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1
00:02:17,387 --> 00:02:21,433
You are about to witness
a murder. My murder.
2
00:02:21,516 --> 00:02:24,269
Alfred!
3
00:02:24,936 --> 00:02:26,980
Why was I stabbed in the chest?
4
00:02:27,064 --> 00:02:28,315
Did I know too much?
5
00:02:28,398 --> 00:02:29,858
Did I know too little?
6
00:02:29,941 --> 00:02:32,027
Did I know just enough?
7
00:02:32,194 --> 00:02:34,863
Or was it my shower cap?
8
00:02:39,284 --> 00:02:43,789
It all began three short days
ago in Los Angeles, California.
9
00:02:49,628 --> 00:02:51,838
It was a day like any other day.
10
00:02:59,971 --> 00:03:01,515
Can't we all just get along?
11
00:03:03,725 --> 00:03:05,143
Hey, hey, hey excuse me, hey, Rodney.
12
00:03:05,227 --> 00:03:06,937
Hey, could you give
me another take of that?
13
00:03:06,978 --> 00:03:08,438
Last time I shot it, it was too dark.
14
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,607
It was night, remember?
15
00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:12,818
- Thank you.
- Hey!
16
00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,117
Stop where you are!
17
00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,493
We're going to take 'em down!
18
00:03:21,576 --> 00:03:23,161
Dead or alive!
19
00:03:25,914 --> 00:03:27,666
No more "Mr. Nice Guy"!
20
00:03:30,293 --> 00:03:31,253
Tell me, don't die!
21
00:03:31,336 --> 00:03:32,921
Tell me quick, who was it, who was it?
22
00:03:33,004 --> 00:03:34,381
It was... Who was it?
23
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:36,174
It was The Gimp.
24
00:03:49,396 --> 00:03:53,191
These are the feet of rookie
FBI agent Jo Dee Fostar.
25
00:03:56,528 --> 00:04:00,449
He is in heavy training
for his first big case.
26
00:04:19,676 --> 00:04:23,513
FBI rookies get the
finest training equipment.
27
00:04:27,058 --> 00:04:28,018
Oh.
28
00:04:30,729 --> 00:04:31,980
Thank you, Jo.
29
00:04:32,981 --> 00:04:34,441
Pleasure.
30
00:04:34,524 --> 00:04:36,109
See you tomorrow!
31
00:04:39,362 --> 00:04:41,072
Morning, Jo.
32
00:04:41,156 --> 00:04:42,449
Morning, George.
33
00:04:42,532 --> 00:04:43,700
Still running, I see.
34
00:04:43,784 --> 00:04:44,743
Sure.
35
00:04:44,826 --> 00:04:46,161
I used to run for office.
36
00:04:47,496 --> 00:04:48,830
Now you run to office.
37
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,708
What's so funny? I didn't get it.
38
00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:53,376
- Oh, it's nothing.
- You want some?
39
00:04:53,460 --> 00:04:55,128
Oh, thank you, I got my own.
40
00:04:55,212 --> 00:04:56,546
Ah, go for it.
41
00:05:02,427 --> 00:05:03,470
Good Morning, Jo.
42
00:05:03,553 --> 00:05:05,013
Morning, Bill, how's it going?
43
00:05:05,096 --> 00:05:06,264
Fine, fine.
44
00:05:06,348 --> 00:05:07,808
"Dawn of the Dead" is it?
45
00:05:09,935 --> 00:05:14,689
I see the presidential escort is
out, but where's the president?
46
00:05:14,773 --> 00:05:16,775
- He's right here.
- Here?
47
00:05:16,858 --> 00:05:18,777
I only see her husband.
48
00:05:20,070 --> 00:05:21,988
What's so funny?
49
00:05:22,072 --> 00:05:24,324
What's he blowing so hard for?
50
00:05:24,407 --> 00:05:26,243
You know he doesn't inhale.
51
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:29,955
And no one in the US of A will
inhale after I tax the air they breathe.
52
00:05:30,038 --> 00:05:31,331
What do you mean by that?
53
00:05:31,414 --> 00:05:34,626
This is the way you thank me after I
save your ass from Saddam's killers?
54
00:05:34,709 --> 00:05:36,127
Those missiles cost money, you know?
55
00:05:36,211 --> 00:05:37,838
Who's going to pay for that?
56
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:53,436
Halt!
57
00:05:53,520 --> 00:05:55,730
- You Jo Dee Fostar?
- How do you know?
58
00:05:55,814 --> 00:05:57,482
30 years out on the job he wants to know.
59
00:05:57,566 --> 00:05:58,900
The boss wants you!
60
00:05:58,984 --> 00:06:00,986
- The boss wants...
- And where in hell have you been?
61
00:06:01,069 --> 00:06:02,863
- I went outside on...
- Shut up!
62
00:06:02,946 --> 00:06:05,282
I didn't authorize you to speak!
63
00:06:05,365 --> 00:06:07,200
- Can I say one thing?
- Why? Sure.
64
00:06:08,076 --> 00:06:09,077
Okay, now look...
65
00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:10,161
Shut up!
66
00:06:14,291 --> 00:06:16,710
Unbelievable, have you read this?
67
00:06:16,793 --> 00:06:19,212
Guy can go out and get
a sex change one day.
68
00:06:19,296 --> 00:06:23,466
And the next he comes into the office
and we're supposed to call him madam.
69
00:06:23,550 --> 00:06:25,218
Unbelievable.
70
00:06:30,974 --> 00:06:31,892
Never mind him.
71
00:06:31,975 --> 00:06:33,996
Remember, here you not only got to know
72
00:06:34,038 --> 00:06:36,313
how to talk, you got
to know how to listen!
73
00:06:36,396 --> 00:06:38,565
After all, this is...
74
00:06:39,816 --> 00:06:43,320
...the FBI!
75
00:06:45,697 --> 00:06:49,492
Jo followed the sergeant
to a division of the FBI...
76
00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:53,204
...who deal only with
the most violent criminals.
77
00:06:54,748 --> 00:06:56,374
The game is up lady.
78
00:06:56,458 --> 00:06:59,502
We have had you followed
and we know what you're about.
79
00:06:59,586 --> 00:07:03,882
Miss Sharon Bone, cut
the crap and come clean!
80
00:07:03,965 --> 00:07:06,968
I told you what happened that day.
81
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:10,972
I have nothing else to say.
82
00:07:11,056 --> 00:07:12,849
Sharon Bone, you're lying.
83
00:07:12,933 --> 00:07:14,768
Stop pulling our legs!
84
00:07:29,699 --> 00:07:32,994
If Jo thought this was going
to be a routine assignment...
85
00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:36,122
...he was in for a big surprise.
86
00:07:36,206 --> 00:07:38,792
Now wait here boy, and stay put!
87
00:07:38,875 --> 00:07:43,880
Remember, learning how to wait
is one of the secrets of the FBI!
88
00:07:58,728 --> 00:08:04,609
His boss, Inspector Putrid, was a man of
energy and passion who held nothing in.
89
00:08:06,111 --> 00:08:07,028
Hi, Jo.
90
00:08:07,112 --> 00:08:08,738
Sorry to keep you waiting.
91
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,448
I don't feel too good.
92
00:08:10,532 --> 00:08:14,577
Must've eaten something to upset my
intestines. Could have been those oysters.
93
00:08:14,661 --> 00:08:19,708
Fried the shell with Mexican
refried beans, onions, paprika...
94
00:08:19,791 --> 00:08:24,379
...peanut oil, dates, okra,
jalapenos, a touch of Ginger.
95
00:08:25,922 --> 00:08:27,173
Not now, Ginger.
96
00:08:29,968 --> 00:08:31,886
Boy, I feel down in the dumps!
97
00:08:31,970 --> 00:08:36,683
Speaking of dumps, that's the sixth time
today I've ridden the old porcelain pony.
98
00:08:36,766 --> 00:08:40,854
Anyway, the mission I'm
entrusting to you is very delicate.
99
00:08:40,937 --> 00:08:42,188
It's a dirty job.
100
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:47,485
It really stinks, because
the killer is a psychopath.
101
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:50,488
Extremely, extremely dangerous man.
102
00:08:52,657 --> 00:08:56,453
In order to get the most
accurate information possible...
103
00:08:56,536 --> 00:09:00,036
...we decided to question all prison
inmates who have the same hang-up.
104
00:09:00,749 --> 00:09:02,125
What conclusions have you found?
105
00:09:02,208 --> 00:09:05,879
There are no psychopathic
inmates in the entire US of A.
106
00:09:05,962 --> 00:09:09,007
That's too bad. I would've
given $10,000 to meet one.
107
00:09:09,090 --> 00:09:11,593
Oh, here's one! Found him!
108
00:09:11,676 --> 00:09:15,096
I just remembered that I have
one up in the Hollywood Nuthouse.
109
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,139
Pay up, Jo.
110
00:09:16,222 --> 00:09:18,349
Boss, come on now. It's
just a figure of speech.
111
00:09:18,433 --> 00:09:19,726
Settle down, boy.
112
00:09:19,809 --> 00:09:20,894
Close the door.
113
00:09:20,977 --> 00:09:22,228
Close the door!
114
00:09:24,773 --> 00:09:28,818
Now you remember, boy, we don't
use figures of speech around here.
115
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:32,781
You belong to the FB...
116
00:09:38,661 --> 00:09:40,455
Thank God he missed my car.
117
00:09:43,249 --> 00:09:44,959
$10,000.
118
00:09:45,043 --> 00:09:46,753
This man is smart as a gorilla.
119
00:09:46,836 --> 00:09:48,338
He's strong as a fox!
120
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:49,672
You be careful.
121
00:09:50,715 --> 00:09:51,883
Thanks, boss.
122
00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:57,138
Jo, I am sick of sneaking
around during my lunch break.
123
00:09:57,222 --> 00:10:00,433
Either we get married or no more pokey.
124
00:10:00,517 --> 00:10:03,311
Jane, marrying you is my dream,
but right now times are hard.
125
00:10:03,394 --> 00:10:05,814
Yeah, I can see how hard they are.
126
00:10:05,897 --> 00:10:08,483
Oh, but darling, money isn't everything.
127
00:10:08,566 --> 00:10:11,152
I can get by on your cash flow.
128
00:10:12,529 --> 00:10:14,864
Jane, let's not touch that
subject for the moment.
129
00:10:14,948 --> 00:10:16,866
- Oh.
- Lunch is over.
130
00:10:16,950 --> 00:10:18,451
We got to get back to the office.
131
00:10:18,535 --> 00:10:21,287
Jo, you're the longest boyfriend
I've had here in Los Angeles...
132
00:10:21,371 --> 00:10:23,915
...but I can't take it anymore.
133
00:10:23,998 --> 00:10:25,875
I want respectability.
134
00:10:25,959 --> 00:10:28,044
I want a house with a white picket fence.
135
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,004
I want children parked in the garage.
136
00:10:30,088 --> 00:10:32,048
I want a station wagon
playing in the yard.
137
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,634
Wait, what are you trying to
tell me? You want to leave me?
138
00:10:34,717 --> 00:10:38,304
You know this is a delicate moment. I
have to finish my FBI training course.
139
00:10:38,388 --> 00:10:40,515
They just assigned me
to a very important case...
140
00:10:40,598 --> 00:10:42,976
...that could launch my career
and you want me to marry you.
141
00:10:43,059 --> 00:10:44,227
Knowing I just got a divorce.
142
00:10:44,310 --> 00:10:46,437
All right, she was my
mother, but she's still a woman.
143
00:10:46,521 --> 00:10:47,939
And she loves me.
144
00:10:48,815 --> 00:10:51,151
Which reminds me, I have to pay alimony.
145
00:10:51,234 --> 00:10:54,487
Which I can't do because I don't have
any money. Don't you see my dilemma?
146
00:10:54,571 --> 00:10:56,614
No, of course you don't.
147
00:10:56,698 --> 00:10:59,325
Nope, you don't understand.
148
00:10:59,409 --> 00:11:02,078
Or you don't want to understand.
