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1
00:00:02,603 --> 00:00:04,305
Cheers is filmed
Before a live studio audience.
2
00:00:06,140 --> 00:00:07,275
Refill, mr. P.?
3
00:00:07,275 --> 00:00:09,043
Yeah.
[crack]
4
00:00:09,043 --> 00:00:12,746
Ooh! Knuckle cracking.
I hate that sound.
5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,148
You'll hurt your fingers.
6
00:00:14,148 --> 00:00:17,051
Woodrow,
Knuckle cracking
Is relatively harmless.
7
00:00:17,051 --> 00:00:19,453
Actually, when you
Crack your knuckles,
8
00:00:19,453 --> 00:00:23,124
What you're doing is really
Breaking the sound barrier.
9
00:00:23,124 --> 00:00:24,492
What you hear
10
00:00:24,492 --> 00:00:28,062
Is actually a tiny,
Finger-sized
Sonic boom.
11
00:00:28,062 --> 00:00:29,863
Well, cliff,
You're partly right.
12
00:00:29,863 --> 00:00:32,366
Right? Which part?
13
00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:35,236
The phenomenon
Of knuckle cracking
Is relatively harmless,
14
00:00:35,236 --> 00:00:38,172
But, in fact,
The sound you're hearing
Is not a cracking at all,
15
00:00:38,172 --> 00:00:41,375
But rather a popping
Of tiny gas bubbles
16
00:00:41,375 --> 00:00:43,043
Imploding
In the synovial fluid
17
00:00:43,043 --> 00:00:44,578
Of the metacarpal
Phalangeal joint.
18
00:00:44,578 --> 00:00:46,080
Makes sense.
19
00:00:46,080 --> 00:00:47,481
Norm: yeah, but, uh,
20
00:00:47,481 --> 00:00:49,517
Knuckle cracking doesn't
Make a popping sound.
21
00:00:49,517 --> 00:00:51,352
A popping sound
Is more like this.
22
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:52,286
[pop]
23
00:00:52,286 --> 00:00:53,954
Oh, I could never
Do that.
24
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,256
You know what else
I could never do?
25
00:00:55,256 --> 00:00:56,990
I could never whistle
With my fingers.
26
00:00:56,990 --> 00:00:58,092
Carla can
Do that great.
27
00:00:58,092 --> 00:00:59,293
Hey, carla,
Show woody
28
00:00:59,293 --> 00:01:01,129
How you whistle
With two fingers.
29
00:01:01,129 --> 00:01:03,164
Sure. First, you have to
Crack your knuckles.
30
00:01:03,164 --> 00:01:05,733
Ooh! Synovial fluid
Imploding!
31
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:07,768
I hate that sound.
32
00:01:07,768 --> 00:01:11,172
You'll hurt your metacarpal
Phalangeal joints.
33
00:01:15,976 --> 00:01:17,711
* sometimes
You want to go *
34
00:01:17,711 --> 00:01:23,351
* where everybody
Knows your name *
35
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:27,688
* and they're always
Glad you came *
36
00:01:27,688 --> 00:01:30,491
* you want to be
Where you can see *
37
00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:33,026
* our troubles
Are all the same *
38
00:01:33,026 --> 00:01:34,328
* you want to go *
39
00:01:34,328 --> 00:01:37,731
* where everybody
Knows your name **
40
00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:56,850
Carla, can you help
Me with this zipper,
Please?
41
00:01:56,850 --> 00:01:58,252
Sure, boss.
42
00:01:58,252 --> 00:02:01,021
You know, when you first
Walked in in this dress,
43
00:02:01,021 --> 00:02:04,658
You were, like,
The closest thing
To cher I've seen.
44
00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:05,626
Really?
45
00:02:05,626 --> 00:02:07,961
Yeah. You looked
Just like sonny bono.
46
00:02:07,961 --> 00:02:10,531
Carla, I don't
Have time to trade
Insults with you.
47
00:02:10,531 --> 00:02:13,167
Oh, that's ok.
You can still keep mine.
48
00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:14,302
There you go.
49
00:02:14,302 --> 00:02:15,736
Now, be careful
When you unzip.
50
00:02:15,736 --> 00:02:18,372
I think I snagged
About a dozen
Little back hairs.
51
00:02:18,372 --> 00:02:19,973
Thank you, carla.
52
00:02:19,973 --> 00:02:23,076
Big date, rebecca, huh?
Who's the lucky fellow?
53
00:02:23,076 --> 00:02:24,812
Somebody I met
At a party.
54
00:02:24,812 --> 00:02:28,249
A rich doctor.
Cardiologist.
Leader in his field.
55
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:30,318
You guys couldn't
Wipe his nose.
56
00:02:30,318 --> 00:02:33,787
That shoots my plans
For the evening.
57
00:02:33,787 --> 00:02:36,357
Where's he taking you?
58
00:02:36,357 --> 00:02:38,892
Only thesociety event
Of this season--
59
00:02:38,892 --> 00:02:40,461
Celebrating
The anniversary
60
00:02:40,461 --> 00:02:42,596
Of the launching
Of old ironsides.
61
00:02:42,596 --> 00:02:46,133
Wow, can you get
Raymond burr's autograph?
62
00:02:46,133 --> 00:02:49,337
Woody, this is
Old ironsides
The ship...
63
00:02:49,337 --> 00:02:51,772
The u.S.S.
Constitution?
64
00:02:51,772 --> 00:02:53,241
I know. I was reading
About it in the paper.
65
00:02:53,241 --> 00:02:56,677
Raymond burr is
Going to be there.
66
00:02:56,677 --> 00:02:59,179
Oh, god, I'm going
To be late.
