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1
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Son, it's never too late
in life to learn a new skill.
2
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Says the woman who still can't whistle.
3
00:00:21,313 --> 00:00:22,814
I can whistle!
4
00:00:29,696 --> 00:00:31,698
Please continue the story!
5
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,867
With pleasure.
6
00:00:35,702 --> 00:00:37,787
Hey, guys.
7
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:40,373
Sweetie, you're drenched in sweat!
8
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:42,291
Were you chasing down Mr. Softee again?
9
00:00:42,292 --> 00:00:43,835
Oh. No.
10
00:00:43,836 --> 00:00:46,337
Photo gig at
a kid's birthday in Yonkers.
11
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I had to take four trains,
12
00:00:48,257 --> 00:00:50,800
two cabs, and one very creepy Uber.
13
00:00:50,801 --> 00:00:55,304
Look at you.
Big round eyes like a sexy owl.
14
00:00:55,305 --> 00:00:56,640
No!
15
00:00:57,182 --> 00:00:58,474
Why don't you just learn to drive?
16
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:01,102
Sophie and I got
our learner's permits in college,
17
00:01:01,103 --> 00:01:03,813
but then we realized
driving is the worst!
18
00:01:03,814 --> 00:01:05,982
You have to be sober,
you can't lie down,
19
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:07,483
and you have
to wear this ugly belt.
20
00:01:07,484 --> 00:01:08,860
Mm!
21
00:01:08,861 --> 00:01:11,070
Don't even get me started on left turns.
22
00:01:11,071 --> 00:01:14,156
What is this world where you
just pull into the intersection
23
00:01:14,157 --> 00:01:16,826
and trust a stranger
is not going to kill you?
24
00:01:16,827 --> 00:01:20,080
What's next? Anyone could just
go into a store and purchase a gun?
25
00:01:20,664 --> 00:01:22,416
Is no one gonna tell her?
26
00:01:23,584 --> 00:01:26,002
How are two adults not able to drive?
27
00:01:26,003 --> 00:01:27,295
Pretty cocky for a guy
28
00:01:27,296 --> 00:01:29,130
who can't even shave his own face.
29
00:01:29,131 --> 00:01:30,840
You swore you wouldn't tell a soul!
30
00:01:30,841 --> 00:01:33,301
It's time people knew.
I'm sick of our arrangement!
31
00:01:37,431 --> 00:01:39,307
I grew up with a live-in barber.
32
00:01:39,308 --> 00:01:41,225
I was raised to believe
that shaving your own face
33
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is only something men from Essex did.
34
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Plus, it's scary.
35
00:01:45,564 --> 00:01:48,065
You're a New Yorker now.
You gotta toughen up, kid!
36
00:01:48,066 --> 00:01:51,277
Oh, says the woman who's too scared
to confront her coworker?
37
00:01:51,278 --> 00:01:52,987
I told you about Rhonda in confidence!
38
00:01:52,988 --> 00:01:54,197
Who's Rhonda?
39
00:01:55,282 --> 00:01:56,408
R-Rhonda?
40
00:01:57,743 --> 00:01:59,368
Oh, my bad.
41
00:01:59,369 --> 00:02:00,621
Here's a breast.
42
00:02:02,247 --> 00:02:05,584
She keeps her dipping sauces
on our printer.
43
00:02:06,251 --> 00:02:07,543
So, just talk to her.
44
00:02:07,544 --> 00:02:10,338
I can't. I'm extremely conflict-averse,
45
00:02:10,339 --> 00:02:12,925
and she's terrifying.
She eats the bones.
46
00:02:14,718 --> 00:02:16,886
At least I'm not a bar owner
who can't chug a beer.
47
00:02:16,887 --> 00:02:19,139
That's right. He sips like a simp!
48
00:02:20,307 --> 00:02:23,601
Okay, fine. I don't chug.
I prefer taking baby sips
49
00:02:23,602 --> 00:02:26,437
'cause beer is a little tickly.
50
00:02:26,438 --> 00:02:28,940
Hey, my creepy gym teacher
was a little tickly, okay?
51
00:02:28,941 --> 00:02:30,275
Beer is delicious.
52
00:02:32,069 --> 00:02:33,694
Guys, I just had a brilliant idea.
53
00:02:33,695 --> 00:02:34,820
Oh, thank God because I thought
54
00:02:34,821 --> 00:02:37,616
we were gonna have to unpack
his creepy gym teacher thing.
55
00:02:38,200 --> 00:02:40,743
Back in college,
Jesse and I came up with
56
00:02:40,744 --> 00:02:42,745
th-this incredible motivational technique.
57
00:02:42,746 --> 00:02:43,788
- Hell yeah.
- Right?
58
00:02:43,789 --> 00:02:46,457
- So some people respond to rewards.
- Hm...
59
00:02:46,458 --> 00:02:48,960
Others respond to
the fear of punishment.
