00:15:27,975 --> 00:15:30,609
♪ I got this feeling on the summer day when you were gone ♪
349
00:15:30,609 --> 00:15:32,676
Soon it'll just be me, her, and the menopause.
350
00:15:32,676 --> 00:15:34,910
♪ I watched, I let it burn ♪
351
00:15:34,910 --> 00:15:37,310
I can't wait to meet the lucky girl you choose
352
00:15:37,310 --> 00:15:39,310
to spend your life with.
353
00:15:39,310 --> 00:15:42,612
Yeah, that wedding night. I'm telling you, it's worth the wait.
354
00:15:42,612 --> 00:15:45,311
Sometimes, it feels like our bad boys can't wait one more day.
355
00:15:45,311 --> 00:15:46,879
♪ I don't care ♪
356
00:15:46,879 --> 00:15:51,013
But you know that's what they invented socks for.
357
00:15:51,013 --> 00:15:54,113
♪ I'm in the Milky Way, you want me down on Earth ♪
358
00:15:54,113 --> 00:15:55,881
Anyway --
359
00:15:55,881 --> 00:15:58,014
Now, wait! Hold on! Hold on!
360
00:15:58,014 --> 00:16:00,515
You can't steal my baby girl and my wife.
361
00:16:00,515 --> 00:16:04,382
♪ You're from the '70s, but I'm a '90s bitch ♪
362
00:16:04,382 --> 00:16:06,350
♪ I love it ♪
363
00:16:06,350 --> 00:16:13,451
♪♪
364
00:16:13,451 --> 00:16:16,418
I'll take a Sprite and a rum and Coke for my dad.
365
00:16:16,418 --> 00:16:18,452
Grown-ups don't drink rum and Coke.
366
00:16:18,452 --> 00:16:21,386
My dad does. Maybe it's a gay thing?
367
00:16:21,386 --> 00:16:22,819
Trust me, it's not.
368
00:16:22,819 --> 00:16:24,853
Anyway, it's wine and beer only.
369
00:16:24,853 --> 00:16:27,254
You couldn't have just said that in the first place?
370
00:16:27,254 --> 00:16:28,754
You know I'm just gonna find a place
371
00:16:28,754 --> 00:16:30,587
to smoke some weed, right?
372
00:16:30,587 --> 00:16:32,522
Same. Here's your Sprite.
373
00:16:32,522 --> 00:16:34,622
♪ I love it, I love it, I don't care ♪
374
00:16:34,622 --> 00:16:36,389
Man: This party is a lot.
375
00:16:36,389 --> 00:16:38,356
Patrick: No, we are not ghosting.
376
00:16:38,356 --> 00:16:40,956
I literally held Natalia when she was a day old.
377
00:16:40,956 --> 00:16:42,723
Megan is my oldest friend.
378
00:16:42,723 --> 00:16:44,557
Joe: Oh, back from when you were straight, married,
379
00:16:44,557 --> 00:16:46,590
born again, and playing electric guitar?
380
00:16:46,590 --> 00:16:48,725
She is the only one who stuck with me.
381
00:16:48,725 --> 00:16:51,625
And you have to forgive her for "Inception."
382
00:16:51,625 --> 00:16:53,893
Why? She came to our house. I was there.
383
00:16:53,893 --> 00:16:55,893
She talked through the entire film. I remember.
384
00:16:55,893 --> 00:16:58,026
And then, when it was over, she said she hated it
385
00:16:58,026 --> 00:16:59,927
because it was confusing.
386
00:16:59,927 --> 00:17:02,194
How the fuck do you stay friends with a person who does that?
387
00:17:02,194 --> 00:17:03,427
♪ I don't care ♪
388
00:17:03,427 --> 00:17:04,995
-Hey, sweetie. -Hey.
389
00:17:04,995 --> 00:17:06,494
Um, I'm just gonna go pee.
390
00:17:06,494 --> 00:17:08,395
I'll alert the media.
391
00:17:08,395 --> 00:17:13,129
♪♪
392
00:17:13,129 --> 00:17:15,663
[Muffled] Sorry.
