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1
00:00:01,802 --> 00:00:05,139
Carla: cheers is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,173 --> 00:00:08,242
Woody, have you
Finished counting?
3
00:00:08,276 --> 00:00:09,643
Sure have,
Miss howe.
4
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:10,678
Oh, come on, rebecca.
5
00:00:10,711 --> 00:00:13,614
What? A guess how many beans
In the jar's bit?
6
00:00:13,647 --> 00:00:15,283
That's corny.
7
00:00:15,316 --> 00:00:18,152
For your information,
Corny is in.
8
00:00:18,186 --> 00:00:20,221
America wants to return
To the innocence
9
00:00:20,254 --> 00:00:21,822
Of their teenage years.
10
00:00:21,855 --> 00:00:22,723
Yep.
11
00:00:22,756 --> 00:00:25,059
The seventies were
Great, weren't they?
12
00:00:27,761 --> 00:00:31,199
Anyway, this contest will
Run all month
13
00:00:31,232 --> 00:00:32,066
And all of boston
14
00:00:32,100 --> 00:00:35,269
Will be playing the game
For a fabulous,
15
00:00:35,303 --> 00:00:37,805
All-expense paid trip
To where?
16
00:00:37,838 --> 00:00:41,642
Atlantic city!
17
00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:44,678
For just guessing how many
Jelly beans are in this jar.
18
00:00:46,680 --> 00:00:48,316
3,500.
19
00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,651
Woody, is that the
Correct number?
20
00:00:50,684 --> 00:00:55,289
Nope. Off by 163.
21
00:00:55,323 --> 00:00:56,457
Woody!
22
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:02,263
You are not supposed to
Tell them that.
23
00:01:02,296 --> 00:01:04,465
Now we have to
Do this all over again.
24
00:01:04,498 --> 00:01:06,534
Do you have any extra
Jelly beans back there?
25
00:01:06,567 --> 00:01:09,470
Sure, there's a whole bag at
The end of the bar.
26
00:01:09,503 --> 00:01:12,373
I hate when the black
Ones get stuck in your teeth.
27
00:01:18,646 --> 00:01:21,149
Making your way
In the world today
28
00:01:21,182 --> 00:01:24,352
Takes everything
You've got
29
00:01:24,385 --> 00:01:26,754
Taking a break
From all your worries
30
00:01:26,787 --> 00:01:30,158
Sure would help a lot
31
00:01:30,191 --> 00:01:35,796
Wouldn't you like
To get away
32
00:01:35,829 --> 00:01:38,199
Sometimes you wanna go
33
00:01:38,232 --> 00:01:43,437
Where everybody knows
Your name
34
00:01:43,471 --> 00:01:48,276
And they're always
Glad you came
35
00:01:48,309 --> 00:01:50,511
You want to be where
You can see
36
00:01:50,544 --> 00:01:53,181
Our troubles are
All the same
37
00:01:53,214 --> 00:01:54,182
You wanna be
38
00:01:54,215 --> 00:01:58,419
Where everybody
Knows your name
39
00:01:58,452 --> 00:02:01,222
You wanna go where
People know
40
00:02:01,255 --> 00:02:03,657
People are all
The same
41
00:02:03,691 --> 00:02:04,625
You want to go
42
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,495
Where everybody
Knows your name
43
00:02:23,277 --> 00:02:26,180
Hey, guys, guys.
Watch this.
44
00:02:30,418 --> 00:02:31,419
Hi, gorgeous.
45
00:02:31,452 --> 00:02:32,653
You want to go out
With me?
46
00:02:32,686 --> 00:02:34,222
I've got a little cold.
47
00:02:34,255 --> 00:02:36,590
Oh. Next week?
48
00:02:36,624 --> 00:02:37,491
I'm busy.
49
00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:38,659
The week after?
50
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:39,427
Maybe.
51
00:02:42,830 --> 00:02:43,764
You saw it.
52
00:02:45,333 --> 00:02:47,435
You were there.
53
00:02:47,468 --> 00:02:50,704
Sam malone
Just scored a maybe.
54
00:02:50,738 --> 00:02:52,706
Yow!
55
00:02:52,740 --> 00:02:55,709
Well, well.
This calls
For a celebration
56
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:57,911
Waters all around.
57
00:02:57,945 --> 00:02:59,280
Why? What?
58
00:02:59,313 --> 00:03:01,715
Oh, this is truly sad.
59
00:03:01,749 --> 00:03:05,819
A guy who would never settle for
Less than 8 dates a week
60
00:03:05,853 --> 00:03:08,489
Is doing backflips
Over a lousy maybe.
61
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,858
Hey, come on. That's progress
For me and rebecca.
62
00:03:10,891 --> 00:03:11,892
Face the facts,
63
00:03:11,925 --> 00:03:14,428
You had it once,
But you lost it.
64
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:16,196
You're nothing but clavin
In a good shirt.
65
00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:20,000
Yeah, I guess we're going
To have to go shopping
66
00:03:20,033 --> 00:03:20,868
For a new hero.
67
00:03:20,901 --> 00:03:23,637
Oh, guys, guys, I can't
Believe my ears.
