Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:09,176 --> 00:00:11,386
- Evening, Niles.
- Frasier. Everybody ready?
2
00:00:11,553 --> 00:00:12,971
Just about.
3
00:00:13,138 --> 00:00:14,890
Oh, new cufflinks.
Those are very smart.
4
00:00:15,057 --> 00:00:17,059
Yes, well, you've seen these
before, haven't you?
5
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:19,061
- I always wear them with a tux.
- Of course.
6
00:00:19,269 --> 00:00:23,231
Well, still, nothing catches the eye
like a sharp pair of cufflinks.
7
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:26,193
So those are very nice too.
8
00:00:26,359 --> 00:00:27,569
- Oh, these.
- Gold.
9
00:00:27,778 --> 00:00:29,821
I knew you'd wear silver.
I didn't want us to look alike.
10
00:00:30,030 --> 00:00:31,698
No.
11
00:00:32,199 --> 00:00:33,992
- Hello.
- Oh, hi, Roz.
12
00:00:34,159 --> 00:00:35,202
- Hi.
- Come on in.
13
00:00:35,368 --> 00:00:37,078
- Sorry I'm late.
- Well, that's all right.
14
00:00:37,245 --> 00:00:38,288
- Hey, Roz.
- Daphne.
15
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:40,123
Thank you so much
for watching Alice.
16
00:00:40,290 --> 00:00:42,709
She's way overdue for her nap.
Maybe I can get her to sleep.
17
00:00:42,876 --> 00:00:45,962
Great. We'll set her up in my room.
Don't wanna be late for that auction.
18
00:00:46,129 --> 00:00:48,298
You know, I can't believe
that you donated another day
19
00:00:48,465 --> 00:00:50,634
behind the scenes
of the Frasier Crane Show this year.
20
00:00:50,800 --> 00:00:52,469
Well, why not, Roz?
It's for a good cause.
21
00:00:52,635 --> 00:00:54,888
The Kelly Ann Grunther Foundation
does excellent work.
22
00:00:55,096 --> 00:00:56,348
You weren't trapped in my booth
23
00:00:56,514 --> 00:00:58,641
with that mouth-breather
for three hours last year.
24
00:00:58,850 --> 00:01:01,352
Well, he wasn't that bad.
Some sort of an engineer, wasn't he?
25
00:01:01,519 --> 00:01:04,481
Well, he wasn't a dental hygienist,
that's for sure.
26
00:01:05,356 --> 00:01:08,109
Daphne, can you help me
with these cufflinks?
27
00:01:08,318 --> 00:01:09,611
Oh, all right.
28
00:01:09,777 --> 00:01:12,655
- What is this, Daphne?
- I'm chatting online with Donny.
29
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,949
Oh, what's he saying?
30
00:01:15,158 --> 00:01:20,788
"I can't wait to come home
and see my wittle Engwish cwumpet."
31
00:01:21,372 --> 00:01:24,292
Apparently, he has some sort
of typing impediment.
32
00:01:24,751 --> 00:01:26,586
I don't want him to think
I've abandoned him.
33
00:01:26,753 --> 00:01:28,212
Would you mind taking over?
34
00:01:28,379 --> 00:01:30,214
Tell him I miss him too.
35
00:01:30,381 --> 00:01:32,091
All right.
36
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:35,344
And I'm counting the days
till he comes home.
37
00:01:35,553 --> 00:01:38,848
And there's no one I love more
than my fuzzy-wuzzy...
38
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:40,767
Goodbye.
39
00:01:41,893 --> 00:01:44,479
I'm sorry. I seem to have lost him.
40
00:01:44,687 --> 00:01:46,647
- Oh, maybe I can get him back.
- Thank you.
41
00:01:46,814 --> 00:01:48,983
Well, there we are.
Alice is all squared away.
42
00:01:49,150 --> 00:01:51,360
She went right to sleep. Shall we?
43
00:01:51,569 --> 00:01:53,154
Have a good time.
Don't spend too much.
44
00:01:53,321 --> 00:01:54,488
Oh, don't worry about that.
45
00:01:54,697 --> 00:01:56,073
I've got a whole system worked out
46
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:58,492
where I can get anything I want
for the minimum bid.
47
00:01:58,659 --> 00:02:00,202
That's hardly in keeping
the spirit of the evening.
48
00:02:00,411 --> 00:02:02,747
We're raising money
for the Kelly Ann Grunther Foundation.
49
00:02:02,913 --> 00:02:05,916
Baloney, you just wanna go there so
you can hobnob with all your friends.
50
00:02:06,083 --> 00:02:07,418
- That is not true.
- Oh, yeah?
51
00:02:07,585 --> 00:02:10,796
Well, then answer me one question,
just who is Kelly Ann Grunther?
52
00:02:10,963 --> 00:02:14,008
Kelly Ann Grunther is the person
53
00:02:14,175 --> 00:02:17,303
responsible for
the Kelly Ann Grunther Foundation.
54
00:02:17,511 --> 00:02:18,888
Yes, but what does that mean?
