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1
00:00:01,269 --> 00:00:05,273
"Cheers"Is filmed before
A live studio audience.
2
00:00:05,273 --> 00:00:07,475
Woman: you're up
Pretty late, aren't you?
3
00:00:07,475 --> 00:00:10,478
Nothing better to do
Than watch tv?
4
00:00:10,478 --> 00:00:14,048
Feeling a little lonely
In the big city?
5
00:00:14,048 --> 00:00:15,716
Come and join the party.
6
00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:19,187
Call 5 double 5, p-r-t-y
7
00:00:19,187 --> 00:00:20,921
For the best party line
In boston.
8
00:00:20,921 --> 00:00:24,592
That's right. There
Are lots of fun people
On the line right now
9
00:00:24,592 --> 00:00:28,262
Waiting for you
To join in their fun talk.
10
00:00:28,262 --> 00:00:29,730
Only $2.00 plus toll,
If any,
11
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:32,933
For three minutes
Of party-line madness.
12
00:00:32,933 --> 00:00:34,935
Why don't you try us?
13
00:00:34,935 --> 00:00:36,437
There's only one way
To find out
14
00:00:36,437 --> 00:00:40,408
What sort of wild people
Call the party line.
15
00:00:40,408 --> 00:00:45,146
Dial 5 double 5, p-r-t-y.
16
00:00:52,253 --> 00:00:53,954
Hi. My name's woody.
17
00:00:53,954 --> 00:00:55,756
I'm from indiana,
And I'm--
18
00:00:56,824 --> 00:01:00,027
Oh, hi, mr. Clavin.
19
00:01:00,027 --> 00:01:02,096
Hey.
20
00:01:05,233 --> 00:01:07,201
* sometimes
You want to go *
21
00:01:07,201 --> 00:01:11,439
* where everybody
Knows your name *
22
00:01:12,640 --> 00:01:17,245
* and they're always
Glad you came *
23
00:01:17,245 --> 00:01:19,747
* you want to be
Where you can see *
24
00:01:19,747 --> 00:01:22,116
* our troubles
Are all the same *
25
00:01:22,116 --> 00:01:23,351
* you want to go *
26
00:01:23,351 --> 00:01:27,455
* where everybody
Knows your name *
27
00:01:45,806 --> 00:01:47,441
How about over here
By the bar, miss howe?
28
00:01:47,441 --> 00:01:49,109
Do we really
Have to do this?
29
00:01:49,109 --> 00:01:50,844
What's going on?
30
00:01:50,844 --> 00:01:53,113
I'll be right with you.
31
00:01:53,113 --> 00:01:54,182
The "Globe" is
Doing an article
32
00:01:54,182 --> 00:01:55,349
On women who run pubs,
33
00:01:55,349 --> 00:01:56,984
And now he wants to
Take my picture.
34
00:01:56,984 --> 00:01:58,085
I really dread this.
35
00:01:58,085 --> 00:01:59,153
Why?
36
00:01:59,153 --> 00:02:00,454
Because I get so
Tensed up
37
00:02:00,454 --> 00:02:01,955
In front of
A camera,
All of a sudden
38
00:02:01,955 --> 00:02:04,792
I start looking
Like something
The cat coughed up.
39
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:09,062
Mmm. Can I have
An 8 x 10 for
My mantelpiece?
40
00:02:09,062 --> 00:02:12,500
How about a 2 x 4
For your bridgework?
41
00:02:12,500 --> 00:02:14,868
Listen. Let me give you
A few hints here.
42
00:02:14,868 --> 00:02:17,671
I had a lot of pictures
Taken of me when
I was playing ball.
43
00:02:17,671 --> 00:02:22,343
Just relax. Take the tip of
Your tongue and wet your lips.
44
00:02:22,343 --> 00:02:24,245
Good. Now wet my lips.
45
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:25,779
Oh, come on.
46
00:02:25,779 --> 00:02:28,249
Uh-oh, you're tensing up.
Now just relax.
47
00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,917
Thank you.
48
00:02:29,917 --> 00:02:32,152
Oh! Wait a minute!
You can't use that
Picture.
49
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,554
I had my tongue
Sticking out.
50
00:02:33,554 --> 00:02:36,224
Can I have
Three copies of that?
51
00:02:36,224 --> 00:02:37,358
Please, take
Another picture
52
00:02:37,358 --> 00:02:38,759
And warn me
This time.
53
00:02:38,759 --> 00:02:41,795
I want this
To look natural
And spontaneous.
54
00:02:46,500 --> 00:02:48,135
Come on, come on.
You got to relax.
55
00:02:48,135 --> 00:02:49,870
Think of something
Ridiculous.
56
00:02:49,870 --> 00:02:51,305
Like what?
57
00:02:51,305 --> 00:02:52,906
Like him.
58
00:02:54,308 --> 00:02:55,709
Hey, you're better
Than the snoopy puppets
59
00:02:55,709 --> 00:02:59,613
I use with the kids.
Thanks, miss howe.
60
00:03:03,251 --> 00:03:04,618
Boy, oh, boy.
61
00:03:04,618 --> 00:03:08,456
How many times have
I walked through that door?
62
00:03:08,456 --> 00:03:12,526
Yep. Good-bye, old bar.
63
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:14,895
Take care, old stool.
64
00:03:16,964 --> 00:03:18,666
Where you
Going, cliff?
65
00:03:18,666 --> 00:03:20,634
I'm going in
For surgery tomorrow.
66
00:03:20,634 --> 00:03:23,604
Who knows if I'll ever walk
Under god's blue sky again.
