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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:06,868 --> 00:00:08,008 Watch me. 2 00:00:11,597 --> 00:00:12,633 Voila! 3 00:00:13,806 --> 00:00:14,807 I gave birth. 4 00:00:24,507 --> 00:00:26,509 PAUL: Why does she have to interview for preschool? 5 00:00:26,647 --> 00:00:28,614 If we want to get her into the best schools later, we have-- 6 00:00:28,752 --> 00:00:30,582 I understand she has to go to the best preschool. 7 00:00:30,720 --> 00:00:33,688 It's just... I don't know. It's just all so creepy. 8 00:00:33,826 --> 00:00:35,587 You know what I did for preschool? 9 00:00:35,725 --> 00:00:38,107 I bounced tiny trucks off Ira's head, until it was time for kindergarten. 10 00:00:39,315 --> 00:00:42,421 There you go. Let's show daddy your manicure. Look. 11 00:00:43,008 --> 00:00:44,837 Oh, stunning! 12 00:00:44,975 --> 00:00:46,977 Stunning. Hey, you know what? 13 00:00:47,116 --> 00:00:48,496 Even if you blow the essay question, 14 00:00:48,634 --> 00:00:49,808 they'll take you on your nails. 15 00:00:50,878 --> 00:00:52,431 Okay. You take her. 16 00:00:52,569 --> 00:00:54,399 Mommy's gonna eat a piece of turkey. 17 00:00:54,537 --> 00:00:55,641 Daddy's in charge. 18 00:00:55,779 --> 00:00:56,884 Hey, hey! 19 00:00:57,022 --> 00:00:58,230 She says daddy's in charge, but you know what? 20 00:00:58,368 --> 00:00:59,335 Not really. 21 00:01:01,509 --> 00:01:03,166 Hey, do you know what happened to all those coupons? 22 00:01:03,304 --> 00:01:04,926 What coupons? 23 00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:06,376 The free-stuff coupons that we're supposed to send to uncle Phil. 24 00:01:06,514 --> 00:01:07,515 Look in the drawer. 25 00:01:07,653 --> 00:01:09,345 All right, 'cause we need them for today. 26 00:01:09,483 --> 00:01:11,657 Yeah, he wants to buy Mabel that teeter-totter. 27 00:01:11,795 --> 00:01:13,556 He said there's a coupon for it. 28 00:01:14,729 --> 00:01:16,731 He said there's also one for talcum powder. 29 00:01:16,869 --> 00:01:17,939 We should have one for tuna fish, 30 00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,390 and something about discount veal. 31 00:01:23,221 --> 00:01:24,256 What? 32 00:01:24,843 --> 00:01:25,740 The baby. 33 00:01:25,878 --> 00:01:26,879 The baby! Yes! 34 00:01:27,017 --> 00:01:28,709 The baby, I forgot. Okay. 35 00:01:29,606 --> 00:01:31,160 I forgot. 36 00:01:31,298 --> 00:01:33,472 Hey, look at this one. 50 percent off crunchy peanut butter. 37 00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:34,577 What size? 38 00:01:34,715 --> 00:01:35,957 Uh, 39 00:01:36,096 --> 00:01:38,167 "Fifteen-pound drum only." 40 00:01:39,927 --> 00:01:41,342 Exactly. Why does he need that? 41 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,104 Honey, needs it, uses it, not so important. 42 00:01:44,242 --> 00:01:46,071 But get it for less, yes! 43 00:01:47,348 --> 00:01:49,005 Why doesn't he clip his own coupons? 44 00:01:49,143 --> 00:01:51,283 Oh, he does, but he also takes ours and my parents 45 00:01:51,421 --> 00:01:52,733 and everybody in the world's, 46 00:01:52,871 --> 00:01:54,148 then he goes into a store and just unloads them. 47 00:01:54,286 --> 00:01:55,839 It's a felony. You know that. 48 00:01:55,977 --> 00:01:57,082 What's a felony? 49 00:01:57,220 --> 00:01:58,911 It is. I read a whole thing in The Times 50 00:01:59,049 --> 00:02:03,157 about some woman who made, like, $60,000 clipping coupons. They threw her in jail. 51 00:02:03,295 --> 00:02:04,572 Really? Was she in the cell 52 00:02:04,710 --> 00:02:06,471 with all the people who tear the tags off of mattresses? 53 00:02:08,473 --> 00:02:10,337 I'm telling you, it's a real thing. 54 00:02:10,475 --> 00:02:11,959 All right. When we go to the store today, 55 00:02:12,097 --> 00:02:13,581 you explain it to uncle Phil. 56 00:02:13,719 --> 00:02:16,066 Yeah. Would you be tremendously upset 57 00:02:16,205 --> 00:02:18,068 if I didn't go with you to that? 58 00:02:18,552 --> 00:02:19,518 Why? 59 00:02:19,656 --> 00:02:21,969 Uh, I'm supposed to do this thing with Ira. 60 00:02:22,107 --> 00:02:23,591 What thing? 61 00:02:23,729 --> 00:02:26,042 It's, uh, with Ira. Oh! What did people do before turkey? 62 00:02:27,354 --> 00:02:28,769 What kind of a thing are you doing with Ira? 63 00:02:28,907 --> 00:02:32,324 Mmm, it's something, uh, it's something he wants me to do with him. 64 00:02:32,462 --> 00:02:33,567 He wants me to do something. 65 00:02:35,051 --> 00:02:35,948 What, you don't know what it is? 66 00:02:36,086 --> 00:02:37,191 Uh, it's like, um... 67 00:02:37,329 --> 00:02:38,399 What, like a personal thing? 68 00:02:38,537 --> 00:02:39,538 I think so. 69 00:02:40,815 --> 00:02:42,265 Ira needs you for something personal? 70 00:02:42,403 --> 00:02:43,577 I think that's what it is. 71 00:02:45,406 --> 00:02:47,270 You're seriously not gonna tell me? 72 00:02:47,408 --> 00:02:49,341 I think it's, like, this personal thing. 