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HEY, KEVIN.
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IT'S JUNE COLBURN
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FROM APARTMENT 23.
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WE'VE--WE'VE MET
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SEVERAL TIMES.
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YOU CAN JUST
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HAND ME OUR MAIL.
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OH, CAN I, JUNE COLBURN
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FROM APARTMENT 23?
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CAN I JUST HAND YOU
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YOUR MAIL?
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I DON'T KNOW YOU.
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I SAY "HI" TO YOU
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EVERY DAY.
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(keys jangle)
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I DONATED MONEY
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TO YOUR WALK FOR DIABETES.
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I MADE YOU BUTTER COOKIES
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IN THE SHAPE OF STAMPS.
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I'M DIABETIC.
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SO THE WALK WAS A BUST?
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(keys jangle)
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(gasps)
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MY "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE!
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(June)
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THIS IS THE LAST ISSUE
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BEFORE "PEOPLE" NAMED
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THEIR SEXIEST MAN ALIVE.
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(elevator bell dings)
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EVERY YEAR, MY MOM AND I
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COUNT DOWN THE DAYS
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UNTIL HE IS REVEALED.
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IT'S KIND OF LIKE CHRISTMAS,
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BUT WITH LESS JESUS
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AND MORE SEXY.
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I DON'T KNOW HOW THEY DO IT,
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BUT "PEOPLE" NEVER MISSES.
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(Muzak playing)
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JUNIE DEPP.
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(Muzak playing)
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JUNEZEL WASHINGTON.
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♪♪♪
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DAMN DAMN RIGHT,
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HARRY HAMLIN.
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JUNE! LANGUAGE!
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MMM-MMM-MMM.
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HOW DO THEY DO IT?
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WHAT'S THEIR FORMULA?
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I... DON'T... KNOW.
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I HAVE EVERY
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"SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" ISSUE
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IN A BINDER NEXT TO MY BED.
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JACKMAN, FORD, PITT,
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CLOONEY, LAW, DAMON, BROSNAN...
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WHERE'S MY SEXIEST BINDER ALIVE?
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CHLOE?
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JUNE! LOOK WHAT I MADE
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WITH MY HANDS!
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OH, GOD, MY "PEOPLES"!
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HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
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OF A VOLCANOLOGIST?
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JARED'S A VOLCANOLOGIST.
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THAT'S HIS ACTUAL JOB.
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AND USUALLY THAT WOULD MAKE HIM
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SUICIDALLY BORING,
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BUT I'M SUPER INTO
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VOLCANOES THIS WEEK.
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AND YOU WANNA KNOW
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THE CRAZIEST PART?
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I'M NOT EVEN JUICED
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RIGHT NOW!
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BUT LOOK WHAT I MADE!
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(squeals)
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DAMN DAMN,
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HAMLIN'S STILL GOT IT.
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(Katie Hampton) ♪ I'M NOT
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PERFECT, I'M NO SNITCH ♪
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♪ BUT I CAN TELL YOU ♪
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(whispers) ♪ SHE'S A... ♪
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(buzzer)
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♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪
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♪ BA-DA-DA-DA-DA-BA, BA-DA-BA ♪
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Channing Tatum? Really?
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(laughs)
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It's Sexiest Man Alive, June.
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CAN I FINISH?
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On the planet.
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LET ME FINISH.
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OKAY, HE HAS
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THE HEAD OF A BOY
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BUT THE BOD
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OF A FULL-GROWN MAN.
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HIS MOVIES HAVE GROSSED
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OVER A BILLION DOLLARS.
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A billion? So we're just
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making up facts now?
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OKAY, YOU WANNA TALK FACTS?
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OKAY, FACT--
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CHANNING IS A TRAINED DANCER.
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FACT--HE CAN DO
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BOTH DRAMA AND COMEDY.
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FACT--HIS FACE
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WAS MARINATED BY ANGELS.
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Angels?! Now you're bringing
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religion into this?
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Is this hummus old?
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SPECIAL DELIVERY
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FOR JUNE COLBURN!
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GET YOUR
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MORNING SMOOTHIE HERE!
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OOH! PEACH!
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What about Ryan Gosling?
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No one is more "Sexiest Man
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Alive" cover material
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than that guy.
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I mean, besides your dad.
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Why can't we just have
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regular yellow mustard?
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OKAY, NO MORE
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"SEXIEST MAN ALIVE" TALK.
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IT... IT'S LIKE A YEARLY SLAP
122
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IN THE FACE FROM THAT MAGAZINE.
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THEY WON'T EVEN
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CONSIDER ME,
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WHICH IS CRAZY,
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'CAUSE I'M SEXY.
127
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RIGHT, CONNIE?
128
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Good-bye.
129
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(internet call chimes)
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WHY'D SHE END THE CALL
131
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SO FAST?
132
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SHE PROBABLY HAD
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A... A THING... TO DO.
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JUNE?
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LOOK AT ME, JUNE.
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I'M SEXY, RIGHT?
137
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I MEAN, I HAVE TO BE.
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I'M ON "DANCING WITH THE STARS."
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(slurping)
140
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SO WAS NANCY GRACE.
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WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
142
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YOU'RE NOT SEXY.
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I MEAN,
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CLEARLY YOU'RE HANDSOME.
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YOU HAVE ALL OF THE PIECES.
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THEY JUST DON'T
147
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ALL ADD UP TO SEXY.
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(scoffs)
149
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SEXY.
150
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SEXY.
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SEXY.
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MEH.
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I'M NOT SEXY--
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I AM NOT SEXY?
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WHO'S SEXIER THAN I AM?
156
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GOSLING, BECKHAM,
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COSTNER, KANYE--
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REFUSE. I REFUSE THIS.
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(pounding on door)
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GO ON.
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COWELL, WAHLBERG,
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DiCAPRIO, PRINCE HARRY--
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OKAY. ALL RIGHT. FINE.
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(door closes)
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WHY THEM AND NOT ME?
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(sighs) BECAUSE YOU'RE THE GUY
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THAT WE WANT TO TAKE US TO PROM,
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TO MAKE OUT WITH
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BY THE CREEK,
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NOT THE GUY THAT'S GONNA
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RIP ALL OF OUR CLOTHES OFF
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AND RAVISH US
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IN THE NEAREST CAVE.
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OH, BUT YOU THINK
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COWELL WILL?
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ACTUALLY, I COULD
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KIND OF SEE THAT.
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BESIDES, IT'S NOT JUST
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THE PHYSICAL STUFF.
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IT'S THE LITTLE DETAILS
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THAT "PEOPLE" DIGS UP, YOU KNOW?
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(door closes)
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CLOONEY HAD A QUIRKY PET,
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AND TOM CRUISE
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OVERCAME DYSLEXIA.
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IT'S... (sighs)
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IT'S THE WHOLE PACKAGE.
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I HAVE LITTLE DETAILS.
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I'M RIGHT-HANDED,
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BUT LEFT-FOOTED.
