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[introduction music]
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♪ She was unemployed and happy
3
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♪ She had no cash
4
00:00:05,832 --> 00:00:07,102
♪ Pretending to be classy
5
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♪ But just poor white trash
6
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♪ The tragic but true fact is
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♪ A bitter aging actress
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♪ Whose agent just
recently dropped her ♪
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♪ Sitting on her ass
10
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♪ Drinking cheap boxed wine
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♪ Til she took a bogus class
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♪ While at home online
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♪ Finished fast
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♪ Came in last
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♪ Barely passed
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♪ Now the bitch calls
herself a doctor ♪
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♪ Who woulda guessed that
this phony would treat ♪
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♪ The craziest of
the Showbiz elite ♪
19
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♪ And now the only
thing more distant ♪
20
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♪ And more scary
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♪ Is her slutty
blonde assistant ♪
22
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♪ That dumb whore Sherry
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♪ You don't wanna be
on her client list ♪
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♪ It's Doctor Jackie
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♪ The unlicensed
psychotherapist ♪
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[birds chirping]
27
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Well, it wasn't very long,
but it was super thick.
28
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[chuckles]
29
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Well, plus he paid for dinner.
30
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I gotta go.
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Good morning Dr. Jackie.
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Good morning.
33
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I'm sorry I'm late.
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I had car trouble.
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You got a brand new car.
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What happened?
37
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I overslept and
got in it too late.
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What's my first
appointment this morning?
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A young lady named Katya
40
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Young?
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Yes.
42
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Lady?
43
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Mhmm.
44
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Katya?
45
00:01:27,875 --> 00:01:30,943
That's what it
says, right here.
46
00:01:30,947 --> 00:01:33,704
Well, what's her situation?
47
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She's severely depressed.
48
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Suffers from low self-esteem.
49
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No, no, no, no.
50
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I mean, is she paying cash,
or does she have insurance?
51
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Oh! Oo, she has top
of the line insurance
52
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that covers 100% of
all her sessions.
53
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Oh goodie.
54
00:01:48,135 --> 00:01:51,927
I mean, she sounds
like a very sick woman
55
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and I'm probably going
to have to see her at
56
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least four times a week.
57
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Got it.
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Oh, I thought you said
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you weren't gonna
get any more plants.
60
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It's a small one.
61
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And besides Sherry,
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people need oxygen, and
plants produce oxygen.
63
00:02:08,879 --> 00:02:10,219
Coffee?
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00:02:10,225 --> 00:02:13,396
I think just the
cup this morning.
65
00:02:13,400 --> 00:02:14,220
Mhmm.
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00:02:15,437 --> 00:02:16,401
Sherry?
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[Sherry] Yes?
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00:02:17,335 --> 00:02:18,645
I think you might wanna review
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00:02:18,647 --> 00:02:21,337
the employee dress code again.
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No sequins.
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But you're wearing sequins.
72
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I'm the star!
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The boss, I'm the boss.
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Got it.
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[upbeat music]
76
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Plants produce oxygen?
77
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I don't think so.
78
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[Sherry types]
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Look it up.
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[dial up tone]
81
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I'll get my answer
in 20 minutes.
82
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[upbeat music]
83
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[door opens]
84
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[Katya] Hi.
85
00:03:06,658 --> 00:03:07,795
[Dr. Jackie] Hi. How are you?
86
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[Katya] Not great.
87
00:03:09,109 --> 00:03:10,039
[Dr. Jackie] Oh, Honey.
88
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I know I heard your call.
89
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It was frantic.
90
00:03:12,043 --> 00:03:13,593
What's going on?
91
00:03:13,595 --> 00:03:14,594
I don't even know
where to start.
92
00:03:14,596 --> 00:03:15,561
Okay. Well, I have a-
93
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At the beginning.
94
00:03:16,840 --> 00:03:17,770
Okay.
95
00:03:17,772 --> 00:03:18,492
That's where you start.
96
00:03:18,497 --> 00:03:19,634
Okay.
97
00:03:19,636 --> 00:03:20,462
That might be your problem.
98
00:03:20,464 --> 00:03:21,524
Oh. What?
99
00:03:21,534 --> 00:03:23,464
Relax. We have an hour.
100
00:03:23,467 --> 00:03:24,287
Okay.
101
00:03:24,295 --> 00:03:25,165
What's the problem?
102
00:03:26,850 --> 00:03:30,400
Well, I think that I might be
103
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psychotically
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preoccupied with
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other people's opinion.
106
00:03:40,621 --> 00:03:41,551
Okay. Here we go. I-
107
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There's no judgment here.
108
00:03:43,624 --> 00:03:44,865
Oh, okay.
109
00:03:44,867 --> 00:03:46,137
Okay? Tell me about
your life first of all.
110
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And then let's get
to the problem later.
111
00:03:47,904 --> 00:03:48,869
Well, it's perfect.
112
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That's the problem.
113
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My life is perfect.
114
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I have a huge set
of adoring fans.
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I'm world famous for something
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that I don't even know what for.
117
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I'm beloved in my community
and around the world.
118
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All, all I get online is just
119
00:04:07,233 --> 00:04:09,438
like praise and
love and constant.
120
00:04:09,441 --> 00:04:13,641
But I just have this feeling
that everybody hates me.
121
00:04:14,722 --> 00:04:16,342
Everybody hates you.
122
00:04:16,345 --> 00:04:18,516
And it doesn't make any sense,
but I just, I don't know.
123
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Oh
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Everybody
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Hates me.
126
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Yeah, there's something
about the way that my friends,
127
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my coworkers, even my
family, and especially
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00:04:31,497 --> 00:04:34,397
my main partner, my
creative partner.
