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(June) EVERY RELATIONSHIP HAS
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ITS OWN DYNAMIC.
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FOR EXAMPLE, MY MOM AND I STILL
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LIKE TO TALK EVERY NIGHT
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BEFORE BED.
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And then the dog found
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my other gardening clog.
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And that's everything
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that happened to me today.
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And the day's
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not over yet.
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Let's put on some Lyle Lovett
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and get horizontal.
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Mmm.
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OKAY, BYE.
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EW.
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(laughs)
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(laughs)
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BUT I DON'T THINK
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I WILL EVER UNDERSTAND
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CHLOE AND JAMES' DYNAMIC.
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GOOD THING YOUR FACE WAS
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SO OILY TONIGHT.
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I COULD CHECK MY MAKEUP
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IN YOUR FOREHEAD.
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I WISH YOU HAD.
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YOU LOOK LIKE A RUNNER-UP
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AT A CHILD'S BEAUTY PAGEANT
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IN OHIO.
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YOU LOOK LIKE YOU JUST GOT BACK
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FROM THE DOUCHIE AWARDS
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AND YOU WON FIVE DOUCHIES.
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ONLY AWARD YOU COULD EVER WIN IS
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FOR LETTING RAPPERS TOUCH YOU.
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I DON'T GET HOW YOU GUYS
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TALK TO EACH OTHER LIKE THAT.
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IT'S SO MEAN,
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ESPECIALLY BEFORE BEDTIME.
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IT'S NOT MEAN. IT'S JUST US.
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AND WHAT I DON'T GET IS
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WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE WEARING.
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OH. THEY'RE MY MIDWEST
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BREAKFAST PAJAMAS.
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(pours liquor)
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I'VE HAD THEM
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SINCE HIGH SCHOOL.
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WHEN I WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL,
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YOU WERE A GROWN MAN PRETENDING
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TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL ON TV.
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WATCHING ME PRETEND
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TO BE IN HIGH SCHOOL ON TV
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WAS AS CLOSE TO HIGH SCHOOL
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AS YOU EVER GOT.
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YOU ARE AGITATING ME.
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I'M GONNA NEED A SECOND CUP
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OF CHAMOMILE TO GO TO SLEEP.
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OOH. PUT SOME OF THESE
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IN THERE.
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YOU'LL SLEEP LIKE
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YOU'RE DEAD.
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(pills rattle)
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(Katie Hampton) ♪ I'M NOT
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PERFECT, I'M NO SNITCH ♪
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♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪
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(whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪
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(buzzer)
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♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪
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♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪
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JUNE!
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LOOK AT THIS BACKPACK
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I FOUND ON THE SUBWAY.
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I THINK IT BELONGS
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TO A LITTLE KID,
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BUT IT'S STILL GOT GOOD STUFF
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IN IT.
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(camera shutter clicks)
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SORRY. JUST TAKING
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A SELF-PORTRAIT FOR MY ART SHOW.
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WHAT DO YOU THINK?
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THIS SIDE,
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THIS SIDE,
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OR NAKED?
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ART SHOW?
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YEP. IT'S CALLED
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"DIFFERENT BUTTER VIOLATIONS."
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OOH. HOW ARE YOU GONNA
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VIOLATE BUTTER?
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I HOPE YOU SMACK AROUND SOME
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MARGARINE. I HATE MARGARINE.
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ACTUALLY, I'M RECREATING
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SOME BUTTER VIOLATIONS
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THAT I'VE ENCOUNTERED OVER
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THE YEARS AS A HEALTH INSPECTOR.
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YOU GUYS'LL BE THERE,
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RIGHT?
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OF COURSE, ELI.
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WE WOULDN'T MISS--
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IS THERE GONNA BE WINE?
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LIKE, GOOD WINE?
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LIKE, WINE I COULD DRINK
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THIS FAST?
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(slurping quickly)
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(cell phone rings)
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(beep)
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HELLO. IS JAMES THERE?
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(clippers buzzing)
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UH... HEY.
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UH, GOOD NEWS. BRUNCH WITH EMILY
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TOMORROW IS STILL ON.
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ARE YOU SURE?
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YOU HAVEN'T LOST INTEREST
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SINCE WE TALKED THIS MORNING?
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NO. ISN'T THAT GREAT? I CAN'T
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WAIT FOR YOU TO MEET HER.
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SHE'S REALLY SMART,
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POSITIVE ATTITUDE,
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GREAT BREASTS.
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YOU KNOW WHAT?
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ACTUALLY, "GREAT BREASTS" BEFORE
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"POSITIVE ATTITUDE."
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YOU--YOU SHOULD FLIP THOSE
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IN YOUR MIND.
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HOW'S MY FADE COMING?
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THAT'S NOT WHAT
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YOUR HAIRCUT'S CALLED.
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WELL, I'M EXCITED
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TO MEET EMILY.
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I WON'T ROCK
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ANYTHING TOO SLUTTY
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'CAUSE I DON'T WANT
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TO INTIMIDATE HER.
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BUT I DO WANNA WEAR
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MY NEW PUSH-UP BRA,
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SO I'M GONNA HAVE TO
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FIGURE THIS OUT.
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(beep)
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I CAN'T BELIEVE
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JAMES HAS BEEN SEEING
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THE SAME GIRL FOR A MONTH.
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IT'S SO SWEET
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THAT HE LIKES HER ENOUGH
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THAT HE WANTS
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TO INTRODUCE HER TO US.
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IT'S LIKE WE'RE HIS PARENTS.
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OR HIS FRIENDS, JUNE.
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OR JUST HIS FRIENDS.
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OH, I KNOW THIS PLACE.
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I RAN OUT ON A CHECK HERE ONCE.
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BUT IT'S OKAY.
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I WAS WEARING A WIG.
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HEY. THANK YOU FOR COMING.
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THIS IS THE LOVELY EMILY.
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(chuckles)
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YOU MUST BE CHLOE.
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IT'S SUCH A PLEASURE TO--
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VETO.
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OHH. I'M SORRY.
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WE HAVE TO BREAK UP.
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THIS WAS FUN, THOUGH.
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W--I DON'T--
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I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I--
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JAMES AND I HAVE VETO POWER OVER
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WHOEVER THE OTHER ONE DATES.
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YEAH, IF ONE OF US YELLS "VETO,"
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THE OTHER ONE HAS TO HONOR IT
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AND END THE RELATIONSHIP
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IMMEDIATELY.
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YOU'RE SAYING THAT LIKE
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IT'S A THING, AND IT IS NOT.
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IT IS A THING. IT'S OUR THING.
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WE'VE BEEN DOING IT FOREVER.
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EVER SINCE CHLOE WANTED TO DATE
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NASCAR CHAMPION JEFF GORDON.
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(stock car engines roaring)
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VETO.
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WHAT?!
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VETO!
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WHAT?!
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VE--
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(crowd cheering)
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VETO!
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BUT JEFF GORDON IS A CELEBRITY,
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SO YOU'RE IN GOOD COMPANY.
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BYE FOREVER.
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UH...
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DO YOURSELF A FAVOR, THOUGH.
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COME BACK HERE SOMETIME
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AND TRY THE CINNAMON BUNS.
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THEY'RE AMAZING.
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HOW COULD YOU VETO EMILY
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SO QUICKLY?
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YOU DIDN'T EVEN KNOW HER.
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I DIDN'T NEED TO.
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IT'S LIKE A SPECIAL POWER.
