All language subtitles for 2323232

It's a beautiful
morning at dunder Mifflin.

Or as I like to
call it, great Bratton.

Keep it running.

Creed: Do I love being manager?

I love my kids.
I love real estate.

I love ceramics. I love my job.

I love wrestling.

Find out what language this is.

Okay, team building.

On this side of the room,
Stanley, Phyllis, Jim, Ted, elroy.

And on this side of the room,
Pam, Meredith, Phyllis, creed...

He never called a meeting.

Boboddy. Boboddy.

What does the
first "b" stand for?

What are we doing?

We're making acronyms. Okay!
What does the first "b" stand for?

Um, business!

I like it!

Business. Good, Kevin!

All right, the "o."

We need a new manager.

So, after the Navy, I thought,

"cool, me and america are
square. I've done my bit for the flag,

"and time for me
to look out for myself."

I had a buddy in the paper
biz so I just dove right in.

How was your experience
in the Navy?

It was nuts. Yeah.

I was in Hong Kong three times.

Still have pretty
crazy flashbacks from that.

Really? What kind of thing
did you do?

Meteorologist.

What do you mean, like
weather surveillance, or...

Predictor. Constantly
had to predict the weather,

which is... I'm not a god.
I'm just a guy in a shack

with a pair of binoculars.

What do you think about this
weather we're having now?

Don't even talk to me
about the weather, man.

It just all comes
back to me, you know?

There was this one night I
predicted it was gonna be warm.

I sent 200 men out
without their jackets.

It was 60 degrees that night,

52, with windchill.

You can't imagine their faces shivering
through that Carrie Underwood concert.

Your paper experience
is very interesting.

And although
it's mostly manufacturing,

do you think you could use that
experience to inform decisions here?

Absolutely, yes.

In fact, I actually
have a three-step plan

that I believe could
effectively double your profits.

Yeah. Really?

What is it?

Nice try.

I'm sorry. What is
your three-step plan?

Well, I mean, I can't
just hand you my plan.

I mean, if you guys give me
the job, then you'll get the plan.

Well, it's an interview, and we don't
know that you really have the plan.

I'm not gonna just make
up that I have a plan.

I got a plan. Believe me, you
guys want it. You're in paper, right?

How do we know
that if you don't...

You could just be
saying it to get the job.

I guess I could be if I was...

Who would do that?
How about this,

why don't you give
us a part of the plan,

and that way we
know you have it.

Tell you what? I'll give
you part three of part two.

Not gonna give you a whole part.

Okay.

Color-code said documents. T.M.

Did you just
trademark that? What?

That's a verbal trademark.
That's an agreement.

Jim: We are the search
committee, hand-picked by our ceo

and tasked to find this
branch's new manager.

Not everyone we
meet will be good,

but someone's
bound to be, right?

And to be honest,

I think a lot of the decent
candidates are right here in house.

So, I'm not too worried.

But I'm really excited to spend
a lot of time with Toby and Gabe.

Did you know that Gabe's
last name was Lewis?

I had no idea.

Good morning.

Morning. Good morning.

Good morning.

Did you have a nice drive in?

I did.

I have a solid relationship
with Jo, the company's owner.

I have management experience.

I have a good
friendship with Jim,

the head of
the search committee.

And it doesn't hurt that I'm

black!

We all know this
is a popularity contest.

And Darryl's
the coolest kid in school.

Used to be Jim. Hasn't
been Jim in a long time.

It's good.

It's just words,
which will surprise people.

Yeah. It's based on a really successful
cigarette ad campaign from a while back.

Those were good ads. Yeah.

They got me smoking
when I was eight.

I couldn't quit smoking until the government
put out better ads about not smoking.

I love smoking.

I really hope you get it.

The managerjob?
No, I'm barely interested.

I just can't not go for it, you
know. It's not the Bernard way.

We give it the old college try,

and then in defeat,
we show grace.

Still, I'd really like to see this
office with you in the boss's chair.

Don't even...

You in the boss's chair! No.

Andy: In my family, you don't
really go out and get things.

If you want something,
you write it on a list

and then the housekeeper
goes out and gets it

on wednesdays and Fridays.

So, I don't know. I guess you
could say this job is on my list

and we'll see what
Rosa comes back with.

Did you hear anything?

Oh, I'm sure they'll let us
know when they get the results.

It turns out that Erin was born
in the basic time and region

that I gave away a child.

So Phyllis might be my mom.

I mean, the chances
are tiny, but...

Yeah, probably not.

I mean, it was
a big year for babies.

Porky's had come out. Yeah.

I'm sure I was just
another porky's baby.

But why not find out? Yeah.

Should you really be
so blatant about that?

They won't make me manager,
and I won't settle for anything less.

I've gone about as far as
I can here. That's obvious.

I'm going to take
my talents elsewhere.

Are you really gonna apply for
work at Scranton bread works?

Bread is the paper of the food
industry. You write your sandwich on it.

Can you do any better on salary?

Unfortunately, that
range is set at corporate.

What about mileage
when I use my car?

I mean, gas ain't cheap,
you know.

