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♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
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-♪ ♪
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Damn!
She's still here?
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- Man.
- Yeah, she's still here.
And it's your fault.
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Hey.
- You screwed up her own
electrical system.
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What you're doing right now,
is you puttin' bad miles
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on your johnson.
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You never heard of a car
have highway miles
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and fuckin' city miles?
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I-- I never heard of miles
on a johnson.
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Right now,
we got dick depreciation.
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But you know what?
It's worth it.
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- Hmm? Okay.
- It's worth it.
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Oh, no, no, no, Leon.
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- Oh, boy.
Leon, no.
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- We talked about this. Where...
Oh, Here we go.
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Where does this go?
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It's recycling, right?
So, it goes this side.
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- Okay?
- All this stuff is going
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to the same place.
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- No. No.
- Fuckin' dump, a big pile
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- of fuckin' trash and shit...
No.
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...with seagulls flyin'
over that shit.
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No. While I'm in a relationship
with Larry,
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this is how we do it. Okay?
If you only knew the journey
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a piece of trash takes
in this city...
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It's one
plastic bottle's journey
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- from Milan to Minsk.
- Yeah.
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You know what this can do?
Look. It can choke a dolphin.
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You wanna a choke a dolphin,
Leon?
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- Oh.
- I don't think you want to.
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No, he doesn't wanna choke
a dolphin.
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You don't wanna choke a dolphin.
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You know what?
What?
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Bad miles.
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Ugh. He's such a smart guy.
It's just he's--
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he has a lot of energy,
but he kinda delusional.
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Yeah.
He has all of these
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theories that just
make no sense.
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Ugh. I gotta go to work.
I gotta get to the chamber.
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You know the guy was here
to, uh, give me an estimate
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- on the fence around the pool.
- Oh. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
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- yeah. Yeah.
Yeah, he said it's gonna
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- cost 5,000 dollars.
- Oh, my God! Really?
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Remember-- remember last week,
I mentioned something
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about repealing that law?
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Y-- You mentioned something
about repealing the law.
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You don't stop talking
about repealing the law.
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But the more I think about it,
the-- the more sense
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it actually makes.
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Larry, would it make you happy
if I helped to repeal the law?
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Really?
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Would it stop you
talking about this fence?
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Absolutely, I--
I'll never mention it again!
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- This is fantastic.
- You need--
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there's five council people.
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- You gotta have a majority.
- Five?
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- You need a majority?
Yep.
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So you need three.
Well, we got you, that's one.
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You got me. Yes.
- Okay, so two more.
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- Okay. I will try.
Wow.
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- I'm gonna try, for you.
- That's-- Okay. You know what?
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You did something for me,
and I-- I-- I--
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I'd like to return the favor.
I'd like to get you--
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- Really?
- Yeah, let me buy you something.
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You wanna know
what I really want?
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Yeah.
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Vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
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What?
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A tightening, a lifting,
you know, the labial lips,
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- I'd like them evened out.
- Tighten. Lift and tighten.
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'Cause you know
something?
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- Hmm.
- I love my daughter, Larry,
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but she destroyed me
down here...
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- Oh.
-...when she was born.
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And you know what they tell you
to do? Kegel, Kegel, Kegel.
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- Kegel, Kegel. Yeah.
Lifting, lifting up.
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And I'm kegeling, I'm ke--
You know what? Does not work.
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- Mm-hmm.
- Also, when I get excited,
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I jump up suddenly, like
at a sports game or something,
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a little, little, little, little
pee-pee escapes.
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I wanna be with you,
courtside...
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Yeah.
-...watching a great game.
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I wanna wear white pants
with you,
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so the whole thing
is such a win-win for you...
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- Yeah.
-...for me,
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sexually, you know, medically.
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But, you know,
it's not just for me.
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It's for us, isn't it?
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- Yeah, yeah.
- It's for us.
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00:04:02,825 --> 00:04:03,952
Okay, okay. We'll get that done.
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00:04:04,035 --> 00:04:05,453
- All right, all right.
- Yeah, yeah. We got it.
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- We'll get that done.
- Darling, I'm excited!
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You're not gonna regret it.
Oh, I gotta borrow your car.
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What?
- Yeah, I-- I'm out of gas.
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Keys out on-- in the foyer,
in the--
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Yeah, it's in the...
Okay.
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Yeah.
- This area.
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- Yeah.
- Oh, fufu surgery,
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a designer vagina!
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- Where are the keys?
- I told you they're in the bowl!
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What?
- The bowl!
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- Oh, my God! Are you okay? Huh?
- Yeah. Yeah.
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- Stay still, don't move.
- Okay.
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All right. I'm gonna
give you this sweater, okay.
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Ow, my neck...
- I'm gonna call an ambulance.
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- I'm calling 9-1-1, okay?
Am I bleeding?
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Just don't...
Uh, yeah, a little bit.
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Okay.
- I'm gonna call 9-1-1.
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You're gonna be okay.
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Hang in there. Hang in there.
You're gonna be all right.
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Oh, here it is. Here it is.
Here it is. Okay.
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Thank you.
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00:05:02,510 --> 00:05:03,386
Here he is.
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00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:04,637
Okay, tell me what happened.
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- What's your name, sir?
My name is Ben.
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00:05:05,972 --> 00:05:07,223
- Ben, Ben Callahan.
- Okay.
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00:05:07,306 --> 00:05:09,642
Did you see what happened? Did--
No? Does your neck hurt?
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- Do you have any neck pain?
- My neck really hurts, yeah.
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Okay, try not to move it.
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I-- I really-- I don't get
the bicycle thing, you know?
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00:05:15,606 --> 00:05:17,817
Get the stationary bike
in your house, you got the TV,
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it's so much better than--
than going on the streets here.
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Just try not to talk.
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- Okay.
- You'll be just fine.
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I think even roller skates
is-- is better.
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I think roller skating
is safer than a bicycle.
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Can you just let me do my job?
Who cares about roller skating?
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Absolutely, absolutely,
absolutely.
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- Who is that?
I don't know who he is.
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Roller-skating's
kind of fun, too.
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- I think it's more fun.
- Do you wanna help?
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- Do you wanna--
- No, I'm helping.
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You didn't see an--
- I-- I called, I made the call.
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- Okay, Ben?
Yeah.
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Ben,
everything's gonna be okay.
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We're gonna get you in an
ambulance, you're gonna be fine.
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Okay.
- Yeah! I told him that before.
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Thanks.
Do you wanna be a paramedic?
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I don't know why you need to be
a part of this anymore.
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- Step back! Step back!
- I'm stepping back.
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Okay, buddy, we're
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- gonna put you in an ambulance.
Okay
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All right,
you're gonna be fine, Ben.
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- Thank you.
Good luck!
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Wait a second. Hey! My sweater!
Hey, my sweater!
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My sweater!
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All right, got it.
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- Thank you. Okay, bye.
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Excuse me, I'm wondering
if, uh, if a new patient
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was admitted here today,
Ben Callahan.
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He was in a bike accident.
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Oh, yes. He suffered
a mild concussion.
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He had to have a few stiches
but he's gonna be okay.
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- Oh, he's gonna be okay? Great.
- Yes.
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He's in, uh, room 406.
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- Four-o-six?
- Yes.
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- And wh-- where's that?
- Oh, it's right there.
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Oh, oh, that's my sweater.
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Excuse me!
You can't go in there.
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What-- what are you
talking about?
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- My sweater is right over there.
No.
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You can't go in
and get the sweater.
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What? Why? You don't understand.
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I discovered him
lying on the ground.
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It was cold,
I took my sweater off.
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I did a nice thing for one
of the few times in my life.
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And now you're saying
I can't get my sweater back?
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How do I know
that's your sweater?
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Oh, yeah, that's how I got
my wardrobe.
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I go around to hospitals,
and I look in rooms
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and I say, "Oh, that's mine."
And they give it to me.
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Yeah,
that's how I got the shirt
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- and the, uh, and the pants.
- That could be your hustle.
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Okay, all right, how about this?
Could you just tell him
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that Larry David is here
to get his sweater back?
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He's resting right now,
I can't do that.
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00:07:17,436 --> 00:07:20,231
- Is he resting or sleeping?
- What's the difference?
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Well,
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sleeping, you definitely
don't wanna disturb somebody,
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00:07:23,901 --> 00:07:25,361
and I completely
understand that.