73 00:02:49,790 --> 00:02:50,791 Love you. 74 00:02:53,759 --> 00:02:56,555 WOMAN: So, tell me about Mabel. 75 00:02:56,693 --> 00:02:58,833 She loves music and dancing. 76 00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,145 She really loves books. 77 00:03:00,283 --> 00:03:01,767 Loves books. 78 00:03:01,905 --> 00:03:03,735 She has a real ear for the spoken word. 79 00:03:03,873 --> 00:03:05,944 And languages, especially foreign languages. 80 00:03:06,082 --> 00:03:07,704 And Mabel is how old? 81 00:03:07,842 --> 00:03:10,017 Uh, end of next week, she'll be almost a month. 82 00:03:11,639 --> 00:03:14,124 RECEPTIONIST: Ms. Paris, Justin wants you to hug him goodbye. 83 00:03:14,263 --> 00:03:16,092 Will you please excuse me just for one moment? 84 00:03:16,230 --> 00:03:17,645 PAUL & JAMIE: Sure 85 00:03:17,783 --> 00:03:19,923 So, where are you going with Ira that's so personal? 86 00:03:20,061 --> 00:03:21,994 Nowhere. Is this dress too cutesy? 87 00:03:22,132 --> 00:03:24,065 Huh? No. Is he sick or something? 88 00:03:24,204 --> 00:03:25,308 Who's that? 89 00:03:25,446 --> 00:03:26,413 Ira. No. 90 00:03:27,897 --> 00:03:29,347 Is he getting another perm? 91 00:03:30,969 --> 00:03:32,350 I'm not gonna tell you, so drop it. 92 00:03:33,765 --> 00:03:35,456 I'm sorry for the interruption. 93 00:03:35,594 --> 00:03:36,975 No problem. That's okay. 94 00:03:37,113 --> 00:03:38,390 Well... Did we mention museums? 95 00:03:38,528 --> 00:03:40,358 'Cause we're taking her to museums all the time. 96 00:03:40,496 --> 00:03:41,876 You did. Listen, 97 00:03:42,014 --> 00:03:44,189 Mabel seems like a wonderful child, 98 00:03:44,327 --> 00:03:45,639 and you seem like wonderful parents. 99 00:03:45,777 --> 00:03:46,709 Thanks. Thanks 100 00:03:46,847 --> 00:03:47,986 Well, a child is such a... 101 00:03:48,124 --> 00:03:50,713 Listen, I'm going to be presenting your application 102 00:03:50,851 --> 00:03:52,301 to our board of directors this evening, 103 00:03:52,439 --> 00:03:53,992 and we should have an answer for you tomorrow. 104 00:03:54,130 --> 00:03:55,165 Okay, great. That's nice. 105 00:03:55,304 --> 00:03:56,374 Thank you. Thank you so much. 106 00:03:57,927 --> 00:03:59,515 I got it. I know what it is. 107 00:03:59,653 --> 00:04:02,380 You and Ira are making a surprise party for my half birthday. 108 00:04:02,518 --> 00:04:03,484 Yeah. That's it. 109 00:04:06,315 --> 00:04:07,247 MAN: The dolphin, right? 110 00:04:07,385 --> 00:04:08,317 Ira: that's the one. 111 00:04:08,455 --> 00:04:10,146 Wait! What now? 112 00:04:10,284 --> 00:04:11,665 Maybe we should go for the starfish. 113 00:04:11,803 --> 00:04:12,873 Oh... I'm sorry. 114 00:04:13,011 --> 00:04:14,495 No. Hey, you take your time. 115 00:04:14,633 --> 00:04:16,083 This is a very important decision. 116 00:04:16,221 --> 00:04:18,810 I'll tell you what. I'm gonna go in the other room. 117 00:04:18,948 --> 00:04:21,226 Why don't you and your old man put your heads together 118 00:04:21,364 --> 00:04:22,676 and see if you can pick a fish. 119 00:04:24,954 --> 00:04:26,196 [LAUGHS] 120 00:04:26,335 --> 00:04:28,268 What? Well, he thinks we're together, you and I. 121 00:04:28,406 --> 00:04:30,477 Yeah. How about an Aztec sun? 122 00:04:30,615 --> 00:04:33,514 Oh, that's cool. I'll bet you Paulie would love that. 123 00:04:33,652 --> 00:04:36,517 Don't say a word of this to him, you understand? 124 00:04:36,655 --> 00:04:39,313 James, you know, I got to tell you. 125 00:04:39,451 --> 00:04:41,557 I'm not privy to the intimate details 126 00:04:41,695 --> 00:04:43,110 of your personal life, 127 00:04:43,248 --> 00:04:45,595 But it seems to me that if you're gonna get a tattoo on your body, 128 00:04:45,733 --> 00:04:47,977 your husband is gonna stumble upon it eventually. 129 00:04:48,115 --> 00:04:50,117 Yeah, eventually. By that time, it'll be mine 130 00:04:50,255 --> 00:04:51,567 and he won't be able to take it away 131 00:04:51,705 --> 00:04:54,052 Or talk me out of it or make fun of it. 132 00:04:54,190 --> 00:04:56,330 He is gonna eat this thing up, I'm telling you. 133 00:04:56,468 --> 00:04:59,126 There is nothing sexier to a guy than a woman with a tattoo. 134 00:04:59,264 --> 00:05:01,197 I just wanted to do something. 135 00:05:01,335 --> 00:05:03,682 I'm telling you, it's okay. You want to look cool. 136 00:05:03,820 --> 00:05:05,235 I don't want to look cool. 137 00:05:05,374 --> 00:05:08,100 I understand. I do. You want to feel sexy. 138 00:05:08,238 --> 00:05:09,170 It's not about... 139 00:05:09,309 --> 00:05:11,103 You want to feel a little bit funky. 140 00:05:11,241 --> 00:05:12,484 Not funky. I... 141 00:05:12,622 --> 00:05:13,899 You want to do something unconventional. 142 00:05:14,037 --> 00:05:15,970 You want to do something with a little edge, a little bite. 143 00:05:16,108 --> 00:05:18,801 You want to be reminded of who you used to be. 144 00:05:18,939 --> 00:05:20,112 Yes. Yeah. You want to look cool. 145 00:05:20,250 --> 00:05:21,182 Oh... 146 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,252 So what do you think? 