All language subtitles for Ghosts s02e17 Weekend From Hell.eng

PETE:
Hey, Sam, I'm ready! Let's do this!

Sam got another
electronic family newsletter

from my daughter Laura.

And if you'll recall, the last
one ended on a cliffhanger,

as my grandson Little Pete

was being fitted for a retainer.

Oh, speaking of dentistry,

a lot of people think
George Washington's teeth

were wooden, but it was
actually just his personality.

(laughs)

He was boring but tall.

Jay, why don't
you read

the latest Martino
family newsletter

out loud so
that you can

feel like a
part of things?

That truly could not be

presented in a sadder manner.

What happened with Little Pete?

Did he get
the Spider-Man retainer?

SAMANTHA:
Well, you can tell us,

because you're a part
of this conversation.

I mean, it's just...
It's so patronizing.

In many ways,
Jay live very sad existence.

We can't go out
to the mailbox, Thor.

Not saying we have
it great, either.

"Dear Martino friends
and family,

"as winter draws to a close

and spring flowers
begin to bloom..."

Man, Laura always had
a way with words.

"...we set out in our
trusty Forester

to meet with Dr. Goldfarb."

This is hell.

(thunder crashes)

(screaming)

I'm back.

Oh, my God!

I know, right?
The Spider-Man retainer.

He got one.
Is everyone freaking out?

(shouting)

No!

Uh-huh.

Ah,

I feel so included.

Thanks, Sam.

* *

No, this is not possible.

Elias, you went to Hell.

How are you back?

I'm on a 48-hour furlough,
my dear.

A reward for good behavior.

Ooh, Little Pete's T-ball team

had a barnburner this weekend.

Another tie,
if you can believe it.

Jay, you can
stop reading now.

All right. Why?

Not sure how else
to say this,

but a portal from Hell
just opened up in the floor

and Hetty's robber
baron husband

Elias just
popped out of it.

Okay. That sounds bad.

ELIAS: Don't worry,
I'm not going to

walk through
any of your clientele

and make them horny this time.

Is pretty cool
ghost power.

In fact, you are looking
at a changed man.

A year in the
underworld has taught me

the error of my ways,

and now I am benevolent.

(scoffs)

He says he's changed,

and he's not gonna
run us out of business.

Oh. Cool.

Well, I guess I'll
get lunch ready, then.

I'll need you all
to reintroduce yourselves.

Last time, I wasn't listening,
because I didn't care.

But...

that was the old Elias.

The new Elias sees you all
as equals.

Even the women.

Oh. Well, that is some growth.

Ooh, what's Jay
making for lunch?

It's a port
wine reduction,

and it's coming
along nicely.

Uh, bro, that's a demi-glace.

It was a demi-glace,

but then he added
port wine, bro.

Keep up.

(exclaiming)

Ooh, whoa.

FLOWER:
Ow.

He walked
through Flower.

Whoa, how'd that rainbow
get in here?

Okay, so Jay is tripping balls.

Oh, no, but he
still has to

make lunch
for the guest.

Oh, yeah.

We should probably tell Sam.

Or we watch this play out.

Just another way to go.

Look at this magical
little forest.

Like tiny trees.

Yeah, we should
probably stay.

And, of course, allow me
to apologize to you, Samantha,

for walking through everyone

at the wedding
you were hosting,

causing sexual chaos,

threatening your business
and your marriage.

Thank you, Elias,
I appreciate that.

HETTY:
Oh, please.

I don't buy this act
for one second.

You're not sorry for any of it.

What you have
to understand about Hell

is that
the rumors are true.

It is very horrible.

And between
all that

lashing and gnashing,
a man gets to thinking.

THORFINN:
Is true.

Torture can change a man's mind.

Or cause him to blurt out
a false confession.

Either way...
(chuckles) ...very fun.

ELIAS:
But the forgiveness I truly seek

is Hetty's, for it is she

I have wronged most grievously.

HETTY:
Okay, you walking social disease.

If I forgive you, will you
at least stop talking to me

for the remainder of your visit?

Absolutely.
In fact, you wouldn't

have to say the words.