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But if you're resting,
and you're just laying down
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with your eyes open,
that's nothing.
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Every day I rest.
And I could talk to anybody
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- when I'm resting.
- I'm not gonna disturb
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the patient just to ask him
about your sweater.
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00:07:36,873 --> 00:07:39,167
How is that a disturbance?
A person is laying in bed.
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He's asked a question.
He doesn't even have to say
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yes or no.
He can just nod, "Yes."
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If go in there,
I'm disturbin' him.
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00:07:45,381 --> 00:07:46,966
That's a disturbance?
A human presence
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00:07:47,049 --> 00:07:48,885
- is a disturbance?
- If he's resting, yes.
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00:07:48,968 --> 00:07:51,137
- Would you hand him a note?
Yeah, I could do that.
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00:07:52,221 --> 00:07:54,265
By the way,
where's plastic surgery?
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00:07:54,348 --> 00:07:55,892
Downstairs, first floor.
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00:07:55,975 --> 00:07:58,186
- Just hand him that note, okay?
Mm-hmm.
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00:07:59,562 --> 00:08:03,316
It must be difficult being
so mistrustful of everyone.
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00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,694
- It's sad.
- It is.
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00:08:06,777 --> 00:08:09,197
-♪
200
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:16,537
- Hi, how can I help you?
- Hi. Um...
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00:08:17,622 --> 00:08:20,416
I have a bit of a delicate
matter to discuss.
202
00:08:20,499 --> 00:08:22,418
- Okay.
- Um...
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00:08:22,501 --> 00:08:24,045
Uh, how are we looking
for the rest of the day?
204
00:08:24,128 --> 00:08:25,922
Oh, uh, your two o'clock
surgery's been cancelled.
205
00:08:26,005 --> 00:08:27,340
Okay, thank you.
206
00:08:27,423 --> 00:08:29,258
Oh, hey, excuse me?
207
00:08:29,342 --> 00:08:30,968
- Yeah.
- You're a doctor?
208
00:08:31,052 --> 00:08:32,470
Uh, yes, I am.
209
00:08:32,553 --> 00:08:35,932
Do you do
vaginal rejuvenation surgery?
210
00:08:36,015 --> 00:08:38,559
That's what we do here,
I specialize in it, yes.
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00:08:38,643 --> 00:08:41,020
How long does it put
a person out of...
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00:08:41,771 --> 00:08:42,897
commission for?
213
00:08:42,980 --> 00:08:45,942
Look, it depends on what
you're looking to have done.
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00:08:47,068 --> 00:08:48,194
Tightening and a lift?
215
00:08:48,277 --> 00:08:50,529
Tightening and a lift.
I usually recommend
216
00:08:50,613 --> 00:08:52,406
taking about three days
off of work,
217
00:08:52,490 --> 00:08:54,659
- no heavy lifting.
- No, no, no, no, no. I'm...
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00:08:55,409 --> 00:08:56,827
you know, I'm talkin' about,
219
00:08:56,911 --> 00:09:00,331
- you know, intercourse.
220
00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:03,084
- Six to eight weeks, probably.
- Six to eight weeks?
221
00:09:03,167 --> 00:09:04,543
Yeah.
- No kidding.
222
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:06,963
Huh!
223
00:09:07,046 --> 00:09:09,298
Depending on what kind of work
needs to be done.
224
00:09:09,382 --> 00:09:14,512
Oh, it's a lot of work.
Lotsa, lotsa, lotsa work.
225
00:09:22,520 --> 00:09:23,646
- Hey.
- Oh, hey!
226
00:09:23,729 --> 00:09:26,649
I think I finally figured out
a way to end the whole
227
00:09:26,732 --> 00:09:28,985
- ba-dump-bump situation.
- Oh, yeah?
228
00:09:29,068 --> 00:09:31,487
Susie's had her eye
on this vase...
229
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:35,658
vase, in Beverly Hills,
which is so expensive.
230
00:09:35,741 --> 00:09:39,370
However, downtown LA,
I found a guy named Igor,
231
00:09:39,453 --> 00:09:42,957
same exact vase,
you can't tell 'em apart.
232
00:09:43,040 --> 00:09:44,500
- Half the price.
- Wow!
233
00:09:44,583 --> 00:09:46,627
Yeah. Ugh. And this will be
a weight lifted.
234
00:09:46,711 --> 00:09:48,754
Boy, this is amazing,
what you've got going,
235
00:09:48,838 --> 00:09:50,798
this whole risk reward life.
236
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,509
The risk is my reward.
237
00:09:53,592 --> 00:09:55,511
You're like an outlaw.
238
00:09:55,594 --> 00:09:57,722
Well, that's what you gotta do.
239
00:09:57,805 --> 00:09:59,265
- Look at her.
- Oh...
240
00:09:59,348 --> 00:10:02,143
Sitting in my chair.
I mean, constantly.
241
00:10:02,226 --> 00:10:03,728
Her seat is two seats back.
242
00:10:03,811 --> 00:10:05,479
- You see it right there.
- Yeah. Yeah.
243
00:10:05,563 --> 00:10:08,149
That's under instructions
from her father, believe me.
244
00:10:08,232 --> 00:10:11,068
Oh, look,
now he's taking over.
245
00:10:11,152 --> 00:10:12,862
They just want to taunt me.
246
00:10:12,945 --> 00:10:15,781
I don't think I've ever
hated someone as much in my life
247
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,491
as I do this guy.
248
00:10:17,575 --> 00:10:20,411
Hey, I think the espresso
machine's broken again.
249
00:10:20,494 --> 00:10:22,246
Who's in charge of that?
Is that you?
250
00:10:23,414 --> 00:10:24,582
Geez.
251
00:10:24,665 --> 00:10:27,376
Ah, it's gonna be so sweet
when we get that law repealed.
252
00:10:27,460 --> 00:10:29,337
- Oh, my God.
- We've only got two weeks
253
00:10:29,420 --> 00:10:31,130
until we start shooting.
254
00:10:31,213 --> 00:10:34,050
- Gotta make it happen.
- Yeah, I know.
255
00:10:34,133 --> 00:10:35,926
Hey, I'm gonna need one
of those earpieces.
256
00:10:41,265 --> 00:10:43,351
Wow. Look at all this...
257
00:10:43,434 --> 00:10:46,103
It's nice,
there's so much. Wow.
258
00:10:46,187 --> 00:10:48,522
- Hello.
- Oh, Hi!
259
00:10:48,606 --> 00:10:50,858
My name is Igor.
I run Prospr.
260
00:10:50,941 --> 00:10:52,026
How can I help you?
261
00:10:52,109 --> 00:10:54,070
Hi, Igor, I--
I-- I'm Jeff Greene.
262
00:10:54,153 --> 00:10:55,696
- We spoke on--
- We spoke on the phone
about the vase?
263
00:10:55,780 --> 00:10:57,782
- Yeah, yes.
- We spoke on the phone
about the vase.
264
00:10:57,865 --> 00:10:59,742
Nice to see you.
You brought a friend?
265
00:10:59,825 --> 00:11:01,118
- Yes.
- Is that okay? Larry.
266
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,620
Oh, shplendid.
267
00:11:02,703 --> 00:11:04,246
Boy, you got
a lot of stuff in here.
268
00:11:04,330 --> 00:11:05,164
Yes.
269
00:11:05,247 --> 00:11:06,874
Is there anything y--
you won't take?
270
00:11:06,957 --> 00:11:09,251
Anything with blood on it.
Won't take that.
271
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:11,128
- No blood?
- I don't want to know.
272
00:11:11,212 --> 00:11:12,421
Where's all this stuff
come from?
273
00:11:12,505 --> 00:11:13,964
Most of this comes from, uh,
274
00:11:14,048 --> 00:11:16,425
women who died
at Park La Brea Apartments.
275
00:11:16,509 --> 00:11:17,635
Oh.
- Yes, they get married,
276
00:11:17,718 --> 00:11:19,428
they get old, they die.
277
00:11:19,512 --> 00:11:21,430
- I go in with the truck.
- Interesting.
278
00:11:21,514 --> 00:11:22,431
- I agree. Yeah.
- Yeah.
279
00:11:22,515 --> 00:11:24,016
Let me get the vase.
You're shplendid,
280
00:11:24,100 --> 00:11:26,102
you're shplendid.
You, look around.
281
00:11:26,185 --> 00:11:27,770
- Okay.