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IT'S BETTER
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THAT YOU'RE NOT SEXY.
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BECAUSE WE'RE FRIENDS NOW,
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AND YOU BRING ME
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A SMOOTHIE EVERY DAY.
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JAMES IS SEXY!
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WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
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WHO CARES
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WHAT SOME DUMB MAGAZINE SAYS?
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THANK YOU.
201
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NOW IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME,
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THIS TINY FAMILY'S
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VOLCANIC VACATION'S
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ABOUT TO TAKE
205
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A VERY TRAGIC TURN.
206
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"SOME MAGAZINE"?
207
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"PEOPLE" IS ON
208
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THE CUTTING EDGE OF EVERYTHING.
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YOU ONLY THINK
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THOSE GUYS ARE SEXY
211
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BECAUSE "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE
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TOLD YOU TO THINK THAT.
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THEY COULD PUT
214
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FOZZIE BEAR ON THE COVER,
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AND YOU WOULD THINK
216
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HE WAS SEXY.
217
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OH, DO NOT BE RIDICULOUS,
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OKAY?
219
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I WOULD WANNA HUG HIM
220
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BECAUSE HE TRIES SO HARD,
221
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,344
BUT I DO NOT THINK
222
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THAT HE IS SEXY.
223
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JUNE, YOU ARE A SHEEP
224
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JUST FOLLOWING THE HERD.
225
00:05:06,389 --> 00:05:07,724
(imitates goat bleating)
226
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MAAA.
227
00:05:07,766 --> 00:05:09,392
IT'S "BAAA."
228
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SEE? YOU'RE A SHEEP.
229
00:05:09,434 --> 00:05:12,187
THAT WAS A TRAP.
230
00:05:12,229 --> 00:05:13,396
YOU'RE WRONG.
231
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ALL RIGHT, FINE.
232
00:05:14,481 --> 00:05:16,984
I'LL PROVE TO YOU
233
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ONCE AGAIN THAT I AM RIGHT.
234
00:05:17,025 --> 00:05:19,820
RIGHT AFTER I BURY
235
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THESE TINY ITALIANS IN LAVA.
236
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IT WAS THEIR FIRST
237
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FAMILY VACATION, TOO.
238
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SO SAD.
239
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(phone rings)
240
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OOH. I KNOW I SAID THIS
241
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LAST YEAR,
242
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BUT, OOH-LA-LA,
243
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JAKE GYLLENHAAL.
244
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JAKE GYLLENHAAL.
245
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(murmuring)
246
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SORRY I'M LATE.
247
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I HAD TO STOP AND GET A LATTE.
248
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HI. I'M CHLOE,
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YOUR NEW MANAGING EDITOR,
250
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JUST TRANSFERRED
251
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FROM THE LONDON OFFICE.
252
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IT IS SO GOOD
253
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TO BE BACK STATESIDE.
254
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LONDON IS FILTHY,
255
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AND NOT IN THE WAY YOU LIKE IT.
256
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WHERE ARE WE ON "SEXIEST"?
257
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CATCH ME UP.
258
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WAIT. WHO ARE YOU?
259
00:05:54,104 --> 00:05:55,438
I'M YOUR BOSS. WHO ARE YOU?
260
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LIZ. LIZ SPORKIN.
261
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HELLO, LIZ. YOU'RE FIRED.
262
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DOES ANYONE ELSE
263
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HAVE A QUESTION?
264
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WHAT HAPPENED TO LARRY?
265
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GOOD QUESTION. YOU'RE FIRED.
266
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WHO WANTS TO MAKE IT A TRIFECTA?
267
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HELLO? HAVE I BEEN TOO SUBTLE?
268
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YOU'RE FIRED. THANK YOU
269
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FOR YOUR YEARS OF DEDICATION.
270
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NOW PLEASE LEAVE.
271
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UH...
272
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GO!
273
00:06:16,459 --> 00:06:18,128
(pounds table)
274
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UM...
275
00:06:24,467 --> 00:06:25,384
MM.
276
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:36,395
(Chloe sighs)
277
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,441
UM--
278
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,441
DO YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?
279
00:06:40,483 --> 00:06:42,152
A FRESH START.
280
00:06:42,194 --> 00:06:44,445
LET'S THINK OUTSIDE THE BOX.
281
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,490
LET'S THROW THE EXPECTED
282
00:06:44,487 --> 00:06:47,490
OUT THE WINDOW.
283
00:06:47,532 --> 00:06:49,450
(thud, slap)
284
00:06:49,492 --> 00:06:52,411
THAT'S A VERY CLEAN WINDOW.
285
00:06:54,497 --> 00:06:57,084
(pen cap clicks)
286
00:06:57,125 --> 00:07:00,337
(squeaking)
287
00:07:00,379 --> 00:07:02,421
(pen scribbling)
288
00:07:08,345 --> 00:07:09,554
(tapping)
289
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,472
WHY DID I DRAW MALE GENITALIA
290
00:07:09,596 --> 00:07:11,472
ON THE BOARD?
291
00:07:11,514 --> 00:07:12,766
CAN SOMEONE TELL ME?
292
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,518
BECAUSE IT'S OUTSIDE
293
00:07:12,807 --> 00:07:15,518
OF THE BOX?
294
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,561
NO.
295
00:07:15,560 --> 00:07:16,561
(pen cap clicks)
296
00:07:16,603 --> 00:07:18,146
BECAUSE I FELT LIKE IT.
297
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,481
(clatters)
298
00:07:18,188 --> 00:07:20,481
NOW LET'S GET TO WORK.
299
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,734
(papers shuffling)
300
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,528
SOMEBODY HANG UP MY COAT!
301
00:07:22,776 --> 00:07:25,528
(mutters)
302
00:07:25,570 --> 00:07:27,488
AAH!
303
00:07:27,530 --> 00:07:28,489
(Chloe) BAM.
304
00:07:28,531 --> 00:07:29,490
WHAT IS THAT?
305
00:07:29,532 --> 00:07:31,492
OKAY, THIS IS NOT REAL.
306
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,661
I HAD THEM MOCK THIS UP
307
00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:33,661
DOWN AT THE OFFICE.
308
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:37,332
I BECAME THE MANAGING EDITOR
309
00:07:33,703 --> 00:07:37,332
OF "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE TODAY.
310
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,499
(exhales) YEAH, RIGHT.
311
00:07:37,374 --> 00:07:38,499
(magazine thuds)
312
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,336
IT'S TRUE. I'VE TAKE OVER
313
00:07:38,541 --> 00:07:41,336
A BUNCH OF COMPANIES BEFORE.
314
00:07:41,378 --> 00:07:43,713
VOLVO, DOLE, FEBREZE.