129
00:04:35,604 --> 00:04:38,259
I just sense this
seething, hatred.
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This bubbling, churning,
putrescent, like a
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[gags]
132
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Deary, what does
putrescent mean?
133
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[Deary] It means
like super gross.
134
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Continue.
135
00:04:54,622 --> 00:04:56,104
Okay. So it's like this.
136
00:04:56,106 --> 00:04:58,756
You know how smells
can get like hit you
137
00:04:58,764 --> 00:05:01,349
and you fall over and then
you, you start puking.
138
00:05:01,352 --> 00:05:02,972
It's like, it's like a real
139
00:05:02,975 --> 00:05:05,250
it's like the gut
punch of a feeling.
140
00:05:05,253 --> 00:05:06,073
Right.
141
00:05:06,082 --> 00:05:07,012
Yeah. And it's, I just
142
00:05:07,013 --> 00:05:08,253
That everyone hates you.
143
00:05:08,256 --> 00:05:10,456
Every single person
at the post office,
144
00:05:10,465 --> 00:05:13,050
at the Boulangerie
at the, the Jamboree.
145
00:05:13,053 --> 00:05:15,052
You can say bakery.
146
00:05:15,055 --> 00:05:16,364
It's in France.
147
00:05:16,366 --> 00:05:17,226
Oh.
148
00:05:17,230 --> 00:05:18,400
So what do I do?
149
00:05:18,403 --> 00:05:20,299
Well, first of
all I do have to say
150
00:05:20,302 --> 00:05:22,752
that in my opinion,
151
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low self-esteem
152
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and this is sort of
classic imposter syndrome.
153
00:05:30,449 --> 00:05:33,069
The whole world loves you,
but you don't love yourself.
154
00:05:33,072 --> 00:05:35,140
It's rooted in the mother.
155
00:05:35,143 --> 00:05:37,343
So let me ask you, tell
me about your mother
156
00:05:37,352 --> 00:05:40,627
and how she treated you
and how she raised you.
157
00:05:40,631 --> 00:05:42,731
Well, she didn't talk
until she was about 30
158
00:05:42,736 --> 00:05:45,597
and then she screamed and
went to China for two weeks.
159
00:05:45,601 --> 00:05:47,151
Okay. This makes no sense.
160
00:05:47,154 --> 00:05:50,601
How would you know that she
didn't talk until she was 30?
161
00:05:50,606 --> 00:05:52,806
Because she screamed
I'm 30 and I'm going.
162
00:05:52,815 --> 00:05:54,642
And then she went to China.
163
00:05:54,644 --> 00:05:57,643
Who among us has not
had that type of mother.
164
00:05:57,647 --> 00:05:59,232
You know, she never hit me.
165
00:05:59,235 --> 00:06:00,234
She kicked me.
166
00:06:00,236 --> 00:06:01,056
Sure.
167
00:06:01,065 --> 00:06:02,443
Right.
168
00:06:02,445 --> 00:06:03,961
You know, she never strangled
me, but she fingered me.
169
00:06:03,963 --> 00:06:07,753
So I feel like she blamed me
for a lot of things that were
170
00:06:07,760 --> 00:06:10,552
you know, you know, deaths,
171
00:06:10,555 --> 00:06:11,375
[Dr. Jackie] Right.
172
00:06:11,384 --> 00:06:12,280
murders.
173
00:06:12,282 --> 00:06:13,660
There were murders?
174
00:06:13,662 --> 00:06:14,452
There was a lot of
murders in the neighborhood.
175
00:06:14,456 --> 00:06:15,352
Mostly animals, but...
176
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[phone vibrates]
177
00:06:16,286 --> 00:06:18,354
I'm so sorry, one second.
178
00:06:18,357 --> 00:06:19,837
This is important.
179
00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:21,080
Did somebody die?
180
00:06:21,083 --> 00:06:24,530
No, it's a really funny meme.
181
00:06:24,535 --> 00:06:25,982
Oh my God.
182
00:06:25,984 --> 00:06:27,431
I love corgis.
183
00:06:27,433 --> 00:06:28,639
Corgis?
184
00:06:28,642 --> 00:06:29,912
I'm so sorry.
185
00:06:29,919 --> 00:06:31,022
It's fine.
186
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:32,364
I have an idea.
187
00:06:32,370 --> 00:06:33,575
[Katya] Okay.
188
00:06:33,577 --> 00:06:34,747
I want to do
some affirmations.
189
00:06:34,751 --> 00:06:35,957
Okay.
190
00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:37,060
You have a tape
playing in your head.
191
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:37,924
Have you ever heard that?
192
00:06:37,926 --> 00:06:39,201
That phrase?
193
00:06:39,204 --> 00:06:40,404
A what?
194
00:06:40,412 --> 00:06:41,377
Like you have, like
you have a recording
195
00:06:41,379 --> 00:06:42,859
in your head from your mother.
196
00:06:42,862 --> 00:06:44,930
Remember the woman who
kicked you and fingered you?
197
00:06:44,933 --> 00:06:46,587
Yeah.
198
00:06:46,590 --> 00:06:47,520
Oh, like a recording?
199
00:06:47,521 --> 00:06:48,451
Yeah.
200
00:06:48,453 --> 00:06:49,383
Like, like a, like a boombox.
201
00:06:49,386 --> 00:06:50,626
You're worthless.
202
00:06:50,628 --> 00:06:51,454
Yes.
203
00:06:51,456 --> 00:06:52,973
Hey you little bitch.
204
00:06:52,976 --> 00:06:54,044
You know?
205
00:06:54,046 --> 00:06:56,106
I never should have had you.
206
00:06:56,117 --> 00:06:57,633
God damn it you're ugly.