68
00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:28,476
Well, sam, your ears are the
Least of your problems.
69
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:30,844
You think I'm losing it?
Do you need proof?
70
00:03:30,878 --> 00:03:32,480
No, no.
Not necessary.
71
00:03:32,513 --> 00:03:34,382
No, no, listen, I want to
Prove to you guys
72
00:03:34,415 --> 00:03:35,616
That I'm still your king.
73
00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:36,517
Everybody, please.
74
00:03:36,550 --> 00:03:39,019
Focus your attention
On the door there.
75
00:03:39,052 --> 00:03:40,854
The amazing sammy
Will now make love
76
00:03:40,888 --> 00:03:42,923
To the very next woman
Who enters his bar.
77
00:03:42,956 --> 00:03:45,626
Be right back!
78
00:03:45,659 --> 00:03:47,495
Whoa, whoa. Hey.
79
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:48,696
Employees are ineligible.
80
00:03:48,729 --> 00:03:49,497
I quit!
81
00:03:51,999 --> 00:03:53,867
We're closed!
82
00:03:53,901 --> 00:03:54,702
Too late.
83
00:03:54,735 --> 00:03:56,470
Too late.
84
00:03:56,504 --> 00:03:58,706
My lovely volunteer.
85
00:03:58,739 --> 00:04:00,007
Sammy, you're amazing.
86
00:04:01,675 --> 00:04:05,879
I want to assure you that
We've never met before.
87
00:04:05,913 --> 00:04:08,482
If you watch very closely,
You will notice that in no time
88
00:04:08,516 --> 00:04:10,684
Does my hand actually
Leave her body.
89
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:17,825
You know, she's exactly
Like a girl
90
00:04:17,858 --> 00:04:19,059
I took out
Last night.
91
00:04:19,092 --> 00:04:20,628
You mean tore out.
92
00:04:25,433 --> 00:04:26,900
Excuse me. Boy,
Is it hot in here,
93
00:04:26,934 --> 00:04:29,069
Or is it just you?
94
00:04:29,102 --> 00:04:31,372
I'm sorry, did you just say
95
00:04:31,405 --> 00:04:31,905
Is it hot in here,
Or is it just me?
96
00:04:31,939 --> 00:04:33,507
Yep. If you like it,
97
00:04:33,541 --> 00:04:35,809
There's more
Where that came from.
98
00:04:35,843 --> 00:04:38,045
Are you for real?
99
00:04:38,078 --> 00:04:39,913
I've been asked that
Question many times,
100
00:04:39,947 --> 00:04:43,050
And by women a lot
More naked than you.
101
00:04:47,588 --> 00:04:48,889
You know,
102
00:04:48,922 --> 00:04:50,558
I've heard
About men like you
103
00:04:50,591 --> 00:04:52,826
But I can't actually say
I've ever met one.
104
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:54,362
I'm on a roll.
105
00:04:55,796 --> 00:04:57,431
My name's sam malone.
106
00:04:57,465 --> 00:05:00,000
My name is being withheld
For security reasons.
107
00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:02,002
Well,
That's very clever.
108
00:05:02,035 --> 00:05:06,640
Maybe too clever.
What's it mean?
109
00:05:06,674 --> 00:05:08,976
It means I'd like to order
A manhattan.
110
00:05:09,009 --> 00:05:10,878
I'd like you to put
A cherry in it,
111
00:05:10,911 --> 00:05:12,513
And then I'd like you to
Put a sock in it.
112
00:05:14,114 --> 00:05:15,082
Your drink.
113
00:05:15,115 --> 00:05:16,550
Hey!
114
00:05:18,986 --> 00:05:20,120
Greetings, all!
115
00:05:20,153 --> 00:05:21,021
Ah, doctor.
116
00:05:21,054 --> 00:05:21,489
Doctor.
117
00:05:21,522 --> 00:05:22,790
Doctor.
Doctor.
118
00:05:25,426 --> 00:05:26,927
Woody, may I have a beer, please
And a mineral water
119
00:05:26,960 --> 00:05:28,128
For the little mother?
120
00:05:28,161 --> 00:05:30,664
You know, lilith and I heard
A little joke the other day.
121
00:05:30,698 --> 00:05:32,566
Seems a patient walks into
His therapist's office
122
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:35,035
Suffering from a case of
Korsakoff psychosis
123
00:05:35,068 --> 00:05:37,004
Brought on by acute
Alcoholism.
124
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:38,672
Brain tumor.
125
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:40,474
Well, darling, it doesn't
Make any difference.
126
00:05:40,508 --> 00:05:43,076
Yes, it does.
Brain tumor is funnier.
127
00:05:43,110 --> 00:05:44,378
You're right.
128
00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:48,782
No wonder I didn't
Get anywhere.
129
00:05:48,816 --> 00:05:50,718
She's a friend of lilith
And frasier's.
130
00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,052
Just another one
Of those boring,
131
00:05:52,085 --> 00:05:53,454
Cold-hearted intellectuals
132
00:05:53,487 --> 00:05:56,390
With legs I
Could kill for.
133
00:05:56,424 --> 00:05:58,025
Why, sam?
I like your legs.
