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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,600 ♪ Everlasting Love by Love Affair ♪ 2 00:00:17,601 --> 00:00:19,602 ♪ Open up your eyes ♪ 3 00:00:19,603 --> 00:00:21,562 ♪ Then, you'll realize ♪ 4 00:00:21,563 --> 00:00:23,064 ♪ Here I stand... ♪ 5 00:00:23,065 --> 00:00:25,358 Mom? Mom? Mom! Mom! 6 00:00:25,359 --> 00:00:27,318 Will you turn that thing off? I don't know how much longer 7 00:00:27,319 --> 00:00:29,362 I can watch you sensually dance with a teddy bear! 8 00:00:29,363 --> 00:00:31,364 Ooh, what's that, Teddy? 9 00:00:31,365 --> 00:00:33,533 You think he should pay for his own college? 10 00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:35,035 Oh, good idea. 11 00:00:36,745 --> 00:00:40,039 You know, your dad got me one of these 12 00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:42,959 on our very first Valentine's Day as a couple. 13 00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:45,336 Even before he and I got together, 14 00:00:45,337 --> 00:00:48,005 he had a soft spot for Valentine's Day. 15 00:00:48,006 --> 00:00:50,801 I'm just saying, Valentine's Day is the worst. 16 00:00:51,760 --> 00:00:54,720 Wait, you're grumpy about Valentine's Day? 17 00:00:54,721 --> 00:00:56,430 What a total curveball! 18 00:00:56,431 --> 00:00:58,766 Do you think it's a "Hallmark holiday"? 19 00:00:58,767 --> 00:01:01,811 Yeah! I do. It's just an excuse for the greeting card and chocolate companies... 20 00:01:01,812 --> 00:01:03,604 Alright! Alright. 21 00:01:03,605 --> 00:01:05,356 Not exactly a hot take, man. 22 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:08,401 Yeah, next, you're gonna say that TikTok is shortening our attention span. 23 00:01:08,402 --> 00:01:10,570 It is! Our generation can't even focus... 24 00:01:10,571 --> 00:01:12,865 I don't care what you think, Love Grinch! 25 00:01:14,533 --> 00:01:15,783 Hannah's en route to the city, 26 00:01:15,784 --> 00:01:19,412 and we are gonna Valentine the crap out of each other all night long. 27 00:01:19,413 --> 00:01:21,289 I love Valentine's Day, too. Every year, 28 00:01:21,290 --> 00:01:23,624 I spend it with the hottest piece in the city. 29 00:01:23,625 --> 00:01:25,710 This little smoke show right here. 30 00:01:25,711 --> 00:01:27,503 Damn right, she does. 31 00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:29,964 Valentine's Day is our day. We call it... 32 00:01:29,965 --> 00:01:31,883 Svalentine's Day! 33 00:01:31,884 --> 00:01:34,635 Sorry, isn't that what we all call it, but with less spitting? 34 00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:36,888 No! It's Svalentine's. 35 00:01:36,889 --> 00:01:40,266 Like Sophie and Valentina's Valentine's Day. 36 00:01:40,267 --> 00:01:41,976 Svalentine's. 37 00:01:41,977 --> 00:01:44,897 Is it a fresher take if I hate Svalentine's Day? 38 00:01:46,148 --> 00:01:48,150 I hate this stupid holiday. 39 00:01:49,735 --> 00:01:52,320 Hey, bud. What the hell is this? 40 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:55,448 It's supposed to be Rachel's Valentine's Day gift. 41 00:01:55,449 --> 00:01:57,241 Because nothing says "I love you" 42 00:01:57,242 --> 00:01:59,744 like a romantic candlelight dinner 43 00:01:59,745 --> 00:02:03,539 under a nude frozen likeness of the woman you love. 44 00:02:03,540 --> 00:02:05,666 But Rachel's aunt broke her hip, so she went to Florida to help. 45 00:02:05,667 --> 00:02:06,918 Oh, what a sweetheart. 46 00:02:06,919 --> 00:02:08,545 I know! She's extremely caring! 47 00:02:09,880 --> 00:02:11,130 Sorry. Sorry. 48 00:02:11,131 --> 00:02:14,133 I was really excited for our first Valentine's Day together, 49 00:02:14,134 --> 00:02:15,218 and now it's ruined. 50 00:02:15,219 --> 00:02:17,011 Does it make you feel better to know that I've had 51 00:02:17,012 --> 00:02:20,681 a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad Valentine's Day before, too? 52 00:02:20,682 --> 00:02:22,934 Aw, sweetie, no. 53 00:02:22,935 --> 00:02:25,770 Why would hearing about your misfortune make me feel any better? 