55
00:02:19,054 --> 00:02:21,557
She's a very wealthy person
that put up a lot of money, right?
56
00:02:21,765 --> 00:02:23,309
I thought she had some kind
of disease.
57
00:02:23,476 --> 00:02:25,311
I thought she was a scientist
doing research.
58
00:02:25,478 --> 00:02:27,021
In other words,
it could've been called
59
00:02:27,188 --> 00:02:29,690
the Eddie Eddieman Foundation
as long as there was fancy food
60
00:02:29,857 --> 00:02:31,901
on silver platters.
61
00:02:39,199 --> 00:02:40,743
Do you see anything exciting
to bid on?
62
00:02:40,909 --> 00:02:43,787
Well, no, it's mostly
the same items as last year.
63
00:02:43,996 --> 00:02:46,749
"A day of beauty with
internationally known stylist Raphael."
64
00:02:46,915 --> 00:02:48,667
Yes, I see Missy Cromwell
put down for that.
65
00:02:48,834 --> 00:02:49,877
Well, can you blame her?
66
00:02:50,044 --> 00:02:53,172
Her last day of beauty was during
the Johnson administration.
67
00:02:55,132 --> 00:02:57,092
Actually, Niles,
this is rather interesting.
68
00:02:57,259 --> 00:02:59,052
"The Laureate Luncheon.
69
00:02:59,261 --> 00:03:01,972
Break bread
with three Nobel Prize winners,
70
00:03:02,139 --> 00:03:06,351
Doctors Alan Zafrin,
Jane Randall, and Terence Quinn."
71
00:03:06,518 --> 00:03:08,145
Oh, my.
72
00:03:08,353 --> 00:03:11,440
It's an opportunity to meet with three
of the greatest thinkers of our time.
73
00:03:11,607 --> 00:03:14,026
I'm amazed they even got them all
in the same room together.
74
00:03:14,192 --> 00:03:15,402
Zafrin is a legendary recluse.
75
00:03:15,569 --> 00:03:17,446
Yes, he'll be at Fiddlestix tomorrow
at noon.
76
00:03:17,654 --> 00:03:19,364
- I'll try that.
- Good luck to you, Niles.
77
00:03:19,531 --> 00:03:21,992
- Thank you.
- They say Quinn is quite witty.
78
00:03:22,159 --> 00:03:27,122
In nuclear physics circles, he's
referred to as the half-life of the party.
79
00:03:27,539 --> 00:03:29,499
Well, what do we have at this table?
80
00:03:29,666 --> 00:03:33,545
Oh, the Windsor Monarch 2000, huh?
81
00:03:33,754 --> 00:03:35,547
Isn't this the one they had to recall
82
00:03:35,714 --> 00:03:38,425
because the propane tanks
kept exploding?
83
00:03:38,633 --> 00:03:39,759
- They did?
- Yeah.
84
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:42,429
I sure feel sorry
for this guy, Martin Crane.
85
00:03:42,596 --> 00:03:46,224
Better get himself an apron
that says "kiss the chef good-bye."
86
00:03:52,022 --> 00:03:53,398
Are you bidding on this one too?
87
00:03:53,565 --> 00:03:56,359
No, no, I'm Roz Doyle,
Frasier Crane's producer.
88
00:03:56,526 --> 00:03:59,195
If you win this, you'll be spending
the afternoon with me.
89
00:03:59,404 --> 00:04:02,615
Well, I hope I do.
I'm a big fan of the show.
90
00:04:03,700 --> 00:04:05,952
Hello there.
91
00:04:07,412 --> 00:04:09,456
Hi, Noel. What are you doing here?
92
00:04:09,622 --> 00:04:12,125
I came to bid
on my favourite auction item.
93
00:04:12,333 --> 00:04:14,752
I should warn you,
lady luck is on my side tonight.
94
00:04:14,919 --> 00:04:16,421
The last guy who rented this tux
95
00:04:16,588 --> 00:04:19,799
left a perfectly good comb
in the pocket.
96
00:04:20,341 --> 00:04:21,634
- May I?
- Oh, gosh.
97
00:04:21,801 --> 00:04:23,553
Oh, there's no pen. I'm sorry, Noel.
98
00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:25,555
No problemo.
99
00:04:26,097 --> 00:04:28,057
I wear one around my neck.
100
00:04:31,477 --> 00:04:33,730
- Oh, damn.
- What is it?
101
00:04:33,938 --> 00:04:36,190
It looks like I have some
competition for this luncheon.
102
00:04:36,357 --> 00:04:40,028
An Alistair Mowbray
doubled my bid to $500.
103
00:04:41,279 --> 00:04:42,864
I've heard that name before.
104
00:04:43,030 --> 00:04:45,199
Yes, you know,
it sounds familiar to me too.
105
00:04:45,408 --> 00:04:48,327
Wait a minute, isn't he that young,
ruthless software tycoon?
106
00:04:48,494 --> 00:04:49,620
- Oh, great.
- Yeah.
