Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:01,668 --> 00:00:04,103
No, Ray's still out of town
covering the Yankees.
2
00:00:04,105 --> 00:00:06,105
Yeah, I know.
3
00:00:06,107 --> 00:00:07,373
He's been gone for four days,
4
00:00:07,375 --> 00:00:09,508
and he's 16 minutes late.
5
00:00:11,277 --> 00:00:13,278
- Hey!
- Daddy! Daddy!
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:14,380
Grab that, Ray.
7
00:00:14,382 --> 00:00:16,215
Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!
8
00:00:16,217 --> 00:00:18,751
- All right--
- No, Ally, get off there.
9
00:00:18,753 --> 00:00:21,120
Get down.
Get down.
10
00:00:21,122 --> 00:00:22,521
- Mo.
- Matthew wants mo.
11
00:00:22,523 --> 00:00:23,622
Oh, okay, Matthew--
12
00:00:23,624 --> 00:00:24,723
And we got
a cleanup, aisle two.
13
00:00:24,725 --> 00:00:26,625
All right, here you go.
14
00:00:27,795 --> 00:00:28,594
- I'll get it.
- Ow!
15
00:00:28,596 --> 00:00:30,062
Dinnertime.
16
00:00:32,098 --> 00:00:34,633
Gregory's done.
17
00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:36,602
And Matthew's done.
18
00:00:36,604 --> 00:00:38,203
And Ally's done.
19
00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,538
Aaahh!
20
00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:44,176
Okay...
21
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:46,578
Cookie, cookie,
22
00:00:46,580 --> 00:00:48,680
and... cookie.
23
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,255
Hi, honey.
24
00:00:56,257 --> 00:00:58,057
Hi.
25
00:01:03,163 --> 00:01:04,296
Hi, I'm Ray.
26
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:05,764
I live here in Long Island
27
00:01:05,766 --> 00:01:08,367
with my wife, Debra,
28
00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:09,768
my five-year-old daughter,
29
00:01:09,770 --> 00:01:12,504
and twin
almost-two-year-old boys.
30
00:01:12,506 --> 00:01:15,307
My parents live
across the street.
31
00:01:15,309 --> 00:01:16,675
That's right.
32
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,710
The truth is,
I'd do anything for my family.
33
00:01:22,582 --> 00:01:24,716
And... done.
34
00:01:24,718 --> 00:01:27,352
Oh, no.
35
00:01:28,688 --> 00:01:31,123
Unh!
Debra!
36
00:01:31,125 --> 00:01:32,658
Honey!
37
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:36,095
Somebody!
Call my father!
38
00:01:36,097 --> 00:01:37,162
I'm hyperventilating!
39
00:01:43,203 --> 00:01:45,370
Oh, honey,
40
00:01:45,372 --> 00:01:47,306
I don't know how I survived
four days by myself.
41
00:01:47,308 --> 00:01:48,474
I know.
I know.
42
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,608
Hey, nobody hates
43
00:01:49,610 --> 00:01:52,244
going on the road more than me.
44
00:01:52,246 --> 00:01:54,480
It's miserable
for me out there.
45
00:01:54,482 --> 00:01:57,182
Hey, look at this.
Cal Ripken signed my hat.
46
00:01:57,184 --> 00:01:58,684
Oh, that's great.
Look at this.
47
00:01:58,686 --> 00:02:02,387
Gregory spit up on my shirt.
48
00:02:02,389 --> 00:02:03,388
I'm not trading.
49
00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,257
Okay.
50
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,192
Just be happy you made it
home for my birthday.
51
00:02:07,194 --> 00:02:08,627
That's all I can say.
Well, what?
52
00:02:08,629 --> 00:02:10,362
Of course I made it home
for your birthday.
53
00:02:10,364 --> 00:02:12,431
Are you kidding?
Your birthday is...
54
00:02:12,433 --> 00:02:13,532
- Sunday.
- Sunday.
55
00:02:13,534 --> 00:02:15,334
That's right.
Big party.
56
00:02:15,336 --> 00:02:16,835
And how old am I going to be?
57
00:02:16,837 --> 00:02:18,137
I know that.
58
00:02:18,139 --> 00:02:20,639
Ray... how old?
59
00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:24,610
All right, all right,
I just have to backtrack.
60
00:02:24,612 --> 00:02:27,146
Let's see,
when I proposed, you were 23.
61
00:02:27,148 --> 00:02:28,547
- Mm-hmm.
- You said no.
62
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,549
Right.
63
00:02:30,551 --> 00:02:32,851
Then I proposed.
You were 24.
64
00:02:32,853 --> 00:02:34,653
- No again.
- No again.
65
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:36,321
Right.
66
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:37,756
Then I took a year off
to regroup.
67
00:02:37,758 --> 00:02:39,158
Yup.
68
00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,726
Then I came back with a job.
69
00:02:40,728 --> 00:02:43,362
Boom!
Married.
70
00:02:43,364 --> 00:02:47,633
That would make you...
32...
71
00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:48,934
Ish.
