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1
00:00:01,580 --> 00:00:03,740
Whee!
2
00:00:03,750 --> 00:00:05,730
Uh-oh. Aah!
3
00:00:11,600 --> 00:00:13,590
(toy squeaking)
4
00:00:13,590 --> 00:00:14,700
HOMER: D'oh.
5
00:00:22,870 --> 00:00:26,100
So eggs, which were bad,
then good,
6
00:00:26,100 --> 00:00:28,040
then bad again,
are now good again.
7
00:00:28,050 --> 00:00:29,790
And... Wait a minute.
8
00:00:29,790 --> 00:00:31,210
Now they're bad again.
9
00:00:31,210 --> 00:00:34,370
I can't believe you still watch
the local news, Dad.
10
00:00:34,370 --> 00:00:36,130
Local news is great, sweetie.
11
00:00:36,130 --> 00:00:38,440
It's just like
your precious Internet,
12
00:00:38,450 --> 00:00:39,890
except you don't post
angry comments,
13
00:00:39,890 --> 00:00:42,060
you yell them at the screen.
14
00:00:42,060 --> 00:00:45,120
You call those
lottery numbers?!
15
00:00:45,120 --> 00:00:46,970
You call that a weather report?
16
00:00:46,970 --> 00:00:48,210
In other news...
17
00:00:48,210 --> 00:00:49,900
You call that a segue?
18
00:00:49,900 --> 00:00:51,400
A heartbreaking story today
19
00:00:51,400 --> 00:00:53,810
at one of Springfield's
oldest establishments.
20
00:00:53,810 --> 00:00:55,240
Stupid local news.
21
00:00:55,240 --> 00:00:58,310
Always making everything sound
like the end of the world.
22
00:00:58,320 --> 00:01:00,580
Springfield's Bowl-A-Rama
23
00:01:00,580 --> 00:01:02,640
is closing forever.
24
00:01:02,640 --> 00:01:04,140
No!
25
00:01:04,140 --> 00:01:05,250
Why does every place
26
00:01:05,250 --> 00:01:08,710
nobody goes to anymore close?
27
00:01:11,160 --> 00:01:14,010
Farewell, workout
of the working man.
28
00:01:14,020 --> 00:01:15,410
The thunder of the pins,
29
00:01:15,410 --> 00:01:18,150
the sweet smell
of shoe disinfectant,
30
00:01:18,150 --> 00:01:21,080
the beauty
of a perfectly-dragged toe.
31
00:01:21,080 --> 00:01:23,080
That alley was magical.
32
00:01:23,080 --> 00:01:24,580
It's where I was initiated
33
00:01:24,580 --> 00:01:26,750
into one of the greatest wonders
of my life.
34
00:01:26,750 --> 00:01:29,440
Hey, little squirt.
35
00:01:29,440 --> 00:01:33,440
You want to try these new things
called nachos?
36
00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,000
Oh, big deal.
37
00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,840
It's just a stack
of tortilla chips.
38
00:01:36,840 --> 00:01:38,400
Is it?
39
00:01:38,840 --> 00:01:40,570
♪
40
00:01:43,190 --> 00:01:45,620
I've licked the face of God.
41
00:01:52,460 --> 00:01:54,020
Mmm.
42
00:01:54,020 --> 00:01:56,280
Homer.
43
00:01:57,280 --> 00:01:58,370
Wait, wait, wait.
Was that your daydream
44
00:01:58,380 --> 00:02:01,950
-or little Homer's?
-It doesn't matter.
45
00:02:01,950 --> 00:02:03,550
We can't let that alley
go out of business.
46
00:02:03,550 --> 00:02:06,720
We'll go there, park our butts
on the manager's face,
47
00:02:06,720 --> 00:02:07,640
and never, ever leave.
48
00:02:07,640 --> 00:02:09,790
-Yeah!
-Yeah!
49
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,400
Their beer is the best.
50
00:02:12,130 --> 00:02:13,310
Wait, wait, wait, wait.
51
00:02:13,320 --> 00:02:14,870
If you do that,
then I'll go out of business.
52
00:02:14,880 --> 00:02:17,710
-Eh.
-Yeah.
-Mm.
53
00:02:17,710 --> 00:02:19,140
This place is depressing.
54
00:02:19,140 --> 00:02:20,490
Eh, what the hell.
55
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:27,310
Hey, look, don't blame me.
56
00:02:27,310 --> 00:02:30,290
The lanes are so warped, people
just don't want to bowl anymore.
57
00:02:33,990 --> 00:02:36,400
-So, I'm selling out.
-Relax, people.
58
00:02:36,400 --> 00:02:39,340
I bought the alley
because I love the retro vibe.