315
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,966
YOU JUST GOTTA WALK IN
316
00:07:43,755 --> 00:07:45,966
LIKE YOU OWN THE PLACE,
317
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,509
FIRE THE FIRST PERSON
318
00:07:46,007 --> 00:07:48,509
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION,
319
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,511
FIRE THE SECOND PERSON
320
00:07:48,551 --> 00:07:50,511
TO ASK YOU A QUESTION,
321
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,014
AND THEN GAZE OUT THE WINDOW
322
00:07:50,553 --> 00:07:53,014
AND DRAW A PEEN ON THE BOARD.
323
00:07:53,056 --> 00:07:54,515
IT'S THE TRADITIONAL
324
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:58,145
INTIMIDATION-CONFUSION-
325
00:07:54,557 --> 00:07:58,145
SUBMISSION TECHNIQUE.
326
00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,520
WHAT, DIDN'T THEY
327
00:07:58,186 --> 00:07:59,520
TEACH YOU THAT
328
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,731
AT STATE UNIVERSITY
329
00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:01,731
BUSINESS TECH COLLEGE SCHOOL?
330
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,901
THAT WILL BE THE COVER
331
00:08:01,773 --> 00:08:04,901
OF "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE'S
332
00:08:04,943 --> 00:08:07,528
SEXIEST MAN ALIVE 2012.
333
00:08:07,570 --> 00:08:09,530
JUNE, IT'S REAL.
334
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,532
IT'S HAPPENING.
335
00:08:09,572 --> 00:08:11,532
REACT.
336
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,453
(whispers)
337
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,453
JUNE VAN DER BEEK.
338
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,495
(door slams)
339
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,922
WELL, WHY DID YOU STOP
340
00:08:23,295 --> 00:08:25,922
LOOKING AT THE MAGAZINE, JUNE?
341
00:08:25,964 --> 00:08:27,966
THIS IS JUST THE COVER.
342
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,634
WE'RE GONNA DO
343
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,634
A WHOLE SPREAD.
344
00:08:29,676 --> 00:08:31,552
JAMES ON A HORSE.
345
00:08:31,594 --> 00:08:34,555
SHIRT. NO PANTS.
346
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,557
(whimpers)
347
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,557
OH, NO! THERE ARE NO
348
00:08:34,597 --> 00:08:36,557
DIRTY DISHES.
349
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,268
I KNEW YOU WOULD TRY
350
00:08:36,599 --> 00:08:38,268
TO DISTRACT YOURSELF
351
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,727
SO I THREW THEM ALL
352
00:08:38,310 --> 00:08:39,727
OUT THE WINDOW.
353
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,396
NOW LOOK AT JAMES, JUNE.
354
00:08:39,769 --> 00:08:41,396
LOOK AT HIM!
355
00:08:41,438 --> 00:08:42,856
ADMIT HE'S SEXY.
356
00:08:42,897 --> 00:08:44,358
OKAY, I JUST GOT YOUR MESSAGE.
357
00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:45,275
(door closes)
358
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:46,818
DID YOU REALLY GET ME
359
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:46,818
THE COVER?
360
00:08:46,860 --> 00:08:48,445
YOU KNOW IT, BABY!
361
00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,655
OH, MY GOD.
362
00:08:48,487 --> 00:08:50,655
THIS... (laughs)
363
00:08:50,697 --> 00:08:52,157
GOD, I LOOK AMAZING.
364
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,658
IS THIS FROM
365
00:08:52,199 --> 00:08:53,658
OUR MACHU PICCHU TRIP?
366
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,244
YEAH, IT WAS RIGHT AFTER WE
367
00:08:53,700 --> 00:08:56,244
DRANK ALL THAT OLD LADY'S WATER.
368
00:08:56,286 --> 00:08:58,497
(laughs)
369
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,789
(Yac-Yan Da Biznessman)
370
00:08:58,538 --> 00:08:59,789
♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT WHAT ♪
371
00:08:59,831 --> 00:09:01,208
♪ SHORTY GOT THAT GOOD GOOD ♪
372
00:09:01,249 --> 00:09:02,583
♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT WHAT ♪
373
00:09:02,625 --> 00:09:03,668
♪ SHORTY GOT THAT GOOD GOOD ♪
374
00:09:03,710 --> 00:09:04,961
♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT WHAT ♪
375
00:09:05,003 --> 00:09:06,587
♪ SHORTY GOT THAT GOOD GOOD ♪
376
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,965
♪ SHORTY GOT THAT WHAT WHAT ♪
377
00:09:06,629 --> 00:09:08,965
(laughs)
378
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,092
DO YOU REALLY WANT THE COVER
379
00:09:09,007 --> 00:09:11,092
THIS WAY, JAMES?
380
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:14,054
I MEAN, DON'T YOU WANNA--
381
00:09:11,134 --> 00:09:14,054
DON'T YOU WANNA EARN IT?
382
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,596
JUNE, IF I WAITED
383
00:09:14,095 --> 00:09:15,596
UNTIL I EARNED SOMETHING,
384
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,598
THERE'S NO WAY I'D HAVE A BEER
385
00:09:15,638 --> 00:09:17,598
NAMED AFTER ME IN DENMARK.
386
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,267
(speaks Danish)
387
00:09:17,640 --> 00:09:19,267
...VAN DER BRAU?
388
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:20,601
(bottle cap fizzes)
389
00:09:20,643 --> 00:09:22,603
(lion roars)
390
00:09:22,645 --> 00:09:25,065
AHH!
391
00:09:25,106 --> 00:09:26,983
VAN DER BRAU! (laughs)
392
00:09:27,025 --> 00:09:28,609
I GOT THAT FOR JAMES, TOO.
393
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,778
IT WAS RIGHT BEFORE I WAS
394
00:09:28,651 --> 00:09:30,778
EXCOMMUNICATED FROM DENMARK.
395
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,990
THAT QUEEN MARGRETHE DOES NOT
396
00:09:30,820 --> 00:09:33,990
UNDERSTAND THAT NO MEANS NO.
397
00:09:34,032 --> 00:09:35,033
(chuckles)
398
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:36,659
COMING.
399
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,620
THEY'RE--THEY'RE CALLING ME.
400
00:09:36,701 --> 00:09:39,620
THEY'RE CALLING ME.
401
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,081
WHAT'S UP WITH HER?
402
00:09:39,662 --> 00:09:41,081
(door closes)
403
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,124
(chuckles) UH,
404
00:09:41,122 --> 00:09:43,124
NOW THAT YOU'RE ON THE COVER,
405
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,626
SHE THINKS YOU'RE SEXY,
406
00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:45,626
BUT SHE WON'T ADMIT IT.
407
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,295
I WOULD LOVE TO TEASE HER
408
00:09:45,668 --> 00:09:47,295
ABOUT IT,
409
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,630
BUT I HAVE TO SET UP YOUR
410
00:09:47,337 --> 00:09:49,630
PHOTO SHOOT AND ALL OF THAT.
411
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,633
DO ME A FAVOR
412
00:09:49,672 --> 00:09:52,633
AND MESS WITH HER FOR ME.
