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(dramatic electronic music)
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(tense melodic music)
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(electronic bleeping)
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- Are you?
5
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- [Dynastud] Are you my contact?
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- Depends on who is asking.
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- [Dynastud] I'm asking.
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And that's all you need to know.
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- My name is--
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- Is Fredrich Gerlich.
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And I meant what I said on the phone.
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I am the best.
13
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- I can see that.
14
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- Leave the money on the table.
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(light melodic electronic music)
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(wind howling)
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Which one do you want?
18
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- And welcome back to the 2024
19
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Republican Presidential Debates,
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brought to you by our
sponsor, Crystal Clear,
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America's leading coal
refining organization.
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(groans)
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(softly chuckles)
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- Is this your first time?
25
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(speaking foreign language)
26
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- Why would you think that?
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My organization has bought many
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of your politicians in the past.
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- Well, then.
30
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You must have a lot of experience.
31
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:42,313
And if you don't, that's okay.
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I don't judge.
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I have my money,
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and I can take it nice and slow.
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00:02:51,780 --> 00:02:54,080
- [Kelly] We are here in one
of Crystal Clear's mines,
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00:02:54,080 --> 00:02:55,770
800 feet below ground,
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00:02:55,770 --> 00:02:57,350
with our top three candidates.
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00:02:57,350 --> 00:03:00,663
And tonight's debate will
decide who will get the nod.
39
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:03,040
What should we, as a nation, do
40
00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:05,140
about the homosexual menace?
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Let's start with Governor Gary McMan.
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- In the last eight years,
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we have finally moved out of the dark ages
44
00:03:11,040 --> 00:03:13,950
of tolerance and diversity.
45
00:03:13,950 --> 00:03:17,180
Homosexuals are no longer allowed to taint
46
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the sacred bond of marriage,
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nor are they allowed to be employed
48
00:03:21,190 --> 00:03:23,940
as teachers or serve in our military.
49
00:03:23,940 --> 00:03:28,430
And now, with Directive 48 in place,
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sodomy is now a criminal offense.
51
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Punishable by death.
52
00:03:34,750 --> 00:03:38,493
But because this is a Christian nation,
53
00:03:39,380 --> 00:03:42,560
I believe that's enough
punishment for these poor devils.
54
00:03:42,560 --> 00:03:46,720
So, I say, keep the laws as they stand.
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- Neither that one.
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00:03:48,340 --> 00:03:50,170
He appears to have the intelligence
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00:03:50,170 --> 00:03:51,993
of a Belgian peanut farmer.
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00:03:52,910 --> 00:03:55,000
- And same question to
Congressman Kellogg,
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and that's a mighty fine hat
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00:03:56,070 --> 00:03:57,300
you're wearing there, Congressman.
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- Well, shoot.
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00:03:58,630 --> 00:03:59,927
Thank you there, Kelly.
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00:03:59,927 --> 00:04:01,580
(chuckles)
64
00:04:01,580 --> 00:04:04,793
Now, I must echo the words
of my good friend, Gary.
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00:04:05,690 --> 00:04:07,420
We are a Christian nation,
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00:04:07,420 --> 00:04:10,940
so we need to show mercy
on these poor bastards,
67
00:04:10,940 --> 00:04:14,780
but if they obey the law, then maybe,
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00:04:14,780 --> 00:04:17,760
just maybe we can help
these poor son of a bitches
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00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:21,070
rejoin society eventually,
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00:04:21,070 --> 00:04:22,680
but not in my neighborhood.
71
00:04:22,680 --> 00:04:23,513
- No, no.
72
00:04:25,270 --> 00:04:27,563
He reminds too much of my father.
73
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:31,660
He was a raper of sheep!
74
00:04:31,660 --> 00:04:34,043
- And finally, to Senator Teddy Hightower.
75
00:04:36,440 --> 00:04:39,083
- These two fuckin' guys
are queer for each other.
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00:04:40,885 --> 00:04:42,891
(gun shot booming)
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(gasping)
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00:04:43,724 --> 00:04:45,500
(gun shot booming)
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00:04:45,500 --> 00:04:47,510
And that's my answer for what we should do
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00:04:47,510 --> 00:04:49,910
about the homosexual
menace in this country.
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00:04:49,910 --> 00:04:51,363
- How about that one?
82
00:04:53,370 --> 00:04:55,470
He looks a reptile!
83
00:04:55,470 --> 00:04:56,513
- Teddy Hightower.
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00:04:58,550 --> 00:04:59,863
Excellent choice.
85
00:05:03,890 --> 00:05:04,723
Now,
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00:05:05,660 --> 00:05:06,660
shall we
87
00:05:09,040 --> 00:05:10,063
seal the deal?
88
00:05:12,240 --> 00:05:14,283
- How do we do that?
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00:05:14,283 --> 00:05:15,228
(intense music)
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(gasps)
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00:05:16,130 --> 00:05:17,490
- Like this.
92
00:05:17,490 --> 00:05:19,310
- How did you do that?
93
00:05:23,486 --> 00:05:25,819
(smooching)
94
00:05:28,310 --> 00:05:29,910
- Now.
95
00:05:29,910 --> 00:05:32,873
I want to see that two
bit tux hit the floor.
96
00:05:32,873 --> 00:05:35,273
(intense melodic rock music)
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00:05:35,273 --> 00:05:40,273
(belt whipping))
98
00:05:41,781 --> 00:05:44,781
(zipper scratching)
99
00:05:50,474 --> 00:05:52,815
(grunting)
100
00:05:52,815 --> 00:05:54,065
Take it, bitch.
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00:05:54,920 --> 00:05:55,980
Here I come!
102
00:05:57,451 --> 00:05:58,284
(squishy explosion splattering)
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00:05:58,284 --> 00:06:01,867
(eerie suspenseful music)
104
00:06:20,690 --> 00:06:22,740
Mission accomplished.
105
00:06:22,740 --> 00:06:24,173
Please send next assignment.
106
00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:32,120
Room service!
107
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:33,890
Could you please send up a maid?
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00:06:33,890 --> 00:06:36,270
I know they're not due until morning,
109
00:06:36,270 --> 00:06:39,020
but this one mess, I'm sure,
110
00:06:39,020 --> 00:06:41,534
they're gonna want a headstart on.
111
00:06:41,534 --> 00:06:44,951
(eerie orchestral music)
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♪ I am the faulty wiring ♪
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00:06:58,750 --> 00:07:03,238
♪ The ball that's thrown ♪
114
00:07:03,238 --> 00:07:08,238
♪ When there are no lights shining ♪
115
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♪ In a place unknown ♪
116
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♪ I am the wrong direction ♪
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♪ And the purpose lost ♪
118
00:07:23,609 --> 00:07:28,609
♪ I am decreasing balance ♪
119
00:07:28,653 --> 00:07:33,653
♪ With a rising cost ♪
120
00:07:33,820 --> 00:07:38,693
♪ I am the storm predicted ♪
121
00:07:38,693 --> 00:07:43,693
♪ When there's no way through ♪
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♪ No escape ♪
123
00:07:46,434 --> 00:07:49,135
♪ No abandon ♪
124
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♪ So I run to you ♪
125
00:07:53,817 --> 00:07:58,226
♪ I am catastrophe ♪
126
00:07:58,226 --> 00:08:03,226
♪ You do well to stay clear of me ♪
127
00:08:03,743 --> 00:08:06,541
♪ For I am disaster ♪
128
00:08:06,541 --> 00:08:08,964
♪ Coming on faster ♪
129
00:08:08,964 --> 00:08:13,964
♪ Than you ever hoped to see ♪
130
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:18,798
♪ And I am an unlucky charm ♪
131
00:08:18,798 --> 00:08:23,798
♪ Though I won't mean to do you harm ♪
132
00:08:24,148 --> 00:08:27,759
♪ If you see me look your way ♪
133
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♪ You'd be wise to say ♪
134
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♪ Leave me be ♪
135
00:08:33,357 --> 00:08:36,152
♪ For I am a catastrophe ♪
136
00:08:36,152 --> 00:08:39,319
(eerie melodic music)
137
00:08:45,870 --> 00:08:49,453
(ominous electronic music)
138
00:09:25,731 --> 00:09:28,398
(paper ripping)
139
00:09:37,784 --> 00:09:40,951
(electronic bleeping)
140
00:09:45,523 --> 00:09:48,450
(upbeat piano music)
141
00:09:48,450 --> 00:09:50,420
- Be right with ya, kid.
142
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:51,840
What are ya in for tonight?
143
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,676
- What have you got?
144
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,580
- Oh, Bartholomew.
145
00:09:55,580 --> 00:09:56,623
It's you.
146
00:09:58,560 --> 00:10:00,240
You want a blue pin.
147
00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:01,073
- That's right.
148
00:10:01,073 --> 00:10:02,583
Please, call me Bart.
149
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:08,050
- You let me know when
you decide to try red.
150
00:10:08,050 --> 00:10:09,060
Got me?
151
00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:11,878
- Oh, you'll be the first to know, Zelda.
152
00:10:11,878 --> 00:10:13,988
(giggling)
153
00:10:13,988 --> 00:10:16,738
(softly moaning)
154
00:10:25,980 --> 00:10:26,870
- What are ya havin', Bart?
155
00:10:26,870 --> 00:10:28,040
- [Bart] Vodka soda.
156
00:10:28,040 --> 00:10:31,860
- I'll get that for ya, boy.
157
00:10:31,860 --> 00:10:32,760
- Comin' right up.
158
00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:36,350
- Thank you very much, sir.
159
00:10:36,350 --> 00:10:37,293
That's very kind.
160
00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:41,083
- Anything for a cute
little guy like you, sailor.
161
00:10:42,730 --> 00:10:43,693
- My name is Bart.
162
00:10:45,740 --> 00:10:48,160
- I haven't seen you here before.
163
00:10:48,160 --> 00:10:50,923
you come here often, Bart?
164
00:10:52,480 --> 00:10:53,963
- Not as often as I like.
165
00:10:58,580 --> 00:10:59,730
- I've come here often.
166
00:11:00,910 --> 00:11:03,460
You want to join me in the back room?
167
00:11:03,460 --> 00:11:05,193
Help me come again?
168
00:11:11,281 --> 00:11:13,448
(panting)
169
00:11:15,080 --> 00:11:16,391
- You're so hot.
170
00:11:16,391 --> 00:11:18,641
(laughing)
171
00:11:21,847 --> 00:11:22,780
(moaning)
172
00:11:22,780 --> 00:11:24,180
- You want this?
173
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:25,013
- Yeah.
174
00:11:26,390 --> 00:11:28,113
- [Man] It's all yours, boy.
175
00:11:29,128 --> 00:11:32,295
(moaning and panting)
176
00:11:36,812 --> 00:11:39,062
(laughing)
177
00:11:43,478 --> 00:11:46,040
- Ah, it's just with my daughter.
178
00:11:46,040 --> 00:11:48,010
It is so stupid.
179
00:11:48,010 --> 00:11:50,150
She can't keep her panties on!
180
00:11:50,150 --> 00:11:52,660
She'll fuck any guy that
looks at her cross-eyed.
181
00:11:52,660 --> 00:11:54,580
She has no concept of the reality
182
00:11:54,580 --> 00:11:56,010
that this will make me look bad
183
00:11:56,010 --> 00:11:57,630
right before the election!
184
00:11:57,630 --> 00:12:00,220
- You better lock that
down before she gets prego.
185
00:12:00,220 --> 00:12:02,240
- Don't you think I know that?
186
00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:04,670
I have to find some way
to get Patty married off
187
00:12:04,670 --> 00:12:06,650
before she gets knocked up.
188
00:12:06,650 --> 00:12:08,320
- Is it really that big a deal?
189
00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,000
- Yes, it is.
190
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,810
She's fucked two of the gardeners,
191
00:12:11,810 --> 00:12:13,440
done anal with my accountant,
192
00:12:13,440 --> 00:12:15,210
laid the Utah Jazz,
193
00:12:15,210 --> 00:12:17,540
and Friday, she blew the chauffer.
194
00:12:17,540 --> 00:12:19,060
- Blew the chauffer?
195
00:12:19,060 --> 00:12:21,060
That's just bad taste.
196
00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:21,893
- Poor girl.
197
00:12:21,893 --> 00:12:23,850
She's just too easily led.
198
00:12:23,850 --> 00:12:25,890
She can't walk out the
door without accidentally
199
00:12:25,890 --> 00:12:28,430
catching a random panoply of dicks.
200
00:12:28,430 --> 00:12:30,430
And worse, she likes it.
201
00:12:30,430 --> 00:12:32,863
- And honestly, she's
not even that good at it.
202
00:12:34,910 --> 00:12:37,108
- Did you fuck my daughter, too?
203
00:12:37,108 --> 00:12:38,689
(stammering)
204
00:12:38,689 --> 00:12:39,700
- No!
205
00:12:39,700 --> 00:12:43,090
I mean, I thought you knew!
206
00:12:44,957 --> 00:12:47,960
(gun shot booming)
207
00:12:47,960 --> 00:12:50,540
- For God's sakes, you can't trust anyone
208
00:12:50,540 --> 00:12:52,390
not to butter your daughter's muffin.
209
00:12:53,490 --> 00:12:54,387
You didn't fuck her, did you?
210
00:12:54,387 --> 00:12:56,360
- No, no, no, not a chance.
211
00:12:56,360 --> 00:12:57,530
- Good.
212
00:12:57,530 --> 00:12:59,610
Then you can give me some advice.
213
00:12:59,610 --> 00:13:01,830
- Advice?
- Yes.
214
00:13:01,830 --> 00:13:04,460
How do I find a man to marry my daughter?
215
00:13:04,460 --> 00:13:07,080
Someone I can control.
216
00:13:07,080 --> 00:13:08,620
- Why don't you just pay a guy?
217
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:10,660
- Common gigolo for my daughter?
218
00:13:10,660 --> 00:13:12,050
I don't think so.
219
00:13:12,050 --> 00:13:14,370
Besides, once those guys
get a taste of money,
220
00:13:14,370 --> 00:13:16,180
they won't be stopped.
221
00:13:16,180 --> 00:13:21,113
No, I need someone dumb and unambitious.
222
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:23,360
- What about a prisoner?
223
00:13:24,210 --> 00:13:26,880
You let them go, they owe you everything.
224
00:13:26,880 --> 00:13:30,760
Plus, built-in blackmail.
225
00:13:30,760 --> 00:13:31,943
- Prisoner, huh?
226
00:13:32,850 --> 00:13:35,603
That idea has promise.
227
00:13:37,954 --> 00:13:40,371
(snickering)
228
00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:42,580
- Yes!
229
00:13:42,580 --> 00:13:43,487
Yes!
230
00:13:43,487 --> 00:13:45,290
Ah, there's the magic!
231
00:13:45,290 --> 00:13:46,692
Yeah!
232
00:13:46,692 --> 00:13:47,940
(raspy panting)
233
00:13:47,940 --> 00:13:49,570
- [Bart] Hey, do you want me to swallow?
234
00:13:49,570 --> 00:13:50,970
- No!
235
00:13:50,970 --> 00:13:52,590
Get it all over your face!
236
00:13:52,590 --> 00:13:54,458
Oh, I'm gonna shoot!
237
00:13:54,458 --> 00:13:56,708
(groaning)
238
00:14:00,724 --> 00:14:02,242
Yeah.
239
00:14:02,242 --> 00:14:03,760
(panting)
240
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:05,310
- [Bart] Was that good for you?
241
00:14:07,330 --> 00:14:10,370
- Kid, you're under arrest.
242
00:14:10,370 --> 00:14:13,552
The evidence is all over ya.
243
00:14:13,552 --> 00:14:16,112
(laughing)
244
00:14:16,112 --> 00:14:19,612
(camera shutter clicking)
245
00:14:21,650 --> 00:14:22,750
- You want me to what?!
246
00:14:22,750 --> 00:14:25,459
- My daughter needs a husband.
247
00:14:25,459 --> 00:14:26,833
A man to keep her in line.
248
00:14:27,860 --> 00:14:30,973
You're familiar with Ephesians 5:22?
249
00:14:32,207 --> 00:14:35,050
- "Thou shalt not covet
thy neighbor's ass?"
250
00:14:35,050 --> 00:14:36,660
- No.
251
00:14:36,660 --> 00:14:39,537
It's, "Wives, submit
yourselves to your own husbands
252
00:14:39,537 --> 00:14:41,490
"as you do to the Lord."
253
00:14:41,490 --> 00:14:42,930
- Yeah, I'm a flibberty-jibbit.
254
00:14:42,930 --> 00:14:45,610
- Shut your hole, Patty, daddy's talking.
255
00:14:45,610 --> 00:14:48,843
You see, she needs a man's
hand to keep her in line.
256
00:14:51,373 --> 00:14:53,970
(gun shot booming)
(gasping)
257
00:14:53,970 --> 00:14:56,020
(gun shot booming)
(gasping)
258
00:14:56,020 --> 00:14:57,890
Don't flinch!
259
00:14:57,890 --> 00:15:00,890
My daughter is not going
to marry a flincher!
260
00:15:00,890 --> 00:15:03,160
- What Senator Hightower's trying to say
261
00:15:03,160 --> 00:15:04,360
is that he would like you enter
262
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:07,320
into a marriage contract
with his daughter.
263
00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:10,596
And in return, your criminal
record will be sealed.
264
00:15:10,596 --> 00:15:11,660
- Sealed?
265
00:15:11,660 --> 00:15:14,070
- Yes, legal proceedings
against you would cease
266
00:15:14,070 --> 00:15:16,430
for as long as you remain under contract.
267
00:15:16,430 --> 00:15:19,120
Otherwise, I'm sure you understand.
268
00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:20,230
You will face confinement,
269
00:15:20,230 --> 00:15:21,940
followed by a painful execution
270
00:15:21,940 --> 00:15:24,890
for your salacious crimes
against humanity and God.
271
00:15:24,890 --> 00:15:27,570
- Well, I don't know if I
want to marry a God criminal!
272
00:15:27,570 --> 00:15:30,650
- Silence, Patty, or no pumpkin spice.
273
00:15:30,650 --> 00:15:33,150
- Ah beans, I never get to say nothin'!
274
00:15:34,098 --> 00:15:35,610
(cooing)
275
00:15:35,610 --> 00:15:36,630
Yes!