59
00:02:39,340 --> 00:02:41,680
Did you know John Waters
wears bowling shirts?
60
00:02:41,680 --> 00:02:42,740
ALL:
Yes.
61
00:02:42,740 --> 00:02:43,900
I'm gonna
turn this amazing space
62
00:02:43,910 --> 00:02:47,420
into The Bowl-A-Rama
at Springfield Yards.
63
00:02:47,430 --> 00:02:51,090
You'll be able to live, work,
doom-scroll, cat-cafe...
64
00:02:51,100 --> 00:02:53,910
-And bowl?
-No. No bowling. Ugh.
65
00:02:53,920 --> 00:02:56,080
Hey, pal, if you don't like
bowling, you don't like me.
66
00:02:56,080 --> 00:02:59,680
-I don't like you.
-Mm. Fair enough.
67
00:02:59,680 --> 00:03:01,180
Terrence, give us one week
68
00:03:01,180 --> 00:03:03,110
to make this alley
a going concern.
69
00:03:03,110 --> 00:03:04,610
You'll have more bowlers
than a hat shop.
70
00:03:04,610 --> 00:03:07,020
We'll prove you wrong.
71
00:03:07,020 --> 00:03:09,260
Ugh. Can't you just
prove me wrong now?
72
00:03:09,260 --> 00:03:10,520
I hate waiting for anything.
73
00:03:10,520 --> 00:03:12,930
One week.
74
00:03:12,930 --> 00:03:14,380
Well, I hate waiting,
but I love being proved wrong.
75
00:03:14,380 --> 00:03:16,540
You're on.
76
00:03:17,770 --> 00:03:18,960
We're here for the, uh...
77
00:03:18,960 --> 00:03:22,510
"Night of Everlasting
Bowl-mates?"
78
00:03:27,890 --> 00:03:30,560
Uh, maybe we'll just
skip the bowling.
79
00:03:30,560 --> 00:03:32,450
(growls)
80
00:03:32,450 --> 00:03:35,480
Like hell you will.
(grunts)
81
00:03:37,140 --> 00:03:38,640
I'm here for my birthday party,
82
00:03:38,790 --> 00:03:42,810
which you said would be at the
Laser Tag and Crocodile Ranch.
83
00:03:42,810 --> 00:03:45,060
(scoffs)
How old is this place?
84
00:03:45,060 --> 00:03:47,530
The soda machine
doesn't even take phones.
85
00:03:49,140 --> 00:03:51,230
I'll have you know this place
is endorsed by a group
86
00:03:51,230 --> 00:03:55,330
that's popular
with today's kids: ZZ Top.
87
00:03:56,740 --> 00:03:59,810
How many of these lame-o
beard-os are still alive?
88
00:03:59,810 --> 00:04:02,260
All of them. I think.
89
00:04:02,260 --> 00:04:03,590
Oh, boy.
90
00:04:03,590 --> 00:04:05,580
Oh, attendance is barely up.
91
00:04:05,580 --> 00:04:07,500
And the fire department
won't even let me
92
00:04:07,510 --> 00:04:08,760
lock people in.
93
00:04:08,770 --> 00:04:11,750
-Let us out, please.
-Never!
94
00:04:11,750 --> 00:04:13,160
Oh. Right.
95
00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:15,160
Come on, Marge, help me out.
96
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:17,090
Let's bowl the night away.
97
00:04:17,090 --> 00:04:19,270
I don't bowl, Homer.
It's your thing.
98
00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:21,760
Please, I just want
one thing in this world
99
00:04:21,760 --> 00:04:23,340
to be like it was.
100
00:04:23,340 --> 00:04:24,600
When I drive down
Crypto.com Boulevard,
101
00:04:24,600 --> 00:04:27,430
I can barely remember
102
00:04:27,430 --> 00:04:30,930
which cannabis dispensaries
used to be Internet cafes.
103
00:04:30,940 --> 00:04:32,680
I don't want to bowl!
104
00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,560
Marge, are you concealing
105
00:04:34,570 --> 00:04:37,170
a secret about bowling?
106
00:04:38,440 --> 00:04:40,520
Bowling and life
107
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:42,280
begin in the hips.
108
00:04:42,280 --> 00:04:43,090
Oh.
109
00:04:45,450 --> 00:04:47,640
(grunts)
110
00:04:47,640 --> 00:04:49,550
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh! D'oh!
111
00:04:49,550 --> 00:04:50,450
(whoops)
112
00:04:50,460 --> 00:04:52,380
D'oh!
113
00:04:52,380 --> 00:04:55,700
Um, there's something
I never told you about my past.
114
00:04:55,700 --> 00:04:57,870
The past. (scoffs)
115
00:04:57,870 --> 00:04:59,370
The past is past.