67
00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,548
Have him make it out
To woody
68
00:03:00,548 --> 00:03:02,850
And make sure he signs it
Perry mason, ironsides,
69
00:03:02,850 --> 00:03:06,654
And that guy who
Cut up his wife
In rear window.
70
00:03:06,654 --> 00:03:08,055
Can you help me
With these, please?
71
00:03:08,055 --> 00:03:10,090
Wow,
Nice earrings.
Thank you.
72
00:03:10,090 --> 00:03:11,191
No, I meant carla's.
73
00:03:11,191 --> 00:03:14,695
They look like
Real little bananas,
74
00:03:14,695 --> 00:03:18,065
Although yours
Are actually
Pretty nice, too.
75
00:03:18,065 --> 00:03:19,800
Thank you.
Are they real?
76
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:21,302
Yes, they're
Genuine diamonds.
77
00:03:21,302 --> 00:03:23,871
No. I mean,
Are they real
Little bananas?
78
00:03:25,072 --> 00:03:27,107
Evening, folks.
79
00:03:27,107 --> 00:03:28,409
[loud whistle]
80
00:03:28,409 --> 00:03:30,010
Thank you, woody.
81
00:03:30,010 --> 00:03:31,011
Yeah. Carla just
Taught me that.
82
00:03:31,011 --> 00:03:32,480
You were right, carla.
83
00:03:32,480 --> 00:03:36,216
All I needed was
A little more slobber
On my fingers.
84
00:03:36,216 --> 00:03:38,218
Sammy,
You're all
Decked out, huh?
85
00:03:38,218 --> 00:03:40,153
Yeah. My date is
Going to pick me up
In a couple minutes.
86
00:03:40,153 --> 00:03:42,089
We're going to go over
To that shindig
They're throwing
87
00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:44,124
At the
U.S.S. Constitution.
88
00:03:44,124 --> 00:03:47,227
Sam, how'd you
Wrangle a ticket
To that seagoing soiree?
89
00:03:47,227 --> 00:03:49,430
You know...
90
00:03:49,430 --> 00:03:51,565
The event is going
To be televised.
91
00:03:51,565 --> 00:03:52,700
So they want to fill
The audience
92
00:03:52,700 --> 00:03:54,935
With a lot of big
Local celebrities.
93
00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,371
Ah, one of them has
To go to the bathroom,
94
00:03:57,371 --> 00:03:59,740
You rush down and
Fill in the seat?
95
00:03:59,740 --> 00:04:01,775
Yeah.
96
00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:06,314
I happen to be going
To that exact same event.
97
00:04:06,314 --> 00:04:08,416
Perhaps when I get up to
Go to the powder room,
98
00:04:08,416 --> 00:04:09,850
You can grab my seat.
99
00:04:09,850 --> 00:04:12,686
Heck, turn around.
I'll do it right now.
100
00:04:12,686 --> 00:04:15,456
Norm:
Come on, rebecca,
Fess up.
101
00:04:15,456 --> 00:04:17,157
We know you're
Just a seat filler.
102
00:04:17,157 --> 00:04:18,626
I am not!
103
00:04:18,626 --> 00:04:21,161
I told you I was going
With a cardiologist--
104
00:04:21,161 --> 00:04:23,431
A very good-looking
Cardiologist.
105
00:04:23,431 --> 00:04:24,765
As good-looking
As sammy here?
106
00:04:24,765 --> 00:04:26,166
Please.
He's better looking.
107
00:04:26,166 --> 00:04:27,234
Oh, yeah?
108
00:04:27,234 --> 00:04:28,702
Well, my date is
So good-looking
109
00:04:28,702 --> 00:04:30,604
That when
The two of us walk
Down the street,
110
00:04:30,604 --> 00:04:33,841
People actually
Look at her.
111
00:04:35,343 --> 00:04:36,644
Oh, yeah?
112
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:39,547
Well, my date has
Saved many, many lives
113
00:04:39,547 --> 00:04:42,516
And has two homes.
114
00:04:42,516 --> 00:04:44,818
Yeah? Well, my date is
A high fashion model,
115
00:04:44,818 --> 00:04:46,954
And she's known
On two continents.
116
00:04:46,954 --> 00:04:48,188
Yeah?
Which two, sam?
117
00:04:48,188 --> 00:04:50,023
America and brazil.
118
00:04:51,425 --> 00:04:52,860
[telephone rings]
119
00:04:52,860 --> 00:04:55,228
Hello, cheers.
120
00:04:55,228 --> 00:04:58,131
Oh, hi, jeff.
121
00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:01,602
Oh, gee,
That's disappointing.
122
00:05:01,602 --> 00:05:04,805
No, it's no bother.
I don't mind.
123
00:05:04,805 --> 00:05:07,007
Ok, bye.
124
00:05:07,007 --> 00:05:08,442
Sam: oh, dear.
125
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,110
Sounds like some
Heart specialist
126
00:05:10,110 --> 00:05:13,414
Decided to stay home
And wash his hair
Tonight.
127
00:05:13,414 --> 00:05:16,384
He did not. He has
An emergency bypass.
128
00:05:16,384 --> 00:05:19,620
Yeah. He had
To bypass you.
129
00:05:22,723 --> 00:05:24,492
I'm telling you
The truth.
130
00:05:24,492 --> 00:05:26,527
Boy,
It's so pathetic
131
00:05:26,527 --> 00:05:28,195
When you're
All dolled up
132
00:05:28,195 --> 00:05:30,598
And no place to go,
Isn't it?
133
00:05:30,598 --> 00:05:32,800
Oh, sam,
That reminds me.
Jacqueline called.
134
00:05:32,800 --> 00:05:35,436
She can't make it
Tonight.
135
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,104
You're right, sam.
136
00:05:37,104 --> 00:05:40,541
That is pathetic,
But I'm sure your date
137
00:05:40,541 --> 00:05:43,644
Didn't have
Any lousy excuse
Like heart surgery.