We think that 25 cents
a mile is pretty generous.

How about 27 and...

When I make long-distance calls,

will they be monitored,
or is it on the honor system?

Okay.

How odd!

A very unusual phone call
from the senator's office.

The senator wants me to have lunch
with him at the botanical gardens.

The botanical gardens,

Scranton's hidden gem.

Don't eat any berries
you don't recognize.

How will your experience
selling refinery equipment

translate to our
smaller scale here?

You don't work in sales, do you?

Human resources.

You see,
I sit across from a man,

I see his face, I see his eyes.

Now, does it matter if
he wants $100 of paper

or $100 million of
deep-sea drilling equipment?

Don't be a fool.

He wants respect. He wants love.

He wants to be younger.
He wants to be attractive.

There is no such
thing as a product.

Don't ever think there is.

There is only sex.

Everything is sex.

You understand that what I'm
telling you is a universal truth, Toby?

Yes.

Okay, I am... I'm almost
a little concerned that

you might be overqualified
for the position.

Do you, um... do
you think that you are?

Do I look like someone who
would waste my own time?

Can you...

You are a man of
great confidence.

Could you speak
a little more to that

and what the role ofconfidence

would be in a dialog
with a subordinate?

Will you be heard?

Will you have a voice?

Will I steamroll over you?

Do you feel heard
right now, Jim?

Do you have a voice right now?

You can answer me. Yes.

That was your choice, not mine.

The fallacy is that it
is up to the steamroller.

It is up to the object

whether it will be
flattened or not.

And I can tell just from the small
interaction we've had already,

you won't be
flattened by anybody.

Do you agree with me, Jim? Yes.

Yes, you do.

He creeps me out.

But I think he
might be a genius.

Dwight, there's a
call for you on line 2.

No, thanks.

He's in the shower.

Good luck, Darryl.

Thank you.

Is that the kind of boss
he would be?

Completely insensitive to the
insecurities of other people in this office

who might also be interviewing
for the manager position

and might also want to be
wished a little bit of luck

'cause they're kind of
spinning out a little bit?

I don't want that kind of
boss. No, thank you. Not good.

Good man, though.
Nice guy. My best friend.

Think about it.

What other mammal, besides humans,
drinks the milk of another mammal?

I mean, you don't see a
bear drinking raccoon milk.

How long have
you been off dairy?

As soon as I can say no to
those two pushers, Ben & Jerry.

So this is cool. I think
we make a good fit.

Oh, we haven't started
the interview yet.

Were you joking?

Uh, yes. I was.

A little joke.

So how would you
go about settling

interpersonal conflicts
within the office?

I thought that was your job.

Well, it's one of my strengths,
but it's the manager's job.

Well, for instance,
how did you deal with it

when two warehouse
guys got into a fight?

I'll answer that, Jim. I would
use it as an opportunity to teach

about actions and
consequences of actions.

Who's that?

So I think all we need is a
resume and we'll be good, right?

I just thought you knew me.
Yeah, it's no big deal.

Just something
that looks like that.

Jim: Cool?

Let me...

Cool.

Did you just interview?

Oh, unfortunately, yes.

What do you mean?

That business
can't attract anyone.

It's awful up there.

Those people seem like they're
in prison waiting out life sentences

in a dying industry.

Place must be horrible.

I don't know if I want this job.

Well, if I get this job offer, then
I know that I'm gonna take it.

And if I take it, I know
that I'm never gonna quit.

And then 25 years
are gonna go by,

and I'm gonna die here.

What makes you feel qualified to
judge a place after a mere interview?

What are you doing?

Stop trying to figure me out.

I just did. You can't.

It's done. No, it's not.

I know you now, your nature.

You don't know me. You
don't know anything about me.

I'm done. Get out of my head.

Not worth continuing.
Stop trying to figure me out.

Do you even know
anything about paper?

How it's made?

I saw an episode on how they
make paper on sesame street.

Get out.

I'm gonna prevent inferior men
from sullying my place of work

with their weak,
passionless leadership.

Do you see my hat? No? That's
because I just threw it in the ring.

You guys pay for
relocation, though, right?

Well, why would you need relocation
if you already live in Scranton?

Well, I'd wanna move
further away, you know?

Just don't want
any chance of running

into my coworkers
outside the office.

Can I ask why you're
leaving your current job?

I'm leaving my otherjob
because they were all jerks.

Really. You know, all of them.

You had yourjerk-wads
and yourjerk-offs, so...

Just between the wads and the offs,
I just thought, "I gotta get out of here."

Is this a bad time
to be doing this?

I know I'm having a bad time.

I'm sorry. If we did
something to upset you,

I'm sure it was inadvertent.

Wait.

Oh, why did I believe
that weirdo in the lobby?

These are the nicest
people I ever met.

Thank you.

I'm engaged.

Damn, girl.

Pam: It's gorgeous, Angela.

Yeah, I actually know about
nice rings, and it is gorgeous.

Wow.

It's a little flashy. I mean,
what am I, Naomi judd?

Tell us the freaking story!

Yeah, tell us a story.

