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Back in the '80s, my brother, Barry,
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00:00:02,461 --> 00:00:05,522
never thought things through
and always took big swings.
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00:00:05,557 --> 00:00:07,145
Luckily, he found a woman
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00:00:07,179 --> 00:00:09,871
who could appreciate him for all he was,
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00:00:09,906 --> 00:00:11,873
his equally eccentric
girlfriend, Joanne.
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00:00:11,908 --> 00:00:14,531
Ah, the board of opportunities.
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So many flyers, so many
dreams, so many drummers wanted.
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00:00:18,570 --> 00:00:19,570
Ooh! "Do you want to
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meet lonely singles in your area?"
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00:00:21,607 --> 00:00:24,162
"Shapely ladies are
waiting for your call."
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00:00:24,196 --> 00:00:26,854
I already got the shapeliest
lady on the planet.
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00:00:26,888 --> 00:00:28,062
Yeah, you do.
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00:00:29,098 --> 00:00:30,547
Oh, crap! I gotta go.
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00:00:30,582 --> 00:00:32,686
I'm helping a woman sue the
man who ran over her toe.
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It's super gross and jacked up.
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00:00:34,172 --> 00:00:35,863
I'm totally gonna win.
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00:00:39,418 --> 00:00:41,006
"Luxury apartment"?
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00:00:41,041 --> 00:00:42,663
Oh, a reader. Nice.
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00:00:42,697 --> 00:00:44,492
What's your current
living situation, friend?
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00:00:44,527 --> 00:00:45,562
I live in my childhood home
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00:00:45,597 --> 00:00:47,047
and share a room with my little brother.
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00:00:47,081 --> 00:00:48,807
Sounds like you could
use a place to yourself,
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one with all the amenities.
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00:00:50,671 --> 00:00:51,741
What amenities?
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00:00:51,775 --> 00:00:53,846
A blonde woman in her
50s who cooks for you?
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00:00:53,881 --> 00:00:56,573
Almost! We have sink and window.
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And as a bonus, I'll throw
in easy access to the outside
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00:00:59,438 --> 00:01:00,991
and all that has to offer.
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00:01:01,026 --> 00:01:02,890
Sounds great, but
there's only one problem,
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I don't have any money.
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You don't need money when you
have something called credit.
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00:01:06,618 --> 00:01:08,170
Let me ask you, Are you familiar with
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the predatory lending
laws of Pennsylvania?
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- No.
- Why would you be?
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They're so dern annoying.
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- Blech!
- I gotta think about it.
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00:01:14,143 --> 00:01:15,937
Sorry, it's a very
competitive marketplace,
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- and I have several qualified applicants.
- No!
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00:01:19,320 --> 00:01:20,770
- I'll take it.
- Good man.
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Your swanky bachelor pad awaits.
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Quick question, Do you own a cat?
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- No.
- Oh, I would get one.
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I would get a very large cat.
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Okay, let's sign these documents.
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- And, no, I do not have a pen.
- I got one.
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♪ I'm twisted up inside ♪
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♪ But nonetheless I
feel the need to say ♪
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- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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♪ I don't know the future ♪
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♪ But the past keeps
getting clearer every day ♪
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It was March 1st, 1980-something,
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and my mom was returning
from another fulfilling day
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00:01:50,834 --> 00:01:53,527
as the Quaker Warden
at William Penn Academy.
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Home from school.
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We have any Capri Sun?
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You know where it is.
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Now, tell me all the
news of the outside world,
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'cause I've been cooped up
in here with the little one.
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00:02:00,948 --> 00:02:03,468
Erica, Joe said the funniest
thing today.
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00:02:03,502 --> 00:02:05,608
Joe... as in Mr. Perott,
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00:02:05,642 --> 00:02:06,712
the school's guidance counselor?
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00:02:06,747 --> 00:02:08,437
Joe is so funny.
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00:02:08,473 --> 00:02:11,061
Now, you wouldn't know this
just by looking at Joe, but...
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Today, in the teachers' lounge...
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I dropped my Del Monte
yogurt on the floor.
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00:02:17,792 --> 00:02:19,415
And then Joe comes by and says,
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"Finally, some culture in this place."
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Get it?
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'Cause yogurt has cultures of bacteria.
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Oh, he's so funny, that Joe!
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You seem to be saying "Joe" a lot.
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We're colleagues. I say people's names.
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- Stop being weird.
- It's fine.
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Let me make you a snacky,
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and you can tell me all
about your little crush.
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Ew, um...
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The only crush I have is on my children.
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Joe and I are just friends.
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Friends, huh?
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00:02:42,334 --> 00:02:44,716
Well, I want you ask yourself
these three questions,
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- Do you get excited being around Joe?
- Excited? No.
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Eager and enthusiastic? Sure.
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00:02:50,894 --> 00:02:54,381
Sleepless energy that
crackles with electricity?
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- Kind of.
- Do you do things to get his attention?
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00:02:57,418 --> 00:02:58,488
Never.
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00:02:58,523 --> 00:03:01,146
I mean, do I bake him
endless cakes and pies? Yes.
87
00:03:01,181 --> 00:03:03,562
Do I write cute little notes
and put 'em in his cubby?
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00:03:03,597 --> 00:03:04,977
Of course I do.
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00:03:05,012 --> 00:03:07,773
Do I make faces at him
in the carpool line?
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00:03:07,808 --> 00:03:09,327
How could I not?
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00:03:09,361 --> 00:03:12,053
And, lastly, do you get easily
flustered being around him?
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00:03:12,088 --> 00:03:14,780
- Absolutely not.
- Oh, hi, Mr. Perott.
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00:03:14,815 --> 00:03:17,058
Ah! All the vomit!
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- You have a crush.
- I have a crush.
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Well, what do I do now?
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I already rejected him when we
were on the yearbook committee.
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00:03:23,720 --> 00:03:24,825
Oh, don't worry.
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Men are just lifeless lumps of clay
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begging to be manipulated.
