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1
00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,366
Previously on Five Bedrooms...
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00:00:03,400 --> 00:00:04,366
I'm so sorry.
3
00:00:04,400 --> 00:00:06,133
I know the feeling
wasn't mutual,
4
00:00:06,166 --> 00:00:08,200
but Des was like a father to
me.
5
00:00:08,233 --> 00:00:11,033
Cheryl's coming over for
the reading of the will,
6
00:00:11,066 --> 00:00:13,233
so is it OK
if she stays here with us?
7
00:00:13,266 --> 00:00:16,933
$748,374
8
00:00:16,966 --> 00:00:19,533
to Ainsley Olivia Margaret
Elling.
9
00:00:19,566 --> 00:00:20,866
750K?
10
00:00:20,900 --> 00:00:22,933
Mm. You don't need to keep
saying the number out loud.
11
00:00:22,966 --> 00:00:25,666
I don't want to end two decades
with a tracking number
12
00:00:25,700 --> 00:00:27,566
and some unwanted
Christmas decorations.
13
00:00:27,600 --> 00:00:28,666
Neither do I.
14
00:00:28,700 --> 00:00:29,900
I was thinking
more along the lines of
15
00:00:29,933 --> 00:00:31,700
us perhaps seeing a counsellor.
16
00:00:31,733 --> 00:00:32,900
OK...
17
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:35,700
Heather and Ed are
in serious strife.
18
00:00:35,733 --> 00:00:39,400
Were you aware that she chose
to stay with me and not him?
19
00:00:39,433 --> 00:00:44,400
Either he's lying to her,
or she's lying to us.
20
00:00:44,433 --> 00:00:46,600
So you won't officially
stay at my place,
21
00:00:46,633 --> 00:00:49,966
but you will unofficially
spend every consecutive night.
22
00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:52,700
The only way
I can get my head around this
23
00:00:52,733 --> 00:00:54,600
is to look at it
as a day-by-day accident.
24
00:00:54,633 --> 00:00:56,866
(LAUGHS) Right.
25
00:01:29,333 --> 00:01:30,466
ED: Morning.
26
00:01:30,500 --> 00:01:32,800
HEATHER: You know that voice
that lives in your head?
27
00:01:33,900 --> 00:01:37,433
That voice had led me down some
shitty roads over the years.
28
00:01:39,766 --> 00:01:41,566
But it also led me here...
29
00:01:41,600 --> 00:01:42,566
How did you sleep?
30
00:01:42,600 --> 00:01:44,033
Like someone slipped me a
rufie.
31
00:01:44,066 --> 00:01:45,100
..to this.
32
00:01:45,133 --> 00:01:46,533
- That's a good thing.
- That's a good thing.
33
00:01:46,566 --> 00:01:48,133
- ..man.
- Not for everyone, obviously.
34
00:01:48,166 --> 00:01:50,400
But, yeah, I'd pay good money.
35
00:01:50,433 --> 00:01:51,666
I have.
36
00:01:51,700 --> 00:01:53,333
I know you're not going to eat
for about an hour,
37
00:01:53,366 --> 00:01:55,700
But I have kept you both
crusts.
38
00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,033
Hey, I was thinking,
39
00:01:59,066 --> 00:02:00,600
you know, in honour of
your graduation,
40
00:02:00,633 --> 00:02:02,266
maybe we could throw
a little soiree.
41
00:02:02,300 --> 00:02:03,933
- Not a chance.
- Hear me out.
42
00:02:03,966 --> 00:02:06,166
You don't have to do anything.
You don't have to lift a finger.
43
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,366
- It's not going to happen.
- You want to pretend to think about it?
44
00:02:08,400 --> 00:02:09,600
I'm 4,000% sure.
45
00:02:09,633 --> 00:02:10,900
That's numerically impossible.
46
00:02:10,933 --> 00:02:13,533
I'm so sure I haven't told
a soul it's happening.
47
00:02:14,866 --> 00:02:17,266
OK. (LAUGHS)
48
00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:19,400
I'm not surprised by that
at all.
49
00:02:19,433 --> 00:02:21,400
No-one wants to see me
in a stupid hat
50
00:02:21,433 --> 00:02:23,366
getting handed a piece of
paper.
51
00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,600
I do.
52
00:02:24,633 --> 00:02:26,066
That's only
'cause you're my lecturer.
53
00:02:26,100 --> 00:02:27,333
Not anymore.
54
00:02:27,366 --> 00:02:28,366
True.
55
00:02:29,366 --> 00:02:31,533
You're still required by law
to be there.
56
00:02:31,566 --> 00:02:33,566
OK, let's say -
for argument's sake -
57
00:02:33,600 --> 00:02:35,266
we did decide to
do something small.
58
00:02:35,300 --> 00:02:38,600
Apart from the usual suspects,
who would you want to invite?
59
00:02:40,333 --> 00:02:42,700
Whatever you're doing, stop it.
60
00:02:42,733 --> 00:02:44,000
- Ed!
- Yes.
61
00:02:44,033 --> 00:02:45,400
I'm very clearly, very calmly
62
00:02:45,433 --> 00:02:47,766
asking you to refrain from
making any plans, calls,
63
00:02:47,800 --> 00:02:49,966
texts or email invitations.
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00:02:52,000 --> 00:02:54,400
I sent the invites out
about an hour ago.
65
00:02:54,433 --> 00:02:57,100
HEATHER: I actually thought
I'd found a man who got me.
66
00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:28,400
(PHONE RINGS)
67
00:03:37,700 --> 00:03:40,533
- Col.
- Are you sitting down?
68
00:03:40,566 --> 00:03:41,533
Yep.
69
00:03:41,566 --> 00:03:43,366
Have you checked your emails?
70
00:03:43,400 --> 00:03:44,533
Why?
71
00:03:44,566 --> 00:03:46,033
(LAUGHS)
72
00:03:46,066 --> 00:03:48,200
The earth just moved.
73
00:03:48,233 --> 00:03:52,000
Ed's reached out, personally,
to both of us.
74
00:03:52,033 --> 00:03:53,933
Hang on. I'm just going to
put you on speaker.
75
00:03:53,966 --> 00:03:55,333
I've got to try and find it.
Hang on.
76
00:03:55,366 --> 00:03:57,033
COL: Total vindication.
77
00:03:58,033 --> 00:04:00,533
He's bloody throwing her a
party at his house,
78
00:04:00,566 --> 00:04:02,333
tomorrow before they graduate.
79
00:04:02,366 --> 00:04:04,500
- OK.
- OK, my ass.
80
00:04:04,533 --> 00:04:07,833
This is our worst fear,
writ large.
81
00:04:07,866 --> 00:04:10,833
She never let me throw her
a party in 20 years.
82
00:04:10,866 --> 00:04:12,333
And I've done the google on
him.
83
00:04:12,366 --> 00:04:13,966
He's got a massive block.
84
00:04:14,000 --> 00:04:16,700
Off-street parking
for four cars,
85
00:04:16,733 --> 00:04:19,733
sold for 1.4 million in 2005.
86
00:04:19,766 --> 00:04:22,433
It's got to be worth...
87
00:04:22,466 --> 00:04:24,900
$5 or $6 million by now.
88
00:04:24,933 --> 00:04:27,566
Col, I'm sensing you're
wanting me to be outraged,
89
00:04:27,600 --> 00:04:30,433
but Ed having money
is a good thing, isn't it?
90
00:04:30,466 --> 00:04:33,033
Oh, Benny. Benny, Benny,
you sweet-hearted fool.
91
00:04:33,066 --> 00:04:34,900
You got no idea what this is,
do you?
92
00:04:34,933 --> 00:04:38,333
Well, it's a casual soiree
with, um, finger food.
93
00:04:39,500 --> 00:04:41,266
She's getting married.
94
00:04:41,300 --> 00:04:42,300
What?
95
00:04:42,333 --> 00:04:44,466
I know, it's like salt
on an open wound.
96
00:04:44,500 --> 00:04:46,700
But at least
we've got each other.
97
00:04:46,733 --> 00:04:49,466
Col... you know, I would
follow you anywhere, mate,
98
00:04:49,500 --> 00:04:50,766
but I think you are...
99
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:53,233
I don't want to be right, Ben.
100
00:04:53,266 --> 00:04:54,566
But I am.
101
00:04:58,900 --> 00:05:00,966
- Well, I'm sorry.
- No you're not.
102
00:05:01,000 --> 00:05:02,666
No, no, I'm not.
103
00:05:02,700 --> 00:05:04,500
I'm angry and I'm hurt.
104
00:05:04,533 --> 00:05:05,766
How could you exclude us
105
00:05:05,800 --> 00:05:07,700
from such a monumental moment
in your life?
106
00:05:07,733 --> 00:05:11,533
It's inconsiderate and selfish,
and we are beyond insulted.
107
00:05:11,566 --> 00:05:12,800
I'm not.
108
00:05:12,833 --> 00:05:14,900
I'm looking forward to
seeing where Ed lives.
109
00:05:14,933 --> 00:05:16,933
You know how hard it is for me
to get time off work.
110
00:05:16,966 --> 00:05:18,300
How long have you
known about this?
111
00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:20,233
- A couple of months.