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SOME PEOPLE HAVE SPECIAL POWERS
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WHERE THEY CAN'T SEE,
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AND SOME PEOPLE HAVE SPECIAL
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POWERS WHERE THEY CAN'T HEAR.
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THOSE ARE
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BLIND AND DEAF PEOPLE.
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THEY'RE ACTUALLY
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LACKING POWERS.
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(horse whinnies)
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MY SPECIAL POWER IS,
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I KNOW WHEN JAMES' RELATIONSHIPS
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ARE GOING TO END BADLY.
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I DON'T KNOW HOW I DO IT,
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BUT I TAKE ONE LOOK AT THE GIRL
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AND IT'S LIKE
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I "BEAUTIFUL MIND" IT.
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AND TRUST ME,
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IF HE KEPT GOING OUT WITH HER,
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HE'D BECOME
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SOFT AND COMPLACENT.
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THAT POOR GIRL. YOU VETOED HER
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RIGHT TO HER FACE.
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SHE DIDN'T EVEN
218
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GET ANY BREAD.
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JUNE, IF YOU'RE NOT
220
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BEING COMPLETELY HONEST
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WITH YOUR FRIENDS,
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THEN YOU'RE NOT HELPING THEM
223
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BE THE BEST THAT
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THEY CAN POSSIBLY BE.
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BY THE WAY,
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YOU'RE USING THE WRONG
227
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FOUNDATION FOR YOUR SKIN TONE.
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IT ACTUALLY CLASHES
229
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WITH YOUR SKIN TONE.
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IT'S LIKE YOUR FACE IS ONE GIRL,
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AND YOUR NECK IS ANOTHER.
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I JUST BOUGHT A WHOLE TUB
233
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OF THIS STUFF!
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I DON'T KNOW. I ALMOST THINK
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TOO BIG IS WORSE THAN TOO SMALL.
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I KNOW.
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THAT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A GUY.
238
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BUT TRUST ME,
239
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IF YOU'RE A WOMAN,
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SMALL JUST MAKES YOUR NOSE
241
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LOOK GIANT.
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ARE YOU GUYS STILL TALKING
243
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ABOUT PENISES?
244
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NO, WE'VE MOVED ON
245
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TO SUNGLASSES.
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DID WE?
247
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OH. SPECIAL K IS CALLING.
248
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SHE JUST GOT BACK FROM THAILAND.
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I GOTTA GO.
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OOH, SPEC--
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(beep)
252
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WHAT UP, BITCH?
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(gasps) SHUT UP, BITCH.
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I AM IN, BITCH.
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(beep)
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OOH!
257
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SPECIAL K JUST TOLD ME
258
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ABOUT A PARTY
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THAT'S HAPPENING RIGHT NOW
260
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WHERE SPIKE LEE IS ANGRY.
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JAMES HAS BEEN DYING
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TO WORK WITH HIM.
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WE'VE GOTTA GO.
264
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OH, MY GOD! I LOVE HIM!
265
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THIS IS GONNA BE SO MUCH FUN!
266
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I MEMORIZED EVERY WORD
267
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OF "DO THE RIGHT THING."
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PLEASE RECITE IT TO ME
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WHILE I DO MY HAIR.
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(hip-hop music playing)
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"LET ME TELL YOU A STORY ABOUT
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THE RIGHT HAND, LEFT HAND.
273
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,358
"IT IS A TALE
274
00:05:15,398 --> 00:05:17,358
OF GOOD AND EVIL.
275
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,570
HATE--IT IS WITH THIS HAND
276
00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,570
THAT CANE ICED HIS BROTHER."
277
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,365
GRAB YOUR LEAST ANNOYING FEDORA,
278
00:05:22,030 --> 00:05:24,365
JAMES!
279
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,367
WE'RE...
280
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,367
GOING TO SEE SPIKE.
281
00:05:26,409 --> 00:05:28,369
CHLOE. I CAN EXPLAIN.
282
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,371
WHAT IS SHE DOING HERE?
283
00:05:28,411 --> 00:05:30,371
I VETOED HER.
284
00:05:30,413 --> 00:05:31,999
YEAH, I, UH...
285
00:05:32,040 --> 00:05:33,374
(pauses DVR)
286
00:05:33,416 --> 00:05:34,501
I DIDN'T END UP DOING THAT.
287
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:39,338
HI, EMILY. I'M JUNE.
288
00:05:36,295 --> 00:05:39,338
WE MET AT BRUNCH.
289
00:05:41,424 --> 00:05:43,260
"NORBIT"!
290
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:45,053
I HATED THIS MOVIE
291
00:05:43,302 --> 00:05:45,053
UNTIL I REALIZED
292
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,014
THAT'S EDDIE MURPHY,
293
00:05:45,095 --> 00:05:47,014
THAT IS EDDIE MURPHY...
294
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:50,017
AND GUESS WHAT?
295
00:05:47,055 --> 00:05:50,017
THAT IS EDDIE MURPHY.
296
00:05:51,434 --> 00:05:52,351
(door slams)
297
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,402
OH, MY GOD.
298
00:05:58,441 --> 00:06:01,402
YOU'RE CLOTHED UNDER THERE.
299
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,822
WHY DON'T I GIVE YOU GUYS
300
00:06:01,444 --> 00:06:03,822
TIME TO TALK?
301
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,407
I'LL GO STAND IN THE...
302
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:06,407
DINING ROOM.
303
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,575
(forced laugh)
304
00:06:06,449 --> 00:06:07,575
WON'T BE AWKWARD
305
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,037
THAT I CAN SEE YOU,
306
00:06:07,617 --> 00:06:10,037
AND YOU CAN SEE ME.
307
00:06:10,078 --> 00:06:11,038
TALK.
308
00:06:11,079 --> 00:06:12,413
I...
309
00:06:12,455 --> 00:06:13,414
(laughs)
310
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,916
I-I-I DON'T KNOW
311
00:06:13,456 --> 00:06:14,916
WHAT TO SAY.
312
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:17,919
SHE LIKES ME FOR ME,
313
00:06:14,958 --> 00:06:17,919
NOT THE GUY ON TV. RIGHT, EM?
314
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,214
OH, IT'S TRUE. I DIDN'T EVEN
315
00:06:17,961 --> 00:06:20,214
KNOW HE WAS ON A SHOW.
316
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,924
UGH, VETO!
317
00:06:20,255 --> 00:06:22,924
I VETO YOUR FACE.
318
00:06:22,966 --> 00:06:24,425
CHLOE, IT'S DONE.
319
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,469
YOU CAN'T JUST OVERRIDE
320
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:26,469
THE VETO.
321
00:06:26,511 --> 00:06:28,889
OR CAN HE?
322
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,683
THIS ISN'T THE FIRST TIME
323
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,683
JAMES HASN'T HONORED THE VETO.
324
00:06:28,930 --> 00:06:31,683
(gasps)
325
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,060
(camera shutter clicks)
326
00:06:31,725 --> 00:06:33,060
UGH!
327
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,354
LUTHER!
328
00:06:33,101 --> 00:06:35,354
SORRY, JAMES. I COULDN'T RESIST.
329
00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:38,232
CHLOE'S SHOCK-SNAPPED ME
330
00:06:35,394 --> 00:06:38,232
SO MANY TIMES.
331
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,524
YOUR RELAXER
332
00:06:38,273 --> 00:06:39,524
GOT DISCONTINUED.
333
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,442
(gasps)
334
00:06:39,566 --> 00:06:41,442
(camera shutter clicks)
335
00:06:41,484 --> 00:06:43,070
FIRE ISLAND EXPLODED.