Okay. He took me to the replica
of monet's Japanese bridge.

And then he put this flower behind
my ear, which normally I would hate,

'cause it's so civil rights-y.

Then he got down on
one knee and he said,

"will you be a senator's wife?"

He talked about himself
in the third person?

Yes, Pam. Not everyone is
as informal as you and Jim.

"Hey, Pam, dude,
whatever. Wanna marry me?"

That's not accurate.

Then I saw flashes.
So, reporters were there.

They always find us.
And everyone was crying.

Even his aide.

Angela's engaged to a gay man.

As a gay man, I'm horrified.

As a friend of
Angela's, horrified.

As a lover of elegant
weddings, I'm a little excited.

But overall, horrified.

Andy? You all set?

Okay, guys. It's time.

It's pep talk time.
Tell me what I need to hear.

Hmm, are you sure
this is a good idea? I...

I hate to see you disappointed.

That's not what
I was hoping for.

Okay, I just want someone to
tell me, "you're gonna do great."

You'll do great. Come on.

You guys are my best friends.

I'd be happy if Andy were
boss. He listens to my stories.

And they're not all a-plus
stories, let's be honest.

But you know what? He
always listens like they're a-plus.

Well, some are a-plus.

I think Andy should be the boss.

He's just so great.

If I'm being objective,
then Darryl, of course.

So, Andy, what improvements
would you make as office manager?

For starters, I really think we can
streamline communication around here.

Whoa. That's a very heavy
accusation to level against Toby.

I wasn't accusing...

Well, Toby's in charge
of human resources.

That would include
communication.

I think that
Toby's done a fine job.

Right. I really wasn't
trying to insult anyone.

I didn't think you were.

I have two relationships
with Andy.

I have a personal relationship,

and I have a professional
relationship.

Personally, yeah,
I think he's a rat

and I think he's
responsible for the demise

of my relationship with Erin.

Professionally...

He broke up the happiest
couple in this office.

How many windows are
there in New York City?

What? Critical thinking.

Common on-the-spot question
asked in an interview.

Okay. Uh, let me think. Are
you counting car windows?

No. How far away is the sun?

Ninety-three million miles.

Ism? Yeah.

And the diameter of
the sun is 870,000 miles,

which makes it 109 times
wider than the earth

and 333,000 times
heavier than the earth.

Shut up about the sun.

Shut up about the sun!

Okay, I'm not a doctor,

but I think the medical
term for that was a spaz out.

Gabe just lost it.

That's the best part about
convening a tribunal.

One bunal can go down, and
you still have two bunals left.

Right?

Andy, how'd it go?

I don't want to brag, but...

I did my best.

Hello!

I forgot something in my car.

You guys are so cute. When
are you gonna get back together?

Never. We're just friends.

Oh!

Okay, my mistake.

You know, you could have any
man in this whole office with your legs.

I say go for it,
if you're interested.

But you're not, so never mind.

I am unhappy with the confusing

and, at times, confrontational
nature of that meeting.

I wanted it to go better.

I wanted it to go better!

Yes, there used to be a paper
clip that would pop up and say,

"looks like you are writing a letter
or resume. Would you like help?"

I believe his name was clippy.

Creed: First of all,
iwanna thank you

for your years of
patronizing our company.

I've got some bad news.
We're going out of business.

Saving face.

Yep, yep. I understand that.

Basically everything's
falling apart here.

How is this on me?

Hang up.

Corporate needs you
to find the differences

between this picture
and this picture.

Intel has told us there
were at least seven.

Okay. I already
see one. Give me.

Okay.

They're the same picture.

Well, I manage my department, and
I've been doing that for several years now.

And, god, I've learned a lot
of life lessons along the way.

Your department's
just you, right?

Yes, Jim, but I am
not easy to manage.

Great. Um, can we just...

What was that?

We just have a lot of serious
candidates to get through today, so...

Am I not a serious candidate?

What do you want me to say?

I mean, there's a line of
qualified people out there.

We have a video cv from england.

Are we all just
gonna pretend to...

Okay. Um...

What are your weaknesses?

I don't have any,

Erin, I believe you have
my resume on file.

Please print out four copies on
32-pound cotton stock, bright white.

Ivory. Yes, sir.

Who's in there now? Kelly.

For god's sake.

So, Kelly, what do you think the
future holds for the paper business?

Me peeing on Gabe's corpse.

I want an interview.

Good. How's the family?

Good? Are they good? Yeah.

What's your daughter's
name again? Pee pee?

Peepa.

Peepa. How is she?

Great. Great!

Oh, that's great.

We never were very good
at small talk, were we, Jim?

Now, listen...

You're not getting
an interview, Dwight.

The whole point of this
search committee process

is to prevent hiring
someone like you ever again.

Okay. I know why
you're saying that, Jim.

I really do. But
think of it this way.

The hand that reaches from
the grave to grip your throat

is the strong hand
you want on the wheel.

Okay. That's vivid.

Now, I'm gonna make
you an offer, okay?

You even do so little
as Grant me an interview,

I will guarantee you
your dream work life, okay?