276
00:15:36,630 --> 00:15:38,710
- The contract will be absolutely binding.
277
00:15:38,710 --> 00:15:40,890
You will remain married
until you produce an heir
278
00:15:40,890 --> 00:15:42,910
and for 11 years after that.
279
00:15:42,910 --> 00:15:46,480
Then you are free to pursue
your own arrangements.
280
00:15:46,480 --> 00:15:49,380
And in the meantime, everything
will be provided for.
281
00:15:49,380 --> 00:15:51,760
You'll live in a fancy
mansion with your new wife,
282
00:15:51,760 --> 00:15:53,520
have people to cook and clean for you.
283
00:15:53,520 --> 00:15:54,620
- I already have that!
284
00:15:55,531 --> 00:15:58,310
- Cram up, pumpkin, this isn't about you.
285
00:15:58,310 --> 00:15:59,530
- What if I leave early?
286
00:15:59,530 --> 00:16:01,390
What if I break my contract?
287
00:16:01,390 --> 00:16:04,810
- Well, the MAGA Police
would pick you back up.
288
00:16:04,810 --> 00:16:07,720
But more than likely, I
would have you killed.
289
00:16:07,720 --> 00:16:08,553
- What?!
290
00:16:09,724 --> 00:16:11,891
(gun shot booming)
(shouts)
291
00:16:11,891 --> 00:16:13,613
(gun shot booming)
(shouts)
292
00:16:13,613 --> 00:16:15,530
You can't just kill me!
293
00:16:16,927 --> 00:16:17,875
(gun shot booming)
294
00:16:17,875 --> 00:16:19,875
(gasps)
295
00:16:26,231 --> 00:16:29,270
(giggling)
296
00:16:29,270 --> 00:16:31,620
- Tonight, I'm gonna fuck you so hard,
297
00:16:31,620 --> 00:16:34,373
I'm gonna break your dick off!
298
00:16:34,373 --> 00:16:36,623
(laughing)
299
00:16:43,630 --> 00:16:44,870
- Senator Hightower.
300
00:16:44,870 --> 00:16:48,220
- Bart, please, you're my son-in-law now.
301
00:16:48,220 --> 00:16:50,870
Call me Senator.
302
00:16:50,870 --> 00:16:53,240
- Alright, then.
- Now, tonight,
303
00:16:53,240 --> 00:16:54,720
I want you to fuck my daughter
304
00:16:54,720 --> 00:16:57,410
until she breaks your dick off.
305
00:16:57,410 --> 00:16:58,920
- Oh, daddy!
306
00:16:58,920 --> 00:17:01,258
- Welcome to the family, Bart!
307
00:17:01,258 --> 00:17:03,508
(laughing)
308
00:17:06,615 --> 00:17:08,948
(screaming)
309
00:17:10,574 --> 00:17:13,824
(gentle dreamy music)
310
00:17:19,428 --> 00:17:20,610
- Bart!
311
00:17:20,610 --> 00:17:22,357
I'm ready for your pecker now!
312
00:17:24,980 --> 00:17:26,220
- I love women.
313
00:17:26,220 --> 00:17:27,620
I love Patty.
314
00:17:27,620 --> 00:17:31,000
I love boobies, not men's
hard, throbbing cocks
315
00:17:31,000 --> 00:17:33,330
and tight butts and...
316
00:17:33,330 --> 00:17:34,650
This has gotta be normal!
317
00:17:34,650 --> 00:17:37,150
This has to be normal,
or I'm gonna be killed!
318
00:17:37,150 --> 00:17:39,890
Please, God, please,
let me get hard for her!
319
00:17:39,890 --> 00:17:40,723
- Bartholomew!
320
00:17:41,970 --> 00:17:45,440
I want you in my tunnel of love!
321
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:49,530
It's sopping wet like a spongecake!
322
00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:51,716
- Well, now I'm completely flaccid.
323
00:17:51,716 --> 00:17:54,299
(gentle music)
324
00:17:57,611 --> 00:18:00,810
- Pumpkin, what are you doing in there
325
00:18:00,810 --> 00:18:03,093
while I'm out here?!
326
00:18:04,949 --> 00:18:06,040
(sighs)
327
00:18:06,040 --> 00:18:06,943
- I'm gonna die.
328
00:18:14,519 --> 00:18:16,103
(bushes rustling)
329
00:18:16,103 --> 00:18:18,770
(birds calling)
330
00:18:27,930 --> 00:18:29,133
(groans)
331
00:18:29,133 --> 00:18:31,756
Oh, my dick!
332
00:18:31,756 --> 00:18:33,923
(panting)
333
00:18:36,030 --> 00:18:38,280
(groaning)
334
00:18:45,482 --> 00:18:46,623
(gasps)
335
00:18:46,623 --> 00:18:50,040
(eerie electronic music)
336
00:18:59,530 --> 00:19:00,363
Hey.
337
00:19:02,710 --> 00:19:04,560
- Let me ask you a question.
338
00:19:04,560 --> 00:19:05,393
- Okay.
339
00:19:06,610 --> 00:19:07,523
- Can you fly?
340
00:19:08,730 --> 00:19:09,923
- Um, what?
341
00:19:11,340 --> 00:19:13,783
- [Dynastud] I said, can you fly?
342
00:19:15,030 --> 00:19:16,573
- Of course I can't fly.
343
00:19:18,890 --> 00:19:22,010
- Are you Bartholomew James Cooper
344
00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:25,250
of 91 Ridgeway Road,
Portsmouth, New Hampshire?
345
00:19:25,250 --> 00:19:26,930
- I am, but what are you?
346
00:19:26,930 --> 00:19:29,650
- Huh, it says here you can fly.
347
00:19:29,650 --> 00:19:30,773
It's even underlined.
348
00:19:32,450 --> 00:19:36,310
Well, do you have a slick motorcycle,
349
00:19:36,310 --> 00:19:38,420
or a badass muscle car,
350
00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:40,820
or something that we can
take off in style with?
351
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:44,290
'Cause my car is in the shop.
352
00:19:44,290 --> 00:19:46,650
Well, actually, it was repossessed.
353
00:19:46,650 --> 00:19:48,510
- Look, I'm kinda in a hurry and all,
354
00:19:48,510 --> 00:19:51,590
and wait, did you say take off?
355
00:19:51,590 --> 00:19:53,350
You want me to go with you?
356
00:19:53,350 --> 00:19:54,810
- Indeed.
357
00:19:54,810 --> 00:19:55,890
- Why?
358
00:19:55,890 --> 00:19:57,250
- It's a long story.
359
00:19:57,250 --> 00:20:00,140
But I am an incredibly handsome
360
00:20:01,390 --> 00:20:03,313
and rugged man.
361
00:20:04,710 --> 00:20:06,600
And you are a flightless homosexual
362
00:20:07,693 --> 00:20:09,943
with what appears to be
a rock hard erection.
363
00:20:12,390 --> 00:20:13,890
What other reason do you need?
364
00:20:15,820 --> 00:20:17,970
- I just ate about 20 Viagra.
365
00:20:17,970 --> 00:20:19,220
- Well, point the way, old chum,
366
00:20:19,220 --> 00:20:21,791
'cause it looks like we're
hoofin' it from here.
367
00:20:21,791 --> 00:20:24,291
(light music)
368
00:20:25,858 --> 00:20:28,820
- Bartholomew!
369
00:20:28,820 --> 00:20:30,560
You haven't even been able
370
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:33,223
to your P in my V yet!
371
00:20:42,297 --> 00:20:44,447
- [Gaydar] Hoo, girl,
there's danger ahead.
372
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:49,110
- Sir, are you okay?
373
00:20:49,110 --> 00:20:50,670
- My Gaydar, it's going off.
374
00:20:50,670 --> 00:20:51,760
I can't control it.
375
00:20:51,760 --> 00:20:53,870
- [Gaydar] Sugar, we don't
have time for the sex position.
376
00:20:53,870 --> 00:20:55,760
We got bad guys to catch.
377
00:20:55,760 --> 00:20:56,593
- Gaydar?
378
00:20:56,593 --> 00:20:58,300
What's Gaydar?
379
00:20:58,300 --> 00:21:00,200
- It's one of my superpowers.
380
00:21:00,200 --> 00:21:03,110
- Wait, you have superpowers?
381
00:21:03,110 --> 00:21:04,760
- What kind?
382
00:21:04,760 --> 00:21:07,600
- Super hearing, super strength,
383
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,920
among them is Gaydar,
384
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,520
an internalized voice that alerts me
385
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:12,400
to crimes against our kind.
386
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:14,556
It's a great defense mechanism.
387
00:21:14,556 --> 00:21:16,060
It can also be bitchy.
388
00:21:16,060 --> 00:21:17,500
And give me migraines.
389
00:21:17,500 --> 00:21:19,060
- [Gaydar] But it can save my life.
390
00:21:19,060 --> 00:21:20,500
- Shut up, Gaydar.
391
00:21:20,500 --> 00:21:21,580
- [Gaydar] Whatevs.
392
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:23,290
- That's wild.
393
00:21:23,290 --> 00:21:24,950
What other kind of abilities do you have?
394
00:21:24,950 --> 00:21:26,253
Do you have x-ray vision?
395
00:21:27,570 --> 00:21:31,080
(electronic bleeping)
396
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:32,430
- No.
397
00:21:32,430 --> 00:21:34,180
- Well, can you fly?
398
00:21:34,180 --> 00:21:35,550
- Can't fly.
399
00:21:35,550 --> 00:21:37,493
But I can glide short distances.
400
00:21:38,700 --> 00:21:40,120
- Bitchin'.
401
00:21:40,120 --> 00:21:41,970
I want to help you.
402
00:21:41,970 --> 00:21:43,730
I feel like I'm supposed to be here,
403
00:21:43,730 --> 00:21:44,913
like it's my destiny!
404
00:21:47,610 --> 00:21:50,500
- All will be revealed in time, Bart.
405
00:21:50,500 --> 00:21:53,870
- I feel compelled to drop to my knees
406
00:21:53,870 --> 00:21:56,440
and pleasure you right now.
407
00:21:56,440 --> 00:21:58,313
- That happens, yeah.
408
00:21:59,590 --> 00:22:00,540
- What's your name?
409
00:22:02,320 --> 00:22:03,153
- Call me
410
00:22:06,470 --> 00:22:08,187
Dynastud.
411
00:22:08,187 --> 00:22:10,600
(zipper scratching)
412
00:22:10,600 --> 00:22:12,487
- You got it, Dynastud!
413
00:22:15,495 --> 00:22:16,813
(moaning)
414
00:22:16,813 --> 00:22:19,313
(light music)
415
00:22:21,390 --> 00:22:22,223
- Checkmate!
416
00:22:25,501 --> 00:22:26,857
- Huh.
417
00:22:26,857 --> 00:22:28,360
(laughing)
418
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,399
Checkmate.
419
00:22:29,399 --> 00:22:31,649
(laughing)
420
00:22:33,617 --> 00:22:36,330
(gun shot booming)
421
00:22:36,330 --> 00:22:37,183
Jarvis!
422
00:22:38,870 --> 00:22:40,230
It's time for my tea.
423
00:22:40,230 --> 00:22:41,350
- Yes, sir.
424
00:22:41,350 --> 00:22:44,980
- Oh, and uh, clean this shit up.
425
00:22:44,980 --> 00:22:46,050
- Yes, Senator.
426
00:22:46,050 --> 00:22:48,520
Your daughter just arrived
and wishes to see you.
427
00:22:48,520 --> 00:22:50,020
- Patty?
428
00:22:50,020 --> 00:22:52,310
But it's the first day of her honeymoon!
429
00:22:52,310 --> 00:22:54,350
(sobbing)
430
00:22:54,350 --> 00:22:55,183
- Daddy!
431
00:22:56,460 --> 00:22:58,450
- Princess!
432
00:22:58,450 --> 00:23:01,244
What did that little cocksucker do to you?
433
00:23:01,244 --> 00:23:03,411
(sobbing)
434
00:23:05,165 --> 00:23:06,655
- Don't touch me!
435
00:23:06,655 --> 00:23:08,822
(sobbing)
436
00:23:10,870 --> 00:23:11,920
- Wait.
437
00:23:11,920 --> 00:23:13,000
(bushes rustling)
438
00:23:13,000 --> 00:23:13,870
That's enough.
439
00:23:13,870 --> 00:23:15,990
- Was it something I said?
440
00:23:15,990 --> 00:23:17,580
Did I use too much teeth?
441
00:23:17,580 --> 00:23:20,420
- Yes, but that's besides the point.
442
00:23:20,420 --> 00:23:23,260
I can't come, not like this.
443
00:23:23,260 --> 00:23:24,260
- Why not?
444
00:23:24,260 --> 00:23:26,920
Is it some kind of
kinky tantric sex thing?
445
00:23:26,920 --> 00:23:28,400
- The world as we know it,
446
00:23:28,400 --> 00:23:29,480
it's going to change soon.
447
00:23:29,480 --> 00:23:32,400
- That's hot, now let me
finish what I started.
448
00:23:32,400 --> 00:23:33,390
- No, Bart!
449
00:23:33,390 --> 00:23:34,960
My orgasm is lethal!
450
00:23:34,960 --> 00:23:36,580
It would blow your head clean off!
451
00:23:36,580 --> 00:23:38,420
- I'm startin' to like the sound of that.
452
00:23:38,420 --> 00:23:39,540
- No, Bart, literally.
453
00:23:39,540 --> 00:23:42,200
Your skull would explode
the second I reach orgasm.
454
00:23:42,200 --> 00:23:43,140
- Hot.
455
00:23:43,140 --> 00:23:44,780
- No, Bart!
456
00:23:44,780 --> 00:23:46,110
In a bad way.
457
00:23:46,110 --> 00:23:48,110
It's a superpower I can't control.
458
00:23:48,110 --> 00:23:50,320
The intensity of my orgasm kills people.
459
00:23:50,320 --> 00:23:51,500
Their heads explode!
460
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:54,593
Men, women, people of the
transgender persuasion,
461
00:23:56,040 --> 00:23:57,812
farm animals.
462
00:23:57,812 --> 00:23:59,610
(gentle melodic music)
463
00:23:59,610 --> 00:24:01,422
You don't know what it's like,
464
00:24:01,422 --> 00:24:04,470
to have to go around with
perpetual blue balls.
465
00:24:04,470 --> 00:24:06,840
It's the burden of my superpowers,
466
00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:10,080
to be eternally sexy,
467
00:24:10,080 --> 00:24:13,833
but unable to get off without
destroying my partner.
468
00:24:16,041 --> 00:24:18,360
(awing)
469
00:24:18,360 --> 00:24:19,603
- Poor Dynastud.
470
00:24:20,930 --> 00:24:21,763
Come here.
471
00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:29,003
(gently sighs)
472
00:24:32,538 --> 00:24:35,480
(moaning and panting)
473
00:24:35,480 --> 00:24:37,750
- No wait, it's too dangerous!
474
00:24:37,750 --> 00:24:39,880
- Can't I just give you a handy?!
475
00:24:39,880 --> 00:24:40,713
- No!
476
00:24:40,713 --> 00:24:43,370
My salty soft serve would
destroy these fine woodlands.
477
00:24:43,370 --> 00:24:45,670
And I am firm believer
in forest conservation.
478
00:24:47,540 --> 00:24:50,183
I must remain pure with you for now.
479
00:24:51,380 --> 00:24:52,780
- Really?!
480
00:24:52,780 --> 00:24:53,613
- Yes.
481
00:24:55,120 --> 00:24:56,800
I need you, Bart.
482
00:24:56,800 --> 00:25:01,093
Your essence, your impact
on me is undeniable.
483
00:25:03,680 --> 00:25:06,553
But I don't need you in
the ways you might expect.
484
00:25:08,670 --> 00:25:11,170
(light music)
485
00:25:14,920 --> 00:25:17,763
(thudding)
486
00:25:17,763 --> 00:25:20,825
(doorbell dinging)
487
00:25:20,825 --> 00:25:24,075
(upbeat melodic music)
488
00:25:30,744 --> 00:25:33,310
- There you go.
489
00:25:33,310 --> 00:25:35,460
This will help calm you down,
490
00:25:35,460 --> 00:25:38,316
stop your crying.
491
00:25:38,316 --> 00:25:39,149
(sighing)
492
00:25:39,149 --> 00:25:40,710
- [Teddy] Will she be alright, doctor?
493
00:25:40,710 --> 00:25:45,410
- Well, like all women who
have been spurned by men,
494
00:25:45,410 --> 00:25:47,270
she's gone a little crazy,
495
00:25:47,270 --> 00:25:50,330
lost her place in the world.
496
00:25:50,330 --> 00:25:53,093
- I feel woozy.
497
00:25:54,340 --> 00:25:55,450
- Senator Hightower,
498
00:25:55,450 --> 00:25:57,970
the two MAGA Agents are here to see you.
499
00:25:57,970 --> 00:26:00,133
- Good, I'll meet them in the dining room.
500
00:26:02,550 --> 00:26:04,590
Are you all finished with her, doctor?
501
00:26:04,590 --> 00:26:06,370
Will this keep her from whining?
502
00:26:06,370 --> 00:26:08,340
- One more item.
503
00:26:09,940 --> 00:26:13,960
Her banana basket needs to be filled,
504
00:26:13,960 --> 00:26:16,300
so I brought these
505
00:26:16,300 --> 00:26:20,790
to help her feel full and satisfied,
506
00:26:20,790 --> 00:26:23,160
until you find her man again.
507
00:26:23,160 --> 00:26:25,480
- Oh my.
508
00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:27,870
- Dr. Chutney, you're a genius!
509
00:26:27,870 --> 00:26:28,920
I'll leave you to it.
510
00:26:30,251 --> 00:26:31,867
(cap popping)
511
00:26:31,867 --> 00:26:35,920
(light elevator music)
512
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:38,413
Gentlemen, thank you for coming.
513
00:26:39,320 --> 00:26:41,640
I have a problem.
514
00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:44,960
I need you to track down
my daughter's husband.
515
00:26:44,960 --> 00:26:47,640
He left just as he was about to plow Patty
516
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:49,220
and give me an heir.
517
00:26:49,220 --> 00:26:50,913
I heard you two were the best.
518
00:26:52,230 --> 00:26:55,230
- Is this your daughter
here, in that photo?
