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1
00:01:11,204 --> 00:01:13,574
PAULA DOESN'T NEED
TO WEAR MAKEUP.
2
00:01:13,640 --> 00:01:17,280
SHE'S SUPER-BEAUTIFUL
ALL ON HER OWN.
3
00:01:18,278 --> 00:01:19,348
[GASPS]
4
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:20,412
OH, HEY, JOHNNY.
5
00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:21,610
UH, HI, PAULA.
6
00:01:21,681 --> 00:01:23,651
WHAT DO YOU THINK
OF MY UNIBROW?
7
00:01:23,716 --> 00:01:27,086
OH...I LOVE IT.
8
00:01:27,153 --> 00:01:28,493
[CHUCKLES] THANKS.
9
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:30,615
IT MAKES ME FEEL
WILD AND FREE,
10
00:01:30,690 --> 00:01:32,690
JUST LIKE SALMA HAYEK
IN FRIDA,
11
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:34,629
AND THAT'S HOW I WANT
TO LIVE MY LIFE,
12
00:01:34,694 --> 00:01:36,634
NOW THAT I'M TAKING
AN ART CLASS
13
00:01:36,696 --> 00:01:38,326
AN ART CLASS, HUH?
14
00:01:38,398 --> 00:01:40,268
YES. IT'S FANTASTIC.
15
00:01:40,333 --> 00:01:42,673
WE'RE GONNA STUDY
THE HUMAN FORM.
16
00:01:42,735 --> 00:01:44,235
I LIKE TO DRAW.
17
00:01:44,304 --> 00:01:45,174
IT'S NOT JUST DRAWING.
18
00:01:45,238 --> 00:01:49,308
IT'S LOSING YOURSELF
IN SOMEONE ELSE'S FLESH.
19
00:01:49,375 --> 00:01:52,105
DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT'S LIKE,
JOHNNY?
20
00:01:52,178 --> 00:01:52,708
NO.
21
00:01:52,779 --> 00:01:54,479
WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW?
22
00:01:54,547 --> 00:01:56,647
YES, PAULA.
YES, I WOULD!
23
00:01:56,716 --> 00:02:00,186
LOSING YOURSELF
IN SOMEONE ELSE'S FLESH
24
00:02:00,253 --> 00:02:03,663
IS THE ULTIMATE
IN SPIRITUAL AROUSAL.
25
00:02:03,723 --> 00:02:05,393
DO YOU AGREE, JOHNNY?
26
00:02:05,458 --> 00:02:06,458
I DO!
27
00:02:06,526 --> 00:02:09,696
IT WILL BE THE CLIMAX
OF MY ARTISTIC EXPRESSION.
28
00:02:09,762 --> 00:02:12,632
DO YOU WANT TO CLIMAX
WITH ME, JOHNNY?
29
00:02:12,699 --> 00:02:13,529
YES!
30
00:02:13,600 --> 00:02:15,300
THEN, LET'S DO IT!
31
00:02:15,368 --> 00:02:17,368
OH, I'M READY, PAULA.
32
00:02:17,437 --> 00:02:19,667
[PANTING] LET'S...CLIMAX!
33
00:02:19,739 --> 00:02:20,409
OOH...
34
00:02:20,473 --> 00:02:21,243
JOHNNY,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
35
00:02:21,307 --> 00:02:23,477
IF YOU WANTED TO BE
A NUDE MODEL,
36
00:02:23,543 --> 00:02:25,553
ALL YOU HAD TO DO
IS SAY SO.
37
00:02:25,612 --> 00:02:26,552
NUDE MODEL?
38
00:02:26,613 --> 00:02:28,383
YEAH. IT'S
PERFECT TIMING
39
00:02:28,448 --> 00:02:31,278
BECAUSE, ACTUALLY,
MY ART CLASS NEEDS ONE
40
00:02:31,351 --> 00:02:32,191
FOR THIS AFTERNOON.
41
00:02:32,252 --> 00:02:35,562
THIS IS SOMETHING
WE CAN DO TOGETHER.
42
00:02:35,622 --> 00:02:37,462
I CAN DRAW YOU NAKED,
43
00:02:37,524 --> 00:02:39,394
AND YOU CAN JUST
STAND THERE.
44
00:02:39,459 --> 00:02:42,299
HMM. GREAT. UHH.
45
00:02:42,362 --> 00:02:43,362
OOH...
46
00:02:43,429 --> 00:02:44,499
WHAT'S WRONG, MAMA?
47
00:02:44,564 --> 00:02:47,504
IT'S NOT SOMETHING A MOTHER
SHOULD DISCUSS WITH HER SON.
48
00:02:47,567 --> 00:02:50,667
GOOD, BECAUSE I WANT TO WATCH
SOME BASEBALL ANYWAY.
49
00:02:50,737 --> 00:02:53,707
♪ TAKE ME OUT
TO THE BALL GAME ♪
50
00:02:53,773 --> 00:02:55,343
FINE! I'LL TELL YOU.
51
00:02:55,408 --> 00:02:57,678
BUT DON'T BLAME ME
IF IT MAKES YOU SQUIRM.
52
00:02:57,744 --> 00:02:58,484
YOU SEE, DOUGIE,
53
00:02:58,545 --> 00:03:01,205
MAMA LIKES A GOOD,
DEEP DICKIN',
54
00:03:01,281 --> 00:03:04,581
BUT LATELY, EVEN A GANG BANG
CAN'T FILL THE VOID.
55
00:03:04,651 --> 00:03:07,351
WHEN IN THE HELL
DID I LOSE SIGHT OF LOVE?!
56
00:03:07,420 --> 00:03:10,360
GET OUT OF THE WAY,
MAMA.
57
00:03:10,423 --> 00:03:11,593
DAMN IT!
58
00:03:11,658 --> 00:03:13,358
WORK, DAMN IT! WORK!
59
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:14,286
I'M MISSIN' THE GAME.
60
00:03:14,360 --> 00:03:16,800
YOU FORGOT TO PAY
THE CABLE BILL AGAIN,
61
00:03:16,863 --> 00:03:17,603
YOU IMBECILE.
62
00:03:17,664 --> 00:03:20,334
YEAH, WELL,
NOTHING'S GONNA STOP ME
63
00:03:20,400 --> 00:03:22,570
FROM WATCHING
THE BIG GAME.
64
00:03:26,639 --> 00:03:28,339
Paula: JOHNNY,
WE'RE WAITING.
65
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:30,378
YOU CAN TAKE
YOUR CLOTHES OFF NOW.
66
00:03:30,443 --> 00:03:31,813
ISN'T IT MORE
OF A CHALLENGE
67
00:03:31,878 --> 00:03:34,708
TO DRAW SOMEONE
WITH THEIR CLOTHES ON?
68
00:03:34,781 --> 00:03:35,681
NO.
69
00:03:35,748 --> 00:03:36,618
SHOW US YOUR TITS!
70
00:03:36,683 --> 00:03:38,283
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM NOW?
71
00:03:38,351 --> 00:03:41,421
OH...NO PROBLEM.
72
00:03:41,621 --> 00:03:42,761
Woman: JEEZ, THERE'S
NOTHING TO DRAW.
73
00:03:42,822 --> 00:03:45,222
WE'RE NOT DOING
STICK FIGURES HERE.
74
00:03:45,291 --> 00:03:46,361
[LAUGHTER]
75
00:03:46,426 --> 00:03:47,656
[TAKES DEEP BREATH]
76
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:48,827
[STRAINING] HOW'S THIS?
77
00:03:48,895 --> 00:03:50,255
Man: BOO!
78
00:03:50,330 --> 00:03:52,700
[LAUGHTER]
79
00:03:53,566 --> 00:03:55,636
AH...THE PERFECT CRIME.
80
00:03:55,702 --> 00:03:57,572
Man: FREEZE!
THIS IS THE POLICE.
81
00:03:57,637 --> 00:03:59,607
COME DOWN
WITH YOUR HANDS UP!
82
00:03:59,672 --> 00:04:01,772
DAMN IT!