- What is wrong with you?
112
00:05:20,266 --> 00:05:23,666
Oh, just a staggering amount
of shit, and you know it.
113
00:05:23,700 --> 00:05:25,566
You're not hanging me out to
dry for this.
114
00:05:25,600 --> 00:05:27,233
I'm doing you a favour.
115
00:05:28,633 --> 00:05:30,233
You didn't want me
to your graduation.
116
00:05:30,266 --> 00:05:32,333
Because it was on
the other side of the world.
117
00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:34,333
Even if it was just around the
corner, I wouldn't have gone.
118
00:05:34,366 --> 00:05:36,233
I wouldn't go to mine
if it wasn't for Timmy.
119
00:05:36,266 --> 00:05:37,733
- I still might not get there.
- Wow.
120
00:05:37,766 --> 00:05:39,433
- Oh, you are going.
- Have you no shame?
121
00:05:39,466 --> 00:05:42,300
You'll no doubt be thrilled
to hear that I can't come.
122
00:05:42,333 --> 00:05:43,700
I've got counselling
with Stuart.
123
00:05:43,733 --> 00:05:46,300
Oh, great.
I don't want you there.
124
00:05:46,333 --> 00:05:48,533
It's not just about you, Heath.
125
00:05:48,566 --> 00:05:50,533
This is part of
a much bigger conversation.
126
00:05:50,566 --> 00:05:53,333
Your hatred of socialising
is pathological.
127
00:05:53,366 --> 00:05:54,900
What's that supposed to mean?
128
00:05:54,933 --> 00:05:56,900
You're not working
full-time anymore.
129
00:05:56,933 --> 00:05:58,300
You're not raising teenagers.
130
00:05:58,333 --> 00:06:00,033
You're not the most busy person
on earth anymore.
131
00:06:00,066 --> 00:06:01,000
So?
132
00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:03,633
So maybe it's time to
change the broken record
133
00:06:03,666 --> 00:06:05,400
that's playing in your head.
134
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,966
- HEATHER: What a crock of
shit. - (BELL RINGS)
135
00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:09,433
Mum, we've talked about this.
136
00:06:09,466 --> 00:06:12,366
You don't have to ring the bell
when we're in the same room.
137
00:06:12,400 --> 00:06:14,500
I agree with Elizabeth.
138
00:06:14,533 --> 00:06:17,300
Thank you, Manju.
That means so much.
139
00:06:17,333 --> 00:06:20,700
I don't agree with everything
you said, just the first bit.
140
00:06:20,733 --> 00:06:22,300
The first bit...
141
00:06:22,333 --> 00:06:24,433
Hope you don't look at
your other patients
142
00:06:24,466 --> 00:06:25,866
with such disdain.
143
00:06:25,900 --> 00:06:28,333
You are not my patient, Mum.
144
00:06:28,366 --> 00:06:30,733
I've lost my appetite.
145
00:06:30,766 --> 00:06:32,866
I want to go back to my room.
146
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:35,533
Can't you wait until
Liz finishes her meal?
147
00:06:35,566 --> 00:06:38,133
No, it's fine.
I'm not hungry either.
148
00:06:42,233 --> 00:06:44,200
(PHONE RINGS)
149
00:06:50,800 --> 00:06:52,233
I hope you're
happy with yourself,
150
00:06:52,266 --> 00:06:53,500
'cause this whole shindig
of yours...
151
00:06:53,533 --> 00:06:55,133
Just before you
break into your stride,
152
00:06:55,166 --> 00:06:57,133
this is a three-way chat.
153
00:06:57,166 --> 00:07:00,033
- TIM: Hi, Mum!
- So you're ambushing me now?
154
00:07:00,066 --> 00:07:02,633
Let the man talk quick.
155
00:07:02,666 --> 00:07:05,433
Quicker he spits it out, the
sooner we can end this call.
156
00:07:05,466 --> 00:07:07,333
HEATHER: Spit it out, then.
157
00:07:07,366 --> 00:07:09,733
Well, the keynote speaker
that I had lined up for the graduation
158
00:07:09,766 --> 00:07:11,433
has just pulled out.
159
00:07:11,466 --> 00:07:14,500
- So? Get someone else.
- I'm trying to do that.
160
00:07:14,533 --> 00:07:18,866
I thought that maybe
you and Timmy might do it.
161
00:07:20,066 --> 00:07:21,866
Then you're an idiot.
162
00:07:21,900 --> 00:07:23,800
TIM: What did I tell you?
163
00:07:23,833 --> 00:07:25,200
Yep. You called it, mate.
164
00:07:25,233 --> 00:07:27,266
I knew you'd knock him down.
165
00:07:27,300 --> 00:07:29,033
He actually had faith in you.
166
00:07:29,066 --> 00:07:30,533
- I really did.
- No, you didn't.
167
00:07:30,566 --> 00:07:31,733
ED: How would you know?
168
00:07:31,766 --> 00:07:34,000
Heather,
I don't want to do it either,
169
00:07:34,033 --> 00:07:37,166
but it's not about what I want
or what you want.
170
00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:38,600
It's about Ed.
171
00:07:38,633 --> 00:07:41,533
It's a huge coup for Ed.
Plus, I already said yes.
172
00:07:41,566 --> 00:07:45,033
So, if you don't do it, you're
going to look like an asshole.
173
00:07:46,966 --> 00:07:50,000
Got to go. Shit to do. Bye!
174
00:07:50,033 --> 00:07:52,033
(TIM EXHALES AND HANGS UP)
175
00:07:53,300 --> 00:07:54,800
Thanks for that.
176
00:07:55,800 --> 00:07:57,400
So, is that a yes?
177
00:07:57,433 --> 00:07:59,166
It's a 'let Timmy
think it's a yes
178
00:07:59,200 --> 00:08:01,000
till I can find a back door.'
179
00:08:02,366 --> 00:08:04,333
Yeah, I'll take that.
180
00:08:11,133 --> 00:08:13,533
Heath... Heath, um, I just...
181
00:08:13,566 --> 00:08:15,600
Actually, have you got a sec?
182
00:08:15,633 --> 00:08:16,633
Sure.
183
00:08:18,766 --> 00:08:20,033
I just wanted to let you know
184
00:08:20,066 --> 00:08:22,433
that I wasn't as spooked
as Col was about Ed's email.
185
00:08:22,466 --> 00:08:23,600
What?
186
00:08:23,633 --> 00:08:27,100
- Oh, Col gave us a bell.
- About Ed?
187
00:08:27,133 --> 00:08:28,866
Well, not just...
188
00:08:28,900 --> 00:08:31,600
No, actually, I think he's...
happy for you.
189
00:08:31,633 --> 00:08:33,266
Well, that's bullshit.
190
00:08:33,300 --> 00:08:35,500
It is, yeah. No, he, um...
191
00:08:35,533 --> 00:08:37,300
thinks you're getting married.
192
00:08:38,766 --> 00:08:41,366
I genuinely think he was
hit on the head as a kid.
193
00:08:41,399 --> 00:08:43,600
Good. That's what
I thought, too.
194
00:08:43,633 --> 00:08:46,400
And I just wanted to
ask you one favour.
195
00:08:46,433 --> 00:08:48,000
Now, I know you're not big on
196
00:08:48,033 --> 00:08:49,633
spruiking your own wares
and stuff,
197
00:08:49,666 --> 00:08:51,966
but I was hoping I could get
a plus-one to your graduation.
198
00:08:52,000 --> 00:08:53,100
Mel's more than welcome.
199
00:08:53,133 --> 00:08:54,800
No, I was thinking not Mel.
200
00:08:54,833 --> 00:08:56,433
I was thinking Mia.
201
00:08:57,433 --> 00:08:59,233
She's having a bit of
a rough time at school.
202
00:08:59,266 --> 00:09:00,666
I thought you two
could catch up.
203
00:09:00,700 --> 00:09:02,766
Maybe some of your educational
inspo might rub off.
204
00:09:02,800 --> 00:09:05,133
- I'd love to see her.
- Oh, sweet.
205
00:09:05,166 --> 00:09:06,933
You do realise it's a weekday?
206
00:09:06,966 --> 00:09:09,000
I didn't. That's alright.
207
00:09:09,033 --> 00:09:10,700
So you're going to
take her out of school
208
00:09:10,733 --> 00:09:12,333
to inspire her to
go back to school?
209
00:09:12,366 --> 00:09:13,533
Yes.
210
00:09:15,266 --> 00:09:17,833
So, hang on. Should I bring
Mel?
211
00:09:17,866 --> 00:09:19,133
Sure.
212
00:09:28,866 --> 00:09:31,433
OK to send the next one
through?
213
00:09:31,466 --> 00:09:33,266
Thank you, Cynthia.
214
00:09:33,300 --> 00:09:36,866
Just one more of Dr McBain's
and two of ours.
215
00:09:41,333 --> 00:09:42,733
MAN: Harry?
216
00:09:43,866 --> 00:09:45,300
Anton!
217
00:09:45,333 --> 00:09:46,666
Hello.
218
00:09:46,700 --> 00:09:48,766
I thought I was seeing
Dr McBain.
219
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:52,866
No, he's on leave,
so I'm filling in.