393
00:17:15,663 --> 00:17:17,531
It must be my period coming.
394
00:17:17,531 --> 00:17:19,464
I don't know you were invited.
395
00:17:19,464 --> 00:17:21,198
Yeah, my parents know their parents
396
00:17:21,198 --> 00:17:23,865
from the rich, Jew-hating club they all play tennis at.
397
00:17:23,865 --> 00:17:25,865
[ Text tone chimes ]
398
00:17:25,865 --> 00:17:28,299
♪♪
399
00:17:28,299 --> 00:17:30,666
[ Breathing shakily ]
400
00:17:30,666 --> 00:17:38,001
♪♪
401
00:17:38,001 --> 00:17:41,135
I literally don't know what's wrong with me.
402
00:17:41,135 --> 00:17:43,602
♪♪
403
00:17:43,602 --> 00:17:46,903
Can I ask you something? Sure.
404
00:17:46,903 --> 00:17:49,703
Um, that sleepover we had where we tried scissoring
405
00:17:49,703 --> 00:17:51,670
and I didn't know I had poison ivy
406
00:17:51,670 --> 00:17:53,504
and I got it in your vagina --
407
00:17:53,504 --> 00:17:55,204
is that why you stopped talking to me?
408
00:17:55,204 --> 00:17:58,505
Maybe. Also, you were just, like, way too into writing
409
00:17:58,505 --> 00:18:01,339
"Hunger Games" fan fiction.
410
00:18:01,339 --> 00:18:03,573
♪♪
411
00:18:03,573 --> 00:18:05,706
Do you want some?
412
00:18:07,207 --> 00:18:09,507
But thanks for being so nice.
413
00:18:10,874 --> 00:18:13,542
I'm just gonna go get some more sushi.
414
00:18:13,542 --> 00:18:16,441
I just want raw fish all the time.
415
00:18:17,642 --> 00:18:19,609
Thanks. I just need to take the edge off.
416
00:18:19,609 --> 00:18:21,342
Naomi is driving me crazy.
417
00:18:21,342 --> 00:18:24,677
Um, maybe we should go over there.
418
00:18:24,677 --> 00:18:26,377
Sure.
419
00:18:26,377 --> 00:18:30,144
♪♪
420
00:18:30,144 --> 00:18:32,112
[ Sighs ]
421
00:18:32,112 --> 00:18:34,179
♪♪
422
00:18:34,179 --> 00:18:36,180
Thanks.
423
00:18:36,180 --> 00:18:40,813
♪♪
424
00:18:40,813 --> 00:18:42,347
Shit. I'm out.
425
00:18:42,347 --> 00:18:43,714
Oh, great.
426
00:18:43,714 --> 00:18:45,481
Oh, I have a joint, if you want.
427
00:18:45,481 --> 00:18:47,048
No, I can't smell like pot.
428
00:18:47,048 --> 00:18:48,615
If we shotgun, you won't.
429
00:18:48,615 --> 00:18:50,782
-For real? -Mm-hmm.
430
00:18:56,683 --> 00:18:59,250
[ Inhaling and exhaling ]
431
00:19:02,851 --> 00:19:05,019
Can we do another?
432
00:19:05,019 --> 00:19:13,986
♪♪
433
00:19:13,986 --> 00:19:22,988
♪♪
434
00:19:22,988 --> 00:19:31,757
♪♪
435
00:19:31,757 --> 00:19:35,224
I always thought you had blow-job lips.
436
00:19:36,357 --> 00:19:38,292
Thank you?
437
00:19:38,292 --> 00:19:44,259
♪♪
438
00:19:44,259 --> 00:19:50,027
♪♪
439
00:19:50,027 --> 00:19:54,195
See? You don't give off gay vibes.
440
00:19:54,195 --> 00:19:58,329
Like, why would you even tell her that? That is so fucked up!
441
00:19:58,329 --> 00:20:01,996
Like, that is so -- so -- so jerky.
442
00:20:01,996 --> 00:20:04,564
First of all, Arianna is one of my best friends,
443
00:20:04,564 --> 00:20:06,363
and I tell her everything.