67
00:03:23,604 --> 00:03:25,273
It's all up to
The man upstairs.
68
00:03:25,273 --> 00:03:27,641
Vic, the maitre d'
At melville's?
69
00:03:29,477 --> 00:03:32,413
Look, woody...
No, never mind.
70
00:03:32,413 --> 00:03:33,947
What are you
Talking about?
71
00:03:33,947 --> 00:03:36,984
It took a lot of expensive
And complicated tests, sammy,
72
00:03:36,984 --> 00:03:41,789
But they finally found out
What that pain was in my
Abdomen.
73
00:03:41,789 --> 00:03:44,958
The experts...
Call it appendicitis.
74
00:03:44,958 --> 00:03:46,727
Aw...
Jeez!
Whew!
75
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,062
Cliffie, come
On. Now, that's
A simple thing.
76
00:03:49,062 --> 00:03:50,130
I had it when
I was a kid.
77
00:03:50,130 --> 00:03:51,399
There's nothing
To it.
78
00:03:51,399 --> 00:03:53,000
I actually liked having
My appendix out.
79
00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,869
My parents told me I could have
All the ice cream I wanted.
80
00:03:55,869 --> 00:03:57,838
No, woody,
I think you're
Talking
81
00:03:57,838 --> 00:03:59,206
About tonsils.
82
00:03:59,206 --> 00:04:00,474
It was a long
Time ago, sam,
83
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:03,411
But I'm pretty sure
It was ice cream.
84
00:04:06,514 --> 00:04:07,781
So when are
You going in?
85
00:04:07,781 --> 00:04:09,249
It's tomorrow.
86
00:04:09,249 --> 00:04:11,585
Now look.
I want you guys
To promise me,
87
00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:14,221
If I don't pull
Through this thing,
88
00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,990
There'll be no
Big emotional scenes,
No eulogies,
89
00:04:16,990 --> 00:04:18,692
Just a small
Memorial service
90
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:22,963
Where you guys sit around
And tell the funnier
Stories about me.
91
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,433
Ok. I got dibs
On this one.
92
00:04:26,334 --> 00:04:27,868
Great news, everybody.
93
00:04:27,868 --> 00:04:30,438
Lilith and I have
Just gotten back
From the auto club.
94
00:04:30,438 --> 00:04:32,039
We have
The complete itinerary
95
00:04:32,039 --> 00:04:36,644
For our motoring trip
Through the u.S.A.
In our chevrolet.
96
00:04:36,644 --> 00:04:38,312
It's a mercedes, dear.
97
00:04:38,312 --> 00:04:39,813
That was a joke,
Frasier.
98
00:04:39,813 --> 00:04:44,151
Oh. I forgot
I married a madcap.
99
00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:46,687
Hey, listen, folks.
Nobody's really
Interested
100
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:47,988
About your little
Motor trip.
101
00:04:47,988 --> 00:04:50,023
We're talking about
My upcoming surgery.
102
00:04:50,023 --> 00:04:51,892
So now, where was I?
103
00:04:51,892 --> 00:04:53,527
So are you going to
See the grand canyon?
104
00:04:53,527 --> 00:04:55,128
Don't miss yosemite.
105
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:58,231
Listen, if you go to
The alligator farm
Outside tallahassee,
106
00:04:58,231 --> 00:05:00,601
Tell ivar
Woody says hey, hey.
107
00:05:00,601 --> 00:05:01,635
Frasier:
Of course.
108
00:05:01,635 --> 00:05:03,170
Ok, gather around,
Everybody.
109
00:05:03,170 --> 00:05:04,838
I'll show you
The interstates
We're gonna take.
110
00:05:04,838 --> 00:05:07,375
Sam, can I talk to you
For a minute?
111
00:05:07,375 --> 00:05:09,843
Sure. Have a seat.
112
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:13,914
Frasier and I
Will be covering over
4,500 miles round-trip,
113
00:05:13,914 --> 00:05:16,750
And I think it's only
Fair that I share
Some of the driving.
114
00:05:16,750 --> 00:05:20,053
However, I am handicapped
By one tiny thing.
115
00:05:20,053 --> 00:05:24,458
I've never operated
A motorized vehicle before.
116
00:05:24,458 --> 00:05:26,326
You don't know
How to drive?
117
00:05:26,326 --> 00:05:30,398
I always meant to learn,
But when I was a teenager,
I was too busy having fun.
118
00:05:31,632 --> 00:05:33,233
Would you teach me, sam?
119
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:35,403
Uh, what
About frasier?
120
00:05:35,403 --> 00:05:37,070
We're too close.
121
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:40,574
I need someone to whom
I have no emotional
Attachment whatsoever.
122
00:05:40,574 --> 00:05:44,111
So, as a friend,
Would you do me
This favor?
123
00:05:45,312 --> 00:05:47,214
Yeah, why not?
When do we start?
124
00:05:47,214 --> 00:05:48,616
The sooner the better.
125
00:05:48,616 --> 00:05:51,318
How do you think
I'll do?
126
00:05:51,318 --> 00:05:52,386
I've never had
A woman in a car
127
00:05:52,386 --> 00:05:55,255
That didn't
Do great.
128
00:05:55,255 --> 00:05:59,860
Wonderful. You teach me
To drive, I'll help you
With your sense of humor.
129
00:06:01,429 --> 00:06:02,730
Here's where you gotta
To be real careful.
130
00:06:02,730 --> 00:06:04,965
You see, I-75 runs
Right down here into I-39.
