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Previously on Boston Legal
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Nice night.
3
00:00:02,297 --> 00:00:03,217
Suddenly it is.
4
00:00:03,218 --> 00:00:04,804
You had sex with her here?
5
00:00:04,839 --> 00:00:08,578
Hot, sweaty sex…
6
00:00:08,613 --> 00:00:10,335
in the coat check room.
7
00:00:10,370 --> 00:00:11,855
I'm not a one-woman man.
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00:00:11,890 --> 00:00:13,341
As long as we're together,
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00:00:13,341 --> 00:00:16,066
feel free to have sex
with anyone else you want.
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00:00:16,066 --> 00:00:18,721
I care about what could happen
to this firm now!
11
00:00:18,721 --> 00:00:21,569
Let me tell you what will happen
to this firm if Denny Crane left.
12
00:00:21,569 --> 00:00:23,113
It would dry up and blow away
and you with it!
13
00:00:23,113 --> 00:00:24,854
By the way, did I tell you?
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00:00:24,889 --> 00:00:27,410
Bev and I are getting married.
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00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:29,931
No. I would have remembered that.
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00:00:40,688 --> 00:00:43,508
Alan, help me with my tie.
17
00:00:43,543 --> 00:00:45,154
Certainly.
18
00:00:45,927 --> 00:00:49,184
I can't do it this way. Turn around.
19
00:00:51,455 --> 00:00:54,882
Oh, I wish you and I
were getting married.
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00:00:54,917 --> 00:00:56,963
That's you and I.
21
00:00:57,425 --> 00:01:00,376
Both of us, to others.
I'm not gay.
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00:01:00,411 --> 00:01:04,133
I understood you the first Freudian slip.
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00:01:04,168 --> 00:01:07,856
Well, I, I, I… I don't want to leave you.
24
00:01:07,891 --> 00:01:10,584
No doubt there will be some adjusting.
25
00:01:10,619 --> 00:01:13,725
But you're not losing an Alan,
you're gaining a Bev,
26
00:01:13,725 --> 00:01:16,309
the girl of your recent dreams.
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00:01:16,344 --> 00:01:18,893
Alan, you're my best friend.
28
00:01:19,641 --> 00:01:22,172
If you want, you can dream
about her, too.
29
00:01:22,207 --> 00:01:25,300
Denny, you're generous to a fault.
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There you are.
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00:01:30,523 --> 00:01:32,584
Denny Crane.
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00:01:32,619 --> 00:01:34,645
Getting hitched.
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00:01:34,680 --> 00:01:36,894
Indeed.
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00:01:46,090 --> 00:01:49,353
Ladies and gentlemen,
would you please rise
35
00:01:49,388 --> 00:01:53,337
and welcome for the first time
as husband and wife,
36
00:01:53,372 --> 00:01:57,252
Mr and Mrs Denny Crane.
37
00:02:13,683 --> 00:02:16,148
White roses, gold-leaf cake,
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00:02:16,183 --> 00:02:18,828
Bev's boobs swimming
out of her wedding dress.
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00:02:18,828 --> 00:02:21,002
Who said money
can't buy tastelessness?
40
00:02:21,002 --> 00:02:23,106
I think Bev and Denny
did a lovely job.
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00:02:23,106 --> 00:02:26,648
11 marriages between the 2 of them.
They've had plenty of practice.
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00:02:26,648 --> 00:02:28,544
Will you listen to you people?
43
00:02:28,579 --> 00:02:31,733
Can we not for just one moment
appreciate the simplicity
44
00:02:31,733 --> 00:02:36,149
and timelessness of two souls in love?
45
00:03:33,219 --> 00:03:37,814
Congratulations. I saw you were
the lucky one who caught Bev's garter.
46
00:03:37,849 --> 00:03:42,410
Yes, I'm going for a full battery
of tests first thing in the morning.
47
00:03:42,445 --> 00:03:43,855
I love you.
48
00:03:44,274 --> 00:03:45,782
I love you more.
49
00:03:45,817 --> 00:03:47,126
I love you more more.
50
00:03:47,161 --> 00:03:48,922
Mainlander.
51
00:03:48,957 --> 00:03:50,683
Oh, my angel!
52
00:03:51,746 --> 00:03:53,776
Denny, this is my dear friend Troy.
53
00:03:53,776 --> 00:03:54,404
Troy.
54
00:03:54,405 --> 00:03:56,506
Denny, mahalo and congrats.
55
00:03:56,541 --> 00:03:56,875
Thank you.
56
00:03:56,875 --> 00:03:58,362
Troy lives on the big island.
57
00:03:58,362 --> 00:03:59,274
Oh, yeah?
58
00:03:59,275 --> 00:04:02,311
Well, we'll have to come and look you up
on our honeymoon
59
00:04:02,311 --> 00:04:03,037
if there's time.
60
00:04:03,037 --> 00:04:04,154
Oh, excellent, excellent.
61
00:04:04,154 --> 00:04:07,020
I've got some new listings
you two are going to fall for.
62
00:04:07,020 --> 00:04:10,679
Uh, Troy's a realtor. He's been keeping
an eye out on houses for us.
63
00:04:10,679 --> 00:04:13,919
I didn't know we were in the market
for a second home.
64
00:04:14,135 --> 00:04:18,452
Actually, darling, when you see the Kona
coast, you may be thinking of first homes.
65
00:04:18,452 --> 00:04:22,172
What am I supposed to do, beam myself
to Boston every morning?
66
00:04:22,459 --> 00:04:26,926
Would you excuse us, Troy?
Hey, come here.
67
00:04:27,299 --> 00:04:31,786
Now, honey, I just want you
to humor me in my wild notions.
68
00:04:31,821 --> 00:04:34,564
I want to put this thought in your head,
and it's only a thought. That's all.
69
00:04:34,564 --> 00:04:39,799
But now that we're starting
this new chapter in our lives,
70
00:04:39,834 --> 00:04:42,878
what do you say we really do it?
71
00:04:42,913 --> 00:04:44,260
Retire?
72
00:04:44,295 --> 00:04:48,859
No, that's an old person's word.
I'm talking about new beginnings.
73
00:04:48,894 --> 00:04:50,923
But, Bev, you know I'm the rainmaker
at the firm.
74
00:04:50,923 --> 00:04:54,965
Our clients want to know that Denny
Crane is taking care of their business.
75
00:04:54,965 --> 00:05:00,501
And Bev wants to know that
Denny Crane is taking care of…
76
00:05:00,536 --> 00:05:03,314
well, Denny Crane.
77
00:05:03,349 --> 00:05:06,457
But we have lots of time
for these thoughts.
78
00:05:06,492 --> 00:05:12,776
Tonight's all fun and games, right?
79
00:05:18,631 --> 00:05:21,745
Hi. Nice night.
80
00:05:25,531 --> 00:05:28,013
Suddenly it is.
81
00:05:35,998 --> 00:05:38,564
Has anyone seen Denny?
It's time for our toast.
82
00:05:38,564 --> 00:05:42,044
Oh, last time I saw him was over
near the coat check room.
83
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:57,966
Denny?
84
00:05:58,932 --> 00:06:02,045
Is it time to cut the cake?
85
00:06:13,753 --> 00:06:15,388
Of course, there is no pre-nup.
86
00:06:15,388 --> 00:06:16,954
Actually, Denny signed one.
87
00:06:16,954 --> 00:06:18,841
He just neglected to have Bev sign it.
88
00:06:18,841 --> 00:06:20,659
I thought it was a lovely reception.