72
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:50,435
All right, I'll accept that.
73
00:02:50,437 --> 00:02:52,771
Good, 'cause...
Big party.
74
00:02:52,773 --> 00:02:54,473
No, you know what?
I don't want the party.
75
00:02:54,475 --> 00:02:55,674
I just want a nice day at home
76
00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:58,477
with my favorite husband
and my kids, okay?
77
00:02:58,479 --> 00:03:02,481
Okay, and I guess my parents
and my brother too, right?
78
00:03:04,417 --> 00:03:06,952
My parents and my brother?
79
00:03:06,954 --> 00:03:08,420
What?
80
00:03:08,422 --> 00:03:10,689
Ray,
it's just that--
81
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,691
Look, you know I love them.
82
00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,393
They're my family too.
83
00:03:14,395 --> 00:03:17,429
But I was wondering if perhaps
84
00:03:17,431 --> 00:03:19,464
we wouldn't have
them over on Sunday.
85
00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:20,599
Well, why not?
86
00:03:20,601 --> 00:03:22,267
Well, it's just,
you know, honey,
87
00:03:22,269 --> 00:03:25,671
every day that you were gone,
they dropped by.
88
00:03:25,673 --> 00:03:27,506
And then your dad is always
waking up the kids.
89
00:03:27,508 --> 00:03:29,374
And now they don't
even call first.
90
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,876
Well, they live
across the street.
91
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,644
Why should they call?
It's quicker just to come by.
92
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:35,447
I know.
93
00:03:35,449 --> 00:03:36,582
It's like we're on the way.
94
00:03:36,584 --> 00:03:38,917
No, no, no, we are the way.
95
00:03:38,919 --> 00:03:40,686
We are where they're going.
96
00:03:40,688 --> 00:03:42,554
You see, now you're
exaggerating a little.
97
00:03:42,556 --> 00:03:44,323
You're home.
98
00:03:45,658 --> 00:03:46,825
Hi, mom.
99
00:03:46,827 --> 00:03:48,760
Hi, I saw your car
pull up before.
100
00:03:48,762 --> 00:03:49,761
You didn't call.
101
00:03:49,763 --> 00:03:52,297
Oh...
102
00:03:52,299 --> 00:03:53,532
Hi, Debra,
103
00:03:53,534 --> 00:03:55,601
I brought you some baking soda
for your fridge.
104
00:03:55,603 --> 00:03:58,937
I smelled something
questionable.
105
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:00,305
From across the street?
106
00:04:00,307 --> 00:04:04,543
No, when I was here yesterday.
107
00:04:04,545 --> 00:04:06,478
Okay.
108
00:04:06,480 --> 00:04:07,980
Ooh, it's worse!
109
00:04:07,982 --> 00:04:09,281
Oh, now, that's just--
110
00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:11,316
Okay, all right,
okay, all right.
111
00:04:11,318 --> 00:04:13,452
Ma, listen, ma,
we can buy our own baking soda.
112
00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:15,954
I know, sweetie, but you don't.
113
00:04:15,956 --> 00:04:18,423
Ooh, what have we here?
114
00:04:18,425 --> 00:04:20,792
Oh, I'll get you
some club soda for that too.
115
00:04:20,794 --> 00:04:22,761
No, ma, we have club soda, ma.
116
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:24,263
No, your father finished it.
117
00:04:24,265 --> 00:04:26,331
I'll see you later.
118
00:04:30,036 --> 00:04:33,272
Oh, it comes from love.
119
00:04:35,808 --> 00:04:38,377
Look, if you want, maybe
I'll talk to my father about it.
120
00:04:38,379 --> 00:04:40,012
Well, while
you're talking to him,
121
00:04:40,014 --> 00:04:42,914
would you mind mentioning
the answering machine?
122
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,916
Is he playing back
the messages again?
123
00:04:44,918 --> 00:04:45,917
I changed the code.
124
00:04:45,919 --> 00:04:48,687
Well, he cracked it.
125
00:04:48,689 --> 00:04:50,489
I hope everyone's doing good.
126
00:04:50,491 --> 00:04:51,957
And, Debra, you ought to call
Linda back.
127
00:04:51,959 --> 00:04:53,425
She sounds like she had
128
00:04:53,427 --> 00:04:54,993
a very interesting visit
to the gyno.
129
00:04:57,431 --> 00:05:00,666
That's funny.
That's--
130
00:05:00,668 --> 00:05:03,468
You know, it's not
for everybody, okay?
131
00:05:03,470 --> 00:05:05,470
Look, he's fooling around.
132
00:05:05,472 --> 00:05:06,538
That's what he does.
133
00:05:06,540 --> 00:05:08,407
He's like one of those guys,
134
00:05:08,409 --> 00:05:09,808
what do you call them?
135
00:05:09,810 --> 00:05:12,444
An idiot.
136
00:05:12,446 --> 00:05:14,613
But do they have to bring
your brother over?
137
00:05:14,615 --> 00:05:16,515
My brother lives with them.