54 00:02:25,771 --> 00:02:27,188 Aw. 55 00:02:27,189 --> 00:02:29,470 Just kidding. It totally would. Tell me, tell me, tell me! 56 00:02:30,692 --> 00:02:32,777 Okay. I was 8 years old. 57 00:02:32,778 --> 00:02:36,072 I was making cards for all the important people in my life. 58 00:02:36,073 --> 00:02:38,324 My mom, my mom's boyfriend, Steve, 59 00:02:38,325 --> 00:02:40,368 my favorite NSYNC member, Chris Kirkpatrick, 60 00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:42,870 Ruthie and Teck from The Real World: Hawaii. 61 00:02:42,871 --> 00:02:44,247 Stop right there. 62 00:02:44,248 --> 00:02:45,957 A pre-puberty story doesn't count. 63 00:02:45,958 --> 00:02:47,875 Heartbreak before your period isn't real. 64 00:02:47,876 --> 00:02:50,546 Oh, okay. Uh, I'm gonna think of a different one. 65 00:02:51,588 --> 00:02:52,964 Ooh! When I was 13. 66 00:02:52,965 --> 00:02:56,301 Uh, no. You hang up first. I'm not hanging up first! 67 00:02:57,302 --> 00:02:59,428 It's your turn to hang up first. You go first. 68 00:02:59,429 --> 00:03:00,513 Next! 69 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,558 Okay, uh, I'll go. Alright. Um... 70 00:03:03,308 --> 00:03:05,226 My worst St. Valentine's. 71 00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:09,564 Uh, the year was 2012, and I was a besotted young lad 72 00:03:09,565 --> 00:03:12,692 on a hunting trip in Norfolk with my family 73 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:15,236 and my girlfriend, Jacinda Astley. 74 00:03:15,237 --> 00:03:18,197 ♪ Classical music playing ♪ We were staying at Houghton Hall, 75 00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:20,867 the estate of my family's dear friends, 76 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:24,287 David and Rose, the Marquess and Marchioness of Cholmondeley. 77 00:03:24,288 --> 00:03:26,622 There was a crisp breeze that afternoon, 78 00:03:26,623 --> 00:03:28,499 so I went to close the window. 79 00:03:28,500 --> 00:03:32,128 But the curtains, well, were fluttering so playfully in the draft 80 00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,589 that in the end, I couldn't bear to end 81 00:03:34,590 --> 00:03:37,550 their delightful curtain dance. 82 00:03:37,551 --> 00:03:40,887 Oh, my God! We are telling Valentine's stories in a bar, 83 00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:43,015 not doing set dec for soft-core porn. 84 00:03:45,309 --> 00:03:48,603 Well, if you're such a masterful storyteller, please, regale us. 85 00:03:48,604 --> 00:03:51,647 I would, but all my V-Days have been straight-up bangers. 86 00:03:51,648 --> 00:03:53,149 Ooh, what about Brendan? 87 00:03:53,150 --> 00:03:55,193 Who's Brendan? Did he suck? 88 00:03:55,194 --> 00:03:58,321 - Ooh. Did he call women "females"? - Well, 89 00:03:58,322 --> 00:04:01,115 it was freshman year of college. Sophie and I hadn't met yet, 90 00:04:01,116 --> 00:04:03,785 and I thought I was gonna be the next Lady Gaga. 91 00:04:04,161 --> 00:04:07,372 Brendan was a graphic design major I'd been dating for a couple of months. 92 00:04:08,832 --> 00:04:11,375 Hi! I'm Valentina. 93 00:04:11,376 --> 00:04:13,461 Sophie Tompkins. 94 00:04:13,462 --> 00:04:16,380 Is today your favorite holiday because of your name? 95 00:04:16,381 --> 00:04:19,259 That would be like if I was... Halloweena! 96 00:04:20,928 --> 00:04:22,845 Not sure exactly what you're on, 97 00:04:22,846 --> 00:04:24,681 but you should have some water. 98 00:04:25,849 --> 00:04:28,184 Great tip. Thanks. 99 00:04:28,185 --> 00:04:31,062 Are you surprising your boyfriend with a Valentine's Day gift, too? 100 00:04:31,063 --> 00:04:33,439 Yeah. 101 00:04:33,440 --> 00:04:35,442 It's pictures of my butt. 102 00:04:36,068 --> 00:04:37,860 Like, you sat on a copy machine? 103 00:04:37,861 --> 00:04:39,112 No... 104 00:04:40,197 --> 00:04:41,280 Can I be honest with you? 105 00:04:41,281 --> 00:04:44,200 You could do so much better than Todd. 106 00:04:44,201 --> 00:04:47,870 Todd? Ew! He's legit the grossest man I've ever met. 107 00:04:47,871 --> 00:04:49,330 ♪ Rock music playing ♪ 108 00:04:49,331 --> 00:04:50,748 Harsh. 