- You're not leaving here
until you buy something.
282
00:11:27,853 --> 00:11:29,105
- Shplendid.
You're gonna buy
283
00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:30,981
something my friend.
284
00:11:34,026 --> 00:11:35,861
- Half the price.
- Half the price.
285
00:11:35,945 --> 00:11:37,571
Here we are.
Okay.
286
00:11:37,655 --> 00:11:40,157
- That is it. Oh.
- A little dirty.
287
00:11:40,241 --> 00:11:41,659
- What you think?
- That is the vase.
288
00:11:41,742 --> 00:11:43,911
- That's what she wants?
- Yeah, that's what she wants.
289
00:11:43,994 --> 00:11:45,079
- I'm sure. Yeah, yeah.
- Yeah?
290
00:11:45,162 --> 00:11:47,123
"She, she, she." Who is this?
Who is this for?
291
00:11:47,206 --> 00:11:49,208
- My, uh, my wife.
- Oh!
292
00:11:49,291 --> 00:11:52,336
You're
in a little bit of trouble?
293
00:11:52,420 --> 00:11:55,131
- I'd say.
- He's a little bit in trouble.
294
00:11:55,214 --> 00:11:56,257
- Yeah.
- Shplendid, shplendid,
295
00:11:56,340 --> 00:11:58,134
- I understand.
- Let me ask you a question.
296
00:11:58,217 --> 00:11:59,844
- It's a little dirty--
- It's a little bit dirty.
297
00:11:59,927 --> 00:12:01,137
I will--
298
00:12:01,220 --> 00:12:02,972
I will clean this. Come back
in a couple days, pick it up.
299
00:12:03,055 --> 00:12:04,140
You know what?
- Yeah?
300
00:12:04,223 --> 00:12:05,641
Maybe when I am dead,
you can have my furniture.
301
00:12:05,724 --> 00:12:07,101
Fantastic, shplendid, shplendid.
302
00:12:07,184 --> 00:12:09,562
- Thank you so much.
Goodbye, Igor.
303
00:12:09,645 --> 00:12:11,730
- You feel like eating?
- I'm hungry, yeah.
304
00:12:11,814 --> 00:12:13,816
- What do you wanna do?
I don't know.
305
00:12:13,899 --> 00:12:15,025
You know what,
306
00:12:15,109 --> 00:12:16,444
there's gotta be a lot
of restaurants around here.
307
00:12:16,527 --> 00:12:18,779
Why don't we go in the hotel
and ask the concierge?
308
00:12:18,863 --> 00:12:20,406
The concierge always knows.
309
00:12:22,533 --> 00:12:26,620
-♪ ♪
310
00:12:26,704 --> 00:12:28,205
- Excuse me?
- Hello.
311
00:12:28,289 --> 00:12:29,540
Hi.
312
00:12:29,623 --> 00:12:31,625
Welcome,
welcome to the Hotel Concordia.
313
00:12:31,709 --> 00:12:33,210
My name is Gregor.
How can I help you?
314
00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:35,796
Gregor, nice to meet you. Um,
we're not guests of the hotel.
315
00:12:35,880 --> 00:12:36,922
- Oh, that's okay.
- We were shopping
316
00:12:37,006 --> 00:12:38,507
at an antique store
down the block and--
317
00:12:38,591 --> 00:12:39,967
Oh, Prospr.
318
00:12:40,050 --> 00:12:41,594
- Was it? Yeah, yeah.
- Prospr. Yeah.
319
00:12:41,677 --> 00:12:44,805
- You were shopping
at Prospr!
- Yes, yes, yes, yeah, yeah.
320
00:12:44,889 --> 00:12:46,849
Okay, okay.
What'd you get there?
321
00:12:46,932 --> 00:12:51,353
- A-- a vase, for my, uh, wife.
- You in doghouse?
322
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:53,481
- Yeah.
- Yeah. He's in the doghouse.
323
00:12:53,564 --> 00:12:55,733
- He's in the doghouse. Yeah.
324
00:12:55,816 --> 00:12:57,485
- Anyway, um...
- Yes?
325
00:12:57,568 --> 00:12:59,278
...we were just wondering,
we're pretty hungry,
326
00:12:59,361 --> 00:13:01,155
we'd love to get
some lunch in the area.
327
00:13:01,238 --> 00:13:02,823
- Can you recommend any?
- I have a great place for you.
328
00:13:02,907 --> 00:13:04,492
- Yeah?
- Cafe Cukor.
329
00:13:04,575 --> 00:13:06,202
Cafe Cukor?
- Best food in the city.
330
00:13:06,285 --> 00:13:07,661
- You take a left.
- Okay.
331
00:13:07,745 --> 00:13:08,954
Go through the exit,
you take a left.
332
00:13:09,038 --> 00:13:10,289
Okay. Great. Cafe Cukor?
333
00:13:10,372 --> 00:13:12,666
- Cafe Cukor.
- Cafe Cukor, shplendid place.
334
00:13:12,750 --> 00:13:15,377
Oh.
335
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,713
Um, anything you'd recommend?
336
00:13:17,796 --> 00:13:20,007
Goulash. Goulash.
337
00:13:20,090 --> 00:13:21,759
I-- I don't know
if I'm a goulash guy.
338
00:13:21,842 --> 00:13:24,303
- Oh, you look like goulash guy.
- I look like a goulash guy?
339
00:13:24,386 --> 00:13:26,180
- You look like you love goulash.
- Come on, Gregor.
340
00:13:26,263 --> 00:13:28,015
- I've never had goulash.
- Me either.
341
00:13:28,098 --> 00:13:29,642
Nice knowing you, pre-goulash.
342
00:13:29,725 --> 00:13:32,478
Thank you, Gregor.
343
00:13:32,561 --> 00:13:34,396
- Thanks, Gregor.
344
00:13:42,279 --> 00:13:43,697
Welcome to
Morning Becomes Eclectic--
345
00:13:43,781 --> 00:13:46,367
Morning Becomes Eclectic.
346
00:13:48,953 --> 00:13:52,122
Whoa! Whoa! Hey! Hey, asshole!
347
00:13:52,206 --> 00:13:53,707
- Watch where you're going.
348
00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:57,711
Unbelievable!
349
00:14:09,014 --> 00:14:10,516
I mean, this is terrible.
350
00:14:10,599 --> 00:14:13,269
- I don't know, this is inedible.
351
00:14:13,352 --> 00:14:14,812
This is just
one of the worst things
352
00:14:14,895 --> 00:14:16,730
I've ever had in my life,
I swear to God.
353
00:14:16,814 --> 00:14:19,066
- He said it was great.
- Why would Gregor recommend
354
00:14:19,149 --> 00:14:21,318
this place?
I don't understand it.
355
00:14:21,986 --> 00:14:23,696
Welcome to Cafe Cukor.
356
00:14:23,779 --> 00:14:27,116
My name is Timor. Uh,
I hope everything is shplendid?
357
00:14:27,199 --> 00:14:28,200
The goulash?
358
00:14:30,411 --> 00:14:31,495
It's not very good.
359
00:14:31,579 --> 00:14:32,746
- Oh, no!
- No.
360
00:14:32,830 --> 00:14:33,747
Extraordinarily bad.
361
00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:35,457
- Yeah.
- Extraordinary bad?
362
00:14:35,541 --> 00:14:36,834
- Yeah.
- This is bad news.
363
00:14:36,917 --> 00:14:39,461
- The potatoes are-- are hard...
- No.
364
00:14:39,545 --> 00:14:40,921
...the beef is tough.
365
00:14:41,005 --> 00:14:42,464
- I don't know--
- Maybe we're not goulash guys.
366
00:14:42,548 --> 00:14:44,633
- This is bad news.
- Yeah, well, you know,
it happens sometimes.
367
00:14:44,717 --> 00:14:46,677
I-- I just figured
I'd be honest with you,
368
00:14:46,760 --> 00:14:48,220
- that's all, you know.
Yeah.
369
00:14:48,304 --> 00:14:49,346
Uh, okay.
370
00:14:49,430 --> 00:14:51,181
No one's ever complained
about this goulash?
371
00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,017
- No, never.
- We're the first?
372
00:14:53,100 --> 00:14:55,311
First ever.
Can I try your goulash?
373
00:14:55,394 --> 00:14:56,979
You wanna try that?