149
00:11:02,954 --> 00:11:06,207
No, you don't want to
understand and you're selfish.
150
00:11:06,291 --> 00:11:10,461
You don't understand, you're
selfish, and you're inconsiderate.
151
00:11:10,545 --> 00:11:13,923
You don't understand, you're
selfish, inconsiderate and, and...
152
00:11:14,007 --> 00:11:16,718
I'm sorry, you're sick and
tired of hearing this aren't you?
153
00:11:16,801 --> 00:11:18,001
You must leave, darling.
154
00:11:19,053 --> 00:11:23,308
Ooh, Jo, I've never seen
you so mighty before.
155
00:11:23,391 --> 00:11:24,642
It's nothing.
156
00:11:24,726 --> 00:11:30,690
I always get this way when
I'm in the act of solving a case.
157
00:11:30,773 --> 00:11:31,858
I'll give you a lift.
158
00:11:31,941 --> 00:11:36,070
That's okay, I can catch
the bus right outside.
159
00:11:52,170 --> 00:11:53,963
Jo was nervous.
160
00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:57,884
His investigation had to begin
at the Hollywood Nuthouse.
161
00:12:03,223 --> 00:12:06,601
There it was, ominous and intimidating.
162
00:12:06,684 --> 00:12:08,978
Jo needed to proceed with caution.
163
00:12:12,607 --> 00:12:16,277
And above all, not lose
sight of his objective.
164
00:12:33,419 --> 00:12:36,923
Good evening. FBI, I have an appointment.
165
00:12:55,900 --> 00:12:57,443
It was a tough prison.
166
00:12:57,527 --> 00:13:01,781
Inmates were released only if they
consented to medical experiments.
167
00:13:01,864 --> 00:13:03,533
Okay, malicious Mel.
168
00:13:03,616 --> 00:13:05,910
Here are your personal affects.
169
00:13:05,994 --> 00:13:09,414
Must be pretty excited to be getting
out of here after 30 years, huh?
170
00:13:12,709 --> 00:13:15,378
This one just had cosmetic surgery.
171
00:13:15,461 --> 00:13:17,922
Thank you, see you later!
172
00:13:18,006 --> 00:13:19,048
Bye bye now.
173
00:13:22,260 --> 00:13:25,054
The man you want to see is in this wing.
174
00:13:25,138 --> 00:13:26,139
Good luck.
175
00:13:42,655 --> 00:13:46,242
Master, master, why do I
have such an ugly face?
176
00:13:46,326 --> 00:13:49,203
Here, kiss this, it'll make you prettier!
177
00:13:49,287 --> 00:13:52,123
Oh, it's alive, its alive!
178
00:14:01,507 --> 00:14:03,134
Buddy, you better be real careful.
179
00:14:03,217 --> 00:14:04,927
Dr. Animal is very dangerous.
180
00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:08,014
His intelligence goes beyond
the borders of the human mind.
181
00:14:08,097 --> 00:14:10,808
His savagery goes beyond
the borders of the animal.
182
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:14,192
How'd he go beyond all these
borders if he doesn't have a passport?
183
00:14:15,688 --> 00:14:17,482
There's little to laugh about.
184
00:14:17,565 --> 00:14:19,567
Look what he did to his victims.
185
00:14:19,650 --> 00:14:22,403
Take those photos, it's terrible.
186
00:14:50,640 --> 00:14:53,684
Well that's why they called
him Dr. Animal Cannibal Pizza.
187
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:57,021
He was a psychiatrist
and one day he got evicted.
188
00:14:57,105 --> 00:15:00,566
Homeless and with no office
and being of Italian origin...
189
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:04,320
...he began to see his patients
in a pizza joint during closing time.
190
00:15:04,404 --> 00:15:07,031
You go down through this
tunnel, then I'll open the gate...
191
00:15:07,115 --> 00:15:09,659
...which will lead to Dr. Animals cell.
192
00:15:09,742 --> 00:15:13,329
Once inside, don't stop along the way...
193
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,707
...and don't be afraid of the
other inmates in the wing.
194
00:15:21,087 --> 00:15:24,048
And above all, don't feed Dr. Animal.
195
00:15:24,132 --> 00:15:28,010
Once upon a time a guard succumbed
to his flattery and gave him a tomato.
196
00:15:28,094 --> 00:15:30,680
The poor slob was found
ground up in a bottle of ketchup...
197
00:15:30,763 --> 00:15:33,224
...on a table at McDonald's in San Diego.
198
00:15:33,307 --> 00:15:35,359
Do me a favor, keep it down, this is a
199
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:37,770
delicate case and my
mission is top secret.
200
00:15:37,854 --> 00:15:41,190
- Don't worry, my lips are sealed.
- Thanks.
201
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:45,403
Hey guys, there's another asshole
cop going down to see Animal Cannibal!
202
00:15:45,486 --> 00:15:49,407
Give me the phone, I
want to call the newspapers!
203
00:15:51,701 --> 00:15:56,497
The maximum security wing,
horrible, terrifying, blood-curdling.
204
00:16:08,509 --> 00:16:09,927
Excuse me, Miss.
205
00:16:11,888 --> 00:16:16,350
Exactly where is the
unbelievably bad maniacs wing?
206
00:16:16,434 --> 00:16:17,435
Follow me.
207
00:16:24,233 --> 00:16:25,651
Here we are sir.
208
00:16:55,139 --> 00:16:57,558
Misery... Misery must not die!
209
00:17:10,905 --> 00:17:15,409
Jo was about to meet the most diabolical
and cunning killer of all time...
210
00:17:16,410 --> 00:17:17,662
Dr. Animal.
211
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:21,832
Good morning.
212
00:17:21,916 --> 00:17:23,501
- Good morning.
- Don't move.
213
00:17:23,584 --> 00:17:25,253
Please, Miss, don't say a word.
214
00:17:25,336 --> 00:17:26,837
Just give me a moment.
215
00:17:26,921 --> 00:17:29,340
You're a woman, you're black.
216
00:17:30,383 --> 00:17:32,385
From a very strange place.
217
00:17:32,468 --> 00:17:33,469
Cleveland!
218
00:17:34,554 --> 00:17:36,472
You're wearing earth tones.
219
00:17:36,556 --> 00:17:41,060
You used to date a policeman,
but you just couldn't cop it.
220
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,271
He made you very unhappy.
221
00:17:43,354 --> 00:17:44,355
Is that...
222
00:17:45,064 --> 00:17:47,775
Where is she? Where'd
she go? And who are you?
223
00:17:47,858 --> 00:17:50,444
I'm white and I'm male, you
didn't get one of those things right.
224
00:17:50,528 --> 00:17:51,487
I have a cold.
225
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:52,613
Are you from Pittsburgh?
226
00:17:52,697 --> 00:17:54,991
- No, I'm with the FBI.
- Shit.
227
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:56,659
I'm here for your advice.
228
00:17:56,742 --> 00:17:58,369
May I be frank?
229
00:17:58,452 --> 00:18:00,371
- I thought you were Jo?
- All right, I'll be both.
230
00:18:00,454 --> 00:18:02,039
I need your help to nail a killer.
231
00:18:02,123 --> 00:18:03,583
I know, I know.
232
00:18:03,666 --> 00:18:07,336
I have psychic powers
but there's no air in here.
233
00:18:07,420 --> 00:18:11,424
I'm cooped up. I'm being held
against my will and my willy.
234
00:18:11,507 --> 00:18:12,675
Don't you understand?
235
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:15,928
My psychic powers have been farmisht.
236
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:20,182
- For what?
- Forget it.
237
00:18:20,266 --> 00:18:21,225
FBI.
238
00:18:22,226 --> 00:18:25,396
May I see your credentials please?
239
00:18:27,648 --> 00:18:28,816
Closer please.
240
00:18:33,696 --> 00:18:34,697
Closer.
241
00:18:37,074 --> 00:18:38,075
Closer.
242
00:18:40,077 --> 00:18:41,162
Close enough.
243
00:18:42,121 --> 00:18:48,461
Oh how I long for nice hot pizza
made with the brains of an intellect.
244
00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,129
I miss that texture.
245
00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,548
I can smell your Aqua Velva.
246
00:19:10,066 --> 00:19:11,734
Pencils, pens, puce.
247
00:19:12,985 --> 00:19:14,320
Give me a break.
248
00:19:18,783 --> 00:19:19,784
Hey, stay.
249
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:32,380
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
250
00:19:32,463 --> 00:19:36,300
All the king's horses and all the
king's men had scrambled eggs.
251
00:19:36,384 --> 00:19:37,718
Oh, I like you, Miss...
252
00:19:37,802 --> 00:19:38,761
Mister.
253
00:19:38,844 --> 00:19:40,930
Please, call me Doctor.
254
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:42,598
Did you do those drawings, Doctor?
255
00:19:42,682 --> 00:19:45,935
Yes, I'm taking a correspondence course.
256
00:19:46,018 --> 00:19:47,645
Dr. Animal.
257
00:19:47,728 --> 00:19:48,729
Call me A.
258
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:50,815
A?
259
00:19:50,898 --> 00:19:53,275
Also, call me Doctor.
260
00:19:53,359 --> 00:19:54,527
A doctor.
261
00:19:55,861 --> 00:19:58,030
- Dr. A.
- Excuse me. Dr. A.
262
00:19:58,114 --> 00:20:00,825
- Bingo.
- Dr. A. Bingo?
263
00:20:00,908 --> 00:20:02,535
Moving on.
264
00:20:02,618 --> 00:20:04,870
I've been entrusted
with a very delicate case.
265
00:20:04,954 --> 00:20:07,665
See, it's the, well it's the
first of my career actually.
266
00:20:07,748 --> 00:20:09,959
- We're chasing a killer...
- Bah!
267
00:20:10,042 --> 00:20:11,460
I'm getting a vision.
268
00:20:11,544 --> 00:20:15,464
Wait, I see a man-eating dog.
269
00:20:15,965 --> 00:20:18,259
- Man-eating dog?
- Yes, we could be friends.
270
00:20:18,342 --> 00:20:20,678
He has fierce, fierce teeth.
271
00:20:20,761 --> 00:20:23,514
He's biting all of his
victims in the groin.
272
00:20:23,597 --> 00:20:24,515
Who?
273
00:20:24,598 --> 00:20:27,268
They all died with a
surprised look on their face.
274
00:20:27,351 --> 00:20:28,394
It's no wonder.
275
00:20:28,477 --> 00:20:30,730
Oh wait. Wait!
276
00:20:33,107 --> 00:20:34,066
It's Lassie.
277
00:20:34,150 --> 00:20:36,652
Hello, Lassie, what's going on?
278
00:20:36,736 --> 00:20:40,364
Oh, she's very upset about
Benji having all that screen time.
279
00:20:40,448 --> 00:20:44,285
Wait, wait, she's also
unhappy with little Timmy.
280
00:20:44,368 --> 00:20:45,828
The bitch is really pissed.
281
00:20:45,911 --> 00:20:47,997
Doctor, I appreciate
all you're doing for me.
282
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:49,457
I really do, but...
283
00:20:49,540 --> 00:20:51,292
- Oh don't be silly.
- But...
284
00:20:51,375 --> 00:20:52,918
It's all right, it's my pleasure.
285
00:20:53,002 --> 00:20:53,961
But, but, but...
286
00:20:54,044 --> 00:20:56,172
You sound like a motorboat, stow it!
287
00:20:56,255 --> 00:20:57,923
I grow tired.
288
00:20:58,007 --> 00:21:00,426
I go to the arms of Orpheus!
289
00:21:01,844 --> 00:21:02,845
Goodnight.
290
00:21:10,519 --> 00:21:11,437
It's incredible.
291
00:21:11,520 --> 00:21:14,857
He doesn't even obey the law of gravity.
292
00:21:17,902 --> 00:21:21,405
Meanwhile, Jane returned to work...
293
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:24,867
...not realizing her life was
about to make an abrupt change.
294
00:21:25,284 --> 00:21:31,916
Five, four, three, two, one, ignition.
295
00:21:37,922 --> 00:21:40,758
Mr. Lobby, please come to reception.