You could simply
affix your signature

to this document
stating said forgiveness.

What is this?

Oh, you know Hell.
Lots of, uh, paperwork.

Hold on a second.

This is a contract.

If executed by the undersigned,

it would
release Elias from

the permanent bonds
of the underworld,

and return him
to the location of his death.

(gasps)

THORFINN:
Thor understand,

but maybe someone
explain to Pete.

ALBERTA:
It sounds like if Hetty

forgives Elias,
he'll get out of Hell,

but we'll be stuck
with him for eternity

here at the mansion.

I knew you were up to something.

All right, yes,
I want to get out of Hell.

But that doesn't mean
I wasn't being genuine.

Please, Hetty,

you have to forgive me.

And spend the rest of
my afterlife with you?

No, thank you.

Hetty, please. I've changed.

You have to
believe me.

He sound like Danish man

whose intestines
we slowly pull out.

(laughs) Good times.

Oh, my God.
What happened in here?

I don't know.

I-I was making lunch,

and then I kind of blacked out.

Jay got Flowered
big time.

Yeah, he was talking
to cilantro.

Honey, you walked
through Flower.

Oh, my God, did I serve food?

Oh, he served food.

He also wrote a rock opera

and finished
an adult coloring book.

Um, hi.

I'd like
to talk about

that meal you just served me.

Oh, my God. (exhales)

It was incredible.

Really?

It was?

Have you ever heard
of the Menu Hunter?

She's a chef that has

a cooking show
on TV.

Yeah, we've heard of
the Menu Hunter. She's amazing.

We watch her
show every week.

I made the Nantucket
shrimp salad.

Did you, though?

Yeah, you should really leave
the cooking to Jay, Sam.

Well, she's my good friend,
and she's always looking

for new places
to feature on the show.

Anyway, I told her

about the chicken you made.

Chicken, 'cause I made chicken.

And she wants to come up
later today to try it.

Seriously? Thank you.

What was that in
that sauce? Paprika?

Maybe. Chef never tells.

(laughing)

This is huge.

I know, but I don't
remember what I made.

Well, good thing we have
three eyewitnesses right here.

How did he make
the chicken, guys?

We don't know.
It's hard.

There was
a lot going on.

Yeah, he was riffing.

He was scootin' and scattin',

and it was
beautiful to watch.

He took a nap
at one point.

I don't know if
that was important. FLOWER: Yeah.

The ghosts aren't
gonna be much help.

(gasps)

There was chicken.

Thanks, Flower.

ALBERTA:
So, what's it like down there?

Well, it's pretty much
what you would think.

It's hot,
the Devil's mean, and...

Are you familiar with
that rock band Chumbawamba?

Mm-mm, no.
No. No.

They play it on a loop,
and it does not grow on you.

Hey, Pete, we got another
Martino family newsletter.

Oh, wow.
Two in one day.

Oh, I hope he didn't
accidentally

throw that retainer away.

Oh, my God.

What is it?

Little Pete was
in an accident.

He's in critical
condition.

What happened?

It just says
he's in the hospital,

and they want our prayers.

I'm so sorry, Peter.

I can't believe this.

I wish there was
something I could do.

(clears throat)
I hesitate to say this,

but there is
a service Hell provides

for situations like this.

What?

Little Pete could be saved,

but it would cost you your soul.

I'm in.
ISAAC: Whoa, hold on.

Wait, what does that mean?

Well, it's the classic

"sell your soul to
the Devil" situation.

When I go back,

Pete would come with me,
long story short,

Little Pete would be fine,

but you would suffer
eternal damnation.

Whatever it is,
I-I don't care.

Let's just do it.

Simple handshake will do.

Uh, Pete, wait.

No!
No! No!

(thunder crashing)
(gasps)

So, that's it?
Little Pete's okay, right?

He's fine.

(sighs)

He was always
fine. (laughs)

What does that mean?

It means I tricked Pete
into selling me his soul.

There was no
accident, dimwit.

That email
was fabricated

by the boys in
the home office.

You can send emails?

Yes, Hell is mostly emails

and Zooms
that should have been emails.

Oh, Pete, this can't be.
You're going to Hell.