374
00:14:57,062 --> 00:14:58,147
- Of course, sure.
- We're done.
375
00:14:58,230 --> 00:15:00,482
'Cause I can't-- I cannot take
word for it.
376
00:15:04,153 --> 00:15:06,947
Mm. That is good goulash.
377
00:15:07,031 --> 00:15:08,616
Oh, that is good.
378
00:15:08,699 --> 00:15:10,242
Uh-huh. Really?
- Yeah.
379
00:15:11,035 --> 00:15:12,286
All right, maybe we're wrong,
380
00:15:12,369 --> 00:15:13,454
- you know.
- Yeah. Yeah, no...
381
00:15:13,537 --> 00:15:15,623
So, uh, yeah,
we'll just take a check.
382
00:15:15,706 --> 00:15:17,875
This pains me that you do not
like the goulash.
383
00:15:17,958 --> 00:15:20,127
I take this
as a personal affront.
384
00:15:20,210 --> 00:15:22,504
- But I want to pay you back
385
00:15:22,588 --> 00:15:25,591
'cause I feel bad. Let me
let you in on a little secret.
386
00:15:25,674 --> 00:15:30,179
Down the street is the best
pet store in Los Angeles.
387
00:15:30,262 --> 00:15:33,223
Timor, who owns this pet store?
388
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,434
- Bulvor. Bulvor.
- Bulvor?
389
00:15:35,517 --> 00:15:38,562
Are you related to Gregor,
the concierge
390
00:15:38,646 --> 00:15:40,648
at the Concodia Hotel?
391
00:15:40,731 --> 00:15:42,733
- No.
- Hmm. What about Igor,
392
00:15:42,816 --> 00:15:43,817
the antique dealer?
393
00:15:45,402 --> 00:15:46,403
No.
394
00:15:48,238 --> 00:15:49,156
Mmm.
395
00:15:49,239 --> 00:15:52,993
I don't know Igor, Gregor,
or Bulvor.
396
00:15:54,119 --> 00:15:55,204
No relation.
397
00:15:57,915 --> 00:15:59,583
You guys want me
to wrap this up?
398
00:15:59,667 --> 00:16:00,918
We'll just take a check.
399
00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,423
Let's go talk to Gregor.
400
00:16:09,176 --> 00:16:10,386
Hey.
401
00:16:10,469 --> 00:16:14,181
Hey, there they are.
402
00:16:15,182 --> 00:16:16,558
So, how was it?
403
00:16:16,642 --> 00:16:17,935
- Awful.
- Awful.
404
00:16:18,018 --> 00:16:19,228
No!
405
00:16:19,311 --> 00:16:22,272
- It was just awful.
- Oh, no, no, no, no!
406
00:16:22,356 --> 00:16:23,440
- Yes. Yes.
- Yeah.
407
00:16:23,524 --> 00:16:26,026
No, no, no, no, no, no.
408
00:16:26,110 --> 00:16:28,195
Yeah, how do you recommend
a restaurant like that?
409
00:16:28,278 --> 00:16:30,698
Maybe you just had a off day,
I don't know what to tell you,
410
00:16:30,781 --> 00:16:32,866
- I mean, but, uh...
Let me ask you this,
Gregor.
411
00:16:32,950 --> 00:16:35,786
- Yes?
- Do you know Timor?
412
00:16:35,869 --> 00:16:38,831
- Do you know Igor?
Okay.
413
00:16:38,914 --> 00:16:40,541
I don't know who--
who are these people
414
00:16:40,624 --> 00:16:44,253
- that I'm supposed to know?
- Igor from Prospr.
415
00:16:44,336 --> 00:16:45,587
Timor from Cukor.
416
00:16:45,671 --> 00:16:48,340
What am I, in a Columbo episode
all of a sudden?
417
00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:50,467
I-- no,
I don't know, uh, any Timor.
418
00:16:50,551 --> 00:16:52,928
Why is it you all look alike,
and you have "or"
419
00:16:53,011 --> 00:16:54,430
- on the end of your names.
- I...
420
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:57,641
- I'm not related to anyone.
- And you all say, "Shplendid."
421
00:16:57,725 --> 00:16:59,268
- You all say, "Shplendid."
- I say, "Shplendid"
all the time.
422
00:16:59,351 --> 00:17:00,936
You say, "Shplendid,"
they say, "Shplendid."
423
00:17:01,019 --> 00:17:02,312
Who doesn't say "Shplendid"
in their life--
424
00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:03,856
- We don't say, "Shplendid."
- We don't say, "Shplendid."
425
00:17:03,939 --> 00:17:05,441
I've never said splendid
with him in my life.
426
00:17:05,524 --> 00:17:06,775
Nobody-- nobody else says,
"Shplendid."
427
00:17:06,859 --> 00:17:09,653
People say, "Shplendid" at least
twice a day, it is fact.
428
00:17:09,737 --> 00:17:11,655
Okay, I am not buying
any of this.
429
00:17:11,739 --> 00:17:14,742
I think you're all in cahoots.
You're getting a kickback.
430
00:17:14,825 --> 00:17:16,118
- Kickback?
- You're recommending somebody
431
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:19,705
to your brother, Timor,
and then he's paying you
432
00:17:19,788 --> 00:17:20,914
for the recommendation.
433
00:17:20,998 --> 00:17:23,834
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no.
434
00:17:23,917 --> 00:17:24,960
Come on.
435
00:17:25,043 --> 00:17:27,463
No, no. This is fantasy.
This is science fiction.
436
00:17:27,546 --> 00:17:29,339
- This is Star Wars.
- No, no, no,
this is not fantasy.
437
00:17:29,423 --> 00:17:30,632
This is spaceship to moon.
This is nothing.
438
00:17:30,716 --> 00:17:31,925
I'm gonna tell you
another thing.
439
00:17:32,009 --> 00:17:33,635
You know what's so disappointing
about this?
440
00:17:33,719 --> 00:17:35,304
- What?
- Americans have lost
441
00:17:35,387 --> 00:17:36,972
complete faith
in their institutions,
442
00:17:37,055 --> 00:17:40,100
their politicians,
their priests, the policeman
443
00:17:40,184 --> 00:17:42,478
But we depend on the concierge
444
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,605
to give us advice
and recommendations.
445
00:17:44,688 --> 00:17:46,648
Where's the best
nail salon around here?
446
00:17:46,732 --> 00:17:48,233
Where can I go for a jog?
447
00:17:48,317 --> 00:17:50,944
You are the last bastion
of trust.
448
00:17:51,028 --> 00:17:53,947
And if we no longer trust
our concierge...
449
00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:56,617
then we have nothing.
450
00:17:57,618 --> 00:18:01,622
I don't know what to say,
uh, except...
451
00:18:01,705 --> 00:18:04,166
Emerald Nail Salon
is down the street.
452
00:18:04,249 --> 00:18:05,626
Okay, Gregor.
Come on, let's go.
453
00:18:05,709 --> 00:18:07,669
MacArthur Park is--
is wonderful.
454
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:08,670
Yeah.
455
00:18:08,754 --> 00:18:09,838
Hey, what do you say?
456
00:18:09,922 --> 00:18:11,840
Okay,
we're coming. Come on.
457
00:18:11,924 --> 00:18:14,426
Now listen, John.
You're a pitcher, now get in...
458
00:18:14,510 --> 00:18:16,887
You know, about the, uh,
459
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:19,556
vaginal rejuvenation,
I'm-- I'm-- I'm--
460
00:18:19,640 --> 00:18:21,975
I'm having second thoughts.
461
00:18:22,059 --> 00:18:24,353
- What?
- I looked things up, I saw some
462
00:18:24,436 --> 00:18:29,900
of the images on the computer
of inflammation and hematomas
463
00:18:29,983 --> 00:18:32,486
- and I--
- Don't think of the down side.
464
00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:35,531
What you have to focus on
is the upside.
465
00:18:35,614 --> 00:18:37,449
- The tightening and the lift.
466
00:18:37,533 --> 00:18:39,785
- And the beautiful...
Yeah.
467
00:18:39,868 --> 00:18:42,579
-...the beautiful vagina...
Yeah, yeah, I-- I--
468
00:18:42,663 --> 00:18:45,874
-...that's going to emerge.
- Yes! But I gotta stop
469
00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:47,042
Googling "vagina."
470
00:18:47,125 --> 00:18:49,294
You're getting a tightening
and a lift, that's all.
