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5
00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:35,800
Subtitle by kterydragon
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00:01:29,024 --> 00:01:30,514
Four days ago,
18
00:01:31,234 --> 00:01:32,682
I was still a fortunate man.
19
00:01:34,428 --> 00:01:41,937
Thanks to my careful planning, my life was
comfortable, sastifying, and perfect.
20
00:01:43,687 --> 00:01:48,193
Of course, I didn't look this pathetic.
21
00:01:51,945 --> 00:01:56,075
Today, I was supposed to propose
to my girfriend.
22
00:01:56,742 --> 00:01:58,710
But instead...
23
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:02,506
things got turned upside down.
24
00:02:03,457 --> 00:02:04,925
PEKING
25
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:10,342
My parents always said to me,
26
00:02:10,422 --> 00:02:13,175
"If you don't plan to fail,
then don't fail to plan."
27
00:02:13,300 --> 00:02:17,100
And don't put off until tomorrow,
what you can do today.
28
00:02:17,179 --> 00:02:19,523
It's all for a greater purpose.
29
00:02:19,598 --> 00:02:22,772
And remember that the details are important.
30
00:02:22,851 --> 00:02:25,855
Because you never know when you will
meet someone important to you.
31
00:02:26,855 --> 00:02:30,701
So I workout three times a week.
I eat right.
32
00:02:30,776 --> 00:02:33,871
No matter if things are big or small,
I treat them carefully
33
00:02:33,945 --> 00:02:36,664
I have everything in my life under control.
34
00:02:36,740 --> 00:02:41,667
There are no surprises.
Well... almost none.
35
00:02:43,205 --> 00:02:46,926
The car salesman's handbook says
there are three steps to success:
36
00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:52,928
Start early, stay focused and
finish with a smile.
37
00:02:55,467 --> 00:03:00,098
I know you probably think I'm boring,
but I'm very happy with my life.
38
00:03:00,180 --> 00:03:04,230
Especially because I have
a great girlfriend.
39
00:03:04,309 --> 00:03:08,985
With her, I have the most important
plan of my life.
40
00:03:13,610 --> 00:03:17,331
Hi, honey! What a coincidence.
I was just thinking about you.
41
00:03:17,406 --> 00:03:21,627
I wanted to chat with you too.
I got a job in LA.
42
00:03:21,702 --> 00:03:23,045
America?
43
00:03:23,120 --> 00:03:25,339
I'm working as an assisstant at
Wronald Wright Productions.
44
00:03:25,455 --> 00:03:27,958
But I thought you wanted to be a lawyer?
45
00:03:28,041 --> 00:03:31,921
Xiaoming, I think we should
spend some time apart.
46
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:33,472
Break up?
47
00:03:33,547 --> 00:03:37,222
Xiaoming, you're a great guy and
I know had everything all planned out,
48
00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:40,930
but I'm still figuring out my life.
49
00:03:41,012 --> 00:03:45,108
I know this must be difficult.
We can make plans, just not together.
50
00:03:45,183 --> 00:03:49,438
- Bye.
- But, I already made plans...
51
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:05,875
All my plans got messed up.
There was only thing left to do...
52
00:04:18,925 --> 00:04:23,681
Today we'll talk about the most
popular reality TV show in America.
53
00:04:23,764 --> 00:04:26,938
"Punch me". It's the #1 hit!
54
00:04:27,017 --> 00:04:30,271
Punch me! Punch me! Punch me...
55
00:04:34,983 --> 00:04:37,361
Oh, America...
56
00:04:38,779 --> 00:04:44,411
Hi, I'm actor Gary Buesheimer.
Saving endangered species...
57
00:04:44,534 --> 00:04:48,505
This is Hollywood!
We can do anything.
58
00:04:48,580 --> 00:04:52,084
Can you get my girlfriend back?
59
00:05:08,475 --> 00:05:10,227
Yan Yan?
60
00:05:11,019 --> 00:05:16,401
Ready?
Set...
61
00:05:18,318 --> 00:05:24,576
Yan Yan needs me. I'm coming!
Wait for me, Yan Yan! I'm coming!
62
00:05:25,242 --> 00:05:29,668
I can't wait any longer!
I'm going to America now!
63
00:05:29,746 --> 00:05:31,214
Go!
64
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,337
Or maybe after I wake up.
65
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:43,056
Even in a daze, nothing was
more in focus than my need,
66
00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:45,557
to find a ticket to America.
67
00:05:48,473 --> 00:05:53,104
Shit! Chinese New Year! I probably couldn't
even get a ticket to the Great Wall!
68
00:05:53,645 --> 00:05:58,902
Everthing is booked. Time is running out.
I have to get to Yan Yan.
69
00:05:59,526 --> 00:06:03,531
As long as I could get Yan Yan back,
I would even go to hell and back!
70
00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:08,335
But what idiot would by a ticket
from such an ugly looking website?
71
00:06:11,037 --> 00:06:14,166
This idiot...
72
00:06:20,130 --> 00:06:23,976
Let me introduce myself. My name is Fang Dawei.
You can just call me Dawei.
73
00:06:26,303 --> 00:06:28,522
I'm Xiaoming.
74
00:06:31,016 --> 00:06:33,110
Oh yes, of course.
75
00:06:40,442 --> 00:06:43,116
Oh Do you know we're the only two
in this tour departing from Beijing?
76
00:06:43,194 --> 00:06:46,118
What a coincidence!
Only two of us!
77
00:06:47,198 --> 00:06:50,327
Looks like I'm not the only idiot.
78
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:51,536
Thank you.
79
00:06:51,620 --> 00:06:55,841
No problem. Anytime you need help, just ask!
We're on the same tour, we're best buddies!
80
00:06:56,791 --> 00:07:00,295
I'm really exhausted now.
I really want to go to sleep.
81
00:07:02,088 --> 00:07:04,932
- Good night.
- Sorry, goodnight.
82
00:07:09,804 --> 00:07:12,353
Wow! The house Drew Barrymore
lived in, in "E.T."!
83
00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:15,982
We'll be touring that!
Do you know that E.T.?
84
00:07:16,061 --> 00:07:19,406
"E.T."
"Phone home."
85
00:07:19,481 --> 00:07:22,701
You know that extraterrestrial?
Always pointing that finger?
86
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:27,907
E.T. is one of my top five favorite movies!
What's your favorite movie?
87
00:07:27,989 --> 00:07:29,332
I'm not part of the tour.
88
00:07:29,407 --> 00:07:32,081
I'm going to LA to get my girlfriend back.
89
00:07:32,160 --> 00:07:34,663
Getting your girlfriend back from LA?
90
00:07:35,163 --> 00:07:39,259
If we were in a movie, I doubt
your plan would go smoothly.
91
00:07:39,334 --> 00:07:40,927
But it could be the two of us,
92
00:07:41,002 --> 00:07:44,097
on the road, encountering all
kinds of strange situations.
93
00:07:44,172 --> 00:07:46,174
I'll be there supporting you all the way.
94
00:07:46,257 --> 00:07:49,136
I can be your wisecracking sidekick!
95
00:07:49,219 --> 00:07:52,723
We could name our movie
"Hollywood Adventures"!
96
00:07:55,558 --> 00:07:58,903
We're going to the Studios where
"2 Broke Girls" is shot.
97
00:07:58,979 --> 00:08:02,779
Did you know that?
What's up, bitches?
98
00:08:03,066 --> 00:08:06,570
My Kat Dennings! She's so hot!
99
00:08:06,903 --> 00:08:09,247
Do you know that when
"2 Broke Girls" premiered,
100
00:08:09,322 --> 00:08:13,668
it was the highest-rated fall premiere in 10 years!
Did you know that?
101
00:08:15,745 --> 00:08:21,878
- I have to use the bathroom.
- Go for it! It's bad for you
to hold your pee.
102
00:08:29,467 --> 00:08:35,520
That guy is so annoying!
All he talked was movies.
103
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:38,067
If only life were a movie.
104
00:08:38,143 --> 00:08:42,068
At least movies are all scripted
and there are no accidents.
105
00:08:46,943 --> 00:08:48,786
Open the door!
106
00:08:53,324 --> 00:08:55,326
AIRPORT OF LOS ANGELES
107
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:08,883
I'm Harvey Milsap, your translator.
108
00:09:08,965 --> 00:09:12,595
Oh thank God!
This is all a misunderstanding.
109
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:17,729
I fell asleep in the plane's bathroom.
I was so tired when I boarded the plane
110
00:09:17,807 --> 00:09:21,232
This guy next to me kept talking in my ear,
blah blah blah... I couldn't shut him up.
111
00:09:21,311 --> 00:09:24,281
so I went to the bathroom to take a nap.
112
00:09:24,355 --> 00:09:26,983
and then I woke up, and we landed.
113
00:09:27,692 --> 00:09:30,946
If you ask me to shut up
and lock me in the bathroom,
114
00:09:31,029 --> 00:09:32,997
I guarantee...
115
00:09:33,073 --> 00:09:37,704
- you in jail!
- What?
116
00:09:38,745 --> 00:09:43,967
- Which flight did you take?
- 1-3-1-4 to America.
117
00:09:44,042 --> 00:09:46,841
- Death?
- What did he say about America?
118
00:09:46,920 --> 00:09:49,264
He just said, "Death to America."
119
00:09:49,339 --> 00:09:52,309
Whatever surprise he has planned
for our country,
120
00:09:52,383 --> 00:09:55,683
- Yes!
- Oh, I'll dig it out of him.
121
00:09:59,182 --> 00:10:05,406
Hollywood Adventures!
Hey, everyone please come closer! Do not be shy!
122
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,528
Welcome to Hollywood Adventures.
123
00:10:07,607 --> 00:10:10,360
My name is Wei Wei.
I'll be your guide.
124
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,367
- It looks like we're still missing...
- We are in trouble now!
125
00:10:13,446 --> 00:10:17,246
My travel buddy, Xiaoming, he ate something bad on
the plane, and had to stay in the bathroom all night.
126
00:10:17,325 --> 00:10:19,919
Then he got taken away by police.
127
00:10:20,662 --> 00:10:22,005
Troublemaker!
128
00:10:36,761 --> 00:10:42,109
I didn't know it yet, but a hurricane on
two beautiful legs'd just walked into my life.
129
00:10:42,183 --> 00:10:44,811
Long live His Majesty!
130
00:10:46,271 --> 00:10:49,866
Please pardon me, Your Majesty!
131
00:10:51,651 --> 00:10:54,530
Your Majesty!
Please don't have me beheaded!
132
00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:57,574
"Your Majesty"?
133
00:10:59,284 --> 00:11:02,083
You do know whose ass you're about
to stick your hand up?
134
00:11:02,162 --> 00:11:07,714
- He is the next emperor of China.
- Who are you?
135
00:11:07,917 --> 00:11:12,923
Listen and listen well:
His Majesty's asshole is sacred.
136
00:11:13,631 --> 00:11:17,056
Are you out of your mind?
Let's be clear, I don't know this woman.
137
00:11:17,135 --> 00:11:20,560
Wait, China doesn't have an emperor.