444
00:20:06,363 --> 00:20:08,897
Second of all, I'm just curious what leg you have to stand on
445
00:20:08,897 --> 00:20:11,098
after you sucked my boyfriend's dick!
446
00:20:11,098 --> 00:20:13,032
I'm sorry, okay?
447
00:20:13,032 --> 00:20:15,399
I-I told you that I-I didn't even get my mouth on it.
448
00:20:15,399 --> 00:20:16,933
You just walk through life
449
00:20:16,933 --> 00:20:19,033
thinking you can do fucked-up things
450
00:20:19,033 --> 00:20:21,500
and say you're sorry, and everything will be fine.
451
00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:24,568
But that was a really shitty thing you did.
452
00:20:24,568 --> 00:20:27,701
Like, I really fucking liked him,
453
00:20:27,701 --> 00:20:29,602
so, like, why would you do that?
454
00:20:29,602 --> 00:20:32,735
Look, I-I know that I can't say I'm sorry,
455
00:20:32,735 --> 00:20:35,937
but, like, I genuinely feel like shit about it, okay?
456
00:20:35,937 --> 00:20:38,237
And -- And -- And, like, Mom says
457
00:20:38,237 --> 00:20:40,504
hurt people hurt people, you know?
458
00:20:40,504 --> 00:20:43,138
Are you high? [ Glass clinking ]
459
00:20:43,138 --> 00:20:45,138
Wait. Shh! Oh, shit.
460
00:20:45,138 --> 00:20:47,505
[ Toilet flushes ]
461
00:20:49,406 --> 00:20:51,272
Oh, hi. Sorry.
462
00:20:51,272 --> 00:20:54,006
No. Something got on my shirt.
463
00:20:54,006 --> 00:20:55,907
[ Water running ]
464
00:20:55,907 --> 00:20:57,807
I love this place.
465
00:20:57,807 --> 00:20:59,741
The bathroom?
466
00:20:59,741 --> 00:21:01,108
The aquarium.
467
00:21:01,108 --> 00:21:02,808
Oh, yeah.
468
00:21:02,808 --> 00:21:06,043
Uh, I -- Yeah.
469
00:21:06,043 --> 00:21:08,643
Do any of these soaps work?
470
00:21:12,610 --> 00:21:14,811
What did you get kicked out of your old school for?
471
00:21:14,811 --> 00:21:16,644
Oh, thank you. [ Chuckles ]
472
00:21:16,644 --> 00:21:19,445
Um, I did a photo assignment
473
00:21:19,445 --> 00:21:23,112
of these guys' faces as they were cumming.
474
00:21:23,112 --> 00:21:26,113
The whole idea was how society presents this oppressive myth
475
00:21:26,113 --> 00:21:28,913
about how sex and emotion are always linked,
476
00:21:28,913 --> 00:21:34,181
when, really, it's just about power and dopamine.
477
00:21:34,181 --> 00:21:37,282
But the school sucked, and it was full of so many rich,
478
00:21:37,282 --> 00:21:39,683
entitled assholes.
479
00:21:39,683 --> 00:21:42,050
And my parents wouldn't let me leave,
480
00:21:42,050 --> 00:21:45,517
so I had to get creative.
481
00:21:45,517 --> 00:21:47,384
Can I -- Sorry.
482
00:22:05,955 --> 00:22:14,223
♪♪
483
00:22:14,223 --> 00:22:15,957
Riley: What are you doing?!
484
00:22:15,957 --> 00:22:19,757
[Chuckling] I am wondering where all the fish are.
485
00:22:19,757 --> 00:22:22,058
[Chuckling] I don't know where they are.
486
00:22:22,058 --> 00:22:23,657
Where are they?
487
00:22:23,657 --> 00:22:26,092
You know what I want to eat more than anything
488
00:22:26,092 --> 00:22:27,425
in the world right now?
489
00:22:27,425 --> 00:22:28,692
Babies. No.
490
00:22:28,692 --> 00:22:30,693
No, I -- Oh, sushi.
491
00:22:30,693 --> 00:22:34,160
Not only that, I know where we can get so much of it for free.