YOU GOT ME.
83
00:04:01,841 --> 00:04:03,841
WHOA! UNH!
84
00:04:03,910 --> 00:04:06,350
HO!
85
00:04:06,879 --> 00:04:08,749
OH, MY GOD,
IT WORKS.
86
00:04:08,815 --> 00:04:11,475
TODAY'S TOPIC,
THE SINGLES SCENE.
87
00:04:11,551 --> 00:04:13,391
HOW TO FIND
THE PERFECT MATE.
88
00:04:13,453 --> 00:04:14,793
FORGET THE PERFECT MATE.
89
00:04:14,854 --> 00:04:18,324
I FOUND THE PERFECT...
INMATE.
90
00:04:18,391 --> 00:04:19,331
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
91
00:04:19,392 --> 00:04:20,762
I USED TO CRUISE
THE BARS,
92
00:04:20,827 --> 00:04:23,327
BUT I FOUND LOVE
BEHIND THEM.
93
00:04:23,396 --> 00:04:25,396
YOU MEAN, LIKE,
BY THE DUMPSTER?
94
00:04:25,465 --> 00:04:26,325
NO, SILLY WILLIE,
95
00:04:26,399 --> 00:04:28,769
I MEAN INCARCERATED MEN
MAKE GREAT PARTNERS.
96
00:04:28,835 --> 00:04:30,695
THEY'RE DESPERATE,
AND THEY HAVE NOTHING TO DO,
97
00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:33,840
SO THEY'LL PAY ATTENTION
TO WHATEVER YOU HAVE TO SAY.
98
00:04:33,906 --> 00:04:35,676
YOU'RE ONLY
AN E-MAIL AWAY.
99
00:04:35,742 --> 00:04:37,882
E-MAIL, HUH? HMM.
100
00:04:37,944 --> 00:04:41,314
Man: IT'S LIKE HE JUST
WENT SWIMMING.
101
00:04:41,381 --> 00:04:42,681
YOU'RE DOING GREAT,
JOHNNY.
102
00:04:42,749 --> 00:04:45,449
Woman: HEY, JOHNNY,
IS MR. TURTLE GONNA
103
00:04:45,518 --> 00:04:47,548
COME OUT OF HIS SHELL TODAY?
104
00:04:47,620 --> 00:04:49,360
NO, HE'S NOT!
105
00:04:49,422 --> 00:04:51,762
YOU SCARED HIM AWAY.
106
00:04:51,824 --> 00:04:53,394
Woman: HI, DEAN McHOOTY.
107
00:04:53,459 --> 00:04:55,659
HELLO, CLASS. I'M HERE TO
ANNOUNCE AN ART COMPETITION.
108
00:04:55,728 --> 00:04:57,658
ONE STUDENT'S SKETCH
WILL BE SELECTED
109
00:04:57,730 --> 00:04:58,500
FROM THOUSANDS OF ENTRIES,
110
00:04:58,564 --> 00:05:00,434
AND--AND WE'LL
MAKE A STATUE OUT OF IT,
111
00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:03,440
AND ERECT IT IN FRONT
OF THE NEW ART BUILDING.
112
00:05:03,503 --> 00:05:04,703
Students: HOORAY!
113
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:08,611
DEAN McHOOTY, WILL YOU
CHECK MINE OUT FIRST?
114
00:05:08,675 --> 00:05:10,575
OF COURSE, MA'AM.
115
00:05:10,643 --> 00:05:12,413
DO YOU LIKE
WHAT YOU SEE?
116
00:05:12,478 --> 00:05:13,708
YEAH. VERY MUCH SO.
117
00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:15,720
IN FACT, YOU'VE WON
THE COMPETITION.
118
00:05:15,782 --> 00:05:18,622
CONSIDER THIS
ART COMPETITION CLOSED.
119
00:05:18,685 --> 00:05:20,315
Students: HOORAY!
120
00:05:20,386 --> 00:05:24,316
UH, DEAR INMATE
427-926,
121
00:05:24,390 --> 00:05:27,560
SO, YOU'RE LOOKIN'
FOR A PEN PAL, HUH?
122
00:05:27,627 --> 00:05:28,727
I'LL DO YOU ONE BETTER.
123
00:05:28,795 --> 00:05:30,625
I'LL BE YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
124
00:05:30,697 --> 00:05:32,727
SEE, I'VE BEEN
LOOKIN' FOR LOVE
125
00:05:32,799 --> 00:05:34,729
IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES,
126
00:05:34,801 --> 00:05:37,841
BUT THE ONE PLACE
I NEVER LOOKED
127
00:05:37,904 --> 00:05:38,944
WAS JAIL.
128
00:05:39,005 --> 00:05:42,535
TRADE IN YOUR CELLMATE
FOR A SOUL MATE.
129
00:05:42,608 --> 00:05:47,948
SINCERELY,
DAMSEL OF DEPRESSED.
130
00:05:48,014 --> 00:05:50,654
IN YOU GO, JENKINS.
131
00:05:53,619 --> 00:05:54,549
FRESH MEAT.
132
00:05:54,620 --> 00:05:56,590
OH, MY GOD,
YOU HAVE CABLE!
133
00:05:56,656 --> 00:05:58,756
THAT'S RIGHT, MEAT,
WE DO.
134
00:05:58,825 --> 00:05:59,555
I'M HARVEY.
135
00:05:59,625 --> 00:06:02,555
I'M DOUG. YOU KNOW,
I GOT LOCKED UP
136
00:06:02,628 --> 00:06:03,498
FOR TRYING
TO WATCH THIS GAME.
137
00:06:03,563 --> 00:06:06,373
YEAH, I GOT LOCKED UP
FOR CHOPPING UP 2 GUYS
138
00:06:06,432 --> 00:06:07,902
WHO LOOKED EXACTLY
LIKE YOU.
139
00:06:07,967 --> 00:06:09,767
SMALL WORLD, HUH, ESE?
140
00:06:09,836 --> 00:06:11,436
WHY'D YOU CHOP 'EM UP?
141
00:06:11,504 --> 00:06:13,414
SO THEY'D FIT
IN THE BAG.
142
00:06:13,473 --> 00:06:14,313
MAKES SENSE.
143
00:06:14,373 --> 00:06:16,543
HOW'D YOU GET ALL THESE
SPACE-AGE GADGETS?
144
00:06:16,609 --> 00:06:18,579
PEN PALS, BABY.
PEN PALS.
145
00:06:18,644 --> 00:06:21,384
I WRITE TO LONELY WOMEN,
AND WHENEVER I GET RAPED,
146
00:06:21,447 --> 00:06:23,947
THEY FEEL SORRY FOR ME,
AND SEND ME MONEY.
147
00:06:24,016 --> 00:06:26,516
OH, BOY. I HOPE
I GET RAPED.
148
00:06:26,586 --> 00:06:28,446
IT'S NOT AS FUN
AS IT SOUNDS,
149
00:06:28,521 --> 00:06:29,591
BUT IT SURE PAYS.
150
00:06:29,655 --> 00:06:30,785
MAYBE I SHOULD GET
A PEN PAL.
151
00:06:30,857 --> 00:06:32,927
HERE, GUERO,
YOU CAN HAVE THIS ONE.
152
00:06:32,992 --> 00:06:33,932
I GOT TOO MANY ANYWAY.
153
00:06:33,993 --> 00:06:37,703
I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME
TO MAKE SHANKS NO MORE.
154
00:06:37,764 --> 00:06:39,004
THANKS. WELL,
LET'S SEE.
155
00:06:39,065 --> 00:06:41,925
HERE'S ONE
FROM DAMSEL OF DEPRESSED.
156
00:06:42,001 --> 00:06:42,771
YOU POOR BIRD,
157
00:06:42,835 --> 00:06:46,435
YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE
SWEPT OFF YOUR FEET.
158
00:06:46,806 --> 00:06:49,676
HOW DO YOU SPELL "WIENER"?
159
00:06:50,576 --> 00:06:51,636
HEY, JOHNNY.