220
00:09:52,900 --> 00:09:55,566
Right. What are the odds?
221
00:09:55,600 --> 00:09:58,133
Uh, if you'd prefer
to reschedule,
222
00:09:58,166 --> 00:09:59,500
if you're uncomfortable
at all...?
223
00:09:59,533 --> 00:10:02,400
Uh, no, I'm fine if you are.
224
00:10:02,433 --> 00:10:05,433
Yep. It's nice to see you.
225
00:10:05,466 --> 00:10:07,233
Yeah, you too.
226
00:10:07,266 --> 00:10:09,533
- Please take a seat.
- Thanks.
227
00:10:16,933 --> 00:10:19,466
So are we just
checking your MAP today,
228
00:10:19,500 --> 00:10:21,166
or is there something
in particular?
229
00:10:21,200 --> 00:10:22,766
It's just a mole
I've had for years,
230
00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,100
but it started to change,
231
00:10:24,133 --> 00:10:26,866
so I thought
better safe than sorry.
232
00:10:26,900 --> 00:10:28,366
Absolutely.
233
00:10:28,400 --> 00:10:30,300
Just step over to
the examination table
234
00:10:30,333 --> 00:10:31,700
and we'll take a look.
235
00:10:31,733 --> 00:10:32,733
Sure.
236
00:10:34,066 --> 00:10:35,366
(HARRY CLEARS THROAT)
237
00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,266
OK. It's probably nothing.
238
00:11:00,300 --> 00:11:03,100
But just out of
an abundance of caution,
239
00:11:03,133 --> 00:11:04,966
I'd like to do a biopsy,
if that's OK.
240
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,566
Absolutely. Yeah.
241
00:11:10,066 --> 00:11:12,600
Unless you're only doing it
so I'll keep my pants down.
242
00:11:12,633 --> 00:11:13,766
(LAUGHS)
243
00:11:20,633 --> 00:11:22,233
Right.
244
00:11:34,733 --> 00:11:35,933
Good day?
245
00:11:35,966 --> 00:11:37,566
No.
246
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:41,966
I've been copping shit
from every idiot you emailed.
247
00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:44,800
Colin thinks I'm halfway
pregnant and moving in.
248
00:11:48,300 --> 00:11:50,766
You would tell me you
were pregnant, wouldn't you?
249
00:11:50,800 --> 00:11:54,233
Look, I appreciate the gesture.
250
00:11:54,266 --> 00:11:55,566
- No, you don't.
- No, I don't.
251
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,766
- Because I hate people.
- Well, so do I.
252
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,600
I mean, if I had my way,
I'd never leave this house.
253
00:11:59,633 --> 00:12:01,533
You're just saying that 'cause
you know it's my fantasy.
254
00:12:01,566 --> 00:12:03,166
I think you'll find
it makes more sense
255
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,366
for me not to want to leave
the place.
256
00:12:04,400 --> 00:12:06,100
I mean, look around.
This place is fucking massive.
257
00:12:06,133 --> 00:12:07,400
It's not THAT big.
258
00:12:07,433 --> 00:12:09,166
It's bigger than your joint.
259
00:12:09,200 --> 00:12:11,733
It's a lot less crowded.
260
00:12:11,766 --> 00:12:13,600
You know I love your
housemates.
261
00:12:13,633 --> 00:12:15,233
- Do you?
- Oi!
262
00:12:15,266 --> 00:12:17,466
Yeah, I'm...
I'm quite fond of them, yeah.
263
00:12:17,500 --> 00:12:20,833
- Who's your favourite?
- Oh...
264
00:12:20,866 --> 00:12:21,933
Ben.
265
00:12:22,933 --> 00:12:24,166
Are you going somewhere
with this?
266
00:12:24,200 --> 00:12:26,100
- I'm trying...
- Get there quicker.
267
00:12:29,766 --> 00:12:31,033
Maybe...
268
00:12:32,133 --> 00:12:34,100
..you should move in here.
269
00:12:42,500 --> 00:12:44,533
We'd kill each other
in the first week.
270
00:12:47,566 --> 00:12:48,800
(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)
271
00:12:50,066 --> 00:12:51,533
Fair enough.
272
00:12:52,966 --> 00:12:54,500
Guess we'll never know.
273
00:13:18,933 --> 00:13:21,433
- What did I tell you?
- Jesus Christ, Col!
274
00:13:21,466 --> 00:13:23,966
(LAUGHS) Don't...
sneak up on me like that
275
00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,266
- Why are you so jumpy?
- I'm not jumpy.
276
00:13:26,300 --> 00:13:30,833
Hmm. She has
landed on her feet this time.
277
00:13:30,866 --> 00:13:32,566
I mean, this is... (LAUGHS)
278
00:13:32,600 --> 00:13:36,133
..just the bones,
just architecturally,
279
00:13:36,166 --> 00:13:38,333
let alone the finishes!
280
00:13:38,366 --> 00:13:40,700
But... riddle me this -
281
00:13:40,733 --> 00:13:43,666
how the hell does a teacher
end up in a joint like this?
282
00:13:43,700 --> 00:13:45,533
He hasn't earned it.
Not legally.
283
00:13:45,566 --> 00:13:46,866
Probably just invested well.
284
00:13:46,900 --> 00:13:49,733
- I mean, he's an older bloke.
- He's younger than me.
285
00:13:49,766 --> 00:13:52,300
I'm telling you, it's drugs,
corruption.
286
00:13:52,333 --> 00:13:53,666
People smuggling.
287
00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,933
Maybe... Jesus!
288
00:13:54,966 --> 00:13:56,833
- Oh, where did you come from?
- Calm down.
289
00:13:56,866 --> 00:13:58,133
I just got here.
290
00:13:58,166 --> 00:14:00,633
- Do you need a beta blocker?
- A what?
291
00:14:00,666 --> 00:14:01,833
They're not addictive.
292
00:14:01,866 --> 00:14:03,600
I only use them
for big client meets.
293
00:14:03,633 --> 00:14:05,266
But I thought Heather
might need a couple.
294
00:14:05,300 --> 00:14:07,833
Oh, cheers, Col.
Very thoughtful.
295
00:14:07,866 --> 00:14:09,366
Hey, you.
296
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:11,366
I've missed that face.
297
00:14:11,400 --> 00:14:12,966
These two giving you the shits?
298
00:14:13,000 --> 00:14:14,700
Col thinks
your boyfriend's dodgy.
299
00:14:14,733 --> 00:14:16,066
Where does all the money
come from?
300
00:14:16,100 --> 00:14:18,200
- He probably just
invested well. - OK. You're both wrong.
301
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:20,566
His ex is loaded and he got
the house in the divorce.
302
00:14:20,600 --> 00:14:21,766
Oh.
303
00:14:21,800 --> 00:14:23,366
You look lovely.
304
00:14:23,400 --> 00:14:26,733
Did you intentionally match
your blouse to the artwork?
305
00:14:26,766 --> 00:14:27,800
What?
306
00:14:27,833 --> 00:14:30,000
Well, you just clearly
are very comfortable here.
307
00:14:30,033 --> 00:14:32,133
Can you do something
vaguely useful and call Tim?
308
00:14:32,166 --> 00:14:34,900
- He should be here by now.
- Happy to help.
309
00:14:34,933 --> 00:14:36,800
Can you help from over there?
310
00:14:38,733 --> 00:14:41,500
We don't have much time,
so I'm coming in hard and fast.
311
00:14:41,533 --> 00:14:44,266
- What's going on in school?
- The usual.
312
00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,600
- You don't want to be there?
- Pretty much.
313
00:14:46,633 --> 00:14:47,900
You're hating your subjects?
314
00:14:47,933 --> 00:14:50,066
Doesn't care enough
to hate them.
315
00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:53,133
You got a boyfriend?
316
00:14:53,166 --> 00:14:55,166
No-one special.
317
00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,333
I'm seeing a few people.
318
00:14:57,366 --> 00:14:59,000
It's nothing exclusive.
319
00:14:59,033 --> 00:15:01,033
- Oh. Fair enough.
- Interesting.
320
00:15:01,066 --> 00:15:04,166
So, when you say 'seeing',
what exactly are you saying?
321
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:05,566
It's too hard to explain.
322
00:15:05,600 --> 00:15:08,100
- How hard can it be?
- It's too hard.
323
00:15:08,133 --> 00:15:10,333
Why don't you
go and get yourself a drink.
324
00:15:11,866 --> 00:15:14,366
So does that mean she's
seeing more than one? What?
325
00:15:16,333 --> 00:15:17,833
Hey. Hey.
326
00:15:17,866 --> 00:15:19,766
She's just winding you up.
327
00:15:19,800 --> 00:15:21,400
It's her job.
328
00:15:21,433 --> 00:15:22,700
(MURMURS INDISTINCTLY)
329
00:15:23,766 --> 00:15:25,700
How's she getting along
with Mel?
330
00:15:27,933 --> 00:15:29,533
You haven't even told her.
331
00:15:29,566 --> 00:15:31,800
There's not much to tell.
Mel's just a new mate.
332
00:15:31,833 --> 00:15:33,733
Yeah, a new mate
you're having sex with you.
