All language subtitles for 2_E_dws

Oh. Hey, champions.

Good morning.

Quarter finals in an hour,
hope you got some sleep,

because I'm going to be
haunting your nightmares tonight.

I did. I got some
really good sleep.

Did you?

Zzz...

Yesterday was the first round of a
branch-wide paper airplane contest.

It was being sponsored
by weyerhammer paper

in an effort to get us to sell
more of their new product,

airstream deluxe a4,
the Cadillac of paper.

It's not so easy on the
environment, if you know what I mean.

It's practically
made of plastic.

We started with
16 brave aviators.

Nellie: Some used skill.

Others relied on showmanship.

Others seemed not to comprehend

what a paper airplane is.
All: Oh!

And of course there was the odd
moment of heartbreak and disaster.

I think I left my glasses
down here somewhere.

Crossing through. Beep, beep.

Owl owl

I didn't see you! You should
have yelling "crossing!"

I'm sorry.

Okay, so is that my spot?

Nellie: We are now down
to an elite eight.

Well, seven, and Toby.

"Be careful of that beaker.
It contains dangerous acid!"

It does not say "dangerous"
and there's no exclamation point.

Well, I'm just... I'm trying
to bring some life to it.

Last week I got an agent,
and uh, this week I got a movie.

Hrpdc chemical
handling protocols.

It's going to be seen
by tons of workers

in the industrial
chemical community,

one of whom could have a cousin

whose brother is Brad Pitt,
and then boom!

Next thing you know,
I'm in moneyballs 2.

Andy? Go away!
We're running lines.

You wanted to see the gooey eye.

Oh, yeah.
All right, get over here.

I'm so freaked out by things
going into eyes. It just... wow.

Oh, ugh!

I can't even... I'm so
freaked out by that. Just go.

Go, go, go. All right.
It's getting gooier.

So, we'll just do it later.
Okay.

All right, where were we?

We stopped at "full of acid."

"And remember, do not attempt to
extinguish a chemical fire with water.

"It will only exacerbate the
flame. The dangerous flame."

That was great, man.
All right, I'm out of here.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Stop,
stop, stop. Don't go anywhere.

I just need to find more colors.

Let's do it six more times.

Hey, I just wanted to say that
you woke up early with the kids

and let me sleep.

And I really appreciate that.

Thank you.

I appreciate that
you appreciate that.

So, we had couples therapy.

No shame in that. Get
it all out in the open.

And we have homework. Yes.

We are supposed to
look for every chance

to acknowledge and appreciate
each other's sacrifices.

Because I need to appreciate what
Pam's been doing to run the house

while I'm in Philly.

And we are also supposed to
speak our truths. Mmm-hmm.

Becauseiflhad
spoken my truth earlier

about not wanting
to move to Philly,

then maybe we wouldn't have had

this opportunity
for couples therapy.

Oh, we're supposed
to call everything

we don't want to
do "opportunities."

Heads up, everyone!

If you really need something from
me today, let's get it done tomorrow.

Carla fern got me a gig.

Hey yeah.

Who's Carla fern?

Who is Carla fern? Well...

Wow.

Uh, she's my agent
and my drill sergeant.

And one of my best friends.

Oh, and, Oscar,
I already figured out

if I have to get
emotional in the film,

I'm just gonna think about you
getting dumped by the senator.

Why don't you use your own
life? Erin just dumped you.

It's a little raw.
Not cool, Oscar.

But you just... not cool.

Okay. Day two.

Drama in the warehouse skies.

This is Robert
from weyerhammer paper

who will bejoining us
to judge the final rounds.

Who's pumped for
the quarterfinals, huh?

I'm pumped.

Clark's a dead man.
Robert: All right.

Sounds like somebody
wants to walk away with this.

Oh, my god. All: Wow.

Nellie, you didn't tell
us we could win money.

Oh, yes, I did. I told you all.

Itwas, um... 'Cause that's an
awful lot of money for me to forget.

Not one of us remembers you
saying anything about $2,000.

I forgot. I completely forgot.

But at least now that
large piece of cardboard

that man was carrying around
makes sense.

Nellie, this is a competition.
Please take it seriously.

Nellie: Oh, please.

Angela: Me? Oh, I'm fine.

I mean, sure, times are leaner now
that I'm separated from the senator.

Angela: But my new studio
apartment...

Is just fine for me and Phillip

and tinkie and crinklepuss and
bandit two and paw/ick Baggins

and lady aragorn
and their 10 kittens.

Oh, my god. Come here.
Come here, let's go.

I had a chance with Dwight,
but I didn't take it.

And if I went back now, when I'm
broke and he just inherited a farm,

I'd be one of those
gold-digging tramps

you read about that
try to bag a farmer.

I offered myself to Angela,
and she turned me down.

If she changes her mind,
the next move is hers.

I'm with Esther now,
she's younger than Angela.

Sturdier, more comfortable
with the scent of a manured field.