131
00:06:04,965 --> 00:06:06,734
If you don't stay
In the far left lane,
132
00:06:06,734 --> 00:06:09,870
It's hello, tulsa!
133
00:06:09,870 --> 00:06:12,239
Cliff: well, I got to be
Moseying along, guys.
134
00:06:12,239 --> 00:06:16,143
I'll see you later.
I'm going under the knife
In about 12 hours or so.
135
00:06:16,143 --> 00:06:19,913
Now, look, don't feel that
You have to go out of your
Way to stop by and visit.
136
00:06:19,913 --> 00:06:22,382
New england presbyterian,
Room 1-9er-4,
137
00:06:22,382 --> 00:06:25,285
Visiting hours
Between 11:00 and 9:00.
138
00:06:25,285 --> 00:06:27,488
Cliffie, I'm sure
Everything is gonna
Be just ok.
139
00:06:27,488 --> 00:06:28,956
Oh, yeah, well, now,
Sure it is, norm.
140
00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:31,024
You know, I'm in the hands
Of skilled professionals.
141
00:06:31,024 --> 00:06:33,761
It's not like the old days,
Is it, where they give you
142
00:06:33,761 --> 00:06:36,864
A shot of whiskey,
Lick the scalpel,
And go a-carvin', eh?
143
00:06:36,864 --> 00:06:38,799
The same is true
In my profession.
144
00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,034
Time was when
A person's behavior
Deviated in any way
145
00:06:41,034 --> 00:06:42,736
From what society
Considered normal,
146
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,472
The town barber would
Take a rusty drill,
147
00:06:44,472 --> 00:06:45,506
Bore a hole
In your head,
148
00:06:45,506 --> 00:06:48,075
And let the evil
Spirits out.
149
00:06:48,075 --> 00:06:49,977
Well, good thing
We didn't live
Back then, huh?
150
00:06:49,977 --> 00:06:51,512
Carla: yeah. You'd
Be looking pretty much like
151
00:06:51,512 --> 00:06:54,181
A wiffle ball by now,
Wouldn't you?
152
00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:01,288
I don't believe
You guys.
153
00:07:01,288 --> 00:07:02,656
That's it.
I'm leaving.
154
00:07:02,656 --> 00:07:05,025
Fine. Who needs
Your kind around
Here anyway?
155
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,227
Gentlemen.
156
00:07:07,227 --> 00:07:09,997
I think that this bar is
Big enough for people
157
00:07:09,997 --> 00:07:13,701
Who like "The addams family"
And "The munsters."
158
00:07:16,504 --> 00:07:18,506
Ok. All right. Fine.
159
00:07:18,506 --> 00:07:21,742
I'll take back what
I said about cousin it.
160
00:07:21,742 --> 00:07:23,076
That's ok. It
Was in the heat
Of the moment.
161
00:07:23,076 --> 00:07:24,612
All right.
162
00:07:24,612 --> 00:07:28,415
Hey, hey, hey, here's
That article they
Interviewed rebecca for.
163
00:07:28,415 --> 00:07:29,583
Look at that.
164
00:07:29,583 --> 00:07:30,584
Sam: oh, hey,
How's her picture?
165
00:07:30,584 --> 00:07:32,119
There isn't one.
166
00:07:32,119 --> 00:07:34,021
Oh, god. It was so
Crummy, they didn't
Even print it.
167
00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,990
Wait a minute.
There it is right
There on the back.
168
00:07:36,990 --> 00:07:38,025
How is it?
169
00:07:38,025 --> 00:07:40,393
Eew!
Eew!
170
00:07:40,393 --> 00:07:41,695
Is it that bad?
171
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:45,065
No. Norm got cheez whiz
All over the paper.
172
00:07:46,700 --> 00:07:48,235
Actually,
The picture's not bad.
173
00:07:48,235 --> 00:07:49,269
Not bad?
174
00:07:49,269 --> 00:07:50,303
It's great.
175
00:07:50,303 --> 00:07:51,972
Let me see that.
176
00:07:51,972 --> 00:07:53,140
[gasp]
177
00:07:53,140 --> 00:07:55,442
This is a decent
Picture of me.
Look at that.
178
00:07:55,442 --> 00:07:58,579
I'm gorgeous and sexy!
179
00:07:58,579 --> 00:08:00,981
And dead
As a door nail.
180
00:08:00,981 --> 00:08:01,882
What?
181
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:03,250
You're in
The obituaries.
182
00:08:03,250 --> 00:08:05,152
Oh, god!
183
00:08:06,620 --> 00:08:09,990
Now, don't feel bad.
It says you died in bed.
184
00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:15,095
I didn't know
You helped build
The panama canal.
185
00:08:15,095 --> 00:08:17,798
Woody, that is
Someone else's obituary.
186
00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:21,902
I am not dead.
I'm a living, breathing
Human being.
187
00:08:21,902 --> 00:08:23,303
I know that.
188
00:08:23,303 --> 00:08:26,239
So where did they
Put all the dirt,
Anyway?
189
00:08:27,675 --> 00:08:30,343
Excuse me.
Can I get someone
To sign for these?
190
00:08:30,343 --> 00:08:32,580
Yo. Right over here.
191
00:08:34,247 --> 00:08:36,016
Let's see these.
192
00:08:36,016 --> 00:08:38,385
Oh, they're from
Corporate headquarters.
193
00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:40,320
Did we do well
Last month?