333
00:15:33,766 --> 00:15:35,600
Yeah, well, I'm not
gonna tell Mia that, am I?
334
00:15:35,633 --> 00:15:38,033
You won't have to.
For Christ's sake, look around.
335
00:15:38,066 --> 00:15:40,533
Mel's not shagging anyone
else in this room, is she?
336
00:15:40,566 --> 00:15:44,400
There's no way that kid
won't put two and two together.
337
00:15:44,433 --> 00:15:46,633
I'd get ahead of it.
She'll be alright.
338
00:15:46,666 --> 00:15:48,733
Can I interest anyone
in a horse's duvet?
339
00:15:48,766 --> 00:15:49,833
- (LAUGHS)
- Nice.
340
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:51,100
- That's yours.
- Thank you.
341
00:15:51,133 --> 00:15:54,033
Timmy still hasn't shown up.
Are we concerned about that?
342
00:15:54,066 --> 00:15:56,500
Oh, he likes to
make an entrance.
343
00:15:56,533 --> 00:15:58,066
- He'll be here.
- Cool.
344
00:15:59,266 --> 00:16:00,400
Uh, go. Any one.
345
00:16:09,500 --> 00:16:11,500
(PHONE DIALS)
346
00:16:11,533 --> 00:16:12,866
LACHLAN: Yes?
347
00:16:12,900 --> 00:16:14,866
Are you on your way?
348
00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,500
No, I'm not.
349
00:16:16,533 --> 00:16:20,666
Well, I am looking up
in the next 1.5 minutes.
350
00:16:20,700 --> 00:16:23,633
Look, I said no, and I meant
it.
351
00:16:23,666 --> 00:16:25,100
- I don't care.
- You do.
352
00:16:25,133 --> 00:16:26,866
And as you are WELL aware,
353
00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:30,533
leaving the office unattended
is a very serious offence.
354
00:16:30,566 --> 00:16:33,366
- It's a felony.
- It is not.
355
00:16:33,400 --> 00:16:36,100
I've already made it
abundantly clear
356
00:16:36,133 --> 00:16:39,500
we need at least
seven days notice.
357
00:16:39,533 --> 00:16:42,800
How many times have I covered
for you with zero notice?
358
00:16:42,833 --> 00:16:44,166
If you're referring to
359
00:16:44,200 --> 00:16:47,800
my medical emergency/
allergic reaction...
360
00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:50,966
Burning your bum hole with hot
wax is NOT an allergic reaction.
361
00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:53,666
It is a consequence that
could have easily been avoided.
362
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:56,333
And, frankly, I question why
you were waxing your nether regions
363
00:16:56,366 --> 00:16:57,833
at 11am on a work day.
364
00:16:57,866 --> 00:16:59,133
(JANGLING)
365
00:16:59,166 --> 00:17:01,566
Are you jingling
your keys at me?
366
00:17:01,600 --> 00:17:03,500
I am locking up.
367
00:17:03,533 --> 00:17:04,633
You wouldn't dare.
368
00:17:04,766 --> 00:17:08,333
We both know that you are too
professional and compassionate
369
00:17:08,366 --> 00:17:10,366
to put me in
such an uncomfortable...
370
00:17:10,400 --> 00:17:12,466
You're getting
a massage, Lachlan!
371
00:17:12,500 --> 00:17:14,133
You can't prove that.
372
00:17:14,166 --> 00:17:15,900
Ains, please.
373
00:17:15,933 --> 00:17:19,366
Don't make me the guy has to
sack his favourite co-worker...
374
00:17:19,400 --> 00:17:20,566
(SCOFFS)
375
00:17:20,600 --> 00:17:22,466
As if I could make you
do anything.
376
00:17:34,533 --> 00:17:37,300
- Oh!
- (LAUGHS)
377
00:17:40,733 --> 00:17:41,933
Thank you.
378
00:17:43,466 --> 00:17:45,766
Ooh! How long
have you been holding that?
379
00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:48,200
Oh, about half an hour.
380
00:17:48,233 --> 00:17:50,033
- Yeah...
- Is it no good?
381
00:17:50,066 --> 00:17:52,033
Oh, I'll get you another one.
Sorry.
382
00:17:52,066 --> 00:17:55,300
Oh, um, I had a chat with Col.
383
00:17:55,333 --> 00:17:57,200
He's got a fair bit to say
about your situation
384
00:17:57,233 --> 00:17:59,800
with the, uh,
cash and everything.
385
00:17:59,833 --> 00:18:01,400
Does it have to be right now?
386
00:18:01,433 --> 00:18:02,933
Well, you're the one
waving him over.
387
00:18:02,966 --> 00:18:04,400
No, I was just waving back.
388
00:18:04,433 --> 00:18:06,133
- Oh.
- Ains.
389
00:18:06,166 --> 00:18:07,800
You look lovely.
390
00:18:07,833 --> 00:18:10,766
- Oh, you always say that.
- Yeah, yeah.
391
00:18:10,800 --> 00:18:15,866
I am truly honoured to be
part of the conversation
392
00:18:15,900 --> 00:18:17,633
re the path going forward
393
00:18:17,666 --> 00:18:19,600
after your windfall.
394
00:18:19,633 --> 00:18:22,600
Oh, and thank you so much
for your lovely card.
395
00:18:22,633 --> 00:18:24,000
Oh, well,
you're more than welcome.
396
00:18:24,033 --> 00:18:26,900
I meant every word. He was...
397
00:18:26,933 --> 00:18:29,266
He was an intimidating man.
398
00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:32,533
Now, you've been in real estate
for... five years?
399
00:18:32,566 --> 00:18:33,666
15.
400
00:18:33,700 --> 00:18:37,500
So you would probably know that
there's nothing safer.
401
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,566
I mean, it's literally a
saying.
402
00:18:39,600 --> 00:18:41,200
BOTH: as safe as houses.
403
00:18:41,233 --> 00:18:43,866
And I was saying to Simmo,
your options are endless.
404
00:18:43,900 --> 00:18:45,166
Well, there's two.
405
00:18:45,200 --> 00:18:47,800
You can either
buy as an investor
406
00:18:47,833 --> 00:18:49,766
or as an owner-occupier.
407
00:18:49,800 --> 00:18:51,533
So I know
that's a lot to take in.
408
00:18:51,566 --> 00:18:52,566
Not really.
409
00:18:52,600 --> 00:18:54,166
But you want your money
working for you,
410
00:18:54,200 --> 00:18:55,800
not just sitting there.
411
00:18:55,833 --> 00:18:57,833
You want to working ASAP.
412
00:18:57,866 --> 00:18:59,933
- End of sermon.
- Aw.
413
00:18:59,966 --> 00:19:01,533
- Thank you, Col.
- That's alright.
414
00:19:01,566 --> 00:19:04,033
If you want me to take you
through the journey
415
00:19:04,066 --> 00:19:06,533
I had with
the Doyle family of abodes.
416
00:19:06,566 --> 00:19:08,166
I'm more than happy.
417
00:19:08,200 --> 00:19:10,133
- Oh, I... That's very
generous. Thank you.
418
00:19:10,166 --> 00:19:13,166
Just know that if you give me
4-5 hours of your time...
419
00:19:13,200 --> 00:19:15,566
- Oh!
- ..I would change your life.
420
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:16,800
Don't answer now.
421
00:19:16,833 --> 00:19:18,133
(BOTH LAUGH)
422
00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:21,033
- But just think about it.
- Ah.
423
00:19:27,766 --> 00:19:29,533
What brings you here today?
424
00:19:32,133 --> 00:19:34,700
- Do you want to...
- No. Ladies first.
425
00:19:37,133 --> 00:19:38,866
Um...
426
00:19:38,900 --> 00:19:42,566
Well, we've been married
for just over 13 years.
427
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:44,800
14 years next month.
428
00:19:46,100 --> 00:19:52,266
And I very recently cheated
on Stuart, with another woman,
429
00:19:52,300 --> 00:19:54,166
with whom we were both
very close.
430
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:55,500
Is that affair ongoing?
431
00:19:55,533 --> 00:19:58,100
No. Because I'm not gay.
432
00:19:58,133 --> 00:20:04,800
It was a catastrophic failure
for everyone concerned.
433
00:20:04,833 --> 00:20:07,433
I'm assuming that includes you.
434
00:20:10,733 --> 00:20:13,066
I'm not saying that I'm
perfect,
435
00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:15,300
but her affair did...
436
00:20:20,633 --> 00:20:22,733
Look, I should probably
declare that...
437
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:28,166
I mismanaged our finances
for several years.
438
00:20:28,200 --> 00:20:29,266
Yes.
439
00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:33,000
And lied to me about it
over several years.
440
00:20:33,033 --> 00:20:35,400
To the point of bankrupting me.
441
00:20:36,400 --> 00:20:38,133
But instead of telling me,
442
00:20:38,166 --> 00:20:39,933
he fled the country
443
00:20:39,966 --> 00:20:44,233
and left me to
deal with the fallout alone.
444
00:20:44,266 --> 00:20:48,466
But I did then work my ass off
to make things right,
445
00:20:48,500 --> 00:20:50,966
and then supported you
financially through...
