All language subtitles for Mad.About.You.S05.E12.1080p.WEBRIP-Amazon

♪ Big-boned and bitter

♪ I never should've quit her

♪ I just walked away that night at the bar

♪ I left her standing
'cause she was so demandin'

♪ And I wrote this here song on my guitar ♪

Who sings
that song again?

That song?

I like that song.
Who sings it?

I do.

What do you mean,
"I do"?

I just wrote it.

You did not.

Yeah, just walkin' through
the apartment right now.

♪ Big-boned and bitter ♪

Wait. You just
made that up?

I swear.

Pretty catchy, huh?

Very catchy.

Very catchy.
Hmm.

Honey.

Yes, my darling?

You wrote
that song?
Yes.

Big-boned
and bitter.

Who was
that song about?

I just remembered.
You know who wrote that?
Willie Nelson.

♪ Tell me why
I love you like I do

♪ Tell me who
can stop my heart
as much as you

♪ Tell me all your secrets
and I'll tell you most of mine

♪ They say nobody's perfect
Well, that's really true
this time

♪ I don't have the answers,
I don't have a plan

♪ All I have is you

♪ So, darling,
help me understand

♪ What we do

♪ You can whisper in my ear

♪ Where we go

♪ Who knows
what happens after here

♪ Let's take
each other's hand

♪ As we jump into
the final frontier

♪ I'm mad about you, baby

♪ Yeah!

♪ I'm mad about you ♪

Sanford's father
is buying you a house?

A very
very big house.

That is quite
a wedding present.

For my father,
that's chump change.

That's a good chump.
Yeah, so I don't know

what you and Paul
were gonna get us,

but if it was
gonna be a house,

we already have one.

And I just wrapped it.

Hi. Sorry we're late.

Man, it is rainin'
out there.

How did
the shoot go?

Totally rained out.

Oh, no.

I told him, "You know,
it's gonna rain.

"We should
shoot it inside."

I thought
it wasn't gonna rain.

You would know that
after all your years
at the school of meteorology.

Hey, James.
JAMIE: Hey.

So, how's the movie comin'?

You mean The Undersea
World Of Paul Buchman?

Want to know what
we learned today?

Why are you gonna bother
these nice people?

If you're gonna
shoot a movie outdoors
in the pouring rain...

I thought
it wasn't gonna rain.

You got to pay not only
for the entire crew,

but, for the trucks and for
the people you hire

to look after
the trucks...

There wasn't
that many people.

Even though you don't
get to shoot a darn thing.

How much did you lose?

$9,000.

Oh, you poor thing.

I thought
it wasn't gonna rain.

[SPLUTTERING IN KITCHEN]

What was that?

It's our refrigerator.
It's breaking down.

Or coming to life.
We're not sure.

So, that was my day.
How was yours?

I didn't lose $9,000.

Can I help?

Can you help what?
With money.

Oh, sweetie...

Sanford, that's
very generous.

Aren't I marrying
the sweetest man
in the world?

I can't take your money.

Why not?
Why not?

We're practically family.
He's practically family.

It's not even my money.
It's my father's money.

You know how much money
his father has?

He's buying us
a very big house.

Okay, if I may say,

that's an incredibly
generous offer, Sanford,

but I'm not sure
it's the greatest idea
to mix business and family.

James, who are you,
Michael Corleone?

'Cause we are, like,
$13,000 over budget now.

Okay. It's only my opinion,

a little bit
like this morning

when I said it
looked like rain,

but what do I know?

[REFRIGERATOR SPLUTTERING]

We have to call Doug.
All right.

Who's Doug?
It's our handyman.
He's amazing.

Could I
get his number?

We have
a dripping faucet
that nobody can fix.

Uh... He's not
that great.

Sweetie, will you
get her the number?

It's up there
on a card in my book.

Yeah, okay.

It's just that...
Didn't he say he's not
takin' on new patients?

Doug the handyman?
Yeah.

No.
I think he did.

What,
are you afraid?

You think
we're gonna steal
your handyman?

[CHUCKLES]

I didn't say that.

Could you
be more petty?

You know, it's,
it's just that...
Okay, here's the thing.

This is somebody
that nobody
really knows about

because we kind of
discovered him,

and if we start
givin' his name
to everybody,

then, you know, we may
not be able to get him
when we need him.

He's a handyman.

My fiance is about
to give you $9,000.

Which I appreciate,
but come on...

A lot of people have $9,000,
but a good handyman?

You never see that.

Paul, what's
the matter with you?

Go give her
the card.

All right, I'll
give her the card.

Everybody jumpin'
down my throat.

I'm just merely expressing
my opinion here.

I don't think this is
the wisest thing to do.

