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1
00:00:00,077 --> 00:00:01,655
- DAVE: Oh, my God.
- Is this garlic hummus?
2
00:00:01,666 --> 00:00:03,766
- DAVE: I like it.
- Should we, like, switch to tahini, or...
3
00:00:03,777 --> 00:00:05,340
- I think we should, like, uh,
- ... ketchup?
4
00:00:05,351 --> 00:00:07,221
abandon all condiment-based
hand jobs just for a moment.
5
00:00:07,232 --> 00:00:08,668
- You could be right. I don't know.
- We can reconfigure,
6
00:00:08,679 --> 00:00:10,436
come up with something new fun to do.
7
00:00:10,447 --> 00:00:11,715
What do you want to do next?
8
00:00:11,726 --> 00:00:13,330
Uh, wash my hand?
9
00:00:14,004 --> 00:00:15,395
Right this way.
10
00:00:15,406 --> 00:00:17,275
- Yeah.
- You think you know my home, right?
11
00:00:17,286 --> 00:00:18,505
- I think I do.
- You think you know me.
12
00:00:18,516 --> 00:00:19,780
You think you know what I stand for?
13
00:00:19,791 --> 00:00:21,183
- Where you going?
- Turns out you don't know anything
14
00:00:21,194 --> 00:00:22,697
about my home.
15
00:00:23,140 --> 00:00:24,275
Shut up!
16
00:00:24,521 --> 00:00:26,959
Turns out... I'm a
little bit of a mystery.
17
00:00:27,226 --> 00:00:28,699
As is this secret passageway.
18
00:00:28,710 --> 00:00:31,652
This is so much cooler
than a hummus hand job.
19
00:00:31,663 --> 00:00:33,667
- DAVE: Yeah, we should probably wash up.
- ? Hi, I'm Dave ?
20
00:00:33,678 --> 00:00:34,747
? I'm Lil Dicky ?
21
00:00:34,758 --> 00:00:35,760
? Hi, I'm Dave ?
22
00:00:35,771 --> 00:00:37,400
- ? Who's Dave? ?
- DAVE: I got her right here.
23
00:00:37,411 --> 00:00:39,421
Yup. I have her. I have... Huh.
24
00:00:39,432 --> 00:00:41,068
No, I got her. She's a half-white,
25
00:00:41,079 --> 00:00:42,762
- half-Chinese Jezebel.
- (LAUGHS)
26
00:00:42,938 --> 00:00:44,675
Beautiful. Yup, got her.
27
00:00:44,686 --> 00:00:46,456
Really dainty tattoos. Yeah.
28
00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:48,257
I don't know what to do
with my body right now.
29
00:00:48,268 --> 00:00:49,737
Oh, you're doing all the right shit.
30
00:00:49,748 --> 00:00:51,817
This is like The Notebook,
but, like, way grittier
31
00:00:51,828 --> 00:00:53,437
and way less idealized.
32
00:00:53,448 --> 00:00:55,269
Is she gonna actually see this footage?
33
00:00:55,280 --> 00:00:57,002
- Who's she?
- Oh. Emma.
34
00:00:57,429 --> 00:00:59,424
Oh, I don't know. She
just left this here.
35
00:00:59,435 --> 00:01:02,148
- Look at you.
- You know, The Notebook is such a basic...
36
00:01:02,159 --> 00:01:03,676
- You're basic for saying.
- You're better than that?
37
00:01:03,687 --> 00:01:05,753
The Notebook is basic.
No, you're just a contrarian, you know?
38
00:01:05,764 --> 00:01:07,129
Come here. I'm gonna shut you up.
39
00:01:07,140 --> 00:01:09,778
Oh, what the fuck is this?
40
00:01:11,035 --> 00:01:12,170
What?
41
00:01:12,404 --> 00:01:14,275
That's my bear mace.
42
00:01:14,286 --> 00:01:16,232
- Your bear mace?
- Mm-hmm.
43
00:01:16,243 --> 00:01:17,618
(LAUGHS): To be fair,
44
00:01:17,629 --> 00:01:20,035
that was supposed to go next to the bed.
45
00:01:20,046 --> 00:01:21,613
Yeah, look, we'll put it in the closet,
46
00:01:21,624 --> 00:01:23,462
'cause things like this
don't belong out in the...
47
00:01:23,473 --> 00:01:25,519
- This is not how we do it in Los Angeles, okay?
- Good call, Captain.
48
00:01:25,530 --> 00:01:27,357
Yeah. And I'm not above
what I preach, you know?
49
00:01:27,368 --> 00:01:29,032
We can't have crossbows
in the closet, either.
50
00:01:29,043 --> 00:01:31,142
This was from tour. This will be moved.
51
00:01:31,153 --> 00:01:32,809
- Oh, look at this.
- (CLOSET DOOR CLOSES)
52
00:01:32,820 --> 00:01:35,154
- Is that my elephant?
- Yes, he made a friend.
53
00:01:35,165 --> 00:01:36,465
- Oh, wow.
- Look.
54
00:01:36,476 --> 00:01:38,845
DAVE: Oh, which one is he?
He's... Oh, he's the sturdy one.
55
00:01:38,856 --> 00:01:40,484
ROBYN: You know that you
don't actually own him, right?
56
00:01:40,495 --> 00:01:42,716
You just... you finance his survival.
57
00:01:42,727 --> 00:01:44,997
And one day, me and you
are gonna go to Africa,
58
00:01:45,008 --> 00:01:46,413
and we're gonna visit our boy.
59
00:01:46,424 --> 00:01:47,833
- Stop.
- Yeah, it's our son,
60
00:01:47,844 --> 00:01:50,809
and we deserve to see him,
and he deserves to see us.
61
00:01:50,820 --> 00:01:52,858
You're such a good hands-on father.
62
00:01:53,238 --> 00:01:55,364
- Oh, yeah?
- We need more of you these days.
63
00:01:55,375 --> 00:01:57,316
- Mamma mia.
- (BOTH LAUGH)
64
00:01:57,327 --> 00:01:58,527
(PHONE BUZZES)
65
00:01:58,538 --> 00:02:00,276
- DAVE: Will you go one day with me?
- To Africa?
66
00:02:00,287 --> 00:02:01,948
- Yeah.
- Are you kidding? Mm.
67
00:02:01,959 --> 00:02:03,963
DAVE: Little bit of
a phone call going on.
68
00:02:04,220 --> 00:02:07,294
Oh, my God. Mike will not
leave me the fuck alone.
69
00:02:07,367 --> 00:02:08,687
What is it?
70
00:02:08,778 --> 00:02:11,161
He wants me to get
fitted for the Met Gala.
71
00:02:11,195 --> 00:02:13,700
- Uh, I got invited, and I...
- Wait, what?
72
00:02:13,711 --> 00:02:15,622
- Yeah.
- Wait, what?
73
00:02:15,633 --> 00:02:16,939
- You're...
- Oh, come on.
74
00:02:16,950 --> 00:02:18,751
You got invited to the Met Gala?
75
00:02:18,762 --> 00:02:19,998
(HIGH-PITCHED): Yeah. Yeah.
76
00:02:20,009 --> 00:02:21,384
Why are you so high-pitched?
77
00:02:21,395 --> 00:02:23,924
- Yeah. Yeah.
- That's crazy. Wait, that's huge.
78
00:02:23,935 --> 00:02:25,771
I-I don't get wrapped
up in this superficial
79
00:02:25,782 --> 00:02:28,232
Hollywood pecking
order bullshit anymore.
80
00:02:28,243 --> 00:02:31,526
That's old me. New me, way more into...
81
00:02:31,662 --> 00:02:32,839
something like you.
82
00:02:32,850 --> 00:02:34,998
Turns me on thinking of
you walking up those steps
83
00:02:35,009 --> 00:02:37,114
- with that ass. (LAUGHS)
- Yeah?
84
00:02:37,125 --> 00:02:38,204
- Grab my ass.
- Mm.
85
00:02:38,215 --> 00:02:40,545
- I can't believe you're going.
- I'm gonna grab your ass.
86
00:02:40,556 --> 00:02:42,026
(SCHOOL BELL RINGS)
87
00:02:42,037 --> 00:02:44,483
I mean, I asked him to
take it down, but he won't.
88
00:02:44,494 --> 00:02:47,441
So, this is Beau Newman's TikTok?
89
00:02:47,452 --> 00:02:50,261
- Mm-hmm.
- I'm so sorry, Delaney.
90
00:02:50,272 --> 00:02:53,965
This stuff shouldn't
happen, but it does,
91
00:02:54,221 --> 00:02:55,891
because boys are the worst.
92
00:02:55,902 --> 00:02:58,373
Well, there's actually one of you, too.
93
00:02:58,983 --> 00:03:00,875
- Of me?
- Yeah.
94
00:03:00,933 --> 00:03:02,908
BEAU (ON VIDEO): Man,
Ms. Wernick, oh, my God.