116
00:04:59,370 --> 00:05:01,390
Do you want to know
every little mistake I've made?
117
00:05:01,390 --> 00:05:03,820
-Sort of.
-Aah! Let's go bowling.
118
00:05:04,820 --> 00:05:06,990
Now, the ball might seem
a little greasy.
119
00:05:06,990 --> 00:05:09,070
Make sure you don't
drop it on your foot.
120
00:05:09,070 --> 00:05:10,990
To put it in your language,
121
00:05:10,990 --> 00:05:13,580
it's like rolling a Maggie.
122
00:05:14,810 --> 00:05:17,330
Strike!
You got a strike.
123
00:05:17,330 --> 00:05:21,130
Pretend you're hurling a roast
into an oven 60 feet away.
124
00:05:22,750 --> 00:05:24,490
Are you gonna listen to me
or are you gonna bowl?
125
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:28,570
Watch out, pins.
Here comes Mama.
126
00:05:28,570 --> 00:05:29,760
("Hells Bells" by AC/DC playing)
127
00:05:39,600 --> 00:05:42,520
A baby split with company.
128
00:05:42,530 --> 00:05:43,980
I got this.
129
00:05:46,700 --> 00:05:48,850
Wow, Homer. Your wife bowls
130
00:05:48,850 --> 00:05:50,770
like a 60-year-old teamster.
131
00:05:50,780 --> 00:05:52,990
Thank you.
132
00:05:54,540 --> 00:05:55,750
♪
133
00:06:26,140 --> 00:06:29,400
Ooh. I really need
to get back in water.
134
00:06:29,410 --> 00:06:32,740
Marge, can we have
bronto burgers tonight?
135
00:06:32,740 --> 00:06:35,820
Homer, you're not
Fred Flintstone.
136
00:06:35,820 --> 00:06:37,700
Yabba dabba d'oh!
137
00:06:38,820 --> 00:06:41,080
-(cheering)
-Mom!
138
00:06:41,080 --> 00:06:42,640
Somebody get Mama a beer.
139
00:06:43,650 --> 00:06:48,340
He's in that world
more than he is with us.
140
00:06:51,760 --> 00:06:54,600
(cheering, whistling)
141
00:06:54,600 --> 00:06:57,820
Homie, are you upset
that I'm good at your thing?
142
00:06:57,830 --> 00:07:00,010
No, Marge. I am in awe.
143
00:07:00,010 --> 00:07:01,340
You have a gift.
144
00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:03,090
I could no more be mad at you
145
00:07:03,090 --> 00:07:05,440
than at an angel
playing horseshoes.
146
00:07:05,440 --> 00:07:08,940
You're a butterfly
that can kick field goals.
147
00:07:08,950 --> 00:07:12,610
How in God's name
did you get so perfect?
148
00:07:16,030 --> 00:07:17,840
-Aah!
-Attention.
149
00:07:17,850 --> 00:07:18,770
I have an offer to make,
150
00:07:18,770 --> 00:07:20,600
and like everything hipsters do,
151
00:07:20,610 --> 00:07:21,530
it requires
everyone's attention.
152
00:07:21,620 --> 00:07:24,350
Hey, you.
You're not looking at me.
153
00:07:24,350 --> 00:07:25,280
Sorry.
154
00:07:25,280 --> 00:07:27,800
Those pearls. That hair.
155
00:07:27,800 --> 00:07:30,970
The game of the '30s played
by a dame from the '50s?
156
00:07:30,970 --> 00:07:34,430
It's retro on kitsch
to the power of vintage.
157
00:07:36,290 --> 00:07:38,360
-Oh.
-Here's the pitch, Marge.
158
00:07:38,370 --> 00:07:41,370
You bowl one game against
the challenger of my choice.
159
00:07:41,370 --> 00:07:43,790
Win, and the alley stays open.
160
00:07:43,800 --> 00:07:46,310
Lose, and I turn it
into a coffee shop so expensive
161
00:07:46,320 --> 00:07:49,040
your eyes will bleed.
Deal?
162
00:07:49,040 --> 00:07:51,970
Deal.
You're going down, Terrence.
163
00:07:51,970 --> 00:07:53,820
In your face.
164
00:07:53,820 --> 00:07:56,050
-(thud)
-(squealing feedback)
165
00:07:56,050 --> 00:07:57,810
Sorry. I sh-I shouldn't
have done that.
166
00:07:57,810 --> 00:08:01,330
If there's any damage,
here's a Best Buy gift card.
167
00:08:05,580 --> 00:08:08,240
Ah, Springfield's greatest
bowling mama.
168
00:08:08,250 --> 00:08:11,400
Beppo, Guiseppe,
bring-a the meatball.