See, honey, this is
a very good lesson
for the kids,

for you youngsters,

this is how
a marriage works, see?

I am giving you
the number,

against
my better judgment,

and I'm gonna
take your money
against hers.

PAUL: See, now,
that's a beautiful,
dry reshoot.

What did I tell you, Paulie?
Sanford came through.

Hey, wait a second.
Wait. What is that?

There's a scratch
on the negative.

It's just a little
scratch, that's all.

Little scratch?
Looks like he was
mauled by a bear.

This is
unbelievable.

Well, okay. We gotta
reshoot this.
Yeah?

I can't use film
like that.

Okay.

No, it's not okay.
Where we gonna get
the money for that?

It's no problem.

What are you doing?

I'm calling
sugar daddy.

Who, Sanford?

No. One of the many other
trillionaires that you know.

Wait a second.
Wait a second.

You think that's
such a good idea?

Hey, Sanford.
How you doin'? It's Ira.

Apparently you do.

Listen, uh...

I'm sorry to bother you
again, man,

but we've
run into a little snafu
on the reshoot.

Hey, this is very distressing
to us as well,

but, you know, San, San,

it's like nowhere
else to turn,

you know what I'm sayin'?

How much?
Um, $12,000.

Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no. By
Hollywood standards,

I'm telling you,
that's not that much.

I'm serious.

Yes, okay. I appreciate it.

Terrific. See you tonight?

Okay. All right. Bye-bye.

[LAUGHS]

It's like taking candy
from an incredibly
over-privileged baby.

Why did you do that?

So you could get
the digital editing bay
that you want.

I don't need
a digital editing bay.

Did you not say
all day yesterday

that your movie
would be a lot better
if you had one?

Yeah. You know
what else would be nice?

Robots
of my entire family.

Let's call him back,
get some money for that.

Come on. The guy's
got, like, $12,000 cash
in his car ashtray.

Just feels wrong
somehow.

He wants to do this.

Plus, every time
he gives me more money,

I'm more beholden
to his father.

Bill Holden?

Beholden. Beholden.
I'm more beholden.

You're not beholden.

I am. I'm beholden.

Beholden and I don't like it.

What did you say to him?
We gotta go see him
tonight?

Yeah. We gotta
talk to his dad

one more time about
the project before
he invests some more.

There you go.
You see that?
Beholden.

And now I gotta
go sing for my supper?

Nobody's singing, Paulie.

Yeah. I gotta
go sing for my supper

and suck up to his father.

I'm singin' and suckin'
and beholden,

that's what I am.

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING]
Just a minute.

You're Doug?

Yeah.

Did you have any trouble
finding the place?

No. I followed
the directions
you gave me.

I got here
without incident.

Good.

Um, oh,
excuse the mess.

Mess? Oh, uh,
don't worry about it.

So, you've got a drip.

Uh-huh. In here.

I was just
trying to fix it.

Nice work.

Well, I have this book.

Books are good. I'm...

Better.

Let me see
what the problem is.

There's only one way
to make money in movies.

In video, right?

Nah, ice.

Ice?
Yeah.

I used to be the
exclusive distributor

of urinal ice for
the entire Lowe's chain.

There's a pretty picture.

I made a fortune.

Yeah. And that was
before the advent of
the 32-ounce soda cup.

You must be very proud.

Hey, good movies,
bad movies,

they all gotta pee.

Boy, oh, boy,
could I use
a stiff drink.

Here, baby.

Uh, no, thanks.
I can't.

Why? Because
of the pregnancy?
Yeah.

Ah, come on.
Don't believe
everything you read.

A little drink
never hurt anybody.

It's certainly bringing out
the best in you.

[LAUGHS]

Sorry I'm late.

Hey.
Hi, Lise.

Why's your hair
all wet?

[CHUCKLES] Oh, no reason.

Just showered.

It's not.

Are you okay?
Yeah, sure. I'm fine.

Are you sure?
Yes, positive.

Why are you
interrogating me?

You know, I...
I want to say...

PAUL: [STAMMERS] We...
I have to say...

Go ahead.

No, no. You go.

Please, I insist.
You go.

All right.

I've fallen in love
with Doug the handyman,

and I want to call off
the wedding.

Boy, that beats
what I was gonna say.

PAUL: How did we break
a brand-new machine?

Okay, that's it.
I'm making a call.

No, no, no, don't.
Please don't.
Shut up, will you?

Don't call him.

Hey, Sanford.
How are you, my friend?

You got him
on the speed dial?

Just tell him forget it.
[SHUSHING]

Uh, Sanford, listen,
this is the last time.
I promise you.

I don't think
this is right.
This is not right.

He's goin' for it.
How much?