95
00:03:02,919 --> 00:03:04,222
Look at her titties.
96
00:03:04,233 --> 00:03:06,958
I don't care how old she is, man.
I want to fuck her so bad.
97
00:03:06,969 --> 00:03:09,325
They're popping while
I bend her right over.
98
00:03:09,431 --> 00:03:11,502
? ?
99
00:03:12,138 --> 00:03:13,184
Beau!
100
00:03:13,611 --> 00:03:16,332
Beau, need to speak with you.
101
00:03:17,032 --> 00:03:19,925
- Yeah, what can I do for you?
- I just saw your TikTok.
102
00:03:20,292 --> 00:03:21,528
- Dope.
- Okay.
103
00:03:21,539 --> 00:03:24,143
I need you to delete the video of me
104
00:03:24,154 --> 00:03:27,008
and of any other faculty
members or any other students.
105
00:03:27,019 --> 00:03:28,591
Okay? Or you're taking
it up with the principal.
106
00:03:28,602 --> 00:03:29,602
Is that clear?
107
00:03:29,613 --> 00:03:32,151
Yeah, you want me to
delete it, Ms. Werdick?
108
00:03:32,928 --> 00:03:36,369
- It's "Wernick," Beau.
- Yeah, that's what I said.
109
00:03:36,380 --> 00:03:37,382
Uh, Mrs. Werdick.
110
00:03:37,393 --> 00:03:39,412
- I said it right, right?
- (OTHERS LAUGHING)
111
00:03:39,423 --> 00:03:41,962
(LAUGHING FORCEFULLY):
You're so fucking funny.
112
00:03:41,973 --> 00:03:45,258
Funny Beau who wants
to bend me over a desk
113
00:03:45,269 --> 00:03:46,944
and fuck me, right?
114
00:03:46,955 --> 00:03:48,399
- Um...
- Well, here I am.
115
00:03:48,410 --> 00:03:50,595
Here are my big titties for the taking.
116
00:03:50,606 --> 00:03:52,226
Right? Oh, you want to fuck me, Beau?
117
00:03:52,237 --> 00:03:54,641
- You want to fuck me, Beau?
- PETERSON: Ms. Wernick?
118
00:03:55,624 --> 00:03:57,861
My office. Now.
119
00:03:58,797 --> 00:04:00,801
(SIGHS)
120
00:04:02,945 --> 00:04:04,345
_
121
00:04:04,356 --> 00:04:07,028
(MUFFLED CHATTER)
122
00:04:08,919 --> 00:04:11,390
DAVE: Al? Al? Al!
123
00:04:11,448 --> 00:04:13,043
- Yes. Sorry.
- Clock in.
124
00:04:13,054 --> 00:04:14,858
You know I don't pick an
outfit out without you.
125
00:04:14,869 --> 00:04:16,739
Uh, sorry.
126
00:04:16,750 --> 00:04:19,545
It's... it's amazing. (CHUCKLES)
127
00:04:19,556 --> 00:04:20,963
- It's the Met Gala we're talking here.
- Yeah.
128
00:04:20,974 --> 00:04:22,458
We need to make a splash, okay?
129
00:04:22,469 --> 00:04:23,944
- Yes. Yes.
- We need to do something big.
130
00:04:23,955 --> 00:04:25,157
Like what Jack Harlow did.
131
00:04:25,168 --> 00:04:26,812
Oh, my God. When he said "I love you"
132
00:04:26,823 --> 00:04:28,832
to Emma Chamberlain on
the red carpet, I freaked.
133
00:04:28,843 --> 00:04:30,916
I recorded it, rewound it,
recorded it, rewound it.
134
00:04:30,927 --> 00:04:32,428
- I kept watching it ov...
- What is the deal with this guy?
135
00:04:32,439 --> 00:04:33,515
- Oh, my God.
- I don't understand.
136
00:04:33,526 --> 00:04:34,652
It just doesn't make sense to me.
137
00:04:34,659 --> 00:04:36,334
It's like, he's tall,
he's good-looking.
138
00:04:36,345 --> 00:04:39,142
He makes Gen Z's pussy quiv. Who cares?
139
00:04:39,153 --> 00:04:41,239
- Dave.
- JOHN-PAUL: Sounds like this guy cares a little bit.
140
00:04:41,250 --> 00:04:45,146
This is my first reentry back
into society since the whole...
141
00:04:46,473 --> 00:04:47,699
- You didn't hang yourself?
- DAVE: Oh, no, not ha...
142
00:04:47,710 --> 00:04:49,624
- Yeah, yeah.
- You know b... Like, whatever.
143
00:04:49,635 --> 00:04:52,220
Everyone's gonna be wondering,
like, what is he up to?
144
00:04:52,231 --> 00:04:53,534
What's his next move?
145
00:04:53,780 --> 00:04:56,172
Who is Lil Dicky 2.0? Right?
146
00:04:56,183 --> 00:04:59,656
Are we missing an opportunity to
make some kind of statement here?
147
00:04:59,667 --> 00:05:02,906
You can bring attention to a-a cause,
148
00:05:02,917 --> 00:05:04,398
- you know, that you care about.
- A cause.
149
00:05:04,409 --> 00:05:05,758
Use your platform for good.
150
00:05:05,769 --> 00:05:07,604
I used to not care at all
about what to care about.
151
00:05:07,615 --> 00:05:08,658
Now I care about what to care about.
152
00:05:08,669 --> 00:05:10,123
I just have no idea what to care about.
153
00:05:10,134 --> 00:05:11,134
Ghosts.
154
00:05:11,443 --> 00:05:12,776
Ghosts, it's ghosts. I'm sorry.
155
00:05:12,787 --> 00:05:15,036
Right now? Right now, it's ghosts.
156
00:05:15,047 --> 00:05:17,208
I've never encountered
any sort of ghost issue.
157
00:05:17,219 --> 00:05:18,803
Okay, then I'll fucking kill myself.
158
00:05:18,814 --> 00:05:20,336
What about climate change?
159
00:05:20,600 --> 00:05:22,031
- Climate change?
- Hmm.
160
00:05:22,042 --> 00:05:24,151
We have 11 years to stop the temperature
161
00:05:24,162 --> 00:05:26,433
from rising 1.5 degrees Celsius,
162
00:05:26,444 --> 00:05:29,693
and if we don't do that,
it will lead to catastrophic damage
163
00:05:29,704 --> 00:05:31,275
that will lead to the
destruction of the Earth's...
164
00:05:31,286 --> 00:05:32,489
- Are you kidding?
- JOHN-PAUL: It is what it is.
165
00:05:32,500 --> 00:05:33,725
How is no one talking about this?
166
00:05:33,736 --> 00:05:35,191
- ALLY: People are talking about it.
- Everybody's talking about this.
167
00:05:35,202 --> 00:05:37,082
How is this not, like,
leading SportsCenter every day?
168
00:05:37,093 --> 00:05:39,335
Like, breaking news, we have ten years,
169
00:05:39,346 --> 00:05:40,565
364 days left, like we have...
170
00:05:40,576 --> 00:05:41,846
Ooh, I love this for you.
171
00:05:41,857 --> 00:05:43,703
Okay, yes, a look about climate change.
172
00:05:43,714 --> 00:05:45,517
- Okay, okay, okay. Earth.
- Save the Earth. Save the Earth.
173
00:05:45,528 --> 00:05:47,083
- I have it. I can't tell you.
- DAVE: What is it?
174
00:05:47,094 --> 00:05:48,359
It's got to be a rush job.
175
00:05:48,370 --> 00:05:50,083
- It's gonna cost you five times as much.
- Five?
176
00:05:50,094 --> 00:05:52,240
But it's gonna be good, and
I really need this right now
177
00:05:52,251 --> 00:05:55,208
- psychologically, like...
- Al! Will you be in charge
178
00:05:55,219 --> 00:05:58,012
of making sure that I
use my platform for good?
179
00:05:58,023 --> 00:05:59,849
- From here on out?
- Wait, are you serious?
180
00:05:59,860 --> 00:06:01,913
Yeah, I need someone to do
that. Who better than you?
181
00:06:01,924 --> 00:06:03,815
You're the moral compass of life for me.
182
00:06:03,826 --> 00:06:05,451
Would you take that honor, or
do you not have the bandwidth?
183
00:06:05,462 --> 00:06:07,731
(CHUCKLES): Ban... Bandwidth? Yeah. Yes!
184
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:09,879
I have bandwidth. I have bandwidth.
185
00:06:09,894 --> 00:06:11,326
- Yeah?
- Yes, yeah, please.
186
00:06:11,337 --> 00:06:12,881
- DAVE: Great.
- ALLY: Yes. Yeah.
187
00:06:12,892 --> 00:06:14,663
CEO of morality.
188
00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:16,253
Whoo!
189
00:06:17,061 --> 00:06:19,398
- GATA: Yeah.