107
00:04:49,787 --> 00:04:51,873
There's no use competing
against those deep pockets.
108
00:04:52,081 --> 00:04:53,791
But this vase here deserves
a second look.
109
00:04:53,958 --> 00:04:55,877
Yes, but wait a minute.
110
00:04:56,210 --> 00:04:57,503
Mowbray?
111
00:04:57,712 --> 00:05:00,089
Wasn't that the nom de plume
you used in prep school
112
00:05:00,256 --> 00:05:02,383
for your society column?
113
00:05:03,884 --> 00:05:05,845
What a remarkable coincidence.
114
00:05:07,471 --> 00:05:09,056
You were secretly trying
to outbid me.
115
00:05:09,265 --> 00:05:12,435
All right. I thought if you were bidding
against a stranger, you'd go so high,
116
00:05:12,601 --> 00:05:15,396
but if it was me, then your
childish competitiveness would kick in.
117
00:05:15,604 --> 00:05:17,189
Well, that is nonsense.
Give me the pen.
118
00:05:17,356 --> 00:05:18,858
No, no, I'm saving you
from yourself.
119
00:05:19,024 --> 00:05:20,192
- Give me that.
- I will not.
120
00:05:20,359 --> 00:05:22,737
In the name of Kelly Ann Grunther
and everything she stands for...
121
00:05:22,945 --> 00:05:24,447
- She can't stand.
- How do you know?
122
00:05:24,613 --> 00:05:25,739
I asked.
123
00:05:28,617 --> 00:05:30,452
I can't believe I'm bidding this much.
124
00:05:30,619 --> 00:05:32,913
Don't worry.
We're gonna have so much fun.
125
00:05:33,080 --> 00:05:36,083
It'll be so great being
in that booth together, Roz.
126
00:05:36,292 --> 00:05:38,460
No need to get me
extra headphones.
127
00:05:38,627 --> 00:05:41,005
I'll just share yours.
128
00:05:41,171 --> 00:05:44,800
We are coming up on the final minute
of tonight's auction.
129
00:05:45,009 --> 00:05:48,887
No bids will be accepted
after the whistle blow.
130
00:05:49,054 --> 00:05:50,973
Listen, Jody, can I talk to you?
131
00:05:51,181 --> 00:05:55,769
I'd love to bid more,
but I'm really at my limit.
132
00:05:57,855 --> 00:06:01,817
I really want you to win this.
I really think we would hit it off.
133
00:06:02,025 --> 00:06:03,068
Oh, you too, huh?
134
00:06:03,235 --> 00:06:07,239
I thought I sensed a little spark
between us, Roz.
135
00:06:07,447 --> 00:06:09,324
A spark?
136
00:06:09,908 --> 00:06:13,662
Maybe after the show we could get
a drink or have some dinner?
137
00:06:21,378 --> 00:06:23,797
You like Italian?
138
00:06:24,006 --> 00:06:26,883
Well, I think it's time to separate
the men from the boys.
139
00:06:27,092 --> 00:06:30,220
You will never top this bid.
140
00:06:30,387 --> 00:06:32,180
You're right, Niles. I won't top it.
141
00:06:32,931 --> 00:06:35,600
I will double it.
142
00:06:36,977 --> 00:06:41,231
Then I'd like to see the look
on your face when I double your bid.
143
00:06:41,398 --> 00:06:43,066
What?
144
00:06:44,317 --> 00:06:47,571
You didn't double it.
You just added $50 to it.
145
00:06:47,737 --> 00:06:49,531
Yes!
146
00:06:50,031 --> 00:06:51,283
The geniuses are mine.
147
00:06:51,449 --> 00:06:54,286
Well, there certainly was
some spirited bidding
148
00:06:54,452 --> 00:06:55,954
over this luncheon, wasn't there?
149
00:06:56,913 --> 00:06:58,206
My goodness.
150
00:06:58,415 --> 00:07:02,168
Four thousand, 50 dollars.
151
00:07:02,335 --> 00:07:03,378
What have I done?
152
00:07:03,586 --> 00:07:06,631
You've let your competitiveness get
the better of you. It serves you right.
153
00:07:06,798 --> 00:07:09,843
Due to the overwhelming interest
in this luncheon,
154
00:07:10,051 --> 00:07:12,762
I propose adding another place
to the table.
155
00:07:12,971 --> 00:07:16,474
That is, if we can convince
our runner-up, Dr. Frasier Crane,
156
00:07:16,641 --> 00:07:19,018
to match his brother's generous bid.
157
00:07:22,689 --> 00:07:24,482
What do you say, Dr. Crane?
158
00:07:26,276 --> 00:07:28,403
All right.
159
00:07:32,407 --> 00:07:36,869
Dear God, we've just spent $8000
for a lunch.
160
00:07:37,078 --> 00:07:39,455
Frasier, just try to remember
it's for a very worthy cause.
161
00:07:39,622 --> 00:07:41,374
Thanks to the Doctors Crane,
162
00:07:41,541 --> 00:07:47,672
there will be a lot fewer homeless cats
on the streets of Seattle next year.
