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hello
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so
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so
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[Music]
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[Music]
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wow
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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and then
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after he made this stupid pass up
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and i told him off
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he had the nerve to ask me to go to the
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rated premise with him tomorrow night
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can you beat that
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i told him i was already going with
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somebody else
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and i had no interest in going to the
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rated premise with him or anybody else
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except
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dick
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are you listening to me no jane don't
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you realize it's all over between us all
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over
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what do you mean i have no feeling for
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you jane
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we have nothing to say to each other and
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i see no reason why we should prolong
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this no feeling for me
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but dick
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i thought we were in love you no jane
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you are in love
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we are not in love
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the things that are important to me
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namely the cinema are meaningless to you
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consequently you bore me
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i wish you'd go now dick what's the
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matter have i said something stupid
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about one of you oh
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i've put together a little packet of
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things which you've given me jane
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i want you to take them with you
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oh won't you please tell me what i've
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done to upset you it's not what you've
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done jane it's what you are what i am
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dick for heaven's sake what does that
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mean
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i think i deserve an explanation
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jane stand up when i'm talking to you
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look
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it's not just that you bore me it's that
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well i don't like girls
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in general you don't like
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girls
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ask your psychiatrist about it
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he'll explain it to you
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i can love only one thing jane
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cinema
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goodbye jane dick
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are you
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are you trying to tell me that you
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good-bye jane
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don't forget your things
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but
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but dink
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[Music]
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oh
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[Music]
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so this is manny the man your all-night
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answer to insomnia
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reminding you to tune me in again
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tomorrow night from 7 to 7 for the swing
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in 12 hours of music and confusion
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and here's a special reminder to the in
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crowd to reserve saturday night for the
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latest misadventures of america's
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stupidest heroine at the secret cinema
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in crowd indeed
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[Music]
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where's the in crowd anyway
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for god's sake why did you tell her you
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don't like girls it spoils the whole
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story i hear
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well you could have told her you had an
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incurable disease
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all right it's not funny but what's so
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funny about being a nelly queen
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listen i don't want any more improvising
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understand
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i think we've got a really big grocer in
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this all we need are a few more funny
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sequences and a really smash ending and
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of course i know how it's going to end
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it's going to end with a mad c now dick
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i'm going to try and remedy this scene
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by dubbing in a new line
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can you beat the studio about four
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and if you know what's good for you
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you'll be on time
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[Applause]
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[Applause]
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hi jane want a piece of my sandwich
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hey
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twice last night
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mr tropo grosso
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asked me to work late
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and then it turned out he just wanted to
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make a pass at me so i told him off
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and then he had the nerve to ask me to