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Watch and learn.
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00:03:29,347 --> 00:03:31,314
Hey, hon, it's your turn on diaper duty.
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00:03:31,349 --> 00:03:32,591
And, sorry, it's atomic.
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There's the guy I picked.
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I just wanted to take a second
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before I change the
diaper to compliment you.
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Okay, take two seconds.
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This fella isn't above
receiving a word bouquet.
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00:03:41,082 --> 00:03:43,775
Your thighs are looking so attractive.
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00:03:43,809 --> 00:03:46,502
What? You can see them through
my relaxed-fit corduroys?
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Oh, big time!
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00:03:47,606 --> 00:03:48,918
Have you been hitting that machine
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00:03:48,952 --> 00:03:50,230
that nobody uses at the gym?
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00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,886
It's always the least sweaty, so, yeah.
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00:03:51,921 --> 00:03:53,612
Well, hubba-hubba.
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00:03:53,647 --> 00:03:55,890
I just wish that I had the
time to get some reps in myself.
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00:03:55,925 --> 00:03:57,720
I must look so gross to you.
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Impossible. You are a vision.
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Well, maybe I'll just let myself go,
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be one of the big ladies
in the "Guinness Book."
120
00:04:04,416 --> 00:04:05,693
You know, they're
smiling in the picture,
121
00:04:05,728 --> 00:04:06,936
so maybe they're happy.
122
00:04:06,970 --> 00:04:08,351
Okay, you know what? I have an idea.
123
00:04:08,386 --> 00:04:10,250
Why don't I just worry about Muriel
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and you take all the time
you need to feel your best?
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00:04:12,597 --> 00:04:13,701
My gracious!
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00:04:13,736 --> 00:04:17,048
What a crazy idea you
totally came up with.
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All right, now hustle off,
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'cause the stink is
hitting my nose hairs.
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00:04:22,158 --> 00:04:24,747
Dumb and done. Good
luck with your crush.
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While Erica was getting my mom ready
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to make a move on Mr. Perott,
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Barry was getting ready to move out.
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I never thought I'd see the day!
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00:04:32,099 --> 00:04:33,618
You're cleaning your side of the room!
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00:04:33,652 --> 00:04:35,861
I would never do that. I'm moving out.
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00:04:35,896 --> 00:04:38,105
Seriously? Don't toy with me, man.
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I signed a lease! I'm outta here!
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Oh, happy day!
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00:04:44,594 --> 00:04:45,699
I can't believe it!
140
00:04:45,733 --> 00:04:46,976
You get your own place,
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00:04:47,010 --> 00:04:48,633
and I get you the hell out of mine!
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00:04:48,667 --> 00:04:51,152
We can finally take a shower
and get dressed like men
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00:04:51,187 --> 00:04:53,016
without being mercilessly
teased and towel-whipped!
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00:04:53,051 --> 00:04:54,742
You could've also just
not done that to me.
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I don't care! I've never been happier!
146
00:04:57,849 --> 00:05:00,265
- What did Joanne say?
- Joanne?
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00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,440
When you guys picked
out the place together?
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00:05:02,474 --> 00:05:05,270
I didn't discuss it with her.
Was that a mistake?
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00:05:05,305 --> 00:05:06,892
Eh, ignore my question.
150
00:05:06,927 --> 00:05:08,100
Keep dancing.
151
00:05:08,135 --> 00:05:09,792
Nothing can derail this happy moment.
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00:05:09,826 --> 00:05:12,760
Oh, no! I never even considered her.
153
00:05:12,795 --> 00:05:13,934
Well, don't tell her that.
154
00:05:13,968 --> 00:05:16,626
Then what should I tell her? I know.
155
00:05:16,661 --> 00:05:18,766
I'll tell her I went
to sleep under a tree,
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and an apartment was built around me.
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It's the perfect crime.
158
00:05:21,700 --> 00:05:23,806
That's a winner, for sure.
159
00:05:23,840 --> 00:05:26,084
But how about starting with the truth?
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00:05:26,118 --> 00:05:27,465
But a gentle truth,
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00:05:27,499 --> 00:05:29,915
that ends with a scenario
where you still move out.
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00:05:29,950 --> 00:05:32,815
Or... I cancel my lease with Calabasas
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00:05:32,849 --> 00:05:34,506
and tell her nothing.
164
00:05:34,541 --> 00:05:36,163
That's a terrible plan.
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00:05:36,197 --> 00:05:38,027
But I'll keep packing, just in case.
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00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:42,721
Oh! There you are!
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00:05:42,756 --> 00:05:44,171
I've been looking for you everywhere.
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Whoa, look who sounds
like my adult children.
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I can no longer take the apartment.
170
00:05:47,588 --> 00:05:49,003
I forgot to tell my girlfriend about it.
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00:05:49,038 --> 00:05:50,453
Look, you have a girlfriend,
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00:05:50,488 --> 00:05:52,317
I have a girlfriend. I totally get it.
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What a relief.
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00:05:53,422 --> 00:05:55,665
My girlfriend, of course,
is that sweet rent money
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that you already gave me,
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00:05:56,873 --> 00:05:58,219
and we're never breaking up.
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00:05:58,254 --> 00:06:00,877
Shady dealings from a
landlord? Unheard of.
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00:06:00,912 --> 00:06:03,501
You signed a contract, mostly
in all the right places.
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00:06:03,535 --> 00:06:06,296
Unfair. But I'll show you.
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00:06:06,331 --> 00:06:08,333
Poke, poke, poke.
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00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,370
My germs are all over your grinder.
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00:06:10,404 --> 00:06:14,166
Please. I've eaten way
more poked food than this.
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00:06:14,201 --> 00:06:16,376
Next month's rent is due in 30 days.
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00:06:16,410 --> 00:06:20,207
- 30 days?
- Wow, your touch has really affected
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00:06:20,241 --> 00:06:21,622
the taste of my sandwich.