138
00:05:43,644 --> 00:05:45,479
As a matter of fact,
She's very sick.
139
00:05:45,479 --> 00:05:47,114
Sick of you.
140
00:05:47,114 --> 00:05:48,816
Yah!
Yah!
141
00:05:50,083 --> 00:05:52,553
Well, you have
A good time
Tonight, sam.
142
00:05:52,553 --> 00:05:54,154
Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Listen.
143
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:55,656
Here we are,
Both dolled up,
144
00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,324
Looking like
A million bucks.
145
00:05:57,324 --> 00:05:58,926
What do you say
The two of us
146
00:05:58,926 --> 00:06:01,595
Storm the old
U.S.S. Constitution
Together, huh?
147
00:06:01,595 --> 00:06:03,263
I don't think so.
148
00:06:03,263 --> 00:06:05,433
Why, you
Still depressed
149
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:06,934
About being stood up?
150
00:06:06,934 --> 00:06:09,537
No. I don't want
To go with you.
151
00:06:09,537 --> 00:06:10,704
Wait a minute.
152
00:06:10,704 --> 00:06:12,906
You spent all day
Getting dressed up,
153
00:06:12,906 --> 00:06:14,442
And you're trying
To tell me
154
00:06:14,442 --> 00:06:16,176
That you'd rather stay
In this bar
155
00:06:16,176 --> 00:06:17,878
Than go out with me?
156
00:06:17,878 --> 00:06:18,979
No, sam.
157
00:06:18,979 --> 00:06:20,548
I'm trying to tell you
That I would rather
158
00:06:20,548 --> 00:06:22,550
Remove my own
Gallbladder
With an oyster fork
159
00:06:22,550 --> 00:06:24,852
Than go out
With you.
160
00:06:27,688 --> 00:06:30,758
Why do you say
These things to me?
161
00:06:30,758 --> 00:06:32,426
I mean, how come I
Turn you off so much?
162
00:06:32,426 --> 00:06:34,027
I don't know.
163
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:35,929
It's just one
Of those things you
Have to take on faith.
164
00:06:35,929 --> 00:06:38,466
It's kind of like
I don't know that
The refrigerator light
165
00:06:38,466 --> 00:06:40,333
Goes off for sure
When I close the door.
166
00:06:40,333 --> 00:06:44,071
Obviously, you've
Never tried closing it
From the inside.
167
00:06:49,276 --> 00:06:51,244
Hey, everybody,
168
00:06:51,244 --> 00:06:54,214
Guess who I brought
Back with me.
169
00:06:54,214 --> 00:06:55,483
Sam, how'd you do it?
170
00:06:55,483 --> 00:06:58,586
The doorman
At the ritz-carlton.
171
00:06:58,586 --> 00:06:59,987
Cliff: good lord.
172
00:06:59,987 --> 00:07:01,855
That's admiral
William j. Crowe, jr.,
173
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:03,524
Chairman of the joint
Chiefs of staff himself.
174
00:07:03,524 --> 00:07:04,758
Woody: now wait a minute.
175
00:07:04,758 --> 00:07:06,527
The chairman of the joint
Chiefs of staff
176
00:07:06,527 --> 00:07:08,729
Is a doorman
At the ritz-carlton?
177
00:07:10,097 --> 00:07:12,833
No wonder they charge you
So much over there.
178
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:14,935
Woody, this really
Is the chairman
179
00:07:14,935 --> 00:07:16,670
Of the joint
Chiefs of staff.
180
00:07:16,670 --> 00:07:18,338
He was at the same
Dinner I was.
181
00:07:18,338 --> 00:07:21,475
The navy can't
Afford to pay the salary
Of a doorman, woody.
182
00:07:21,475 --> 00:07:23,043
You know that.
183
00:07:23,043 --> 00:07:25,913
Yeah. He recognized me
From my ball playing days.
184
00:07:25,913 --> 00:07:28,849
Nobody gives up tying
Home runs like sam malone.
185
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,551
Thanks.
186
00:07:30,551 --> 00:07:33,020
I wish our missiles
Flew as high and as far.
187
00:07:34,454 --> 00:07:37,224
Admiral
William j. Crowe, jr.
188
00:07:37,224 --> 00:07:38,692
Promoted to admiral--1974,
189
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,994
1983--commander
U.S. Pacific command,
190
00:07:40,994 --> 00:07:43,497
1985--appointed
11th chairman
191
00:07:43,497 --> 00:07:45,165
Of the joint
Chiefs of staff,
192
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:46,567
Wife--shirley.
193
00:07:46,567 --> 00:07:47,735
I'm impressed,
Young man.
194
00:07:47,735 --> 00:07:49,469
How come you know
So much about me?
195
00:07:49,469 --> 00:07:52,205
Simple, sir.
I'm an american.
196
00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:57,410
Clifford clavin,
U.S. Postal service, sir.
197
00:07:57,410 --> 00:07:59,079
Nice to know you,
Mr. Clavin.
198
00:07:59,079 --> 00:08:01,281
Us guys in uniform
Got to stick together.
199
00:08:01,281 --> 00:08:02,315
Yes, sir.
200
00:08:02,315 --> 00:08:03,517
You ever in the navy?
201
00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,018
No, sir.
202
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:07,755
I wanted to be, but
The old asthma
Started kicking up.
203
00:08:07,755 --> 00:08:11,324
So I joined the u.S.
Postal service instead.
204
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:14,027
I figured
If I couldn't serve,
205
00:08:14,027 --> 00:08:17,665
I should at least
Deliver the draft notices
To those who could.
206
00:08:17,665 --> 00:08:20,601
Admiral? Hi.
Hi.