160
00:06:51,711 --> 00:06:52,881
OH, HI, PAULA.
161
00:06:52,945 --> 00:06:55,945
YOU MADE A FANTASTIC
NUDE MODEL.
162
00:06:56,015 --> 00:06:56,875
THANKS.
163
00:06:56,949 --> 00:06:57,619
GUESS WHAT.
164
00:06:57,683 --> 00:06:59,693
DEAN McHOOTY SAW
MY SKETCH OF YOU
165
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:02,722
AND DECIDED TO TURN IT
INTO A STATUE.
166
00:07:02,789 --> 00:07:04,459
WHAT?!
167
00:07:04,524 --> 00:07:05,464
[CRASH]
168
00:07:05,525 --> 00:07:06,955
ARE YOU FUCKING CRAZY?!
169
00:07:07,026 --> 00:07:09,626
JOHNNY, AREN'T YOU
HAPPY FOR ME?
170
00:07:09,695 --> 00:07:11,825
IT'S GOING UP IN FRONT
OF THE ART BUILDING.
171
00:07:11,898 --> 00:07:13,528
IT'S A REAL HONOR
FOR ME.
172
00:07:13,599 --> 00:07:16,599
BUT EVERYONE'S
GOING TO SEE IT.
173
00:07:16,669 --> 00:07:17,699
EXACTLY.
174
00:07:17,770 --> 00:07:21,670
MY SKETCH WILL GO DOWN
IN COCONUT COLLEGE HISTORY.
175
00:07:21,741 --> 00:07:23,941
YIPPEE! [GIGGLES]
176
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,010
♪ SHAKE MY THING ♪
177
00:07:25,077 --> 00:07:26,607
♪ BA NA NA NA NA NA ♪
178
00:07:26,679 --> 00:07:27,979
♪ SHAKE MY THING, YEAH ♪
179
00:07:28,047 --> 00:07:29,647
♪ 'CAUSE YOU KNOW I CAN ♪
180
00:07:29,715 --> 00:07:30,775
♪ I'M GONNA SHAKE IT ♪
181
00:07:30,850 --> 00:07:31,620
♪ SHAKE IT ♪
182
00:07:31,684 --> 00:07:33,624
♪ SHAKE MY THING,
'CAUSE I CAN ♪
183
00:07:33,686 --> 00:07:35,486
♪ YES, YOU CAN,
YES, I CAN ♪
184
00:07:35,555 --> 00:07:37,815
THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING
TO ME.
185
00:07:37,890 --> 00:07:39,860
I'M SUCH A GOOD BOY.
186
00:07:39,926 --> 00:07:42,856
OHH, I HAVE TO GO
TO THE BATHROOM.
187
00:07:42,929 --> 00:07:44,599
"AND THAT IS WHY
I NEED THE TiVo,
188
00:07:44,664 --> 00:07:47,674
"BECAUSE THERE ARE SO MANY
GAMES ON AT THE SAME TIME,
189
00:07:47,733 --> 00:07:48,703
"AND I NEED
TO WATCH 'EM.
190
00:07:48,768 --> 00:07:52,738
PLUS, LIKE YOU, I'M ALSO TIRED
OF MEANINGLESS SEX."
191
00:07:52,805 --> 00:07:55,465
WOW, THIS GUY
REALLY UNDERSTANDS ME.
192
00:07:55,541 --> 00:07:56,781
"I WANT TO LOVE SOMEONE."
193
00:07:56,843 --> 00:07:59,883
ME, TOO,
427-926.
194
00:07:59,946 --> 00:08:02,616
ME, TOO!
HEE HEE.
195
00:08:02,682 --> 00:08:04,582
"SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE TAKE THIS
196
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:05,690
TO THE NEXT LEVEL?"
197
00:08:05,751 --> 00:08:06,551
OH, YEAH.
198
00:08:06,619 --> 00:08:10,489
I SOWED MY WILD OATS,
AND I WANNA BE...
199
00:08:10,556 --> 00:08:14,486
MONA--MONON-A-GON-ON-GA...
200
00:08:14,560 --> 00:08:16,700
MONOGAGAMUS? MAGA--
201
00:08:16,762 --> 00:08:17,762
MONOGAMOUS. FUCK!
202
00:08:17,830 --> 00:08:20,900
"ATTACHED IS A PICTURE OF ME
WORKIN' OUT IN THE YARD
203
00:08:20,967 --> 00:08:21,897
"WITH A FRIEND.
204
00:08:21,968 --> 00:08:22,938
"THAT'S ME ON THE BOTTOM.
205
00:08:23,002 --> 00:08:25,812
"PLEASE SEND ME A PHOTO
OF YOURSELF, AND A CHECK.
206
00:08:25,872 --> 00:08:28,642
"AND REMEMBER, THE PLAYOFFS
ARE COMIN'.
207
00:08:28,708 --> 00:08:31,778
"AFFECTIONATELY,
427-926.
208
00:08:31,844 --> 00:08:33,914
"P.S. I'M FALLIN' FOR YOU,
209
00:08:33,980 --> 00:08:35,780
SO YOU CAN
CALL ME HARVEY NOW."
210
00:08:35,848 --> 00:08:37,748
OOH! HE'S FALLING FOR ME.
211
00:08:37,817 --> 00:08:40,917
OK, NOW, LET'S CHECK OUT
THE PHOTO.
212
00:08:40,987 --> 00:08:44,717
OH, MY GOD, WHAT A STUD!
213
00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:47,789
FUCK YOU, WORLD.
214
00:08:47,860 --> 00:08:49,530
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
MY GENERATION!
215
00:08:49,595 --> 00:08:53,095
[ANGUS SHOUTING
INCOHERENTLY]
216
00:08:54,767 --> 00:08:55,597
OH, HEY, JOHNNY.
217
00:08:55,668 --> 00:08:57,538
WE WERE JUST PLAYING
UNRULY ROCK STARS.
218
00:08:57,603 --> 00:08:59,013
GRAB A GUITAR.
219
00:09:00,006 --> 00:09:01,136
[SOBBING]
220
00:09:01,207 --> 00:09:02,977
WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU WANT TO PLAY BASS?
221
00:09:03,042 --> 00:09:06,052
THEY'RE GONNA ERECT
A NAKED STATUE OF ME
222
00:09:06,112 --> 00:09:07,782
AT COCONUT COLLEGE.
223
00:09:07,847 --> 00:09:09,917
[LAUGHING]
224
00:09:09,982 --> 00:09:10,982
EXACTLY.
225
00:09:11,050 --> 00:09:12,990
EVERYONE'S GONNA
LAUGH AT ME.
226
00:09:13,052 --> 00:09:14,952
EVERYONE LAUGHS AT YOU
ANYWAY.
227
00:09:15,021 --> 00:09:16,691
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE
USED TO IT BY NOW.
228
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,816
THIS IS DIFFERENT.
I'M NAKED.
229
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:20,831
PEOPLE WILL LAUGH
AT MY PEE-PEE.
230
00:09:20,893 --> 00:09:22,033
UNTIL YOU START
CALLING IT A DICK,
231
00:09:22,094 --> 00:09:23,034
NO ONE'S GONNA
RESPECT YOU.
232
00:09:23,095 --> 00:09:26,665
I'VE GOTTA STOP THAT STATUE
FROM BEING ERECTED.
233
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:27,532
PLEASE HELP ME.
234
00:09:27,600 --> 00:09:29,840
WELL, I HAVEN'T
VANDALIZED ANYTHING
235
00:09:29,902 --> 00:09:30,742
FOR SOME TIME NOW.
236
00:09:30,803 --> 00:09:33,043
I DON'T KNOW. ANGUS,
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
237
00:09:33,105 --> 00:09:36,705
ARE YOU UP FOR DESTROYING
SOME UNIVERSITY PROPERTY?
238
00:09:38,878 --> 00:09:40,678
I'D SAY
THAT'S A YES.