296
00:21:40,841 --> 00:21:42,468
Is Mr. Laurel back yet?
297
00:21:42,551 --> 00:21:43,511
No.
298
00:21:43,594 --> 00:21:45,262
That dear sweet man.
299
00:21:46,305 --> 00:21:48,682
He's working so hard.
300
00:21:48,766 --> 00:21:53,062
Sponging lunch off that
rich Scandinavian client.
301
00:21:54,313 --> 00:21:55,940
Miss Reception, please come to the lobby.
302
00:21:56,023 --> 00:21:57,441
You look funny.
303
00:21:58,317 --> 00:22:00,402
Have some coffee.
304
00:22:00,486 --> 00:22:03,864
You know for seven years now
you've been asking me if I want coffee.
305
00:22:03,948 --> 00:22:05,282
I don't want coffee.
306
00:22:05,366 --> 00:22:06,534
I hate coffee!
307
00:22:08,452 --> 00:22:09,954
Sweet ladies.
308
00:22:10,037 --> 00:22:13,457
Your boss just closed one humongous deal.
309
00:22:14,875 --> 00:22:17,253
Hardy, bring out the drinks.
310
00:22:17,336 --> 00:22:20,256
Laurel, my name is Laurel.
311
00:22:20,339 --> 00:22:22,091
It's a terrific deal.
312
00:22:23,050 --> 00:22:25,761
I stuck it to him, I stuck it to him.
313
00:22:25,845 --> 00:22:26,929
For $400,000.
314
00:22:27,763 --> 00:22:28,764
Excuse me.
315
00:22:28,848 --> 00:22:29,974
What's your name?
316
00:22:30,057 --> 00:22:32,476
Olaf, I'm Swedish.
317
00:22:32,560 --> 00:22:34,603
Come on, are you really Swedish?
318
00:22:34,687 --> 00:22:35,896
Not really.
319
00:22:35,980 --> 00:22:38,732
My Father's Finnish
and my Mother's Russian.
320
00:22:38,816 --> 00:22:40,860
I could tell by your accent.
321
00:22:40,943 --> 00:22:44,530
Have some coffee, it's
good for your circulation.
322
00:22:44,613 --> 00:22:45,656
No, thank you.
323
00:22:45,739 --> 00:22:48,784
I don't like coffee, I
prefer salmon juice.
324
00:22:48,868 --> 00:22:50,536
Well have some coffee!
325
00:22:50,619 --> 00:22:51,787
No!
326
00:22:51,871 --> 00:22:53,956
Oh, it's very good.
327
00:22:54,039 --> 00:22:56,750
Why don't you tell him, Mr. Hardy.
328
00:22:56,834 --> 00:22:59,086
Laurel, my name is Laurel!
329
00:23:02,047 --> 00:23:05,593
When she acts like that I could
just smack her right in the mouth!
330
00:23:05,676 --> 00:23:09,013
Jane, dear, would you put
the money in the safe please?
331
00:23:09,096 --> 00:23:10,097
Okay, boss.
332
00:23:13,350 --> 00:23:14,768
Right this way.
333
00:23:19,064 --> 00:23:21,317
I stuck it to him, I stuck it to him.
334
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,360
Now, where were we?
335
00:23:23,444 --> 00:23:24,737
Have some coffee.
336
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:26,280
It's good!
337
00:23:26,363 --> 00:23:30,117
I don't want none of
your god damn coffee!
338
00:23:49,511 --> 00:23:52,556
Marrying you is my biggest
dream, but I don't have a dime!
339
00:23:52,640 --> 00:23:56,226
Your boss just closed one humongous deal.
340
00:23:56,310 --> 00:23:58,270
For $400,000.
341
00:23:58,354 --> 00:24:00,731
And now you want me to marry
you knowing I just got a divorce.
342
00:24:00,814 --> 00:24:02,942
I always pay in cash.
343
00:24:03,025 --> 00:24:04,693
Would you put all this money in the safe.
344
00:24:04,777 --> 00:24:07,613
Won't you take me to Funky town?
345
00:24:09,490 --> 00:24:12,743
The voices in her head had exhausted her.
346
00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:16,246
So she pulled off the road
and began sleeping like a baby.
347
00:24:23,295 --> 00:24:24,797
Dear Jane, you were right.
348
00:24:24,880 --> 00:24:27,299
The hell with being broke,
let's get married anyway.
349
00:24:27,383 --> 00:24:28,467
All I really want is you.
350
00:24:28,550 --> 00:24:30,386
Therefore, please fill
out the attached form.
351
00:24:30,469 --> 00:24:32,638
A, is the house you live in yours?
352
00:24:32,721 --> 00:24:35,307
B, please list all stocks and bonds held.
353
00:24:35,391 --> 00:24:37,518
C, list any other possessions of value:
354
00:24:37,601 --> 00:24:39,770
Furs, jewelry, stamp
collections, et cetera.
355
00:24:41,105 --> 00:24:44,274
Rover, how many times have I told you?
356
00:24:44,358 --> 00:24:45,484
Hmm?
357
00:24:45,567 --> 00:24:49,738
Come on now, you know,
there's no sitting on the table.
358
00:25:04,962 --> 00:25:09,800
Jo had an unexpected visitor,
it was the woman in blue.
359
00:25:15,264 --> 00:25:17,307
Listen, bastard, I'll break your face!
360
00:25:17,391 --> 00:25:19,977
Where have you hidden my sister Jane?
361
00:25:20,060 --> 00:25:21,645
No wonder she didn't invite me over.
362
00:25:21,729 --> 00:25:22,730
What's your name?
363
00:25:22,813 --> 00:25:24,898
- My name is Lily.
- What's with the accent?
364
00:25:24,982 --> 00:25:29,278
It's not an accent, it's the dentures I
inherited from my polish grandmother.
365
00:25:30,404 --> 00:25:33,073
I want to know where Jane is,
she's been missing since Friday!
366
00:25:33,157 --> 00:25:35,993
That's awful, I'm very worried.
We had reservations at the Macaco.
367
00:25:36,076 --> 00:25:37,578
What are you doing for dinner tonight?
368
00:25:37,661 --> 00:25:40,039
Tell me where you stashed
Jane or I call the cops!
369
00:25:40,122 --> 00:25:42,124
No need to do that.
370
00:25:42,207 --> 00:25:44,626
My name is Martin Balsam.
371
00:25:44,710 --> 00:25:46,003
I'm a private eye.
372
00:25:46,086 --> 00:25:48,213
- Well come in.
- No, no.
373
00:25:48,297 --> 00:25:52,843
I never enter a house
without a search warrant.
374
00:25:52,926 --> 00:25:55,679
Can you show me your ID?
375
00:25:57,139 --> 00:25:59,099
You know you look better in pictures?
376
00:25:59,183 --> 00:26:01,018
You should see me in a bikini.
377
00:26:01,101 --> 00:26:02,102
What brings you here?
378
00:26:02,186 --> 00:26:07,399
Well I was tailing this young lady
and I'm looking for your sister, too.
379
00:26:07,483 --> 00:26:11,153
I was hired by your
sister's boss Mr. Laurel.
380
00:26:12,196 --> 00:26:15,115
Your sister took off with $400,000.
381
00:26:16,784 --> 00:26:17,785
Four... 400,000?
382
00:26:18,035 --> 00:26:21,413
She shouldn't have done
that. I'll go find it. Her.
383
00:26:22,456 --> 00:26:24,041
- Jane!
- Let him go.
384
00:26:24,124 --> 00:26:25,793
Let him go, he's very much in love.
385
00:26:25,876 --> 00:26:28,337
- With your sister?
- No, with money.
386
00:26:29,171 --> 00:26:32,299
Whenever he comes to see
her he puts in for travel expenses.
387
00:26:32,382 --> 00:26:36,678
Well, as soon as I get
a lead, I'll let you know.
388
00:26:36,762 --> 00:26:37,888
Thank you, inspector!
389
00:26:37,971 --> 00:26:39,056
He'll break the case.
390
00:26:42,935 --> 00:26:45,229
He'll break his nose.
391
00:26:56,990 --> 00:26:59,660
Oh my God, it's an earthquake!
392
00:27:00,994 --> 00:27:02,412
It's the big one.
393
00:27:08,502 --> 00:27:10,420
Got a problem ma'am?
394
00:27:10,504 --> 00:27:11,713
Yes, Officer.
395
00:27:11,797 --> 00:27:14,466
The tar on my gums is really unsightly.
396
00:27:14,550 --> 00:27:18,053
May I see your driver's license, please?
397
00:27:21,765 --> 00:27:22,766
Oops.
398
00:27:22,850 --> 00:27:25,310
I'm sorry that's my boyfriend Jo's.
399
00:27:25,394 --> 00:27:26,812
Oh!
400
00:27:26,895 --> 00:27:28,814
Can I have Jo's phone number?
401
00:27:28,897 --> 00:27:29,898
No!
402
00:28:13,734 --> 00:28:16,820
Excuse me. Sorry, Charlene. Our fault!
403
00:28:26,455 --> 00:28:30,042
Finally destiny was about to
bring Jane and me together.
404
00:29:02,491 --> 00:29:03,742
Good evening.
405
00:29:05,535 --> 00:29:08,038
Welcome to the Cemetery Motel.
406
00:29:11,166 --> 00:29:13,835
Cemetery is a strange name for a Motel.
407
00:29:13,919 --> 00:29:18,966
This is not a motel called the Cemetery,
this is a cemetery called the Motel.
408
00:29:19,049 --> 00:29:21,677
In fact, my name is Antonio Motel.
409
00:29:21,760 --> 00:29:25,847
Believe me, here one
really rests in peace.
410
00:29:35,691 --> 00:29:40,362
The police were hot on her trail,
but at night the Gods were with her.
411
00:29:45,242 --> 00:29:47,244
What can't I do for you?
412
00:29:48,412 --> 00:29:50,122
That storm is awful.
413
00:29:50,205 --> 00:29:52,791
The storms around here
are really treacherous.
414
00:29:52,874 --> 00:29:55,752
They sneak up on you
and stab you in the back.
415
00:29:55,836 --> 00:29:57,587
Cut right through to the bone!
416
00:29:57,671 --> 00:29:58,630
Listen...
417
00:29:58,714 --> 00:30:00,382
Blow after blow after blow!
418
00:30:00,465 --> 00:30:01,591
I'd like a room please.
419
00:30:01,675 --> 00:30:05,304
Striking, slicing,
cutting, hacking, lopping!
420
00:30:05,387 --> 00:30:06,680
Right away ma'am.
421
00:30:06,722 --> 00:30:08,265
I have one all made up.
422
00:30:08,348 --> 00:30:09,683
It's the off season.
423
00:30:09,766 --> 00:30:11,727
During the season we are closed.
424
00:30:11,810 --> 00:30:13,478
Pick a key, any key.
425
00:30:14,438 --> 00:30:16,356
They are all the same.
426
00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:17,816
Ugh, what rotten luck.
427
00:30:17,899 --> 00:30:19,234
I just hate the number 13.
428
00:30:19,318 --> 00:30:21,153
I'll take you there.
429
00:30:21,236 --> 00:30:22,487
Right this way.
430
00:30:25,782 --> 00:30:27,492
Here we are, signorina.
431
00:30:27,576 --> 00:30:29,036
Goodnight, Mr. Motel.
432
00:30:29,119 --> 00:30:31,246
Buona notte.
433
00:30:31,330 --> 00:30:34,124
By the way, where are you from?
434
00:30:34,207 --> 00:30:36,168
You have a very strange accent.
435
00:30:36,251 --> 00:30:37,878
I'm originally Italian.
436
00:30:37,961 --> 00:30:39,671
Oh, I love Italy.
437
00:30:39,755 --> 00:30:41,715
All your beautiful cities.
438
00:30:41,798 --> 00:30:43,633
Paris, London, Munich.
439
00:30:44,593 --> 00:30:46,887
What a beautiful, beautiful country.
440
00:30:46,970 --> 00:30:48,347
I don't remember your name.