207
00:08:20,601 --> 00:08:22,035
I'm rebecca howe.
208
00:08:22,035 --> 00:08:26,106
It is truly an honor
To have you in our bar.
209
00:08:26,106 --> 00:08:28,108
It's an honor
For me, as well.
210
00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:30,277
Is there anything I can do
For you, anything at all?
211
00:08:30,277 --> 00:08:32,946
Well, for starters,
You might go out
With sam malone.
212
00:08:32,946 --> 00:08:35,082
I hate to see a man
In constant pain.
213
00:08:37,851 --> 00:08:40,487
Maybe you could ask me
To do something
More enjoyable,
214
00:08:40,487 --> 00:08:43,256
Like, say, a commando
Mission in libya.
215
00:08:44,357 --> 00:08:47,160
I tried, sam.
216
00:08:47,160 --> 00:08:49,396
Hey, ad., park it.
217
00:08:49,396 --> 00:08:51,364
Oh, hey...
218
00:08:51,364 --> 00:08:53,634
I'm carla tortelli
Labeque.
219
00:08:53,634 --> 00:08:55,035
Hello, carla.
220
00:08:55,035 --> 00:08:57,771
I was wondering if I
Could ask you a favor.
Sure.
221
00:08:57,771 --> 00:09:00,173
If you're ever
On the u.S.S. Lexington,
222
00:09:00,173 --> 00:09:02,910
Could you find out why
Nobody has ever called,
223
00:09:02,910 --> 00:09:05,746
Or dropped a note
Or sent a card?
224
00:09:05,746 --> 00:09:07,848
That must be
A hell of a ship.
225
00:09:07,848 --> 00:09:09,917
I've had better.
226
00:09:14,588 --> 00:09:17,625
Ah, well, well, well,
What do we have here?
227
00:09:17,625 --> 00:09:20,260
The chairman of the
Joint chiefs of staff.
228
00:09:20,260 --> 00:09:22,730
Oh. Mm-hmm.
229
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,466
Hello there, sir.
I'm dr. Frasier crane.
230
00:09:26,466 --> 00:09:27,567
Hello, doctor.
231
00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:29,036
This is my number.
232
00:09:29,036 --> 00:09:32,372
I have treated napoleon,
Teddy roosevelt,
233
00:09:32,372 --> 00:09:35,508
And I know
I could help you.
234
00:09:35,508 --> 00:09:39,479
Doctor, I really am the
Chairman of the joint
Chiefs of staff.
235
00:09:39,479 --> 00:09:40,914
Aye, aye, admiral.
236
00:09:40,914 --> 00:09:42,716
But
I'll keep your card.
237
00:09:42,716 --> 00:09:43,917
I know a lot of people
At the pentagon
238
00:09:43,917 --> 00:09:45,619
That could use
Your services.
239
00:09:52,259 --> 00:09:55,495
Hey, admiral, thanks.
These are great hats.
240
00:09:55,495 --> 00:09:57,430
Hats don't win wars.
Ideas do.
241
00:09:57,430 --> 00:10:00,868
Now, sir,
Here's what separates
My submarine concept
242
00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:03,036
From everybody else's.
243
00:10:03,036 --> 00:10:06,840
You see, mine
Has got wheels.
244
00:10:08,809 --> 00:10:13,714
Uh, I understand,
Cliff.
245
00:10:13,714 --> 00:10:15,015
It's getting late.
246
00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,684
Sam, thanks for
The autographed
Baseball.
247
00:10:16,684 --> 00:10:17,818
Oh, yeah. Listen.
248
00:10:17,818 --> 00:10:18,819
If the president
Wants one of those,
249
00:10:18,819 --> 00:10:20,220
He knows
Where to get me.
250
00:10:20,220 --> 00:10:23,123
I'm sure you'll be
Hearing from him. Norm.
251
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:25,025
Later.
252
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:27,360
Sir, these plans
I've drawn up
253
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,862
For the new
Assault vehicle,
254
00:10:28,862 --> 00:10:30,297
Where should I
Send them?
255
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,833
Just send them
To the pentagon, cliff.
256
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:35,202
Yes, sir,
But, sir,
257
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:36,904
I'm a little bit
Worried about that,
Though.
258
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:39,272
If I send them
To the pentagon,
They might get lost.
259
00:10:39,272 --> 00:10:43,510
Very definitely send them
To the pentagon.
260
00:10:43,510 --> 00:10:45,478
Yes, sir.
261
00:10:45,478 --> 00:10:47,514
Am I lucky, or what?
262
00:10:47,514 --> 00:10:49,082
One of the most
Famous people
263
00:10:49,082 --> 00:10:50,984
In the country
Comes into my bar,
264
00:10:50,984 --> 00:10:53,320
And I am
Dressed for it.
265
00:10:53,320 --> 00:10:56,289
By the way, rebecca,
When are you going
To take that thing off?
266
00:10:56,289 --> 00:10:58,291
I might just dress
This way all the time.
267
00:10:58,291 --> 00:11:01,695
It makes me feel
All at once desirable
And businesslike.
268
00:11:01,695 --> 00:11:03,063
You got a point.
269
00:11:03,063 --> 00:11:06,700
About half a dozen guys
Asked how much you charge.
270
00:11:06,700 --> 00:11:09,336
By the way, if anyone
Says, "Carla sent me,"
271
00:11:09,336 --> 00:11:10,670
You owe me 5 bucks.
272
00:11:12,005 --> 00:11:13,741
Carla, I'm just about
To have a break.
273
00:11:13,741 --> 00:11:15,108
You think
You can teach me
274
00:11:15,108 --> 00:11:17,845
To make raspberry sounds
With my armpit?
275
00:11:17,845 --> 00:11:19,913
No, no. I got to be
Wearing a tank top
276
00:11:19,913 --> 00:11:21,414
To get
The full effect...