$22,000. Yeah.

Look, Sanford,
this is show business,
you know, things happen.

You know what?
Tell him forget it.

There's other ways
to raise money.

Would you just be quiet?
We'll wash cars.

I'm trying to have
a conversation.
We'll sell cookies.

Shut up!
You shut up.

Yeah, it's me.
Yeah. You will?

Oh, Sanford,
you don't know.

I am forever grateful,
and I can speak for Paulie,
so is he.

And, San, chin up, huh?

It's not right.
You can't just
call the guy

every time every little
thing goes wrong.

Apparently I can.

It's just very
uncomfortable for me.

He's my
brother-in-law.

Not anymore.

But... Come on.
He's my former
nearly brother-in-law,

once removed
by a handyman.

You know what your problem is?
You're too sensitive.

It's not just that.
His father...

His father is not
the kind of guy

who's gonna take
his son's broken heart
lying down.

Don't you think you're
overreacting a bit?

I don't. His father is...

What's that story
with the guy Faust?

Faust? The quarterback
for the Chargers?

Yeah, that's the story
I'm talkin' about,

the guy from
the Chargers.

You know what
your problem is, Paulie?

Did my problem change
already so fast?

You worry too much.

You should
save your worrying

for something really
bad that happens
in your life, okay?

Paul Buchman?
Yeah.

What is this?

We have an injunction here
on behalf of Zigmund I. Klarik

to seize all properties
related to the production

of the documentary
motion picture Buchman.

Now, wait a minute.
He can't do that.

You would know.

Sanford's father
took my movie.

How stupid was I
to sign that thing?

I can't believe
I signed it.

It's like that story...
What's that story,

with the guy Faust,
and he sells his soul
to the devil,

and before he realizes
how stupid it was,
it's too late?

Faust?
Faust. Yeah,
it's like that.

He took my movie.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

So why don't you
talk to him?

Oh, I'm gonna.

I've gotta figure out
what my approach
is gonna be.

He's got my life's
work in his hands.

It's gotta be handled
very delicately.

Should I bring him
a small cake?

Doug the handyman.
Hey, Mr. Buchman.

Oh, boy, Doug.
Are we glad to see you.

Actually,
Mrs. Buchman,

I just came by
to pick up Lisa.

Doug, Doug, Doug,
Doug, Doug, Doug,
Doug the handyman!

That's nice.

Oh, that's
very sweet.

Okay, okay.

Doug, you think
while you're here,

maybe you could
just take a look
at the refrigerator?

A small... A quick glance?

Let's leave them alone.

Can I say
one thing to you?

Yes?
Don't lend out
the handyman.

[SWING MUSIC PLAYING]

No. No. Stop.

[MUSIC STOPS]

What, is this
too weird for you?

Do you want to go back
to the washroom?

No.

I love Sanford.

I've made
a terrible mistake.

Hey, hey, hey, Paulie.
Don't be nervous.

There's no reason
to be nervous.

We'll finesse him.

That's right,
a little finessement.

He got mad,
he took our movie,

we'll get him not mad,
we'll take our movie back.

Maybe we should've
brought him offerings.

Offerings? Like what?

I don't know. Cake?

The man has his own baker
on the premises.

What's he gonna do
with an outside cake?

Listen, the important
thing is, you and I,

we both just
maintain our dignity.

At all costs.
You nervous?
A little bit.

All right, I got 10 minutes
between board meetings.

I gotta call Japan.
That's four minutes.

I gotta do the treadmill
for at least six.

You know what?
I have no time.

Uh, Mr. Klarik...
What? What?

Um, how you
doin' there, Mr. Klarik?

That's a pretty
snazzy suit there,
Mr. Klarik.

What do you want?

Okay, Mr. Klarik...

Mmm-hmm.

We're all
friends here.
Mmm.

I don't want this
to have to get ugly.

Mmm. Mmm. You know,

I was once playing poker
with Nelson Rockefeller.

I had this terrific hand.

Four eights.

Count. Four.

So I kept betting,

but he kept seeing me
and raising,

seeing me and raising.

I said, this son of a bitch

has either got
a straight flush
or bubkus.

But I thought to myself,

"No, he's just
trying to bluff me."

So, I called him.

Yeah?
What'd he have?

Same thing you got.

What, bubkus?

No, we don't
have bubkus,
Mr. Klarik.

Mr. Klarik, look...
No, you look.

I have a legal document

which you signed saying
the movie is mine.

Now, look, I don't care
about your movie.

I might take
a roll of the film,

put a buckle on it,
and make into a belt.

But the point is,

the movie is mine
to do with what I want.

And then what?
What happens then?
We're gonna go to court?

Who wins there?
Lawyers? Accountants?