138
00:05:16,517 --> 00:05:17,816
He doesn't like staying alone.
139
00:05:17,818 --> 00:05:20,419
He's 40, Ray.
140
00:05:20,421 --> 00:05:23,488
Come on, he loves the kids.
141
00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:26,024
You know, the way
he has to touch every bite
142
00:05:26,026 --> 00:05:28,660
to his chin
before he puts it in his mouth.
143
00:05:28,662 --> 00:05:30,095
That's--
It's weird.
144
00:05:30,097 --> 00:05:32,364
What?
That's an idiosyncrasy.
145
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,433
It's like when he's counting
and he gets to the number 12
146
00:05:34,435 --> 00:05:36,968
and he has to take
his shoes off.
147
00:05:36,970 --> 00:05:38,837
Everybody has those.
148
00:05:38,839 --> 00:05:41,073
How'd he ever become
a police sergeant?
149
00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:42,374
'Cause he's a good cop,
150
00:05:42,376 --> 00:05:45,477
and they didn't
make him count...
151
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,679
Or eat.
152
00:05:47,681 --> 00:05:49,414
I don't know, Ray,
it's just that it's--
153
00:05:49,416 --> 00:05:51,116
You know, every day,
154
00:05:51,118 --> 00:05:51,817
and between them
and the kids, I just feel--
155
00:05:51,819 --> 00:05:53,719
- Lucky?
- Ray--
156
00:05:53,721 --> 00:05:55,620
All right.
Look, all right.
157
00:05:55,622 --> 00:05:56,888
I'm home now.
Maybe you need a break.
158
00:05:56,890 --> 00:05:58,056
I'll tell you,
why don't you go out
159
00:05:58,058 --> 00:05:59,658
with Linda tomorrow night?
160
00:05:59,660 --> 00:06:01,093
What, and leave the kids
with your parents?
161
00:06:01,095 --> 00:06:02,361
No, I'll do the kids.
162
00:06:02,363 --> 00:06:03,562
Oh--
163
00:06:03,564 --> 00:06:06,365
Oh, I can't do that?
164
00:06:06,367 --> 00:06:07,666
Oh, hey, how about the time
165
00:06:07,668 --> 00:06:10,001
you went to your aunt's
for three days?
166
00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:11,036
I took the kids with me.
167
00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,138
Yeah, but I fed myself.
168
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:17,376
Hey, Ray!
169
00:06:17,378 --> 00:06:20,145
Ray!
Come on, keep it down, Leo.
170
00:06:20,147 --> 00:06:21,146
I just got them to sleep.
171
00:06:21,148 --> 00:06:22,681
I'm sorry.
172
00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:24,416
Hey, want to go over to Nemo's,
get a slice?
173
00:06:24,418 --> 00:06:27,819
Leo, my kids aren't fish, okay?
174
00:06:30,523 --> 00:06:33,425
You can't just sprinkle food
over the crib and leave.
175
00:06:34,894 --> 00:06:36,161
Call your mother.
176
00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:37,963
No, I can't;
Debra's got this thing
177
00:06:37,965 --> 00:06:40,065
about them coming over
too much lately.
178
00:06:40,067 --> 00:06:43,602
I got the club soda.
179
00:06:43,604 --> 00:06:45,971
Hi, Leo, hi.
180
00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:49,408
- Hey, Ms. b.
- How you doing?
181
00:06:49,410 --> 00:06:50,942
Ms. b, would you mind
maybe sitting with the kids
182
00:06:50,944 --> 00:06:52,544
for a little bit
while Raymond and I
183
00:06:52,546 --> 00:06:53,645
went out and got some pizza?
184
00:06:53,647 --> 00:06:55,514
- No, no.
- No, not at all.
185
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:56,882
But where's Debra?
186
00:06:56,884 --> 00:06:58,884
She went to the movies
with Linda.
187
00:06:58,886 --> 00:07:00,919
- The movies?
- Yes.
188
00:07:00,921 --> 00:07:03,855
Some people get to live it up.
189
00:07:03,857 --> 00:07:04,956
Go ahead.
You guys, go ahead.
190
00:07:04,958 --> 00:07:07,058
Go, get your pizza.
You deserve it.
191
00:07:07,060 --> 00:07:08,627
You rock, Mrs. b.
192
00:07:09,797 --> 00:07:11,496
Come on, let's go.
193
00:07:11,498 --> 00:07:12,631
No, no.
194
00:07:12,633 --> 00:07:14,166
No, no.
Listen.
195
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:17,135
Debra doesn't want me
to leave them with...
196
00:07:17,137 --> 00:07:19,070
Out me.
197
00:07:19,072 --> 00:07:20,172
You're leaving them with me.
198
00:07:20,174 --> 00:07:21,573
They're sleeping.
199
00:07:21,575 --> 00:07:22,974
Go on.
Go with your friend.
200
00:07:22,976 --> 00:07:24,543
Well, I want to, but I can't.
201
00:07:24,545 --> 00:07:26,144
We know, you're worried.