You roll in at 10:00 am.

To your own private
reserved parking spot,

pick up your daily free coffee
from Dwight's caffeine corner,

unlimited sex breaks
for you and Pam.

Yikes. Erin will eat garbage
for your entertainment.

Wow. You know how I like
taking bribes.

But unfortunately, Jo also
took the job away from you

because she doesn't
trust your judgment.

So how would that look for
me if I recommended you?

Fine, I'll do it without you.

Okay. You'll regret this.

Let me get that for you.

Okay. Thank you.

As long as you keep it
moist, it's easier to work with.

And I can't just use
a tube of Crescent rolls?

You know what, go to
McDonald's for dinner. Why cook?

Okay.

Pam,

I think Robert is gay.

The senator?

He was married before,
and he has a kid.

So... and don't say that thing

about how lots of
gay guys have kids.

I have a very strong suspicion.

Did you?

Oh! No.

Did you see him at a bathhouse?

What bathhouse?

The windowless building
by the baskin Robbins.

What?

Forget it. I'm never gonna
know what goes on there.

Name: David Brent.
Occupation: Inspirer.

Status: None of your business.

Young, free and single,
though. Thanks for asking.

Hear you're looking
for a new boss, yeah?

Someone to tell a bunch of
discontented, under-encouraged drones

what to do every day.

Is that it? Our
out-of-touch powers that be.

Want me to fire them? They
don't see things your way?

Then I ain't that dude.
Bye-bye, baby, bye-bye.

Get some other corporate
suit to lay down the law.

What? You've changed your mind?

You're now looking
for a leader of men?

Ipso facto. Women too.

When do I start?

Eh?

Hi. Hey. Hey.

I realized I never paid you back for
that lunch you paid for, like, a month ago.

Yeah, don't worry about it.

Well, it's money.

I was thinking I could make dinner for
you tonight, like a middle eastern feast.

Chicken shawarmas, shish
kebabs, pita with hummus.

Well, I think I only lent you like $3.
That would be so much more trouble.

Just bring the money tomorrow.
No big deal.

Or else I'll break your legs.

Not if I can help it.

My friend at the Scranton blade

is totally plugged
into these matters.

You're in the gay mafia.

You're thinking of another
group, much wealthier, much older.

You sound ignorant.

You guys, um, talking senator?

No.

Why would we be
talking about the senator?

'Cause he's totally gay.

How do I know
that Robert is gay?

He "liked" my Facebook
photos at 3:00 in the morning.

It was a really
good photo, though.

Do you know what it took
to get Bob to notice me?

Iwaited in his
office every morning

wearing nothing
but kitty cat ears.

I did that every
day for two weeks.

And on the tenth day,
he walked in,

he was naked too,
except a dog nose.

Guess what we did then?
Bestiality.

I don't think I can do that...

Yeah.

That's not my personality.

If my daughter were asking me...

Yes?

I would say if you want
someone, if you really want them,

go get them.

I do really want him.

So, uh, here you go.

Great. Hope it's all right.

I'm sure it's fine.

The guy who was in here
earlier, interviewed after me,

how'd he do?

Howard klein? No, no, no, no.

That's not who
I'm talking about.

Oh. Deshawn Williams.

Yes. How did he do?

He's an amazing man.
He's a rhodes scholar.

He invented an app that
invents apps. Fantastic kisser.

Come on, man. I'm
being serious. Don'tjoke.

Darryl, we all know you.

Your interview is not nearly
as important as the other guy's.

First I'll take down
the cubicle walls.

But there aren't...
Symbol of transparency.

There'd be no titles.

Everyone has the same job.

Same goes for me.

I'll take your job,
but I'd reject the title.

A little unspecific.

Everyone would be known
for their accomplishments.

That's very interesting. Um...

Ifeelhke there might
be a conflict there,

and if a conflict did arise,
how would that be dealt with?

Oh. Yeah.

Hmm.

Scratch everything from
before. I'll tell you what I'd do.

Go the other way.

More cubicles.

More division.

Everyone is somebody's boss,

and that person can fire
the person below them.

And once a month, the
lowest-performing person...

Bye-bye.

How would you compare
like an accountant and hr?

Well, I'll tell
you how, shall I?

I'll tell you how. Okay.

By splitting the difference.

Just somewhere in the middle.

I think that's probably
all we need to hear from...

Zen office.

Thought of that?
That's what I'd do.

Everyone takes their shoes
off before they come in.

Okay? There'd be no desks.
You just sit on the floor.

That's very...

You've got a Thai
woman out in the back...

Saki.

Okay. Saki.

That's not...

Saki is her name, okay?

She's administering massage,
all right, if you need it.

If you don't, whatever. Just
talk to her. She's a person.

Either way, 15 minutes
of that, and you...

You are cracking to go.

Office of the future.

Like the inside
of a virgin airplane.

Telecommuting, all right?
Everyone's at home.

The office is just a big empty
space. It's just full of screens.

Sony. Sony. Everything's
just Sony, made of Sony.

From Sony.

I don't think that's how
telecommuting works.