89
00:06:20,659 --> 00:06:23,642
I never got to the cake.
It looked fantastic. Any of you try it?
90
00:06:23,642 --> 00:06:25,884
It was supposed to be marble
with a little fudge…
91
00:06:25,884 --> 00:06:27,636
Shut up, just shut up!
92
00:06:27,671 --> 00:06:30,414
While you sit here prattling
about cake fillings,
93
00:06:30,414 --> 00:06:33,088
Bev has hired an army
of lawyers to gut this firm.
94
00:06:33,088 --> 00:06:35,353
She won't get far, Paul.
It's a straightforward annulment.
95
00:06:35,353 --> 00:06:36,753
They were only married for three hours.
96
00:06:36,753 --> 00:06:40,284
Legally, they never had the opportunity
to consummate the marriage
after the ceremony.
97
00:06:40,284 --> 00:06:42,161
Oh, yes, we did.
98
00:06:42,989 --> 00:06:44,944
You had sex with another woman
99
00:06:44,979 --> 00:06:47,803
and your wife in the three hours
you were married?
100
00:06:47,803 --> 00:06:50,558
It was my special day.
I'd taken my little blue pill.
101
00:06:50,558 --> 00:06:54,123
There's no cure for cancer,
but we've got three pills for that.
102
00:06:54,123 --> 00:06:56,487
Look, there are other criteria
for an annulment.
103
00:06:56,487 --> 00:06:59,002
Legally, we can always say that
Denny was not of sound mind.
104
00:06:59,002 --> 00:07:02,108
That cannot become public knowledge,
105
00:07:02,143 --> 00:07:05,383
despite the repeated shootings,
the television appearances,
106
00:07:05,383 --> 00:07:07,858
people still believe Denny runs this firm.
107
00:07:07,858 --> 00:07:09,279
I am one of those people.
108
00:07:09,279 --> 00:07:12,961
Bev's attorney Eli Granger will be
here in less than an hour.
109
00:07:12,996 --> 00:07:17,904
My suggestion for now is that
we simply hear him out.
110
00:07:26,391 --> 00:07:28,125
Alan, it's awful.
111
00:07:28,160 --> 00:07:29,860
Joan? What's awful?
112
00:07:29,895 --> 00:07:31,265
My boss.
113
00:07:31,300 --> 00:07:32,985
Mr Loomis just fired me.
114
00:07:33,020 --> 00:07:34,329
I'm sorry.
115
00:07:34,364 --> 00:07:36,228
You work so hard, you know?
116
00:07:36,263 --> 00:07:38,676
Eight years at that frigging
escrow company.
117
00:07:38,676 --> 00:07:40,456
Why did he fire you?
118
00:07:40,491 --> 00:07:44,496
Well, one day six weeks ago,
he brings us all in for a staff meeting,
119
00:07:44,496 --> 00:07:48,466
and he says, “Due to the spiraling costs
of health care insurance,”
120
00:07:48,466 --> 00:07:50,873
“all smokers have exactly six weeks to quit,”
121
00:07:50,873 --> 00:07:53,614
“at which point I'll test their system
for nicotine,”
122
00:07:53,614 --> 00:07:56,806
“and if you fail the urine test,
then you'll be terminated”.
123
00:07:56,806 --> 00:08:00,145
Fired. Frigging health Nazi.
124
00:08:00,180 --> 00:08:03,481
You know, I got rent to pay,
and of course, I tried to quit.
125
00:08:03,481 --> 00:08:06,113
You know, I wanted to.
I did the patch,
126
00:08:06,148 --> 00:08:09,870
and I did that little nicotine
sucky thing, you know?
127
00:08:09,905 --> 00:08:12,502
But the more I imagined losing my job,
128
00:08:12,537 --> 00:08:14,759
the more I panicked,
and the more I panicked,
129
00:08:14,759 --> 00:08:16,424
the more I smoked.
130
00:08:16,459 --> 00:08:18,423
Now I'm up to three packs a day.
131
00:08:18,458 --> 00:08:20,179
And today was the day.
132
00:08:20,214 --> 00:08:22,592
He just made me pee in a cup,
and then he fired me.
133
00:08:22,592 --> 00:08:24,961
Well, unless that's some type
of sex game with your lover,
134
00:08:24,961 --> 00:08:27,297
I find that appalling,
and we won't let him do it.
135
00:08:27,297 --> 00:08:28,087
We won't?
136
00:08:28,122 --> 00:08:29,443
I'm off to court right now.
137
00:08:29,443 --> 00:08:31,655
But what floor is your office on?
I'll pay him a visit.
138
00:08:31,655 --> 00:08:36,245
The tenth. Just follow the evil stench
of vitamins and celery.
139
00:08:48,675 --> 00:08:50,289
Ah, well, good morning, everyone.
140
00:08:50,289 --> 00:08:55,207
Shirley, I can see I didn't bring enough
silent flunkies to fill my side of the table.
141
00:08:55,207 --> 00:08:59,395
Double-shot espresso, skim milk,
two sugars. Scoot.
142
00:09:00,156 --> 00:09:01,556
Let's start over.
143
00:09:01,591 --> 00:09:06,267
Eli, welcome to Crane, Poole & Schmidt.
That's my seat. Get out.
144
00:09:06,302 --> 00:09:11,682
Please get Mr Granger a cup of coffee,
skim milk, two sugars. Thank you.
145
00:09:11,717 --> 00:09:17,062
Now, Eli, besides telling you your fake
tan is coming off on your collar,
146
00:09:17,097 --> 00:09:19,495
what can we do for you?
147
00:09:19,530 --> 00:09:21,593
The parting of ways, marital dissolution.
148
00:09:21,593 --> 00:09:26,031
My client's trauma is incalculable,
and yet look at me.
149
00:09:26,066 --> 00:09:27,298
I've calculated it.
150
00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:28,833
To the point.
151
00:09:28,834 --> 00:09:30,612
Mrs Crane gave up her career,
152
00:09:30,647 --> 00:09:33,422
a lucrative office furniture business,
to be a stay-at-home wife.
153
00:09:33,422 --> 00:09:35,797
She made irrevocable sacrifices,
154
00:09:35,832 --> 00:09:40,509
and still, as a generous offer,
considering her pain,
155
00:09:40,544 --> 00:09:44,549
she is willing to take only 50%
of Mr Crane's assets.
156
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:45,209
What?
157
00:09:45,210 --> 00:09:47,464
Including his equity
in the firm here, of course.
158
00:09:47,464 --> 00:09:48,861
They were married only three hours.
159
00:09:48,861 --> 00:09:50,189
And it would have lasted longer,
160
00:09:50,189 --> 00:09:54,284
had Denny here not banged a cocktail
waitress at his own wedding reception.
161
00:09:54,284 --> 00:09:56,091
We're not here to judge.
162
00:09:56,126 --> 00:09:59,160
Though the state of Massachusetts is,
and in cases like this,
163
00:09:59,160 --> 00:10:03,460
we are a “fault” state,
and clearly Denny is at fault.
164
00:10:03,495 --> 00:10:07,760
And by the time Mrs Crane gets
what's hers, who knows?
165
00:10:07,795 --> 00:10:10,479
Maybe I'll have my name
on the door here.
166
00:10:10,514 --> 00:10:12,105
Do you smoke it
or take it in the arm?
167
00:10:12,105 --> 00:10:13,369
Brad.
168
00:10:15,118 --> 00:10:16,940
There will be no divorce.
169
00:10:16,975 --> 00:10:19,313
Beg pardon?
170
00:10:19,399 --> 00:10:22,788
Bev and I had an agreement.