446
00:20:51,000 --> 00:20:52,866
Well, you were paying me back
with my money.
447
00:20:52,900 --> 00:20:55,500
Because I wanted to do
whatever it took...
448
00:20:58,033 --> 00:20:59,633
There's still a lot of love
between us.
449
00:20:59,666 --> 00:21:01,733
Yes, there is.
450
00:21:01,766 --> 00:21:03,566
And the sex is still great.
451
00:21:03,600 --> 00:21:06,266
STUART: Honestly, it's
a little hit-and-miss for me.
452
00:21:18,633 --> 00:21:20,500
Are you holding your breath?
453
00:21:22,033 --> 00:21:24,100
Right. Copy that.
454
00:21:24,133 --> 00:21:27,800
Just hits you like a brick wall
every time, doesn't it?
455
00:21:27,833 --> 00:21:30,033
What is it? The height?
The complexion?
456
00:21:30,066 --> 00:21:34,033
Animal magneti...?
OK, that's not good.
457
00:21:34,066 --> 00:21:36,400
Yeah. What do you think
they're saying there?
458
00:21:36,433 --> 00:21:38,500
Oh... Heather's smiling.
459
00:21:38,533 --> 00:21:40,500
That's not necessarily
a bad thing.
460
00:21:41,566 --> 00:21:44,000
- Oh, I'll just go for a sec...
- Too late. She's on approach.
461
00:21:44,033 --> 00:21:45,833
- OK, just...
- I'm right behind you.
462
00:21:45,866 --> 00:21:47,533
- What's wrong with you?
- Hey, hey, big boy.
463
00:21:47,566 --> 00:21:49,633
- Hey.
- Sorry I'm late.
464
00:21:49,666 --> 00:21:51,166
The fucking kid
got conjunctivitis.
465
00:21:51,200 --> 00:21:52,866
Oh, that's alright.
Well, hey, here she is.
466
00:21:52,900 --> 00:21:56,033
Um, Mel, this is
my daughter, Mia.
467
00:21:56,066 --> 00:21:57,766
Mia, this is Mel.
468
00:21:57,800 --> 00:21:58,833
- Hey.
- Hey.
469
00:21:58,866 --> 00:22:00,900
- Are you graduating too?
- Hell, no.
470
00:22:00,933 --> 00:22:03,566
I left school at 15.
Never looked back.
471
00:22:03,600 --> 00:22:05,600
- (LAUGHS AWKWARDLY)
- Cheers.
472
00:22:05,633 --> 00:22:06,800
Yeah, cheers.
473
00:22:06,833 --> 00:22:08,766
- (GLASS CLINKS)
- ED: Ah, thanks, everyone.
474
00:22:08,800 --> 00:22:10,400
If I could get your attention?
475
00:22:10,433 --> 00:22:13,433
I want to thank you all for
coming to Heath's graduation.
476
00:22:13,466 --> 00:22:15,166
- Heath, come here.
- Yeah.
477
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,733
Um...
478
00:22:16,766 --> 00:22:18,000
Congratulations.
479
00:22:18,266 --> 00:22:20,366
I know there's nothing I can
say that's not going to sound patronizing.
480
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:24,300
So if I can politely ask
all of you to fuck off.
481
00:22:24,333 --> 00:22:25,566
(LAUGHTER)
482
00:22:25,600 --> 00:22:28,500
And if you can, join us
for the official ceremony.
483
00:22:28,533 --> 00:22:30,466
- (AINSLEY CHEERS)
- Um, that's it.
484
00:22:30,500 --> 00:22:33,200
- Thanks, everyone. Cheers.
- (APPLAUSE)
485
00:22:33,233 --> 00:22:36,333
That was a lot less painful
than I thought it was going to be.
486
00:22:36,366 --> 00:22:37,866
(LAUGHS)
487
00:22:37,900 --> 00:22:39,300
Oh, sorry to interrupt.
488
00:22:39,333 --> 00:22:41,666
I just thought I'd give you
a little present.
489
00:22:41,700 --> 00:22:42,933
Ah, let me guess.
490
00:22:42,966 --> 00:22:44,533
- E-Bay gift card?
- Yeah.
491
00:22:44,566 --> 00:22:47,566
So I just wanted to let you
know that I spoke to Timmy,
492
00:22:47,600 --> 00:22:49,500
and he's had a bit of a
morning,
493
00:22:49,533 --> 00:22:50,900
so he's going to meet us there.
494
00:22:50,933 --> 00:22:52,233
That marble in the...
495
00:22:52,266 --> 00:22:53,800
What kind of morning?
496
00:22:55,266 --> 00:22:58,766
He's had a run-in
with some gummies.
497
00:22:58,800 --> 00:23:00,166
Yeah. He...
498
00:23:00,200 --> 00:23:02,366
Look, he wasn't
feeling anything,
499
00:23:02,400 --> 00:23:03,933
so he's dropped four in a row.
500
00:23:03,966 --> 00:23:06,133
And let's just say
they're coming on now.
501
00:23:06,166 --> 00:23:08,300
But it's a rookie mistake.
We've all been there.
502
00:23:08,333 --> 00:23:09,766
I mean, what did we do
to get you down
503
00:23:09,800 --> 00:23:11,500
when you were off your face
on hash cookies?
504
00:23:11,533 --> 00:23:13,400
You didn't. I woke up in
Darwin.
505
00:23:13,433 --> 00:23:15,166
- Was it Darwin?
- Yes, it was Dar...
506
00:23:15,200 --> 00:23:17,733
OK. OK. So we know
that he's on his way.
507
00:23:17,766 --> 00:23:19,300
That's... That's a win.
508
00:23:19,333 --> 00:23:21,466
I guess we'll just reassess
when we get there. Yeah?
509
00:23:21,500 --> 00:23:22,733
Can I get a lift with you?
510
00:23:22,766 --> 00:23:24,233
- No.
- Yes.
511
00:23:30,000 --> 00:23:31,466
COUNSELLOR:
Try not to look away.
512
00:23:37,933 --> 00:23:40,166
What are you... seeing?
513
00:23:41,666 --> 00:23:42,900
Um...
514
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:47,366
Just so much...
515
00:23:47,400 --> 00:23:48,400
Pain.
516
00:23:51,500 --> 00:23:52,900
Sadness.
517
00:23:56,400 --> 00:23:57,833
And confusion.
518
00:23:57,866 --> 00:23:59,100
Regret.
519
00:23:59,133 --> 00:24:00,500
So much regret.
520
00:24:02,133 --> 00:24:05,900
But even when we
really hurt each other,
521
00:24:05,933 --> 00:24:10,166
I think we've really just been
hurting ourselves just as much.
522
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:11,766
I agree.
523
00:24:11,800 --> 00:24:15,100
When I found out about
the cheating, I was devastated.
524
00:24:15,133 --> 00:24:17,000
You know, I...
525
00:24:17,033 --> 00:24:21,366
I felt rejected, humiliated
526
00:24:21,400 --> 00:24:23,533
and ugly.
527
00:24:24,533 --> 00:24:26,333
Like I didn't even deserve
love.
528
00:24:27,866 --> 00:24:29,766
You do deserve love.
529
00:24:33,000 --> 00:24:34,233
Thank you.
530
00:24:37,533 --> 00:24:39,266
Simone made a pass at me.
531
00:24:41,266 --> 00:24:42,833
Sim...
532
00:24:42,866 --> 00:24:44,333
Bruce's wife?
533
00:24:44,366 --> 00:24:46,166
Yes. She gave me a...
534
00:24:48,666 --> 00:24:51,533
..performed fellatio on me
535
00:24:51,566 --> 00:24:53,466
a few days before
I got to Melbourne.
536
00:24:59,533 --> 00:25:03,933
You are fucking kidding me.
537
00:25:05,666 --> 00:25:06,966
COL: Have a beta blocker,
Heath.
538
00:25:07,000 --> 00:25:08,533
Just have half,
to take the edge off.
539
00:25:08,566 --> 00:25:11,600
- I don't want any.
- (PHONE RINGS)
540
00:25:11,633 --> 00:25:13,233
Mate, it's me.
541
00:25:13,266 --> 00:25:15,100
He knows it's you.
542
00:25:15,133 --> 00:25:16,500
No, we're on the ground.
543
00:25:16,533 --> 00:25:18,700
I'm not sure how far we are
away from the actual...
544
00:25:18,733 --> 00:25:20,100
We're 2 minutes away.
545
00:25:20,133 --> 00:25:22,500
OK. She's pretty wound up.
546
00:25:22,533 --> 00:25:24,400
No, we're 2 minutes away.
547
00:25:24,433 --> 00:25:27,566
I can't understand
what you're saying.
548
00:25:27,600 --> 00:25:28,866
You're not getting it.
549
00:25:30,033 --> 00:25:31,600
OK.
550
00:25:33,266 --> 00:25:35,833
OK. Got it. Hang tight.
We're on our way.
551
00:25:35,866 --> 00:25:38,433
He's in the accessible toilet.
552
00:25:38,466 --> 00:25:40,033
I'll see you in there.
553
00:25:40,066 --> 00:25:41,933
- You don't want me to...
- Just go.