336
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,072
(gasps)
337
00:06:43,111 --> 00:06:45,072
(camera shutter clicks)
338
00:06:45,113 --> 00:06:46,447
PATTI LaBELLE DIED.
339
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,908
(gasps loudly)
340
00:06:46,489 --> 00:06:47,908
(camera shutter clicks)
341
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:50,451
ALL RIGHT, CHLOE,
342
00:06:49,201 --> 00:06:50,451
LISTEN TO ME.
343
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:51,619
IT'S TRUE I HAVEN'T ALWAYS
344
00:06:50,493 --> 00:06:51,619
HONORED THE VETO,
345
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,455
BUT ONLY TIMES WHEN
346
00:06:51,661 --> 00:06:54,455
I REALLY, REALLY LIKED THE GIRL.
347
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,457
OR WANTED
348
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:56,457
TO KEEP SLEEPING WITH HER.
349
00:06:56,499 --> 00:06:57,625
THAT DOESN'T MAKE IT OKAY.
350
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,502
AND YOU BROKE UP
351
00:06:57,667 --> 00:06:59,502
WITH THOSE GIRLS ANYWAY,
352
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,880
WHICH MEANS I WAS RIGHT
353
00:06:59,544 --> 00:07:01,880
TO VETO THEM.
354
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,548
YEAH. EVENTUALLY,
355
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,548
THOSE RELATIONSHIPS ENDED,
356
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,466
BUT I DECIDED WHEN,
357
00:07:03,590 --> 00:07:05,466
NOT YOU.
358
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,468
I MEAN, YOU CAN BE
359
00:07:05,508 --> 00:07:07,468
A LITTLE...
360
00:07:07,510 --> 00:07:09,054
MM, DIFFICULT.
361
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,972
(gasps)
362
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,972
SOMETIMES IT'S EASIER
363
00:07:09,096 --> 00:07:10,972
JUST TO TELL YOU ONE THING
364
00:07:11,014 --> 00:07:12,473
AND THEN DO SOMETHING ELSE.
365
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,475
SO YOU'VE
366
00:07:12,515 --> 00:07:14,475
JUST BEEN HUMORING ME?
367
00:07:14,517 --> 00:07:16,477
NO! NO.
368
00:07:16,519 --> 00:07:17,562
WELL...
369
00:07:17,604 --> 00:07:19,398
I MEAN... YEAH, TECHNICALLY.
370
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,524
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
371
00:07:19,439 --> 00:07:21,524
THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK.
372
00:07:21,566 --> 00:07:23,484
CHLOE, LISTEN. I TOLD YOU.
373
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,485
I'M NOT GONNA BREAK UP
374
00:07:23,526 --> 00:07:24,485
WITH EMILY.
375
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,197
NO, I MEANT YOU AND ME.
376
00:07:24,527 --> 00:07:27,197
THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK.
377
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,450
I THINK WE SHOULD
378
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:30,450
TAKE A BREAK.
379
00:07:32,411 --> 00:07:34,121
MAYBE WE SHOULD.
380
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,497
FINE.
381
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,666
BUT DON'T COME RUNNING TO ME
382
00:07:36,539 --> 00:07:38,666
WHEN YOUR CAREER SUFFERS
383
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,001
BECAUSE YOUR RELATIONSHIP
384
00:07:38,708 --> 00:07:40,001
WITH HER
385
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,502
MAKES YOU SOFT
386
00:07:40,043 --> 00:07:41,502
AND COMPLACENT.
387
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,004
WELL, DON'T YOU COME RUNNING
388
00:07:41,544 --> 00:07:43,004
BACK TO ME WHEN YOU REALIZE
389
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,506
HOW DIFFICULT IT IS TO LIVE
390
00:07:43,046 --> 00:07:45,506
IN A BEEK-LESS WORLD.
391
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,009
THIS IS SERIOUS. WE SHOULD DO
392
00:07:45,548 --> 00:07:48,009
SOMETHING. THEY'RE BREAKING UP!
393
00:07:48,051 --> 00:07:50,470
DON'T WORRY. I'VE GOT THIS.
394
00:07:51,638 --> 00:07:52,597
HEY!
395
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,765
(camera shutter clicks)
396
00:07:52,639 --> 00:07:53,765
NO!
397
00:07:53,807 --> 00:07:55,600
(laughs) TOO SLOW, HO.
398
00:08:00,605 --> 00:08:01,606
(gasps)
399
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,901
(singsongy) I STOLE
400
00:08:01,648 --> 00:08:04,901
SPIKE LEE'S BASEBALL HAT.
401
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,154
I'M NOT WEARING IT. I WON'T WEAR
402
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,154
IT. BUT IT'S FUN TO HOLD.
403
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,613
GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
404
00:08:07,195 --> 00:08:08,613
I'LL PUT 'EM IN THERE.
405
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,990
I CAN'T BELIEVE
406
00:08:08,655 --> 00:08:09,990
YOU WENT TO THAT PARTY
407
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,241
AFTER YOU AND JAMES
408
00:08:10,031 --> 00:08:11,241
BROKE UP.
409
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:12,993
YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN FRIENDS
410
00:08:11,283 --> 00:08:12,993
FOR SEVEN YEARS.
411
00:08:13,034 --> 00:08:14,161
IT IS A BIG DEAL.
412
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,330
IT HAPPENS.
413
00:08:14,202 --> 00:08:16,330
FRIENDSHIPS DIE.
414
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:19,040
HATS GET STOLEN.
415
00:08:16,371 --> 00:08:19,040
KEYS GO IN THEM.
416
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,042
WELL, YOU CAN PRETEND
417
00:08:19,082 --> 00:08:21,042
YOU DON'T CARE, BUT I CAN'T.
418
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,543
(sighs) YOU BOTH MEAN A LOT
419
00:08:21,084 --> 00:08:22,543
TO ME,
420
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,921
AND I AM NOT GOING
421
00:08:22,585 --> 00:08:24,921
TO CHOOSE SIDES.
422
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,132
I DID THAT ONE WEEKEND
423
00:08:24,963 --> 00:08:27,132
WHEN MY PARENTS SPLIT UP.
424
00:08:27,174 --> 00:08:28,383
I CHOSE MY DAD--
425
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,634
JUNE, CAN YOU SAVE
426
00:08:28,425 --> 00:08:29,634
THIS AWESOME STORY
427
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,012
FOR WHEN YOU'RE HANGING OUT
428
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:32,012
WITH JAMES? THANKS.
429
00:08:34,473 --> 00:08:35,556
HELLO, LADIES.
430
00:08:35,598 --> 00:08:37,017
NOT TO SOUND LIKE "THATGUY,"
431
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,560
BUT MY ART SHOW FLYERS
432
00:08:37,058 --> 00:08:39,560
ARE READY.
433
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,562
COOL! I'M EXCITED.
434
00:08:39,602 --> 00:08:41,562
I LOVE BUTTER.
435
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:42,605
WHY? BECAUSE YOU'RE FROM
436
00:08:41,604 --> 00:08:42,605
ONE OF THOSE STATES
437
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,650
WHERE CHOLESTEROL'S
438
00:08:42,647 --> 00:08:45,650
A FOOD GROUP?
439
00:08:45,692 --> 00:08:47,735
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
440
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,488
DO YOUR PEOPLE EAT
441
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,488
STRAIGHT FROM THE CHURN
442
00:08:49,529 --> 00:08:51,572
OR DO THEY USE PLATES?
443
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,159
CHLOE, I'M NOT DOING
444
00:08:51,614 --> 00:08:54,159
THIS MEAN THING WITH YOU.