109 00:04:50,749 --> 00:04:53,543 Did you ladies come here just to insult me? 110 00:04:53,544 --> 00:04:54,795 'Cause if you did... 111 00:04:56,463 --> 00:04:59,132 you mind putting these on and let me turn my webcam on first? 112 00:05:00,676 --> 00:05:02,385 Turns out, Todd was developing 113 00:05:02,386 --> 00:05:05,221 a glam rock musical version of Charlotte's Web. 114 00:05:05,222 --> 00:05:06,472 It was actually pretty good. 115 00:05:06,473 --> 00:05:08,516 So, if you aren't here for Todd... 116 00:05:08,517 --> 00:05:10,519 And you're not here for Todd... 117 00:05:11,895 --> 00:05:14,313 - We kissed the same guy?! - We slept with the same guy?! 118 00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,566 Brendan! Legend! 119 00:05:16,567 --> 00:05:18,442 Shut up, Todd! 120 00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:19,486 ♪ 121 00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:26,826 That lying sack of crap! 122 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:28,953 That smarmy little ass-clown! 123 00:05:28,954 --> 00:05:31,038 Oh, that sleazy dick-nosed bastard! 124 00:05:31,039 --> 00:05:32,582 Oh, that butthead! 125 00:05:32,583 --> 00:05:34,542 Are you the Amish exchange student I heard about? 126 00:05:34,543 --> 00:05:36,878 What? No. I could do better. 127 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:39,046 That jerk! Oh! 128 00:05:39,047 --> 00:05:40,882 And his hair looks so dumb. 129 00:05:40,883 --> 00:05:43,218 No. His hair looks cool. 130 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,554 He was bald by junior year. Hm. 131 00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,849 Sometimes, God is good. 132 00:05:49,725 --> 00:05:52,768 Brendan sucks, and we have got to break up with him. 133 00:05:52,769 --> 00:05:55,855 Oh, we are going to do way more than break up with him. 134 00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:57,648 We're gonna get revenge. 135 00:05:57,649 --> 00:05:59,735 God, I find being around you exhilarating. 136 00:06:00,986 --> 00:06:02,361 So we grabbed our bats 137 00:06:02,362 --> 00:06:04,865 and went to town on Brendan's bike. 138 00:06:05,324 --> 00:06:08,409 ♪ I dug my key into the side ♪ 139 00:06:08,410 --> 00:06:11,829 ♪ Of his pretty little souped-up four-wheel-drive ♪ 140 00:06:11,830 --> 00:06:14,207 ♪ Carved my name into... ♪ 141 00:06:14,208 --> 00:06:15,833 Hey! What are you guys doing? 142 00:06:15,834 --> 00:06:17,376 You cheat on me, 143 00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,337 your ride pays the price! 144 00:06:19,338 --> 00:06:23,050 Yeah! Exactly what she said, but from my perspective! 145 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,676 Uh... 146 00:06:25,677 --> 00:06:26,929 that's not my bike. 147 00:06:29,348 --> 00:06:31,974 So, maybe we tanked our revenge plan, 148 00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:35,645 but that's the night I met my BFFTLATN. 149 00:06:35,646 --> 00:06:36,480 What? 150 00:06:36,481 --> 00:06:39,232 Best friends for this life and the next. 151 00:06:39,233 --> 00:06:40,983 We both believe in reincarnation. 152 00:06:40,984 --> 00:06:42,985 Yes, we're coming back as treasured house cats. 153 00:06:42,986 --> 00:06:45,113 - Same house? - Same estate. 154 00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:48,616 Are you two serious? 155 00:06:48,617 --> 00:06:51,327 How is a story of your adorable Valentine's Day meet-cute 156 00:06:51,328 --> 00:06:52,829 supposed to make me feel any better? 157 00:06:53,622 --> 00:06:55,289 - It's not. - Our bad. 158 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:57,750 I need something gut-wrenchingly pathetic. 159 00:06:57,751 --> 00:06:58,794 Jesse? 160 00:07:00,212 --> 00:07:01,879 Fine. 161 00:07:01,880 --> 00:07:03,673 I was 10 years old. 162 00:07:03,674 --> 00:07:05,758 Hang on, Ellen said no pre-puberty stories. 163 00:07:05,759 --> 00:07:08,261 Actually, Jesse went through puberty in third grade. 