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1
00:00:01,370 --> 00:00:05,790
MAN: Gentlemen,
welcome to Spider-Skull Island!
2
00:00:05,910 --> 00:00:11,000
And to the first ever
Summit of the Fraternity of Torment!
3
00:00:11,130 --> 00:00:16,010
May our hatred bind us together
always in villainous brotherhood.
4
00:00:16,130 --> 00:00:18,090
Hatred for the cruel society
5
00:00:18,220 --> 00:00:20,890
that once mocked us for our differences.
6
00:00:21,010 --> 00:00:25,220
Man-o-taur your size made you
an outcast among men,
7
00:00:25,350 --> 00:00:27,560
but now they fear you.
8
00:00:27,690 --> 00:00:31,560
- Brainulo, your deformity has--
- It's not a deformity!
9
00:00:31,690 --> 00:00:32,820
Oh. Yeah.
10
00:00:32,940 --> 00:00:36,570
Your heart wrenching
addiction to plastic surgery has--
11
00:00:36,690 --> 00:00:38,280
I was born like this--
12
00:00:38,400 --> 00:00:40,910
1,000 years from now!
13
00:00:41,030 --> 00:00:42,450
Right, okay.
14
00:00:42,580 --> 00:00:44,540
Screw your brotherhood, Scaramantula.
15
00:00:44,660 --> 00:00:46,120
I came here in a robot!
16
00:00:46,250 --> 00:00:49,410
The only reason I've deigned
to ally my superior mind
17
00:00:49,540 --> 00:00:53,880
with this syndicate of smallbrains
is to exact revenge upon Dr. Venture
18
00:00:54,000 --> 00:00:56,710
for stranding me here in 19-shitty-9!
19
00:00:56,840 --> 00:00:57,800
We'll get to that.
20
00:00:57,920 --> 00:01:02,470
But first we must give
a warm Fraternity of Torment welcome
21
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,970
to our newest member, Dr. Fangdragon.
22
00:01:06,980 --> 00:01:08,810
No doubt your supernumerary nipple
23
00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:11,690
made you a pariah
in your childhood village of...
24
00:01:12,940 --> 00:01:14,480
Japan-inowa?
25
00:01:14,610 --> 00:01:18,150
Yes. That's why I'm all evil now.
26
00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:20,780
And I hate Dr. Venture!
27
00:01:20,910 --> 00:01:23,280
As do we all,
my thoroughly Japanese friend,
28
00:01:23,410 --> 00:01:26,200
who is easily -- easily -- six foot two.
29
00:01:26,330 --> 00:01:28,410
But I have a plan to eliminate Venture
30
00:01:28,540 --> 00:01:30,000
once and for all!
31
00:01:30,120 --> 00:01:31,460
Behold!
32
00:01:31,580 --> 00:01:34,000
If Venture does not
surrender to us within the hour,
33
00:01:34,130 --> 00:01:37,670
we will feed his boy
to my ravenous piranhas!
34
00:01:37,800 --> 00:01:38,800
Alright! Alright!
35
00:01:38,920 --> 00:01:40,050
Fantastic!
36
00:01:40,180 --> 00:01:43,800
Classic! I'll bet I know
what Dr. Venture will say
37
00:01:43,930 --> 00:01:45,350
when he gets a load of that!
38
00:01:45,470 --> 00:01:49,060
What is that, my uncharacteristically
hirsute Asian comrade?
39
00:01:50,770 --> 00:01:52,140
Go, Team Venture!
40
00:01:52,270 --> 00:01:53,690
Ah!
41
00:01:53,810 --> 00:01:55,110
What? Ah!
42
00:01:56,150 --> 00:01:57,440
Go, Team Venture!
43
00:01:57,570 --> 00:01:58,690
No, no, no! Wait, wait!
44
00:01:58,820 --> 00:02:00,990
Aw, come on!
45
00:02:08,950 --> 00:02:09,950
GENTLEMAN:
Have at you!
46
00:02:10,080 --> 00:02:11,080
Ha! Ha!
47
00:02:12,370 --> 00:02:14,080
[GRUNTING]
48
00:02:17,340 --> 00:02:18,210
Futuro!
49
00:02:18,340 --> 00:02:22,800
Squash them like the bugs they are!
50
00:02:24,510 --> 00:02:26,550
Go, Team Venture!
51
00:02:30,680 --> 00:02:34,020
Action! Action!
52
00:02:34,150 --> 00:02:35,060
Action! Action!
53
00:02:35,190 --> 00:02:36,400
Action! Action! Action!
54
00:02:36,520 --> 00:02:38,980
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Rodney!
What are you doing?
55
00:02:39,110 --> 00:02:40,780
What? I'm winning the day!
56
00:02:40,900 --> 00:02:42,530
Well, take it down a notch.
57
00:02:42,650 --> 00:02:44,740
I mean, Ook-Ook is a mindless savage
58
00:02:44,860 --> 00:02:46,780
and even he knows
when to pull his punches.
59
00:02:46,910 --> 00:02:47,910
Ook! Ook!
60
00:02:48,030 --> 00:02:49,530
My chest hurts.
61
00:02:49,660 --> 00:02:50,580
[GROANS]
62
00:02:50,700 --> 00:02:52,700
My tongue is too big for my mouth.
63
00:02:52,830 --> 00:02:54,410
Take five, Humongloid.
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00:02:54,540 --> 00:02:56,080
You've fought bravely.
65
00:02:56,210 --> 00:02:57,750
Oh, yes yes.