When we first got together,
171
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:26,143
she told me that I could sleep
with whomever I want.
172
00:10:26,178 --> 00:10:30,957
Delmonico's restaurant, January 14th.
Happiest night of my life.
173
00:10:30,992 --> 00:10:33,487
So I had sex with another woman
174
00:10:33,522 --> 00:10:36,272
or a navy burberry.
175
00:10:36,307 --> 00:10:38,236
I'm not quite sure which,
but the point is,
176
00:10:38,236 --> 00:10:44,008
she granted me the right to tomcat,
and I exercised that right.
177
00:10:44,425 --> 00:10:46,287
No divorce.
178
00:10:46,782 --> 00:10:49,511
No reconciliation.
179
00:10:50,574 --> 00:10:52,972
We're going to court.
180
00:11:02,651 --> 00:11:06,232
Every good marriage takes work.
181
00:11:19,236 --> 00:11:20,442
Kurt Loomis.
182
00:11:20,477 --> 00:11:24,482
Alan Shore. I've noticed you
at the juice bar on the first floor.
183
00:11:24,517 --> 00:11:28,471
You always leave a penny,
never take one. I admire that.
184
00:11:28,506 --> 00:11:29,917
Ha, thank you, Al.
185
00:11:29,952 --> 00:11:32,234
So I guess you're here
to speak about Joan.
186
00:11:32,234 --> 00:11:33,896
Yes, Kur, I am.
187
00:11:33,931 --> 00:11:36,640
Well, I'm sorry to see her go,
but rules are the rules.
188
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,642
You break them,
you've got to pay the price.
189
00:11:38,642 --> 00:11:43,806
I've never heard our entire system
of justice encapsulated so succinctly.
190
00:11:43,841 --> 00:11:46,067
Well, that's me.
191
00:11:46,102 --> 00:11:50,797
However, instances arise where
the rules themselves are unfair.
192
00:11:50,832 --> 00:11:52,634
This is one of those cases.
193
00:11:52,669 --> 00:11:53,557
Nope.
194
00:11:53,558 --> 00:11:56,105
The no-smoking rule is as right as the Bible.
195
00:11:56,105 --> 00:11:58,618
Good for the company,
good for the employees.
196
00:11:58,618 --> 00:12:00,346
It's just good, period.
197
00:12:00,381 --> 00:12:03,623
Well, and this may be
in the Bible somewhere,
198
00:12:03,658 --> 00:12:07,918
you do have the right to forbid
your employees from smoking at work,
199
00:12:07,953 --> 00:12:11,253
but why do you think you're justified
in telling anyone
200
00:12:11,278 --> 00:12:14,449
what they may or may not do
on their own time?
201
00:12:14,484 --> 00:12:16,656
Because it's good for them,
202
00:12:16,691 --> 00:12:19,839
and my lawyer told me I could,
guy just like you.
203
00:12:19,874 --> 00:12:23,651
You see, everyone here is what you call
an at-will employee.
204
00:12:23,686 --> 00:12:25,659
And like most workers in this country,
205
00:12:25,659 --> 00:12:29,537
they can be fired for anything,
206
00:12:29,572 --> 00:12:33,416
anytime, any place, any way.
207
00:12:33,451 --> 00:12:35,993
You see, Al, I used to coach football.
208
00:12:36,028 --> 00:12:37,553
I never would have guessed.
209
00:12:37,553 --> 00:12:39,795
It's like I used to tell my players.
210
00:12:39,830 --> 00:12:42,038
There are two ways to do things,
211
00:12:42,073 --> 00:12:43,982
my way and the wrong way.
212
00:12:44,017 --> 00:12:46,167
Joan did things the wrong way,
213
00:12:46,202 --> 00:12:48,283
so I cut her from the squad.
214
00:12:48,318 --> 00:12:52,088
I have a similar bit of wisdom
I like to share.
215
00:12:52,123 --> 00:12:55,969
We can do this my way or another way
216
00:12:56,004 --> 00:13:00,396
that will have you writing a very
large check and crying like a baby.
217
00:13:00,431 --> 00:13:02,213
Are you threatening me, Al?
218
00:13:02,248 --> 00:13:08,101
Why not just rehire Joan
and forget we ever met?
219
00:13:08,136 --> 00:13:10,874
I know I'd like nothing more.
220
00:13:10,909 --> 00:13:13,577
Nope, I think we're done.
221
00:13:13,612 --> 00:13:17,917
Actually, this is just the beginning
of our little game.
222
00:13:17,952 --> 00:13:22,222
I'd assumed that as a coach,
you'd have figured that out.
223
00:13:37,585 --> 00:13:39,367
Trying to quit?
224
00:13:39,962 --> 00:13:41,875
Not really.
225
00:13:41,910 --> 00:13:45,870
I just suppose there should be
a law requiring me to try to quit.
226
00:13:47,179 --> 00:13:49,186
What are you in for?
227
00:13:49,221 --> 00:13:49,999
Divorce.
228
00:13:50,034 --> 00:13:51,742
Ah, been there.
229
00:13:51,777 --> 00:13:56,644
Not with a husband. Boyfriend
after frigging boyfriend.
230
00:13:56,679 --> 00:13:58,609
I suck at relationships.
231
00:13:58,644 --> 00:14:01,228
Actually, I suck at almost everything.
232
00:14:01,263 --> 00:14:03,812
When I'm not inhaling,
I'm sucking.
233
00:14:03,847 --> 00:14:06,111
The story of my life.
234
00:14:06,409 --> 00:14:08,818
The only thing I've actually ever
been good at is my job,
235
00:14:08,818 --> 00:14:14,162
which I never sucked at but got fired
just the same for inhaling.
236
00:14:14,197 --> 00:14:15,545
I was good at it.
237
00:14:15,580 --> 00:14:19,111
I was good. I was good.
238
00:14:19,146 --> 00:14:20,894
I was…
239
00:14:20,929 --> 00:14:22,643
Good.
240
00:14:23,576 --> 00:14:25,381
I can't make my rent.
241
00:14:25,416 --> 00:14:27,593
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
242
00:14:27,628 --> 00:14:29,348
No, I do.
243
00:14:29,383 --> 00:14:32,430
Actually, I'm suing. That's it.
And I'm gonna win.
244
00:14:32,465 --> 00:14:35,260
Alan Shore's my lawyer, and he's good.
245
00:14:35,295 --> 00:14:37,549
He's good.
246
00:14:39,105 --> 00:14:40,573
Who have you got?
247
00:14:40,608 --> 00:14:43,727
Uh, I had Denny Crane.
248
00:14:43,762 --> 00:14:46,919
Now I've got Eli.
249
00:14:48,691 --> 00:14:51,290
Alan Shore's in my boss' office
right now trying to settle.
250
00:14:51,290 --> 00:14:53,855
He's going to come walking off
that elevator any second
251
00:14:53,855 --> 00:14:56,510
and tell me I've got my job back,
252
00:14:56,545 --> 00:14:58,881
or they're giving me money,
253
00:14:59,476 --> 00:15:02,548
or I'm gonna get everything I want.
254
00:15:02,583 --> 00:15:04,746
Otherwise…
255
00:15:07,080 --> 00:15:09,919
I have to win this.
256
00:15:09,954 --> 00:15:12,315
I have to win.
257
00:15:19,983 --> 00:15:21,626
We're being audited.
258
00:15:21,661 --> 00:15:23,235
The entire firm?
259
00:15:23,270 --> 00:15:25,055
To determine Denny's net worth.
