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[man] My name is Antoni Provsky.
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I'm 34 years old and recently famous.
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One minute you're scrounging for changeto buy a bag of frozen peas
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and the next you're the avocado king.
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Who am I?
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I livein an immaculately appointed colonial
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designed by Bobby Burke,
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located in an affluent part of town
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accessible only to old moneyand deeply connected locals.
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I typically start my day offby tending to my herb garden
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using a vintage copper watering pot
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and room temperature water.
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Basil can be quite finicky.
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[thud]
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Back to my name for a moment.
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It's Antoni, not Anthony.
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Like Antony and Cleopatra.
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There's no "H."
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[suspenseful transition, creak]
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As part of my daily ritual,
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I start each morningwith a homemade face mask
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made of Greek yogurtand steeped green tea leaves.
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[horn blares, ominous piano riff]
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I apply said face mask to my face
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not unlike buttercream frosting on a cake.
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A generous, thickgorgine application
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removes toxins and tightens my face...
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[echoing voice] Antoni...
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[Antoni] ...lending to my youthful glow.
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Self-care isn't selfish.
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Every day startswith a few exercises and stretches,
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including but not limitedto core strengtheners.
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These help lessen the guiltfrom the previous night's decision
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to eat a whole block of clothbound cheddar
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and half a Poilâne loaf.
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Okay, fine, the whole loaf.
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[shower running]
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Once I've completed my exercise routine,
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it is time to remove the mask.
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[scrambled digital noise]
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[piano music playing]
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I like that none of the other guys knowanything about cooking.
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Except Ted, and only a little.
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I don't carewhether they like what I cook or not.
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They'll eat itif they know what's good for them.
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[knife clink echoes]
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[piano music resolves]
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[ominous, drone-like effect]
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[high-pitched whoosh]
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