277
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,719
But I can teach you
278
00:11:25,719 --> 00:11:27,721
How to make blue
Sparks in your mouth
279
00:11:27,721 --> 00:11:29,422
With
A life saver candy.
280
00:11:30,891 --> 00:11:33,060
They're gone.
Who's gone?
281
00:11:33,060 --> 00:11:35,595
My diamond earrings
Are gone.
282
00:11:35,595 --> 00:11:36,930
Calm down.
Where'd you put them?
283
00:11:36,930 --> 00:11:39,299
I had them in a tumbler,
And I put it on my desk,
284
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:41,802
And nobody was in there but me,
And my door was locked
The whole time,
285
00:11:41,802 --> 00:11:43,670
And I was the only one
That was in there.
286
00:11:43,670 --> 00:11:46,740
No, no, no.
The admiral, went in
There to use the phone.
287
00:11:46,740 --> 00:11:49,309
You're right.
288
00:11:49,309 --> 00:11:51,711
He was in there alone.
289
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,281
Oh, lord.
290
00:11:54,281 --> 00:11:56,183
The chairman of the
Joint chiefs of staff
291
00:11:56,183 --> 00:11:58,318
Of the united states
Of america
292
00:11:58,318 --> 00:12:00,187
Stole my earrings.
293
00:12:14,601 --> 00:12:17,805
Oh, I just don't
Believe this.
294
00:12:17,805 --> 00:12:22,275
And he seemed like
Such a nice chairman
Of the joint chiefs of staff.
295
00:12:22,275 --> 00:12:24,477
Cliff: rebecca howe,
This smacks of treason.
296
00:12:24,477 --> 00:12:26,780
I've got a good mind
To place you under arrest.
297
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:31,018
Cliff, if you
Had a good mind,
You would still be stupid.
298
00:12:31,018 --> 00:12:34,321
Sam: hey, come on.
Why would anyone
Who has a super job,
299
00:12:34,321 --> 00:12:37,958
Makes a great living,
Can shop in any px
In the world
300
00:12:37,958 --> 00:12:39,292
Want to steal
Your earrings?
301
00:12:39,292 --> 00:12:41,161
You saw them.
They were gorgeous.
302
00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:43,463
Cliff:
All right. That's it.
303
00:12:43,463 --> 00:12:45,165
Rebecca howe,
304
00:12:45,165 --> 00:12:47,000
I would like your
Social security number.
305
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,136
Oh, cliff,
Shut up.
306
00:12:49,136 --> 00:12:50,237
Maybe he did take them.
307
00:12:50,237 --> 00:12:52,472
Oh, great.
Sedition is everywhere.
308
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:53,506
No, no.
309
00:12:53,506 --> 00:12:55,075
Maybe the guy had an
Anniversary coming up,
310
00:12:55,075 --> 00:12:56,576
And he didn't
Have time to shop
311
00:12:56,576 --> 00:12:58,245
Because he's too
Damn busy running
The military.
312
00:12:58,245 --> 00:12:59,880
No. That doesn't wash, norm.
313
00:12:59,880 --> 00:13:02,182
His anniversary
Was february 14.
314
00:13:02,182 --> 00:13:04,751
All right, cliff.
All right.
Maybe this, ok?
315
00:13:04,751 --> 00:13:07,020
Maybe he wears them
Himself.
316
00:13:07,020 --> 00:13:08,889
Yeah, right.
He wears earrings,
317
00:13:08,889 --> 00:13:11,091
And I wear
Women's lingerie.
318
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,460
Carla, you were right.
319
00:13:16,196 --> 00:13:19,166
Rebecca: I don't care
Why he did it.
320
00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:21,268
The fact is that
My earrings are gone,
321
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:22,903
And the admiral
Took them.
322
00:13:22,903 --> 00:13:24,371
Oh, come on.
This is silly.
323
00:13:24,371 --> 00:13:27,207
Let's just go in your office
Here and look for them.
324
00:13:27,207 --> 00:13:29,376
I have looked for them.
I told you,
They're not in there.
325
00:13:29,376 --> 00:13:31,444
I'm calling
The police.
Oh, don't--
326
00:13:31,444 --> 00:13:33,280
Now that we're through
Being interrupted,
327
00:13:33,280 --> 00:13:35,248
Let's get down to real
Serious matters.
328
00:13:35,248 --> 00:13:37,417
Carla, you can't
Make blue sparks
329
00:13:37,417 --> 00:13:40,153
Come out of your mouth
With a life saver.
330
00:13:40,153 --> 00:13:42,990
Well, not just
Any life saver.
331
00:13:42,990 --> 00:13:46,093
A magic wint o green
Life saver.
332
00:13:46,093 --> 00:13:47,760
Oh, now, carla, don't prey
On their gullibility.
333
00:13:47,760 --> 00:13:49,329
There's nothing
Magical about it.
334
00:13:49,329 --> 00:13:51,364
It's just a simple
Chemical reaction.
335
00:13:51,364 --> 00:13:53,000
When you crunch down
On the life saver,
336
00:13:53,000 --> 00:13:55,668
Electrons strike
Nitrogen molecules,
337
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:56,870
Which causes the latter
338
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:59,272
To emit invisible
Ultraviolet radiation
339
00:13:59,272 --> 00:14:01,074
Which, when absorbed
By the metal salicylate
340
00:14:01,074 --> 00:14:02,910
In the wint o green
Flavoring,
341
00:14:02,910 --> 00:14:05,278
Produces a flash
Of blue light.
342
00:14:05,278 --> 00:14:08,215
Makes sense.
343
00:14:08,215 --> 00:14:12,185
I find that when you
Say that to dr. Crane,
He stops talking.