239
00:09:40,746 --> 00:09:41,546
[CYNICAL LAUGH]
240
00:09:41,614 --> 00:09:45,584
"DEAR HARVEY, THANK YOU
FOR YOUR E-MAIL.
241
00:09:45,651 --> 00:09:47,121
"BY THE LOOKS
OF YOUR PHOTO,
242
00:09:47,186 --> 00:09:49,656
"IT LOOKS LIKE JAIL
AGREES WITH YOU.
243
00:09:49,722 --> 00:09:53,592
"I WILL REMAIN CHASTE
UNTIL YOUR RELEASE.
244
00:09:53,659 --> 00:09:58,659
SALUTATIONS,
HANDMAIDEN OF HAPPINESS."
245
00:09:58,731 --> 00:10:00,871
LISTEN TO THAT.
SHE CHANGED HER NAME.
246
00:10:00,933 --> 00:10:04,143
"P.S. I'VE ATTACHED
A PHOTO OF MYSELF.
247
00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:07,673
HOPE YOU LIKE
WHAT YOU SEE."
248
00:10:07,974 --> 00:10:09,884
WOW, WHAT A HOT
YOUNG BABE.
249
00:10:09,942 --> 00:10:12,682
YEAH, SHE'LL PUT SOME
CHEESE ON YOUR MEATBALLS.
250
00:10:12,745 --> 00:10:15,045
YOU KNOW, WHEN I FIRST
STARTED THIS THING,
251
00:10:15,114 --> 00:10:16,124
IT WAS ABOUT FREE MONEY,
252
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:18,082
BUT OVER THE COURSE
OF THIS AFTERNOON,
253
00:10:18,150 --> 00:10:20,820
I'VE LEARNED THAT SOMETIMES
YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE
254
00:10:20,886 --> 00:10:22,186
WITH PEOPLE WHO GIVE YOU
FREE MONEY.
255
00:10:22,254 --> 00:10:24,894
COÑO, SOUNDS LIKE
BEING A PEN PAL
256
00:10:24,957 --> 00:10:25,957
GIVES YOU
AS MUCH PLEASURE
257
00:10:26,025 --> 00:10:29,155
AS SHANKIN' PEOPLE
GIVES ME.
258
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:31,098
OW! I'VE BEEN
SHANKED!
259
00:10:31,163 --> 00:10:32,873
HARVEY!
260
00:10:32,932 --> 00:10:34,672
OK, LET'S GO
OVER THIS PLAN
261
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:35,744
ONE MORE TIME.
262
00:10:35,801 --> 00:10:38,071
JOHNNY, ANGUS, AND I
WILL GO FUCK UP THE STATUE--
263
00:10:38,137 --> 00:10:40,867
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
WHAT STATUE?
264
00:10:40,940 --> 00:10:41,810
JESUS CHRIST!
265
00:10:41,874 --> 00:10:43,644
WE'VE BEEN OVER THIS,
LIKE, A MILLION TIMES!
266
00:10:43,709 --> 00:10:46,049
WELL, WHY DON'T WE JUST
PUT CLOTHES ON THE STATUE?
267
00:10:46,112 --> 00:10:49,052
IT WOULD BE FUN,
LIKE DRESSING UP DOLLS.
268
00:10:49,115 --> 00:10:50,875
HERE'S THE NEW,
SIMPLIFIED PLAN, OMAR.
269
00:10:50,950 --> 00:10:52,950
YOU SIT HERE AND DO NOTHING
UNTIL WE GET BACK.
270
00:10:53,019 --> 00:10:55,759
OH, SURE, SIMPLE
FOR YOU, MAYBE.
271
00:10:55,821 --> 00:10:57,661
Computer:
YOU'VE GOT PRISON MAIL!
272
00:10:57,723 --> 00:10:59,663
HE WROTE ME BACK.
273
00:10:59,725 --> 00:11:00,585
OH...
274
00:11:00,659 --> 00:11:02,699
"MY LOVE FOR YOU GROWS
STRONGER BY THE HOUR.
275
00:11:02,762 --> 00:11:06,032
"YOU AND THE POSSIBILITY
OF A COLORADO CHAMPIONSHIP
276
00:11:06,098 --> 00:11:07,998
ARE THE ONLY THINGS
KEEPING ME ALIVE."
277
00:11:08,067 --> 00:11:10,967
DUDE SAYS
ALL THE RIGHT THINGS.
278
00:11:11,037 --> 00:11:12,737
"LIFE IN PRISON
IS HARD,
279
00:11:12,805 --> 00:11:15,065
"ALTHOUGH THERE IS A LOT
OF BEAUTIFUL MAN-LOVE.
280
00:11:15,141 --> 00:11:18,211
"ESPECIALLY SUNDAY NIGHTS
AFTER QUEER AS FOLK.
281
00:11:18,277 --> 00:11:21,747
AND DID I MENTION
I DON'T HAVE TiVo?"
282
00:11:22,281 --> 00:11:24,721
MY POOR BABY.
283
00:11:24,784 --> 00:11:27,894
NO ONE IN AMERICA
SHOULD MISS THEIR SHOWS.
284
00:11:27,953 --> 00:11:33,193
[SEXY YOUNG VOICE]
"I LONG FOR THE DAY THAT WE CAN CONSUMMATE OUR LOVE...
285
00:11:33,259 --> 00:11:36,229
[NORMAL HARSH VOICE]
"BUT FOR NOW I'LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE
286
00:11:36,295 --> 00:11:38,795
"FOR STIRRING UP
MY OWN POT
287
00:11:38,864 --> 00:11:42,744
[SEXY YOUNG VOICE]
AS I LOOK AT YOUR BEAUTIFUL PICTURE."
288
00:11:42,802 --> 00:11:44,942
AW. GUESS WHAT, HARVEY.
289
00:11:45,004 --> 00:11:46,814
SHE MASTURBATES
TO MY PICTURE.
290
00:11:46,872 --> 00:11:49,012
SHE SHOULDN'T HAVE
TO DO THAT, MAN.
291
00:11:49,075 --> 00:11:50,835
WHY DON'T YOU SET UP
A CONJUGAL VISIT,
292
00:11:50,910 --> 00:11:52,750
AND SHOW HER WHAT YOU
LEARNED IN THE YARD?
293
00:11:52,812 --> 00:11:55,012
I'M NOT GONNA HAVE
TO BEAT HER UP FIRST, AM I?
294
00:11:55,081 --> 00:11:57,251
NO, MAN, THEY GIVE YOU
A ROOM AND SHIT.
295
00:11:57,316 --> 00:12:00,716
MAN, JAIL JUST KEEPS GETTING
BETTER AND BETTER.
296
00:12:00,786 --> 00:12:02,886
I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE.
HEY HARVEY,
297
00:12:02,955 --> 00:12:04,155
HOW LONG YOU IN FOR?
298
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,793
40 YEARS TO LIFE.
299
00:12:05,858 --> 00:12:07,088
YOU LUCKY BASTARD.
300
00:12:07,159 --> 00:12:09,759
I SHOULD HAVE
CHOPPED SOMEONE UP.
301
00:12:11,063 --> 00:12:12,133
[HUMMING]
302
00:12:12,198 --> 00:12:15,028
[HUMMING]
303
00:12:15,101 --> 00:12:16,871
[YAWNS, SIGHS,
WHISTLES]
304
00:12:16,936 --> 00:12:19,806
HE'S GONE.
THERE'S THE STATUE.
305
00:12:20,973 --> 00:12:24,143
Clay:
ANGUS, GET THAT TORCH AWAY FROM MY BUTTHOLE!
306
00:12:24,210 --> 00:12:27,210
WHAT'S GOIN' ON
UNDERNEATH THAT TARP?
307
00:12:30,349 --> 00:12:31,749
AAH!
308
00:12:31,817 --> 00:12:34,747
AAH-HA-HAAAAA!
309
00:12:34,820 --> 00:12:36,220
AAH! AAH!
310
00:12:42,828 --> 00:12:44,758
[INSANE WAR CRY]
311
00:12:44,830 --> 00:12:45,970
WHEE!