492
00:22:34,160 --> 00:22:36,894
[ Gasps ] Let's take a trip.
493
00:22:36,894 --> 00:22:40,094
[ Laughter ]
494
00:22:40,094 --> 00:22:43,728
Megan: And, Natalia, you were so stubborn
495
00:22:43,728 --> 00:22:46,128
from the moment you were born.
496
00:22:46,128 --> 00:22:49,330
When she was growing up, she would hold her breath
497
00:22:49,330 --> 00:22:52,097
until she got what she wanted.
498
00:22:52,097 --> 00:22:55,197
And it's one thing if it's a Furby, but...
499
00:22:55,197 --> 00:22:56,531
a Mini Cooper?!
500
00:22:56,531 --> 00:22:58,599
[ Laughter ]
501
00:22:58,599 --> 00:23:01,565
Well...she got it.
502
00:23:01,565 --> 00:23:04,466
Yeah. Yeah.
503
00:23:04,466 --> 00:23:08,133
Anyway, to Natalia and Jordan.
504
00:23:08,133 --> 00:23:11,400
May you be blessed with a happy marriage
505
00:23:11,400 --> 00:23:14,468
and a big brood of Jordan almonds.
506
00:23:14,468 --> 00:23:16,301
[ Laughs ]
507
00:23:16,301 --> 00:23:19,069
-Hear, hear! -Thank you, Mom!
508
00:23:19,069 --> 00:23:20,469
Mwah!
509
00:23:20,469 --> 00:23:22,836
[ Cheers and applause ]
510
00:23:25,103 --> 00:23:26,604
Hi, everyone.
511
00:23:26,604 --> 00:23:29,638
Thank you, all, so much for being here.
512
00:23:29,638 --> 00:23:31,838
My family is so grateful you can make it,
513
00:23:31,838 --> 00:23:34,272
and we're so thrilled to be celebrating
514
00:23:34,272 --> 00:23:38,006
Natalia's big day with such loving friends and family.
515
00:23:38,006 --> 00:23:39,673
Guests: Aww.
516
00:23:39,673 --> 00:23:43,573
Natalia, you're the best sister I could ever ask for.
517
00:23:43,573 --> 00:23:45,975
And, recently, I've been thinking a lot
518
00:23:45,975 --> 00:23:48,708
about what makes a great sibling
519
00:23:48,708 --> 00:23:51,075
and what makes one trash.
520
00:23:51,075 --> 00:23:52,942
[ Snorts softly ]
521
00:23:52,942 --> 00:23:55,643
First, a great sibling has to be someone
522
00:23:55,643 --> 00:23:57,943
you can trust no matter what.
523
00:23:57,943 --> 00:24:00,477
Also someone that everyone can trust
524
00:24:00,477 --> 00:24:02,911
and who doesn't go down on Christmas Eve
525
00:24:02,911 --> 00:24:06,012
to secretly unwrap their presents and see what they got.
526
00:24:06,012 --> 00:24:08,878
Also someone who thinks $9 in quarters
527
00:24:08,878 --> 00:24:11,980
is an acceptable birthday present.
528
00:24:11,980 --> 00:24:14,714
Anyway, um, I love you, and I hope you and Jordan
529
00:24:14,714 --> 00:24:18,847
have an amazing life with lots of kids
530
00:24:18,847 --> 00:24:21,581
who are great brothers and sisters to each other
531
00:24:21,581 --> 00:24:23,848
and don't do things like...
532
00:24:26,115 --> 00:24:28,183
Your turn.
533
00:24:28,183 --> 00:24:30,350
[ Light applause ]
534
00:24:34,050 --> 00:24:38,118
[Chuckling] Oh, hey. Oh, um, whoops.
535
00:24:38,118 --> 00:24:40,919
Um, hi, all you beautiful
536
00:24:40,919 --> 00:24:43,453
Christian lovers and shakers,
537
00:24:43,453 --> 00:24:46,686
and welcome to The Flying Seaman.
538
00:24:46,686 --> 00:24:48,886
Not to be "rebundant" --
539
00:24:48,886 --> 00:24:52,287
[ Laughter ] That's not the word.