Let's be honest, when it
came to manured fields,

Angela was,
at best, indifferent.

Oh, wide wings, interesting.

Hey! Why don't you back off?

I mean, best of luck
to you in the competition.

Growing up in an orphanage, you
have to fight other kids for everything.

Snacks, pillows, parents.

I'm kind of worried about
Pete seeing that side of me.

I once ripped greedy
Susan's pigtail right off her head

just for a handful of crispix.

Are you in that paper
documentary, too? Yup.

You need an agent? No.

I mean, you never
acted in anything before.

He's just my entourage.

I was in the wiz in high school.

That's the clicky-clacker.

He clicks that, and then
the guy says, "action."

Hey, I made 'em get you a chair.

All my clients sit.

Can I take your picture?

I guess it's starting.

Yeah. Of course. Yeah, sure.

Tell you what. I'll put my arm
around you, and then I can take it.

We just need a picture
of the top of your head

in case we burn
some of your hair off.

Got it.

Sorry.

No, if you just keep it down
until...

Okay.

Okay, next up we have two
creatures, great and small.

Kevin versus Angela.

Yes.

Hey, that is a really nice
plane. You make that yourself?

Uh-huh.

Well, what am I thinking? Of
course you made that yourself,

'cause it's in the rules

that you have to
fold your own plane.

Of course.

Kevin, did you
make that yourself?

Yes. In a way.

From one that I
bought on craigslist.

Oh, man. I call for a refold.

Really? Youcantdothat

thank you.

This is flatter.

It's a piece of paper.
You fold it into an airplane.

Okay, that's enough. This
is the end of the ream now.

You have to pick one.

I can't. I love them
all too much.

And none of them fly.
So that makes it harder.

You have to choose one now.

Fine.

Angela advances. Nice.

Whoo!

Angela:
Was Dwight rooting for me?

Hmm.

I hadn't noticed.

I'm not giving up.

I am gonna keep making planes
until one of 'em flies.

Like wilbur and
Orville redenbacher.

An Earl grey tea for the lady.

Oh, thank you. Um...

I acknowledge and appreciate that
you went out of your way to get me tea.

Thank you.
I like being appreciated.

But, to speak my truth,
it wasn't out of the way,

because I felt like
a tea anyway, so one trip.

Well, to speak my truth,

I switched to coffee in march.

There's a new Espresso machine.

But I still acknowledge
and appreciate the gesture.

We are rolling, and action.

This video is to demonstrate the
hprdc chemical handling protocols.

These protocols could save you
from severe injury, even death.

Okay, um, stop.

Um, why are you smiling?

I just made a character
choice to be a scientist

who really likes what he
does and enjoys his job.

Okay, well, maybe
no smiling on this one.

So how do you want...
How should I do it?

I don't know. Just like you're
reporting the news or something.

Yeah. Okay? Action.

This video is to demonstrate

the hprdc chemical
handling protocols.

It's Tom brokaw,
the newscaster. Come on.

Who was that? Andy: Tom brokaw.

Come on, Clark!

Come on, Clark!

All: Whoa!

Yeah! Oh, eat it, piggy! Eat it!

Oink, oink, oink.

We still got to work together,
so we should keep it civil.

I can't hear what you said.

You get your slop?

All right, you know what, this
is completely unnecessary.

You already won. Just stop.

Erin. Erin.

What? Relax.

Next up we have
Dwight and Phyllis.

You can do it, baby.

No, you can't, baby.

You're gonna choke.

Watch and learn.

Dwight defeats Phyllis. Dwight,
you are through to the semifinals.

Yes. All right.

Oh, Esther, what are you...

Hey.

You're here early.

Yeah, I plucked
the chickens extra fast,

'cause I knew I was
seeing you tonight.

So, there mightjust be a little
bit of feather in your nuggets

or just a little bit of
meat inside of your pillow.

I like a little
feather in my nuggets.

All right, ladies and gentlemen,

we are now down
to the final four.

Dwight, Erin, Angela,

and god only
knows how, but Toby.

One of you will
walk away with $2,000.

Yeah!

Okay, here you have just
knocked over the beaker.

The chemicals splashed
in your eye.

Which is insanely painful. Yeah.

And I've already picked a few
childhood memories to tap into

to really express that pain.

That's great.

So what you're gonna do then is come
over here to the eye washing station

and then just kind of
flush out your eyes,

you know, get the
chemicals out, all right?

So I just lean over
this thing and then

you'll add the water
special effect later?

What water special effect?

Yeah, just hold your
lids open with one hand

and let the stream
bathe your eyeballs.

Like that.

I'm not comfortable
doing my own stunts.

I'll get nude if you want me to.

I'll go full Lena Dunham,
but I...

Dude, we don't need
you to go nude, okay?

Absolutely not.

Justdo the eyewash thing,
okay? That's all we're asking here.

Darryl, what do I do?