- CATHERINE: Okay, there we go.
190
00:06:19,692 --> 00:06:22,498
- Don't scratch my baby.
- No, I promise you I will not.
191
00:06:22,509 --> 00:06:23,544
- All right.
- (LAUGHS)
192
00:06:23,555 --> 00:06:25,492
CATHERINE: All right.
193
00:06:25,631 --> 00:06:26,943
- Aw...
- All right, Moms.
194
00:06:26,954 --> 00:06:29,271
- You want it back by 4:00 or 5:00?
- Oh, it's all good.
195
00:06:29,282 --> 00:06:31,264
Do what you got to do. I'm-a
just get a ride from Elz.
196
00:06:31,275 --> 00:06:32,306
Okay.
197
00:06:32,317 --> 00:06:34,010
They really stole your shit
straight out the driveway.
198
00:06:34,021 --> 00:06:35,297
I can't believe they took the car.
199
00:06:35,308 --> 00:06:37,212
The whole block is getting worse.
200
00:06:37,223 --> 00:06:39,294
- It's getting tricky over there, Moms.
- Yeah.
201
00:06:39,466 --> 00:06:41,303
But don't you worry about me, baby.
202
00:06:41,314 --> 00:06:43,084
You just focus up, okay?
203
00:06:43,095 --> 00:06:44,622
They got me on this panel, just me.
204
00:06:44,633 --> 00:06:45,835
- (LAUGHS)
- No LD.
205
00:06:45,846 --> 00:06:47,497
- Can you believe that?
- Yes, I can.
206
00:06:47,508 --> 00:06:49,073
- I love you, baby.
- All right, I love you, Moms.
207
00:06:49,084 --> 00:06:50,585
You have... Mm. You have fun, okay?
208
00:06:50,596 --> 00:06:51,866
Ey, pray for me now.
209
00:06:51,877 --> 00:06:53,613
- Oh, child... Always.
- GATA: Whoo!
210
00:06:53,624 --> 00:06:56,029
(LAUGHS) Oh, shoot.
211
00:06:57,588 --> 00:06:59,704
Oh, yeah, look at this here, bruh.
212
00:06:59,715 --> 00:07:00,945
I'm about to get my
William Shakespeare on
213
00:07:00,956 --> 00:07:02,227
up in this motherfucker, bro.
214
00:07:02,238 --> 00:07:04,005
- Thanks for coming, dawg.
- Of course. This is crazy.
215
00:07:04,016 --> 00:07:05,931
This is like a real event.
216
00:07:05,942 --> 00:07:09,226
I know, bro, they got stars
coming out, make a cameo and shit.
217
00:07:09,237 --> 00:07:11,942
Dude, I didn't realize you were
like such a mental health expert.
218
00:07:11,953 --> 00:07:13,000
What? (SCOFFS)
219
00:07:13,011 --> 00:07:14,581
I'm about to win this shit, bro.
220
00:07:15,124 --> 00:07:18,042
Gata, you know it's a panel.
There's no winners. There's just losers.
221
00:07:18,102 --> 00:07:20,006
Bro, there's always
room for some gander.
222
00:07:20,017 --> 00:07:21,418
I'm Black and bipolar, bro, seriously.
223
00:07:21,429 --> 00:07:23,959
- They need a real nigga out here like me giving perspective.
- Do they?
224
00:07:23,970 --> 00:07:25,358
What the fuck, dawg? I
thought you was out here
225
00:07:25,369 --> 00:07:26,456
- supporting me, bro.
- I'm here to support you,
226
00:07:26,467 --> 00:07:28,332
but I'm saying do they need
"a real nigga" perspective?
227
00:07:28,343 --> 00:07:30,003
Or do they just need a
nigga up there, you know,
228
00:07:30,014 --> 00:07:32,493
- to fit in with all the white people.
- I'm locked in for this shit, bro.
229
00:07:32,504 --> 00:07:34,164
Cognitive dissonance. You hear that?
230
00:07:34,175 --> 00:07:35,640
Cognitive dissonance.
231
00:07:35,651 --> 00:07:37,489
Took me about a week
to memorize that shit.
232
00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:39,196
I'm about to go backstage.
233
00:07:39,226 --> 00:07:40,613
All right, bro. Good lookin'.
234
00:07:40,687 --> 00:07:43,126
- Hey, I'm-a win this shit, bro.
- (EXHALES SHARPLY)
235
00:07:48,477 --> 00:07:50,549
? ?
236
00:07:51,883 --> 00:07:54,179
DAVE: Great call on the
contact lenses, John-Paul.
237
00:07:54,190 --> 00:07:56,668
I love this shit. I feel
like Bradley fucking Cooper.
238
00:07:56,679 --> 00:07:58,413
Imagine someone walking
down the red carpet
239
00:07:58,424 --> 00:07:59,923
with brown eyes? (LAUGHS)
240
00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:01,395
- You look hot.
- I'm gonna send
241
00:08:01,406 --> 00:08:03,135
a little pic to Robyn. She's
got the house to herself,
242
00:08:03,146 --> 00:08:04,682
she might want to masturbate.
243
00:08:04,703 --> 00:08:05,705
- (CAMERA CLICKS)
- Oh, Dave.
244
00:08:05,716 --> 00:08:07,444
I didn't realize you had a girlfriend.
245
00:08:07,455 --> 00:08:09,258
Eh... not my girlfriend.
246
00:08:09,269 --> 00:08:10,941
Definitely a special
person in my life right now.
247
00:08:10,952 --> 00:08:12,555
But she lives in Wisconsin,
and we're kind of like,
248
00:08:12,566 --> 00:08:14,779
in this, like, experimental
new phase of dating,
249
00:08:14,790 --> 00:08:16,147
I suppose, but, uh...
250
00:08:16,158 --> 00:08:18,663
I'd say it's like casual sex
with, like, a fuckton of heart.
251
00:08:18,674 --> 00:08:19,911
But you're thinking about her.
252
00:08:19,922 --> 00:08:21,393
You're thinking about her all the time.
253
00:08:21,404 --> 00:08:23,007
Even when you're not with her, right?
254
00:08:23,018 --> 00:08:25,734
Eh, I don't think about her
at every moment, no. Should I?
255
00:08:25,745 --> 00:08:28,084
I don't know, I feel like
casual sex is awesome, right?
256
00:08:28,095 --> 00:08:29,916
It's kind of like, like
it's loose, it's hippie.
257
00:08:29,927 --> 00:08:31,231
It's freeing, you know?
258
00:08:31,242 --> 00:08:33,179
I mean, the specificity
in which they make love,
259
00:08:33,190 --> 00:08:34,918
it's more than that,
it's uniquely intimate.
260
00:08:34,929 --> 00:08:36,601
It's almost primal in its execution.
261
00:08:36,612 --> 00:08:38,149
What the fuck are you talking about?
262
00:08:38,160 --> 00:08:39,529
It's such standard fare with me and her.
263
00:08:39,540 --> 00:08:41,010
It's like, missionary, girl on top.
264
00:08:41,021 --> 00:08:42,687
It's good. I mean, sometimes we sweat.
265
00:08:42,698 --> 00:08:44,125
That's emotional. That's a connection.
266
00:08:44,136 --> 00:08:46,346
- There's something deeper.
- I look her in the eyes.
267
00:08:46,357 --> 00:08:47,932
- And that means a lot.
- I haven't looked anyone
268
00:08:47,943 --> 00:08:49,346
in the eyes before when-when I fucked.
269
00:08:49,357 --> 00:08:51,407
We're the only animals
on earth that do that,
270
00:08:51,418 --> 00:08:53,333
other than bonobos and gorillas.
271
00:08:53,546 --> 00:08:56,272
- A bonobo?
- Mm-hmm. Like the pants.
272
00:08:56,283 --> 00:08:58,001
You think she's sitting
over there, like, thinking,
273
00:08:58,012 --> 00:08:59,981
"When's the day he's gonna
ask me to be his girlfriend?"
274
00:08:59,992 --> 00:09:01,461
MIKE: Well, ma... or-or wife.
275
00:09:01,472 --> 00:09:03,243
Whatever. I can't really
focus on that right now.
276
00:09:03,254 --> 00:09:05,127
There's too much potential
energy in the Big Apple.
277
00:09:05,138 --> 00:09:07,413
Look at this. I'm getting fucking
dolled up for the Met Gala.
278
00:09:07,424 --> 00:09:09,328
This is your new beginning,
a new birth for you.
279
00:09:09,339 --> 00:09:11,152
- This is a big moment for my rebrand, and...
- MIKE: Huge.
280
00:09:11,163 --> 00:09:12,190
- Dave.
- DAVE: Yeah?
281
00:09:12,201 --> 00:09:13,786
- Dave, my sexy boy.
- Yeah?
282
00:09:13,797 --> 00:09:15,067
It's time to see the suit.