260
00:15:25,055 --> 00:15:26,771
Let them. We have nothing to hide.
261
00:15:26,771 --> 00:15:30,436
Hold on a second there,
aunt Sally. This could be…
262
00:15:30,471 --> 00:15:32,138
well, a problem.
263
00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:33,351
Why?
264
00:15:33,352 --> 00:15:36,163
Denny, what have you done?
265
00:15:36,198 --> 00:15:38,571
Little things.
266
00:15:38,606 --> 00:15:40,910
How little?
267
00:15:40,945 --> 00:15:43,513
I may have, on occasion,
268
00:15:43,548 --> 00:15:47,595
laid off an occasional personal expense
on the firm, occasionally.
269
00:15:47,630 --> 00:15:48,851
Good Lord!
270
00:15:48,886 --> 00:15:52,788
Call Joel Landson in accounting.
Get him up here right away.
271
00:15:55,727 --> 00:15:58,190
Mind you, it's not exactly illegal,
but it's not legal either.
272
00:15:58,190 --> 00:15:59,967
It's in the fuzzy gray area.
273
00:16:00,002 --> 00:16:01,342
Denny's home address.
274
00:16:01,377 --> 00:16:02,392
Bottom line.
275
00:16:02,427 --> 00:16:03,760
Should this information become public…
276
00:16:03,760 --> 00:16:07,132
And we can be sure that
Bev's lawyers will see that it does.
277
00:16:07,132 --> 00:16:10,470
The IRS could get involved.
Our reputation will be sullied.
278
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,653
Clients will begin to wonder
if they've been bilked.
279
00:16:12,653 --> 00:16:14,986
There could be more investigations,
280
00:16:15,021 --> 00:16:17,354
and all of the partners will be liable.
281
00:16:17,354 --> 00:16:19,458
We're talking Arthur Andersen headlines.
282
00:16:19,458 --> 00:16:20,236
We're screwed.
283
00:16:20,236 --> 00:16:21,116
We don't own enough shredders.
284
00:16:21,116 --> 00:16:24,534
Our only chance right now is
to settle and settle quickly.
285
00:16:24,534 --> 00:16:26,353
Um, we can't do that.
286
00:16:26,388 --> 00:16:27,839
Why not?
287
00:16:27,874 --> 00:16:29,290
Because…
288
00:16:29,501 --> 00:16:31,754
I want to stay married.
289
00:16:31,789 --> 00:16:32,982
I thought you were bluffing!
290
00:16:32,982 --> 00:16:34,923
That doesn't seem to be an option
right now, Denny.
291
00:16:34,923 --> 00:16:36,443
I'm gonna make it an option,
292
00:16:36,443 --> 00:16:41,046
and as we know,
my name on the door.
293
00:16:43,738 --> 00:16:45,822
That's it!
294
00:16:54,755 --> 00:16:55,582
Paul.
295
00:16:55,617 --> 00:16:58,350
Denise, I want you to look over
the partnership agreement
296
00:16:58,350 --> 00:17:00,081
and tell me hypothetically
297
00:17:00,116 --> 00:17:05,320
what would be required for me to sell
my portion out and take early retirement,
298
00:17:05,355 --> 00:17:08,658
and, hypothetically,
I would need that very fast.
299
00:17:08,693 --> 00:17:11,324
Paul, don't do anything
you'll regret.
300
00:17:11,359 --> 00:17:13,921
Doing nothing is what I'll regret most.
301
00:17:13,956 --> 00:17:18,252
I have devoted my life to keeping
this firm an outstanding institution.
302
00:17:18,287 --> 00:17:20,584
Now in the twilight of my career,
303
00:17:20,619 --> 00:17:24,218
this, this mess could destroy
my reputation,
304
00:17:24,253 --> 00:17:27,818
all because Denny
cannot control his aged groin.
305
00:17:27,853 --> 00:17:29,698
All right, listen, guys. I can fix this.
306
00:17:29,698 --> 00:17:32,260
Now just let me talk to Denny.
I know what to say.
307
00:17:32,260 --> 00:17:33,376
I can make him settle.
308
00:17:33,376 --> 00:17:38,548
Paul, just wait this out, please.
309
00:17:44,573 --> 00:17:47,455
The purchase of a home is one
of life's great stressors,
310
00:17:47,455 --> 00:17:50,319
and while I'm no braggart,
in my eight years at Loomis escrow,
311
00:17:50,319 --> 00:17:52,512
I had the most escrow closes.
312
00:17:52,547 --> 00:17:55,342
I had the highest customer satisfaction record.
313
00:17:55,342 --> 00:17:57,899
All of my year-end reviews were fours.
314
00:17:57,934 --> 00:18:00,555
That's out of a possible four.
315
00:18:00,590 --> 00:18:03,052
I was employee of the year
three years running.
316
00:18:03,052 --> 00:18:04,589
I mean, if I was such a bad worker,
317
00:18:04,589 --> 00:18:07,920
then why was I awarded the $100 gift
certificate to the Hungry Whistler?
318
00:18:07,920 --> 00:18:09,316
Your honor, at this time,
319
00:18:09,316 --> 00:18:15,498
if I may enter into evidence Ms Zeder's
three employee of the year plaques.
320
00:18:15,533 --> 00:18:19,800
Please note the inscribed nickname,
“Just ask Joan”.
321
00:18:19,835 --> 00:18:22,263
Thank you. I can see that.
322
00:18:22,875 --> 00:18:25,374
Now, Joan, do you smoke cigarettes?
323
00:18:25,409 --> 00:18:26,612
Yeah.
324
00:18:26,613 --> 00:18:28,114
Have you ever smoked at work?
325
00:18:28,114 --> 00:18:30,529
Yes, but only on my breaks on my time,
326
00:18:30,564 --> 00:18:33,859
away from the door,
and I'm a courtesy waver,
327
00:18:33,894 --> 00:18:37,173
so, you know, I… not in anyone's face.
328
00:18:37,208 --> 00:18:39,722
Does your smoking impact
your job in any way?
329
00:18:39,722 --> 00:18:42,166
No, and I've never been late
because of smoking.
330
00:18:42,166 --> 00:18:45,527
In fact, actually, it helps calm me down
so I can focus on my work.
331
00:18:45,527 --> 00:18:47,593
Thank you, Ms Zeder.
332
00:18:52,180 --> 00:18:56,715
Ms Zeder, did your boss tell you
to quit smoking, or you'd be fired?
333
00:18:56,750 --> 00:18:58,274
Yes.
334
00:18:59,233 --> 00:19:01,575
Nothing further.
335
00:19:11,166 --> 00:19:12,658
Denny.
336
00:19:13,665 --> 00:19:17,404
I was a marine. I served my country
proudly in the first Gulf war.
337
00:19:17,404 --> 00:19:21,313
I am an honest, honorable person.
I want you to know that I do not lie.
338
00:19:21,313 --> 00:19:21,971
We're clear on that?
339
00:19:21,971 --> 00:19:23,184
Yes.
340
00:19:24,225 --> 00:19:26,923
Are there any guns in here?
I want to be clear on that as well.
341
00:19:26,923 --> 00:19:28,005
There are many guns.
342
00:19:28,005 --> 00:19:28,794
Within reach?
343
00:19:28,829 --> 00:19:29,773
No.
344
00:19:30,492 --> 00:19:32,044
All right.
345
00:19:35,031 --> 00:19:39,286
Several weeks ago I took
your fiancée out to lunch.
346
00:19:39,321 --> 00:19:41,072
It's not that.