554
00:25:43,133 --> 00:25:45,433
HEATHER: Anthony Timothy Doyle,
555
00:25:45,466 --> 00:25:47,066
get on your feet right now.
556
00:25:47,100 --> 00:25:48,833
I don't care how hard it is.
Do you understand?
557
00:25:48,866 --> 00:25:50,333
Gonna leave the door open.
558
00:25:50,366 --> 00:25:51,933
It doesn't feel right,
being in here,
559
00:25:51,966 --> 00:25:53,700
'cause I'm not
technically disabled.
560
00:25:53,733 --> 00:25:55,733
Didn't stop you using
Uncle Herb's parking permit.
561
00:25:55,766 --> 00:25:57,566
Oh, OK. That was a gift.
562
00:25:57,600 --> 00:25:59,266
And I've only ever
used that twice.
563
00:25:59,300 --> 00:26:01,500
OK, well, just leave
the fucking door open then.
564
00:26:01,533 --> 00:26:02,466
OK. It's open.
565
00:26:02,500 --> 00:26:04,233
(GROANS)
566
00:26:04,266 --> 00:26:06,866
OK. Alright. Hang on.
567
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:08,466
OK, just... Just, weight down.
568
00:26:08,500 --> 00:26:09,800
I think you're hurting him!
569
00:26:09,833 --> 00:26:11,266
I'm not hurting him.
570
00:26:11,300 --> 00:26:12,433
OK, that's it.
571
00:26:12,466 --> 00:26:14,200
Knock, knock! It's Sim. Simmo.
572
00:26:14,233 --> 00:26:16,100
Kevin. Bennie's mate.
573
00:26:16,133 --> 00:26:19,200
- No. Yeah. Come on in. - For
fuck's sake, just walk in.
574
00:26:19,233 --> 00:26:20,733
OK. Is he breathing?
575
00:26:20,766 --> 00:26:22,366
Of course
he's fucking breathing.
576
00:26:22,400 --> 00:26:25,300
- Why are you here? - I brought
the bounce-back bag.
577
00:26:25,333 --> 00:26:27,533
Always keep it in the ute.
578
00:26:27,566 --> 00:26:29,500
What's in it?
579
00:26:29,533 --> 00:26:31,300
Maybe just lock the door?
580
00:26:33,333 --> 00:26:35,533
OK, you've got your pseudos,
581
00:26:35,566 --> 00:26:37,366
antihistamines,
582
00:26:37,400 --> 00:26:39,500
couple of pingers,
couple of jazz darts,
583
00:26:39,533 --> 00:26:41,933
just a tiny bit of go-ey,
adrenaline.
584
00:26:41,966 --> 00:26:43,200
Where the hell
did you get adrenaline?
585
00:26:43,233 --> 00:26:45,733
I can't answer that, Heath,
but I can tell you on my life,
586
00:26:45,766 --> 00:26:47,200
it's as pure as the driven
snow.
587
00:26:47,233 --> 00:26:48,633
- (KNOCKING)
- Agh!
588
00:26:48,666 --> 00:26:50,666
- (STAMMERS) Occupied.
- AINSLEY: It's just me.
589
00:26:50,700 --> 00:26:52,433
I thought you should know that
the official people
590
00:26:52,466 --> 00:26:53,833
are clustering together.
591
00:26:53,866 --> 00:26:55,833
I think it's about to start.
592
00:26:56,900 --> 00:26:59,233
(GROANS)
593
00:26:59,266 --> 00:27:00,866
- Help me get him up.
- OK.
594
00:27:00,900 --> 00:27:03,133
On three - two, one...
595
00:27:03,166 --> 00:27:05,966
- Just one, two three is fine.
- Go down. On one.
596
00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:09,033
- And three.
- Just...
597
00:27:09,066 --> 00:27:10,166
Right.
598
00:27:11,166 --> 00:27:15,433
A very warm welcome to our
distinguished guests, staff,
599
00:27:15,466 --> 00:27:17,500
families, friends and graduates
600
00:27:17,533 --> 00:27:20,000
to our commencement ceremony.
601
00:27:21,100 --> 00:27:23,533
In the words of Orrin Hatch,
602
00:27:23,566 --> 00:27:25,066
there is a good reason
603
00:27:25,100 --> 00:27:29,333
they call these ceremonies
commencement exercises.
604
00:27:29,366 --> 00:27:31,133
Graduation is not..
605
00:27:31,166 --> 00:27:33,566
You probably
don't remember that time
606
00:27:33,600 --> 00:27:36,166
I almost had sex
with that real estate agent?
607
00:27:36,200 --> 00:27:38,333
Ah... Oh, the emojis fella
608
00:27:38,366 --> 00:27:40,333
you didn't think
was flirting with you? Yeah.
609
00:27:40,366 --> 00:27:42,300
Yes, so, he's texting me again,
610
00:27:42,333 --> 00:27:44,533
and I still can't tell
if he's flirting.
611
00:27:44,566 --> 00:27:46,800
(APPLAUSE)
612
00:27:48,966 --> 00:27:53,200
I mean, mate, that's...
that's flirting. All day long.
613
00:27:53,233 --> 00:27:54,366
- Is it?
- Yeah.
614
00:27:54,400 --> 00:27:55,900
Well, he's sent you, what?
615
00:27:55,933 --> 00:27:58,966
Seven text messages
in 10 minutes.
616
00:27:59,000 --> 00:28:00,800
He's probably already nude.
617
00:28:00,833 --> 00:28:02,133
You want to fly something
back for you?
618
00:28:02,166 --> 00:28:03,700
- No, no, no.
- You got to get back hard.
619
00:28:03,733 --> 00:28:05,933
- I've got a couple of gifs...
- No, no. He's a patient.
620
00:28:05,966 --> 00:28:08,133
- So?
- so he's in my care.
621
00:28:08,166 --> 00:28:09,700
Yeah.
622
00:28:09,733 --> 00:28:13,533
Well, let's just say
it's frowned upon, ethically,
623
00:28:13,566 --> 00:28:14,833
and morally.
624
00:28:14,866 --> 00:28:16,166
Mm-hm.
625
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:19,433
Chiarella, William James.
626
00:28:19,466 --> 00:28:21,366
OK, listen to me.
627
00:28:21,400 --> 00:28:24,800
You wrote your
year 12 English exam
628
00:28:24,833 --> 00:28:26,800
off your face on mushrooms...
629
00:28:26,833 --> 00:28:29,133
- PROFESSOR: Elizabeth...
- ..and you got an A.
630
00:28:31,500 --> 00:28:32,933
You can do this.
631
00:28:36,566 --> 00:28:39,300
Doyle, Anthony Timothy.
632
00:28:39,333 --> 00:28:40,800
(APPLAUSE)
633
00:28:44,233 --> 00:28:47,300
Doyle, Anthony Timothy.
634
00:28:59,166 --> 00:29:00,933
I love you so much.
635
00:29:00,966 --> 00:29:02,566
I believe in you. Go on.
636
00:29:10,000 --> 00:29:11,966
For a while there,
I wasn't sure whether
637
00:29:12,000 --> 00:29:13,966
Timmy would ever read or write.
638
00:29:14,000 --> 00:29:15,400
Now look at him.
639
00:29:30,200 --> 00:29:32,033
I'm his mum. Give it to me.
640
00:29:32,066 --> 00:29:34,333
I'll give it to him when
his motor function's back.
641
00:29:36,766 --> 00:29:38,533
It's OK. Got it.
642
00:29:49,033 --> 00:29:51,133
Just read the next name.
643
00:29:53,400 --> 00:29:55,766
Doyle, Heather Marie.
644
00:29:55,800 --> 00:29:58,366
(APPLAUSE)
645
00:30:02,433 --> 00:30:04,200
Thank you.
646
00:30:05,100 --> 00:30:07,066
OK. Up we get.
647
00:30:10,466 --> 00:30:12,000
Whoo!
648
00:30:12,033 --> 00:30:14,100
Dubois, Stephanie.
649
00:30:19,433 --> 00:30:21,133
Let your man see.
650
00:30:21,166 --> 00:30:24,266
- What is it?
- Bourbon soda. Zero fat.
651
00:30:28,000 --> 00:30:29,133
There you go, mate.
652
00:30:29,166 --> 00:30:30,700
PROFESSOR: ½Fasil, Adara.
653
00:30:32,033 --> 00:30:33,466
That wasn't too bad.
654
00:30:33,500 --> 00:30:34,600
(PROFESSOR CONTINUES)
655
00:30:34,700 --> 00:30:37,166
No, it wasn't. It was worse
than I could possibly imagine.
656
00:30:37,200 --> 00:30:38,600
I'm sorry.
657
00:30:38,633 --> 00:30:40,533
You don't have to
get back up there. OK?
658
00:30:40,566 --> 00:30:42,066
(PROFESSOR CONTINUES
CALLING NAMES)
659
00:30:43,233 --> 00:30:45,066
Can I ask you a question?
660
00:30:45,100 --> 00:30:47,366
You don't have to ask
if you can ask a question.
661
00:30:49,233 --> 00:30:51,033
Are you sleeping with my dad?
662
00:30:51,066 --> 00:30:52,266
As often as I can, yeah.