And then we sell tickets to tourists
for them to see the office of the future.

Okay. Wow. Cutting edge.

You have to hire me.

There's no ideas left.

That's all the ideas there is.

There's a lot more
where they came from.

Jim, what can you tell us?
Is there a frontrunner?

You know what? They all just
sort of blend together after a while.

Well, there must be
someone who stands out.

No, not at all. In fact, I'm
not even taking it seriously.

I think at the end of the day, I'm
just gonna pick a name out of the hat.

Oscar: Well...

The hell you will!

I worked for the last
boss for 15 years.

According to my doctor, I
don't have another 15 years

if I wanna keep up the same
dietary and sexual lifestyle,

which I intend to.

Oh, no, Stanley.
You'll live forever.

My next boss will be my last
boss. He'll be at my funeral.

So I would appreciate it if
you would take this seriously.

You pick a crappy boss, you're
responsible for my crappy life.

Okay, everybody.
I was just making a joke.

I am taking it seriously.
I promise.

Are you?

Little advice? Take a day
off from the whole Jim shtick.

Try caring about something.

You might like
how it feels, James.

Gabe, honey!

Oh, lord. Take all this.

All right.

Here.

Jim.

Did you hear stern this morning?

No. Was he good?
Uh, Robin was good.

She's always good.
Keeps him on his toes.

It's Howard's show, though.

Whose is this?

Darryl philbin.

Oh. Very nice to see
a familiar face on top.

My, a little long,
aren't we? Four pages?

Is this the same Darryl philbin

who's had two jobs in
10 years at one company?

Yes, thanks to you who promoted
me after we, uh, interfaced.

"Coordinated and
implemented receipt, storage,

"and delivery of over 2.5
billion units of inventory."

2.5 billion, Darryl? 2.5
billion units of what?

Paper material, ma'am.

Paper material?

Pieces of paper.

Anybody have a calculator?

You figure what?

Five hundred sheets
a ream, 24 reams a case,

how long you worked here...

I can see how you
landed in that ballpark.

Laid end to end, it's enough to almost
stretch 60% of the way to the moon.

I think this resume almost
stretches halfway to the moon.

Jo, may I
speak to you for a second?

Or what? You gonna shoot me?

Oh, I enjoy laughing
at my mistakes

because I've learned
so much from them.

I'd like to be interviewed
for the position.

I'll interview you right now.

Okay. Question one.

Ever shot a gun in the office?

It's complicated.

Yeah, but see, it's not.

I will not give up. I won't
even be discouraged.

Why? Because managing
this office is my destiny.

My only potential obstacle is

if becoming manager is
someone else's destiny as well.

But, hey, if this is a
case of clashing destinies,

enjoy the show.

I don't think
we should tell her.

Angela went a whole day without
telling me I had lettuce in my teeth.

Screw her.

I'm a woman.
I would want to know.

Meredith: Yeah. You gotta know.

Okay. But if Angela can
get a gay man to marry her,

maybe I could get
a lesbian to marry me. Huh?

Huh? That's hot.

You have met a
lesbian in real life, right?

What we should warn her about is
that the whole institution of marriage

is corrupt. That's the lie.

Okay, we're not
talking about that.

We're not talking
about marriage.

You know, this probably is
her last chance at a family.

She does seem happy.

You're right. You're right.

She seems happy.
We don't tell her.

We don't tell her. Pam: Okay.

So what else
should we gossip about?

I know, like who's gonna
be the new manager, right?

Will it be...

Me? Yes. Yes, it will.

Yeah, right.

Excuse me, Ms. Bennett,
may I have a word?

Okay.

Uh, can it be in private?

Don't worry. It's not about you.

As minority executive,
I think it's my responsibility

to let you know
that Gabe is gross.

I don't think it's professional

that he was sleeping
with the receptionist,

and then when Erin dumped
him so that she could be with Andy,

he became a total
crazy stalker psycho.

Welcome to Scranton, Jo, land
of 1,000 problems only you can fix.

Oh, for god's sake.

He's texting me his resume
one line at a time.

These are costing me 10
cents apiece, you jackass.

I'm roaming!

Get me our biggest client
on the phone, right this instant.

Who is our biggest client?

Uh, just put him through to me.

Okay.

Hello, this is the client.

It's creed.

Fyi. I'm starting
my own paper company.

Looking to poach
some chumps. You in?

Yes.

Cool! Let's keep
this on the q.T., okay?

I don't want you to
be a dead mamma jamma.

Great. Bye-bye.

Get me our second
biggest client.

This is great. I love work.

Again?

Hold, please.

Hello?

Who is this?

This is your
second biggest client.

I want you to listen very carefully.
I'm gonna sing you a song.

Jo, you have one more candidate.

Huh? He's a burn victim.

He's all messed up.

I can tell him to
get lost if you want.

No. Send him in.

Who is this?

I have no idea. I know this guy.

Hello, Mr. Souvenier.
Mr. Jacques souvenier?

Nice to meet you.
It says here you're French?

So you worked at your
last job for 15 years

as assistant to
the regional manager.