60
00:02:48,961 --> 00:02:49,961
That's right.
61
00:02:49,962 --> 00:02:51,712
So we combined the two
62
00:02:51,713 --> 00:02:54,966
- to create rewardishments.
- Hm...
63
00:02:54,967 --> 00:02:57,176
Say we needed to get some laundry done.
64
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:58,761
We'd give ourselves a deadline,
65
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:01,889
and if we made it,
we'd reward ourselves with, say,
66
00:03:01,890 --> 00:03:04,267
a nice steak dinner.
♪ Soft music ♪
67
00:03:04,268 --> 00:03:06,854
But, if we didn't,
we'd punish ourselves.
68
00:03:08,981 --> 00:03:11,567
Three, two, one.
69
00:03:14,069 --> 00:03:15,570
Hot tip.
70
00:03:15,571 --> 00:03:17,531
Always pee before you tase.
71
00:03:19,032 --> 00:03:21,993
I say we give ourselves 48 hours
72
00:03:21,994 --> 00:03:23,286
to accomplish our goals.
73
00:03:23,287 --> 00:03:25,997
If one of us fails, we all get punished.
74
00:03:25,998 --> 00:03:29,500
But if we all succeed,
we get a sweet, sweet reward.
75
00:03:29,501 --> 00:03:32,879
Ooh! Reward pitch.
Have a group sleepover
76
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,047
and put all of our beds together
to create
77
00:03:35,048 --> 00:03:36,674
one giant bed.
78
00:03:36,675 --> 00:03:38,509
- Like a mega bed?
- You bet your ass!
79
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,887
Alright, alright. We've got a reward.
80
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,806
Now, the punishment.
81
00:03:44,016 --> 00:03:45,058
I got it!
82
00:03:46,310 --> 00:03:48,020
The nastiest thing...
83
00:03:50,272 --> 00:03:51,648
in this bar...
84
00:03:53,192 --> 00:03:54,984
is the drink mat.
85
00:03:54,985 --> 00:03:56,319
Full of, uh-huh,
86
00:03:56,320 --> 00:03:58,863
what we in the industry
call "the drippings."
87
00:03:58,864 --> 00:04:02,700
All the spillage from all those drinks.
88
00:04:02,701 --> 00:04:05,453
So, I'm saying if, 48 hours from now,
89
00:04:05,454 --> 00:04:07,831
one of us fails to accomplish our goal,
90
00:04:08,707 --> 00:04:10,249
we each take a shot at the drippings.
91
00:04:10,250 --> 00:04:11,667
No!
92
00:04:11,668 --> 00:04:13,170
Okay, we're doing this!
93
00:04:14,213 --> 00:04:17,715
Shave, chug, drive, drive,
confront Rhonda.
94
00:04:17,716 --> 00:04:18,883
Let's go, team!
95
00:04:18,884 --> 00:04:20,051
Wait, Jesse!
96
00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:22,262
- Yeah?
- What is your thing?
97
00:04:23,222 --> 00:04:25,848
My thing? Oh, well, I-I'm terrible
at remembering people's goals,
98
00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,809
but, hey! I just did it,
so that's one down, five to go.
99
00:04:28,810 --> 00:04:30,312
Good luck, you guys!
100
00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:34,691
Alright, fine.
101
00:04:35,359 --> 00:04:36,984
There is...
102
00:04:36,985 --> 00:04:39,529
one thing I've never
been able to accomplish.
103
00:04:39,530 --> 00:04:41,572
♪ Sandstorm by Darude playing ♪
104
00:04:41,573 --> 00:04:43,366
Back in my competitive hooping days,
105
00:04:43,367 --> 00:04:45,536
there was one trick I could never master.
106
00:04:46,036 --> 00:04:48,789
The "vertical lasso catch and release."
107
00:04:50,207 --> 00:04:52,124
It, uh...
108
00:04:52,125 --> 00:04:54,628
kept me from going
to nationals in Orlando.
109
00:04:56,672 --> 00:04:59,590
Okay. You heard the man.
This is his... creepy goal.
110
00:04:59,591 --> 00:05:01,634
Okay. Everybody has their thing.
111
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:05,305
Rewardishment timer starts... now.
112
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:16,190
Hey, look at you, J-Dog!
You're doing your trick.
113
00:05:16,191 --> 00:05:18,192
No, I'm not.
This is just regular hooping.
114
00:05:18,193 --> 00:05:19,861
Jesse, we're just trying
to be supportive.
115
00:05:19,862 --> 00:05:21,279
Nobody gets what you're trying to do.
116
00:05:21,280 --> 00:05:25,199
I already told you!
A vertical lasso catch and release.
117
00:05:25,200 --> 00:05:28,786
The hoop is supposed to dance up
my body, like a playful snake,
118
00:05:28,787 --> 00:05:32,123
and then launch into the air,
and then I catch it on my leg.