663
00:30:52,300 --> 00:30:53,433
(LAUGHS)
664
00:30:53,466 --> 00:30:55,833
PROFESSOR: Laurence,
Katherine Rosemary.
665
00:30:57,900 --> 00:31:02,166
And a hearty congratulations
to each and every one of you.
666
00:31:02,200 --> 00:31:05,533
I would now like to introduce
our final speakers for the day.
667
00:31:05,566 --> 00:31:06,833
(WHISPERS) I can see time.
668
00:31:06,866 --> 00:31:07,933
What's he saying?
669
00:31:07,966 --> 00:31:09,200
He reckons he can see time.
670
00:31:09,233 --> 00:31:10,733
- Walls hurt.
- Join me in welcoming...
671
00:31:10,766 --> 00:31:14,533
- The walls now hurt.
- ..Heather and Timothy Doyle.
672
00:31:14,566 --> 00:31:16,466
(APPLAUSE)
673
00:31:18,200 --> 00:31:20,600
- Please don't leave.
- I'm right here.
674
00:31:20,633 --> 00:31:22,933
I'm right here. Look at me.
Yeah?
675
00:31:44,933 --> 00:31:47,966
Uh, my kid and I were meant to
do this together.
676
00:31:48,000 --> 00:31:49,533
But as some of you
may have noticed,
677
00:31:49,566 --> 00:31:52,433
he's... currently, um...
678
00:31:52,466 --> 00:31:54,066
..indisposed.
679
00:31:57,300 --> 00:31:59,600
In even worse news,
he wrote the speech,
680
00:31:59,633 --> 00:32:02,333
and he's too stoned
to tell me where it is.
681
00:32:04,833 --> 00:32:06,500
Which is a shame.
682
00:32:07,633 --> 00:32:09,766
'Cause he's
much smarter than me.
683
00:32:13,166 --> 00:32:14,400
If it wasn't for him,
684
00:32:14,433 --> 00:32:17,800
and our head of department,
Ed Laurent...
685
00:32:19,100 --> 00:32:21,366
..I would have dropped out
in the first week.
686
00:32:23,300 --> 00:32:25,200
Ed...
687
00:32:25,233 --> 00:32:27,833
..you are, without question,
the best teacher I've ever had.
688
00:32:29,333 --> 00:32:32,066
And I'm not just saying that
because I'm sleeping with you.
689
00:32:32,100 --> 00:32:33,433
(GASPS)
690
00:32:42,433 --> 00:32:45,033
I... I wish I had
something profound to say.
691
00:32:46,166 --> 00:32:47,366
But I don't.
692
00:32:57,000 --> 00:33:00,233
You know, maybe... maybe that's
the point of education...
693
00:33:01,733 --> 00:33:03,733
..working out that
no-one knows anything.
694
00:33:08,966 --> 00:33:10,466
Yeah. I might just... Uh...
695
00:33:10,500 --> 00:33:12,266
I'll...
Yeah, I'll leave it there.
696
00:33:12,300 --> 00:33:14,166
Thanks. Thank you. Thank you.
Cheers.
697
00:33:14,200 --> 00:33:16,533
- (APPLAUSE)
- Yeah.
698
00:33:21,166 --> 00:33:25,766
Well, let's continue
with the formalities.
699
00:33:25,800 --> 00:33:27,933
LIZ: You fucking crucified me.
700
00:33:27,966 --> 00:33:29,166
STUART: I did not.
701
00:33:29,200 --> 00:33:30,633
LIZ: You helped me out to dry.
702
00:33:30,666 --> 00:33:33,166
You made me question
every fibre of my being.
703
00:33:33,200 --> 00:33:35,666
You were looking at me like
I was some kind of degenerate.
704
00:33:35,700 --> 00:33:36,900
And the whole time,
705
00:33:36,933 --> 00:33:39,100
you're sitting on the fact
that you fucked Simone!
706
00:33:39,133 --> 00:33:41,866
I didn't fuck her.
It was just... a blow job.
707
00:33:41,900 --> 00:33:43,700
But that's all I basically
got from Geri!
708
00:33:43,733 --> 00:33:45,700
And before you ask,
no, I didn't return the favour.
709
00:33:45,733 --> 00:33:47,300
So can you tell me -
what is the difference?
710
00:33:47,333 --> 00:33:48,666
Well...
711
00:33:48,700 --> 00:33:50,733
The fact that we both
had history with Geri.
712
00:33:50,766 --> 00:33:54,666
I have known Simone
for 10 years.
713
00:33:54,700 --> 00:33:58,333
OK, so we're even.
714
00:34:01,233 --> 00:34:02,666
I'm done here.
715
00:34:05,333 --> 00:34:06,500
Liz!
716
00:34:07,766 --> 00:34:10,466
Liz, you can't just walk away.
717
00:34:10,500 --> 00:34:12,133
You fucking did.
718
00:34:13,299 --> 00:34:14,633
You took everything from me.
719
00:34:14,666 --> 00:34:18,533
You took my home, my career,
my reputation,
720
00:34:18,566 --> 00:34:20,366
my... my self-belief.
721
00:34:20,400 --> 00:34:23,233
And then, THEN,
you came crawling back
722
00:34:23,266 --> 00:34:24,933
and you threw my eggs
in my face,
723
00:34:24,966 --> 00:34:26,766
like some sort of
fucking consolation prize,
724
00:34:26,799 --> 00:34:28,166
like an afterthought.
725
00:34:28,200 --> 00:34:30,266
And I still found it
in my idiotic heart
726
00:34:30,299 --> 00:34:31,333
to forgive you.
727
00:34:31,366 --> 00:34:32,866
And a lot has happened
since then.
728
00:34:32,900 --> 00:34:36,000
And I believe we are much more
on an equal footing now.
729
00:34:36,033 --> 00:34:37,799
My asshole, we are.
730
00:34:37,833 --> 00:34:39,633
(SCOFFS)
What is that supposed to mean?
731
00:34:39,666 --> 00:34:42,233
I don't...
I don't want to help you heal.
732
00:34:44,333 --> 00:34:46,500
Oh, so you... What?
733
00:34:46,533 --> 00:34:50,100
No. You just don't get to
end it like that.
734
00:34:50,133 --> 00:34:51,133
(DOOR OPENS)
735
00:34:53,366 --> 00:34:55,133
(DOOR CLOSES)
736
00:34:55,166 --> 00:34:56,333
(EXHALES)
737
00:35:11,100 --> 00:35:12,566
How much of that did you hear?
738
00:35:13,866 --> 00:35:15,333
Well, I'm not deaf.
739
00:35:16,366 --> 00:35:17,500
OK, then.
740
00:35:18,666 --> 00:35:20,500
I have nothing to say.
741
00:35:21,800 --> 00:35:23,366
But I'll say just one thing.
742
00:35:24,700 --> 00:35:26,800
He was not the one for you.
743
00:35:26,833 --> 00:35:30,266
You didn't think to maybe...
mention that earlier?
744
00:35:31,666 --> 00:35:33,800
You were not ready to hear it.
745
00:35:35,833 --> 00:35:38,800
Of course, it'll get harder
for a time.
746
00:35:38,833 --> 00:35:41,266
There will be many
younger women.
747
00:35:41,300 --> 00:35:43,733
His options will seem endless.
748
00:35:44,733 --> 00:35:46,633
It is the way of things.
749
00:35:55,100 --> 00:35:58,200
He was a noose
around your skinny neck.
750
00:35:59,266 --> 00:36:02,066
Now, you don't have to
wait for him to leave you.
751
00:36:03,900 --> 00:36:07,000
I... I actually just left him.
752
00:36:07,033 --> 00:36:08,900
Whatever.
753
00:36:08,933 --> 00:36:11,700
You are on the other side
of the mountain.
754
00:36:26,500 --> 00:36:28,533
Hang on, hang on, hang on.
755
00:36:28,566 --> 00:36:29,900
Why can I smell grog?
756
00:36:29,933 --> 00:36:31,400
'Cause you've been drinking.
757
00:36:35,433 --> 00:36:37,800
Oi, how good was it
to see Heath?
758
00:36:37,833 --> 00:36:38,966
How funny is Timmy?
759
00:36:39,000 --> 00:36:41,133
I know. It was pretty funny,
eh?
760
00:36:41,166 --> 00:36:42,400
And Heath's speech.
761
00:36:42,433 --> 00:36:45,366
Yeah, I know. She's just...
on the spot.
762
00:36:49,266 --> 00:36:50,800
Mel's pretty cool.
763
00:36:52,000 --> 00:36:53,066
Is she?
764
00:36:59,066 --> 00:37:01,166
Does Mum know
you have a girlfriend?
765
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:03,600
Mel? She's not...
not my girlfriend.
766
00:37:05,266 --> 00:37:07,766
Mmm... So you're just
sleeping with her?
767
00:37:07,800 --> 00:37:08,866
Yeah.
768
00:37:08,900 --> 00:37:10,566
Oh, no. Hang on. I...
769
00:37:10,600 --> 00:37:13,366
What? I don't give a shit.
770
00:37:13,400 --> 00:37:14,866
It'll be a different story
with Mum,
771
00:37:14,900 --> 00:37:16,200
but I'm not going to tell her.