207
00:06:57,635 --> 00:06:59,115
Yeah.
208
00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:00,359
[Dr. Jackie] What is going
on with that eye makeup?
209
00:07:00,362 --> 00:07:01,292
Yeah.
210
00:07:01,293 --> 00:07:02,463
Why did you wear that dress?
211
00:07:02,467 --> 00:07:05,053
You know, black and
White's not good for TV.
212
00:07:05,056 --> 00:07:05,986
[Katya] Yeah.
213
00:07:05,988 --> 00:07:06,808
What is wrong with you bitch?
214
00:07:06,816 --> 00:07:08,022
[Katya] Yeah.
215
00:07:08,024 --> 00:07:08,851
What the fuck?
216
00:07:08,853 --> 00:07:09,783
Why so many elbows?
217
00:07:09,784 --> 00:07:10,884
Why the knees always dirty?
218
00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,406
What's with all the fingers?
219
00:07:12,408 --> 00:07:13,234
Exactly.
220
00:07:13,236 --> 00:07:14,166
[Katya] Yeah.
221
00:07:14,168 --> 00:07:15,958
So we need to stop that tape.
222
00:07:15,962 --> 00:07:17,547
Now, I don't know
how old you are,
223
00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:19,100
and I don't care, don't say it.
224
00:07:19,103 --> 00:07:20,033
Okay.
225
00:07:20,035 --> 00:07:21,515
Now you're gonna push stop.
226
00:07:21,520 --> 00:07:23,278
We don't wanna
hear that anymore.
227
00:07:23,280 --> 00:07:24,760
Okay.
228
00:07:24,764 --> 00:07:26,867
That's that song on Jagged
Little Pill that doesn't work.
229
00:07:26,870 --> 00:07:27,800
Okay.
230
00:07:27,802 --> 00:07:29,180
You wanna hear the hits.
231
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,902
The Macarena.
232
00:07:30,907 --> 00:07:32,147
Okay, that's not.
233
00:07:32,151 --> 00:07:34,667
Alanis Morrissette did
not do the Macarena.
234
00:07:34,670 --> 00:07:36,150
Gangnam Style.
235
00:07:36,154 --> 00:07:36,980
[Dr. Jackie shushes]
236
00:07:36,982 --> 00:07:37,809
Okay.
237
00:07:37,811 --> 00:07:39,051
We're pushing stop.
238
00:07:39,053 --> 00:07:40,432
We're gonna, we're gonna
play a different song.
239
00:07:40,434 --> 00:07:42,294
We're gonna play
a different tape.
240
00:07:42,298 --> 00:07:43,124
Okay?
241
00:07:43,126 --> 00:07:44,056
Okay.
242
00:07:44,058 --> 00:07:44,778
So you're gonna repeat after me.
243
00:07:44,783 --> 00:07:45,610
Okay.
244
00:07:45,611 --> 00:07:46,748
Okay?
245
00:07:46,750 --> 00:07:48,197
No more Mommy
saying, "I hate you."
246
00:07:48,200 --> 00:07:49,130
"You're ugly."
247
00:07:49,132 --> 00:07:50,162
"What the fuck?"
248
00:07:50,168 --> 00:07:52,443
"Why did you wear that?"
249
00:07:52,446 --> 00:07:54,136
Why did you wear that?
250
00:07:55,068 --> 00:07:56,136
We're gonna do a new thing.
251
00:07:56,138 --> 00:07:57,034
Okay.
252
00:07:57,036 --> 00:07:57,856
So repeat after me.
253
00:07:57,864 --> 00:07:58,967
Okay.
254
00:07:58,969 --> 00:08:00,726
I am worthy.
255
00:08:00,729 --> 00:08:02,969
I am wormy.
256
00:08:05,251 --> 00:08:07,353
I'm a valid person.
257
00:08:07,356 --> 00:08:09,866
I'm a vapid person.
258
00:08:09,875 --> 00:08:12,012
Okay. Did you see
what you did there?
259
00:08:12,015 --> 00:08:13,185
What? I closed my eyes.
260
00:08:13,189 --> 00:08:14,464
Should I take my glasses off?
261
00:08:14,467 --> 00:08:16,877
No, listen to me.
262
00:08:16,882 --> 00:08:17,950
Look me in the eye.
263
00:08:17,952 --> 00:08:19,192
Pick one.
264
00:08:19,195 --> 00:08:20,021
Uh huh.
265
00:08:20,023 --> 00:08:21,573
I said, "I am worthy."
266
00:08:21,576 --> 00:08:23,127
You said, "I am wormy."
267
00:08:23,130 --> 00:08:26,129
A worm is the lowest thing
on earth crawling around.
268
00:08:26,133 --> 00:08:28,373
I said, "I am valid."
269
00:08:28,376 --> 00:08:30,196
You said, "I am vapid."
270
00:08:30,205 --> 00:08:32,066
Vapid, correct me if I'm wrong,
271
00:08:32,069 --> 00:08:35,889
means empty; of no value.
272
00:08:35,900 --> 00:08:40,382
Intellectually devoid of
any substance whatsoever.
273
00:08:40,387 --> 00:08:42,386
These tapes are still playing.
274
00:08:42,389 --> 00:08:43,319
All right?
275
00:08:43,321 --> 00:08:44,491
Look, look at the finger.
276
00:08:44,495 --> 00:08:46,114
And, and this is
not Mommy's finger.
277
00:08:46,117 --> 00:08:47,185
So don't freak out.
278
00:08:47,187 --> 00:08:48,014
[Katya] Okay.
279
00:08:48,015 --> 00:08:48,835
Stop.
280
00:08:50,535 --> 00:08:51,603
Now. Let's try it again.