441
00:30:48,430 --> 00:30:50,474
You know, nobody ever comes here.
442
00:30:50,557 --> 00:30:52,601
It's hard to remember them all.
443
00:30:52,684 --> 00:30:54,561
- Jane.
- Ah, Jane.
444
00:30:55,312 --> 00:30:57,147
Like my cousin Maria.
445
00:30:57,230 --> 00:31:01,109
Ah Jane, if you need
anything just knock on the wall.
446
00:31:01,193 --> 00:31:02,444
I don't answer.
447
00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:04,738
I almost forgot.
448
00:31:04,821 --> 00:31:07,199
I'd like you to have a
dinner with me later.
449
00:31:07,282 --> 00:31:12,662
There is an Italian restaurant quite
close which does terrific Italian food.
450
00:31:12,746 --> 00:31:14,081
Let's go.
451
00:31:14,164 --> 00:31:16,249
I'm sorry, it's closed.
452
00:31:18,126 --> 00:31:20,212
Well, see what you can do.
453
00:31:20,295 --> 00:31:25,175
I can never get to sleep unless
I get something into my tummy.
454
00:31:42,567 --> 00:31:45,237
She's going to come to a bad end.
455
00:31:53,495 --> 00:31:55,163
How many times have I told you?
456
00:31:55,247 --> 00:31:57,082
No women in the house!
457
00:31:57,165 --> 00:31:58,875
You must have straw in your head!
458
00:31:58,959 --> 00:32:00,585
Stupido!
459
00:32:00,669 --> 00:32:02,462
Mama, why are you talking?
460
00:32:02,546 --> 00:32:04,673
You haven't appeared yet in the movie.
461
00:32:04,756 --> 00:32:07,759
Please, read the script and shut up.
462
00:32:14,057 --> 00:32:18,145
Mr. Motel, I hope I haven't
caused a problem by being here.
463
00:32:18,228 --> 00:32:19,646
No, no problem.
464
00:32:19,729 --> 00:32:21,982
I remember that you love Italian food.
465
00:32:22,065 --> 00:32:22,983
Do you like spaghetti?
466
00:32:23,066 --> 00:32:24,609
Yes, terrific.
467
00:32:24,693 --> 00:32:27,195
I'm sorry, I prepared tacos.
468
00:32:27,279 --> 00:32:28,321
Buona notte.
469
00:32:34,453 --> 00:32:35,829
Hello, who's speaking?
470
00:32:35,912 --> 00:32:37,289
This is your Commander, Jo.
471
00:32:37,372 --> 00:32:39,249
Get over to Hellraiser
Park on the double.
472
00:32:39,332 --> 00:32:41,501
The psycho killer has struck again.
473
00:32:41,585 --> 00:32:43,336
I'm on my way boss.
474
00:32:46,548 --> 00:32:49,843
Even in the middle of the
night Jo was ready for action.
475
00:32:51,511 --> 00:32:56,141
He got rid of his five o'clock
shadow for a 10 o'clock shadow.
476
00:32:58,894 --> 00:33:01,897
Hey Tony, tie that yellow
ribbon around the old oak tree.
477
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:03,315
What's this thing for anyway?
478
00:33:03,398 --> 00:33:04,441
Catch flies.
479
00:33:04,524 --> 00:33:05,859
Ah.
480
00:33:09,488 --> 00:33:12,991
Oh, crazed murderer,
psycho killer, all over the place.
481
00:33:13,074 --> 00:33:16,536
I'm sorry boss, I couldn't understand
you with your cigar in your mouth there.
482
00:33:16,620 --> 00:33:19,456
Oh crazy, murder, psycho killer.
483
00:33:21,291 --> 00:33:23,585
I know, he must've been dead for weeks.
484
00:33:23,668 --> 00:33:25,420
I can smell that stink
all the way out here.
485
00:33:25,504 --> 00:33:26,546
What stink?
486
00:33:26,630 --> 00:33:27,756
The decomposition.
487
00:33:27,839 --> 00:33:28,882
Oh no, no, no, no, no.
488
00:33:28,965 --> 00:33:30,050
That's not him, it's me.
489
00:33:30,133 --> 00:33:32,344
It's me, it's my breath.
490
00:33:32,427 --> 00:33:36,181
I don't think I completely digested those
frozen pigeon patties after breakfast.
491
00:33:36,264 --> 00:33:40,268
Fried pork lard sauce,
almonds, prunes, cilantro.
492
00:33:40,352 --> 00:33:41,937
- Sergeant!
- Yeah Chief.
493
00:33:42,020 --> 00:33:44,940
- Has forensics come up with anything?
- Yeah, yeah, go on in!
494
00:33:45,023 --> 00:33:49,069
You see, Jo, Sergeant here is a
prime example of loyalty to the force.
495
00:33:49,152 --> 00:33:52,948
Always on the job even though
he's feeling a little under the weather.
496
00:33:53,782 --> 00:33:55,408
I got to hand it to you.
497
00:34:00,789 --> 00:34:02,040
Did you find.
498
00:34:02,123 --> 00:34:03,124
Did you...
499
00:34:08,713 --> 00:34:10,298
You find anything? Any prints?
500
00:34:10,382 --> 00:34:11,716
Just one.
501
00:34:11,800 --> 00:34:12,801
Over there.
502
00:34:14,219 --> 00:34:16,869
- Did you find anything else interesting?
- Yes, this.
503
00:34:17,931 --> 00:34:19,099
What do you think?
504
00:34:19,182 --> 00:34:21,101
I've already read it.
505
00:34:40,328 --> 00:34:42,998
You sure there's only one victim?
506
00:34:43,081 --> 00:34:45,333
There's enough stuff here for twins.
507
00:35:28,251 --> 00:35:29,753
Pavarotti.
508
00:35:31,963 --> 00:35:37,719
Yes, it was Pavarotti who had eaten
a cow and farted himself to pieces.
509
00:35:57,822 --> 00:35:59,949
This is an "indecent Proposal."
510
00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:03,722
Yeah, let's go, you guys.
511
00:37:03,805 --> 00:37:05,515
I thought you said this
was a bridal shower?
512
00:37:05,598 --> 00:37:07,559
I told you we should've
done this in pose.
513
00:37:07,642 --> 00:37:09,894
Have a nice breast.
514
00:37:22,198 --> 00:37:25,869
Peek-a-boo!
515
00:37:45,597 --> 00:37:48,558
I didn't even get a chance to...
516
00:38:04,073 --> 00:38:05,867
She's dead.
517
00:38:05,950 --> 00:38:07,911
She's not dead.
518
00:38:31,643 --> 00:38:33,812
Hasta la baby vista.
519
00:38:33,895 --> 00:38:36,856
Hasta la, hasta la...
520
00:38:38,107 --> 00:38:40,819
The next morning, the
FBI had a hot suspect.
521
00:38:40,902 --> 00:38:42,654
Ma'am, we've heard quite enough.
522
00:38:42,737 --> 00:38:44,864
This is a free country.
You can't arrest me.
523
00:38:44,948 --> 00:38:46,699
I know my rights.
524
00:38:46,783 --> 00:38:50,328
Ma'am, smoking a cigar in a non-smoking
restaurant is a federal offense.
525
00:38:50,411 --> 00:38:51,955
My husband will hear about this.
526
00:38:52,038 --> 00:38:54,290
You'll pay for this!
527
00:38:54,374 --> 00:38:58,795
Can't pay much more than
we're paying already lady.
528
00:39:00,380 --> 00:39:01,548
This is an injustice!
529
00:39:01,631 --> 00:39:02,799
It's not fair!
530
00:39:04,259 --> 00:39:06,678
In conclusion, I'd like to
say we're going to nail this...
531
00:39:06,761 --> 00:39:08,847
...psycho killer it's going
to have to take teamwork.
532
00:39:08,930 --> 00:39:10,139
Your teamwork.
533
00:39:11,015 --> 00:39:12,559
'Cause you're the best.
534
00:39:12,642 --> 00:39:14,102
You're the best of the best.
535
00:39:14,185 --> 00:39:16,688
You're the best of the best of the bunch.
536
00:39:16,771 --> 00:39:19,023
Jo, Mayor's on the phone!
537
00:39:22,861 --> 00:39:24,153
Sorry, Mr. Mayor.
538
00:39:24,237 --> 00:39:27,323
He wants to know what's
happening with the psycho killer case!
539
00:39:27,407 --> 00:39:30,493
I told him not to
worry, Jo's handling it!
540
00:39:30,577 --> 00:39:33,162
So in case there's any
fuck up, it's your ass.
541
00:39:33,246 --> 00:39:35,748
Yes sir, my kickback check's
in the mail. Oh, Jo, here.
542
00:39:35,832 --> 00:39:38,835
There's actually no problem,
the mayor's a sweetheart.
543
00:39:41,421 --> 00:39:42,380
Good evening, Mr. Mayor.
544
00:39:42,463 --> 00:39:43,631
Jo, listen to me.
545
00:39:43,715 --> 00:39:46,968
Oh that's very interesting
sir, really, but I no longer...
546
00:39:47,051 --> 00:39:48,720
The Governor's on my ass.
547
00:39:48,803 --> 00:39:50,138
I'd be demoted.
548
00:39:50,221 --> 00:39:51,931
I can't handle it, Jo.
549
00:39:53,016 --> 00:39:55,310
First I was President, then Mayor.
550
00:39:55,393 --> 00:39:59,564
If you fail, I could end
up being a proctologist!
551
00:39:59,647 --> 00:40:02,191
Jo, I'm no crook, I'm no crook.
552
00:40:02,275 --> 00:40:05,153
I'm no crook... I'm no crook, Jo!
553
00:40:05,236 --> 00:40:06,237
- Listen to me!
- Thank you.
554
00:40:06,321 --> 00:40:09,782
Thank you very much, Mayor,
you've been a real big help.
555
00:40:09,866 --> 00:40:12,368
Okay, where'd I put my weapon?
556
00:40:15,121 --> 00:40:17,040
There it is, of course.
557
00:40:23,212 --> 00:40:24,297
Stop it!
558
00:40:24,380 --> 00:40:25,381
Stop it!
559
00:40:28,092 --> 00:40:29,344
Jo had no time to lose.
560
00:40:29,427 --> 00:40:33,139
With every passing day the money
was slipping through his hands.
561
00:40:33,222 --> 00:40:34,223
$400-
562
00:40:35,308 --> 00:40:36,643
400 grand.
563
00:40:36,726 --> 00:40:38,811
Sorry.
564
00:40:40,939 --> 00:40:43,191
Somebody stop her!
565
00:40:49,572 --> 00:40:50,490
Dr. Animal?
566
00:40:54,744 --> 00:40:58,706
I have crossed oceans
of time to find you.
567
00:40:58,790 --> 00:41:02,335
I know, I know my part is crooked.
568
00:41:02,418 --> 00:41:04,671
I can't use a mirror.
569
00:41:04,754 --> 00:41:05,797
Don't move, Miss.
570
00:41:05,880 --> 00:41:07,715
You are a young woman...
571
00:41:07,799 --> 00:41:12,053
You're black, a newspaper
reporter from Des Moines.
572
00:41:12,136 --> 00:41:13,346
No, no, no, Flint.
573
00:41:13,429 --> 00:41:14,430
Flint, Michigan.
574
00:41:24,023 --> 00:41:25,525
Sorry, no cigar.
575
00:41:29,862 --> 00:41:32,824
I've been cooped up in
this place for eight years.
576
00:41:32,907 --> 00:41:36,577
Of all the things I've lost, I
think I miss my mind the most.
577
00:41:36,661 --> 00:41:40,123
I was hoping for something with a view.
578
00:41:40,206 --> 00:41:41,916
I miss a brain.
579
00:41:42,000 --> 00:41:43,960
Brains were my specialty you know.
580
00:41:44,043 --> 00:41:45,336
Brains with...
581
00:41:45,420 --> 00:41:47,380
How about with fava beans?
582
00:41:47,463 --> 00:41:51,134
If I had fava beans, I'd be free.
583
00:41:51,217 --> 00:41:53,011
I'd blow that back wall right out!