Hold up, I'm looking at
my spit in the microscope.

They want me to use real
water in the eyewash scene.

So? I can't squirt
stuff in my eyeball.

I've never even
used an eyedropper.

So, Andy, you saw how
to use this?

You step on the pedal.
Water squirts in your eyes.

Carla!

Carla!

It is time for a little t and a.

I give you Toby and Angela.

Angela: Oh, my god!
Dwight: Whoa!

Oh, my god.
Okay, it's your turn.

Well, Angela is the winner.

Yes.

Is there a reason that we're
excited for that little woman?

Dwight: Yes, I pity her.

She was recently in a situation

where she could have had it all,

and instead she lost everything.

Esther: Mmm. Is she a gambler?

In a way, but not in a stand-up-and-cheer
kind of way, like the song.

Mmm.

Esther: That is sad.

Andy, if you don't stick
your eyes in that machine,

I'm gonna call every production
in northeastern Pennsylvania.

You won't even make an
appearance on a security camera!

What's the holdup here?

The actor's crying.

Oh, god.

She yelled at me.

I can't wash my eyeball.
I can't do that. I can't.

Andy Bernard can't
squirt water in his eye

and act like it
doesn't freak him out.

But you know who can?

Older male lab
assistant number one.

Do you believe in me?

Ibeheve_.

I want to go home.

Yeah! Okay. Beat that.

Whoo!

Okay. Damnh!

Damn it! God...

Sorry. Yeah, I'm fine. I'm fine.

Okay. I got mad.

Yeah. 'Cause I
don't like losing, Pete.

I'm just gonna... sorry, I'm mad,
Pete. I'm mad. I'm really mad.

I wanted to win. We were
gonna win a lot of money.

I was gonna buy you a
sweater. So this is stupid.

It's just the whole contest
is stupid. So it feels...

Oh!

Sorry, I'm mad. Okay.

I don't like losing.
I thought I was going to win.

Okay, hey, hey, hey.

Sorry. Sorry.

I'm gonna go
upstairs and just...

Oh, I made us a date to
take my mom out to dinner

to thank her for all
that extra babysitting.

Well, you know how much
I appreciate the opportunity

to hang out with your mom more,

so let me just put
this in my calendar.

I acknowledge with gratitude

that you are being kind
and responsible enough

to include it in your calendar.

Jim: Thank you.
Your mom is a treasure.

Well, I appreciate
that some opportunities...

Can be unpleasant...

Sorry, it's work. Hold.

Hey, Wade, did Cole
hamels call back or what?

Jim: Great. Good.

Uh, to speak my truth, I'd
appreciate it if you hung that up,

'cause we were in the
middle of a conversation.

I appreciate the sacrifice.

Okay, to speak my truth,
that was a little sarcastic.

I think that's a little unfair.

Really?

I've been putting the kids to bed
by myself every night for months.

And you had to
miss one phone call.

Is that your truth, Jim?
That's really your truth?

I guess I will swallow my truth.

Are you guys high?

Because, if so,
to speak my truth,

I would appreciate
the sacrifice of including me

in some hits off your kind buds.

We're not high.

I wish we'd started this
exercise six months ago.

My heartjust feels so...

Blocked up.

The Mark 47 is ready for launch.

Less paste.

Here we go. Rolling and action.

And cut.

We can fix the sound in post.
Yeah.

I can do a better one.

That's fine. We'll move on.

I said I can do a better one.

Darryl.

Action.

Kid can act.

Yeah. Yeah.

Each contestant will
throw two airplanes.

After you. Thank you.

Oh, god.

Angela's first throw, terrible.

Nellie: Dwight.

Oh!

Oh, man! It slipped out
of my hand. What a whiff.

Dwight: Oh,
how'd that happen? God.

We want you to win. Dwight
told me about your situation.

It's such a pity.

Just use the money wisely.

Okay?

Okay.

All right.

Don't you dare tank this.

Nellie: And we have a winner.
And it's Dwight.

And it is everyone,
because this is over.

Two grand, huh?

I know a guy who can
turn that into $800.

Hint, it's me.

Vveh, I guess you needed
the money more than me, huh?

Use it wisely.

Angela: I was
disappointed in Dwight today.

He showed a weakness
that was unbecoming.

Even if he did do it for me.

I don't need pity,
and I don't need charity.

Angela: I have my dignity,
and that's enough.

And as long as I
have that, I'll be okay.

I know this was really weird
and it was really hard.

But I think we're
making progress.

So, I'm really sorry that I
have to go, but let's keep at this.

Okay. Okay?

Pam: Jim!

Thanks.

All right, have a good trip.

Bye.

Hey.

Man: "Love suffers
long and is kind.

"It is not proud.

"Love bears all things,

"believes all things,

"hopes all things,
and endures all things.

"Love never fails.

"And now these three remain.

"Faith, hope, and love.

"But the greatest
of these is love."

Iloveyou. Iloveyou.