No, I do.

Mr. Klarik.

What?

Please, please give me
the film back.

Hey. No, come on.
Stop that.

What are you doing?

PAUL: How does food
go bad so fast?

Mmm, mmm.

You should try
the chicken nuggets

with the chocolate
ice cream.

You're like a catfish.

What?

We had a kid
in seventh grade,

we used to pay money
to watch him eat like this.

I can't help it.

I mean, I eat this way
when I'm upset.

When's Jamie
getting back?

I don't know.

I don't even know
where she went.

Well, I need
to talk to somebody.

I'm sure
she'll be right back.

I just can't...
I can't believe it.

I broke it off
with Sanford

so I could be with
Doug the handyman, right?

And then I realized... Huh!

I miss Sanford.

So I broke it off
with him, right?

But now Sanford
won't have anything
to do with me,

and Doug won't have
anything to do with me,

and I think I need
a little help!

Any minute she'll be back.

Hi.

Hey, I'm naked in here,
for God's sake!

I can see that.

How'd you get in here?

Well, let's put it
this way,

the help doesn't
like you, either.

All right.
Just get out of here.
Come on. Come on.

Actually, I think
we need to talk.

Now?
Yeah.

Where is she?

Uh, maybe in
the incinerator room.

I'll go look.

I need to talk
to my sister.

I know. I know you do.

Your sister, and
nobody else will do.

Well, will you talk to me
until she gets here?

Uh, yeah. I just...
I just want to
take out the garbage.

You know,
I know what she'd say.

She'd say that

everything's gonna be okay

and that I'm a good person.

And it's not my fault,
and, you know,

I'm gonna get over it.

Well, there you go.
Then consider it said.

What would you say?

What's that?

What would you say?

I would say pretty much
the same thing
as Jamie would say.

Maybe in my own words.

What would those be?

The gist would be
very much the same,

but maybe just the verbiage,
so why worry about
the verbiage?

I wanna hear it.

[PAUL SIGHS]

I would say...

Okay, I would say...

You're 35 years old,

and if you don't
start acting like it,

then you're just gonna
keep on hurting yourself

and hurting
everybody around you
and everybody around them

till there's, like,
this big universe,

this Lisa universe of hurt
with you in the center,

with us and everybody
around just orbits,

orbiting around,
like, with the moons
and the planets

just orbiting around
in pain forever.

That's not the same at all.

Listen, I'm sorry Lisa
called off the wedding.

I thought she was going to be
very happy with Sanford.

I always liked Sanford.

You want to marry him?

Paul didn't break up
Sanford and Lisa.

Sanford and Lisa broke up
Sanford and Lisa. Well...

Well...

Mostly Lisa.

And Doug the handyman
helped, too,

but it certainly wasn't Paul.

It's not fair to blame him.

Look, I don't care about
Paul's little movie,

and neither will
anyone else,

but it's all I got
to get those two
together again.

I have no other leverage.

That's not leverage.

Sure it is. You're here.

You can't make
these two people
love each other.

Yes, I can.

And if you want
Paul's movie back,

you'll help.

No, I won't.

Why not?

'Cause I don't have to.

I got leverage, too.

[SCOFFS]

What's your leverage?

I'm holding
the drain plug.

You wouldn't dare.

Call my bluff and find out.

You want to
see me naked?

Not especially,
but that's how much
I love my husband.

All right.

Go ahead.
Pull the plug.

Okay.

[YELLING] Wait, wait,
wait, wait.

Well, we got a deal?

What are your terms?

Give my husband
back his movie.

Not on your life.

Nice doing business
with you.

[WATER DRAINING]

PAUL: My film.

Isn't it beautiful?

It's gorgeous.

I owe you one.

Truth is, you already
paid me back with
what you said to Lisa.

Ah, I'm very clever.

[REFRIGERATOR SPLUTTERING]

Okay. Can I just say
I'm afraid of
our refrigerator?

I feel like
we're gonna wake up
in the middle of the night

and it's gonna be
standing over us.

[DOORBELL BUZZES]

You know, yesterday,
I tried to fix it.

It spit at me.

I walked...
[IMITATES SPITTING]
right here.

Doug the handyman.
Our refrigerator
is just going nuts.

You know, I hear they're
having a big sale
on appliances at Macy's.

You might want to
check it out.

But, Doug...

You're our handyman.

That's why I came over.

I have to be honest.

I've been
through a great deal of
emotional upheaval lately,

and the truth is,
I can trace it all back
to the two of you.

I'm sorry, I can no longer
be your handyman.

What are you saying?

Good-bye.

Doug.

But, Doug...
Please don't go.

Please come back.

Can you
recommend somebody?