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SCANDINAVIAN SILENCE
4
00:03:47,500 --> 00:03:49,833
You going to the coast?
5
00:04:14,042 --> 00:04:16,917
Put the wrong jacket on today.
6
00:04:18,167 --> 00:04:20,833
It's colder now.
7
00:04:33,875 --> 00:04:37,500
Promised myself I'd go
to the coast today.
8
00:05:06,417 --> 00:05:10,000
Thought you didn't want to see me.
9
00:05:11,583 --> 00:05:14,375
That you had better things to do.
10
00:05:28,750 --> 00:05:32,042
We don't have to talk.
11
00:05:32,333 --> 00:05:36,458
It's been years since I just
rode and talked like this.
12
00:05:53,458 --> 00:05:57,292
Why'd you even pick me up
if you don't want to talk.
13
00:06:03,042 --> 00:06:05,417
Are you listening?
14
00:06:29,833 --> 00:06:32,333
Know what I think?
15
00:06:38,792 --> 00:06:46,417
Your silence is just some dumb game.
16
00:06:57,875 --> 00:07:01,250
How many times have
you played it before?
17
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:06,000
With other guys.
18
00:07:10,167 --> 00:07:14,167
How many times have you
driven down this road?
19
00:07:14,250 --> 00:07:17,083
Before picking me up?
20
00:07:20,625 --> 00:07:23,958
What did those other guys tell you?
21
00:07:26,708 --> 00:07:29,167
You want me to tell you something?
22
00:07:34,250 --> 00:07:37,708
I'm not sorry.
Not for one single day.
23
00:07:52,458 --> 00:07:55,625
Inside, we talked about everything.
24
00:07:56,917 --> 00:08:00,208
There was no keeping secrets.
25
00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:04,958
Well, there was but what's the point.
26
00:08:10,333 --> 00:08:13,958
The worse you slit someone's neck,
27
00:08:14,083 --> 00:08:18,667
the more vividly you described it,
the better you did.
28
00:08:21,875 --> 00:08:24,792
Everyone knew everything.
29
00:08:35,250 --> 00:08:41,583
But today I feel that
I have to be silent again.
30
00:08:43,292 --> 00:08:46,458
Especially here, with you.
31
00:10:09,792 --> 00:10:13,542
I often imagined something like this.
32
00:10:15,333 --> 00:10:18,917
We'd come here to eat,
33
00:10:19,167 --> 00:10:22,958
then drive towards the coast, to our forest.
34
00:10:32,917 --> 00:10:36,250
Only I thought I'd have to find you first.
35
00:10:39,042 --> 00:10:42,417
Thought you'd move on with your life.
36
00:10:47,417 --> 00:10:50,042
You know,
37
00:10:51,042 --> 00:10:53,625
with a family of your own.
38
00:11:01,958 --> 00:11:05,083
And... forgot it all...
39
00:11:48,125 --> 00:11:52,000
You're still just as beautiful.
40
00:11:53,167 --> 00:11:55,875
Look more like mom.
41
00:11:59,542 --> 00:12:02,125
A lot more than before.
42
00:12:12,875 --> 00:12:16,125
Mom shoulda lived.
43
00:12:51,042 --> 00:12:54,042
I thought I'd be the silent one.
44
00:13:02,792 --> 00:13:09,083
Will we ever be able to
look each other in the eye...
45
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:14,708
and just talk...?
46
00:15:48,542 --> 00:15:51,875
On the morning you turned fifteen,
47
00:15:56,958 --> 00:16:03,542
before you woke up,
mom and I biked to the river.
48
00:16:12,875 --> 00:16:16,250
I was supposed to pick white flowers.
49
00:16:17,667 --> 00:16:20,833
Mom picked lilac and blue ones.
50
00:16:24,833 --> 00:16:27,625
The ones with the bells.
51
00:16:36,917 --> 00:16:43,083
I walked back and forth on the riverbank
until my hands were full of flowers.
52
00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:49,042
Then turned back towards mom.
53
00:17:00,583 --> 00:17:03,458
A long, loud scream stopped me.
54
00:17:09,083 --> 00:17:13,000
The sound echoed down the river so loudly
55
00:17:13,125 --> 00:17:17,708
that it felt like nature
was silenced for a moment.
56
00:17:33,083 --> 00:17:35,625
I saw mom.
57
00:17:39,208 --> 00:17:41,792
She didn't see me.
58
00:17:50,416 --> 00:17:54,167
She was on her knees in the grass, crying.