344
00:14:16,623 --> 00:14:17,690
See? They're not here.
345
00:14:17,690 --> 00:14:19,392
I told you,
They are not here.
346
00:14:19,392 --> 00:14:21,561
Calm down.
Will you calm down,
Please?
347
00:14:21,561 --> 00:14:23,630
I'm calm. I'm calm.
I'm calm.
348
00:14:23,630 --> 00:14:24,965
What's the number
For 911?
349
00:14:24,965 --> 00:14:26,934
You are not going to
Call the police.
350
00:14:26,934 --> 00:14:28,435
Sam, I have told you
To remove your hand
351
00:14:28,435 --> 00:14:30,603
From many a location,
But I have never been
352
00:14:30,603 --> 00:14:32,105
More serious than now.
353
00:14:32,105 --> 00:14:33,640
Come on.
Back off here.
354
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:35,909
They're earrings.
You'll buy
Another pair.
355
00:14:35,909 --> 00:14:37,444
Oh, yeah, right.
356
00:14:37,444 --> 00:14:40,613
What are you going to do,
Spot me $32,000?
357
00:14:40,613 --> 00:14:43,250
American money?
358
00:14:43,250 --> 00:14:47,254
I didn't exactly
Buy those earrings.
359
00:14:47,254 --> 00:14:50,223
I told
The man at shreve,
Crump & lowe
360
00:14:50,223 --> 00:14:52,259
That I just wanted to
Take them out for the evening
361
00:14:52,259 --> 00:14:55,328
To make sure that I
Really, really wanted them...
362
00:14:55,328 --> 00:14:59,632
I don't think
That dress is
Meant to do that.
363
00:14:59,632 --> 00:15:02,269
And then I was going
To just wear them tonight
364
00:15:02,269 --> 00:15:03,670
And look really
Beautiful, you know?
365
00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,506
Then I was going to take
Them back in the morning,
366
00:15:06,506 --> 00:15:09,142
But, god,
Shreve is holding
All my credit cards,
367
00:15:09,142 --> 00:15:10,843
The pink slip
To my mercedes,
368
00:15:10,843 --> 00:15:12,612
And my mom and dad's
Phone number.
369
00:15:12,612 --> 00:15:14,014
Uh-oh.
370
00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:17,317
Good change you could be
Sent to your room
For 5 to 15 years.
371
00:15:17,317 --> 00:15:19,652
You know, you're
Really not helping.
372
00:15:19,652 --> 00:15:20,954
Just get out
Of here.
373
00:15:20,954 --> 00:15:23,090
God, I would
Do anything
374
00:15:23,090 --> 00:15:25,592
To get those
Earrings back.
375
00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,432
Oh...
376
00:15:33,700 --> 00:15:36,303
Yes, sam.
377
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,239
I am exactly
That desperate.
378
00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:42,075
I don't care
What it takes.
379
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,111
Go to the admiral's
Hotel room,
380
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:46,013
Sneak in there,
And steal
Those earrings.
381
00:15:46,013 --> 00:15:47,647
Just get them back
For me,
382
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,916
And, yes--
Lord help me--
383
00:15:49,916 --> 00:15:53,020
I will go to bed
With you.
384
00:15:53,020 --> 00:15:57,090
I'm going to turn
This joint upside-down...
385
00:15:57,090 --> 00:15:58,591
Starting with you.
Sam...
386
00:15:58,591 --> 00:16:01,328
All right. All right.
Ending with you.
387
00:16:03,596 --> 00:16:04,797
[crack]
388
00:16:04,797 --> 00:16:08,501
Woody: I saw it!
Blue sparks in
Carla's mouth!
389
00:16:08,501 --> 00:16:10,437
Hey, guys--
Listen, fellas...
390
00:16:10,437 --> 00:16:12,105
Am I interrupting
Anything?
391
00:16:12,105 --> 00:16:14,607
Just science making
Another leap forward.
392
00:16:14,607 --> 00:16:16,443
Fellas, listen.
All right. Come here.
393
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:19,046
Listen. Come here. Listen.
I need your help here now.
394
00:16:19,046 --> 00:16:21,081
I want to get my hands
On rebecca's jewels,
395
00:16:21,081 --> 00:16:23,283
But first I got to
Find her earrings.
396
00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:26,686
All right, sammy.
We're here for you.
397
00:16:26,686 --> 00:16:28,088
All right. Now...
398
00:16:28,088 --> 00:16:30,323
I guess we could
Buy her another pair,
399
00:16:30,323 --> 00:16:32,592
But that'd set us back
About 32 grand.
400
00:16:32,592 --> 00:16:35,362
Not here for you, sam.
Left an hour ago.
401
00:16:35,362 --> 00:16:37,264
All right.
All right. No.
There's got to be--
402
00:16:37,264 --> 00:16:38,631
See, I figure that
She probably
403
00:16:38,631 --> 00:16:41,000
Just put them
Down someplace
For safe keeping,
404
00:16:41,000 --> 00:16:42,935
Then forgot where
She put them.
405
00:16:42,935 --> 00:16:46,206
Got to just find a way
To jog her memory.
406
00:16:46,206 --> 00:16:47,474
I know what
We should do.
What?
407
00:16:47,474 --> 00:16:49,109
I saw this
In a movie once.
408
00:16:49,109 --> 00:16:52,179
We gather the suspects
All together in one room.
409
00:16:52,179 --> 00:16:53,946
Ooh, right, and then
You recreate the crime
410
00:16:53,946 --> 00:16:56,683
So that you can work backwards,
And find out what happened.
411
00:16:56,683 --> 00:16:57,850
Yeah.
Let's go.
412
00:16:57,850 --> 00:17:00,587
Sammy, since I'm the only
One here in uniform,
413
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,622
I suggest
I play admiral crowe.