413
00:09:52,675 --> 00:09:55,929
I'LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO.
414
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:01,642
(door closes)
415
00:10:01,684 --> 00:10:02,727
WHO'S THERE?
416
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,524
OH.
417
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:10,444
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
418
00:10:07,566 --> 00:10:10,444
DOING HERE?
419
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:13,447
OH, I'M JUST BRINGING MY FRIEND
420
00:10:10,485 --> 00:10:13,447
HER MORNING PEACH SMOOTHIE.
421
00:10:13,488 --> 00:10:14,739
NO BIG DEAL.
422
00:10:14,781 --> 00:10:16,032
(gasps)
423
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,034
BUT WHAT'S THIS?
424
00:10:16,074 --> 00:10:18,034
OH, MY GOODNESS.
425
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:21,162
I'VE SPILLED
426
00:10:18,076 --> 00:10:21,162
ALL OVER MY SHIRT.
427
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,623
I BETTER
428
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:23,623
TAKE MY SHIRT OFF.
429
00:10:25,417 --> 00:10:27,710
THERE WE GO.
430
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:31,590
OOH. NOW I'VE SPILLED ALL OVER
431
00:10:27,752 --> 00:10:31,590
MY BARE CHEST.
432
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,260
LOOK AT THAT.
433
00:10:31,631 --> 00:10:35,260
I AM SO MESSY. (laughs)
434
00:10:35,302 --> 00:10:37,137
SUCH A MESSY BOY.
435
00:10:37,178 --> 00:10:40,765
I BETTER TAKE A SHOWER.
436
00:10:40,807 --> 00:10:44,144
AFTER I WORK UP A SWEAT.
437
00:10:44,185 --> 00:10:45,728
ONE, TWO,
438
00:10:45,770 --> 00:10:47,147
THREE, FOUR,
439
00:10:47,188 --> 00:10:49,149
FIVE, SEX,
440
00:10:49,190 --> 00:10:50,858
SEVEN, EIGHT,
441
00:10:50,900 --> 00:10:52,944
NINE.
442
00:10:52,986 --> 00:10:54,904
AHH. SHOWER.
443
00:10:57,031 --> 00:10:59,284
HE JUST GAVE ME BLUE TUBES.
444
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,286
BREATHE, OR ELSE YOU'LL GET
445
00:10:59,326 --> 00:11:01,286
A TUMMY ACHE.
446
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:02,537
HERE.
447
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,081
LOOK AT THESE UNFLATTERING
448
00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:05,081
PICTURES OF JAMES.
449
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,500
I'VE COLLECTED THEM
450
00:11:05,123 --> 00:11:06,500
OVER THE YEARS
451
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,960
TO HELP ME GET THROUGH
452
00:11:06,541 --> 00:11:08,960
MOMENTS LIKE THIS.
453
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,712
HERE HE IS
454
00:11:09,002 --> 00:11:11,712
AFTER TOO MUCH SALT.
455
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,424
UH, BRUSHING HIS TEETH
456
00:11:11,754 --> 00:11:14,424
ON THE TOILET.
457
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:15,800
HEY.
458
00:11:14,466 --> 00:11:15,800
I COULDN'T FIND ANY TOWELS.
459
00:11:15,842 --> 00:11:17,010
ALL YOU HAD WAS THIS, UH,
460
00:11:17,051 --> 00:11:19,095
THIS LITTLE TEENSY-WEENSY ONE.
461
00:11:19,137 --> 00:11:20,805
(exhales)
462
00:11:20,847 --> 00:11:25,310
(shower running)
463
00:11:25,352 --> 00:11:26,645
MY TUBES.
464
00:11:28,229 --> 00:11:29,772
SOMETHING LIKE THIS.
465
00:11:29,814 --> 00:11:31,107
ARM OVER HERE,
466
00:11:31,149 --> 00:11:33,151
SEXY OVER-THE-SHOULDER THING,
467
00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:34,402
HANDSTAND--
468
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,989
ONE-ARMED
469
00:11:34,444 --> 00:11:37,989
IF HE'S NOT A PANSY.
470
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:41,159
WELL, I JUST WANT TO SAY
471
00:11:38,031 --> 00:11:41,159
THAT IT'S BEEN A REAL PLEASURE
472
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,328
WORKING WITH ALL OF YOU
473
00:11:41,201 --> 00:11:43,328
ON THIS ISSUE,
474
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:44,912
EXCEPT YOU, BRENDA.
475
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,999
BEFORE YOU GO, CAN YOU APPROVE
476
00:11:44,954 --> 00:11:47,999
JENNA ELFMAN FOR "CHATTER"?
477
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,127
JENNA ELFMAN? DIDN'T SHE JUST
478
00:11:48,041 --> 00:11:51,127
DO "CHATTER" LAST YEAR?
479
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,046
LET'S GET FRAN DRESCHER.
480
00:11:51,169 --> 00:11:53,046
I HATE HER VOICE,
481
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,964
BUT I LOVE HER POINT OF VIEW.
482
00:11:53,087 --> 00:11:54,964
(mutters indistinctly)
483
00:11:55,006 --> 00:11:56,757
(sighs)
484
00:11:56,799 --> 00:11:59,386
WHAT'S COOKING IN "GREAT IDEAS"?
485
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,762
"MORE THAN ONE WAY TO SKIN
486
00:11:59,427 --> 00:12:01,762
A CATFISH"?
487
00:12:01,804 --> 00:12:02,930
(laughs)
488
00:12:02,972 --> 00:12:04,765
COME ON, PEOPLE!
489
00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,685
I WANT CORN SALADS.
490
00:12:06,725 --> 00:12:08,478
I WANT SUMMER SUCCOTASH.
491
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,189
LET'S DAZZLE OUR READERS
492
00:12:08,520 --> 00:12:11,189
WITH MANGOES.
493
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,942
UGH. I GUESS I JUST HAVE TO DO
494
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,942
EVERYTHING MYSELF.
495
00:12:11,231 --> 00:12:14,942
(purse thuds)
496
00:12:14,984 --> 00:12:16,695
WHO'S ON "PUZZLER"?
497
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:21,782
"WHOOPI BLANK-BERG.
498
00:12:18,196 --> 00:12:21,782
FOUR LETTERS"?
499
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,869
I HAVE NO IDEA.
500
00:12:21,824 --> 00:12:24,869
MAKE IT EASIER.
501
00:12:24,911 --> 00:12:26,079
WHO'S ON "BEAUTY WATCH"?
502
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:30,083
OH, DEAR GOD, BRENDA,
503
00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:30,083
I HATE YOU.
504
00:12:30,124 --> 00:12:31,710
NEW IDEA FOR THE PHOTO SHOOT.
505
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,878
JAMES' HORSE TRAMPLES
506
00:12:31,750 --> 00:12:33,878
AND KILLS BRENDA.