Do they?
138
00:11:20,638 --> 00:11:23,892
What? Everybody knows China has an emperor.
139
00:11:23,975 --> 00:11:25,568
Nod if you want to leave here soon.
140
00:11:25,643 --> 00:11:27,771
See? Everybody knows.
141
00:11:27,854 --> 00:11:29,481
Nod if you also want to leave.
142
00:11:29,731 --> 00:11:34,578
Congratulations! You've just stepped
into the middle of an international incident.
143
00:11:38,156 --> 00:11:40,705
- Oh, no!
- It's all good! It's all good!
144
00:11:41,117 --> 00:11:47,341
Hey, I'm talking to you. What was that back there?
I had everything under control!
145
00:11:47,916 --> 00:11:51,045
- I'm talking to you! Who are you?
- I just saved your miniscule life.
146
00:11:51,127 --> 00:11:54,176
If it wasn't for me, you'd
have been deported or worse.
147
00:11:54,255 --> 00:11:58,761
- But you don't have to thank me.
- Are you kidding me?
148
00:11:58,843 --> 00:12:01,016
This is definitely a romantic comedy.
149
00:12:01,095 --> 00:12:05,066
Our two leading actors don't like
each other from the start. Cool!
150
00:12:05,767 --> 00:12:08,486
- Shit down.
- What did you say?
151
00:12:09,103 --> 00:12:11,902
Please sit down.
152
00:12:16,361 --> 00:12:22,084
- Hi! They sent us these as a gift.
- This is my seat?
153
00:12:22,158 --> 00:12:26,379
- Congratulation! A sweet couple!
- Thank you.
154
00:12:30,833 --> 00:12:34,133
Did you know the tickets are for
the honeymoon package?
155
00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:14,261
Hi, Leave a message.
156
00:13:16,087 --> 00:13:20,593
Wow, It's just like in the movies.
This place looks dangerous.
157
00:13:29,017 --> 00:13:33,944
You call that a five star hotel?
More like a fleabag motel.
158
00:13:34,022 --> 00:13:36,070
Hey, theif!
159
00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,993
Do you need help?
160
00:13:39,068 --> 00:13:43,164
Thief! Thief! Theif!
161
00:13:47,618 --> 00:13:50,417
- I should've gone after them.
- It'd be a piece of cake for you to catch them.
162
00:13:50,496 --> 00:13:52,464
- Yeah, I could've!
- Chill out.
163
00:13:52,540 --> 00:13:56,420
I brought a lot of clothes.
You can borrow whatever you want.
164
00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:34,166
Welcome to America.
Ha! U.S.A.! U.S.A.!
165
00:14:34,415 --> 00:14:37,919
My motto is: "Top-notch accommodations
for top-notch people."
166
00:14:38,044 --> 00:14:41,969
Why does this guy look like HAN
from "Fast and Furious"?
167
00:14:42,090 --> 00:14:47,187
My name is Mr. Manny Love.
I'm the manager of this wonderful establish...
168
00:14:47,261 --> 00:14:49,855
- Taxi?
- Where's the fire, bro?
169
00:14:50,098 --> 00:14:52,351
There's no taxis in L.A.
170
00:14:53,184 --> 00:14:58,782
Hey, look. We can't let people from the
tour group start wandering around. Alright?
171
00:14:59,232 --> 00:15:02,202
It's a matter of liability.
172
00:15:04,946 --> 00:15:08,041
- I think he's saying you can't leave.
- Yeah, I got that.
173
00:15:08,408 --> 00:15:09,830
In fact, our insurance policy says that.
174
00:15:09,909 --> 00:15:13,334
we gotta hold on to your valuables!
175
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,007
It's optional. It's up to you.
But not really.
176
00:15:16,082 --> 00:15:19,882
In exchange, you're gonna get a
stack of this Manny Money voucher.
177
00:15:19,961 --> 00:15:23,340
And you can use these at any of
our Hollywood Adventures stops.
178
00:15:23,423 --> 00:15:27,553
Manny Money! Even has my picture on it,
so you know they're legit.
179
00:15:27,635 --> 00:15:29,512
Am I right?
180
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:38,188
Xiaoming...
Why were you calling for a taxi?
181
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:40,023
I'm going to look for my girlfriend.
182
00:15:40,940 --> 00:15:45,195
What do you mean by that?
Were you trying to ditch me?
183
00:15:45,987 --> 00:15:48,456
I'm here to look for my girlfriend.
184
00:15:48,531 --> 00:15:52,377
Do you really think I'm here
for a honeymoon with you?
185
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:01,590
- Are you doing this on purpose?
- No...
186
00:16:02,920 --> 00:16:07,141
I didn't mean it earlier.
Will you forgive me?
187
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:11,600
I can't forgive you.
I'm asleep.
188
00:16:21,772 --> 00:16:27,199
Come on down to Tommy's Golf Shop.
We buy golf clubs! That's right! We buy...
189
00:16:27,278 --> 00:16:30,407
Punch me! Punch me! Yeah!
190
00:16:30,823 --> 00:16:34,123
A long-time collaboration between
film Director, Wronald Wright
191
00:16:34,202 --> 00:16:40,175
and the mega-popular international
sensation actor Gary Buesheimer is over.
192
00:16:40,249 --> 00:16:42,968
We know them as having collaborated
on some of the top
193
00:16:43,044 --> 00:16:46,639
box-office sensations for the last 10 years.
194
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:51,428
Rise from your slumber!
Look alive!
195
00:16:51,761 --> 00:16:53,729
Well, that's all over now.
196
00:16:53,804 --> 00:16:58,184
Because just after filming their
latest hit, "Another Man's Kiss",
197
00:16:58,518 --> 00:17:01,738
Wright caught Buesheimer in bed with his wife,
198
00:17:01,812 --> 00:17:04,440
up-and-coming starlet Kelly Ashley.
199
00:17:04,524 --> 00:17:08,370
Wow! Seems that endangered animals
are't the only wild things
200
00:17:08,444 --> 00:17:11,038
that Buesheimer likes to unleash.
201
00:17:26,671 --> 00:17:30,596
Oh, Kat Dennings, my goddess.
202
00:17:35,012 --> 00:17:38,312
- Okay, smile.
- Oscar statue!
203
00:17:38,391 --> 00:17:39,563
Say cheese!
204
00:17:39,642 --> 00:17:43,647
- It must be made of pure gold.
- That's good.
205
00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:49,277
Hi, leave a message.
206
00:17:49,360 --> 00:17:54,332
Hi, Yan Yan. It's me.
I have something really important to tell you.
207
00:17:59,161 --> 00:18:02,882
This star has the most famous
rodent in Hollywood.
208
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:05,301
- And you can take a picture.
- Beauty.
209
00:18:05,376 --> 00:18:09,756
I think that squirrel is staring at me.
Is it because I'm too good-looking?
210
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:12,388
You're thinking too much.
211
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:16,808
Hi, leave a message.
212
00:18:16,887 --> 00:18:19,982
Hi, it's me again.
I'm not sure why the phone got cut off earlier.
213
00:18:20,057 --> 00:18:23,652
I don't know if you got my last voicemail.
Can you...
214
00:18:25,479 --> 00:18:27,402
Damnit!
215
00:18:28,316 --> 00:18:30,444
Okay, time to go!
216
00:18:30,568 --> 00:18:35,199
Come on! We barely got to take any pictures!
This isn't cool!
217
00:18:57,053 --> 00:19:00,227
- Put down your phone.
- Why?
218
00:19:01,766 --> 00:19:07,193
Take it from a woman who knows,
if she really misses you, she'll call you back.
219
00:19:15,154 --> 00:19:17,373
Something is wrong here.
220
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:23,459
Indiana Jones is not left-handed.
This looks like a fake.
221
00:19:51,190 --> 00:19:54,911
You! You you you! I'm talking to you!
222
00:19:55,152 --> 00:19:57,075
Stop! Theif!
223
00:20:02,284 --> 00:20:04,582
- I got it!
- Freeze! FBI!
224
00:20:04,662 --> 00:20:07,211
- Hands in the air!
- Drop the bag! Drop the bag!
225
00:20:09,875 --> 00:20:13,345
For the first time I wished Dawei was right.
226
00:20:13,421 --> 00:20:18,348
Why couldn't this just be a Hollywood movie,
and not actually my life?
227
00:20:34,900 --> 00:20:37,244
What a performance!
So realistic!
228
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:41,119
- It's not a show! These are real guns! Stay down!
- Real guns?!s
229
00:20:57,256 --> 00:21:00,510
- Xiaoming, do you need my help?
- No! Worry about yourself!
230
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:08,897
Yan Yan!
231
00:21:34,335 --> 00:21:37,214
- I want my phone!
- Do you want your life?
232
00:21:45,137 --> 00:21:47,640
Captain America is back!
233
00:21:49,892 --> 00:21:51,769
Yes!
234
00:21:59,735 --> 00:22:04,457
Hurry up! Go go go!
235
00:22:06,116 --> 00:22:07,914
I'm doomed, I missed her call!
236
00:22:07,993 --> 00:22:11,213
- Then ask them to stop so you can answer the phone!
- Yeah!
237
00:22:12,206 --> 00:22:15,301
- Run! Real gun, real bullets!
- Run fast!
238
00:22:20,965 --> 00:22:23,639
Hi, I'm Dawei!
239
00:22:24,510 --> 00:22:26,888
240
00:22:40,860 --> 00:22:43,704
- Quick! Pass me that stick!
- Xiaoming!
241
00:22:45,489 --> 00:22:48,117
Another one! Hurry up!
242
00:22:52,413 --> 00:22:56,259
Check if there's any other
place we can escape!
243
00:23:05,259 --> 00:23:06,681
Screw it!
244
00:23:20,441 --> 00:23:23,695
"When it's time to jump, jump!"
245
00:23:34,622 --> 00:23:37,216
- Come over here!
- Hurry up, Xiaoming! Do you need help?
246
00:23:37,291 --> 00:23:42,092
I have an idea.
You're not the only one who watches movies!
247
00:23:43,088 --> 00:23:45,090
Be careful!
248
00:23:57,478 --> 00:24:00,652
The bad guy is almost out! Move!
249
00:24:02,358 --> 00:24:04,611
Hurry up!
250
00:24:09,782 --> 00:24:12,001
Be careful!
251
00:24:41,355 --> 00:24:43,608
You're the worst tour guide ever!
252
00:24:43,691 --> 00:24:47,195
This was your "great" idea?
253
00:24:48,654 --> 00:24:52,033
Thanks for the soft landing,
but I'm going to the police!
254
00:24:52,116 --> 00:24:55,370
Oh brilliant! Remember the airport?
255
00:24:55,452 --> 00:24:58,831
You think dealing with immigration was bad,
wait untill you meet the LAPD
256
00:25:02,751 --> 00:25:04,924
Give me the bag!
I'll get you out of here!
257
00:25:05,004 --> 00:25:08,429
- You think I'm stupid?
- Just give me the bag!
258
00:25:08,507 --> 00:25:11,351
"Come with me if you want to live!"