347
00:19:41,107 --> 00:19:43,860
I offered her $500,000
348
00:19:43,895 --> 00:19:46,363
to end her relationship with you.
349
00:19:46,398 --> 00:19:47,154
What?
350
00:19:47,189 --> 00:19:49,428
I know. It was a foolish thing to do,
351
00:19:49,429 --> 00:19:54,306
but I felt that I was acting in
the best interests of the firm and you.
352
00:19:54,341 --> 00:19:55,143
She turned you down.
353
00:19:55,143 --> 00:19:55,885
Yes.
354
00:19:57,673 --> 00:20:01,421
But before she did, she hesitated.
355
00:20:01,456 --> 00:20:03,945
She considered it.
356
00:20:03,980 --> 00:20:06,920
And it's my belief that
if I had offered her more,
357
00:20:06,920 --> 00:20:09,433
she would have taken it.
358
00:20:09,468 --> 00:20:13,229
Thank you, Brad, for telling me that.
It couldn't have been easy.
359
00:20:13,229 --> 00:20:14,856
You're fired.
360
00:20:15,303 --> 00:20:16,092
What?
361
00:20:16,127 --> 00:20:17,827
Name on the door.
362
00:20:18,599 --> 00:20:20,997
See you.
363
00:20:31,539 --> 00:20:33,939
He fired me. I'm a partner.
He fired me.
364
00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:36,926
Brad, the review committee
will take care of this.
365
00:20:36,926 --> 00:20:39,248
He can't just fire you without
consulting the partners.
366
00:20:39,248 --> 00:20:41,390
Of course he can. He's Denny Crane.
367
00:20:41,425 --> 00:20:45,219
His name's on the door.
If he wants me gone, I'm gone.
368
00:20:51,894 --> 00:20:54,727
Damn it, Denny, you just can't.
369
00:20:54,762 --> 00:20:55,283
Can.
370
00:20:55,284 --> 00:20:57,268
All of it. This is a law firm!
371
00:20:57,303 --> 00:21:00,370
This is a living, breathing entity.
372
00:21:00,405 --> 00:21:01,612
Yes, you may have founded it,
373
00:21:01,612 --> 00:21:04,957
but hundreds and hundreds of people
now have their lives attached to it,
374
00:21:04,957 --> 00:21:08,303
and at this moment,
through the choices you make,
375
00:21:08,338 --> 00:21:11,246
you have the potential
to unravel this entire place
376
00:21:11,246 --> 00:21:14,120
and the individuals who have given
everything to it.
377
00:21:14,120 --> 00:21:16,054
That may be, but still…
378
00:21:16,089 --> 00:21:18,000
So help me, if you say it's still
your name on the door,
379
00:21:18,000 --> 00:21:19,611
I will shoot you with one
of your own guns.
380
00:21:19,611 --> 00:21:22,137
That won't change the door.
381
00:21:22,172 --> 00:21:27,335
Denny, you cheated on your wife
at your own wedding reception
382
00:21:27,370 --> 00:21:29,640
in what has become some
sort of cloakroom fetish
383
00:21:29,640 --> 00:21:32,172
that is a new low even for you.
384
00:21:32,654 --> 00:21:34,592
Yeah.
385
00:21:35,050 --> 00:21:37,814
It is, isn't it?
386
00:21:39,738 --> 00:21:44,929
And now you're saying you don't want
the marriage to end?
387
00:21:44,964 --> 00:21:47,694
What is going on here?
388
00:21:49,219 --> 00:21:52,158
You've known me 30 years.
You tell me.
389
00:21:52,193 --> 00:21:54,875
One moment I'm enjoying
my own wedding reception,
390
00:21:54,875 --> 00:21:57,523
and the next, my gut's telling me
something's wrong.
391
00:21:57,523 --> 00:22:00,853
And somehow having sex
with that waitress
392
00:22:00,888 --> 00:22:04,184
or the coat made everything feel right.
393
00:22:04,219 --> 00:22:10,166
And once things felt right again,
394
00:22:10,201 --> 00:22:12,761
I wanted Bev back.
395
00:22:15,045 --> 00:22:17,210
Denny, your once charming
396
00:22:17,245 --> 00:22:23,015
and eccentric behavior has turned into
a series of self-destructive impulses.
397
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:24,947
I love you, but
398
00:22:24,982 --> 00:22:28,262
it's time to take a step back
and look at what you're turning into.
399
00:22:28,262 --> 00:22:32,715
Shirley, I love you, too.
400
00:22:48,622 --> 00:22:50,518
Shirley, you want something.
401
00:22:50,553 --> 00:22:52,985
I'll guess it's sex.
Let me take my coat off.
402
00:22:52,985 --> 00:22:54,307
As much as I'd love to, Alan,
403
00:22:54,307 --> 00:22:57,050
if we did, I wouldn't have time
to deal with your needs.
404
00:22:57,050 --> 00:22:59,384
Yes. Well, another time.
405
00:22:59,419 --> 00:23:01,684
What's on your mind?
406
00:23:01,719 --> 00:23:04,686
I am sure you know
what's going on with Denny.
407
00:23:04,721 --> 00:23:07,399
Shirley, in this case, I've decided
to stay above the fray
408
00:23:07,399 --> 00:23:10,273
and catch the show
from the mezzanine.
409
00:23:10,308 --> 00:23:12,074
In case you missed the first act,
410
00:23:12,074 --> 00:23:14,816
Denny's decision
not to settle on his divorce
411
00:23:14,851 --> 00:23:17,156
leaves the firm quite vulnerable.
412
00:23:17,191 --> 00:23:21,049
We may be open to public audit,
uh, potential lawsuits,
413
00:23:21,084 --> 00:23:22,645
Paul has threatened to leave,
414
00:23:22,645 --> 00:23:25,085
and we may lose Brad
if we're not careful.
415
00:23:25,085 --> 00:23:26,936
Sounds exciting.
416
00:23:26,971 --> 00:23:30,098
So you want me to convince
Denny to settle
417
00:23:30,133 --> 00:23:32,733
so that we all may be settled?
418
00:23:32,768 --> 00:23:33,880
Something like that.
419
00:23:33,880 --> 00:23:36,303
I won't do it.
420
00:23:36,362 --> 00:23:39,122
Alan, you're willing to see
this firm go down?
421
00:23:39,148 --> 00:23:44,073
You're asking me to manipulate
my friend, and I won't do it.
422
00:23:44,108 --> 00:23:47,874
It would have been easier
just to have sex with you.
423
00:23:55,863 --> 00:23:57,996
Health insurance premiums keep going up.
424
00:23:57,996 --> 00:23:59,491
I run a small business.
425
00:23:59,526 --> 00:24:02,857
I'm competing against escrow services
that are nationwide chains
426
00:24:02,857 --> 00:24:04,550
and others that are on the internet.
427
00:24:04,550 --> 00:24:07,999
I have to either cut costs or close
my doors. It's that simple.
428
00:24:07,999 --> 00:24:10,575
And if Ms Zeder would have been
able to quit smoking,
429
00:24:10,575 --> 00:24:12,025
would you have kept her on the payroll?
430
00:24:12,025 --> 00:24:13,081
Of course.
431
00:24:13,082 --> 00:24:17,260
We didn't give her the $100 gift certificate
to the Hungry Whistler for nothing.
432
00:24:17,260 --> 00:24:22,325
Mr Loomis, your desire to cut costs
makes absolute sense,
433
00:24:22,360 --> 00:24:25,732
but we heard
your office manager testify
434
00:24:25,767 --> 00:24:29,268
that when you weigh
Ms Zeder's productivity
435
00:24:29,303 --> 00:24:32,769
against any increased
health insurance premiums,
436
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,116
you still come out ahead.