471
00:18:49,378 --> 00:18:52,506
- It's not a big deal.
- I wish I could...
472
00:18:52,589 --> 00:18:55,551
...talk to somebody
who's had it done.
473
00:18:55,634 --> 00:18:58,011
All right, well we'll get
you somebody to talk to.
474
00:18:58,095 --> 00:18:59,388
- Oh.
475
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,223
Who wrote that speech for you?
476
00:19:01,306 --> 00:19:02,724
- Oh, my God!
477
00:19:02,808 --> 00:19:03,892
Your knees when you stand.
478
00:19:03,976 --> 00:19:05,102
It's like somebody's marching--
479
00:19:05,185 --> 00:19:06,937
Oh, Jesus Christ!
Shut the fuck up, will ya?
480
00:19:09,439 --> 00:19:11,525
- Huh.
- I'm here to apologize.
481
00:19:11,608 --> 00:19:13,694
- Yeah. Okay.
- All right?
482
00:19:13,777 --> 00:19:15,529
I never should've
screamed at Irma.
483
00:19:15,612 --> 00:19:17,155
- Hey.
- I feel terrible
484
00:19:17,239 --> 00:19:18,866
about what I said
to her at the party.
485
00:19:18,949 --> 00:19:20,742
If you really wanna make nice...
486
00:19:21,118 --> 00:19:22,369
What?
487
00:19:22,452 --> 00:19:25,330
...tell her you got
vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
488
00:19:25,414 --> 00:19:26,748
Why? Why? Why would I do that?
489
00:19:26,832 --> 00:19:29,626
Because, she wants to get
vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
490
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,211
And this'll put her
out of commission
491
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:32,296
for six weeks. So...
492
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:33,797
Oh, so, you don't have
to have sex with her?
493
00:19:33,881 --> 00:19:35,048
There you go.
- All right.
494
00:19:35,132 --> 00:19:37,384
But now-- now,
she's having second thoughts.
495
00:19:37,467 --> 00:19:39,511
And she wants to talk
to somebody who had it.
496
00:19:39,595 --> 00:19:41,889
- So, just tell her you had it.
- So my vagina has to get
497
00:19:41,972 --> 00:19:43,265
involved in this whole
fucking thing?
498
00:19:43,348 --> 00:19:45,267
Well, this way,
at least I could control it.
499
00:19:45,350 --> 00:19:47,936
Just tell her it's been great.
You've had great sex
500
00:19:48,020 --> 00:19:49,646
and it looks great, whatever.
501
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:53,483
I'll do this for you.
You gotta do something for me.
502
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:55,193
- Name it.
- There's this really,
503
00:19:55,277 --> 00:19:58,822
really gorgeous,
expensive vase I want.
504
00:19:58,906 --> 00:20:02,910
- Hmm, a vase.
- Get Jeff to buy me that vase,
505
00:20:02,993 --> 00:20:05,412
I'll tell her I did
a million different things
506
00:20:05,495 --> 00:20:06,663
- to my vagina.
- That's... What?
507
00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:08,081
I have to talk Jeff
into getting you
508
00:20:08,165 --> 00:20:10,584
- an expensive vase?
- Yes, you do. Tit for tat.
509
00:20:11,585 --> 00:20:14,338
- Okay, deal.
- And what did I have done?
510
00:20:14,421 --> 00:20:16,048
You know, you had,
uh, tightening,
511
00:20:16,131 --> 00:20:18,133
- and, uh, and a lift.
- Oh, God!
512
00:20:20,928 --> 00:20:23,096
- Irma, please...
Well...
513
00:20:23,180 --> 00:20:26,350
...please,
please accept my apology.
514
00:20:26,433 --> 00:20:27,517
- I feel--
- Get out the way,
515
00:20:27,601 --> 00:20:28,644
I'll turn this off.
516
00:20:29,853 --> 00:20:31,813
I feel horrible, I just--
517
00:20:31,897 --> 00:20:34,107
I-- I can't even tell you
what came over.
518
00:20:34,191 --> 00:20:37,152
Jeff, my fucking husband, Jeff,
has been cheating on me,
519
00:20:37,235 --> 00:20:38,946
and I thought it was you.
520
00:20:39,029 --> 00:20:42,282
And I just-- I went crazy,
and it wasn't you.
521
00:20:42,366 --> 00:20:45,285
It was this little putain who
works for the Hulu guy, and--
522
00:20:45,369 --> 00:20:47,162
Wait, why would I want to schtup
your husband,
523
00:20:47,245 --> 00:20:49,623
you know, when I'm with this
incredible man?
524
00:20:49,706 --> 00:20:52,250
Look at this beautiful senior
that I'm with,
525
00:20:52,334 --> 00:20:55,128
- you know, I mean--
- I went crazy, I went crazy.
526
00:20:55,212 --> 00:20:56,254
Yeah, she feels--
527
00:20:56,338 --> 00:20:57,756
- she feels terrible.
- Please, I feel horrible.
528
00:20:57,839 --> 00:21:00,133
I've had gas ever since.
I have my bubble back.
529
00:21:00,217 --> 00:21:02,177
I can't sleep, I've been, ugh,
my...
530
00:21:02,260 --> 00:21:05,681
- Okay, okay. She's apologized.
It was what you heard.
531
00:21:05,764 --> 00:21:07,015
Can you accept her apology?
532
00:21:07,099 --> 00:21:08,934
Physically affecting me.
- She's apologizing.
533
00:21:09,017 --> 00:21:11,311
I will be the better person
and I will accept your apology.
534
00:21:11,395 --> 00:21:13,897
I mean, I don't think
you're the better person,
she's the one who's apologizing.
535
00:21:13,981 --> 00:21:15,232
She the better person
for apologizing.
536
00:21:15,315 --> 00:21:17,317
Okay, I accept.
I accept your apology.
537
00:21:17,401 --> 00:21:19,987
- Fantastic. And now...
- Yes.
538
00:21:20,070 --> 00:21:22,155
...Susie has something else...
539
00:21:22,239 --> 00:21:24,366
- Oh!
-...she like to tell you.
540
00:21:24,449 --> 00:21:26,702
So, I hear
that you're interested
541
00:21:26,785 --> 00:21:31,331
in a vaginal rejuvenation.
Is that correct?
542
00:21:31,415 --> 00:21:33,417
- You told her?
- You said you want to talk
543
00:21:33,500 --> 00:21:37,379
to someone who had one.
What better person?
544
00:21:37,462 --> 00:21:41,591
- So, what did you get done?
- I got a tightening and a lift.
545
00:21:41,675 --> 00:21:43,927
Did you get
the labial reconstruction too?
546
00:21:44,011 --> 00:21:46,888
The labia, the--
the clitoris, the--
547
00:21:46,972 --> 00:21:49,391
The clitoris, they unhooded it?
548
00:21:49,474 --> 00:21:51,560
- The-- Ye-- Yeah--
- You had the hood taken--
549
00:21:51,643 --> 00:21:53,895
Yeah, yes,
it made everything better.
I don't know the details.
550
00:21:53,979 --> 00:21:55,814
Yeah, yeah, they took
the hood off the clitoris.
551
00:21:55,897 --> 00:21:57,357
- Yeah. Okay.
- Everything is better--
552
00:21:57,441 --> 00:21:59,026
Susie...
553
00:21:59,109 --> 00:22:01,028
could I, you know, take a look?
554
00:22:01,111 --> 00:22:02,070
At my vagina?
555
00:22:02,154 --> 00:22:03,697
Yeah, she-- she's got
to get going, uh,
556
00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:05,449
you know, she'll show you
the vagina another time.
557
00:22:05,532 --> 00:22:06,825
- Another time.
- But that would help
558
00:22:06,908 --> 00:22:08,326
-'cause you get a visualization.
She's in a hurry.
559
00:22:08,410 --> 00:22:10,746
- Have a vagina viewing
another time.
560
00:22:10,829 --> 00:22:12,039
- Another time.
- You know what?
561
00:22:12,122 --> 00:22:14,916
You'll have a vagina
viewing party, a vaj-ama party.
562
00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:16,543
- Okay.
Great to see you.
563
00:22:16,626 --> 00:22:19,963
Thanks for the apology.
Thank you.
564
00:22:22,674 --> 00:22:25,886
-♪ ♪
565
00:22:25,969 --> 00:22:28,346
- Larry, right? Hi.