163
00:07:58,558 --> 00:07:59,934
- Hey, Daph.
- Hey.
164
00:08:00,101 --> 00:08:01,978
- Have a good time at the auction?
- Oh, yeah.
165
00:08:02,144 --> 00:08:05,982
I got a great new barbecue,
Windsor Monarch 2000.
166
00:08:06,190 --> 00:08:09,277
I wonder if they named it that because
that's the one the royal family uses.
167
00:08:09,443 --> 00:08:10,695
Oh, I'm sure it is.
168
00:08:10,861 --> 00:08:13,114
That's actually the new postage stamp
in England.
169
00:08:13,281 --> 00:08:17,368
Her Majesty with a pair
of barbecue tongs and a sauce brush.
170
00:08:19,412 --> 00:08:22,540
Yes, well, at least Dad didn't have to
go into debt for his purchase.
171
00:08:22,748 --> 00:08:26,252
Oh, yes. Roz told me
about your lunch with the geniuses.
172
00:08:26,460 --> 00:08:29,505
- What? Roz beat us back here?
- Yeah, she was trying to ditch Noel.
173
00:08:29,672 --> 00:08:33,467
Apparently, he's not allowed
onto the highway with his moped.
174
00:08:36,095 --> 00:08:39,348
Frasier, do you ever wonder
why we do all this competition?
175
00:08:39,515 --> 00:08:41,559
Where did it even start?
176
00:08:42,810 --> 00:08:45,104
Well, that's a good question, Niles.
177
00:08:45,271 --> 00:08:47,231
Well, think back.
178
00:08:47,398 --> 00:08:50,025
What is the first thing
you can remember us competing over?
179
00:08:50,943 --> 00:08:52,820
Have to be Mom.
180
00:08:53,028 --> 00:08:55,280
We were always jockeying
for her time and attention.
181
00:08:55,447 --> 00:08:59,118
Yes, well, it was a lot more difficult
for me, actually.
182
00:08:59,284 --> 00:09:02,037
- You being her favourite.
- What?
183
00:09:02,246 --> 00:09:03,288
You were the favourite.
184
00:09:03,455 --> 00:09:05,374
Oh, don't be ridiculous, Niles.
She adored you.
185
00:09:05,582 --> 00:09:07,835
Don't you remember the time
that you lost your tricycle?
186
00:09:08,001 --> 00:09:10,254
She actually took mine away
from me, gave it to you.
187
00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:11,547
That was for your own good.
188
00:09:11,713 --> 00:09:14,716
No 8-year-old
should be riding a tricycle.
189
00:09:18,220 --> 00:09:22,516
I had a chronic ear infection
that affected my balance.
190
00:09:23,767 --> 00:09:26,019
Mom worshipped the ground
you walked on.
191
00:09:26,186 --> 00:09:28,689
Remember when we brought
those bowls home from pottery class,
192
00:09:28,855 --> 00:09:32,317
she used yours for cranberry sauce at
Thanksgiving and mine as a dog dish.
193
00:09:32,526 --> 00:09:35,445
What did you expect her to do?
You painted a little dog right on it.
194
00:09:35,946 --> 00:09:37,989
That was a turkey.
195
00:09:40,867 --> 00:09:44,204
Well, isn't this ironic?
196
00:09:44,371 --> 00:09:46,540
If both of us thinks the other one
was the favourite
197
00:09:46,706 --> 00:09:47,791
then neither of us was.
198
00:09:48,041 --> 00:09:49,709
Oh, so all our competition
was pointless.
199
00:09:49,876 --> 00:09:51,837
Oh, I wish we'd talked about this
years ago.
200
00:09:52,003 --> 00:09:53,046
Oh, Lord, yes.
201
00:09:53,213 --> 00:09:56,049
The angst we could
have spared ourselves.
202
00:09:56,258 --> 00:09:59,094
Do you remember those IQ tests
that we took?
203
00:09:59,302 --> 00:10:02,847
- I was sick waiting for the results.
- Which we never found out, of course.
204
00:10:03,014 --> 00:10:06,351
Mom refused to tell us anything
except that we were two points apart.
205
00:10:06,559 --> 00:10:10,105
- I knew you had the higher score.
- I was convinced you did.
206
00:10:10,605 --> 00:10:11,773
Well,
207
00:10:11,940 --> 00:10:13,483
Mom was certainly right
not to tell us.
208
00:10:13,650 --> 00:10:15,151
Yes, she certainly was.
209
00:10:15,360 --> 00:10:18,655
She knew back then
that we were both too childish
210
00:10:18,822 --> 00:10:21,407
and competitive to handle it.
211
00:10:27,747 --> 00:10:30,875
You know what would be a sign
of real growth, Niles?
212
00:10:31,834 --> 00:10:33,253
To find out those scores right now?
213
00:10:33,461 --> 00:10:35,797
Exactly. How often in life
are you afforded an opportunity
214
00:10:35,964 --> 00:10:38,049
to discover really how much
you've evolved?