283
00:09:15,078 --> 00:09:16,253
- (GROANS)
- I haven't slept in three days,
284
00:09:16,264 --> 00:09:17,466
- but we got this all figured out.
- Show me.
285
00:09:17,477 --> 00:09:19,698
- Okay. Well, you wanted big.
- Yeah.
286
00:09:19,709 --> 00:09:21,401
I can give you bigger than
you've ever seen, baby.
287
00:09:21,412 --> 00:09:22,648
- Okay.
- Okay, so,
288
00:09:22,659 --> 00:09:23,717
here we have you.
289
00:09:23,728 --> 00:09:25,265
You're walking down the red carpet.
290
00:09:25,332 --> 00:09:26,788
You're looking cutie,
you're looking sexy,
291
00:09:26,799 --> 00:09:29,698
- you're looking gorg-eanica, you're slaying.
- Well animated, yeah.
292
00:09:29,709 --> 00:09:30,942
But is that all it is?
293
00:09:30,953 --> 00:09:32,589
No. Not in John-Paul's world.
294
00:09:32,600 --> 00:09:34,036
I don't do shit like that.
295
00:09:34,047 --> 00:09:36,368
So, you're gonna get
to your trigger point.
296
00:09:36,379 --> 00:09:39,249
- Trigger point?
- And you're going to yank on this chain,
297
00:09:39,260 --> 00:09:40,662
which is gonna be in the back
298
00:09:40,729 --> 00:09:43,001
attached to the accelerator
that will fire up,
299
00:09:43,146 --> 00:09:45,675
and then you're gonna inflate.
300
00:09:45,686 --> 00:09:47,089
Holy shit.
301
00:09:47,100 --> 00:09:48,723
- JOHN-PAUL: Big. The world.
- DAVE: So... okay.
302
00:09:48,734 --> 00:09:50,771
- You're. The. Globe.
- The globe, yeah.
303
00:09:50,782 --> 00:09:52,853
- Yes. Yes. Yes.
- Very cool conceptually.
304
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:54,882
So, big enough to where
it's knocking all that...
305
00:09:54,893 --> 00:09:56,284
JOHN-PAUL: We're talking 40 feet.
306
00:09:56,295 --> 00:09:57,983
It's gonna take up
the whole entire space.
307
00:09:57,994 --> 00:09:59,769
So if I was here, and
I pulled the thing,
308
00:09:59,780 --> 00:10:01,628
and like, he was here, he would...
309
00:10:01,639 --> 00:10:04,064
Not quite like a bomb, but
somewhere in the middle.
310
00:10:04,075 --> 00:10:05,083
- Like an airbag?
- Yeah, don't say "bomb."
311
00:10:05,094 --> 00:10:06,313
- Like an airbag, exactly, yeah.
- Oh.
312
00:10:06,324 --> 00:10:07,747
- Don't say "bomb" to the press.
- AVA: Don't say "bomb."
313
00:10:07,758 --> 00:10:09,911
It looks like it's gonna
hurt a-a little bit.
314
00:10:09,922 --> 00:10:10,930
- Yeah.
- For a few people.
315
00:10:10,941 --> 00:10:13,136
It would hurt more if
the world wasn't saved.
316
00:10:13,147 --> 00:10:15,262
- Yeah.
- Dave, I just need you to know
317
00:10:15,273 --> 00:10:17,364
that you're gonna get
permanently banned.
318
00:10:17,375 --> 00:10:19,440
So? You think I give a shit about...
319
00:10:19,451 --> 00:10:20,625
MIKE: He does not give a shit.
320
00:10:20,636 --> 00:10:22,756
...the Met Gala and all
these goddamn celebrities?
321
00:10:22,767 --> 00:10:24,742
The world is exploding!
322
00:10:24,753 --> 00:10:26,565
- Yeah.
- Or... ending or you know...
323
00:10:26,576 --> 00:10:28,513
Whew! Oh, my God, we're
gonna be, like, the most...
324
00:10:28,524 --> 00:10:30,587
talked-about people in the world.
325
00:10:30,598 --> 00:10:32,975
- In the world. Yeah.
- But for the world.
326
00:10:33,134 --> 00:10:35,705
("DIES IRAE" BY MOZART PLAYING)
327
00:10:41,396 --> 00:10:42,740
REPORTER: What are you wearing, Emma?
328
00:10:42,751 --> 00:10:43,786
It's Versace.
329
00:10:43,797 --> 00:10:45,333
Oh, my God, it's fabulous.
330
00:10:45,592 --> 00:10:47,663
? ?
331
00:10:55,178 --> 00:10:57,449
? ?
332
00:11:01,424 --> 00:11:03,695
(CAMERA SHUTTERS CLICKING)
333
00:11:10,241 --> 00:11:11,744
REPORTER: Megan! Megan! Oh, my God!
334
00:11:11,755 --> 00:11:14,494
- You're so hot!
- REPORTER 2: Megan!
335
00:11:14,505 --> 00:11:16,374
Megan, how?!
336
00:11:16,385 --> 00:11:18,248
MGK! MGK!
337
00:11:18,616 --> 00:11:20,862
You got to have a huge cock, right?
338
00:11:21,864 --> 00:11:24,504
- Uh... Okay.
- How big is it?
339
00:11:24,515 --> 00:11:25,973
The people need to know.
340
00:11:25,984 --> 00:11:27,821
? ?
341
00:11:32,391 --> 00:11:34,161
MAN: Oh, shit.
342
00:11:34,465 --> 00:11:35,825
Are you Lil Dicky?
343
00:11:36,510 --> 00:11:37,633
Don.
344
00:11:37,644 --> 00:11:39,122
- Hi.
- (LAUGHS) Oh, man!
345
00:11:39,133 --> 00:11:40,335
- What's up, man?
- Man...
346
00:11:40,346 --> 00:11:42,170
- Nothing much.
- Oh, I'm a fan, bro.
347
00:11:42,181 --> 00:11:44,991
- Yeah?
- Man, I got to tell you, that death shit? Dope.
348
00:11:45,002 --> 00:11:47,682
Oh, it was, uh, you know,
no. I mean, yeah, but no.
349
00:11:47,693 --> 00:11:49,610
- It wasn't like that.
- Don't let anybody steal your thunder.
350
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:50,763
It was amazing.
351
00:11:50,774 --> 00:11:52,409
- Yeah, oh...
- Okay. You're amazing.
352
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:54,799
Look, I got to go in here
and do my thing, but, uh,
353
00:11:54,810 --> 00:11:55,888
you want to hook up later?
354
00:11:55,899 --> 00:11:57,302
I'm meeting Denzel in
there and we can, like,
355
00:11:57,313 --> 00:11:58,771
smoke a J and just get fucking crazy.
356
00:11:58,782 --> 00:12:01,304
- It's the Met Gala, right?
- Smoke a joint with you and Denzel Washington?
357
00:12:01,315 --> 00:12:03,559
- Yeah, man, you with it?
- Uh, yeah, yeah.
358
00:12:03,570 --> 00:12:06,236
- All right, Lil Dicky, good to meet you, bro-bro.
- You, too, Don Cheadle, bro-bro.
359
00:12:06,247 --> 00:12:08,818
- Stay up, bro.
- (CROWD CLAMORING)
360
00:12:13,768 --> 00:12:16,207
? ?
361
00:12:16,458 --> 00:12:17,805
Don! What's next for you?
362
00:12:17,816 --> 00:12:19,986
Uh, you know, some Marvel shit.
363
00:12:22,753 --> 00:12:25,558
(REPORTERS SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
364
00:12:25,625 --> 00:12:27,500
REPORTER: Who are you?!
365
00:12:27,608 --> 00:12:29,478
REPORTER 2: You faked your death, man!
366
00:12:29,739 --> 00:12:31,773
REPORTER 3: Who are you now?
367
00:12:32,305 --> 00:12:34,410
(SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
368
00:12:34,531 --> 00:12:36,035
Hey, Dave, are you dead or alive?!
369
00:12:36,046 --> 00:12:37,716
- Over here! This way!
- (SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
370
00:12:38,193 --> 00:12:40,388
We have 11 years to not make it...
371
00:12:40,455 --> 00:12:41,891
(SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
372
00:12:41,902 --> 00:12:43,850
No, we have 11 years left
373
00:12:43,861 --> 00:12:46,367
to make the world not
be 1.5 degrees Celsius...
374
00:12:46,644 --> 00:12:48,104
more temperature-wise...
375
00:12:48,115 --> 00:12:50,319
but can't go over the...
376
00:12:50,330 --> 00:12:51,678
or it's irreversi...
377
00:12:51,711 --> 00:12:54,149
- Um...
- (SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
378
00:12:54,288 --> 00:12:55,375
? ?
379
00:12:55,644 --> 00:12:57,983
REPORTER: Right this way, Jack!
380
00:12:58,807 --> 00:13:00,328
Oh, my contact!