584
00:41:53,094 --> 00:41:54,095
A woman has disappeared...
585
00:41:54,178 --> 00:41:56,848
...and I fear that she's fallen
into the hands of the psycho killer.
586
00:41:56,931 --> 00:41:57,890
So.
587
00:41:57,974 --> 00:41:59,308
So, do you know where he is?
588
00:41:59,392 --> 00:42:01,227
Make it interesting for me.
589
00:42:01,310 --> 00:42:03,396
I get to ask you three questions.
590
00:42:03,479 --> 00:42:06,441
And don't lie, 'cause I'll know.
591
00:42:06,524 --> 00:42:07,483
Do you?
592
00:42:07,567 --> 00:42:08,985
Never touch it, never will.
593
00:42:09,068 --> 00:42:10,319
First question.
594
00:42:11,154 --> 00:42:14,157
What are you most
frightened of, Claresse?
595
00:42:14,240 --> 00:42:15,491
Anchovies.
596
00:42:15,575 --> 00:42:16,743
Good answer.
597
00:42:17,618 --> 00:42:23,833
Now, describe your most dirty,
decadent, disgusting, dangerous,
598
00:42:23,916 --> 00:42:30,506
defective, decorative, defoliated,
decotaged, deformed, dry dream.
599
00:42:31,549 --> 00:42:32,508
Ham.
600
00:42:32,592 --> 00:42:33,676
Was the ham...
601
00:42:35,845 --> 00:42:36,929
...silent?
602
00:42:37,013 --> 00:42:39,432
Ham can be very quiet, very quiet.
603
00:42:39,515 --> 00:42:42,226
Unless the ham is
falling down stairs, then
604
00:42:42,268 --> 00:42:45,021
it goes boom Dee boom
da bum bum boom boom.
605
00:42:45,104 --> 00:42:47,190
Celery is very loud.
606
00:42:47,273 --> 00:42:48,441
Apples louder.
607
00:42:49,817 --> 00:42:54,405
Unless you have applesauce,
which goes very well with ham.
608
00:42:54,489 --> 00:42:56,074
Doesn't it, Claresse?
609
00:42:56,157 --> 00:42:58,034
Please no more questions.
610
00:42:58,117 --> 00:43:01,454
- Now they've got to help me.
- Enough about me.
611
00:43:01,537 --> 00:43:05,541
Jane has disappeared with 400 grand and
that dickhead detective is chasing her.
612
00:43:05,625 --> 00:43:07,502
I've got to get to her first.
613
00:43:07,585 --> 00:43:09,295
With only half that money...
614
00:43:09,378 --> 00:43:11,672
...we could be partners and
start Dr. Animal's Pizza Place.
615
00:43:11,756 --> 00:43:13,424
Just think of it.
616
00:43:13,508 --> 00:43:15,593
Iggy-boo.
617
00:43:15,676 --> 00:43:17,136
Iggy-boo? What is that?
618
00:43:17,220 --> 00:43:19,388
- My happy noise.
- Oh.
619
00:43:19,472 --> 00:43:20,473
All right, you win.
620
00:43:20,556 --> 00:43:24,268
Psycho killer was a portion...
Patron... Patient of mine.
621
00:43:24,936 --> 00:43:27,396
He suffered from schizophrenia.
Don't you understand?
622
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:32,985
The killer's real name is
Antonio and he hates his Mother.
623
00:43:33,069 --> 00:43:34,070
Why?
624
00:43:34,153 --> 00:43:35,822
Maybe because she's a pain in the ass.
625
00:43:35,905 --> 00:43:37,073
Did you ever think of that?
626
00:43:37,156 --> 00:43:38,282
So where is Antonio?
627
00:43:38,366 --> 00:43:44,038
Very near, and he'll be even nearer when
I get to see Dr. Animal's Pizza Place.
628
00:43:51,337 --> 00:43:53,047
All right, it's been nice talking to you.
629
00:43:53,131 --> 00:43:54,340
Time to rest.
630
00:43:54,423 --> 00:43:55,883
My brain is hurting.
631
00:43:55,967 --> 00:43:57,135
Nighty, night!
632
00:43:57,218 --> 00:43:58,177
Allez hop!
633
00:43:59,679 --> 00:44:01,389
Iggy-boo!
634
00:44:02,557 --> 00:44:05,226
Ooh, I wish I had a marshmallow.
635
00:44:06,519 --> 00:44:09,856
His hang time is longer than Jordan's.
636
00:44:13,151 --> 00:44:18,072
In his search for Jane, Detective Balsam
checked out every classy motel in town.
637
00:44:21,033 --> 00:44:24,370
Including the Jack the Ripper Motor Inn.
638
00:44:33,504 --> 00:44:35,590
- Here you go.
- Thank you, sir.
639
00:44:35,673 --> 00:44:38,259
Okay, have a party with that.
640
00:44:51,272 --> 00:44:54,108
Take me to a nice hospital please.
641
00:44:58,863 --> 00:45:01,199
That motel can really stick it to you.
642
00:45:01,282 --> 00:45:02,366
That's a pun.
643
00:45:04,368 --> 00:45:07,005
The next morning I was
handling my business
644
00:45:07,047 --> 00:45:09,540
when Detective Balsam came into my life.
645
00:45:09,624 --> 00:45:13,419
After checking 642 different motels...
646
00:45:13,502 --> 00:45:17,423
...clever Balsam went down the
wrong street and found the right one.
647
00:45:20,551 --> 00:45:23,930
He pulled up in a rented
car that had every new option.
648
00:45:28,017 --> 00:45:30,770
Including frequent flyer mileage.
649
00:45:44,659 --> 00:45:47,370
Have you seen her? Her name is Jane Wine.
650
00:45:47,453 --> 00:45:49,163
I have never seen her.
651
00:45:49,247 --> 00:45:51,582
You're absolutely sure?
652
00:45:51,666 --> 00:45:54,210
100% scout's honor.
653
00:45:54,293 --> 00:45:55,670
You don't believe me?
654
00:45:55,753 --> 00:45:57,672
Do you want to check the register?
655
00:45:57,755 --> 00:46:00,258
No, I wouldn't dream of it.
656
00:46:00,341 --> 00:46:03,219
He doesn't find her, he doesn't find her.
657
00:46:03,302 --> 00:46:04,387
He found her.
658
00:46:05,846 --> 00:46:08,140
I think you better come clean.
659
00:46:08,224 --> 00:46:11,352
I recognize the anagram of her signature.
660
00:46:11,435 --> 00:46:13,521
Now, when did she arrive?
661
00:46:14,689 --> 00:46:19,485
She was here Sunday, but she
checked out the next morning.
662
00:46:19,568 --> 00:46:20,736
Ah, Tuesday.
663
00:46:21,904 --> 00:46:23,072
Then you were here?
664
00:46:23,155 --> 00:46:24,782
Yes, I were here.
665
00:46:24,865 --> 00:46:25,950
I was here.
666
00:46:26,033 --> 00:46:29,287
You too? If so, why are you asking me?
667
00:46:30,579 --> 00:46:32,498
Move on. What happened?
668
00:46:32,581 --> 00:46:37,753
It was raining and she was starving,
so I whipped up some sharper knife.
669
00:46:37,837 --> 00:46:38,963
Some sandwich.
670
00:46:39,046 --> 00:46:41,966
After she ate she
wasn't hungry anymore...
671
00:46:42,049 --> 00:46:44,760
...then she went right off
to the bed in the swamp.
672
00:46:44,844 --> 00:46:46,345
In the suite.
673
00:46:46,929 --> 00:46:50,808
And she told me she had a
long drive the next morning.
674
00:46:50,891 --> 00:46:53,269
That is the trout.
675
00:46:53,352 --> 00:46:54,312
The trout?
676
00:46:54,395 --> 00:46:56,230
Yes, I'm not a liar.
677
00:46:57,189 --> 00:46:58,858
I tell you the trout.
678
00:46:58,941 --> 00:47:01,694
The truth, I want the truth.
679
00:47:01,777 --> 00:47:04,322
It's not a problem, okay.
680
00:47:04,405 --> 00:47:05,865
Here it is.
681
00:47:05,948 --> 00:47:07,408
The truth.
682
00:47:07,491 --> 00:47:10,036
And so now I have to make the beds.
683
00:47:10,119 --> 00:47:11,954
I told you all I know.
684
00:47:37,396 --> 00:47:40,274
What are you doing, Mr. Motel?
685
00:47:40,358 --> 00:47:42,818
I told you, making the bed.
686
00:47:42,902 --> 00:47:44,695
I make them every morning.
687
00:47:44,779 --> 00:47:47,531
Running a motel is a killing job.
688
00:47:49,825 --> 00:47:54,163
I saw somebody at the
window in that house.
689
00:47:54,246 --> 00:47:56,749
Is anybody living there?
690
00:47:56,832 --> 00:47:59,752
No. I mean yes, my Mother.
691
00:47:59,835 --> 00:48:01,504
She's retired.
692
00:48:01,587 --> 00:48:03,339
I'll be seeing you.
693
00:48:06,258 --> 00:48:08,719
I won't be seeing you!
694
00:48:08,803 --> 00:48:10,471
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.
695
00:48:10,554 --> 00:48:11,806
Goodbye.
696
00:48:11,889 --> 00:48:13,307
Goodbye.
697
00:48:13,391 --> 00:48:14,600
Goodbye.
698
00:48:14,683 --> 00:48:15,684
Goodbye.
699
00:48:17,311 --> 00:48:18,312
Goodbye.
700
00:48:18,396 --> 00:48:19,397
Goodbye!
701
00:48:20,356 --> 00:48:21,357
- Goodbye!
- Goodbye!
702
00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:22,733
- Goodbye!
- Goodbye!
703
00:48:22,817 --> 00:48:24,985
- Goodbye!
- Goodbye!
704
00:48:25,069 --> 00:48:27,029
Goodbye!
705
00:48:27,113 --> 00:48:30,491
What a jerk. He left
without saying goodbye.
706
00:48:37,123 --> 00:48:38,082
Hello.
707
00:48:38,165 --> 00:48:41,168
Jane slept at the Cemetery Motel.
708
00:48:41,252 --> 00:48:42,670
Oh my God.
709
00:48:42,753 --> 00:48:46,507
Your sister had a cabin, number 13.
710
00:48:46,590 --> 00:48:48,342
Talking about jinxes!
711
00:48:48,426 --> 00:48:52,763
Oh come on, Lily,
don't be so superstitious.
712
00:48:52,847 --> 00:48:55,057
13, that's a lot of hogwash.
713
00:48:55,141 --> 00:48:58,519
But anyway, I'm not satisfied yet.
714
00:48:58,602 --> 00:49:05,602
This guy has an ambulant mother whom
I believe saw Jane and whether Antonio...
715
00:49:06,360 --> 00:49:13,360
...Motel likes it or not, I'm going
back to Motel's motel and question her.
716
00:49:14,994 --> 00:49:18,747
It's your ass, that's
what you're paid for.
717
00:49:31,177 --> 00:49:34,013
Alone in a private plane,
Agent Jo finally decides...
718
00:49:34,096 --> 00:49:35,306
Oh no, wait, wait.
719
00:49:35,389 --> 00:49:36,849
No, forget it, I'm sorry.
720
00:49:36,932 --> 00:49:38,559
This scene was cut.
721
00:49:47,526 --> 00:49:49,612
I feel I've done this before.
722
00:50:36,784 --> 00:50:37,826
Surprise!
723
00:50:40,079 --> 00:50:42,164
- Again?
- Yes.
724
00:50:44,291 --> 00:50:45,834
And now the stairs!
725
00:50:45,918 --> 00:50:48,087
The stairs, no!
726
00:51:24,039 --> 00:51:28,043
Jo had to promise Dr. Animal a
pizza place and now he delivered.
727
00:51:33,424 --> 00:51:35,593
Is Miss Fostar here yet?
728
00:51:35,676 --> 00:51:36,719
Mister.
729
00:51:36,802 --> 00:51:38,095
Call me Doctor, please.