312
00:12:46,031 --> 00:12:49,001
OMAR, START
THE FUCKIN' CAR!
313
00:12:49,068 --> 00:12:50,898
I'M A GENIUS.
314
00:12:50,970 --> 00:12:52,070
UNLOCK THE DOOR!
315
00:12:52,138 --> 00:12:53,008
LET US IN!
316
00:12:53,072 --> 00:12:55,072
[GUARD SCREAMING]
317
00:12:55,141 --> 00:12:56,181
HURRY, OMAR!
318
00:12:56,242 --> 00:12:59,042
HANG ON. I THINK
I'VE GOT IT.
319
00:12:59,945 --> 00:13:02,145
[GUARD SCREAMING]
320
00:13:05,117 --> 00:13:07,217
GOT IT.
321
00:13:09,922 --> 00:13:11,262
"CONJUGAL VISIT."
322
00:13:11,323 --> 00:13:13,033
MM-HMM, I LIKE IT A LOT.
323
00:13:13,092 --> 00:13:15,902
I'M FINALLY GONNA
MAKE LOVE TO SOMEONE
324
00:13:15,961 --> 00:13:18,131
WHO REALLY CARES ABOUT ME.
325
00:13:18,197 --> 00:13:20,327
NOT JUST BLOW STRANGERS.
326
00:13:20,399 --> 00:13:23,339
"DEAR MR. FRISKY WHISKERS,
327
00:13:23,402 --> 00:13:26,912
"I WOULD LOVE
TO CONJUGATE WITH YOU.
328
00:13:26,972 --> 00:13:29,812
"I SENT YOU A PIE
WITH A SPECIAL FILLING.
329
00:13:29,875 --> 00:13:34,345
[CHUCKLES]
"OH, I CAN'T WAIT TO TASTE YOUR SPECIAL FILLING.
330
00:13:34,413 --> 00:13:37,823
LOVE, IMPISHLY IMPATIENT."
331
00:13:37,883 --> 00:13:40,123
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT
"SPECIAL FILLING" MEANS?
332
00:13:40,186 --> 00:13:44,016
IT'S CODE.
CODE FOR APPLE.
333
00:13:44,089 --> 00:13:46,229
MY GOD,
THIS ISN'T APPLE.
334
00:13:46,292 --> 00:13:48,162
IT'S MY FAVORITE
CIGARS!
335
00:13:48,227 --> 00:13:50,157
DAMN IT, MY CODE'S
ALL SCREWED UP.
336
00:13:50,229 --> 00:13:52,199
WHERE'S MY PRISON PIE
DECODER RING?
337
00:13:52,264 --> 00:13:54,234
I LOANED IT
TO JIMMY TWO PIES.
338
00:13:54,300 --> 00:13:55,400
OH, WELL,
THAT'S OK, THEN.
339
00:13:55,467 --> 00:13:58,097
JIMMY TWO PIES
NEEDS IT MORE THAN I DO.
340
00:13:58,170 --> 00:13:59,140
WANT A CIGAR?
341
00:13:59,205 --> 00:14:01,365
CLARO.
342
00:14:03,475 --> 00:14:07,075
MY SHITHEAD SON
WON'T EVEN MISS THESE.
343
00:14:07,146 --> 00:14:08,306
WHEN HARVEY MOVES IN,
344
00:14:08,380 --> 00:14:12,890
I THINK HE'LL BE A GOOD
ROLE MODEL FOR DOUGIE.
345
00:14:14,019 --> 00:14:16,189
YOU KNOW,
STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT.
346
00:14:16,755 --> 00:14:18,215
THIS IS ALL
YOUR FAULT, JOHNNY.
347
00:14:18,290 --> 00:14:20,230
YOUR FRIEND BLOWMAR
BLEW OUR WHOLE PLAN.
348
00:14:20,292 --> 00:14:22,362
WELL, YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO TOLD HIM
349
00:14:22,428 --> 00:14:23,298
TO START THE CAR.
350
00:14:23,362 --> 00:14:25,232
AND YOU'RE THE ONE
WHO LOOKS PATHETIC NAKED.
351
00:14:25,297 --> 00:14:26,297
WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?
352
00:14:26,365 --> 00:14:28,125
Doug: HOME RUN!
353
00:14:29,034 --> 00:14:31,074
HEY, THERE'S MY DAD.
354
00:14:31,136 --> 00:14:32,096
HI, DADDY!
355
00:14:32,171 --> 00:14:33,141
Prisoner: WHO'S
YOUR DADDY, BITCH?!
356
00:14:33,205 --> 00:14:36,075
HEY, SON. I KNEW
YOU'D END UP IN JAIL
357
00:14:36,141 --> 00:14:37,041
'CAUSE YOU'RE A LOSER!
358
00:14:37,109 --> 00:14:38,239
JOHNNY, HE'S
CALLING YOU OUT.
359
00:14:38,310 --> 00:14:39,480
HE'S TRYING
TO PUNK YOU.
360
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,275
DON'T LET HIM DO IT.
361
00:14:40,346 --> 00:14:42,106
YOU CAN'T SHOW
ANY WEAKNESS IN JAIL.
362
00:14:42,181 --> 00:14:43,281
BUT HE'LL KILL ME.
363
00:14:43,349 --> 00:14:45,419
HOW? HE'S BEHIND BARS.
364
00:14:45,484 --> 00:14:47,424
OK. I'LL TRY.
365
00:14:47,486 --> 00:14:50,116
♪ YOU LOOK STUPID ♪
366
00:14:50,189 --> 00:14:51,989
HEH HEH HEH.
HEY, DADDY,
367
00:14:52,057 --> 00:14:54,087
YOU LOOK STUPID!
[PRISONERS LAUGHING]
368
00:14:54,159 --> 00:14:56,299
JOHNNY,
YOU'RE DEAD MEAT!
369
00:14:56,362 --> 00:14:57,032
GUARD, OPEN UP.
370
00:14:57,096 --> 00:14:58,496
I WANT TO GIVE MY SON
A BEATING!
371
00:14:58,564 --> 00:14:59,604
I WAS JUST
JOKING, DAD.
372
00:14:59,665 --> 00:15:03,935
HEY, IF YOU BACK DOWN NOW,
YOU'LL ALWAYS BE HIS BITCH.
373
00:15:04,003 --> 00:15:06,173
TAKE IT FURTHER.
374
00:15:07,072 --> 00:15:07,912
IF YOU SAY SO.
375
00:15:07,973 --> 00:15:10,483
DRINKING A PINT
OF SCOTCH EVERY NIGHT
376
00:15:10,542 --> 00:15:13,482
DOESN'T MEAN
YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE!
377
00:15:13,545 --> 00:15:14,505
THE HELL IT DOESN'T!
378
00:15:14,580 --> 00:15:16,120
GODDAMN IT,
I NEED A DRINK.
379
00:15:16,181 --> 00:15:18,451
IT'S NOT GONNA WORK
THIS TIME, DAD.
380
00:15:18,517 --> 00:15:20,447
THERE'S NO SCOTCH
IN JAIL!
381
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:24,519
ACTUALLY, THERE'S
A VERY FINE SELECTION.
382
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:33,032
[SLURRING WORDS]
JOHNNY, WHAT ARE YOU DOIN' HERE?
383
00:15:33,098 --> 00:15:34,998
YOU COME
TO VISIT ME, SON?
384
00:15:35,067 --> 00:15:36,967
AW, THAT'S MY BOY.
385
00:15:37,036 --> 00:15:38,336
I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.
386
00:15:38,404 --> 00:15:39,414
THANKS, DAD.
387
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:41,071
THANK YOU, JOHNNY.
388
00:15:41,140 --> 00:15:43,340
THANK YOU FOR BEING
MY BOY.
389
00:15:43,409 --> 00:15:44,339
[SNIFFLES]
390
00:15:44,410 --> 00:15:47,080
HEY, YOUR SON HAS GOT
QUITE A NOSE ON HIM, HUH?