381
00:13:00,339 --> 00:13:01,909
Oh! (GRUNTS)
382
00:13:02,032 --> 00:13:05,144
(SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
383
00:13:05,155 --> 00:13:07,064
Can we pause for the contact?
384
00:13:08,303 --> 00:13:10,708
Goddamn it. Do you see it?
385
00:13:11,183 --> 00:13:12,667
He can wait his turn!
386
00:13:12,678 --> 00:13:14,515
He'll wait his turn!
387
00:13:16,516 --> 00:13:18,681
(MUTTERING): Fuck it. Fuck. Fuck.
388
00:13:18,692 --> 00:13:19,992
As I was saying,
389
00:13:20,003 --> 00:13:22,467
if we don't get our shit
together right now as a world,
390
00:13:22,478 --> 00:13:25,567
we'll never do what we need to do to...
391
00:13:25,578 --> 00:13:28,113
L-Deezy! What the fuck, man?
392
00:13:28,124 --> 00:13:29,940
This blunt ain't gonna
smoke itself. You in or what?
393
00:13:29,951 --> 00:13:32,088
What's happening?
394
00:13:32,385 --> 00:13:34,006
Let's go!
395
00:13:49,426 --> 00:13:51,697
("REQUIEM IN D MINOR,
LACRIMOSA" BY MOZART PLAYING)
396
00:13:59,339 --> 00:14:00,875
(GRUNTS)
397
00:14:02,285 --> 00:14:04,556
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
398
00:14:13,100 --> 00:14:15,404
(GONG CLANGING)
399
00:14:22,271 --> 00:14:24,934
Please take your seats.
400
00:14:28,937 --> 00:14:31,425
Certainly are the beautiful people.
401
00:14:31,536 --> 00:14:33,273
(CHAIR SQUEAKS)
402
00:14:34,472 --> 00:14:36,760
(GROANS) Goddamn it.
403
00:14:37,141 --> 00:14:38,934
Welcome...
404
00:14:39,232 --> 00:14:41,436
to the Met Gala.
405
00:14:41,851 --> 00:14:46,740
You are all here because
you are the elite, but...
406
00:14:46,807 --> 00:14:48,623
who is...
407
00:14:48,770 --> 00:14:49,974
most?
408
00:14:50,793 --> 00:14:52,549
Look around.
409
00:14:53,159 --> 00:14:55,197
Who do you despise?
410
00:14:56,928 --> 00:15:00,042
Who is your rival?
411
00:15:01,029 --> 00:15:03,308
Tonight we shall find out.
412
00:15:05,231 --> 00:15:06,666
Olaf!
413
00:15:06,819 --> 00:15:08,217
The ball!
414
00:15:08,597 --> 00:15:11,783
("REQUIEM IN D MINOR,
LACRIMOSA" BY MOZART CONTINUES)
415
00:15:14,796 --> 00:15:18,638
? ?
416
00:15:27,617 --> 00:15:31,230
ANNA WINTOUR: There
is only one Met Ball.
417
00:15:31,241 --> 00:15:33,913
- (GONG CLANGING)
- First up,
418
00:15:34,036 --> 00:15:35,973
Travis Barker.
419
00:15:36,096 --> 00:15:38,615
(GONG CLANGS)
420
00:15:38,998 --> 00:15:40,664
- Oh, shit.
- WINTOUR: And...
421
00:15:40,675 --> 00:15:41,987
Finneas!
422
00:15:41,998 --> 00:15:43,734
(GONG CLANGS)
423
00:15:43,956 --> 00:15:46,126
- Who is that?
- Billie Eilish's brother.
424
00:15:46,193 --> 00:15:47,929
(MURMURING CONTINUES)
425
00:15:48,765 --> 00:15:50,168
(WHISPERS): Who's Finneas?
426
00:15:50,234 --> 00:15:52,505
(DRUMS PLAYING)
427
00:16:03,261 --> 00:16:05,431
? ?
428
00:16:14,581 --> 00:16:17,520
(BOTH SHOUTING)
429
00:16:18,391 --> 00:16:20,561
(BOTH LAUGHING)
430
00:16:22,062 --> 00:16:23,857
You fucking idiots.
431
00:16:23,993 --> 00:16:26,639
WINTOUR: Just a little prank
we play for the first years.
432
00:16:26,650 --> 00:16:29,189
Yeah, we just get fucked
up and have a good time.
433
00:16:29,925 --> 00:16:32,152
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
434
00:16:32,163 --> 00:16:34,668
Yeah! Fuck yeah!
435
00:16:36,275 --> 00:16:38,631
WINTOUR: Enjoy yourselves.
436
00:16:39,055 --> 00:16:41,403
Everything's free.
437
00:16:41,470 --> 00:16:43,741
(CHEERING, APPLAUSE)
438
00:16:45,183 --> 00:16:47,965
This dude really fucking
believed that shit.
439
00:16:47,994 --> 00:16:50,265
(HARLOW LAUGHING)
440
00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:53,195
I mean, what world are
you living in, dawg?
441
00:16:53,206 --> 00:16:54,842
Uh, hey, youngin.
442
00:16:54,853 --> 00:16:57,159
I'm living in the world
that's only got 11 years left
443
00:16:57,170 --> 00:16:59,311
unless we make the
three and a half de...
444
00:16:59,322 --> 00:17:02,721
or two and a half degrees
Celsius not reach that point.
445
00:17:02,731 --> 00:17:05,418
What world are you living in?
One that's TikTok-based?
446
00:17:05,485 --> 00:17:07,990
(LAUGHS)
447
00:17:08,855 --> 00:17:10,862
My name's Jack. What's your name?
448
00:17:12,694 --> 00:17:15,344
- What's your name?
- Like, my legal government name?
449
00:17:15,550 --> 00:17:17,754
'Cause I know you know my artist name.
450
00:17:18,223 --> 00:17:20,737
The whole reason that you're even here
451
00:17:20,748 --> 00:17:23,133
- is because I came first.
- Mm.
452
00:17:23,144 --> 00:17:25,807
Look at how you've modeled
your whole physicality.
453
00:17:25,818 --> 00:17:28,590
I mean, surely you must hear it a lot.
454
00:17:29,688 --> 00:17:31,759
I do know who you are,
and you're actually...
455
00:17:31,770 --> 00:17:34,209
the worst thing that's
ever happened to my career.
456
00:17:34,220 --> 00:17:35,229
Hard to compete.
457
00:17:35,240 --> 00:17:37,889
You know, just being
associated with you at all is...
458
00:17:38,443 --> 00:17:40,421
it's tough. I can't lie, but...
459
00:17:40,432 --> 00:17:42,069
I get through it, as you can see.
460
00:17:42,080 --> 00:17:44,833
It's hard to be
associated with this level...
461
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,273
of art.
462
00:17:46,646 --> 00:17:47,925
It's a breeze at the end of the day.
463
00:17:47,936 --> 00:17:49,973
- (BOTH LAUGH)
- Don't touch.
464
00:17:50,280 --> 00:17:51,822
You can look, but you can't touch.
465
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:53,203
I'd rather touch almost.
466
00:17:53,214 --> 00:17:54,566
I'll give it to you, you got hot.
467
00:17:54,577 --> 00:17:56,261
Some people want to be hot,
some people don't, I get it.
468
00:17:56,272 --> 00:17:58,338
"Ooh, I put earrings in."
469
00:17:58,349 --> 00:17:59,615
If I wore those, I'd look like a woman.
470
00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:01,480
- (SNIFFING)
- What are you doing?
471
00:18:01,491 --> 00:18:02,499
Mmm.
472
00:18:02,510 --> 00:18:04,614
You stink, bitch.
473
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,890
I like that.
474
00:18:09,152 --> 00:18:11,322
(SCOFFS) Got beef?
475
00:18:12,203 --> 00:18:14,122
'Cause I got a whole slab.
476
00:18:14,698 --> 00:18:15,900
(HARLOW SCOFFS)
477
00:18:15,944 --> 00:18:17,151
Pussy.
478
00:18:18,223 --> 00:18:19,719
Okay.
479
00:18:21,222 --> 00:18:23,025
"Slab"?
480
00:18:26,610 --> 00:18:29,800
Thank you all so much
for joining us here today.
481
00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:32,591
So, Demi, tell us, where do you stand
482
00:18:32,602 --> 00:18:34,699
on the media's portrayal
of mental health?
483
00:18:34,710 --> 00:18:37,635
Well, look, I've made my
fair share of mistakes.
484
00:18:37,922 --> 00:18:39,706
And I love you, media,
485
00:18:39,717 --> 00:18:41,821
but you love to tear us down.
486
00:18:42,523 --> 00:18:44,182
Still if you've got a platform,
487
00:18:44,193 --> 00:18:46,023
you have to stay open,
488
00:18:46,034 --> 00:18:47,862
keep yourself accountable,
you know what I mean?
489
00:18:47,873 --> 00:18:49,576
I agree, you got to
put your shit out there
490
00:18:49,587 --> 00:18:51,687
- every day.