You're concerned.
202
00:07:26,146 --> 00:07:28,146
We're all crying buckets here.
Come on, let's go.
203
00:07:28,148 --> 00:07:29,481
All right, it's 8:30.
One hour.
204
00:07:29,483 --> 00:07:30,749
We'll be gone one hour.
205
00:07:30,751 --> 00:07:33,185
Would you go?
Come on, you're insulting me.
206
00:07:33,187 --> 00:07:34,853
I raised you, didn't I?
207
00:07:34,855 --> 00:07:37,055
Oh, god,
you raised me--
208
00:07:52,638 --> 00:07:54,606
- Hey!
- Ooh, Frank, Robbie!
209
00:07:54,608 --> 00:07:56,174
You scared me.
210
00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:58,243
You don't leave a note?
You just leave?
211
00:07:58,245 --> 00:07:59,744
We're looking all over for you.
212
00:07:59,746 --> 00:08:00,979
Where'd you look?
213
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:02,981
We thought we'd start here.
214
00:08:07,487 --> 00:08:08,553
Where are the kids?
215
00:08:08,555 --> 00:08:10,055
Oh, no, they're sleeping.
216
00:08:10,057 --> 00:08:12,190
Hey, I just want to see them.
Come on, it's early.
217
00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:14,726
I just want to see the kids.
They can sleep when we go.
218
00:08:14,728 --> 00:08:15,994
No, no, no.
219
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:17,996
You want to see something, huh?
220
00:08:17,998 --> 00:08:22,968
A $120 receipt
from Victoria's secrets.
221
00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:26,204
Holy crap!
222
00:08:26,206 --> 00:08:28,673
What the hell's a "bustier"?
223
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,977
It's a thing, you know,
to pull you in here.
224
00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,881
When did he get this?
225
00:08:35,883 --> 00:08:38,183
Oh, that's an award
your brother got
226
00:08:38,185 --> 00:08:40,685
for his sports column.
227
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:42,187
It never ends for Raymond.
228
00:08:42,189 --> 00:08:44,256
Oh, poor Robbie.
229
00:08:44,258 --> 00:08:48,093
Everybody loves Raymond.
230
00:08:48,095 --> 00:08:51,296
I go to work,
people shoot at me.
231
00:08:51,298 --> 00:08:54,599
Ray goes to work,
people do the wave.
232
00:08:54,601 --> 00:08:56,301
Then he sits down,
has a hot dog,
233
00:08:56,303 --> 00:08:58,103
doodles on a piece of paper,
234
00:08:58,105 --> 00:08:59,971
and they give him a trophy.
235
00:09:02,576 --> 00:09:07,078
I think that Raymond is wasting
his life writing sports.
236
00:09:07,080 --> 00:09:09,047
I mean, a writer should be
writing short stories
237
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:12,050
and poetry.
238
00:09:12,052 --> 00:09:13,752
Do you think
I'm wasting my life?
239
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:21,159
Well... it's different
with you, dear.
240
00:09:23,329 --> 00:09:25,864
Look who's up.
241
00:09:25,866 --> 00:09:28,833
Ooh, look at that.
242
00:09:39,345 --> 00:09:42,347
- Oh, no, no, no--
- Hi, daddy.
243
00:09:42,349 --> 00:09:44,182
Hey, Ray, do you want
to watch the game?
244
00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:46,818
No, no, what are you doing,
everybody?
245
00:09:46,820 --> 00:09:47,986
Debra's going to be--
246
00:09:47,988 --> 00:09:49,654
Okay, all right,
I'm going to ask you,
247
00:09:49,656 --> 00:09:51,890
quickly and quietly,
move to your nearest exits.
248
00:09:51,892 --> 00:09:53,325
It's the fourth quarter.
249
00:09:53,327 --> 00:09:55,226
Dad, please, buckle up and go.
250
00:09:59,899 --> 00:10:02,267
You know, when somebody
does you a favor,
251
00:10:02,269 --> 00:10:03,735
you're supposed
to say "thank you."
252
00:10:03,737 --> 00:10:05,170
Thank you, thank you,
mom and dad.
253
00:10:05,172 --> 00:10:06,338
You're wonderful grandparents.
254
00:10:06,340 --> 00:10:09,140
You're not evil at all.
255
00:10:09,142 --> 00:10:11,109
Let me just smell
their heads once more.
256
00:10:11,111 --> 00:10:13,244
Dad, please,
please, dad--
257
00:10:13,246 --> 00:10:15,213
Mmm, it's the fountain
of youth.
258
00:10:15,215 --> 00:10:16,781
I'm sucking in that youth.
259
00:10:16,783 --> 00:10:18,016
I'm begging you, dad.
260
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:19,351
I'm begging you,
let go of their heads.
261
00:10:19,353 --> 00:10:21,219
Let go of their heads.
I'll give you money.
262
00:10:21,221 --> 00:10:22,821
Do you want money?
Hey, save your money.
263
00:10:22,823 --> 00:10:23,922
You're going to need it.