134
00:06:00,027 --> 00:06:01,161
If you comb your hair
A little different
135
00:06:01,194 --> 00:06:02,763
Nobody will even notice
That ear problem.
136
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:11,405
And then the therapist said,
"No, I said 10ccs,
137
00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,006
Not tennesssee!"
138
00:06:16,877 --> 00:06:18,178
Or was it kentucky?
139
00:06:18,211 --> 00:06:19,447
It was tennessee.
140
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,848
Oh, it's good.
141
00:06:23,651 --> 00:06:26,454
I'll have to remember
That one.
142
00:06:26,487 --> 00:06:27,955
Hello, lilith.
Hello, frasier.
143
00:06:27,988 --> 00:06:28,589
Hello, sam.
144
00:06:28,622 --> 00:06:29,723
I'd love to stay and talk,
145
00:06:29,757 --> 00:06:32,059
But I'm under
A gag order.
146
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:34,695
I'm sorry. I didn't realize you
Were a friend of the cranes'.
147
00:06:34,728 --> 00:06:35,696
I'm sheila rydell.
148
00:06:35,729 --> 00:06:36,530
Oh, how do you do?
149
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,031
Dr. Rydell is a clinical
Psychiatrist
150
00:06:38,065 --> 00:06:40,668
And also a fellow at
The boston university.
151
00:06:40,701 --> 00:06:44,872
Thank god she's a woman
Here at cheers.
152
00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:46,173
Doctors, excuse me a moment.
153
00:06:46,206 --> 00:06:47,775
I need to call a patient.
154
00:06:47,808 --> 00:06:49,109
Oh yes, there's a phone
Right down the hall.
155
00:06:49,142 --> 00:06:50,678
This will probably take
A few minutes.
156
00:06:50,711 --> 00:06:51,612
I'll meet you upstairs
Shortly.
157
00:06:51,645 --> 00:06:52,846
Fine.
158
00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:55,983
Oh, doctor. I have
A free phone right here.
159
00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,885
I'm looking for a little
More privacy.
160
00:06:57,918 --> 00:07:01,221
I have a phone in
My bedroom.
161
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:03,190
Thank you. No.
162
00:07:03,223 --> 00:07:04,024
Honey bear,
Shall we?
163
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:10,097
Oh, by the way, sam,
Re: dr. Rydell,
164
00:07:10,130 --> 00:07:12,199
I must say
I concur completely.
165
00:07:12,232 --> 00:07:13,734
You know, most women who
Go into psychiatry
166
00:07:13,767 --> 00:07:14,602
Are real bowsers,
167
00:07:14,635 --> 00:07:17,204
But I wouldn't kick her
Off the couch
168
00:07:17,237 --> 00:07:20,240
For eating crackers.
169
00:07:20,273 --> 00:07:21,642
Frasier, I can hear you
170
00:07:21,675 --> 00:07:22,843
And so can
Your unborn child.
171
00:07:29,783 --> 00:07:32,019
Will he be able to escape
From this one?
172
00:07:32,052 --> 00:07:33,220
Let's watch.
173
00:07:33,253 --> 00:07:36,223
What I meant to say was please,
Please, please forgive me,
174
00:07:36,256 --> 00:07:38,025
And do you think we have time
To stop by tiffany's
175
00:07:38,058 --> 00:07:39,026
On the way home?
176
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:41,629
Good boy.
177
00:07:47,635 --> 00:07:50,804
Boy, I tell you,
I want that woman.
178
00:07:50,838 --> 00:07:53,006
Sam, she's carrying
Dr. Crane's baby.
179
00:07:55,976 --> 00:07:59,713
No, no, no, not that woman.
The woman over by the phone.
180
00:07:59,747 --> 00:08:03,183
Oh, well, who doesn't?
Hubba hubba.
181
00:08:03,216 --> 00:08:05,052
Sam, mr. Cool,
182
00:08:05,085 --> 00:08:07,120
I hate to burst
Your bubble again,
183
00:08:07,154 --> 00:08:09,056
But didn't she just
Shoot you down?
184
00:08:09,089 --> 00:08:11,792
Hey, maybe you should just stay
Away from brunettes...
185
00:08:11,825 --> 00:08:12,793
Except me,
Of course.
186
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,294
Yeah.
187
00:08:14,327 --> 00:08:15,729
No, no.
Don't you see here,
188
00:08:15,763 --> 00:08:17,531
The good doctor
And I are sparring.
189
00:08:17,565 --> 00:08:19,299
It's sexy. It's fun,
190
00:08:19,332 --> 00:08:20,668
Just like one of those old
Spencer tracy,
191
00:08:20,701 --> 00:08:23,771
Audrey hepburn movies.
192
00:08:23,804 --> 00:08:25,773
Sammy, just step in
My office, please.
193
00:08:25,806 --> 00:08:27,708
A word in your ear.
194
00:08:27,741 --> 00:08:30,277
You know, if I were you, I'd,
Uh, approach good dr. Legs there
195
00:08:30,310 --> 00:08:33,046
On a professional
Level.
196
00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:35,182
I would make an appointment
With her and pretend
197
00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:36,617
There was something
Wrong with me.
198
00:08:38,051 --> 00:08:41,188
Cliffie...That's
A pretty good idea.