- Wait, we can curse?
491
00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,804
- I want a do-over.
- (LAUGHTER)
492
00:18:53,815 --> 00:18:55,600
Oh, yeah, you a fool, Demi Lovato.
493
00:18:55,611 --> 00:18:58,111
And you got a cold-ass falsetto, but...
494
00:18:58,122 --> 00:19:00,689
that's what it's about though,
you know? Share your pain,
495
00:19:00,700 --> 00:19:02,585
and somebody else
will share theirs, too.
496
00:19:02,596 --> 00:19:04,401
Lot of people connect with me, honestly,
497
00:19:04,412 --> 00:19:05,747
'cause I am bipolar.
498
00:19:06,036 --> 00:19:08,264
- (AUDIENCE MURMURING)
- Oh, me, too.
499
00:19:08,386 --> 00:19:09,822
I feel you on that.
500
00:19:10,117 --> 00:19:11,921
I think it's about staying
true to your feelings.
501
00:19:11,932 --> 00:19:13,363
For me, at least. You know,
502
00:19:13,374 --> 00:19:15,244
when I was younger, things
were a little confusing.
503
00:19:15,311 --> 00:19:18,117
I had to understand my gender identity,
504
00:19:18,184 --> 00:19:19,619
my sexuality...
505
00:19:19,630 --> 00:19:20,992
Sexuality? Oof!
506
00:19:21,003 --> 00:19:22,781
That shit got me going crazy.
507
00:19:22,792 --> 00:19:24,318
Did y'all know that
I'm a sex addict, too?
508
00:19:24,329 --> 00:19:25,350
Check this story out.
509
00:19:25,361 --> 00:19:27,499
One time, I was in
my car, bored as hell,
510
00:19:27,510 --> 00:19:29,116
so I, you know, slide in a chick's DM,
511
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:30,296
tell her to come through, she pull up,
512
00:19:30,307 --> 00:19:31,713
whoop-deep-whoop, yada, yada, yada.
513
00:19:31,724 --> 00:19:34,423
But she didn't look nothing
like her pictures though.
514
00:19:34,523 --> 00:19:35,738
That's when I realized
515
00:19:35,749 --> 00:19:38,624
I got sucked by a fat bitch
just to feel something.
516
00:19:39,431 --> 00:19:41,430
And after I bust, I'm like, "Damn.
517
00:19:41,441 --> 00:19:43,278
Nigga really got a problem."
518
00:19:43,289 --> 00:19:44,926
(AUDIENCE WHISPERING, MURMURING)
519
00:19:44,937 --> 00:19:48,354
What the fuck is Gata talking about
in front of all these white people?
520
00:19:48,383 --> 00:19:50,355
Hey, do you, do you know him?
521
00:19:50,675 --> 00:19:52,235
Uh, unfortunately.
522
00:19:52,246 --> 00:19:54,357
Aw, man, your friend is awesome.
523
00:19:54,368 --> 00:19:55,881
Uh, my name's Ted Shunim.
524
00:19:55,892 --> 00:19:57,703
- I make reality TV.
- Elz.
525
00:19:57,714 --> 00:19:59,017
I've got this new show.
526
00:19:59,028 --> 00:20:01,804
It's a mental health
show called Nut Haus.
527
00:20:01,815 --> 00:20:04,554
- He would be great.
- I mean, you could talk to Gata.
528
00:20:04,565 --> 00:20:06,658
He'd do anything to be
famous at this point.
529
00:20:06,675 --> 00:20:09,064
What, I'm supposed to be up
here keeping it real, right?
530
00:20:09,075 --> 00:20:10,557
No need to whisper.
531
00:20:10,568 --> 00:20:12,214
- Right.
- (AUDIENCE MURMURING)
532
00:20:12,777 --> 00:20:14,313
And, um...
533
00:20:15,464 --> 00:20:17,179
uh, Mr. Steer, you've talked about...
534
00:20:17,190 --> 00:20:19,026
And I never met my dad.
535
00:20:19,135 --> 00:20:21,510
And I call my aunt my
mom because she raised me.
536
00:20:21,829 --> 00:20:22,836
Oh.
537
00:20:22,847 --> 00:20:25,893
- GATA: That shit kills me every day.
- Mm.
538
00:20:26,086 --> 00:20:28,524
I'm not gonna allow y'all
to sit up here and judge me.
539
00:20:28,672 --> 00:20:30,520
Only God can judge me.
540
00:20:31,572 --> 00:20:33,275
That's cognitive dissonance.
541
00:20:33,339 --> 00:20:35,844
- That's beautiful.
- (APPLAUSE)
542
00:20:38,244 --> 00:20:41,016
Thank you so much for
sharing that with us.
543
00:20:41,083 --> 00:20:43,354
He's gonna be famous.
544
00:20:44,802 --> 00:20:46,482
I want to save the Earth,
too, Al, I really do,
545
00:20:46,493 --> 00:20:49,103
but, like, Don Cheadle's
here, Harlow... (STAMMERS)
546
00:20:49,114 --> 00:20:51,665
It's like, it's a lot. It's
an overwhelming situation.
547
00:20:51,676 --> 00:20:53,677
ALLY: Look, it's not a lost cause.
548
00:20:53,688 --> 00:20:55,745
Because the most visible
picture at this thing
549
00:20:55,756 --> 00:20:57,493
is always the bathroom selfie.
550
00:20:57,581 --> 00:21:00,467
I have no idea what that means.
What is the bathroom selfie?
551
00:21:00,478 --> 00:21:01,958
Every year the coolest celebs
552
00:21:01,969 --> 00:21:03,313
go to the bathroom at the same time
553
00:21:03,324 --> 00:21:04,543
- and take a selfie.
- (SIGHS)
554
00:21:04,554 --> 00:21:05,983
You've got to find out
when they're doing it,
555
00:21:05,994 --> 00:21:08,109
get in there and pull that cord.
556
00:21:08,189 --> 00:21:09,659
Well, how does it, how do I do that?
557
00:21:09,670 --> 00:21:11,529
- I don't know how that fucking shit works.
- Um...
558
00:21:11,540 --> 00:21:14,055
excuse me, do you, do
you mind if I, um...
559
00:21:14,751 --> 00:21:16,982
just, uh, plug in here?
560
00:21:17,322 --> 00:21:19,057
Thanks, Olaf, bye.
561
00:21:19,586 --> 00:21:21,452
- Is that okay? Okay.
- Yeah.
562
00:21:21,463 --> 00:21:23,135
- Thank you. Sorry.
- Yeah, take a seat.
563
00:21:23,146 --> 00:21:25,948
There's, like, one outlet
in this whole place.
564
00:21:25,959 --> 00:21:28,430
- Yeah.
- Oh, yeah, I could use a seat.
565
00:21:29,284 --> 00:21:30,881
- Whew!
- Whew.
566
00:21:30,892 --> 00:21:32,563
Oh, that feels better.
567
00:21:33,038 --> 00:21:35,242
(EXHALES)
568
00:21:35,892 --> 00:21:37,194
You okay?
569
00:21:37,234 --> 00:21:38,837
Yeah, just...
570
00:21:38,848 --> 00:21:41,323
- can't see anything with this thing on.
- Oh, yeah.
571
00:21:41,903 --> 00:21:42,962
I'm Rachel.
572
00:21:42,973 --> 00:21:44,127
- Hi, Rachel.
- Hi.
573
00:21:44,138 --> 00:21:46,780
- I'm Dave. Nice to meet you.
- Dave, nice to meet you.
574
00:21:47,756 --> 00:21:49,317
You having fun?
575
00:21:49,470 --> 00:21:51,552
Uh, not particularly.
576
00:21:51,563 --> 00:21:53,127
- (LAUGHS): No.
- To be frank with you, no.
577
00:21:53,138 --> 00:21:55,879
It's my first Met Gala,
and it's just not going
578
00:21:55,890 --> 00:21:57,568
anywhere close to how I envisioned it.
579
00:21:57,943 --> 00:22:00,397
Hey, honestly, these
things really stress me out.
580
00:22:00,408 --> 00:22:02,345
- Yeah?
- I only came, my publicist forced me,
581
00:22:02,356 --> 00:22:04,460
so I could promote my next movie.
582
00:22:05,025 --> 00:22:07,189
Well, if it makes you feel any better,
583
00:22:07,200 --> 00:22:08,689
I will go see that movie.
584
00:22:08,700 --> 00:22:10,555
So the promotion actually worked.
585
00:22:10,566 --> 00:22:13,300
Tell your publicist you've
got one customer locked in
586
00:22:13,311 --> 00:22:14,546
to go see that new film.
587
00:22:14,557 --> 00:22:15,653
- All right, I will...
- Yeah.
588
00:22:15,664 --> 00:22:17,931
- I'm gonna let her know, thank you.
- Yeah.