507
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:37,006
(woman) ♪ OOH, LA-LA-LA ♪
508
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,510
(sighs) CORPORATE WANTS US
509
00:12:38,425 --> 00:12:40,510
TO HAVE A FIRE DRILL.
510
00:12:40,552 --> 00:12:42,053
JAMES IS JUST SO SEXY.
511
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,264
YOU DON'T SEEM TO CARE
512
00:12:42,095 --> 00:12:44,264
ABOUT THIS FIRE DRILL.
513
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,392
(sighs) OH, GOD! HE'S ALL
514
00:12:44,305 --> 00:12:47,392
I THINK ABOUT ALL THE TIME!
515
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,311
I CAN'T TALK TO HIM,
516
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,311
I CAN'T BE AROUND HIM,
517
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:53,106
I CAN'T EVEN LOOK AT HIM
518
00:12:50,353 --> 00:12:53,106
WITHOUT BLUSHING.
519
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:55,024
I WAS ON THE COVER
520
00:12:53,147 --> 00:12:55,024
OF "TIME" ONCE.
521
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,277
CROWD SHOT WHILE I WAS
522
00:12:55,066 --> 00:12:57,277
OCCUPYING WALL STREET.
523
00:12:57,318 --> 00:12:59,028
PRETTY SURE IT WAS ME.
524
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,448
MIGHT HAVE BEEN
525
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:01,448
D.L. HUGHLEY.
526
00:13:01,489 --> 00:13:03,241
I CAN'T TELL US APART.
527
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,826
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
528
00:13:03,283 --> 00:13:05,826
HE IS MY SMOOTHIE BUDDY.
529
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,246
LOOK, YOU NEED TO STOP THINKING
530
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,246
OF HIM AS SEXIEST MAN ALIVE...
531
00:13:05,868 --> 00:13:08,246
(sighs)
532
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,832
AND JUST START THINKING OF HIM
533
00:13:08,288 --> 00:13:11,832
AS YOUR FRIEND JAMES.
534
00:13:11,874 --> 00:13:13,543
YOU'RE RIGHT.
535
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,044
(slaps sides)
536
00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:15,044
HE'S JUST JAMES.
537
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,299
OKAY--NO.
538
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,299
OH, OH, NO, NO, NO.
539
00:13:17,130 --> 00:13:19,299
NO, NO, NO.
540
00:13:19,340 --> 00:13:20,883
IT'S JUST JAMES.
541
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,762
OH, NO. HE HAS GOT
542
00:13:20,925 --> 00:13:23,762
A QUIRKY, ADORABLE PET
543
00:13:23,802 --> 00:13:25,346
LIKE CLOONEY'S PIG.
544
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,348
HE'S MORE THAN JUST A FACE!
545
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,348
(gasps)
546
00:13:25,388 --> 00:13:27,348
STEADY.
547
00:13:27,390 --> 00:13:29,350
AH, HELLO, JUNE.
548
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,060
HAVE YOU MET
549
00:13:29,392 --> 00:13:31,060
MY PET TURTLE STEPHANIE?
550
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:34,731
SHE PREFERS BUTTER LETTUCE
551
00:13:31,102 --> 00:13:34,731
TO ALL OTHER LETTUCES.
552
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,233
(gasps) HE'S EVEN GOT
553
00:13:34,773 --> 00:13:37,233
AN EARRING LIKE FORD.
554
00:13:37,275 --> 00:13:38,652
EASY.
555
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,862
JUST, UH, PREPPING FOR
556
00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,862
MY S.M.A. Q & A.
557
00:13:41,904 --> 00:13:42,905
HIT ME, LUTHER.
558
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,866
IF YOU WERE A BIRD,
559
00:13:42,947 --> 00:13:45,866
WHAT KIND WOULD YOU BE?
560
00:13:45,908 --> 00:13:48,161
HAWAIIAN NENE GOOSE,
561
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,371
BECAUSE THEY MATE FOR LIFE
562
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:50,371
AND LIVE IN HAWAII.
563
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,914
OH...
564
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,914
I CAN'T IMAGINE
565
00:13:50,413 --> 00:13:51,914
ANYTHING BETTER.
566
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,292
NEITHER CAN I.
567
00:13:51,956 --> 00:13:54,292
OH! GOD...
568
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,336
OH...
569
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:56,336
AHH! MNH!
570
00:13:57,545 --> 00:13:59,088
COME ON, MAN.
571
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,882
THE TURTLE, THE EARRING,
572
00:13:59,130 --> 00:14:01,882
THE ROMANTIC ANSWERS.
573
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,301
ARE YOU DOING ALL THIS
574
00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:03,301
JUST TO MESS WITH JUNE?
575
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,346
YEAH, AT FIRST I WAS,
576
00:14:03,343 --> 00:14:06,346
BUT THEN I REALIZED,
577
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,348
I'M GONNA NEED TO BECOME
578
00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,348
MORE DIMENSIONAL
579
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,183
IF I'M GONNA BE
580
00:14:08,389 --> 00:14:10,183
THE REIGNING S.M.A.
581
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,602
AFTER THIS ISSUE COMES OUT,
582
00:14:10,224 --> 00:14:12,602
I WON'T BE ABLE TO COME IN HERE
583
00:14:12,644 --> 00:14:13,894
WITHOUT GETTING MOBBED.
584
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,396
(dramatic orchestral score
585
00:14:13,936 --> 00:14:15,396
playing)
586
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:18,483
(sighs) GOOD-BYE,
587
00:14:15,438 --> 00:14:18,483
IT'S JUST BEANS.
588
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,360
I'VE ENJOYED OUR TIME
589
00:14:18,525 --> 00:14:20,360
TOGETHER.
590
00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:21,778
(inhales) BUT NOW I'M LIKE...
591
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:25,323
(exhales) NEW ORLEANS
592
00:14:21,820 --> 00:14:25,323
BEFORE THE LEVEES BURST.
593
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:26,866
MY FAME LEVEE'S ABOUT TO BLOW.
594
00:14:27,950 --> 00:14:30,411
GRAB YOUR PONCHOS, PEOPLE.
595
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,330
(door bells jingle)
596
00:14:30,453 --> 00:14:32,330
BYE!
597
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:36,751
(sighs)
598
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,128
PANTLESS HANDSTAND ON A HORSE--
599
00:14:36,793 --> 00:14:39,128
NOT SEXY. NOW WE KNOW.
600
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,341
YOU WERE RIGHT.
601
00:14:40,963 --> 00:14:43,341
(gasps)
602
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,760
YOU PUT JAMES ON THE COVER,
603
00:14:43,383 --> 00:14:45,760
AND NOW I THINK HE'S SEXY.
604
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,596
I AM A SHEEP. YOU WIN. OKAY?
605
00:14:45,802 --> 00:14:48,596
NOW TAKE IT OFF,
606
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,390
BECAUSE IT'S RUINING
607
00:14:48,638 --> 00:14:50,390
MY FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM.