519
00:26:55,230 --> 00:26:56,400
- Yes.
520
00:26:56,400 --> 00:26:58,530
That was Patty in happier times.
521
00:26:58,530 --> 00:27:00,800
She used to be quite the equestrian.
522
00:27:00,800 --> 00:27:03,990
Sadly, we had to shoot the horse.
523
00:27:03,990 --> 00:27:08,021
She was becoming too attached.
524
00:27:08,021 --> 00:27:09,040
(slurping)
525
00:27:09,040 --> 00:27:10,173
Ha, memories.
526
00:27:11,010 --> 00:27:13,161
By the way, how is your tea?
527
00:27:13,161 --> 00:27:14,750
(tea splashing)
528
00:27:14,750 --> 00:27:17,030
- Tastes like my Aunt Rosalie's vagina
529
00:27:17,030 --> 00:27:20,173
after an 18 hour shift at
the sauerkraut factory.
530
00:27:22,010 --> 00:27:22,933
- I kinda like it.
531
00:27:23,780 --> 00:27:26,110
- Well, touch my balls!
532
00:27:26,110 --> 00:27:27,630
Sam likes it!
533
00:27:27,630 --> 00:27:30,113
Well, let's thrown a fuckin' parade!
534
00:27:33,550 --> 00:27:36,030
Sorry, I recently quit smoking,
535
00:27:36,030 --> 00:27:37,180
and I'm on the patches.
536
00:27:39,070 --> 00:27:41,020
(groaning)
537
00:27:41,020 --> 00:27:42,300
But enough about me!
538
00:27:42,300 --> 00:27:44,375
This chode we're talking about,
539
00:27:44,375 --> 00:27:45,825
do you have a picture of him?
540
00:27:48,543 --> 00:27:49,710
(groans)
541
00:27:49,710 --> 00:27:51,570
- Glamor shots.
542
00:27:51,570 --> 00:27:53,810
Are you sure this guy's not gay?
543
00:27:53,810 --> 00:27:58,140
- Let me remind you that
homosexuality is illegal.
544
00:27:58,140 --> 00:28:00,803
- I didn't mean to imply anything.
545
00:28:01,750 --> 00:28:04,354
- He does look kind of fruity, though.
546
00:28:04,354 --> 00:28:07,577
- Oh, daddy, I feel much better.
547
00:28:08,700 --> 00:28:10,890
- Glad to hear it, pumpkin.
548
00:28:10,890 --> 00:28:14,740
- These are Agent Sam
and Detective Vargas.
549
00:28:14,740 --> 00:28:16,660
They're going to help track down Bart
550
00:28:16,660 --> 00:28:18,560
and get him to want to fuck you again.
551
00:28:19,636 --> 00:28:22,227
(sobbing)
552
00:28:22,227 --> 00:28:25,800
Oh no, dummy, don't cry over him.
553
00:28:25,800 --> 00:28:27,410
He's worthless!
554
00:28:27,410 --> 00:28:28,850
As you can see, gentlemen,
555
00:28:28,850 --> 00:28:30,520
my daughter is distraught
556
00:28:30,520 --> 00:28:32,420
over her ignominious jilting.
557
00:28:32,420 --> 00:28:33,680
- Left at the altar, huh?
558
00:28:33,680 --> 00:28:34,600
- Worse!
559
00:28:34,600 --> 00:28:36,253
Left in the marriage bed.
560
00:28:37,120 --> 00:28:40,450
Well, you can see the
toll it's taken on her.
561
00:28:40,450 --> 00:28:43,150
Her face distorted by tears,
562
00:28:43,150 --> 00:28:44,900
her once gorgeous knockers,
563
00:28:44,900 --> 00:28:46,323
sagging with humiliation.
564
00:28:47,501 --> 00:28:48,991
(sobbing)
565
00:28:48,991 --> 00:28:50,703
- I'm undesirable!
566
00:28:51,795 --> 00:28:53,580
- No!
567
00:28:53,580 --> 00:28:54,453
- I don't know.
568
00:28:55,420 --> 00:28:57,170
I think you're lookin' pretty good.
569
00:28:58,530 --> 00:29:01,213
I mean, crazy, sad,
570
00:29:02,050 --> 00:29:04,840
and dressed like one of
those girls from Brazzers.
571
00:29:04,840 --> 00:29:07,267
Oh, I fucking love those girls!
572
00:29:07,267 --> 00:29:08,100
(laughing)
573
00:29:08,100 --> 00:29:10,823
And your tears, enticing.
574
00:29:11,690 --> 00:29:15,690
I love a woman with ready
access to her emotions.
575
00:29:15,690 --> 00:29:18,130
And this so-called husband
576
00:29:18,130 --> 00:29:19,957
ran away from this tight package?!
577
00:29:21,210 --> 00:29:24,940
Why, it seems to me like your husband
578
00:29:24,940 --> 00:29:27,120
might be a good old freckle puncher!
579
00:29:27,120 --> 00:29:28,529
- Vargas!
- I'm sorry!
580
00:29:28,529 --> 00:29:29,362
Sorry!
581
00:29:30,920 --> 00:29:31,923
I meant homosexual.
582
00:29:33,790 --> 00:29:36,513
Not you, he's into the
wang is what I'm saying!
583
00:29:38,370 --> 00:29:40,420
- Do you think you could describe the man
584
00:29:41,440 --> 00:29:44,210
that kidnapped your husband?
585
00:29:44,210 --> 00:29:45,750
- Well, I only got a quick look at him
586
00:29:45,750 --> 00:29:47,190
when he ran off with my Bart,
587
00:29:47,190 --> 00:29:48,270
and it was really dark,
588
00:29:48,270 --> 00:29:50,120
so I'm not sure how good
I'm gonna be at this,
589
00:29:50,120 --> 00:29:54,110
but he was tall, like 6'2".
590
00:29:54,110 --> 00:29:55,620
- Good, good.
591
00:29:55,620 --> 00:30:00,100
- And he was beautiful, like a Greek God!
592
00:30:00,100 --> 00:30:02,410
He had one of those torsos that taper down
593
00:30:02,410 --> 00:30:05,390
from broad, muscular
shoulders to a narrow waist,
594
00:30:05,390 --> 00:30:09,020
and he had hands, like
the paws of a great cat!
595
00:30:09,020 --> 00:30:11,823
Like a tiger with fingers!
596
00:30:12,750 --> 00:30:16,283
And his butt rode kinda high and rounded.
597
00:30:17,180 --> 00:30:19,433
- Okay okay, enough!
598
00:30:20,330 --> 00:30:21,233
What do ya got?
599
00:30:26,671 --> 00:30:29,047
Dynastud!
600
00:30:29,047 --> 00:30:30,957
(eerie music)
601
00:30:30,957 --> 00:30:33,707
(water dripping)
602
00:30:34,582 --> 00:30:37,490
- You know, I usually
love a man in uniform.
603
00:30:37,490 --> 00:30:40,053
But you, not so much.
604
00:30:41,420 --> 00:30:44,973
- Well, today is the last
day that I wear this uniform.
605
00:30:46,180 --> 00:30:48,670
I'm sure you didn't hear
the news from your cell,
606
00:30:48,670 --> 00:30:50,970
but starting tomorrow,
607
00:30:50,970 --> 00:30:53,989
I will be a United States Senator!
608
00:30:53,989 --> 00:30:54,822
(chuckles)
609
00:30:54,822 --> 00:30:57,373
I think a congratulations are in order.
610
00:30:59,150 --> 00:31:00,283
- I'm gonna kill you.
611
00:31:01,550 --> 00:31:02,383
(chuckles)
612
00:31:02,383 --> 00:31:03,643
- No, you're not.
613
00:31:05,660 --> 00:31:09,290
In fact, you're going to join the party.
614
00:31:09,290 --> 00:31:11,310
- What are you gonna do?
615
00:31:11,310 --> 00:31:12,410
Lobotomize me?
616
00:31:12,410 --> 00:31:15,310
- I'm going to have the
gay beaten out of you.
617
00:31:15,310 --> 00:31:16,463
Meet Gunther!
618
00:31:17,370 --> 00:31:20,010
Hobbies include stock car racing,
619
00:31:20,010 --> 00:31:25,010
weight training, and busting skulls.
620
00:31:25,712 --> 00:31:26,924
- Yipes!
621
00:31:26,924 --> 00:31:29,861
- Gunther crush Dynastud!
622
00:31:29,861 --> 00:31:31,710
(electronic guitar rock music)
623
00:31:31,710 --> 00:31:36,710
(punches thudding)
(grunting)
624
00:31:39,530 --> 00:31:40,823
- You punch like a fag.
625
00:31:41,924 --> 00:31:43,360
(whooshing)
626
00:31:43,360 --> 00:31:45,145
- Find him, you idiot!
627
00:31:45,145 --> 00:31:48,318
(heavy rock music)
628
00:31:48,318 --> 00:31:53,318
(punch thudding)
(grunting)
629
00:31:58,722 --> 00:32:00,343
(groaning)
630
00:32:00,343 --> 00:32:02,702
(punch thudding)
(grunting)
631
00:32:02,702 --> 00:32:04,952
(clanking)
632
00:32:12,977 --> 00:32:14,605
(whooshing)
633
00:32:14,605 --> 00:32:17,570
(grunting)
(clanking)
634
00:32:17,570 --> 00:32:19,318
(groaning)
635
00:32:19,318 --> 00:32:21,120
(screaming)
636
00:32:21,120 --> 00:32:23,537
(splooshing)
637
00:32:30,290 --> 00:32:32,113
There's the big gun I was expecting.
638
00:32:33,112 --> 00:32:34,821
(gun shot booming)
639
00:32:34,821 --> 00:32:37,821
(suspenseful music)
640
00:32:41,034 --> 00:32:42,802
(shouting)
641
00:32:42,802 --> 00:32:43,690
(grunting)
642
00:32:43,690 --> 00:32:46,850
- This whole place is under surveillance.
643
00:32:46,850 --> 00:32:48,690
If you kill me,
644
00:32:48,690 --> 00:32:52,580
it'll give them reason
to track your kind down.
645
00:32:52,580 --> 00:32:54,560
- I'm gonna keep you alive,
646
00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:57,970
but only because I wanna
see you rot in the cooler.
647
00:32:57,970 --> 00:32:59,337
- That'll be the day.
648
00:33:02,220 --> 00:33:05,763
That man is a dangerous
enemy of the state.
649
00:33:06,830 --> 00:33:09,603
When you find him, kill
him without hesitation.
650
00:33:10,600 --> 00:33:14,190
But be sure and bring Bart back alive.
651
00:33:14,190 --> 00:33:15,280
- Do you really think you'll be able
652
00:33:15,280 --> 00:33:16,933
to find him, Detective Vargas?
653
00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:23,300
- Oh, my sweet vagina galore,
654
00:33:23,300 --> 00:33:26,720
we'll track him down and
bring him back to you.
655
00:33:26,720 --> 00:33:30,197
And he'll be in your arms
and balls deep in your vag
656
00:33:30,197 --> 00:33:32,140
before the next episode
657
00:33:32,140 --> 00:33:34,093
of Who Told You You Could Dance is on.
658
00:33:35,414 --> 00:33:37,014
- Well, I'm glad that's settled.
659
00:33:38,503 --> 00:33:40,901
(ball clanking)
660
00:33:40,901 --> 00:33:42,490
- What was that?
661
00:33:42,490 --> 00:33:46,143
- Uh, one of Dr. Chutney's
balls just dropped.
662
00:33:51,659 --> 00:33:53,920
(smooching)
663
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:55,470
- [Gaydar] Dynastud, if
you could take a minute
664
00:33:55,470 --> 00:33:57,110
to stop checking out Bart's ass,
665
00:33:57,110 --> 00:33:59,934
we have a red menace that
has to be dealt with.
666
00:33:59,934 --> 00:34:02,600
(insects chirping)
667
00:34:02,600 --> 00:34:03,700
- Why are we stopping?
668
00:34:05,570 --> 00:34:07,963
- Just a little something
I have to take care of.
669
00:34:08,870 --> 00:34:11,300
- Do you think they have
something to drink in there?
670
00:34:11,300 --> 00:34:13,400
I'm getting thirsty from all this walking.
671
00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:19,283
- Inside will be a tall,
cool glass of justice.
672
00:34:20,398 --> 00:34:23,481
(footsteps clanking)
673
00:34:25,090 --> 00:34:26,033
- What's in here?
674
00:34:27,170 --> 00:34:28,670
- Russian bot farm.
675
00:34:28,670 --> 00:34:30,180
- They grow bots?
676
00:34:30,180 --> 00:34:32,870
- No, they grow the seeds of discontent
677
00:34:32,870 --> 00:34:35,513
that poison the fertile
fields of Democracy.
678
00:34:36,500 --> 00:34:38,510
- You know, whenever you talk like that,
679
00:34:38,510 --> 00:34:39,940
I get rock hard.
680
00:34:39,940 --> 00:34:40,973
Why is that?
681
00:34:42,460 --> 00:34:44,030
- I've got a plan.
682
00:34:44,030 --> 00:34:45,053
And it involves you.
683
00:34:46,180 --> 00:34:49,434
But it's gonna require Cracker Jack timing
684
00:34:49,434 --> 00:34:51,793
and a high probability of lethal force.
685
00:34:53,760 --> 00:34:55,160
- Wait.
686
00:34:55,160 --> 00:34:57,823
What is a Russian bot
farm doing in America?
687
00:34:58,840 --> 00:35:01,450
- Bart, they're Russians.
688
00:35:01,450 --> 00:35:03,175
They're sneaky like that.
689
00:35:03,175 --> 00:35:06,258
(keyboards clacking)
690
00:35:14,190 --> 00:35:15,520
- Alexi!
691
00:35:15,520 --> 00:35:16,530
What is good word
692
00:35:17,410 --> 00:35:19,093
rhyme with snowflake?
693
00:35:21,124 --> 00:35:23,029
- Earthquake!
694
00:35:23,029 --> 00:35:26,696
(speaking foreign language)
695
00:35:28,003 --> 00:35:31,130
- Krinkov, what is it you are working on?
696
00:35:31,130 --> 00:35:33,530
- Boris, I work on very funny meme
697
00:35:33,530 --> 00:35:36,450
of Ronald Reagan spanking Hillary Clinton
698
00:35:36,450 --> 00:35:38,436
with a large black dildo!
699
00:35:38,436 --> 00:35:41,450
(laughing)
700
00:35:41,450 --> 00:35:44,040
- Much liberal tears will flow
701
00:35:44,040 --> 00:35:46,948
when they see that, I tell you!
702
00:35:46,948 --> 00:35:48,650
(laughing)
703
00:35:48,650 --> 00:35:49,483
Okay!
704
00:35:51,460 --> 00:35:55,530
- Today I pretend to
be black man on Twitter
705
00:35:55,530 --> 00:35:58,920
who wants to make with the
pregnant of white girls
706
00:35:58,920 --> 00:36:02,036
and leave them on the footsteps!
707
00:36:02,036 --> 00:36:04,286
(laughing)
708
00:36:07,416 --> 00:36:10,117
(doorbell dinging)
(grunts)
709
00:36:10,117 --> 00:36:11,409
(light music)
710
00:36:11,409 --> 00:36:13,842
- Do we know of anyone coming?
711
00:36:13,842 --> 00:36:14,675
(speaking foreign language)
712
00:36:14,675 --> 00:36:15,570
- Do Boris?
713
00:36:15,570 --> 00:36:16,403
- Also (speaking foreign language).
714
00:36:19,500 --> 00:36:20,475
(doorbell ringing)
715
00:36:20,475 --> 00:36:22,475
(sighs)
716
00:36:26,182 --> 00:36:27,820
(suspenseful music)
717
00:36:27,820 --> 00:36:29,020
- Hello!
718
00:36:29,020 --> 00:36:30,220
- [Bart] Pizza delivery!
719
00:36:31,907 --> 00:36:33,130
- What?
720
00:36:33,130 --> 00:36:36,810
- [Bart] Pizza delivery
for 233 Industrial Way.
721
00:36:36,810 --> 00:36:39,283
- Is us, what kind of pizza is being?
722
00:36:45,260 --> 00:36:46,740
- Um, saucy deep dish.
723
00:36:46,740 --> 00:36:47,573
- No!
724
00:36:48,532 --> 00:36:49,890
What is it made of?
725
00:36:50,876 --> 00:36:52,380
(punch whapping)
(grunting)
726
00:36:52,380 --> 00:36:53,213
- Whoa!
727
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:56,629
You know, I never thought
that was gonna work.
728
00:36:56,629 --> 00:36:57,770
(groaning)
729
00:36:57,770 --> 00:36:59,890
- They're Russians, Bart,
they're not very bright.
730
00:36:59,890 --> 00:37:02,161
- Eating now second amendment.
731
00:37:02,161 --> 00:37:05,161
(gun shots booming)
732
00:37:10,680 --> 00:37:13,741
It's useless, guns don't kill people!
733
00:37:13,741 --> 00:37:15,853
(gun shots booming)
734
00:37:15,853 --> 00:37:19,815
Die (speaking foreign language)!
735
00:37:19,815 --> 00:37:20,648
(whooshing)
736
00:37:20,648 --> 00:37:22,278
- That's cocksucker to you both.
737
00:37:22,278 --> 00:37:24,982
(gun shots booming)
738
00:37:24,982 --> 00:37:28,315
(intense melodic music)
739
00:37:33,180 --> 00:37:34,720
What, are you gonna hack me to death?
740
00:37:34,720 --> 00:37:36,380
- No, you cannot ban me.
741
00:37:36,380 --> 00:37:38,500
I'm having a free speech.
742
00:37:38,500 --> 00:37:39,333
(shouting)
743
00:37:39,333 --> 00:37:41,380
- Do I look like the government?
744
00:37:41,380 --> 00:37:43,000
- Send backup!
745
00:37:43,000 --> 00:37:46,413
Big sexy gay man is
here killing everybody!
746
00:37:46,413 --> 00:37:48,663
(shouting)
747
00:37:51,063 --> 00:37:52,900
- Tell me who is paying you
748
00:37:52,900 --> 00:37:54,450
or I'll give you Borges bell.
749
00:37:54,450 --> 00:37:55,550
- Hightower!
750
00:37:55,550 --> 00:37:57,290
Teddy Hightower!