199
00:08:41,221 --> 00:08:43,056
Yeah. Who gave it to you?
200
00:08:45,626 --> 00:08:48,696
It's mine. It came right
From this brain.
201
00:08:48,729 --> 00:08:50,931
Hey, everybody. Clavin got
A new brain.
202
00:08:53,867 --> 00:08:55,836
So what do you think?
203
00:08:55,869 --> 00:08:57,838
What kind of problem
Should I make up?
204
00:08:57,871 --> 00:08:58,972
Well, how about this?
205
00:08:59,006 --> 00:09:01,809
I once took one of my kids to
The school psychiatrist
206
00:09:01,842 --> 00:09:03,276
And he said the kid
Had kleptomania.
207
00:09:03,310 --> 00:09:05,012
Anything come of it?
208
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:08,048
Got a couple of pens and a
Leather appointment book.
209
00:09:08,081 --> 00:09:10,250
Yeah, or you could try using
My problem.
210
00:09:10,283 --> 00:09:13,086
I've always had this terrible
Fear of being a failure.
211
00:09:13,120 --> 00:09:15,255
You are a failure.
212
00:09:15,288 --> 00:09:16,690
Well, then I've licked it.
213
00:09:23,897 --> 00:09:24,965
Wait a minute.
214
00:09:24,998 --> 00:09:26,333
I got a suggestion.
215
00:09:26,366 --> 00:09:27,400
This is sure-fire.
216
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:30,170
It's going to get you
Where you really want her.
217
00:09:30,203 --> 00:09:31,304
Impotence.
218
00:09:31,338 --> 00:09:36,309
No, no, no.
219
00:09:36,343 --> 00:09:38,746
That's a word us guys
Don't like to say.
220
00:09:38,779 --> 00:09:40,914
Wait a minute.
Take it from me.
221
00:09:40,948 --> 00:09:44,284
We women are pushovers
For this kind of stuff.
222
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:46,754
There are two things
That women like to do
223
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,388
More than anything else
In the world.
224
00:09:48,421 --> 00:09:51,058
And one of them is to cure
A guy's impotence.
225
00:09:51,091 --> 00:09:52,025
What's the other thing?
226
00:09:52,059 --> 00:09:53,794
Give it to him again
If he gets outta line.
227
00:09:57,931 --> 00:10:00,000
No, I'll tell you.
228
00:10:00,033 --> 00:10:02,102
I don't care how hot
That lady is.
229
00:10:02,135 --> 00:10:04,972
I just couldn't say
Something like that to her.
230
00:10:18,719 --> 00:10:20,754
Ok, so I tell her
That I'm impotent.
231
00:10:39,773 --> 00:10:41,308
Mr. Malone.
232
00:10:41,341 --> 00:10:43,911
Oh. It is the same
Sam malone.
233
00:10:45,212 --> 00:10:47,781
I hope this is a
Professional visit.
234
00:10:47,815 --> 00:10:50,150
I'm sad to say yes.
235
00:10:50,183 --> 00:10:52,052
Doctor, uh...
236
00:10:52,085 --> 00:10:54,021
I need to unburden
Myself here.
237
00:10:54,054 --> 00:10:55,455
And I figured that you
Were the one person
238
00:10:55,488 --> 00:10:57,424
Maybe I could
Talk to.
239
00:10:57,457 --> 00:10:58,959
Of course.
240
00:10:58,992 --> 00:10:59,993
Sit down.
241
00:11:17,044 --> 00:11:19,146
Now, take your time.
242
00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,716
Tell me what's
Troubling you.
243
00:11:22,750 --> 00:11:26,954
Well, doctor, as you know,
I'm a young, healthy male.
244
00:11:26,987 --> 00:11:29,890
But recently, I...
245
00:11:29,923 --> 00:11:33,093
Oh, heck, I'm not going
To mix words with you here.
246
00:11:33,126 --> 00:11:36,263
Lately, I haven't been able to
Get the old evan root cranking.
247
00:11:42,302 --> 00:11:44,805
Excuse me.
248
00:11:44,838 --> 00:11:49,777
Um, well, it's like
My favorite shirt
249
00:11:49,810 --> 00:11:51,812
Is a little light in the starch.
250
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,183
Are you trying to say
That you're impotent?
251
00:11:56,216 --> 00:11:58,085
No, don't use that word.
252
00:11:58,118 --> 00:12:00,053
Oh, I see.
253
00:12:00,087 --> 00:12:01,488
Yes, well, uh,
254
00:12:01,521 --> 00:12:04,491
Arousal dysfunction
Is a fairly common
Problem,
255
00:12:04,524 --> 00:12:06,459
But it can be...
256
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:08,829
Very, very,
Very distressing.
257
00:12:08,862 --> 00:12:09,797
Oh, it is.
258
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:10,798
It is.
259
00:12:15,368 --> 00:12:18,205
How does this problem
Usually manifest itself?
260
00:12:18,238 --> 00:12:20,107
Well, it's too painful
To talk about.
261
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:23,243
I could demonstrate it.
262
00:12:23,276 --> 00:12:24,144
No, thank you.