147 00:05:22,391 --> 00:05:23,806 I can't make up my mind. 148 00:05:23,944 --> 00:05:25,325 W-we're gonna sleep on it. 149 00:05:25,463 --> 00:05:26,981 All right. Okay, we'll be back. 150 00:05:29,018 --> 00:05:30,571 Sorry about the old ball and chain, pal. 151 00:05:30,709 --> 00:05:31,710 Say no more. 152 00:05:37,198 --> 00:05:38,199 All right, here we are. 153 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:39,891 Found the yellow truck, uncle Phil 154 00:05:40,719 --> 00:05:41,686 Uncle Phil? 155 00:05:43,239 --> 00:05:44,723 This is already a cute hat. 156 00:05:45,483 --> 00:05:46,449 Oh... 157 00:05:48,624 --> 00:05:49,556 Great. 158 00:05:49,694 --> 00:05:53,698 And not only is it a hat, 159 00:05:53,836 --> 00:05:56,563 You take the ears, you wrap it around your throat... 160 00:05:56,701 --> 00:05:57,771 Bang! You got a scarf. 161 00:05:58,496 --> 00:05:59,600 It's a wonderful hat. 162 00:05:59,738 --> 00:06:00,843 For winter, winter in New York... Sure. 163 00:06:00,981 --> 00:06:02,120 Coming soon. It's perfect. 164 00:06:02,258 --> 00:06:03,259 Not only that... 165 00:06:03,397 --> 00:06:05,468 Could be a hat, could be a dog. 166 00:06:05,606 --> 00:06:07,781 Make an intruder think twice, see? Sure. 167 00:06:07,919 --> 00:06:09,783 Put it in a dark room, intruder comes in, 168 00:06:09,921 --> 00:06:11,819 He says, "it's only a hat. Ooh! 169 00:06:11,957 --> 00:06:12,993 It's a dog." 170 00:06:13,131 --> 00:06:15,444 Now he's scared. You could scare him. 171 00:06:15,582 --> 00:06:16,928 That's the hat my daughter has to have. 172 00:06:17,066 --> 00:06:18,723 Your daughter will love this hat. 173 00:06:18,861 --> 00:06:20,414 I can't believe how much stuff you're giving her. 174 00:06:20,552 --> 00:06:22,554 Ah, let a man be generous. 175 00:06:22,692 --> 00:06:24,487 Let a man give to a child. 176 00:06:24,625 --> 00:06:28,008 Well, it's just... it's just that you're giving so much. 177 00:06:28,146 --> 00:06:29,872 Well, it costs me virtually nothing. 178 00:06:30,010 --> 00:06:30,942 What are you talking about? 179 00:06:31,080 --> 00:06:32,322 Coupons! 180 00:06:32,461 --> 00:06:33,531 You've got coupons for everything here? 181 00:06:33,669 --> 00:06:34,946 See that hat? Yeah. 182 00:06:35,084 --> 00:06:37,189 Thirty dollars in the store with these coupons 183 00:06:37,327 --> 00:06:38,294 What? I don't know. 184 00:06:38,432 --> 00:06:39,399 Seven Cents. 185 00:06:40,607 --> 00:06:41,918 I don't know 'cause Jamie told me, 186 00:06:42,056 --> 00:06:43,679 that if you use these, sometimes you can get into trouble. 187 00:06:43,817 --> 00:06:44,921 Trouble. 188 00:06:45,059 --> 00:06:46,302 Well, she said trouble. You can get into trouble. 189 00:06:46,440 --> 00:06:47,510 Look here. It says, "violators"... 190 00:06:47,648 --> 00:06:48,718 Violators, shmiolators. 191 00:06:48,856 --> 00:06:49,995 "Violators will be prosecuted." 192 00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:52,204 Prosecuted, shmosecuted. Will you stop already? 193 00:06:52,342 --> 00:06:53,723 It's what they said. 194 00:06:53,861 --> 00:06:55,415 Look. See the dotted line, all the dotted lines? 195 00:06:55,553 --> 00:06:57,382 You know why they put this? it's not an eye test. 196 00:06:57,520 --> 00:07:00,005 They put them there for you to cut. They want you to take them. 197 00:07:00,143 --> 00:07:02,076 All right. They're hurt when you don't take them. 198 00:07:02,214 --> 00:07:03,733 All right. I'm just looking at what it says. 199 00:07:03,871 --> 00:07:05,735 "Only one per customer." You're only supposed to have one per customer. 200 00:07:05,873 --> 00:07:07,150 One per customer, sure. 201 00:07:07,288 --> 00:07:08,566 Well, I'm a customer. Right. 202 00:07:08,704 --> 00:07:09,843 You're a customer. Yes. 203 00:07:09,981 --> 00:07:10,913 Ira's a customer. 204 00:07:11,051 --> 00:07:12,224 You got these from every relative? 205 00:07:12,362 --> 00:07:13,536 I get them from not only relatives, 206 00:07:13,674 --> 00:07:15,296 I get them from neighbors, 207 00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:16,781 people in the building. 208 00:07:16,919 --> 00:07:17,851 I'm very popular. 209 00:07:17,989 --> 00:07:19,542 I'll tell ya. 210 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:23,201 If I were to decide, today to run for mayor, 211 00:07:23,339 --> 00:07:25,375 I'm telling ya. I wouldn't lose by more than 5 votes. 212 00:07:26,687 --> 00:07:27,826 Six, the most. All right. 213 00:07:27,964 --> 00:07:28,931 So we'll use the coupons. 214 00:07:29,069 --> 00:07:30,933 I don't know, I always heard growing up, 215 00:07:31,071 --> 00:07:32,969 there's no such thing as a free lunch. 216 00:07:33,107 --> 00:07:34,212 Here. Free lunch. 217 00:07:36,973 --> 00:07:38,630 All right. When you're right, you're right. 