119
00:05:32,124 --> 00:05:34,625
What about this don't you understand?
120
00:05:34,626 --> 00:05:35,668
Why you want to do it,
121
00:05:35,669 --> 00:05:37,628
how it fits in with the rest
of your personality,
122
00:05:37,629 --> 00:05:39,881
and why you ran out to buy
new underwear just for this?
123
00:05:39,882 --> 00:05:43,384
They're not just underwear, okay?
Those are regulation satin hula boxers.
124
00:05:43,385 --> 00:05:44,552
Do you want me to get "hoop hip"?
125
00:05:44,553 --> 00:05:47,805
No, dude, we want you to do your trick,
so we can move on to our stuff.
126
00:05:50,601 --> 00:05:52,728
Was that the catch or the release?
127
00:06:02,571 --> 00:06:04,405
You barely consumed a single drop.
128
00:06:04,406 --> 00:06:06,700
There might be more beer
in the glass now.
129
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,827
This is supposed to be a safe space.
130
00:06:11,413 --> 00:06:13,831
- There's really nothing to it.
- Mm-hmm.
131
00:06:13,832 --> 00:06:17,293
Slow and steady. With the grain.
132
00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:20,463
Okay. Alright. Here goes nothing.
133
00:06:20,464 --> 00:06:21,673
Okay.
134
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:25,384
- Whoa, whoa. Get the...
- Oh, my God.
135
00:06:25,385 --> 00:06:27,136
- Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Sid!
- Okay! Okay!
136
00:06:27,137 --> 00:06:30,097
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
You know, hey, m-maybe you're not ready.
137
00:06:32,017 --> 00:06:34,060
Rhonda, enough is enough.
138
00:06:34,061 --> 00:06:37,064
This is a shared workspace,
and I need you to respect that.
139
00:06:39,066 --> 00:06:40,108
Perfect.
140
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:43,861
Firm, clear, fair. The Ellen way.
141
00:06:43,862 --> 00:06:45,864
- What's the Ellen way?
- Oh, my God...
142
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,325
Nothing. I-I'm sorry.
143
00:06:50,077 --> 00:06:51,160
Rhonda, we need to talk.
144
00:06:51,161 --> 00:06:52,412
Me first.
145
00:06:55,165 --> 00:06:56,750
I got us an office snake.
146
00:06:57,835 --> 00:06:59,752
Don't mind the smell.
147
00:06:59,753 --> 00:07:01,838
Reptile musk is a defense mechanism,
148
00:07:01,839 --> 00:07:03,924
and my girl is very on edge.
149
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:08,261
Jesse, I choked.
150
00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,055
I need you to teach me
how to express my anger.
151
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:13,225
What makes you think I know
how to express my anger?
152
00:07:13,851 --> 00:07:16,602
Damn it, you fickle disgrace of a toy!
153
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,938
You're nothing compared to a jump rope!
154
00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,440
You piece of... Yeah, no, I-I can help you.
I think it's...
155
00:07:25,487 --> 00:07:29,032
Oh, my God. $500 for driving school?
156
00:07:29,408 --> 00:07:31,910
That's like a hundred $5 footlongs!
157
00:07:32,911 --> 00:07:35,455
Wow. I just did that in my head.
158
00:07:36,540 --> 00:07:38,500
Damn. You're like a Goodwill Hunter.
159
00:07:39,918 --> 00:07:41,878
Doesn't matter.
We have to learn how to drive
160
00:07:41,879 --> 00:07:43,296
because we don't wanna
drink the drippings.
161
00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:44,298
Hm...
162
00:07:45,549 --> 00:07:47,717
Hi, Sophie and Valentina?
163
00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,343
My name is Phyllis.
164
00:07:49,344 --> 00:07:52,471
I've taught 4,000 people how to drive,
165
00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:55,309
including the two Gyllenhaal siblings.
166
00:07:56,894 --> 00:07:59,395
I just need you to pass a little eye exam.
167
00:07:59,396 --> 00:08:01,063
Uh-huh.
168
00:08:01,064 --> 00:08:03,649
- Whisper the answers to me.
- What? Why?
169
00:08:03,650 --> 00:08:05,861
I can't see for shit, okay?
Just help me.
170
00:08:09,031 --> 00:08:10,573
- G.
- C!
171
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:12,533
G. What are you, deaf, too?
172
00:08:12,534 --> 00:08:13,827
G.
173
00:08:15,078 --> 00:08:16,078
E.
174
00:08:16,413 --> 00:08:17,580
C.
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00:08:17,581 --> 00:08:19,708
No. E.
176
00:08:20,626 --> 00:08:22,960
Clearly you're cheating.
177
00:08:22,961 --> 00:08:25,421
Sophie, I'll go get
your enrollment paperwork.