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00:06:21,657 --> 00:06:24,073
Barry had made a
mistake he couldn't get out of.
187
00:06:24,107 --> 00:06:26,903
Meanwhile, at school, my
mom was trying her best
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00:06:26,938 --> 00:06:29,285
to get in with Mr. Perott.
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00:06:29,319 --> 00:06:31,736
But her flirting skills
were a little rusty.
190
00:06:31,770 --> 00:06:32,909
Hey!
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00:06:32,944 --> 00:06:35,740
Here comes Bev with some chicken kiev!
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00:06:36,913 --> 00:06:38,432
I don't have any food with me.
193
00:06:38,467 --> 00:06:41,573
- Okay, very rusty.
- I don't know.
194
00:06:41,608 --> 00:06:42,819
So embarrassingly
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00:06:42,819 --> 00:06:44,956
rusty, she thought about giving up.
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00:06:44,990 --> 00:06:47,234
- That is, until this happened.
- Hey.
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00:06:47,268 --> 00:06:48,891
- I wanted to talk to you.
- Me?
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00:06:48,925 --> 00:06:51,721
- Moi? This gal?
- I just want to say, I really like
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00:06:51,756 --> 00:06:53,861
that we've been able to move
past the one-awkward-date thing.
200
00:06:53,896 --> 00:06:56,450
Pfft. I... I barely remember it.
201
00:06:56,485 --> 00:06:58,072
And since we're friends,
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00:06:58,107 --> 00:06:59,419
there's something I want
to talk to you about.
203
00:06:59,453 --> 00:07:01,904
Go on, Joe. Tell me
everything I want to hear.
204
00:07:01,938 --> 00:07:03,699
You know how the Winter
Formal Dance is coming up?
205
00:07:03,733 --> 00:07:06,633
Is it? Huh, I barely noticed
all those banners
206
00:07:06,667 --> 00:07:07,979
I helped make and put up.
207
00:07:08,013 --> 00:07:09,394
And I'm thinking about asking someone
208
00:07:09,429 --> 00:07:12,121
if she'd like to co-chaperone
the event together.
209
00:07:12,155 --> 00:07:14,157
Oh, Joe, stop. No, keep going.
210
00:07:14,192 --> 00:07:15,952
- I don't know how she'll feel about it.
- Go on.
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00:07:15,987 --> 00:07:17,126
Because I've been getting mixed signals.
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00:07:17,160 --> 00:07:19,439
She sounds amazing.
213
00:07:19,473 --> 00:07:21,302
And I bet if you were to ask her,
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00:07:21,337 --> 00:07:23,650
you would get an enthusiastic yes.
215
00:07:23,684 --> 00:07:25,617
Okay. Here goes.
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00:07:25,652 --> 00:07:27,136
This was it.
217
00:07:27,170 --> 00:07:28,793
Mr. Perott was gonna ask her out.
218
00:07:28,827 --> 00:07:31,105
Beverly Goldberg was
back on the dating scene.
219
00:07:31,140 --> 00:07:33,487
And... he wasn't talking about her.
220
00:07:33,522 --> 00:07:35,489
Andrea, would you want to co-chaperone
221
00:07:35,524 --> 00:07:36,766
the winter dance with me?
222
00:07:37,457 --> 00:07:39,148
Oh, I'd love to, Joe!
223
00:07:39,182 --> 00:07:40,736
Oh, oh!
224
00:07:40,770 --> 00:07:43,255
Holy... [bleep]
225
00:07:43,290 --> 00:07:46,017
Oh, this is great news! And fun!
226
00:07:46,051 --> 00:07:47,812
Let's not leave fun off the table.
227
00:07:47,846 --> 00:07:51,471
Fun and great! Oh! Together at last!
228
00:07:51,505 --> 00:07:54,128
Yep, my mom was in the friend zone.
229
00:07:54,163 --> 00:07:56,510
Meanwhile, I had just
finished turning my room back
230
00:07:56,545 --> 00:07:58,339
into a Barry-free zone.
231
00:07:58,374 --> 00:08:00,997
Ad-Rock, I've got a serious problem.
232
00:08:01,032 --> 00:08:03,690
Turns out a lease is a
legally binding document...
233
00:08:03,724 --> 00:08:05,588
Oh, I'm so sad about that!
234
00:08:05,623 --> 00:08:06,658
Like, such a bummer.
235
00:08:06,693 --> 00:08:07,763
Take care now.
236
00:08:07,797 --> 00:08:09,143
What the hell happened in here?
237
00:08:09,178 --> 00:08:10,835
I took the liberty of turning this
238
00:08:10,869 --> 00:08:11,974
back into Adam's love shack.
239
00:08:12,008 --> 00:08:14,010
I don't care what you do
with your He-Man figurines.
240
00:08:14,045 --> 00:08:15,149
I need help.
241
00:08:15,184 --> 00:08:16,944
How many times do I have to tell you
242
00:08:16,979 --> 00:08:18,187
to be honest with Joanne?
243
00:08:18,221 --> 00:08:19,844
For some reason, she loves you.
244
00:08:19,878 --> 00:08:20,948
She'll get it.
245
00:08:20,983 --> 00:08:22,432
But she always thinks about me,
246
00:08:22,467 --> 00:08:24,158
and I completely forgot about her.
247
00:08:24,193 --> 00:08:26,678
Just figure out a way to be
happy together, away from here.
248
00:08:26,713 --> 00:08:29,129
That's it! I'll ask her to move
in with me.
249
00:08:29,163 --> 00:08:31,027
Then I'll tell her I've already found
250
00:08:31,062 --> 00:08:32,890
the perfect place for us to look at,
251
00:08:32,926 --> 00:08:35,203
the apartment I already rented.
252
00:08:35,238 --> 00:08:38,034
She'll fall in love with
it and me at the same time.
253
00:08:38,068 --> 00:08:40,623
- Thanks for the idea!
- Not my idea.