Assistant regional manager.

Assistant to the
regional manager.

Assistant regional manager.
What is it?

Assistant regional manager.

That's my mistake.
Sorry about that.

The last paper company you
worked for burned to the ground?

And all because they wouldn't hire a
manager who lived and breathed paper.

Jim: That's a travesty.

I wanna talk to Dwight
schrute for a second.

I wanna ask him a question.

Get Dwight.

If he isn't here
in 60 seconds...

Wait, wait!
No. Stop, stop. Jo...

It's me. I'm Dwight.

No. Wait. But...

I mean, you're
Dwight and then...

He's the...

Yeah.

Very unprofessional, Jacques.
Or should I say Dwight?

Let's just say I had hired this
Jacques souvenier. Then what?

I would have dressed
this way every day,

legally changed my name,

learned French sign
language, shown up,

and been the best damn
branch manager you'd ever seen.

All that for this job. Yes.

That's Crazy.

Get out of here.

What a nut job.

This guy was good.
Although he did keep saying

that he needed two weeks off
right at the beginning

for a trip to the finger lakes.

Seriously, every five
minutes he was like,

"hey, just making sure the
finger lakes thing is clear."

Okay. It's fun to talk about the
rejects, but who's got you excited?

Finger lakes guy is good.

Darryl is also very good.

You know, I just wish we'd find a
candidate that knows the company

as well as, say, some of
the people on this committee,

you know, who've been
here for a long time.

Interesting.

It'd be a demotion for Gabe
and Jim's not interested, so...

Are you trying to tell me
you should be manager?

You pulling a dick Cheney?

No, I'm just saying if
we can't find someone...

Yeah, sure, I could do it.

You're funny.
Little dick Cheney.

You want it? Ask for it.

Say you're the
best man for the job.

I would work really hard, and,
I mean, you could do worse.

'Cause... for god's sake.

Who's this fellow?
Went to Cornell.

What's wrong with him?

How much time do you have?

Sales ability, none.

Integrity? See sales ability.

And that's your unbiased
opinion. Yes, it is.

So it's not relevant that he took
the receptionist away from you.

Oh, Jo. Jo,
I'm disappointed in you.

Some people let personal
things into the work...

Is she with him? Because
I thought that she's just...

Gabe!

Back when I bought this
place, I was looking for a ghost.

Somebody to flitter around,
spooking people,

keeping them on their toes,
and then disappear.

My girlfriend said she knew a
man who looked like a ghost,

and he went to business school.

But a ghost ain't
supposed to date people.

You think you're beetlejuice?
No.

I'm no beetlejuice.
You're no good to me up here.

You got all close to these
people, got involved in their lives.

Let's get you back to Florida.

We'll figure out
something for you.

Thatsounds like a promotion.

It's not.

Let's get Kelly in
here to take his place.

Uh, why Kelly?

'Cause Gabe's tall and weak.
She's short and strong.

I'm doing an opposites thing.

Okay.

How'd my girl Nelly do?

Oh, I didn't know you knew her.

She didn't mention it?

The integrity move. I like it.

Yeah, we met at some dumb
women in business seminar.

I was the speaker, and
she was the only person there

who wasn't trying to
sell some curves ripoff.

You know, she also
gave me reason to think

that maybe she
wasn't a good fit.

Well, I'm not saying
you must hire her.

If you find someone
who's clearly a fit, then fine.

Just make sure
they fit real good.

No more manager turnover.
Don't mess this up, Jim.

And give Dwight an interview.

I like a little bit of crazy.

Erin, what are you doing?

I've been turned into a puppet.

Okay.

Look at the puppet. Hi, puppet.

Who are you?

I was going to put
on a puppet show today

to warn people about the faulty
outlet behind the fax machine.

But change of plan.

I went to drop off
the fedex forms,

and an evil witch named
Angela turned me into a puppet!

Yeah. Low blow, puppet.

And there's only one thing that
can change me back into a real girl.

It's good.

It's just that I wish the puppets
would talk more about the alphabet.

Not for me, but if
any kids are watching.

A, b... and so forth.

You know.

M, n, I, o, p.

Ineed the most special
thing in the office.

Shence?

A date with the best salesman,

Andy Bernard!

Hey, enn.

Where'd you learn
how to puppet like that?

I've done it all my life.
Listen, I'm really flattered,

but I don't think we should.

Erin's my best friend in
this office, hands down.

But

when she asked me out, I just
didn't have that feeling, you know?

Aren't there some things
that you really want to like

but you just can't
seem to like it?

Like mad men or football.

Let's not forget. Erin
chose Gabe over me.

Thathappened.

I'm not gonna apologize
for getting over her, okay?

I'm sorry. I would go for
someone who's more...

She's great, though.

Hey, Jim. Elevator man.
Hey. Yup. All right.

So, listen.

Ifeelhke I came off terribly
today, and I want to just start over.

What can I do?
Should I call Jo or...

Maybe have my old boss
call her. Listen, listen, listen.

This isn't you, okay?

The Darryl we all love,
he's calm, he's confident.