194
00:08:40,320 --> 00:08:41,589
"Dear friends at cheers,
195
00:08:41,589 --> 00:08:46,259
"We mourn the loss
Of rebecca howe.
196
00:08:46,259 --> 00:08:49,697
At last her pain
Is over."
197
00:08:49,697 --> 00:08:51,231
I'm gonna call them up
And straighten this out
198
00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,901
Before they start
Making funeral
Arrangements.
199
00:08:53,901 --> 00:08:56,970
If I were you,
I'd have a closed casket.
200
00:08:58,271 --> 00:09:00,574
Yeah, well,
Why grandpa munster
Never won an emmy,
201
00:09:00,574 --> 00:09:02,409
I'll never know.
202
00:09:02,409 --> 00:09:03,744
Come on. Maybe it's because
203
00:09:03,744 --> 00:09:06,546
He stole his whole character
From uncle fester.
204
00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:09,416
Oh, lord,
Is this still going on?
205
00:09:09,416 --> 00:09:11,985
This has got to be
One of the stupidest
Arguments I've ever heard
206
00:09:11,985 --> 00:09:13,854
Since I started
Coming to this bar.
207
00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:15,122
Hey, we resent that.
208
00:09:15,122 --> 00:09:19,326
Yeah. Why wasn't it
Thestupidest?
209
00:09:19,326 --> 00:09:21,061
Well, frankly, it lacks
Meaningless statistics
210
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,264
And inane
Historical trivia.
211
00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,900
Say, where
Is cliff anyway?
212
00:09:26,900 --> 00:09:29,002
Yeah, is he still
In the hospital?
213
00:09:29,002 --> 00:09:31,038
Uh, I don't know.
How's he doing?
214
00:09:31,038 --> 00:09:33,006
I thought you were
Going to see him.
215
00:09:33,006 --> 00:09:35,676
I tried. I got as
Far as the hospital
Lobby,
216
00:09:35,676 --> 00:09:36,844
But you know
The smell of alcohol
217
00:09:36,844 --> 00:09:39,012
Makes me
Really queasy.
218
00:09:41,782 --> 00:09:45,919
I was going to see him,
But I got to wait until
I have a night off here.
219
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,021
Woody, how about you?
220
00:09:48,021 --> 00:09:51,291
Oh, that's what
This string on my
Finger is for.
221
00:09:53,627 --> 00:09:56,063
What the heck is
This one for?
222
00:09:57,698 --> 00:10:01,568
Well, surely, somebody
Gave him a call
223
00:10:01,568 --> 00:10:03,470
Or sent flowers?
224
00:10:03,470 --> 00:10:04,972
Card?
225
00:10:04,972 --> 00:10:06,039
Carla?
226
00:10:06,039 --> 00:10:07,574
Yeah, right.
227
00:10:07,574 --> 00:10:09,810
[all talking at once]
228
00:10:09,810 --> 00:10:11,745
Look, this is terrible.
229
00:10:11,745 --> 00:10:14,381
Don't you realize that
Since cliff's mother
Moved to florida,
230
00:10:14,381 --> 00:10:16,717
We are his sole
Support group?
231
00:10:16,717 --> 00:10:18,518
This desertion
In his hour of crisis
232
00:10:18,518 --> 00:10:21,188
Could cause him
Deep emotional scars.
233
00:10:21,188 --> 00:10:22,555
So why don't you
Go see him?
234
00:10:22,555 --> 00:10:24,958
What, I don't
Have a life?
235
00:10:26,694 --> 00:10:28,128
I think we ought
To go down there
Right now
236
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:30,297
And tell mr. Clavin
How we feel
About him.
237
00:10:30,297 --> 00:10:32,565
Don't you think that
Would be a little cruel?
238
00:10:32,565 --> 00:10:35,268
I mean, the guy just
Had an operation.
239
00:10:38,038 --> 00:10:39,406
Actually, visiting
Hours are over.
240
00:10:39,406 --> 00:10:40,607
We're gonna have
To wait until tomorrow.
241
00:10:40,607 --> 00:10:42,209
Yeah.
242
00:10:42,209 --> 00:10:44,211
Say, wait a minute.
Cliff's at new england
Presbyterian.
243
00:10:44,211 --> 00:10:45,846
It's on my rounds.
I have to go by there tonight.
244
00:10:45,846 --> 00:10:47,047
I can get in
To see him.
245
00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:48,882
Great! Why don't you
Go buy a card
246
00:10:48,882 --> 00:10:50,483
And date it
Yesterday
247
00:10:50,483 --> 00:10:51,685
And sign all our
Names to it, ok?
248
00:10:51,685 --> 00:10:53,153
Yeah.
Slam dunk.
249
00:10:53,153 --> 00:10:54,888
Is that going
To be enough?
250
00:10:54,888 --> 00:10:57,190
Come on. It's just
An appendectomy.
251
00:10:57,190 --> 00:10:58,726
They're taking out
A useless organ.
252
00:10:58,726 --> 00:11:01,094
He's chock-full of those.
253
00:11:09,970 --> 00:11:12,305
Excuse me.
I'm dr. Crane.
254
00:11:12,305 --> 00:11:13,473
Where is mr. Clavin?
255
00:11:13,473 --> 00:11:14,908
He was just
Discharged.
256
00:11:14,908 --> 00:11:17,444
Oh, great.
Just my luck.
257
00:11:17,444 --> 00:11:19,747
I'm the one who gets
To run all over town
To find a stupid card
258
00:11:19,747 --> 00:11:22,716
For the idiot clavin,
He isn't even here.