254
00:08:40,658 --> 00:08:42,486
And do you even want
to live with Joanne,
255
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,178
or are you just trying
to avoid a small fight?
256
00:08:44,212 --> 00:08:46,111
It would only be a small fight?
257
00:08:46,146 --> 00:08:48,217
Like 15 minutes, tops.
258
00:08:48,251 --> 00:08:49,908
I'm still not comfortable with that.
259
00:08:49,943 --> 00:08:52,324
Let's move in and live
a life of lies instead.
260
00:08:53,740 --> 00:08:54,810
Have a good day.
261
00:08:54,844 --> 00:08:56,087
- Joanne.
- Oh!
262
00:08:56,121 --> 00:08:58,538
I've been thinking long and
hard about our relationship.
263
00:08:58,572 --> 00:09:00,988
- Oh, noice!
- And I've come to a decision.
264
00:09:01,023 --> 00:09:02,680
I want us to live together,
265
00:09:02,714 --> 00:09:03,853
in our own apartment.
266
00:09:03,888 --> 00:09:05,924
Oh, my God, Bar-Bar!
267
00:09:05,959 --> 00:09:07,926
And I've already lined up
the perfect place for us
268
00:09:07,961 --> 00:09:10,308
to inspect and immediately
fall in love with.
269
00:09:10,342 --> 00:09:11,896
I have wanted us to take this step.
270
00:09:11,930 --> 00:09:13,414
But I also wanted to be sensitive,
271
00:09:13,449 --> 00:09:14,726
since you moved home to be with family
272
00:09:14,761 --> 00:09:16,210
during such a hard year.
273
00:09:16,245 --> 00:09:17,315
Yeah, yeah, all the pain.
274
00:09:17,349 --> 00:09:19,075
But that doesn't matter anymore.
275
00:09:19,110 --> 00:09:21,940
All that matters is us finding a spot,
276
00:09:21,975 --> 00:09:23,563
preferably on the west
side of Walnut Street,
277
00:09:23,597 --> 00:09:24,667
between 4th and 5th.
278
00:09:24,702 --> 00:09:27,497
You, sir, are a great boyfriend.
279
00:09:27,532 --> 00:09:30,052
Maybe the best.
280
00:09:30,086 --> 00:09:31,191
Maybe.
281
00:09:33,780 --> 00:09:35,609
Barry's new plan was actually working.
282
00:09:35,644 --> 00:09:37,853
Joanne was excited
about living together.
283
00:09:37,887 --> 00:09:40,062
That was until they saw the place.
284
00:09:40,096 --> 00:09:42,892
Wow! Look at this palace!
285
00:09:42,927 --> 00:09:45,515
Seems perfect for a couple in love, no?
286
00:09:45,550 --> 00:09:47,517
Sorry, Bar. I don't love it.
287
00:09:47,552 --> 00:09:49,036
Come on, Joanne.
288
00:09:49,071 --> 00:09:51,729
- This place has sentimental value.
- How?
289
00:09:51,763 --> 00:09:54,145
It's the first apartment
we looked at together.
290
00:09:54,179 --> 00:09:56,319
Every couple remembers
and definitely rents
291
00:09:56,354 --> 00:09:58,252
the first apartment
they looked at together.
292
00:09:58,287 --> 00:10:00,254
It's so sweet you
want to rush into this.
293
00:10:00,289 --> 00:10:02,153
But let's explore our options.
294
00:10:02,187 --> 00:10:04,362
Maybe get an apartment that
doesn't smell like onions.
295
00:10:04,396 --> 00:10:05,570
Onions are the best!
296
00:10:05,605 --> 00:10:07,779
They're everyone's
fifth-favorite hot dog topping.
297
00:10:07,814 --> 00:10:10,402
I thought I heard a full and
clear conversation over here.
298
00:10:10,437 --> 00:10:12,370
I live next door. The
walls are paper thin.
299
00:10:12,404 --> 00:10:13,889
I hope you like ska music.
300
00:10:13,923 --> 00:10:14,959
Oh, we're not moving in.
301
00:10:14,993 --> 00:10:16,443
Not today? When? Tomorrow?
302
00:10:16,477 --> 00:10:17,893
- Never.
- Tomorrow sounds good.
303
00:10:17,927 --> 00:10:19,170
Be on your way, stranger.
304
00:10:19,204 --> 00:10:20,723
We're still working out the details.
305
00:10:20,758 --> 00:10:22,242
Relationships seem fun.
306
00:10:22,276 --> 00:10:23,381
Hey, here's your mailbox key.
307
00:10:23,415 --> 00:10:24,934
Just drop the rent in number six.
308
00:10:24,969 --> 00:10:27,419
Barry, did you already rent this place?
309
00:10:27,454 --> 00:10:28,731
- No!
- Yes.
310
00:10:28,766 --> 00:10:31,458
- Which is it?
- Uhhhh...
311
00:10:31,492 --> 00:10:33,667
Uhhhhhh...
312
00:10:33,702 --> 00:10:35,911
- Did I answer you yet?
- You did not.
313
00:10:35,945 --> 00:10:38,845
Allow me to clarify, no backsies.
314
00:10:38,879 --> 00:10:41,364
Yep, Barry had been found out.
315
00:10:41,399 --> 00:10:45,023
Meanwhile, my mom had found out
her crush liked someone else.
316
00:10:45,058 --> 00:10:47,508
And she wasn't taking it well.
317
00:10:47,543 --> 00:10:48,993
Schmoo, what happened?
318
00:10:49,027 --> 00:10:50,995
He asked someone else
to the dance, Erica.
319
00:10:51,029 --> 00:10:52,582
I hate him! I hate boys!
320
00:10:52,617 --> 00:10:53,653
I hate school!
321
00:10:53,687 --> 00:10:55,137
And I'm never going back!
322
00:10:55,171 --> 00:10:57,518
I know, but you have
to go back, sweetie.
323
00:10:57,553 --> 00:10:59,037
I'm done listening to you.