437
00:24:34,116 --> 00:24:37,863
So your argument is, dare I say it,
a fumble, correct?
438
00:24:37,898 --> 00:24:39,639
I have to think of the future.
439
00:24:39,639 --> 00:24:41,907
If she gets cancer or heart disease
440
00:24:41,942 --> 00:24:46,035
or any of the other things that
smokers get, my rates go sky-high.
441
00:24:46,070 --> 00:24:48,097
Mr Loomis, how do you feel
about fat people?
442
00:24:48,097 --> 00:24:49,827
Because according to the Surgeon General,
443
00:24:49,827 --> 00:24:54,536
300,000 Americans die every year
from obesity-related illnesses.
444
00:24:54,571 --> 00:24:59,245
Other businesses are firing people
for that. I haven't done it yet.
445
00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:00,322
So you're thinking about it?
446
00:25:00,322 --> 00:25:01,561
I'm always thinking.
447
00:25:01,562 --> 00:25:03,774
Anyone can see that.
How about alcohol consumption?
448
00:25:03,774 --> 00:25:07,305
People who have more than 15 drinks
a week are at risk of becoming alcoholics,
449
00:25:07,305 --> 00:25:10,196
and alcoholism can cause cirrhosis
of the liver, pancreatitis,
450
00:25:10,196 --> 00:25:12,201
increased incidence of cancer.
451
00:25:12,236 --> 00:25:16,488
Wouldn't it be a good idea to monitor
your employees' alcohol intake?
452
00:25:16,523 --> 00:25:17,443
Maybe I should.
453
00:25:17,444 --> 00:25:18,377
Well, what about coffee?
454
00:25:18,377 --> 00:25:23,986
Caffeine temporarily increases
your blood pressure, trans-fatty acids
and stress.
455
00:25:24,021 --> 00:25:26,841
Both of these things
could cause heart attacks.
456
00:25:26,867 --> 00:25:29,679
That would certainly raise
your premiums sky-high.
457
00:25:29,679 --> 00:25:32,320
It's been proven
arguing 30 minutes a day
458
00:25:32,355 --> 00:25:34,941
lowers your immune system,
as does loneliness.
459
00:25:34,941 --> 00:25:37,418
There go your married employees
and your single ones.
460
00:25:37,418 --> 00:25:40,870
You're going to have to watch
these people all the time, Mr Loomis.
461
00:25:40,870 --> 00:25:42,382
I hope you're a multitasker.
462
00:25:42,382 --> 00:25:44,841
Mr Shore, I think you're exaggerating.
463
00:25:44,876 --> 00:25:47,301
No, I'm just welcoming us all to 1984.
464
00:25:47,336 --> 00:25:48,930
The bus arrived a little late,
465
00:25:48,930 --> 00:25:51,558
and our tour guide George Orwell
is good and dead,
466
00:25:51,558 --> 00:25:55,040
but nonetheless we made it,
and big brother Loomis is watching us.
467
00:25:55,040 --> 00:25:55,938
Objection.
468
00:25:55,973 --> 00:25:59,306
Nothing further, that is,
if it's okay with Mr Loomis.
469
00:26:13,101 --> 00:26:14,601
I, um…
470
00:26:17,106 --> 00:26:20,547
I drafted a memo for you regarding
the partnership agreement.
471
00:26:20,547 --> 00:26:21,932
Thank you.
472
00:26:21,967 --> 00:26:24,452
As a second topic,
473
00:26:24,487 --> 00:26:29,197
I'm not saying this firm is about
to dissolve, but if it did…
474
00:26:29,232 --> 00:26:30,054
Hypothetically.
475
00:26:30,054 --> 00:26:38,022
If it did, would you be interested
in breaking off and setting up
your own firm with someone?
476
00:26:38,057 --> 00:26:43,173
Someone & Bauer would probably be
the name on the door.
477
00:26:43,208 --> 00:26:49,204
Um, I would certainly have to think
about that, hypothetically.
478
00:26:49,239 --> 00:26:56,094
Well, that's all I could ask,
if I were asking.
479
00:26:59,922 --> 00:27:00,890
There you are.
480
00:27:00,925 --> 00:27:01,859
Here I am.
481
00:27:04,276 --> 00:27:05,278
How's your case?
482
00:27:05,313 --> 00:27:06,814
Not over.
483
00:27:06,934 --> 00:27:09,523
How are your various enterprises?
484
00:27:09,558 --> 00:27:11,548
You mean Bev.
485
00:27:11,583 --> 00:27:16,329
Everyone here thinks my situation
upstairs is clouding my judgment,
486
00:27:16,364 --> 00:27:19,548
that only an idiot would want
to stay with her.
487
00:27:19,583 --> 00:27:23,541
Everyone in love is something of an idiot.
488
00:27:27,028 --> 00:27:29,656
This might get ugly, Denny.
489
00:27:29,691 --> 00:27:32,521
It may have already.
490
00:27:32,556 --> 00:27:35,351
And I don't care.
491
00:27:36,203 --> 00:27:38,922
At a certain age, Alan,
492
00:27:38,957 --> 00:27:41,342
you'll find it extraordinary
the compromises
493
00:27:41,342 --> 00:27:46,198
one is willing to make for even
the possibility of love.
494
00:27:50,934 --> 00:27:55,452
Increased globalization,
megacorporations.
495
00:27:55,487 --> 00:27:57,856
How can a small businessman compete?
496
00:27:57,891 --> 00:28:00,191
Two ways. He must offer a unique,
497
00:28:00,226 --> 00:28:05,006
terrific product or service,
and he must keep costs down.
498
00:28:05,041 --> 00:28:08,097
Now Kurt Loomis runs
a first-rate escrow company,
499
00:28:08,132 --> 00:28:10,394
and he wants to do right
by his employees
500
00:28:10,394 --> 00:28:12,090
by offering them health insurance,
501
00:28:12,090 --> 00:28:16,090
but if he doesn't keep his biggest
expense in check, health care,
502
00:28:16,125 --> 00:28:17,430
he loses everything.
503
00:28:17,465 --> 00:28:21,726
So he instituted a very strict
no-smoking policy.
504
00:28:21,761 --> 00:28:26,012
Now Mr Loomis is not only reducing
his business costs,
505
00:28:26,047 --> 00:28:31,442
he's also helping his employees who smoke
by giving them motivation to quit.
506
00:28:31,477 --> 00:28:33,850
Now Joan Zeder knew the company policy.
507
00:28:33,885 --> 00:28:36,553
She was given ample time
to quit smoking,
508
00:28:36,588 --> 00:28:39,222
and she knew she'd be fired
if she didn't,
509
00:28:39,257 --> 00:28:43,111
but she chose cigarettes
over her job
510
00:28:43,146 --> 00:28:45,895
and because Ms Zeder is
an at-will employee,
511
00:28:45,930 --> 00:28:48,696
Mr Loomis had a legal right to fire her.
512
00:28:48,731 --> 00:28:52,362
And as to what smoking
is doing to her health,
513
00:28:52,397 --> 00:28:55,994
she can read the warning label
on the pack.
514
00:29:00,191 --> 00:29:03,866
The great Irish playwright
George Bernard Shaw
515
00:29:03,901 --> 00:29:07,507
had a rather jaundiced view
of our country.