169
00:08:11,400 --> 00:08:13,510
Hey, a picture
for Luigi's Wall of Fame.
170
00:08:14,590 --> 00:08:17,330
Now chop it up.
It's today's special.
171
00:08:17,330 --> 00:08:19,160
Tomorrow, into the soup.
172
00:08:19,160 --> 00:08:20,660
Then it goes to the dogs.
173
00:08:20,670 --> 00:08:22,520
Then, back into the soup.
174
00:08:23,520 --> 00:08:24,190
What you doing, angel?
175
00:08:24,190 --> 00:08:26,750
Planning for the match.
176
00:08:26,750 --> 00:08:28,980
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
177
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:36,010
I can't believe you've never
taken a single lesson.
178
00:08:36,020 --> 00:08:38,240
♪
179
00:08:39,900 --> 00:08:42,600
(hissing)
180
00:08:42,600 --> 00:08:44,580
Aah!
(panting)
181
00:08:46,120 --> 00:08:48,690
Oh, this is so great.
182
00:08:48,690 --> 00:08:50,040
You're saving the town.
183
00:08:50,050 --> 00:08:53,620
I'm sleeping with the woman
who's saving the town.
184
00:08:53,620 --> 00:08:55,620
Oh, okay, okay, fine.
185
00:08:55,630 --> 00:08:57,280
I'll bowl the match,
186
00:08:57,280 --> 00:08:58,700
no matter what the danger is
to our marriage.
187
00:08:58,700 --> 00:09:02,390
That's my girl.
Sleep well, lady of the lane.
188
00:09:02,390 --> 00:09:06,120
Now I have some mental work
to do of my own.
189
00:09:06,120 --> 00:09:07,480
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
190
00:09:09,970 --> 00:09:12,140
Mmm. Pizza.
191
00:09:12,140 --> 00:09:13,290
Tastes as good off the ceiling
192
00:09:13,290 --> 00:09:15,900
as it does off the floor.
193
00:09:15,910 --> 00:09:16,570
♪
194
00:09:19,560 --> 00:09:21,620
(sighs)
195
00:09:32,500 --> 00:09:34,710
("Ramblin' Man" by
Allman Brothers Band playing)
196
00:09:37,650 --> 00:09:42,170
We did to that ball
what we did to Hitler's bombs--
197
00:09:42,170 --> 00:09:43,260
got out of the way.
198
00:09:43,270 --> 00:09:46,100
What's going on?
Mom's got the yips.
199
00:09:46,100 --> 00:09:47,600
How do you know?
200
00:09:47,600 --> 00:09:50,420
There's something in me that
senses when trouble is brewing.
201
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:51,850
It's a sign of early neurosis,
202
00:09:51,850 --> 00:09:54,680
but it's irrelevant that
my feelings are always accurate,
203
00:09:54,690 --> 00:09:56,350
and I've got to remember that.
204
00:09:56,350 --> 00:09:58,340
(panting)
205
00:09:58,340 --> 00:10:00,280
Marge, you need confidence.
206
00:10:00,280 --> 00:10:02,600
This calls for
the most exclusive level
207
00:10:02,600 --> 00:10:04,270
of therapist there is:
208
00:10:04,270 --> 00:10:07,180
a professional
bowling instructor.
209
00:10:07,180 --> 00:10:08,580
(bowling pins clattering)
210
00:10:10,290 --> 00:10:13,870
(French accent):
Hello, Marge.
211
00:10:13,870 --> 00:10:15,780
Oh, God. Oh, God.
212
00:10:15,780 --> 00:10:17,610
Please be another fantasy.
213
00:10:17,620 --> 00:10:18,320
(bowling pins clattering)
214
00:10:18,330 --> 00:10:20,540
Shoo! Shoo, shoo. Shoo!
215
00:10:20,540 --> 00:10:22,540
Stop with the "shoo."
It is I, in the flesh.
216
00:10:22,550 --> 00:10:26,200
You like the way I just said
that word, "flesh"?
217
00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:28,200
I can make anything
sound erotic.
218
00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:30,480
Garbage disposal.
219
00:10:30,480 --> 00:10:32,710
Toilet plunger.
220
00:10:32,710 --> 00:10:33,220
Lollipop.
221
00:10:33,320 --> 00:10:35,480
Enough with the words.
222
00:10:35,490 --> 00:10:37,210
What are you doing here?
223
00:10:37,210 --> 00:10:38,880
I brought him.
224
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:41,400
Homer, do you know who he is?
225
00:10:41,400 --> 00:10:42,660
I sure do.
226
00:10:42,660 --> 00:10:47,240
He's the best darn
bowling instructor in the city.