324
00:10:59,072 --> 00:11:00,349
I'm gonna go up to my room,
325
00:11:00,383 --> 00:11:01,833
and I'm not even gonna
come out for dinner.
326
00:11:01,868 --> 00:11:03,870
That's confusing to me,
because does that mean
327
00:11:03,904 --> 00:11:06,113
that you're not going
to make dinner or...
328
00:11:06,148 --> 00:11:07,597
Of course I'm gonna make dinner.
329
00:11:07,632 --> 00:11:09,634
I love providing for my family.
330
00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:10,946
But I'm not gonna eat it.
331
00:11:10,980 --> 00:11:13,673
- Now leave me alone forever!
- Okay.
332
00:11:13,707 --> 00:11:15,329
Well, I'm gonna give you some space
333
00:11:15,364 --> 00:11:17,055
so you can get out
all your big feelings.
334
00:11:17,090 --> 00:11:19,299
No, wait, don't go. I need you.
335
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,716
- Daughter Bear's right here, pumpkin.
- Mm.
336
00:11:22,751 --> 00:11:24,476
What do I do?
337
00:11:24,511 --> 00:11:27,065
Well, sometimes you like someone,
338
00:11:27,100 --> 00:11:28,549
and they don't like you back.
339
00:11:28,584 --> 00:11:31,725
- And you just have to be okay with that.
- Oh, my God.
340
00:11:31,760 --> 00:11:33,278
That's not what you say.
341
00:11:33,313 --> 00:11:34,521
You say he's an idiot
342
00:11:34,555 --> 00:11:36,696
who doesn't know what
he's missing out on.
343
00:11:36,730 --> 00:11:37,800
There is a way, you know.
344
00:11:39,181 --> 00:11:40,320
What are you talking about?
345
00:11:40,354 --> 00:11:41,597
You think you're the only one
346
00:11:41,631 --> 00:11:43,772
who knows how to play the
game of flirtation and romance?
347
00:11:43,806 --> 00:11:46,809
I'm listening. Tell me how to
beat the system, wise Geoff.
348
00:11:46,844 --> 00:11:49,191
No, no, no. Don't fill
her head with sunshine.
349
00:11:49,225 --> 00:11:51,883
- Now put the baby down.
- No.
350
00:11:52,850 --> 00:11:54,196
"No"?
351
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:56,060
What is this "No"? I'm
not familiar with it.
352
00:11:56,094 --> 00:11:58,925
You complimented my thighs,
and you didn't even mean it.
353
00:11:58,959 --> 00:12:00,167
My thighs are amazing.
354
00:12:00,202 --> 00:12:01,893
They taper and bulge
in all the right places.
355
00:12:01,928 --> 00:12:03,481
You know about my flirtation game?
356
00:12:03,515 --> 00:12:04,689
Oh, I know all your moves.
357
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,242
But you don't know mine.
358
00:12:06,277 --> 00:12:08,831
There's only one thing that
gets someone's attention.
359
00:12:08,866 --> 00:12:10,108
Jealousy.
360
00:12:10,143 --> 00:12:11,558
When has that ever worked for you?
361
00:12:11,592 --> 00:12:14,078
Oh, sweet, foolish, naive Erica.
362
00:12:14,112 --> 00:12:15,527
You didn't pay me the time of day
363
00:12:15,562 --> 00:12:17,288
until you saw a little candy on my arm.
364
00:12:17,909 --> 00:12:19,428
Wait, Evy Silver?
365
00:12:19,462 --> 00:12:21,430
I used Silver to get the gold.
366
00:12:21,464 --> 00:12:22,603
Goldberg, that is.
367
00:12:22,638 --> 00:12:24,467
You... played me?
368
00:12:25,952 --> 00:12:27,954
Mom, this can't be who you listen to.
369
00:12:27,988 --> 00:12:31,026
You know, making him jealous
instead of doing nothing
370
00:12:31,060 --> 00:12:34,374
- seems to be the better choice.
- Yes!
371
00:12:34,408 --> 00:12:35,927
Now watch my sweet thighs disappear
372
00:12:35,962 --> 00:12:37,135
as I walk away in victory.
373
00:12:40,414 --> 00:12:42,106
His thighs are pretty amazing.
374
00:12:42,140 --> 00:12:43,555
Thanks to Geoff's advice,
375
00:12:43,590 --> 00:12:45,834
my mom was off to win over Mr. Perott.
376
00:12:45,868 --> 00:12:48,975
Meanwhile, Barry was worried
he had just lost Joanne.
377
00:12:49,009 --> 00:12:50,252
Come on, Jo Jo Bean.
378
00:12:50,286 --> 00:12:51,978
Please, come out and talk to me.
379
00:12:52,012 --> 00:12:53,151
Yeah, Jo Jo Bean.
380
00:12:53,186 --> 00:12:54,566
If you stay in there another 30 minutes,
381
00:12:54,601 --> 00:12:57,121
I can legally charge you
for wrongful habitation.
382
00:12:57,155 --> 00:12:58,915
You know nothing of the law.
383
00:12:58,950 --> 00:13:01,884
And you. Let me just get the
sequence of events down here.
384
00:13:01,919 --> 00:13:03,472
You rented an apartment for yourself
385
00:13:03,506 --> 00:13:04,922
without even thinking about me.
386
00:13:04,956 --> 00:13:06,061
No comment?
387
00:13:06,095 --> 00:13:08,408
I would like to comment.
Yes. Yes, he did.
388
00:13:08,442 --> 00:13:09,616
And then you realized you messed up
389
00:13:09,650 --> 00:13:11,549
and you tried to convince
me to live in this dump!
390
00:13:11,583 --> 00:13:13,102
How dare you!
391
00:13:13,137 --> 00:13:14,310
I know the dump very well.
392
00:13:14,345 --> 00:13:16,347
Some of my best friends
live in the dump.
393
00:13:16,381 --> 00:13:19,315
And this, madame, is slightly better.