259
00:11:25,853 --> 00:11:29,089
Just a token
Of how much we care.
260
00:11:41,068 --> 00:11:42,402
Don't you want
To read the card?
261
00:11:42,402 --> 00:11:44,037
I just forgot
My jacket.
262
00:11:44,037 --> 00:11:46,740
You're going
To hear it anyway, cliff.
263
00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,042
"Glad you're
Feeling better.
264
00:11:49,042 --> 00:11:51,111
"So sorry you were ill.
265
00:11:51,111 --> 00:11:53,680
"If you thought things
Were bad before,
266
00:11:53,680 --> 00:11:56,349
Wait till
You get the bill."
267
00:11:57,317 --> 00:12:01,254
Oh, that zesty
Greeting card humor.
268
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:04,091
Well, gee, cliff, we're
Just trying to help.
269
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:07,160
You want to help?
270
00:12:07,160 --> 00:12:09,830
Well, uh,
Maybe you could
Help with this.
271
00:12:09,830 --> 00:12:11,064
I, uh...
272
00:12:11,064 --> 00:12:13,834
I've been doing
Some soul-searching.
273
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,502
A man gets a lot
Of time to think
274
00:12:15,502 --> 00:12:17,337
With a tube
Up his nose.
275
00:12:18,906 --> 00:12:22,075
What I realize
Is that, well,
276
00:12:22,075 --> 00:12:23,643
I'm alone
In this world.
277
00:12:23,643 --> 00:12:26,513
Nobody came
To visit me.
278
00:12:26,513 --> 00:12:28,448
Not one of my
So-called friends
Out there
279
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,217
Even bothered
To walk through
That door.
280
00:12:30,217 --> 00:12:32,419
Look, and they all feel
Terrible about it, cliff.
281
00:12:32,419 --> 00:12:34,554
They lead busy lives.
They just couldn't
Find the time--
282
00:12:34,554 --> 00:12:36,489
Come on, doc,
Cut the malarkey,
Will you?
283
00:12:36,489 --> 00:12:39,159
They found the time
To visit sammy when
He was in the hospital.
284
00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,861
Carla, when she
Had the twins.
285
00:12:40,861 --> 00:12:43,496
Normie when he went in
For the butt tuck.
286
00:12:45,198 --> 00:12:47,000
I know why
They didn't visit.
287
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,236
It's because
It was me.
288
00:12:49,236 --> 00:12:50,037
No, cliff.
289
00:12:50,037 --> 00:12:51,471
Oh, yeah. Come on, doc.
290
00:12:51,471 --> 00:12:53,706
They don't like me.
They don't really care.
291
00:12:53,706 --> 00:12:55,142
Come on. You can
Tell me the truth.
292
00:12:55,142 --> 00:12:59,346
Go ahead.
Right between the eyes--
Give it to me.
293
00:12:59,346 --> 00:13:02,449
Well, I suppose you're
Not the most popular
Person in the bar.
294
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:04,484
Oh, and you are, huh?
295
00:13:07,988 --> 00:13:09,689
Doc, do you suppose
Comments like that
296
00:13:09,689 --> 00:13:10,891
Are part
Of the problem?
297
00:13:10,891 --> 00:13:12,826
Could be.
298
00:13:12,826 --> 00:13:14,761
God, I don't
Believe it.
299
00:13:14,761 --> 00:13:15,929
I mean,
All these years,
300
00:13:15,929 --> 00:13:19,900
And I never realized it.
301
00:13:19,900 --> 00:13:22,802
Could I really be
That insensitive?
302
00:13:22,802 --> 00:13:25,505
Man: oohh!
303
00:13:25,505 --> 00:13:27,174
Cliff.
304
00:13:28,141 --> 00:13:30,978
Oh, god.
I am insensitive.
305
00:13:30,978 --> 00:13:33,280
Hey, sorry there,
Old-timer.
306
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:35,916
What can I do about it?
307
00:13:35,916 --> 00:13:37,617
A little therapy
Might not be amiss.
308
00:13:37,617 --> 00:13:40,320
Oh, no, doc. Isn't there
Something better than therapy?
309
00:13:40,320 --> 00:13:41,621
Something
A little quicker?
310
00:13:41,621 --> 00:13:43,223
A little easier?
311
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,325
We're talking about
A major personality
Change, cliff.
312
00:13:45,325 --> 00:13:47,194
It's not you're trying
To quit smoking.
313
00:13:47,194 --> 00:13:48,461
We can't give you
An electric shock
314
00:13:48,461 --> 00:13:49,930
Every time you reach
For a cigarette.
315
00:13:49,930 --> 00:13:52,499
Hey, yeah,
That's not
A bad idea.
316
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:54,968
Now just calm down.
317
00:13:54,968 --> 00:13:56,569
Maybe I'm overstating
The problem.
318
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,838
Maybe all you need
To get people to like you
A little better
319
00:13:58,838 --> 00:14:01,374
Is just some good
Old-fashioned politeness.
320
00:14:01,374 --> 00:14:03,510
Maybe you don't need to take
Any desperate measures.
321
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:06,613
Oh, yes,
He does.
322
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:17,790
So you get ahold
Of him?
323
00:14:17,790 --> 00:14:21,828
No, no. I just get
The darn answering machine
All the time.
324
00:14:21,828 --> 00:14:23,563
I hate that message.
325
00:14:23,563 --> 00:14:25,498
It's not so much
The content of the message.
326
00:14:25,498 --> 00:14:28,936
It's the fact that
Cliff sings it to
The tune of "Volare."