178
00:08:25,422 --> 00:08:28,509
Valentina, get your eyes checked.
179
00:08:30,135 --> 00:08:32,053
Wait. You can't see?
180
00:08:32,054 --> 00:08:33,429
It's not that bad!
181
00:08:33,430 --> 00:08:36,432
I can see things up close,
just not far away.
182
00:08:36,433 --> 00:08:38,851
Okay, so why don't you wear glasses?
183
00:08:38,852 --> 00:08:40,937
Ew, what am I, a liberal arts professor?
184
00:08:40,938 --> 00:08:43,774
Okay, contacts.
185
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:48,277
I'm scared of touching my eyes.
186
00:08:49,363 --> 00:08:51,280
I wanna change my goal.
187
00:08:51,281 --> 00:08:53,325
I need to learn how to put in contacts.
188
00:08:55,911 --> 00:08:57,079
I'll allow it.
189
00:08:58,997 --> 00:09:00,582
What is happening here?
190
00:09:01,750 --> 00:09:05,254
Well, I decided to practice on a zone
where no one would see it if I cut myself.
191
00:09:06,380 --> 00:09:08,257
Absolutely shredded my taint, so...
192
00:09:09,383 --> 00:09:12,386
onto the legs.
Right. Okay...
193
00:09:13,387 --> 00:09:14,429
Okay.
194
00:09:17,474 --> 00:09:19,016
Oh, my God.
195
00:09:19,017 --> 00:09:20,476
Oh, my God, I'm doing it. Look!
196
00:09:20,477 --> 00:09:21,811
- I'm shaving!
- You are!
197
00:09:21,812 --> 00:09:23,813
I'm like a regular Michael Phelps!
198
00:09:23,814 --> 00:09:25,523
Oh, my God! Oh! Oh!
199
00:09:25,524 --> 00:09:27,567
- Oh shit! Are you okay?
- There's a lot of blood!
200
00:09:27,568 --> 00:09:29,986
Put pressure on it. Put pressure on it!
201
00:09:29,987 --> 00:09:32,572
It's fine. It's fine.
Honestly, it's just a little nick.
202
00:09:32,573 --> 00:09:35,741
Oh, my God! I'm gonna die!
Oh! Oh, my God!
203
00:09:35,742 --> 00:09:38,536
Sophie, if I die, you can have
my garden gnome collection,
204
00:09:38,537 --> 00:09:41,831
but find them a nice place
in the sun, would you... Oh, my God...
205
00:09:41,832 --> 00:09:43,291
- Hey!
- Okay. Okay, that's enough!
206
00:09:43,292 --> 00:09:45,168
That's enough!
I'm taking you to the hospital, okay!?
207
00:09:45,169 --> 00:09:47,295
- Oh! My...
- Put...
208
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:49,589
Just keep pressure on it!
You're really bleeding, dude!
209
00:09:49,590 --> 00:09:50,757
Jesus Christ...
210
00:09:52,092 --> 00:09:53,719
Oh! Careful with my taint! Ah!
211
00:09:58,974 --> 00:10:02,810
S-so I told the kidnapper
that you can carve me up all you want.
212
00:10:02,811 --> 00:10:05,314
Just, just let the girl go.
213
00:10:05,856 --> 00:10:07,357
I know you cut yourself shaving.
214
00:10:08,734 --> 00:10:10,484
Hey. You're a nurse.
215
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:11,612
What gave it away?
216
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:15,448
Well, I'm pretty sure I have
this medical condition
217
00:10:15,449 --> 00:10:18,202
that prevents me from chugging beer.
Do you know what it's called?
218
00:10:18,785 --> 00:10:20,829
I saw two patients die this morning.
219
00:10:22,039 --> 00:10:23,332
From what I have?
220
00:10:27,419 --> 00:10:29,921
Dude, this sucks! We're gonna
have to drink all the drippings,
221
00:10:29,922 --> 00:10:31,172
and it's gonna be my fault.
222
00:10:31,173 --> 00:10:33,341
No, it won't. It'll be mine.
223
00:10:33,342 --> 00:10:36,053
I mean, I'm way too scared
to try shaving myself again.
224
00:10:36,512 --> 00:10:39,222
If only there was another way
I could practice.
225
00:10:39,223 --> 00:10:42,142
Someone will be right in
to shave you for surgery, Mr. Smithyman.
226
00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:49,565
Okay. I'll be Rhonda,
and you just be you.
227
00:10:49,566 --> 00:10:51,609
And just tell me how you feel
about me, alright? Let 'er rip.
228
00:10:51,610 --> 00:10:53,486
Okay. It's about to rip.
229
00:10:53,487 --> 00:10:54,904
Here we go.
230
00:10:54,905 --> 00:10:56,697
Hey, Ellen. It's me, Rhonda.
231
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:58,908
I'm a big old jerk who likes chicken,
232
00:10:58,909 --> 00:11:01,160
but not jerk chicken.