516
00:29:07,542 --> 00:29:13,553
Shaw said that
while our Constitution was set up
to prevent political dictatorship,
517
00:29:13,588 --> 00:29:18,335
in doing so, we established a society
where every ward boss is a dictator,
518
00:29:18,370 --> 00:29:22,306
every financier a dictator,
every private employer a dictator,
519
00:29:22,341 --> 00:29:26,309
all with the livelihood
of the workers at their mercy.
520
00:29:26,344 --> 00:29:29,997
Well, if Mr Loomis wants
to emulate Mussolini
521
00:29:30,032 --> 00:29:33,812
in how he treats his employees
at the office, that's one thing,
522
00:29:33,818 --> 00:29:37,534
but Joan Zeder's actions at work
have always been commendable.
523
00:29:37,534 --> 00:29:41,952
Mr Loomis also declared himself emperor
over Ms Zeder in her home.
524
00:29:41,987 --> 00:29:46,371
There he found her smoking, something
which is not against the law,
525
00:29:46,406 --> 00:29:48,426
which is, in fact,
none of his business,
526
00:29:48,426 --> 00:29:50,115
but he fired her anyway.
527
00:29:50,150 --> 00:29:52,898
Shouldn't we be able
to have private lives
528
00:29:52,933 --> 00:29:55,300
that aren't governed
by the people we work for?
529
00:29:55,300 --> 00:30:01,989
My God, I cannot believe I just asked
that question in an American courtroom.
530
00:30:02,024 --> 00:30:04,844
My head may explode.
531
00:30:04,879 --> 00:30:07,999
Your honor, the right to privacy,
532
00:30:08,034 --> 00:30:12,616
as you well know, is guaranteed
under our Constitution,
533
00:30:12,651 --> 00:30:15,318
but now, thanks to our
current supreme court,
534
00:30:15,318 --> 00:30:18,388
that right is flickering
like a candle in the wind,
535
00:30:18,423 --> 00:30:20,582
and the breeze is picking up.
536
00:30:20,617 --> 00:30:24,376
But justice Scalia and his ilk
aren't judging this case.
537
00:30:24,411 --> 00:30:26,104
You are.
538
00:30:26,139 --> 00:30:29,961
And at what point
will we say, will you say,
539
00:30:29,996 --> 00:30:33,341
that provided we do not violate the law,
540
00:30:33,376 --> 00:30:39,654
other people cannot dictate what we do
in the privacy of our own homes?
541
00:30:40,585 --> 00:30:45,932
Your honor, when you consider this case
in the privacy of your chambers
542
00:30:45,967 --> 00:30:51,532
where no police or lawyers
or Loomis may enter,
543
00:30:51,567 --> 00:30:57,156
please think about the dying gasps
of our precious right to privacy
544
00:30:57,191 --> 00:31:02,997
and what our lives might be like
if it actually passes away.
545
00:31:38,929 --> 00:31:43,035
Conference room.
I'm putting this thing to bed.
546
00:31:53,729 --> 00:31:55,262
It's high.
547
00:31:55,297 --> 00:31:57,218
It could have been much higher.
548
00:31:57,253 --> 00:31:58,743
Denny, you want
to take a look at this?
549
00:31:58,743 --> 00:31:59,899
No need.
550
00:31:59,900 --> 00:32:02,409
Here's our counteroffer.
Two words.
551
00:32:02,444 --> 00:32:04,599
Well, maybe three.
552
00:32:05,152 --> 00:32:08,031
“Barbara's built-ins.”
553
00:32:10,363 --> 00:32:12,417
Can Denny and I please have the room?
554
00:32:12,417 --> 00:32:13,690
Bev…
555
00:32:13,691 --> 00:32:17,775
It's all right. I've got it.
556
00:32:32,499 --> 00:32:33,816
So what do you know?
557
00:32:33,851 --> 00:32:37,471
“Barbara's built-ins, only the best”.
558
00:32:37,506 --> 00:32:42,028
You marketed to old people in retirement
homes in and around Boca raton.
559
00:32:42,063 --> 00:32:46,551
You sold built-ins for television sets
and built-ins for dishwashers,
560
00:32:46,586 --> 00:32:50,164
built-ins for microwaves,
but you never built them in.
561
00:32:50,199 --> 00:32:53,090
That's not true. I did some lovely work.
562
00:32:53,125 --> 00:32:57,297
I always meant to finish the jobs that
people had contracted me for, but I…
563
00:32:57,297 --> 00:33:01,435
I had a cash flow problem, and it made
more sense financially to just…
564
00:33:01,435 --> 00:33:04,761
To rob the geezers and skip town.
565
00:33:08,553 --> 00:33:10,170
How long have you known?
566
00:33:10,205 --> 00:33:11,787
Since our third date.
567
00:33:11,788 --> 00:33:15,254
Whenever I make love to a woman
more than twice, I have her investigated.
568
00:33:15,254 --> 00:33:17,951
But, Denny, since you knew my history,
569
00:33:17,986 --> 00:33:22,561
why, why didn't you have me
sign a pre-nup?
570
00:33:22,596 --> 00:33:24,649
Because I loved you.
571
00:33:25,606 --> 00:33:28,203
And when you can send someone
to jail with a phone call,
572
00:33:28,203 --> 00:33:29,729
there's your pre-nup.
573
00:33:29,764 --> 00:33:32,911
Well, you know,
I still could have you audited.
574
00:33:34,714 --> 00:33:37,151
Stalemate.
575
00:33:37,186 --> 00:33:39,553
Exactly.
576
00:33:39,588 --> 00:33:42,818
And you know why it's a stalemate?
577
00:33:42,853 --> 00:33:45,460
Because we're so much alike.
578
00:33:45,495 --> 00:33:50,448
The fact that we have something on each
other means we belong together.
579
00:33:50,483 --> 00:33:55,579
Our love is a fairy tale written
by real people.
580
00:33:55,614 --> 00:34:00,595
All I'm saying is, even after all this,
581
00:34:00,630 --> 00:34:05,475
I'd like to make it work.
582
00:34:07,816 --> 00:34:09,871
Denny…
583
00:34:11,140 --> 00:34:13,327
I love you.
584
00:34:14,545 --> 00:34:20,175
But I love Hawaii more.
585
00:34:25,177 --> 00:34:31,677
Well, you'll be the one that got
away from Denny Crane.
586
00:34:32,300 --> 00:34:35,908
Which that makes you, uh,
587
00:34:35,943 --> 00:34:42,959
a large fish in a very small pond.
588
00:34:46,533 --> 00:34:52,056
Mr Shore, I believe in the right to privacy
that you so passionately defended,
589
00:34:52,091 --> 00:34:55,898
and I believe that when Mr Loomis
fired Ms Zeder for actions
590
00:34:55,933 --> 00:34:59,453
that in no way affected
her performance at work,
591
00:34:59,488 --> 00:35:01,528
he acted unreasonably,
592
00:35:01,563 --> 00:35:03,534
but unfortunately,
593
00:35:03,569 --> 00:35:07,736
the law doesn't require Mr Loomis
to be reasonable.
594
00:35:07,771 --> 00:35:10,146
Therefore, there is nothing I can do.
595
00:35:10,181 --> 00:35:14,124
I am granting the motion to dismiss.
Court is adjourned.
596
00:35:16,312 --> 00:35:18,021
What?
597
00:35:18,056 --> 00:35:20,858
I'm sorry, Joan.
598
00:35:25,431 --> 00:35:29,172
We can always appeal this, Joan,
and in the meantime, find you a new job.
599
00:35:29,172 --> 00:35:30,475
New job?
600
00:35:30,510 --> 00:35:33,830
Alan, I'm a smoker,
an evil, villainous smoker.