218 00:07:38,768 --> 00:07:39,735 Absolutely. I think we got, 219 00:07:39,873 --> 00:07:40,908 more than anything a child... Wait. 220 00:07:41,046 --> 00:07:42,772 could possibly... Wait a minute. 221 00:07:42,910 --> 00:07:44,533 Ointments. We got ointments. 222 00:07:44,671 --> 00:07:48,571 Don't tell me a child couldn't use baby oil, a little baby cream. 223 00:07:48,709 --> 00:07:50,262 We have plenty of that. 224 00:07:50,400 --> 00:07:53,162 Every child needs more baby cream than you think. 225 00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:56,683 The average 10-pound child, I would say, 226 00:07:56,821 --> 00:07:59,271 Is about Eight pounds child, 227 00:07:59,409 --> 00:08:02,136 two Pounds ointment, creams, and emollients. 228 00:08:02,274 --> 00:08:03,759 I didn't know that. Absolutely. 229 00:08:03,897 --> 00:08:05,346 Then we'd be foolish not to take that. 230 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,659 No. Let's take more. What the hell. 231 00:08:07,797 --> 00:08:09,419 All right. I think we're covered. 232 00:08:09,558 --> 00:08:10,490 That's three, we should load up. 233 00:08:10,628 --> 00:08:11,767 We're loaded up. 234 00:08:11,905 --> 00:08:14,286 You're gonna have a shiny, smooth child. 235 00:08:14,424 --> 00:08:15,425 Okay. 236 00:08:16,668 --> 00:08:17,773 Hi, can I help you? 237 00:08:17,911 --> 00:08:19,050 Yeah. Absolutely. 238 00:08:19,188 --> 00:08:22,260 We would like to redeem these coupons. 239 00:08:23,123 --> 00:08:26,229 We have some more coupons here. 240 00:08:26,367 --> 00:08:30,302 We have just a few more... Here to redeem. 241 00:08:30,440 --> 00:08:31,580 Thank you very much. Okay. 242 00:08:31,718 --> 00:08:33,616 And if we're not being too presumptuous, 243 00:08:33,754 --> 00:08:36,308 we have more over here. 244 00:08:36,446 --> 00:08:42,694 And let's not forget that diligently saving gives us even more... 245 00:08:42,832 --> 00:08:45,455 Coupons, coupons, coupons, coupons. 246 00:08:45,594 --> 00:08:46,664 Excuse me... 247 00:08:46,802 --> 00:08:48,907 You're saying all of these coupons are yours? 248 00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:50,081 Of course. 249 00:08:50,219 --> 00:08:51,220 Really, all of these? 250 00:08:51,358 --> 00:08:52,393 Every one, every single one. 251 00:08:53,705 --> 00:08:54,913 And you want to redeem them? 252 00:08:55,051 --> 00:08:57,122 I want to redeem them. Yes, I do. 253 00:08:57,260 --> 00:08:59,021 Uh, I'll be right back. 254 00:08:59,159 --> 00:09:01,299 You'll be right back, and we'll be here waiting for you 255 00:09:01,437 --> 00:09:04,509 to come right back here to redeem the coupons. 256 00:09:04,647 --> 00:09:06,580 I had no idea you had this many coupons. 257 00:09:06,718 --> 00:09:07,892 We could get in trouble for this. 258 00:09:08,030 --> 00:09:09,307 No trouble. You could because... 259 00:09:09,445 --> 00:09:11,240 Oh, please. You're such a gloomy doomy guy. 260 00:09:11,378 --> 00:09:12,517 No. This is what... 261 00:09:12,655 --> 00:09:15,209 This is America. It's America. Think positive. 262 00:09:15,347 --> 00:09:16,694 Paulie, listen to your uncle. 263 00:09:16,832 --> 00:09:18,143 ♪ Beyond 264 00:09:18,281 --> 00:09:20,974 ♪ The blue horizon 265 00:09:21,112 --> 00:09:22,044 I get it, but still... 266 00:09:22,182 --> 00:09:23,839 ♪ It's a beautiful day 267 00:09:23,977 --> 00:09:25,012 Yes. Of coarse. 268 00:09:25,150 --> 00:09:27,705 ♪ Goodbye to things that bore me 269 00:09:27,843 --> 00:09:28,775 Together! 270 00:09:28,913 --> 00:09:32,226 ♪ My future's waiting for me 271 00:09:32,364 --> 00:09:34,263 But... ♪ I see a new 272 00:09:34,401 --> 00:09:36,058 ♪ I see a new 273 00:09:36,196 --> 00:09:37,715 ♪ I see... ♪ 274 00:09:38,578 --> 00:09:40,338 I see big trouble. 275 00:09:40,476 --> 00:09:41,650 Yes. 276 00:09:44,963 --> 00:09:47,310 PAUL: Mom, we all have to go to court. 277 00:09:47,448 --> 00:09:49,865 Ma, look, it's just a preliminary hearing. 278 00:09:50,003 --> 00:09:51,591 Yeah, it's a hearing. 279 00:09:51,729 --> 00:09:55,008 I don't know. I'm sure a pants suit would be fine. 280 00:09:55,146 --> 00:09:56,423 What school could turn down 281 00:09:56,561 --> 00:09:58,287 such an obviously artistic child? 282 00:09:58,425 --> 00:09:59,633 They'll be lucky to have her. 283 00:09:59,771 --> 00:10:01,808 Now, don't cry. Ma, don't cry. 284 00:10:01,946 --> 00:10:03,119 Don't... [LINE CUTS] 285 00:10:03,257 --> 00:10:04,534 Mom's crying. 286 00:10:04,673 --> 00:10:06,019 I'll get these paints put away. 287 00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:07,330 Why don't you get her washed up for the interview? 288 00:10:07,468 --> 00:10:09,505 Okay. Somebody needs to get their feet washed. 289 00:10:09,643 --> 00:10:11,127 Not too hot with the water, honey. 290 00:10:11,265 --> 00:10:12,266 I know. 291 00:10:16,270 --> 00:10:17,271 What did you just say? 292 00:10:17,893 --> 00:10:19,032 What? 293 00:10:19,170 --> 00:10:20,309 You just call her "honey"? 