327
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:31,771
Well, he's got to come back
Sooner or later.
328
00:14:31,771 --> 00:14:33,406
Look, I suggest
That when he does,
329
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:34,807
We all give him
A very warm welcome.
330
00:14:34,807 --> 00:14:36,443
Yeah.
Good idea.
331
00:14:36,443 --> 00:14:39,746
Well, all I'm promising
Is not to treat him
Like a bug.
332
00:14:39,746 --> 00:14:43,583
Well, you see carla's
Willing to go
That extra mile.
333
00:14:43,583 --> 00:14:44,817
Hello, frasier.
334
00:14:44,817 --> 00:14:46,920
Ah.
335
00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,990
Hello, blossom-bottom.
How was your lesson?
336
00:14:49,990 --> 00:14:51,358
I like driving.
337
00:14:51,358 --> 00:14:52,892
It's a wonderful
Feeling.
338
00:14:52,892 --> 00:14:55,095
Total control
Of woman over machine--
339
00:14:55,095 --> 00:15:00,000
The speed, the power,
The ecstasy...
I was jazzed.
340
00:15:03,003 --> 00:15:04,137
You know,
341
00:15:04,137 --> 00:15:05,605
You're insane.
342
00:15:05,605 --> 00:15:09,109
You're a maniac.
You're certifiable.
343
00:15:09,109 --> 00:15:10,944
I'm glad to see
You're talking
To me again.
344
00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,745
Has your nose
Stopped bleeding?
345
00:15:12,745 --> 00:15:14,081
Jeez, sam,
Are you all right?
346
00:15:14,081 --> 00:15:15,582
No thanks
To your wife.
347
00:15:15,582 --> 00:15:19,119
I cannot believe
You made that gesture
To that guy.
348
00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:21,888
I see people
Make that gesture
349
00:15:21,888 --> 00:15:24,191
To frasier
All the time.
350
00:15:25,492 --> 00:15:27,627
Yeah, but frasier's
Not driving
An 18-wheeler
351
00:15:27,627 --> 00:15:29,362
With a little
Bumper sticker
That says
352
00:15:29,362 --> 00:15:33,033
"Insured by
Smith & wesson."
353
00:15:33,033 --> 00:15:34,634
Well, he cut me off.
354
00:15:34,634 --> 00:15:36,303
That happens
All the time.
355
00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:38,238
It doesn't mean that
You gun it up to 80
356
00:15:38,238 --> 00:15:41,274
And run the guy
Off the road.
357
00:15:41,274 --> 00:15:44,844
I blew his doors off,
Didn't I?
358
00:15:44,844 --> 00:15:48,248
And the last thing you want
To do is stop the car,
Get out,
359
00:15:48,248 --> 00:15:51,384
And start
Poking your finger
In the folds of his neck.
360
00:15:51,384 --> 00:15:53,853
I wasn't afraid.
I thought you
Could handle him.
361
00:15:53,853 --> 00:15:55,488
Yeah,
Well, I tried,
Didn't I?
362
00:15:55,488 --> 00:15:59,959
Oh, yes. That vicious
Head butt to his fist
Sent him reeling.
363
00:16:01,461 --> 00:16:03,463
Come on, honey.
Let's hurry
And have lunch.
364
00:16:03,463 --> 00:16:06,566
I'm anxious
To take you
For a spin.
365
00:16:06,566 --> 00:16:07,800
Certainly, my dear.
366
00:16:07,800 --> 00:16:10,070
Lots of luck, doc.
You know,
She's a menace.
367
00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:11,938
You are a hazard
To every driver
368
00:16:11,938 --> 00:16:13,273
And pedestrian
On the road.
369
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:14,374
I'll tell you
Something else--
370
00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:15,908
You shouldn't be
Allowed to get
371
00:16:15,908 --> 00:16:17,610
Anywhere near
Anything with wheels
372
00:16:17,610 --> 00:16:20,613
Because you are
By far the worst,
The most dangerous,
373
00:16:20,613 --> 00:16:25,118
The most
Maniacal driver
I've ever seen!
374
00:16:25,118 --> 00:16:27,020
I was fine.
375
00:16:32,425 --> 00:16:34,694
Now, cliff, let me
Remind you again,
376
00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:37,197
It is extremely
Unorthodox to use shock
Aversion treatment
377
00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:38,198
Outside the clinic.
378
00:16:38,198 --> 00:16:39,332
I make no guarantees--
379
00:16:39,332 --> 00:16:40,633
Yeah, look.
We covered
All that.
380
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,235
It's time to
Go for broke,
All right?
381
00:16:42,235 --> 00:16:44,037
Whatever you say.
Are your contacts
In place?
382
00:16:44,037 --> 00:16:46,073
Yeah. Better
Test it just
To make sure.
383
00:16:46,073 --> 00:16:48,241
Good idea.
Say something obnoxious.
384
00:16:48,241 --> 00:16:49,542
What do you mean,
Obnoxious?
385
00:16:49,542 --> 00:16:50,843
I don't know
What's obnoxious.
386
00:16:50,843 --> 00:16:52,011
You're the
So-called expert.
387
00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:54,281
Eeh! Perfect.
388
00:16:57,317 --> 00:16:58,918
Guys, look. It's cliff.
He's back.
389
00:16:58,918 --> 00:17:01,188
Ok, remember, this
Is his first time back
Since the operation,
390
00:17:01,188 --> 00:17:03,022
So just make
A big welcome for him
391
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,125
And act like you're interested
In everything he has to say.