751
00:37:57,290 --> 00:37:58,520
- I knew it.
752
00:37:58,520 --> 00:38:00,840
Well, I want you to give Teddy
a special message from me.
753
00:38:00,840 --> 00:38:01,673
- Anything!
754
00:38:01,673 --> 00:38:04,193
Just don't kill me, big sexy gay man!
755
00:38:05,250 --> 00:38:07,667
(whispering)
756
00:38:09,722 --> 00:38:11,869
Oh, fuck!
757
00:38:11,869 --> 00:38:14,536
(playful music)
758
00:38:21,530 --> 00:38:23,520
- Clearly this poor girl's husband
759
00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:26,220
has been abducted by Dynastud.
760
00:38:26,220 --> 00:38:28,120
Probably turned him gay already
761
00:38:28,120 --> 00:38:30,343
through the power of his sexual mesmerism!
762
00:38:32,606 --> 00:38:36,230
Oh, it's safe to assume
they're in cahoots!
763
00:38:36,230 --> 00:38:39,170
And clearly, those queers
are armed and dangerous!
764
00:38:39,170 --> 00:38:41,203
But where the hell are they headed?
765
00:38:42,217 --> 00:38:43,380
- Bottom's Up.
766
00:38:43,380 --> 00:38:46,200
- Sam, it's a bit early for day drinking,
767
00:38:46,200 --> 00:38:47,387
but what the hell, what
have you got on ya?
768
00:38:47,387 --> 00:38:49,013
- No, no, Bottom's Up,
769
00:38:49,880 --> 00:38:51,780
the underground bar on the Canadian border
770
00:38:51,780 --> 00:38:54,970
for gays escaping the U.S.
to the Great White North.
771
00:38:54,970 --> 00:38:57,002
They must be headed there.
772
00:38:57,002 --> 00:38:59,502
(eerie music)
773
00:39:03,051 --> 00:39:05,718
(door creaking)
774
00:39:08,659 --> 00:39:11,326
(door clanking)
775
00:39:12,770 --> 00:39:13,649
- Hi, dad!
776
00:39:13,649 --> 00:39:14,482
(gasping)
777
00:39:14,482 --> 00:39:16,203
- Leaping lawn jockeys!
778
00:39:17,183 --> 00:39:19,590
Oh, it's only you, pussycat.
779
00:39:19,590 --> 00:39:21,210
- Daddy, I'm so sad.
780
00:39:21,210 --> 00:39:24,797
- Oh, God damn that Bart.
781
00:39:24,797 --> 00:39:26,430
And Dr. Chutney,
782
00:39:26,430 --> 00:39:28,180
he was supposed to make you better!
783
00:39:29,018 --> 00:39:31,008
(ball clanking)
784
00:39:31,008 --> 00:39:32,163
What the hell was that?
785
00:39:33,380 --> 00:39:34,560
- Oh, it's one of those balls
786
00:39:34,560 --> 00:39:36,023
from Tibet Dr. Chutney gave me,
787
00:39:36,023 --> 00:39:37,690
and now when I'm really sad,
788
00:39:37,690 --> 00:39:40,840
they just come out.
789
00:39:40,840 --> 00:39:42,918
Do you want to go get ice cream with me?
790
00:39:42,918 --> 00:39:44,950
- Oh, sorry, pookie.
791
00:39:44,950 --> 00:39:46,220
I have to check on the progress
792
00:39:46,220 --> 00:39:49,121
of our super weapon development program.
793
00:39:49,121 --> 00:39:50,993
- Oh, (ball clanking), okay.
794
00:39:54,760 --> 00:39:56,133
Daddy, do you miss mommy?
795
00:39:57,790 --> 00:39:59,370
- Not really.
796
00:39:59,370 --> 00:40:01,590
I mean, I was the one who had her killed
797
00:40:01,590 --> 00:40:03,993
after she kept giving me girl babies.
798
00:40:04,915 --> 00:40:07,046
(chuckles)
799
00:40:07,046 --> 00:40:10,590
(footsteps pattering)
800
00:40:10,590 --> 00:40:11,959
- Bye, dad.
801
00:40:11,959 --> 00:40:14,626
(ball clanking)
802
00:40:16,677 --> 00:40:19,844
(electronic bleeping)
803
00:40:28,174 --> 00:40:30,350
- Good afternoon, Senator!
804
00:40:30,350 --> 00:40:31,543
- Dr. Chutney!
805
00:40:32,690 --> 00:40:34,100
Okay, then.
806
00:40:34,100 --> 00:40:35,160
Let's see it.
807
00:40:35,160 --> 00:40:39,320
- The weapon is almost complete.
808
00:40:39,320 --> 00:40:41,258
Behold!
809
00:40:41,258 --> 00:40:42,890
(gasping)
810
00:40:42,890 --> 00:40:44,343
- It's beautiful!
811
00:40:46,030 --> 00:40:47,530
Will it work?
812
00:40:47,530 --> 00:40:49,229
- Will it work?!
813
00:40:49,229 --> 00:40:50,290
(laughing)
814
00:40:50,290 --> 00:40:51,190
Senator!
815
00:40:51,190 --> 00:40:53,310
When the weapon is complete,
816
00:40:53,310 --> 00:40:56,660
all we need to do is fire it,
817
00:40:56,660 --> 00:40:59,950
and any homosexual
818
00:40:59,950 --> 00:41:03,370
will become a heterosexual.
819
00:41:03,370 --> 00:41:05,340
Think about it.
820
00:41:05,340 --> 00:41:08,530
Lesbians touching penises.
821
00:41:08,530 --> 00:41:11,274
Gays munching the rug.
822
00:41:11,274 --> 00:41:13,524
(laughing)
823
00:41:14,420 --> 00:41:17,640
We just point and shoot!
824
00:41:17,640 --> 00:41:18,948
Shoot straight!
825
00:41:18,948 --> 00:41:21,198
(laughing)
826
00:41:23,260 --> 00:41:25,193
- Oh, they won't know what hit them.
827
00:41:26,830 --> 00:41:28,990
And after we capture Bart,
828
00:41:28,990 --> 00:41:30,740
that errant cocksucker will be able
829
00:41:30,740 --> 00:41:33,930
to please my daughter and give me an heir.
830
00:41:33,930 --> 00:41:35,260
(laughing)
831
00:41:35,260 --> 00:41:38,373
Oh, this is mine.
832
00:41:40,159 --> 00:41:42,489
(gasping)
833
00:41:42,489 --> 00:41:44,350
It comes with one of these!
834
00:41:44,350 --> 00:41:46,600
(laughing)
835
00:41:49,140 --> 00:41:52,553
- All this laughing is
making me dehydrated.
836
00:41:53,750 --> 00:41:56,470
- And after we get my daughter's man,
837
00:41:56,470 --> 00:42:00,650
all the gays will drop to their knees.
838
00:42:00,650 --> 00:42:02,210
(laughing)
839
00:42:02,210 --> 00:42:03,290
Get it!
840
00:42:03,290 --> 00:42:04,961
- [Together] Their knees!
841
00:42:04,961 --> 00:42:07,211
(laughing)
842
00:42:10,707 --> 00:42:12,699
(thudding)
843
00:42:12,699 --> 00:42:15,616
(intriguing music)
844
00:42:18,071 --> 00:42:20,821
(birds chirping)
845
00:42:25,920 --> 00:42:26,913
- We piss here.
846
00:42:30,536 --> 00:42:32,260
(zippers scratching)
847
00:42:32,260 --> 00:42:34,270
- Where are you taking me?
848
00:42:34,270 --> 00:42:36,000
- To a compound.
849
00:42:36,000 --> 00:42:38,160
Just over the border in Canada.
850
00:42:38,160 --> 00:42:40,970
A secret gay bar called Bottom's Up.
851
00:42:40,970 --> 00:42:43,070
- And what's in this Bottom's Up?
852
00:42:43,070 --> 00:42:44,240
- A safe passage
853
00:42:45,210 --> 00:42:48,023
that will lead me to the
only man I ever really loved.
854
00:42:48,990 --> 00:42:50,106
- Love.
855
00:42:50,106 --> 00:42:51,790
(urine splashing)
856
00:42:51,790 --> 00:42:53,080
- Hey.
857
00:42:53,080 --> 00:42:54,083
Nice cock, Bart.
858
00:42:55,010 --> 00:42:57,000
I'm a top, myself.
859
00:42:57,000 --> 00:42:59,260
But it's got a really beautiful shape
860
00:42:59,260 --> 00:43:00,553
and an impressive girth.
861
00:43:01,490 --> 00:43:04,040
You'll make a bottom very happy some day.
862
00:43:04,040 --> 00:43:04,873
- Thanks.
863
00:43:08,530 --> 00:43:10,610
By the way, you never told me
864
00:43:10,610 --> 00:43:12,093
how you got your superpowers.
865
00:43:13,860 --> 00:43:15,410
- Do you really need to know?
866
00:43:15,410 --> 00:43:16,740
- Well, yeah.
867
00:43:16,740 --> 00:43:17,763
I'm curious.
868
00:43:20,830 --> 00:43:23,470
- I was bit by a radioactive spider.
869
00:43:23,470 --> 00:43:25,320
- I've heard this one before.
870
00:43:25,320 --> 00:43:27,870
- It was a gay radioactive spider.
871
00:43:27,870 --> 00:43:29,540
Chucked gooey white wads of--
872
00:43:29,540 --> 00:43:32,223
- Yeah, alright, all caught up, thanks.
873
00:43:38,010 --> 00:43:38,843
- Okay.
874
00:43:40,230 --> 00:43:41,303
If you must know,
875
00:43:43,123 --> 00:43:43,956
(light music)
876
00:43:43,956 --> 00:43:46,860
I wasn't always the hunk
of smoldering man flesh
877
00:43:46,860 --> 00:43:48,353
you see before you now.
878
00:43:49,750 --> 00:43:53,700
I was a scrawny nerd,
born on a farm in Vermont.
879
00:43:53,700 --> 00:43:57,074
I had two loving mothers
named May and Martha.
880
00:43:57,074 --> 00:43:59,657
(joyful music)
881
00:44:06,840 --> 00:44:10,373
Well, one night, I was
out catching fireflies,
882
00:44:11,710 --> 00:44:13,753
and I saw something fall from the sky.
883
00:44:32,740 --> 00:44:34,290
- [Orb] Do not be afraid of me.
884
00:44:34,290 --> 00:44:36,320
I have come from a distant star
885
00:44:36,320 --> 00:44:38,870
to bring peace to your waring planet
886
00:44:38,870 --> 00:44:42,451
and wisdom light years beyond your own.
887
00:44:42,451 --> 00:44:44,020
- Awesome!
888
00:44:44,020 --> 00:44:45,590
- [Orb] Uh, um, wait.
889
00:44:45,590 --> 00:44:47,160
What did you say?
890
00:44:47,160 --> 00:44:48,330
- Awesome!
891
00:44:48,330 --> 00:44:50,930
- [Orb] Ah, fuck me sideways!
892
00:44:50,930 --> 00:44:53,260
Is this 51 Pegasus B?
893
00:44:53,260 --> 00:44:55,020
- No, this is Earth.
894
00:44:55,020 --> 00:44:56,480
- [Orb] Sometimes you have to wonder
895
00:44:56,480 --> 00:44:58,140
who's mindin' the storm.
896
00:44:58,140 --> 00:45:00,750
Okay, fine, Earth.
897
00:45:00,750 --> 00:45:04,330
You backwards monkeys have
your troubles, too, I guess.
898
00:45:04,330 --> 00:45:06,080
Now, how do you solve them here?
899
00:45:06,080 --> 00:45:08,564
Hold on, let me check the database.
900
00:45:08,564 --> 00:45:10,040
(electronic bleeping)
901
00:45:10,040 --> 00:45:11,700
Superheroes, huh?
902
00:45:11,700 --> 00:45:13,170
Okay, fine.
903
00:45:13,170 --> 00:45:16,160
You'll be a superhero,
how does that sound?
904
00:45:16,160 --> 00:45:17,460
- Sounds great!
905
00:45:17,460 --> 00:45:19,080
- [Orb] A real quiz kid, huh?
906
00:45:19,080 --> 00:45:21,350
Well listen, there's one problem.
907
00:45:21,350 --> 00:45:23,670
If I change you into a superhero,
908
00:45:23,670 --> 00:45:26,160
you must heed this warning.
- Nah, I'm good.
909
00:45:26,160 --> 00:45:27,960
- [Orb] Goddammit, this is bad!
910
00:45:27,960 --> 00:45:30,400
It will effect your
life, your entire life!
911
00:45:30,400 --> 00:45:31,430
- Let's just do this!
912
00:45:31,430 --> 00:45:33,007
- [Orb] Can't you just wait a second?!
913
00:45:33,007 --> 00:45:34,740
- No, I wanna be big and strong!
914
00:45:34,740 --> 00:45:39,450
- Oy vey, this meshugganah
wants to be a superhero!
915
00:45:39,450 --> 00:45:41,291
Okay, fine.
916
00:45:41,291 --> 00:45:42,760
Here we go!
917
00:45:42,760 --> 00:45:45,760
(suspenseful music)
918
00:45:54,380 --> 00:45:55,233
- Look at me.
919
00:45:56,621 --> 00:45:57,803
I'm beautiful.
920
00:45:59,080 --> 00:46:03,093
I can so seriously get
laid with a bod like this.
921
00:46:06,570 --> 00:46:09,270
No more lonely nights with
the milking machine for me.
922
00:46:10,894 --> 00:46:11,727
(smooching)
923
00:46:11,727 --> 00:46:13,340
- [Orb] Yeah, about that!
924
00:46:13,340 --> 00:46:15,200
- [Dynastud] It made me
into the irresistible
925
00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:16,523
stud I am today.
926
00:46:17,400 --> 00:46:21,838
But great beauty comes
with a terrible price.
927
00:46:21,838 --> 00:46:24,755
(funky club music)
928
00:46:38,130 --> 00:46:39,830
- This is my first time.
929
00:46:39,830 --> 00:46:41,900
Be gentle, Jeremiah.
930
00:46:41,900 --> 00:46:43,350
- This is my first time, too.
931
00:46:44,480 --> 00:46:47,733
And call me Dynastud.
932
00:46:48,800 --> 00:46:51,437
- I'll call you anything
you want me to, Dynastud.
933
00:46:59,306 --> 00:47:01,473
(moaning)
934
00:47:04,140 --> 00:47:06,390
(groaning)
935
00:47:07,657 --> 00:47:09,490
(explosion booming)
936
00:47:09,490 --> 00:47:12,323
(animals calling)
937
00:47:16,405 --> 00:47:19,410
- What have I become?!
938
00:47:19,410 --> 00:47:21,200
My penis was a lethal weapon,
939
00:47:21,200 --> 00:47:23,510
and I had a license to thrill.
940
00:47:23,510 --> 00:47:25,320
Thankfully, no matter what,
941
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:27,913
I had the unconditional
love of my mothers.
942
00:47:29,110 --> 00:47:31,170
Momma May?
- Mm-hmm?
943
00:47:31,170 --> 00:47:34,396
- Can I ask you about love?
944
00:47:34,396 --> 00:47:35,680
(laughing)
945
00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:38,470
- You're growin' up so fast, aren't you?
946
00:47:38,470 --> 00:47:40,670
- We've had to buy him all new clothes,
947
00:47:40,670 --> 00:47:43,070
just look at those shoulders!
948
00:47:43,070 --> 00:47:45,160
(laughing)
949
00:47:45,160 --> 00:47:47,189
- What's your question, baby boy?
950
00:47:47,189 --> 00:47:48,790
(light music)
951
00:47:48,790 --> 00:47:51,370
- Do you think it's bad to love someone
952
00:47:51,370 --> 00:47:53,420
if you know you're going to destroy them?
953
00:47:57,110 --> 00:47:57,943
- Yes.
954
00:47:59,220 --> 00:48:00,720
Yes, I do.
955
00:48:00,720 --> 00:48:03,340
With powerful love, comes a great duty.
956
00:48:03,340 --> 00:48:06,683
We must never allow those
we love come to harm.
957
00:48:08,400 --> 00:48:13,210
- But what if you really
need to love someone,
958
00:48:13,210 --> 00:48:15,510
but you know they'll be hurt?
959
00:48:15,510 --> 00:48:18,493
- It's such a big
question for a young man.
960
00:48:20,400 --> 00:48:23,683
If your love will hurt someone,
961
00:48:24,940 --> 00:48:27,483
then it really isn't love, is it?
962
00:48:29,000 --> 00:48:29,833
- Guess not.
963
00:48:32,790 --> 00:48:33,630
- That's right.
964
00:48:33,630 --> 00:48:34,930
Now go to sleep, Jeremiah.
965
00:48:36,930 --> 00:48:38,580
- Don't call me Jeremiah anymore.
966
00:48:40,010 --> 00:48:41,543
Call me Dynastud.
967
00:48:43,835 --> 00:48:45,236
(laughing)
968
00:48:45,236 --> 00:48:47,927
- You crazy kids and your nicknames.
969
00:48:47,927 --> 00:48:50,177
(laughing)
970
00:48:54,992 --> 00:48:57,492
(light music)
971
00:49:03,437 --> 00:49:05,770
- Dynastud.
972
00:49:08,598 --> 00:49:10,765
Dynastud.
973
00:49:13,620 --> 00:49:17,500
- [Vargas] Tonight, we head
into the heart of darkness.
974
00:49:17,500 --> 00:49:18,932
- I'm not scared.
975
00:49:18,932 --> 00:49:19,860
(laughing)
976
00:49:19,860 --> 00:49:23,147
- Who knows what horrors
these homos have going on?!
977
00:49:24,970 --> 00:49:26,369
- Gay people don't bother me.
978
00:49:26,369 --> 00:49:28,193
- Well, they should bother you.
979
00:49:28,193 --> 00:49:30,248
Because they bother me, ergo,
980
00:49:30,248 --> 00:49:32,165
they should bother you!
981
00:49:33,120 --> 00:49:36,679
With their glitter and their parades.
982
00:49:36,679 --> 00:49:37,512
(scoffs)
983
00:49:37,512 --> 00:49:42,512
And the Queer as Folk
television series on the BBC.
984
00:49:42,860 --> 00:49:45,320
Well, you better enjoy
that bologna sandwich
985
00:49:45,320 --> 00:49:49,000
'cause tonight, we go undercover.