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go out with him tonight
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well that doesn't sound like anything to
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get upset i told my boyfriend dick about
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it and he suddenly said he was bored
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with me we had nothing in common and he
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didn't want to see me anymore
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he even told me
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he doesn't like girls
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i don't know
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what to do
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[Applause]
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listen jane do you want my advice
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go out with mr tropagasa leptic seal
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with him somewhere helen are you kidding
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[Applause]
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is one of the most desirable men going
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he's young
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and rich
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and well jet-setted
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he's an executive jane
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most girls would give their right hand
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for a date with him and if dick sees you
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with him how can we be sure he will see
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me listen jane
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didn't you tell me that dick goes to the
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rated premise discotheque almost every
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night
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well if you show up there with mr
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tropogrosso
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how could he help but see you i don't
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know
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maybe
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i wonder what my analyst would say take
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my advice
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tell mr troppa girl so you'll go with
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him to the rated premise tonight
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by tomorrow morning
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you'll have dick back i don't know helen
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maybe you're right
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hello
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mother oh my god what day is this
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oh i'm so sorry i'll be right there
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oh i was supposed to be at lunch an hour
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ago
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once a month we have lunch together
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is it too much to ask you to be on time
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once a month
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i have an appointment in 15 minutes i've
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already ordered please mother now don't
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you starting on me too
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i've had more in the last two days i can
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cope with
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dick told me last night he doesn't want
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to see me anymore
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and now a friend of the office is
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trying to talk me into please jay don't
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tell me anymore i don't want you to
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spoil it for me spoil it for you
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yes dear
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what's the point of paying two dollars
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to see it if i know in advance what's
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going to happen
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mother
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what do you think order me how about a
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nice turkey sandwich no thank you
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i just a cup of vegetable soup and a
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mixed green salad please no vegetable
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soup
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how about
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turkey soup no
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no i'll take tomato then you sure you
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wouldn't like a hot turkey sandwich no
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thank you
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no
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ah
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[Laughter]
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you know jay
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i've seen several episodes of your film
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frankly
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i sit in that theater people all around
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me laughing their head off
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for the life of me i can't understand
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what they're laughing at
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i guess i laughed myself at one or two
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scenes but on the whole i didn't find
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all those things that happened to you so
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terribly funny
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i must say though i never thought you
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were cut out to have a career in films
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did your doctor recommend recommended
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his therapy what films mother mother
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what are you talking about
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by those comedies dear
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which you always seem to be getting the
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worst of everything
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were you trying to hide them from me
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everyone's talking about them i've seen
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several episodes
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i have to run now
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i have an appointment uptown
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next month do try to be on time after
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all you're not a star yet you know
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owen jane always show your right profile
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if possible everyone says it's your best
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angle bye dear