589
00:22:17,942 --> 00:22:19,694
My publicist made me come here, too.
590
00:22:19,705 --> 00:22:22,352
- Really?
- Yeah, I've got a publicist, as well.
591
00:22:22,418 --> 00:22:23,989
What do you do, Dave?
592
00:22:24,484 --> 00:22:26,393
I'm a rapper.
593
00:22:27,094 --> 00:22:28,470
- Yeah.
- A rapper?
594
00:22:28,481 --> 00:22:30,344
- Cool, right?
- Very.
595
00:22:30,355 --> 00:22:33,107
- Yeah.
- So, like, you could write a rap about us
596
00:22:33,505 --> 00:22:36,595
meeting like losers on the ground.
597
00:22:36,606 --> 00:22:38,971
Couple of people chitchatting,
sitting Indian style.
598
00:22:38,982 --> 00:22:40,443
I would knock it out of the park.
599
00:22:40,454 --> 00:22:42,091
(LAUGHING)
600
00:22:42,510 --> 00:22:44,284
I'm really bummed that
you're not having fun
601
00:22:44,295 --> 00:22:46,642
- at your first Met Ball.
- Uh, well...
602
00:22:46,653 --> 00:22:48,224
What can we do to turn that around?
603
00:22:48,235 --> 00:22:49,738
How can we make it better?
604
00:22:50,721 --> 00:22:51,910
I mean, do you know anything
605
00:22:51,921 --> 00:22:54,235
about this bathroom selfie thing?
606
00:22:54,246 --> 00:22:56,710
- I feel so lame asking that.
- No, don't feel lame.
607
00:22:56,721 --> 00:22:58,702
I felt the exact same way.
608
00:22:58,713 --> 00:23:00,282
You just need someone
to get the ball rolling.
609
00:23:00,293 --> 00:23:03,019
- Okay.
- So I'm gonna corral everybody up.
610
00:23:03,293 --> 00:23:04,905
And you're gonna go to the bathroom.
611
00:23:04,916 --> 00:23:07,840
Everyone comes in, and it's
gonna down just like that.
612
00:23:07,851 --> 00:23:09,568
You really have that
kind of influence, huh?
613
00:23:09,579 --> 00:23:11,183
I got them eating out
of the palm of my hand.
614
00:23:11,194 --> 00:23:13,063
- Yum, yum, yum.
- Ah!
615
00:23:13,729 --> 00:23:15,844
- Are you gonna be in this picture with me?
- No, God no.
616
00:23:15,855 --> 00:23:18,288
No, no, no. I don't take
pictures in bathrooms anymore.
617
00:23:18,299 --> 00:23:20,459
The elephant in the room is,
like, getting up is gonna be,
618
00:23:20,470 --> 00:23:22,327
like, borderline
impossible in this outfit.
619
00:23:22,338 --> 00:23:23,807
- Really?
- Yeah, will you help me up?
620
00:23:23,874 --> 00:23:25,279
I can't.
621
00:23:25,290 --> 00:23:26,890
I was hoping you would help me.
622
00:23:27,101 --> 00:23:28,819
Ah, let's combine...
623
00:23:28,830 --> 00:23:31,022
- the inertia of...
- Where are our publicists?
624
00:23:31,033 --> 00:23:32,803
I know. Here, we can...
625
00:23:32,951 --> 00:23:34,788
if we just... (GRUNTS)
626
00:23:35,219 --> 00:23:36,823
- (SCREAMS)
- I got you.
627
00:23:36,834 --> 00:23:39,050
- Sorry, sorry. Yes, I'm up.
- You okay?
628
00:23:39,061 --> 00:23:41,137
- (LAUGHS)
- Should we do the plan now?
629
00:23:41,148 --> 00:23:43,593
- Yes. Okay.
- Okay, copy you.
630
00:23:43,775 --> 00:23:45,433
- Copying that.
- Rachel's on the move.
631
00:23:45,444 --> 00:23:47,430
- Roger, you.
- I'm gonna go to the bathroom downstairs.
632
00:23:47,441 --> 00:23:48,793
- Okay, yes.
- Across the hall.
633
00:23:48,804 --> 00:23:50,674
- Go get 'em, tiger.
- Third door. Okay.
634
00:24:12,797 --> 00:24:16,238
No, that's what I'm saying, I
just did it a couple hours ago.
635
00:24:16,974 --> 00:24:19,779
Just handle it, please. Jesus Christ.
636
00:24:20,667 --> 00:24:22,759
So I need you to get in there and...
637
00:24:22,838 --> 00:24:24,475
Hang on a second.
638
00:24:29,258 --> 00:24:30,327
Okay, yeah.
639
00:24:30,338 --> 00:24:32,423
I need somebody to get in
there and get rid of it, okay?
640
00:24:32,434 --> 00:24:34,705
Get it out of there
before it opens tomorrow.
641
00:24:34,985 --> 00:24:37,990
Yeah, big red letters
right by the crown.
642
00:24:38,001 --> 00:24:39,648
Yeah, on the inside, Carla, you think
643
00:24:39,659 --> 00:24:42,236
I scaled the outside of the
fucking Statue of Liberty?
644
00:24:42,247 --> 00:24:44,349
No, you don't yell at me, okay?
645
00:24:44,360 --> 00:24:45,560
This is your fucking job!
646
00:24:45,571 --> 00:24:46,940
It's what I pay you for.
647
00:24:47,008 --> 00:24:48,944
Why do you need to know what it says?
648
00:24:48,955 --> 00:24:50,290
It doesn't matter what it sa...
649
00:24:50,301 --> 00:24:52,372
It says "fuck white people," okay?
650
00:24:52,504 --> 00:24:54,141
Just get...
651
00:24:54,207 --> 00:24:57,532
No, I wasn't on fentanyl
again. Jesus Christ.
652
00:24:57,798 --> 00:24:59,005
(WHISPERS): "Fentanyl"?
653
00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:01,570
(STAMMERS)
654
00:25:10,005 --> 00:25:11,271
Fuck.
655
00:25:14,039 --> 00:25:15,172
(FARTS)
656
00:25:15,183 --> 00:25:17,288
(SIGHS)
657
00:25:18,335 --> 00:25:19,703
(FARTS)
658
00:25:19,714 --> 00:25:20,849
(SIGHS)
659
00:25:20,860 --> 00:25:22,696
(DOOR OPENS)
660
00:25:22,912 --> 00:25:24,949
(DOOR CLOSES)
661
00:25:25,570 --> 00:25:26,755
(SNIFFS)
662
00:25:34,667 --> 00:25:36,738
(WHISTLES)
663
00:25:39,355 --> 00:25:40,371
- You crushed it out there.
- Thank you.
664
00:25:40,382 --> 00:25:41,746
(OVERLAPPING CONVERSATIONS)
665
00:25:41,757 --> 00:25:44,074
- So I'm saying it's like, it's like pickleball.
- Yeah.
666
00:25:44,085 --> 00:25:45,704
- But it's better than pickleball.
- Okay.
667
00:25:45,715 --> 00:25:47,705
CHEADLE: Because you can,
you don't have to be dressed.
668
00:25:47,716 --> 00:25:49,520
- Right, that's true.
- Exactly.
669
00:25:50,525 --> 00:25:52,305
KELLY: Dude, this has
become my favorite part.
670
00:25:52,316 --> 00:25:54,057
- Let's do the selfie.
- Up yours.
671
00:25:54,242 --> 00:25:55,592
(INDISTINCT CHATTER)
672
00:25:55,603 --> 00:25:57,605
Man, that food sucked.
673
00:25:58,382 --> 00:25:59,943
Whoo! We look good, baby.
674
00:25:59,954 --> 00:26:01,590
- Let's do it.
- (TOILET FLUSHES)
675
00:26:03,059 --> 00:26:05,178
- Selfie time?
- What the fuck?
676
00:26:05,189 --> 00:26:06,692
Whoa.
677
00:26:07,337 --> 00:26:08,433
DAVE: No?
678
00:26:08,789 --> 00:26:10,304
Wait... (CHUCKLES)
679
00:26:10,999 --> 00:26:13,103
Are we doing the bathroom selfie, no?
680
00:26:13,114 --> 00:26:15,060
Were you waiting in the
stall for the selfie?
681
00:26:15,071 --> 00:26:17,008
- (LAUGHTER)
- DAVE: No.
682
00:26:17,344 --> 00:26:19,228
If you must know, I was taking a shit.
683
00:26:19,239 --> 00:26:20,508
So...
684
00:26:20,960 --> 00:26:22,754
- Ah.
- Ew.
685
00:26:23,067 --> 00:26:24,702
Shitting, he says.
686
00:26:24,769 --> 00:26:27,508
(SNIFFING)
687
00:26:31,627 --> 00:26:33,589
It's fine, guys.
688
00:26:35,772 --> 00:26:37,250
Yeah, uh...