394
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:21,628
Look, I tried to get
my money back first.
395
00:13:21,662 --> 00:13:24,251
Oh, so living with me
was your third choice?
396
00:13:24,286 --> 00:13:25,805
I didn't want to make you mad.
397
00:13:25,839 --> 00:13:27,185
Oh, so you went through all this trouble
398
00:13:27,220 --> 00:13:28,428
to cover up your mistake,
399
00:13:28,462 --> 00:13:30,533
rather than having the exact
fight we're having right now?
400
00:13:30,568 --> 00:13:33,019
Well, it is unpleasant. Don't you agree?
401
00:13:33,053 --> 00:13:35,021
Hello, happy couple!
402
00:13:35,055 --> 00:13:36,539
Just solidifying you moved out
403
00:13:36,574 --> 00:13:38,334
by dropping off a house warming gift.
404
00:13:38,369 --> 00:13:39,819
Barry, do you even want to live with me?
405
00:13:39,853 --> 00:13:41,924
I don't know what I want.
406
00:13:41,959 --> 00:13:44,962
Well, you'll have plenty
of time to figure it out
407
00:13:44,996 --> 00:13:47,999
when you live here by yourself. And you.
408
00:13:48,034 --> 00:13:50,484
I'm a lawyer, and this isn't
even a legal place to live.
409
00:13:50,519 --> 00:13:52,935
There is lead paint,
mold, improper ventilation,
410
00:13:52,970 --> 00:13:54,764
and probably Legionnaires' disease.
411
00:13:54,799 --> 00:13:56,836
Fine. Barry, I never
would've rented to you
412
00:13:56,870 --> 00:13:58,492
if I knew you knew a lawyer.
413
00:13:58,527 --> 00:14:02,807
- Now everyone is happy and forgiven!
- No, Barry.
414
00:14:02,842 --> 00:14:04,878
I love you, and I don't want
you to be taken advantage of.
415
00:14:04,913 --> 00:14:06,293
But as far as we're concerned,
416
00:14:06,328 --> 00:14:08,502
you have really gone too far this time.
417
00:14:09,676 --> 00:14:11,367
Even though Joanne bailed him out,
418
00:14:11,402 --> 00:14:13,059
Barry didn't feel any better.
419
00:14:13,093 --> 00:14:15,164
Meanwhile, my mom roped Coach Nick
420
00:14:15,199 --> 00:14:17,684
into making Mr. Perott feel jealous.
421
00:14:17,718 --> 00:14:19,651
You look lovely tonight, Beverly.
422
00:14:19,686 --> 00:14:22,516
Your dress is sparkly,
like a championship ring.
423
00:14:22,551 --> 00:14:25,036
And you... brought two whistles.
424
00:14:25,071 --> 00:14:28,212
Oh, almost forgot. My lady.
425
00:14:29,661 --> 00:14:31,387
Beverly, you're here?
426
00:14:31,422 --> 00:14:33,182
Joe, I didn't see you there.
427
00:14:33,217 --> 00:14:36,013
Yes, I'm also co-chaperoning this dance
428
00:14:36,047 --> 00:14:38,532
with my big, strapping date, Nick.
429
00:14:38,567 --> 00:14:41,397
- Please, call me Coach Nick.
- That's weird.
430
00:14:41,432 --> 00:14:43,365
I didn't see your name on
the sign-up sheet, Beverly.
431
00:14:43,399 --> 00:14:45,056
Oh, well, you probably didn't
flip it over to the back
432
00:14:45,091 --> 00:14:46,575
where I added two extra lines
433
00:14:46,609 --> 00:14:48,818
for myself and Coach Nick, Andrea.
434
00:14:48,853 --> 00:14:50,165
Does that mean some
of us can leave, or...
435
00:14:50,199 --> 00:14:51,718
Yeah, I guess so.
436
00:14:51,752 --> 00:14:54,065
- Andrea, bye-bye.
- I'd like to stay.
437
00:14:54,100 --> 00:14:55,515
I'm enjoying myself.
438
00:14:55,549 --> 00:14:56,723
Not too much, I hope.
439
00:14:56,757 --> 00:14:59,726
I mean, who chaperones the chaperones?
440
00:14:59,760 --> 00:15:00,865
I do.
441
00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:02,384
Well, let's just have
fun out there, all right?
442
00:15:02,418 --> 00:15:04,731
That's what losers say. We're gonna win.
443
00:15:04,765 --> 00:15:08,217
- Win what?
- If you don't know, you've already lost.
444
00:15:09,667 --> 00:15:11,600
And so began my mom's attempts
445
00:15:11,634 --> 00:15:13,257
at getting Mr. Perott's attention.
446
00:15:13,291 --> 00:15:15,397
She did everything you
do at a high school dance,
447
00:15:15,431 --> 00:15:17,192
starting with this classic.
448
00:15:19,953 --> 00:15:21,023
Stop. Stop.
449
00:15:21,058 --> 00:15:22,093
What are you doing?
450
00:15:22,128 --> 00:15:24,475
I'm not supposed to have
carbs after 6:00 p.m.
451
00:15:24,509 --> 00:15:27,409
Now I have to jumping-jack it off!
452
00:15:27,443 --> 00:15:28,678
Then she took a swing
453
00:15:28,678 --> 00:15:30,757
at good old-fashioned chaperoning.
454
00:15:30,791 --> 00:15:32,621
Hey, kids! Not so close.
455
00:15:32,655 --> 00:15:35,313
Oh, I thought you were students.
456
00:15:35,348 --> 00:15:38,040
Well, either way, good
rule to live by, huh?
457
00:15:38,075 --> 00:15:39,179
Back up a little.
458
00:15:39,214 --> 00:15:41,733
Of course,
there was also the fake laugh.
459
00:15:41,768 --> 00:15:44,598
And that's why I eat 10 bags
of sunflower seeds a day.
460
00:15:44,633 --> 00:15:48,568
Oh, Coach Nick, you're so funny!