392
00:17:05,125 --> 00:17:06,393
Hey, guys.
393
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:07,394
Hey!
394
00:17:07,394 --> 00:17:08,561
Yay!
395
00:17:08,561 --> 00:17:09,996
All right!
396
00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:10,997
Hey, hardly
Recognized you
397
00:17:10,997 --> 00:17:12,865
Out of uniform,
Big guy.
398
00:17:12,865 --> 00:17:15,768
Yeah. Listen, we're
So sorry we didn't come
Down to the hospital.
399
00:17:15,768 --> 00:17:17,070
No problem.
400
00:17:17,070 --> 00:17:18,471
So how was
The operation?
401
00:17:18,471 --> 00:17:20,473
Yeah. Yeah.
How much did
They shave?
402
00:17:20,473 --> 00:17:23,610
I don't want to bore you
With stories about me.
403
00:17:23,610 --> 00:17:27,046
I'm more interested
In what you guys
Have been up to.
404
00:17:29,916 --> 00:17:31,518
I don't know, uh...
405
00:17:31,518 --> 00:17:32,352
Usual stuff--
406
00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:34,787
No, no.
Don't be shy.
407
00:17:34,787 --> 00:17:37,490
Come on.
Share with me.
408
00:17:37,490 --> 00:17:40,393
Sam's giving
Dr. Sternin
Driving lessons.
409
00:17:40,393 --> 00:17:42,895
Cliff:
Should be giving her
Personality lessons.
410
00:17:42,895 --> 00:17:45,064
Eeh!
411
00:17:46,533 --> 00:17:50,603
But, uh...
Who among us is perfect?
412
00:17:51,838 --> 00:17:54,374
So, uh...
413
00:17:54,374 --> 00:17:56,343
When are you getting
Back to the route?
414
00:17:56,343 --> 00:18:00,213
Doc said
An ordinary guy would be
Out for three weeks,
415
00:18:00,213 --> 00:18:02,249
But with my incredible
Physical stamina--
416
00:18:02,249 --> 00:18:04,417
Uhh! Three weeks.
417
00:18:06,319 --> 00:18:08,588
Cliffie,
Are you ok?
418
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:09,622
You know--
419
00:18:09,622 --> 00:18:12,292
Oh, yeah. A little pain
From the stitches.
420
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:13,526
Mmm.
Oh, wow. Right.
421
00:18:13,526 --> 00:18:15,128
You know, it's lucky
You dropped by.
422
00:18:15,128 --> 00:18:16,229
We were having
This argument.
423
00:18:16,229 --> 00:18:17,964
Maybe you can
Settle it for us.
424
00:18:17,964 --> 00:18:21,368
We were wondering who
Came up with that great
Post office phrase--
425
00:18:21,368 --> 00:18:23,303
Rain, sleet,
Dark of night--
426
00:18:23,303 --> 00:18:25,405
Yeah.
Yeah.
427
00:18:30,910 --> 00:18:32,579
Excuse me.
428
00:18:34,747 --> 00:18:35,782
He did ask.
429
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,850
Ok, but keep it
Short.
430
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:42,755
Well, then...You know,
Interestingly enough,
431
00:18:42,755 --> 00:18:45,725
It harks back to
The early persian empire
432
00:18:45,725 --> 00:18:47,727
About 500 b.C.
433
00:18:47,727 --> 00:18:49,529
Is that right?
Good.
434
00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,864
Yeah, yeah.
As a matter of fact,
435
00:18:51,864 --> 00:18:54,000
A lot of our
Ancient wonders
Are postal-related.
436
00:18:54,000 --> 00:18:55,001
Get out.
437
00:18:55,001 --> 00:18:56,569
Oh, yeah. No, really.
438
00:18:56,569 --> 00:18:59,706
The pyramids,
For example--
They were post offices.
439
00:18:59,706 --> 00:19:02,875
And the sphinx--that was
A late night drop-off. Eeh!
440
00:19:04,611 --> 00:19:06,913
But...I digress.
441
00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:09,582
Cliff...
Cliff: huh?
442
00:19:09,582 --> 00:19:10,950
When you were
In the hospital,
443
00:19:10,950 --> 00:19:13,420
Did they give you
A lobotomy?
444
00:19:13,420 --> 00:19:15,188
I mean,
It suits you.
445
00:19:15,188 --> 00:19:18,458
Oh, boy, did I miss
This good-natured ribbing.
446
00:19:18,458 --> 00:19:19,926
Eeh!
447
00:19:21,127 --> 00:19:22,762
Excuse me.
448
00:19:27,066 --> 00:19:28,235
Getting a little
Trigger-happy
449
00:19:28,235 --> 00:19:30,637
With that thing,
Aren't you?
450
00:19:30,637 --> 00:19:32,239
You sounded
A little sarcastic.
451
00:19:32,239 --> 00:19:33,806
I wasn't being
Sarcastic.
452
00:19:33,806 --> 00:19:36,142
Judgment call.
453
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:38,144
Fair enough.
454
00:19:38,144 --> 00:19:39,879
Welcome back, cliff.
455
00:19:39,879 --> 00:19:41,948
Eeh!
456
00:19:41,948 --> 00:19:43,383
What the hell
Was that for?
457
00:19:43,383 --> 00:19:45,918
Oh, sorry.
Thumb spasm.
458
00:19:48,421 --> 00:19:52,859
Well, it's good to be back.
So who's going to
Buy me a beer? Eeh!
459
00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,395
Come on. It was a joke,
You bozo.
460
00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:58,030
Eeh! Stop that.