294 00:10:20,723 --> 00:10:21,690 No. 295 00:10:24,589 --> 00:10:25,970 Okay, but I didn't mean to. 296 00:10:26,108 --> 00:10:28,006 What is going on with you two? 297 00:10:28,420 --> 00:10:29,559 Nothing. 298 00:10:29,698 --> 00:10:31,044 Come on, you're using terms of endearment. 299 00:10:31,182 --> 00:10:32,977 You're going on secret errands together. 300 00:10:34,254 --> 00:10:35,358 I know what it is. 301 00:10:35,496 --> 00:10:36,774 Are you guys getting married? 302 00:10:38,154 --> 00:10:39,604 Is that it? Just tell me, 303 00:10:39,742 --> 00:10:41,226 'Cause I don't want to hear about it on the street. 304 00:10:42,124 --> 00:10:43,470 You're embarrassing me. 305 00:10:43,608 --> 00:10:45,127 Just tell me what the secret errand is. Come on. 306 00:10:45,265 --> 00:10:46,231 Don't do this to me, okay? 307 00:10:46,369 --> 00:10:48,440 I promised her I would not tell you. 308 00:10:48,578 --> 00:10:49,545 you promised her? 309 00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:50,822 Yes. 310 00:10:50,960 --> 00:10:52,237 She said she promised you. 311 00:10:52,375 --> 00:10:53,514 Oh. Whatever it is. 312 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:54,930 Wait, wait, wait. 313 00:10:55,068 --> 00:10:56,690 So this is not even your personal thing? 314 00:10:56,828 --> 00:10:57,967 It's her personal thing? 315 00:10:59,348 --> 00:11:01,039 I don't even know what you're saying. 316 00:11:02,627 --> 00:11:04,871 I can't believe your loyalty is to her over me. 317 00:11:05,009 --> 00:11:06,493 Hey, I didn't say that Paulie... 318 00:11:06,631 --> 00:11:08,875 Oh, how the mighty have fallen. 319 00:11:09,013 --> 00:11:09,945 Paulie... 320 00:11:10,083 --> 00:11:11,153 Would you... just come on. 321 00:11:11,291 --> 00:11:12,844 I will never tell her that you told me. 322 00:11:13,811 --> 00:11:15,226 You promise? Yes. 323 00:11:16,330 --> 00:11:17,262 Okay, so, if I tell you, 324 00:11:17,400 --> 00:11:19,299 It's not like I broke my promise, right? 325 00:11:19,437 --> 00:11:21,301 In a mind without shame, not at all. 326 00:11:23,337 --> 00:11:24,614 Okay, hey. 327 00:11:24,753 --> 00:11:25,995 She's getting a tattoo. 328 00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,032 She's what? 329 00:11:28,170 --> 00:11:29,550 Yeah. See? Oh, why... 330 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:30,759 That's exactly why she didn't tell you, 331 00:11:30,897 --> 00:11:32,450 because she knew you could not be supportive. 332 00:11:32,588 --> 00:11:34,797 Why would I be supportive of something stupid like that? 333 00:11:34,935 --> 00:11:36,972 Why... What's the matter with getting a tattoo? 334 00:11:37,110 --> 00:11:39,422 Oh, it's just... why, why, come on. Hey. 335 00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:41,286 First of all, it's unhealthy. 336 00:11:41,424 --> 00:11:42,494 It's perfectly healthy. 337 00:11:42,632 --> 00:11:43,979 All right. I don't like it. 338 00:11:44,117 --> 00:11:45,463 Paulie, come on. 339 00:11:45,601 --> 00:11:50,364 And also, she's defacing the god-given perfection that is her. 340 00:11:51,434 --> 00:11:52,435 Well, that's a good one. 341 00:11:52,573 --> 00:11:53,574 Yeah, see? 342 00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:55,231 You know what I mean? 343 00:11:55,369 --> 00:11:57,130 But, if I may, it is her body. 344 00:11:58,027 --> 00:12:01,479 Okay, A, you may not. All right? 345 00:12:01,617 --> 00:12:04,240 And Two... would you put a tattoo 346 00:12:04,378 --> 00:12:05,310 On the Mona Lisa, huh? 347 00:12:05,448 --> 00:12:06,933 Would you tattoo the venus de milo? 348 00:12:07,071 --> 00:12:08,003 If they ask me to. 349 00:12:09,004 --> 00:12:11,834 Y-you don't mess with perfection, okay? 350 00:12:11,972 --> 00:12:13,318 All right, all right. You make a point. 351 00:12:13,456 --> 00:12:15,251 Yes, I made a point. Now, I'm gonna make it to Jamie. 352 00:12:15,389 --> 00:12:16,770 Paulie, no. Wait. 353 00:12:16,908 --> 00:12:19,324 I don't want James to know I broke her confidence. 354 00:12:19,462 --> 00:12:21,223 Well, you should have thought of that before you told me. 355 00:12:23,328 --> 00:12:25,054 Let me talk to her, all right? 356 00:12:25,192 --> 00:12:27,091 When? In my own time. 357 00:12:27,229 --> 00:12:29,645 What are you gonna say? I'll say something good. 358 00:12:29,783 --> 00:12:30,991 All right, you better, 'cause if not, 359 00:12:31,129 --> 00:12:32,130 What? 360 00:12:32,268 --> 00:12:33,304 I'm not gonna let you marry her. 361 00:12:36,894 --> 00:12:38,585 MAN: Okay, here we go. 362 00:12:38,723 --> 00:12:40,794 Wait, wait. Okay. Come on. 363 00:12:40,932 --> 00:12:41,968 What is it? 364 00:12:42,106 --> 00:12:43,452 Have you by any chance, read... 365 00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:45,695 This month's new england journal of medicine? 366 00:12:48,181 --> 00:12:49,251 This month's? No. 367 00:12:49,389 --> 00:12:51,184 There was an article on tattooing is all. 368 00:12:51,322 --> 00:12:53,703 and, you know, apparently in many cases, 369 00:12:53,842 --> 00:12:55,671 Uh, a festering takes place. 