So, just be that guy. Okay.

All right? Okay, yeah.

I was thinking that. All right.

Yup. Thanks. Means a lot.

Of course.

Stanley, I won't be able to
invite everyone to the wedding,

because we wanna keep it to 350.

I'll get over it.

I mean, we just have to
see how many senators

and members of congress
want to attend

before we can open it
up to regular people.

Pam, you know how you and
Jim did your ironic wedding?

Do you still have the plans for the
dream wedding that you couldn't afford?

That was our dream wedding.

Niagara Falls?

Pregnant? That was your dream?

Pork medallions?

I hope you have a very
beautiful wedding, Angela.

So, Angela, are you looking
forward to your wedding night?

What goes on in our bedroom
is none of your business, Phyllis.

Or yours.

Oscar, you build up
these enemies in your head

and you want to see them suffer.

But the thing is, you don't.

You don't.

Oh, Oscar.

All right.

Name. Dwight schrute.

Thank you, Mr. Schnoot.
We will let you know.

You have to interview me.
I just did.

The answer to that one question
told me everything I need to know.

How did I do? To be honest,

I'm leaning towards another man.
His name is Jacques souvenier.

But would you like
to be his number two?

God, it's gonna be hard,
but, yeah, I would do it.

Okay, well, there's
a lot to think about,

so we will get back to you.

I demand more questions.

All right, guys. Good day.

A lot of candidates.
Let's discuss.

Okay, if you're not gonna
interview me, thenl1ldoit

yes.

What will be
your first priority?

I will have seven
first priorities.

Safety, profits,

fostering a community of
self-reliance and entrepreneurship,

listening, respect
for human life,

bolstering our public image, and
getting everyone home on time.

Dwight, let me be frank,

in an accident that
no one can blame you for,

an antique gun was discharged
while you were acting manager.

How are we ever
to trust you again?

That's a great question.

I am going to institute a strict
"no firearms" policy for this office

that extends to myself as well.

Wow. All of my
concerns are disappearing.

Thank you, Dwight. Thank you.

You'll be hearing from
us shortly, Mr. Schrute,

and I think you're going to like
the call you're going to receive.

Oh, come on.

I'm just happy
that I got this meeting.

Well, that was quick.

Very, very interesting.

And you know what?
I'm impressed.

He's not a real candidate.

I don't know, Jim, 'cause it
makes me think about something

that my grandfather used to say,

which is that sometimes the
hand that jumps out of the grave

and grabs you around the throat,

that is the hand that
you want on the wheel.

You took the deal.
Yeah. It was a great deal.

That's not okay.

I don't know, Dwight seems
like a great leader to me,

and I look forward to the personal
perks that he promised me privately.

What do you think, Toby?

Well, we could try him
out for a little while,

and if it doesn't work out, you know,
maybe one of us could, you know, step in.

What is happening right now?

Is it true that you're
making Dwight the manager?

No. Why would you think that?

Well, he and Kelly said,
then they pre-fired me.

Okay.

Okay, guys, just so you all
know, no decision has been made.

And Dwight is definitely
not the boss.

That is correct actually,
Dwight is not the manager yet.

No, no, no, noteven 'cause
that's not gonna happen.

Well, it's not entirely
up to you, is it?

Seems to me like someone
is getting a little power mad.

Am I the only one who remembers
what he did when he was in charge?

I feel like I'm going
a little bit crazy.

Tuna, you're completely sane.
Thank you.

Who do you like for the job?

Is there anyone who maybe
was a little underwhelming at first

but now seems like a safe, if
not slightly unexciting, choice?

Okay. It seems like everybody
has an opinion, so who else?

Anybody? Do you mean it?

Anybody? Are you sure?

I suppose I am.

Okay. Well, what do
I want in a manager?

Let me see.

What do I want?

I don't think he meant...

Hey, so now anyone
gets to talk at any time?

Go ahead.

What do I want?

I'm looking for someone who...

Everyone is listening to me.

Can I say... Jim: Yes.

I think it should be Darryl.

Jim: Okay. What a surprise.

Minorities sticking together.

Kelly's on your side.

I'm sorry, is that all you
think of me? A minority?

I am so much more than that. I am a dancer.
I'm a singer. I'm a fashion designer.

Whoever it is, I think
they should be lame.

Kind of a non-threatening,
moderate personality.

I want an outsider. Perfect.

There are several outside
candidates that we think would be...

No, I mean an outsider.

Like someone on
the margins of society

who doesn't see things the way
we do, like a homeless person.

A homeless person. Really?

A homeless person.

No. You're right, Pam.
Let's just leave them

to the welfare system
and let that handle it.

No, I want you to
say that you think

the best person to be our new
manager is a homeless person.

Let me guess who you want, Pam.

Rachael ray?
The ladies of the view?

I got away with everything
under the last boss,

and it wasn't
good for me at all.

So I want guidance.
I want leadership.

But don't just, like, boss
me around, you know?

Like, lead me.

Lead me when
I'm in the mood to be led.

I just want, for once,

a smart, professional, decisive,
well-hung man in his 40s.

