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WWW.MY-SUBS.CO
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Something is wrong with Gizmo lately.
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He's morose, distracted.
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Like a man with a secret.
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I mean, he's still a
perfectly adequate familiar.
5
00:00:14,000 --> 00:00:16,236
But there's just something
not right about him.
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What it is, I don't know,
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but I intend to find out.
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So we're all here. That's good.
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- If I can have your undivided attention...
- What?
10
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- ... for a few minutes?
- Absolutely not.
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No.
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So, aren't you actually a vampire now?
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- Hmm?
- Didn't you pay your friend Derek
14
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- to turn you into a...
- We're not talking about that right now.
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He's behaving unusually.
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If there's anyone that can get
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to the bottom of this
kind of thing, it's me.
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Why? 'Cause I'm the king of bottoms.
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- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
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- As I was saying...
- Couple of questions. First one:
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- Why? And also...
- Okay, you know what?
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- ... who gives you the right?
- Okay, I was just...
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I have a follow-up to that.
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Okay.
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- Yeah.
- Nadja, Laszlo, Colin Robinson, please.
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I would like to hear
what Guillermo has to say.
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A lot has changed since you last saw me.
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I'm in a really good place.
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And it is all thanks to
an ancient book of wisdom
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I discovered that
laid buried in Laszlo's
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library of precious
volumes for years and years.
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This book has taught me to
focus on what is really important,
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like who is okay and who is not okay.
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Thank you for sharing, Guillermo.
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You are okay.
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- I didn't say anything yet.
- Then that is okay.
37
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Okay. I want to talk about
something very important.
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If this about my sexual intercourse,
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I saw the doctor and took the test.
40
00:02:10,015 --> 00:02:11,574
No, that was a Cosmo quiz that you took
41
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called "Which Sex and
the City Icon Are You?"
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- And I was Kim Cattrall.
- Ooh.
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- Ooh.
- Now, I haven't got a clue who
44
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that is, but as long as she's sexy
45
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- and down to fuck, bingo.
- Fine diagnosis.
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Okay, the thing I want to talk about is
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- vampire safety.
- Go on.
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You're all becoming very sloppy
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00:02:25,131 --> 00:02:26,861
covering your vampirisms
in public, okay?
50
00:02:26,872 --> 00:02:29,602
- It's becoming very dangerous.
- What is the big deal?
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If anyone notices,
we just hypnotize them
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- like we always do.
- No,
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you've been doing that
way too much lately.
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Yes, but I have getting
really okay at it.
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- You okay?
- I am fine.
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No, no, no. No, no.
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You will all forget
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that someone tripped and who it was.
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I just fear that the hypnosis is making
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the borough dumber and dumber.
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We live in Staten Island.
Nobody will notice.
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There are just some things
you will never understand
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because you're not a vampire.
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- Yeah.
- Very good point.
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Precisely.
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00:03:03,648 --> 00:03:05,193
But even if I was a vampire, I...
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We are not laughing with
you, we are laughing at you.
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You know what? Enough, okay?
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Don't count on me to always
be here to protect you.
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I'm not gonna be around forever.
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Really? Where will you
go, David Attenborough?
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- Right now?
- Yes.
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- Out of this room.
- Oh, finally.
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And that is okay.
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00:03:26,025 --> 00:03:28,228
Look, guys, please, can I
just have, like, a minute?
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00:03:28,239 --> 00:03:30,378
Please, can... You know what, fine.
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Fine. Let's get this over with.
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Lock the door.
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Lock the... Please look the door.
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So, yeah, 16 days ago,
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I made an impulsive
decision to have Derek...
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Make me a vampire.
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Sure, man.
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- Oh. Whoa. Not yet, sorry.
- Just a...
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I know, but just gonna take my...
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- cardigan off.
- Yeah, of course, of course.
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Just don't want anything on it.
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- My grandma gave it to me.
- Mm.
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00:03:52,386 --> 00:03:54,459
And... I was a little nervous at first,
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00:03:54,470 --> 00:03:57,811
and your first time
I guess always... is?
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Uh... Okay.
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00:04:00,764 --> 00:04:01,849
- Here we are.
- Yes.
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- Yeah.
- Yeah.
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I'm ready.
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00:04:08,467 --> 00:04:09,588
Derek,
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00:04:09,599 --> 00:04:11,669
customer toilet is clogged again.
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You know what? I got
to take care of this.
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00:04:13,000 --> 00:04:15,497
- Wait, what? Now?
- If I don't do it now, people just go
99
00:04:15,508 --> 00:04:17,631
on top of what's already
there, and believe me,
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- then no one's happy.
- Derek,
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later. After...
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Oh, yes, of course, yes.
103
00:04:21,981 --> 00:04:23,014
You know what? Trevor's
always telling me
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I have bad task management
skills, you know?
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First, turn you into a vampire.