370 00:12:56,465 --> 00:12:57,673 A festering? 371 00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,814 Yeah. The body, sometimes rejects the ink. 372 00:13:00,952 --> 00:13:02,298 Rejects the ink? 373 00:13:02,436 --> 00:13:04,024 Oh, for god's sake. 374 00:13:04,162 --> 00:13:05,750 I'm just telling you what I read. 375 00:13:05,888 --> 00:13:09,996 One guy, had to have it erased, and he was allergic to the eraser. 376 00:13:10,134 --> 00:13:11,860 Oh, my god. What? 377 00:13:11,998 --> 00:13:13,344 He got to you. Who? 378 00:13:13,482 --> 00:13:14,414 Paul. No. 379 00:13:14,552 --> 00:13:15,933 Yes, he did. What? 380 00:13:16,071 --> 00:13:18,107 He got to you, and you told him about the tattoo. 381 00:13:18,245 --> 00:13:20,592 No! And now you're his hatchet man. 382 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:22,387 James, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to tell him. 383 00:13:22,525 --> 00:13:23,872 You know what? Go home. Give me the baby. 384 00:13:24,010 --> 00:13:25,425 No, please... Go home. I don't need you. 385 00:13:25,563 --> 00:13:28,152 Now, James, if I may say, in my opinion, 386 00:13:28,290 --> 00:13:30,257 You-- you are perfect the way you are. 387 00:13:30,395 --> 00:13:31,327 Don't start with that. 388 00:13:31,465 --> 00:13:33,157 You two should go to couple's counseling. 389 00:13:34,814 --> 00:13:36,298 I wasn't going to say anything, James, 390 00:13:36,436 --> 00:13:39,232 but would you put a tattoo on whistler's mother? 391 00:13:40,440 --> 00:13:41,475 What? 392 00:13:41,613 --> 00:13:44,271 James, you're like a masterpiece. 393 00:13:44,409 --> 00:13:45,514 You should not change that. 394 00:13:45,652 --> 00:13:46,826 [MABEL WHINING] 395 00:13:46,964 --> 00:13:48,448 That's a very sweet thing to say. 396 00:13:48,586 --> 00:13:51,451 Yeah, it's what I happen to feel. 397 00:13:51,589 --> 00:13:52,866 Is that you talking or Paul? 398 00:13:53,004 --> 00:13:53,971 It's me. 399 00:13:54,350 --> 00:13:55,248 You swear? 400 00:13:55,386 --> 00:13:57,181 Yes. 401 00:13:57,319 --> 00:13:59,286 why doesn't Paul ever say things like that? 402 00:14:00,805 --> 00:14:02,358 I can only speak for myself. 403 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:08,848 MS. PARIS: On behalf of the Hanover school, congratulations 404 00:14:08,986 --> 00:14:10,539 We'd like to welcome Mabel to the fold. 405 00:14:10,677 --> 00:14:12,748 Thank you so much. Very much. 406 00:14:12,886 --> 00:14:14,543 Now just some other standard questions. 407 00:14:14,681 --> 00:14:15,613 Shoot. 408 00:14:15,751 --> 00:14:17,201 Are you both U.S. Citizens? 409 00:14:17,339 --> 00:14:18,754 Both born and bred. 410 00:14:18,892 --> 00:14:21,895 Very good. And you reside in New York city? 411 00:14:22,033 --> 00:14:23,483 Yes, we do. 412 00:14:23,621 --> 00:14:25,692 One last question, and I hate to even have to ask this, 413 00:14:25,830 --> 00:14:29,213 But you've never been convicted of a felony, have you? 414 00:14:29,351 --> 00:14:30,455 [LAUGHS] No, we haven't. 415 00:14:31,698 --> 00:14:33,217 [MABEL BABBLING] 416 00:14:34,149 --> 00:14:35,805 When you say "convicted"... 417 00:14:37,946 --> 00:14:39,430 JAMIE: I had her in the school. 418 00:14:39,568 --> 00:14:41,018 All right, I panicked, okay? I'm sorry. 419 00:14:41,156 --> 00:14:43,261 No one has been convicted of anything. 420 00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:46,126 I never even used the coupons. Never. 421 00:14:46,264 --> 00:14:48,163 I just clipped them and sent them to Phil 422 00:14:48,301 --> 00:14:49,785 As per his instructions. 423 00:14:49,923 --> 00:14:52,063 What he did with them is not our business. 424 00:14:52,201 --> 00:14:54,100 We should not be here today. 425 00:14:54,238 --> 00:14:56,309 We're all in this together, okay? 426 00:14:56,447 --> 00:14:58,690 Yes, yes, but it's entirely his fault. 427 00:14:58,828 --> 00:15:01,797 Look, he's going down and is taking us down with him. 428 00:15:01,935 --> 00:15:04,075 All right... Next case. 429 00:15:04,213 --> 00:15:07,147 Docket number 4736, 430 00:15:07,285 --> 00:15:11,565 The colossal food & toy company vs. Phillip Irwin buchman. 431 00:15:11,703 --> 00:15:13,464 Objection! What? 432 00:15:13,602 --> 00:15:15,707 I don't use the name "Irwin" anymore. 433 00:15:15,845 --> 00:15:16,916 All right then. 434 00:15:17,502 --> 00:15:18,779 Phillip Buchman. 435 00:15:18,918 --> 00:15:20,367 Better. 436 00:15:20,505 --> 00:15:22,404 Counsel, what is the nature of your complaint? 437 00:15:22,542 --> 00:15:24,509 Your honor, we will prove beyond doubt 438 00:15:24,647 --> 00:15:25,821 that Phillip Irwin Buchma... 439 00:15:25,959 --> 00:15:26,891 Hey! Hey! 440 00:15:27,029 --> 00:15:29,169 That Phillip Buchman... 