263
00:12:24,177 --> 00:12:25,779
No, you're probably right.
264
00:12:25,813 --> 00:12:29,416
With my luck,
It would work--
265
00:12:29,449 --> 00:12:32,986
Like when you
Take your car
To the mechanic?
266
00:12:33,020 --> 00:12:35,956
Of course
This isn't my field
Of expertise, but...
267
00:12:35,989 --> 00:12:38,158
You're in luck.
268
00:12:38,191 --> 00:12:40,560
My associate,
Dr. Heinrich mueller,
269
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,096
Is conducting
A group session
At this very moment.
270
00:12:43,130 --> 00:12:45,098
I'm sure he'd agree to
Let you join in.
271
00:12:45,132 --> 00:12:46,967
Uh, actually, I was kind of
Hoping that you could handle it.
272
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,002
Oh, don't feel uneasy
About dr. Mueller.
273
00:12:49,036 --> 00:12:51,038
Those charges linking him
To the gestapo
274
00:12:51,071 --> 00:12:53,540
Were grossly
Exaggerated.
275
00:12:53,573 --> 00:12:54,274
Excuse me?
276
00:12:54,307 --> 00:12:57,110
He was merely
A consultant.
277
00:12:57,144 --> 00:12:59,546
Actually, his technique is
Somewhat controversial.
278
00:12:59,579 --> 00:13:01,148
You'll have to go in
There and proclaim
279
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:03,283
Your sexual disorder
To the group.
280
00:13:03,316 --> 00:13:05,018
You want me to say that
In front of other people?
281
00:13:05,052 --> 00:13:06,553
Oh, there are only half a
Dozen men in there
282
00:13:06,586 --> 00:13:08,121
Just like yourself.
283
00:13:08,155 --> 00:13:11,291
And, of course,
The 20 or 30
Observing nurses.
284
00:13:11,324 --> 00:13:13,894
Just go in there, stand up
And say,
285
00:13:13,927 --> 00:13:15,295
"I'm sam malone,
286
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:17,264
And I no longer
Function as a man."
287
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,567
No, no, no.
Wait-wait-wait-wait-wait.
288
00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:24,037
Listen, there's been a
Misunderstanding here.
289
00:13:24,071 --> 00:13:25,906
I didn't say "Impotent",
I said "Impudent".
290
00:13:25,939 --> 00:13:27,607
Yeah, I'm a smart ass.
291
00:13:27,640 --> 00:13:30,210
See...
292
00:13:30,243 --> 00:13:31,511
There's nothing
Wrong with me.
293
00:13:31,544 --> 00:13:32,079
No, ma'am.
294
00:13:32,112 --> 00:13:33,947
Then the cure worked.
295
00:13:33,981 --> 00:13:35,615
That'll be $150.
296
00:13:35,648 --> 00:13:39,319
Pay the receptionist
On your way out.
297
00:13:39,352 --> 00:13:43,423
Oh, you've been
Putting me on.
298
00:13:43,456 --> 00:13:44,624
And that was very
Unfair of me
299
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:49,496
Considering how honest
You were being.
300
00:13:49,529 --> 00:13:53,133
Alright, I admit
That I was
301
00:13:53,166 --> 00:13:54,935
Making up that stuff
Just because...
302
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:57,637
Well, you're...
A beautiful woman,
303
00:13:57,670 --> 00:14:00,273
And I just want to see a little
More of you, that's all.
304
00:14:01,942 --> 00:14:03,643
I see.
305
00:14:03,676 --> 00:14:06,079
Well, actually,
306
00:14:06,113 --> 00:14:09,950
That's kind of
Flattering.
307
00:14:09,983 --> 00:14:11,251
Not very many men
Would come in here
308
00:14:11,284 --> 00:14:12,920
And humiliate
Themselves
309
00:14:12,953 --> 00:14:15,055
And tell
Some childish,
Idiotic lie
310
00:14:15,088 --> 00:14:17,190
Just to spend five
Minutes with me.
311
00:14:18,926 --> 00:14:20,293
I'm a romantic.
312
00:14:23,430 --> 00:14:25,933
So, what do you say?
You want to go
Out to dinner?
313
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:29,569
I suppose I could use a bit
More romance in my life.
314
00:14:29,602 --> 00:14:31,471
All right. Great.
315
00:14:31,504 --> 00:14:33,073
I'll call you.
Next week sometime.
316
00:14:33,106 --> 00:14:34,341
How about tomorrow night?
317
00:14:34,374 --> 00:14:37,510
Great! That's good.
That's good. All right.
318
00:14:37,544 --> 00:14:39,179
Yeah, thanks very much.
319
00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:43,883
Um...
320
00:14:45,618 --> 00:14:48,455
Excuse me, you didn't have that
Tape recorder on, did you,
321
00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:51,291
When I was making up that
Stuff about im--
322
00:14:51,324 --> 00:14:51,992
Don't worry, sam.
323
00:14:52,025 --> 00:14:53,393
The moment you walked in here
324
00:14:53,426 --> 00:14:55,028
I was aware you were faking
The whole thing
325
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,196
And I turned
The recorder off.
326
00:14:56,229 --> 00:14:57,630
Oh, well,
Thank goodness.