Hey!
566
00:22:28,430 --> 00:22:31,099
I'm so grateful to you,
thank you so much for...
567
00:22:31,183 --> 00:22:32,517
How you doing?
568
00:22:32,601 --> 00:22:35,187
You know, I've, uh, been better,
been worse.
569
00:22:35,270 --> 00:22:36,938
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
570
00:22:37,022 --> 00:22:39,900
You know, you're on your way
to get a soy latte, and then--
571
00:22:39,983 --> 00:22:42,736
- then you're here.
- Oh. Did you notice
572
00:22:42,819 --> 00:22:44,780
there was a sweater
on that chair over there,
573
00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:47,783
the sweater I gave you? I gave
it to you to keep you warm.
574
00:22:47,866 --> 00:22:49,493
I was kind of in and out
of consciousness.
575
00:22:49,576 --> 00:22:52,079
- I-- I don't remember a sweater.
- Was anybody else here?
576
00:22:52,162 --> 00:22:54,915
The nurses, my wife,
my wife's been in the room.
577
00:22:54,998 --> 00:22:57,209
Your wife.
I wonder if you wouldn't mind
578
00:22:57,292 --> 00:22:58,877
just giving her a quick call
579
00:22:58,960 --> 00:23:01,630
to ask her if she saw a sweater
in the room?
580
00:23:01,713 --> 00:23:03,632
I'm not gonna call my wife
about a sweater, Larry.
581
00:23:03,715 --> 00:23:05,300
She's got a lot
going on right now.
582
00:23:05,384 --> 00:23:06,968
She's studying
for her real estate license.
583
00:23:07,052 --> 00:23:08,678
I'm not gonna bother her
with a sweater, but...
584
00:23:08,762 --> 00:23:10,597
We're talking about
five seconds.
585
00:23:10,680 --> 00:23:12,099
- A phone rings--
Yeah.
586
00:23:12,182 --> 00:23:14,101
"Hey, did you happen to see
a sweater in the hospital room
587
00:23:14,184 --> 00:23:16,812
when you were here?"
"Uh... No."
588
00:23:16,895 --> 00:23:19,272
- Hangs up. Or, "Yes." Hangs up.
L-- Larry, I'm not gonna--
589
00:23:19,356 --> 00:23:20,941
I don't wanna--
I don't wanna interrupt,
590
00:23:21,024 --> 00:23:22,651
I'll-- I'll try, yeah. I'll try.
591
00:23:23,193 --> 00:23:24,402
You'll try?
592
00:23:24,486 --> 00:23:25,737
- What does that mean?
Yeah, I'll try.
593
00:23:25,821 --> 00:23:27,322
What does that mean,
"You'll try"?
594
00:23:27,405 --> 00:23:28,281
You know what, Larry?
595
00:23:28,365 --> 00:23:29,741
This is--
this has already been a lot.
596
00:23:29,825 --> 00:23:31,618
- Now I need to rest. I--
- But you are resting,
597
00:23:31,701 --> 00:23:33,245
you're laying-- you're laying
on a bed. You're resting.
598
00:23:33,328 --> 00:23:34,871
Larry.
I'm in a serious condition.
599
00:23:34,955 --> 00:23:36,331
- Can you... I don't feel great.
I understand.
I understand,
600
00:23:36,414 --> 00:23:38,125
but you're resting.
You're laying down on a bed...
601
00:23:38,208 --> 00:23:40,168
I wanna rest
with my eyes closed.
602
00:23:40,252 --> 00:23:41,419
Oh, you wanna sleep?
603
00:23:41,503 --> 00:23:43,672
No, I just wanna rest
with my eyes closed for a while.
604
00:23:43,755 --> 00:23:45,715
So, you consider resting
as something done
605
00:23:45,799 --> 00:23:47,801
with your eyes closed only?
606
00:23:47,884 --> 00:23:50,512
Look, I've-- I gotta get
back to resting, please, Larry.
607
00:23:50,595 --> 00:23:52,514
Okay. Fine.
608
00:23:52,597 --> 00:23:53,640
Don't look under my bed.
609
00:23:53,723 --> 00:23:54,808
- There's nothing...
- I-- I can look.
610
00:23:54,891 --> 00:23:56,059
There's nothing in this room
for you, Larry.
611
00:23:56,143 --> 00:23:57,435
Oh, Jesus Christ.
612
00:24:01,898 --> 00:24:03,150
I was just
613
00:24:03,233 --> 00:24:06,153
talking to Ben. I'm curious...
614
00:24:06,236 --> 00:24:08,697
uh, as to whether or not
you ever saw his wife
615
00:24:08,780 --> 00:24:11,241
coming out of his room
with a blue sweater?
616
00:24:11,324 --> 00:24:12,492
Oh, I don't know.
617
00:24:12,576 --> 00:24:14,035
You mean you don't know
if you saw her?
618
00:24:14,119 --> 00:24:16,329
Or you don't know
if you saw her with a sweater?
619
00:24:16,413 --> 00:24:18,999
- I'm busy working.
- Yeah, I understand you're busy
620
00:24:19,082 --> 00:24:21,376
and you're working,
but that doesn't preclude you
621
00:24:21,459 --> 00:24:22,627
from noticing things.
622
00:24:22,711 --> 00:24:25,046
If an elephant walked down
this hall here,
623
00:24:25,130 --> 00:24:27,215
would you notice the elephant
even though you were working?
624
00:24:27,299 --> 00:24:30,719
If I'm busy, real busy,
it might just get by me.
625
00:24:30,802 --> 00:24:32,721
So, the elephant
would escape your attention?
626
00:24:33,638 --> 00:24:34,931
You might try lost and found?
627
00:24:35,015 --> 00:24:37,392
Nobody's ever found anything
in the lost and found,
628
00:24:37,475 --> 00:24:39,644
especially the person
who lost it.
629
00:24:39,728 --> 00:24:41,479
My name, my number.
630
00:24:41,563 --> 00:24:43,190
How about if I stick it
right up here?
631
00:24:43,273 --> 00:24:44,566
Is that blocking anything?
632
00:24:44,649 --> 00:24:47,569
Just Mrs. Ramirez's vitals but
you could always flip it over.
633
00:24:47,652 --> 00:24:50,363
If you see anybody
enter or leave that room
634
00:24:50,447 --> 00:24:51,698
with a blue sweater,
635
00:24:51,781 --> 00:24:53,950
I'd really appreciate it
if you'd call me.
636
00:24:54,034 --> 00:24:55,911
I'll try.
637
00:24:55,994 --> 00:24:58,038
- You couldn't just say yes?
- I'll see what I can do.
638
00:24:58,121 --> 00:24:59,706
Oh, you'll see what you can do?
I gotta tell you something,
639
00:24:59,789 --> 00:25:02,167
I don't get this hospital.
Nobody can multitask,
640
00:25:02,250 --> 00:25:03,919
nobody can be disturbed
when they're resting.
641
00:25:04,002 --> 00:25:05,795
Nobody can be bothered
when they're busy.
642
00:25:05,879 --> 00:25:07,422
I pray to God
nothing ever happens to me
643
00:25:07,505 --> 00:25:08,798
and I wind up in this place.
644
00:25:08,882 --> 00:25:10,425
That'll take my clothes off,
they'll operate,
645
00:25:10,508 --> 00:25:11,885
I'll never see
the clothes again.
646
00:25:11,968 --> 00:25:13,762
You'll have to wheel me
out of here naked.
647
00:25:17,515 --> 00:25:19,684
All I'm saying
is if I were a ghost,
648
00:25:19,768 --> 00:25:21,603
wh-- why not haunt?
What else you got to do?
649
00:25:21,686 --> 00:25:23,104
There's nothing else,
that's the whole agenda.
650
00:25:23,188 --> 00:25:25,232
Yeah, it's fun,
haunting must be fun.
651
00:25:25,315 --> 00:25:30,528
- Hey, Igor! All ready?
- How you doing?
652
00:25:30,612 --> 00:25:33,281
Um, I changed my mind.
653
00:25:33,365 --> 00:25:35,325
The vase
is no longer, uh, for sale.
654
00:25:35,408 --> 00:25:37,494
Are you not in business
to sell vases?
655
00:25:37,577 --> 00:25:40,205
I am, but this happens,
you know?
656
00:25:40,288 --> 00:25:41,414
It's sentimental value.