259
00:25:36,410 --> 00:25:38,538
No way!
260
00:25:47,629 --> 00:25:49,757
Throw at him!
261
00:25:55,804 --> 00:25:58,023
Bigger!
262
00:26:06,440 --> 00:26:08,442
Yes!
263
00:26:16,492 --> 00:26:21,919
- Who are those people? What the hell did they want?
- That bag.
264
00:26:22,039 --> 00:26:25,509
Bag? Why don't we just give it to them?
265
00:26:25,709 --> 00:26:29,339
How about you give me the bag?
266
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,924
And we'll go our separate ways.
267
00:26:32,007 --> 00:26:33,930
Not a chance.
268
00:26:43,018 --> 00:26:47,865
What is this? Are you trafficking drugs?!
269
00:26:50,943 --> 00:26:54,664
Rhino horn?
Don't they use this to make combs?
270
00:26:54,738 --> 00:26:58,493
- Why risk your life for a stupid comb?
- Actually buffalo horn is used for combs.
271
00:26:58,575 --> 00:27:01,499
Crushed rhino horn is an aphrodisiac.
272
00:27:01,578 --> 00:27:04,127
It costs a lot of money in America!
273
00:27:13,799 --> 00:27:17,099
So the tour was a cover for you.
274
00:27:17,177 --> 00:27:19,305
You sell horse-meat as beef-steak!
275
00:27:19,388 --> 00:27:23,643
You're actually running a smuggling ring!
So everyone else on the tour was also part of your operation?
276
00:27:23,725 --> 00:27:28,026
- Yeah. Except the two of you.
277
00:27:28,105 --> 00:27:32,155
The plot twists too fast!
If this were a movie, it'd be the kind
278
00:27:32,234 --> 00:27:35,704
that started shooting before
the script was finished!
279
00:27:35,779 --> 00:27:41,127
What kind of person are you?
You're a criminal disguided as a tour guide,
I should turn you and this bag over to the police!
280
00:27:41,201 --> 00:27:44,501
- Hey, it's not like what you think!
- I wish I had some Coca-Cola and popcorn.
281
00:27:44,580 --> 00:27:48,881
If you'd let me go yesterday, I would be with Yan Yan now!
None of this would've happened!
282
00:27:48,959 --> 00:27:55,137
Hey! Hang on! You don't know the
language or the city. But I do.
283
00:27:55,257 --> 00:28:00,263
How about this: You give me the bag,
and I'll take you to your girlfriend.
284
00:28:02,556 --> 00:28:07,357
No! You take me to my girlfriend first,
then I'll give you the bag.
285
00:28:09,062 --> 00:28:10,814
Fine.
286
00:28:12,065 --> 00:28:15,569
This is how we seal the deal in America.
It's a deal now.
287
00:28:23,160 --> 00:28:24,878
For Yan Yan.
288
00:28:29,124 --> 00:28:32,128
Key! Let's go!
289
00:28:44,473 --> 00:28:49,070
Oh, Agent Li, I don't think Interpol needs to be here.
This is FBI jurisdiction.
290
00:28:49,144 --> 00:28:51,567
Before I brought this smuggling
ring to your attention,
291
00:28:51,647 --> 00:28:54,446
they were operating with impunity,
right under your furry nose.
292
00:28:54,524 --> 00:28:59,530
If I were you, I would not choose this
particular moment to start taking responsibility.
293
00:29:00,530 --> 00:29:04,660
People, find me that Rhino horn!
And then bring me the fools...
294
00:29:04,743 --> 00:29:07,087
...who tried to take it!
295
00:29:18,090 --> 00:29:21,845
Holy crap! The Terminator T-1000!
Let's leave!
296
00:29:21,927 --> 00:29:25,056
- He's just a security guard, okay?
- No, he's the Terminator!
297
00:29:25,138 --> 00:29:28,142
he must have come back from the future
to destroy all human beings!
298
00:29:28,225 --> 00:29:31,729
He's made of liquid metal, and can transform into anything!
It's look like he's aging,
299
00:29:31,812 --> 00:29:33,780
But on the inside he's killing machine!
Let's leave quick.
300
00:29:33,855 --> 00:29:38,326
- You've watched too many movies. They've rotted your brain. Calm down.
- It's too dangerous to go there!
301
00:29:38,443 --> 00:29:40,992
No matter who he is, I must get in there!
302
00:29:42,489 --> 00:29:45,868
But that looks impossible.
303
00:29:48,245 --> 00:29:51,840
- I have an idea.
- Be careful!
304
00:29:53,125 --> 00:29:55,344
This is really embarrassing.
305
00:29:55,419 --> 00:29:57,717
I don't think she can fool the T-1000.
306
00:29:57,796 --> 00:29:59,343
I messed up the tickets.
307
00:29:59,423 --> 00:30:03,269
I thought maybe if they could
see the studio lot,
308
00:30:03,343 --> 00:30:06,392
I may not, you know, lose my job.
309
00:30:07,973 --> 00:30:10,351
Look at me, in this silly uniform.
310
00:30:10,434 --> 00:30:14,530
He's going to stab her eyes with his fingers!
311
00:30:26,366 --> 00:30:31,213
Whoa!
Say, nice shoes.
312
00:30:35,459 --> 00:30:39,214
Just keep going! Make a right at
the alien birthing facility!
313
00:30:39,296 --> 00:30:43,176
It's a big building, Wronald Wright Productions.
You can't miss it.
314
00:30:43,383 --> 00:30:45,477
Did you get cream?
315
00:30:47,012 --> 00:30:50,266
I'll be back with the cream.
316
00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:16,167
Here we are. Nice doing business with you.
Hopefully I'll see you next time!
317
00:31:16,792 --> 00:31:19,261
Not until we find Yan Yan!
318
00:31:19,336 --> 00:31:22,306
We had a deal.
What if she's not here?
319
00:31:22,381 --> 00:31:25,885
- I thought I could trust you.
- Ha!
320
00:31:27,094 --> 00:31:31,520
My Goddess!
My goddess Kat Dennings!
321
00:31:31,598 --> 00:31:34,852
I also want to have a time trip with you!
Even if there's no electricity or internet,
322
00:31:34,935 --> 00:31:37,358
or no movies and tv shows!
323
00:31:37,437 --> 00:31:42,113
The car is flipping over her head and she's still able to
reach up to touch the guy? That's completely impossible!
324
00:31:42,317 --> 00:31:45,742
This is Hollywood, nothing is impossible here.
Right, my goddess?
325
00:31:50,909 --> 00:31:55,255
This next audition is Jimmy Wilson.
Jimmy Wilson?
326
00:31:55,914 --> 00:32:00,044
- Let's see if we can sneak in the back door.
- I have an idea.
327
00:32:00,127 --> 00:32:02,425
Oh, another great idea?
328
00:32:04,464 --> 00:32:05,636
Hi!
329
00:32:05,715 --> 00:32:08,434
I'm sorry, you can't be here.
330
00:32:08,510 --> 00:32:11,559
You tell her Dawei is an actor, and
he's here for the audition.
331
00:32:11,638 --> 00:32:14,391
- Good idea.
- We're here for the auditions.
332
00:32:14,474 --> 00:32:17,523
This is Tong Dawei, my client.
333
00:32:19,479 --> 00:32:24,451
Okay.
But are you sure you are in the right place?
334
00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:28,114
- Wronald Wrights office, please hold!
- She doesn't believe you.
335
00:32:28,196 --> 00:32:31,291
Uh, no no no.
You can tell her...
336
00:32:31,366 --> 00:32:33,664
I'm sorry you have to leave
or I'll have to call security.
337
00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:37,998
Oh, I see how it is.
You're saying because my client is Chinese,
338
00:32:38,081 --> 00:32:41,335
he can't audition for your movie?
339
00:32:41,418 --> 00:32:43,386
No, I didn't...
340
00:32:43,462 --> 00:32:46,636
I didn't know this was for white people only!
341
00:32:46,715 --> 00:32:48,058
Now you're putting words into my mouth.
342
00:32:48,133 --> 00:32:50,636
Do you know we have a black president,
343
00:32:50,719 --> 00:32:52,938
and his number one pet peeve is
the lack of diversity in Hollywood!
344
00:32:53,013 --> 00:32:57,359
Please keep it down. I'll let the
casting director know
345
00:32:57,434 --> 00:33:00,904
- that Mr. Tang Dewei...
- Please, Tong.
346
00:33:01,521 --> 00:33:05,071
- Sorry. Sorry!
- It's okay.
347
00:33:05,817 --> 00:33:10,573
I'll let them know that Mr. Tong is here.
Now please, have a seat,
348
00:33:10,655 --> 00:33:15,001
- and if you need anything, water, coffee, just let me know.
- Thank you.
349
00:33:19,456 --> 00:33:23,802
- That was really impressive!
- Just going with the flow.
350
00:33:23,877 --> 00:33:26,756
I've never seen anyone as deceptive as you.
351
00:33:26,838 --> 00:33:28,010
What are you trying to say?
352
00:33:28,089 --> 00:33:31,184
You have talent,
to be able to lie like that.
353
00:33:32,219 --> 00:33:34,221
Are you calling me a liar?!
354
00:33:34,304 --> 00:33:37,774
You don't know me!
Don't ever call me a liar!
355
00:33:37,849 --> 00:33:41,604
I didn't mean it that way. I meant you can "act"!
Acting is one of your good qualities.
356
00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:45,441
- Oh yeah? Let's talk about your good qualities!
- What about me?
357
00:33:45,524 --> 00:33:49,574
- Control freak! You think you can plan every second of your life?
- What's wrong with that?
358
00:33:49,653 --> 00:33:52,998
Tell me if I've got this right. You made big
plans with your girlfriend back at home
359
00:33:53,073 --> 00:33:55,872
without even asking her opinion. So she broke up with you.
Then you desperately followed her to the US.
360
00:33:55,951 --> 00:33:59,376
You think you can win her back by doing this?
361
00:33:59,454 --> 00:34:03,300
At least I'm living my life the way I want!
You pretend to be a tour guide, but you're just a criminal.
362
00:34:03,375 --> 00:34:07,926
I wonder how much of your life is actually real!!
363
00:34:14,886 --> 00:34:19,938
Get me to Yan Yan soon and we can go our separate ways.
I never want to see you again.
364
00:34:29,276 --> 00:34:33,747
- Alright, next is Tong Dawei.
- That's me!
365
00:34:33,863 --> 00:34:36,491
Okay, let's go.
366
00:34:36,575 --> 00:34:40,796
Keep going, keep going. And you just,
right on the mark, right there...
367
00:34:40,870 --> 00:34:44,841
- "May the force be with you."
- Okay.
368
00:34:45,083 --> 00:34:48,132
"To infinity, and beyond!"
369
00:34:48,628 --> 00:34:51,097
"I'm king of the world!"
370
00:34:51,172 --> 00:34:55,769
Oh, my God! He's terrible.
Sorry where did we find him? From YouTube?
371
00:34:55,844 --> 00:35:01,601
Interesting... Okay.