327
00:15:01,969 --> 00:15:03,303
And I turned the
Intercom on.
328
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,984
Ok, boys. Closing time,
Let's move on out.
329
00:15:17,017 --> 00:15:19,319
Probably want to go home, get
Some rest so you can be back
330
00:15:19,352 --> 00:15:21,654
For your 9 a.M. Shift.
331
00:15:21,688 --> 00:15:23,223
This is one of those days
I hate to see end,
332
00:15:23,256 --> 00:15:24,657
You know what I mean?
333
00:15:24,691 --> 00:15:26,126
Hey, I got
Some new videos.
334
00:15:26,159 --> 00:15:27,260
You guys want to come
Over to my place?
335
00:15:27,294 --> 00:15:28,661
New videos. Great.
336
00:15:28,695 --> 00:15:32,265
Yeah, I had our home movies
Converted to tape.
337
00:15:32,299 --> 00:15:34,701
There's a great one of me
All dressed up as peter pan,
338
00:15:34,734 --> 00:15:37,437
Ma's captain hook.
She's tying me up.
339
00:15:37,470 --> 00:15:39,072
For halloween,
Huh?
340
00:15:39,106 --> 00:15:40,573
No, no, it's a little
Game we used to played
341
00:15:40,607 --> 00:15:41,374
To help me sleep.
342
00:15:41,408 --> 00:15:43,243
You know how crazy
Teenagers are.
343
00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,120
Well, sheila, why don't you
Hop up to the bar there.
344
00:15:53,153 --> 00:15:55,488
I'll fix us
A little nightcap.
345
00:15:55,522 --> 00:15:57,624
Sammy, mind if I take
Off early?
346
00:15:57,657 --> 00:15:59,626
I want to put the little ones
To bed myself tonight.
347
00:15:59,659 --> 00:16:01,995
Put them to bed?
Hey, it's 2 a.M.
348
00:16:02,029 --> 00:16:03,130
Oh, right.
349
00:16:03,163 --> 00:16:04,464
They're probably
Not home yet.
350
00:16:07,534 --> 00:16:09,736
Oh, well.
I'll get some sleep.
351
00:16:09,769 --> 00:16:12,439
Hey, listen. Um, don't forget
To put up the barstools.
352
00:16:12,472 --> 00:16:14,507
Don't worry about it.
We'll do it later.
353
00:16:14,541 --> 00:16:17,444
I hope so, but take care
Of the stools, too.
354
00:16:22,749 --> 00:16:25,485
Sam, I had a really lovely time
With you tonight.
355
00:16:25,518 --> 00:16:27,254
You sound
A little surprised.
356
00:16:27,287 --> 00:16:29,522
Well, I am a little.
357
00:16:29,556 --> 00:16:31,224
I guess a lot of the men
I go out with
358
00:16:31,258 --> 00:16:34,727
Tend to be
A little stuffy.
359
00:16:34,761 --> 00:16:37,530
But you're so relaxed
And easy to be with.
360
00:16:37,564 --> 00:16:39,699
And I must admit, I've
Never seen a man
361
00:16:39,732 --> 00:16:42,035
Do a puppet show
With lobster
Claws before.
362
00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,638
Well, you were
A lovely audience.
363
00:16:45,672 --> 00:16:46,639
Thank you.
364
00:16:46,673 --> 00:16:50,677
Thank you for not coming
On like a psychiatrist.
365
00:16:50,710 --> 00:16:52,312
What does that mean?
366
00:16:52,345 --> 00:16:54,281
I know you guys always have
Your meters going
367
00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,682
And I was afraid you were
Sitting there thinking
368
00:16:55,715 --> 00:16:59,486
All sorts of weird,
Head-shrinking things.
369
00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:02,189
Well, as a professional, you
Learn to keep those things
To yourself.
370
00:17:04,591 --> 00:17:05,558
So, you...
371
00:17:05,592 --> 00:17:09,129
You were thinking...
Those things?
372
00:17:09,162 --> 00:17:13,666
Sam, I really prefer
To divorce business
From pleasure.
373
00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:14,201
Absolutely.
No, you're right.
374
00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:17,337
Were they bad things?
375
00:17:20,673 --> 00:17:22,175
Sam, I really think
It's a mistake
376
00:17:22,209 --> 00:17:24,211
To pursue this matter
Any further.
377
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,146
Oh great. I bet you
Wouldn't say that
378
00:17:26,179 --> 00:17:28,081
If you were thinking
Good things.
379
00:17:28,115 --> 00:17:29,349
I mean, you'd probably come
Right out and say it
380
00:17:29,382 --> 00:17:30,683
If you were sitting
There thinking,
381
00:17:30,717 --> 00:17:32,719
"Whoa, you know, this guy
Is really together
382
00:17:32,752 --> 00:17:35,188
And I'm lucky
To be with him.
Boy, the hair!"
383
00:17:38,325 --> 00:17:40,227
So come on.
Tell me.
384
00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:41,194
Really, sam, no.
385
00:17:41,228 --> 00:17:43,763
Hey, come on, I can take it.
It'll be fun.
386
00:17:43,796 --> 00:17:47,734
Sam, would you just please
Drop the subject.