540
00:24:52,287 --> 00:24:55,922
Um, but I've also been thinking about what makes a good sibling,
541
00:24:55,922 --> 00:24:58,955
and -- and, like -- like, how I can be better and --
542
00:24:58,955 --> 00:25:01,889
and, like, how Jesus wants me to be better.
543
00:25:01,889 --> 00:25:05,590
And he is right, so shout-out to my main man Jesus!
544
00:25:05,590 --> 00:25:07,290
[ Laughing nervously ]
545
00:25:07,290 --> 00:25:11,324
Um, and even though I have definitely made mistakes,
546
00:25:11,324 --> 00:25:15,325
I think my sister is my best friend in the world.
547
00:25:15,325 --> 00:25:16,692
Not you, Natalia.
548
00:25:16,692 --> 00:25:18,393
I-I mean, I-I do love you,
549
00:25:18,393 --> 00:25:20,193
just -- just not as much, and -- and --
550
00:25:20,193 --> 00:25:22,593
and that's only 'cause, like, you're -- you're older,
551
00:25:22,593 --> 00:25:24,827
and, like, I don't really know you that well.
552
00:25:24,827 --> 00:25:28,128
But, um, anyway, you know what I mean.
553
00:25:28,128 --> 00:25:33,096
And -- And -- And, Jordan, you are a total stud.
554
00:25:33,096 --> 00:25:35,730
I-I mean that like a brother. Um, it's okay.
555
00:25:35,730 --> 00:25:38,063
Mom, I'm -- I'm getting to the good part.
556
00:25:38,063 --> 00:25:40,731
Um, when -- when Naomi and I were kids, we would do that
557
00:25:40,731 --> 00:25:42,897
"Lady and the Tramp" thing with the spaghetti, you know,
558
00:25:42,897 --> 00:25:45,265
where you eat towards each other from the opposite ends.
559
00:25:45,265 --> 00:25:47,365
And -- And I-I-I guess
560
00:25:47,365 --> 00:25:51,966
that sounds a little incestuous, but -- but -- but back then,
561
00:25:51,966 --> 00:25:55,400
it was just us loving each other.
562
00:25:55,400 --> 00:25:57,067
And not in a creepy way.
563
00:25:57,067 --> 00:26:00,001
Um, and, like, one thing I've really realized
564
00:26:00,001 --> 00:26:02,468
over these past two weeks is just how alone
565
00:26:02,468 --> 00:26:04,235
I've felt without you and --
566
00:26:04,235 --> 00:26:08,469
and how much I've wanted you -- t-to be my friend again.
567
00:26:08,469 --> 00:26:10,570
Um, just -- just one more sec, 'cause --
568
00:26:10,570 --> 00:26:12,370
'cause what I'm trying to say to Naomi is --
569
00:26:12,370 --> 00:26:14,004
is that I never meant to hurt you,
570
00:26:14,004 --> 00:26:15,938
and I know that sounds completely ridiculous,
571
00:26:15,938 --> 00:26:17,804
because, in theory, I should have thought of that
572
00:26:17,804 --> 00:26:19,871
before I hooked up with your boyfriend,
573
00:26:19,871 --> 00:26:23,072
but, sometimes, life is just a day late and a dollar short.
574
00:26:23,072 --> 00:26:25,306
[ Guests whispering ]
575
00:26:27,339 --> 00:26:28,740
[ Man clears throat ]
576
00:26:28,740 --> 00:26:32,274
Um, to -- to -- to -- to clarify,
577
00:26:32,274 --> 00:26:35,974
I-I-I also like girls, too.
578
00:26:35,974 --> 00:26:38,175
Like -- like, when Riley and I went --
579
00:26:38,175 --> 00:26:41,075
went to that Jew meeting, I even said how --
580
00:26:41,075 --> 00:26:43,442
how happy I was that Sophie Deichman-Alperstein
581
00:26:43,442 --> 00:26:45,810
was dressing kind of slutty.
582
00:26:47,144 --> 00:26:50,144
Maybe I-I shouldn't have said "slutty."