227
00:10:47,240 --> 00:10:49,160
I'm not sure
I'm comfortable with a...
228
00:10:49,170 --> 00:10:51,560
French bowling instructor.
229
00:10:51,560 --> 00:10:54,730
"Homair," may I speak
to your wife, please? Alone?
230
00:10:54,730 --> 00:10:57,230
Hey, I don't need to know
how the sausage is made.
231
00:10:57,230 --> 00:10:58,840
Just start grinding.
232
00:10:58,840 --> 00:11:01,840
Going to Moe's.
(whistling upbeat tune)
233
00:11:01,840 --> 00:11:03,330
Don't worry, Marge.
234
00:11:03,330 --> 00:11:05,010
My interest in you
is purely professional.
235
00:11:05,010 --> 00:11:07,660
Why are you in my ear?
236
00:11:07,670 --> 00:11:11,080
Oh, would you rather I be
in your nose? I don't think so.
237
00:11:11,080 --> 00:11:13,850
Quite frankly, Marge,
I'm hard of speaking.
238
00:11:13,860 --> 00:11:16,080
How can I believe
your interest in me
239
00:11:16,080 --> 00:11:18,010
is just professional?
240
00:11:18,010 --> 00:11:19,080
If I am lying, may I...
241
00:11:19,090 --> 00:11:21,920
never taste cheese again.
242
00:11:21,920 --> 00:11:24,180
Wow. Wow.
243
00:11:24,180 --> 00:11:25,530
See you tomorrow at 10:00.
244
00:11:25,540 --> 00:11:27,930
And what if you show up
and I'm not there?
245
00:11:27,930 --> 00:11:30,040
Then a good and decent man
who loves you
246
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,100
will suffer horribly.
247
00:11:32,100 --> 00:11:33,370
I mean, of course, "Homair."
248
00:11:33,380 --> 00:11:35,040
You mean Homer?
249
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:37,210
That's what I said-- "Homair."
250
00:11:37,210 --> 00:11:39,610
He needs you to win now,
more than "evair."
251
00:11:39,610 --> 00:11:42,610
And don't worry.
We will not have an affair.
252
00:11:42,610 --> 00:11:44,200
Because fair is fair.
253
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:45,870
And I love your hair.
254
00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:47,450
And now I'm off
in my Corvair.
255
00:11:47,450 --> 00:11:51,370
Oh, I don't have a Corvair.
Horrible car.
256
00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:54,230
It was the only one I could
think of to rhyme. Stupid.
257
00:11:54,230 --> 00:11:56,050
Oh, you're still here.
258
00:11:56,050 --> 00:11:58,310
Great teacher.
Don't wait up.
259
00:11:58,310 --> 00:12:00,460
Imagine you are waltzing
with the ball.
260
00:12:00,460 --> 00:12:04,310
Un, deux, trois.
Un, deux, trois.
261
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,440
What kind of bowling instructor
wears a turtleneck?
262
00:12:07,440 --> 00:12:09,640
I don't say
"mark my words" often,
263
00:12:09,640 --> 00:12:12,140
but mark my words.
264
00:12:12,140 --> 00:12:14,140
He's up to no good.
265
00:12:14,140 --> 00:12:16,230
Mark my words.
266
00:12:16,240 --> 00:12:19,480
What? You're crazy.
I'm getting six beers.
267
00:12:19,480 --> 00:12:21,740
So, should I start
my slide earlier?
268
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:24,480
A better question is what
are you still doing with him?
269
00:12:24,490 --> 00:12:27,760
Clearly, he must have
changed his ways, huh?
270
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,670
Improved?
Lost a pound or 20?
271
00:12:30,670 --> 00:12:34,600
Yes, he has, in too many ways
to mention, so I won't.
272
00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,010
So, then he's not still
buying you bowling balls
273
00:12:37,010 --> 00:12:39,090
for presents, is he?
274
00:12:39,090 --> 00:12:41,420
He apologized for that.
275
00:12:41,430 --> 00:12:43,610
Do you ever think of the night
you almost came to me?
276
00:12:43,610 --> 00:12:47,600
I had showered four times,
I shaved my face twice,
277
00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,270
I shaved my back once.
278
00:12:49,270 --> 00:12:51,010
I was ready for you, Marge.
279
00:12:51,010 --> 00:12:53,790
Later on in the evening
when the doorbell rang,
280
00:12:53,790 --> 00:12:56,460
I closed my eyes, I opened
the door, and I kissed.
281
00:12:56,460 --> 00:13:00,020
Unfortunately, I forgot
I had ordered DoorDash.
282
00:13:00,020 --> 00:13:04,190
It was some 20-year-old kid
holding a roast beef sandwich.
283
00:13:04,190 --> 00:13:07,030
Apparently, he came out
the next day.