164 00:07:08,262 --> 00:07:11,139 Whenever he took me to the playground, all the kids called him "sir." 165 00:07:11,807 --> 00:07:14,976 Today's lunch is fish sticks, tater tots, fruit cup, 166 00:07:14,977 --> 00:07:17,395 and your choice of regular or chocolate milk. 167 00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:20,648 Okay, guys, I'll let you in on a little secret. One girl's advice? 168 00:07:20,649 --> 00:07:22,441 You're gonna wanna go chocolate. 169 00:07:22,442 --> 00:07:25,444 Mariah Moore was the first girl I ever liked. 170 00:07:25,445 --> 00:07:28,155 We'd never actually talked, but I knew all I needed to know. 171 00:07:28,156 --> 00:07:31,325 She was super cute, she'd read all the Animorphs books, 172 00:07:31,326 --> 00:07:34,121 and her parents had a trampoline. No net. 173 00:07:35,080 --> 00:07:36,747 I love you, Mariah Moore. 174 00:07:36,748 --> 00:07:38,500 I'm at work. 175 00:07:40,002 --> 00:07:43,296 You told a girl you were in love with her way too soon? 176 00:07:43,297 --> 00:07:45,299 Why does that sound so familiar? 177 00:07:46,300 --> 00:07:47,801 Because he did it to Sophie. 178 00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,554 He also did it in middle school. 179 00:07:51,555 --> 00:07:53,849 Oh, yeah, yeah, right. Fine. There was one other time. 180 00:08:02,941 --> 00:08:04,693 I love you, Olivia DeMarco. 181 00:08:05,736 --> 00:08:07,779 Um, Jerry, is it? 182 00:08:09,781 --> 00:08:11,200 And then in college. 183 00:08:13,660 --> 00:08:15,620 These Wall Street fat cats 184 00:08:15,621 --> 00:08:18,664 have stolen from America's working class! 185 00:08:18,665 --> 00:08:19,625 Yes! 186 00:08:19,626 --> 00:08:22,460 But do you know who really belongs behind bars? 187 00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,253 Clarissa Yang. 188 00:08:24,254 --> 00:08:27,465 Because you stole my heart, Clarissa. 189 00:08:27,466 --> 00:08:28,674 I love you! 190 00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:31,469 Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! 191 00:08:31,470 --> 00:08:32,762 Oh! 192 00:08:32,763 --> 00:08:36,265 So you say "I love you" early on to, like, everyone. 193 00:08:36,266 --> 00:08:38,601 Well, you'll be happy to know that all those people hated it 194 00:08:38,602 --> 00:08:40,562 just as much as you did. 195 00:08:41,522 --> 00:08:43,898 Cool. Noted. 196 00:08:43,899 --> 00:08:45,149 Wait, are you actually upset about this? 197 00:08:45,150 --> 00:08:46,860 No. I don't care. 198 00:08:47,528 --> 00:08:48,528 - Great. - Great. 199 00:08:48,529 --> 00:08:49,571 Great. 200 00:08:51,573 --> 00:08:53,574 Sorry. When I get uncomfortable, 201 00:08:53,575 --> 00:08:55,201 I get Scottish. 202 00:08:55,202 --> 00:08:57,079 ♪ 203 00:09:01,250 --> 00:09:02,542 Stop glaring at me! 204 00:09:02,543 --> 00:09:06,088 Oh, you don't love that like you love every woman you lay eyes on? 205 00:09:06,630 --> 00:09:09,132 Alright! Back to me then. Um... 206 00:09:10,008 --> 00:09:11,926 I have processed your critiques, 207 00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:14,304 and I am ready to tell my story succinctly. 208 00:09:15,013 --> 00:09:18,140 So, we're at Houghton Hall, awaiting the arrival 209 00:09:18,141 --> 00:09:22,061 of my beloved girlfriend, Jacinda Astley. 210 00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,355 And, uh, I wanted things to be extra special 211 00:09:24,356 --> 00:09:26,899 because, well, I'd always had a bit of a thing 212 00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:28,818 for old St Valentine's. 213 00:09:28,819 --> 00:09:31,737 And Jacinda Astley... 214 00:09:31,738 --> 00:09:33,406 was a lady. 215 00:09:33,407 --> 00:09:36,158 And though the Astleys were incredibly well-esteemed, 216 00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:39,912 their family name had not gone unmarred by scandal. 217 00:09:39,913 --> 00:09:44,083 Rumor has it, her great-aunt was sired not by Lord Phillip Astley, 218 00:09:44,084 --> 00:09:46,586 but by a mere stable boy. 219 00:09:46,587 --> 00:09:48,880 Of Wolverhampton! 