106
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- Yes.
- Then I'll clean the toilets.
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I'm ready.
Derek moved in, and finally...
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What are you doing?
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Just... showing off
your... your sound machine.
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Why do you have it on
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"rainy night at the
leaky castle" setting?
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Ah...
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The creatures of the night.
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Such beautiful music they make.
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It also has a
setting for "banshee wail"...
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00:05:00,043 --> 00:05:03,144
- It's white noise.
- ... and "abandoned orphanage."
117
00:05:03,155 --> 00:05:04,421
"Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star."
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- Very creepy.
- Master, is there something that
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you needed to discuss with me?
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Yes.
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There is.
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Guillermo...
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we know why you have been acting so
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oddly lately.
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- You do?
- Mm.
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Are you-are you mad?
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Yes.
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We are mad at ourselves
for forgetting your birthday.
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I am okay and you are
okay, but this is not okay.
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00:05:35,567 --> 00:05:39,415
For a human,
a birthday is a terrible day.
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00:05:39,426 --> 00:05:42,328
- We have forgotten his birthday.
- Oh, yes.
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No, I really don't
think it's about his birthday.
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And if it is, what a bitch.
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- When is his birthday?
- Uh...
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I don't know, to be honest.
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Poor creatures only live for, like,
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two, 300 years, tops.
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00:05:56,364 --> 00:05:58,398
So we are taking you out
for a birthday dinner.
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Change into your nicest shitty sweater
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00:06:00,375 --> 00:06:02,470
- and we will see you at the restaurant.
- What...
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00:06:02,481 --> 00:06:03,949
What restaurant?
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So, full disclosure:
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I am back in the workforce.
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I'm Colin Robinson. I'll
be taking your order today.
145
00:06:19,145 --> 00:06:21,757
So, what are we thinking
about munching on?
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00:06:21,768 --> 00:06:25,413
I decided to take a break
from the office life.
147
00:06:25,424 --> 00:06:28,936
How about we set you two
up with some pro-sexy?
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00:06:28,947 --> 00:06:31,750
It's a fun way of saying prosecco.
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Prosecco is...
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Simply because the opportunities to feed
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00:06:36,135 --> 00:06:40,699
in the service industry
are so incredible.
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Dressing on the side. Ugh.
153
00:06:42,768 --> 00:06:44,703
Uh, I can ask the chef,
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00:06:44,714 --> 00:06:46,883
but it's probably a no go.
155
00:06:46,894 --> 00:06:49,097
- I hate to see you cry.
- I'm not crying.
156
00:06:49,108 --> 00:06:50,892
I just... I want...
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Pardon my reach.
158
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Oops.
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00:06:53,773 --> 00:06:55,508
Just wanted to check in on you two,
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see how everything's tasting.
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Think about desert.
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- Strip steak.
- Uh-huh.
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Medium-well.
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The Caesar salad but with no croutons.
165
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Are you sure you're getting all this?
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00:07:08,842 --> 00:07:11,645
Yeah, I-I never write anything down.
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I got it. I think I know you want.
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Bon appétit.
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Hey, folks, my name is Colin.
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I'll be your server this evening.
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Has your whole party arrived?
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No. Tonight, Gizmo arrives upon an Uber.
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00:07:26,966 --> 00:07:29,524
- Mm-hmm.
- Okay. They're really not supposed to
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00:07:29,535 --> 00:07:31,840
seat you until your
entire party has arrived.
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Can I ask you to go stand
in the crowded alcove
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where the cigarette smoke comes in?
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Fuck off. Just get us anything
so it looks like we're eating.
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Okey dokey, jalapeño
poppers, jalapeño poppers,
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00:07:42,884 --> 00:07:44,358
jalapeño poppers,
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00:07:44,369 --> 00:07:46,705
and one more per la tavola.
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00:07:46,716 --> 00:07:49,987
Koúkla mou, do you want
to come up and join us?
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00:07:49,998 --> 00:07:52,293
No, I hate you and I want to die.
183
00:07:52,304 --> 00:07:54,239
When I was running the vampire nightclub
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I may have got a little bit
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too much into the old, uh,
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00:07:58,844 --> 00:08:00,144
liquor blood.
187
00:08:01,633 --> 00:08:05,062
And then, one night, I
got so shit off my faced...
188
00:08:05,885 --> 00:08:07,920
that I sat on my dolly
189
00:08:07,976 --> 00:08:10,474
and I minced her legs with my wagon.
190
00:08:10,485 --> 00:08:11,881
Don't be such a Debbie Downer.
191
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,562
- Come and join in the human birthday party.
- Yes, eh?
192
00:08:14,573 --> 00:08:17,432
What you've done to my
legs is unforgivable.
193
00:08:17,443 --> 00:08:19,979
Nadja absolutely crushed my lower body.