Yeah, it's not great.

Although, you do
like bad boys, right?

I still think we should
just be friends.

Oof. Couldn't even
give him that.

She is nothing
if not consistent.

Elias, you let poor Peter

out of this deal at once.
Look at him.

He will not survive
a minute down there.

Well, I suppose there
is one way, Hetty.

Sign my forgiveness contract,

and I will release
Pete's soul from damnation.

Oh...

Oh, phew, so
there is a way out.

So, you'll just sign it,
right, Hetty?

Uh...

Hetty?
Hmm...

Hetty!
Well...

Why is she not making
eye contact with me?

Hetty, you're not
seriously considering

sending Pete to Hell

just to avoid
forgiving Elias?

I mean, yes, it would be
nice to not have to

hear another camping story,

but this is
a little extreme.

If I forgive Elias,

I'll be stuck
with him for eternity.

That would be like
sending myself to Hell.

Right, but the hell
I'm going to is actual Hell,

where the streets
are paved with fire

and the chairs are made of bees.

That's not
accurate.

Well, you should've
thought of that before

you traded your soul
to save some snot-nosed urchin.

Eh, she was never much
of a little kid person.

Well, that's nonsense,

I employed hundreds of them.

Look, I don't want
Elias here, either.

I mean, we're trying
to run a family business.

We don't need
horny families.

But this is Pete

we're talking about.

Please, Hetty, I'm scared.

ELIAS:
You should be.

You are not going to
do well down there.

Your soul's pure
like a baby's.

In fact, if I do end up
having to go back,

I'll be hailed
like a trophy hunter

for bringing
you with me.

Thanks,
there's a compliment

in there somewhere.

What do you say,
Henrietta?

Can you find it

in your heart
to forgive me?

Hetty, I get not wanting
this creep around,

but you cannot
let Pete go down on us.

No one wants to see that.

Okay, fine, I'll sign
your stupid contract.

(sighs)

SAMANTHA:
How's it going in here?

Dude is struggling.

I'm struggling, babe.

I can't remember what I made,

and the Menu Hunter

gets here in
two hours.

I'm toast.
Wait a minute. Toast.

Do the ghosts remember
me using toast?

No.
Hard no. No. No toast.

They are indicating
that you did not.

(groans)

(gasps) I got an idea.

Back when I was at Penn,

we used to get pills
from these nerds

with ADD in order
to study for the midterms.

But what we
learned was,

you want to be in
the same mindset for test day

that you were for studying.

SASAPPIS:
So you took these pills for the test as well?

Exactly.

And then when
we were celebrating.

And then a little more
when we hit the club.

The point is,

get yourself
some ADD meds.

They're great. The other,
more relevant point is,

Jay probably needs
another hit of Flower.

I don't think
that's a good idea.

What's not a good idea?

That you take more Flower

so that you can be in
the same headspace as you were

when you originally
came up with the recipe.

That's a great idea, Sam.

Look, I'm
desperate here.

Sam, it sounds like

getting Jay's recipe
on The Menu Hunter

could be a good thing
for your business.

FLOWER: And in
my experience,

more drugs usually
are the answer.

I don't know, Flower.
Doesn't it hurt you?

Yeah, but Jay needs a muse,

and I'm willing to be that.

I did it for David Crosby,

and his back hair looked like
he was wearing a sweater vest.

She's on board.

Yes.

Just be safe, Jay.

And you guys,
keep an eye on him.

FLOWER:
Oh, Sam.

Tell Jay to drink
some orange juice.

The vitamin C will
enhance the effects

when I walk through
your husband.

I can't just have
one normal day.

Just sign here...
(sighs)

...and the forgiveness contract

is executed.

For the record,
I don't actually forgive you,

but I will sign your dumb form.

PETE:
Hetty, I just want to say

thank you. I know
it took you a minute,

and that's okay,
but we got there in the end.

I want your TV time
for the rest of the year.

Hetty.
I have something of value, Isaac.

I'm not simply giving it away

like some Irish tramp
in a tavern.

Well, if she's gonna do it,
she's gonna do it her way.