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here's your sandwich miss
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delicious jerky but i didn't order a
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turkey sandwich i ordered a green trying
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to tell me my business
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[Laughter]
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jane helen tells me you have something
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you wish to say to me yes
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about the rated premise tonight oh so
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you've reconsidered my invitation
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well yes if you still wanted to of
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course
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shall i pick you up at your apartment
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that would be fine i live i know where
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you live jane shall we say eight o'clock
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all right and jane
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i do hope you'll be prepared to have a
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good time tonight well yes
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would you excuse me mr tropogrosso
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i have a terrible headache
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i've got to take an aspirin
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hmm
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secret
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the only way you can get to go is if
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somebody who belongs takes you but where
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is it when is it i don't know nobody
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knows but this friend of a friend of
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mine belongs and she said that it's
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absolutely fantastic she promised to
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take me some time well love what's it
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like it's hard to explain exactly but
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it's like a movie of the life of this
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real dumb girlsie and she doesn't know
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that they're making it see and everybody
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is putting her on and she just says all
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these dumb funny things
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oh
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[Music]
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well it's not exactly parish chic
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but i think you're ready to appear the
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rated premise
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let me look at it
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oh helen it doesn't look like me at all
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but jane it's the whole point
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who wants to look like you
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you better get your coat on now mr
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triple gross will be here in a minute
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helen
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have you ever heard of something called
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the secret cinema uh there he is now
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you'd better hurry
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oh helen
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i wish i didn't have to go through with
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this
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don't be silly jane
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dick'll take one look at you and fall
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flat on his face helen thank you for
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everything
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you're a real friend
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[Music]
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reindeer
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have you had your dinner
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get your greasy hand off me
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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me
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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[Applause]
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is
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[Applause]
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[Music]
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00:16:46,230 --> 00:16:47,860
[Applause]
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[Music]
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00:17:11,119 --> 00:17:12,000
hello
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00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,799
is this dr richard's office
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00:17:14,799 --> 00:17:17,599
oh may i speak to dr richards please
300
00:17:17,599 --> 00:17:19,280
this is jane
301
00:17:19,280 --> 00:17:21,919
listen it's terribly important tell him
302
00:17:21,919 --> 00:17:24,000
tell him something has happened and i'm
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00:17:24,000 --> 00:17:25,760
very upset
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00:17:25,760 --> 00:17:27,700
i can't wait for my usual appointment
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[Music]
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00:17:30,799 --> 00:17:33,440
go to a movie
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he says to go to a movie
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a movie
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[Music]
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00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:51,600
take
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00:17:58,480 --> 00:18:01,760
one please
312
00:18:01,760 --> 00:18:03,120
can you tell me
313
00:18:03,120 --> 00:18:06,320
who's in jane are you remember miss a
314
00:18:06,320 --> 00:18:08,080
member of what
315
00:18:08,080 --> 00:18:10,320
i'm sorry miss
316
00:18:10,320 --> 00:18:12,480
no one may be admitted to the start of
317
00:18:12,480 --> 00:18:14,799
the next show but i just saw someone go
318
00:18:14,799 --> 00:18:16,640
in someone i have to talk to you can
319
00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:18,880
wait in the lobby it'll only be a few
320
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:21,039
minutes
321
00:18:21,039 --> 00:18:22,400
tell me
322
00:18:22,400 --> 00:18:23,840
tell me
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00:18:23,840 --> 00:18:26,400
is this the secret cinema
324
00:18:26,400 --> 00:18:30,320
no one can be seated until the start of
325
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,080
the next show
326
00:18:32,080 --> 00:18:34,400
you can wait in the lobby if you wish
327
00:18:34,400 --> 00:18:37,640
thank you
328
00:18:38,080 --> 00:18:45,039
[Applause]
329
00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,799
don't you realize it's all over between
330
00:18:50,799 --> 00:18:53,600
us all over but dick i thought you were
331
00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:56,799
in love no jane you are
332
00:18:56,799 --> 00:18:57,520
we
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00:18:57,520 --> 00:18:59,919
are not