194
00:08:20,212 --> 00:08:21,790
There's nothing wrong with my butt.
195
00:08:21,801 --> 00:08:24,033
Eh, I'll be the judge of that.
196
00:08:24,044 --> 00:08:25,746
And Colin Robinson's solution
197
00:08:25,757 --> 00:08:28,577
is something I very much do not like.
198
00:08:28,588 --> 00:08:31,381
Come on, you can be the
queen of the restaurant, huh?
199
00:08:31,392 --> 00:08:33,194
- Push the button, my darling.
- Don't you dare
200
00:08:33,205 --> 00:08:34,384
press the button on my toe.
201
00:08:34,395 --> 00:08:36,311
Oh, come on, it's so fun.
202
00:08:36,322 --> 00:08:37,714
♪ I feel good... ♪
203
00:08:37,725 --> 00:08:39,245
No! I don't actually feel good at all!
204
00:08:39,256 --> 00:08:40,933
♪ I knew that I would, now... ♪
205
00:08:40,944 --> 00:08:44,074
- I will never forgive you for destroying my...
- ♪ I feel good ♪
206
00:08:44,085 --> 00:08:46,659
- Wow! Peekaboo! Queen of Soul in the house.
- ♪ So good... ♪
207
00:08:46,670 --> 00:08:48,629
- Fuck-fuck-fuck you all! ♪ So good ♪
- I think so.
208
00:08:48,661 --> 00:08:50,096
- ♪ I got you. ♪
- Ow!
209
00:08:50,129 --> 00:08:51,927
Ow! Stop!
210
00:08:51,938 --> 00:08:53,633
Put me back under the table.
211
00:08:53,644 --> 00:08:56,091
- Oh, what have I done?
- You know what you did.
212
00:08:56,102 --> 00:08:57,660
You're never going to
forgive me, are you?
213
00:08:57,670 --> 00:08:59,646
Colin Robinson.
214
00:08:59,657 --> 00:09:00,953
- Yes, sir?
- Are those
215
00:09:00,964 --> 00:09:04,501
"yalapeño" whatevers... are
they coming any time soon?
216
00:09:04,512 --> 00:09:06,434
Oh, I'll ask your
server to check on those.
217
00:09:06,445 --> 00:09:09,091
- I thought you were our server.
- I'm on break.
218
00:09:09,102 --> 00:09:11,705
- My darling, what is on your mind?
- Yes.
219
00:09:12,084 --> 00:09:14,192
It's nothing, I just...
220
00:09:14,321 --> 00:09:16,077
I can't get something
out of my mind that
221
00:09:16,088 --> 00:09:18,417
that little pipsqueak Gizmo said about
222
00:09:18,428 --> 00:09:20,383
not being around forever.
223
00:09:20,394 --> 00:09:23,084
I mean, he could mean
that he's gonna die soon.
224
00:09:23,095 --> 00:09:24,630
- Right.
- That's something that, uh,
225
00:09:24,664 --> 00:09:25,851
- humans do.
- All the time.
226
00:09:25,862 --> 00:09:28,614
Or he could get his old job
at Panera Bread back.
227
00:09:28,625 --> 00:09:30,739
That's another thing all humans do
228
00:09:30,750 --> 00:09:32,817
- at some point. Or...
- Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
229
00:09:32,828 --> 00:09:36,712
I suppose eventually,
perhaps, he could...
230
00:09:38,004 --> 00:09:39,779
become a vampire himself.
231
00:09:39,812 --> 00:09:42,114
Fuck, no.
232
00:09:42,125 --> 00:09:45,528
- What an idiot.
- It could happen. It could happen.
233
00:09:45,607 --> 00:09:48,286
I don't understand why.
Why do you keep asking that?
234
00:09:48,297 --> 00:09:49,856
You were there, you saw what happened.
235
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:51,047
- Why are we going to...
- Guillermo, we're just trying to
236
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:52,907
understand it from your point of view.
237
00:09:52,918 --> 00:09:54,697
Derek leaned in...
238
00:09:54,944 --> 00:09:55,992
- Wait, stop!
- Oh, what?!
239
00:09:56,002 --> 00:09:58,030
Sorry. Have you done this before?
240
00:09:58,064 --> 00:10:00,499
Yeah. Tons of ti...
241
00:10:00,533 --> 00:10:02,156
Like, many dozens of times.
242
00:10:02,167 --> 00:10:05,663
- Derek.
- I'm... No. I haven't. No. Um, have you?
243
00:10:06,830 --> 00:10:08,627
Why doesn't Andy just do this?
244
00:10:08,674 --> 00:10:09,704
Who?
245
00:10:10,089 --> 00:10:11,378
Your master.
246
00:10:12,158 --> 00:10:13,812
You mean Nandor?
247
00:10:13,823 --> 00:10:15,282
Oh... Okay.