387
00:17:47,767 --> 00:17:50,170
Ok.
388
00:17:50,203 --> 00:17:52,772
Boy, you brain benders are all
The same, aren't you?
389
00:17:52,805 --> 00:17:55,342
I mean, you want two years
Of a guy's life
390
00:17:55,375 --> 00:17:56,643
And every
Penny earned
391
00:17:56,676 --> 00:18:00,380
Before you give him one little
Simple diagnosis.
392
00:18:00,413 --> 00:18:01,314
You know, I think you're
Full of blabber.
393
00:18:01,348 --> 00:18:03,216
I don't think you know
Anything about me.
394
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,617
I think I do.
395
00:18:04,651 --> 00:18:07,520
Yeah, then why don't
You tell me?
396
00:18:07,554 --> 00:18:08,821
All right, sam,
If you insist.
397
00:18:08,855 --> 00:18:09,589
I do.
398
00:18:12,492 --> 00:18:15,562
My professional opinion
Of you is
399
00:18:15,595 --> 00:18:17,797
That your every
Thought, word, and deed
400
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:19,532
Revolves around sex.
401
00:18:21,934 --> 00:18:24,604
You have nothing else
In your life.
402
00:18:24,637 --> 00:18:26,173
Without constant sex,
403
00:18:26,206 --> 00:18:28,408
You'd probably
Just shrivel up
404
00:18:28,441 --> 00:18:31,378
Into a little dried
Anchovy and die.
405
00:18:33,246 --> 00:18:36,849
Well, who wouldn't?
406
00:18:36,883 --> 00:18:38,685
You mean that's it?
No bad stuff?
407
00:18:41,288 --> 00:18:44,724
Sam, there's nothing
But bad stuff.
408
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,527
You're an aging lothario
409
00:18:47,560 --> 00:18:51,264
Who uses sex to cover up
Massive insecurity,
410
00:18:51,298 --> 00:18:53,333
A fear
Of true intimacy,
411
00:18:53,366 --> 00:18:54,801
Fear of a relationship--
412
00:18:54,834 --> 00:18:57,270
And, quite frankly, not only
A fear of dying,
413
00:18:57,304 --> 00:18:58,705
But a fear of living, too.
414
00:18:58,738 --> 00:19:00,640
You're one sick cowpoke.
415
00:19:03,943 --> 00:19:06,179
I resent that.
416
00:19:06,213 --> 00:19:07,714
You know, you were shoveling
Down that lobster
417
00:19:07,747 --> 00:19:10,517
Like there's
No tomorrow.
418
00:19:10,550 --> 00:19:11,851
You even ate
The green stuff.
419
00:19:11,884 --> 00:19:14,421
And this is the
Thanks I get?
420
00:19:14,454 --> 00:19:16,823
Sam, you forced me to tell you.
What did you want me to do, lie?
421
00:19:16,856 --> 00:19:20,627
Of course. Yes.
422
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:21,494
Oh, sam, come on.
423
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,296
Why don't we just forget
The whole thing
424
00:19:23,330 --> 00:19:24,864
And go back to my place.
425
00:19:24,897 --> 00:19:26,633
What?
426
00:19:26,666 --> 00:19:28,034
You still want to
Go to bed
427
00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:31,204
Even though sex is supposedly
The only thing I have
In my life?
428
00:19:31,238 --> 00:19:33,440
Exactly.
429
00:19:33,473 --> 00:19:35,575
And so I assume
You're rather good at it.
430
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:43,283
You would
Actually have sex
431
00:19:43,316 --> 00:19:46,219
With somebody you
Don't even respect?
432
00:19:46,253 --> 00:19:47,687
Isn't that what you
Do with women?
433
00:19:47,720 --> 00:19:49,789
Yeah, but
I cover it up.
434
00:19:52,625 --> 00:19:54,627
How long have you
Lived in america, lady?
435
00:19:56,563 --> 00:19:57,930
Oh, sam, come on.
436
00:19:57,964 --> 00:20:00,433
No. Listen, I think you ought
To take a hike.
437
00:20:00,467 --> 00:20:01,468
I'll tell you what.
438
00:20:01,501 --> 00:20:02,769
Send me a bill for another
Hundred and a half.
439
00:20:02,802 --> 00:20:03,903
I'll deduct the lobster.
440
00:20:09,642 --> 00:20:12,845
Well, I'm sorry
If this was painful,
441
00:20:12,879 --> 00:20:15,915
But maybe it was good
For you to have heard it.
442
00:20:18,485 --> 00:20:21,288
By the way, if you
Change your mind
About the sex,
443
00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:24,391
I can be beeped anytime.
444
00:20:24,424 --> 00:20:26,326
That's so pathetic!
445
00:20:28,761 --> 00:20:30,229
Oh!
446
00:20:43,310 --> 00:20:44,444
Are you locking up?
447
00:20:44,477 --> 00:20:45,578
Hey, let me ask
You something.
448
00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:47,280
Do you think that
My life is empty
449
00:20:47,314 --> 00:20:49,949
And void of any meaning?
450
00:20:49,982 --> 00:20:51,584
Yep. Don't forget
To lock up.