215
00:10:38,258 --> 00:10:39,467
Exactly. Dad?
216
00:10:40,593 --> 00:10:42,512
Do you know what our IQs are?
217
00:10:42,679 --> 00:10:46,349
No, but I got a pretty good idea
at that auction tonight.
218
00:10:49,936 --> 00:10:52,271
No, Dad, the IQ tests that we took
when we were children.
219
00:10:52,438 --> 00:10:53,940
- Would you have saved those?
- Sure.
220
00:10:54,148 --> 00:10:57,985
Your mother and I saved all that stuff,
report cards, finger paintings, poems.
221
00:10:58,152 --> 00:11:00,988
It's in an old Ballantine's box
in my closet.
222
00:11:01,197 --> 00:11:02,698
Oh, Dad, why don't you just admit it?
223
00:11:02,865 --> 00:11:04,784
You're more of a sentimentalist
than you let on.
224
00:11:04,951 --> 00:11:06,202
Yeah, I guess I am.
225
00:11:06,369 --> 00:11:07,662
That was the first case of beer
226
00:11:07,829 --> 00:11:10,456
your mother and I
ever bought together.
227
00:11:12,792 --> 00:11:15,378
I still can't get over how much
they spent at that auction.
228
00:11:15,544 --> 00:11:17,713
Oh, they've always tried
to one-up each other.
229
00:11:17,880 --> 00:11:19,715
Yeah, I suppose all brothers
are like that.
230
00:11:19,882 --> 00:11:22,843
Mine certainly were.
Everything was a contest.
231
00:11:23,010 --> 00:11:25,763
Who could run the fastest,
jump the highest.
232
00:11:25,971 --> 00:11:28,891
They even had this strange one
where they'd take little brother Michael,
233
00:11:29,058 --> 00:11:32,186
put him in a potato sack and see
who could bowl him the farthest
234
00:11:32,353 --> 00:11:34,271
over the frozen lake out back.
235
00:11:36,232 --> 00:11:37,608
Oh, they loved that game.
236
00:11:37,817 --> 00:11:40,486
Until that year the spring thaw
set in early,
237
00:11:40,653 --> 00:11:43,447
and poor Michael went right
through the ice.
238
00:11:43,614 --> 00:11:46,408
Oh, they caught hell
for that one, they did.
239
00:11:46,575 --> 00:11:49,870
Caught it worse a week later
when Michael's toe finally fell off.
240
00:11:51,664 --> 00:11:54,250
Michael cried and cried,
241
00:11:54,458 --> 00:11:58,170
till they told him to put it
under his pillow for the Toe Fairy.
242
00:11:59,046 --> 00:12:00,589
Then when he got five quid
for it, why,
243
00:12:00,756 --> 00:12:03,592
it was all they could do to stop him
from sawing off the rest of them.
244
00:12:03,801 --> 00:12:06,678
God, what's keeping you guys
with that box?
245
00:12:06,845 --> 00:12:08,430
Here it is, Dad.
246
00:12:08,597 --> 00:12:11,809
Gosh, this is a virtual treasure trove
of memorabilia.
247
00:12:12,017 --> 00:12:15,562
Can't believe what's in this. Choir
ribbons, Most Improved Badminton.
248
00:12:15,729 --> 00:12:17,689
- Oh, yes.
- The tap dance certificate.
249
00:12:17,856 --> 00:12:20,609
Yeah, I remember going through
that box with your mother.
250
00:12:20,776 --> 00:12:23,278
She always knew just what to say
to cheer me up.
251
00:12:23,487 --> 00:12:28,533
"So what if the trophy says 'Baking'
instead of 'Baseball', Marty.
252
00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:32,996
Catcher's mitts or oven mitts,
they're our little champions."
253
00:12:36,708 --> 00:12:40,671
Now, wait, this is report cards.
This might be something.
254
00:12:40,837 --> 00:12:42,923
Well, here they are.
255
00:12:48,845 --> 00:12:50,764
Congratulations, Frasier.
One twenty-nine.
256
00:12:50,931 --> 00:12:52,265
Is that good?
257
00:12:52,432 --> 00:12:54,434
Oh, good? It's practically genius.
Bravo, Frasier.
258
00:12:54,601 --> 00:12:56,019
Listen up, Niles, now.
259
00:12:56,228 --> 00:12:57,521
Where are you? Higher or lower?
260
00:12:57,687 --> 00:13:00,482
I don't see mine yet. I am...
261
00:13:03,151 --> 00:13:04,736
...higher.
262
00:13:04,903 --> 00:13:09,074
Well, congratulations.
I doff my hat to you, Mr. 131.
263
00:13:10,575 --> 00:13:12,369
Higher.
264
00:13:15,163 --> 00:13:17,707
What do you mean, higher?
Mom told us we were two points apart.
265
00:13:17,916 --> 00:13:20,210
Well, apparently,
Mom was being tactful.
266
00:13:20,418 --> 00:13:21,461
How tactful?
267
00:13:21,628 --> 00:13:23,880
- Well...
- Give me that!