601
00:35:33,865 --> 00:35:35,059
If I go on a job interview,
602
00:35:35,059 --> 00:35:38,603
and I'm honest. I tell them I have
a 2-pack-a-day habit, that's it.
603
00:35:38,603 --> 00:35:40,764
Liability, leper.
604
00:35:40,799 --> 00:35:44,269
Yeah, no, this is a new world order, Alan.
605
00:35:44,304 --> 00:35:49,138
I am just a cog and, I've got
to find a way to fit in.
606
00:35:49,173 --> 00:35:53,972
I've got to find a way to quit,
even if it kills me.
607
00:35:58,622 --> 00:36:00,847
You know what I'm gonna
miss most about smoking?
608
00:36:00,847 --> 00:36:03,562
It's like, you work your ass off all day.
People screaming at you.
609
00:36:03,562 --> 00:36:04,881
“Where's my this? Where's my that?”
610
00:36:04,881 --> 00:36:08,528
“Why you haven't you answered my e-mail
that I sent you seven seconds ago?”
611
00:36:08,528 --> 00:36:11,492
And in all that chaos, all that frenzy,
612
00:36:11,527 --> 00:36:14,457
smoking was more than a habit. It was…
613
00:36:14,492 --> 00:36:16,732
it was a place to go
614
00:36:16,767 --> 00:36:19,442
where I could just shut out
the rest of the world
615
00:36:19,442 --> 00:36:27,190
and find a little square bit of time
and peace for me,
616
00:36:27,225 --> 00:36:30,142
just a little bit.
617
00:36:30,177 --> 00:36:33,024
That sounds perfect.
618
00:36:33,059 --> 00:36:37,992
If I may suggest an alternate habit,
intercourse.
619
00:36:38,027 --> 00:36:38,560
What?
620
00:36:38,595 --> 00:36:41,645
I find it just as relaxing,
621
00:36:41,646 --> 00:36:44,964
that break in the day
or several times
622
00:36:44,999 --> 00:36:48,282
when you shut the rest of the world out,
623
00:36:48,317 --> 00:36:50,263
breathing in the moment,
624
00:36:50,298 --> 00:36:52,576
feeling it run through your body,
625
00:36:52,611 --> 00:36:55,707
that nice high in the end,
626
00:36:55,742 --> 00:36:58,804
much like a cigarette.
627
00:36:59,891 --> 00:37:04,837
Was, uh, was that a proposition?
628
00:37:05,455 --> 00:37:07,634
Not really.
629
00:37:07,669 --> 00:37:10,042
But if, as a friend, you ever
need any assistance,
630
00:37:10,042 --> 00:37:16,333
whenever you feel like having
a smoke, just call me instead.
631
00:37:16,782 --> 00:37:18,782
Thanks, Alan.
632
00:37:19,348 --> 00:37:24,090
An agreement has been reached
on the matter of Crane vs Crane.
633
00:37:24,125 --> 00:37:29,280
I will buy a house for Bev
in Hawaii. She will accept.
634
00:37:29,315 --> 00:37:32,356
Marriage is dissolved.
635
00:37:34,356 --> 00:37:36,657
Mrs Crane, I think we should
consider our options…
636
00:37:36,657 --> 00:37:41,559
We're done, Eli. We're done.
637
00:37:43,351 --> 00:37:46,365
Look me up if you're ever
on the big island.
638
00:37:46,400 --> 00:37:49,205
I am the big island.
639
00:37:52,388 --> 00:37:54,153
Come on.
640
00:38:05,064 --> 00:38:06,444
Brad.
641
00:38:08,517 --> 00:38:11,071
I really couldn't have
fired you by myself.
642
00:38:11,071 --> 00:38:12,312
Yes, you could have.
643
00:38:12,347 --> 00:38:13,554
Yes, I could have.
644
00:38:13,555 --> 00:38:15,558
But sometimes people say things
they don't really mean,
645
00:38:15,558 --> 00:38:18,615
like “I love you” or “you're fired,”
646
00:38:18,650 --> 00:38:21,931
so I really want you
to stay with the firm.
647
00:38:21,966 --> 00:38:25,211
While everyone was whining about Bev,
648
00:38:25,246 --> 00:38:27,960
you actually tried to take her out.
I admire that.
649
00:38:27,960 --> 00:38:31,832
You have very large testicles,
my friend.
650
00:38:31,867 --> 00:38:35,748
Well, thank you, Denny. I'm flattered
you have that opinion of me.
651
00:38:35,748 --> 00:38:37,412
It's not my opinion.
652
00:38:37,447 --> 00:38:39,869
I saw you in the shower
at the gym.
653
00:38:39,904 --> 00:38:42,690
Good God!
654
00:39:13,690 --> 00:39:17,529
You know the best part of my marriages
has always been the first day.
655
00:39:17,529 --> 00:39:20,726
Just married, a grand thing.
656
00:39:20,761 --> 00:39:23,497
But for me there was nothing more
657
00:39:23,532 --> 00:39:28,611
devastatingly lonely than
being married for a while.
658
00:39:29,602 --> 00:39:32,813
You never talk about your wife.
659
00:39:33,431 --> 00:39:35,799
What was she like?
660
00:39:37,369 --> 00:39:41,776
She had all the most delectable
qualities one could hope for,
661
00:39:41,811 --> 00:39:46,862
creativity, desire, zealotry,
662
00:39:46,897 --> 00:39:49,466
a gorgeous clavicle,
663
00:39:49,501 --> 00:39:52,057
healthy lack of inhibition.
664
00:39:52,092 --> 00:39:55,676
Sounds spectacular. What happened?
665
00:39:55,938 --> 00:39:58,654
She began…
666
00:40:01,097 --> 00:40:05,547
to know me too well, and I began
to hate her for it.
667
00:40:05,582 --> 00:40:09,998
Even when I was unpredictable,
she'd predict it.
668
00:40:10,033 --> 00:40:12,817
For those of us who aspire
to be original,
669
00:40:12,852 --> 00:40:18,486
it's the worst sort of banality.
670
00:40:20,026 --> 00:40:22,483
She died.
671
00:40:25,160 --> 00:40:29,410
I've missed that banality
ever since.
672
00:40:37,799 --> 00:40:40,277
I wonder if sometimes I get remarried
673
00:40:40,312 --> 00:40:43,115
just to have someone listen
to my stories again.
674
00:40:43,115 --> 00:40:44,314
That's a terrible reason.
675
00:40:44,314 --> 00:40:48,493
Someone with that admiring look
in their eye.
676
00:40:49,645 --> 00:40:51,691
Yes.
677
00:40:59,525 --> 00:41:03,660
Denny, they're doing some sort
of renovations at my hotel.
678
00:41:03,695 --> 00:41:08,181
They start at dawn and make
a horrendous racket.
679
00:41:08,216 --> 00:41:10,959
It wakes me up.
I can't get back to sleep.
680
00:41:10,994 --> 00:41:13,974
It's always something with you.
681
00:41:14,009 --> 00:41:16,954
Night terrors, clowns, renovation.
682
00:41:17,396 --> 00:41:22,769
I was wondering if I could spend
the night at your place.
683
00:41:24,800 --> 00:41:26,570
How long is the renovation
gonna take?
684
00:41:26,570 --> 00:41:28,463
They won't say.
685
00:41:30,894 --> 00:41:32,938
Well…
686
00:41:35,541 --> 00:41:38,649
Stay as long as you need.
687
00:41:39,478 --> 00:41:41,310
Thanks.50726
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