608
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,933
FIRST OF ALL, THANK YOU
609
00:14:50,431 --> 00:14:52,933
FOR ADMITTING I WAS RIGHT.
610
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:56,312
SECOND, I CAN'T TAKE HIM OFF.
611
00:14:52,975 --> 00:14:56,312
IT'S MY JOB TO SELL MAGAZINES.
612
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,439
YOUR JOB? YOU'VE BEEN
613
00:14:56,354 --> 00:14:58,439
WORKING HERE FOR THREE DAYS.
614
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,859
AND I'VE COME IN
615
00:14:58,481 --> 00:15:00,859
FOR EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM.
616
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,737
LOOK, THIS IS ABOUT MORE
617
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:03,737
THAN JUST YOU NOW, JUNE.
618
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,780
THIS IS ABOUT
619
00:15:03,778 --> 00:15:05,780
MILLIONS OF WOMEN
620
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:10,243
LOOKING TO ME FOR GUIDANCE
621
00:15:05,822 --> 00:15:10,243
ON WHAT TO WEAR, HOW TO COOK,
622
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,829
AND WHO TO FANTASIZE ABOUT
623
00:15:10,284 --> 00:15:12,829
WHEN THEY FLUFF THE DUFF.
624
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:16,207
(laughing)
625
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:16,207
SHUT UP, JONAH!
626
00:15:12,871 --> 00:15:16,207
UGH. IGNORE HIM.
627
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,959
(clenches teeth) HE'S MY COUSIN.
628
00:15:16,249 --> 00:15:18,959
MY MOTHER MADE ME HIRE HIM.
629
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,212
THIS IS INSANE.
630
00:15:19,001 --> 00:15:21,212
YOU DON'T WORK HERE.
631
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,964
NO ONE IS LOOKING TO YOU
632
00:15:21,254 --> 00:15:23,964
FOR GUIDANCE ON ANYTHING!
633
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:25,842
IS THAT SO?
634
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:28,261
STRAWBERRY LIP BALM,
635
00:15:25,884 --> 00:15:28,261
A BERET, AND SMINTS--
636
00:15:28,302 --> 00:15:29,929
THAT'S WHAT'S IN YOUR PURSE.
637
00:15:34,392 --> 00:15:35,976
HOW DID YOU--
638
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,771
I KNOW WHAT'S IN YOUR PURSE
639
00:15:36,018 --> 00:15:37,771
BECAUSE WE--
640
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,022
ME AND MY MAGAZINE--
641
00:15:37,812 --> 00:15:40,022
PUT THEM THERE.
642
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:41,482
WE TOLD YOU THOSE ITEMS
643
00:15:40,064 --> 00:15:41,482
WERE HOT,
644
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:42,983
AND YOU WENT OUT
645
00:15:41,524 --> 00:15:42,983
AND BOUGHT THEM.
646
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,903
THAT'S THE KIND OF POWER
647
00:15:43,025 --> 00:15:44,903
WE HAVE.
648
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:48,030
WELL, YOU ALSO HAVE THE POWER
649
00:15:44,944 --> 00:15:48,030
TO HELP OUT YOUR ROOMMATE.
650
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,408
IT'S TRUE, I DO, BUT I ALSO
651
00:15:48,072 --> 00:15:50,408
HAVE A MAGAZINE TO RUN.
652
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,995
WHY ARE YOU HANDING ME
653
00:15:52,326 --> 00:15:54,995
TWO OF THE EXACT SAME PICTURE?
654
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,997
UH, IT'S FOR "SECOND LOOK."
655
00:15:55,037 --> 00:15:56,997
IT NEEDS YOUR APPROVAL.
656
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,999
(voice quavers) THERE ARE
657
00:15:57,039 --> 00:15:58,999
15 DIFFERENCES BETWEEN THEM.
658
00:15:59,041 --> 00:15:59,918
NO, THERE AREN'T.
659
00:15:59,959 --> 00:16:02,002
OKAY, ONE.
660
00:16:02,044 --> 00:16:04,255
THREE. NINE.
661
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,882
15.
662
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:05,882
THERE ARE 15 DIFFERENCES.
663
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,634
OKAY, GOOD WORK.
664
00:16:05,924 --> 00:16:07,634
THIS CAN RUN.
665
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,428
(whispers)
666
00:16:07,675 --> 00:16:10,428
OH, THANK YOU. BYE.
667
00:16:10,470 --> 00:16:12,012
JAMES WILL BE ON THE COVER.
668
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,641
I'M SORRY IF THAT MEANS YOUR
669
00:16:12,054 --> 00:16:14,641
FRIENDSHIP WITH HIM IS OVER.
670
00:16:16,517 --> 00:16:19,604
(presses buttons)
671
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:20,647
WHO IS THIS?!
672
00:16:19,646 --> 00:16:20,647
(door slams)
673
00:16:25,318 --> 00:16:26,486
SHE'S IN MY HEAD.
674
00:16:26,527 --> 00:16:28,028
SHE'S IN MY PURSE.
675
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,197
YOU EVEN TOLD YOU
676
00:16:28,070 --> 00:16:30,197
TO WEAR THOSE BRACELETS.
677
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,534
What?! No, I got these
678
00:16:30,239 --> 00:16:33,534
from a cart at the mall.
679
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,536
BECAUSE THEY WERE FEATURED
680
00:16:33,576 --> 00:16:35,536
IN "STYLE WATCH"
681
00:16:35,578 --> 00:16:37,121
ON "PEOPLE'S" WEB SITE.
682
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:40,249
CHLOE WAS RIGHT.
683
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:40,249
(sighs) WE'RE JUST SHEEP.
684
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,877
I-I think you're missing
685
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:42,877
the bigger picture, honey.
686
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,339
You have a chance
687
00:16:42,919 --> 00:16:46,339
no Colburn woman has ever had--
688
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:49,509
a chance to bed
689
00:16:46,380 --> 00:16:49,509
a Sexiest Man Alive!
690
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,052
JAMES IS MY FRIEND.
691
00:16:49,550 --> 00:16:52,052
I DON'T WANT TO RUIN THAT.
692
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,888
Oh, this is something
693
00:16:52,094 --> 00:16:53,888
you can't just walk away from.
694
00:16:53,930 --> 00:16:55,139
The closest I ever got
695
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,350
was shoving the Nick Nolte
696
00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:57,350
issue down my girdle.
697
00:16:57,391 --> 00:16:58,893
I'M HANGING UP NOW.
698
00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,436
Stop avoiding James!
699
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:03,105
Tell him how you feel
700
00:17:00,478 --> 00:17:03,105
before it's too late!
701
00:17:03,147 --> 00:17:04,732
Hi, honey.
702
00:17:06,108 --> 00:17:08,235
You know what's not sexy?
703
00:17:08,277 --> 00:17:09,362
Regret.
704
00:17:14,116 --> 00:17:17,077
DRINK IT ALL IN, STEPHANIE.