268
00:13:27,717 --> 00:13:31,012
One fifty-six. My God, that's...
269
00:13:31,221 --> 00:13:33,473
- Twenty-seven points.
- Yes, I know!
270
00:13:36,100 --> 00:13:38,019
I never should have told you guys
about the box.
271
00:13:38,186 --> 00:13:39,604
No, no, Dad, I'm fine with this.
272
00:13:39,771 --> 00:13:41,606
The entire point of this exercise
was to prove
273
00:13:41,773 --> 00:13:43,983
that Niles and I have moved
beyond our competitiveness.
274
00:13:44,192 --> 00:13:48,821
And we have.
I'm very proud of my little brother.
275
00:13:49,030 --> 00:13:50,114
Thank you. Thank you.
276
00:13:50,323 --> 00:13:52,909
And I am proud of how mature
you are being about all of this.
277
00:13:53,076 --> 00:13:56,245
In fact, if there were a test for maturity,
I think your score would be much...
278
00:13:56,454 --> 00:13:58,122
Niles, that's enough.
279
00:14:00,249 --> 00:14:04,128
You know what? I suggest that we
go ahead and call it a night, Niles.
280
00:14:04,295 --> 00:14:07,381
We want to be nice and refreshed
for our meeting
281
00:14:07,548 --> 00:14:09,592
with the three geniuses tomorrow.
282
00:14:09,759 --> 00:14:12,803
Or in my case, the four geniuses.
283
00:14:13,012 --> 00:14:15,306
Oh, now, you, well...
284
00:14:15,473 --> 00:14:18,059
Good night, Dad.
Well, I'll meet you at the restaurant.
285
00:14:18,226 --> 00:14:19,727
- Oh, good night, Niles.
- Yeah, okay.
286
00:14:19,894 --> 00:14:22,229
- Sleep tight.
- You too.
287
00:14:23,689 --> 00:14:26,984
Daphne, is that university library
open all night?
288
00:14:27,610 --> 00:14:29,320
I think so. Why do you ask?
289
00:14:29,487 --> 00:14:31,572
Do you think I'd let my little brother
humiliate me?
290
00:14:31,739 --> 00:14:34,575
- What the hell are you talking about?
- Dad, he is smarter than I am.
291
00:14:34,742 --> 00:14:37,787
Niles will be sitting there rambling on
with the geniuses about the cosmos,
292
00:14:37,953 --> 00:14:41,207
black holes, matter, anti-matter,
and I won't matter at all.
293
00:14:41,916 --> 00:14:44,418
I'm going to have to make myself
a nice thermos full of coffee
294
00:14:44,585 --> 00:14:45,753
and get down to that library.
295
00:14:45,920 --> 00:14:48,297
Frasier, what do you think
you're gonna learn in one night?
296
00:14:48,464 --> 00:14:50,716
Just enough to ask
some informed questions, Dad.
297
00:14:50,883 --> 00:14:54,136
I may not have a 156 IQ,
but I am a quick study.
298
00:14:54,303 --> 00:14:56,472
Daphne, is there something wrong
with this coffee pot?
299
00:14:56,680 --> 00:14:57,723
You have to plug it in.
300
00:14:57,890 --> 00:15:00,142
Well, there.
You won't have to tell me that again.
301
00:15:08,650 --> 00:15:09,735
Hello, Niles.
302
00:15:09,902 --> 00:15:12,237
Frasier. Sleep well last night?
303
00:15:12,404 --> 00:15:14,615
Oh, yes. Like a baby.
304
00:15:14,823 --> 00:15:17,868
Like a baby with library privileges.
305
00:15:19,620 --> 00:15:20,662
I know what you did.
306
00:15:20,871 --> 00:15:22,039
How?
307
00:15:22,206 --> 00:15:24,041
The way you rushed me out
of there last night.
308
00:15:24,208 --> 00:15:26,335
I sensed something was up
so I waited in my car,
309
00:15:26,502 --> 00:15:29,046
and sure enough, ten minutes later
you tore out of your garage.
310
00:15:29,213 --> 00:15:30,964
Oh, Niles, I'm so sorry.
It's just that...
311
00:15:31,131 --> 00:15:35,677
No, no, no, I don't wanna hear
any more of your facile excuses.
312
00:15:36,386 --> 00:15:37,429
- Excuse me.
- Gesundheit.
313
00:15:37,596 --> 00:15:41,224
I'm sorry, I think your competitiveness
has sunk to a new low.
314
00:15:41,391 --> 00:15:42,684
Please, I'm ashamed of you.
315
00:15:42,893 --> 00:15:43,977
Please, I'm terribly sorry.
316
00:15:44,144 --> 00:15:48,023
It's just I was so insecure about
even coming to this luncheon at all.
317
00:15:48,607 --> 00:15:49,858
Wait a minute.
318
00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,818
You just scratched your ear.
319
00:15:52,027 --> 00:15:53,528
You were at the library too.
320
00:15:53,695 --> 00:15:55,030
I most certainly was not.