281
00:08:51,605 --> 00:08:52,845
[Katya] Okay.
282
00:08:52,847 --> 00:08:53,502
Really listen to
what I'm saying.
283
00:08:53,504 --> 00:08:54,399
[Katya] Okay.
284
00:08:54,400 --> 00:08:57,020
I am worthy.
285
00:08:57,024 --> 00:08:59,404
I am flirty.
286
00:09:00,647 --> 00:09:03,057
Katya, Katya.
287
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:04,718
You're more than your sexuality.
288
00:09:04,720 --> 00:09:05,750
You said flirty.
289
00:09:05,756 --> 00:09:06,686
[Katya] Flirty.
290
00:09:06,688 --> 00:09:07,446
You don't need to flirt.
291
00:09:07,448 --> 00:09:08,378
I, okay.
292
00:09:08,380 --> 00:09:09,585
You don't need to flirt.
293
00:09:09,587 --> 00:09:10,517
It's not all about
being fuckable.
294
00:09:10,520 --> 00:09:12,240
I am 40.
295
00:09:12,245 --> 00:09:13,968
Stop it.
296
00:09:13,971 --> 00:09:15,861
You're obviously
older than that.
297
00:09:15,869 --> 00:09:18,075
Listen. I need you to focus.
298
00:09:18,078 --> 00:09:19,318
[Katya] Okay.
299
00:09:19,321 --> 00:09:20,182
Really listen to
what I'm saying.
300
00:09:20,184 --> 00:09:21,004
I'm gonna listen.
301
00:09:21,012 --> 00:09:21,839
Let it in.
302
00:09:21,840 --> 00:09:22,804
I'm gonna listen.
303
00:09:22,806 --> 00:09:23,626
The old tape is done.
304
00:09:23,635 --> 00:09:24,462
Ready?
305
00:09:24,464 --> 00:09:25,704
Ready.
306
00:09:25,706 --> 00:09:29,739
I am worthy.
307
00:09:29,744 --> 00:09:34,502
I am a valid person.
308
00:09:34,507 --> 00:09:35,537
And people love me!
309
00:09:35,543 --> 00:09:36,403
And people love me.
310
00:09:36,406 --> 00:09:37,232
Louder!
311
00:09:37,234 --> 00:09:38,644
I am worthy!
312
00:09:38,649 --> 00:09:40,165
I'm a valid person!
313
00:09:40,168 --> 00:09:41,236
And people love me!
314
00:09:41,238 --> 00:09:42,065
Do you feel it?
315
00:09:42,066 --> 00:09:42,886
I feel it.
316
00:09:42,894 --> 00:09:43,893
Is it real?
317
00:09:43,895 --> 00:09:44,722
I think it's real.
318
00:09:44,724 --> 00:09:45,551
The tape is playing.
319
00:09:45,553 --> 00:09:47,241
The CD's going.
320
00:09:47,243 --> 00:09:48,553
I think I'm wet.
321
00:09:48,556 --> 00:09:49,416
Is this Scotch Guarded?
322
00:09:49,418 --> 00:09:50,244
[phone rings]
323
00:09:50,246 --> 00:09:51,073
Wait. Hold that.
324
00:09:51,075 --> 00:09:51,935
Oh.
325
00:09:51,938 --> 00:09:52,764
I'm so sorry.
326
00:09:52,766 --> 00:09:53,586
It's my phone again.
327
00:09:53,594 --> 00:09:54,834
What another meme?
328
00:09:54,836 --> 00:09:57,276
No, actually this
is very important.
329
00:09:57,288 --> 00:10:00,011
It's, no offense, a bigger name.
330
00:10:00,014 --> 00:10:01,494
And I, they actually have me
331
00:10:01,499 --> 00:10:05,153
on retainer and this
is an emergency call.
332
00:10:05,157 --> 00:10:06,187
Ann Miller?
333
00:10:06,192 --> 00:10:07,260
[shushes Katya]
334
00:10:07,262 --> 00:10:08,572
Oh.
335
00:10:08,574 --> 00:10:09,573
Hey Trixie.
336
00:10:09,575 --> 00:10:10,574
How are you, honey?
337
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:12,092
Hi, it's me Trixie.
338
00:10:12,095 --> 00:10:14,575
I hate to call on such short
notice, but I've actually
339
00:10:14,580 --> 00:10:17,647
been having some mental stress
and some emotional fatigue.
340
00:10:17,651 --> 00:10:19,131
Is everything okay?
341
00:10:19,135 --> 00:10:22,169
I work with someone who
really is just irresponsible,
342
00:10:22,173 --> 00:10:24,792
difficult, selfish, inappropriate.
343
00:10:24,796 --> 00:10:25,795
Oh honey.
344
00:10:25,797 --> 00:10:27,067
[shushes Trixie]
345
00:10:27,074 --> 00:10:28,211
It's just getting more
and more difficult to go
346
00:10:28,213 --> 00:10:29,693
to work and kind
of face the day.
347
00:10:29,697 --> 00:10:30,524
So I was wondering
348
00:10:30,526 --> 00:10:31,662
Not a good time
349
00:10:31,664 --> 00:10:32,594
Advice for working
with somebody
350
00:10:32,597 --> 00:10:34,007
who's truly sort of an idiot.
351
00:10:34,011 --> 00:10:36,424
I totally understand
your frustration, but
352
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:39,255
Garbage and really
disgusting to look at.
353
00:10:39,258 --> 00:10:41,358
And my stomach turns
just even being
354
00:10:41,363 --> 00:10:42,190
around her.
355
00:10:42,192 --> 00:10:43,152
Um.
356
00:10:43,158 --> 00:10:44,778
It's Katya, please help.