66
00:02:57,880 --> 00:02:59,090
[MUMBLING EXCITEDLY]
67
00:02:59,210 --> 00:03:02,760
[WOMAN ON PA
SPEAKS FOREIGN LANGUAGE]
68
00:03:06,090 --> 00:03:07,760
What the devil is that?
69
00:03:07,890 --> 00:03:08,930
Italian!
70
00:03:09,060 --> 00:03:10,720
It's a self-destruct countdown.
71
00:03:10,850 --> 00:03:12,390
Aw, why they always gotta pull that?
72
00:03:12,520 --> 00:03:14,270
Fan out, Team Venture!
73
00:03:14,390 --> 00:03:16,600
We've got to find that bomb!
74
00:03:17,650 --> 00:03:19,560
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
75
00:03:20,730 --> 00:03:22,280
Huh. False alarm.
76
00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:23,360
So...
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00:03:23,490 --> 00:03:26,110
you fellas think
that champagne's still cold?
78
00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:29,370
[LAUGHTER]
79
00:03:29,490 --> 00:03:30,910
Say, Dickie!
80
00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:34,120
Get a picture of us
in our new headquarters, will ya?
81
00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:35,710
You betcha, Doc!
82
00:03:35,830 --> 00:03:38,960
Okay, everyone!
Say "Go, Team Venture!"
83
00:03:39,090 --> 00:03:40,920
Go, Team Venture!
84
00:03:41,250 --> 00:03:45,130
And that's how Dad
captured Spider-Skull Island
85
00:03:45,260 --> 00:03:47,800
and so I can think
of no more fitting home
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00:03:47,930 --> 00:03:52,930
for the Jonas Venture Junior
Museum of Jonas Venture.
87
00:03:53,470 --> 00:03:54,520
[UP-TEMPO MUSIC]
88
00:03:56,690 --> 00:03:58,310
[MALE VOICES ARGUING]
89
00:03:58,440 --> 00:04:00,520
Alright, simmer down!
I'm warnin' ye!
90
00:04:00,650 --> 00:04:04,400
If ya don't quit yer bickerin',
I'm turnin' this vessel around!
91
00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:08,610
I remember... when...
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00:04:08,740 --> 00:04:12,660
this was all under water.
93
00:04:12,790 --> 00:04:14,870
Yeah, it's always sad when that happens.
94
00:04:15,000 --> 00:04:18,710
JONAS: A little souvenir
from one of Dad's very first adventures.
95
00:04:18,830 --> 00:04:21,170
This is the real "atomic secret"
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00:04:21,290 --> 00:04:23,800
the Rosenbergs
tried to sell to the Russians.
97
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:25,010
[SLIGHT LAUGHTER]
98
00:04:25,130 --> 00:04:27,010
Will you excuse me, gentlemen?
99
00:04:27,130 --> 00:04:28,590
BOTH:
Hi, Uncle J.J!
100
00:04:28,720 --> 00:04:30,840
Hello, boys. Say, Brock?
101
00:04:30,970 --> 00:04:34,310
My bartender whips up
a Shirley Temple that's out of this world!
102
00:04:34,430 --> 00:04:35,850
Maybe you should take the boys?
103
00:04:35,980 --> 00:04:37,180
Oh, yeah, yeah. Sure.
104
00:04:37,310 --> 00:04:39,850
C'mon, boys lets go wet
our non-alcoholic whiskers.
105
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:41,060
Score!
106
00:04:41,190 --> 00:04:43,190
You're late.
And I told you it was black tie.
107
00:04:43,320 --> 00:04:46,190
- This is.
- That means formal evening dress.
108
00:04:46,320 --> 00:04:50,110
Not a Scooby-Doo purple suit
with a clip-on that happens to be black!
109
00:04:50,240 --> 00:04:51,370
Dean thought I looked nice.
110
00:04:51,490 --> 00:04:53,280
We're representing Dad here!
111
00:04:53,410 --> 00:04:54,830
Show some dignity.
112
00:04:54,950 --> 00:04:57,330
- I don't think he's going to mind.
- Well, I mind!
113
00:04:57,460 --> 00:04:59,540
Practically everyone
Dad ever worked with is here.
114
00:04:59,670 --> 00:05:02,540
Great. I'm gonna have to talk to
the Harlem Globetrotters again?!
115
00:05:02,670 --> 00:05:04,630
Sir, there's a disturbance in the hangar.
116
00:05:04,750 --> 00:05:06,920
I'm busy, tell the captain to take care of it.
117
00:05:07,050 --> 00:05:10,880
SCARAMANTULA: I bet you wondered
how I managed to escape all those times
118
00:05:11,010 --> 00:05:13,720
or how I kept my trim figure?
119
00:05:13,850 --> 00:05:16,260
Now all my secrets are revealed, huh?
120
00:05:16,390 --> 00:05:17,930
[LAUGHTER]
121
00:05:18,060 --> 00:05:19,770
[HEAVY BREATHING]
122
00:05:19,890 --> 00:05:23,060
Geez, you'd think
he could have built an elevator in here.
123
00:05:23,190 --> 00:05:24,900
An escalator. A ramp!
124
00:05:25,020 --> 00:05:25,980
Anything!
125
00:05:26,110 --> 00:05:28,190
He once built a machine,
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00:05:28,320 --> 00:05:31,740
it spun steel like spider's silk.
127
00:05:31,860 --> 00:05:33,910
Beautiful in the sunlight,
128
00:05:34,030 --> 00:05:36,080
the silvery web.
129
00:05:36,200 --> 00:05:38,620
Ho! Two at a time!
130
00:05:38,750 --> 00:05:40,620
Like it was yesterday!
131
00:05:40,750 --> 00:05:44,460
Come on, Team Venture, winded so soon?