730
00:51:38,178 --> 00:51:40,222
Not yet, Dr. Please.
731
00:51:40,306 --> 00:51:41,724
He should be here soon.
732
00:51:41,807 --> 00:51:46,437
Because he was late Jo tried to beat
out an oil truck for a parking space.
733
00:51:53,402 --> 00:51:54,737
Hey, where you going?
734
00:51:54,820 --> 00:51:57,031
You dented my freaking fender!
735
00:51:57,114 --> 00:52:00,326
I'll be back.
736
00:52:00,409 --> 00:52:02,870
- Fellas.
- Howdy do.
737
00:52:02,953 --> 00:52:06,081
- Dr. Enema.
- Long time no see.
738
00:52:06,165 --> 00:52:09,126
As you can see, I've kept
up my end of the bargain...
739
00:52:09,209 --> 00:52:12,296
...may this be the beginning
of Dr. Animals pizza place.
740
00:52:12,379 --> 00:52:13,380
Iggy-boo!
741
00:52:14,256 --> 00:52:15,966
My brain is tingling!
742
00:52:16,050 --> 00:52:17,968
- I'm glad.
- Moi ici.
743
00:52:18,052 --> 00:52:20,971
- What?
- French, me too.
744
00:52:21,055 --> 00:52:22,640
- The contract.
- Right here.
745
00:52:22,723 --> 00:52:24,308
- The license.
- Right here.
746
00:52:24,391 --> 00:52:26,227
All right, Miss Fostar,
I have to ask you,
747
00:52:26,269 --> 00:52:28,103
do you have the photos of the waitresses?
748
00:52:28,187 --> 00:52:30,981
Yes, and the phone numbers.
749
00:52:31,065 --> 00:52:32,941
Very foodie, this is great!
750
00:52:33,025 --> 00:52:35,027
The cooks dental x-rays?
751
00:52:36,945 --> 00:52:38,489
Bathroom faucets?
752
00:52:39,573 --> 00:52:42,201
A spare tire from the
cleaning woman's car.
753
00:52:44,953 --> 00:52:48,874
The shoe sizes of
everyone in the entire staff.
754
00:52:49,792 --> 00:52:52,419
The maitre d's ball bearings.
755
00:52:52,503 --> 00:52:54,296
They're smaller than I thought.
756
00:52:54,380 --> 00:52:55,297
They're all set.
757
00:52:55,381 --> 00:52:57,132
- I'm satisfied.
- Good.
758
00:52:57,216 --> 00:52:59,343
Now will you please tell me
where the psycho killer is?
759
00:52:59,426 --> 00:53:01,303
All right, all right.
760
00:53:01,387 --> 00:53:03,722
After all, a view is a view.
761
00:53:05,182 --> 00:53:08,811
Come to think of it, maybe
I will have a piece of veal.
762
00:53:08,894 --> 00:53:10,688
Where is the psycho killer!
763
00:53:10,771 --> 00:53:12,481
The killer is near.
764
00:53:12,564 --> 00:53:15,818
Just outside of town,
right under your nose.
765
00:53:15,901 --> 00:53:17,653
The Cemetery Motel.
766
00:53:17,736 --> 00:53:19,446
Thank you, thank you, Doctor.
767
00:53:19,530 --> 00:53:22,157
In all honesty, really, thank you.
I couldn't have done without you.
768
00:53:22,241 --> 00:53:24,493
No, I mean it. This man is amazing.
769
00:53:24,576 --> 00:53:25,786
From the bottom of my heart.
770
00:53:25,869 --> 00:53:28,747
And please, don't forget,
I own 10% of this place.
771
00:53:28,831 --> 00:53:29,832
Bye.
772
00:53:30,541 --> 00:53:32,000
10%.
773
00:53:32,084 --> 00:53:35,921
Less than my manager.
I'm going to miss him.
774
00:53:45,472 --> 00:53:47,599
Nosy snoop of a private eye.
775
00:53:47,683 --> 00:53:51,603
Nobody will ever suspect
you in your car under here.
776
00:53:56,400 --> 00:53:58,569
Detective Balsam?
777
00:53:58,652 --> 00:54:00,612
Detective Balsam!
778
00:54:00,696 --> 00:54:02,656
Detective Balsam!
779
00:54:02,740 --> 00:54:05,784
Mama Mia, the work never ends here.
780
00:54:05,868 --> 00:54:07,453
Detective Balsam!
781
00:54:08,537 --> 00:54:11,457
Detective Balsam!
782
00:54:13,751 --> 00:54:16,545
Only way to stop a hog when it's rutting.
783
00:54:18,172 --> 00:54:21,133
Jo went back to his place to clean up.
784
00:54:21,216 --> 00:54:23,302
Boy, it must've been really rough.
785
00:54:23,385 --> 00:54:24,803
You sweat like a hog in heat.
786
00:54:24,887 --> 00:54:27,347
- Fuck you. He didn't come here?
- He who?
787
00:54:27,431 --> 00:54:29,057
Detective Balsam!
788
00:54:32,102 --> 00:54:33,312
He wasn't at the motel?
789
00:54:33,395 --> 00:54:35,272
No, nor was Jane.
790
00:54:35,355 --> 00:54:37,274
And I couldn't find that
manager, what's his name?
791
00:54:37,357 --> 00:54:39,526
- Frank.
- Yeah, Antonio.
792
00:54:40,527 --> 00:54:43,697
And I couldn't enter the house
because I didn't have a warrant.
793
00:54:43,781 --> 00:54:47,159
She didn't answer the door, she just
dumped a pail of water on my head.
794
00:54:47,242 --> 00:54:48,285
Good thing she missed.
795
00:54:48,368 --> 00:54:50,621
Yeah. I tell you it's
weird, it's too weird.
796
00:54:50,704 --> 00:54:54,124
Balsam calls, says he's got a
hunch, right, then he disappears.
797
00:54:57,169 --> 00:54:58,170
Poor Jane.
798
00:54:59,630 --> 00:55:02,049
Who knows where she could be?
799
00:55:03,008 --> 00:55:04,927
I bet she's in trouble.
800
00:55:06,094 --> 00:55:08,847
I bet they've done things to her.
801
00:55:10,015 --> 00:55:12,267
I bet they've tortured her.
802
00:55:13,560 --> 00:55:15,103
I bet they swiped the money...
803
00:55:15,187 --> 00:55:16,772
No! Not that!
804
00:55:16,855 --> 00:55:18,023
Anything but that!
805
00:55:18,106 --> 00:55:20,806
I tell you we'll find her
all right, alive and in cash.
806
00:55:32,162 --> 00:55:34,122
Who the fuck is calling me at this hour?
807
00:55:34,206 --> 00:55:35,791
Boss, it's me. I need to get a...
808
00:55:35,874 --> 00:55:37,459
Christ. Look, Jo...
809
00:55:37,543 --> 00:55:39,628
Listen, Jane has really
stuck her foot in it this time.
810
00:55:39,711 --> 00:55:41,380
- She's at the motel outside of town.
- Hey!
811
00:55:41,463 --> 00:55:44,132
I'm about to stick my babascas
into something a hell of a lot damper.
812
00:55:44,216 --> 00:55:46,176
Hell of a lot warmer too.
So I'll make this quick.
813
00:55:46,260 --> 00:55:47,928
All right, I need a
search warrant and fast.
814
00:55:48,011 --> 00:55:49,847
Getting a search
warrant will take too long.
815
00:55:49,930 --> 00:55:52,140
And besides, this case is top secret!
816
00:55:52,224 --> 00:55:54,142
Try the Ranger.
817
00:55:54,226 --> 00:55:58,397
He's in charge of issuing motel licenses.
818
00:55:58,480 --> 00:56:04,778
So he's got a good excuse for getting you
in without arousing, arousing suspicion.
819
00:56:10,784 --> 00:56:11,869
Jo, got to go.
820
00:56:21,628 --> 00:56:23,714
Jo, don't you think it's a little late?
821
00:56:23,797 --> 00:56:26,174
Absolutely not. The Ranger lives his job.
822
00:56:26,258 --> 00:56:29,636
It's the one official you
can call out at any hour.
823
00:56:33,098 --> 00:56:36,226
Who the hell is that breaking
my chops at this hour of the night!
824
00:56:36,310 --> 00:56:40,647
I hope his tires blow out at
200 miles an hour on a curve!
825
00:56:40,731 --> 00:56:42,733
I hope he turns coo-coo!
826
00:56:45,819 --> 00:56:47,863
Honey, you're not going to believe this!
827
00:56:47,946 --> 00:56:50,073
It's a mailman and a nun!
828
00:56:51,074 --> 00:56:52,974
Ma'am, I've got to talk to the Ranger.
829
00:56:53,869 --> 00:56:56,788
Oh, Jo, I recognized you right away.
830
00:56:57,164 --> 00:56:58,874
Come on in. Come on.
831
00:56:58,957 --> 00:57:02,127
You know, you get handsomer every day.
832
00:57:04,338 --> 00:57:05,797
You can come in, too, Sister.
833
00:57:05,881 --> 00:57:10,093
You mustn't stay out here
all night in the cold. Okay?
834
00:57:10,177 --> 00:57:14,973
The Ranger lived in a modest
house with his wife, an ex-super model.
835
00:57:16,683 --> 00:57:17,684
Very ex.
836
00:57:22,397 --> 00:57:24,274
Greetings, everyone.
837
00:57:24,358 --> 00:57:26,568
Welcome to my humble abode.
838
00:57:29,029 --> 00:57:32,199
I must apologize for being
a trifle underdressed...
839
00:57:32,282 --> 00:57:34,660
...but I was sleeping when you drove up.
840
00:57:34,743 --> 00:57:36,870
What's going down?
841
00:57:36,954 --> 00:57:39,206
Ranger, I don't know where to start.
842
00:57:39,289 --> 00:57:42,960
It all began with...
843
00:57:47,005 --> 00:57:48,924
Thank you, smelly thing.
844
00:57:49,007 --> 00:57:51,760
Anyway, I'm engaged
to Miss Lily's sister.
845
00:57:51,843 --> 00:57:53,470
It happens that...
846
00:58:00,686 --> 00:58:04,356
Jo decides to explain
everything to the Ranger...
847
00:58:04,439 --> 00:58:08,068
...using the FBI's new secret
technique, interpretive dance.
848
00:58:13,949 --> 00:58:14,950
Get the picture?
849
00:58:15,033 --> 00:58:19,955
Jo, if I understand you
correctly, you're saying that...
850
00:58:31,174 --> 00:58:32,134
Was that about it?
851
00:58:32,217 --> 00:58:34,011
Yeah, except for one or two steps.
852
00:58:34,094 --> 00:58:36,304
Jo, something here doesn't quite jive.
853
00:58:36,388 --> 00:58:39,850
You said you saw a lady at that house
who was supposed to be Antonio's mother.
854
00:58:39,933 --> 00:58:42,728
Jo, Antonio's mother's
been dead for 10 years.
855
00:58:42,811 --> 00:58:44,146
But it doesn't make any sense.
856
00:58:44,229 --> 00:58:46,189
Detective Balsam saw her.
857
00:58:46,273 --> 00:58:49,026
He even went back to
the hotel to question her.
858
00:58:49,109 --> 00:58:50,444
Antonio's mother's dead!
859
00:58:50,527 --> 00:58:52,779
Question is, who is that other woman!
860
00:59:00,412 --> 00:59:01,580
Tell me what happened quick.
861
00:59:01,663 --> 00:59:03,498
Well, you know how the
boss is, he picked up...
862
00:59:03,582 --> 00:59:04,583
Not that quick.
863
00:59:04,666 --> 00:59:06,668
Well he picked up this
little virgin on a ranch...
864
00:59:06,752 --> 00:59:08,336
...and things must've
gotten carried away.
865
00:59:08,420 --> 00:59:09,921
You don't do certain things at his age.
866
00:59:10,005 --> 00:59:11,131
Dr. Butcher to surgery.
867
00:59:11,214 --> 00:59:13,216
Dr. Butcher to surgery.
868
00:59:13,300 --> 00:59:14,760
Dr. Leaky to urology.