986
00:49:49,000 --> 00:49:50,096
- What are you talking about?
987
00:49:50,096 --> 00:49:51,460
(laughing)
988
00:49:51,460 --> 00:49:53,960
- We need to understand them, Sam, hm?
989
00:49:53,960 --> 00:49:55,950
We need to think like them,
990
00:49:55,950 --> 00:49:59,420
understand them, become them.
991
00:49:59,420 --> 00:50:00,980
Gay men!
992
00:50:00,980 --> 00:50:02,680
That's right, I'll be the pitcher,
993
00:50:02,680 --> 00:50:03,870
and you'll be the catcher!
994
00:50:03,870 --> 00:50:06,600
On this hardball team of hard balls!
995
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:09,670
Playin' the ball game, oh yes!
996
00:50:09,670 --> 00:50:11,563
We will play balls.
997
00:50:12,660 --> 00:50:14,463
- Maybe you should take up smoking again.
998
00:50:14,463 --> 00:50:16,718
(laughing)
999
00:50:16,718 --> 00:50:19,710
- Sam, Samwise Gamgee!
1000
00:50:19,710 --> 00:50:24,704
Tonight we might be
smoking a big bag of dicks.
1001
00:50:24,704 --> 00:50:25,595
(sniffing)
1002
00:50:25,595 --> 00:50:27,481
(groaning)
1003
00:50:27,481 --> 00:50:28,314
And who knows!
1004
00:50:28,314 --> 00:50:29,660
At the end of all this,
1005
00:50:29,660 --> 00:50:32,830
you might get a real piece
of bologna in your mouth.
1006
00:50:32,830 --> 00:50:34,233
Take it, take it!
1007
00:50:35,538 --> 00:50:39,288
(intense melodic rock music)
1008
00:51:04,580 --> 00:51:05,413
- This is it?
1009
00:51:05,413 --> 00:51:07,740
It doesn't look like much.
1010
00:51:07,740 --> 00:51:08,573
- This is it.
1011
00:51:09,540 --> 00:51:11,540
We're here to meet my old friend,
1012
00:51:11,540 --> 00:51:14,340
the meanest drag queen in all of Canada.
1013
00:51:14,340 --> 00:51:15,860
He goes by the nom de guerre
1014
00:51:15,860 --> 00:51:18,633
of Lee Van Queef.
1015
00:51:19,610 --> 00:51:20,713
- Sounds like a gas.
1016
00:51:24,910 --> 00:51:26,918
(knocking)
1017
00:51:26,918 --> 00:51:29,060
(door creaking)
1018
00:51:29,060 --> 00:51:30,430
- Password?
1019
00:51:30,430 --> 00:51:33,859
- To a new world of Gods and monsters.
1020
00:51:33,859 --> 00:51:37,026
(club music thumping)
1021
00:51:51,690 --> 00:51:53,167
- Who's that man with the ass I just want
1022
00:51:53,167 --> 00:51:55,990
to eat a steak and egg breakfast off of?
1023
00:51:55,990 --> 00:51:58,990
Burma Zapper, you can still
bounce Loonies off this thing!
1024
00:51:58,990 --> 00:52:00,920
- Oh, Lee, you old butt pirate.
1025
00:52:00,920 --> 00:52:03,423
- Dynastud, you magnificent
bastard, bring it in!
1026
00:52:04,630 --> 00:52:06,460
(slapping)
1027
00:52:06,460 --> 00:52:07,610
Who's Peter Pan?
1028
00:52:07,610 --> 00:52:08,770
- I'm Bart.
1029
00:52:08,770 --> 00:52:10,170
- Pleasure to meet you Bart.
1030
00:52:10,170 --> 00:52:12,240
Welcome to Bottom's Up,
1031
00:52:12,240 --> 00:52:14,470
the last free zone in America.
1032
00:52:14,470 --> 00:52:15,530
We've been the final stop
1033
00:52:15,530 --> 00:52:17,750
for the queer underground
railroad for years,
1034
00:52:17,750 --> 00:52:19,060
helpin' these wonderful people
1035
00:52:19,060 --> 00:52:21,330
get their letters of transit to Canada,
1036
00:52:21,330 --> 00:52:22,880
where they can live in freedom.
1037
00:52:23,720 --> 00:52:24,940
- I've seen Lee
1038
00:52:24,940 --> 00:52:27,250
take down an entire battalion
1039
00:52:27,250 --> 00:52:28,900
of MAGA Shock Troops
1040
00:52:28,900 --> 00:52:30,450
without even breaking a nail.
1041
00:52:30,450 --> 00:52:33,440
- Oh, Dynastud, you always
knew how to flatter a girl.
1042
00:52:33,440 --> 00:52:35,150
Now, both of you come with me.
1043
00:52:35,150 --> 00:52:38,422
I've got what you need in my office.
1044
00:52:38,422 --> 00:52:41,589
(club music thumping)
1045
00:52:42,730 --> 00:52:44,463
- This place is like an armory.
1046
00:52:46,830 --> 00:52:48,423
- [Lee] Hold that for me, sugar.
1047
00:52:50,215 --> 00:52:53,130
(clicking)
1048
00:52:53,130 --> 00:52:56,420
- Lee, people would kill for this!
1049
00:52:56,420 --> 00:52:58,030
- What is it?
1050
00:52:58,030 --> 00:52:59,380
- It's a Canadian passport.
1051
00:53:00,330 --> 00:53:02,850
- Operation Neon Cobra has begun.
1052
00:53:02,850 --> 00:53:05,113
- What's Operation Neon Cobra?
1053
00:53:06,450 --> 00:53:09,170
- Boss, there's an
unidentified car outside.
1054
00:53:09,170 --> 00:53:10,920
- Looks like you boys
brought trouble with you.
1055
00:53:10,920 --> 00:53:12,470
Bobo, back door.
1056
00:53:12,470 --> 00:53:13,303
- Gladly.
1057
00:53:13,303 --> 00:53:14,930
- No, take them out the back door!
1058
00:53:14,930 --> 00:53:16,525
And use protection!
1059
00:53:16,525 --> 00:53:19,130
- I don't know, I'm kind
of a bareback man myself.
1060
00:53:19,130 --> 00:53:21,010
- Goddammit, Bobo.
1061
00:53:21,010 --> 00:53:22,060
Take this.
1062
00:53:22,060 --> 00:53:23,150
- Yes, boss.
1063
00:53:23,150 --> 00:53:24,323
Pushy old queen.
1064
00:53:25,280 --> 00:53:26,900
- Lee, will you be okay?
1065
00:53:26,900 --> 00:53:28,420
- Of course, baby, just
make sure to say hello
1066
00:53:28,420 --> 00:53:29,253
to Bruce for me.
1067
00:53:30,261 --> 00:53:33,244
(slapping)
1068
00:53:33,244 --> 00:53:36,411
(club music thumping)
1069
00:53:46,830 --> 00:53:48,050
- Goddammit.
1070
00:53:48,050 --> 00:53:50,280
- Oh, stop pouting, Sam.
1071
00:53:50,280 --> 00:53:52,310
- I told you I wanted to be the Indian.
1072
00:53:52,310 --> 00:53:53,830
- You're not the Indian!
1073
00:53:53,830 --> 00:53:55,260
You're the construction worker!
1074
00:53:55,260 --> 00:53:57,050
- And I say goddammit!
1075
00:53:57,050 --> 00:54:00,610
- I didn't write the song YMCA, Sam.
1076
00:54:00,610 --> 00:54:03,530
It takes a man of certain moral character
1077
00:54:03,530 --> 00:54:05,300
to be the Indian.
1078
00:54:05,300 --> 00:54:07,450
And I'm the goddamn Indian!
1079
00:54:07,450 --> 00:54:09,320
- Hey there, cutie.
1080
00:54:09,320 --> 00:54:10,690
Nice buskins.
1081
00:54:10,690 --> 00:54:13,900
- Hello, fellow gay man!
1082
00:54:13,900 --> 00:54:16,170
Now, should I insert my penis
1083
00:54:16,170 --> 00:54:19,263
into your mouth now or later?
1084
00:54:20,207 --> 00:54:23,430
- I am married, asshole!
1085
00:54:23,430 --> 00:54:24,980
Jeez, just take the compliment.
1086
00:54:26,746 --> 00:54:29,079
(smooching)
1087
00:54:30,400 --> 00:54:33,193
- That guy totally wanted my cock.
1088
00:54:34,140 --> 00:54:35,680
- Nope.
1089
00:54:35,680 --> 00:54:37,353
- Let's try a new tactic.
1090
00:54:38,818 --> 00:54:42,151
(electronic club music)
1091
00:54:43,730 --> 00:54:44,563
Hello!
1092
00:54:45,520 --> 00:54:47,220
We come in peace,
1093
00:54:47,220 --> 00:54:49,263
and we love to fuck butts!
1094
00:54:50,717 --> 00:54:51,904
- You fuckin' creep!
1095
00:54:51,904 --> 00:54:54,840
(shouting)
1096
00:54:54,840 --> 00:54:56,710
- Jesus!
- Pardon me.
1097
00:54:56,710 --> 00:55:00,630
Would you like to talk
about RuPaul's Drag Race?
1098
00:55:00,630 --> 00:55:02,740
- You know, I'd love to,
1099
00:55:02,740 --> 00:55:05,490
but I was just about to leave.
1100
00:55:05,490 --> 00:55:09,390
I gotta get to a Gilbert
and Sullivan rehearsal.
1101
00:55:09,390 --> 00:55:11,670
- Well, we should get together
1102
00:55:11,670 --> 00:55:13,400
and hang out sometime.
1103
00:55:13,400 --> 00:55:15,160
- You know, I'd like that.
1104
00:55:15,160 --> 00:55:17,860
I feel like there's been a
real connection between us.
1105
00:55:18,950 --> 00:55:19,783
Call me.
1106
00:55:20,710 --> 00:55:22,230
Bye!
1107
00:55:22,230 --> 00:55:24,070
- My God, Sam!
1108
00:55:24,070 --> 00:55:26,246
You're like the gay whisperer!
1109
00:55:26,246 --> 00:55:28,990
You can think like them, infiltrate them,
1110
00:55:28,990 --> 00:55:30,213
penetrate them!
1111
00:55:30,213 --> 00:55:33,553
Oh, you're going to lead
us straight to Dynastud!
1112
00:55:34,580 --> 00:55:36,196
Let's dance!
1113
00:55:36,196 --> 00:55:39,529
(electronic club music)
1114
00:55:42,982 --> 00:55:43,990
(shouting)
1115
00:55:43,990 --> 00:55:45,610
Why are you all flocking to him?
1116
00:55:45,610 --> 00:55:46,750
- [Man] He's hot, dude.
1117
00:55:46,750 --> 00:55:47,950
- He's super hot.
1118
00:55:47,950 --> 00:55:49,823
- I just love this retro thing.
1119
00:55:50,750 --> 00:55:52,887
- Why the fuck are they attracted to you
1120
00:55:52,887 --> 00:55:54,220
and not me, Sam?!
1121
00:55:54,220 --> 00:55:55,820
- Especially 'cause
you're the Indian, too!
1122
00:55:55,820 --> 00:55:58,260
- Oh, fuck you!
1123
00:55:58,260 --> 00:55:59,207
- Fuck you!
1124
00:55:59,207 --> 00:56:00,540
(record scratching)
1125
00:56:00,540 --> 00:56:02,293
- You can't stop the music!
1126
00:56:03,393 --> 00:56:06,300
(funky club music)
1127
00:56:06,300 --> 00:56:07,752
Sup, sweet tits?
1128
00:56:07,752 --> 00:56:08,585
(slapping)
(groaning)
1129
00:56:08,585 --> 00:56:10,340
- The name's Lee Van Queef.
1130
00:56:10,340 --> 00:56:11,477
- Wow.
1131
00:56:11,477 --> 00:56:12,720
(scoffs)
1132
00:56:12,720 --> 00:56:14,000
I'd hit that.
1133
00:56:14,000 --> 00:56:16,270
I mean, I know you're a dude and all,
1134
00:56:16,270 --> 00:56:18,480
but I have tape.
1135
00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,350
We can tuck it.
1136
00:56:20,350 --> 00:56:22,800
- I provide my own tape, copper top.
1137
00:56:22,800 --> 00:56:24,160
I am a professional.
1138
00:56:24,160 --> 00:56:26,643
- So, Mrs. Van Queef,
1139
00:56:27,550 --> 00:56:31,540
we know you're hiding Dynastud and Bart!
1140
00:56:31,540 --> 00:56:32,577
So, where are they?!
1141
00:56:33,550 --> 00:56:36,010
- Why would I tell a couple
pigs like you anything?
1142
00:56:36,010 --> 00:56:37,780
- We're the law.
1143
00:56:37,780 --> 00:56:40,180
- Well, I'm the law of
the jungle, motherfucker.
1144
00:56:41,255 --> 00:56:45,086
And I would like to introduce
you to the Bear Squad!
1145
00:56:45,086 --> 00:56:47,586
(funky music)
1146
00:56:50,230 --> 00:56:53,560
- We are gonna mop the
floor with you two oinkers.
1147
00:56:53,560 --> 00:56:54,473
- Sam?
1148
00:56:55,530 --> 00:56:57,120
Deploy the twink, quick!
1149
00:56:57,120 --> 00:56:58,363
Before they kill us!
1150
00:56:59,329 --> 00:57:01,662
(whooshing)
1151
00:57:09,572 --> 00:57:11,822
(grunting)
1152
00:57:13,870 --> 00:57:15,740
- Ain't it always the way.
1153
00:57:15,740 --> 00:57:18,480
Fine, let me introduce you to
1154
00:57:18,480 --> 00:57:22,442
the Alberta chapter of
the K.D. Lang fan club!
1155
00:57:22,442 --> 00:57:24,942
(funky music)
1156
00:57:35,540 --> 00:57:37,060
- Dear God.
1157
00:57:37,060 --> 00:57:40,390
Sam, I think we're about
to get fucked harder
1158
00:57:40,390 --> 00:57:43,800
than a $10 whore during fleet week.
1159
00:57:43,800 --> 00:57:45,290
- We're liberals.
1160
00:57:45,290 --> 00:57:48,700
We've got kind hearts and
bottomless compassion.
1161
00:57:48,700 --> 00:57:52,500
We love everyone, regardless
of their differences.
1162
00:57:52,500 --> 00:57:54,070
We show tolerance in the face
1163
00:57:54,070 --> 00:57:57,000
of even the most violent opposition.
1164
00:57:57,000 --> 00:58:00,130
- Even though you bastards
took everything from us,
1165
00:58:00,130 --> 00:58:02,150
and now we've gotta go live in Canada.
1166
00:58:02,150 --> 00:58:05,470
- Seriously, I had to leave
my beautiful house in Georgia
1167
00:58:05,470 --> 00:58:09,090
to come move to this
moose infested wasteland.
1168
00:58:09,090 --> 00:58:12,190
- And everyone's so
goddamn nice all the time.
1169
00:58:12,190 --> 00:58:15,010
- So, come to think of it,
1170
00:58:15,010 --> 00:58:17,170
we really have no choice
1171
00:58:17,170 --> 00:58:18,830
but to beat you to death.
1172
00:58:18,830 --> 00:58:21,530
- Vargas, before we die,
1173
00:58:21,530 --> 00:58:22,440
I need you to know
1174
00:58:23,490 --> 00:58:24,590
I've always loved you.
1175
00:58:25,594 --> 00:58:27,594
(awing)
1176
00:58:29,535 --> 00:58:30,441
- Fag.
1177
00:58:30,441 --> 00:58:31,477
(shouting)
1178
00:58:31,477 --> 00:58:32,310
What?!
1179
00:58:34,556 --> 00:58:35,389
(grunting)
1180
00:58:35,389 --> 00:58:36,509
- Canadians!
1181
00:58:36,509 --> 00:58:37,640
(laughing)
1182
00:58:37,640 --> 00:58:39,106
- They hit like girls.
1183
00:58:39,106 --> 00:58:40,923
(grunting)
1184
00:58:40,923 --> 00:58:43,170
(groaning)
1185
00:58:43,170 --> 00:58:44,770
- Drinks are the house, bitches!
1186
00:58:48,643 --> 00:58:51,659
♪ O Canada ♪
1187
00:58:51,659 --> 00:58:55,809
♪ Our home and native land ♪
1188
00:58:55,809 --> 00:58:58,726
(insects chirping)
1189
00:59:00,094 --> 00:59:02,844
(frogs croaking)
1190
00:59:13,752 --> 00:59:16,290
- Penny for your thoughts, Dynastud?
1191
00:59:16,290 --> 00:59:17,613
- Eat your s'mores, kid.
1192
00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:24,273
- What's Operation Neon Cobra?
1193
00:59:25,750 --> 00:59:27,523
- You'll find out soon enough.
1194
00:59:30,420 --> 00:59:32,970
- Listen, I'm getting sick of this.
1195
00:59:32,970 --> 00:59:34,700
You need to start giving
me some information
1196
00:59:34,700 --> 00:59:37,020
because I'm tired of being
in the dark all the time
1197
00:59:37,020 --> 00:59:38,830
and it's frustrating me!
1198
00:59:38,830 --> 00:59:39,760
- Well, you're gonna have to find a way
1199
00:59:39,760 --> 00:59:41,670
to relieve that frustration.
1200
00:59:41,670 --> 00:59:43,750
- Well, I have the perfect way to do that,
1201
00:59:43,750 --> 00:59:46,120
but it'll cause my head to explode.
1202
00:59:46,120 --> 00:59:48,803
Jesus Christ, I'm so horny!
1203
00:59:50,510 --> 00:59:52,160
- It's true.
1204
00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:53,177
There was only one man
1205
00:59:53,177 --> 00:59:56,070
who could survive the
assault of my sperm cannon.
1206
00:59:56,070 --> 00:59:57,690
- Lucky him.
1207
00:59:57,690 --> 00:59:59,740
Was this that Bruce guy?
1208
00:59:59,740 --> 01:00:00,573
Who was he?
1209
01:00:02,404 --> 01:00:06,520
- In all my life, I've only
ever truly loved one man.
1210
01:00:07,740 --> 01:00:09,980
And his name is Bruce Li.
1211
01:00:09,980 --> 01:00:13,280
- You mean the late, great
kung-fu master, Bruce Lee?