132
00:05:44,590 --> 00:05:46,290
I'm gonna kill him.
I swear--
133
00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:49,510
I got plastic knees, you son of a bitch!
134
00:05:49,630 --> 00:05:52,680
[CHAOTIC YELLING]
135
00:05:57,680 --> 00:05:58,930
Richard!
136
00:05:59,060 --> 00:06:00,640
You... made it.
137
00:06:00,770 --> 00:06:03,730
H-Hello, again... Jonas.
138
00:06:03,860 --> 00:06:06,190
Yay! Super-car! Go car!
139
00:06:06,320 --> 00:06:08,820
I won't let you keep her, little man...
140
00:06:08,940 --> 00:06:10,780
- Pardon?
- N-Nothing.
141
00:06:10,900 --> 00:06:14,030
[LAUGHS]
It's all just like it was!
142
00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:17,450
- Wonderful!
- [GROANING]
143
00:06:17,580 --> 00:06:20,950
Welcome home
to Spider-Skull Island, gentlemen!
144
00:06:21,080 --> 00:06:22,000
Ah geez!
145
00:06:22,120 --> 00:06:23,290
What the hell are you?!
146
00:06:23,420 --> 00:06:27,130
Oh, how impolite of me.
I'm Jonas Venture Junior.
147
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,800
I'll show you to your table.
148
00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:32,760
Captain? Couldja be a pal
and tell Sally the Professor's arrived?
149
00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:35,760
I... Whoo! Just gimme
a minute here, will ya?
150
00:06:35,890 --> 00:06:37,800
Oh, and take
Ned with you, wouldja?
151
00:06:37,930 --> 00:06:38,970
Thanks, cap.
152
00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:40,930
Alright there, big fella.
153
00:06:41,060 --> 00:06:43,190
Time ta get out of the flyin' car...
154
00:06:43,310 --> 00:06:46,480
Come on, now, Ned,
don't make this--
155
00:06:46,610 --> 00:06:47,980
Yarrr!
156
00:06:48,110 --> 00:06:49,400
Humongloid!
157
00:06:49,530 --> 00:06:52,610
- Long time no see, pally!
- Fellas, thank God.
158
00:06:52,740 --> 00:06:54,450
Listen, do any of you need a roommate?
159
00:06:54,570 --> 00:06:57,660
S'matter? Ain't there enough room
for you at the Venture compound?
160
00:06:57,780 --> 00:07:00,330
[WRY LAUGH]
The compound's fine but those kids
161
00:07:00,450 --> 00:07:02,290
keep trying to
flush me down the fucking toilet!
162
00:07:02,410 --> 00:07:03,960
They think I'm the Ty-D-Bol man.
163
00:07:04,080 --> 00:07:07,670
Yeah, they're not exactly
the brightest bulbs on the ol' Menorah.
164
00:07:08,750 --> 00:07:10,920
[STRUGGLING]
165
00:07:11,050 --> 00:07:11,960
Yes!
166
00:07:12,090 --> 00:07:13,720
Told ya! Pay up!
167
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:16,680
Hey, there, Miss Sally,
the chairman asked me to--
168
00:07:16,800 --> 00:07:18,300
- Jeepers!
- [SALLY SCREAMS]
169
00:07:18,430 --> 00:07:19,470
Aaaah!
170
00:07:19,600 --> 00:07:20,680
[CONTINUES SCREAMING]
171
00:07:20,810 --> 00:07:22,310
Yaarrr!
172
00:07:22,430 --> 00:07:24,390
Sorry! Sorry.
173
00:07:24,520 --> 00:07:26,940
Geez, this is all kinds of uncomfortable.
174
00:07:27,060 --> 00:07:29,020
On, like, a couple of levels here.
175
00:07:29,150 --> 00:07:33,030
So, uh, whaddya think?
Pretty impressive set-up, huh?
176
00:07:33,150 --> 00:07:34,900
Yeah, it's only missing one thing.
177
00:07:35,030 --> 00:07:37,030
Chicks?
Not-deformed guys?
178
00:07:37,160 --> 00:07:40,030
I'll give you a hint --
who was, for 43 years,
179
00:07:40,160 --> 00:07:42,160
the only son of Dr. Jonas Venture?
180
00:07:42,290 --> 00:07:44,700
Who, from the ages of 3 to 17,
181
00:07:44,830 --> 00:07:47,290
accompanied him
on hundreds of adventures,
182
00:07:47,420 --> 00:07:49,710
the chilling memories of which
rouse him from sleep
183
00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,210
in a cold sweat to this day?
184
00:07:51,340 --> 00:07:54,380
Oh, speaking of which didja get a look
at that ice sculpture at the bar?
185
00:07:54,510 --> 00:07:56,720
Yeah, I got one just like it
in bronze on my front lawn.
186
00:07:56,840 --> 00:07:59,010
- Why?
- Yeah, you should eh...
187
00:07:59,140 --> 00:08:00,350
go check it out.
188
00:08:02,140 --> 00:08:03,180
Hello, Richard.
189
00:08:03,310 --> 00:08:05,060
Sally! I, eh...
190
00:08:05,180 --> 00:08:06,810
Did you bring the divorce papers?
191
00:08:06,940 --> 00:08:09,940
I... think I left them in my other s-suit.
192
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:12,230
Dammit, Richard. Never mind.
193
00:08:12,360 --> 00:08:13,820
- Wait!
- I have a copy upstai--
194
00:08:13,940 --> 00:08:14,940
Wait!
195
00:08:15,070 --> 00:08:16,240
Take me back, Sally.
196
00:08:16,360 --> 00:08:19,160
Richard, no.
We've been through this.