Hey, hey, hey! Okay, fine.

Uh, the guy with the tiny penis.

Are you happy?
Let's hire that guy!

She may have a point there.

Would a small penis work?

Small to moderate.

Gotta catch a plane.

Hey, Gabe, I'm sorry.

We didn't get you
a cake or anything.

We're gonna miss you.

Well, I'm still the corporate
liaison to the branch.

You are not leaving
without giving me a hug.

Ugh.

Okay, you know what? You
don't need to make that sound.

I'm sorry. You were just a lot bonier
than I thought you were gonna be!

There are plenty of people
who love touching me.

I'm a terrific hugger.

I've been with a bunch of girls

where that's basically
all they wanna do.

I will see you all soon.
Later, man.

Vvewinflssyou. Goodluck

Ryan: Good luck at your new job.

Take care, man.
Dwight: Gonna miss you, Gabe.

Listen up. Listen up, ladies.

I want the job.

There. I said it.

I'm educated, I'm capable,
I like all of you,

and I won't make any changes.

I see it.

I see it like I see a mountain that I'm
standing in front of and facing and I'm liking.

Phyllis: Yeah. Yeah.

Andy would be wonderful as boss.

Erin made a good point.

No. We're not related.
I got the call.

But I'll tell her
some other day.

Okay, what's going on?

I thought I told you guys
to expand the company.

Hlooks exactly the same.
I'm very disappointed.

Jordana, get me Jo on the phone.

Okay, nobody say anything.

Hey, creed, this is Jo.
No, don't say another word.

I need you to take
a nap right now. Yes.

I want to talk to you in your dream.
Lay down and put the phone...

Great. Very good. Okay,
you gonna go to sleep.

Okay, I think we have
about 40 minutes.

What about Darryl?

We can all agree that
he's a standup guy, right?

Very nice, laid back.
Overall, just a good guy.

What if he brings some of
those warehouse types up here?

They're not carnies.

Meredith: Can we see
a birth certificate?

I mean, how do we know he wasn't
born in mubajuba or something?

What difference would that make?

I'm just saying American
jobs should go to Americans.

Meredith, you can't
just spit in the office.

Okay, I went too far.

Angela.

Well, let me be clear.
I only speak for myself,

and not myself and the senator.

I think we have some
wonderful candidates,

and there is a great
lively debate here.

But let's think about... no. No.

No.sony we cut Kevin
off for the same thing.

You have to have
something to say if you talk.

Exactly.

Jada. No, no, no.
Jada, what are you...

Oh. So sorry, guys.

I hope my family didn't
disrupt your meeting.

Daddy, are these the people who
are making you manager?

Maybe, sweetheart.

Single dad. Challenges.

Jada: I don't know if
he'd be a good manager,

but he's a really great dad.

Okay. This was
a mistake. Let's go.

It seems like we all know enough
to vote. Should we just vote now?

What? No, no,
no. It's not a vote.

Then what was this all about?
I don't know.

This conversation
really got away from me.

I don't care.
They can just vote.

No, they can't.

That's not how
this is gonna work.

We're going in this
room. We're gonna have a meeting.

We're gonna make
a recommendation to Jo,

and she's gonna give you her
recommendation on Monday, okay?

What the hell
happened out there?

Sometimes you hear people
talking about failing upwards.

I think I'm about to do that.

This job? Oh, yeah, I'll get it.

Jo's an old friend.

I think I'm her best friend.

She's not my best friend.

Every day, I have
a blueberry muffin.

Today I did not have
a blueberry muffin.

Should have had
the blueberry muffin.

Especially considering how
incredibly superstitious I am.

No. I've never been more
sure of anything in my life.

I will be the new boss of...

Vance refrigeration.

Honestly, I think
I sabotaged myself.

It's like I'm
afraid of being happy.

Case in point,

I was supposed to
start another job today.

I will get offered the job.

That's a call I've
received many times.

The slight hopefulness in
their voice, the pregnant pause

while they wait
to hear my response.

And then my response.

I want the job. I really do.

It's just the rest of my family's
in the finger lakes right now.

I'm supposed to be in
the finger lakes right now.

I told them I was on a hike,
snuck away to do this interview.

I gotta get back pretty soon.
They'll worry.

People disappear
in the finger lakes.

I will run this branch or
I will destroy this branch.

Or, I don't know.
Something always works out.

You remind me so much
of my fourth biggest client.

Is that right?

I think you two should meet.

Vveh, okay_.

Hey, jordana, patch my ninth and
my fourth biggest client together.

Hello?

Hello!

Hi, how are you?

Oh, I'm good!

Don't you just love paper
and things about paper?

Hey, are you single?

This seems like
a love connection to me!

It's kismet.

Personally, I think
Darryl would be good.

It has to be Darryl,
or someone I don't know.

I thought the woman who came in,

she seemed like
she had a fun energy.

I'm not a sexist. I just really
don't want it to be a woman.

I just feel that women are
generally less competent than men

and less rational.

Again, I'm not a sexist.

Even Andy...
They need to pick someone.

Just someone. Fast.