772
00:37:16,233 --> 00:37:17,866
Yeah, but, mate, the thing is,
773
00:37:17,900 --> 00:37:19,666
I don't mean
it's just some sort of...
774
00:37:19,700 --> 00:37:21,600
Because I don't... It's not...
775
00:37:21,633 --> 00:37:23,066
- The thing with
Mel and me is... (LAUGHS)
776
00:37:23,100 --> 00:37:25,233
- What are you laughing at?
- I don't care.
777
00:37:26,300 --> 00:37:28,000
I mean, if I was
sleeping with someone,
778
00:37:28,033 --> 00:37:29,666
I wouldn't be telling you.
779
00:37:29,700 --> 00:37:30,800
Wouldn't you?
780
00:37:36,633 --> 00:37:39,400
It's all good, man.
It's all good.
781
00:37:47,400 --> 00:37:48,666
(WHISPERS) Shit.
782
00:37:50,466 --> 00:37:52,000
(LAUGHS)
783
00:37:53,500 --> 00:37:54,866
Yeah. Ah.
784
00:37:57,300 --> 00:37:59,400
(LAUGHS)
785
00:37:59,433 --> 00:38:00,766
Yeah.
786
00:38:03,100 --> 00:38:04,166
Ciao.
787
00:38:05,500 --> 00:38:06,766
Have a seat. Won't be long.
788
00:38:09,333 --> 00:38:10,600
Thanks for coming in.
789
00:38:10,633 --> 00:38:11,833
I was already in.
790
00:38:12,833 --> 00:38:15,466
Into my office, obviously.
791
00:38:18,066 --> 00:38:19,433
(SIGHS)
792
00:38:19,466 --> 00:38:22,600
Look, these chats
are never easy.
793
00:38:24,466 --> 00:38:25,966
Do you know
why I called this meeting?
794
00:38:26,000 --> 00:38:27,666
Because I left the office
on the office unattended.
795
00:38:27,700 --> 00:38:29,100
You left the office unattended.
796
00:38:30,433 --> 00:38:31,800
That was a rhetorical question.
797
00:38:31,833 --> 00:38:33,066
Sorry.
798
00:38:33,100 --> 00:38:35,633
It's a bit late for that,
I'm afraid.
799
00:38:35,666 --> 00:38:39,566
Your recent insubordination has
reflected badly on all of us.
800
00:38:39,600 --> 00:38:42,233
And as your direct superior...
801
00:38:42,266 --> 00:38:44,800
I'm afraid I can't just
turn a blind eye.
802
00:38:44,833 --> 00:38:47,633
- I understand.
- Don't interrupt, please.
803
00:38:48,633 --> 00:38:49,966
As I was saying,
804
00:38:50,000 --> 00:38:52,166
ordinarily this sort of...
805
00:38:52,200 --> 00:38:53,633
reckless behaviour
806
00:38:53,666 --> 00:38:56,600
would result in
immediate dismissal.
807
00:38:56,633 --> 00:38:57,966
- However...
- I quit.
808
00:38:58,000 --> 00:38:59,400
What?
809
00:38:59,433 --> 00:39:02,933
I quit. Effective immediately.
810
00:39:02,966 --> 00:39:04,466
Um...
811
00:39:04,500 --> 00:39:07,066
Ha... Has this got
something to do with your dad?
812
00:39:07,100 --> 00:39:08,466
In a way, yeah.
813
00:39:08,500 --> 00:39:10,800
But it's more about
me and you...
814
00:39:10,833 --> 00:39:12,966
- Me?
- ..and me having the means
815
00:39:13,000 --> 00:39:17,033
to stop putting up
with your bullshit.
816
00:39:17,066 --> 00:39:18,600
- Uh...
- (DOOR OPENS)
817
00:39:18,633 --> 00:39:22,566
You are a self-absorbed,
tiny-minded,
818
00:39:22,600 --> 00:39:24,266
superficial boor,
819
00:39:24,300 --> 00:39:27,600
and you don't have the skin
tone to wear half of your outfits.
820
00:39:27,633 --> 00:39:29,666
And your dance moves
are a disgrace.
821
00:39:29,700 --> 00:39:30,966
(GASPS)
822
00:39:31,000 --> 00:39:32,100
I...
823
00:39:34,800 --> 00:39:36,366
I am not boring!
824
00:39:46,566 --> 00:39:49,566
I swear on both my boys lives
825
00:39:49,600 --> 00:39:51,900
that I will never intervene
826
00:39:51,933 --> 00:39:54,133
in the natural order
of your world.
827
00:39:54,166 --> 00:39:56,366
- (LAUGHS)
- (LAUGHS) Never again.
828
00:39:58,466 --> 00:40:00,400
Just while we're on
natural order...
829
00:40:01,733 --> 00:40:03,266
I've given it
a lot of thought...
830
00:40:04,833 --> 00:40:06,366
And I'm not moving in.
831
00:40:07,766 --> 00:40:09,833
- Thank you.
- No worries.
832
00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:12,800
Really?
833
00:40:12,833 --> 00:40:14,800
Mmm. I'm actually
a bit sick of you.
834
00:40:16,966 --> 00:40:18,233
Just for the record,
835
00:40:18,266 --> 00:40:20,800
I wasn't asking you to move in
to look after me.
836
00:40:20,833 --> 00:40:22,966
I didn't even like being
mothered by my own mother.
837
00:40:23,000 --> 00:40:24,500
Good to know.
838
00:40:24,533 --> 00:40:26,266
And I've got a pretty good
funeral plan.
839
00:40:26,300 --> 00:40:30,600
It's already paid for, so no
caretaking required, ever.
840
00:40:32,533 --> 00:40:34,400
What if you have
some horrible accident?
841
00:40:35,933 --> 00:40:38,433
Put a bullet in my own head
before I'd let you wipe my ass.
842
00:40:44,466 --> 00:40:45,933
Gonna run a bath.
843
00:40:45,966 --> 00:40:47,766
If you'd care to join me...?
844
00:40:47,800 --> 00:40:49,066
Bit presumptuous.
845
00:40:49,100 --> 00:40:51,566
What if I want different
bath salts?
846
00:40:51,600 --> 00:40:52,866
I'm open to suggestions.
847
00:40:52,900 --> 00:40:55,833
Or I can just...
run you a separate bath.
848
00:40:55,866 --> 00:40:57,300
Oh, sweet Jesus.
849
00:40:57,333 --> 00:40:59,633
You've got a choice of
bathtubs?
850
00:40:59,666 --> 00:41:01,000
Who lives like that?
851
00:41:01,033 --> 00:41:02,633
(LAUGHS) I do.
852
00:41:02,666 --> 00:41:05,766
It's actually quite offensive,
when you think about it.
853
00:41:05,800 --> 00:41:06,833
Well, I did think about it,
854
00:41:06,866 --> 00:41:08,433
and I got a state-of-the-art
recycling system.
855
00:41:08,466 --> 00:41:09,800
So I'm practically off the
grid.
856
00:41:09,833 --> 00:41:12,200
I can run two baths,
if I want to.
857
00:41:12,233 --> 00:41:13,566
So...
858
00:41:13,600 --> 00:41:15,100
you can go and get fucked.
859
00:41:19,100 --> 00:41:21,100
I'm moving in.
860
00:41:21,133 --> 00:41:23,433
ED: Key's in the bowl
next to the front door.
861
00:41:23,466 --> 00:41:25,633
HEATHER: That's a stupid place
to leave keys.
862
00:41:25,666 --> 00:41:27,033
ED: (LAUGHS) So move it.
863
00:41:38,900 --> 00:41:40,800
Next time on Five Bedrooms...
864
00:41:40,833 --> 00:41:42,166
It is my 40th.
865
00:41:42,200 --> 00:41:44,433
Wouldn't be a birthday
without a surprise landing.
866
00:41:44,466 --> 00:41:45,800
FRIDGE: Benny!
867
00:41:45,833 --> 00:41:47,700
ALL: (CHANT) Benny! Benny!
868
00:41:47,733 --> 00:41:49,933
I think I figured out what
I want to do with Dad's money.
869
00:41:49,966 --> 00:41:51,266
I'm going to start a business.
870
00:41:51,300 --> 00:41:53,133
I think they thought
I was suggesting that
871
00:41:53,166 --> 00:41:54,800
he and I
go into business together.
872
00:41:54,833 --> 00:41:57,166
Don't shit where you eat.
First rule of business.
873
00:41:57,200 --> 00:41:59,100
MEL: He wanted you to pick,
so he's definitely into you..
874
00:41:59,133 --> 00:42:01,733
Look, if you need somewhere
to be, just come to mine.
875
00:42:01,766 --> 00:42:03,133
She was asking me about this
boy
876
00:42:03,166 --> 00:42:05,266
who wants her to watch porn
with him while they...
877
00:42:05,300 --> 00:42:06,500
And Mel was on board with this?
878
00:42:06,533 --> 00:42:08,200
She said they could
use her house.
879
00:42:08,233 --> 00:42:10,300
I was expecting you to screw
around with me, not my kid.
880
00:42:10,333 --> 00:42:11,800
Dude, I'm helping her.
881
00:42:11,850 --> 00:42:16,400
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