248
00:10:15,293 --> 00:10:17,412
That clears up so much for me.
249
00:10:17,423 --> 00:10:18,684
I mean, I kept thinking,
250
00:10:18,718 --> 00:10:20,786
"A vampire named Andy?
That's so random."
251
00:10:20,820 --> 00:10:23,044
It's not like he doesn't want to.
It's, like, he always says
252
00:10:23,055 --> 00:10:25,558
he's gonna get around to it, you know?
253
00:10:25,814 --> 00:10:28,661
He actually cares about me a lot,
and he does a lot of
254
00:10:28,694 --> 00:10:30,796
- really nice things for me.
- Oh.
255
00:10:35,468 --> 00:10:36,828
Oh, sorry, I'm just pausing.
256
00:10:36,839 --> 00:10:37,944
It's for the editors.
257
00:10:37,955 --> 00:10:40,332
They insert, probably, like,
a cute montage or something,
258
00:10:40,343 --> 00:10:41,774
of all the stuff he's done for me
259
00:10:41,807 --> 00:10:44,772
- over the years, so, might take a second.
- Okay.
260
00:10:44,783 --> 00:10:46,200
- Oh, okay.
- Yeah.
261
00:10:53,154 --> 00:10:54,677
Are you sure you want to do this?
262
00:10:54,688 --> 00:10:55,988
Yes.
263
00:10:56,044 --> 00:10:58,217
No, I still absolutely
want to be a vampire.
264
00:10:58,228 --> 00:11:01,060
- I just didn't think it would happen like this.
- Mm.
265
00:11:01,093 --> 00:11:03,197
I don't know, maybe it's,
like, deep down inside,
266
00:11:03,208 --> 00:11:07,192
my psyche is just telling me that
I'm really not ready to, like...
267
00:11:07,203 --> 00:11:10,058
Oh, shit! What the fuck are you doing?!
268
00:11:10,069 --> 00:11:12,636
Oh, oh, oh.
269
00:11:12,647 --> 00:11:14,312
I'm sorry, I-I thought
you said you were ready.
270
00:11:14,323 --> 00:11:15,630
I wasn't ready!
271
00:11:15,641 --> 00:11:17,065
I heard "ready!" I just heard "ready!"
272
00:11:17,076 --> 00:11:18,511
I think he hit an artery.
273
00:11:18,544 --> 00:11:20,798
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa! ¡Puta madre!
274
00:11:21,078 --> 00:11:22,178
Oh!
275
00:11:22,189 --> 00:11:24,409
And it was just like...
276
00:11:25,022 --> 00:11:28,588
Aah! Fucking shit! Oh!
277
00:11:28,621 --> 00:11:30,581
Be honest with me. Is it bad?
278
00:11:30,592 --> 00:11:33,074
Hold still, let me look.
Uh, yeah, it's bad.
279
00:11:33,085 --> 00:11:35,240
Oh! ¡Puta madre!
280
00:11:35,251 --> 00:11:37,004
Okay, I got to drink your blood.
281
00:11:37,015 --> 00:11:39,064
Ooh. That is gonna be
a sticking point for me.
282
00:11:39,075 --> 00:11:41,081
- Why is that?
- Because I'm a bit of a fainter.
283
00:11:41,092 --> 00:11:43,396
- I have low blood pressure.
- What?
284
00:11:44,084 --> 00:11:46,426
If I'm being honest, you
people can be real parasites.
285
00:11:46,437 --> 00:11:48,142
I mean, why do I need to repeat myself?
286
00:11:48,153 --> 00:11:50,596
You were there, you saw the
blood. Thank you so much,
287
00:11:50,607 --> 00:11:51,933
- and I will be giving you five stars.
- Yeah.
288
00:11:51,944 --> 00:11:54,089
And you know what? I'm done.
I'm off to my birthday dinner
289
00:11:54,100 --> 00:11:55,298
when it's not really my birthday.
290
00:11:55,309 --> 00:11:59,069
Imagine Guillermo flying
around in his little short legs.
291
00:11:59,080 --> 00:12:01,590
- I enjoy that joke.
- That's made my night.
292
00:12:01,601 --> 00:12:03,804
What's so funny? What'd I miss?
293
00:12:03,815 --> 00:12:05,884
Hey, gang.
294
00:12:06,761 --> 00:12:09,592
Hi. Do you mind if I
borrow? Thank you so much.
295
00:12:09,785 --> 00:12:11,641
- That's me.
- What's so funny?
296
00:12:11,652 --> 00:12:12,652
Oh, nothing.
297
00:12:12,663 --> 00:12:14,802
We were doing the joke where we imagine
298
00:12:14,813 --> 00:12:17,592
that you have become a vampire.
299
00:12:18,105 --> 00:12:19,925
I don't know why that's so laughable.
300
00:12:19,936 --> 00:12:23,157
- Could you imagine Grahame as a vampire?