264
00:10:23,924 --> 00:10:25,757
Victoria's not
a secret anymore.
265
00:10:25,759 --> 00:10:27,258
What?
What?
266
00:10:27,260 --> 00:10:28,893
We'll see you Sunday
at Debra's party.
267
00:10:28,895 --> 00:10:30,095
Okay.
Thanks again.
268
00:10:30,097 --> 00:10:33,198
Thanks again, ma.
269
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,634
Nice trophy.
270
00:10:40,673 --> 00:10:42,040
- Hey.
- Hey.
271
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,341
Hey, I was just
checking the kids.
272
00:10:43,343 --> 00:10:45,110
Oh, great.
273
00:10:45,112 --> 00:10:46,344
Still sleeping like logs.
274
00:10:46,346 --> 00:10:48,113
Oh.
275
00:10:49,982 --> 00:10:52,384
Oh, my gosh.
Look at this place.
276
00:10:52,386 --> 00:10:53,952
What?
277
00:10:53,954 --> 00:10:55,987
It's spotless!
278
00:10:55,989 --> 00:10:57,656
You cleaned up for me.
279
00:10:57,658 --> 00:10:59,691
Well, you're not the maid.
280
00:10:59,693 --> 00:11:04,262
Oh, Ray,
oh, you are so wonderful.
281
00:11:04,264 --> 00:11:06,431
To look at the kids
real quick, okay?
282
00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:08,099
Okay.
283
00:11:14,240 --> 00:11:15,874
I think I'm having sex.
284
00:11:20,980 --> 00:11:22,447
Oh...
285
00:11:22,449 --> 00:11:24,749
Good old sex.
286
00:11:24,751 --> 00:11:26,885
Oh, yeah.
287
00:11:26,887 --> 00:11:29,954
Oh, I'm going to do new stuff.
288
00:11:32,058 --> 00:11:33,324
Hi, honey.
289
00:11:35,194 --> 00:11:37,429
Uh, Ray...
290
00:11:37,431 --> 00:11:38,930
What?
291
00:11:38,932 --> 00:11:42,133
Why do the boys' heads
smell like old spice?
292
00:11:43,736 --> 00:11:46,004
What?
293
00:11:46,006 --> 00:11:48,273
Your father was here
294
00:11:48,275 --> 00:11:51,876
and sucking the youth
out of their heads again, huh?
295
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:55,113
And your brother was here too.
296
00:11:55,115 --> 00:11:59,818
Just found this froot loop
on Matthew's chin.
297
00:11:59,820 --> 00:12:01,820
Are you going to tell me
what happened here tonight, Ray,
298
00:12:01,822 --> 00:12:02,921
or do I have
to call your parents?
299
00:12:02,923 --> 00:12:04,889
No, no, no, no, no.
300
00:12:04,891 --> 00:12:06,758
Please, please, no, no,
don't call the parents, no.
301
00:12:06,760 --> 00:12:09,194
Okay, okay.
302
00:12:09,196 --> 00:12:10,995
I put them to sleep.
Yeah.
303
00:12:10,997 --> 00:12:13,364
And my mother came over,
and then I went out with Leo.
304
00:12:13,366 --> 00:12:14,432
What?
305
00:12:14,434 --> 00:12:16,735
You left the kids
with your mom?
306
00:12:16,737 --> 00:12:18,369
No, my father and brother
were here too.
307
00:12:18,371 --> 00:12:22,373
Then I got rid of them,
and then did some cleaning.
308
00:12:22,375 --> 00:12:25,110
Huh? You noticed
the cleaning down there.
309
00:12:25,112 --> 00:12:26,911
Okay, why did they
have to be here?
310
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:30,348
What was so important
that you had to go out for?
311
00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,416
Pizza.
312
00:12:31,418 --> 00:12:33,518
Pizza?
Pizza?
313
00:12:33,520 --> 00:12:35,987
Did you see the mess?
You should've seen it.
314
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:36,988
They woke the kids up.
315
00:12:36,990 --> 00:12:38,890
What?
Ray!
316
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:42,927
Oh, the pizza wasn't even good.
317
00:12:42,929 --> 00:12:44,963
You told me
that you were going to stay
318
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,030
and watch the kids.
319
00:12:46,032 --> 00:12:47,499
I know.
I know, but--
320
00:12:47,501 --> 00:12:49,033
But what?
But what, Ray?
321
00:12:49,035 --> 00:12:50,235
I don't know.
322
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:51,770
I'll tell you one thing.
323
00:12:51,772 --> 00:12:54,005
Your folks are not
coming over on Sunday.
324
00:12:54,007 --> 00:12:56,341
That is my birthday,
and I should be allowed
325
00:12:56,343 --> 00:12:57,408
one day of peace without them.
326
00:12:57,410 --> 00:12:58,409
And you know what?
327
00:12:58,411 --> 00:12:59,878
I want you to call them
328
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:01,412
and tell them that
that's what we want,
329
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:02,847
because they need
to get the message
330
00:13:02,849 --> 00:13:04,115
that we have our own lives,
331
00:13:04,117 --> 00:13:06,084
and we're entitled
to a little privacy.