Can you give us a dramatic monologue, please?
372
00:35:02,017 --> 00:35:04,145
A speech.
373
00:35:14,738 --> 00:35:17,036
Should I call security?
374
00:35:18,992 --> 00:35:21,586
One, two, three, action.
375
00:35:23,246 --> 00:35:27,467
Whatever life holds in store for me,
I'll never forget my uncle's last words:
376
00:35:27,542 --> 00:35:30,261
"With great power comes great responsibility."
377
00:35:30,337 --> 00:35:35,059
This is my gift from God.
It is also my curse.
378
00:35:36,384 --> 00:35:40,560
I didn't understand a word.
I'm Asian, but not that Asian.
379
00:35:40,639 --> 00:35:44,394
Who needs to understandwords when you can
infuse a performance with such emotion and truth
380
00:35:44,476 --> 00:35:47,070
that language becomes pointless.
381
00:35:47,145 --> 00:35:50,115
No, I understood every word he said,
382
00:35:50,190 --> 00:35:52,989
even though I didn't understand
a single word he said.
383
00:35:53,068 --> 00:35:58,199
Take notes, people. Because you've just
witnessed the birth of a superstar!
384
00:35:58,281 --> 00:36:02,627
I think we just found our Apocalyptic Traffic Cop #7.
385
00:36:02,702 --> 00:36:05,376
Bravo, sir!
Bravo!
386
00:36:06,706 --> 00:36:10,552
I knew he was special the moment
I walked him in.
387
00:36:10,627 --> 00:36:14,598
- I was like, "there's the young Asian DeNiro."
- Yeah!
388
00:36:15,632 --> 00:36:17,634
He is one tasty dish!
389
00:36:31,981 --> 00:36:36,578
- Ah, Wronald Wright!
- This must be Yan Yan's desk.
390
00:36:39,364 --> 00:36:43,164
- Are you sure this is her seat?
- I'm sure.
391
00:36:44,994 --> 00:36:48,089
There's no photo of me here.
392
00:36:49,708 --> 00:36:52,427
- Did you find anything?
- Not yet...
393
00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:58,972
Aw man... I was two weeks away from a ponytail.
394
00:37:03,263 --> 00:37:06,767
Yan Yan isn't here.
Maybe she's on a movie set.
395
00:37:06,850 --> 00:37:10,275
Hmm... Nice haircut
396
00:37:10,353 --> 00:37:12,401
A deadly shooting took place earlier
today at the Hollywood Exhibit.
397
00:37:12,480 --> 00:37:14,858
The police have taken several
suspects into custody,
398
00:37:14,941 --> 00:37:19,913
including a local businessman
named Bung Ho Lee, aka Manny Love.
399
00:37:19,988 --> 00:37:23,834
I'm just an innocent Korean immigrant who
is trying to live the American dream!
400
00:37:23,908 --> 00:37:25,626
If you've got any information...
401
00:37:25,702 --> 00:37:30,924
- We need to change our look.
- Cheer up. What's wrong with you?
402
00:37:34,878 --> 00:37:38,382
This hat is so cool!
Do you like it?
403
00:37:44,471 --> 00:37:50,319
How about this shirt? Oh my god!
It looks great on you! You look amazing!
404
00:37:50,894 --> 00:37:53,397
Ah, there's the smile! Smile...
405
00:37:54,022 --> 00:37:56,650
God bless you.
406
00:38:00,445 --> 00:38:05,326
Hey, hey, hey, hey. 'Sup, dudes?
Couple of movie stars!
407
00:38:15,502 --> 00:38:20,679
The package in in my hand.
I'm on my way. I'll deliver it.
408
00:38:20,757 --> 00:38:25,228
You give me my passport and I'm done.
See... What...
409
00:38:28,473 --> 00:38:33,479
- Hey Beauty? Did you miss us?
- You need a ride, miss?
410
00:38:34,229 --> 00:38:39,156
This is Dougie. He'll take us to the set.
That's is where Yan Yan is.
411
00:38:41,152 --> 00:38:43,075
Oh, thank you.
412
00:38:45,448 --> 00:38:46,791
Hey.
413
00:38:53,164 --> 00:38:57,715
Oh, don't mind him. That's Free Range.
Say hello, Free Range.
414
00:39:00,088 --> 00:39:04,639
Sit back and relax.
Time to get you guys to set.
415
00:39:06,719 --> 00:39:10,815
- How long is the drive?
- Two hours.
416
00:39:11,307 --> 00:39:13,776
You understand Mandarin?
417
00:39:13,852 --> 00:39:20,280
No, man. It doesn't matter what language, because
the universe speaks to me in the moement.
418
00:39:20,358 --> 00:39:22,486
- What did he say?
- Äh...
419
00:39:22,569 --> 00:39:25,413
- Where are my manners, anyone want a cookie?
- No no no. Thank you.
420
00:39:25,488 --> 00:39:27,536
I'm actually hungry.
421
00:39:28,825 --> 00:39:33,171
- Hm, Delicious!
- Hey, not bad for a newbie.
422
00:39:33,705 --> 00:39:36,629
He knows the word Newbie (awesome)!
423
00:39:36,708 --> 00:39:39,382
- He said I''m awesome!
- Yeah, you're a newbie.
424
00:39:39,460 --> 00:39:43,931
- I am awesome. I'm awesome.
- Yeah, you're like a beginner. Newbie.
425
00:39:58,980 --> 00:40:02,860
Well well well... Mr. Manny Love.
426
00:40:03,026 --> 00:40:05,620
Do you have any idea how
much trouble you're in?
427
00:40:05,695 --> 00:40:10,451
Bros, you have to trust me!
I'm no law-breaker.
428
00:40:10,533 --> 00:40:14,163
I love American laws. I love America.
429
00:40:14,245 --> 00:40:19,251
She's the one that you want.
Look, I didn't know her Hollywood Adventure tour
430
00:40:19,334 --> 00:40:22,008
was a front for illegal activities.
431
00:40:22,086 --> 00:40:23,633
I gave you permission to
432
00:40:23,713 --> 00:40:26,387
search my motel and go through my records.
433
00:40:26,466 --> 00:40:29,720
But you'll see she's using me.
434
00:40:29,802 --> 00:40:34,603
I'll help you in any way I can
to bring this fugitive to justice.
435
00:40:56,412 --> 00:40:58,631
- Dougie!
- Morning!
436
00:40:59,707 --> 00:41:03,302
- Be careful, okay?
- Awesome...
437
00:41:05,213 --> 00:41:08,683
- Newbie.
- Awesome...
438
00:41:14,847 --> 00:41:17,225
This guy Manny must really mean
something to you.
439
00:41:18,017 --> 00:41:22,864
Manny? That's ridiculous!
It's because of him that I ended up like this...
440
00:41:22,939 --> 00:41:26,819
Smuggling, scamming all day long.
441
00:41:26,901 --> 00:41:31,327
What kind of person I've become? I trusted someone I should've,
and now I'm like this... a fugitive on the run.
442
00:41:33,783 --> 00:41:40,962
- Then what do you want with the rhino horn?
- I want to get out of this.
443
00:41:42,500 --> 00:41:46,255
The money I can get from selling it,
I can buy a new passport, get a new life.
444
00:41:46,337 --> 00:41:51,935
Real freedom. I want to go home.
445
00:42:55,948 --> 00:42:58,497
How long has that chicken been
sitting there?
446
00:43:56,300 --> 00:44:03,775
Dougie! Dougie! Wake up! Dougie!
Wake up!
447
00:44:04,016 --> 00:44:06,769
Wake up! Wake up!
448
00:44:06,853 --> 00:44:09,948
Dougie! Wake up!
Wake up!
449
00:45:01,991 --> 00:45:10,092
Dougie? Dougie?
Hopefully he's not dead.
450
00:45:10,583 --> 00:45:14,884
I've learned from movies is never
be caught with a dead white guy!
451
00:45:37,151 --> 00:45:40,826
It's my fault. After I noticed Dougie
almost fell asleep, I should've driven.
452
00:45:40,905 --> 00:45:43,408
You can blame me.
The studio wanted to take us out tomorrow.
453
00:45:43,574 --> 00:45:45,292
I surrender, sheriff.
454
00:45:45,368 --> 00:45:48,292
It was me who keep screaming
at Dougie, "NOW!"
455
00:45:50,122 --> 00:45:51,920
Your English is not so bad.
456
00:45:51,999 --> 00:45:56,300
Are you kidding me? I couldn't
have gone anywhere without you.
457
00:45:57,630 --> 00:46:01,726
You were right. Everything you said
back in the studio elevator.
458
00:46:03,010 --> 00:46:06,685
That was just lucky guess.
459
00:46:15,606 --> 00:46:17,654
Try it. Start her up.
460
00:46:24,407 --> 00:46:27,001
Wow! You're amazing!
461
00:46:33,332 --> 00:46:39,339
Hey, my phone is inside!
Dougie!
462
00:46:43,634 --> 00:46:47,389
What just happened? What just happaned?
463
00:46:47,471 --> 00:46:50,224
At least he's not dead.
464
00:46:52,601 --> 00:46:59,155
Dawei, please tell us, if this were a movie,
what would we do next?
465
00:47:02,778 --> 00:47:04,325
We walk.
466
00:47:14,332 --> 00:47:16,130
What's that thing you've been playing with?
467
00:47:16,208 --> 00:47:22,181
Golden bird. My father gave it
to me before he passed away.
468
00:47:22,256 --> 00:47:25,556
It was the year I turned 8 years old.
I remember clearly, It was raining that day,
469
00:47:25,634 --> 00:47:28,103
the street was crowded.
470
00:47:28,179 --> 00:47:32,275
We went through an alley,
then a guy appeared.
471
00:47:32,350 --> 00:47:34,478
He tried to take my mom's necklece,
472
00:47:34,560 --> 00:47:39,031
my dad tried to fight back.
All of a sudden, he took out a gun.
473
00:47:39,106 --> 00:47:42,360
I watched my parents died in the street.
474
00:47:46,489 --> 00:47:48,742
From that point, my butler raised me.
475
00:47:48,824 --> 00:47:51,543
He's a nice man. Very loyal to my family.
476
00:47:51,619 --> 00:47:54,964
Now I'm just traveling around the world,
hoping to learn more,
477
00:47:55,039 --> 00:47:59,010
so in the future, I can take over
my dad's business.
478
00:47:59,085 --> 00:48:01,929
Wow... You're Batman!
479
00:48:17,478 --> 00:48:19,105
Is that a giant boot?
480
00:48:19,188 --> 00:48:21,156
- Yes.
- Just making sure...
481
00:48:21,232 --> 00:48:25,988
- What is it for?
- I think it's just a boot.
482
00:48:26,278 --> 00:48:27,700
America!
483
00:48:28,197 --> 00:48:33,249
Big Barbeque Boot. Oh, it's a Barbeque!
I'm starving! I want meat!
484
00:48:33,327 --> 00:48:36,456
Barbeque meat! Quick!
485
00:49:05,109 --> 00:49:10,240
- How come I don't feel hungry anymore?