391
00:15:47,146 --> 00:15:50,976
I THINK BOTH OF MY NUTS
WOULD FIT PERFECT--
392
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,450
WHO'S THERE?!
393
00:15:52,518 --> 00:15:54,348
[RINGING]
394
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,220
WELL, TODAY'S
THE BIG DAY!
395
00:15:56,288 --> 00:15:58,518
I AIN'T NEVER DONE IT
IN A PRISON.
396
00:15:58,590 --> 00:16:01,430
YOU READY DOWN THERE?
397
00:16:01,727 --> 00:16:05,297
OH, WELL, I'LL OIL UP
BEFORE I GO.
398
00:16:05,364 --> 00:16:07,574
TIME TO CHANGE
MY UNDERWEAR...
399
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:11,573
PUT ON THE SEXY STUFF
FOR MY HARVEY.
400
00:16:15,274 --> 00:16:16,484
[SNIFFING]
401
00:16:16,542 --> 00:16:19,452
THESE CAN GO BACK
IN THE DRAWER.
402
00:16:19,511 --> 00:16:22,981
SHIT, THESE ARE
ALL DIAPERS!
403
00:16:28,620 --> 00:16:30,020
[LAUGHING]
404
00:16:30,089 --> 00:16:31,589
YEAH...HEH HEH HEH.
405
00:16:31,657 --> 00:16:34,187
OH, MAN,
THIS INSIPID, DERIVATIVE
406
00:16:34,259 --> 00:16:38,059
SLAPDASH ASSEMBLAGE
OF DISCORDANT HUES
407
00:16:38,130 --> 00:16:41,130
AND PERSPECTIVES, MAN,
IS AN INSULT TO THE EYES,
408
00:16:41,200 --> 00:16:43,470
AND A LAXATIVE
TO THE SOUL.
409
00:16:43,535 --> 00:16:46,265
I POOH-POOH THIS MURAL.
410
00:16:46,338 --> 00:16:49,208
Clay:
LOOKS LIKE HE'LL BE OUT FOR A WHILE.
411
00:16:49,274 --> 00:16:50,244
YEAH...
412
00:16:50,309 --> 00:16:51,009
WHAT'S WRONG NOW?
413
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,006
I JUST WISH I COULD
TALK TO OMAR--
414
00:16:53,078 --> 00:16:54,548
TELL HIM TO
DESTROY THE STATUE
415
00:16:54,613 --> 00:16:56,553
BEFORE THE UNVEILING.
416
00:16:57,349 --> 00:16:58,479
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
417
00:16:58,550 --> 00:17:00,150
OH, THANKS, CLAY!
418
00:17:00,219 --> 00:17:02,189
[TELEPHONE RINGS]
419
00:17:02,254 --> 00:17:05,324
HEY, OMAR.
HI, JOHNNY. HOW'S JAIL?
420
00:17:05,391 --> 00:17:07,231
NEVER MIND.
I NEED YOU
421
00:17:07,292 --> 00:17:09,332
TO GO DESTROY
THE STATUE.
422
00:17:09,395 --> 00:17:09,995
I DON'T KNOW.
423
00:17:10,062 --> 00:17:12,062
I DON'T KNOW HOW
TO DESTROY.
424
00:17:12,131 --> 00:17:13,571
I'M ALL ABOUT
LOVE.
425
00:17:13,632 --> 00:17:15,432
WORD. BUT DO IT
FOR ME.
426
00:17:15,501 --> 00:17:17,401
JUST PRETEND YOU'RE
THE CORONA BROTHERS
427
00:17:17,469 --> 00:17:19,039
AND THE STATUE IS YOU.
428
00:17:19,104 --> 00:17:21,044
OH, LIKE, BEAT IT UP?
429
00:17:21,106 --> 00:17:21,766
YES!
430
00:17:21,840 --> 00:17:23,110
ALL RIGHT, JOHNNY,
I'LL GET ON IT
431
00:17:23,175 --> 00:17:25,035
AS SOON AS I
FIGURE OUT WHERE I AM.
432
00:17:25,110 --> 00:17:28,510
I'M A LITTLE TURNED AROUND
AT THE MOMENT.
433
00:17:28,580 --> 00:17:29,520
[CRASH]
434
00:17:29,581 --> 00:17:31,451
IT'S ALL TAKEN CARE OF.
435
00:17:31,517 --> 00:17:33,417
WHEW.
WHAT A RELIEF.
436
00:17:33,485 --> 00:17:36,615
NOW I CAN JUST
SIT BACK, RELAX,
437
00:17:36,688 --> 00:17:38,418
AND ENJOY MY SENTENCE.
438
00:17:38,490 --> 00:17:41,060
JENKINS, YOU GOT
A VISITOR.
439
00:17:41,660 --> 00:17:43,060
YOU GOT THIS?
440
00:17:43,128 --> 00:17:44,658
UH, CERTAINLY.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
441
00:17:44,730 --> 00:17:50,170
UH, THIS IS FOR YOUR GREAT,
GREAT GRANDDAUGHTER, RIGHT?
442
00:17:50,235 --> 00:17:53,065
NO, MISSY,
IT'S FOR ME!
443
00:17:53,138 --> 00:17:54,638
[GIGGLES, SIGHS]
444
00:17:54,706 --> 00:17:56,436
OH, YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE
CRAZY OLD LADIES
445
00:17:56,508 --> 00:17:59,078
WHO THINKS THEY'RE YOUNG
AND SHIT, RIGHT?
446
00:17:59,144 --> 00:18:01,214
JUST GIMME THAT!
447
00:18:01,280 --> 00:18:03,350
THE CORONA BROTHERS, HUH?
448
00:18:03,415 --> 00:18:05,115
"OMAR, YOU DUMBSHIT,
449
00:18:05,184 --> 00:18:07,494
"I'M GONNA KICK YOUR ASS
EVERY DAY!
450
00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:10,663
"I'M GONNA SAW YOUR HEAD OFF
UNTIL IT FALLS OFF!
451
00:18:10,722 --> 00:18:12,322
HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT?!"
452
00:18:12,391 --> 00:18:15,531
I'M ONE SEXY MAMA!
453
00:18:17,663 --> 00:18:20,103
OH, MY GOD!
454
00:18:20,165 --> 00:18:22,095
YOUR BRA STRAP'S
GONNA BLOW!
455
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:25,137
IT'S NOT A LOAD-BEARING BRA!
456
00:18:25,204 --> 00:18:26,174
OW!
457
00:18:26,238 --> 00:18:28,368
SHIT, IT NEVER
HIT THE GROUND BEFORE.
458
00:18:28,440 --> 00:18:30,240
UH, A LITTLE HELP?
459
00:18:30,309 --> 00:18:32,679
FINE! I'LL GO GET
THE STOCK BOYS,
460
00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:35,484
YOU SLOPPY OLD
CRAZY BITCH!
461
00:18:35,547 --> 00:18:37,317
OH!
462
00:18:37,749 --> 00:18:38,379
HI, PAULA.
463
00:18:38,450 --> 00:18:41,150
JOHNNY, THEY TOLD ME
YOU TRIED
464
00:18:41,220 --> 00:18:42,420
TO DEFACE MY STATUE,
465
00:18:42,488 --> 00:18:44,258
BUT I DIDN'T BELIEVE THEM.
466
00:18:44,323 --> 00:18:45,593
TELL ME IT'S NOT TRUE.
467
00:18:45,657 --> 00:18:49,227
WOULD IT REALLY BE
SO BAD IF I DID?
468
00:18:49,294 --> 00:18:50,104
WELL, I DON'T KNOW.
469
00:18:50,162 --> 00:18:52,702
IS IT SO BAD GETTING
STABBED IN THE BACK
470
00:18:52,764 --> 00:18:54,174
BY YOUR BEST FRIEND?
471
00:18:54,233 --> 00:18:56,673
IS THAT SO BAD?!
YOU TELL ME.
472
00:18:56,735 --> 00:18:58,565
WE WEREN'T SUCCESSFUL.