321
00:15:55,197 --> 00:15:57,532
The only thing that makes you sneeze
and scratch your ear
322
00:15:57,699 --> 00:15:59,701
is your parchment-mite allergy!
323
00:16:01,745 --> 00:16:05,207
So that was you sneezing
from behind the stacks all night.
324
00:16:07,292 --> 00:16:08,710
Oh, I had to go.
325
00:16:08,877 --> 00:16:11,463
I knew you'd be racing through
those scientific journals faster
326
00:16:11,630 --> 00:16:13,924
than a proton
in a particle accelerator.
327
00:16:14,132 --> 00:16:15,926
Oh, stop showing off.
328
00:16:16,092 --> 00:16:19,137
Speaking of accelerating particles,
do something about that sneezing.
329
00:16:19,304 --> 00:16:22,057
I took some of these before,
but they're not as strong as I thought.
330
00:16:22,223 --> 00:16:24,476
I'm going to take a couple more.
331
00:16:33,735 --> 00:16:37,113
Niles, why don't you just go home
and go to bed?
332
00:16:37,322 --> 00:16:40,116
Oh, that is exactly what you'd like
for me to be happening.
333
00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:43,203
What did you just say?
334
00:16:43,703 --> 00:16:47,749
Well, you didn't repeat it the first time,
I'm not gonna listen to it.
335
00:16:48,124 --> 00:16:50,585
Niles, that medication,
it's affecting your speech.
336
00:16:50,752 --> 00:16:52,253
You've just taken
a second dose of it.
337
00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:54,172
You're gonna
make a fool out of yourself.
338
00:16:54,339 --> 00:16:55,381
Well, you should talk.
339
00:16:55,548 --> 00:16:58,217
Look at your shaking hands
and your twitchy eyes.
340
00:16:58,426 --> 00:17:01,095
You were up all night drinking coffee
all last night, weren't you?
341
00:17:01,304 --> 00:17:04,390
I am not twitching.
You will not psych me into twitching.
342
00:17:04,557 --> 00:17:07,977
Gentlemen, may I offer you a...?
343
00:17:08,144 --> 00:17:11,397
- Sir, is your eye bothering you?
- No, no, it's fine.
344
00:17:11,564 --> 00:17:12,899
Can I get you something to drink?
345
00:17:13,065 --> 00:17:16,402
No, thank you.
Well, yes, some coffee. Decaf.
346
00:17:16,611 --> 00:17:19,614
I'd like a cup of tea sounds nice.
347
00:17:21,407 --> 00:17:22,867
- Very good.
- You know what, Niles?
348
00:17:23,034 --> 00:17:25,745
You really should leave.
You're embarrassing yourself.
349
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:27,788
For God's sakes.
350
00:17:27,997 --> 00:17:30,166
I'm never leaving
while you're still not leaving.
351
00:17:30,333 --> 00:17:34,045
You know you had the good bed.
352
00:17:34,503 --> 00:17:36,005
Well, now, you're just hallucinating.
353
00:17:36,172 --> 00:17:37,965
No, when we moved
to Wallace Lane,
354
00:17:38,174 --> 00:17:39,759
and we shared a room
and you got to pick
355
00:17:39,925 --> 00:17:42,845
where you would be having
your sleeping.
356
00:17:43,429 --> 00:17:45,890
Niles, the beds were identical.
357
00:17:46,098 --> 00:17:47,641
Why am I even bothering
to explain this
358
00:17:47,808 --> 00:17:50,102
to a man who has his elbow
in the butter?
359
00:17:51,145 --> 00:17:54,231
Well, who is hallucinationing now?
360
00:17:54,648 --> 00:17:56,692
Niles, have you ever taken
these pills before?
361
00:17:56,859 --> 00:17:59,486
No, but they fixed my nose.
362
00:17:59,695 --> 00:18:01,572
No, I just wish they wouldn't
make me so hyper.
363
00:18:01,739 --> 00:18:03,115
Yes. Oh, good Lord!
364
00:18:03,282 --> 00:18:06,368
For God's sakes, you spilled water
all over me, you jackass.
365
00:18:06,577 --> 00:18:08,579
- Here, just give me another napkin.
- Oh, napkin.
366
00:18:08,746 --> 00:18:11,999
- Give me, give me, give me that!
- Napkin, napkin, napkin.
367
00:18:12,624 --> 00:18:15,169
- Oh, Niles, wake up, wake up.
- Excuse me.
368
00:18:16,253 --> 00:18:18,047
Oh, Dr. Zafrin.
369
00:18:18,213 --> 00:18:20,507
Goodness, this is quite an honour.
370
00:18:20,674 --> 00:18:22,968
Here, allow me.
371
00:18:33,395 --> 00:18:36,398
Allow me to introduce
Dr. Niles Crane.
372
00:18:48,744 --> 00:18:51,413
Well, Niles,
I'm surprised to see you up so soon.
373
00:18:52,372 --> 00:18:53,457
You feel all right?
374
00:18:53,665 --> 00:18:56,418
I feel not bad. A little dry.