220 00:09:48,881 --> 00:09:51,424 - No! - Yes! And it gets even better... 221 00:09:51,425 --> 00:09:53,342 Dude, I'm not no-ing you. Nobody's listening to you. 222 00:09:53,343 --> 00:09:55,386 - Mean. - True. 223 00:09:55,387 --> 00:09:57,680 They're diverting Hannah's flight to Houston 224 00:09:57,681 --> 00:09:59,223 'cause someone said they were having a heart attack. 225 00:09:59,224 --> 00:10:02,643 Like, dude, how hard is it to just ignore your body's signals 226 00:10:02,644 --> 00:10:04,478 until it's too late like the rest of us? 227 00:10:04,479 --> 00:10:07,440 So Hannah will get in tomorrow. Is that such a big deal? 228 00:10:07,441 --> 00:10:08,774 Yes. 229 00:10:08,775 --> 00:10:11,778 Spending Valentine's Day together is, like, super important to us. 230 00:10:12,487 --> 00:10:14,197 'Cause of our worst one ever. 231 00:10:14,198 --> 00:10:17,201 That sounds awful. Tell us everything. 232 00:10:17,659 --> 00:10:20,536 Okay, so Hannah and I are still in med school, 233 00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:22,872 and we just started dating, so we weren't exclusive yet. 234 00:10:22,873 --> 00:10:26,209 Come on, man! Just have one drink with me at the McLarens' place downstairs. 235 00:10:26,210 --> 00:10:27,835 Hey... 236 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,796 We can mack on some sweet Valentine's Day honeys. 237 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:34,759 Sid, you're not a virgin. Why are you talking like one? 238 00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:38,179 - Also, you have a girlfriend. - Hannah is not my girlfriend, okay? 239 00:10:38,180 --> 00:10:40,890 I'm a playboy. I can't be tied down. 240 00:10:40,891 --> 00:10:42,434 What the... 241 00:10:44,061 --> 00:10:47,396 Look at this photo Hannah just posted. Why is she all up on this dude? 242 00:10:47,397 --> 00:10:51,068 Whoa. Looks like she's out being a play girl, huh? 243 00:10:51,485 --> 00:10:52,693 Oh, my God, I'm an idiot. 244 00:10:52,694 --> 00:10:54,070 Dude, I am done playing games. 245 00:10:54,071 --> 00:10:56,113 I gotta go tell Hannah she's the only one for me, 246 00:10:56,114 --> 00:10:58,074 and you are coming, too! 247 00:10:58,075 --> 00:10:59,700 Alright, fine, I'll go with you, 248 00:10:59,701 --> 00:11:01,577 but I'm not putting on real pants, okay? 249 00:11:01,578 --> 00:11:04,289 Because Valentine's Day is a stupid... 250 00:11:06,792 --> 00:11:08,918 ♪ 251 00:11:08,919 --> 00:11:10,545 Now, focus. If you 252 00:11:10,546 --> 00:11:14,131 were a gorgeous young med student about to throw away the love of your life, 253 00:11:14,132 --> 00:11:15,758 - where would you... - It's a very small apartment, okay? 254 00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:17,051 They're right there. 255 00:11:17,052 --> 00:11:20,179 ♪ House music plays ♪ 256 00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:23,140 Okay. Come on. Jesse, dance. Act like we're having fun. 257 00:11:23,141 --> 00:11:25,101 What? Why? I thought we were here so you could tell Hannah 258 00:11:25,102 --> 00:11:26,978 - how you feel about her. - Yeah, I was, 259 00:11:26,979 --> 00:11:28,938 but I'm pissed she's having so much fun without me. 260 00:11:28,939 --> 00:11:31,107 I want her to see that I have fun without her, too, you know? 261 00:11:31,108 --> 00:11:33,609 By dancing with me? 262 00:11:33,610 --> 00:11:36,195 Come on, Jesse! We didn't practice Dougie-ing for nothing, okay? 263 00:11:36,196 --> 00:11:38,824 ♪ 264 00:11:42,244 --> 00:11:43,537 Ha! Ha! 265 00:11:47,749 --> 00:11:50,585 - Jesse! Running man! Now! - Are we in a dance-off? 266 00:11:50,586 --> 00:11:52,796 Oh, I am! I don't know what the hell you're doing! 267 00:11:53,589 --> 00:11:56,382 What's up? What's up? Wh... Ow! Cramp! 268 00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,634 Are you okay? 269 00:11:58,635 --> 00:12:01,430 That is enough! Can you stop massaging him right now, please? 