197
00:08:19,280 --> 00:08:22,160
I worked too much. I realize that, now.
198
00:08:22,290 --> 00:08:24,870
I-I-I'm learning to have more f-fun.
199
00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:27,160
See, look?
200
00:08:27,290 --> 00:08:29,040
Hey, hey!
201
00:08:29,170 --> 00:08:32,880
Pull yourself together,
Richard, you're a mess.
202
00:08:33,000 --> 00:08:36,880
My... uh... girlfriend
likes my hair this way.
203
00:08:37,010 --> 00:08:38,380
She's young, and, eh...
204
00:08:38,510 --> 00:08:39,930
we're getting a boat!
205
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:42,140
No, that's a lie.
206
00:08:44,100 --> 00:08:45,850
You know me so well.
207
00:08:47,940 --> 00:08:48,980
[SIGHS]
208
00:08:49,100 --> 00:08:52,150
Gimme another double sidecar.
209
00:08:52,270 --> 00:08:54,440
No, no, no, Paulo!
210
00:08:54,570 --> 00:08:56,650
The canapes come out now.
211
00:08:56,780 --> 00:08:58,110
I can't believe you invited him!
212
00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,400
What?
Who, Richard?
213
00:08:59,530 --> 00:09:01,240
He was in the boys' brigade!
214
00:09:01,370 --> 00:09:02,280
[LAUGHTER]
215
00:09:02,464 --> 00:09:04,004
Ned! No! No, Ned, no!
216
00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,540
Captain!
Do something about that!
217
00:09:07,660 --> 00:09:08,750
I'm not finished with you.
218
00:09:08,870 --> 00:09:11,290
Man-howdy, you would have loved it!
219
00:09:11,420 --> 00:09:13,290
Friday night, we'd fly down to Cuba,
220
00:09:13,420 --> 00:09:15,340
arch Castro for a couple of hours,
221
00:09:15,460 --> 00:09:18,090
then swing up to the
White House for "debriefing" --
222
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:21,090
which was Jack's code
for one of his legendary pool parties.
223
00:09:21,220 --> 00:09:23,970
- Right, right.
- 'Round 2:00, we'd jet over to Vegas
224
00:09:24,100 --> 00:09:26,470
in time to catch
Frank's last show at the Sands!
225
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,180
Then bingo-bongo,
down to Cocoa Beach
226
00:09:29,310 --> 00:09:31,480
to whoop it up
with the Mercury Guys.
227
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:32,560
- Right.
- What a pisser!
228
00:09:32,690 --> 00:09:33,940
Hey, what's that guy's story?
229
00:09:34,070 --> 00:09:35,070
He one of you, too?
230
00:09:35,190 --> 00:09:37,780
Nah, that's Brainulo,
one of our old nemeses.
231
00:09:37,900 --> 00:09:39,240
'Claimed he was some kinda
232
00:09:39,360 --> 00:09:41,490
super-genius from the future. I don't know.
233
00:09:41,610 --> 00:09:43,450
Super-senile now if you ask me.
234
00:09:43,570 --> 00:09:45,620
QUIZBOY:
Oh. My. God.
235
00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:47,370
You're the Action Man, aren't you?!
236
00:09:47,450 --> 00:09:48,870
Action!
237
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:50,080
This is unbelievable!
238
00:09:50,210 --> 00:09:51,670
Can I get your autograph?
239
00:09:51,790 --> 00:09:53,080
Sure thing, Venturoo.
240
00:09:53,210 --> 00:09:54,460
Who do I make it out to?
241
00:09:54,590 --> 00:09:55,840
Holy crap, you're all here!
242
00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:58,340
Man, I don't know if I brought
enough-- White!
243
00:09:58,460 --> 00:09:59,920
How much cash
do you have on you?
244
00:10:00,050 --> 00:10:01,470
WHITE:
You told me it was open bar!
245
00:10:01,590 --> 00:10:03,010
What're you guys charging? 10? 20?
246
00:10:03,140 --> 00:10:05,510
- No, son, we--
- Will you take a check, please?!
247
00:10:05,640 --> 00:10:06,970
I'm a friend of Rusty's!
248
00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:13,850
CAPTAIN:
Ned, no!
249
00:10:13,980 --> 00:10:15,940
Leave him be
and put yer pants on.
250
00:10:16,070 --> 00:10:17,690
Yer makin' people sick!
251
00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:19,860
Sorry there, fella.
252
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,030
Ned, come back here!
253
00:10:21,150 --> 00:10:24,410
You were trying
to command Futuro!
254
00:10:24,530 --> 00:10:26,200
A-Are you my mommy?
255
00:10:26,330 --> 00:10:29,040
Stop faking.
You're not senile, I saw you!
256
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:31,580
Alright, fine. Now be quiet about it!
257
00:10:31,710 --> 00:10:33,750
I want to lull the puny-minded Ventures
258
00:10:33,870 --> 00:10:35,710
into a false sense of security,
259
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:38,880
that I may strike
when they least expect it!
260
00:10:39,000 --> 00:10:40,340
Can I help you?
261
00:10:40,460 --> 00:10:42,720
I hate what they've done
to this room.
262
00:10:42,840 --> 00:10:46,720
Very well.
Tonight, the Fraternity of Torment
263
00:10:46,850 --> 00:10:48,930
will have its revenge!
264
00:10:52,980 --> 00:10:55,810
Go, Team Venture!
265
00:10:55,940 --> 00:10:59,820
Oh, those diabolical
sons of bitches!
266
00:10:59,940 --> 00:11:01,780
No, no, see -- there's four here,
267
00:11:01,900 --> 00:11:03,530
the eyebrows are five and six
268
00:11:03,650 --> 00:11:05,700
and the moustache,
she makes eight legs.