59
00:17:56,625 --> 00:18:01,000
I guess cause of everything
that happened at home.
60
00:18:15,625 --> 00:18:22,417
I stood there for half an hour
before I went over to mom.
61
00:18:30,708 --> 00:18:37,708
I don't know why... but we didn't
say a word. Just came home.
62
00:18:51,125 --> 00:18:54,708
I just didn't know what to say.
63
00:18:56,750 --> 00:19:01,125
Didn't know how to be...
64
00:19:02,125 --> 00:19:04,750
a big brother.
65
00:19:05,042 --> 00:19:08,000
How to be a man.
66
00:19:15,250 --> 00:19:18,083
Not for you. Not for mom.
67
00:19:26,917 --> 00:19:31,333
I don't know if dad knew
what it meant to be a man.
68
00:19:32,250 --> 00:19:37,708
What does it mean? Being a man?
69
00:19:42,708 --> 00:19:46,292
I remember how happy
the flowers made you.
70
00:20:45,208 --> 00:20:47,958
My cellmate, Dima.
71
00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:55,083
He was nine years older.
A literate.
72
00:20:59,917 --> 00:21:04,167
He saw things differently.
73
00:21:07,542 --> 00:21:10,458
Taught me a lot.
74
00:21:11,875 --> 00:21:19,375
Helped me to see things
differently somehow.
75
00:21:25,583 --> 00:21:29,042
He told me that when I get out,
76
00:21:29,125 --> 00:21:33,000
I should go to the mountains
or at least go flying.
77
00:21:33,375 --> 00:21:38,333
That there's a freedom up there
that we don't have down here.
78
00:21:38,542 --> 00:21:43,583
That everything seems
more solid, prettier.
79
00:21:47,167 --> 00:21:52,917
He was the first to get out ― for
good behavior.
80
00:21:53,917 --> 00:21:58,417
But he was later brought back in.
Got three more for rape.
81
00:21:58,500 --> 00:22:01,417
He'd been in twice before.
82
00:22:03,708 --> 00:22:06,417
They moved him to another block.
83
00:22:08,250 --> 00:22:10,792
Never saw him again.
84
00:22:12,375 --> 00:22:16,833
But when we were together,
he once asked what I was in for.
85
00:22:26,083 --> 00:22:28,750
I told him everything about dad.
86
00:22:37,250 --> 00:22:39,875
Everyone talked there.
87
00:22:40,708 --> 00:22:45,208
No matter how fucked up
the way you killed someone was.
88
00:22:48,250 --> 00:22:50,333
Dima got me.
89
00:22:52,708 --> 00:22:55,583
Said he would've
done the same thing.
90
00:22:58,625 --> 00:23:04,708
Asked ― if I could go back in time,
91
00:23:05,333 --> 00:23:13,750
would I want to be the one who
hits first or the one who gets hit?
92
00:23:20,500 --> 00:23:23,958
I told Dima I didn't want
to go back in time.
93
00:24:17,542 --> 00:24:20,375
Why are we silent?
94
00:24:29,000 --> 00:24:35,958
Where does the feeling come
from that makes words stumble?
95
00:24:46,750 --> 00:24:49,375
I don't regret killing.
96
00:24:52,708 --> 00:24:57,417
I don't regret the years it took from me.
97
00:25:00,250 --> 00:25:02,333
I regret...
98
00:25:07,292 --> 00:25:11,333
...not protecting you sooner.
99
00:25:15,958 --> 00:25:20,833
Not being your brother
when you needed me most.
100
00:25:28,542 --> 00:25:36,250
In there, I learned that the
cost of crime is patience.
101
00:25:38,458 --> 00:25:43,292
And in return,
I get someone watching over me.
102
00:25:44,667 --> 00:25:52,000
They told me to be good
or I'd fly right back in.
103
00:25:57,083 --> 00:26:06,000
I'm not even sure
what I'm more afraid of losing ―
104
00:26:10,375 --> 00:26:14,167
my freedom or you.
105
00:26:22,667 --> 00:26:26,000
One's nothing without the other.
106
00:30:54,250 --> 00:30:59,375
I thought we could drive up North.
107
00:31:01,250 --> 00:31:03,958
To the shore.
108
00:31:05,208 --> 00:31:09,208
You always called it the coast, like mom.
109
00:31:17,417 --> 00:31:21,167
It's changed a lot since the accident.