Just chicken-chicken!
233
00:11:01,161 --> 00:11:02,287
I can't rip to this.
234
00:11:03,705 --> 00:11:06,290
Y-you sound like Julia Child.
235
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:08,000
Also, the vibe in here
is nothing like my office.
236
00:11:08,001 --> 00:11:09,043
Okay, just focus, alright?
237
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:11,712
W-we're not in my apartment.
We're in your office.
238
00:11:11,713 --> 00:11:14,298
My pizza bagel's ready.
239
00:11:14,299 --> 00:11:16,593
I mean, my chicken bagel's ready.
240
00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,391
Good day!
241
00:11:23,392 --> 00:11:24,725
Ready for your shave?
242
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:26,227
Ready as I'll ever be.
243
00:11:26,228 --> 00:11:28,605
Oh, yeah. I feel you there.
244
00:11:29,481 --> 00:11:30,649
Right.
245
00:11:35,153 --> 00:11:36,696
Hey...
246
00:11:36,697 --> 00:11:38,448
Hey, look at this. I'm doing it.
247
00:11:39,533 --> 00:11:40,659
- What?
- What?
248
00:11:43,537 --> 00:11:45,079
Cross me off the list.
249
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,123
I am a shaver!
250
00:11:47,124 --> 00:11:50,334
A celebratory drink
to celebrate my smooth face,
251
00:11:50,335 --> 00:11:52,546
and Mr. Smithyman's
successful triple bypass.
252
00:11:53,505 --> 00:11:55,089
Am I touching my eye?
253
00:11:55,090 --> 00:11:56,884
No.
254
00:11:58,051 --> 00:11:59,928
Someone come help
push the back of my neck!
255
00:12:00,345 --> 00:12:03,431
To my success,
256
00:12:03,432 --> 00:12:06,894
and to being one step closer to mega-bed.
257
00:12:09,188 --> 00:12:10,688
Ah!
258
00:12:10,689 --> 00:12:12,982
Spicy! Spicy?
259
00:12:12,983 --> 00:12:14,651
Why is champagne spicy?
260
00:12:20,782 --> 00:12:22,700
- Ooh. Oh man!
- Look at that. We haven't got any water.
261
00:12:22,701 --> 00:12:24,912
We've only got this pint of beer.
262
00:12:26,246 --> 00:12:28,081
Mm... Mm...
263
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:34,421
Ah...
264
00:12:38,175 --> 00:12:39,175
I did it.
265
00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:40,677
I just chugged a beer!
266
00:12:41,553 --> 00:12:44,722
And I'm keeping it down!
Okay, thank you, Charlie!
267
00:12:44,723 --> 00:12:46,974
I always knew there was
a chugger inside of you,
268
00:12:46,975 --> 00:12:48,644
just waiting to chug.
269
00:12:49,228 --> 00:12:50,770
Hey, look at that! I did me.
270
00:12:50,771 --> 00:12:53,189
I did Sid. Valentina...
271
00:12:53,190 --> 00:12:56,610
Why don't I put the contact in your eye
to show you that it's no big deal?
272
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,487
Hit me.
273
00:13:01,406 --> 00:13:05,326
Ow! Ow, ow, ow! My eye is burning!
What the hell is happening?
274
00:13:05,327 --> 00:13:08,412
Probably had a bit
of residual pepper juice on my fingers...
275
00:13:08,413 --> 00:13:10,248
I need to go to a hospital!
276
00:13:10,249 --> 00:13:11,582
Okay! Hospital!
277
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,626
- Ow! Ow!
- This way. This way.
278
00:13:13,627 --> 00:13:16,629
- There we go!
- Here we go! Here we go!
279
00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,216
You're doing great, sweetheart.
280
00:13:20,217 --> 00:13:22,093
Thank you!
281
00:13:22,094 --> 00:13:25,055
I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little distracted
by the students in the back.
282
00:13:26,056 --> 00:13:28,641
Okay, make a left here.
283
00:13:28,642 --> 00:13:31,602
Actually, can we do left turns last?
284
00:13:31,603 --> 00:13:33,771
I'm more of a "three rights" kind of gal.
285
00:13:33,772 --> 00:13:37,233
Hey! This is driving school, not...
286
00:13:37,234 --> 00:13:40,320
"bump and grind" academy!
Now, quit it!
287
00:13:44,992 --> 00:13:47,159
I think I'm having a heart attack!
288
00:13:47,160 --> 00:13:50,162
Can a single woman
have a widow-maker?
289
00:13:50,163 --> 00:13:53,416
Oh, my God! Oh God!
Okay. Oh, my God.
290
00:13:53,417 --> 00:13:55,710
You're gonna be okay. You're...
291
00:13:55,711 --> 00:13:58,172
Oh, snap. She's, like, dying.