- I know!
301
00:12:23,168 --> 00:12:26,185
He would be just a little
bat with diarrhea, like...
302
00:12:26,196 --> 00:12:28,045
Flying and then...
303
00:12:28,056 --> 00:12:30,128
Why do I always shit in your scenarios?
304
00:12:30,139 --> 00:12:32,243
Guillermo, I'm
sorry. Eventually, of course,
305
00:12:32,254 --> 00:12:36,117
I will definitely be turning you into
a vampire when the time is right.
306
00:12:36,128 --> 00:12:39,204
But you got to admit,
it's a funny image.
307
00:12:39,215 --> 00:12:41,176
With the big glasses.
308
00:12:41,187 --> 00:12:43,409
Or a shitty woolen cape.
309
00:12:43,847 --> 00:12:44,979
What if-what if I didn't wait
310
00:12:44,990 --> 00:12:47,239
till I felt like you
thought the time was right?
311
00:12:47,250 --> 00:12:49,209
- What do you mean?
- What if, hypothetically,
312
00:12:49,220 --> 00:12:51,644
walking down the street,
and then Dracula...
313
00:12:51,655 --> 00:12:53,541
Dracula?
314
00:12:53,552 --> 00:12:56,947
He says, "Do you want
me to make you into a vampire?"
315
00:12:58,190 --> 00:12:59,858
And I said yes?
316
00:13:06,646 --> 00:13:10,551
A familiar going to a
vampire who is not his master
317
00:13:10,562 --> 00:13:12,464
and asking him to turn him?
318
00:13:12,475 --> 00:13:15,297
Now, I am a fan of edgy comedy,
319
00:13:15,677 --> 00:13:18,099
but that is no laughing matter.
320
00:13:18,110 --> 00:13:19,569
I'm not entirely sure we should be
321
00:13:19,580 --> 00:13:22,044
talking about any of this out loud.
322
00:13:22,055 --> 00:13:23,950
But it's okay. I
was just saying hypothetically.
323
00:13:23,983 --> 00:13:26,811
Hypothetically,
what you are talking about
324
00:13:26,822 --> 00:13:28,857
is the greatest humiliation
325
00:13:28,868 --> 00:13:32,206
a familiar could bestow upon his master.
326
00:13:33,626 --> 00:13:35,860
If that were to happen, Guillermo...
327
00:13:38,703 --> 00:13:40,201
then I will kill you.
328
00:13:41,773 --> 00:13:44,786
I would not like to do it,
but I would have to do it.
329
00:13:44,797 --> 00:13:46,774
And then I would kill myself,
330
00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:48,681
which I would not like either.
331
00:13:48,692 --> 00:13:53,781
There are some things
about which we do not joke.
332
00:13:53,792 --> 00:13:55,263
Obee-kaybee.
333
00:13:55,274 --> 00:14:00,155
I have six plates of veggie
dumplings and a chocolate pudding.
334
00:14:00,166 --> 00:14:02,896
- That looks...
- Mm, brown.
335
00:14:02,981 --> 00:14:05,656
- Thank you.
- ... like shit.
336
00:14:11,128 --> 00:14:14,890
Well, it was a nice
dinner, so you have had a
337
00:14:14,901 --> 00:14:17,054
to distract you from the
fact you will soon die.
338
00:14:17,065 --> 00:14:19,200
- You are welcome.
- Hear, hear. Well said.
339
00:14:19,211 --> 00:14:21,293
And, for your birthday wish,
340
00:14:21,304 --> 00:14:23,309
we all promise to do a much better job
341
00:14:23,342 --> 00:14:26,231
of blending in, as you requested.
342
00:14:26,242 --> 00:14:27,801
I guess I'll see you back at the hou...
343
00:14:27,812 --> 00:14:31,079
Okay. I'm just gonna get
some stuff at the mall.
344
00:14:31,268 --> 00:14:33,437
What is "mawrl?"
345
00:14:35,146 --> 00:14:37,146
I have heard -Oh, ho!
346
00:14:37,157 --> 00:14:40,260
about this thing called mall.
347
00:14:40,271 --> 00:14:43,508
But I thought it was a myth, a rumor,
348
00:14:43,519 --> 00:14:46,948
a fairy tale made up by an insane child.
349
00:14:46,959 --> 00:14:48,819
- This, I have to see.
- Maybe I shouldn't
350
00:14:48,835 --> 00:14:50,664
have mentioned anything
about the mall. That's on me.
351
00:14:50,675 --> 00:14:52,166
I take responsibility for that.
352
00:14:52,177 --> 00:14:55,330
Okay, this is the mall.
353
00:14:55,341 --> 00:14:58,962
Just sit down and people-watch,
do whatever you want
354
00:14:58,973 --> 00:15:00,207
while sitting down.