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00:19:00,320 --> 00:19:01,440
please
335
00:19:01,440 --> 00:19:02,400
look
336
00:19:02,400 --> 00:19:04,480
it's not just that you born
337
00:19:04,480 --> 00:19:07,360
it's that well i don't like girl in
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00:19:07,360 --> 00:19:10,360
general
339
00:19:14,080 --> 00:19:16,160
ask your psychiatrist about it
340
00:19:16,160 --> 00:19:19,200
let me explain it to you goodbye
341
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:23,280
are you trying to tell me that you're
342
00:19:23,360 --> 00:19:25,460
goodbye jane don't forget your thing
343
00:19:25,460 --> 00:19:28,499
[Music]
344
00:19:29,440 --> 00:19:31,120
i'm telling you
345
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goodbye jane
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00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,640
goodbye
347
00:19:34,640 --> 00:19:37,410
jane goodbye
348
00:19:37,410 --> 00:19:44,609
[Applause]
349
00:19:51,960 --> 00:20:21,430
[Music]
350
00:20:25,039 --> 00:20:29,240
i have seen her on the street
351
00:20:30,020 --> 00:20:35,089
[Music]
352
00:20:55,039 --> 00:20:58,039
now
353
00:21:05,280 --> 00:21:08,480
i must be losing my mind
354
00:21:08,480 --> 00:21:10,240
this isn't my regular appointment but
355
00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:12,960
i've got to see doctor right away
356
00:21:12,960 --> 00:21:16,120
i think
357
00:21:16,240 --> 00:21:21,000
i think i'm losing my mind
358
00:21:35,520 --> 00:21:37,840
doctor jane is here tell her i'll be
359
00:21:37,840 --> 00:21:39,360
ready for her in a minute
360
00:21:39,360 --> 00:21:40,480
okay
361
00:21:40,480 --> 00:21:46,000
[Laughter]
362
00:21:55,600 --> 00:22:00,799
the doctor will see you now thank you
363
00:22:08,960 --> 00:22:11,600
now jane just relax and tell me
364
00:22:11,600 --> 00:22:14,159
everything that comes into your mind
365
00:22:14,159 --> 00:22:15,200
doctor
366
00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:17,039
the most fantastic thing has been
367
00:22:17,039 --> 00:22:19,679
happening to me
368
00:22:19,760 --> 00:22:22,320
you probably won't believe it
369
00:22:22,320 --> 00:22:25,280
i can hardly believe it myself
370
00:22:25,280 --> 00:22:31,280
a secret film is being made of my life
371
00:22:31,280 --> 00:22:35,200
a secret film
372
00:22:35,760 --> 00:22:37,760
yes doctor
373
00:22:37,760 --> 00:22:40,320
my so-called friends
374
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:43,120
my boyfriend
375
00:22:43,520 --> 00:22:47,200
all the people i work for at the office
376
00:22:47,200 --> 00:22:49,600
they've all been making a fool of me i
377
00:22:49,600 --> 00:22:51,120
beg your pardon jane would you mind
378
00:22:51,120 --> 00:22:53,679
facing a bit more to your left please
379
00:22:53,679 --> 00:22:55,840
thank you very much you may continue
380
00:22:55,840 --> 00:22:59,120
last night i discovered where the film
381
00:22:59,120 --> 00:23:02,480
is being shown you did and did you see
382
00:23:02,480 --> 00:23:04,400
this film yourself
383
00:23:04,400 --> 00:23:05,760
no doctor
384
00:23:05,760 --> 00:23:07,440
they recognized me
385
00:23:07,440 --> 00:23:10,799
and of course they wouldn't let me in
386
00:23:10,960 --> 00:23:12,400
but i could hear the sound from the
387
00:23:12,400 --> 00:23:14,559
lobby
388
00:23:14,559 --> 00:23:16,960
i could hear my own voice
389
00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:20,320
saying all sorts of stupid things
390
00:23:20,320 --> 00:23:22,640
and everybody in the world
391
00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:23,919
sitting in there
392
00:23:23,919 --> 00:23:26,640
and laughing at me jamie have you been
393
00:23:26,640 --> 00:23:28,880
exposing yourself to the moonlight again
394
00:23:28,880 --> 00:23:30,720
you remember when you told me that giant
395
00:23:30,720 --> 00:23:32,799
crabs were lurking the subways waiting
396
00:23:32,799 --> 00:23:34,720
to pinch you i warned you against the
397
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:36,240
harmful eyes of the moon but did you
398
00:23:36,240 --> 00:23:38,640
listen but you've got to believe me
399
00:23:38,640 --> 00:23:40,880
it isn't the moon
400
00:23:40,880 --> 00:23:44,400
i've got nobody to turn to but you
401
00:23:44,400 --> 00:23:46,320
they're trying to drive me insane for
402
00:23:46,320 --> 00:23:47,440
their film
403
00:23:47,440 --> 00:23:50,559
open vibe please jane the moon has made
404
00:23:50,559 --> 00:23:52,480
its mischief with your mind just as i
405
00:23:52,480 --> 00:23:54,720
feared it would but don't worry jane i
406
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:57,120
think i know how to cure you
407
00:23:57,120 --> 00:23:58,080
doctor
408
00:23:58,080 --> 00:24:00,240
you aren't taking me seriously
409
00:24:00,240 --> 00:24:04,000
they have cameras hidden everywhere
410
00:24:04,000 --> 00:24:06,080
they even have a camera hidden in
411
00:24:06,080 --> 00:24:07,440
your office
412
00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:10,400
my poor mad jane
413
00:24:10,400 --> 00:24:14,320
perhaps this will bring you to your sins
414
00:24:15,190 --> 00:24:16,559
[Applause]
415
00:24:16,559 --> 00:24:18,640
i'm serious doctor
416
00:24:18,640 --> 00:24:20,159
what's that sound
417
00:24:20,159 --> 00:24:22,559
do you hear it
418
00:24:22,559 --> 00:24:24,720
doctor where are you
419
00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:28,320
doctor please what are you doing
420
00:24:28,559 --> 00:24:30,610
doctor help
421
00:24:30,610 --> 00:24:34,400
[Music]
422
00:24:34,400 --> 00:24:36,370
so
423
00:24:36,370 --> 00:24:37,180
[Music]
424
00:24:37,180 --> 00:24:39,070
[Applause]
425
00:24:39,070 --> 00:24:45,720
[Music]
426
00:24:45,720 --> 00:24:50,349
[Applause]
427
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:54,080
[Music]
428
00:24:54,080 --> 00:24:58,300
here doctor no take it back a bit please
429
00:24:58,300 --> 00:25:00,700
[Music]
430
00:25:00,700 --> 00:25:01,260
[Applause]
431
00:25:01,260 --> 00:25:02,559
[Music]
432
00:25:02,559 --> 00:25:06,720
here yes that's all right
433
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:10,720
give me the shot helen and i'll cut it
434
00:25:10,720 --> 00:25:13,720
in
435
00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:19,919
doctor it's your greatest film what an
436
00:25:19,919 --> 00:25:21,279
ending
437
00:25:21,279 --> 00:25:23,600
it's a shame though about jane
438
00:25:23,600 --> 00:25:25,279
do you suppose she'll ever recover from
439
00:25:25,279 --> 00:25:26,840
her screen
440
00:25:26,840 --> 00:25:29,919
career probably not
441
00:25:29,919 --> 00:25:31,679
but they'll make her as comfortable as
442
00:25:31,679 --> 00:25:35,200
possible at my asylum
443
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,240
she's paid a great price but of course
444
00:25:38,240 --> 00:25:41,440
she did attain stardom and her fans will
445
00:25:41,440 --> 00:25:43,120
never forget her
446
00:25:43,120 --> 00:25:47,120
will be reviving her film for a year
447
00:25:47,120 --> 00:25:49,679
yeah yeah listen doctor
448
00:25:49,679 --> 00:25:50,880
there's something i've been meaning to
449
00:25:50,880 --> 00:25:53,600
speak to you about
450
00:25:55,360 --> 00:25:57,840
i'm tired of just being your assistant
451
00:25:57,840 --> 00:26:01,039
and playing bit parts or
452
00:26:01,039 --> 00:26:03,360
i want to direct
453
00:26:03,360 --> 00:26:04,960
you want to
454
00:26:04,960 --> 00:26:06,400
direct
455
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:07,360
doctor
456
00:26:07,360 --> 00:26:09,840
when i took this job you promised me
457
00:26:09,840 --> 00:26:11,440
that eventually i could move up to
458
00:26:11,440 --> 00:26:13,440
bigger things
459
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:16,159
you said you had plans for me
460
00:26:16,159 --> 00:26:18,400
and i meant that helen
461
00:26:18,400 --> 00:26:21,120
i do have plans for you
462
00:26:21,120 --> 00:26:25,360
but not directing exactly
463
00:26:25,360 --> 00:26:30,600
i have something else in mind
464
00:26:33,700 --> 00:26:53,360
[Music]
465
00:26:53,360 --> 00:26:56,360
do
466
00:27:12,480 --> 00:27:14,559
you
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