332
00:13:06,086 --> 00:13:07,452
You're right.
You're right.
333
00:13:07,454 --> 00:13:09,954
You're absolutely right.
So you'll tell them?
334
00:13:09,956 --> 00:13:12,390
I can't do that.
335
00:13:12,392 --> 00:13:16,127
What is this hold
they have on you?
336
00:13:16,129 --> 00:13:17,996
I'm just asking you for me.
337
00:13:17,998 --> 00:13:22,400
Please, can we celebrate
my birthday alone?
338
00:13:22,402 --> 00:13:24,536
I can't uninvite them.
339
00:13:24,538 --> 00:13:25,370
You can't?
340
00:13:28,307 --> 00:13:30,542
Well, then,
maybe I won't be here.
341
00:13:30,544 --> 00:13:32,477
No, stop it.
Don't!
342
00:13:32,479 --> 00:13:35,947
Don't sleep on the couch!
343
00:13:35,949 --> 00:13:38,416
I just cleaned down there!
344
00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:51,896
- Oh, Raymond!
- Hi.
345
00:13:51,898 --> 00:13:53,565
Come in, honey.
346
00:13:53,567 --> 00:13:55,500
Your brother's working,
and your father's out
347
00:13:55,502 --> 00:13:58,303
buying one of those balls
for your toilet.
348
00:13:58,305 --> 00:14:00,438
So I got the whole house
to myself.
349
00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:02,307
Is that my large fork?
350
00:14:02,309 --> 00:14:03,875
Yeah, yeah, it is.
It is.
351
00:14:03,877 --> 00:14:05,910
That's why I came by here.
I wanted to return this.
352
00:14:05,912 --> 00:14:07,345
Oh, well, I didn't
want to say anything,
353
00:14:07,347 --> 00:14:10,582
but that happens
to be a very good fork.
354
00:14:10,584 --> 00:14:12,350
You know?
I know.
355
00:14:12,352 --> 00:14:14,886
That's why it took so long.
I love it.
356
00:14:16,956 --> 00:14:18,122
Listen, ma,
I wanted to talk to you
357
00:14:18,124 --> 00:14:19,524
about Debra's birthday.
358
00:14:19,526 --> 00:14:21,059
Oh, my god!
359
00:14:21,061 --> 00:14:22,594
Talk about birthdays.
360
00:14:22,596 --> 00:14:25,129
Your birthday gift to me
finally came this morning.
361
00:14:25,131 --> 00:14:27,899
Did you know you sent me
a box of pears
362
00:14:27,901 --> 00:14:29,300
from a place called
fruit of the month?
363
00:14:29,302 --> 00:14:30,501
That's right.
That's right.
364
00:14:30,503 --> 00:14:31,502
How are they?
365
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:34,205
Oh, they're very nice pears,
366
00:14:34,207 --> 00:14:36,541
but there's so many of them.
367
00:14:36,543 --> 00:14:39,277
There are over a dozen pears.
368
00:14:39,279 --> 00:14:41,446
What am I supposed to do
with all those pears?
369
00:14:41,448 --> 00:14:43,548
I think you're supposed
to eat them, ma.
370
00:14:43,550 --> 00:14:44,616
- Myself?
- You.
371
00:14:44,618 --> 00:14:46,451
You and dad and Robert.
372
00:14:46,453 --> 00:14:49,487
How many pears can Robert eat?
373
00:14:49,489 --> 00:14:51,389
Look, I appreciate
the thought, Raymond,
374
00:14:51,391 --> 00:14:52,490
but, please, don't ever send us
375
00:14:52,492 --> 00:14:54,192
any more fruit again, okay?
376
00:14:54,194 --> 00:14:55,593
Thanks.
Thanks, darling.
377
00:14:55,595 --> 00:14:57,929
Well, another box
is coming next month.
378
00:14:57,931 --> 00:14:59,030
What?
379
00:14:59,032 --> 00:15:00,231
More pears?
380
00:15:00,233 --> 00:15:01,599
No.
381
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:04,135
No, it's a different fruit
every month.
382
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:06,137
- Every month?
- Yes, yes!
383
00:15:06,139 --> 00:15:08,273
That's why they call it
"fruit of the month club."
384
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,141
It's a club?
Oh, my god.
385
00:15:10,143 --> 00:15:11,542
What am I going to do
with all this fruit?
386
00:15:11,544 --> 00:15:13,578
Well, most people like it, ma.
387
00:15:13,580 --> 00:15:15,446
You share it.
Share it with all your friends.
388
00:15:15,448 --> 00:15:16,514
Which friends?
389
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:18,149
I don't know.
Lee and Stan.
390
00:15:18,151 --> 00:15:19,550
Lee and Stan
buy their own fruit.
391
00:15:19,552 --> 00:15:21,352
Then give it away--
392
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,055
- Why did you do this to me?
- Oh, my god.