284
00:13:07,030 --> 00:13:08,760
You said just bowling.
285
00:13:10,140 --> 00:13:13,200
I am the only one who can
help you with this match.
286
00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:14,530
And if there's anything
a Frenchman wants
287
00:13:14,550 --> 00:13:17,650
more than a beautiful woman,
it is to beat Americans
288
00:13:17,650 --> 00:13:18,800
at the game they love.
289
00:13:19,060 --> 00:13:23,040
And then, of course, a 12-course
meal, with a fine wine
290
00:13:23,040 --> 00:13:24,710
and maybe a snail,
291
00:13:24,710 --> 00:13:27,970
and somebody else at the table
to pick up the check.
292
00:13:27,970 --> 00:13:31,330
-Are we gonna talk
or are we gonna bowl?
-Fine.
293
00:13:31,330 --> 00:13:33,480
♪ Come bowl with me,
let's bowl the night away ♪
294
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:38,320
♪ And if you like,
we'll make a strike ♪
295
00:13:38,320 --> 00:13:41,380
♪ In a platonic way. ♪
296
00:13:42,230 --> 00:13:44,320
Are you worried yet?
297
00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:46,750
Oh, I'd be worried
if I didn't know for a fact
298
00:13:46,750 --> 00:13:50,180
that no man has ever lost a
woman to a professional bowler.
299
00:13:50,180 --> 00:13:51,350
-Ever.
-(women giggling)
300
00:13:53,020 --> 00:13:53,430
Uh-oh.
301
00:13:58,520 --> 00:14:01,500
Now, your power comes
from your shoulders,
302
00:14:01,510 --> 00:14:03,250
which I notice, in your case,
are always bare.
303
00:14:03,250 --> 00:14:05,510
Eh, let me massage them.
304
00:14:05,510 --> 00:14:06,860
Don't worry.
It's strictly professional.
305
00:14:06,860 --> 00:14:09,010
There we go. Here we go.
306
00:14:09,010 --> 00:14:11,350
-Mmm.
-Let me just...
307
00:14:11,350 --> 00:14:13,260
-Aw.
-Yes. Ow. Okay.
308
00:14:13,260 --> 00:14:15,940
-Cut it out!
-Stop it now?
309
00:14:15,950 --> 00:14:17,200
No more? Okay.
310
00:14:17,210 --> 00:14:19,710
Son, how do I put this?
311
00:14:19,710 --> 00:14:22,280
(sing-songy): I was right!
I was right! I was right!
312
00:14:22,290 --> 00:14:27,290
Now, son, if I need the 411
on someone one-one,
313
00:14:27,290 --> 00:14:31,220
I consult my network: old people
with nothing better to do.
314
00:14:31,220 --> 00:14:34,630
You can learn anything you want
from discarded human beings.
315
00:14:34,630 --> 00:14:37,780
Jasper, it's Abe.
I need any information you got
316
00:14:37,790 --> 00:14:42,050
on a slick-shoed Casanova.
First name, Jacques.
317
00:14:42,050 --> 00:14:43,710
On it.
318
00:14:43,720 --> 00:14:47,050
We need the rundown
on this Marquis de Spare.
319
00:14:47,050 --> 00:14:48,900
We'll lay him lower
than my earlobes.
320
00:14:48,910 --> 00:14:52,240
Hang him as high as my pants.
321
00:14:52,240 --> 00:14:55,980
There will never be
another Tony Orlando.
322
00:14:55,990 --> 00:14:57,840
Take a gander
at his Facebook page.
323
00:14:57,840 --> 00:15:01,320
♪
324
00:15:01,330 --> 00:15:03,310
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
What the...
325
00:15:03,310 --> 00:15:06,240
I don't know what
shocks me more-- these photos
326
00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:07,590
or that you know how
to use Facebook.
327
00:15:07,590 --> 00:15:10,260
(laughs)
328
00:15:12,080 --> 00:15:14,150
Let me in. Let me in!
329
00:15:14,160 --> 00:15:16,250
JACQUES:
No. I'm naked,
and if you see me,
330
00:15:16,250 --> 00:15:18,770
you will feel inferior forever.
331
00:15:18,770 --> 00:15:22,390
Americans don't know how to feel
inferior, even if we should.
332
00:15:22,830 --> 00:15:24,690
(gasps)
333
00:15:27,260 --> 00:15:29,330
I've been such a fool.
334
00:15:29,340 --> 00:15:31,850
I was so worried
about the bowling alley
335
00:15:31,860 --> 00:15:33,170
I lost sight
of what will always be
336
00:15:33,170 --> 00:15:36,450
the most important thing
in my life:
337
00:15:36,450 --> 00:15:38,030
my Marge.