270 00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:05,057 Hannah, I want to be your boyfriend. I want you to be my girlfriend. 271 00:12:05,058 --> 00:12:06,976 I want this guy to just go away. 272 00:12:06,977 --> 00:12:08,811 Ha! I knew it. 273 00:12:08,812 --> 00:12:10,813 - Thanks for your help, Drew-shi. - Of course. 274 00:12:10,814 --> 00:12:13,065 Drew-shi is a dish best served cold. 275 00:12:13,066 --> 00:12:14,902 Wait, what? 276 00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:16,569 Did you set me up? 277 00:12:16,570 --> 00:12:19,697 - Hell yeah, I did. - Look, Hannah knew if we made you jelly, 278 00:12:19,698 --> 00:12:22,298 you'd make things official. That's why I brought out the big guns. 279 00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,912 I can do that, too. 280 00:12:25,787 --> 00:12:27,163 Am I doing it? 281 00:12:27,164 --> 00:12:28,540 No... 282 00:12:30,042 --> 00:12:32,210 Look, glad I could help cupid you guys. 283 00:12:32,211 --> 00:12:34,879 The way she talks about you, I knew you got something special. 284 00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:38,090 And people who love each other should be together on Valentine's Day. 285 00:12:38,091 --> 00:12:40,886 That's why I'm gonna go hang out with my mom. Later. 286 00:12:42,304 --> 00:12:45,473 I can't believe you tricked me. That's, like, supes immature. 287 00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:47,808 Seriously? You're mad? 288 00:12:47,809 --> 00:12:48,809 Yeah. 289 00:12:48,810 --> 00:12:51,103 You've been acting for weeks like you don't want to be my boyfriend. 290 00:12:51,104 --> 00:12:52,480 That's immature. 291 00:12:52,481 --> 00:12:56,442 We proceeded to have the kind of awful, horrible, screaming, crying fight 292 00:12:56,443 --> 00:12:57,902 that you only have in your 20s. 293 00:12:57,903 --> 00:13:00,404 - I hate you. - I hate you, too! 294 00:13:00,405 --> 00:13:03,408 ♪ House music continues ♪ 295 00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:07,913 I love you... Sweatpants Girl. 296 00:13:10,541 --> 00:13:11,541 Seriously? 297 00:13:11,542 --> 00:13:13,460 That one doesn't count! 298 00:13:14,253 --> 00:13:16,255 Have... you met molly? 299 00:13:19,091 --> 00:13:21,717 I also said "I love you" to my cab driver, 300 00:13:21,718 --> 00:13:24,262 a fat pigeon, a-and a trash can 301 00:13:24,263 --> 00:13:26,181 I could "feel" had a soul. 302 00:13:27,015 --> 00:13:29,976 Anyway, um, that night, neither of us slept, 303 00:13:29,977 --> 00:13:31,269 and when the sun came up, 304 00:13:31,270 --> 00:13:34,064 we both realized why. Um... 305 00:13:34,565 --> 00:13:36,775 the only thing we really wanted was each other. 306 00:13:40,195 --> 00:13:41,196 Hi. 307 00:13:41,989 --> 00:13:44,407 - Hi. - I, uh, 308 00:13:44,408 --> 00:13:45,909 I made you this. 309 00:13:46,702 --> 00:13:50,204 You arranged a bunch of bagels in the shape of balls? 310 00:13:50,205 --> 00:13:51,789 Huh? No. Oh! 311 00:13:51,790 --> 00:13:53,958 It's supposed to be a heart. 312 00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:55,586 Made of everything bagels 'cause... 313 00:13:57,129 --> 00:13:58,630 'cause you're my everything. 314 00:13:59,590 --> 00:14:02,717 And you used cream cheese for the glue! 315 00:14:02,718 --> 00:14:03,760 Mm-hmm. 316 00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:09,640 And we haven't spent Valentine's Day apart since. 317 00:14:09,641 --> 00:14:11,559 - Until now. - Aw... 318 00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:14,187 Oh, Jesse, those two old ladies are leaving. 319 00:14:14,188 --> 00:14:16,105 Don't forget to tell 'em both you love 'em. 320 00:14:16,106 --> 00:14:19,108 I really don't get it. How are you actually pissed about this? 321 00:14:19,109 --> 00:14:22,279 I'm not pissed. I'm... irked. 322 00:14:23,906 --> 00:14:25,324 You guys get why, right? 323 00:14:26,116 --> 00:14:28,034 No. No. Not really. 324 00:14:28,035 --> 00:14:29,661 Oh, my God. Fine. 325 00:14:32,080 --> 00:14:34,790 When you told me you loved me on our first date, 326 00:14:34,791 --> 00:14:36,417 yes, that freaked me out. 327 00:14:36,418 --> 00:14:39,504 But it also made me feel... special. 