1212
01:00:13,280 --> 01:00:15,690
- Not to be confused with
that other Bruce guy.
1213
01:00:15,690 --> 01:00:17,090
His last name is spelled Li.
1214
01:00:18,530 --> 01:00:20,158
But all the same.
1215
01:00:20,158 --> 01:00:21,560
He was a great fighter,
1216
01:00:21,560 --> 01:00:24,712
a mighty warrior, and a true hero.
1217
01:00:24,712 --> 01:00:27,962
(funky 80s rock music)
1218
01:00:32,340 --> 01:00:34,703
- Mecha Trump!
1219
01:00:35,997 --> 01:00:39,863
- [Mecha Trump] Terminate, terminate!
1220
01:00:39,863 --> 01:00:42,863
(footsteps booming)
1221
01:00:45,564 --> 01:00:50,564
(zapping)
(screaming)
1222
01:00:50,840 --> 01:00:53,380
- One day Bruce got hurt
while shooting a movie
1223
01:00:53,380 --> 01:00:56,110
in Toronto called Fists of Karma,
1224
01:00:56,110 --> 01:00:58,860
so he was put in cryogenic freeze.
1225
01:00:58,860 --> 01:01:01,800
He healed, but nothing could revive him.
1226
01:01:01,800 --> 01:01:03,780
But then we found the scrolls!
1227
01:01:03,780 --> 01:01:07,240
And they said that only the
seed of one pure of heart
1228
01:01:07,240 --> 01:01:08,963
could awaken the fallen warrior.
1229
01:01:10,330 --> 01:01:11,163
And that seed
1230
01:01:12,870 --> 01:01:13,873
is your semen, Bart.
1231
01:01:14,946 --> 01:01:16,410
(ominous music)
1232
01:01:16,410 --> 01:01:17,660
- I'm sorry, what?
1233
01:01:17,660 --> 01:01:19,490
- Yeah, they were ancient scrolls
1234
01:01:19,490 --> 01:01:20,800
of foretold--
- No, no, no, no, no.
1235
01:01:20,800 --> 01:01:22,883
Fuck the scrolls, the other part.
1236
01:01:23,960 --> 01:01:25,620
- The cryogenic freeze?
1237
01:01:25,620 --> 01:01:28,550
- No, the part about my man jam!
1238
01:01:28,550 --> 01:01:30,400
- Your semen will awaken Bruce Li,
1239
01:01:30,400 --> 01:01:32,040
it is foretold, and so it shall be!
1240
01:01:32,040 --> 01:01:34,140
- Wait, back to my dick snot for a second.
1241
01:01:36,180 --> 01:01:38,860
- It also says when we awakens,
1242
01:01:38,860 --> 01:01:40,780
we will have sex,
1243
01:01:40,780 --> 01:01:42,973
and there will be an explosive orgasm,
1244
01:01:44,130 --> 01:01:47,860
and that orgasm will mark the beginning
1245
01:01:47,860 --> 01:01:49,663
of a new dawn of humanity!
1246
01:01:51,620 --> 01:01:53,080
- I feel really faint right now.
1247
01:01:53,080 --> 01:01:55,423
I think I need a candy bar or something.
1248
01:01:58,320 --> 01:01:59,910
- I need you, Bart.
1249
01:01:59,910 --> 01:02:01,203
Bruce needs you.
1250
01:02:02,400 --> 01:02:04,563
America, what's left of it, needs you.
1251
01:02:06,030 --> 01:02:07,080
You're the lynch pin.
1252
01:02:08,270 --> 01:02:09,900
What do you say?
1253
01:02:09,900 --> 01:02:13,340
- Oh, Dynastud, who can say no to you?
1254
01:02:13,340 --> 01:02:14,500
- No one.
1255
01:02:14,500 --> 01:02:15,513
That's my gift.
1256
01:02:16,400 --> 01:02:17,373
And my curse.
1257
01:02:18,510 --> 01:02:21,612
- I thought your banging dick
was your gift and your curse.
1258
01:02:21,612 --> 01:02:23,330
- I've got a lot of gifts,
1259
01:02:23,330 --> 01:02:24,493
and a lot of curses.
1260
01:02:25,470 --> 01:02:27,170
That's what makes me irresistible.
1261
01:02:28,060 --> 01:02:31,713
That is also my gift and my curse.
1262
01:02:32,654 --> 01:02:35,154
(light music)
1263
01:02:39,120 --> 01:02:41,380
- Can't I just suck you off a little bit?
1264
01:02:41,380 --> 01:02:42,660
- No!
1265
01:02:42,660 --> 01:02:43,763
It's too dangerous!
1266
01:02:45,980 --> 01:02:48,020
Why don't I return the favor?
1267
01:02:48,020 --> 01:02:49,084
- You mean?
1268
01:02:49,084 --> 01:02:49,979
(zipper scratching)
1269
01:02:49,979 --> 01:02:51,513
Damn, your smooth!
1270
01:02:52,655 --> 01:02:56,488
(singing in foreign language)
1271
01:02:59,760 --> 01:03:00,983
- Go fish.
1272
01:03:03,347 --> 01:03:04,714
- Burn in hell.
1273
01:03:04,714 --> 01:03:06,758
(gun shot booming)
1274
01:03:06,758 --> 01:03:09,008
(thudding)
1275
01:03:13,950 --> 01:03:16,720
- Shall I clean that up for you, sir?
1276
01:03:16,720 --> 01:03:18,250
- No!
1277
01:03:18,250 --> 01:03:20,940
Everyone's getting too
complacent around here.
1278
01:03:20,940 --> 01:03:22,890
Leave him there as a warning to others.
1279
01:03:24,090 --> 01:03:25,200
- Did, did you hear?
1280
01:03:25,200 --> 01:03:27,230
Those two MAGA Agents were killed!
1281
01:03:27,230 --> 01:03:28,063
- No!
1282
01:03:29,230 --> 01:03:30,492
No!
(gun shot booming)
1283
01:03:30,492 --> 01:03:31,545
No!
1284
01:03:31,545 --> 01:03:32,696
No!
1285
01:03:32,696 --> 01:03:33,867
No!
1286
01:03:33,867 --> 01:03:37,390
(singing in foreign language)
1287
01:03:37,390 --> 01:03:39,488
Who the fuck did that?
1288
01:03:39,488 --> 01:03:40,460
- You did!
1289
01:03:40,460 --> 01:03:42,350
- I did no such thing!
1290
01:03:42,350 --> 01:03:44,940
- Daddy, I don't mean to criticize,
1291
01:03:44,940 --> 01:03:46,883
but you might be kind of an asshole.
1292
01:03:47,720 --> 01:03:50,040
- Well, nobody's gonna miss those two.
1293
01:03:50,040 --> 01:03:51,960
We'll have 'em buried out in the backyard,
1294
01:03:51,960 --> 01:03:55,053
next to your mother and the horse.
1295
01:03:58,292 --> 01:04:00,459
(moaning)
1296
01:04:01,560 --> 01:04:03,490
- Oh yeah!
1297
01:04:03,490 --> 01:04:06,430
Oh, I've never felt
anything like this before!
1298
01:04:06,430 --> 01:04:09,290
- Bart, your semen, it glows!
1299
01:04:09,290 --> 01:04:10,740
You truly are the chosen one.
1300
01:04:12,010 --> 01:04:13,100
- Hey!
1301
01:04:13,100 --> 01:04:15,000
I feel used!
1302
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:18,873
- Bart, with this seed will
grow a mighty tree of justice.
1303
01:04:19,960 --> 01:04:22,640
- That's it, I've had enough of this.
1304
01:04:22,640 --> 01:04:24,210
You got what you wanted from me,
1305
01:04:24,210 --> 01:04:26,653
so my part of this story is over.
1306
01:04:27,640 --> 01:04:29,580
- It's far from over, Bart.
1307
01:04:29,580 --> 01:04:31,130
You're a hero deep down inside.
1308
01:04:32,070 --> 01:04:34,290
Now, you can either go back to America
1309
01:04:34,290 --> 01:04:36,820
and spend the rest of your life running,
1310
01:04:36,820 --> 01:04:38,540
or you can join me
1311
01:04:38,540 --> 01:04:40,340
and change the world for the better.
1312
01:04:41,700 --> 01:04:42,763
The choice is yours.
1313
01:04:44,190 --> 01:04:45,603
- I'll take my chances.
1314
01:04:46,547 --> 01:04:49,297
(frogs croaking)
1315
01:04:54,122 --> 01:04:56,590
(dark ominous music)
1316
01:04:56,590 --> 01:04:58,663
- I should probably go
wash out my mouth now.
1317
01:05:28,326 --> 01:05:29,820
(crunching)
1318
01:05:29,820 --> 01:05:30,653
- Hello?
1319
01:05:32,279 --> 01:05:33,393
Dynastud, is that you?
1320
01:05:38,281 --> 01:05:41,364
(cell phone ringing)
1321
01:05:47,063 --> 01:05:49,483
Looks like my luck's beginning to change.
1322
01:05:50,368 --> 01:05:53,368
(suspenseful music)
1323
01:06:05,600 --> 01:06:07,767
(gasping)
1324
01:06:11,490 --> 01:06:14,043
- Hello, oneeyedyogurtslinger69.
1325
01:06:14,940 --> 01:06:17,370
- Yeah, that's my username.
1326
01:06:17,370 --> 01:06:19,160
You can call me Bart.
1327
01:06:19,160 --> 01:06:20,680
- I am hot for you?
1328
01:06:20,680 --> 01:06:21,710
- Sure.
1329
01:06:21,710 --> 01:06:23,610
I didn't know this was a cruising spot.
1330
01:06:23,610 --> 01:06:25,330
Seems a little out of the way.
1331
01:06:25,330 --> 01:06:28,000
- I want to be woman for you.
1332
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:29,210
- Um, what?
1333
01:06:29,210 --> 01:06:30,980
You want to?
1334
01:06:30,980 --> 01:06:33,023
- All over my tits.
1335
01:06:34,700 --> 01:06:35,993
- Are you feeling okay?
1336
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:39,003
- Wait, no.
1337
01:06:40,200 --> 01:06:42,320
I want to be the man.
1338
01:06:42,320 --> 01:06:44,283
You be the woman, right?
1339
01:06:45,300 --> 01:06:47,160
- Are you new at this?
1340
01:06:47,160 --> 01:06:50,462
- I want to submit to
your manly leadership.
1341
01:06:50,462 --> 01:06:51,510
(gasping)
1342
01:06:51,510 --> 01:06:54,177
(intense music)
1343
01:06:55,120 --> 01:06:56,050
That was easy.
1344
01:06:56,050 --> 01:06:58,700
All these guys care about
is getting their rocks off.
1345
01:07:02,017 --> 01:07:04,267
(grunting)
1346
01:07:05,755 --> 01:07:07,755
(thuds)
1347
01:07:08,609 --> 01:07:10,859
(grunting)
1348
01:07:12,203 --> 01:07:14,355
(electricity zapping)
1349
01:07:14,355 --> 01:07:15,460
- Kick his ass, Bart!
1350
01:07:15,460 --> 01:07:17,740
- I can't, I don't believe in violence.
1351
01:07:17,740 --> 01:07:19,680
- Well, it's time to buck up, buckaroo!
1352
01:07:19,680 --> 01:07:20,513
- I won't do it!
1353
01:07:20,513 --> 01:07:23,390
- Time to go home and
fuck your wife, Bart.
1354
01:07:23,390 --> 01:07:25,610
- They're gonna make
you fuck a woman, Bart!
1355
01:07:25,610 --> 01:07:26,830
- It doesn't matter!
1356
01:07:26,830 --> 01:07:27,763
I won't do it!
1357
01:07:36,602 --> 01:07:37,575
(screaming)
1358
01:07:37,575 --> 01:07:41,054
(electricity zapping)
1359
01:07:41,054 --> 01:07:44,721
(squishy explosion popping)
1360
01:07:48,204 --> 01:07:49,360
(rustling)
1361
01:07:49,360 --> 01:07:52,860
- Bart, what's your problem?
1362
01:07:52,860 --> 01:07:54,230
- Violence!
1363
01:07:54,230 --> 01:07:55,430
I don't do that!
1364
01:07:55,430 --> 01:07:57,230
You're the one who said
I was pure of heart,
1365
01:07:57,230 --> 01:07:58,620
I mean, Christ!
1366
01:07:58,620 --> 01:08:00,880
Do you want my semen to turn toxic?
1367
01:08:00,880 --> 01:08:02,610
- I don't think that's how it works.
1368
01:08:02,610 --> 01:08:05,490
- I've been taught to love, not to fight.
1369
01:08:05,490 --> 01:08:07,320
- Well, sometimes fighting is necessary.
1370
01:08:07,320 --> 01:08:09,780
It can actually be a great deal of fun.
1371
01:08:09,780 --> 01:08:13,490
- That's no answer, or even a good excuse.
1372
01:08:13,490 --> 01:08:17,480
- Look, my point is you
need to stop being a pussy,
1373
01:08:17,480 --> 01:08:18,730
or you're gonna get hurt.
1374
01:08:21,740 --> 01:08:24,341
- I think you're the one
who's afraid of being hurt.
1375
01:08:24,341 --> 01:08:26,840
(footsteps crunching)
1376
01:08:26,840 --> 01:08:28,740
- I'm not afraid of anything!
1377
01:08:28,740 --> 01:08:30,530
I'm Dynastud!
1378
01:08:30,530 --> 01:08:32,483
I'm a superhero, for God's sakes!
1379
01:08:34,370 --> 01:08:35,683
I'm every man's nightmare.
1380
01:08:37,330 --> 01:08:38,583
And every woman's dream.
1381
01:08:39,834 --> 01:08:43,370
(frogs croaking)
1382
01:08:43,370 --> 01:08:44,573
- Who the hell is it?
1383
01:08:45,500 --> 01:08:46,790
What?!
1384
01:08:46,790 --> 01:08:48,330
They're what?
1385
01:08:48,330 --> 01:08:49,507
They're both dead?!
1386
01:08:51,720 --> 01:08:52,950
Are you kidding me?
1387
01:08:52,950 --> 01:08:54,823
Well, nice talk, adios.
1388
01:08:56,266 --> 01:08:57,990
(sighs)
1389
01:08:57,990 --> 01:08:59,740
Goddammit.
1390
01:08:59,740 --> 01:09:02,310
I'm gonna have to do this myself.
1391
01:09:02,310 --> 01:09:04,810
(eerie music)
1392
01:09:08,490 --> 01:09:10,120
- Senator Hightower!
1393
01:09:10,120 --> 01:09:11,967
- The fuck is wrong with you?!
1394
01:09:11,967 --> 01:09:12,800
(coughing)
1395
01:09:12,800 --> 01:09:15,360
- I was trying to be mysterious!
1396
01:09:15,360 --> 01:09:17,690
Easy, I bruise, I bruise!
1397
01:09:17,690 --> 01:09:19,110
- I'm here too, dad!
1398
01:09:19,110 --> 01:09:20,600
- Fuck everything!
1399
01:09:20,600 --> 01:09:22,510
(groaning)
1400
01:09:22,510 --> 01:09:24,700
- I'm gonna bleed, I'm gonna bleed.
1401
01:09:24,700 --> 01:09:25,780
- Where are we going?
1402
01:09:25,780 --> 01:09:27,380
- You're not coming.
1403
01:09:27,380 --> 01:09:29,330
- I never get to go anywhere,
1404
01:09:29,330 --> 01:09:31,713
but this time, I am coming!
1405
01:09:31,713 --> 01:09:33,200
(groaning)
1406
01:09:33,200 --> 01:09:35,840
You are not going to leave me
1407
01:09:35,840 --> 01:09:37,955
like you left mom!
1408
01:09:37,955 --> 01:09:38,788
(groaning)
1409
01:09:38,788 --> 01:09:42,230
I will kill this motherfucker
1410
01:09:42,230 --> 01:09:44,417
before I let you do that!
1411
01:09:44,417 --> 01:09:49,010
(banging)
(groaning)
1412
01:09:49,010 --> 01:09:52,763
- I've cracked at least three ribs, Patty.
1413
01:09:54,136 --> 01:09:56,320
And I'm blacking out.
1414
01:09:56,320 --> 01:09:59,780
- Look, Patty, I'm sorry
1415
01:09:59,780 --> 01:10:01,410
I wasn't there for you!
1416
01:10:01,410 --> 01:10:04,820
- Don't you see, it's because
of you I am like this!
1417
01:10:06,330 --> 01:10:08,700
I wanna be in your life, dad!
1418
01:10:08,700 --> 01:10:10,430
Let me in!
1419
01:10:10,430 --> 01:10:13,304
I love you!
1420
01:10:13,304 --> 01:10:14,850
(speaking foreign language)
1421
01:10:14,850 --> 01:10:17,188
- Come here, sugar lamb.
1422
01:10:17,188 --> 01:10:19,771
(gentle music)
1423
01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:25,750
Let's go get your homo husband.
1424
01:10:27,779 --> 01:10:29,724
(whirring)
1425
01:10:29,724 --> 01:10:32,362
- Ooh, it has one of those!
- Yeah!
1426
01:10:32,362 --> 01:10:33,433
(squealing)
1427
01:10:33,433 --> 01:10:34,266
Let's go.
1428
01:10:37,966 --> 01:10:39,149
(thudding)
1429
01:10:39,149 --> 01:10:42,899
(waterfall gently splashing)
1430
01:10:45,290 --> 01:10:47,093
- Why are we stopping?
1431
01:10:48,250 --> 01:10:49,083
- Look.
1432
01:10:50,530 --> 01:10:51,380
- [Bart] Is that?
1433
01:10:52,310 --> 01:10:53,153
- Winnipeg.
1434
01:10:54,060 --> 01:10:55,873
Land of mystery and magic.
1435
01:10:56,930 --> 01:10:59,130
But before we go any further,
1436
01:10:59,130 --> 01:11:00,530
I need you to level with me.
1437
01:11:01,920 --> 01:11:03,320
Why don't you like violence?
1438
01:11:10,380 --> 01:11:12,003
Okay, this is happening.
1439
01:11:13,490 --> 01:11:14,790
- When I was really young,
1440
01:11:15,670 --> 01:11:17,860
my parents, they took
me to a Chuck E. Cheese.