441 00:15:29,307 --> 00:15:31,827 Along with his relatives, who were willing accomplices, 442 00:15:32,690 --> 00:15:34,312 did knowingly seek to defraud 443 00:15:34,450 --> 00:15:36,625 The colossal food & toy company 444 00:15:36,763 --> 00:15:38,523 With the unlawful hoarding 445 00:15:38,661 --> 00:15:40,387 and fraudulent redemption, 446 00:15:40,525 --> 00:15:42,769 of price-reduction coupons. 447 00:15:43,287 --> 00:15:44,288 Mr. Buchman... 448 00:15:45,047 --> 00:15:46,255 How do you answer the charges? 449 00:15:46,393 --> 00:15:48,740 The charges are answered in the following manner: 450 00:15:48,878 --> 00:15:50,225 [BLOWS RASPBERRY] 451 00:15:50,363 --> 00:15:51,502 Response noted. 452 00:15:51,640 --> 00:15:53,953 Now the coupons... Your Honor, 453 00:15:54,091 --> 00:15:56,472 he says "coo-pons", I say "kew-pons". 454 00:15:56,610 --> 00:15:58,164 Let's call the whole thing off. 455 00:16:02,168 --> 00:16:03,755 Counsel, you may proceed. 456 00:16:03,893 --> 00:16:05,585 I'd like to call to the stand my first witness... 457 00:16:05,723 --> 00:16:06,689 Mr. Phillip Buchman. 458 00:16:06,827 --> 00:16:08,968 Ahh! Just when I was sitting down. 459 00:16:11,108 --> 00:16:13,144 You know, this is a travesty of justice. 460 00:16:13,282 --> 00:16:14,870 Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, 461 00:16:15,008 --> 00:16:16,389 and nothing but the truth, so help you god? 462 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:18,322 More than less. 463 00:16:19,219 --> 00:16:20,807 Mr. Buchman... 464 00:16:20,945 --> 00:16:25,087 In order for you to have accumulated as many coupons as we've confiscated, 465 00:16:25,225 --> 00:16:28,056 You personally, in the last six months, 466 00:16:28,194 --> 00:16:30,092 would have to have consumed 467 00:16:30,230 --> 00:16:33,923 350 pounds of good n' salty crackers... 468 00:16:34,062 --> 00:16:36,236 Yes. 469 00:16:36,374 --> 00:16:40,275 1,000 bottles of Dr. Hirsch's very cherry soft drink... 470 00:16:40,413 --> 00:16:41,966 Yes. 471 00:16:42,104 --> 00:16:46,729 And purchased 380 pounds of pretty kitty cat food. 472 00:16:46,867 --> 00:16:48,007 Yes! 473 00:16:48,973 --> 00:16:50,423 Mr. Buchman, 474 00:16:50,561 --> 00:16:52,873 do you even own a cat? 475 00:16:53,012 --> 00:16:55,014 You mean, at the present time as we're talking to each other? 476 00:16:55,152 --> 00:16:56,532 Yes. No. 477 00:16:58,327 --> 00:16:59,811 All right, Mr. Buchman... 478 00:17:01,537 --> 00:17:03,643 Let's talk about... 479 00:17:04,333 --> 00:17:06,059 The crackers. 480 00:17:06,197 --> 00:17:07,336 All right. 481 00:17:07,474 --> 00:17:10,063 Let's talk about the crackers. 482 00:17:11,892 --> 00:17:13,066 You're a thin man. 483 00:17:13,584 --> 00:17:14,585 I read labels. 484 00:17:19,762 --> 00:17:21,316 Now, Mr. Buchman, 485 00:17:21,454 --> 00:17:24,457 Do you seriously mean to contend that you have eaten 486 00:17:24,595 --> 00:17:28,461 320,000 good n' salty crackers? 487 00:17:28,599 --> 00:17:29,669 Your Honor, 488 00:17:29,807 --> 00:17:31,671 the man is assuming and presuming. 489 00:17:31,809 --> 00:17:34,570 How does he know what I eat and what I don't eat? 490 00:17:34,708 --> 00:17:36,055 This man is awash, 491 00:17:36,193 --> 00:17:38,436 afloat in a sea of assumption and presumption. 492 00:17:38,574 --> 00:17:41,060 Mr. Buchman, this court has never witnessed anything like this... 493 00:17:41,198 --> 00:17:43,165 Witness, that's a good idea. Witness. 494 00:17:43,303 --> 00:17:45,478 Your Honor, I'd like to call my first witness, 495 00:17:45,616 --> 00:17:47,997 the guy with the double-breasted suit and the ferragamo shoes. 496 00:17:50,655 --> 00:17:52,485 Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, 497 00:17:52,623 --> 00:17:53,969 and nothing but the truth, so help you god? 498 00:17:54,107 --> 00:17:55,591 I do. 499 00:17:55,729 --> 00:17:57,110 Your Honor, if it please the court, And I think it will. 500 00:17:59,837 --> 00:18:01,321 You call yourself a lawyer. 501 00:18:01,459 --> 00:18:03,806 Do you have any evidence? 502 00:18:03,944 --> 00:18:05,946 Do you have one eyewitness... 503 00:18:07,293 --> 00:18:11,607 That has seen me not eat 320,000 crackers? 504 00:18:12,298 --> 00:18:13,230 Well, we... 505 00:18:13,368 --> 00:18:15,473 Did you have an eyewitness 506 00:18:15,611 --> 00:18:18,338 Who saw me not drink 2,000 bottles 507 00:18:18,476 --> 00:18:20,409 Of very cherry pop delight? 508 00:18:20,547 --> 00:18:21,790 Well... which you need, 509 00:18:21,928 --> 00:18:24,724 by the way, to wash down 320,000 crackers. 510 00:18:26,519 --> 00:18:29,591 You work for a big fat company. 511 00:18:29,729 --> 00:18:31,075 You're their puppet. 512 00:18:31,213 --> 00:18:34,009 You're the puppet for a fat company. 513 00:18:34,906 --> 00:18:36,874 And you wanna put me in prison? 514 00:18:37,012 --> 00:18:39,670 A simple, rather good-looking, little old man. 515 00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:43,812 Shame. 516 00:18:44,468 --> 00:18:46,608 Shame. 