357
00:10:44,781 --> 00:10:47,194
[phone call ends]
358
00:10:47,197 --> 00:10:48,885
Awkward.
359
00:10:48,888 --> 00:10:49,708
She hates me.
360
00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:50,577
I was right.
361
00:10:50,579 --> 00:10:51,539
Stop the tape
362
00:10:51,546 --> 00:10:52,372
Don't you gaslight me.
363
00:10:52,374 --> 00:10:53,474
Stop the tape!
364
00:10:53,479 --> 00:10:54,684
Now, say it again.
365
00:10:54,686 --> 00:10:56,685
Say it again.
366
00:10:56,688 --> 00:10:58,338
Come here, come closer.
367
00:10:58,345 --> 00:11:00,723
[loud slap]
368
00:11:00,727 --> 00:11:03,002
Now that's called tough love.
369
00:11:03,005 --> 00:11:05,383
And it's somewhere in a
book here in my office.
370
00:11:05,386 --> 00:11:08,176
It is a valid form of therapy.
371
00:11:08,182 --> 00:11:12,078
And speaking of valid, I need
you to repeat our new tape.
372
00:11:12,082 --> 00:11:12,908
Now.
373
00:11:12,910 --> 00:11:13,730
I'm a worthy person.
374
00:11:13,739 --> 00:11:14,635
I'm a valid person.
375
00:11:14,637 --> 00:11:15,667
I'm a people person.
376
00:11:15,672 --> 00:11:16,782
I love me.
377
00:11:17,950 --> 00:11:19,535
You put a spin on
it, but that's it.
378
00:11:19,538 --> 00:11:21,498
Okay. I'm a fruit
bar and a wagon wheel.
379
00:11:21,505 --> 00:11:22,745
Are you feeling it?
380
00:11:22,748 --> 00:11:26,506
I feel actually
pretty incredible.
381
00:11:26,510 --> 00:11:28,647
I feel, I mean, like
I feel more limber.
382
00:11:28,650 --> 00:11:31,235
I've got, oh, you
hear that crack?
383
00:11:31,239 --> 00:11:33,509
I've got thoracic mobility.
384
00:11:33,517 --> 00:11:35,102
I think this is
gonna work for me.
385
00:11:35,104 --> 00:11:36,723
Thank you so much Dr. Jackie.
386
00:11:36,726 --> 00:11:38,276
You are, I don't touch.
387
00:11:38,279 --> 00:11:39,519
Okay, well.
388
00:11:39,522 --> 00:11:40,692
Listen, I'm glad
you feel better.
389
00:11:40,696 --> 00:11:41,729
I'm glad you feel great.
390
00:11:41,730 --> 00:11:43,280
But this is just the beginning.
391
00:11:43,284 --> 00:11:46,111
We need to back this up like
three, four times a week.
392
00:11:46,115 --> 00:11:47,183
We need to do this.
393
00:11:47,185 --> 00:11:48,005
Okay.
394
00:11:48,012 --> 00:11:48,839
I'll pack a lunch.
395
00:11:48,841 --> 00:11:50,288
Yes. Yeah.
396
00:11:50,291 --> 00:11:51,945
Yeah. I'll get a babysitter.
397
00:11:51,947 --> 00:11:53,287
Do whatever you need to do.
398
00:11:53,293 --> 00:11:54,361
Okay. I'll get pregnant too.
399
00:11:54,363 --> 00:11:55,843
Okay. Thank you so much.
400
00:11:55,848 --> 00:11:56,778
You are so welcome.
401
00:11:56,780 --> 00:11:57,676
God bless you.
402
00:11:57,678 --> 00:11:58,504
Yes.
403
00:11:58,505 --> 00:11:59,465
God!
404
00:11:59,472 --> 00:12:00,962
God bless me. It is what I do.
405
00:12:03,234 --> 00:12:04,233
All right.
406
00:12:04,235 --> 00:12:05,683
Thank you.
407
00:12:05,685 --> 00:12:06,545
Don't.
408
00:12:06,548 --> 00:12:08,408
Thank you. Thank you.
409
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:16,348
Well, how did it go?
410
00:12:16,350 --> 00:12:17,690
Oh, it was fine.
411
00:12:17,696 --> 00:12:19,970
But between you and
me, I think I hate her.
412
00:12:19,974 --> 00:12:21,594
Oh Honey, everyone hates her.
413
00:12:21,596 --> 00:12:23,386
Katya is fucking annoying.
414
00:12:27,118 --> 00:12:28,188
Do you validate?
415
00:12:31,088 --> 00:12:32,568
No.
416
00:12:32,573 --> 00:12:33,399
Okay.
417
00:12:33,400 --> 00:12:35,740
[upbeat music]
418
00:12:35,748 --> 00:12:37,885
[phone rings]
419
00:12:37,888 --> 00:12:38,715
Hello?
420
00:12:38,716 --> 00:12:40,232
Dr. Jackie.
421
00:12:40,235 --> 00:12:41,885
It's Margaret Cho.
422
00:12:41,891 --> 00:12:44,511
Oh, well hello, Margaret Cho.
423
00:12:44,515 --> 00:12:46,341
How can I help you, Honey?
424
00:12:46,344 --> 00:12:47,554
I'm just wondering.
425
00:12:48,760 --> 00:12:49,730
So I,
426
00:12:51,660 --> 00:12:54,560
had my big toenail removed.
427
00:12:55,697 --> 00:12:57,007
It had toenail fungus,
428
00:12:58,045 --> 00:12:59,525
because I used to be a swimmer.
429
00:12:59,529 --> 00:13:00,459
Uh huh.
430
00:13:00,461 --> 00:13:04,149
And I looked at the toenail.