705
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,289
IT'S ALL GONNA BE DIFFERENT
706
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:20,289
AFTER TODAY.
707
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:23,292
IN A WAY, THESE ARE OUR
708
00:17:20,331 --> 00:17:23,292
LAST FEW MOMENTS OF FREEDOM.
709
00:17:23,334 --> 00:17:24,544
THERE YOU ARE.
710
00:17:24,585 --> 00:17:25,670
D-D--WATCH OUT!
711
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,088
D-DID YOU NOT SEE
712
00:17:25,712 --> 00:17:28,088
THE BALLOON?
713
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,590
LUTHER THOUGHT IT WOULD BE
714
00:17:28,130 --> 00:17:29,590
A GOOD WAY TO KEEP TABS ON HER
715
00:17:29,632 --> 00:17:31,091
AFTER WHAT HAPPENED.
716
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,594
(singsongy) "VARSITY BLUES"
717
00:17:31,133 --> 00:17:33,594
IS ON ABC FAMILY!
718
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,304
I REPEAT--
719
00:17:33,636 --> 00:17:35,304
(crunch)
720
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:40,142
THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS
721
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:40,142
WHEN I LOVE SOMETHING!
722
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,896
TURNS OUT HE JUST STEPPED
723
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,896
ON SOME LETTUCE, THANK GOD.
724
00:17:42,937 --> 00:17:45,147
COULD HAVE BEEN STEPH.
725
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,025
LISTEN. I NEED
726
00:17:45,189 --> 00:17:47,025
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.
727
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,109
CAN IT WAIT?
728
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:49,109
THE NEWSSTAND'S ABOUT TO OPEN.
729
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,361
I WANT TO HAVE SEX
730
00:17:49,151 --> 00:17:50,361
WITH YOU.
731
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:51,988
JUNE, STOP.
732
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:53,406
I CAN'T!
733
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:53,406
I CAN'T FIGHT IT ANYMORE!
734
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,115
MAYBE IT'S JUST BECAUSE
735
00:17:53,447 --> 00:17:55,115
YOU'RE ON THE COVER
736
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,409
OF "PEOPLE" MAGAZINE,
737
00:17:55,157 --> 00:17:56,409
BUT I DON'T CARE!
738
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,161
I CAN'T STOP THINKING
739
00:17:56,450 --> 00:17:59,161
ABOUT HAVING SEX WITH YOU.
740
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,121
LET ME HAVE SEX WITH YOU.
741
00:17:59,203 --> 00:18:01,121
I JUST WANT TO HAVE--
742
00:18:01,163 --> 00:18:02,456
(kisses)
743
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:07,962
NOTHING, RIGHT?
744
00:18:08,004 --> 00:18:09,129
NOT EVEN A LITTLE BIT.
745
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,173
EXACTLY. IT'S BECAUSE
746
00:18:09,171 --> 00:18:11,173
WE'RE FRIENDS--
747
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,843
FRIENDS WHO SHARE SMOOTHIES,
748
00:18:11,215 --> 00:18:13,843
NOT SMOOCHIES.
749
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,929
LISTEN, I KNOW I'VE BEEN
750
00:18:13,885 --> 00:18:15,929
TEASING YOU THIS WEEK,
751
00:18:15,970 --> 00:18:17,638
BUT... IT'S ALL IN FUN.
752
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,640
I DON'T NEED YOU
753
00:18:17,680 --> 00:18:19,640
TO THINK I'M SEXY.
754
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,935
ABOUT 45 MILLION
755
00:18:19,682 --> 00:18:21,935
OTHER PEOPLE ARE ABOUT TO,
756
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,227
AND I NEED YOU
757
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:23,227
TO BE MY FRIEND.
758
00:18:23,269 --> 00:18:25,229
(rattling)
759
00:18:25,271 --> 00:18:27,189
WHO THE HELL IS THIS?!
760
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,776
I'M NOT ON THE COVER?
761
00:18:27,231 --> 00:18:29,776
WHAT HAPPENED?
762
00:18:29,817 --> 00:18:31,611
(gasps)
763
00:18:31,652 --> 00:18:33,863
HE'S ON ALL OF THEM!
764
00:18:33,905 --> 00:18:34,989
(panting)
765
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,450
WHO DID THIS?
766
00:18:35,031 --> 00:18:37,450
(clatters)
767
00:18:39,285 --> 00:18:41,370
WHAT IS GOING ON?
768
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,247
WHY IS JAMES
769
00:18:41,412 --> 00:18:43,247
NOT ON THE COVER?
770
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,874
UH, MARJORIE MUST HAVE
771
00:18:43,289 --> 00:18:44,874
NIXED IT.
772
00:18:44,916 --> 00:18:46,793
MARJORIE HAS FINAL SAY.
773
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,045
STOP SAYING "MARJORIE" LIKE I'M
774
00:18:46,834 --> 00:18:49,045
SUPPOSED TO KNOW WHO THAT IS.
775
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:51,089
YOU DON'T KNOW
776
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:51,089
WHO MARJORIE IS?
777
00:18:49,087 --> 00:18:51,089
OH, MY GOD!
778
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,591
ONE MORE WORD,
779
00:18:51,130 --> 00:18:53,591
AND BRENDA GETS A SMACKWICH.
780
00:18:53,633 --> 00:18:55,175
I DON'T UNDERSTAND--
781
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,177
HER FACE IS THE LUNCH MEAT,
782
00:18:55,217 --> 00:18:57,177
MY HANDS ARE THE BREAD!
783
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,179
HUH?! OHH...
784
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:59,179
SMACKWICH!
785
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:03,183
NOW, CAN ANYONE GIVE ME
786
00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:03,183
CLARITY ON THIS SITUATION?
787
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,103
THEY'RE, UH, TALKING
788
00:19:03,225 --> 00:19:05,103
ABOUT MARJORIE MEYERS.
789
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,855
SHE'S WORKED FOR THE MAGAZINE
790
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:07,855
SINCE ITS INCEPTION.
791
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,190
SHE PICKS THE SEXIEST MAN ALIVE
792
00:19:07,897 --> 00:19:10,190
EVERY YEAR.
793
00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:12,234
I'M MARJORIE MEYERS,
794
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:15,488
GENIUS BEHIND
795
00:19:12,276 --> 00:19:15,488
"SEXIEST MAN ALIVE."
796
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:18,240
I'M OFTEN ASKED,
797
00:19:15,529 --> 00:19:18,240
"WHAT IS MY SECRET?"
798
00:19:18,282 --> 00:19:20,200
I MERELY GO WITH THE MAN
799
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:23,203
THAT GETS THINGS KICKING
800
00:19:20,242 --> 00:19:23,203
IN MY PANTS. (chuckles)
801
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,623
AND THE OLD GAL
802
00:19:23,245 --> 00:19:25,623
HASN'T BEEN WRONG YET.