269
00:11:05,820 --> 00:11:07,740
Eh? See? Tarantula...
270
00:11:07,870 --> 00:11:10,370
- Scaramantula!
- Ohhh.
271
00:11:10,490 --> 00:11:12,620
God, I always wondered
about that. Thanks!
272
00:11:12,750 --> 00:11:13,870
Could you sign it, too?
273
00:11:14,000 --> 00:11:15,920
You were like my favorite
villain ever.
274
00:11:16,040 --> 00:11:18,080
No offense.
It's a big head thing.
275
00:11:18,210 --> 00:11:19,590
Vanish!
276
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,840
This is what you call vengeance?!
277
00:11:21,960 --> 00:11:24,720
It's killing them
our line is longer than theirs!
278
00:11:24,840 --> 00:11:27,180
Look how they keep looking over! Oh!
279
00:11:28,430 --> 00:11:29,890
Oh, hey, Rusty!
280
00:11:30,010 --> 00:11:31,510
For you, no charge!
281
00:11:31,640 --> 00:11:33,600
I just came by to say how glad I am
282
00:11:33,730 --> 00:11:35,140
you were all able to make it out
283
00:11:35,270 --> 00:11:38,560
to gorge yourselves on free shrimp
in my father's honor.
284
00:11:38,690 --> 00:11:40,190
Okay, Doc--
285
00:11:40,320 --> 00:11:43,650
Too bad your old pal
Colonel Gentleman couldn't be here
286
00:11:43,780 --> 00:11:45,610
to bask in the glory with you--
287
00:11:45,740 --> 00:11:49,530
Oh... or did you guys
get him killed, too?
288
00:11:51,490 --> 00:11:53,790
[GASPS] It's the ghost
of Colonel Gentleman!
289
00:11:53,910 --> 00:11:55,960
That's for breaking
my stepdaughter's heart!
290
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,750
Hey, hey, now...
291
00:11:57,880 --> 00:11:59,790
Don't try it, Prince Adam!
292
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:02,960
This old panther's still got moves
that'll make your mullet spin!
293
00:12:03,090 --> 00:12:04,920
But you're supposed to be dead.
294
00:12:05,050 --> 00:12:06,090
Nonsense, I'm an ox!
295
00:12:06,220 --> 00:12:08,180
But we poked you and everything.
296
00:12:08,300 --> 00:12:09,680
Oh, that was you?
297
00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:12,810
Kiki told me someone had been
in the flat while he was gone...
298
00:12:12,930 --> 00:12:14,770
We'd had our rows before,
299
00:12:14,890 --> 00:12:16,520
but I'd never seen him like that.
300
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,440
A taut, brown spitfire --
301
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:21,690
strafing me with recrimination
and Mumsy's china.
302
00:12:21,820 --> 00:12:23,110
When he walked out my door,
303
00:12:23,230 --> 00:12:26,030
I thought
"This time, you've done it, Gentleman.
304
00:12:26,150 --> 00:12:27,650
"He's left you for good."
305
00:12:27,780 --> 00:12:31,370
So I buried my grief
in an entire box of Malomars --
306
00:12:31,490 --> 00:12:34,200
with a Yoo-Hoo chaser!
307
00:12:34,330 --> 00:12:36,200
Well, you boys must have
happened upon me
308
00:12:36,330 --> 00:12:38,920
whilst I was in the throes
of a diabetic coma.
309
00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,040
Ohh.
310
00:12:40,170 --> 00:12:42,710
Thankfully, Kiki soon came
to his senses
311
00:12:42,840 --> 00:12:45,000
and he crawled back to the best
god damn thing
312
00:12:45,130 --> 00:12:47,340
that ever happened to him...
313
00:12:48,470 --> 00:12:51,220
[INHALES SHARPLY]
314
00:12:51,350 --> 00:12:53,390
Kiki! You've come back to me!
315
00:12:53,510 --> 00:12:56,020
Kiki is so sorry,
Master Gentleman.
316
00:12:56,140 --> 00:12:59,060
That's for givin' me a coma,
ya fickle ponce!
317
00:12:59,190 --> 00:13:00,100
Get up!
318
00:13:00,230 --> 00:13:02,230
I was in desperate need of a good workout.
319
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,360
Gaw!
320
00:13:03,480 --> 00:13:04,820
Blasted Malomars,
321
00:13:04,940 --> 00:13:06,110
my tits are back!
322
00:13:06,240 --> 00:13:08,610
And a few poppers later,
323
00:13:08,740 --> 00:13:10,410
Kiki gave me one, by God.
324
00:13:10,530 --> 00:13:14,660
And a thousand sweat-soaked
silent sorries later,
325
00:13:14,790 --> 00:13:17,370
we were back together.
326
00:13:17,500 --> 00:13:20,080
Anyway, you can read
all about it my memoirs...
327
00:13:22,540 --> 00:13:23,540
[WHIMPERING]
328
00:13:24,550 --> 00:13:26,750
Watch out! Incoming frog men!
329
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:27,920
Wow.
330
00:13:28,050 --> 00:13:30,880
Please don't touch the displays.
331
00:13:32,010 --> 00:13:33,680
RUSTY:
Sam in a sweater. Extra ice.
332
00:13:34,390 --> 00:13:35,310
Way to bodyguard.
333
00:13:35,430 --> 00:13:38,560
Well, he wasn't tryin'
to kill ya, so technically...
334
00:13:38,680 --> 00:13:39,770
You boys enjoying the party?
335
00:13:39,890 --> 00:13:41,100
Oh don't you even--!