110
00:31:24,958 --> 00:31:29,625
I thought it might be
a place you'd want to go?
111
00:31:42,458 --> 00:31:44,708
I went there a lot.
112
00:31:47,875 --> 00:31:54,875
Just to sit and look out at the sea.
113
00:32:04,583 --> 00:32:07,500
I didn't go there for them.
114
00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:16,750
I went when I missed you.
115
00:32:30,083 --> 00:32:35,458
I guess I imagined our meeting
differently somehow.
116
00:32:48,917 --> 00:32:51,917
You've changed a lot.
117
00:32:56,542 --> 00:32:59,250
You're more like dad.
118
00:33:01,375 --> 00:33:04,375
A lot more than before.
119
00:33:27,500 --> 00:33:34,375
When they locked you up and I sold
dad's shop to pay for rent,
120
00:33:40,042 --> 00:33:43,458
everything changed somehow.
121
00:33:52,542 --> 00:33:55,542
It was like whenever I walked into a store
122
00:33:55,708 --> 00:33:59,125
they turned the music down
because of me.
123
00:34:01,458 --> 00:34:05,833
No one ever came to ask
about the accident.
124
00:34:10,583 --> 00:34:18,208
But only the three of us
know what really happened.
125
00:34:25,083 --> 00:34:30,042
You know, sometimes I can
still see the two of us
126
00:34:30,125 --> 00:34:34,000
standing at the apartment window,
not talking.
127
00:34:37,792 --> 00:34:43,958
The dusty, lace curtains
hiding our faces as we look down.
128
00:34:47,625 --> 00:34:52,167
I can see mom look up at us
from the parking lot.
129
00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:12,875
I don't think she knew but she
sensed something would end that night.
130
00:35:24,375 --> 00:35:27,917
It wasn't the accident, itself.
131
00:35:37,542 --> 00:35:41,125
It was the fact that mom was in the car.
132
00:36:08,000 --> 00:36:11,333
Even whores and jailbait get to eat today.
133
00:36:23,833 --> 00:36:27,292
The clientele hasn't changed much.
134
00:36:30,000 --> 00:36:33,333
But you have to serve yourself now.
135
00:36:46,125 --> 00:36:53,292
Sometimes I wonder if I could've
lasted ten years without these pickles.
136
00:37:04,375 --> 00:37:09,125
I think they're the only things
that feel anything like home for me.
137
00:37:21,000 --> 00:37:26,458
Like when you brought a jar of them
to my room in the mornings.
138
00:37:32,542 --> 00:37:35,167
That smell of vinegar...
139
00:37:46,833 --> 00:37:49,417
I'll get us a table.
140
00:38:34,083 --> 00:38:37,958
Our uncle called right after the accident.
141
00:38:39,625 --> 00:38:42,167
Asked about you.
142
00:38:44,833 --> 00:38:50,542
Or, rather, wanted to know
if I knew anything more.
143
00:39:03,292 --> 00:39:06,375
He asked me what really happened.
144
00:39:08,417 --> 00:39:10,958
He's one of the few people who knew
145
00:39:11,042 --> 00:39:14,875
that you don't know anything about cars.
146
00:39:18,875 --> 00:39:21,708
Even less about the brakes.
147
00:39:38,583 --> 00:39:43,000
Finally, even the social workers
couldn't handle him
148
00:39:44,083 --> 00:39:48,125
whining about how I couldn't
manage on my own.
149
00:39:50,667 --> 00:39:54,292
If I hadn't turned 18 right then,
150
00:39:55,167 --> 00:39:58,750
he probably would have
demanded custody.
151
00:40:11,167 --> 00:40:14,250
He was a sleaze just like dad.
152
00:40:37,667 --> 00:40:42,083
I don't think he knew
what was going on in our home.
153
00:40:46,333 --> 00:40:55,750
But he knew that you'd do
anything ― even go to jail for me.
154
00:41:32,833 --> 00:41:35,833
Forgive me for all those years...
155
00:44:15,625 --> 00:44:22,042
Remember that night when you came
into my room after dad had been in?
156
00:44:24,292 --> 00:44:29,292
You took my hand and told me that
one day we'd live like everyone else.
157
00:44:33,333 --> 00:44:35,958
How we dreamed.
158
00:44:40,667 --> 00:44:44,500
You and I never dreamt about a good life.
159
00:44:45,167 --> 00:44:48,125
We dreamt of a normal life.