445
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:58,413
DOES ANYONE IN YOUR FAMILY
446
00:08:54,201 --> 00:08:58,413
HAVE THEIR ORIGINAL KNEES?
447
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,248
OH, GOD, I DON'T KNOW
448
00:08:58,455 --> 00:09:00,248
IF IT'S ALLERGIES OR WHAT,
449
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,583
BUT THERE'S SOMETHING
450
00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,583
IN THERE.
451
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,378
OH, FORGET IT!
452
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:04,378
YOU'RE TERRIBLE AT THIS!
453
00:09:04,419 --> 00:09:06,296
(knock on door)
454
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,675
HELLO,
455
00:09:08,298 --> 00:09:10,675
FORMER FRIEND OF JAMES.
456
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,053
I HAVE TAKEN THE LIBERTY
457
00:09:10,717 --> 00:09:13,053
OF RETURNING ALL THE POSSESSIONS
458
00:09:13,094 --> 00:09:14,595
YOU LEFT AT HIS PLACE.
459
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,598
YOUR HANDCUFFS,
460
00:09:14,637 --> 00:09:17,598
A GOO GOO DOLLS CD...
461
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,600
ANOTHER GOO GOO DOLLS CD,
462
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,103
AND A MAP
463
00:09:19,642 --> 00:09:22,103
TO TED DANSON'S HOUSE.
464
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,523
GREAT, BECAUSE
465
00:09:22,145 --> 00:09:24,523
I ALSO PUT TOGETHER
466
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:27,108
A BOX OF THINGS
467
00:09:24,605 --> 00:09:27,108
THAT JAMES LEFT HERE.
468
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,610
THAT IS WEIRD. I HAVE
469
00:09:27,150 --> 00:09:29,610
THAT SAME BACK SCRATCHER.
470
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,612
AND THAT IS A PHOTO
471
00:09:29,652 --> 00:09:31,612
OF MY DOG MAISIE!
472
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,032
THIS IS MY STUFF!
473
00:09:31,654 --> 00:09:34,032
OH, YOU CAUGHT THAT, HUH?
474
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,452
I WAS GONNA SAY, JAMES ALREADY
475
00:09:34,074 --> 00:09:37,452
HAS TWO BACK SCRATCHERS.
476
00:09:37,494 --> 00:09:39,579
YOU'RE LOOKING AT 'EM.
477
00:09:41,039 --> 00:09:41,998
MMM!
478
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,624
(laughs)
479
00:09:42,040 --> 00:09:43,624
(laughs)
480
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,710
IT'S AMAZING. NOBODY HAS EVER
481
00:09:43,666 --> 00:09:45,710
COOKED IN THIS KITCHEN BEFORE.
482
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,628
HE WAS KEEPING MONEY
483
00:09:45,752 --> 00:09:47,628
IN THE OVEN.
484
00:09:47,670 --> 00:09:48,713
HA! I JUST THINK IT'S GREAT
485
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,631
THAT I CAN BE FRIENDS
486
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:50,631
WITH BOTH YOU AND CHLOE.
487
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,633
I'M GONNA BE TOTALLY NEUTRAL,
488
00:09:50,673 --> 00:09:52,633
YOU KNOW?
489
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:53,634
I'M NOT PICKING MY DAD AGAIN.
490
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,429
WELL, SOUNDS LIKE THERE'S
491
00:09:53,676 --> 00:09:55,429
A STORY HERE, JUNE.
492
00:09:55,470 --> 00:09:57,222
LET'S BLOW PAST IT.
493
00:09:57,264 --> 00:09:58,723
(quietly) OH.
494
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,642
I'M NOT PICKING SIDES, BUT I DO
495
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,642
THINK THAT YOU AND CHLOE SHOU--
496
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,810
I'M--I'M GONNA
497
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,810
STOP YOU RIGHT THERE.
498
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,062
I DON'T NEED TO HEAR
499
00:10:02,852 --> 00:10:04,062
ANYTHING ABOUT CHLOE.
500
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,688
I KNOW EXACTLY
501
00:10:04,104 --> 00:10:05,688
WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN.
502
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:06,647
THE NEXT TIME
503
00:10:05,730 --> 00:10:06,647
SHE PROJECTILE VOMITS
504
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,442
IN A CLUB
505
00:10:06,689 --> 00:10:08,442
FULL OF 20-SOMETHINGS,
506
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,651
SHE'S NOT GONNA HAVE ME
507
00:10:08,483 --> 00:10:10,651
TO PAY THE DRY CLEANING BILL.
508
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,071
OKAY, SHE DIDN'T REALLY
509
00:10:10,693 --> 00:10:13,071
PROJECTILE VOMIT ALL OVER--
510
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,781
LAST WEDNESDAY.
511
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,781
TWICE LAST MONTH.
512
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,747
SAW THE PICTURES
513
00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,747
OF YOUR DINNER WITH JAMES
514
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,707
ON INSTAGRAM LAST NIGHT.
515
00:10:22,789 --> 00:10:24,707
OH, YEAH, IT WAS FUN.
516
00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:25,666
YEAH, IT LOOKED LIKE IT.
517
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,586
UH, DID YOU SEE
518
00:10:25,708 --> 00:10:27,586
THE PICTURES I POSTED?
519
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,670
NO, I DIDN'T.
520
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,670
OH, RIGHT!
521
00:10:27,627 --> 00:10:29,670
I DIDN'T POST ANY PICTURES,
522
00:10:29,712 --> 00:10:31,298
BECAUSE I WAS HOME ALONE
523
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,674
WATCHING A DOCUMENTARY
524
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,674
ABOUT SNAKES.
525
00:10:31,339 --> 00:10:33,674
(door bell jingles)
526
00:10:33,716 --> 00:10:36,177
ALL, THIS IS BECKETT EVERETT.
527
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,054
HE'S GOT FOUR "T"s
528
00:10:36,219 --> 00:10:38,054
IN HIS NAME.
529
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,974
HE JUST DID A THREE-EPISODE ARC
530
00:10:38,096 --> 00:10:40,974
ON "HIGH SCHOOL FANGS."
531
00:10:41,015 --> 00:10:42,683
THANK YOU.
532
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,685
OH, MY GOD.
533
00:10:42,725 --> 00:10:44,685
YOU WERE THE BEST PART
534
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,063
OF THE NEW ORLEANS 1800s
535
00:10:44,727 --> 00:10:47,063
FLASHBACK SEASON.
536
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,690
YES, HE WAS. HE'S THE NEXT
537
00:10:47,105 --> 00:10:49,690
JAMES VAN DER BEEK,
538
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,068
ONLY HE'S GONNA BE
539
00:10:49,732 --> 00:10:52,068
EVEN HUGER AND BETTER.
540
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,696
HIS HEAD IS BETTER PROPORTIONED
541
00:10:52,110 --> 00:10:55,696
THAN JAMES' WAS AT THAT AGE.
542
00:10:55,738 --> 00:10:58,617
CHLOE, YOU CAN'T REPLACE JAMES.
543
00:10:58,658 --> 00:10:59,618
YES, I CAN.
544
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,702
I REPLACED MY SHOES,
545
00:10:59,659 --> 00:11:01,702
I REPLACED MY DOG,
546
00:11:01,744 --> 00:11:02,870
I REPLACED MY ROOMMATE
547
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,205
UNTIL YOU PUT DOWN
548
00:11:02,912 --> 00:11:04,205
ROOTS OF STEEL.