473
00:18:58,637 --> 00:18:59,707
YOUR STATUE'S FINE.
474
00:18:59,771 --> 00:19:02,511
WHY DID YOU WANT
TO RUIN IT ANYWAY?
475
00:19:02,574 --> 00:19:04,744
YOU DON'T THINK
I'M A GOOD ARTIST?
476
00:19:04,810 --> 00:19:06,180
IS THAT IT?
477
00:19:06,245 --> 00:19:07,405
OF COURSE NOT.
[SOBS]
478
00:19:07,479 --> 00:19:10,279
I WAS EMBARRASSED
TO BE NAKED.
479
00:19:10,349 --> 00:19:12,249
DON'T LIE TO ME.
480
00:19:12,317 --> 00:19:13,417
WHEN YOU GOT
THAT ERECTION
481
00:19:13,485 --> 00:19:14,545
AT THE THOUGHT
OF MODELING NUDE,
482
00:19:14,620 --> 00:19:17,260
YOU TOLD THE WORLD
HOW MUCH YOU WANTED IT.
483
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:22,492
YOU'RE A BIG FAT LIAR,
JOHNNY JENKINS!
484
00:19:22,928 --> 00:19:23,828
CLAY, GIVE ME YOUR PHONE.
485
00:19:23,896 --> 00:19:27,426
I'VE GOTTA STOP OMAR
FROM DEFACING THE STATUE.
486
00:19:27,499 --> 00:19:29,499
KNOCK YOURSELF OUT.
487
00:19:29,568 --> 00:19:31,668
OMAR!
OH, HEY, JOHNNY.
488
00:19:31,737 --> 00:19:34,337
DID YOU DEFACE
THAT STATUE YET?
489
00:19:34,406 --> 00:19:35,206
I'M ALMOST DONE.
490
00:19:35,274 --> 00:19:38,584
I'M DEFACING IT
AS WE SPEAK, MY FRIEND.
491
00:19:38,644 --> 00:19:41,184
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
THAT YOU LISTEN
492
00:19:41,246 --> 00:19:43,216
TO MY NEXT SENTENCE,
OMAR?
493
00:19:43,282 --> 00:19:45,222
AAH! I'VE BEEN SHANKED!
494
00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:46,184
HA HA!
495
00:19:46,251 --> 00:19:48,391
THAT'LL TEACH YOU TO
CALL YOUR OLD MAN STUPID!
496
00:19:48,453 --> 00:19:53,563
DARN IT! NOW PAULA'S
NEVER GONNA FORGIVE ME.
497
00:19:53,625 --> 00:19:54,585
YOU GUYS ARE FREE
TO GO.
498
00:19:54,660 --> 00:19:55,590
BUT WHY?
499
00:19:55,661 --> 00:19:57,331
WELL, THE MAXIMUM SENTENCE
500
00:19:57,396 --> 00:19:58,126
FOR GETTING CAUGHT
UNDER A TARP
501
00:19:58,196 --> 00:20:00,226
IS 4 HOURS
IN THE STATE PENITENTIARY.
502
00:20:00,299 --> 00:20:01,799
YOU PAID YOUR DEBT
TO SOCIETY.
503
00:20:01,867 --> 00:20:02,727
THIS IS GREAT!
504
00:20:02,801 --> 00:20:05,371
WE COULD STILL GET TO
THE UNVEILING IN TIME
505
00:20:05,437 --> 00:20:07,467
TO STOP OMAR.
506
00:20:07,539 --> 00:20:08,509
Guard: YOU'RE FREE
TO GO, TOO.
507
00:20:08,574 --> 00:20:10,544
IN FACT, YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO LEAVE 2 DAYS AGO.
508
00:20:10,609 --> 00:20:12,579
STEALING CABLE IS
ONLY A 2-DAY STINT.
509
00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:14,254
WE OWE YOU
A 2-DAY CRIME.
510
00:20:14,313 --> 00:20:15,353
I DON'T WANNA GO.
511
00:20:15,414 --> 00:20:17,354
YOU GUYS HAVE GOT
THE SPORTS PACKAGE.
512
00:20:17,416 --> 00:20:18,616
I'LL MISS ALL THE GAMES.
513
00:20:18,684 --> 00:20:21,254
HOW MUCH WOULD ARGUING
WITH THE GUARD GET ME?
514
00:20:21,320 --> 00:20:22,420
AN EXTRA COUPLE
OF DAYS.
515
00:20:22,487 --> 00:20:23,617
NO, IT WON'T.
YES, IT WILL.
516
00:20:23,689 --> 00:20:27,229
NO, IT WON'T.
THAT'S IT. BACK YOU GO.
517
00:20:27,292 --> 00:20:29,232
THANKS.
I WILL NOTE THAT "THANKS."
518
00:20:29,294 --> 00:20:32,564
SHAVE SOME TIME
OFF YOUR SENTENCE. DAMN IT!
519
00:20:36,735 --> 00:20:38,265
HOME RUN!
520
00:20:38,337 --> 00:20:39,737
HEY, HARVEY,
YOUR CONJUGAL'S HERE.
521
00:20:39,805 --> 00:20:40,505
OOH, THAT'S MINE.
522
00:20:40,572 --> 00:20:43,312
YOU GUYS ARE SWAPPIG
CONJUGALS NOW?
523
00:20:43,375 --> 00:20:44,675
AW, THAT'S CUTE.
524
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,653
Dean McHooty:
INSULT TO THE EYES,
525
00:20:46,712 --> 00:20:48,652
AND A LAXATIVE
TO THE SOUL.
526
00:20:48,714 --> 00:20:51,254
I POOH-POOH THIS MURAL.
527
00:20:51,316 --> 00:20:53,646
GRR...
528
00:20:58,657 --> 00:21:00,257
THIS IS YOUR ROOM.
529
00:21:00,325 --> 00:21:02,625
HARVEY WILL BE HERE
IN A MINUTE.
530
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:05,595
FANTASTIC!
531
00:21:05,664 --> 00:21:07,534
I'LL JUST TURN OFF
THE LIGHTS FOR YOU.
532
00:21:07,599 --> 00:21:08,769
MAYBE YOU'LL HAVE
A BETTER SHOT.
533
00:21:08,834 --> 00:21:11,544
EAT SHIT, TURNKEY.
534
00:21:13,338 --> 00:21:14,668
[CHUCKLING CYNICALLY]
535
00:21:14,740 --> 00:21:16,780
McHooty: HEY, IT'S
THE VANDALIZER.
536
00:21:16,842 --> 00:21:20,412
YOUR CROP CIRCLE SUCKS,
FUCK FACE!
537
00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:22,349
[CHATTERING ANGRILY]
538
00:21:22,414 --> 00:21:24,554
DON'T GET EXCITED...
539
00:21:24,616 --> 00:21:27,616
[HOLDING BREATH]
HAVE SOME OF THAT.
540
00:21:31,623 --> 00:21:33,433
[BELL RINGS]
541
00:21:33,492 --> 00:21:35,592
IN THIS CORNER,
542
00:21:35,661 --> 00:21:38,331
THE SIRE OF SECOND GUESSES,
543
00:21:38,397 --> 00:21:39,697
THE KNIGHT OF NEEDINESS,
544
00:21:39,765 --> 00:21:41,765
THE PHARAOH OF FEAR,
545
00:21:41,833 --> 00:21:45,343
UNCERTAIN ANGUS!
546
00:21:45,404 --> 00:21:46,814
[FRIGHTENED GROANS]
547
00:21:46,872 --> 00:21:49,572
AND IN THE CORNER
TO MY LEFT,
548
00:21:49,641 --> 00:21:51,911
THE MONARCH
OF MIDDLE FINGERS,
549
00:21:51,977 --> 00:21:54,907
THE DUKE OF
DON'T GIVE A SHIT,
550
00:21:54,980 --> 00:21:57,380
THE BARON OF BALLS,
551
00:21:57,449 --> 00:22:01,619
COCKSURE ANGUS!