336
00:13:41,230 --> 00:13:42,480
Everything's great, J.J.
337
00:13:42,610 --> 00:13:44,900
- You really outdid yourself.
- Great, great.
338
00:13:45,020 --> 00:13:46,820
Say, can I borrow him for a minute?
339
00:13:46,940 --> 00:13:49,110
There's this picture
I'm just dying to get
340
00:13:49,240 --> 00:13:50,240
while everyone's here--
341
00:13:50,360 --> 00:13:53,450
J.J. I need to talk to you. Now.
342
00:13:53,570 --> 00:13:55,830
- Listen, can it wait, hon'?
- No, it cannot wait!
343
00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:58,160
You've been ignoring me
the entire night!
344
00:13:58,290 --> 00:14:00,790
You never told me you were
inviting Richard, and now he's--
345
00:14:00,920 --> 00:14:01,920
You're obviously upset
346
00:14:02,040 --> 00:14:04,130
and I want to be there for you,
Funnyface.
347
00:14:04,250 --> 00:14:06,590
Just hold that thought
and I'll be back in a mo'.
348
00:14:06,710 --> 00:14:08,340
[CHUCKLES]
Promise.
349
00:14:09,170 --> 00:14:10,880
[GRUNTS]
350
00:14:12,010 --> 00:14:16,140
I-I can't believe
you slept with Killer Manjaro.
351
00:14:16,260 --> 00:14:18,890
- I had no idea he was... you know.
- Neither did he.
352
00:14:19,020 --> 00:14:20,680
Till the day he tried to ambush me
353
00:14:20,810 --> 00:14:24,150
in the middle of a threesome
with Gore Vidal and Wally Schirra!
354
00:14:24,270 --> 00:14:26,480
Hey fellas, if I could
get you all to gather
355
00:14:26,610 --> 00:14:29,150
in the next room for a moment,
I'd like to-- W-What is this?
356
00:14:29,280 --> 00:14:30,690
Are you selling autographs?
357
00:14:30,820 --> 00:14:32,280
Like gangbusters!
358
00:14:32,400 --> 00:14:34,360
We made table money
in the first five minutes!
359
00:14:34,490 --> 00:14:35,870
Y-You can't do that here --
360
00:14:35,990 --> 00:14:37,870
you're cheapening the memory.
361
00:14:37,990 --> 00:14:40,750
Listen, pot noodle,
we are the memory, okay?
362
00:14:40,870 --> 00:14:44,750
Now I saw your "suggested donation"
box on the way in.
363
00:14:44,880 --> 00:14:46,580
So unless you're giving us
a cut of the door,
364
00:14:46,710 --> 00:14:48,340
I suggest you go roust Spiderman
365
00:14:48,460 --> 00:14:50,000
and the Great Gazoo over there.
366
00:14:50,130 --> 00:14:51,340
Look at them!
367
00:14:51,470 --> 00:14:54,970
Ratting us out to the man. Cowards!
368
00:14:56,800 --> 00:14:58,180
Incompetent fool!
369
00:14:58,310 --> 00:15:01,220
The man should be wearing
a rubber ass on his face instead!
370
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:03,940
But why ally myself with
Scara-mental-case
371
00:15:04,060 --> 00:15:05,690
when there's plenty of evil to work with
372
00:15:05,810 --> 00:15:07,060
right here in this room?
373
00:15:07,190 --> 00:15:11,030
This entire museum
is a psychic powder keg!
374
00:15:11,150 --> 00:15:13,700
All I need do is light the match!
375
00:15:14,450 --> 00:15:17,530
BRAINULO:
You want those, don't you?
376
00:15:17,660 --> 00:15:18,700
Take them!
377
00:15:20,120 --> 00:15:23,500
She doesn't love you anymore
and she shan't again.
378
00:15:23,620 --> 00:15:25,330
Feel the burn!
379
00:15:25,460 --> 00:15:27,380
You gotta do somethin', captain!
380
00:15:27,500 --> 00:15:28,540
Not for nuthin', but,
381
00:15:28,670 --> 00:15:30,250
he's drivin' us up a friggin' wall here!
382
00:15:30,380 --> 00:15:32,090
800 napkins, and he makes me
383
00:15:32,210 --> 00:15:33,880
re-fold every last one of them.
384
00:15:34,010 --> 00:15:36,220
"I told you triangles," he says.
385
00:15:36,340 --> 00:15:38,260
And it's the way he tells ya stuff.
386
00:15:38,390 --> 00:15:40,390
Like he's sayin' it all nice,
387
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:42,720
but then he's really
sticking it to ya, like,
388
00:15:42,850 --> 00:15:44,020
between the lines.
389
00:15:44,140 --> 00:15:46,770
Look, believe me,
I hear ya, little Joe.
390
00:15:46,900 --> 00:15:49,110
But the chairman's been
good to all of us.
391
00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:51,900
He's just under a lotta stress
right now with the openin'.
392
00:15:52,030 --> 00:15:53,650
Things was better before.
393
00:15:53,780 --> 00:15:56,030
Things was better when
you was our leader.
394
00:15:56,160 --> 00:15:58,530
We was stuck in
the Sargassum for ten years.
395
00:15:58,660 --> 00:16:00,160
Yeah, but we was free!
396
00:16:00,280 --> 00:16:01,990
We was pirates!
397
00:16:02,120 --> 00:16:04,580
Now we're nuthin' but a buncha
trained monkeys.
398
00:16:04,710 --> 00:16:06,750
And he's made you
the biggest monkey of all.
399
00:16:06,870 --> 00:16:07,870
No disrespect.