292
00:13:59,798 --> 00:14:02,049
Th-there's a hospital right up here.
293
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,593
Y-you should make a left.
294
00:14:03,594 --> 00:14:05,387
D-do we have time for three rights?
295
00:14:06,805 --> 00:14:08,055
Left!
296
00:14:08,056 --> 00:14:11,977
Make a left! Make a left!
297
00:14:12,728 --> 00:14:14,395
Okay, we're here.
Let's Rhonda you up.
298
00:14:14,396 --> 00:14:15,479
What does that mean?
299
00:14:15,480 --> 00:14:18,065
Put on her blazer,
300
00:14:18,066 --> 00:14:19,567
and, uh... Ooh!
301
00:14:19,568 --> 00:14:20,777
Okay.
302
00:14:22,154 --> 00:14:23,571
Pretty weird.
303
00:14:23,572 --> 00:14:24,822
Mm...
304
00:14:24,823 --> 00:14:25,741
Bingo.
305
00:14:25,742 --> 00:14:26,824
Ellen!
306
00:14:26,825 --> 00:14:28,785
A little lower, like... Ellen.
307
00:14:29,828 --> 00:14:32,121
- Ellen.
- That's too low. Ellen.
308
00:14:32,122 --> 00:14:33,498
- Ellen?
- That's perfect!
309
00:14:34,458 --> 00:14:35,458
Ah!
310
00:14:36,668 --> 00:14:37,668
What are you doing here?
311
00:14:37,669 --> 00:14:40,547
I came to feed my snake.
Why is that man wearing my clothes?
312
00:14:41,590 --> 00:14:43,007
Where's Sonna Plane?
313
00:14:43,008 --> 00:14:45,510
- She's out of her terrarium!
- We don't know!
314
00:14:45,511 --> 00:14:46,761
Wait, is there a snake on the loose?
315
00:14:46,762 --> 00:14:48,971
Why did you name your snake Sonna Plane?
316
00:14:48,972 --> 00:14:50,556
Oh.
317
00:14:50,557 --> 00:14:52,476
I see what you did there, Rhonda.
It's... Ah!
318
00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:54,853
♪
319
00:14:55,395 --> 00:14:57,480
Oh! M-my brother got bit by a snake!
320
00:14:57,481 --> 00:14:59,358
I also have a mole
I'd like to have checked.
321
00:15:00,442 --> 00:15:02,069
- Okay.
- Guys, what are you doing here?
322
00:15:03,153 --> 00:15:04,862
Wait, Sophie? Why are you here?
323
00:15:04,863 --> 00:15:07,573
My driving instructor
had a heart attack!
324
00:15:07,574 --> 00:15:10,493
Um, your friend choked
and couldn't make a left turn,
325
00:15:10,494 --> 00:15:13,497
- so I had to drive her to the hospital.
- It was so hot.
326
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:17,292
Hickey for the hero?
327
00:15:18,627 --> 00:15:20,295
You really need to grow up.
328
00:15:29,137 --> 00:15:32,139
We're gonna have to wash your eye
in a variety of liquids.
329
00:15:32,140 --> 00:15:34,350
You're gonna need
three washes, six drops,
330
00:15:34,351 --> 00:15:36,143
cold gel, warm gel,
331
00:15:36,144 --> 00:15:37,895
then back to two more washes,
332
00:15:37,896 --> 00:15:40,648
probably another gel,
333
00:15:40,649 --> 00:15:42,859
we're gonna go for about
four more drops, and then...
334
00:15:46,405 --> 00:15:48,573
Contacts have made contact.
335
00:15:48,574 --> 00:15:50,241
Hoo, after what my eyes
have been through today,
336
00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:51,618
there's nothing they can't handle.
337
00:15:53,412 --> 00:15:54,913
That's what you guys look like?
338
00:15:55,789 --> 00:15:57,666
Wow. Most of you look pretty good.
339
00:15:58,333 --> 00:15:59,667
Cross my name off, too!
340
00:15:59,668 --> 00:16:01,794
- Wait, you told off Rhonda?
- Oh, yeah.
341
00:16:01,795 --> 00:16:03,546
Somebody suck the poison out!
342
00:16:03,547 --> 00:16:06,465
There's no poison.
I had her poison bags removed.
343
00:16:06,466 --> 00:16:08,176
Your father's being a real sissy.
344
00:16:08,177 --> 00:16:10,303
Did she say "father"?
345
00:16:10,304 --> 00:16:12,013
You know what, Rhonda? Enough.
346
00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:15,683
You can crowd my workspace
and stink up this office with chicken,
347
00:16:15,684 --> 00:16:17,685
but you do not mess with Jesse.
348
00:16:17,686 --> 00:16:19,395
Jesse, I'm doing it!
I'm telling her off!
349
00:16:19,396 --> 00:16:21,564
So proud of you.
Can we please go to the hospital now?