- Let's leave.
486
00:49:15,536 --> 00:49:17,538
Keep going!
487
00:49:29,967 --> 00:49:32,891
"Reach for the sky..."
488
00:49:33,804 --> 00:49:37,980
- What're you doing? Stop messing around.
- They'll beat us up...
489
00:49:38,392 --> 00:49:42,647
"I'm a dude playing a dude
disguised as another dude."
490
00:49:44,565 --> 00:49:49,913
"I'm just a girl standing in front
of a boy asking him to love her."
491
00:49:51,906 --> 00:49:54,204
Are you making fun of us, boy?
492
00:49:54,283 --> 00:49:58,083
- We gotta do something...
"Why so serious?"
493
00:49:58,162 --> 00:50:02,087
Punch me! Punch me! Punch me!
494
00:50:04,168 --> 00:50:06,170
- Punch me.
- What?
495
00:50:06,253 --> 00:50:08,301
- Punch me!
- Are you out of your mind?
496
00:50:08,380 --> 00:50:11,054
You left your phone in the car,
and even let him drive away!
497
00:50:11,133 --> 00:50:15,639
I'm telling you, you'd better stop yelling at me!
Don't you think we're in enough trouble already?
498
00:50:16,222 --> 00:50:19,692
You're a liar. Absolutely a big liar!
499
00:50:19,767 --> 00:50:22,646
- What did you say?
- Your whole entire life, you're doomed to be cheated!
500
00:50:25,689 --> 00:50:27,191
Even your punch feels like a cheat.
501
00:50:32,446 --> 00:50:36,076
Is there a window open?
Because I feel a breeze.
502
00:50:44,959 --> 00:50:47,132
Whiskey's on me!
503
00:50:51,423 --> 00:50:54,848
This is the idea you made
up with your head?
504
00:50:54,927 --> 00:50:57,555
More like I made it using my face.
505
00:52:16,425 --> 00:52:20,601
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to hit you so hard.
506
00:52:23,098 --> 00:52:24,941
I deserved it.
507
00:52:25,017 --> 00:52:30,114
That stuff I said earlier,
I didn't meant it.
508
00:52:46,288 --> 00:52:52,170
You know...
You're not the first fool to
509
00:52:52,628 --> 00:52:55,381
fly across the world for love.
510
00:52:55,839 --> 00:53:00,766
No way...
You too?
511
00:53:02,137 --> 00:53:09,112
- Sometimes, love is blind.
- Is he in the film business?
512
00:53:10,104 --> 00:53:12,698
Not everyone in Hollywood
is in the film business.
513
00:53:13,982 --> 00:53:17,361
I always thought he was the one.
514
00:53:18,529 --> 00:53:23,501
One day he told me he had some
big news to share.
515
00:53:24,076 --> 00:53:26,579
I thought he was going to propose to me.
516
00:53:27,663 --> 00:53:33,136
So that day, I did my nails, and my hair.
517
00:53:33,502 --> 00:53:36,551
I also brought a very expensive dress.
518
00:53:37,381 --> 00:53:40,635
- Then...
- Then he proposed.
519
00:53:41,218 --> 00:53:43,516
He proposed to someone else.
520
00:53:48,684 --> 00:53:54,362
That was the moment I found out
who he really was.
521
00:53:55,733 --> 00:54:00,204
Later I reallized he'd lied about everything.
522
00:54:00,362 --> 00:54:04,333
- I'm sorry...
- That's in the past.
523
00:54:04,408 --> 00:54:07,002
I feel pretty good now.
524
00:54:07,077 --> 00:54:11,583
Only I feel sorry for my parents.
525
00:54:13,542 --> 00:54:16,421
They had warned me that
526
00:54:16,503 --> 00:54:20,508
going to America for this guy
wasn't smart.
527
00:54:21,425 --> 00:54:26,682
They cried and begged me not to go.
I was very stubborn then.
528
00:54:27,097 --> 00:54:30,522
I told them I must go to America.
I would live a good life.
529
00:54:32,394 --> 00:54:35,898
I felt ashamed to go back home.
530
00:54:36,690 --> 00:54:40,069
Then I found a job. Tour guide.
531
00:54:41,361 --> 00:54:45,867
I didn't realize I was hired as a cover
for smuggling operation.
532
00:54:45,949 --> 00:54:49,294
If you knew you were being used,
why didn't you leave?
533
00:54:49,369 --> 00:54:53,590
Manny is very tricky.
534
00:54:53,665 --> 00:54:57,215
He knows America well.
535
00:54:58,754 --> 00:55:00,973
He would frame every crime on me.
536
00:55:06,845 --> 00:55:10,315
So, your story checks out.
You're free to go.
537
00:55:12,142 --> 00:55:15,646
Thank you. Thank you for your
hospitality, gentlemen.
538
00:55:15,729 --> 00:55:19,905
Speaking of hospitality, please be
my guest at "Hotel Five Star" Motel.
539
00:55:19,983 --> 00:55:23,157
I'll even give you a discount.
Five... Ten percent.
540
00:55:24,071 --> 00:55:29,749
- That's never gonna happen.
- I appreciate your honesty, Agent Fox.
541
00:55:29,827 --> 00:55:33,127
For that, you get fifteen percent.
542
00:55:33,747 --> 00:55:36,876
But don't tell Agent Tight-ass over here.
543
00:55:36,959 --> 00:55:40,429
It's our little secret, right?
544
00:56:10,868 --> 00:56:13,667
Well well well...
545
00:57:18,393 --> 00:57:20,566
Troublemaker.
546
00:57:33,200 --> 00:57:39,173
Rise and shine, pertners! Yee-hoo!
Rise and shine, partners!
547
00:57:42,209 --> 00:57:45,304
Rise and shine, partners! Yee-hoo!
548
00:57:50,842 --> 00:57:53,436
- Good morning, lovebirds.
- Morning.
549
00:57:53,679 --> 00:57:56,933
My little cousin's.
It should fit you.
550
00:57:57,015 --> 00:58:00,064
- You guys ready for some bacon and eggs?
- Sorry, we gotta go.
551
00:58:00,143 --> 00:58:03,989
- Got a long walk ahead of us.
- Walking? Outta here?
552
00:58:05,148 --> 00:58:08,618
The vultures be picking your
bones by sunset.
553
00:58:08,694 --> 00:58:10,696
Thanks. We will be okay.
554
00:58:10,779 --> 00:58:16,377
No no. You gotta ride outta here in style.
On the Hog!
555
00:58:16,451 --> 00:58:19,500
- The Hog?
- That sound really powerful.
556
00:58:53,572 --> 00:58:56,416
Do you know how to drive?
557
00:59:01,621 --> 00:59:04,841
I think we have to climb over this.
558
00:59:04,916 --> 00:59:06,293
Almost there.
559
00:59:07,169 --> 00:59:10,423
Everyone freeze! If this were a movie,
the snake would bite my butt.
560
00:59:10,505 --> 00:59:15,727
Then Xiaoming would have to suck
my butt to save my life.
561
00:59:19,890 --> 00:59:22,143
Not in this movie!
562
00:59:22,225 --> 00:59:27,777
An animal was harmed during the making of this film.
This scene will be deleted.
563
00:59:47,542 --> 00:59:50,591
It's so quiet.
564
00:59:51,296 --> 00:59:57,178
- Hello? Hello?
- Is anyone here?
565
00:59:58,678 --> 01:00:02,057
Is anyone here?
566
01:00:22,327 --> 01:00:24,955
RUN!
567
01:02:13,605 --> 01:02:17,030
Holy crap!
What are you, Robocop?
568
01:02:17,567 --> 01:02:21,697
- Your aim is amazing! Where did you learn that?
- From movies.
569
01:02:22,405 --> 01:02:25,204
- I think this belongs to you.
- Don-don't tell anyone.
570
01:02:25,283 --> 01:02:27,832
- Okay.
- Cut! Cut! Cut...
571
01:02:28,161 --> 01:02:32,211
- I think we were in a movie just now.
- Cut! Cut! Cut!
572
01:02:33,041 --> 01:02:34,918
Cut!
573
01:02:36,044 --> 01:02:41,392
What was that? What was that?
The car is not supposed to flip!
574
01:02:41,758 --> 01:02:47,015
The car is supposed to crash into the building
and then it's suppposed to blow up!
575
01:02:47,097 --> 01:02:50,067
- Did you change that? Did you change that?
- No, sir!
576
01:02:50,141 --> 01:02:52,439
Somebody changed that.
Who changed that?
577
01:02:52,519 --> 01:02:56,444
Who's going around behind my back
changing things, huh?
578
01:02:56,523 --> 01:02:59,493
You, you with the beard.
You changed it?
579
01:02:59,567 --> 01:03:02,787
Everybody does it now,
that's the new game.
580
01:03:02,862 --> 01:03:06,332
Wronald will never find out we're having
an affair. He'll look like a fool.
581
01:03:06,408 --> 01:03:10,788
But what difference does it make because
we're having so much fun fornicationg!
582
01:03:11,579 --> 01:03:15,209
Well, fuck you, Gary Buesheimer! Huh!
583
01:03:15,709 --> 01:03:19,088
Fuck Gary Buesheimer!
584
01:03:19,170 --> 01:03:22,640
- Who is the director yelling to "screw"?
- Gary Buesheimer
585
01:03:22,716 --> 01:03:27,768
- Fuck you, Gary Buesheimer!
- He screwed the director's wife.
586
01:03:31,391 --> 01:03:38,070
Divorce is hard.
But making movie is harder.
587
01:03:38,356 --> 01:03:43,487
So when I say I want the
building to blow up,
588
01:03:43,570 --> 01:03:46,790
it means I want the building to blow up!
589
01:04:01,755 --> 01:04:04,725
Did the... building just blow up?
590
01:04:09,596 --> 01:04:13,942
Who the hell are you, huh?
You know what you've done?
591
01:04:14,059 --> 01:04:16,983
You've just taken my 4 million dollar
action sequence, you took it out to the pasture,
592
01:04:17,062 --> 01:04:21,442
you took it out behind the barn,
and then you shot it in the head!
593
01:04:21,524 --> 01:04:25,620
- Xiaoming?
- Yan Yan?
594
01:04:25,695 --> 01:04:29,620
Yan Yan, don't tell me you have
anything to do with these guys!
595
01:04:29,699 --> 01:04:32,919
I wish I could. I'm so sorry.
596
01:04:32,994 --> 01:04:37,625
In the back again! In the back again!
Always behind the back!
597
01:04:37,707 --> 01:04:41,382
Right behind the back!
598
01:04:42,879 --> 01:04:47,350
Who got this in my shot, huh?
Who parked this thing here?
599
01:04:47,425 --> 01:04:50,429
- You did, sir.
- Well, then movie it!
600
01:05:08,613 --> 01:05:11,833
I heard the explosion went off early.
Is anyone hurt?
601
01:05:11,908 --> 01:05:17,256
- Me! Very bad hurt!
- Oh, you poor man! Do you need help?
602
01:05:17,330 --> 01:05:22,928
Yeah, I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel.