338
00:15:38,030 --> 00:15:40,510
I'll never take her
for granted again.
339
00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:44,180
That is correct. Because
you have already lost her.
340
00:15:44,190 --> 00:15:46,870
Oh, yeah?
As we say in my country,
341
00:15:46,870 --> 00:15:48,350
en garde!
342
00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:50,190
("Duel of the Fates"
by John Williams playing)
343
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:51,950
-Just let me...
-That was autographed.
344
00:15:51,950 --> 00:15:53,710
smash your head.
345
00:15:53,710 --> 00:15:56,260
(Homer grunts)
346
00:16:16,550 --> 00:16:19,160
Now tell me the one thing
I have to know.
347
00:16:19,160 --> 00:16:21,070
How far did you get with Marge?
348
00:16:21,070 --> 00:16:23,480
We had brunch, no hot food.
349
00:16:23,480 --> 00:16:26,820
Brunch? That's breakfast
getting it on with lunch.
350
00:16:26,820 --> 00:16:29,060
Homer, wait!
351
00:16:29,060 --> 00:16:30,000
Nothing happened with him.
352
00:16:30,010 --> 00:16:32,660
You probably
don't even remember.
353
00:16:32,660 --> 00:16:35,830
You had disappointed me
and I was upset.
354
00:16:35,830 --> 00:16:37,740
Oh. Right.
355
00:16:37,740 --> 00:16:39,090
I remember that exactly.
356
00:16:39,090 --> 00:16:41,020
("Hard to Say I'm Sorry"
by Chicago playing)
357
00:16:41,020 --> 00:16:43,500
♪ Hold me now ♪
358
00:16:43,500 --> 00:16:46,230
♪ It's hard for me
to say I'm sorry ♪
359
00:16:48,250 --> 00:16:51,860
♪ I just want you to stay ♪
360
00:16:51,860 --> 00:16:54,770
♪ After all we've been through ♪
361
00:16:54,770 --> 00:16:56,030
♪ I will make it up to you. ♪
362
00:16:56,030 --> 00:16:58,440
Geez, Marge, if you're
still here after all that,
363
00:16:58,440 --> 00:17:00,610
plus some stuff
you don't know about,
364
00:17:00,610 --> 00:17:02,200
you must really love me.
365
00:17:02,200 --> 00:17:06,450
I do.
With all my heart. Mm.
366
00:17:07,380 --> 00:17:10,100
Nothing worse than
a committed relationship.
367
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:11,940
I'm going to vomit.
368
00:17:11,940 --> 00:17:12,770
You said it was
strictly bowling.
369
00:17:12,770 --> 00:17:16,200
You swore on cheese.
370
00:17:16,200 --> 00:17:19,050
I never cared for cheese.
What is it, even?
371
00:17:19,060 --> 00:17:22,040
Is it an appetizer or dessert?
Nobody knows.
372
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:23,620
Some come, they look okay.
373
00:17:23,620 --> 00:17:25,210
Other come,
they got holes in it.
374
00:17:25,210 --> 00:17:26,300
Those are
the more expensive ones.
375
00:17:26,300 --> 00:17:28,640
Why would you pay
more money for holes?
376
00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:29,970
We're leaving.
377
00:17:29,970 --> 00:17:32,220
Go ahead. Enjoy your endless
bourgeois celebrations
378
00:17:32,220 --> 00:17:35,220
and your birthdays
and your anniversaries
379
00:17:35,220 --> 00:17:39,480
until you crumble
into enviable bliss.
380
00:17:39,480 --> 00:17:40,820
We will.
381
00:17:40,820 --> 00:17:41,520
Help me clean up.
382
00:17:41,520 --> 00:17:44,580
♪
383
00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:49,250
Oh, so, Marge,
word is your coach quit
384
00:17:49,250 --> 00:17:52,090
and you can't get that
bowling arm out of its own head.
385
00:17:52,090 --> 00:17:54,070
Wow. (clucks tongue)
386
00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:56,070
Poor Marge. Aw.
387
00:17:56,070 --> 00:17:58,480
My thoughts about bowling
were conflicting
388
00:17:58,490 --> 00:18:02,140
with something personal,
but not anymore.
389
00:18:03,420 --> 00:18:04,510
Huh. Nice practice strike.
390
00:18:04,840 --> 00:18:07,680
Now let me introduce you
to the bowler you'll be facing.
391
00:18:07,680 --> 00:18:09,440
(bowling pins clattering)
392
00:18:09,440 --> 00:18:11,110
(gasps)
Jacques?
393
00:18:11,110 --> 00:18:14,020
Indeed. I was the master
and you the pupil.