869
00:59:14,843 --> 00:59:16,136
What the hell happened?
870
00:59:16,219 --> 00:59:18,680
How could a night out do this to you?
871
00:59:18,764 --> 00:59:21,975
Boy, you don't know what sex is.
872
00:59:22,059 --> 00:59:24,311
She had my wheels spinning.
873
00:59:24,394 --> 00:59:26,646
Spinning, I heard symphonies.
874
00:59:28,565 --> 00:59:33,653
My only trouble and my only
mistake, I asked her to get on top.
875
00:59:33,737 --> 00:59:36,198
Listen, I was out at the Rangers
and he said that there was...
876
00:59:36,281 --> 00:59:38,784
I know! He called me, asked
me something really weird.
877
00:59:38,867 --> 00:59:41,703
If I knew your friend Lily's blood type.
878
00:59:41,787 --> 00:59:45,207
He promised you'd go over
the motel, take a look today.
879
00:59:45,290 --> 00:59:47,667
All right, I'll go meet him.
880
00:59:47,751 --> 00:59:49,544
Visiting hours are over.
881
00:59:49,628 --> 00:59:51,379
Mr. Putrid must rest.
882
00:59:53,799 --> 00:59:55,258
Stay out of trouble, boss.
883
00:59:55,342 --> 00:59:57,552
Jo, the Ranger's at the
bowling alley, just remembered.
884
00:59:57,636 --> 01:00:00,806
And remember, lay off the women, huh.
885
01:00:09,648 --> 01:00:10,649
Not bad.
886
01:00:12,442 --> 01:00:13,693
Howdy, Ranger.
887
01:00:15,821 --> 01:00:19,241
Howdy, Jo, what brings you
down to these here parts?
888
01:00:19,324 --> 01:00:22,119
Well, we want to know how the
visit to the Cemetery Motel went.
889
01:00:22,202 --> 01:00:26,248
Now, Jo, I know you're not
the type of guy to hallucinate.
890
01:00:26,331 --> 01:00:32,546
There was no lady at the Cemetery
Motel, much less Antonio's mother.
891
01:00:34,131 --> 01:00:36,133
Just Antonio himself!
892
01:00:36,216 --> 01:00:39,344
He also confirmed, Miss
Lily, that your sister...
893
01:00:39,427 --> 01:00:42,347
...registered at the
motel under a fake name.
894
01:00:43,932 --> 01:00:50,272
When Detective Balsam found out where
she was headed, he took off after her.
895
01:00:50,355 --> 01:00:52,816
If the bitch tries to screw
me out of my cash...
896
01:00:59,531 --> 01:01:02,200
But Ranger, there's still
something out of whack out here.
897
01:01:02,284 --> 01:01:03,785
Yeah, I noticed that.
898
01:01:03,869 --> 01:01:05,620
- What?
- The heating.
899
01:01:05,704 --> 01:01:07,873
The motel is as cold as a witch's tit.
900
01:01:07,956 --> 01:01:09,166
Felt like a morgue.
901
01:01:09,249 --> 01:01:12,419
Talking about morgues, why
don't you have lunch with us.
902
01:01:12,502 --> 01:01:16,339
I've fixed some nice cold frozen chicken.
903
01:01:16,423 --> 01:01:18,592
Now that's a great idea.
904
01:01:20,385 --> 01:01:22,637
Why don't you come on home with us?
905
01:01:22,721 --> 01:01:26,391
Spend a nice evening with the family.
906
01:01:26,474 --> 01:01:29,728
That way you can sign
a formal complaint and...
907
01:01:29,811 --> 01:01:32,731
...I can make out a
search warrant for you.
908
01:01:32,814 --> 01:01:37,444
And you can officially search the
motel and erase all your doubts.
909
01:01:38,820 --> 01:01:40,822
We'll be waiting for ya.
910
01:01:48,121 --> 01:01:49,789
I forgot to tell ya.
911
01:01:51,249 --> 01:01:57,547
Antonio's mother asked me to tell you to
stop howling under her window at night.
912
01:01:59,549 --> 01:02:00,550
Goodbye.
913
01:02:08,475 --> 01:02:10,393
We can't afford to make
any mistakes at the motel.
914
01:02:10,477 --> 01:02:14,898
The least suspicious way I think is to
be a man and wife asking for a room.
915
01:02:14,981 --> 01:02:15,941
I don't know.
916
01:02:16,024 --> 01:02:19,569
We ask for a room to be together, like we
just wanted to stop off in this motel...
917
01:02:19,653 --> 01:02:23,156
...to spend some time with each
other, in a room, alone, to make love.
918
01:02:23,240 --> 01:02:24,741
That's terrific.
919
01:02:33,500 --> 01:02:36,753
I'd rather make it with anybody than you!
920
01:02:38,296 --> 01:02:40,590
Hello, could you direct me
to your ice machine please?
921
01:02:40,674 --> 01:02:41,967
In the back, pal.
922
01:02:42,050 --> 01:02:43,093
Thank you.
923
01:02:43,176 --> 01:02:44,344
Five dollars.
924
01:02:44,427 --> 01:02:45,428
Thanks.
925
01:02:46,471 --> 01:02:50,016
Yeah, the ice machine is in
my butt where I usually keep it.
926
01:02:54,062 --> 01:02:58,275
Lily knew that $5 worth of
gas would not get them very far.
927
01:03:02,904 --> 01:03:05,991
So she tried arousing his generosity.
928
01:03:53,330 --> 01:03:57,083
- What is this?
- I'm sorry, I had to fill her up.
929
01:04:02,881 --> 01:04:05,550
The tension was so thick
and the music so pretentious...
930
01:04:05,633 --> 01:04:08,970
...they knew they must be getting close.
931
01:04:20,440 --> 01:04:22,317
There's nobody here.
932
01:04:22,400 --> 01:04:24,194
Where the hell is this Antonio?
933
01:04:24,277 --> 01:04:27,697
Jo, I just saw somebody
peeking out the window up there.
934
01:04:27,781 --> 01:04:28,782
- Hi!
- Hi!
935
01:04:28,865 --> 01:04:29,866
Hi.
936
01:04:30,825 --> 01:04:33,661
Welcome to the Cemetery Motel.
937
01:04:33,745 --> 01:04:36,206
I suppose you want a cabin?
938
01:04:36,289 --> 01:04:37,290
Yes.
939
01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:40,585
I don't like it. I don't like it.
940
01:04:40,668 --> 01:04:41,628
I know he looks evil.
941
01:04:41,711 --> 01:04:42,879
No, not him, the motel.
942
01:04:42,962 --> 01:04:44,714
I much prefer the Hilton!
943
01:04:44,798 --> 01:04:47,384
Please, step into the office.
944
01:04:48,635 --> 01:04:49,636
Sorry.
945
01:04:51,388 --> 01:04:53,223
Where do I bury these two?
946
01:04:53,306 --> 01:04:55,141
There is no more room.
947
01:04:57,310 --> 01:04:59,229
There you go, cabin 13.
948
01:05:05,110 --> 01:05:06,486
Here we are.
949
01:05:06,569 --> 01:05:09,155
Make yourself at tomb, at home.
950
01:05:11,533 --> 01:05:13,034
I feel Jane was here.
951
01:05:13,118 --> 01:05:15,954
I have a very strange premonition.
952
01:05:22,293 --> 01:05:24,129
- I found the letter.
- Where was it?
953
01:05:24,212 --> 01:05:26,506
Right here, under the bed.
954
01:05:33,263 --> 01:05:35,640
"Dear Lily, I was here.
955
01:05:35,723 --> 01:05:37,225
Antonio's mother killed me.
956
01:05:37,308 --> 01:05:39,394
Don't forget to pay the gas bill.
957
01:05:39,477 --> 01:05:41,396
...and kisses, Jane."
958
01:05:41,479 --> 01:05:42,897
No!
959
01:05:42,981 --> 01:05:43,982
Why?
960
01:05:45,358 --> 01:05:47,402
Come on, Lily. Lily, come
on, pull yourself together.
961
01:05:47,485 --> 01:05:50,530
Come on, everyone
forgets to pay the gas bill.
962
01:05:50,613 --> 01:05:53,241
Maybe that lady didn't kill her
all right. Maybe it was a mistake.
963
01:05:53,324 --> 01:05:54,242
If only it were.
964
01:05:54,325 --> 01:05:56,161
That's right, maybe Antonio killed her.
965
01:05:56,244 --> 01:05:57,287
No.
966
01:05:57,370 --> 01:05:58,997
Or she could have
got run over by a truck.
967
01:05:59,080 --> 01:05:59,998
No!
968
01:06:00,081 --> 01:06:02,625
And she could've got eaten by a
cannibal on a California vacation.
969
01:06:02,709 --> 01:06:04,294
I don't know, any one of these really.
970
01:06:04,377 --> 01:06:07,255
Or there's always that possibility
being torn to shreds by a harvester.
971
01:06:07,338 --> 01:06:09,632
Then again, she could've
fallen into a vat of sulfuric acid.
972
01:06:09,716 --> 01:06:11,593
Really, it could've been
any one of these things.
973
01:06:11,676 --> 01:06:13,511
She could've been
ravaged by a pack of wolves.
974
01:06:13,595 --> 01:06:15,513
She could've been
struck by lightning. Ow!
975
01:06:15,597 --> 01:06:17,599
Or she could've been
snorkeling in shark infested...
976
01:06:17,682 --> 01:06:18,600
Ow!
977
01:06:18,683 --> 01:06:21,133
Personally, I don't think
anyone's ever died here.
978
01:07:06,814 --> 01:07:07,774
My arm!
979
01:07:07,857 --> 01:07:08,858
My arm!
980
01:07:17,367 --> 01:07:20,537
I can't take this anymore! I've
got to find out once and for all.
981
01:07:20,620 --> 01:07:22,830
I have to know the truth about my sister.
982
01:07:24,666 --> 01:07:28,419
Jo, you go and distract Antonio
while I go see the lady and question her.
983
01:07:28,503 --> 01:07:29,712
Come on now, that's too risky.
984
01:07:29,796 --> 01:07:32,757
What that letter said was true, and
you want to be alone with that old lady?
985
01:07:32,840 --> 01:07:35,718
Forget it. We FBI agents, we
specialize in taking dangerous action.
986
01:07:35,802 --> 01:07:39,652
No, I think it's better if I go distract
Antonio and you talk to the old lady.
987
01:08:07,333 --> 01:08:10,587
Sorry, I'm a little sick.
988
01:08:10,670 --> 01:08:13,006
You know, my grandfather
died from a sneeze.
989
01:08:13,089 --> 01:08:14,757
What, he fell ill and died?
990
01:08:14,841 --> 01:08:17,260
No, he just fell from
a skyscraper scaffold.
991
01:08:17,343 --> 01:08:18,428
Lost balance.
992
01:08:18,511 --> 01:08:19,804
Why have you come here?
993
01:08:19,887 --> 01:08:21,431
My wife wants to take a nap.
994
01:08:21,514 --> 01:08:24,851
I'm not sleepy and I felt like chatting.
995
01:08:26,269 --> 01:08:28,563
You know, just to kill time.
996
01:08:28,646 --> 01:08:30,189
Just to kill time.
997
01:08:30,273 --> 01:08:31,858
Please, come on in.
998
01:08:33,776 --> 01:08:36,863
If there is anything to
kill, I'm always available.
999
01:08:36,946 --> 01:08:39,073
Know what, guess
I'm doing all the talking.
1000
01:08:39,157 --> 01:08:43,995
I suppose living like this could make
a person jump at the chance to talk.
1001
01:08:44,078 --> 01:08:46,080
You're right, you're right.
1002
01:08:46,164 --> 01:08:48,499
I love to talk to everyone at the motel.
1003
01:08:48,583 --> 01:08:52,003
Is it my fault that when I'm through
I realize there is no one there?
1004
01:08:52,086 --> 01:08:53,338
Shit.
1005
01:08:53,421 --> 01:08:55,298
Antonio, living like this
could drive a man crazy.