657
00:25:41,498 --> 00:25:43,833
- Oh! yeah.
- I know why he changed his mind.
658
00:25:43,917 --> 00:25:47,462
'Cause Timor talked to Gregor,
and Gregor talked to Igor.
659
00:25:47,545 --> 00:25:49,130
Isn't that how it works? Right?
660
00:25:49,214 --> 00:25:50,590
You accusing me
of shneeking around,
661
00:25:50,674 --> 00:25:51,967
you accuse me of
being a shneek?
662
00:25:52,050 --> 00:25:53,718
I'm not saying you're shneeky,
I'm saying they spoke to you.
663
00:25:53,802 --> 00:25:54,970
You-- you're implying
I'm shneeky?
664
00:25:55,053 --> 00:25:56,638
You can't come into my store
and tell me that I am--
665
00:25:56,721 --> 00:25:58,974
We had a deal.
What are you doing?
666
00:25:59,057 --> 00:26:01,434
Well, I guess your wife's not
gonna fuck you anymore,
667
00:26:01,518 --> 00:26:03,311
and that's on you.
I can do whatever I want.
668
00:26:03,395 --> 00:26:05,313
Oh, what? Because we didn't like
the goulash?
669
00:26:05,397 --> 00:26:07,190
- That's why you're doing this?
- Why are you talking
about goulash?
670
00:26:07,274 --> 00:26:09,776
Oh, you know what I'm talking
about. You know, I know,
671
00:26:09,859 --> 00:26:12,612
that's what happened.
Gregor talked to you,
672
00:26:12,696 --> 00:26:15,365
"Don't sell vase.
"They do not like the goulash."
673
00:26:15,448 --> 00:26:18,285
and you say,
"Okay, okay, Gregor."
674
00:26:18,368 --> 00:26:19,369
You're insane person.
675
00:26:19,452 --> 00:26:20,787
- You're a crazy person.
- I am not insane.
676
00:26:20,870 --> 00:26:22,038
You know
what you're talking about.
677
00:26:22,122 --> 00:26:23,290
You go live
on the streets.
678
00:26:23,373 --> 00:26:27,210
Oh, we didn't like...
"Oh, the goulash." Oh!
679
00:26:27,294 --> 00:26:29,045
- I'm about to shnap.
Go ahead and shnap.
680
00:26:29,129 --> 00:26:30,672
- I will shnap.
- Go ahead. Let's go!
681
00:26:30,755 --> 00:26:33,383
- Get out of here.
- Fine. And I know your brothers.
682
00:26:33,466 --> 00:26:35,343
- I know your brothers.
- Go play with Tinkertoy,
683
00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:36,511
you fucking child.
684
00:26:36,594 --> 00:26:38,221
Gregor is your brother,
Timor is your brother,
685
00:26:38,305 --> 00:26:40,432
and that asshole who runs
that fucking pet store,
686
00:26:40,515 --> 00:26:42,892
Bulvor, he's your brother too,
probably.
687
00:26:49,274 --> 00:26:50,859
There you go.
- Thank you.
688
00:26:53,903 --> 00:26:54,946
Oh, my God!
689
00:26:58,408 --> 00:27:00,952
Horrible. Ten thousand dollars.
690
00:27:02,078 --> 00:27:04,914
- She better be happy.
- Yeah.
691
00:27:04,998 --> 00:27:08,543
Hey, have you ever heard me,
uh, here is the term "fun fact"?
692
00:27:08,626 --> 00:27:10,920
- No.
- That's 'cause I never have.
693
00:27:11,629 --> 00:27:12,797
- Yeah.
- Until now,
694
00:27:12,881 --> 00:27:15,425
-'cause I have a fun fact.
- You've a fun fact?
695
00:27:15,508 --> 00:27:19,471
I do. The Eskimos
have 17 words for "snow"
696
00:27:20,305 --> 00:27:22,557
and no word for "I'm sorry."
697
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:24,392
I don't know
if that fact is fun.
698
00:27:24,476 --> 00:27:25,894
Look what it says
about the Eskimo though.
699
00:27:25,977 --> 00:27:29,439
Either they never do
anything wrong to apologize for,
700
00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:31,066
-'cause they're so perfect...
- Right. Right.
701
00:27:31,149 --> 00:27:32,942
...or they just don't give
a fuck.
702
00:27:33,026 --> 00:27:34,986
I hate your blubber,
live with it.
703
00:27:35,070 --> 00:27:37,113
I just don't think
that's a fun fact.
704
00:27:38,239 --> 00:27:40,033
What the-- Holy shit!
705
00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:41,951
That's Ben, he's got--
he's got my sweater.
706
00:27:42,035 --> 00:27:43,328
What?
- He's got my sweater on.
707
00:27:43,411 --> 00:27:44,704
That's the guy
form the hospital.
708
00:27:44,788 --> 00:27:45,872
- He got my sweater.
- What?
709
00:27:47,290 --> 00:27:48,416
What...
710
00:27:48,500 --> 00:27:51,002
Oh. Oh, shit.
711
00:27:52,587 --> 00:27:56,174
- Oh, fuck. Ah, jeez.
- Oh, shit!
712
00:27:56,257 --> 00:27:58,093
Did you forget
we're transporting
713
00:27:58,176 --> 00:27:59,719
- something very delicate?
- You should have
714
00:27:59,803 --> 00:28:01,429
- wrapped it better.
- You should have not hit
715
00:28:01,513 --> 00:28:02,722
- the brakes.
- Well, what do you--
716
00:28:02,806 --> 00:28:04,724
Where the hell did he go?
717
00:28:04,808 --> 00:28:06,601
- Ah, shit.
I don't even know
718
00:28:06,684 --> 00:28:08,520
- what I'm gonna do.
- You know what? All right.
719
00:28:08,603 --> 00:28:12,107
- I'll-- I'll pay for it.
- Thank you. Thank you very much.
720
00:28:12,190 --> 00:28:14,150
I will accept that.
721
00:28:14,234 --> 00:28:15,360
What--
what are you talking about?
722
00:28:15,443 --> 00:28:17,070
- You gonna let me pay for it?
- Why wouldn't I?
723
00:28:17,153 --> 00:28:19,406
I just figured I'd make
an insincere gesture,
724
00:28:19,489 --> 00:28:21,574
you would grudgingly say,
"No, you'll pay half
725
00:28:21,658 --> 00:28:23,618
and we'll split it,"
and we'd both be unhappy
726
00:28:23,701 --> 00:28:25,620
- with the compromise.
- Fun fact,
727
00:28:25,703 --> 00:28:28,081
if you make
an insincere gesture,
728
00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:30,333
the other person
might accept it.
729
00:28:30,417 --> 00:28:32,460
Fun fact, even if I make
an insincere gesture,
730
00:28:32,544 --> 00:28:34,629
the other person
should grudgingly pay for half.
731
00:28:34,712 --> 00:28:36,214
- How is that a fact?
- It's not a fact,
732
00:28:36,297 --> 00:28:39,467
- and it's not fun.
- Yeah. I know.
733
00:28:39,551 --> 00:28:41,136
Now, what I am gonna get Susie?
734
00:28:41,219 --> 00:28:43,054
- I don't know, I'll talk to her.
You will?
735
00:28:43,138 --> 00:28:44,973
- Yeah.
- I hope that wasn't insincere.
736
00:28:45,056 --> 00:28:47,642
- No, it was begrudging.
- Good, we're clear.
737
00:28:55,191 --> 00:28:56,609
Oh, hey, Lar.
Hey.
738
00:28:56,693 --> 00:28:58,445
- Can I talk to you for a minute?
- Yeah, come on in.
739
00:29:01,823 --> 00:29:04,826
Um...
Maybe you better sit down.
740
00:29:04,909 --> 00:29:07,495
- No, I'm good. What's up?
- Uh... Take-- take a seat.
741
00:29:07,579 --> 00:29:09,080
I'm good.
I'm good standing.
742
00:29:09,164 --> 00:29:10,707
You know
what Winston Churchill said?
743
00:29:10,790 --> 00:29:13,126
- What?
-"Why stand when you can sit?"
744
00:29:13,209 --> 00:29:14,961
Did you just come over here
to tell me to listen
745
00:29:15,044 --> 00:29:17,964
to everything Winston Churchill
said? What do you want?
746
00:29:18,047 --> 00:29:20,592
Do you say, vase or vase?