549
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,374
SUPERMAN
550
00:11:04,247 --> 00:11:06,374
WAS THE MAN OF STEEL.
551
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,708
THAT WAS RANDOM.
552
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:07,708
WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?
553
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,711
DID YOUR HANDSOMENESS
554
00:11:07,750 --> 00:11:10,711
JUST LEAK INTO YOUR BRAIN?
555
00:11:10,753 --> 00:11:11,879
CAN THAT HAPPEN?
556
00:11:11,921 --> 00:11:13,340
UGH! GOD!
557
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,716
WHY IS EVERYONE
558
00:11:13,381 --> 00:11:15,716
SO BAD AT THIS?
559
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,136
CAN I HAVE $200
560
00:11:15,758 --> 00:11:18,136
TO PAY MY CELL PHONE BILL?
561
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,805
I'VE BEEN BEEN PRANK CALLING
562
00:11:18,178 --> 00:11:20,805
KELLY OSBOURNE MORE THAN USUAL.
563
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:22,723
I DON'T HAVE $200.
564
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,143
I'VE ONLY DONE, LIKE,
565
00:11:22,765 --> 00:11:25,143
THREE EPISODES OF "H.S.F.,"
566
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:27,312
AND I'M SUPPORTING MY MOM.
567
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,523
SHE'S ALSO MY MANAGER.
568
00:11:27,354 --> 00:11:29,523
(bells jingle)
569
00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:31,732
I CALL HER MY "MOMAGER."
570
00:11:31,774 --> 00:11:33,776
THANK YOU.
571
00:11:33,818 --> 00:11:35,529
(bells jingle)
572
00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:38,239
♪ LA-LA, LA-LA, LA ♪
573
00:11:38,281 --> 00:11:39,782
HEY, CHLOE, IT'S ME.
574
00:11:39,824 --> 00:11:40,741
I GUESS YOU PAID YOUR BILL,
575
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,452
BECAUSE I'M LEAVING YOU
576
00:11:40,783 --> 00:11:42,452
THIS MESSAGE.
577
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:43,744
JUST WANTED
578
00:11:42,494 --> 00:11:43,744
TO MAKE SURE YOU'RE OKAY,
579
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,038
BECAUSE I HAVEN'T
580
00:11:43,786 --> 00:11:45,038
SEEN YOU SINCE YESTERDAY
581
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,415
WHEN YOU STORMED OUT
582
00:11:45,079 --> 00:11:47,415
ON BECKETT EVERETT...
583
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:48,833
WHO ALSO HAS FIVE "E"s
584
00:11:47,457 --> 00:11:48,833
IN HIS NAME.
585
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,418
NO ONE ELSE NOTICED IT.
586
00:11:50,460 --> 00:11:52,753
ANYWAY, CALL ME.
587
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,422
(beep)
588
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,422
(knock on door)
589
00:11:56,090 --> 00:11:58,759
(door creaks)
590
00:11:58,801 --> 00:11:59,760
LUTHER.
591
00:11:59,802 --> 00:12:00,970
ARE YOU OKAY?
592
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:05,559
I'VE SEEN SOMETHING,
593
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:05,559
AND I'M CONFLICTED.
594
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,935
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
595
00:12:05,600 --> 00:12:07,935
OR HOW TO FEEL.
596
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,646
I...
597
00:12:07,977 --> 00:12:09,646
DO YOU WANT TO COME IN?
598
00:12:09,688 --> 00:12:10,813
I DON'T...
599
00:12:10,855 --> 00:12:12,815
THINK SO.
600
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,234
DO YOU AT LEAST WANT
601
00:12:12,857 --> 00:12:14,234
TO TAKE OFF YOUR COAT?
602
00:12:14,275 --> 00:12:15,235
NO.
603
00:12:15,276 --> 00:12:16,653
NO.
604
00:12:16,695 --> 00:12:17,778
OH, GOD.
605
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,780
DID SOMETHING HAPPEN
606
00:12:17,820 --> 00:12:19,780
TO CHLOE?
607
00:12:19,822 --> 00:12:20,699
MM-HMM.
608
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,075
DID SHE SPIRAL OUT
609
00:12:20,739 --> 00:12:22,075
WITHOUT JAMES?
610
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,369
IS SHE IN JAIL?
611
00:12:22,116 --> 00:12:24,369
IS SHE DEAD?
612
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:25,786
IS SHE DEAD IN THE STREET?
613
00:12:25,828 --> 00:12:27,788
UNH-UNH.
614
00:12:27,830 --> 00:12:30,833
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH, OH-OH ♪
615
00:12:30,875 --> 00:12:31,792
I-I JUST...
616
00:12:31,834 --> 00:12:33,670
I DON'T...
617
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,796
(speaking inaudibly)
618
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:35,796
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH ♪
619
00:12:35,838 --> 00:12:37,632
(June) CHLOE HAS A JOB
620
00:12:37,674 --> 00:12:41,428
WORKING AT GLOSS MOBILE?
621
00:12:41,469 --> 00:12:43,430
IT'S AWFUL.
622
00:12:43,471 --> 00:12:45,640
BUT ALSO...
623
00:12:45,682 --> 00:12:47,975
KIND OF FUNNY.
624
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:52,063
LIKE A TORNADO RIPPING
625
00:12:48,017 --> 00:12:52,063
THROUGH A BANANA FACTORY.
626
00:12:52,105 --> 00:12:53,856
I SAW IT ON YouTube.
627
00:12:53,898 --> 00:12:55,816
PEOPLE AND BANANAS,
628
00:12:55,858 --> 00:13:00,821
SWIRLING AND SWIRLING...
629
00:12:55,858 --> 00:13:00,821
(laughs)
630
00:13:00,863 --> 00:13:01,906
IT'S SAD.
631
00:13:01,948 --> 00:13:02,865
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH ♪
632
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,158
(door slams)
633
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,830
WHAT IS SHE DOING?
634
00:13:07,870 --> 00:13:09,830
COME ON.
635
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,666
WE GOTTA GO IN
636
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,666
AND TALK TO HER.
637
00:13:09,872 --> 00:13:11,666
MNH-MNH.
638
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,752
I DON'T ACT
639
00:13:11,708 --> 00:13:13,752
UNTIL I KNOW HOW I FEEL.
640
00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:15,545
I LEARNED THAT LESSON
641
00:13:13,792 --> 00:13:15,545
WHEN I TRIED TO THROW MYSELF
642
00:13:15,587 --> 00:13:18,673
INTO MY MOTHER'S COFFIN. MM.
643
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:22,260
(bell dings)
644
00:13:23,886 --> 00:13:25,179
CHLOE?
645
00:13:26,889 --> 00:13:30,518
UM... DO YOU...
646
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,438
WORK HERE
647
00:13:30,560 --> 00:13:33,438
AT--AT... GLOSS MOBILE?
648
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,690
I'M SORRY. YOU'RE GONNA
649
00:13:33,480 --> 00:13:35,690
HAVE TO TAKE A NUMBER.
650
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:38,859
BUT... THERE'S NO ONE
651
00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:38,859
ELSE AROUND.
652
00:13:38,901 --> 00:13:39,818
NUMBER, MA'AM.
653
00:13:42,905 --> 00:13:45,074
9!
654
00:13:45,116 --> 00:13:46,867
10!
655
00:13:46,909 --> 00:13:48,953
10?
656
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,871
11!
657
00:13:48,995 --> 00:13:50,871
I'M 11.
658
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,457
HI. WELCOME
659
00:13:50,913 --> 00:13:52,457
TO GLOSS MOBILE.