689
00:26:37,261 --> 00:26:39,532
I don't think this
guy was taking a shit.
690
00:26:39,543 --> 00:26:42,249
- Wow.
- And I'm from Kentucky, so I know shit.
691
00:26:42,845 --> 00:26:44,631
- That's facts. - Yeah.
- Yeah, he does.
692
00:26:44,642 --> 00:26:46,246
What? What the fuck does that even mean?
693
00:26:46,257 --> 00:26:48,427
Why would you lie about
that? That's so lame.
694
00:26:49,403 --> 00:26:50,543
I'm not lying.
695
00:26:50,554 --> 00:26:52,714
Do you guys want to smell
my asshole for proof?
696
00:26:52,725 --> 00:26:54,662
- Uh, what do you want?
- No, gross.
697
00:26:54,673 --> 00:26:55,935
- FOX: Ew!
- I'm sorry.
698
00:26:55,946 --> 00:26:57,664
- Ugh.
- Criticism aside,
699
00:26:57,675 --> 00:26:59,307
I owe you an apology from Germany.
700
00:26:59,318 --> 00:27:00,900
I am sorry about what happened.
701
00:27:00,911 --> 00:27:02,746
I don't blame you for the
Holocaust just 'cause you're
702
00:27:02,757 --> 00:27:05,321
- a tall Aryan guy.
- That's not at all what I'm talking about.
703
00:27:05,353 --> 00:27:06,429
I don't know what you're talking about.
704
00:27:06,440 --> 00:27:07,776
I've never even been to Europe, dude.
705
00:27:07,787 --> 00:27:09,929
Oh! You've never been to Europe?
706
00:27:10,013 --> 00:27:11,783
- Wow. Really?
- Whoa.
707
00:27:11,930 --> 00:27:13,353
HARLOW: Oh, God.
708
00:27:13,432 --> 00:27:14,858
You would love Europe.
709
00:27:14,869 --> 00:27:16,840
Okay, you don't know anything about me.
710
00:27:17,620 --> 00:27:18,846
None of us do.
711
00:27:19,293 --> 00:27:21,583
BARKER: You guys, shut
the fuck up, let's take
712
00:27:21,594 --> 00:27:23,980
this fucking picture
before I lose my mind.
713
00:27:23,991 --> 00:27:25,079
Please, please.
714
00:27:25,090 --> 00:27:26,526
- Let's do this.
- Yeah.
715
00:27:26,593 --> 00:27:28,283
Why don't you guys stand
right next to me, no, stand
716
00:27:28,294 --> 00:27:30,436
right next to me.
Stand right next to me.
717
00:27:30,447 --> 00:27:31,922
- Okay.
- DAVE: Right here.
718
00:27:33,461 --> 00:27:35,017
- Yeah.
- Okay, remember...
719
00:27:35,274 --> 00:27:37,427
- You're gonna remember this shit forever.
- Okay.
720
00:27:37,438 --> 00:27:39,752
- Whole world's gonna see this shit.
- KELLY: All right.
721
00:27:40,221 --> 00:27:41,589
All right, so, uh,
722
00:27:41,600 --> 00:27:43,582
how about "we run this city" on three?
723
00:27:43,593 --> 00:27:44,605
Nice!
724
00:27:44,685 --> 00:27:47,024
CHEADLE: All right, here we go. One,
725
00:27:47,597 --> 00:27:49,172
(DISTORTED): two...
726
00:27:50,064 --> 00:27:51,242
three!
727
00:27:51,309 --> 00:27:53,302
- ALL: We run this city...
- Wait, wait, wait, wait!
728
00:27:53,313 --> 00:27:55,117
Sorry. (GRUNTING) One more.
729
00:27:55,128 --> 00:27:56,664
Oh, sorry.
730
00:27:56,731 --> 00:27:58,663
You said you didn't want to
be in the bathroom selfie.
731
00:27:58,674 --> 00:28:00,260
Oh, well, well,
732
00:28:00,271 --> 00:28:02,075
one more for old time's sake.
733
00:28:03,578 --> 00:28:05,137
Does my hair look okay?
734
00:28:05,458 --> 00:28:07,181
It looks perfect.
735
00:28:07,334 --> 00:28:08,878
CHEADLE: All right, all
right, let's do this.
736
00:28:08,889 --> 00:28:10,562
One, two, three.
737
00:28:10,573 --> 00:28:12,251
ALL: We run this city!
738
00:28:12,318 --> 00:28:13,772
- (CAMERA CLICKING)
- All right.
739
00:28:13,783 --> 00:28:16,160
- Another one?
- KELLY: Yes, sir!
740
00:28:16,172 --> 00:28:18,040
CHEADLE: All right, I'm gonna go
hang out with some Black people.
741
00:28:19,351 --> 00:28:21,391
Man, that was an exhilarating
mission, wasn't it?
742
00:28:21,402 --> 00:28:22,537
Uh, yeah.
743
00:28:23,010 --> 00:28:24,175
Thank you for, like,
744
00:28:24,242 --> 00:28:25,711
going all out to set me up
745
00:28:25,722 --> 00:28:28,139
- for success.
- Oh, yeah, of course.
746
00:28:28,150 --> 00:28:30,621
I mean, you're just... you're so cute.
747
00:28:30,632 --> 00:28:33,002
- And funny and...
- Oh, thank you.
748
00:28:33,013 --> 00:28:34,429
Yeah, I, um...
749
00:28:34,664 --> 00:28:36,159
do you live in L. A.?
750
00:28:36,927 --> 00:28:38,176
- Yeah.
- Really?
751
00:28:38,187 --> 00:28:39,305
- Yes.
- Okay.
752
00:28:39,316 --> 00:28:41,131
Um, do you want to get a meal sometime?
753
00:28:41,142 --> 00:28:43,146
- It'd be fun. Do you want to give me your phone?
- Yeah, yeah.
754
00:28:43,157 --> 00:28:45,328
- And I'll put my...
- Sure.
755
00:28:45,583 --> 00:28:47,188
Number in the old, uh...
756
00:28:47,254 --> 00:28:48,657
- Digit in the old...
- Box of, uh...
757
00:28:48,724 --> 00:28:50,995
- magic box.
- That would be...
758
00:28:51,062 --> 00:28:52,765
- everything.
- (PHONE BUZZING)
759
00:28:53,411 --> 00:28:55,441
Oh, sorry, you're getting a call here.
760
00:28:57,299 --> 00:28:58,593
Yeah.
761
00:28:58,943 --> 00:29:00,713
Sorry, here you go.
762
00:29:00,724 --> 00:29:02,461
(CLUCKING TONGUE)
763
00:29:02,707 --> 00:29:04,044
All right.
764
00:29:04,055 --> 00:29:05,614
Well...
765
00:29:06,610 --> 00:29:08,111
- Okay.
- Okay.
766
00:29:08,378 --> 00:29:09,426
You'll be hearing from me.
767
00:29:09,437 --> 00:29:11,514
- Okay, sounds good.
- Okay.
768
00:29:11,525 --> 00:29:13,396
Oh, and I want to
hear that rap about us.
769
00:29:13,663 --> 00:29:14,825
I'm on it.
770
00:29:14,836 --> 00:29:16,374
Good night.
771
00:29:18,756 --> 00:29:20,827
(QUIET CHATTER)
772
00:29:21,215 --> 00:29:22,876
(PHONE CHIMES)
773
00:29:23,291 --> 00:29:24,751
_
774
00:29:25,976 --> 00:29:27,683
_
775
00:29:29,944 --> 00:29:35,518
_
776
00:29:41,195 --> 00:29:44,521
_
777
00:29:45,983 --> 00:29:48,054
? ?
778
00:29:49,986 --> 00:29:52,390
(DEVICE WHIRRING, BEEPING)
779
00:29:53,127 --> 00:29:54,707
Oh, fuck!
780
00:29:54,901 --> 00:29:56,104
(YELLS)
781
00:29:56,560 --> 00:29:57,998
Move! Move!
782
00:29:58,009 --> 00:29:59,967
Oh, no, I'm in flames, ah!
783
00:29:59,978 --> 00:30:01,936
- I'm gonna roll!
- (CLAMORING)
784
00:30:01,947 --> 00:30:03,416
Help!
785
00:30:03,427 --> 00:30:06,667
(SHOUTING, SCREAMING CONTINUES)
786
00:30:06,678 --> 00:30:09,340
- (TIRES SCREECH, HORN HONKS)
- I'm sorry!
787
00:30:09,351 --> 00:30:11,021
I'm sorry!
788
00:30:11,081 --> 00:30:13,052
(INDISTINCT SHOUTING, CLAMORING)
789
00:30:13,527 --> 00:30:15,397
(HORNS HONKING)
790
00:30:15,408 --> 00:30:17,212
- (SCREAMING)
- (CRASHING)
791
00:30:17,334 --> 00:30:19,605
? ?
792
00:30:19,655 --> 00:30:24,205
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