355
00:15:00,218 --> 00:15:02,905
I'm gonna get some new
glasses and a footlocker
356
00:15:02,916 --> 00:15:04,773
- and then we can go home.
- It is rising!
357
00:15:04,784 --> 00:15:06,026
- That's an elevator.
- Ah.
358
00:15:06,037 --> 00:15:08,134
- So just stay here.
- Great.
359
00:15:08,145 --> 00:15:10,091
- Yes, we understand.
- Okay, great.
360
00:15:10,102 --> 00:15:11,368
- I'll be right back.
- All right. Yeah.
361
00:15:11,379 --> 00:15:13,301
I'm gonna get you some new knickers.
362
00:15:13,312 --> 00:15:14,773
What is Sephora?
363
00:15:14,784 --> 00:15:18,192
Gilly's Gifts. Very nice.
364
00:15:18,203 --> 00:15:20,433
This mall has a Guillermo's Gifts?
365
00:15:20,466 --> 00:15:22,792
Uh, I'm not sure.
366
00:15:23,159 --> 00:15:25,831
That is fine. I will explore.
367
00:15:25,925 --> 00:15:28,973
I would like you to tell
me more about this product.
368
00:15:28,984 --> 00:15:31,179
- Well, that's Shrek.
- Great.
369
00:15:31,190 --> 00:15:33,445
Ring me up. And also...
370
00:15:33,456 --> 00:15:36,872
I would like you to honor
these special coupons.
371
00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:41,185
I will honor this coupon
for a free oil change
372
00:15:41,196 --> 00:15:43,717
that expired 18 years ago...
373
00:15:43,728 --> 00:15:45,913
- Yes.
- ... and this one that's
374
00:15:45,924 --> 00:15:50,356
just a cut-out photo of Ryan
Seacrest from a magazine.
375
00:15:51,477 --> 00:15:53,999
- Will it work?
- Yes, of course it will work.
376
00:15:54,010 --> 00:15:57,372
We are going to fix this,
and this is how we do it.
377
00:15:57,719 --> 00:15:58,877
Sorry about that.
378
00:15:58,888 --> 00:16:00,856
- So, did we make a selection?
- Yes.
379
00:16:00,867 --> 00:16:03,567
I am looking for the
exact proportions of
380
00:16:03,578 --> 00:16:07,211
Venus herself when her pussy
was serving witches tea,
381
00:16:07,222 --> 00:16:09,784
nipples so sharp they're
on the most wanted list,
382
00:16:09,795 --> 00:16:12,160
and a taint that can
sign its own checks.
383
00:16:12,171 --> 00:16:16,458
Uh... I meant more like,
which hat did you want?
384
00:16:16,469 --> 00:16:19,325
Oh, yes. Rainbow sombrero for sure.
385
00:16:19,358 --> 00:16:21,088
Okay.
386
00:16:21,099 --> 00:16:23,325
What is wrong now?
387
00:16:23,336 --> 00:16:26,464
You didn't even ask for my opinion.
388
00:16:26,475 --> 00:16:28,002
What the hell are you talking about?
389
00:16:28,013 --> 00:16:30,522
Did you not hear what
I said about the taint?
390
00:16:30,533 --> 00:16:34,023
Malls are fascinating places
full of fascinating things.
391
00:16:35,071 --> 00:16:36,322
That's a baby village.
392
00:16:36,333 --> 00:16:38,577
Makes sense to keep
them all in one place.
393
00:16:38,588 --> 00:16:39,862
That's called London Shoes.
394
00:16:39,873 --> 00:16:41,674
Now, if those shoes
were really from London,
395
00:16:41,685 --> 00:16:43,353
they'd be covered in shit.
396
00:16:43,661 --> 00:16:44,977
Bikini Warehouse.
397
00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:47,827
- Must be a front for a brothel.
- Excuse me.
398
00:16:47,838 --> 00:16:50,522
- Hi. Would you like to sample our new scent, Noir?
- No, fuck off.
399
00:16:50,533 --> 00:16:53,415
Can't be sidetracked
with cheap sex potions.
400
00:16:53,426 --> 00:16:54,794
Question still remains.
401
00:16:54,952 --> 00:16:56,620
What is Gizmo up to?
402
00:17:07,021 --> 00:17:09,948
Hyah! Prepare to be pillaged!
403
00:17:10,387 --> 00:17:11,956
- Laszlo!
- Shut up.
404
00:17:11,967 --> 00:17:13,822
- I found John!
- Idiot.
405
00:17:13,833 --> 00:17:15,384
- It's John!
- Fucking idiot.
406
00:17:15,395 --> 00:17:18,551
Make this thing go faster!
407
00:17:18,562 --> 00:17:21,462
That was, uh, some
pretty heavy stuff at dinner, huh?
408
00:17:23,122 --> 00:17:26,580
Just stuff I did not
even, I didn't even...