583
00:26:50,144 --> 00:26:52,078
But, um...
584
00:26:54,045 --> 00:26:56,879
[ Hands clapping ]
585
00:27:00,780 --> 00:27:02,513
-Nathan! Stop! -Let me go!
586
00:27:02,513 --> 00:27:04,581
No! Stop! Stop!
587
00:27:04,581 --> 00:27:07,347
Natalia: Why couldn't you have just let me be an only child, like I wanted?
588
00:27:07,347 --> 00:27:11,315
Thank you for ruining my entire fucking wedding weekend.
589
00:27:11,315 --> 00:27:12,782
-Natalia. -It's my wedding.
590
00:27:12,782 --> 00:27:14,216
I'm fucking cursing if I want to.
591
00:27:14,216 --> 00:27:16,149
The wedding isn't ruined.
592
00:27:16,149 --> 00:27:18,384
It's totally ruined.
593
00:27:18,384 --> 00:27:21,751
But, like... apology accepted.
594
00:27:21,751 --> 00:27:24,251
Okay, we're saying it was just a funny little nothing
595
00:27:24,251 --> 00:27:25,984
that got out of control, okay?
596
00:27:25,984 --> 00:27:28,319
Just a funny little nothing.
597
00:27:28,319 --> 00:27:30,152
But, um -- No.
598
00:27:30,152 --> 00:27:31,853
It was -- No!
599
00:27:33,686 --> 00:27:35,919
[ Ship horn blares ]
600
00:27:43,088 --> 00:27:44,322
-Whoa! -Whoa!
601
00:27:44,322 --> 00:27:46,489
-Hey! -Hey!
602
00:27:49,456 --> 00:27:50,889
-Nathan! -Nathan!
603
00:27:50,889 --> 00:27:53,423
-Why would you do that?! -Oh, my God!
604
00:27:53,423 --> 00:27:56,357
Swim to the right!
605
00:27:56,357 --> 00:27:57,557
Get out of the water!
606
00:27:57,557 --> 00:27:59,058
[ Phone buzzing ]
607
00:27:59,058 --> 00:28:00,558
Oh, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit.
608
00:28:00,558 --> 00:28:02,225
Swim to the right!
609
00:28:02,225 --> 00:28:04,259
[ Indistinct shouting ]
610
00:28:04,259 --> 00:28:06,993
Climb up the ladder to the other side! I can't believe you --
611
00:28:06,993 --> 00:28:09,027
[ Water bubbling ]
612
00:28:14,094 --> 00:28:15,894
[ Water splashes ]
613
00:28:15,894 --> 00:28:19,062
[ TTRRUUCES' "Something Inside" plays ]
614
00:28:19,062 --> 00:28:28,463
♪♪
615
00:28:28,463 --> 00:28:38,099
♪♪
616
00:28:38,099 --> 00:28:47,501
♪♪
617
00:28:47,501 --> 00:28:56,936
♪♪
618
00:28:56,936 --> 00:29:01,470
♪ Sometimes I feel so happy ♪
619
00:29:01,470 --> 00:29:05,338
♪ Don't need to be envious ♪
620
00:29:05,338 --> 00:29:07,305
♪♪
621
00:29:07,305 --> 00:29:12,306
♪ Sometimes I feel so angry ♪
622
00:29:12,306 --> 00:29:15,839
♪ I feel so anxious ♪
623
00:29:15,839 --> 00:29:17,307
♪♪
624
00:29:17,307 --> 00:29:21,007
♪ There's something inside ♪
625
00:29:21,007 --> 00:29:27,609
♪♪
626
00:29:27,609 --> 00:29:33,510
♪ There's something inside ♪
627
00:29:33,510 --> 00:29:37,011
♪♪
628
00:29:37,011 --> 00:29:40,312
♪♪
629
00:29:40,312 --> 00:29:46,112
♪ I found a way ♪
630
00:29:46,112 --> 00:29:50,714
♪ Into your heart ♪
631
00:29:50,714 --> 00:29:56,615
♪ I found a way ♪
632
00:29:56,615 --> 00:29:59,615
♪ Into your heart ♪
44961
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