461
00:19:58,030 --> 00:19:59,832
Eeh!
I said stop that!
462
00:19:59,832 --> 00:20:03,670
All right,
The experiment's off! Eeh!
463
00:20:03,670 --> 00:20:08,775
You're a quack! Eeh!
Eeh! Eeh! Eeh! Eeh!
464
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:23,390
Ok...Let's see
How you like it, pal.
465
00:20:28,995 --> 00:20:32,332
Remember, we still have
Your deposit on that unit!
466
00:20:41,774 --> 00:20:44,344
So, what were we
Talking about?
467
00:20:48,681 --> 00:20:52,552
Cliff...What's
Going on here?
468
00:20:53,653 --> 00:20:55,722
Where?
469
00:20:55,722 --> 00:20:57,924
Come on, cliff.
470
00:21:00,560 --> 00:21:03,963
Well, it's some
Harebrained scheme
I came up with.
471
00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:05,465
When you guys
Didn't visit me
In the hospital,
472
00:21:05,465 --> 00:21:08,568
I knew
It was because
I wasn't popular.
473
00:21:08,568 --> 00:21:12,204
So I...Went down
To this aversion
Therapy place
474
00:21:12,204 --> 00:21:14,374
And bribed
The guy to...
475
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:15,975
Give me a shock
Every time
I acted like a jerk.
476
00:21:15,975 --> 00:21:19,746
I thought
It could...Make me
A different person.
477
00:21:21,180 --> 00:21:23,316
Guess it
Didn't work, huh?
478
00:21:23,316 --> 00:21:25,418
I'd better be going.
479
00:21:26,285 --> 00:21:28,020
I'll see you guys later.
480
00:21:28,020 --> 00:21:31,958
As a matter of fact,
I guess I won't, huh?
481
00:21:43,002 --> 00:21:44,471
He'll be back.
482
00:21:44,471 --> 00:21:46,138
Yeah,
Sure he will.
483
00:21:46,138 --> 00:21:47,440
I don't know.
484
00:21:47,440 --> 00:21:49,576
Yeah. He kind of sounded
Different this time.
485
00:21:49,576 --> 00:21:51,043
Somebody ought
To go get him.
486
00:21:51,043 --> 00:21:52,178
Yeah.
Yeah.
487
00:21:52,178 --> 00:21:53,680
Yeah, yeah,
488
00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:55,448
But who?
489
00:21:55,448 --> 00:21:57,684
I want norm.
490
00:22:01,454 --> 00:22:03,155
Looks like you're up,
Big fellow.
491
00:22:03,155 --> 00:22:06,726
Yeah. I'll
Have to see if I
Can go catch him, huh?
492
00:22:09,195 --> 00:22:11,130
Cliffie!
493
00:22:11,130 --> 00:22:13,132
Cliff.
494
00:22:13,132 --> 00:22:16,436
Come back in here,
You big mug.
495
00:22:16,436 --> 00:22:17,804
You know
We love you, huh?
496
00:22:17,804 --> 00:22:19,939
This place wouldn't
Be the same without you.
497
00:22:19,939 --> 00:22:21,408
Yeah. Yeah. Sure.
498
00:22:21,408 --> 00:22:24,076
No, and we owe you
A big apology
499
00:22:24,076 --> 00:22:27,680
For not going
To visit you
In the hospital.
500
00:22:27,680 --> 00:22:29,549
And?
501
00:22:29,549 --> 00:22:31,017
We're sorry
We made you feel
502
00:22:31,017 --> 00:22:34,120
Like you had to do all that
Dumb shock therapy stuff.
503
00:22:34,120 --> 00:22:35,321
Yeah.
504
00:22:35,321 --> 00:22:36,823
Yeah.
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Sure.
505
00:22:36,823 --> 00:22:38,525
And?
506
00:22:38,525 --> 00:22:41,528
And, uh...It wasn't
Really necessary
507
00:22:41,528 --> 00:22:43,162
'cause
We're the jerks,
508
00:22:43,162 --> 00:22:45,231
And you're not.
509
00:22:45,231 --> 00:22:46,899
Yeah.
Yeah.
510
00:22:48,801 --> 00:22:50,737
And?
511
00:22:50,737 --> 00:22:52,772
Don't push it,
Clavin.
512
00:22:52,772 --> 00:22:55,908
Now, now, carla,
Stop your blubbering.
513
00:22:57,444 --> 00:22:59,446
Well, I guess
I'm a big enough man
514
00:22:59,446 --> 00:23:00,747
To accept
Your apologies,
515
00:23:00,747 --> 00:23:03,516
And I guess there
Are one or two things
516
00:23:03,516 --> 00:23:05,452
I could change
About my personality,
517
00:23:05,452 --> 00:23:08,455
And, well, let's
Start with this.
518
00:23:08,455 --> 00:23:11,958
Innkeeper, champagne
On me for all my friends.
519
00:23:11,958 --> 00:23:13,993
Oh.
All right.
520
00:23:13,993 --> 00:23:15,562
Great.
All right.
521
00:23:15,562 --> 00:23:16,763
Sammy?
Yeah.
522
00:23:16,763 --> 00:23:20,366
Let's make it
The cheap stuff, ok?
523
00:23:20,366 --> 00:23:22,502
Unh!
524
00:23:22,502 --> 00:23:24,504
All right,
Who's got the button?
525
00:23:24,504 --> 00:23:27,106
Not here.
526
00:23:27,106 --> 00:23:29,175
Dance, mailman.
38224
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