747
00:29:21,384 --> 00:29:22,510
I say vase.
748
00:29:24,095 --> 00:29:25,180
Your vase broke.
749
00:29:25,638 --> 00:29:26,723
What?
750
00:29:26,806 --> 00:29:29,100
- Smashed, broke.
- Well, I guess
751
00:29:29,184 --> 00:29:31,186
you're just gonna have
to go get another one.
752
00:29:31,269 --> 00:29:34,564
Because if you don't, Larry,
I am gonna sit the lovely
753
00:29:34,647 --> 00:29:36,524
Irma Kostroski down,
754
00:29:36,608 --> 00:29:39,152
and I'm gonna tell her horror
after horror
755
00:29:39,235 --> 00:29:41,446
about the vaginal rejuvenation
surgery.
756
00:29:41,529 --> 00:29:43,698
I'm gonna tell her that I had
a hematoma
757
00:29:43,781 --> 00:29:45,575
- the size of fucking Kansas.
- No. No, don't.
758
00:29:45,658 --> 00:29:48,786
That I had necrosis.
That my labia was so swollen,
759
00:29:48,870 --> 00:29:50,580
- I couldn't walk for months.
- No.
760
00:29:50,663 --> 00:29:52,248
Her worst nightmare.
761
00:29:52,332 --> 00:29:53,833
Oh, gee, I wish
you wouldn't do that.
762
00:29:53,917 --> 00:29:56,211
You don't know what it's like
to have sex with this woman.
763
00:29:56,294 --> 00:30:00,298
But we had a deal.
Vase for vaginal rejuvenation.
764
00:30:00,381 --> 00:30:02,967
- So get me vase.
- Okay.
765
00:30:06,221 --> 00:30:08,097
My grandmother,
she used to make goulash,
766
00:30:08,181 --> 00:30:09,682
and it was a little
different than yours.
767
00:30:09,766 --> 00:30:11,893
I guess I had a trouble
making the transition
768
00:30:11,976 --> 00:30:12,977
to a different goulash.
769
00:30:14,729 --> 00:30:16,481
I just hope
that you'll accept my apology.
770
00:30:16,564 --> 00:30:18,858
I was a hundred percent
in the wrong.
771
00:30:18,942 --> 00:30:20,777
Saying that you and Timor
and Igor's brother
772
00:30:20,860 --> 00:30:22,820
when in fact,
you probably
773
00:30:22,904 --> 00:30:25,114
have no relationship
with them at all.
774
00:30:25,198 --> 00:30:27,116
And the more
I thought about it,
775
00:30:27,200 --> 00:30:29,035
how could they possibly be
your brothers,
776
00:30:29,118 --> 00:30:30,286
even though you speak
777
00:30:30,370 --> 00:30:34,374
with very similar nondescript
Eastern European accent?
778
00:30:34,457 --> 00:30:36,000
I would venture to say
if you all shaved,
779
00:30:36,084 --> 00:30:38,169
you-- you might all look
like triplets.
780
00:30:38,253 --> 00:30:42,131
So, I'm sorry if I offended
or insulted you in any way.
781
00:30:42,215 --> 00:30:44,551
- So you are goulash guy?
- Yes.
782
00:30:45,885 --> 00:30:48,012
Can I put my arms around you
in gratitude?
783
00:30:49,347 --> 00:30:50,848
All right, that takes a big man.
784
00:30:50,932 --> 00:30:53,601
I appreciate it, big man.
I accept your apology.
785
00:30:53,685 --> 00:30:56,271
And by the way,
if you ever wanna tell me
786
00:30:56,354 --> 00:30:58,523
why you're keeping
the relationship a secret...
787
00:30:59,482 --> 00:31:02,235
- I won't tell a soul.
788
00:31:02,318 --> 00:31:05,989
Would you like to apologize
for little sketch you did
789
00:31:06,072 --> 00:31:08,575
when you did the voice
of what I sound like?
790
00:31:08,658 --> 00:31:11,244
I was just trying to recreate
what it in my
791
00:31:11,327 --> 00:31:13,871
warped imagination
may have occurred.
792
00:31:13,955 --> 00:31:17,083
If it did, you would've said,
"I am so sorry, Timor,
793
00:31:17,166 --> 00:31:18,918
this is a vase,
this is business.
794
00:31:19,002 --> 00:31:20,920
Who cares if he didn't like
your goulash?
795
00:31:21,004 --> 00:31:22,714
I've tried your goulash,
not so good."
796
00:31:22,797 --> 00:31:25,717
- Wrap it up.
- Anyway, that's why I am here,
797
00:31:25,800 --> 00:31:30,305
to offer you my-- my apology,
and I would also...
798
00:31:30,388 --> 00:31:33,308
- like to buy the vase.
- Ten thousand dollars.
799
00:31:33,391 --> 00:31:36,853
You were going to sell it
to my friend for 5,000.
800
00:31:36,936 --> 00:31:39,439
Yes, but I understand Seinfeld
is in syndication.
801
00:31:40,648 --> 00:31:42,066
- Okay.
- Shplendid.
802
00:31:55,997 --> 00:31:58,875
- Hey. Asshole! Yeah.
- What?
803
00:31:58,958 --> 00:32:01,711
Yeah, you. You almost killed me
and my dog the other day.
804
00:32:01,794 --> 00:32:03,379
No-- What?
What are you talking about?
805
00:32:03,463 --> 00:32:06,257
You don't think I'd remember?
I got your license plate,
806
00:32:06,341 --> 00:32:07,967
- asshole!
- I wasn't even driving.
807
00:32:08,051 --> 00:32:09,510
I'll beat your fucking ass
right now,
808
00:32:09,594 --> 00:32:12,472
you skinny little bitch.
Come on! Let's go.
809
00:32:19,771 --> 00:32:22,565
Might wanna be a little more
careful next time, huh?
810
00:32:30,531 --> 00:32:35,536
Oh, yeah. By the way,
I-- I'm not gonna get the, uh,
811
00:32:35,620 --> 00:32:38,456
- vaginal surgery.
- What are you d-- Why?
812
00:32:38,539 --> 00:32:42,085
Well, Susie gave me
a little sneak peek and...
813
00:32:42,168 --> 00:32:44,879
...I do not want
any part of that.
814
00:32:44,962 --> 00:32:48,466
It was like a-- a melted cave.
815
00:32:48,549 --> 00:32:50,843
If this is what the doctor did
to her,
816
00:32:50,927 --> 00:32:54,555
oh, heaven forbid, I should do
anything like that. Oh!
817
00:32:54,639 --> 00:32:56,140
Oh, my God!
818
00:32:56,224 --> 00:32:58,643
Jeff, I am not mad at you
about the vase anymore.
819
00:32:58,726 --> 00:32:59,894
Really?
- Yeah.
820
00:32:59,977 --> 00:33:02,271
You and your clumsy friend
are off the hook.
821
00:33:02,355 --> 00:33:03,564
- What?
-'Cause I came up with something
822
00:33:03,648 --> 00:33:05,692
- I'd rather have.
- What? Tell me.
823
00:33:05,775 --> 00:33:09,070
Vaginal rejuvenation surgery.
824
00:33:09,153 --> 00:33:10,738
You wanna rejuvenate
your vagina?
825
00:33:10,822 --> 00:33:12,949
Yes, they do
a tightening and a lift.
826
00:33:14,158 --> 00:33:16,828
Hmm. You got it.
827
00:33:16,911 --> 00:33:18,871
So, y-- you're not getting
the surgery?
828
00:33:18,955 --> 00:33:23,918
No. We wouldn't be able
to make love for six weeks.
829
00:33:24,001 --> 00:33:27,171
That'd be a torture.
A torture, right?
830
00:33:27,255 --> 00:33:28,548
Well, no.
831
00:33:29,173 --> 00:33:31,092
- Oh, yes!
- Oh, no!
832
00:33:31,175 --> 00:33:33,094
- Oh, yes!
- Oh, God.
833
00:33:33,177 --> 00:33:35,138
- Oh, come on. Let me nuzzle you.
- Oh, no.
834
00:33:36,514 --> 00:33:40,309
- I didn't think so.
I can't-- I can't--
835
00:33:40,393 --> 00:33:44,564
Ah. I can't...
836
00:33:44,647 --> 00:33:47,942
♪ ("CURB YOUR ENTHUSIASM"
THEME MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
64634
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