393
00:15:24,057 --> 00:15:25,189
I can't talk.
394
00:15:25,191 --> 00:15:26,624
There's too much fruit
in the house!
395
00:15:26,626 --> 00:15:31,062
Oh, what is happening?
396
00:15:31,064 --> 00:15:33,031
I'm--I'm sorry, ma.
397
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,499
Hey, Marie.
398
00:15:34,501 --> 00:15:36,668
Oh, Ray!
399
00:15:36,670 --> 00:15:38,603
Do you know that the fruit
keeps coming
400
00:15:38,605 --> 00:15:41,239
month after month?
401
00:15:41,241 --> 00:15:43,241
He's got us
in some kind of a cult.
402
00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:46,611
It's not a cult, ma.
It's a club.
403
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:48,980
What do you mean
month after month?
404
00:15:48,982 --> 00:15:50,481
For how long?
405
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:55,253
It's a year.
406
00:15:55,255 --> 00:15:57,288
My god, are you
out of your mind?
407
00:15:57,290 --> 00:16:00,491
Oh, all right,
I'm so sorry, dad.
408
00:16:00,493 --> 00:16:03,261
What do you think we are,
invalids?
409
00:16:03,263 --> 00:16:04,729
We can't go out
and get our own fruit?
410
00:16:04,731 --> 00:16:06,130
I tried to tell him.
411
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,666
All right, I'm canceling
the fruit club.
412
00:16:08,668 --> 00:16:09,734
Oh, good.
413
00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:11,235
Thank you, Raymond.
Thank you.
414
00:16:11,237 --> 00:16:12,704
And don't do that again.
415
00:16:12,706 --> 00:16:15,173
Like we don't have
enough problems.
416
00:16:15,175 --> 00:16:17,442
All right, okay, listen,
I got to talk about the party.
417
00:16:17,444 --> 00:16:18,609
Ooh, the party.
418
00:16:18,611 --> 00:16:23,414
Yes, yes, yes, listen,
I was thinking--
419
00:16:23,416 --> 00:16:25,383
Uh, there isn't
going to be a party.
420
00:16:25,385 --> 00:16:26,417
Who's dead?
421
00:16:26,419 --> 00:16:28,152
Nobody's dead, dad.
422
00:16:28,154 --> 00:16:29,454
We're not going to have a party.
423
00:16:29,456 --> 00:16:30,555
You got to have a party.
I baked.
424
00:16:30,557 --> 00:16:32,323
I've never heard
of such a thing.
425
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,760
We're not having a party
because I'm surprising Debra.
426
00:16:35,762 --> 00:16:38,997
I'm taking her to...
427
00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:41,499
Bear mountain.
428
00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,267
- Bear mountain?
- Yeah, that's right.
429
00:16:43,269 --> 00:16:44,669
I want to do something special
for her.
430
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,170
This is a surprise, all right?
431
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:47,772
So you can't go
telling her anything.
432
00:16:47,774 --> 00:16:49,307
All right?
So thank you very much.
433
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:51,009
Okay, wait.
Wait just one minute now.
434
00:16:51,011 --> 00:16:53,044
Here.
Wait.
435
00:16:53,046 --> 00:16:54,312
It's a long trip
to bear mountain.
436
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,313
Take fruit.
437
00:16:55,315 --> 00:16:56,681
Okay, thanks.
438
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:58,483
Hey.
Hey.
439
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:04,155
Raymond gets the pears too?
440
00:17:07,493 --> 00:17:09,260
They all went down for a nap.
441
00:17:09,262 --> 00:17:10,294
Whoo!
442
00:17:10,296 --> 00:17:11,529
Puts this over the top
443
00:17:11,531 --> 00:17:13,264
as the best birthday
I have ever had.
444
00:17:13,266 --> 00:17:14,399
No, hey, hey,
what are you doing?
445
00:17:14,401 --> 00:17:15,666
Just letting in the light.
446
00:17:15,668 --> 00:17:17,101
It's still your birthday,
though.
447
00:17:17,103 --> 00:17:20,304
We want to have
a nice, cozy birthday.
448
00:17:20,306 --> 00:17:22,240
Huh?
Isn't that cozy?
449
00:17:23,510 --> 00:17:25,676
I know what you're up to.
450
00:17:25,678 --> 00:17:27,812
- You do?
- Yeah, come here.
451
00:17:27,814 --> 00:17:32,350
Oh, yeah,
this is what I'm up to.
452
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:33,718
Yeah.
453
00:17:33,720 --> 00:17:38,322
I thought this only happened
on my birthday.
454
00:17:38,324 --> 00:17:41,692
Oh, Ray, I'm so glad you set
your parents straight, huh?
455
00:17:41,694 --> 00:17:43,461
Doesn't it feel good
to be honest with them?
456
00:17:43,463 --> 00:17:45,229
It does.
It does feel good.
457
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,465
Not as good as this, though.
458
00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:48,666
You were 100% right.
459
00:17:48,668 --> 00:17:49,767
I don't know
what I was afraid of.