660
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:53,792
HOW CAN I HELP YOU?
661
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,918
ARE YOU INTERESTED IN AN
662
00:13:53,832 --> 00:13:55,918
ACCESSORY FOR YOUR DEVICE TODAY?
663
00:13:55,960 --> 00:13:57,545
CHLOE,
664
00:13:57,587 --> 00:13:58,963
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
665
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,881
I DON'T KNOW.
666
00:13:59,005 --> 00:14:00,881
I CAME IN TO PAY MY BILL,
667
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,967
AND I GOT INTO IT WITH CUSTOMER
668
00:14:00,923 --> 00:14:02,967
SERVICE ABOUT ROLLOVER MINUTES,
669
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,885
AND THE NEXT THING YOU KNOW
670
00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:04,885
I WAS WORKING HERE.
671
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,764
IS THIS BECAUSE...
672
00:14:04,927 --> 00:14:07,764
YOU NEED MONEY
673
00:14:07,806 --> 00:14:08,889
SINCE YOU AND JAMES--
674
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,183
JUNE, THIS HAS
675
00:14:08,931 --> 00:14:10,183
NOTHING TO DO WITH MONEY.
676
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,893
I HAVE PLENTY OF SCAMS
677
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,893
TO GENERATE MONEY.
678
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,145
I'M HERE BECAUSE...
679
00:14:12,935 --> 00:14:14,145
(whispers) I LOVE IT.
680
00:14:14,187 --> 00:14:15,896
UM, DID YOU CALL 10?
681
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,691
TWICE.
682
00:14:15,938 --> 00:14:17,691
I'VE MOVED ON TO 11.
683
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,567
YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO STAY
684
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,567
WITHIN THE VICINITY.
685
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,901
I WAS STANDING
686
00:14:19,609 --> 00:14:20,901
RIGHT OVER THERE.
687
00:14:20,943 --> 00:14:21,902
I DIDN'T HEAR YOU CALL 10.
688
00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:23,112
IRONIC THAT YOU'D BE A 10,
689
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,905
SEEING AS HOW
690
00:14:23,154 --> 00:14:24,905
YOU'RE CLEARLY A 2.
691
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,907
YOU'RE AWFULLY CONFIDENT
692
00:14:24,947 --> 00:14:26,907
FOR A GROWN WOMAN WITH BANGS.
693
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,117
LET ME GUESS
694
00:14:26,949 --> 00:14:28,117
WHY YOU'RE HERE.
695
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,410
YOU DROPPED
696
00:14:28,159 --> 00:14:29,410
YOUR PHONE IN THE TOILET
697
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,287
WHILE CARESSING
698
00:14:29,452 --> 00:14:31,287
YOUR HOT DOG AND GRAPES?
699
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,914
EW. THOSE FOODS
700
00:14:31,329 --> 00:14:33,914
DON'T EVEN GO TOGETHER.
701
00:14:33,956 --> 00:14:35,625
I'M GONNA SWITCH CARRIERS.
702
00:14:35,667 --> 00:14:36,793
HA! GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
703
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,336
CHECK YOUR CONTRACT.
704
00:14:36,835 --> 00:14:38,336
WE OWN YOUR ASS.
705
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,923
(inhales) AHH. SO SATISFYING.
706
00:14:40,547 --> 00:14:42,923
(bell dings)
707
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,925
CHLOE, I THINK I KNOW
708
00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,925
WHAT'S HAPPENING HERE.
709
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,761
YOU ARE TRADING INSULTS
710
00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:46,761
WITH CUSTOMERS
711
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,805
BECAUSE YOU MISS
712
00:14:46,803 --> 00:14:48,805
DOING THAT WITH JAMES.
713
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,973
NO. I KNOW
714
00:14:48,847 --> 00:14:50,973
IT DOESN'T SEEM LIKE ME.
715
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,933
BUT I REALLY THINK
716
00:14:51,015 --> 00:14:52,933
I FOUND MY NICHE--
717
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,310
I LEARNED THAT WORD
718
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:54,310
IN TRAINING.
719
00:14:54,352 --> 00:14:56,103
I LOVE GLO-MO.
720
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,731
I SIGNED UP
721
00:14:56,145 --> 00:14:57,731
FOR 90 HOURS THIS WEEK.
722
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:58,981
I TRIED
723
00:14:57,772 --> 00:14:58,981
TO SIGN UP FOR MORE,
724
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,400
BUT APPARENTLY,
725
00:14:59,023 --> 00:15:00,400
THAT'S ALL THEY'RE OPEN.
726
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,318
I MEAN, NO WONDER
727
00:15:00,441 --> 00:15:02,318
THE CHINESE ARE BEATING US.
728
00:15:02,360 --> 00:15:03,319
12!
729
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,613
I'M NUMBERS 12
730
00:15:03,361 --> 00:15:05,613
THROUGH 25.
731
00:15:05,655 --> 00:15:08,991
I HAVE A LOT OF QUESTIONS.
732
00:15:12,995 --> 00:15:14,955
WAIT, I'M CONFUSED.
733
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,957
ISN'T IT A GOOD THING
734
00:15:14,997 --> 00:15:16,957
THAT CHLOE HAS A JOB?
735
00:15:16,999 --> 00:15:18,959
SHE'S CLEARLY HURTING.
736
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,838
CHLOE ISN'T THE KIND OF PERSON
737
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,838
WHO GETS A PAYCHECK,
738
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,006
OR WHO HEATS THINGS UP
739
00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,006
IN THE MICROWAVE AT LUNCH.
740
00:15:24,048 --> 00:15:25,592
THIS IS THE KIND OF THING
741
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,968
THAT SHE SPENT HER WHOLE LIFE
742
00:15:25,633 --> 00:15:27,968
TRYING TO AVOID.
743
00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:29,970
THIS IS HER ROCK BOTTOM.
744
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,972
YOU'RE DESCRIBING
745
00:15:30,012 --> 00:15:31,972
REALLY NORMAL THINGS
746
00:15:32,014 --> 00:15:33,683
IN A REALLY DRAMATIC WAY.
747
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:36,561
SHE WAS WEARING
748
00:15:33,725 --> 00:15:36,561
PLEATED PANTS.
749
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,396
(voice breaks)
750
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:38,396
AND HER SHOES...
751
00:15:38,438 --> 00:15:40,273
MY GOD, HER SHOES...
752
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:43,984
ORTHOPEDICS.
753
00:15:40,314 --> 00:15:43,984
SOLID BLACK. DEAD AS NIGHT.
754
00:15:44,026 --> 00:15:45,986
YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS?
755
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,988
THIS IS CHLOE
756
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:47,988
IN A BEEK-LESS WORLD.
757
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,283
(whispers) OH.
758
00:15:48,030 --> 00:15:50,283
(door bell jingles)
759
00:15:51,826 --> 00:15:54,120
ELI. ARE YOU OKAY?
760
00:15:56,080 --> 00:15:57,998
I'VE SEEN SOMETHING...
761
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:02,378
I WAS AT MY ART SHOW, WHICH
762
00:15:58,040 --> 00:16:02,378
YOU'RE ALL LATE FOR, BY THE WAY.
763
00:16:02,420 --> 00:16:04,714
I SAW IT, AND...
764
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:09,218
I HAD TO LEAVE
765
00:16:04,756 --> 00:16:09,218
AND COME FIND YOU. I JUST...
766
00:16:09,260 --> 00:16:11,304
I DON'T KNOW.