350
00:16:21,565 --> 00:16:22,566
Oh!
351
00:16:23,400 --> 00:16:26,319
And then, I was like,
"Take that, bitch!"
352
00:16:26,320 --> 00:16:29,113
But, I-I kept that inside
353
00:16:29,114 --> 00:16:31,408
because I would never say bitch.
354
00:16:32,743 --> 00:16:35,036
Well, only a few hours before midnight,
355
00:16:35,037 --> 00:16:36,830
and we still have two people on the board.
356
00:16:37,456 --> 00:16:40,249
- You want me to teach you how to drive?
- Fine.
357
00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:42,836
But you have to let me
teach you how to hula hoop.
358
00:16:43,378 --> 00:16:46,130
- You spin?
- No, of course not.
359
00:16:48,383 --> 00:16:50,760
Okay, now that the car's in drive,
360
00:16:50,761 --> 00:16:53,221
you're going to slowly
lift your foot off the brake
361
00:16:53,222 --> 00:16:56,600
and very gently apply
that same foot to the gas pedal.
362
00:16:57,476 --> 00:17:00,646
Very good. Well done.
363
00:17:01,104 --> 00:17:04,857
I've never heard you speak
in this weird, gentle voice before.
364
00:17:04,858 --> 00:17:06,651
Oh yeah, it's my
elementary school teacher voice.
365
00:17:06,652 --> 00:17:08,611
It's how I talk to keep the kids
from peeing themselves
366
00:17:08,612 --> 00:17:10,447
when I take their smartphones away.
367
00:17:11,907 --> 00:17:14,534
There is absolutely no pressure, okay?
But,
368
00:17:14,535 --> 00:17:16,953
- we've got a left-hand turn coming up.
- Oh...
369
00:17:16,954 --> 00:17:19,914
So, we're just going to turn
on your blinker
370
00:17:19,915 --> 00:17:21,958
- and get into the left lane...
- Okay.
371
00:17:21,959 --> 00:17:24,836
Out into the intersection.
372
00:17:24,837 --> 00:17:27,005
Coast is clear...
373
00:17:29,216 --> 00:17:31,092
Ah! I'm doing it!
374
00:17:31,093 --> 00:17:32,969
- I'm turning left!
- Mm-hmm.
375
00:17:32,970 --> 00:17:35,847
Check this out!
376
00:17:35,848 --> 00:17:38,015
- And another left!
- Mm-hmm.
377
00:17:38,016 --> 00:17:40,519
And another left!
378
00:17:41,812 --> 00:17:44,355
Ha!
I'm a professional driver.
379
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:46,233
One-way street!
380
00:17:48,527 --> 00:17:51,154
Ho...
381
00:17:53,198 --> 00:17:54,407
Why don't we celebrate, huh?
382
00:17:54,408 --> 00:17:57,452
I just learned how to drive.
I don't think I should be boozing.
383
00:17:58,120 --> 00:18:00,329
But if you wanna be
the designated driver...
384
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:03,833
Well, that's sparkling cider,
but I appreciate how responsible you are.
385
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:05,836
Ah. Aw...
386
00:18:08,046 --> 00:18:09,797
We're almost out of time.
387
00:18:09,798 --> 00:18:11,716
You gonna practice
your hoop trick or what?
388
00:18:11,717 --> 00:18:13,885
Mm. Yeah,
I'm not gonna be able to do it.
389
00:18:13,886 --> 00:18:16,304
- You don't know that.
- Yeah, I do.
390
00:18:16,305 --> 00:18:17,972
It-it's a mental thing.
391
00:18:17,973 --> 00:18:20,516
I mean, the truth is, I actually could do
the vertical lasso for a while,
392
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:21,894
and then I just lost it.
393
00:18:22,394 --> 00:18:24,896
Remember that video I showed you,
the moment where I dropped the hoop?
394
00:18:24,897 --> 00:18:27,858
That's 'cause I just realized
that my mom hadn't shown up.
395
00:18:28,525 --> 00:18:30,985
She was supposed to fly in from Iowa,
and she flaked, and I don't know.
396
00:18:30,986 --> 00:18:33,779
There's something about
not having a single family member
397
00:18:33,780 --> 00:18:35,782
in the audience to support me, you know?
398
00:18:37,659 --> 00:18:39,161
- Oh.
- Yeah.
399
00:18:40,913 --> 00:18:42,164
Oy...
400
00:18:43,415 --> 00:18:44,624
So, what...
401
00:18:44,625 --> 00:18:48,586
What does a perfect vertical lasso
catch and release...
402
00:18:48,587 --> 00:18:50,630
- Yeah.
- even look like?
403
00:18:50,631 --> 00:18:52,131
It truly does not matter.
404
00:18:52,132 --> 00:18:54,134
Come on. Show me.
405
00:18:55,677 --> 00:18:57,679
Okay. Okay. Here.