603
01:05:24,671 --> 01:05:28,050
You're so cute.
Here, come in my trailer.
604
01:05:28,299 --> 01:05:31,678
Let's see if I can help you feel again.
605
01:05:35,723 --> 01:05:39,478
Why do you always mess things up?
606
01:05:39,561 --> 01:05:44,818
I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry.
I came to America for you.
607
01:05:45,150 --> 01:05:49,200
I don't want to break up with you.
We can still...
608
01:05:49,279 --> 01:05:53,876
Xiaoming, I know you really
care about me. I do
609
01:05:55,994 --> 01:06:02,718
But you have to understand, I found the
thing I want here. Something I love.
610
01:06:07,046 --> 01:06:13,725
But I'm already here. As long as
you don't break up with me,
611
01:06:14,053 --> 01:06:15,680
- Xiaoming...
- I can do whatever you need me to do.
612
01:06:15,763 --> 01:06:21,770
- Yan Yan!
- I've move on.
613
01:06:21,853 --> 01:06:23,730
Yan Yan!
614
01:06:25,106 --> 01:06:27,108
Please go.
615
01:06:29,986 --> 01:06:31,738
Yan Yan!
616
01:06:32,947 --> 01:06:35,075
Do you have any idea what
he went through to...
617
01:06:35,158 --> 01:06:39,163
- Who are you? Who is he to you?
- He flew halfway around the world and
went through three days of hell.
618
01:06:39,245 --> 01:06:41,623
He almost lost his life
619
01:06:41,706 --> 01:06:45,961
all just for a chance to see you. Do you
know how hard it is to find a guy like him?
620
01:06:46,711 --> 01:06:50,682
Sure, he can be a bit boring.
He's not spontaneous and he's stubborn.
621
01:06:50,757 --> 01:06:53,510
But he's a guy who would do anything
for the woman he loves.
622
01:06:53,593 --> 01:06:55,846
A guy who'd die for you!
623
01:06:55,929 --> 01:07:00,309
If I had your kind of luck, and found a guy who
loved me that much, I would never let him go.
624
01:07:03,853 --> 01:07:06,732
I don't even know what I'm talking about.
625
01:07:07,690 --> 01:07:12,571
But I just think the least
you can do is hear him out.
626
01:07:46,813 --> 01:07:51,159
Xiaoming, wait!
Wait for me!
627
01:07:51,651 --> 01:07:56,157
I've had enough. I don't know what I was thinking.
I should never have come here!
628
01:07:56,239 --> 01:08:00,415
You went with your heart.
You had to face it anyway!
629
01:08:03,454 --> 01:08:07,834
And? Look where it got me.
630
01:08:10,003 --> 01:08:14,509
By the way, thank you.
Thank you for finding Yan Yan for me.
631
01:08:14,591 --> 01:08:15,888
Really, thank you very much.
632
01:08:15,967 --> 01:08:19,471
Oh, wait... I fogot to shoot
my travel documentary.
633
01:08:19,554 --> 01:08:21,727
I'm not in the mood to do this, Dawei.
I'm warning you...
634
01:08:21,806 --> 01:08:24,935
You should be in the mood now.
The hero is at his low point,
635
01:08:25,018 --> 01:08:27,612
just before he gets inspired
to save the day.
636
01:08:27,687 --> 01:08:31,487
I'm telling you one last time!
This is not a damn movie!
637
01:08:31,566 --> 01:08:36,572
And I'm not a hero! I'm just a guy standing
in the middle of the desert, a big stupid idiot!
638
01:08:36,654 --> 01:08:40,830
Can you say it again?
This time emphasize the world "Idiot."
639
01:08:44,621 --> 01:08:51,630
Okay, I'm done. Bye, ladies and gentlemen!
See you never!
640
01:08:53,630 --> 01:08:55,132
Shit!
641
01:08:56,132 --> 01:08:58,430
Lose something?
642
01:09:02,263 --> 01:09:05,517
You know what I love about good apple pie?
643
01:09:05,600 --> 01:09:07,443
It's not too sweet.
644
01:09:07,518 --> 01:09:11,193
You know, some things you eat and it just
make you sick to your stomach.
645
01:09:11,272 --> 01:09:15,903
Other things, just not sweet enough.
But pie... pie is in the middle!
646
01:09:15,985 --> 01:09:21,958
It's right on target. See, pie is reasonable.
I love me some reasonable.
647
01:09:22,909 --> 01:09:27,540
Such an ominous, metaphorical speech!
I think it's turning into a horro film.
648
01:09:27,622 --> 01:09:31,877
Oh, I almost forgot. There's your phone, bro!
649
01:09:34,087 --> 01:09:40,595
Don't worry, your girl's safe. Under the care of some
of my associates at an undisclosed location, of course.
650
01:09:41,844 --> 01:09:43,471
Oh ho!
651
01:09:45,139 --> 01:09:52,193
- Here, take it. Let her go
- Come on.
652
01:09:52,897 --> 01:09:57,573
What do I look like here, huh? Do you think I'd take the
trouble of coming up with this brilliant import operation,
653
01:09:57,652 --> 01:10:00,246
putting your name in the paperwork,
654
01:10:00,321 --> 01:10:05,122
becoming some two-bit delivery boy
while the feds are breathing up my ass?
655
01:10:05,243 --> 01:10:08,873
Bro, there's a reason I framed you.
656
01:10:09,080 --> 01:10:14,587
You will make the delivery. You wil bring me my money.
And that's no play, Wei Wei.
657
01:10:14,877 --> 01:10:18,507
That's just a reasonable business decision.
658
01:10:19,590 --> 01:10:21,308
That's the address to my buyer.
659
01:10:21,509 --> 01:10:24,604
You drive there, you make the delivery
and you bring me my money.
660
01:10:24,679 --> 01:10:28,559
Then you get the girl in one piece.
Easy as pie.
661
01:10:30,268 --> 01:10:33,989
He wants us to deliver the
rhino horn and get his money.
662
01:10:34,063 --> 01:10:38,660
I've arranged tranportation for you in
the parking lot. You got 24 hours.
663
01:10:38,943 --> 01:10:45,292
But 24 hours and a minute from now,
I will personally put two bullets in her stomach.
664
01:10:52,665 --> 01:10:55,794
This in too intense...
665
01:11:07,805 --> 01:11:11,309
- You sure this is the right address?
- Do you need help?
666
01:11:11,392 --> 01:11:13,110
Stay in the car!
667
01:11:17,815 --> 01:11:21,570
Don't they know that the sidekick
never stays in the car?
668
01:11:26,616 --> 01:11:31,747
- Hey, guys! What's up?
- Rick Fox! Los Angeles Lakers.
669
01:11:31,829 --> 01:11:35,003
Three-time world champion Rick Fox, player.
670
01:11:35,416 --> 01:11:38,795
- We're here to deliver the package.
- Cool.
671
01:11:38,878 --> 01:11:43,008
No no!
No money, no deal.
672
01:11:43,090 --> 01:11:45,934
Can you ladies excuse us?
Gracias.
673
01:11:46,636 --> 01:11:51,392
Look, that's not how it's done.
You give me the bag now, you get your money later.
674
01:11:51,474 --> 01:11:53,317
- No.
- Xiaoming, something's not right here.
675
01:11:53,392 --> 01:11:58,193
- Let's go back discuss and come back later.
- No! I must get the money!
676
01:11:58,272 --> 01:12:02,618
- No money, no Yan Yan.
- Trust me. I'm not wrong.
677
01:12:03,236 --> 01:12:06,661
- Is that a yes?
- Show me the money!!
678
01:12:08,616 --> 01:12:12,416
Yeah, okay.
Come on in.
679
01:12:25,967 --> 01:12:27,640
- Be cool...
- Okay.
680
01:12:27,718 --> 01:12:34,067
681
01:12:34,350 --> 01:12:38,821
682
01:12:40,398 --> 01:12:44,028
Yes yes, we're getting somewhere.
So who's gonna jump up in?
683
01:12:44,110 --> 01:12:47,284
Hey, Gary, you got a couple friends
looking for you.
684
01:12:52,201 --> 01:12:55,671
Gary Buesheimer...
Do you remember that film actor?
685
01:12:56,122 --> 01:12:57,920
Hello there.
686
01:12:58,833 --> 01:13:02,258
- We have your Rhino.
- You better not say anything right now.
687
01:13:02,336 --> 01:13:03,963
Rhino! In here!
688
01:13:08,759 --> 01:13:12,059
They fit a whole rhinoceros
in that little bag?
689
01:13:12,138 --> 01:13:15,768
Yes! Here!
690
01:13:18,853 --> 01:13:21,697
Have you got a giraffe in there as well?
691
01:13:24,275 --> 01:13:27,529
Oh, I know a Greenpeace fundraiser
when I see one.
692
01:13:27,653 --> 01:13:30,657
A true environmentalist's work is never done.
693
01:13:30,740 --> 01:13:34,165
Come on inside!
I'll write you another check.
694
01:13:38,581 --> 01:13:43,462
I know, right? The high life.
And this is nothing.
695
01:13:44,003 --> 01:13:48,383
Well, a golden cage might be gold
but it's still a cage.
696
01:13:48,466 --> 01:13:51,470
And with the spotlight always on you,
697
01:13:51,552 --> 01:13:54,101
you gotta be the great guy, work hard,
donate to all the right charities.
698
01:13:54,180 --> 01:13:58,435
But the great thing about Hollywood is,
it's the only place in the world where,
699
01:13:58,517 --> 01:14:01,066
you can be somebody else.
700
01:14:01,437 --> 01:14:04,737
I mean, it's all fake.
You just have to believe.
701
01:14:04,815 --> 01:14:08,410
And if you believe,
the audience believes.
702
01:14:08,486 --> 01:14:14,539
If you have a little imagination,
anything's possible. Check and mate.
703
01:14:15,660 --> 01:14:19,915
Of course, at the end of the day.
we're all just humans.
704
01:14:19,997 --> 01:14:24,127
And everyone has their little quirks.
705
01:14:36,013 --> 01:14:39,187
For example, tomorrow's my annual Pink Party,
706
01:14:39,266 --> 01:14:43,362
and it's all this planning...
See, and for what?
707
01:14:43,437 --> 01:14:46,156
The public thinks it's a funraiser for
708
01:14:46,232 --> 01:14:49,611
endangered dodos or some shit.
709
01:14:49,694 --> 01:14:56,293
But when in actuality...
Well, let's just say we dance with the devil.
710
01:14:57,201 --> 01:15:00,705
So again, it's all an illusion,
but an addicting, necessary one.
711
01:15:00,788 --> 01:15:05,760
So when someone comes to my house and starts
yelling across a lawn full of distinguished guests
712
01:15:05,835 --> 01:15:08,258
some nonsense about rhinoceros horn,
713
01:15:08,337 --> 01:15:10,806
the smoke and mirrors start to fall away
714
01:15:10,881 --> 01:15:14,727
and people start to see you,
the real you.