767
00:16:11,345 --> 00:16:16,893
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH, OH-OH ♪
768
00:16:16,935 --> 00:16:18,018
♪ OH-OH ♪
769
00:16:18,060 --> 00:16:22,064
♪ OH-OH, OH-OH, OH-OH ♪
770
00:16:22,106 --> 00:16:24,233
OH! HEY, GANG!
771
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:27,987
OH, MY.
772
00:16:24,275 --> 00:16:27,987
JAMES IS A GIANT PEACH.
773
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:31,866
(chuckles) YES, I KNOW.
774
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:34,452
I... PUT ON A LITTLE WEIGHT
775
00:16:31,908 --> 00:16:34,452
SINCE THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU.
776
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,329
I JUST HAD DINNER WITH YOU
777
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:36,329
TWO DAYS AGO.
778
00:16:36,370 --> 00:16:38,289
YEAH. I'M--I'M A QUICK FAT.
779
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,458
WHEN I'M HAPPY, I TEND
780
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,458
TO PUT ON WEIGHT LIKE THAT.
781
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,043
(laughs)
782
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,043
BUT IT'S OKAY.
783
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:43,043
EMILY DOESN'T MIND.
784
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,045
NO.
785
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,045
RIGHT, EM? SHOW THEM HOW
786
00:16:43,085 --> 00:16:45,045
YOU RUB MY BELLY.
787
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,965
OH, I THINK HE'S ADORABLE.
788
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,965
(chuckles)
789
00:16:45,087 --> 00:16:46,965
(laughs)
790
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,258
HE'S MY JIGGLY WIGGLY
791
00:16:47,006 --> 00:16:49,258
JIGGLEPUSS.
792
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:52,637
I'LL GET SOME CHEESE CUBES.
793
00:16:49,300 --> 00:16:52,637
ALL RIGHT.
794
00:16:52,679 --> 00:16:54,305
(James chuckles)
795
00:16:54,347 --> 00:16:56,056
AHH! I TELL YOU,
796
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:59,101
I JUST FEEL SO COMFORTABLE
797
00:16:56,098 --> 00:16:59,101
WITH EMILY, WITH MYSELF.
798
00:16:59,143 --> 00:17:00,687
IT JUST...
799
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,147
(sighs) I JUST FEEL GOOD
800
00:17:00,728 --> 00:17:03,147
IN MY OWN BODY.
801
00:17:03,189 --> 00:17:05,900
BUT, JAMES...
802
00:17:05,942 --> 00:17:07,151
Y-YOU'RE AN ACTOR.
803
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,069
AREN'T--AREN'T YOU WORRIED
804
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:09,069
ABOUT YOUR CAREER?
805
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,948
NAH. MANY FINE ACTORS HAVE HAD
806
00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:11,948
DRAMATIC WEIGHT GAINS
807
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,783
AND JUST KEPT
808
00:17:11,990 --> 00:17:13,783
RIGHT ON WORKING.
809
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:16,076
UH, VAL KILMER,
810
00:17:16,118 --> 00:17:17,912
VINCE VAUGHN, STEVEN SEAGAL.
811
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,247
I FIND ALL THREE OF THOSE PEOPLE
812
00:17:17,954 --> 00:17:20,247
HARD TO LOOK AT.
813
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:23,668
ANYWAY, THIS ISN'T ABOUT ME.
814
00:17:20,289 --> 00:17:23,668
THIS IS ABOUT ELI AND HIS SHOW.
815
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,085
RIGHT?
816
00:17:23,710 --> 00:17:25,085
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS!
817
00:17:25,127 --> 00:17:26,379
AH!
818
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,089
JAMES IS VOLUNTARILY DEFLECTING
819
00:17:26,420 --> 00:17:29,089
ATTENTION FROM HIMSELF.
820
00:17:29,131 --> 00:17:31,091
THIS IS HIS ROCK BOTTOM.
821
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,136
THAT HAS GOT TO BE
822
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:34,136
ELI'S MOTHER.
823
00:17:34,178 --> 00:17:35,680
IT'S ELI IN A DRESS.
824
00:17:35,722 --> 00:17:37,390
(laughs)
825
00:17:37,431 --> 00:17:39,392
(door opens)
826
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,310
HEY. (groans)
827
00:17:39,433 --> 00:17:41,310
SORRY, I'M LATE.
828
00:17:41,352 --> 00:17:42,729
I COULDN'T LEAVE WORK EARLY
829
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:46,106
BECAUSE MY MANAGER RAJ
830
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:46,106
WAS BEING A REAL HARD ASS.
831
00:17:46,148 --> 00:17:48,985
(sighs) BUT I RESPECT HIM.
832
00:17:54,032 --> 00:17:56,116
HEY.
833
00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:58,202
HEY.
834
00:17:58,244 --> 00:18:01,121
LOOK. THEY'RE BACK TOGETHER.
835
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,790
THEY REALIZED WHAT A MESS
836
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,790
THEY ARE WITHOUT EACH OTHER
837
00:18:02,832 --> 00:18:04,124
AND THEY'RE GONNA TALK.
838
00:18:04,166 --> 00:18:07,837
YOUR VELCRO'S CROOKED.
839
00:18:07,879 --> 00:18:09,296
THANKS.
840
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,506
YOU'VE GOT FROSTING
841
00:18:09,338 --> 00:18:10,506
IN YOUR HAIR.
842
00:18:10,548 --> 00:18:13,092
OH. I-I HAD FROSTING EARLIER.
843
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,177
(rips Velcro)
844
00:18:14,260 --> 00:18:15,177
THAT'S IT?
845
00:18:15,219 --> 00:18:16,512
THAT CAN'T BE IT.
846
00:18:16,554 --> 00:18:18,222
YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M DONE.
847
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,640
I'M NOT GONNA
848
00:18:18,264 --> 00:18:19,640
STAND BACK HERE
849
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,936
AND WATCH THEM THROW AWAY
850
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:22,936
THIS BEAUTIFUL FRIENDSHIP.
851
00:18:22,977 --> 00:18:25,021
NO MORE BEING NEUTRAL.
852
00:18:25,063 --> 00:18:26,773
I CHOOSE MOM AND DAD.
853
00:18:26,814 --> 00:18:29,025
HEY, LOOK.
854
00:18:29,067 --> 00:18:30,234
YOU GUYS ARE FRIENDS,
855
00:18:30,276 --> 00:18:31,986
SO YOU SHOULD BE ACTING LIKE IT.
856
00:18:32,028 --> 00:18:33,654
I MEAN, LOOK AT EACH OTHER!
857
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:37,199
CHLOE, YOU SHOULD
858
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:37,199
SAY SOMETHING...
859
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,243
I DON'T KNOW,
860
00:18:37,241 --> 00:18:39,243
LIKE, FAT TO HIM.
861
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,954
AND THEN, JAMES,
862
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:40,954
YOU SHOULD SAY SOMETHING
863
00:18:40,995 --> 00:18:43,163
ABOUT HOW LAME GLOSS MOBILE IS.
864
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,041
THEN, CHLOE, YOU'LL BE ALL LIKE,
865
00:18:43,205 --> 00:18:45,041
"WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
866
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,251
YOU'RE EVEN FATTER
867
00:18:45,083 --> 00:18:47,251
THAN I SAID YOU WERE BEFORE."
868
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,420
AND THEN JAMES WILL BE ALL LIKE,
869
00:18:47,293 --> 00:18:49,420
"WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?
870
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,756
I MOVE FASTER
871
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,756
THAN GLO-MO DATA TRANSFERS."