406
00:18:59,097 --> 00:19:00,681
Alright, well...
407
00:19:00,682 --> 00:19:02,558
here's a video
408
00:19:02,559 --> 00:19:05,062
of my favorite hooper doing it.
409
00:19:06,438 --> 00:19:08,147
Shut up.
She was a legend, alright?
410
00:19:08,148 --> 00:19:10,066
I used to have her posters
all over my room as a kid.
411
00:19:10,067 --> 00:19:11,944
- Oh, I bet you did.
- Mm-hmm.
412
00:19:14,154 --> 00:19:16,156
Oh, my God.
413
00:19:17,324 --> 00:19:18,867
She's pure magic.
414
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:23,539
I love that you're so into this.
415
00:19:30,420 --> 00:19:31,838
Ooh, look at that. You...
416
00:19:31,839 --> 00:19:34,423
- matched with Dana.
- Uh, yeah.
417
00:19:34,424 --> 00:19:35,925
I'm sorry. That wasn't, uh...
418
00:19:35,926 --> 00:19:37,636
Oh. No. Why are you sorry?
419
00:19:38,262 --> 00:19:41,014
I don't know.
Um, I'm not, I guess?
420
00:19:41,640 --> 00:19:43,724
I didn't know that you
were back on the apps.
421
00:19:43,725 --> 00:19:45,768
Yeah. I was...
I mean, it's all very new, you know?
422
00:19:45,769 --> 00:19:47,603
I just figured it's been
a while since Meredith, so...
423
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:48,856
Oh, totally.
424
00:19:49,982 --> 00:19:51,065
I think it's great.
425
00:19:51,066 --> 00:19:53,193
Cool. Thanks.
426
00:19:54,236 --> 00:19:56,070
- We should get back.
- Yeah.
427
00:19:56,071 --> 00:19:57,322
Oh!
428
00:19:58,031 --> 00:19:59,323
I know that I can drive now,
429
00:19:59,324 --> 00:20:01,826
but I will not be your personal chauffeur.
430
00:20:01,827 --> 00:20:04,203
Ho ho! Excuse me. Okay.
431
00:20:04,204 --> 00:20:05,329
She can drive!
432
00:20:05,330 --> 00:20:07,623
Cross her name off the list!
433
00:20:07,624 --> 00:20:09,877
And my vertical lasso catch and release...
434
00:20:10,669 --> 00:20:11,752
isn't gonna happen.
435
00:20:11,753 --> 00:20:14,130
Why would you say it like that?
436
00:20:14,131 --> 00:20:17,008
Sorry, guys. I'll do the honors
of lining up the drippings.
437
00:20:17,009 --> 00:20:19,511
Seriously?
You're not even gonna try?
438
00:20:20,304 --> 00:20:22,556
You said you couldn't do it
without family...
439
00:20:25,058 --> 00:20:26,268
Is there more to that?
440
00:20:26,852 --> 00:20:30,605
I was gonna say that we're your family,
but then that felt so corny, so I bailed.
441
00:20:30,606 --> 00:20:32,441
But we're almost out of time,
so just try it!
442
00:20:33,358 --> 00:20:36,235
Screw it. Charlie!
Assemble my collapsible hoop!
443
00:20:36,236 --> 00:20:38,238
Oh, I thought you'd never ask.
444
00:20:39,907 --> 00:20:43,784
Sis! Put on Darude's
1999 EDM hit Sandstorm.
445
00:20:43,785 --> 00:20:45,412
Just look it up.
446
00:20:47,039 --> 00:20:48,998
Oh!
447
00:20:48,999 --> 00:20:51,167
Uh-oh!
448
00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:53,003
Yeah, get it, baby!
449
00:20:54,379 --> 00:20:57,883
- Oh!
- Jesse! Jesse! Jesse! Yeah!
450
00:20:58,967 --> 00:21:01,637
Uh-oh! Oh! Oh!
451
00:21:21,323 --> 00:21:22,782
Yes! Yes!
452
00:21:22,783 --> 00:21:24,158
Yeah!
453
00:21:24,159 --> 00:21:25,911
Guys...
454
00:21:26,787 --> 00:21:29,830
It's 10 minutes past the deadline.
We didn't make the cut.
455
00:21:29,831 --> 00:21:31,083
What?
456
00:21:31,625 --> 00:21:33,668
No, it's good enough! We...
457
00:21:33,669 --> 00:21:35,795
We were so close.
It's good enough!
458
00:21:35,796 --> 00:21:36,797
No!
459
00:21:38,131 --> 00:21:39,341
Them's the rules.
460
00:21:40,509 --> 00:21:42,885
We've gotta drink the drippings.
461
00:21:54,147 --> 00:21:56,774
And that's how I learned to drive.
462
00:21:56,775 --> 00:22:00,195
And how we all got bacterial meningitis.
33718
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