375
00:18:56,585 --> 00:18:58,253
When I blink,
it makes a scratching noise.
376
00:18:58,420 --> 00:19:00,172
Well, here.
377
00:19:00,380 --> 00:19:02,090
Let me get you a little water here.
378
00:19:02,257 --> 00:19:03,592
- Well, thank you.
- Here we are.
379
00:19:03,758 --> 00:19:07,596
So how long did we last
at the lunch?
380
00:19:07,762 --> 00:19:09,264
Well, not too long.
381
00:19:09,472 --> 00:19:14,185
Nine thousand dollars doesn't buy you
the leisurely lunch it used to.
382
00:19:15,145 --> 00:19:16,646
Wait a minute.
I thought it was 8000.
383
00:19:16,813 --> 00:19:19,482
No, no, no, you knocked
over the aquarium on the way out.
384
00:19:22,902 --> 00:19:25,864
You know, if ever I feel envy
about your IQ again,
385
00:19:26,031 --> 00:19:30,368
I'll just conjure up the image of you
sprawled out on a bed of live koi,
386
00:19:31,453 --> 00:19:35,915
weeping and desperately trying
to revive that little plastic diver.
387
00:19:39,252 --> 00:19:40,712
Oh, dear God.
388
00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,590
Hurry up with those patties.
I got five more pounds in the fridge.
389
00:19:43,756 --> 00:19:45,383
Right, Dad.
390
00:19:45,550 --> 00:19:48,094
Dad's having his poker chums over
to test out the new barbecue.
391
00:19:48,261 --> 00:19:49,512
You can give me a hand here.
392
00:19:49,721 --> 00:19:54,225
Is it gonna end, Frasier?
All this obsessive competitiveness.
393
00:19:54,434 --> 00:19:58,187
Oh, probably never, Niles.
394
00:19:58,396 --> 00:19:59,564
You know, whether it started
395
00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:01,899
with seeking Mom's approval
or some other insecurity,
396
00:20:02,066 --> 00:20:05,320
we're locked in a pattern now
that we'll probably never get out of.
397
00:20:05,486 --> 00:20:07,363
- That sounds bleak.
- No, no, not necessarily.
398
00:20:07,530 --> 00:20:09,949
- There have been some benefits to it.
- What?
399
00:20:10,158 --> 00:20:12,034
I probably wouldn't have done
so well in school
400
00:20:12,201 --> 00:20:14,412
if it hadn't been for my fear
that I'd be bested
401
00:20:14,579 --> 00:20:16,956
by my brainy little brother.
402
00:20:18,875 --> 00:20:22,503
Well, I was certainly spurred on
by your success as well.
403
00:20:22,712 --> 00:20:26,132
Why else would I have joined the chess
club, the drama club and the key club?
404
00:20:26,340 --> 00:20:28,426
And what other possible reason
would there be for me
405
00:20:28,593 --> 00:20:31,470
to spend an entire summer training
a seeing-eye dog?
406
00:20:31,637 --> 00:20:33,973
Aside from helping the blind.
407
00:20:34,724 --> 00:20:35,766
You know what?
408
00:20:35,975 --> 00:20:40,980
I might not have pushed myself on
to Harvard and Oxford.
409
00:20:41,897 --> 00:20:44,358
Well, I might not have been led
to psychiatry,
410
00:20:44,525 --> 00:20:47,319
which has been the saving grace
of my life.
411
00:20:48,070 --> 00:20:49,447
You see, Niles, frankly,
412
00:20:49,613 --> 00:20:51,866
we both have a lot to thank
each other for.
413
00:20:52,032 --> 00:20:53,951
We've come a long way
from those two little boys
414
00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:57,496
just starving for a parent's approval.
415
00:20:57,663 --> 00:20:59,707
- How are they coming?
- Oh, just great, Dad.
416
00:20:59,874 --> 00:21:01,709
- We're going as fast as we can.
- Here you are.
417
00:21:01,876 --> 00:21:04,712
- Nice job on those patties.
- Thank you.
418
00:21:04,920 --> 00:21:06,130
- Really? You think so?
- Yeah.
419
00:21:06,297 --> 00:21:10,217
Not too thick, not too thin,
tight enough to hold their shape.
420
00:21:10,384 --> 00:21:11,635
Perfect.
421
00:21:11,802 --> 00:21:13,262
Well, thank you, Dad.
422
00:21:13,429 --> 00:21:16,432
- Yeah, wait till you see the next batch.
- Yeah.
423
00:21:18,434 --> 00:21:20,978
You know, I'm surprised
you let him keep that out there.
424
00:21:21,145 --> 00:21:25,733
Oh, well, yeah. It's a bit of an eyesore
and, frankly, kind of a fire hazard,
425
00:21:25,899 --> 00:21:27,776
but what the hell,
it makes him happy.
426
00:21:27,985 --> 00:21:29,945
Lodged an anonymous complaint
with the building?
427
00:21:30,154 --> 00:21:32,197
- It'll be gone by Thursday.
- That's nice.
35031
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.