715
01:15:14,802 --> 01:15:19,228
And all the work that went in to
creating and maintaining that illusion
716
01:15:19,306 --> 01:15:22,810
go down the goddamned drain!
717
01:15:28,691 --> 01:15:31,069
Why couldn't you just keep
your mouth shut?
718
01:15:31,152 --> 01:15:38,536
Okay okay. See? Let her go.
Take me. Okay?
719
01:15:38,617 --> 01:15:41,621
What? You wannna be a hero just
like in the movies?
720
01:15:41,704 --> 01:15:44,423
Doesn't work that way in reality.
721
01:15:59,346 --> 01:16:00,472
Run!
722
01:16:04,560 --> 01:16:05,607
Run quickly!
723
01:16:11,108 --> 01:16:17,241
Where are you going, baby?
Fiesta's just about to start!
724
01:16:17,615 --> 01:16:23,167
There she is.
There she is...
725
01:16:28,250 --> 01:16:33,381
Four days ago, I was happy,
comfortable, content.
726
01:16:33,881 --> 01:16:37,886
I thought that by having the perfect plan
nothing in my life would go wrong.
727
01:16:37,968 --> 01:16:42,599
But what I didn't expect,
728
01:16:42,681 --> 01:16:48,108
is that by being hung upside down,
I'd finally see everything right side up.
729
01:16:52,066 --> 01:16:55,036
You okay?
Troublemaker?
730
01:17:01,617 --> 01:17:07,295
I'm sorry. If I had listened to you
and left earlier,
731
01:17:08,165 --> 01:17:09,633
we wouldn't...
732
01:17:09,708 --> 01:17:14,214
Don't be silly.
It's all my fault.
733
01:17:14,463 --> 01:17:20,345
No. We made a good team.
734
01:17:21,846 --> 01:17:25,521
- I think...
- Time to take out the trash!
735
01:17:41,448 --> 01:17:43,041
- Dawei, how did you...
- Shh!
736
01:17:43,409 --> 01:17:45,662
- Dawei?
- Need my help?
737
01:17:45,786 --> 01:17:47,208
Yeah!
738
01:18:13,856 --> 01:18:18,327
- You don't know when to quit, do you?
- What's going on, Xiaoming?
739
01:19:01,362 --> 01:19:04,866
Hey, I knocked out Rick Fox
from the Lakers!
740
01:19:10,246 --> 01:19:13,125
I knocked out Rick Fox from the Lakers!
741
01:19:14,583 --> 01:19:17,462
You had this superhero ability all along,
why didn't you use it earlier?
742
01:19:17,544 --> 01:19:21,594
I asked you if you needed help,
you kept saying no.
743
01:19:22,841 --> 01:19:24,935
Now we're really in a deep mess.
744
01:19:25,010 --> 01:19:29,140
The rhino horn's gone,
we have nothing.
745
01:19:29,223 --> 01:19:32,102
There's gotta be a way.
746
01:19:32,184 --> 01:19:36,655
We don't have a plan...
We have nothing.
747
01:19:36,730 --> 01:19:38,983
We have each other.
748
01:19:49,952 --> 01:19:55,209
All that stuff you did back there, Dawei?
How did you do it?
749
01:19:56,166 --> 01:20:01,218
After my parents' death, I've been traveling around
the world, learning different cultures and martial arts.
750
01:20:01,297 --> 01:20:05,347
I want to make myself stronger,
to protect friends around me.
751
01:20:08,220 --> 01:20:10,439
I know how we can get Yan Yan back.
752
01:20:10,514 --> 01:20:14,064
- Do you think Manny'd meet us somewhere?
- As long as he's got his two thugs, yes.
753
01:20:14,143 --> 01:20:18,523
- Can you take care of the two thugs and Manny?
- Easy as pie.
754
01:20:19,732 --> 01:20:24,158
Dawei, I think you're the hero.
I'm not.
755
01:20:24,361 --> 01:20:28,332
- I'm just your sidekick.
- That's exactly what the hero'd say.
756
01:20:28,407 --> 01:20:31,035
Will you go with us?
757
01:20:32,161 --> 01:20:38,339
Rise up to fight the opponent who bullies,
be a hero in your life!
758
01:20:38,584 --> 01:20:42,589
Buesheimer? Gary Buesheimer?
He's the buyer, huh?
759
01:20:42,671 --> 01:20:46,346
- Yeah.
- Did he give you the money? All $500,000?
760
01:20:46,425 --> 01:20:50,271
- Yep, all of it.
- Well, I'm glad everything went so smooth.
761
01:20:50,346 --> 01:20:53,316
- He's reasonable. Like you.
- Ah...
762
01:20:53,807 --> 01:20:56,435
Good. Because I heard he could
be difficult.
763
01:20:57,019 --> 01:21:00,899
- But you don't know who to believe, do you?
- He's actually a great guy.
764
01:21:00,981 --> 01:21:04,201
In fact, we hung around his place
for a while.
765
01:21:04,485 --> 01:21:08,661
The point is, we have your money.
You have Yan Yan. Let's exchange.
766
01:21:08,739 --> 01:21:12,664
- Bring her to the corner of...
- Whoa whoa, bro! I call the shots.
767
01:21:12,743 --> 01:21:15,838
- We have the money.
- And I got the girl.
768
01:21:15,913 --> 01:21:19,543
As of right now, she doesn't have
any bullets in her.
769
01:21:19,625 --> 01:21:24,847
So this is how it's gonna go down.
We're gonna do this at the Pink Party.
770
01:21:25,839 --> 01:21:29,013
- Pink Party?
- Yeah, I've aways wanted to go.
771
01:21:29,093 --> 01:21:32,848
Since Buesheimer and you are
best buddies now like you say,
772
01:21:32,930 --> 01:21:37,276
it won't be a problem for you to get
a few invitations for us to his party.
773
01:21:37,351 --> 01:21:41,401
VIP that you are.
It's easy as pie.
774
01:21:41,480 --> 01:21:43,027
Yes yes, of course.
775
01:21:43,982 --> 01:21:46,826
- It's just...
- Tell him I want to speak to Yan Yan.
776
01:21:46,902 --> 01:21:49,826
Xiaoming wants to know Yan Yan is okay.
777
01:21:51,698 --> 01:21:53,575
Hello?
778
01:21:55,202 --> 01:21:56,454
- Xiaoming.
- Yan Yan!
779
01:21:56,537 --> 01:22:00,337
- I know you want to save me. But I...
- Yan Yan!
780
01:22:00,416 --> 01:22:03,215
We'll see you at the party, bros.
781
01:22:06,713 --> 01:22:07,839
What did he say?
782
01:22:07,923 --> 01:22:11,302
He wants to do the exchange
at the Pink Party.
783
01:22:11,718 --> 01:22:15,894
It's a party that is almost
impossible to get into!
784
01:22:15,973 --> 01:22:18,817
The Pink Party is the most exclusive
event in Hollywood.
785
01:22:18,892 --> 01:22:23,443
Nobody, not even the staff know the
location until the day of the party.
786
01:22:24,148 --> 01:22:28,119
And we have to make the exchange
while Buesheimer is there.
787
01:22:28,193 --> 01:22:30,662
This is an impossibility.
788
01:22:34,783 --> 01:22:40,381
This is Hollywood. Everything is possible.
Nothing is impossible.
789
01:22:42,958 --> 01:22:45,632
Impossible! Get out of here!
790
01:22:47,087 --> 01:22:49,385
What's the matter, don't you
speak English?
791
01:22:49,465 --> 01:22:51,433
Actually, they don't.
792
01:22:51,508 --> 01:22:56,105
Well, let's see if they understand this.
793
01:22:56,180 --> 01:22:59,024
No!
794
01:22:59,558 --> 01:23:02,812
Another unnecessarily angry director.
You should suggest pet adoption, learning how to love...
795
01:23:02,895 --> 01:23:08,902
- Hey, you saying something about me?
- Uh, he said he understands your feelings.
796
01:23:09,234 --> 01:23:13,034
You understand. You understand my feelings.
797
01:23:13,113 --> 01:23:17,994
Yeah, you sneak onto my closed set,
you ruin my $4 million action sequence,
798
01:23:18,076 --> 01:23:20,078
and now you come asking me for help?
799
01:23:20,162 --> 01:23:23,757
Why the hell would I wanna help you anyway?
800
01:23:23,832 --> 01:23:30,056
Three words: Fuck...
Gary... Buesheimer.
801
01:23:35,344 --> 01:23:37,438
Barbara, hold my calls.
802
01:23:48,065 --> 01:23:51,035
Give me the invite.
803
01:23:57,741 --> 01:23:59,459
You're good.
804
01:24:26,645 --> 01:24:31,151
- Hi!
- Why are you in a dress?
805
01:24:31,400 --> 01:24:34,279
Look good, right?
806
01:24:46,206 --> 01:24:48,459
He didn't bring Yan Yan.
807
01:24:48,542 --> 01:24:52,843
His thugs must have her outside.
I'll go take a look.
808
01:25:10,105 --> 01:25:14,827
- So Buesheimer?
- He'll be here. Where is Yan Yan?
809
01:25:15,027 --> 01:25:19,999
Come on, bro. How stupid do you think I am?
Where's the money?
810
01:25:30,667 --> 01:25:32,044
Delicious!
811
01:25:36,131 --> 01:25:38,975
All right, bring in the princess.
812
01:25:40,218 --> 01:25:43,643
- Gary Buesheimer!
- Gary! Gary!
813
01:25:44,973 --> 01:25:46,896
Sorry.
814
01:25:50,646 --> 01:25:53,240
- Hi...
- Hello there!
815
01:25:55,442 --> 01:25:59,447
Don't speak. I know what you're gonna say.
this town, right?
816
01:25:59,696 --> 01:26:03,701
Everything all the time.
But it's a cage. A golden cage,
817
01:26:03,784 --> 01:26:08,005
- But a cage is still a cage, am I right?
- Cage?
818
01:26:09,915 --> 01:26:14,295
You get me, don't you?
I love your accent. Are you Spanish?
819
01:26:14,378 --> 01:26:17,598
- You're so mysterious.
- Mystery?
820
01:26:17,673 --> 01:26:20,722
Yes, but sometimes you can
see past the mystery.
821
01:26:20,801 --> 01:26:24,931
Sometimes I feel I can see inside a person
and you have those kind of eyes.
822
01:26:25,013 --> 01:26:28,984
Those kind of eyes that don't lie.
823
01:26:30,185 --> 01:26:34,656
I have some pixie dust that'll blow your
mind and tickle your soul.
824
01:26:34,731 --> 01:26:36,449
Have you ever had your soul tickled?
825
01:26:40,070 --> 01:26:43,574
- Where is Yan Yan?
- Come on, bro. Enjoy the party.
826
01:26:43,824 --> 01:26:48,045
I think I'm gonna say hello to the man whose
life I've been improving all these years.
827
01:26:48,120 --> 01:26:49,963
- Wait! Wait!
- What?
828
01:26:50,038 --> 01:26:53,588
You don't want to bother him
while he's busy.
829
01:26:53,667 --> 01:26:56,136
What can I say? I'm a fan.