461
00:15:48,602 --> 00:15:51,467
- You're a laugh riot!
- It's not funny, Beverly.
462
00:15:51,502 --> 00:15:53,435
I have a phosphorus deficiency.
463
00:15:53,469 --> 00:15:56,403
But Mr. Perott
still wasn't taking the bait.
464
00:15:56,438 --> 00:15:59,889
Luckily, my mom had one
last trick up her sleeve.
465
00:15:59,924 --> 00:16:01,063
Andrea...
466
00:16:01,098 --> 00:16:03,134
You need to get out to
the parking lot right now.
467
00:16:03,169 --> 00:16:04,964
Some kids are about
to tip your car over.
468
00:16:04,998 --> 00:16:06,896
- My Buick Regal?
- Get out there, now!
469
00:16:06,931 --> 00:16:10,521
- Go! Scoot!
- Bev, what is going on?
470
00:16:10,555 --> 00:16:12,523
What on earth are you talking about?
471
00:16:12,557 --> 00:16:13,800
Well, you're being rude to Andrea.
472
00:16:13,834 --> 00:16:15,008
Also, you're not chaperoning at all.
473
00:16:15,043 --> 00:16:16,113
This punch is very spiked.
474
00:16:16,147 --> 00:16:17,942
S'all good.
475
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:19,357
Bev, stop.
476
00:16:20,669 --> 00:16:22,153
What is going on with you?
477
00:16:23,499 --> 00:16:24,500
Fine.
478
00:16:25,605 --> 00:16:27,089
I like you.
479
00:16:27,124 --> 00:16:28,435
What was that?
480
00:16:28,470 --> 00:16:30,127
I think you're neat.
481
00:16:30,161 --> 00:16:31,266
I'm not picking that up.
482
00:16:32,198 --> 00:16:34,441
I have a fondness for you.
483
00:16:34,476 --> 00:16:35,995
Maybe just a little
louder over the music.
484
00:16:36,029 --> 00:16:37,617
I like you, okay?
485
00:16:39,550 --> 00:16:41,931
Beverly...
486
00:16:41,966 --> 00:16:45,349
This was a mistake. I'm sorry.
487
00:16:45,383 --> 00:16:46,557
I'll just leave,
488
00:16:46,591 --> 00:16:48,040
and you and Andrea can have a good time.
489
00:16:53,495 --> 00:16:55,152
Joanne was incredibly hurt.
490
00:16:55,186 --> 00:16:57,464
But there was a new flyer on the kiosk
491
00:16:57,499 --> 00:16:59,570
that just might ease her pain.
492
00:16:59,604 --> 00:17:01,296
"Lost girlfriend"?
493
00:17:01,330 --> 00:17:02,987
Maybe you've seen her.
494
00:17:03,022 --> 00:17:05,195
She's beautiful and smart and kind
495
00:17:05,231 --> 00:17:06,646
and puts up with a lot.
496
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,061
Yeah, she does.
497
00:17:09,097 --> 00:17:11,306
And a flyer isn't gonna
fix everything, Barry.
498
00:17:11,339 --> 00:17:12,721
But maybe two flyers would.
499
00:17:15,619 --> 00:17:18,415
- "Found, idiot boyfriend."
- Yeah.
500
00:17:18,451 --> 00:17:20,694
He was wandering around
all sad and miserable
501
00:17:20,729 --> 00:17:22,213
'cause he messed up real bad.
502
00:17:22,248 --> 00:17:23,525
Barry, I think you cut yourself a little
503
00:17:23,559 --> 00:17:25,251
- with that staple gun.
- Just let me finish.
504
00:17:25,285 --> 00:17:26,528
It's bleeding pretty bad.
505
00:17:26,561 --> 00:17:27,666
No, Joanne.
506
00:17:27,701 --> 00:17:29,255
What's bad is how much I screwed up.
507
00:17:29,289 --> 00:17:31,101
You need to get a rag
or maybe a tourniquet!
508
00:17:31,102 --> 00:17:32,844
Do you not feel that?
509
00:17:32,879 --> 00:17:35,778
The only thing I can feel
is the pain I caused you.
510
00:17:35,813 --> 00:17:36,848
At least put some pressure on it
511
00:17:36,883 --> 00:17:38,160
or, like, elevate it over your head.
512
00:17:38,195 --> 00:17:40,956
Exactly. I'm over my head
in love with you.
513
00:17:40,990 --> 00:17:42,923
It's really pumping. I can
tell when your heart beats.
514
00:17:42,958 --> 00:17:44,580
When that apartment came up,
515
00:17:44,615 --> 00:17:46,203
you should've been my first thought.
516
00:17:46,237 --> 00:17:47,445
You're about to have no more thoughts
517
00:17:47,480 --> 00:17:49,171
because you are running out of blood.
518
00:17:49,206 --> 00:17:50,724
I always want to put you first,
519
00:17:50,759 --> 00:17:52,657
and I definitely want to live with you.
520
00:17:52,692 --> 00:17:53,934
That's incredibly sweet,
521
00:17:53,969 --> 00:17:56,420
but we need to get you some
medical attention, like, now.
522
00:17:56,454 --> 00:17:57,697
So you forgive me?
523
00:17:57,731 --> 00:17:59,768
- Yes, of course.
- Yes!
524
00:17:59,802 --> 00:18:02,115
Bar-Bar and Jo Jo are back!
525
00:18:02,150 --> 00:18:04,083
Oh, I feel a little light headed.
526
00:18:04,117 --> 00:18:05,117
Sure.
527
00:18:05,251 --> 00:18:06,251
While Joanne finally
528
00:18:06,335 --> 00:18:07,879
knew what Barry's heart was full of,
529
00:18:07,914 --> 00:18:10,434
my mom was feeling empty herself.
530
00:18:12,608 --> 00:18:14,196
Thank you for coming.
531
00:18:14,231 --> 00:18:15,956
Mom, I'm always here for you.