1441
01:11:17,860 --> 01:11:19,500
- Yes, I could see how that would do it.
1442
01:11:19,500 --> 01:11:21,930
- No, that's not the whole story.
1443
01:11:21,930 --> 01:11:22,980
When we were leaving,
1444
01:11:24,230 --> 01:11:27,200
they were robbed and murdered
by a couple of thugs.
1445
01:11:27,200 --> 01:11:28,710
- Hand over your wallet and your purse,
1446
01:11:28,710 --> 01:11:29,543
and nobody gets hurt.
1447
01:11:29,543 --> 01:11:31,090
- I beg your pardon?
1448
01:11:31,090 --> 01:11:32,560
- Listen, we just want the cash.
1449
01:11:32,560 --> 01:11:34,470
Give us the money, you can walk away.
1450
01:11:34,470 --> 01:11:36,490
- This is a Gucci wallet.
1451
01:11:36,490 --> 01:11:40,893
- And this is an Ivanka
Trump signature handbag.
1452
01:11:42,030 --> 01:11:43,440
- I don't think you understand.
1453
01:11:43,440 --> 01:11:44,550
I just want your money.
1454
01:11:44,550 --> 01:11:46,900
Hand it over, or I'm
gonna ventilate your wife.
1455
01:11:48,060 --> 01:11:51,120
- Look, my lobbyist
did not work tirelessly
1456
01:11:51,120 --> 01:11:52,930
to repeal the estate tax laws,
1457
01:11:52,930 --> 01:11:54,970
so I could keep all of
my father's inheritance,
1458
01:11:54,970 --> 01:11:56,830
just to give it to some parasite
1459
01:11:56,830 --> 01:11:58,470
looking for a free handout!
1460
01:11:58,470 --> 01:12:00,832
- Just look at the two of you.
1461
01:12:00,832 --> 01:12:02,950
I mean, I respect your
right to open carry,
1462
01:12:02,950 --> 01:12:03,930
but you should know better
1463
01:12:03,930 --> 01:12:07,113
never to threaten people
of our skin color.
1464
01:12:08,190 --> 01:12:10,750
When you see people this pale,
1465
01:12:10,750 --> 01:12:15,060
think of us like an orange
vest during hunting season.
1466
01:12:15,060 --> 01:12:16,670
- I mean, really, let's talk about
1467
01:12:16,670 --> 01:12:19,440
how trickle-down economics works.
1468
01:12:19,440 --> 01:12:20,430
- Trickle this!
1469
01:12:20,430 --> 01:12:21,263
(gun shot booming)
1470
01:12:21,263 --> 01:12:22,270
- Whoa!
1471
01:12:22,270 --> 01:12:23,990
Well, did you hunt these guys down
1472
01:12:23,990 --> 01:12:26,310
and kill them in a most gruesome fashion?
1473
01:12:26,310 --> 01:12:27,310
- No.
1474
01:12:27,310 --> 01:12:28,730
I followed them home,
1475
01:12:28,730 --> 01:12:31,400
and they kinda took pity
on me and adopted me.
1476
01:12:31,400 --> 01:12:33,250
But they were really nice.
1477
01:12:33,250 --> 01:12:34,560
- Uh.
- And then,
1478
01:12:34,560 --> 01:12:36,400
in an even stranger turn of events,
1479
01:12:36,400 --> 01:12:38,320
when we were leaving Build-A-Bear,
1480
01:12:38,320 --> 01:12:41,060
they were robbed and murdered
by another group of thugs
1481
01:12:41,060 --> 01:12:42,303
who weren't so nice.
1482
01:12:45,140 --> 01:12:47,420
- Is this because of the
radioactive spider thing?
1483
01:12:47,420 --> 01:12:49,840
Because I was just
busting your balls, Bart.
1484
01:12:49,840 --> 01:12:51,803
- No, this actually happened!
1485
01:12:53,780 --> 01:12:55,979
- Alright, we're losing
daylight, let's go.
1486
01:12:55,979 --> 01:13:00,354
(waterfall gently splashing)
1487
01:13:00,354 --> 01:13:03,771
(funky electronic music)
1488
01:13:07,900 --> 01:13:09,263
- My God!
1489
01:13:10,340 --> 01:13:12,480
Is that where Bruce Li is stored?!
1490
01:13:12,480 --> 01:13:13,690
- In that spaceship?
1491
01:13:13,690 --> 01:13:14,930
No, Bart.
1492
01:13:14,930 --> 01:13:16,120
In order to get to Bruce Li,
1493
01:13:16,120 --> 01:13:17,750
we must travel to the outer most reaches
1494
01:13:17,750 --> 01:13:19,710
of our solar system.
1495
01:13:19,710 --> 01:13:21,960
Our mission is just beginning.
1496
01:13:21,960 --> 01:13:22,793
- Bitchin'!
1497
01:13:24,617 --> 01:13:25,718
(spaceship whooshing)
1498
01:13:25,718 --> 01:13:28,230
(intense music)
1499
01:13:28,230 --> 01:13:30,372
- Now I think we should run!
1500
01:13:30,372 --> 01:13:32,622
(cackling)
1501
01:13:33,881 --> 01:13:35,815
(shouting)
1502
01:13:35,815 --> 01:13:37,375
(lasers blasting)
1503
01:13:37,375 --> 01:13:39,625
(laughing)
1504
01:13:41,616 --> 01:13:43,320
(whirring)
1505
01:13:43,320 --> 01:13:46,153
(lasers blasting)
1506
01:13:48,140 --> 01:13:50,785
- Dynastud, we have something
coming up on our tail!
1507
01:13:50,785 --> 01:13:52,550
(whooshing)
1508
01:13:52,550 --> 01:13:53,483
- He found us.
1509
01:13:57,510 --> 01:14:00,450
- Prepare to meet your maker.
1510
01:14:00,450 --> 01:14:01,700
And in this case,
1511
01:14:01,700 --> 01:14:03,783
your maker is me.
1512
01:14:09,165 --> 01:14:12,480
- To the end, I grapple with thee!
1513
01:14:12,480 --> 01:14:16,050
From hell's heart, I stab at thee!
1514
01:14:16,050 --> 01:14:17,080
In the name of hate,
1515
01:14:17,080 --> 01:14:19,723
I spit my last breath at thee!
1516
01:14:20,690 --> 01:14:22,832
- When did you learn to read?
1517
01:14:22,832 --> 01:14:25,048
(intense music)
1518
01:14:25,048 --> 01:14:27,881
(lasers blasting)
1519
01:14:35,535 --> 01:14:36,462
(explosion booming)
1520
01:14:36,462 --> 01:14:38,462
- [Bart] We've been hit!
1521
01:14:40,235 --> 01:14:41,990
- And lost power in the aft engines.
1522
01:14:41,990 --> 01:14:44,950
We'll never make it to
the Canadian mothership.
1523
01:14:44,950 --> 01:14:46,420
Unless.
1524
01:14:46,420 --> 01:14:47,337
- Unless?!
1525
01:14:48,440 --> 01:14:50,800
- You're going to have to blow me, Bart.
1526
01:14:50,800 --> 01:14:51,633
It might kill you,
1527
01:14:51,633 --> 01:14:54,000
but I may be able to redirect the force
1528
01:14:54,000 --> 01:14:56,260
of my orgasm into the ship's main engines,
1529
01:14:56,260 --> 01:14:58,800
allowing us to go into hyper speed.
1530
01:14:58,800 --> 01:15:00,406
- Aye aye, captain!
1531
01:15:00,406 --> 01:15:02,906
(funky music)
1532
01:15:06,070 --> 01:15:09,280
- This next shot will
rob them of their powers.
1533
01:15:09,280 --> 01:15:10,840
Then we'll board the ship,
1534
01:15:10,840 --> 01:15:12,560
kill Dynastud,
1535
01:15:12,560 --> 01:15:14,910
and bring Bart back to Earth.
1536
01:15:14,910 --> 01:15:16,773
And he can finally board you.
1537
01:15:18,430 --> 01:15:20,793
- Glass doors open.
1538
01:15:22,357 --> 01:15:24,370
(whooshing)
1539
01:15:24,370 --> 01:15:25,670
- More tongue, you fucker!
1540
01:15:27,366 --> 01:15:30,449
(missiles whooshing)
1541
01:15:31,465 --> 01:15:32,379
(groaning)
1542
01:15:32,379 --> 01:15:34,150
Ah, he shoots!
1543
01:15:34,150 --> 01:15:35,676
Oh, he scores!
1544
01:15:35,676 --> 01:15:37,843
(moaning)
1545
01:15:40,760 --> 01:15:44,170
- Why is it so salty, why?!
1546
01:15:44,170 --> 01:15:45,503
That can't be healthy!
1547
01:15:48,060 --> 01:15:49,173
- Bart, we're here!
1548
01:15:50,100 --> 01:15:54,040
Emergency Canadian maple
syrup space reserves!
1549
01:15:54,040 --> 01:15:57,010
Billions and billions of
gallons are stored up in there,
1550
01:15:57,010 --> 01:15:59,350
in case of the death of
the world's maple trees.
1551
01:15:59,350 --> 01:16:02,460
- It tastes like liquid beef jerky.
1552
01:16:02,460 --> 01:16:04,143
Is there any water on this ship?
1553
01:16:05,040 --> 01:16:06,050
- Red Maple?
1554
01:16:06,050 --> 01:16:07,020
Red Maple?
1555
01:16:07,020 --> 01:16:08,430
This is Dynastud.
1556
01:16:08,430 --> 01:16:10,170
Requesting permission to board.
1557
01:16:10,170 --> 01:16:11,650
- [Red Maple] Permission granted.
1558
01:16:11,650 --> 01:16:12,860
Welcome to the emergency
1559
01:16:12,860 --> 01:16:15,710
Canadian maple syrup space reserves.
1560
01:16:15,710 --> 01:16:18,072
The syrup must flow.
1561
01:16:18,072 --> 01:16:21,322
(electronic bleeping)
1562
01:16:30,720 --> 01:16:32,460
- Are all these filled with?
1563
01:16:32,460 --> 01:16:34,230
- Pure maple syrup.
1564
01:16:34,230 --> 01:16:37,040
The very lifeblood of
the Canadian economy.
1565
01:16:37,040 --> 01:16:38,417
Welcome to the (speaking
foreign language).
1566
01:16:41,236 --> 01:16:43,250
Ooh, and whatever you do,
1567
01:16:43,250 --> 01:16:47,144
stay away from that big
button on the far wall.
1568
01:16:47,144 --> 01:16:49,811
(ominous music)
1569
01:17:04,330 --> 01:17:07,473
Funny, I never noticed the
naked Asian man until just now.
1570
01:17:15,040 --> 01:17:16,730
- We'll take it from here.
1571
01:17:16,730 --> 01:17:18,870
- Sorry, didn't mean to pry.
1572
01:17:18,870 --> 01:17:21,353
If you need me, I'll be
watching my programs.
1573
01:17:49,570 --> 01:17:51,893
- Welcome, Dynastud, my lover.
1574
01:17:52,870 --> 01:17:54,713
I've returned to the world again.
1575
01:17:56,200 --> 01:17:59,403
The wheel of destiny continues apace.
1576
01:18:00,501 --> 01:18:03,668
(electronic bleeping)
1577
01:18:06,669 --> 01:18:09,070
(sighs)
1578
01:18:09,070 --> 01:18:12,290
- Bruce, this is Bart.
1579
01:18:12,290 --> 01:18:14,560
I believe the one the prophecy's foretold.
1580
01:18:14,560 --> 01:18:17,016
- He is certainly handsome.
1581
01:18:17,016 --> 01:18:17,849
(whooshing)
1582
01:18:17,849 --> 01:18:20,260
- Whoa, what was that?
1583
01:18:20,260 --> 01:18:23,010
- Yes, and his heart is pure.
1584
01:18:23,010 --> 01:18:25,610
- Just as the scrolls foretold.
1585
01:18:25,610 --> 01:18:27,340
- Okay, look.
1586
01:18:27,340 --> 01:18:28,500
I'm getting at pretty annoyed
1587
01:18:28,500 --> 01:18:30,010
at not being told anything
1588
01:18:30,010 --> 01:18:33,120
and just being batted around
like a pawn in your game!
1589
01:18:33,120 --> 01:18:35,620
I want somebody to tell
me what's going (moaning).
1590
01:18:37,820 --> 01:18:39,290
Oh, that felt so good.
1591
01:18:39,290 --> 01:18:40,690
- Calmly, Bart.
1592
01:18:40,690 --> 01:18:42,420
You must be calm.
1593
01:18:42,420 --> 01:18:45,007
You deserve to know if
you're the hero we seek.
1594
01:18:45,007 --> 01:18:46,601
(explosion booming)
1595
01:18:46,601 --> 01:18:48,640
(kung-fu yelling)
1596
01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:51,630
What in the name of the
Buddha is this shit?!
1597
01:18:51,630 --> 01:18:53,148
(door whirring)
1598
01:18:53,148 --> 01:18:55,470
(emergency alarm blaring)
1599
01:18:55,470 --> 01:18:57,463
- We meet again, Dynastud.
1600
01:18:58,650 --> 01:19:00,750
For the last time.
1601
01:19:00,750 --> 01:19:02,220
- Hightower.
1602
01:19:02,220 --> 01:19:06,080
- I'm here because you stole
away my daughter's husband.
1603
01:19:06,080 --> 01:19:07,660
- Bart, you're married?
1604
01:19:07,660 --> 01:19:09,420
- Not on purpose.
1605
01:19:09,420 --> 01:19:10,640
- Okay.
1606
01:19:10,640 --> 01:19:15,640
- Say goodbye to your
perverted ways, Dynastud.
1607
01:19:15,938 --> 01:19:18,771
(lasers blasting)
1608
01:19:19,730 --> 01:19:20,563
Well?
1609
01:19:22,180 --> 01:19:25,573
- I kinda wanna watch football?
1610
01:19:26,950 --> 01:19:29,300
And play video games with my brahs.
1611
01:19:29,300 --> 01:19:30,173
- It worked!
1612
01:19:31,019 --> 01:19:33,450
Dynastud is straight!
1613
01:19:33,450 --> 01:19:35,200
- Dynastud, straight?!
1614
01:19:35,200 --> 01:19:37,250
- What have you done with him, you fiends!
1615
01:19:37,250 --> 01:19:39,560
- Whoa, everyone, just chill!
1616
01:19:39,560 --> 01:19:42,060
- Now, with Dynastud straight,
1617
01:19:42,060 --> 01:19:44,250
we can blast Bart and get him out of here
1618
01:19:44,250 --> 01:19:47,070
and safely brainwashed and back to Patty.
1619
01:19:47,070 --> 01:19:50,040
I've turned you straight, Dynastud.
1620
01:19:50,040 --> 01:19:52,910
Now, you're going to
scratch your balls in public
1621
01:19:53,870 --> 01:19:55,193
and not even care!
1622
01:19:56,040 --> 01:19:59,480
You're not going to notice
other people's feelings,
1623
01:19:59,480 --> 01:20:00,613
especially women.
1624
01:20:01,500 --> 01:20:05,060
You're going to shit and not flush.
1625
01:20:05,060 --> 01:20:08,040
And never do the dishes,
1626
01:20:08,040 --> 01:20:09,987
and think to yourself,
1627
01:20:09,987 --> 01:20:14,280
"Why are there no clean dishes?"
1628
01:20:14,280 --> 01:20:16,643
What do you think of that?
1629
01:20:18,550 --> 01:20:21,853
- I think you're a fucking idiot.
1630
01:20:23,060 --> 01:20:24,530
- Oh yeah?
1631
01:20:24,530 --> 01:20:25,620
Why?
1632
01:20:25,620 --> 01:20:28,150
- Because you just turned me straight.
1633
01:20:28,150 --> 01:20:30,140
You didn't turn me to your side,
1634
01:20:30,140 --> 01:20:32,243
you didn't take away my superpowers.
1635
01:20:33,700 --> 01:20:38,630
If anything, you amplified
them with undo aggression.
1636
01:20:38,630 --> 01:20:39,807
- What are you doing?!
1637
01:20:42,130 --> 01:20:44,853
- 100 billion gallons.
1638
01:20:46,130 --> 01:20:48,343
- All pointed at America!
1639
01:20:52,494 --> 01:20:54,088
Dynastud!
1640
01:20:54,088 --> 01:20:56,350
If you push that button,
1641
01:20:56,350 --> 01:20:59,270
it will flood all of America.
1642
01:20:59,270 --> 01:21:01,100
Everything that we hold dear
1643
01:21:01,100 --> 01:21:04,140
will wash away in a tide of maple.
1644
01:21:04,140 --> 01:21:05,804
Everything!
1645
01:21:05,804 --> 01:21:08,200
A class system nobody questions!
1646
01:21:08,200 --> 01:21:12,190
Empty strip malls and
Starbucks on every corner,
1647
01:21:12,190 --> 01:21:16,203
the biggest perpetual
war machine in the world.
1648
01:21:17,720 --> 01:21:18,863
Come on, Dynastud.
1649
01:21:20,140 --> 01:21:21,711
What do ya say?
1650
01:21:21,711 --> 01:21:24,211
(eerie music)
1651
01:21:28,480 --> 01:21:29,920
- Fuck it.
1652
01:21:29,920 --> 01:21:31,301
I want pancakes.
1653
01:21:31,301 --> 01:21:33,968
(alarm blaring)
1654
01:21:37,402 --> 01:21:40,735
(maple syrup splashing)
1655
01:21:42,155 --> 01:21:44,488
(screaming)
1656
01:21:47,270 --> 01:21:50,380
- Ooh, I'm terribly sorry to
have to tell you about this,
1657
01:21:50,380 --> 01:21:53,167
but everyone in America's dead now, eh?
1658
01:21:54,489 --> 01:21:56,989
(eerie music)
1659
01:22:00,810 --> 01:22:01,823
- Fuck it all.
1660
01:22:07,848 --> 01:22:11,560
(electronic bleeping)
1661
01:22:11,560 --> 01:22:13,513
One last dance.
1662
01:22:14,940 --> 01:22:16,830
But first,
1663
01:22:16,830 --> 01:22:20,291
I'm gonna send this little
faggot to the grave.
1664
01:22:20,291 --> 01:22:21,336
(intense music)
1665
01:22:21,336 --> 01:22:22,652
- No!