872
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,174
AND THEN CHLOE WILL BE LIKE,
873
00:18:51,798 --> 00:18:54,174
"WELL, WHAT IS IT LIKE
874
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,803
COMPETING AGAINST BRIAN DENNEHY
875
00:18:54,216 --> 00:18:56,803
FOR ROLES?"
876
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,263
AND THEN JAMES WILL BE ALL LIKE,
877
00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:59,263
"OH, WELL, WHAT IS IT LIKE
878
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,599
COMPETING AGAINST LESBIANS
879
00:18:59,305 --> 00:19:01,599
FOR SHIRTS?"
880
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:05,478
BACK AND FORTH!
881
00:19:01,641 --> 00:19:05,478
INSULTS! TEARS! LAUGHTER!
882
00:19:05,519 --> 00:19:07,021
HUGGING?
883
00:19:07,063 --> 00:19:10,691
YES! THEY'RE HUGGING!
884
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,862
SHE'S GOT BUTTER
885
00:19:12,735 --> 00:19:14,862
ON HER BUTT.
886
00:19:14,904 --> 00:19:16,614
(chuckles) BUTTER BUTT.
887
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:20,200
I... OH, GOD. I WAS STANDING
888
00:19:16,656 --> 00:19:20,200
AGAINST ELI'S WALL.
889
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,578
SHE'S TRYING TO WIPE IT OFF.
890
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:22,578
SHE'S GOT IT ON HER SWEATER.
891
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,205
SWEATER BUTTER.
892
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,205
OH, NOW LUTHER'S GETTIN'
893
00:19:22,620 --> 00:19:25,205
IN THERE.
894
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,207
BUTTER BUTT RUBBER.
895
00:19:25,247 --> 00:19:27,207
BUTTER BUTT RUBBER.
896
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,294
(Luther, lowered voice)
897
00:19:29,251 --> 00:19:30,294
OKAY...
898
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:37,635
OBVIOUSLY, I'M NOT DOING
899
00:19:35,257 --> 00:19:37,635
SO WELL.
900
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:39,219
YEAH.
901
00:19:39,261 --> 00:19:40,220
ME, NEITHER.
902
00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:44,058
NICE NECK PEN.
903
00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,267
AT LEAST I HAVE A NECK.
904
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,394
(laughs)
905
00:19:45,309 --> 00:19:47,394
(laughs)
906
00:19:47,436 --> 00:19:49,522
I'VE MISSED THIS.
907
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,440
YOU'RE RIGHT.
908
00:19:49,563 --> 00:19:51,440
I GOT SOFT AND COMPLACENT
909
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:53,233
WITHOUT YOU AROUND
910
00:19:51,482 --> 00:19:53,233
TO KEEP ME SHARP.
911
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,235
I DON'T WANNA LIVE
912
00:19:53,275 --> 00:19:55,235
IN A BEEK-LESS WORLD.
913
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:56,445
IT'S TOO GRUESOME.
914
00:19:56,487 --> 00:20:00,116
YESTERDAY, I HAD TO FILL OUT
915
00:19:56,487 --> 00:20:00,116
SOMETHING CALLED A W-2 FORM.
916
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:02,118
I MEAN, I WROTE THE WORD "BALLS"
917
00:20:00,158 --> 00:20:02,118
IN EVERY SECTION,
918
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,537
BUT STILL...
919
00:20:02,160 --> 00:20:04,537
I HAD TO FILL IT OUT.
920
00:20:05,579 --> 00:20:07,165
WHAT IS THIS?
921
00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:08,958
GET RID OF THIS.
922
00:20:09,000 --> 00:20:11,335
EXCUSE ME. THERE YOU GO.
923
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,254
CAN I HAVE A GLASS OF CHAMPAGNE,
924
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:14,254
PLEASE? THANKS.
925
00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,924
DON'T EVER BLOW OFF
926
00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,924
MY VETO AGAIN.
927
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,467
I SAY WE JUST VETO
928
00:20:16,966 --> 00:20:18,467
THE VETOES.
929
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,260
OKAY, GOOD,
930
00:20:18,509 --> 00:20:20,260
BECAUSE JEFF GORDON CALLED.
931
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,721
HE'S DRIVING 500 TIMES
932
00:20:20,302 --> 00:20:21,721
IN A CIRCLE
933
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,973
AND THEN HE WANTS
934
00:20:21,762 --> 00:20:23,973
TO HANG OUT.
935
00:20:24,015 --> 00:20:25,265
(laughs)
936
00:20:25,307 --> 00:20:26,475
OH, YOU GUYS MADE UP!
937
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:29,269
YAY! I SAVED
938
00:20:26,517 --> 00:20:29,269
ANOTHER RELATIONSHIP.
939
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,772
YOU KNOW, WHEN I GOT
940
00:20:29,311 --> 00:20:31,772
MY MOM AND DAD BACK TOGETHER--
941
00:20:31,814 --> 00:20:33,149
YOU WEREN'T STANDING 10 FEET
942
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:34,525
FROM A DINOSAUR MADE
943
00:20:33,191 --> 00:20:34,525
OF RANCID BUTTER,
944
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,276
WHICH YOU HAVEN'T EVEN
945
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,276
LOOKED AT YET.
946
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,487
NONE OF YOU HAVE
947
00:20:36,318 --> 00:20:38,487
LOOKED AT IT.
948
00:20:38,529 --> 00:20:39,864
LOOK AT IT!
949
00:20:39,906 --> 00:20:41,240
(door slams)
950
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,287
YOU'RE LUCKY
951
00:20:45,327 --> 00:20:47,287
YOU'RE A QUICK THIN.
952
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,082
(exhales deeply)
953
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:49,082
I KNOW. THAT GOT ROUGH.
954
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,167
I WAS HAVING TROUBLE
955
00:20:49,123 --> 00:20:51,167
SEEING MY DONG IN THE SHOWER.
956
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,377
(chuckles) IT'S ALWAYS
957
00:20:51,209 --> 00:20:53,377
KIND OF BEEN HARD TO SEE.
958
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:54,879
(laughs)
959
00:20:53,419 --> 00:20:54,879
RIGHT, EMILY?
960
00:20:54,921 --> 00:20:56,505
EMILY.
961
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:59,299
(laughs) I'M SO SORRY.
962
00:20:56,547 --> 00:20:59,299
WE GOT OFF-TRACK THERE.
963
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,384
UH, LISTEN.
964
00:20:59,341 --> 00:21:00,384
(chuckles)
965
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,929
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK OUT
966
00:21:00,426 --> 00:21:02,929
BETWEEN US.
967
00:21:02,970 --> 00:21:04,680
I GOT FAT ON YOUR WATCH.
968
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,306
BUT... JAMES,
969
00:21:04,722 --> 00:21:06,306
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
970
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,559
I LIKE YOU NO MATTER WHAT
971
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,559
YOU LOOK LIKE.
972
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,310
YEAH, THAT'S THE PROBLEM.
973
00:21:08,601 --> 00:21:10,310
YEAH, SEE,
974
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,396
I'M LOOKING FOR SOMEONE
975
00:21:10,352 --> 00:21:12,396
TO GIVE ME CONDITIONAL LOVE.
976
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,815
I ALREADY HAVE SOMEONE
977
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,815
WHO GIVES ME UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
978
00:21:14,857 --> 00:21:16,316
THAT'S ME.
979
00:21:16,358 --> 00:21:19,779
FULL-FAT MILK? I MEAN...
980
00:21:19,820 --> 00:21:21,822
VETO! I VETO LUTHER.
57804
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