451
00:20:54,554 --> 00:20:54,854
Oh, p--
452
00:20:54,887 --> 00:20:55,822
Oh!
453
00:21:02,562 --> 00:21:04,631
Tough night on
The dating circuit, sam?
454
00:21:06,766 --> 00:21:09,001
Do you believe my--
My date told me
455
00:21:09,035 --> 00:21:12,472
That there was
Nothing in my life
Except...
456
00:21:12,505 --> 00:21:14,807
Women or sex.
457
00:21:14,841 --> 00:21:15,842
By the way, you
Look hot tonight.
458
00:21:19,812 --> 00:21:22,349
Come on, sam. You have
A lot going for you.
459
00:21:22,382 --> 00:21:23,683
Yeah?
460
00:21:23,716 --> 00:21:25,485
Like what?
461
00:21:25,518 --> 00:21:29,322
There's...
462
00:21:29,356 --> 00:21:30,957
Ooh, I could
Go on and on.
463
00:21:30,990 --> 00:21:31,924
See you later, sam.
464
00:21:31,958 --> 00:21:33,993
Wait a minute. Come on,
Answer the question.
465
00:21:34,026 --> 00:21:35,328
What do I have in my
Life that isn't
466
00:21:35,362 --> 00:21:37,997
Women or sex?
467
00:21:38,030 --> 00:21:41,368
Come on, sam. You're
A passionate guy.
468
00:21:41,401 --> 00:21:44,371
I bet you have a lot of things
That you care deeply about.
469
00:21:44,404 --> 00:21:45,938
Yeah? Like what?
470
00:21:47,073 --> 00:21:49,108
Your job.
471
00:21:49,141 --> 00:21:52,445
It's a great way
To meet babes.
472
00:21:52,479 --> 00:21:54,481
You love your car.
473
00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:56,649
Babes love it.
474
00:21:56,683 --> 00:21:58,485
Sailing.
475
00:21:58,518 --> 00:21:59,919
Babes on waves.
476
00:22:02,655 --> 00:22:04,691
See?
477
00:22:04,724 --> 00:22:05,958
I mean, the doctor
Was right.
478
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:06,926
I'm a shallow guy.
479
00:22:06,959 --> 00:22:09,496
I mean, everything I do
Is to impress women
480
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:12,064
Or revolves around sex.
481
00:22:12,098 --> 00:22:14,734
I guess I'm nothing
More than a...
482
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:16,569
Hot, manly
Machine of love.
483
00:22:19,105 --> 00:22:19,839
Um...
484
00:22:19,872 --> 00:22:21,408
Uh...
485
00:22:21,441 --> 00:22:23,042
Sam, wait! What about
The stooges?
486
00:22:23,075 --> 00:22:26,746
They're all right. They're
Over at cliff's.
487
00:22:26,779 --> 00:22:28,948
No, no, sam. What about
The three stooges?
488
00:22:28,981 --> 00:22:30,917
Oh yeah, great.
I like the three stooges.
489
00:22:30,950 --> 00:22:32,385
That helps a lot.
490
00:22:32,419 --> 00:22:33,786
Wait a minute, sam.
Think about this.
491
00:22:33,820 --> 00:22:36,623
Do women like
The three stooges?
492
00:22:36,656 --> 00:22:38,157
No, they hate them.
493
00:22:38,190 --> 00:22:39,358
All right.
494
00:22:39,392 --> 00:22:41,761
Are women impressed that you
Like the three stooges?
495
00:22:41,794 --> 00:22:46,566
No. Some of them even
Think they're stupid.
496
00:22:46,599 --> 00:22:48,134
When you're watching
The stooges,
497
00:22:48,167 --> 00:22:49,836
Do you think
They're sexy?
498
00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:52,004
No, when you watch
The stooges,
499
00:22:52,038 --> 00:22:54,741
Nobody has time
To think about
Sex or women.
500
00:22:59,546 --> 00:23:01,781
Hey, wait a minute.
501
00:23:01,814 --> 00:23:05,852
That means I do have
Another interest in my life.
502
00:23:05,885 --> 00:23:07,887
I like the stooges
For themselves.
503
00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:10,122
Hey, whoa. I'm ok.
504
00:23:10,156 --> 00:23:12,625
Nuk nuk nuk nuk nuk!
505
00:23:12,659 --> 00:23:13,793
Mmm!
506
00:23:16,095 --> 00:23:17,096
That's fine, sam.
507
00:23:17,129 --> 00:23:18,130
Come here, porcupine.
508
00:23:18,164 --> 00:23:21,167
Ow!
509
00:23:21,200 --> 00:23:21,768
Come on.
510
00:23:21,801 --> 00:23:22,669
Try it,
You'll like it.
511
00:23:22,702 --> 00:23:24,203
Come on, do it.
512
00:23:24,236 --> 00:23:26,806
All right.
513
00:23:26,839 --> 00:23:27,874
There you go.
514
00:23:27,907 --> 00:23:31,210
Come here, porcupine.
515
00:23:31,243 --> 00:23:33,012
[crack]
516
00:23:33,045 --> 00:23:34,547
Sam: hey, the stooges
Don't bleed.
36234
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