409
00:17:28,045 --> 00:17:29,447
know.
410
00:17:30,793 --> 00:17:32,242
Sorry.
411
00:17:32,253 --> 00:17:34,567
Where was I? Um...
412
00:17:35,166 --> 00:17:37,836
I was hemorrhaging
profusely, uh, about to die.
413
00:17:37,952 --> 00:17:40,361
- You good?
- Yeah.
414
00:17:40,641 --> 00:17:42,143
- Yeah, I think so.
- Well, that's good.
415
00:17:42,154 --> 00:17:44,380
- 'Cause I haven't done it yet.
- Oh, dude.
416
00:17:44,391 --> 00:17:45,835
Other people's blood I'm fine with.
417
00:17:45,846 --> 00:17:48,136
But the sight of my own? No, thank you.
418
00:17:48,147 --> 00:17:49,643
You know, when I think
about fainting, I faint.
419
00:17:51,768 --> 00:17:53,618
It's really hard to break the skin.
420
00:17:53,749 --> 00:17:55,585
- Um...
- I'm running out of time here, buddy.
421
00:17:55,596 --> 00:17:58,126
Here. Why don't you slice
me up with this box cutter?
422
00:17:58,137 --> 00:17:59,305
Are you sure? It's gonna hurt.
423
00:17:59,316 --> 00:18:02,068
- I'm a vampire. I think I can handle it.
- Okay.
424
00:18:04,322 --> 00:18:05,867
- Did you do it?
- Yeah, I did.
425
00:18:05,878 --> 00:18:07,209
- But don't look because...
- Don't look at what?
426
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,443
- Oh, shit.
- No, Derek.
427
00:18:08,454 --> 00:18:09,755
No.
428
00:18:15,107 --> 00:18:18,617
The deed is done. The die is cast.
429
00:18:19,296 --> 00:18:21,676
There's no turning...
430
00:18:29,692 --> 00:18:30,841
Derek.
431
00:18:32,242 --> 00:18:33,370
Toilet again.
432
00:18:34,843 --> 00:18:36,161
Oh...
433
00:18:36,172 --> 00:18:38,546
Okay, sorry, dude, I got
to go take care of this.
434
00:18:38,557 --> 00:18:40,615
Oh, shit. Dude?
435
00:18:40,884 --> 00:18:42,599
Dude?
436
00:18:48,165 --> 00:18:49,633
So, yeah.
437
00:18:51,196 --> 00:18:52,464
That's where we're at.
438
00:18:57,513 --> 00:18:59,520
It seems to be a process.
439
00:18:59,626 --> 00:19:03,432
I thought the transformation
would be faster,
440
00:19:03,443 --> 00:19:05,545
but I haven't drank blood.
441
00:19:05,556 --> 00:19:07,584
I can still eat human foods.
442
00:19:07,831 --> 00:19:11,568
In fact, my appetite for
very rare meat is ravenous.
443
00:19:14,079 --> 00:19:16,481
My teeth are totally normal and...
444
00:19:16,755 --> 00:19:18,790
I don't feel any sexier.
445
00:19:19,283 --> 00:19:21,519
I can still go out into the sun.
446
00:19:24,394 --> 00:19:26,830
I can't fly or turn into a bat. Yet.
447
00:19:26,841 --> 00:19:27,923
Bat!
448
00:19:28,714 --> 00:19:30,182
Human form.
449
00:19:30,506 --> 00:19:34,968
I thought the transformation would
be overnight, but it's been 16 days.
450
00:19:34,979 --> 00:19:37,036
Which is why I've been
keeping it a secret.
451
00:19:37,670 --> 00:19:39,346
I was kind of holding off for that big
452
00:19:39,357 --> 00:19:41,392
"wow factor" for the
reveal, but at this point,
453
00:19:41,425 --> 00:19:43,051
I don't even think I
should tell them because...
454
00:19:43,062 --> 00:19:45,603
- Mr. de la Corz?
- Uh, so sorry about that.
455
00:19:45,614 --> 00:19:46,856
De la Cruz? That's me.
456
00:19:46,867 --> 00:19:48,183
- De la Cruz.
- Hi.
457
00:19:48,217 --> 00:19:50,620
How long have you been wearing
glasses with this prescription?
458
00:19:50,652 --> 00:19:52,795
Oh, since I was three or four?
459
00:19:52,806 --> 00:19:53,989
I-I don't know who screwed up here,
460
00:19:54,022 --> 00:19:56,954
but you actually don't
need glasses at all.
461
00:19:56,965 --> 00:20:00,182
According to the eye exam you just did,
you have 20/20 vision.
462
00:20:00,193 --> 00:20:02,420
It's actually better than 20/20 vision.
463
00:20:02,431 --> 00:20:03,699
- Whoa.
- Yeah.
464
00:20:03,872 --> 00:20:06,034
Well, that is...