414
00:17:02,622 --> 00:17:05,225
If you're admiral crowe,
Who's gonna be mr. Clavin?
415
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,394
Any of yutzes
Can handle that.
416
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:19,639
What are you all
Doing in here?
417
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:23,042
Well, cliff here has agreed
To portray admiral crowe
418
00:17:23,042 --> 00:17:25,578
So we can recreate
The alleged crime
419
00:17:25,578 --> 00:17:28,181
So we can figure out
What happened.
420
00:17:28,181 --> 00:17:29,782
And what about
You two guys?
421
00:17:29,782 --> 00:17:31,518
We're
Witnesses.
422
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:33,620
Yeah.
We're pretty much
423
00:17:33,620 --> 00:17:35,855
Just going to hang
Around and watch.
424
00:17:35,855 --> 00:17:38,225
That's a stretch.
425
00:17:39,159 --> 00:17:40,660
Sam: ok. Uh...
426
00:17:40,660 --> 00:17:43,996
Admiral crowe came in
And asked to use the phone.
427
00:17:43,996 --> 00:17:45,732
What did he say?
428
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:48,067
"May I use the phone?"
429
00:17:48,067 --> 00:17:50,370
Excuse me, rebecca.
That's my line.
430
00:17:54,174 --> 00:17:55,675
Then what?
431
00:17:55,675 --> 00:17:58,478
And I said, "Sure," and
He said, "Thank you."
432
00:17:58,478 --> 00:18:02,615
Well, look who thinks
She's admiral crowe.
433
00:18:05,118 --> 00:18:06,986
All right.
434
00:18:06,986 --> 00:18:09,256
Now, he came in here.
He was alone.
435
00:18:09,256 --> 00:18:11,191
Was he carrying
Anything?
436
00:18:11,191 --> 00:18:13,893
I think he was carrying
A glass of water.
437
00:18:13,893 --> 00:18:15,395
I see,
438
00:18:15,395 --> 00:18:17,830
And did he put this
Glass of water down?
439
00:18:17,830 --> 00:18:18,965
I think so.
440
00:18:18,965 --> 00:18:21,668
Next to,
Perhaps...
441
00:18:21,668 --> 00:18:23,636
This glass?
442
00:18:23,636 --> 00:18:24,571
Ooh.
443
00:18:26,005 --> 00:18:28,141
I see what you're
Getting at, sam.
444
00:18:28,141 --> 00:18:30,243
You think that he picked up
The other glass
445
00:18:30,243 --> 00:18:33,045
With the earrings in it
And took it out.
446
00:18:33,045 --> 00:18:35,282
Yeah. Right!
Absolutely!
447
00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:38,518
Guys, we're out of here.
448
00:18:38,518 --> 00:18:42,088
Hey, uh, I didn't
Get to portray
Admiral crowe.
449
00:18:42,088 --> 00:18:43,256
Oh. All right.
450
00:18:43,256 --> 00:18:44,657
Rebecca, as a favor
For cliff,
451
00:18:44,657 --> 00:18:47,160
What was the last words
The admiral said? Anything?
452
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:49,462
Yes. Before he left,
He said,
453
00:18:49,462 --> 00:18:51,063
"I want to get
Out of this bar
454
00:18:51,063 --> 00:18:52,799
"As fast as I can
Before I run into
455
00:18:52,799 --> 00:18:54,434
That stupid mailman."
456
00:18:54,434 --> 00:18:57,437
He stole them,
All right.
457
00:18:57,437 --> 00:19:00,773
Wait! You were
Supposed to help me
Find my earrings.
458
00:19:00,773 --> 00:19:01,841
Come on.
Yeah.
459
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,810
Look what I found
In this dirty, old glass.
460
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:06,279
Oh! Oh!
461
00:19:06,279 --> 00:19:09,482
Oh, you are
Such an angel!
462
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:13,520
Oh, how can I
Ever thank you?
463
00:19:13,520 --> 00:19:16,523
I think the "How" has
Already been established.
464
00:19:19,292 --> 00:19:22,462
We're up to "Where"
And "How often."
465
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:29,969
Well...
466
00:19:29,969 --> 00:19:32,138
A promise
Is a promise.
467
00:19:32,138 --> 00:19:34,341
Come on. Don't--
I hate that.
468
00:19:34,341 --> 00:19:36,676
I hate it
When you do that.
469
00:19:36,676 --> 00:19:38,645
Come on.
What's wrong with you?
470
00:19:38,645 --> 00:19:41,581
Why don't you want me?
What's the problem?
471
00:19:41,581 --> 00:19:44,551
You know, sam,
I just don't know
Why I don't want you.
472
00:19:44,551 --> 00:19:47,186
Well, think,
Damn it!
473
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,558
I think it's just
One of those things
474
00:19:51,558 --> 00:19:53,159
That when you
First meet a guy,
475
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:54,994
You put him in one
Of three categories--
476
00:19:54,994 --> 00:19:56,429
Yes, no, or maybe--
477
00:19:56,429 --> 00:19:57,797
And the second
I saw you,
478
00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:00,066
I threw you right
In the no category,
479
00:20:00,066 --> 00:20:02,235
And that's where you've
Stayed ever since.
480
00:20:02,235 --> 00:20:04,404
I mean, when sam malone
Walks into a room,
481
00:20:04,404 --> 00:20:07,307
I say, "No,"
And go on with my life.
482
00:20:07,307 --> 00:20:11,611
Every single time?
No.
483
00:20:11,611 --> 00:20:12,945
There was
This one time
484
00:20:12,945 --> 00:20:14,914
When you were way down
At the end of the hall,
485
00:20:14,914 --> 00:20:17,684
And I could just see this
Tiny piece of your elbow,
486
00:20:17,684 --> 00:20:20,086
And I didn't know
For sure if it was you,
487
00:20:20,086 --> 00:20:23,256
And I thought
To myself, "Hmm..."