517 00:18:46,746 --> 00:18:49,473 Think! Think back when you were a law student, 518 00:18:49,611 --> 00:18:52,372 When you thought you could do something, you could help people. 519 00:18:52,510 --> 00:18:55,030 You thought about justice, humanity, and goodness. 520 00:18:55,168 --> 00:18:56,790 And your parents. Think about your parents, 521 00:18:56,928 --> 00:18:59,207 how they struggled to send you to law school. 522 00:18:59,345 --> 00:19:01,485 What did they do to send you to law school? 523 00:19:01,623 --> 00:19:02,796 Well, they... 524 00:19:02,934 --> 00:19:03,970 They what? 525 00:19:04,867 --> 00:19:06,559 They both worked very hard. 526 00:19:06,697 --> 00:19:08,388 Yes, they worked hard. And? 527 00:19:08,526 --> 00:19:09,527 They borrowed money. 528 00:19:09,665 --> 00:19:11,978 And they borrowed money. And? 529 00:19:12,116 --> 00:19:13,669 They cut corners wherever they could. 530 00:19:13,807 --> 00:19:16,672 They cut... what else did they cut? 531 00:19:18,398 --> 00:19:19,606 Nothing. 532 00:19:19,744 --> 00:19:22,126 What else did they cut to send you to law school? 533 00:19:22,264 --> 00:19:23,679 Nothing! They cut nothing! 534 00:19:23,817 --> 00:19:26,820 [SCREAMS] What else besides nothing did they cut? 535 00:19:26,958 --> 00:19:27,890 Coupons! 536 00:19:28,028 --> 00:19:29,651 Coupons! They cut coupons! 537 00:19:31,170 --> 00:19:32,481 [ALL CLAP] 538 00:19:34,380 --> 00:19:35,588 I rest my case. 539 00:19:35,726 --> 00:19:37,900 Your Honor, let me hear the magic words. 540 00:19:38,038 --> 00:19:39,488 Case dismissed. Yay! 541 00:19:46,288 --> 00:19:47,669 JAMIE: You wanna see it? PAUL: No. 542 00:19:47,807 --> 00:19:49,671 I think you might like it. 543 00:19:49,809 --> 00:19:51,155 Okay, let me see it. 544 00:19:51,293 --> 00:19:53,468 It's just, you know, you're my wife, 545 00:19:53,606 --> 00:19:55,987 You're the mother of my child. 546 00:19:56,125 --> 00:19:59,405 Defaced, defaced like a high-school locker. 547 00:19:59,543 --> 00:20:01,717 You know, I don't wanna have to... 548 00:20:01,855 --> 00:20:02,822 Hey, look at that! 549 00:20:03,788 --> 00:20:04,996 Do you like it? 550 00:20:05,134 --> 00:20:06,481 Look at that. 551 00:20:06,619 --> 00:20:08,690 It's a little heart. Yeah. 552 00:20:08,828 --> 00:20:10,036 There's nothing wrong with a little heart. 553 00:20:10,174 --> 00:20:11,279 No. 554 00:20:11,417 --> 00:20:12,901 In fact, you gotta have heart. Exactly. 555 00:20:13,798 --> 00:20:15,248 I was gonna put it on my arm, 556 00:20:15,386 --> 00:20:16,974 and then Ira thought maybe a more private neighborhood. 557 00:20:17,112 --> 00:20:18,941 Ohh, well, good for him. 558 00:20:19,079 --> 00:20:21,081 This is a nice neighborhood. 559 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,636 This is a whole new side of you. 560 00:20:23,774 --> 00:20:26,363 This is, uh, you know, it's naughty 561 00:20:26,501 --> 00:20:27,847 and yet at the same time 562 00:20:27,985 --> 00:20:29,573 it's a little... Naughty. 563 00:20:31,713 --> 00:20:34,094 Wow, you and I haven't visited this neighborhood 564 00:20:34,233 --> 00:20:35,406 in a long time. 565 00:20:35,544 --> 00:20:36,649 Ohh, good. 566 00:20:36,787 --> 00:20:37,822 Wait, where are you going? 567 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:38,927 What? 568 00:20:39,065 --> 00:20:40,239 I'm still looking at the neighborhood. 569 00:20:41,861 --> 00:20:43,000 Well, take your time. 570 00:20:43,138 --> 00:20:45,554 No, I... This is very nice. 571 00:20:45,692 --> 00:20:47,004 Sweetie, at some point, I was thinking 572 00:20:47,142 --> 00:20:48,108 of making my way into the kitchen. 573 00:20:48,247 --> 00:20:49,765 Don't go to the kitchen. 574 00:20:49,903 --> 00:20:51,008 Come here. 575 00:20:51,146 --> 00:20:52,630 I'll go in the kitchen later. 576 00:20:54,460 --> 00:20:55,426 [MABEL STARTS CRYING] 577 00:20:55,564 --> 00:20:56,496 Whoops. 578 00:20:56,634 --> 00:20:57,911 And there goes the neighborhood. 579 00:21:08,888 --> 00:21:09,889 ♪ Heaven 580 00:21:10,924 --> 00:21:12,167 ♪ I'm in heaven 581 00:21:12,892 --> 00:21:14,652 ♪ And my heart beats so 582 00:21:14,790 --> 00:21:17,276 ♪ That I can hardly speak 583 00:21:17,414 --> 00:21:22,350 ♪ And I seem to find the happiness I seek 584 00:21:22,488 --> 00:21:26,699 ♪ When we're out together dancin' cheek to cheek 585 00:21:27,665 --> 00:21:29,149 ♪ Heaven 586 00:21:29,288 --> 00:21:31,290 ♪ I'm in heaven 587 00:21:31,428 --> 00:21:33,809 ♪ And the cares that hung around me 588 00:21:33,947 --> 00:21:35,915 ♪ Through the week 589 00:21:36,053 --> 00:21:39,677 ♪ Seem to vanish like a gambler's lucky streak 590 00:21:40,678 --> 00:21:43,060 ♪ When we're out together 591 00:21:43,198 --> 00:21:44,958 ♪ Dancin' cheek to cheek 592 00:21:46,374 --> 00:21:48,168 [NODDING OFF] ♪ Heaven 593 00:21:48,824 --> 00:21:50,619 ♪ I'm in heaven... 594 00:21:52,449 --> 00:21:54,002 [MUMBLES] ♪ I'm in... ♪ 595 00:21:56,625 --> 00:21:58,247 [SNORES] 42463

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