394
00:18:14,020 --> 00:18:16,020
Now, I'm still very good.
395
00:18:16,020 --> 00:18:18,190
You are also good,
but inconsistent.
396
00:18:18,190 --> 00:18:20,010
Like French tennis players--
397
00:18:20,010 --> 00:18:22,860
great on clay,
shambles on grass.
398
00:18:22,860 --> 00:18:24,950
Hard court, an embarrassment.
399
00:18:24,950 --> 00:18:27,100
Always hurting themselves.
400
00:18:27,110 --> 00:18:29,610
"Oh, my knee, my ankle,
401
00:18:29,610 --> 00:18:30,940
I've got to forfeit."
402
00:18:30,940 --> 00:18:32,200
Now let us bowl.
403
00:18:32,200 --> 00:18:34,380
("Ride of the Valkyries"
by Richard Wagner playing)
404
00:18:59,900 --> 00:19:01,280
Yes!
405
00:19:07,740 --> 00:19:09,720
-Cutman.
-(gravelly voice):
Are ya sure, Ma?
406
00:19:09,720 --> 00:19:10,980
-Are ya sure?
-Do it.
407
00:19:10,980 --> 00:19:13,070
I've seen a lot of bowlers
in my eight years,
408
00:19:13,080 --> 00:19:17,050
but no one's got bigger pearls
than you. (growls)
409
00:19:20,920 --> 00:19:23,660
That's it, Marge--
le moment de vérité.
410
00:19:23,660 --> 00:19:26,510
And if that weren't enough,
I am dying.
411
00:19:26,520 --> 00:19:28,850
-Oh!
-No!
412
00:19:28,850 --> 00:19:30,240
Ah, as we all are.
413
00:19:30,240 --> 00:19:32,760
In the existential sense.
Not now.
414
00:19:32,760 --> 00:19:34,260
Just roll.
415
00:19:34,260 --> 00:19:36,150
D'oh.
416
00:19:37,530 --> 00:19:40,010
-(all gasping)
-My God.
417
00:19:40,010 --> 00:19:42,090
She's left herself
a Greek Church split.
418
00:19:42,090 --> 00:19:43,610
Which, though little known,
419
00:19:43,610 --> 00:19:46,070
is actually the hardest spare
to pick up.
420
00:19:48,280 --> 00:19:51,930
Oh, my God. I can read
what's behind those pins.
421
00:19:51,930 --> 00:19:54,630
She still has feelings for him.
422
00:19:56,210 --> 00:19:58,500
(theme The Queen's Gambit by
Carlos Rafael Rivera playing)
423
00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:06,200
LENNY:
Ooh, she's been staring
at that ceiling for 40 minutes.
424
00:20:06,200 --> 00:20:09,600
Eh. Still the most exciting
bowling match I've ever seen.
425
00:20:14,050 --> 00:20:15,100
(cheering, applause)
426
00:20:17,720 --> 00:20:20,400
I have lost everything.
427
00:20:20,400 --> 00:20:22,140
And we just found out
you're here
428
00:20:22,150 --> 00:20:24,150
on an expired bowling visa.
429
00:20:24,150 --> 00:20:27,130
You're going back
where you came from: Paris.
430
00:20:27,130 --> 00:20:29,150
No, no, no. Paris?
There's nothing there
431
00:20:29,150 --> 00:20:31,490
but sex and food
and all of August off.
432
00:20:31,490 --> 00:20:33,060
No, no, no.
433
00:20:33,060 --> 00:20:36,830
Ah, that's enough dirty talk
out of you, pal.
434
00:20:36,830 --> 00:20:38,980
Captioning sponsored by
20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
435
00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,900
and FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY
436
00:20:40,910 --> 00:20:43,090
and TOYOTA.
437
00:20:43,090 --> 00:20:45,050
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
438
00:20:48,080 --> 00:20:50,080
Well, looks like
you're gonna have
439
00:20:50,080 --> 00:20:52,420
to keep this a bowling alley.
440
00:20:52,420 --> 00:20:55,270
A very popular alley,
which I now own.
441
00:20:55,270 --> 00:20:58,610
I'm gonna make it one lane only
with a three-month waiting list.
442
00:20:58,610 --> 00:21:01,110
Hipsters rule.
443
00:21:01,110 --> 00:21:04,610
Oh, Marge, you saved my alley,
you saved my ego.
444
00:21:04,610 --> 00:21:06,280
You do love me after all.
445
00:21:06,280 --> 00:21:08,950
Was there ever any doubt?
446
00:21:08,950 --> 00:21:10,100
ALL: Yes!
447
00:21:10,100 --> 00:21:11,740
-Mm.
-Mm.
448
00:21:28,640 --> 00:21:29,720
Shh!
32080
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