431
00:13:04,153 --> 00:13:05,083
Well now see...
432
00:13:05,085 --> 00:13:06,985
And it really looked like,
433
00:13:08,468 --> 00:13:09,888
I'm not sure if it was a
434
00:13:12,265 --> 00:13:13,505
maybe pork rinds.
435
00:13:13,507 --> 00:13:14,437
Right.
436
00:13:14,439 --> 00:13:16,609
With some spicy sauce on it.
437
00:13:17,477 --> 00:13:18,545
And I really wanted to eat it.
438
00:13:18,547 --> 00:13:21,546
And the podiatrist said, no.
439
00:13:21,550 --> 00:13:22,756
Would you have, let me eat it?
440
00:13:22,758 --> 00:13:25,757
I agree 100% with
your podiatrist.
441
00:13:25,761 --> 00:13:27,861
Do not eat that toenail.
442
00:13:27,866 --> 00:13:29,968
If you eat that toenail,
next thing you know
443
00:13:29,971 --> 00:13:32,039
you're snacking on other
parts of your body.
444
00:13:32,042 --> 00:13:33,592
And then the next thing you know
445
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:35,385
it's a slippery slope bitch.
446
00:13:35,390 --> 00:13:37,975
You are eating other
people's body parts.
447
00:13:37,978 --> 00:13:40,248
And then, hello!
448
00:13:40,257 --> 00:13:42,497
Can you say Armie Hammer?
449
00:13:42,501 --> 00:13:43,327
Yeah.
450
00:13:43,328 --> 00:13:44,568
He had fantasies,
451
00:13:44,572 --> 00:13:47,778
sexual fantasies about
cannibalizing women.
452
00:13:47,782 --> 00:13:48,712
He was canceled.
453
00:13:48,714 --> 00:13:50,574
Anyway, listen, I'm just saying,
454
00:13:50,577 --> 00:13:53,196
be careful, you do
what you need to do
455
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:55,510
but, I'm glad we
nipped this in the bud.
456
00:13:55,513 --> 00:13:58,443
Thanks Dr. Jackie. I
would've never thought of that.
457
00:13:58,447 --> 00:14:00,717
You always give me
the best advice.
458
00:14:00,725 --> 00:14:01,930
All right, honey.
459
00:14:01,932 --> 00:14:03,892
Yeah. I'm glad I
could be of help.
460
00:14:03,900 --> 00:14:05,623
I'll email you a bill.
461
00:14:05,625 --> 00:14:07,275
[call ends]
462
00:14:07,282 --> 00:14:09,005
Eating your toenails.
463
00:14:09,008 --> 00:14:10,798
Okay, that is disgusting.
464
00:14:10,803 --> 00:14:13,393
[upbeat music]
465
00:14:15,290 --> 00:14:16,875
Oh, hey. How was your lunch?
466
00:14:16,877 --> 00:14:18,083
Oh, delicious.
467
00:14:18,085 --> 00:14:19,805
I went to that
new Italian place.
468
00:14:19,812 --> 00:14:21,292
What new Italian place?
469
00:14:21,295 --> 00:14:22,949
Oh, it's called
Spaghetti Freddy's
470
00:14:22,952 --> 00:14:25,812
and it's located right
between Diet Depot
471
00:14:25,818 --> 00:14:28,885
and the Back Fat Gym for
ladies in that strip mall.
472
00:14:28,888 --> 00:14:29,748
[Sherry] Hmm.
473
00:14:29,752 --> 00:14:30,578
Did you eat?
474
00:14:30,580 --> 00:14:31,786
Nope. Nothing for me.
475
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:35,578
Just my Trim Licious
meal replacement shake.
476
00:14:35,585 --> 00:14:38,165
You know, it's really
not healthy to skip meals.
477
00:14:38,173 --> 00:14:40,276
I'll make a note
of that Dr. Fauci.
478
00:14:40,279 --> 00:14:41,519
Excuse me?
479
00:14:41,521 --> 00:14:44,071
I said sometimes
it makes me grouchy.
480
00:14:44,076 --> 00:14:46,282
Well, your next appointment
is already here.
481
00:14:46,285 --> 00:14:49,353
Some kind of workplace drama.
482
00:14:49,357 --> 00:14:52,767
Yawn. God, I
hate normal people.
483
00:14:54,741 --> 00:14:55,561
Hello!
484
00:14:57,226 --> 00:14:59,816
[chews loudly]
485
00:15:01,195 --> 00:15:03,855
[upbeat music]
486
00:15:04,992 --> 00:15:08,782
Hello. I'm Dr. Jackie
and you are Mario.
487
00:15:08,789 --> 00:15:10,132
Yeah. Hi.
488
00:15:10,134 --> 00:15:11,164
Hello.
489
00:15:11,170 --> 00:15:12,514
How are you doing?
490
00:15:12,517 --> 00:15:14,027
I'm doing alright.
491
00:15:14,035 --> 00:15:15,765
Seem a little uptight.
492
00:15:16,934 --> 00:15:17,864
I'm okay.
493
00:15:18,936 --> 00:15:19,866
Thank you.
494
00:15:19,869 --> 00:15:21,385
Well, if you were okay,
495
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:22,657
you probably wouldn't be
seeing a psychotherapist.
496
00:15:22,664 --> 00:15:23,904
What's going on?
497
00:15:23,906 --> 00:15:25,939
Well, I feel a little
awkward actually.
498
00:15:25,942 --> 00:15:27,252
I've never done therapy before
499
00:15:27,255 --> 00:15:28,633
so this is a little
weird for me.
500
00:15:28,635 --> 00:15:30,355
Well, let me put
your mind at ease.