400
00:16:08,000 --> 00:16:09,000
JONAS:
Captain?
401
00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:10,630
Captain, where did you get off to?
402
00:16:10,750 --> 00:16:12,710
We're taking the picture!
403
00:16:12,840 --> 00:16:14,050
Alright.
404
00:16:14,170 --> 00:16:15,260
You got it, Hector?
405
00:16:15,380 --> 00:16:17,590
Okay, come on in here, Swift!
406
00:16:17,720 --> 00:16:18,930
Where do you want me?
407
00:16:19,050 --> 00:16:21,260
Oh, I forgot, you weren't
in the original.
408
00:16:21,390 --> 00:16:22,350
You want to take it?
409
00:16:22,470 --> 00:16:23,890
I seem to have lost my captain.
410
00:16:24,020 --> 00:16:25,390
I'm right here, damn it.
411
00:16:25,520 --> 00:16:27,100
Guess I don't need you after all, Rust.
412
00:16:27,230 --> 00:16:28,980
Captain's a heckuva shutterbug,
413
00:16:29,100 --> 00:16:30,610
though not a very punctual one.
414
00:16:30,730 --> 00:16:32,820
Oh yah, ya got the shutter speed set
415
00:16:32,940 --> 00:16:33,900
way too low there.
416
00:16:34,030 --> 00:16:35,820
Wait, someone's missing.
417
00:16:35,940 --> 00:16:37,070
Ook-ook!
418
00:16:37,200 --> 00:16:39,860
Captain! Come and be our Ook-Ook.
419
00:16:39,990 --> 00:16:41,620
Ya could photoshop'm in later...
420
00:16:41,740 --> 00:16:43,530
Come on, it'll be fun!
421
00:16:43,660 --> 00:16:46,200
Aw, geez... Ya mind, Rusty?
422
00:16:46,330 --> 00:16:47,910
Richard! You should take it.
423
00:16:48,040 --> 00:16:50,290
You took the original --
how perfect!
424
00:16:50,420 --> 00:16:53,460
- O-Okay.
- Oh, oh wait, cap.
425
00:16:53,590 --> 00:16:55,460
Take your shirt off and slouch.
426
00:16:55,590 --> 00:16:57,260
You're supposed to be a caveman!
427
00:16:57,380 --> 00:16:58,930
No! I'm not comfortable with th--
428
00:16:59,050 --> 00:17:02,050
Come on, be a sport. It'll be riot!
429
00:17:02,180 --> 00:17:04,470
Look, yer pushin'
me buttons now, chairman.
430
00:17:04,600 --> 00:17:06,180
I've had about alls I can take!
431
00:17:06,310 --> 00:17:08,350
Ya been runnin' me ragged all day
432
00:17:08,480 --> 00:17:12,900
and I'm tired a'bein'
yer dangblasted trained monkey! Eh!
433
00:17:13,020 --> 00:17:15,270
That's for callin'
Ook-Ook a monkey!
434
00:17:15,400 --> 00:17:17,610
Fellers? You were right.
435
00:17:17,740 --> 00:17:20,860
Now who feels like bein'
a pirate again?!
436
00:17:20,990 --> 00:17:23,200
[CHEERING]
437
00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:28,580
BRAINULO:
Khe San, 1970.
438
00:17:28,710 --> 00:17:31,000
You still hear the cries
of the children
439
00:17:31,130 --> 00:17:34,000
as you burned their village.
Work with that!
440
00:17:35,130 --> 00:17:38,170
You fantasize about conquering
441
00:17:38,590 --> 00:17:40,090
the mother from Growing Pains?!
442
00:17:40,220 --> 00:17:43,510
Aw, yeah, that episode where
they showed her in the bathtub--?
443
00:17:43,640 --> 00:17:45,680
Uh wha, eh.
444
00:17:45,810 --> 00:17:47,180
Sally!
445
00:17:47,310 --> 00:17:49,180
Yes! Here we go.
446
00:17:49,310 --> 00:17:51,690
Sally!
447
00:17:51,810 --> 00:17:54,770
I did it all for you, Sally.
448
00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,780
Hoo-- oh.
449
00:18:00,240 --> 00:18:01,610
[PIRATES YELLING]
450
00:18:01,740 --> 00:18:03,660
[NED GROANING]
451
00:18:03,780 --> 00:18:05,200
Don't fight! Don't fight, little man!
452
00:18:05,330 --> 00:18:07,790
This is gonna be one of
those "things," isn't it?
453
00:18:07,910 --> 00:18:08,830
Hmm?
454
00:18:08,950 --> 00:18:11,080
I mean, you get a bunch
of shortfused, costumed idiots
455
00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:13,880
together in one room like this
and what do you think's gonna happen?
456
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,380
Any minute now,
stuff's gonna start blowing up,
457
00:18:16,500 --> 00:18:18,630
guys'll be throwing each other
into other guys.
458
00:18:18,760 --> 00:18:20,840
- Yeah. Probably.
- Huh.
459
00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:23,590
You know, when you're not
the one in the middle of it all for once,
460
00:18:23,720 --> 00:18:25,720
it's actually totally, completely obvious.
461
00:18:25,850 --> 00:18:27,760
Uh-huh. Welcome to my life.
462
00:18:27,890 --> 00:18:29,520
[GIGGLING]
463
00:18:32,390 --> 00:18:34,730
Boys! C'mon, we're going.
464
00:18:34,860 --> 00:18:36,730
Ahoy there!
465
00:18:36,860 --> 00:18:38,570
Listen up, all of ya!
466
00:18:38,690 --> 00:18:41,900
We're takin' this ship! Yar!