Okay, fine. Sure.
Thank you, Hetty.

Just sign on
the dotted line.

Thor.

Well, that's weird.

ELIAS: What's
the matter?

Did your female brain
forget how to write?

No, much like
your own proverbial pen,

this one doesn't work.

That's impossible.

Look.

Works for me.

Well, I don't know
what to tell you.

Let me see
that again.

Oh, dear,
that's right.

It says right here,
"said forgiveness

must be offered
in all sincerity."

Emphasis mine.

PETE:
Well, wait, what does that mean?

I think it means
Hetty has to actually

forgive Elias and mean it.

(sighs) Okay, fine.

Elias Woodstone,
I sincerely forgive you.

I forgive you.

It's still not working.

Forgive him, Hetty.

Forgive him!

I'm trying, Peter.

This not good.

I can't go to Hell.
Elias said my soul's too pretty.

Everyone just
calm down.

There's a
simple solution.

Elias must do
whatever it takes

to earn Hetty's
actual forgiveness.

That's gonna be
a very tall order.

Oh, jiminy.

JAY:
Okay, Flower, hit me.

Hello? Flower?

Oh... (grunts)

(sighs)

(slowly):
Hello, Flower.

ELIAS: Okay, let's see,
what else am I sorry for?

Oh, I lost your family china
in a poker game,

then blamed it on the valet.

That's where that went?

Gerald went to prison.

And I'm
truly sorry.

Okay, not trying to
influence anything here,

but I'm buying that one.
That felt good.

Okay, I suppose that's
not an unforgivable act.

Oh, once, I partook
in all of your cocaine

and replaced it
with wig powder.

You're a monster!

What's going on?

Hetty tried to
sign contract,

but pen not
work because

she not
truly forgive.

Yes, according
to the terms,

her absolution
must be sincere.

Emphasis mine.

Okay, Thor, looks like
I might be going down there.

(chuckles) Sounds like
there are some rough types.

Any self-defense tips?

Eye gouge and
genital punch.

Those your new
best friends, Pete.

Cool.

I know it's hard,
but you've got to

find some way
to forgive him.

Pete's entire afterlife
is riding on this.

I-It's not that I can't
forgive Elias's heinous actions,

it's that releasing him from
Hell would make him happy.

And I don't want him
to be happy.

He doesn't deserve
to be happy.

But you do.

Look, I've been with

my fair share of no-good men,

and something I wish
I figured out when I was alive

is that sitting around,
fixating on them,

it doesn't hurt them. Trust me.

They don't care.

It only hurts you.

Elias... I forgive you.

Thor.

Yeah.

(gasps)

The pen worked?
Oh, huzzah.

(laughs) So I'm not
going to Hell.

That's right, you are
released from our agreement.

(sighs)
(thunder crashes)

Oh, thank God.

This has been
such a scary

roller coaster, and
I was not comfortable

punching anyone
in the genitals.

I admit, I
was skeptical,

but you were
right, Alberta,

a weight has
been lifted.

(Elias laughs)

You have no idea
what you've just done.

I am going to wreak havoc
in this house.

Horny, horny havoc.

I don't think so,
Elias.

Oh, really?
And who's going to stop me?

My muscle.

Thor, if Elias
does anything wrong,

you throw him
in the vault.

Gladly.

HETTY:
You remember the vault?

That dark void

in which you were trapped
for over a century?

No, that-that's worse than Hell.

Uh, Sam, I think we need you
in the kitchen.

Wait, Elias is back?

THORFINN:
Yeah, Pete almost

spend eternity in Hell,

but, uh, okay now.
Fill you in later.

Yeah, I'll want
to hear all about that.

But seriously, Sam,

this is sort of urgent.

Come here, Flower.

Oh! (laughs) I almost got you.

Come here. Hey! Oh!

(laughing):
Where are you?

I just need one more hit.

Jay is losing it.

Oh, what-what is going on?

It's not working.

I just need a little
more inspiration.

The Menu Hunter's gonna
be here any second.

I just need one more hit.

One more?

How many hits did you

give him, Flower?
I...

SASAPPIS:
Don't look at her when you talk.