532
00:18:18,131 --> 00:18:20,720
Being single is so new to me.
533
00:18:20,754 --> 00:18:23,309
And I clearly don't know what I'm doing.
534
00:18:23,343 --> 00:18:25,828
Yeah, maybe we didn't
give you the best advice.
535
00:18:26,588 --> 00:18:28,935
The truth is, dating is hard.
536
00:18:28,969 --> 00:18:30,661
And it's gonna be extra hard for you
537
00:18:30,695 --> 00:18:33,733
because you're starting over.
538
00:18:33,767 --> 00:18:36,632
But give yourself some credit
for getting back out there.
539
00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:38,876
You are brave and strong.
540
00:18:38,910 --> 00:18:40,119
And you are no fool.
541
00:18:41,913 --> 00:18:43,605
Well, one thing I know for sure
542
00:18:43,639 --> 00:18:46,297
is you are gonna be
a great mom to Muriel
543
00:18:46,332 --> 00:18:48,610
when some dumb boy breaks her heart.
544
00:18:53,201 --> 00:18:54,409
Beverly?
545
00:18:56,100 --> 00:18:58,240
Oh. Hi, Joe.
546
00:18:58,275 --> 00:19:00,104
I'll be in the car if you need me.
547
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:03,107
♪ Another night slowly closes in ♪
548
00:19:04,695 --> 00:19:06,179
I always thought these dances were weird
549
00:19:06,214 --> 00:19:07,491
when I was in high school.
550
00:19:07,525 --> 00:19:09,251
I guess not much has changed.
551
00:19:09,286 --> 00:19:11,805
- I'm so sorry.
- Beverly, stop.
552
00:19:13,186 --> 00:19:15,050
I was gonna ask you,
553
00:19:15,084 --> 00:19:16,810
would you consider coming
back inside with me?
554
00:19:16,845 --> 00:19:19,019
Why? So I can sign a legal document
555
00:19:19,054 --> 00:19:21,298
saying I won't come
within 50 feet of you?
556
00:19:21,332 --> 00:19:22,954
No, to co-chaperone.
557
00:19:24,059 --> 00:19:26,613
I don't understand. What about Andrea?
558
00:19:26,648 --> 00:19:27,890
Andrea drank a lot of punch,
559
00:19:27,925 --> 00:19:29,892
and she's lying in the
back of her Buick Regal.
560
00:19:31,515 --> 00:19:34,276
But... I would prefer your company.
561
00:19:34,311 --> 00:19:37,106
♪ I can't believe you're gone ♪
562
00:19:37,141 --> 00:19:38,660
♪ You were the first ♪
563
00:19:38,694 --> 00:19:39,902
I'd like that.
564
00:19:40,834 --> 00:19:42,664
- Let's do it.
- All right!
565
00:19:42,698 --> 00:19:47,186
♪ Wherever you go I'll be with you ♪
566
00:19:47,220 --> 00:19:49,878
That's the thing
about starting something new.
567
00:19:49,912 --> 00:19:52,501
It can be challenging and scary.
568
00:19:52,536 --> 00:19:55,677
♪ Whatever you want
I'll give it to you ♪
569
00:19:55,711 --> 00:19:57,713
But if you're
doing it for the right reasons,
570
00:19:57,748 --> 00:20:00,164
with the right people,
it doesn't have to be.
571
00:20:02,891 --> 00:20:04,927
And when you're brave enough to try,
572
00:20:04,962 --> 00:20:08,517
you never know, it might
lead to great things.
573
00:20:08,552 --> 00:20:10,381
♪ ... and head upon ♪
574
00:20:10,416 --> 00:20:13,246
♪ Remember, after the fire ♪
575
00:20:13,281 --> 00:20:16,318
♪ After all the rain ♪
576
00:20:16,353 --> 00:20:21,496
♪ I will be the flame ♪
577
00:20:23,049 --> 00:20:25,016
They're all so cute, aren't they?
578
00:20:25,051 --> 00:20:27,226
- They are.
- Which one's yours?
579
00:20:27,881 --> 00:20:29,504
The big blonde one.
580
00:20:34,060 --> 00:20:38,098
♪ You were the first
You'll be the last ♪
581
00:20:39,548 --> 00:20:44,519
♪ Whatever you want
I'll give it to you ♪
582
00:20:57,290 --> 00:20:59,430
Where have you been, young lady?
583
00:20:59,465 --> 00:21:00,914
Oh, Erica.
584
00:21:01,570 --> 00:21:02,882
Did you wait up for me?
585
00:21:02,916 --> 00:21:04,090
How was I supposed to sleep,
586
00:21:04,124 --> 00:21:05,781
knowing that you were out
running around in the streets
587
00:21:05,816 --> 00:21:08,059
with God knows who,
doing God knows what?
588
00:21:08,094 --> 00:21:10,959
I just went out with Joe to
get ice cream after the dance.
589
00:21:10,993 --> 00:21:12,754
- No biggie.
- Oh, "no biggie"?
590
00:21:12,788 --> 00:21:14,273
It's a very big biggie!
591
00:21:14,307 --> 00:21:16,723
Do they not have phones at
this ice cream establishment?
592
00:21:16,758 --> 00:21:17,793
Okay, I didn't think...
593
00:21:17,828 --> 00:21:18,898
That's right, you didn't think.
594
00:21:18,932 --> 00:21:20,209
Now go to your room while
my brothers and I decide
595
00:21:20,244 --> 00:21:21,280
what to do with you.
596
00:21:21,314 --> 00:21:22,764
Sorry. I'll do better next time.
597
00:21:22,798 --> 00:21:24,731
Yes, you will, or there
won't bea next time.
598
00:21:24,766 --> 00:21:27,976
- Is that it?
- Well, you're lucky that it is.
599
00:21:28,010 --> 00:21:29,184
Now, tell me everything about Joe.
600
00:21:30,623 --> 00:21:35,623
- Synced and corrected by actumaxime -
- www.addic7ed.com -
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