803
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,001
EVERY YEAR THE STAFF GIVES
804
00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:28,001
THEIR TOP TEN CANDIDATES,
805
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,628
AND MARJORIE IGNORES THEM
806
00:19:28,042 --> 00:19:30,628
AND GOES WITH HER PANTS.
807
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,673
I WAS BAREBACK ON A HORSE
808
00:19:30,670 --> 00:19:33,673
FOR SEVEN HOURS
809
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,049
WEARING NOTHING
810
00:19:33,714 --> 00:19:35,049
BUT A SHIRT.
811
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,217
OKAY, DO YOU KNOW
812
00:19:35,091 --> 00:19:37,217
WHY PANTS WERE INVENTED?
813
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,845
TO PREVENT WHAT HAPPENED
814
00:19:37,259 --> 00:19:38,845
TO ME.
815
00:19:38,886 --> 00:19:39,929
AND YOU LOOKED GREAT.
816
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,848
WHICH IS WHY
817
00:19:39,971 --> 00:19:41,848
WE GAVE YOU A SPREAD.
818
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:45,476
DAMN DAMN, I LOOK GOOD!
819
00:19:47,103 --> 00:19:49,022
I'LL TAKE IT.
820
00:19:49,063 --> 00:19:50,523
HI. REMEMBER US?
821
00:19:50,564 --> 00:19:52,150
WE'RE LIZ AND PETER.
822
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,234
YEAH, SO IT TURNS OUT
823
00:19:52,191 --> 00:19:54,234
THAT YOU CAN'T FIRE US,
824
00:19:54,276 --> 00:19:55,486
BECAUSE YOU DON'T WORK HERE.
825
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,237
(sighs) FINALLY!
826
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,490
HOW DID IT TAKE YOU FIVE DAYS
827
00:19:57,279 --> 00:19:59,490
TO PUT THAT TOGETHER?
828
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,075
WELL, WE JUST HAD
829
00:19:59,532 --> 00:20:01,075
OUR EXIT INTERVIEW--
830
00:20:01,117 --> 00:20:03,161
I DON'T CARE. I'M EXHAUSTED.
831
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:05,079
I, UH, JUST WANT TO SAY
832
00:20:05,121 --> 00:20:07,247
THAT, UM, YOU GUYS NAILED
833
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:10,250
THE "SEXIEST MAN ALIVE"
834
00:20:07,289 --> 00:20:10,250
AGAIN THIS YEAR.
835
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,335
AND IF I'M A SHEEP,
836
00:20:10,292 --> 00:20:11,335
I'M JUST GLAD
837
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,046
THAT YOU ALL
838
00:20:11,377 --> 00:20:13,046
ARE MY SHEPHERDS,
839
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:14,505
AND I'M SURE
840
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:14,505
THAT MY MOTHER IS...
841
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,841
(Southern accent) SHOVING THIS
842
00:20:14,547 --> 00:20:16,841
DOWN HER GIRDLE RIGHT NOW...
843
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,885
(normal voice) AS WE SPEAK,
844
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,885
SO THANK YOU.
845
00:20:18,926 --> 00:20:21,929
(sighs) WELL, TEAM,
846
00:20:21,971 --> 00:20:23,430
WHAT CAN I SAY?
847
00:20:23,472 --> 00:20:25,432
MY JOB HERE WAS FAKE,
848
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,561
BUT THE WORK THAT WE DID
849
00:20:25,474 --> 00:20:28,561
WAS REAL... ISH.
850
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,270
BRENDA, WHAT CAN I SAY
851
00:20:28,602 --> 00:20:30,270
TO YOU, BRENDA?
852
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,314
WHERE DO I EVEN START?
853
00:20:30,312 --> 00:20:32,314
(chuckles)
854
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,441
I KNOW I'VE BEEN
855
00:20:32,356 --> 00:20:34,441
ESPECIALLY HARD ON YOU,
856
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,570
BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE I SEE
857
00:20:34,483 --> 00:20:37,570
SO MUCH POTENTIAL.
858
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:40,239
(voice breaking) YOU'RE
859
00:20:37,611 --> 00:20:40,239
THE BEST BOSS I EVER HAD.
860
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,283
I DIDN'T WANT THINGS
861
00:20:41,490 --> 00:20:43,283
TO END THIS WAY,
862
00:20:43,325 --> 00:20:45,536
BUT ALL GOOD THINGS, RIGHT?
863
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,287
WHEN YOU SPEAK OF ME
864
00:20:45,578 --> 00:20:47,287
AT THE COMPANY RETREAT,
865
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,372
WHICH I STILL PLAN
866
00:20:47,329 --> 00:20:48,372
ON ATTENDING,
867
00:20:48,414 --> 00:20:50,374
SPEAK OF ME WELL.
868
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:52,710
I'LL SEE YOU ALL IN BAJA.
869
00:20:53,920 --> 00:20:54,921
(clicks switch)
870
00:20:54,962 --> 00:20:57,297
UH, WE'RE STILL WORKING!
871
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,257
YOU'RE FIRED!
872
00:20:57,339 --> 00:20:58,257
(door slams)
873
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,013
CAN I GET A WATER?
874
00:21:02,053 --> 00:21:04,013
(man) WATER FOR JAMES.
875
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:06,306
WATER, PLEASE. THANK YOU.
876
00:21:04,055 --> 00:21:06,306
ALL RIGHT, GREAT. GOOD JOB.
877
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,475
NOW CAN YOU GET ME ONE
878
00:21:06,348 --> 00:21:08,475
THAT'S NOT HOT AS HELLFIRE?
879
00:21:08,517 --> 00:21:09,602
(shutter clicking)
880
00:21:09,643 --> 00:21:11,562
DONNIE, YEAH.
881
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,981
I JUST SAW THE HORSE'S TRAILER.
882
00:21:11,604 --> 00:21:13,981
IT'S BIGGER THAN MINE.
883
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:16,358
AND GO BY STAR SIZE,
884
00:21:14,023 --> 00:21:16,358
NOT BODY SIZE.
885
00:21:16,400 --> 00:21:19,153
(blusters)
886
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,030
IS THAT SECRETARIAT?
887
00:21:19,195 --> 00:21:21,030
OH, IT'S NOT?
888
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:22,698
'CAUSE THE WAY
889
00:21:21,072 --> 00:21:22,698
EVERYONE'S FAWNING OVER HIM,
890
00:21:22,740 --> 00:21:23,824
I THOUGHT IT MUST BE.
891
00:21:24,951 --> 00:21:26,326
DONNIE, LISTEN, YEAH.
892
00:21:26,368 --> 00:21:27,620
I'M GETTING TIRED OF THIS HORSE.
893
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,329
I WANT YOU TO SEND HIM
894
00:21:27,661 --> 00:21:29,329
A GIFT BASKET FROM ME--
895
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:32,291
SEASON ONE OF "LUCK"
896
00:21:29,371 --> 00:21:32,291
AND A BIG TUB OF GLUE.
52915
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