501
00:15:30,361 --> 00:15:32,291
This is a safe place.
502
00:15:32,293 --> 00:15:34,085
This is strictly confidential.
503
00:15:34,088 --> 00:15:38,188
Anything you say is
just between you and me.
504
00:15:38,196 --> 00:15:39,676
Well, where do I begin?
505
00:15:39,680 --> 00:15:42,127
Well, just tell me a
little bit about yourself.
506
00:15:42,131 --> 00:15:45,611
Well, I'm a 50
year old gay man.
507
00:15:45,617 --> 00:15:47,133
And I don't know.
508
00:15:47,135 --> 00:15:48,203
I just feel like
509
00:15:48,205 --> 00:15:49,825
It's over.
510
00:15:49,828 --> 00:15:51,758
You feel like it's over.
511
00:15:51,761 --> 00:15:53,898
You feel invisible.
512
00:15:53,901 --> 00:15:58,901
You feel less than,
unwanted, undesirable.
513
00:15:59,802 --> 00:16:00,592
You're not the cute guy anymore.
514
00:16:00,596 --> 00:16:02,076
You're not fashionable.
515
00:16:02,081 --> 00:16:06,080
You gotta wear the hat to
hide the receding hairline.
516
00:16:06,084 --> 00:16:08,911
You got the pot belly starting.
517
00:16:08,915 --> 00:16:11,672
You know, nobody wants
to, you're unfuckable.
518
00:16:11,676 --> 00:16:13,985
You know, it's like
in the gay world,
519
00:16:13,988 --> 00:16:16,608
you may as well be a dead woman.
520
00:16:16,611 --> 00:16:20,331
You're clearly on
Grubhub more than Grindr.
521
00:16:20,339 --> 00:16:22,476
It's over for you.
522
00:16:22,479 --> 00:16:26,649
I mean, let's be honest
in your community.
523
00:16:27,933 --> 00:16:29,833
You're a steaming pile of shit.
524
00:16:31,384 --> 00:16:33,383
Yeah. No, that's
not why I'm here.
525
00:16:33,386 --> 00:16:34,212
It's not?
526
00:16:34,214 --> 00:16:35,694
No.
527
00:16:35,698 --> 00:16:38,766
Okay. Well, why don't you
tell me why you're here.
528
00:16:38,770 --> 00:16:40,110
Okay, I will.
529
00:16:40,117 --> 00:16:41,327
And write it down.
530
00:16:42,498 --> 00:16:44,118
Well, I'm having
some issues at work.
531
00:16:44,120 --> 00:16:47,257
Having some issues at work.
532
00:16:47,261 --> 00:16:48,846
Work. And I
thought maybe uh...
533
00:16:48,849 --> 00:16:50,949
And you thought
that maybe uh...
534
00:16:50,955 --> 00:16:52,643
I
535
00:16:52,645 --> 00:16:54,815
Thought
536
00:16:54,820 --> 00:16:56,957
I thought that
maybe you could help.
537
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:59,234
You thought that... I don't
need to write that down.
538
00:16:59,238 --> 00:17:00,748
I can help.
539
00:17:00,757 --> 00:17:04,417
Well, I'm here because I'm
having some workplace issues.
540
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:07,070
So I brought a couple
of my coworkers.
541
00:17:07,073 --> 00:17:10,727
I thought maybe we could
figure some of this stuff out.
542
00:17:10,731 --> 00:17:13,661
Oh, well of course.
Let's bring them in.
543
00:17:13,665 --> 00:17:16,285
Shirley. Could you send in
Mario's coworkers please?
544
00:17:16,289 --> 00:17:17,667
[Sherry Over
speaker] It's Sherry.
545
00:17:17,669 --> 00:17:18,769
They're right there.
546
00:17:21,466 --> 00:17:22,741
Oh.
547
00:17:22,743 --> 00:17:23,673
Hello.
548
00:17:24,573 --> 00:17:25,673
Wow.
549
00:17:25,677 --> 00:17:26,577
Um.
550
00:17:28,438 --> 00:17:31,438
Did you hear all that?
551
00:17:33,029 --> 00:17:36,476
That's, just so you know
that that was confidential.
552
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:37,660
Everything about...
553
00:17:42,209 --> 00:17:45,208
So I understand
that there is some
554
00:17:45,212 --> 00:17:47,902
workplace drama going
on between you two.
555
00:17:49,699 --> 00:17:51,215
What's going on?
556
00:17:51,218 --> 00:17:54,666
This one thinks
he's such hot shit.
557
00:17:54,670 --> 00:17:56,040
I don't think it, I know it.
558
00:17:56,050 --> 00:17:58,290
First of all, please
uncross your arms.
559
00:17:58,293 --> 00:18:00,113
Why don't you open yourself up
560
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:02,639
to being a part of this process?
561
00:18:02,642 --> 00:18:03,952
There you go.
562
00:18:03,955 --> 00:18:05,712
Now, I have heard enough.
563
00:18:05,714 --> 00:18:06,644
Believe it or not.
564
00:18:06,646 --> 00:18:09,025
They said one little thing each,
565
00:18:09,029 --> 00:18:10,234
but I'm a seasoned professional
566
00:18:10,236 --> 00:18:12,056
and I understand
what's going on here.
567
00:18:12,065 --> 00:18:13,098
Let me guess.
568
00:18:13,100 --> 00:18:14,410
Okay?
569
00:18:14,413 --> 00:18:16,688
You two work together.
570
00:18:16,691 --> 00:18:19,651
You were once on
friendly terms, and you
571
00:18:19,659 --> 00:18:20,489
or you
572
00:18:21,488 --> 00:18:24,245
sold more used cars,
573
00:18:24,249 --> 00:18:26,697
or solar panels,
574
00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:29,800
or water softening systems,
than the other one.