488
00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:25,992
And then you came
Around the corner,
489
00:20:25,992 --> 00:20:28,628
And I thought,
"God, no."
490
00:20:28,628 --> 00:20:33,766
"God, no" is a lot worse
Than just "No," isn't it?
491
00:20:33,766 --> 00:20:34,567
Sam, wait.
492
00:20:34,567 --> 00:20:36,135
I want to ask
You something,
493
00:20:36,135 --> 00:20:38,605
And I want
An answer to this.
494
00:20:38,605 --> 00:20:41,741
Why do you care?
Why do you want me?
495
00:20:41,741 --> 00:20:44,577
I have never given
You any reason.
496
00:20:44,577 --> 00:20:46,579
I've never come on
To you.
497
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:49,282
Why do you keep
Hitting on me?
498
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:50,583
Well, uh...
499
00:20:50,583 --> 00:20:52,685
Boy, I don't know.
500
00:20:52,685 --> 00:20:55,488
I guess that
When I meet women,
501
00:20:55,488 --> 00:21:00,427
I put them into
One of three categories.
502
00:21:00,427 --> 00:21:02,194
Oh, who am I kidding?
503
00:21:02,194 --> 00:21:05,665
I put them
Into one category.
504
00:21:05,665 --> 00:21:08,368
Boy, I guess
I shouldn't do that.
505
00:21:08,368 --> 00:21:11,137
I mean, that's not
Really fair to you.
506
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:12,472
I'm sorry.
507
00:21:12,472 --> 00:21:15,508
Thank you, sam.
508
00:21:15,508 --> 00:21:18,611
I know that wasn't
Easy for you to say.
509
00:21:18,611 --> 00:21:21,448
I haven't been
Real fair myself.
510
00:21:21,448 --> 00:21:24,216
I haven't really
Given you a chance.
511
00:21:24,216 --> 00:21:27,420
Oh, don't worry
About it. I mean--
512
00:21:27,420 --> 00:21:30,857
Gee, I wish we could
Just start all over again,
513
00:21:30,857 --> 00:21:33,626
Just wipe all this junk
Out of the way.
514
00:21:33,626 --> 00:21:36,729
I like that idea.
Yeah.
515
00:21:36,729 --> 00:21:39,966
It's like, if I could
See you for the first time,
516
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:41,468
I'd look over there,
517
00:21:41,468 --> 00:21:44,804
And I'd see
A beautiful woman.
518
00:21:44,804 --> 00:21:46,906
Thank you.
519
00:21:46,906 --> 00:21:48,375
And I'd see you,
520
00:21:48,375 --> 00:21:50,910
And I'd see a real
Good-looking guy.
521
00:21:50,910 --> 00:21:53,913
With nice hair.
522
00:21:55,348 --> 00:21:57,116
Right.
523
00:21:57,116 --> 00:21:58,818
Say it.
524
00:22:01,354 --> 00:22:03,122
With nice hair.
525
00:22:03,122 --> 00:22:04,190
Thank you.
526
00:22:04,190 --> 00:22:05,392
And broad
Shoulders...
527
00:22:05,392 --> 00:22:07,927
And pleasant
Smile...
528
00:22:09,529 --> 00:22:11,464
Nice hair again.
529
00:22:11,464 --> 00:22:13,299
Oh, see...
530
00:22:13,299 --> 00:22:14,767
You're patronizing me.
531
00:22:14,767 --> 00:22:16,235
No, I'm not.
Yes, you are.
532
00:22:16,235 --> 00:22:17,370
I am not
Patronizing you.
533
00:22:17,370 --> 00:22:18,771
We said we were
Going to be honest.
534
00:22:18,771 --> 00:22:20,640
I think you're
An attractive guy.
535
00:22:20,640 --> 00:22:22,942
I think you're cute
Enough to kiss...
536
00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,745
I mean, if I didn't
Know you.
537
00:22:25,745 --> 00:22:27,947
Yeah, if you didn't
Know me.
All right. What?
538
00:22:27,947 --> 00:22:30,450
Do you want me
To prove it to you that
I think you're cute?
539
00:22:30,450 --> 00:22:32,685
All right. Fine.
I will prove it to you.
540
00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:36,255
I will dispel the myth
That you turn my stomach.
541
00:22:36,255 --> 00:22:38,991
I'll give you
A little kiss.
542
00:22:38,991 --> 00:22:41,193
Here.
543
00:22:41,193 --> 00:22:43,029
There.
544
00:22:51,838 --> 00:22:55,975
Now...What category
Am I in?
545
00:22:55,975 --> 00:22:58,144
Yes?
546
00:22:58,144 --> 00:22:59,979
No?
547
00:22:59,979 --> 00:23:01,848
Oh, jeez!
548
00:23:01,848 --> 00:23:05,485
Boy, why do I even
Bother with you?
549
00:23:05,485 --> 00:23:07,620
[slurping]
550
00:23:07,620 --> 00:23:09,989
Definite maybe.
551
00:23:09,989 --> 00:23:11,991
I heard that.
552
00:23:13,159 --> 00:23:14,661
You said, "Maybe."
553
00:23:14,661 --> 00:23:15,928
You said "Maybe!"
554
00:23:15,928 --> 00:23:18,197
Rebecca thinks
I'm a "Maybe!"
555
00:23:18,197 --> 00:23:19,398
I did not say that.
556
00:23:19,398 --> 00:23:21,133
I said that you kiss
Like my uncle abie!
557
00:23:21,133 --> 00:23:22,735
No, no, no.
No.
558
00:23:22,735 --> 00:23:25,905
I said that I think
You gave me rabies!
40328
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