1666
01:22:22,652 --> 01:22:24,637
(gun shots booming)
1667
01:22:24,637 --> 01:22:26,960
(whooshing)
1668
01:22:26,960 --> 01:22:28,240
- Gun-fu!
1669
01:22:28,240 --> 01:22:30,635
(kung-fu shouting)
1670
01:22:30,635 --> 01:22:33,627
(sharply exhaling)
1671
01:22:33,627 --> 01:22:35,030
What are you doing?
1672
01:22:35,030 --> 01:22:37,420
- Making America great again.
1673
01:22:37,420 --> 01:22:38,670
- Wait!
1674
01:22:38,670 --> 01:22:40,600
I'll give ya anything you need.
1675
01:22:40,600 --> 01:22:41,793
Come to my side.
1676
01:22:42,640 --> 01:22:44,783
- I'm gonna freeze your nomination.
1677
01:22:45,990 --> 01:22:48,657
(ominous music)
1678
01:22:52,514 --> 01:22:54,830
(door clanking)
1679
01:22:54,830 --> 01:22:57,483
- Fuck your mother, Dynastud!
1680
01:22:59,800 --> 01:23:00,650
- That's mothers!
1681
01:23:01,930 --> 01:23:03,281
Motherfucker!
1682
01:23:03,281 --> 01:23:06,448
(electronic bleeping)
1683
01:23:10,400 --> 01:23:14,363
Hey, I'm very sorry about your dad.
1684
01:23:15,550 --> 01:23:16,770
- No, don't sweat it.
1685
01:23:16,770 --> 01:23:18,593
He was a total douche canoe.
1686
01:23:19,580 --> 01:23:21,523
Anyway, I'm gonna head out.
1687
01:23:23,020 --> 01:23:25,850
- So, remember the prophecy?
1688
01:23:25,850 --> 01:23:27,771
Are we gonna fuck now or what?
1689
01:23:27,771 --> 01:23:30,903
- Ooh, on second thought,
I am going to stay.
1690
01:23:31,800 --> 01:23:33,150
- I can't.
1691
01:23:33,150 --> 01:23:34,393
My Gaydar, gone!
1692
01:23:35,330 --> 01:23:39,923
Instead in my head, a blueprint
of raping and pillaging.
1693
01:23:43,890 --> 01:23:47,140
Come on, wake up, let's do this!
1694
01:23:47,140 --> 01:23:48,053
I'm on top!
1695
01:23:49,939 --> 01:23:51,550
(moaning)
1696
01:23:51,550 --> 01:23:53,730
- Oh, you're so rough!
1697
01:23:53,730 --> 01:23:55,450
And why the fuck do you suddenly smell
1698
01:23:55,450 --> 01:23:56,963
like a bottle of Old Spice?
1699
01:23:58,030 --> 01:23:58,863
- I don't know.
1700
01:24:01,430 --> 01:24:05,663
Come on, let's do this!
1701
01:24:05,663 --> 01:24:07,870
This never happens!
1702
01:24:07,870 --> 01:24:08,740
- What do we do?!
1703
01:24:08,740 --> 01:24:10,397
How do we make you gay again?!
1704
01:24:11,235 --> 01:24:13,170
(funky music)
1705
01:24:13,170 --> 01:24:14,313
- I can't do this.
1706
01:24:18,060 --> 01:24:19,870
It has to be you, Bart.
1707
01:24:19,870 --> 01:24:22,660
The prophecies must've
meant him all along!
1708
01:24:22,660 --> 01:24:24,270
- What do you mean?
1709
01:24:24,270 --> 01:24:25,853
- You've gotta Bruce Li, Bart.
1710
01:24:28,970 --> 01:24:32,210
Bart, I never understood
your pacifist nature.
1711
01:24:32,210 --> 01:24:34,310
But now it all makes sense.
1712
01:24:34,310 --> 01:24:36,663
You see, Bart, you're a lover,
1713
01:24:37,860 --> 01:24:38,693
not a fighter.
1714
01:24:41,270 --> 01:24:44,093
- The world ain't gonna
unfuck itself, Bart.
1715
01:24:45,218 --> 01:24:48,218
(light funky music)
1716
01:24:52,240 --> 01:24:53,620
- Stand back, world!
1717
01:24:53,620 --> 01:24:55,270
Bart's about to enter the dragon!
1718
01:24:56,890 --> 01:25:00,333
- Okay, before we do this, can
I know something about you?
1719
01:25:01,770 --> 01:25:03,450
- Well, I'm really into feet.
1720
01:25:03,450 --> 01:25:05,913
- Yup, okay, we can stop there.
1721
01:25:09,838 --> 01:25:13,005
(electronic bleeping)
1722
01:25:14,360 --> 01:25:16,527
(moaning)
1723
01:25:17,494 --> 01:25:19,740
(spitting)
1724
01:25:19,740 --> 01:25:22,990
(groaning and moaning)
1725
01:25:27,320 --> 01:25:28,830
- It's working!
1726
01:25:28,830 --> 01:25:29,823
It's working!
1727
01:25:31,000 --> 01:25:32,730
- What the hell is that?
1728
01:25:32,730 --> 01:25:35,780
- That's a rip forming in
the space time continuum!
1729
01:25:35,780 --> 01:25:37,780
- Are you serious?!
1730
01:25:37,780 --> 01:25:40,294
(whooshing)
1731
01:25:40,294 --> 01:25:41,650
- Uh, Bart, Bruce,
1732
01:25:41,650 --> 01:25:42,883
you're gonna have to work
a little harder at this,
1733
01:25:42,883 --> 01:25:45,290
or else the vortex will
collapse on itself.
1734
01:25:45,290 --> 01:25:47,720
- I'm doing the best I can here!
1735
01:25:47,720 --> 01:25:49,290
- Yeah, he's good,
1736
01:25:49,290 --> 01:25:51,050
but he's not Dyna-good.
1737
01:25:51,050 --> 01:25:52,810
- Thanks a lot!
1738
01:25:52,810 --> 01:25:54,950
- Dynastud, you'll have to join us!
1739
01:25:54,950 --> 01:25:56,430
It's the only way!
1740
01:25:56,430 --> 01:25:59,180
- I can't, I'm no longer gay!
1741
01:25:59,180 --> 01:26:01,690
Besides, all I wanna do is
listen to country western music
1742
01:26:01,690 --> 01:26:03,630
and hunt small animals.
1743
01:26:03,630 --> 01:26:05,993
- All will be lost if you don't join us!
1744
01:26:07,161 --> 01:26:09,110
(whooshing)
1745
01:26:09,110 --> 01:26:11,310
- Well, are you gonna
save the world or not?
1746
01:26:12,720 --> 01:26:16,622
- I want to, but I'm straight now.
1747
01:26:16,622 --> 01:26:18,200
- Dynastud!
1748
01:26:18,200 --> 01:26:19,890
You lovely fool!
1749
01:26:19,890 --> 01:26:24,890
Don't you know, it's not
gay if a girl is watching!
1750
01:26:24,950 --> 01:26:26,280
- Holy shit!
1751
01:26:26,280 --> 01:26:28,330
Yeah, you're right, why
didn't I think of that?!
1752
01:26:28,330 --> 01:26:30,350
- Oh, and if you don't hold their head
1753
01:26:30,350 --> 01:26:31,350
when they're blowing you.
1754
01:26:31,350 --> 01:26:32,190
- Okay, yeah, I get it.
1755
01:26:32,190 --> 01:26:33,750
- And if the balls don't touch.
1756
01:26:33,750 --> 01:26:35,550
- Alright, yeah, moving right along.
1757
01:26:36,467 --> 01:26:37,300
(exhaling)
1758
01:26:37,300 --> 01:26:40,300
(upbeat rock music)
1759
01:26:50,338 --> 01:26:53,005
(belt whipping)
1760
01:26:58,263 --> 01:27:00,513
(slapping)
1761
01:27:11,078 --> 01:27:13,245
(moaning)
1762
01:27:15,140 --> 01:27:17,677
- [Together] It is accomplished!
1763
01:27:19,257 --> 01:27:21,507
(shouting)
1764
01:27:26,320 --> 01:27:28,943
- A portal through time.
1765
01:27:31,600 --> 01:27:33,300
Do you know what this means, Bart?
1766
01:27:34,220 --> 01:27:36,130
- Actually, no.
1767
01:27:36,130 --> 01:27:37,860
I don't know what this means.
1768
01:27:37,860 --> 01:27:39,120
Where are we going to go?
1769
01:27:39,120 --> 01:27:42,260
And when we get there,
what are we going to do?
1770
01:27:42,260 --> 01:27:45,630
- For so long, our future was uncertain.
1771
01:27:45,630 --> 01:27:47,540
But no longer.
1772
01:27:47,540 --> 01:27:50,010
With this portal, we have the ability
1773
01:27:50,010 --> 01:27:52,390
to go to those moments in history
1774
01:27:52,390 --> 01:27:55,450
where our enemies sow the seeds of hate.
1775
01:27:55,450 --> 01:27:59,060
And in their place, offer love.
1776
01:27:59,060 --> 01:28:02,460
We will fight our enemies
across time itself
1777
01:28:02,460 --> 01:28:05,110
to prove our love is valid.
1778
01:28:05,110 --> 01:28:08,010
We will rewrite history,
so that it celebrates all
1779
01:28:08,010 --> 01:28:10,303
and not just a privileged few.
1780
01:28:11,820 --> 01:28:13,170
We will travel through time
1781
01:28:14,010 --> 01:28:16,070
to ensure that humanity's legacy
1782
01:28:16,070 --> 01:28:19,557
isn't a dark cloud, but a rainbow.
1783
01:28:19,557 --> 01:28:21,210
(triumphant music)
1784
01:28:21,210 --> 01:28:22,860
We're going to the past to ensure
1785
01:28:22,860 --> 01:28:24,403
that ignorance stays there.
1786
01:28:25,460 --> 01:28:29,100
This is our purpose.
1787
01:28:29,100 --> 01:28:30,100
This is our mission.
1788
01:28:30,950 --> 01:28:34,643
This is just the beginning.
1789
01:28:34,643 --> 01:28:37,143
(light music)
1790
01:28:40,860 --> 01:28:44,810
- But first, we can have a
six-way with ourselves, right?
1791
01:28:44,810 --> 01:28:46,040
- Damn right.
1792
01:28:46,040 --> 01:28:47,463
Then we can go save history.
1793
01:28:48,440 --> 01:28:50,100
- Well, then.
1794
01:28:50,100 --> 01:28:51,600
Let's do this.
1795
01:28:51,600 --> 01:28:52,783
- I call dibs on me!
1796
01:28:54,499 --> 01:28:57,416
(triumphant music)
1797
01:29:33,803 --> 01:29:37,220
(eerie orchestral music)
1798
01:29:45,006 --> 01:29:50,006
♪ I am the faulty wiring ♪
1799
01:29:50,748 --> 01:29:55,163
♪ The ball that's thrown ♪
1800
01:29:55,163 --> 01:30:00,163
♪ When there are no lights shining ♪
1801
01:30:00,217 --> 01:30:05,217
♪ In a place unknown ♪
1802
01:30:05,388 --> 01:30:10,388
♪ I am the wrong direction ♪
1803
01:30:11,022 --> 01:30:15,632
♪ And the purpose lost ♪
1804
01:30:15,632 --> 01:30:20,632
♪ I am decreasing balance ♪
1805
01:30:20,691 --> 01:30:25,621
♪ With a rising cost ♪
1806
01:30:25,621 --> 01:30:30,621
♪ I am the storm predicted ♪
1807
01:30:30,818 --> 01:30:35,818
♪ When there's no way through ♪
1808
01:30:35,958 --> 01:30:38,428
♪ No escape ♪
1809
01:30:38,428 --> 01:30:40,940
♪ No abandon ♪
1810
01:30:40,940 --> 01:30:45,940
♪ So I run to you ♪
1811
01:30:46,010 --> 01:30:50,204
♪ I am catastrophe ♪
1812
01:30:50,204 --> 01:30:55,204
♪ You'd do well to stay clear of me ♪
1813
01:30:55,749 --> 01:30:58,530
♪ For I am disaster ♪
1814
01:30:58,530 --> 01:31:00,919
♪ Coming on faster ♪
1815
01:31:00,919 --> 01:31:05,919
♪ Than you ever hoped to see ♪
1816
01:31:05,946 --> 01:31:10,639
♪ And I am unlucky charm ♪
1817
01:31:10,639 --> 01:31:15,639
♪ Though I won't mean to do you harm ♪
1818
01:31:16,183 --> 01:31:19,747
♪ If you see me look your way ♪
1819
01:31:19,747 --> 01:31:22,297
♪ You'd be wise to say ♪
1820
01:31:22,297 --> 01:31:25,107
♪ Leave me be ♪
1821
01:31:25,107 --> 01:31:30,107
♪ For I am catastrophe ♪
1822
01:31:37,399 --> 01:31:42,399
♪ I am the over stating ♪
1823
01:31:42,969 --> 01:31:47,484
♪ And the countless lost ♪
1824
01:31:47,484 --> 01:31:52,484
♪ I am the wasted raging ♪
1825
01:31:52,526 --> 01:31:57,526
♪ And the human cost ♪
1826
01:31:57,621 --> 01:32:02,621
♪ I am the face that haunts you ♪
1827
01:32:02,876 --> 01:32:07,876
♪ And the need that burns ♪
1828
01:32:08,057 --> 01:32:12,997
♪ I am the cycles wasted ♪
1829
01:32:12,997 --> 01:32:17,997
♪ As a sad world turns ♪
1830
01:32:18,160 --> 01:32:23,160
♪ I am the cyclone turning ♪
1831
01:32:23,600 --> 01:32:28,388
♪ I will block your path ♪
1832
01:32:28,388 --> 01:32:30,154
♪ I am ♪
1833
01:32:30,154 --> 01:32:33,321
(light melodic music)
1834
01:32:36,459 --> 01:32:37,513
- Shit.
1835
01:32:37,513 --> 01:32:39,800
Don't give me that!
1836
01:32:39,800 --> 01:32:43,170
I'm disappointed in you, all of you!
1837
01:32:43,170 --> 01:32:46,430
Even the ones who didn't
vote for the last asshole,
1838
01:32:46,430 --> 01:32:47,830
and especially those of you
1839
01:32:47,830 --> 01:32:50,060
who decided you had moral objections
1840
01:32:50,060 --> 01:32:53,770
to pulling the lever for
the last asshole's opponent.
1841
01:32:53,770 --> 01:32:55,570
Your high and mighty convictions
1842
01:32:55,570 --> 01:32:58,190
helped put that asshole
in the White House.
1843
01:32:58,190 --> 01:32:59,860
And look what that got you!
1844
01:32:59,860 --> 01:33:02,680
Gave the slimy underbelly of this nation
1845
01:33:02,680 --> 01:33:05,030
a wonderful opportunity to crawl out
1846
01:33:05,030 --> 01:33:07,393
of their holes and be openly awful.
1847
01:33:08,580 --> 01:33:10,030
You know better.
1848
01:33:10,030 --> 01:33:11,703
I know you know better.
1849
01:33:12,790 --> 01:33:16,130
And as for those of you who
did vote for the asshole,
1850
01:33:16,130 --> 01:33:18,820
you need to get that
shit out of your system
1851
01:33:18,820 --> 01:33:20,580
right the hell now!
1852
01:33:20,580 --> 01:33:22,460
There's no room for your hate
1853
01:33:22,460 --> 01:33:24,800
and intolerance and fear.
1854
01:33:24,800 --> 01:33:26,240
Not in America!
1855
01:33:26,240 --> 01:33:28,770
Not on the goddamn planet!
1856
01:33:28,770 --> 01:33:30,580
Don't be awful!
1857
01:33:30,580 --> 01:33:33,250
You got a couple of fellas
livin' next door to you,
1858
01:33:33,250 --> 01:33:36,010
you don't like what they
get up to in their bedroom?
1859
01:33:36,010 --> 01:33:38,800
Get on with your own damn life.
1860
01:33:38,800 --> 01:33:40,230
If it makes you uncomfortable,
1861
01:33:40,230 --> 01:33:42,700
it's because you're
payin' too much attention.
1862
01:33:42,700 --> 01:33:45,800
Stop peepin' in other people's windows!
1863
01:33:45,800 --> 01:33:48,160
Literally and figuratively.
1864
01:33:48,160 --> 01:33:52,090
Those two fellas, what damn
bit of difference does it make
1865
01:33:52,090 --> 01:33:54,090
to your day-to-day life
1866
01:33:54,090 --> 01:33:56,220
if they're living
together next door to you
1867
01:33:56,220 --> 01:33:59,010
or if they're married and
living next door to you.
1868
01:33:59,010 --> 01:34:01,180
We're all just trying to live our lives.
1869
01:34:01,180 --> 01:34:03,440
All of us, gay, straight,
1870
01:34:03,440 --> 01:34:06,350
black, white, whatever the hell.
1871
01:34:06,350 --> 01:34:08,880
We're all just trying to
find a little bit of love,
1872
01:34:08,880 --> 01:34:10,483
a little bit of happiness.
1873
01:34:11,510 --> 01:34:13,623
Don't be awful.
1874
01:34:14,670 --> 01:34:16,510
I swear, it's like none of ya
1875
01:34:16,510 --> 01:34:17,930
have the damn sense ya mommas
1876
01:34:17,930 --> 01:34:20,230
worked so hard to beat into ya!
1877
01:34:20,230 --> 01:34:23,050
We've all gotta live under this one roof.
1878
01:34:23,050 --> 01:34:26,390
And that means we sure as hell
better learn to get along.
1879
01:34:26,390 --> 01:34:28,130
You want the space force to shoot
1880
01:34:28,130 --> 01:34:30,143
the people you don't like into the sun?
1881
01:34:31,041 --> 01:34:32,910
And what happens when the tide turns,
1882
01:34:32,910 --> 01:34:35,983
and suddenly, you're the
people that people don't like?
1883
01:34:37,090 --> 01:34:39,930
Don't be awful.
1884
01:34:39,930 --> 01:34:42,160
That's all it takes.
1885
01:34:42,160 --> 01:34:44,580
And that's all I'm gonna say to you.
1886
01:34:44,580 --> 01:34:47,171
You'd best not make me say it again.
1887
01:34:47,171 --> 01:34:49,305
(light music)
125932
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