328 00:14:39,505 --> 00:14:43,132 And then hearing that you've said those same words 329 00:14:43,133 --> 00:14:45,968 to roughly one in four American women, 330 00:14:45,969 --> 00:14:47,471 that makes me feel... 331 00:14:49,681 --> 00:14:51,850 Less special? 332 00:14:53,602 --> 00:14:56,813 This was way too intimate to say in front of everyone. 333 00:14:57,856 --> 00:14:59,941 I'm gonna get a very strong drink. 334 00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:02,027 Oh! Why am I doing it? 335 00:15:02,694 --> 00:15:03,694 ♪ 336 00:15:07,366 --> 00:15:10,409 S-so, Ellen? We were thinking... 337 00:15:10,410 --> 00:15:12,955 No, you can't use Ice Rachel as a vodka luge. 338 00:15:13,830 --> 00:15:15,290 Surprise! 339 00:15:15,832 --> 00:15:17,083 - Oh! - Oh, my God! 340 00:15:17,084 --> 00:15:18,334 - You're here! - I am! 341 00:15:18,335 --> 00:15:21,337 Oh, I pulled a full "mom from Home Alone" 342 00:15:21,338 --> 00:15:23,714 and cried my way onto a new flight. 343 00:15:23,715 --> 00:15:26,133 My favorite girl referencing my favorite movie 344 00:15:26,134 --> 00:15:27,885 on my favorite day of the year? 345 00:15:27,886 --> 00:15:29,888 I love this holiday! 346 00:15:31,098 --> 00:15:34,475 I have an announcement! Hello, Hannah. Welcome back. 347 00:15:34,476 --> 00:15:36,310 I have taken your collective feedback 348 00:15:36,311 --> 00:15:39,064 and distilled my story into four sentences. 349 00:15:39,481 --> 00:15:42,984 My girlfriend was coming to visit me in the country for Valentine's Day. 350 00:15:42,985 --> 00:15:46,153 I decided to surprise her by wearing nothing but whipped cream. 351 00:15:46,154 --> 00:15:49,658 ♪ Romantic music ♪ 352 00:15:56,957 --> 00:15:58,291 Are the cherries too much? 353 00:15:58,292 --> 00:16:01,378 No. You look scrumptious, sir. 354 00:16:09,386 --> 00:16:10,888 I lay there all night waiting, 355 00:16:12,014 --> 00:16:13,055 and she stood me up. 356 00:16:13,056 --> 00:16:14,892 I wound up with a broken heart... 357 00:16:16,143 --> 00:16:17,644 and a yeast infection. 358 00:16:18,645 --> 00:16:20,272 Which I didn't even know men could get. 359 00:16:20,689 --> 00:16:23,274 That's a pretty good story! 360 00:16:23,275 --> 00:16:25,985 I got a double cheese pizza from Little Caesar's 361 00:16:25,986 --> 00:16:27,529 for... Ellen Gilbert. 362 00:16:34,203 --> 00:16:35,828 Happy Valentine's Day, baby. 363 00:16:35,829 --> 00:16:38,998 I figure if we ate the same thing together on FaceTime, 364 00:16:38,999 --> 00:16:40,666 it'd almost be like we were together. 365 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,335 This is perfect. 366 00:16:42,336 --> 00:16:44,754 I should have known you would make today amazing. 367 00:16:44,755 --> 00:16:46,255 Aw... 368 00:16:46,256 --> 00:16:48,376 This is a private moment between me and my girlfriend! 369 00:16:50,511 --> 00:16:51,511 Just kidding. 370 00:16:51,512 --> 00:16:54,306 We're cute as hell, and I accept your aw's. 371 00:16:55,766 --> 00:16:57,934 Hey. Look. 372 00:16:57,935 --> 00:16:59,560 Yes, when I was younger, I threw out 373 00:16:59,561 --> 00:17:01,938 a lot of "I love you's" with reckless abandon. 374 00:17:01,939 --> 00:17:04,899 Okay? But then, I stopped. For many years. 375 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:06,777 - You did? - I did. 376 00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:10,154 And, you know, after Meredith left me, 377 00:17:10,155 --> 00:17:12,824 I-I thought I'd never say it again, and... 378 00:17:13,951 --> 00:17:14,993 then I met you. 379 00:17:17,579 --> 00:17:18,622 Got it. 380 00:17:20,290 --> 00:17:22,959 Thank you for... clearing that up for me. 381 00:17:22,960 --> 00:17:25,211 I feel less irked. 382 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,337 Good. 383 00:17:26,338 --> 00:17:27,630 Okay, so finish your story. 384 00:17:27,631 --> 00:17:30,424 Wh-what happened to you on Valentine's Day in third grade? 