160
00:44:52,000 --> 00:44:58,833
I spent all those nights when dad would
come to my bed with the false hope
161
00:44:59,167 --> 00:45:03,708
that maybe today you'd be
brave enough to stand up for me.
162
00:45:06,375 --> 00:45:10,292
That maybe you'd finally be my big brother.
163
00:45:32,875 --> 00:45:41,875
I remember a catalogue from that year.
164
00:45:45,208 --> 00:45:51,250
Mom ordered Christmas lights
and dad stared at lingerie.
165
00:45:56,458 --> 00:46:02,208
I remember the fight between mom
and dad about where to put the lights.
166
00:46:06,167 --> 00:46:12,292
Remember? Mom wanted to
hang them on my windows,
167
00:46:13,000 --> 00:46:16,042
dad in the living room.
168
00:46:27,833 --> 00:46:36,875
Mom wanted us to look like
a normal family from the road.
169
00:46:39,792 --> 00:46:43,750
Dad wanted my room to be dark.
170
00:46:53,708 --> 00:46:59,042
They never saw the kids growing
in the shadows of those lights ―
171
00:46:59,208 --> 00:47:02,500
the ones who'd be the end of them.
172
00:47:11,500 --> 00:47:16,625
I sometimes feel like they're...
173
00:47:18,708 --> 00:47:21,875
...guiding us.
174
00:48:06,667 --> 00:48:10,208
Ever since the winter
you went to jail,
175
00:48:12,333 --> 00:48:15,417
I only see black trees.
176
00:48:18,958 --> 00:48:22,208
Black trees on a white backdrop.
177
00:48:29,500 --> 00:48:34,375
I see one strange car
driving between the fields.
178
00:48:35,292 --> 00:48:39,292
It drives through beauty that doesn't fit.
179
00:48:43,875 --> 00:48:48,000
I see two people in their strange state.
180
00:48:48,542 --> 00:48:56,167
I see them move through a world
that's at once familiar
181
00:48:56,542 --> 00:49:00,125
yet distinctly foreign.
182
00:49:05,333 --> 00:49:07,458
I see their pain.
183
00:49:07,667 --> 00:49:13,333
But it's all from a great distance somehow.
184
00:49:19,583 --> 00:49:24,875
I don't know which one of us was
really imprisoned for all those years.
185
00:49:25,917 --> 00:49:31,000
Which of us was freed today.
Which of us was more to blame.
186
00:49:40,458 --> 00:49:46,875
But I know I haven't forgiven myself
for you giving me all those years.
187
00:50:31,750 --> 00:50:37,208
This silence suits us.
188
00:50:41,333 --> 00:50:46,792
It's the kind of silence you feel
when your eyes are closed,
189
00:50:46,917 --> 00:50:49,917
but you're still awake.
190
00:50:53,500 --> 00:50:56,208
It's frail.
191
00:50:58,375 --> 00:51:03,333
It's so familiar to Nordic people like us.
192
00:51:08,333 --> 00:51:11,333
It's a means of communication.
193
00:51:18,333 --> 00:51:22,500
Remember when we ran
between the trees?
194
00:51:24,292 --> 00:51:27,875
The summer when dad was still good.
195
00:51:28,833 --> 00:51:31,625
Before everything.
196
00:51:34,333 --> 00:51:38,958
Remember the forest we
always wanted to go back to,
197
00:51:40,708 --> 00:51:45,000
where we were little and
could talk about everything?
198
00:51:47,417 --> 00:51:50,875
The trees we ran between.
199
00:51:57,375 --> 00:52:03,833
That forest, those trees
are no longer there.
200
00:52:07,667 --> 00:52:14,542
They only left a few strong
ones to carry on the seed.
201
00:52:22,417 --> 00:52:26,375
Lone, black trees on a white backdrop.
202
00:52:33,042 --> 00:52:37,917
As if they're protecting
the past in their silence.
203
01:00:15,417 --> 01:00:19,583
Even whores and jailbait
get to eat today.
204
01:03:27,333 --> 01:03:30,625
You fucking slut.
205
01:09:28,292 --> 01:09:31,958
This isn't my car.
206
01:09:34,417 --> 01:09:37,000
What?
207
01:09:41,125 --> 01:09:43,750
I stole it.
208
01:09:47,958 --> 01:09:50,292
Why?
209
01:09:53,708 --> 01:09:57,292
Otherwise I wouldn't have found you.
210
01:10:19,708 --> 01:10:22,500
I'm sorry.
15217
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