467
00:18:42,030 --> 00:18:43,650
Yo ho, ho!
468
00:18:43,780 --> 00:18:46,410
Jinky! It's pirates!
469
00:18:46,910 --> 00:18:49,370
Go, Team Venture!
470
00:18:50,620 --> 00:18:53,710
[BLOWS LANDING, GRUNTING]
471
00:18:59,050 --> 00:19:01,300
Weee!
472
00:19:01,420 --> 00:19:05,300
Yes! Yes!
Dance, my puppets!
473
00:19:05,430 --> 00:19:06,430
Dance!
474
00:19:12,560 --> 00:19:14,310
JONAS:
I never met my father.
475
00:19:14,440 --> 00:19:17,770
All of my memories of him come
from these old films,
476
00:19:17,900 --> 00:19:19,190
the items on display here
477
00:19:19,320 --> 00:19:22,780
at the Jonas Venture Junior
Museum of Jonas Venture
478
00:19:22,900 --> 00:19:26,910
and the anecdotes that you,
those closest to him
479
00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:28,780
have been kind enough
to share with me...
480
00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:30,200
No! No!
481
00:19:30,330 --> 00:19:32,700
You won't defeat me again, Venture!
482
00:19:32,830 --> 00:19:35,790
Strike them down,
my colossal metal friend!
483
00:19:35,920 --> 00:19:37,880
Now, while
their underdeveloped brains
484
00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,540
are drunk on saccharine
sentimentality!
485
00:19:40,670 --> 00:19:41,670
Dr. Venture.
486
00:19:41,800 --> 00:19:44,420
What would you say was your
greatest adventure
487
00:19:44,550 --> 00:19:46,630
and, eh, parenthetically eh...
488
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,140
what is your greatest invention?
489
00:19:48,260 --> 00:19:51,640
Well, Dick, those are both
excellent questions.
490
00:19:51,770 --> 00:19:54,430
But I'm afraid I only have
one answer --
491
00:19:54,560 --> 00:19:56,270
My son.
492
00:19:56,400 --> 00:19:58,440
CROWD:
Awwww. That's sweet.
493
00:19:59,610 --> 00:20:00,730
Captain?
494
00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:02,940
The house lights... please?
495
00:20:04,360 --> 00:20:05,950
You got it, chairman.
496
00:20:06,070 --> 00:20:09,660
Well, it seems my father
still has much to teach us.
497
00:20:09,780 --> 00:20:11,700
Which is exactly why I built
498
00:20:11,830 --> 00:20:15,160
the Jonas Venture Junior
Museum of Jonas Venture.
499
00:20:15,290 --> 00:20:20,210
To spread Dad's message
of hope, love and super-science.
500
00:20:20,340 --> 00:20:22,170
And now, if I may...
501
00:20:22,300 --> 00:20:26,380
I'd like to ask my brother
to say a few words. Rusty?
502
00:20:28,010 --> 00:20:30,760
But it's a melee!
You live for that crap!
503
00:20:30,890 --> 00:20:33,560
I'm your bodyguard. Not your brother's.
504
00:20:33,680 --> 00:20:35,520
He can put out his own fires.
505
00:20:35,640 --> 00:20:38,520
Come on! Move, damn you!
506
00:20:38,650 --> 00:20:40,690
Just lift one foot for me,
507
00:20:40,810 --> 00:20:43,400
step on someone. Anyone!
508
00:20:43,530 --> 00:20:45,030
Work with me here!
509
00:20:45,150 --> 00:20:47,570
[STRAINING]
510
00:20:52,580 --> 00:20:54,240
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]
511
00:20:54,370 --> 00:20:55,870
[ALARM BLARES]
512
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:58,750
[WOMAN ON PA SPEAKING ITALIAN]
513
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:01,080
Wow. Good call.
514
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:07,590
[MUTTERING]
515
00:21:07,720 --> 00:21:10,680
That was totally worth
crapping myself in front of everyone.
516
00:21:10,800 --> 00:21:11,720
[STAMMERS]
517
00:21:11,850 --> 00:21:13,600
Oh screw it, let's go!
518
00:21:13,720 --> 00:21:15,560
We come back to fight another day!
519
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:18,560
[GRUNTING]
520
00:21:18,690 --> 00:21:22,360
- Wait, Brock. Don't. We have to go back.
- Whaaat?
521
00:21:22,480 --> 00:21:25,780
He's family, Brock.
And... he's in trouble.
522
00:21:25,900 --> 00:21:27,690
He needs us.
523
00:21:27,820 --> 00:21:29,820
- Pff! Get the fuck outta here.
- Ha ha!
524
00:21:29,950 --> 00:21:32,410
Had you goin' for a minute,
there, didn't I? Huh?
525
00:21:32,530 --> 00:21:33,780
- Yeah.
- Had you goin'!
526
00:21:33,910 --> 00:21:34,870
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
527
00:21:34,990 --> 00:21:36,540
WOMAN [ON P.A.]:
Due...
528
00:21:38,000 --> 00:21:40,290
uno...
529
00:22:17,240 --> 00:22:18,540
[STRUGGLING, COUGHING]
530
00:22:18,660 --> 00:22:23,620
Oh, Richard, that was one of the
most selfless things I've ever seen.
531
00:22:23,750 --> 00:22:26,340
- Thank you...
- Yes, thank you, Richard.
532
00:22:26,460 --> 00:22:30,130
And you're welcome
in our home any time.
533
00:22:31,590 --> 00:22:33,050
Tell the truth.
534
00:22:33,102 --> 00:22:35,479
You was just tryin' to kill yourself,
weren't ya?
535
00:22:35,529 --> 00:22:40,079
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