465
00:20:06,068 --> 00:20:08,591
a super power.
466
00:20:08,836 --> 00:20:11,462
- Wow, that's... Wow.
- So, right now, you're wearing
467
00:20:11,473 --> 00:20:13,709
a very strong
prescription for no reason.
468
00:20:13,742 --> 00:20:15,067
- Let's stop doing that.
- Let's stop doing that.
469
00:20:15,077 --> 00:20:16,235
- Yeah.
- Yeah, okay.
470
00:20:16,245 --> 00:20:18,447
Would it be possible to just get a pair
471
00:20:18,480 --> 00:20:20,294
without a prescription?
472
00:20:20,305 --> 00:20:24,286
Just, I don't want people
to think I look... different.
473
00:20:24,457 --> 00:20:28,657
Uh, yeah. Sure.
You want the same frames or...
474
00:20:32,500 --> 00:20:34,469
Did you enjoy your birthday?
475
00:20:34,571 --> 00:20:36,064
It was all right, Master.
476
00:20:36,098 --> 00:20:38,017
I guess I wasn't really that hungry.
477
00:20:38,028 --> 00:20:39,830
And that is okay.
478
00:20:40,027 --> 00:20:41,295
Do the other side.
479
00:20:41,563 --> 00:20:43,270
- Master?
- Mm-hmm?
480
00:20:43,281 --> 00:20:45,483
If I accidentally
481
00:20:45,712 --> 00:20:47,532
got made into a vampire...
482
00:20:47,543 --> 00:20:49,132
- Mm-hmm?
- ... by somebody else,
483
00:20:49,143 --> 00:20:50,645
you wouldn't really...
484
00:20:51,298 --> 00:20:52,833
kill me, would you?
485
00:20:53,782 --> 00:20:55,450
Accidentally, you say?
486
00:20:56,224 --> 00:20:59,861
- Yes.
- Not intentionally?
487
00:21:01,050 --> 00:21:04,250
No, I guess... not.
488
00:21:04,261 --> 00:21:07,498
I'd still have to kill you.
What choice would I have?
489
00:21:07,826 --> 00:21:11,536
What about "vampire shall
not kill other vampire"?
490
00:21:11,547 --> 00:21:12,907
Guillermo, I don't like
491
00:21:12,918 --> 00:21:15,713
hypothetical brain-ticklers
before bedtime.
492
00:21:15,724 --> 00:21:17,417
- You know this.
- Right.
493
00:21:17,428 --> 00:21:19,174
Makes my head heat up.
494
00:21:19,385 --> 00:21:24,191
How's about a nice bedtime story?
495
00:21:24,202 --> 00:21:28,589
Okay. I did see this very
interesting movie the other night.
496
00:21:28,600 --> 00:21:31,698
- Oh, tell me.
- It was about this guy.
497
00:21:31,709 --> 00:21:34,279
And he got turned into a vampire.
498
00:21:34,290 --> 00:21:35,901
- Really?
- Yeah.
499
00:21:35,912 --> 00:21:37,862
But then he realizes that maybe
500
00:21:37,873 --> 00:21:41,178
he wasn't ready to be
turned into a vampire.
501
00:21:41,189 --> 00:21:42,191
Why not?
502
00:21:43,388 --> 00:21:46,668
He had his reasons.
But then he tries to find a way to
503
00:21:46,702 --> 00:21:48,694
stop the process of becoming
a vampire and rever...
504
00:21:48,704 --> 00:21:50,038
Guillermo, please.
505
00:21:50,527 --> 00:21:54,576
I don't like science-fiction stories
before bedtime either.
506
00:21:55,220 --> 00:21:57,546
- Yeah.
- That reminds me.
507
00:21:57,769 --> 00:21:59,737
I got you a birthday present.
508
00:21:59,827 --> 00:22:02,541
I heard you when you said
you wanted a footlocker.
509
00:22:02,552 --> 00:22:07,054
So I got you a footlocker.
510
00:22:07,065 --> 00:22:08,670
- Thank you, Master.
- Yes.
511
00:22:08,681 --> 00:22:11,749
You are welcome. Close the lid.
512
00:22:24,079 --> 00:22:27,104
Being a vampire is
no different than being a human.
513
00:22:27,194 --> 00:22:29,893
We're all just doing
what it takes to survive.
514
00:22:33,566 --> 00:22:36,169
We go on about our day.
515
00:22:36,290 --> 00:22:37,292
Blend in.
516
00:22:39,087 --> 00:22:40,989
Act like everyone else.
517
00:22:43,627 --> 00:22:45,896
But the truth is
518
00:22:45,973 --> 00:22:47,908
we're all just hiding in plain sight.
519
00:22:50,897 --> 00:22:55,897
- Synced and corrected by naFraC -
- www.MY-SUBS.com -
38681
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