1006
01:08:55,381 --> 01:08:57,383
What are you trying to say, eh?
1007
01:08:57,467 --> 01:09:01,262
Are you insinuating
that, that I might be crazy?
1008
01:09:01,346 --> 01:09:03,598
Go on! Go on if you think I'm crazy!
1009
01:09:03,681 --> 01:09:04,932
Say it, go ahead!
1010
01:09:05,016 --> 01:09:08,811
I'm just saying that if someone like
you had a chance to lay his hands on...
1011
01:09:08,895 --> 01:09:12,845
...400 grand from some defenseless girl,
he most certainly would go off his nut!
1012
01:09:13,149 --> 01:09:14,525
I mean he'd do anything!
1013
01:09:14,609 --> 01:09:17,904
Antonio, for 400 grand, a man would kill!
1014
01:09:17,987 --> 01:09:19,238
I'll murder ya!
1015
01:09:20,156 --> 01:09:22,575
You ugly, evil, praying mantis!
1016
01:09:24,452 --> 01:09:26,287
I'll never tell you!
1017
01:09:27,288 --> 01:09:30,291
This morning now... is mine, Big Jim!
1018
01:09:33,252 --> 01:09:35,630
You're not going to talk,
huh, my fine feathered friend!
1019
01:09:35,713 --> 01:09:37,715
Well I bet your old Mom will!
1020
01:09:40,343 --> 01:09:41,928
Mommy?
1021
01:09:42,011 --> 01:09:43,805
Poor asshole!
1022
01:09:46,015 --> 01:09:48,017
Where did the girl go? Where did the...
1023
01:10:32,562 --> 01:10:34,063
Termites.
1024
01:10:54,375 --> 01:10:55,460
Mrs. Motel?
1025
01:10:57,795 --> 01:10:58,796
Mrs. Motel.
1026
01:11:06,220 --> 01:11:07,221
Oh, Antonio!
1027
01:11:15,563 --> 01:11:16,731
Let me go!
1028
01:11:16,814 --> 01:11:18,357
Let me go!
1029
01:11:18,441 --> 01:11:19,525
Okay, I stay.
1030
01:11:20,401 --> 01:11:23,571
If this poor man is Antonio, who is he?
1031
01:11:23,654 --> 01:11:27,283
It's a little trick used
by Dr. Animal's patients.
1032
01:11:29,911 --> 01:11:30,953
It's Antonio's mother!
1033
01:11:31,037 --> 01:11:33,331
All right, I'm Antonio's mother!
1034
01:11:33,414 --> 01:11:34,582
Mama Mia!
1035
01:11:34,665 --> 01:11:39,712
But I am better known for fiscal
reasons as the psycho killer!
1036
01:11:41,088 --> 01:11:46,302
But my exotic achievements have
far outshone my mentor Dr. Animal.
1037
01:11:47,386 --> 01:11:49,013
He was a degenerated pervert.
1038
01:11:49,096 --> 01:11:51,808
And then Antonio, he
really pissed me off!
1039
01:11:51,891 --> 01:11:53,643
Where's our money
or it's off to the hay lot!
1040
01:11:53,726 --> 01:11:57,271
It's buried in the
swamp with Jane's body.
1041
01:11:58,898 --> 01:12:00,441
It's not true!
1042
01:12:00,525 --> 01:12:02,401
Jane is still alive!
1043
01:12:13,663 --> 01:12:14,747
Jane!
1044
01:12:14,831 --> 01:12:17,166
Thought you'd killed me, didn't ya?
1045
01:12:17,250 --> 01:12:18,251
You old bag!
1046
01:12:18,334 --> 01:12:21,254
First stabbing me and
then sinking me in my car!
1047
01:12:21,337 --> 01:12:23,881
Well, good thing it was a lemon.
1048
01:12:23,965 --> 01:12:26,133
Lemons float.
1049
01:12:27,635 --> 01:12:29,136
Lily, I'm alive!
1050
01:12:30,471 --> 01:12:32,098
Hold on, Jane!
1051
01:12:32,181 --> 01:12:33,266
I'm not Lily.
1052
01:12:34,308 --> 01:12:35,518
I am...
1053
01:12:45,403 --> 01:12:47,154
Detective Balsam.
1054
01:12:47,238 --> 01:12:51,325
If you're alive, who did I
stab, stab, stab to death?
1055
01:12:51,409 --> 01:12:52,493
Robocrap.
1056
01:12:52,577 --> 01:12:55,496
The Japanese version of Robocop.
1057
01:12:55,580 --> 01:12:58,291
Darling, I've still got the 400 grand.
1058
01:12:58,374 --> 01:12:59,667
Come on, let's split.
1059
01:12:59,750 --> 01:13:01,544
Just one second, Jane.
1060
01:13:01,627 --> 01:13:03,087
I'm not Jo, I'm...
1061
01:13:21,105 --> 01:13:22,023
I'm Mr. Laurel!
1062
01:13:23,482 --> 01:13:24,859
Return what you stole.
1063
01:13:24,942 --> 01:13:26,777
Hold it! Let her go!
1064
01:13:28,321 --> 01:13:29,780
The Ranger!
1065
01:13:31,908 --> 01:13:34,327
He's not really the Ranger.
1066
01:13:54,931 --> 01:13:58,017
I'm Olaf, and those mega-bucks are mine.
1067
01:13:58,100 --> 01:13:59,310
Oh no they're not, they're mine.
1068
01:13:59,393 --> 01:14:01,854
You bought that estate for $400,000.
1069
01:14:01,938 --> 01:14:02,939
Estate?
1070
01:14:03,648 --> 01:14:05,983
This is what you call an estate?
1071
01:14:06,067 --> 01:14:07,318
This is the Addams house.
1072
01:14:07,401 --> 01:14:08,361
What?
1073
01:14:08,444 --> 01:14:09,946
You sold my house?
1074
01:14:11,238 --> 01:14:13,366
You rotten swindler!
1075
01:14:13,449 --> 01:14:19,664
How could you sell a house for
$400,000 without even asking the owner?
1076
01:14:19,747 --> 01:14:22,875
Okay, then I guess I'll
just take my money back.
1077
01:14:22,959 --> 01:14:24,335
Well, no, no, no, that's mine.
1078
01:14:24,418 --> 01:14:26,754
- You let go!
- The hell you say, you fraud!
1079
01:14:26,837 --> 01:14:28,506
That's mine, I'll call the cop!
1080
01:14:28,589 --> 01:14:31,592
No need, I'm already here.
1081
01:14:31,676 --> 01:14:32,843
Listen here, Officer.
1082
01:14:32,927 --> 01:14:36,222
Yes, I'm the Officer, but
not the Officer you think.
1083
01:14:36,305 --> 01:14:37,306
I'm...
1084
01:14:39,600 --> 01:14:40,601
The Ranger.
1085
01:14:40,685 --> 01:14:42,186
The Ranger?
1086
01:14:44,772 --> 01:14:46,190
My brother?
1087
01:14:46,273 --> 01:14:47,942
I'm your beloved brother.
1088
01:14:48,025 --> 01:14:50,027
Beloved my ass.
1089
01:14:50,111 --> 01:14:54,156
You were the one who first
took Antonio out to play in the hay.
1090
01:14:54,240 --> 01:14:56,951
If it hadn't been for me, he never
would have gotten out of the house.
1091
01:14:57,034 --> 01:15:01,455
Just because out of love for his
dead daddy, he poisoned your lover.
1092
01:15:01,539 --> 01:15:02,999
"Dallas" was never like this.
1093
01:15:03,082 --> 01:15:06,252
I don't want to be involved
in no family squabbles.
1094
01:15:06,335 --> 01:15:08,671
I'm leaving, with my money.
1095
01:15:09,547 --> 01:15:11,507
Hold on, G.
1096
01:15:11,590 --> 01:15:12,591
Antonio?
1097
01:15:13,926 --> 01:15:17,054
No, not Antonio. I'm Jo.
1098
01:15:17,138 --> 01:15:20,099
Hi, the money is yours,
but it's partly due to me...
1099
01:15:20,182 --> 01:15:22,852
...that you got it back, so
you owe me a 40% finder's fee.
1100
01:15:22,935 --> 01:15:24,186
Fair is fair.
1101
01:15:25,896 --> 01:15:27,773
Jo, now we have the money.
1102
01:15:27,857 --> 01:15:30,818
We can finally get back together again.
1103
01:15:30,901 --> 01:15:32,445
Oh, I can't wait.
1104
01:15:32,528 --> 01:15:34,482
You luscious piece of backstabbing,
1105
01:15:34,524 --> 01:15:37,033
two-timing, I'll fuck
anything that walks...
1106
01:15:37,116 --> 01:15:39,368
...vertebrate or invertebrate
creme brulee souffle.
1107
01:15:39,452 --> 01:15:41,662
But please no more fooling
around on the side, huh?
1108
01:15:41,746 --> 01:15:45,082
No, it'll never happen again, I swear.
1109
01:15:45,166 --> 01:15:47,710
Cross my heart and hope to die.
1110
01:15:55,676 --> 01:15:57,303
He's not the mummy, come on!
1111
01:15:57,386 --> 01:15:59,847
Six to one, six to one! Place your bets!
1112
01:16:10,024 --> 01:16:11,275
Ciao, everybody!
1113
01:16:11,358 --> 01:16:13,944
I'm the real Antonio and I'm alive.
1114
01:16:14,028 --> 01:16:15,863
My son is alive?
1115
01:16:15,946 --> 01:16:17,948
Who the fuck did I kill?
1116
01:16:18,032 --> 01:16:22,286
Antonio's alive!
1117
01:16:28,626 --> 01:16:31,337
Yes, the band played.
1118
01:16:32,296 --> 01:16:34,256
The parade began.
1119
01:16:37,134 --> 01:16:39,303
The people cheered.
1120
01:16:39,386 --> 01:16:40,805
Why, you may ask?
1121
01:16:42,139 --> 01:16:46,018
Because they stopped taking
off all those got damn masks.
1122
01:16:49,980 --> 01:16:53,359
Your honor, I've got the entire
situation completely under my control.
1123
01:16:53,442 --> 01:16:54,777
I don't need reinforcements.
1124
01:16:54,860 --> 01:16:59,031
Like always, Mr. Mayor, I did
the whole thing single-handed.
1125
01:16:59,115 --> 01:17:02,868
Now, don't you forget that when
my promotion time rolls around.
1126
01:17:02,952 --> 01:17:05,412
Oh, excuse me. What?
Oh, we love you Pete Putrid!
1127
01:17:05,496 --> 01:17:08,207
You're the best, you're wonderful,
you're fabulous, you're marvelous!
1128
01:17:08,290 --> 01:17:11,585
We love you, you're a God! Oh thank
you, thank you so much! You're too kind.
1129
01:17:11,669 --> 01:17:13,997
I got to take a shower
because I smell like
1130
01:17:14,039 --> 01:17:16,298
Kevin Costner after "Dances with Wolves."
1131
01:17:18,008 --> 01:17:19,176
See you later.
1132
01:17:24,849 --> 01:17:27,476
And so this is my story.
1133
01:17:27,560 --> 01:17:31,147
Which brings us to the
moment of my demise.
1134
01:17:37,945 --> 01:17:38,946
Alfred!
1135
01:17:39,738 --> 01:17:44,326
So it was the spirit of Alfred
Hitchcock who killed me.
1136
01:17:44,410 --> 01:17:48,414
I guess he did not like
me fucking up his movie.
1137
01:17:50,124 --> 01:17:52,042
Or was it Hitchcock?
1138
01:17:55,796 --> 01:17:58,549
I am Dr. Animal Cannibal Pizza!
1139
01:18:00,968 --> 01:18:01,969
Iggy-boo!
1140
01:18:02,887 --> 01:18:03,888
Iggy-boo!
1141
01:18:06,140 --> 01:18:07,141
Iggy-boo!
1142
01:18:11,937 --> 01:18:13,147
Hi there!
1143
01:18:13,230 --> 01:18:14,231
Funny face.
1144
01:18:16,775 --> 01:18:18,527
Iggy-boo!
84481
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