552
00:22:01,687 --> 00:22:03,517
[GRUNTS]
553
00:22:04,122 --> 00:22:07,362
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
I WANT A CLEAN FIGHT.
554
00:22:12,664 --> 00:22:14,804
[BOTH GRUNTING,
CHATTERING]
555
00:22:23,742 --> 00:22:25,582
ANGUS, DON'T LET HIM
UNDERMINE YOU.
556
00:22:25,644 --> 00:22:27,454
IT'S NOT IMPORTANT
WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK,
557
00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:29,352
ESPECIALLY THAT LARDASS
DEAN McHOOTY.
558
00:22:29,414 --> 00:22:31,954
TAKE IT FROM ME,
WHEN I WAS 4 YEARS OLD,
559
00:22:32,017 --> 00:22:33,747
I COULDN'T EVEN DUNK
A BASKETBALL,
560
00:22:33,819 --> 00:22:35,489
BUT I KEPT TRYING.
561
00:22:35,554 --> 00:22:36,624
BY THE TIME
I WAS 6,
562
00:22:36,688 --> 00:22:37,918
I WAS DOIN'
WINDMILLS OVER GUYS
563
00:22:37,989 --> 00:22:39,419
THREE TIMES
MY SIZE.
564
00:22:39,491 --> 00:22:41,631
IF HE GETS ANYWHERE
NEAR YOUR BELT,
565
00:22:41,693 --> 00:22:42,863
YOU FALL DOWN IN PAIN.
566
00:22:42,928 --> 00:22:44,528
THEY'LL TAKE A POINT
AWAY FROM HIM.
567
00:22:44,596 --> 00:22:47,796
THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS THAT
YOU COME AWAY WITH A WIN,
568
00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:51,696
NO MATTER HOW CHEAP
THE VICTORY IS.
569
00:23:03,482 --> 00:23:04,922
PULL YOUR TRUNKS
UP HIGHER!
570
00:23:04,983 --> 00:23:05,823
A POINT'S A POINT.
571
00:23:05,884 --> 00:23:07,994
WHAT KIND OF FERRET
TO YOU WANT TO BE?
572
00:23:08,053 --> 00:23:10,893
AN ASS KICKER
OR A PUSSY?
573
00:23:12,724 --> 00:23:15,794
[BOTH GROANING]
574
00:23:15,861 --> 00:23:16,931
UNH!
575
00:23:16,995 --> 00:23:18,655
COME ON, ANGUS,
FUCK HIM UP!
576
00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:19,930
[GROANS]
577
00:23:19,998 --> 00:23:22,668
[STRAINING]
578
00:23:32,511 --> 00:23:34,811
I NEVER KNEW
THE CORONA BROTHERS
579
00:23:34,880 --> 00:23:35,980
HAD IT SO TOUGH.
580
00:23:36,047 --> 00:23:37,817
SAWING MY HEAD OFF
IS HARD WORK.
581
00:23:37,883 --> 00:23:40,823
I SHOULD SEND THOSE GUYS
A MUFFIN BASKET.
582
00:23:40,886 --> 00:23:42,416
OMAR?
583
00:23:42,487 --> 00:23:45,857
HOLD ON.
I'M ALMOST DONE.
584
00:23:46,691 --> 00:23:47,931
THERE YOU GO, JOHNNY.
585
00:23:47,993 --> 00:23:51,563
I DID IT.
I SAVED THE DAY!
586
00:23:51,630 --> 00:23:53,900
NICE.
587
00:23:59,037 --> 00:24:00,067
JOHNNY, LET'S GO.
588
00:24:00,138 --> 00:24:01,968
YOU DON'T WANT TO BE HERE
WHEN THE STATUE IS UNVEILED.
589
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:03,680
THE LAUGHTER
WILL BE DEAFENING.
590
00:24:03,742 --> 00:24:04,912
BUT I WANT TO BE HERE
591
00:24:04,976 --> 00:24:06,946
TO SHARE PAULA'S
BIG MOMENT WITH HER.
592
00:24:07,012 --> 00:24:09,952
OK. IF WE STAY,
YOU BETTER BRACE YOURSELF.
593
00:24:10,015 --> 00:24:12,515
McHooty: WELCOME, EVERYONE,
TO THE UNVEILING
594
00:24:12,584 --> 00:24:15,494
OF COCONUT COLLEGE'S
FIRST STATUE
595
00:24:15,554 --> 00:24:17,964
DESIGNED BY
OUR VERY OWN FRESHMAN
596
00:24:18,023 --> 00:24:19,993
PAULA WISCONSIN.
597
00:24:20,058 --> 00:24:21,858
[APPLAUSE]
598
00:24:21,927 --> 00:24:25,597
AND NOW FOR THE UNVEILING.
599
00:24:25,664 --> 00:24:27,574
[ALL GASP]
600
00:24:28,900 --> 00:24:30,000
[CHEERING]
601
00:24:30,068 --> 00:24:32,468
IT'S RESPLENDENT, MAN.
602
00:24:32,537 --> 00:24:34,637
A TRIUMPH
OF THE HUMAN SPIRIT.
603
00:24:34,706 --> 00:24:36,536
I MEAN,
IT COMPLETELY TRANSCENDS
604
00:24:36,608 --> 00:24:39,038
THAT CRAP SKETCH
OF PAULA'S.
605
00:24:40,045 --> 00:24:41,575
TA-DA!
606
00:24:41,646 --> 00:24:44,646
THAT'S NOT MY FACE.
I'M SAVED.
607
00:24:44,716 --> 00:24:47,746
JOHNNY, I UNDERSTAND
EVERYTHING NOW.
608
00:24:47,819 --> 00:24:49,919
YOU WEREN'T TRYING
TO DEFACE IT.
609
00:24:49,988 --> 00:24:52,588
YOU WERE TRYING
TO IMPROVE IT.
610
00:24:52,657 --> 00:24:54,627
YOU'RE A REAL ARTIST.
611
00:24:54,693 --> 00:24:57,803
YOU DESERVE THIS.
612
00:24:59,664 --> 00:25:02,104
WE'RE BOTH SALMA HAYEK NOW--
613
00:25:02,167 --> 00:25:05,567
WILD AND FREE!
614
00:25:06,638 --> 00:25:07,768
GO GET 'EM, JENKINS.
615
00:25:07,839 --> 00:25:10,979
I'M COMIN'
FOR YOU, BABY!
616
00:25:11,243 --> 00:25:14,013
[PASSIONATE MOANING,
KISSING, GRUNTING]
617
00:25:14,079 --> 00:25:16,719
Doug: SOMETHING TASTES UNHOLY.
618
00:25:16,781 --> 00:25:17,921
Grandma: DOUGIE?
619
00:25:17,983 --> 00:25:19,683
MAMA?
620
00:25:19,751 --> 00:25:22,551
AAH!
AAH!
621
00:25:23,688 --> 00:25:24,788
YOU'RE NOT HARVEY.
622
00:25:24,856 --> 00:25:26,586
AND YOU'RE NOT
A LINGERIE MODEL!
623
00:25:26,658 --> 00:25:28,828
THIS WAS JUST
A CRAZY MIX-UP.
624
00:25:28,894 --> 00:25:31,704
BUT, MAMA,
WE WERE...KISSING.
625
00:25:31,763 --> 00:25:34,773
YEAH, WELL, I'M SURE
YOUR MOUTH HAS BEEN
626
00:25:34,833 --> 00:25:36,673
A LOT WORSE PLACES.
627
00:25:36,735 --> 00:25:38,665
I KNOW MINE HAS.
628
00:25:39,204 --> 00:25:39,974
THAT WAS QUICK.
629
00:25:40,038 --> 00:25:42,038
YOU EVEN GET YOUR PICKLE
INTO HER JAR?
630
00:25:42,107 --> 00:25:44,637
NO...IT WAS MY MAMA.
631
00:25:44,709 --> 00:25:46,649
THAT'S HOT.
632
00:25:46,699 --> 00:25:51,249
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