460
00:17:49,769 --> 00:17:51,169
Yeah.
461
00:17:51,171 --> 00:17:55,573
- Ohh!
- Aah!
462
00:17:55,575 --> 00:17:56,674
What are you doing here?
463
00:17:56,676 --> 00:17:57,842
What are you doing here?
464
00:17:57,844 --> 00:17:59,510
We live here.
465
00:17:59,512 --> 00:18:01,379
We thought you were
on bear mountain.
466
00:18:01,381 --> 00:18:03,214
Bear mountain?
Who told you that?
467
00:18:03,216 --> 00:18:04,782
Raymond.
468
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:10,521
You want to holster
the weapon, bro?
469
00:18:16,662 --> 00:18:18,696
Well?
470
00:18:18,698 --> 00:18:20,465
Okay, I lied.
I lied.
471
00:18:20,467 --> 00:18:22,867
I lied to everybody.
472
00:18:22,869 --> 00:18:24,335
I was trying to make
everybody happy.
473
00:18:24,337 --> 00:18:26,804
Nice job.
474
00:18:26,806 --> 00:18:29,107
Oh, I should've known better.
475
00:18:29,109 --> 00:18:31,175
Why did--especially
with my parents,
476
00:18:31,177 --> 00:18:33,144
the only people
who treat a box of fruit
477
00:18:33,146 --> 00:18:36,547
like it's plutonium.
478
00:18:36,549 --> 00:18:39,851
I made a mistake.
I chickened out.
479
00:18:39,853 --> 00:18:40,885
All right,
480
00:18:40,887 --> 00:18:42,687
look, the truth is,
481
00:18:42,689 --> 00:18:44,689
Debra wanted us to have
a day to ourselves.
482
00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,757
And me too, me too.
483
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:48,359
But Debra's the one.
484
00:18:48,361 --> 00:18:50,761
She's got--
485
00:18:50,763 --> 00:18:53,464
No, she's got it
very hard around here.
486
00:18:53,466 --> 00:18:55,366
Though she's never
said that to me.
487
00:18:55,368 --> 00:18:57,468
I've noticed it.
488
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:01,439
Like dad.
489
00:19:01,441 --> 00:19:04,442
I know you try
to be funny, but--
490
00:19:04,444 --> 00:19:05,743
Like with the twins.
491
00:19:05,745 --> 00:19:08,146
Maybe you shouldn't say,
492
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:11,516
"I think little Matthew
has homosexual tendencies."
493
00:19:14,419 --> 00:19:16,487
And, ma, you can't be
so critical.
494
00:19:16,489 --> 00:19:18,289
If you're going to be critical,
495
00:19:18,291 --> 00:19:20,324
could you please call before
you come over here, really,
496
00:19:20,326 --> 00:19:21,926
so we could be ready for it?
497
00:19:21,928 --> 00:19:23,528
Both of you,
could you both call?
498
00:19:23,530 --> 00:19:24,829
We have to prepare.
499
00:19:24,831 --> 00:19:26,831
There's bills
and receipts we hide.
500
00:19:26,833 --> 00:19:29,267
And then we chant a little.
501
00:19:32,237 --> 00:19:34,605
Now, listen, we--
We love you both,
502
00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,941
but this is our house,
and Debra's my wife,
503
00:19:36,943 --> 00:19:40,745
and if you can't accept
what I'm telling you...
504
00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:41,913
Well...
505
00:19:41,915 --> 00:19:45,216
Then you can't
come over here anymore.
506
00:19:45,218 --> 00:19:47,652
Unless you call first.
507
00:19:50,689 --> 00:19:52,857
That's it.
I think I did it all, right?
508
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:55,493
What? This has
nothing to do with me.
509
00:19:58,864 --> 00:20:00,198
Oh, yeah, Robert,
510
00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:02,633
could you try not to eat
near the kids?
511
00:20:10,342 --> 00:20:12,610
If you just wanted
the day to yourselves,
512
00:20:12,612 --> 00:20:14,245
all you had to do was say so.
513
00:20:14,247 --> 00:20:15,746
We'd understand.
514
00:20:15,748 --> 00:20:17,648
Of course we'd understand.
515
00:20:17,650 --> 00:20:19,650
What's not to understand?
516
00:20:19,652 --> 00:20:21,285
When did he get so sensitive?
517
00:20:21,287 --> 00:20:22,620
He's a writer.
518
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,624
Happy birthday.
519
00:20:36,268 --> 00:20:37,702
I'm shaking.
520
00:20:37,704 --> 00:20:40,304
Oh, honey, you were great.
You were just great, yeah.
521
00:20:40,306 --> 00:20:41,505
Oh, come here.
522
00:20:41,507 --> 00:20:43,474
Come here.
523
00:20:43,476 --> 00:20:46,010
Hey, maybe you should
put on that bustier.
524
00:20:47,980 --> 00:20:51,849
What are you doing?
525
00:20:51,851 --> 00:20:54,719
Okay, we'll try again
on my birthday.
35490
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Greek
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