385 00:17:30,425 --> 00:17:32,885 There was a father-daughter dance at school, 386 00:17:32,886 --> 00:17:36,722 and I put fliers with my picture up all over town 387 00:17:36,723 --> 00:17:40,518 in hopes that my dad would see it and come and surprise me. 388 00:17:40,519 --> 00:17:42,603 Did your dad live in your town? 389 00:17:42,604 --> 00:17:45,356 No idea. My mom only told me 390 00:17:45,357 --> 00:17:49,235 that they slept together one time at the first Lollapalooza. 391 00:17:49,236 --> 00:17:51,612 - Wow. - Yeah. She actually said "did the nasty," 392 00:17:51,613 --> 00:17:53,072 but I was trying to spare you. 393 00:17:53,073 --> 00:17:56,743 Thank you. Okay, so-so-so what happened? 394 00:17:57,369 --> 00:17:59,663 I stood in the middle of the dance floor, 395 00:18:00,163 --> 00:18:03,583 hoping my long-lost father would walk through the door and surprise me. 396 00:18:03,584 --> 00:18:06,669 And after a while, a guy I'd never seen before showed up. 397 00:18:06,670 --> 00:18:08,672 - Someone else's dad. - I wish. 398 00:18:09,548 --> 00:18:11,799 Just a neighborhood pervert. 399 00:18:11,800 --> 00:18:14,468 - Oh. - Security tackled him pretty fast. 400 00:18:14,469 --> 00:18:16,637 But, in retrospect, 401 00:18:16,638 --> 00:18:20,474 putting up pictures of a little girl with the caption 402 00:18:20,475 --> 00:18:23,477 "Daddy, come dance with me," was not a good idea. 403 00:18:23,478 --> 00:18:25,980 Oh, my God. 404 00:18:25,981 --> 00:18:29,066 The police said I saved a lot of lives in the end. 405 00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:31,485 - Huh... - What? 406 00:18:31,486 --> 00:18:33,654 Well, it's just you have 407 00:18:33,655 --> 00:18:36,158 a real reason to hate this day. 408 00:18:36,533 --> 00:18:39,619 But you just throw on a smile and spend it with Val 409 00:18:39,620 --> 00:18:42,038 and have a ridiculously good attitude about it. 410 00:18:42,039 --> 00:18:44,040 H-how do you do that? 411 00:18:44,041 --> 00:18:46,417 What is my other option? To act like you? 412 00:18:46,418 --> 00:18:48,170 I-I'm serious. 413 00:18:48,754 --> 00:18:50,172 Chocolate helps. 414 00:18:51,256 --> 00:18:52,758 - Really? - Mm-hmm. 415 00:18:57,638 --> 00:18:59,847 - Okay. - Mm-hmm. 416 00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:02,392 You know, maybe Valentine's Day is not that bad. 417 00:19:04,478 --> 00:19:07,523 You see, son, love just feels good. 418 00:19:07,898 --> 00:19:10,108 Especially on Valentine's Day. 419 00:19:11,401 --> 00:19:12,902 Just ask your dad. 420 00:19:12,903 --> 00:19:16,030 And people who love each other should be together on Valentine's Day. 421 00:19:16,031 --> 00:19:18,741 I'd always had a bit of a thing for old Saint Valentine's. 422 00:19:18,742 --> 00:19:20,243 Oh, my God, I love this holiday. 423 00:19:20,244 --> 00:19:22,828 You know, maybe Valentine's Day is not that bad. 424 00:19:22,829 --> 00:19:24,539 I freaking love Valentine's Day. 425 00:19:24,540 --> 00:19:26,833 He wasn't even in this story. 426 00:19:26,834 --> 00:19:29,502 Wait, did I miss something? 427 00:19:29,503 --> 00:19:31,213 Different Valentine's Day. 428 00:19:31,672 --> 00:19:33,047 We'll get there. 429 00:19:35,133 --> 00:19:37,135 I'm sure she'll be here any minute. 430 00:19:38,303 --> 00:19:41,098 - Right, Rupert? - Of course, she will, sir. 431 00:19:44,518 --> 00:19:46,519 ♪ Open up your eyes ♪ 432 00:19:46,520 --> 00:19:48,479 ♪ Then, you'll realize ♪ 433 00:19:48,480 --> 00:19:52,400 ♪ Here I stand with my everlasting love ♪ 434 00:19:52,401 --> 00:19:54,360 ♪ Need you by my side ♪ 435 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:56,362 ♪ Girl to be my bride ♪ 436 00:19:56,363 --> 00:20:00,324 ♪ You'll never be denied everlasting love ♪ 437 00:20:00,325 --> 00:20:02,285 ♪ From the very start ♪ 438 00:20:02,286 --> 00:20:04,245 ♪ Open up your heart ♪ 439 00:20:04,246 --> 00:20:08,165 ♪ Feel that you're part of everlasting love ♪ 440 00:20:08,166 --> 00:20:11,127 ♪ Oh! ♪ 441 00:20:11,128 --> 00:20:14,882 ♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah... ♪ 33803

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