He'll echolocate her like

one of those bats
on the Nature channel.

Oh, so she...
she's just over here?

I'll be right back. Flower!
(screams)

(laughs) Flower?

Jay, get a grip.

You got this.

You don't need Flower.
You're a great chef.

(sighs)

What if I'm not great enough?

What are you talking about?

Look, when we
moved here,

I got my own kitchen,
which was amazing.

But let's be honest,

we're in the middle of nowhere.

Not exactly a spotlight

shining on us,

and when the Menu
Hunter gets here,

that spotlight
is gonna shine on me.

What if I'm not ready?

This is just like David Crosby's
crisis of confidence.

Okay, there is a bathroom

on the second floor of
the Capitol Records building.

You need to have sex

with Jay in there.
Okay. (clears throat)

How should I put this?

You know in Star Wars,

when Luke is in that trench
on the Death Star,

and he turns off
his targeting computer

when Obi-Wan tells him
to use the Force?

You got this.

Oh, my God, the nerd
wore off on her.

Sam, it means so much to me

that you got
all those details right.

Jay, everything you need
is inside of you.

Now kiss me like you're Luke

and I'm your sister.

Who cares?

Wait, is Pete in here right now,

feeding you those details?

No, I-I think he's resting.

He almost got sent
to Hell earlier.

It's a whole thing,
but he's okay.

Okay, I'm gonna
start cooking.

So, this is hunter of menu?

The Menu Hunter, yes.

And if she likes
the dish Jay serves,

she'll feature it
on her television program.

The stakes could
not be higher.

I mean, it's not
almost going to Hell,

but I'm still able to invest
in other people's journeys.

Well, I hope you're ready

for the best meal of
your life, Menu Hunter.

You can call
me Susan.

Susan.
Why is that name familiar?

That's your name,
Flower.

Right on.

So, I-I know you
came here to taste

the dish I made
your friend,

but I wanted to invent
something new

just for you, so these are
panko-crusted lamb chops

with a tandoori
masala reduction.

I have an announcement.

I'm going back to Hell.

What?
Seriously?

How good are those
lamb chops? (laughs)

Wh-What are you
talking about, Elias?

You're-you're
going back to Hell?

I can't be on my best
behavior all the time,

living under threat of this
beast throwing me in the vault.

I've got
to be myself.

So, tomorrow,
when the portal opens up,

I shall return
to the underworld.

JAY:
So, what's the verdict?

(sighs)

These are just about

the best lamb chops
I've ever had.

Really?

SAMANTHA:
You did it, sweetie. Yes.

Oh, yes.

And since I'm leaving anyway,
I can now do this.

No, no, no, no.
(gasps)

ISAAC:
Oh!

(exclaiming)

(Elias laughing)
SAM: Oh, no.

Good night, all.

Oh.

Oh, my. Oh.

Uh-oh.

(moaning) Mmm.

JAY:
Oh.

(moans)

I know, right?

(Menu Hunter moaning)

I think I might be
Prey of the Week, babe.

(moaning)

Uh, is it open?
(laughs) Isn't it time?

SAMANTHA:
Jay, believe me,

when the portal to Hell
opens up, I will tell you.

(thunder crashes)
Oh, it just opened up.

(gasping)
(Chumbawamba's "Tubthumping" playing)

* Get me down,
I get knocked down * Is that Chumbawamba?

* But I get up again... *
I love this song.

(clears throat)
Well, this is goodbye.

I know you had your own reasons,

but I do appreciate this.

Thank you for going down on us.

Pete, no hard feelings.

Ah, I can't stay mad
at such a snappy dresser.

(chuckles) You fool.
You're coming with me.

What? No!
Elias!

Remember your training, Pete!

(grunts)

The genitals!
Go for the genitals!

(grunting)
(others exclaim)

(sighs)
Well, that was a nice visit.

I think I saw
my uncle Sal down there.

(softly):
* I get knocked down *

* But I get up again *

* You're never gonna
keep me down... *

* I get knocked down *
* Ooh *

* We'll be singin' *
* But I get up again *

* You're never gonna
keep me down *

* I get knocked down. *

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