830
01:26:58,088 --> 01:27:03,686
Mr. Buesheimer? I just wanna say it's been
a pleasure doing business with you.
831
01:27:04,177 --> 01:27:07,852
Business? Who are you?
832
01:27:12,102 --> 01:27:14,275
Let's get out of cage.
833
01:27:14,354 --> 01:27:17,574
All these years, taking care of your needs.
834
01:27:17,649 --> 01:27:20,949
Come on, pixie sexy time!
835
01:27:21,027 --> 01:27:26,124
- How'd you get in here?
- What do you mean? Your pals, of course.
836
01:27:26,199 --> 01:27:27,621
My pals?
837
01:27:35,125 --> 01:27:38,800
I thought you took care of this guy!
Huh? Didn't you?
838
01:27:38,879 --> 01:27:40,722
My parents always said to me,
839
01:27:40,797 --> 01:27:44,597
"If you don't plan to fail,
then don't fail to plan."
840
01:27:46,887 --> 01:27:50,266
This is Hollywood. Nothing is impossible.
841
01:27:51,057 --> 01:27:55,733
If we can't get into the Pink Party,
We throw our own Pink Party.
842
01:28:00,817 --> 01:28:05,573
So no matter how big or small always
have everything planned out.
843
01:28:05,655 --> 01:28:08,249
Where's Gary Buesheimer?
844
01:28:08,325 --> 01:28:11,670
And of course remember the
details are very important.
845
01:28:12,162 --> 01:28:15,632
The car salesman's handbook says
there are three steps to success.
846
01:28:15,707 --> 01:28:19,211
Start early, stay focused,
and finish with a smile.
847
01:28:19,294 --> 01:28:22,924
- Five hundred thousand dollars?!
- You'll get it back.
848
01:28:24,216 --> 01:28:27,060
Fuck Gary Buesheimer! Remember?
849
01:28:29,304 --> 01:28:32,433
The Director brings actors to set the stage.
850
01:28:36,895 --> 01:28:39,523
This is Hollywood, nothing is impossible.
851
01:28:39,606 --> 01:28:44,203
You just have to believe.
Would you believe we switched the driver?
852
01:28:51,284 --> 01:28:55,130
But what my parents had told me, I didn't fully
understand. I finally realize what was missing...
853
01:28:55,997 --> 01:28:59,547
something I learned here in America.
854
01:28:59,626 --> 01:29:03,301
You can't plan everything.
855
01:29:03,380 --> 01:29:06,509
Sometimes you've got to follow
your heart and just wing it.
856
01:29:10,345 --> 01:29:17,570
- Bro. Deal's off!
- You think you can screw me?! Huh?
857
01:29:54,306 --> 01:29:57,685
Don't let that son of a bitch get away!
858
01:30:01,646 --> 01:30:03,489
Lookie this way!
859
01:30:07,152 --> 01:30:12,283
- Dawei, be my sidekick.
- Copy that!
860
01:30:26,338 --> 01:30:29,308
Get out! Go take care of them!
861
01:30:31,343 --> 01:30:34,142
- Hey, keys!
- Thank you!
862
01:30:34,804 --> 01:30:36,647
Hey!
863
01:30:40,810 --> 01:30:41,982
Hey!
864
01:30:56,618 --> 01:30:59,246
Hey, thank you for letting
me borrow your car.
865
01:31:01,831 --> 01:31:03,458
Hey!
866
01:31:04,918 --> 01:31:07,922
- What's going on?
- Shut your face!
867
01:31:14,052 --> 01:31:18,182
Give me my bag! Fernando, you are useless!
Get out of here!
868
01:31:18,264 --> 01:31:22,861
All of you, get out of here! You're all fired.
I don't wanna see you anymore!
869
01:31:22,936 --> 01:31:27,863
Damne useless pieces of shit!
Okay, baby. Let's boogie!
870
01:31:27,941 --> 01:31:32,822
We'll boogie, baby.
Oh, we'll boogie!
871
01:31:36,491 --> 01:31:38,914
Wronald? Whoa!
872
01:31:41,663 --> 01:31:46,385
- Wronald! No!
- Oh Yeah! This one's for Kelly!
873
01:32:05,770 --> 01:32:08,614
Eight, nine, twelve thousand.
874
01:32:10,817 --> 01:32:13,036
Safety first!
875
01:32:35,592 --> 01:32:36,684
Thattaboy.
876
01:33:03,703 --> 01:33:06,081
Buckle up, pretty girl.
877
01:33:29,395 --> 01:33:32,148
Xiaoming! Go get her!
878
01:34:13,523 --> 01:34:16,197
"Hasta la vista, baby."
879
01:34:30,832 --> 01:34:33,381
He's getting away!
What should we do?
880
01:34:37,213 --> 01:34:39,261
You drive!
881
01:34:48,141 --> 01:34:53,193
- What are you doing?
- You told me before to go with my gut!
882
01:34:54,189 --> 01:34:55,782
Hey!
883
01:35:42,237 --> 01:35:44,615
Go faster! Pass him!
884
01:35:55,041 --> 01:35:58,136
885
01:36:09,222 --> 01:36:11,725
Shoot his front tire!
886
01:36:13,518 --> 01:36:17,193
You are Robocop!
Trust me!
887
01:36:41,337 --> 01:36:43,465
I got you now.
888
01:36:47,677 --> 01:36:50,021
Easy as pie.
889
01:37:35,266 --> 01:37:39,942
Holy crap! Completely unrealistic!
How was it possible?
890
01:37:40,021 --> 01:37:45,494
You're the one who told me,
this is Hollywood, nothing is impossible.
891
01:37:45,610 --> 01:37:49,615
I told you that you're the hero.
892
01:37:52,283 --> 01:37:54,627
You saved me.
893
01:38:12,970 --> 01:38:18,272
- Freeze! Freeze! Don't move!
- Freeze! Get your hands up!
894
01:38:23,314 --> 01:38:25,658
On your feet!
895
01:38:27,193 --> 01:38:30,663
It's Gary Buesheimer,
The movie star/philanthropist.
896
01:38:30,738 --> 01:38:34,288
You have the right to remain silent.
Anything you say can and will be held...
897
01:38:34,367 --> 01:38:38,088
- You're like a Christmas pig!
- This will be held against you, sir.
898
01:38:38,162 --> 01:38:42,633
- You have the right to...
- Oh my god.
899
01:38:44,252 --> 01:38:47,472
Alright, that's enough.
Your last movie stunk, by the way.
900
01:38:47,547 --> 01:38:51,768
- Put your hands behind your back!
- Take it easy, bro!
901
01:38:51,843 --> 01:38:55,143
- Shut up!
- I'm just an innocent Korean immigrant!
902
01:39:28,045 --> 01:39:32,050
In the end of a movie,
everything will be resolved.
903
01:39:32,758 --> 01:39:38,015
The good guys team up save the day.
The hero gets girl.
904
01:39:39,348 --> 01:39:42,773
And love conquers all.
905
01:39:48,399 --> 01:39:50,948
Goodbye. Troublemaker.
906
01:40:25,937 --> 01:40:28,486
Your friend gave this to us.
907
01:40:29,440 --> 01:40:32,614
I'll tell you one last time.
This is not a damn movie!
908
01:40:32,693 --> 01:40:38,075
I'm not a hero! I'm just a guy standing in
middle of the desert, a big stupid idiot!
909
01:40:38,157 --> 01:40:41,752
Can you say it again? This time emphasize
the word, "Idi..."
910
01:40:42,411 --> 01:40:45,540
Do you think I would take the trouble to
come up with a brilliant import operation,
911
01:40:45,623 --> 01:40:48,342
put your name in the paperwork,
912
01:40:48,417 --> 01:40:52,923
becoming some two-bit delivery boy while
the feds are breathing up my ass?
913
01:40:53,005 --> 01:40:56,305
There's a reason why I set you up, bro.
914
01:40:56,384 --> 01:40:58,978
- Cause you will make the delivery...
- You're free to go.
915
01:40:59,053 --> 01:41:01,397
You will bring me my money.
916
01:41:01,931 --> 01:41:06,983
And that's no play, Wei Wei.
That's just a reasonable business decision.
917
01:41:08,604 --> 01:41:12,780
The movies will have you believe
everyone gets their special person.
918
01:41:12,858 --> 01:41:16,362
And together, they'll live
happily ever after.
919
01:41:19,407 --> 01:41:23,787
But life is not a Hollywood movie.
This is real life.
920
01:41:24,328 --> 01:41:28,629
And real love will spin you so much that
921
01:41:28,708 --> 01:41:33,839
you'll do whatever it takes to
make them happy...
922
01:41:40,678 --> 01:41:44,478
Even... walk away.
923
01:41:45,850 --> 01:41:51,607
With real love, there are no guarantees.
Nothing is pre-destined.
924
01:41:51,981 --> 01:41:55,952
There are no fireworks.
No Hollywood ending.
925
01:42:15,880 --> 01:42:17,678
Miss Zhao WeiWei.
926
01:42:17,757 --> 01:42:21,557
Welcome to the rest of your life.
I'm your tour guide, Xiaoming.
927
01:42:21,636 --> 01:42:25,391
Uh, is there anything special
you wanted to do during your stay?
928
01:42:25,473 --> 01:42:29,819
You know how I just said that
real life has no Hollywood endings?
929
01:42:29,894 --> 01:42:31,737
Forget it.
Pretend I didn't say anything.
930
01:42:31,812 --> 01:42:34,156
Troublemaker.
931
01:43:19,610 --> 01:43:23,035
Come to bed soon, honey!
932
01:44:04,530 --> 01:44:08,034
Hey, Free Range.
I feel like we're forgetting something.
933
01:44:09,076 --> 01:44:12,330
What's that? Tunes, you're right!
934
01:44:45,488 --> 01:44:47,957
- Oh no.
- It's all good. It's all good.
935
01:44:48,032 --> 01:44:51,536
- You have a wonderful stay in America!
- Take your glove off.
936
01:44:51,619 --> 01:44:52,711
Sorry.
937
01:44:52,787 --> 01:44:56,508
Just because you've just entered our country
doesn't me we have to enter you.
938
01:45:00,544 --> 01:45:01,670
939
01:45:02,338 --> 01:45:04,591
You saved me.
940
01:45:12,014 --> 01:45:15,359
- Easy as pie.
- Stop that!
941
01:45:26,946 --> 01:45:32,043
- Oh, the piggy pooped.
- The pig pooped again. Cutting! Perfect!
942
01:45:35,412 --> 01:45:39,212
Cat's in the cradle, boys!
Cow jumped over the moon, boys!
943
01:45:39,291 --> 01:45:41,669
No!
944
01:45:48,717 --> 01:45:51,266
No, no, I'm so sorry!
945
01:45:55,391 --> 01:45:57,769
Welcome to America!
946
01:46:05,609 --> 01:46:08,237
Flap, the first!
947
01:46:09,196 --> 01:46:11,995
Hollywood, here I come!
948
01:46:12,000 --> 01:54:41,999
Subtitle by kterydragon
79538
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