575
00:18:29,806 --> 00:18:34,115
And now this good-natured,
fun competition has
576
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:37,499
turned your office into
a virtual war zone.
577
00:18:37,503 --> 00:18:38,433
No, no, no, no.
578
00:18:38,435 --> 00:18:39,572
We don't work in an office.
579
00:18:39,574 --> 00:18:40,814
What?
580
00:18:40,817 --> 00:18:42,227
I'm a queer producer.
581
00:18:42,232 --> 00:18:43,886
You can't say that word.
582
00:18:43,888 --> 00:18:45,335
Look, I throw a
party called Schlongz!
583
00:18:45,338 --> 00:18:48,128
with a Z and an
exclamation point.
584
00:18:48,133 --> 00:18:49,583
And they're my go-go dancers.
585
00:18:52,414 --> 00:18:53,655
And?
586
00:18:53,657 --> 00:18:55,276
Look, they used to date,
587
00:18:55,278 --> 00:18:57,898
and now they're bickering
all the time at work.
588
00:18:57,902 --> 00:18:59,832
I mean, people come there
to have a good time.
589
00:18:59,835 --> 00:19:02,455
And these two are just
fighting, fighting, fighting.
590
00:19:02,458 --> 00:19:06,595
I mean, nobody comes to see
two gorgeous men wearing next
591
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:07,560
to nothing.
592
00:19:07,566 --> 00:19:09,393
Behaving like school girls.
593
00:19:09,396 --> 00:19:10,326
Two gorgeous men
594
00:19:11,639 --> 00:19:14,399
wearing next to nothing.
595
00:19:16,609 --> 00:19:17,569
Exactly.
596
00:19:18,404 --> 00:19:20,851
Now what is going on?
597
00:19:20,854 --> 00:19:23,714
He won't shut up
about his amazing ass.
598
00:19:23,719 --> 00:19:25,753
Okay. Cuz you won't, and can't
599
00:19:25,756 --> 00:19:27,646
shut up about your huge cock.
600
00:19:36,352 --> 00:19:39,110
I think I know
what's going on here.
601
00:19:39,114 --> 00:19:40,871
Do you see this?
602
00:19:40,873 --> 00:19:41,700
What does it say?
603
00:19:41,702 --> 00:19:43,182
Doctor Jackie.
604
00:19:43,186 --> 00:19:45,596
I want all three
of you to say it.
605
00:19:45,602 --> 00:19:47,808
[All Three Men] Doctor Jackie.
606
00:19:47,811 --> 00:19:50,781
Doctor Jackie. Keyword doctor.
607
00:19:51,677 --> 00:19:54,537
But, I'm not a magician,
608
00:19:54,541 --> 00:19:56,023
and I'm certainly not a medium.
609
00:19:56,026 --> 00:19:56,846
Oh God.
610
00:19:56,854 --> 00:19:58,094
I wish I was a medium.
611
00:19:58,097 --> 00:19:59,817
I'm like an extra
large right now.
612
00:19:59,822 --> 00:20:01,132
Well, I've been
eating my feelings.
613
00:20:01,134 --> 00:20:02,614
I don't know what's going on.
614
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,066
Physician heal thyself.
615
00:20:04,068 --> 00:20:05,515
Am I right?
616
00:20:05,518 --> 00:20:08,168
Listen, I need to come
from a place of knowledge.
617
00:20:08,175 --> 00:20:09,967
If you're trying to
figure something out
618
00:20:09,970 --> 00:20:13,728
you need all the information
that you can get.
619
00:20:13,732 --> 00:20:18,482
Now I realize that just
like my Jewish friend, Barry
620
00:20:18,495 --> 00:20:19,943
who is always eating bacon
621
00:20:19,945 --> 00:20:22,426
and refuses to have
his son circumcised,
622
00:20:22,430 --> 00:20:24,360
this is highly unorthodox.
623
00:20:24,362 --> 00:20:27,672
But for purely
therapeutic reasons
624
00:20:27,677 --> 00:20:32,397
I need to see this amazing ass
625
00:20:33,959 --> 00:20:35,829
and huge cock.
626
00:20:37,272 --> 00:20:41,236
I think it's our only chance
to let the healing begin.
627
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:44,410
Are you two
comfortable with this?
628
00:20:45,486 --> 00:20:46,450
Yeah?
629
00:20:46,452 --> 00:20:47,722
I guess
630
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:50,590
Great! Then let
the party begin.
631
00:20:50,594 --> 00:20:51,938
[techno music plays]
632
00:20:51,941 --> 00:20:56,391
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪
633
00:20:57,670 --> 00:21:02,400
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪
634
00:21:04,366 --> 00:21:09,366
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪
635
00:21:11,407 --> 00:21:16,407
♪ I-N-V-E-N-T-E-D,
I invented that ♪
636
00:21:18,379 --> 00:21:25,309
♪ I invented that
637
00:21:25,317 --> 00:21:26,833
All right you guys, that's it.
638
00:21:26,835 --> 00:21:27,903
Put your clothes on.
639
00:21:27,905 --> 00:21:28,765
We're leaving.
640
00:21:31,599 --> 00:21:34,839
Well, you must admit
they're getting along now.
641
00:21:35,810 --> 00:21:37,770
Thanks to Dr. Jackie.
642
00:21:37,777 --> 00:21:39,017
Thank you, Dr.
643
00:21:39,020 --> 00:21:42,019
Does anyone say, "Thank
you, Dr. Jackie?" No.
644
00:21:42,020 --> 00:21:45,090
[upbeat music plays]
645
00:21:45,140 --> 00:21:49,690
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